Chapter Text
“I don’t think this is a good idea,” Nagisa says.
Karma squeezes his hand. “I told you that three days ago.”
He doesn’t need reminding.
Things are going fine, so far. In the grand two weeks of ‘the Epic Relationship of Nagisa and Karma’, it couldn’t be better. Probably. Admittedly, this is his first relationship ever, so it’s not like he has any kind of standard to compare it against. At least, this time, Karma’s in the same situation. For once, they’re both complete novices at this.
His favourite thing is probably the forehead kisses. Karma’s being doing that a lot. He keeps saying it’s because he can’t be bothered to bend all the way down to Nagisa’s lips every time, which he would have taken as an insult, but he can tell that Karma just wants to do it for some reason. He doesn’t care though, he likes it. They’re sweet.
The longest they’ve gone without sex so far is three days, too, so that’s also been pretty great.
It’s not like he felt some kind of deep urge to do the whole formal parents thing. It just came up, and Nagisa’s not exactly good at announcing things. He knows his mother’s not going to be happy about this, but… she likes to keep up appearances. She’s far less likely to be overtly angry about it when Karma’s there, or at least he hopes.
Besides, Karma offered to come anyway.
So there they are, hesitating outside the entrance to Nagisa’s old home. Nagisa’s aware of his own palpitations. Admittedly, he’s really glad Karma’s here. He feels just that little bit braver like this. Enough so to knock on the door, at least. Better to just get this over with. One conversation, and then he doesn’t have to talk about it with them again.
His Dad answers. “Ah, Nagisa, it feels like ages-“ He trails off in the middle of his sentence, eyes blatantly scanning down to where their hands are linked. “Come in,” he clears his throat.
He didn’t think about that.
Maybe this is a good thing, though? If he doesn’t even have to say anything at all? It’s not like Nagisa’s being artificial here. He likes holding hands with Karma. To the point he forgets it’s kind of considered PDA sometimes. Well, it’s not like they’re making out or anything. This is fine. Completely fine.
He has to let go of him to take off his shoes, though.
“Nagisa,” his mother addresses, “welcome home.” Her head turns a little. “Karma.”
“Shiota san.” He replies in the same tone.
Her lips press together. “It’s Tanaka, now.”
“My mistake, force of habit,” he waves off. “Congratulations, by the way.”
She chooses to ignore him. “Dinner’s almost ready.”
So that could have been worse? His Dad is still looking at them suspiciously, but doesn’t say anything else. He wanders off, presumably looking for a drink or something. Nagisa wishes he had a drink. Probably the alcoholic kind, just to take the edge off at least. He definitely doesn’t feel anymore at ease. It’s probably best to just go and take a seat, right?
Karma grabs him by the wrist, though. “Tanaka?”
“Y-yeah?”
“You act all mysterious about your original family name, and it was just Tanaka?!”
“I wasn’t being mysterious-“
Karma rolls his eyes. “I just didn’t expect it to be literally the most common name ever.”
Just because he has a weird name.
“It’s ready!”
Everything about this feels impressively awkward already. It’s not like things are even completely settled between he and Karma, at this point. They’re just carving out a path for themselves, some sort of definition of their relationship. That hasn’t necessarily included what that means in terms of other people. Not least his parents.
“It looks nice,” Nagisa says, as the food is placed in front of him.
His mother says nothing.
“Let’s eat?” He tries again.
“So,” his Dad says. “Crazy weather we’re having recently, huh?”
Nagisa nods. “It’s almost like the rainy season came early.”
Silence again.
“Akabane, is it?” His Dad says. “We’ve met a few times, I’m sure.”
“Call me Karma,” he says casually.
His Dad nods. “So, remind me what you do?”
Somehow, it ends in a conversation about economics. That’s it, just a conversation between Karma and his Dad that Nagisa can’t actually follow too well. Whenever Karma talks about work stuff with him, it’s just petty drama, hardly the nitty gritty stuff. Nagisa’s not sure if his mother gets much of it either, or if she just doesn’t care, but she doesn’t say anything.
