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Chapter Text

“You are not here as a servant.” Arthur had told Gwen on their first date. And he had kept to that promise. Never had he treated her like she was less worthy of his admiration simply because she was not born a Princess or Duchess. He had said the most romantic things to her over the years, had risked his life for her, and done simple things like holding doors and making her laugh.

Gwen often thought back to those first months after she and Arthur had started dating. Even now, as she sat by the window of the royal chambers, watching Arthur train his knights in the courtyard, she couldn’t keep her mind from wandering. About what was, what could have been and what she wanted. That was her and Arthur.

She watched him wave his sword around, and give commands, and as Arthur moved so smoothly, like a young agile cat, he resembled the boy she had fallen in love with more than he did during any conversation they had anymore. Not that there were terribly many. The only time she truly had Arthur to herself anymore was when they lay in bed at night, and then he was mostly just tired out from practice and well from being the king, and fell asleep immediately.

“I love Camelot more than I can say… But when I’m there, sometimes I feel I can hardly breathe. Everyone expects so much of me. Being here with you, I can be myself.” Arthur had told Gwen on that same first date. She smiled at the memory of how happy that had made her back then. Simply through knowing that she made Arthur feel at ease. That was all she ever wanted, him to be happy.

“I like that. You being yourself...” Was what she had said to him. And it was true. She loved Arthur. The Arthur she saw out there training his men. The Arthur who told stupid, almost immature jokes, but who was brave and honest. He was no longer like that with her, and Gwen sighed at the thought that he had probably not even noticed. Nowadays he was more himself in Camelot with his knights, than with her, his wife.

Things had changed. And Arthur’s first loyalty was with his kingdom, she had known that from day one. Hell, Gwen had known that before she even fell in love with Arthur, when he was still just an annoying prat of a king to her. And she had admired him for it, even back then. But maybe, just maybe, a small part of her, of her heart had believed that being married to Arthur would always stay the way it had been in the beginning.

The king had just demonstrated a complicated looking maneuver with an axe, and while everyone took a short break he was standing away from the others, with Merlin. Merlin handed him water to drink, and searched for Arthurs favorite sword among the ones standing in the armory stand next to them. Arthur had a soft spot for Merlin, he was himself around Merlin. He’d never actually say that though. Arthur could be unbelievably emotionally removed sometimes, but Gwen could see his love for Merlin in his eyes.

Merlin wiped the sweat from Arthur’s forehead with a cloth, and the way the guys looked into each other’s eyes for just a moment made Gwen’s heart hurt. Arthur valued Merlin’s opinion over everyone else’s, and Merlin went on every patrol and every mission with him. She had for some time now suspected that Arthur loved Merlin.

Now, Gwen could not hear what Merlin and Arthur said, but she had known both of them too long to have to guess what they were talking about. Arthur had just asked Merlin for his sword. Not just any sword, but his sword. His favorite. Merlin gestured towards the full armory stand, probably saying something smartass about all of those swords being top-quality. Arthur, who as usual, was not having any of Merlin’s sassiness, said something unfriendly, probably told Merlin to muck out the horse stables later, and looked through the swords. When he couldn’t find what he was looking for either, Arthur grabbed another, jokingly threatened Merlin with it, who just grinned, and announced to everyone else that the break was over.

That Merlin loved Arthur was obvious, otherwise, why would he stick around to be yelled at by Arthur as often as he did?

Gwen sighed again, and her eye caught another figure, Sir Lancelot. Her friend Lancelot.

He took his helmet off, and ruffled through his own perfect hair. She could see the shiny beads of sweat on his forehead. What was wrong with her? That was a question Gwen had asked herself too often. But there was nothing she could do. Gwen had longed for Lancelot since they had first met, and her feelings for him just didn’t want to die, no matter how hard she tried to suppress them. And on days like these, when Arthur seemed so far… So preoccupied, she just sometimes could not stop asking herself what would have been if she had married Lancelot.

With a heavy sigh, Gwen turned away from the window and made her way over to the small sewing table in her chambers. She hated spinning, and she did not do it often anymore. She did not have to. Not as the Queen of Camelot. But it was an old habit from her days as a servant that used to calm her in stressful situations, or when she needed to think. Old habits die hard, as they say. So she sat down and starting spinning thread. Her mother had taught her. Gwen smiled at the memory of her mother. She could hardly remember; she had been so young when her mother died.

What would her mother had said if she knew that Gwen had married King Arthur?

