Archive of Our Own ^beta

Throughout the Post Covid special, when talking to Kyle, or whenever Kyle is in hearing distance, Cartman constantly sprinkles in buzzwords like the Torah, Talmud, and Abraham. It’s obviously done in order to rub his Judaism in his face (especially when he has sex with his wife at Kyle’s home), as another way of showing him he’s tainting his religion, which Kyle is known to be fiercely defensive of.

What I find interesting is his (perhaps unconscious) latching onto Abraham, rather than Moses, especially when taking into account that Moses is a readily available character, baked into the show’s canon as early as s3; he still doesn’t mention him, not even once. Why not go for the most important prophet in Judaism? A revered leader, the one to save the Hebrews from hundreds of years of slavery and guide them to freedom? He’s a much more significant figure than Abraham in that sense. (And no, his son’s name doesn’t count. ‘Moisha’ is just an extremely Jewish sounding name. If anything, it would have been a great opportunity to mention Moses even more.)

The answer is simple – power. Cartman has always been portrayed as one of the most power-hungry characters on the show (if not The Most); it’s never an equilibrium with him. His relationships with other people are always measured by how much stronger or weaker than him they are, and he constantly strives to shift the balance in his favor – over his mom, over Butters, over Kyle (the toilet scene in “The Cissy” really drives this point home. Also, his, uh... treatment of Scott Tenorman).

So, I’m not saying Abraham is necessarily a power-hungry character he relates to, but I do find several similarities between the two (more than one would expect to find in a show like SP, anyway), and it leads me to believe that maybe Cartman sees more of himself in him than he does in Moses. Abraham is known for answering god’s command (leaving Haran to Canaan), for being the first of the three patriarchs, and for the binding of Isaac. Cartman, at some point in time, has left South Park to Colorado Springs, where he serves as the head of Gespetzah synagogue, become a rabbi, and, of course, has three kids with his wife, Yentl.

Respect his authoritah
So, it's crucial for Cartman to be in positions that give him more power over other people (see “Chickenlover”, “Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy”, or “Dances with Smurfs”). Rabbis are usually the leaders of their community, since they’re trusted to make well-informed decisions regarding halachic issues, as well as guide people in a more spiritual manner. I don’t think Cartman is capable of fulfilling either of those duties to his community, but it does make complete sense for him to want this title and this position – which means that becoming a rabbi has nothing to do with his faith. For Cartman, it’s just another title in his arsenal, which this time grants him power over members of the Jewish community who attend that synagogue (and maybe his reach goes even further than that).

• Sidebar: Yentl mentions she and Cartman have known each other for 18 years. That’s almost two decades of his life spent observing Judaism, years and years that he supposedly observed Yom Kippur, the holiest day in Judaism (especially for Orthodox Jews!). It was more than enough time to reach out to Kyle and ask for his forgiveness, show that he’s really trying to atone. You can tell Kyle is shocked when he sees him – as a visibly Jewish person, a married man, a father. They clearly haven't been in contact, from the dialogue. If Cartman truly had changed his ways, started observing Judaism in earnest – and it isn’t a long con just to get a rise out of Kyle – why didn’t he do anything in all those chances he’s had? To mend a relationship with someone he knew he’d wronged so many times in the past?

The binding of Menorah, Moisha, and Hackelm

Cartman: You like how Abraham almost sacrifices his only son?

• Sidebar II: Abraham had two sons. How the fuck did he, as a rabbi, forget about Ishmael? (clue: Kyle is right, Cartman is a fraud, and he didn’t find any “real meaning in the Torah”, after all.)

Growing up, Cartman only had his mom, with the rest of the Cartmans living in Nebraska. No wonder that in the future he’s got a big nuclear family, and a position from which he can lord over dozens of people with a shared background that ties them together – he’s become a patriarch, if you will.

It seems like Cartman only ever gives his kids positive reinforcement when they do something that unknowingly derides Judaism/events in Jewish history (or, you know. Kyle himself).