Should he be glad that Karma’s getting along with just one of his parents?
It’s painful, to say the least. It’s not like Nagisa can contribute anything. Nor does he particularly want to strike up his own conversation with his mother. But it feels weird, to just be in complete silence. Almost like he’d rather choke on his vegetables or something. It doesn’t help that his Dad is probably talking to Karma more than he’s ever even spoken to him.
“Sounds tough,” he finally brings himself to comment. He has to say something.
Karma looks at him funny. “The tax rate?”
“I know about it,” he half snaps. “I… buy stuff.”
Even his Dad half laughs. “You never used to be politically minded.”
Somehow, Nagisa directly learnt not to have too much faith in the government.
Maybe that’s a little harsh though, considering Karma’s occupation.
“It’s not like it doesn’t come up,” he thinks. “The monetisation of education is a bad thing, anyway.” There. That felt… like a decent contribution?
Karma leans back. “How so?”
He swallows, regretting this a little. “I just think… It doesn’t make much sense to me, that you can so easily tie a value to something like education. Not everything should be about money.”
“People don’t do a lot of things from the goodness of the heart though,” Karma says. “That’s unrealistic, like it or not. If there’s money involved, people are more inclined to compete for market space, so you ultimately end up with a better service overall.”
“Maybe,” Nagisa fires back, “but I don’t think education is a service. That’s like saying… there’s a right standard or style. But learning… it’s not some kind of product you can judge the worth of, it’s different for everyone. And then, who would even decide what kind of teaching was valuable anyway? Y-you, I guess.”
Karma just looks at him for a second. “But the same issue occurs if everything’s state run. You still have a set of standards decided by the government. If anything, isn’t it better for a school to freely make their own choices?”
“That just gives the administration more motives outside the student’s well being,” which is a fact he knows too well. “Besides, there’s a difference between that and treating your students like customers. What do you do if they don’t like something they’re taught? Give them a refund?”
Karma actually looks taken aback.
His Dad coughs. “Well, anyway,” he looks down for a moment, before looking more at Nagisa. “How did you two…”
Nagisa exhales, because he’s not about to tell them the truth. “It’s a funny story!”
“I took him to see Sonic Ninja when we were twelve,” Karma says casually.
“I don’t think that’s what he meant.”
He shoots him a look. “You want me to say the other thing?”
“Look,” Nagisa’s not even going to give him the chance to talk about that one, “it was one of those things that just happened.”
His Dad nods, even though everyone’s aware that he definitely didn’t give him an answer. But what else is there even to say? They know what they need to know, now. Nagisa never has to do this again, and he’s incredibly happy for that fact. This is probably about as good as his relationship with his parents gets, as it is.
Somehow, the topic drifts back to economics again, and Nagisa doesn’t even attempt to join in. Like that, the meal eventually passes.
“I’ll take the plates,” his mother announces.
“I-I’ll help you with that!”
Nagisa’s not sure if it’s more or less awkward, helping his mother with the cleaning up. It feels a little less like he’s going to just combust on the spot, though. Is it always supposed to feel like this? He’s not sure what he expected to happen, exactly. It’s not like they were going to sit around and play a wholesome family game of monopoly!
“Nagisa,” his mother finally says, and all he can feel is ice.
“Y-yeah?”
She lets up a little bit. “Did you lie to us?”
“No,” he says, remembering his much earlier denial of his relationship. “This… this is new.”
Her lips press together. “You know how I feel.”
“I know.”
“Your Dad seems to like him.”
“I’m surprised,” he peers around the corner, where they’re still talking apparently.
“He has better manners than I remember.”
Nagisa swallows. “He… changed a lot.”
“I hope you’re not just thinking of slacking off,” she says firmly. “Just because you have a boyfriend with a high flying career. You still need to make your own successes.”
“T-that’s not it at all!”
“I still want grandchildren,” she continues. “I don’t care about how it happens.”
It almost feels like a threat.
And Nagisa feels like his head is going to explode.