Gwen spent the rest of the morning alone. When she had spun enough for the next ten years, in her opinion, Gwen packed up her things, and made her way to where she knew she could find the one person she knew had answers for her. The guards looked at her strangely when Gwen entered the horse stables. Normally royalty never set foot in there. Servants would take care of the horses for them and bring them out in front of the castle when the royalty wanted to ride out. But no one said anything. If it what out of respect or if they put it up to her having been a servant herself, Gwen did not know.

But there he was. Merlin was just brushing Arthur’s horse. He was facing the other way, and Gwen did not want to startle her friend, so she announced her presence by politely knocking on the doorframe. Merlin, still startled, turned around, and bumped his shoulder into the wall.

“Sorry…! I didn’t want to scare you, Merlin.”

“It’s fine…” Merlin looked confused, rubbing his shoulder lightly “What are you doing here, Gwen? …Not that I don’t love seeing you, it’s just unusual to see you here nowadays-“ Merlin rambled, giving her a slight smile, referring to her servant days, when they had been much closer, and had even worked here together.

Gwen lowered her gaze and closed the door behind herself: “I know we have grown apart a little over the last few years… And I am sorry about that. It’s pretty lonely being Arthur’s Queen. I could use a friend like you. A true friend. Not one of those girls that Arthur has entertain me on rainy Sundays, but someone who is friends with me because of who I am as a person, rather than me being the Queen.”

“I get that.” Merlin said. He was slightly surprised when Gwen, in her fancy outfit, stepped into the stable box with him, and like in the old days started scraping the hooves of Arthur’s horse. “So what is it you wanted to talk about? You look sad, Gwen.”

“It’s nothing, really. I’ve just been thinking…” She stopped and rested her chin on the back of the horse lightly. She was standing on the opposite side of the horse, so she was looking straight at Merlin.

“That’s a good start.” Merlin’s remark made both of them chuckle. It really did not take much to make them feel like they were back right where they left off.

There was no point in dancing around the subject, Gwen knew that. She started scraping the other hoof, and went on: “I ask you this not as your Queen, not as Arthur’s wife, but simply as a well-meaning friend. Okay?”

Merlin nodded, slightly confused, continuing his brushing efforts.

“You like Arthur… I mean you have feelings for him. Right?”

Merlin was shocked by Gwen’s directness. She was right, or course, he had loved Arthur madly ever since that day he had helped him defend his home village and his mother. But he couldn’t say that… He was talking to Arthur’s WIFE.

“Wooooh… What?” Was what he brought out instead, his face turning bright red. Gwen smiled lovingly: “It’s alright. Merlin, I am not judging you. I am just trying to pick up the pieces here and figure out what would actually make Arthur and me happy.”

“Wait… You’re not happy? With Arthur I mean.”

Gwen’s smile turned sad: “Arthur and I don’t spend much time together anymore, and when we do it’s not like it used to be.”

“You mean you don’t love him anymore?” Merlin asked, surprised, but without judging her in a negative way.

“I love Arthur. Just not the way I did when we got married. I’m more… lovingly fond of him. And not as crazily infatuated as I was once was. As we both once were.”

There was a short, almost uncomfortable silence. And then Merlin stated, bluntly: “I do. I like him. Nothing will ever happen between us. Nothing can ever happen between us. I am his servant, and he is married- it is complete insanity to even think of it. Still, I like him…”

When Gwen looked him in the eyes, he continued: “…Yes, in that way.”

Then, having gathered a certain amount of courage through the confession he had just made, Merlin asked Gwen who had just finished scraping the hooves and who was now comping and braiding the horses’ mane: “You and Lancelot. I see the way you look at each other when you think the other is not looking, and I’ve always wondered: What is going on between you guys?”

Gwen sighed, she knew that question was coming. It was quite obvious, but a price she had to pay: “Nothing… Nothing has ever happened between us, Merlin. But I have loved him since that day you introduced us. If he had not been banned from Camelot all those years, I would have never married Arthur.”

That was quite something to take in for Merlin. To him Gwen and Arthur had always been like Romeo and Juliet. A perfect couple. The one couple that made him believe in true love after Freya died. But there was also a tiny bit of him, of his heart, that was happy to hear that he was closer to Arthur than his wife. He didn’t like himself for feeling that way but did nonetheless.

He did not know what to say, all of this seemed so strange to him. So Merlin did what he did best, and was awkward. He handed Gwen more ribbons to braid into the mane of the mare they were working on.

After a while of working silently, Merlin asked: “So where do we go from here, Gwen?”

Gwen thought for a moment, and then had to be honest with Merlin: “I don’t know. But I think we can agree that we don’t want anyone to get hurt any more than they already have. Maybe we should just sleep over this, now that we have our cards in the open, and talk about this tomorrow after the knighting ceremony for the new knights?”