Menorah: I started writing a diary, daddy, about all the things Uncle Kyle is doing to us.
Cartman *tearing up*: Oh my god, I love you so much.

If he really was a changed man with newfound appreciation (dare I even say respect?) for Judaism, truly has learned from his actions in “Major Boobage”, he wouldn’t have given his daughter positive reinforcement when she does something that’s so… I don’t know; at best, it’s incredibly petty towards Kyle; at worst, it’s offensive and derides an actually persecuted Jewish girl’s experience during one of the darkest periods in human history. It just seems like it happens quite often in their household:

Yentl: We aren’t welcome here, children. We have to find another place to stay.
Moisha: Oh, no, this is just like when our people were exiled from the Holy Lands. (sic)

Once again; at best, what an incredibly dramatic thing to say, but at worst, it sure looks like Cartman is only rewarding them when they say stuff like that, without knowing what their actual meaning is.

Menorah: Daddy, I don't want to be alive, if it means I have to be like Uncle Kyle.
Cartman: Oh my God, I love you so much.

Does that... look healthy to y’all? What kind of a father encourages this type of thoughts in his kids?

Abraham failed the test god had set for him, was willing to sacrifice his son, yes, and this is pretty much what Cartman is doing in his life post-Covid – royally fucking them up for the sake of a bigger purpose. You know what Cartman's like, when it comes to twisting reality (see “Casa Bonita”, for a start). Making Kyle feel like shit by marrying a nice Jewish woman and having three children with her? I’m not surprised in the least that he's willing to achieve this goal at the price of gaslighting Yentl so hard, as well as raising three innocent kids to see the world in such a distorted way.

• Sidebar III: I’m not going to touch his kids’ names in this post, or ever. It’s South Park, everything is made up, it’s the future; maybe Menorah is a completely legit name for girls and Hackelm isn’t a made up word designed to sound like Yiddish. ‘Gespetzah’ is made up, too, btw. There is humor in making fun of Jewish names, for sure, and jokes of this kind can be something I enjoy, but, well. I feel that these picks certainly lack in creativity and were made because they were a low hanging fruit, not because they were funny by their own right. But at the end of the day, the show isn’t created for a specifically Jewish audience, and M&T needed something familiar enough for gentiles. This is fine
• Sidebar IV: the fact Cartman’s learned Hebrew (or at the very least, that one line about family) is actually impressive. I’ll give him that

Moses (the man, the legend)
There are lots of notable/mythical figures whose backstory goes along the lines of, “woman gets pregnant, father is out of the picture, baby becomes a great leader”, in a mix-and-match sort of way, across both western and eastern cultures: Moses himself, King Arthur, Alexander the great, the Buddha, Muhammad, Genghis Khan and his offspring, Timur, just to name a few. The thing is, Cartman fits the bill so well! He could have been a great leader (great – I didn’t say he’d be a good one), seeing as he’s proven over the course of the series (and games) that he’s got enough charm and charisma to sway people to do his bidding. So the fact that he actually doesn’t align himself with Moses makes it even more fascinating. I think it proves he’s not interested in being a leader at all. Remember the ending of “Dances with Smurfs”? He was so bummed when he had to replace Wendy as class president, actually do the work that’s expected of someone in that role. It simply bores him, because he doesn’t actually care about people. That’s why Cartman doesn’t give a shit about real leadership, either; he’s in it only to have more power over them.

Cartman: You guys are everything to me, and I'm supposed to be your protector.

Wanting to protect his property/family is, of course, nothing new (“Insecurity” comes to mind), and even back then it wasn’t enough to warrant him any kind of redemption.

Cartman’s fixation with Abraham and his story raises some fascinating questions regarding his (frankly, fucked up) perception of family and fatherhood – basically, when it comes to him being a father and a family man, the crux of his relationships with his wife and kids is still about having power over them. It certainly doesn’t make him worthy of a good ending in ROC; there is no redemption arc to speak of. Similarly, converting to Judaism and becoming a (failed) rabbi don’t prove he’s redeemed himself in any way, either, nor do these actions excuse his (vast and deep) anti-Semitism.