Kids?! They’ve not even been dating for a month yet! Well… maybe there’s some debate on how to count their relationship. It could also be considered around half a year or so, by some standards. But officially, it’s less than a month. That’s not something he has to think about yet, is it?! He’s barely just got a handle on managing ‘sharing a bed’ etiquette.
Over the initial shock, though… can he blame her? If he really thinks about it… that’s what happens, isn’t it? Either you end up going down the road or marriage and kids, or you break up. So, unless he and Karma end up breaking up for some reason, that’s where they’re headed now. It’s sort of inevitable. Either they get married eventually, or they’re not together anymore.
Ergo, supposedly, in his ideal way of things he’ll end up marrying Karma.
It’s almost like he can hear the wedding bells in his head, and it’s not exactly a good sensation. This whole relationship thing is so new to the both of them… but he should be prepared, shouldn’t he? That one day… as hard as it is to actually imagine… they’ll end up making that sort of commitment to each other. Nagisa’s not ready for something like that.
And then kids! Nagisa wouldn’t have any idea what to do with a kid! Sure, he can handle a class of teenagers during his work hours, but that’s worlds apart from keeping a baby alive! He’s not sure Karma would be much better at it either. He’s as lazy as they come! He’d probably make Nagisa do most of the hard work, and then they’d fight about it, and their entire relationship would be strained…
“Nagisa?” Karma makes him jolt. “You never told me about this?”
“Huh?”
Admittedly, mentally planning their marriage, child, and divorce had been a little distracting.
There’s a smirk on his face as he points to a picture of his younger self in some sort of school play. “You never said you were an actor.”
“Dad! Why did you get the albums out?!”
“He was interested!”
Karma just laughs. “You were cute.”
“This feels unfair,” he sits down beside him.
His Dad doesn’t seem phased at all. “And look at this one! Wasn’t he just sweet?”
It’s a terrible photo of him. He’s a toddler, maybe. Food smeared all across his face like some kind of animal. It’s so embarrassing. Even though he looked pretty happy in the photo… it’s a part of his childhood he doesn’t remember much of, of course. It should be pretty obvious, when the quantity of photos stop.
“And look at this one! His first day of school! He cried for two hours, that morning.”
“Dad!”
“I can’t say I don’t miss those days,” he hums. “When you were so desperate not to leave. Well, you’ll get it eventually, when you have your own kids.”
Not you too!
Karma doesn’t even seem bothered. “You still have the same pout, even now.”
He can’t imagine Karma with a kid. He doesn’t know how he feels about them, really. He seems happy enough, whenever they see Karasuma and Bitch Sensei’s daughter, but he’s far from the first person to jump in and say hi. And, well, most people are at least okay with being kind to a child. That doesn’t mean they actively like them.
Nagisa doesn’t even know how he’d feel about it.
Not that there’s any danger of actually having a child, at least. If they ever do… that’ll take meticulous planning. He’s not even sure how they’d… Not without some sort of major advancement in science at least. The thought scares him anyway. One Karma is already a handful, let alone a miniature version. Adopting is probably better anyway though, right? That’s what people say about… dogs at least? Humans are a different story he supposes, if Karma would even be okay with that. He probably has first hand understanding of the declining birth rate crisis making his own job harder after all.
There are a few certain things Nagisa knows he should be grateful for about this entire situation, though. They’re getting along, for example! That’s great. His mother, too, pretty much gave as close to approval as he’ll probably ever get. There are worse situations to be in. All in all, it’s a smooth success. His parents know about his relationship and it hasn’t caused some sort of heavy dispute or drama!
“Thank you for the meal,” Karma says properly, when they’re about to leave.
“It was nice to see you,” Nagisa adds.
“Come again soon!” His Dad waves them off, and then they’re outside.
Nagisa gulps.
“That went… well?”
Karma holds his hand, and they head off towards the train station. “I think so. It could have been a lot worse, right?”
He nods. “And we don’t have to do it again.”
“I don’t know,” Karma says easily. “I didn’t mind it.”
“R-really?”
He shrugs. “It’s not like I ever really do the family meal thing.”