Merlin nodded at her offer, he had to find a way to digest all of this before he could even think of some kind of advice to give Gwen. “That might be best. We can meet in Gaius chambers; he is doing house calls all day tomorrow. I’ll be there as soon as I can get Arthur to let me go.” He chuckled slightly, if awkwardly, considering what they had just spoken about.  

Gwen seemed satisfied with this, and after she had finished braiding, she said goodbye to Merlin. “I might be coming over more often in the future, if that is okay of course…”

“Sure. I’m always glad to see you, and I can always use a hand.” Merlin smiled genuinely.

Gwen laughed, but as she closed the door to the stables behind her, she got doubts whether she had done the right thing by telling Merlin about her change of feelings. Her goal was to be happy. For Arthur to be happy as well. And Gwen hoped to be able to achieve just that, to make herself and the people she loved happy. But trying to do something about this could just as well bring upon her shame and sorrow.  

Chapter Text

That night Merlin did not sleep very well. Or much. He lay awake for most of the night staring at the ceiling of his bedroom in the dark. Merlin could hear Gaius’ snoring from the other side of the thin wood door. It didn’t bother him really. Actually he always found it pretty relaxing to know that someone was there. He had gotten a little paranoid since the troubles with Morgana had started.

But that was not what was keeping him awake this time. He thought about Arthur. About that first time they had met. Arthur really had been an arrogant idiot. But he had been a handsome idiot. That probably was part of the reason he had not immediately run for the hills after their first conversation. Merlin was ashamed of it, but the more he thought about it, he sometimes dreamed about Arthur actually showing him how to “walk on his knees”.  He felt his cheeks heat up.

There had always been something. There had always been this sort of tension between them, it had been there ever since they first talked. Merlin remembered it like it was yesterday. But the moment he had actually first noticed just how sexual that tension was when Arthur challenged him to a fight. Merlin remembered the way he had stood there swinging a weapon, and had told him with a raised eyebrow: “I warn you: I’ve been trained to kill since birth.”

It had probably been meant to intimidate him. And Arthur’s words had affected him. Just not quite as they were intended to. Merlin had replied, sassy as always: “Wow, and how long have you been training to be a prat?”

Arthur definitely had not been expecting that, and had laughed: “You can’t address me like that.”

At that point, Merlin remembered, it had seemed to pretty much not matter how he addressed Arthur, if he was about to be killed by him, so he had said, while innocently looking at him through his long thick lashes: “Sorry. How long have you been training to be a prat, my lord?”

That was when it was basically over. Looking back Merlin had sealed his fate in that exact moment, and doomed himself to a lifetime of loving someone he could never have. Merlin sighed at the memory. He would not have it any other way. The Great Dragon had been right; Arthur was his destiny. They were two sides of the same coin, if not as lovers, as whatever kind of weird friends they were. He would willingly spend the rest of his life protecting and looking after Arthur without any recognition or anything else in return.

Merlin was hopelessly in love, even if Arthur would never know.

Before he fell asleep, the last thing Merlin saw was the clear image of Arthur’s face in his mind. Of his slightly ruffled hair, his charming crooked smile, and of course his baby blue eyes.

oooOooo

When Arthur woke the next morning, it was to Merlin waking him up as usual. Merlin opened the curtains, and declared: “Rise and shine!” in a tone that Arthur thought was way too loud for so early in the morning, and way too charming. It was hard to keep secret that you like someone if they are the first and last person you see during the day. He was afraid that one day he would accidentally think he were still dreaming and say something that would make his feelings for Merlin way too obvious. That would not be today, however, he was much too tired to say anything really. Merlin opened the window.

“Can’t you think of anything new to say?” Arthur managed to mumble, his eyes still closed.

“What?” Merlin crossed his arms, trying to not stare at Arthur’s shirtless upper body, but ultimately failing.

“Every morning it is the same thing.” Arthur elaborated, pulling the blanket up his shoulder a little bit.

“Oh I’m sorry… How about: shake a leg…”

Now Arthur sat up slightly, staring at Merlin, trying to hide his smile at how cute he looked, trying to be funny.

“Up and at ‘em…” Merlin’s next suggestion had Arthur stare at him with fake annoyance.

“Let’s have you, lazy daisy.” That one would have almost made him crack up. Almost. Instead for a cold minute the boys just held eye contact. Arthur was determined to win the staring contest, and Merlin soon gave in. “No, you don’t like any of them, do you?”

Arthur shook his head, like he was communicating with a child.  He slowly sat up and that was around the time that Merlin began to fear for his physical wellbeing again, which happened quite often in Arthur’s presence. With an “Okayy…” he made his way to the door: “I’m just going to go… Um, before you decide to do something which-“ He was cut off by Arthur throwing a small vase in his direction which hit the ground and broke.

