Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

nicholaszzzzz: I will kick his ass if he tries to come near you

charlie_spr1: Thank you for being there

nicholaszzzzz: Generally or in the music block?

charlie_spr1: Well...
charlie_spr1: both

nicholaszzzzz: Not a problem🙂❤️

charlie_spr1: ❤️

Nick smiled at his computer screen as a strange, fluttery feeling rose in his body. He looked away from the bright light, suddenly feeling far too warm in his bed. He'd never had a friend like Charlie before — Charlie was so kind, quiet, soft. Nick had an urge to protect him, to never let anyone like Ben lay a finger on him again. It was a new feeling. Not bad, just...unfamiliar. Though, Nick had never been like this with anyone else before. What did 'like this' even entail? Worried? Protectiveness? 'This' probably just came with the territory of having a close friend. Although he had hung out with his rugby teammates for years, he was never really close to anyone. They were never touchy or sent reassuring messages to each other. Heart emojis were out of the picture. And while the mates were no strangers to teasing, it never made Nick feel so light and floaty as it did with Charlie.

And so, Nick ignored the odd feeling in his stomach and passed it off as being worried for a friend.

Yeah, Nick thought, he could get used to this.

Chapter Text

Nick and Charlie had grown incredibly close in the past month. Nick didn’t think he had ever messaged someone so often. His Instagram DMs had previously gone neglected, except for the occasional spam message or a girl he’d never talked to trying to shoot her shot. Now, his phone was always buzzing whenever there was free time. And he loved it. He loved having someone he could talk to and share a laugh with, other than the arseholes he called his friends. A few times a week, the two would ditch their groups to have lunch one-on-one. Nick always looked forward to those days. Even rugby was better with Charlie there. Was it corny? Yes, but Nick was a corny guy (as much as he didn’t want to admit it). 

And now, Nick had invited Charlie to his house after seeing how excited he’d gotten over seeing a picture of Nellie. Barely even ten seconds after hearing the doorbell ring, Nick was racing to the door and threw it open, a large smile forming on his face as he exclaimed a greeting at the shorter boy. “Hi,” Charlie replied before getting thoroughly distracted by the border collie at his feet. 

The fluttery feeling that Nick began to associate with Charlie Spring was back as he watched Charlie crouch down and bathe Nellie in attention. He cooed various alterations of “hello” and “you’re so adorable,” extensively patting the dog as if his life depended on it. Nick couldn’t take his eyes off him; he was adorable. Especially with the new haircut. Nick couldn’t stop himself before reaching a hand up to feel his shorter curls and undercut. 

Later that day, Nick would once again find himself infatuated with Charlie. He stifled a laugh (and blush) as he stared at Charlie in a too-big hoodie Nick lent him. 

It was normal to find best friends cute and fun to be around, Nick reasoned with himself as he brushed the remains of a snowball out of Charlie’s hair. 

(Though, truthfully, he just wanted an excuse to touch him again.)

Chapter Text

“He’s very different to your other friends, isn’t he? You seem much more yourself around him.”

“Do I?”

“You do!”

Nick sipped his tea slowly. It’s not like he hadn’t realized it before. Obviously. Charlie was so much different, so much better than his other friends. He made him feel happy, safe, and comfortable. He was himself. At school, he was Nicholas Nelson, the so-called ‘Rugby King.’ With Charlie, he was Nick, the sappy guy with the cute dog who could barely even win against the computers in Mario Kart. And, God, was it great to be himself.


That evening, Nick sat alone in bed, scrolling through all the pictures he had taken that day. There were too many, and they took up precious memory space, but he couldn’t bring himself to delete them. Instead, he stared at Charlie’s face in each and every one of them — his dark, curly hair, his dimples, the way his blue eyes stood out against the white snow and his tan skin. 

Well. Maybe this wasn’t as normal as he thought.

Chapter Text

Nick had tried to convince himself of the normalcy. He really had. But, in the end, it hadn't worked. Especially with Charlie so close, their bums nearly hanging off the small stool on which the two boys were squished. Nick basked in the strange sense of intimacy as Charlie took his hands and guided the drumsticks, playing a steady beat that Nick, with his lack of musical talent, could never manage on his own. Charlie looked so focused and peaceful, even with the reverberant booming throughout the room. Nick was beginning to wonder if that beating sound was from his heart or the drums. 

His hands halted, Charlie letting them go with a mutter that Nick didn't quite catch. The beat was still there, so loud that it was almost embarrassing.

God, this really wasn't normal, was it?

It had been a while since he had an honest, real crush. He certainly found celebrities attractive, but he couldn't remember the last time he became a mess around a certain person he liked. Maybe year 8, with Tara Jones. He was 13 when they had their first kiss, and that feeling of a crush was undeniable. But that couldn't be this, right? Nick Nelson wasn't gay. He still flushed whenever seeing a picture of Zooey Deschanel. So what was this?