Honestly, there’s more that Nagisa doesn’t know about Karma’s relationship with his own family than he does. But, for once, it feels better to just fill in those kinds of gaps for himself. No use in making Karma talking about something like that. He’s not sure of the actual extent that it upsets him, but he knows it can’t have felt nice.
It’s kind of unspoken that they’re going back to Karma’s place. Nagisa’s started to worry a little about that recently. He likes being at Karma’s… but isn’t it a little annoying? He’s been there maybe too much. Sure, it’s more practical to hang out at his place. Nagisa only has a single bed, after all. But… he doesn’t want to overstay his welcome, so to speak.
Karma doesn’t make him feel like that, leant against him warmly as the train pulls into the station. If anything, he acts completely normal about it. And it’s not like Nagisa feels uncomfortable either! If he just lets his brain turn off for a moment or two… he enjoys it.
“Want a beer?” Karma asks, when they get in.
“Only one.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
They end up… semi cuddling on the sofa pretty naturally. That is, there’s not much distance between them at all, in fact Nagisa’s very much leaning against him. It’s hard not to do that, though. Karma’s very nice to lean against. There’s some background noise coming from the TV, too, but he’s not paying too much attention to it.
“Quit worrying,” Karma basically pets his head.
“I’m not worrying.”
“Are too.”
“What are you, five?”
Karma just pokes him in the cheek, which he supposes is answer enough.
It’s nice, being in a relationship. Even if it hasn’t been so long yet… it’s probably the least Nagisa has had to think for a while. Every time he starts, Karma manages to do something to distract him. It’s just the right level to keep him sane, or at least so far. And yeah, Nagisa knows there’s a lot of things they should still probably iron out and all, but…
Well, it’s okay to let himself be happy once in a while?
This peace is a nice feeling. So yes, Nagisa likes dating. He likes being in a relationship with Karma, his boyfriend. It almost makes him mad at himself before, for how much he doubted this. Perhaps… they could have been like this for longer. Even though it might not have worked out the same way… he can only guess, though.
Karma yawns.
“Don’t stay awake on my account.”
“Only if you come with me.”
Well, that’s not too hard.
Tired as he may be, they end up kissing on their way over to the bed, the slow slide of his lips giving Nagisa all the warmth he needs. He can tell, already, that they’re not going to go much further than this tonight… but that doesn’t matter. Being around Karma like this is more than fulfilling enough, honestly.
There’s a part of discomfort that does creep in, though, as much as Nagisa doesn’t want it to. It’s just, the thing is… It’s pretty minor all things considered, but Nagisa doesn’t exactly enjoy having to sleep in his boxer shorts. Usually, it’s not even really a problem, considering he’s been naked by the time sleeping occurs. Long story short, he kind of wishes he’d brought pyjamas. Karma gets pyjamas, or close to them anyway. But he’s not sure… it feels a little presumptive of him to just bring them? Even though Karma keeps suggesting that he stay, Nagisa doesn’t want to push it.
At least it’s warm in bed, under the covers.
It’s not like Nagisa’s been here literally every night. Actually, he’s had work, so he’s slept in his own bed for the last few days. Karma lives further away from the school than him, and trying to navigate the route when he woke up at his regular time had led to a pretty close call, all things considered. Plus, he’d also had to explain why he was wearing the exact same clothes as the day before to a group of overly observant eleven year olds. What a great first impression.
Karma leans over, though, and kisses him sweetly. So maybe he does have a little energy. Of course Nagisa reciprocates. It’s not out of some sort of guestly duty or anything, though, in fact he likes kissing Karma quite a lot. And it’s incredibly hard not to lose track of anything else he’s meant to be doing, whenever it happens.
In fact, like natural, Nagisa ends up in his lap. It’s just easier, to kiss him without their necks twisted. Due to their height difference, actually, it’s probably the easiest way to kiss at all. Nagisa definitely doesn’t mind it. It’s pretty much the only time he’s ever going to feel tall around Karma. He can’t help but love the way it lets Karma grab at his back, too.