Merlin took that as his cue to leave.

As he walked down the stairs, Merlin thought: Well this was the true deal with Arthur. They had a certain kind of friendship, sure, but also messed with each other a lot. It all really came down to the fact that they had a soft spot for each other.

Or at least Merlin knew he had one for Arthur.

oooOooo

Merlin was late again. He was supposed to be helping Arthur to get ready for the knighting ceremony that was supposed to be taking place later, but had not yet shown up. Arthur was done waiting and started dressing himself in his festival clothes. Merlin was probably hanging out in the tavern again. Typical.

Merlin. Arthur had thought about Merlin a lot over the last couple of months. He was always there; he was the one Arthur spent most of his time with. And against all odds, he really enjoyed it. At first he had not noticed that he was slowly falling in love with his servant, but it had happened. And when Arthur had finally noticed, it ahad taken him some time to come to terms with the fact that he was in love with Merlin, the same Merlin who he had seen falling over his own feet more often than he could count, the same Merlin who constantly forgot where he had put Arthur’s favorite sword, the same Merlin who had absolutely no idea what he what doing half of the time, and the same Merlin who did not like him in that way.

Arthur was sure that Merlin had no idea that he dreamed about him so often. Too often. And Merlin never noticed how often Arthur would admire his beautiful eyes when they talked, or check him out whenever Arthur walked behind him. Arthur was ashamed of this, because he liked Merlin, really, even if he did not let it show very often, and he would not be able to bare it if Merlin one day figured out how attracted Arthur was to him, and that that would make him feel weird around him.

Arthur wanted Merlin to be happy. And Arthur was sure that Merlin would never be happy in a relationship with him. And besides the point, he himself was married, and he could never hurt Gwen in such a way. His feeling towards her were strong, and warm, he was just no longer sure it was love. But Arthur had made a commitment that he was planning to keep. Everything else would not be honorable.

Arthur war snapped back to reality when Merlin finally arrived, and entered the royal chambers (without knocking, as usual).

“Merlin. How wonderful of you to choose to join me here.” Arthur stated.

“Sorry. Gaius sent me to pick herbs.”

“Sure. Is that what you told your friends at the tavern? For a matter of fact, Merlin, I happen to know that Gaius is doing house calls in the village today. That’s why he won’t be at the knighting ceremony later. Make up a better excuse next time.” Arthur said with a sparkle the corners of his eyes.

“Sorry, Sire. Will lie better next time.”

“That’s my boy…” Had Arthur really just said that? Both men were surprised, and looked into each eyes for a short while. Arthur played everything off as a joke, but a certain tension did not leave the room anymore…

Merlin did not stop thinking about the king’s statement for the rest of the time he dressed him. Was he imagining the undertone that gave him butterflies, and made him want to please Arthur at the same time, or was it actually there? – No, it couldn’t be. Arthur would never feel about him the way he felt for the king.

oooOooo

After the knighting ceremony Merlin helped Arthur change back into his normal clothes, and put on his chainmail. Then he excused himself and headed towards Gaius chambers to meet Gwen, who was already awaiting him there.

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter Text

"Sorry I'm late, Gwen. Arthur was extra fussy about his armour today..." Merlin explained as he closed the door behind the two of them, for some privacy.

"You'd think he was a toddler in his terrible two's sometimes." Merlin said, trying to lighten the mood, seeing how stressed and uneasy his friend looked. Gwen sat on the edge of one of the chairs like she had many times before. 

Merlin got both of them something to drink and took a seat across from her. 

"So... How have you been?" It was awkward. But somehow the silence had to be broken. It would have been odd to just ask her about the topic she had spoken of yesterday, would it not?

"Good... Well, actually. Merlin, I don't want to continue to do...this. I can't anymore. I just can't."

"This being your relationship with Arthur?" Merlin could hardly believe what was happening. He loved Arthur. And he wanted Arthur to be happy. And Arthur was happy with Gwen, wasn't he? 

"Yes... And No. Well part of it is. Merlin, I don't want to keep lying to myself. I don't want to keep living a life I imagined desirable five years ago. And I don't think it is fair to Arthur for me to lie to him either. I want to be happy, and I deserve to be happy. Just like Arthur."

Merlin swallowed hard. He did not know what to say. Gwen was his friend and he wanted her to be happy, but what she was proposing just did not seem like it would ever be reality.

"Have... Have you spoken to Arthur about this?"

"No. I wouldn't know what to say."

"Well, you probably should, if you don't want to hurt him. By going after Lancelot I mean." Merlin offered.