Nick continued to try and ignore it. Until about an hour later, when he was lounging on the couch and watching Charlie do those shitty polynomials that Nick still couldn't wrap his head around.

Nick sighed dramatically, drawing out a groan for extra emphasis. "Are you done yet? Homework is boring."

"I've still got three more questions to-"

Nick reached over and snatched Charlie's notebook out from under him. Charlie laughed, yelling at Nick as he held it above their heads. Nick was only about two inches taller, but it was enough to have an advantage in their silly game of keep away. They fooled around like this fairly often — Charlie would be running with the rugby ball, Nick would tackle and spin him, disorienting the former and successfully stealing the ball away. Eventually, Charlie snatched it back, but it wasn't enough to prevent the larger and stronger Nick from wrapping his arms around the other and twisting their bodies back onto the ground.

Nick hovered above the younger boy, smiling cheekily as the two huffed for air. With his hands on either side of Charlie's torso, pinning him beneath the blond, it would've been so easy to lean down and-

"Why are you so strong?"

He's beautiful.

"I'm not strong; you're just small."

And then they were laughing and teasing each other once again. Nick poked and prodded at Charlie's round cheeks and ruffled his tangled hair, even daring to run his fingers along his sides and tickle him pink.

How did their hands get intertwined like that?

He rolled to the side, finally letting them catch their breath.

"Mario Kart?"

Chapter Text

Fuck.

Movie night seemed like a fine idea. Charlie had them all the time with his other friends, so why would it be any different with Nick?

But Charlie had fallen asleep directly next to him. In a position that was sure to cause a crick in the neck when he woke up, mind you. It pained Nick even to watch Charlie like that, but...he couldn't look away.

Charlie's hand lay on the sofa, palm towards the ceiling. His fingers curled inwards as he shifted slightly, before falling back into a deep slumber. Nick was suddenly aware of every single movement and sound in the room — aware of everything except the film in front of him. He tried to turn his attention back to the television, but the man and woman were now full-on snogging, which made Nick even more aware of everything around him.

There was something bubbling inside him. Something loud, screaming, tempting. A million little voices, saying go, do it, now . And who was he to ignore the urgings of the voices in his head?

Nick's hand levitated above Charlie's, and everything felt right in the world. The golden hour sunlight filtering in from the windows was brighter and more saturated than before. Sparks flew in between their hands, twinkling and popping. And if he could just pull his hand down, finally connecting them-

No.

Nick pulled his hand away, crossing his arms in a fit of panic.

This was wrong. This was all wrong. He shouldn't be thinking these thoughts about his best friend. He shouldn't try to take advantage of Charlie when he was sleeping. He shouldn't drag Charlie along in his crisis of figuring himself out. He shouldn't, he shouldn't, he shouldn't.

It was so goddamn tempting, though.

Even with the internal yelling at himself, Nick still stared at Charlie until he woke up.

Chapter Text

Nick trudged his way upstairs, only answering to his mum in bland, monosyllabic mutters, a stark contrast to his usual happy demeanor.

What was wrong with him?

That was the only question in his mind when he found himself locked inside his room, tucked away in the corner with PJs, a beanbag, and his laptop.

His cursor blinked in the search bar, taunting him.

Go, do it, now.

The voices were back.

He inwardly groaned before finally googling the forbidden question that had been in the back of his mind for weeks.

He typed.

a
m

i

g
a
y
?

This was so stupid.

He pressed enter.

The Gay Quiz - www.quizrocket.com
How Gay Are You? - www.buzzfeed.com
Am I Gay? - www.healthline.com
5 signs you might be gay - www.sexualityIQ.co.uk

He fell down an hours-long rabbit hole.

how to tell if you're gay
what does it mean to be gay
gay
sexuality
lgbtq community
homophobia
homophobia in kent
same sex marriage

He checked the time. He should just get this over with.

am i gay -buzzfeed

The Ultimate Gay Quiz!
The results are in... you're 62% Homosexual!
You're definitely at least a little bit gay...

Well, what was that supposed to mean?

He didn’t realize the tears welling up in his eyes until he looked down at his phone, the pictures of Charlie dim and blurred.

i like girls but now i like a boy????

He didn't search that last one.

It was three in the morning when he finally shut his computer off. 

Even with all this questioning and confusion, there was only one actual fact:

Nick Nelson likes Charlie Spring.

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And it was obvious as hell.