If it was meant to be a pure goodnight kiss, it’s definitely progressed now. That’s hardly his fault. How else is he meant to react, when he’s in Karma’s lap and being kissed like this? Of course he starts to get hard, and of course that causes his body to shift, naturally searching for some friction. Like this, Karma’s own torso is a pretty solid choice. He can feel how much Karma’s into it, anyway, right against his ass.
Nagisa shuffles back, though, fingers carefully dancing at the edge of Karma’s bottoms. Karma reaches down with his own hand, caressing the top of Nagisa’s, which he takes as permission to dive in and pull him out. Even without being touched himself, Nagisa’s breath hitches. He loves this, the weight and heat in his hand, and he can’t help but begin to stroke gently as their lips reconnect.
Not one to just leave him high and dry, Karma begins to do the same. And of course, his hand feels perfect around him. It’s not like they’re doing anything particularly exciting like this, it’s more… something else. A closeness that Nagisa has started to need. There’s nothing else quite like the feel of their bodies pressed up against each other, and the mingling of their hot breaths.
Eventually it leads to them pressed together, and Karma batting Nagisa’s own hand away to take them both. Which makes sense, of course. He has bigger hands. Instead, he lets himself grab hold of his shoulders, grounding himself despite the flurry of sensations. When he can’t maintain their kiss anymore, he moves to his neck, loving the gasps Karma makes when he sucks on the skin there.
It’s simple, but of course it’s not long before they both find their releases.
For a moment, Nagisa stays exactly where he is, trying mostly to catch his breath. Why should he even move? It’s comfortable, like this… just for a minute, until the clash of their skin gets a little off putting. Karma doesn’t seem to be in much of a hurry either, though, his head pressed against his shoulder blade.
“Need to clean up,” he mumbles.
“I-I got it!”
Nagisa’s not completely useless, after all. It’s easier from him to just get up, from that position, and grab a wash cloth from the bathroom. He’s not in bad shape, but Karma got the most of it due to his positioning. He feels a little shy doing it, but he kind of likes wiping him down, in some odd way. Karma doesn’t appear to mind, sighing as he stretches himself out.
It’s still taking a little bit of getting used to, getting right back into bed with him. That’s not to say that Nagisa doesn’t like this, in fact the way Karma turns and wraps him into his arms makes him feel warmer than ever. It’s just a pretty big difference to his usual routine. At least he’s pretty comfortable like this.
They don’t say anything else, but Nagisa doesn’t feel the need to.
Eventually, though, he notices Karma tug away from him a little, shifting over so that the other side of the bed is more utilised. Does he think he’s asleep? Nagisa almost wants to complain, because he was pretty relaxed before, if not completely gone from consciousness… Attempting to be subtle, he peels his eye open a little, glimpsing a faint blue glow.
Nagisa’s not offended by that or anything. Maybe he even feels a little bad. He’s been here a lot recently… maybe that’s cutting into some of the things Karma wants to do? It’s not like he needs complete attention all the time, anyway. He almost wants to tell him, he doesn’t mind if he checks his phone or whatever when he thinks he’s awake. It’s not like Karma’s ever been the most socially motivated person anyway…
He finds himself gripping the pillow, for some reason. Maybe this really is too much. But Nagisa knows nothing about pacing. Even his mother brought up kids! They can’t exactly get married when even sharing a bed isn’t a simple task. Maybe they’ll get there eventually? However long eventually is…
It’s not like he wants to get married. But he doesn’t… not want to. The idea of marrying Karma is one of the weirdest he’s had, though. Should he be worried about that? After all, the alternative is that this is a doomed relationship. Nagisa wouldn’t know what that feels like. If they see this through to the end, then being with Karma will be basically his only reference point ever. Is he okay with that? Again… the alternative doesn’t sound that great either.
Perhaps the idea of ‘forever’ should appeal to him more, though. It feels like it shouldn’t even be a question for him at this point, but he finds himself curling up into himself the more he thinks about it. That only adds to some of the lingering feelings of dread buzzing round him.
It feels like quite some while, before he finally falls asleep.