"He'd be devastated... Not because he loves me so much, I don't think he does anymore, but because he'd be alone. And I don't want him to be alone. I don't want Arthur to have to rule alone, Merlin."

Now he was completely confused. Gwen seemed to believe that he, Merlin, could help with that: "And where do I come in?"

"...Arthur loves you Merlin. A blind man could see! He thinks you're adorable... Sometimes he ever talks about you in his sleep." 

Merlin turned bright red again. He had trouble believing that Arthur, King Arthur of Camelot, loved him, Merlin of Ealdor.

"You Merlin... If we can get Arthur and you together, I'm presuming that would be in your interest after what you said yesterday..." Gwen went on after Merlin slowly nodded: "Then I would be free to be with Lancelot."

It was true, Gwen's plan sounded enticing. Crazy, but enticing. Merlin knew that. There was just one small problem...

"Gwen, you and Arthur are MARRIED. You are the Queen of Camelot and a public figure. This is not a summer fling you can just break up with. There is a lot at stake here, now I am not saying that what you are saying is impossible, but in this specific situation, of the right thing happens at the wrong time, then you, Lancelot, and most of all Arthur will lose their reputation forever and many bridges will be burnt. Arthur would probably even lose the one thing he loves most, Camelot. They would not accept a king with such things going on in his private life."

Merlin tried to say this in the nicest way possible, but it had to be said. He would have loved to just jump head over heals into some kind of wild seduction plan for Arthur, or even help Gwen win over Lancelot, but he could not. Because he could not stop thinking about what could happen to Arthur if things went wrong. 

It was his, Merlin's, first and most important duty to protect Arthur. 

"But, if, and I am saying if here for a good reason, what if we just stuck out our feelers a little and tried to figure out where Arthur and Lancelot are on these matters, without actually risking anything, then we'd at least know if there ever could be such a possibility. If we discover that, say both of them are appalled by the idea, which I doubt is the case, then all would be good, and we could rest assured that it could never have been."

The way Gwen batted her lashes at Merlin made him weak, alongside with the proposition of maybe, just maybe, getting Arthur. He hated himself for it, but Gwen had let him lick blood, and now he wanted it all or nothing. So Merlin, not much to Gwen's surprise, mumbled: "Yeah, okay.... But only until we know if they'd be on board. And only if there is no risk to anyone's reputation involved."

Gwen smiled happily, jumped up, and hugged Merlin: "Oh thank you Merlin, thank you so much!" Then she lowered her voice and went: "I already have the perfect idea...-" but she was cut off by someone opening the door to Gaius chambers. 

To everyone's surprise it was Gaius, who had returned early from his house call rounds: "Hello, my lady. I did not know that you would be here." He sounded surprised, but not unpleasantly.

Gwen quickly excused herself with a: "Well actually I was just leaving..." And a few polite words. 

Merlin later told Gaius that they had just been catching up on some old times, which was not completely untrue, and Gaius bought it, considering what good friends the two had once been. 

As he sat alone in his room that night, Merlin was not sure if he had made the right decision in agreeing to Gwen's insane plan. His heart said yes, but his head screamed no. If only someone could tell him what was right.

But no matter how much Merlin was scared of ruining Arthur's reputation, he could not help feeling exited about what the future had to hold.

Chapter Text

Arthur woke the next morning to Merlin’s overly motivated voice, as he did every morning. Little did Merlin know how much he actually adored the familiar chirp of: “Rise and shine!”

Obviously Arthur had to act annoyed, as did he every morning: “Can’t you think of another phrase? It’s getting quite boring…” He said pulling his blanket up to his ears, as the fresh morning air flooded the room, let in by Merlin haven opened the window.

“Oh, come on! Cheer up, Arthur. Today’s an important day, remember? The tournament?”

“How could I forget the tournament? ‘Been looking forward to that for weeks.”

“Really?” Merlin inquired, astonished by Arthur’s enthusiasm, as he got out of bed and even started dressing himself.

“What do you think, Merlin? Now that I’m king, I’ve got to deal with many people that tend to get on my nerves. And, well, with this yearly summer tournament, I get a chance to beat ‘em up a little.”

Merlin cackled out of nowhere, and Arthur turned to face the strange laugh with a raised eyebrow: “Am I really that funny, huh?”

Merlin felt his cheeks heat up again, and turned away to hide his embarrassment from Arthur. Luckily, he thought, Arthur either hadn’t noticed (Arthur so noticed), or he let it slide. “Soo are you by any chance planning to help me get dressed? Or do I have to do this all by myself…?” Arthur asked with a baby look on his face, that was meant to break the tension, but only made Merlin grin in a stupid love-struck way.

