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Zeke hesitantly picked up the razor.
"Are you sure you want me to do this?" he asked, raising an eyebrow as he eyed Eren cautiously.
Eren sat on the floor with his back resting against the bath. The tile felt nice and cool. He was tempted to stay there all night and drift off to sleep.
But no, Eren was a dumbass who'd agreed to go to a party. Even though he didn't like parties at all, in fact.
"Yeah," Eren grunted. "Hurry up, loser."
Eren lazily spread his bare legs as Zeke approached him. He gazed up at his half-brother, his vision partially obscured by loose strands of hair.
Zeke sighed. He sat down across from Eren on his knees.
"Why won't you do this yourself? I'm not the one hoping to get laid tonight," Zeke pointed out.
Eren huffed. "It's super awkward," he grumbled. "And it's hard to tell if you've done it properly."
"Surely whoever you're wanting to bang doesn't care," Zeke said.
Regardless, he sprayed some shaving cream into his hand before he applied it to Eren's pubic hair. Eren shuddered.
"Shaving makes it look more impressive," Eren said. Not wanting to watch what Zeke was doing anymore, he tilted his head back and decided to look up at the ceiling instead. "I got Dad's shit genes, after all."
Zeke chuckled. "Such a travesty," he replied sarcastically. "The world will never know what it was missing out on."
Eren had to stop himself from kicking Zeke directly in the face.
Once Zeke had finished massaging in enough cream, he started to gently glide the razor across Eren's groin. Since it was a sensitive area by default, it felt weird. But not in a bad way.
Zeke was humming some annoying song to himself as he continued, but at least he wasn't talking. One of the good things about Zeke was that he generally knew when to shut up and get on with things.
Generally.
Eren, who had somewhat zoned out, was brought back to his senses by Zeke suddenly laughing.
"The fuck's wrong with you?" Eren demanded, glaring at him. He couldn't see anything except the back of Zeke's head, so he didn't know what was so amusing.
"Ah, sorry!" Zeke chuckled as he sat upright. "It's just... y'know."
Eren's glare intensified. "What?"
Zeke had suddenly turned into a giggling school girl, which Eren found very unnerving.
Eren sighed deeply as he looked down. He was fully expecting that Zeke had shaved his pubes into a stupid shape or something.
But no.
The hairs were mostly gone, except for a couple of patches that Zeke hadn't gotten to yet. Eren, however, didn't really take notice of them, as there was a much bigger problem.
For whatever bizarre, cursed reason, he was hard.
From Zeke -- his half-brother, a man who he despised -- shaving him.
"I-It's not that funny!" Eren spluttered, embarrassed. He wanted nothing more than to cover himself up, but he knew he had to wait until Zeke finished. "Stop laughing, asshole!"
Zeke smirked at him with an expression that made Eren unable to stop himself from lashing out. He punched Zeke square in the face, which caused Zeke to almost fall backwards. Unfortunately, Zeke managed to steady himself before hitting the tiles, thus preventing any injuries.
Eren clicked his tongue in disappointment.
"Is this why you don't like doing it yourself?" Zeke teased as he readjusted his glasses, still smirking like the smug fucker he was. "Because you get a boner and you can't help but jerk off and then you get distracted and don't want to shave anymore?"
"NO!" Eren cried, deciding he was better off crossing his legs after all. "I'm only hard because you're touching me, and--"
Zeke and Eren stared at each other. A wave of horror flooded through Eren as he realised what exactly it was that he'd just said.
"I-- I mean-- I mean that somebody is touching me, not you -- I'm not--"
He knew he was just digging himself deeper.
"Do you want me to help you with that, too?" Zeke asked, clearly revelling in Eren's embarrassment. "I know exactly how to take care of those pesky erections."
"SHUT UP!" Eren shouted. He'd had enough of Zeke's bullshit. "And no! I don't!"
Maybe he did. Just not right then. He still needed to get ready for the party.
Zeke laughed again. "Sure thing, Eren. Whatever you say."
Eren flipped him off. Zeke ignored the gesture and returned to shaving.
But Eren knew that he wasn't getting any softer, and more touch from Zeke would only make the issue worse. Especially since Zeke seemed to be not-so-accidentally brushing up against Eren's balls whenever he could.
Right as Eren was about to tell Zeke to hurry the fuck up, he shuddered again. Zeke hadn't just brushed against Eren's balls -- he'd started to shave them, too.
Eren was too surprised to say anything coherent. And before he could think of something, he heard a creak.
Zeke froze, with Eren's balls still in his hand. His response caused Eren to also tense up. Eren followed Zeke's gaze over to the source of the sound, which was the bathroom door.
"And what exactly are you two boys doing?" Carla demanded, glaring down at them in disgust.
"Um... Maintenance?" Zeke replied cheekily as he held up the razor.
"Huh," Carla said, unamused. "I suppose stiffness is a side-effect of such maintenance, then?"
It was then that Eren remembered he was still hard.
"More like an intended feature," Zeke said. "Surely you're aware how penises operate, Mrs. Yeager."
...I'm not going out tonight, am I? Eren realised as Carla marched over to them, kicked Zeke in the ribs hard enough to wind him and then proceeded to drag Eren off to his room.