They hung out almost every day during the Easter holidays, and it was getting progressively harder to suppress to urge to hold him, touch him, kiss him. Nick just wanted to be with Charlie. Like at the arcade, when he dragged Charlie into the absolutely tiny photo booth for a cheesy rom-com moment.

"We're definitely not gonna fit in here."

 Nick just laughed and pulled Charlie towards him, eventually deciding to plop him down right on his leg. It was definitely an awkward and uncomfortable position (Charlie wasn’t as heavy as he was bony), but it worked out. They stumbled out of the booth giggling like kids and waited for their photos to be printed out. They looked like such cringe-worthy dorks.

Nick looked up at Charlie once again. The pink tinge in his face was probably just from the arcade’s colorful lighting, but a part of Nick wanted to believe it was something else. Like, an embarrassingly large part.

The two split the photos, and Nick added his to the ever-growing presence of Charlie in his room.

A few days later, the Spring brothers invited Nick over to help bake their sister’s birthday cake. Nick liked to think he was a fairly proficient baker, so he was glad to help. Plus, any chance to hang out with Charlie was almost always an immediate ‘yes.’ 

It was so domestic, Nick thought in the back of his mind, standing there in the kitchen, watching as Charlie led Oliver through the instructions, putting his hands over his brother's in an attempt to stabilize the flow of icing. Nick was utterly lovesick. (He was getting better at admitting that.)

Charlie looked up, a knowing smirk on his face. Nick paused for a moment, freaking out as he irrationally wondered if Charlie could hear his thoughts. Then, Charlie lifted his hand, putting it up to his lips as if to blow a kiss...

And a bunch of flour landed on Nick's face.

"You little..."

Nick grabbed his own handful of flour, and thus started Nick and Charlie's horribly messy food fight. The two screamed and giggled as if they were seven years old, while the actual seven-year-old just stood and watched awkwardly. Nick smiled widely and wrapped his arms around Charlie's waist, picking him up as if it was nothing, just like he did whenever one of them scored a goal during rugby.

It was apparent to any outsider that their teasing banter had slowly morphed into some sort of flirting. Their relationship certainly blurred the lines of what was and wasn't acceptable to do with your purely-platonic-best-bro-friend. The rugby lads were growing suspicious, and even Olly was confused as to why his brother was practically cuddling with Nick whenever they got the chance. It was like an ongoing game of gay chicken, except they were both queer — which one of them would finally crack? Or die, if their escalating heart rates were anything to go by.

(Nick Nelson just acknowledged that he was queer.
It felt good.)

Chapter Text

He was so close to his breaking point.

The two sat in the park, the chilly, spring breeze blowing past them. Nellie was wandering around, wagging her tail happily as she squatted down and peed directly next to a wooden bench. Nick scrunched his nose and let out a small laugh, his breath visible in the cold air. He watched the puffy white clouds fly across the sky, so fast it almost made him dizzy. It reminded him of old home videos, with the shoddy light quality and the wind being way too loud to even hear anything. Being out here in the cold and watching the sun set gave him a hint of nostalgia he didn’t know he had.

Next to him, Charlie was wrapped up the best he could manage in his cardigan. He rubbed his hands up and down against his arms in a poor attempt to warm himself up. As he spoke, his words came out in wavering stutters; “Th- the sky’s s- so p- pretty.”

Nick took note of the way Charlie was almost violently shaking and how his teeth were audibly chattering. He frowned, and without a second thought, shrugged off his puffer jacket and put it around Charlie’s shoulders. He raised his eyebrows up at him.

“Aren’t you cold?”

“No, not really!” Nick smiled and leaned into his side. 

The golden light reflects off Charlie’s bright blue eyes, and Nick can’t help but feel captivated. He was a magnet; Charlie was north. It didn’t process how close the two were until Nick could feel (and see) Charlie’s warm breath in front of him; could finally notice how heavy the bags under his eyes indeed were; could see his skin light up in a familiar grow. They were so close now, and Nick was doing everything in his power to not look down at Charlie’s lips. His beautiful (chapped) lips. Nick’s heart was so loud and his stomach was doing so many flips, it almost felt like he’d be sick. Was this even healthy?

“Um...there’s a bug in your hair.”

He’s blurted out the words before he could even think about saying them. At once, both boys pulled back into their original positions as Charlie patted away at his hair. 

They were so close, they were so close, they were so close. Charlie was leaning in too, right? Nick wasn’t being a weirdo? Had they really been about to kiss? And Nick had messed that all up?!

Nick’s breathing was still far from normal. He tried his best to take deep breaths and distract himself from whatever had just happened, but...

It was futile. His eyes drew back to Charlie, still sitting awkwardly, swamped in Nick’s red jacket. Even when nervousness and doubt plagued Nick’s mind, he could still stare at Charlie and believe everything was perfect.