But then Merlin did help Arthur get dressed, and then headed out to the stables, to make sure that Arthur’s horse was ready for the tournament later. The stables might have not seemed like a great workspace, but Merlin had never actually minded. He got along well with horses (Arthur would say that was because Merlin was one) and liked being alone sometimes. He worked better, Merlin had found, when not watched. Also, then he could use magic to get done a bit faster, obviously. But, in general, being alone made Merlin feel less awkward, less judged, and less like someone was waiting for him to fail. And even if Arthur never did so in an ill-mannered way, he did sometimes make Merlin feel insecure.

A knock on the stable doors. Who knocks on the stable doors? Gwen entered. This was becoming a bit of a habit. Not that Merlin minded, though. Guinevere helped him brush and comb Arthur’s horse, and braided its mane, while he himself took care of polishing Arthur’s tournament armor.

It didn’t take long for Gwen to cut to the chase, much too excited about her plan not to: “So Merlin, today at the tournament, we have to find a way to get you and Arthur some alone time.”

“And then?”

“Use your imagination, Merlin. We both know how Arthur is going to drink at the festivities after the tournament. If he wins, that is, but we both know he is going to win.”

Merlin nodded smiling. Arthur usually won every year. Or at least he had won every year since he first participated, if you didn’t count the time he let his father win.

“So… Arthur gets drunk, you guys leave the festivities, and then you confess your feelings, Merlin.” Merlin was about to interrupt Gwen, but she silenced him with a gesture.

“Before you say anything, I have thought this through. If he reciprocates, you’ve got your cards on the table, and we’ll go from there, and… if he doesn’t, which is unlikely, Merlin, then you will just blame it on the alcohol, and he will believe it was a weird dream he had.”

Merlin thought for a second, taking in the smell of the odd tincture Gaius had given him for polishing, which definitely wasn’t healthy, and then he responded, first reluctantly: “What if he knows that what I told him was real?”

“Then we’ll tell him it was a dare. I’ll tell him I put you up to it myself. I promise, Merlin.”

He nodded, and then said: “Okay, let’s do it, Gwen.”

They both smiled brightly, and Gwen came around the horse to give Merlin a big hug. Afterwards she got back to braiding, and Merlin got back to polishing as they chatted about everything. It was nice having this kind of friendship again, Merlin thought to himself. With his job consuming as much time as it did, along with the fact that he had to save Arthur’s ass all the time as well and run errands for Gaius, he did not have much time to make friends outside the royal household.

With Arthur he had this odd relationship where both of them would throw themselves off a cliff for the other, but they were incapable of having a normal conversation, and other than that the only friend he had was Lancelot, who he did not see nearly as much as the immediate royal family.

And, Gaius, well, Gaius was basically Merlin’s adoptive Dad. So it was nice having Guinevere for a friend again.

oooOooo

AFTER THE TOURNAMENT AT THE FESTIVITIES

In line with the popular belief, Arthur won the tournament. Not by much, since the knights of the round table, as well as some excellent fighters from all over the kingdom had participated, but it was still an honorable win.

The final battle had been against Percival, who had defeated both Lancelot and Gwaine in the round before, if not by much either.  Going in, Arthur had been concerned, with Percival being a knight of the round table and his friend, that he might feel pressured to let him, the king, win. That would have been both not very honorable and degrading in Arthur’s book, but luckily it never came that far, with Percival putting up a good fight.

So now as they all sat around the huge tables in the great hall in the Camelot castle, Arthur had every right to be happy, and… well to celebrate. And to Arthur a good celebration always went hand in hand with a good amount of drinking.

They all had a good night, and in the early morning, when most people had gone home, Merlin decided that it was time for Arthur to go to bed as well. The king had climbed on top of one of the tables, and was singing surrounded by a few of the knights.

“Arthur, it’s time to go to bed.” Merlin interrupted Arthur’s not so lovely rendition of a popular song.

“NoOoOoOo…” Arthur wined, but Sir Leon, the soberest one of the group agreed with Merlin, and helped him drag the king off the table: “Make sure he actually makes it to the royal chambers, Merlin. Otherwise we’ll find him asleep somewhere in the hall tomorrow.” He chuckled, and gave the happily grinning King, who had obviously already forgotten again that he was being taken to his room, a pat on the shoulder.

“Good night, Sire.” Leon grinned.

Merlin said good night to the knights and the other remaining people in the great hall, and then took Arthur’s arm to lead him out of the room. On their way out they passed Gwen and Lancelot who were sitting by one of the open windows, a bit away from the others. Merlin wondered, for a second, what they were talking about. Lancelot had been drinking with Arthur, they were best friends after all, and even if he had not had quite as much wine, Lancelot was not sober either. He asked himself if Gwen was conducting her own experiments on Lance.

As Arthur and Merlin passed, Gwen smiled and winked at Merlin, and said: “Have fun, kids.” In a funny way, wiggling her eyebrows. Lance just chuckled, the knights yoked about Merlin and Arthur ever since that time that on an overnight patrol, Gwaine had heard Arthur say Merlin’s name in his sleep, they had even started calling them “Merthur” for short sometimes.

Merlin waved awkwardly and wished Guinevere and Lancelot a good night. Arthur babbled something about “my best and most loyal knight” and then turned to Gwen, patted her on the head slightly, and said: “Good night, my love.” Before letting himself be dragged away by Merlin.

As they walked through the halls Merlin felt a twinge of guilt in his heart. Chances were something would be happening between Gwen and Lancelot that night. Both were drunk, and they had been lusting after each other for what felt like forever.

And Arthur… Well he trusted them, and he had called Gwen “my love”. He didn’t want to be part of a plan that made Arthur feel bad. He didn’t want to see Arthur unhappy. Not now… not ever. Right now he was effectively helping Gwen cheat on Arthur. Gwen was his friend, and it didn’t matter to Merlin that cheating was considered a sin to many people, but he didn’t want his friend, his love, Arthur to get hurt. He wanted no part in any part of his and Gwen’s plan anymore. Merlin was disgusted with himself that he had agreed to it in the first place. What had he been thinking? Had he really been so blinded by his love for Arthur that he was ready to hurt his friend to win his heart.

It was completely messed up, and Merlin knew that.

So when they reached the royal chambers, he helped Arthur get into his night clothes, covered him up with a blanket and was about to blow out the candles, when one of Arthur’s hands on his own stopped him.

“…wAit Mer…merlin.” Arthur looked at him with big blue puppy eyes. His cheeks were pink and his hair messy. He looked perfectly adorable.

“I’ve got… got’a say sumthin’…”

“What is it Arthur?”

Arthur sat up in his bed, and pulled Merlin down to sit on the edge of said bed. Then he started explaining while gesturing a lot with his hands: “From…fRom the day I met you, …lay…laid eyes on you… I thought you were cute, Merl…in. I thought you were damn cute, dude. Hot. Hot even. I thought you were really hot. …I dream about you, Merlin.”

Merlin looked at Arthur in shock. “You…like me?”

“I love you.” Arthur grinned happily, dropping back against his pillow. “…just thought you ou…ough…just thought you should know.” Arthur closed his eyes and fell asleep immediately.
Merlin was still out of it as he finally blew out the candles and quietly shut the door behind himself. As he stood there, resting with his back against the heavy oak door, he couldn’t quite wrap his mind around what had just happened. His heart was bouncing with joy, but his head couldn’t stop asking himself whether Arthur had meant it, or if he was just drunk and would have confessed his undying love to anyone in reach.

After a few minutes he made himself go outside. As he sat on the steps that led from the back entrance of the castle down to the royal gardens, he looked up at the stars. What was happening? Did Arthur really like him? Merlin didn’t know what to hope for anymore. He loved Arthur, but he didn’t want to hurt him, he didn’t want to ruin his reputation.

Then he realized that he might have just about already done that. Because as his master was sound asleep upstairs in the royal chambers, Merlin could hear Lancelot and Gwen’s voice’s. They were walking through the gardens, hidden from Merlin’s eyes by a row of bushes. But because of his magic he could see and hear them clearly in his mind. Eavesdropping felt wrong. But then, Merlin thought, he had already done much worse today, and gave in.

“The stars are truly beautiful tonight, don’t you think, Lancelot?” Guinevere coed stopping to gaze at the stars. Lancelot stood behind her, and she lightly leaned against him, testing the waters. He put his arms around her and lightly pulled her against his chest.

“They are, my lady, but not as beautiful as you…” She turned, facing him and resting her hands on his shoulders, gazing deep into his eyes.

“You really think so, Lance?”

“I do, my queen.” He smiled, using her title a nickname. He said the words with such sweet grace that Merlin felt like puking. Even he would have banged Lancelot after that.

It was then that Gwen moved one of her hands to the back of Lancelot’s head and placed a light kiss to his lips, looking deep into his eyes afterwards.

“…do you want this as much as I do?” She asked hastily.

Lancelot’s answer was a deep and long kiss.

Merlin stood up, he had seen enough, caused enough problems for the day. This was not his place to eavesdrop, or intervene anymore. He gathered his jacket, that he had taken off, and headed off to his own bedroom.

He didn’t get much sleep that night, feeling much to guilty to sleep. Every time he closed his eyes he would see images of Lancelot and Gwen loving each other. He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination that had been fueled by his guilt, or if it was the Sight. All he knew was that he didn’t know what was going to happen now. He didn’t know where they would go from where they were now.

Everything in his life seemed broken in an odd way, as he lay in bed that night, and that even though Arthur had confessed his love. Never would Merlin had thought that this day would come.

Chapter Text

Guinevere walked down one of the old paths of the big park-like gardens and took in deep breaths of the fresh night air. It was nice being outside after having been in the great hall that was stuffy and reeked of alcohol. She reached out her hand to lightly brush it against Lancelot’s.

“The stars are truly beautiful tonight, don’t you think, Lancelot?” Guinevere coed stopping to gaze at the stars. Lancelot stood behind her, and she lightly leaned against him, testing the waters. He put his arms around her and lightly pulled her against his chest.

“They are, my lady, but not as beautiful as you…” She turned, facing him and resting her hands on his shoulders, gazing deep into his eyes.

“You really think so, Lance?”

“I do, my queen.” He smiled, using her title a nickname. He said the words with such sweet grace, Guinevere felt her knees grow weak.

It was then that Gwen moved one of her hands to the back of Lancelot’s head and placed a light kiss to his lips, looking deep into his eyes afterwards.

“…do you want this as much as I do?” She asked hastily.

Lancelot’s answer was a deep and long kiss. His arms laid themselves around Gwen’s waist, deepening the kiss and pulling her in tight. Her hands went to his hair, lightly gripping his hair. It felt silky and soft in her hands, and she breathed lightly into the kiss, almost moaning. She felt a jolt of pleasure go through her body as she felt him very lightly bite her lower lip.

Lance was the first to pull back to breathe. He rested his forehead against Guinevere’s, and asked, his voice hoarse, and his lips kiss swollen: “Gwen, where… where should we go?”

“Your room?” Arthur was probably long asleep. Lancelot’s room was the best option probably, but Gwen didn’t elaborate, talk of her husband might have killed the mood.

He nodded, and made himself let go of Gwen, as they headed back to the castle. But he stayed close to her, walking right by her side, their fingers entwined. Gwen’s stomach was twisting with anticipation, and she felt lightheaded, in a good way. She still tasted the mixture of the fancy wine they had been drinking and Lancelot in her mouth, a taste she wished would last forever.

As they crossed the halls of the castle of Camelot, they ran into Leon, and quickly let go of each other’s hands. He still might have seen, Gwen thought looking back, judging from how surprised he had looked at the pair as he said:

“My lady, I thought you were with Arthur?” He asked. Gwen knew he was referring to her being asleep aside the king, but she couldn’t help wondering by the odd tone of voice if he wasn’t also referring to her relationship state. Leon turned to Lancelot and asked: “What are you doing, Lance?”

She felt her face heat up, and took a step to the side, she and Lancelot were standing much too close to each other to be considered appropriate.

“Sir Lancelot was just escorting me to the royal chambers. I was a little worried about walking by myself at such a late hour with many guests from all over the kingdom still in the castle.” Gwen lied.

Leon nodded, not convinced, but quickly continued walking down the hall. “Well, then I wish you a good night, my lady.” As Sir Leon passed them in the hall and walked towards where they had come from, he gave the odd couple a weirdly prolonged glance.

Gwen looked at Lancelot who looked back into her eyes and whispered: “He knows…”

Lancelot knew that this situation was bad, and that it could possibly even ruin their reputation, but he also knew that for years, for far too many years, ever since he had first met Guinevere, he had had feelings for her. And he had denied himself to even think of her that way, ever since he had returned to the court, because at the time she and Arthur had already been married.

He had yearned, he had lusted for Gwen, and Sir Leon was not about to mess up this chance he had with her. He loved Gwen and Gwen loved Lancelot. So he took her hand in his, and tilted her chin up with his other hand.

“I love you, Gwen. I want you, and you want me. There is nothing and no one on the face of this earth who can stop me from loving you in every way you let me.”

He looked into Gwen’s eyes that slowly filled with tears, and then pulled her down the hall. It wasn’t far until they reached his chambers, where she wrapped her arms around Lancelot’s neck as soon as he had kicked the door closed behind them.

It was dark in Lancelot’s bedroom, only illuminated by a few candles on his dresser and by his bed. Gwen’s hair was practically glowing in the candle light, and he kissed her tears away while soothingly stroking her back.

As he ran his fingers up and down her back, Guinevere felt herself slowly relax in her lover’s arms. She had wanted this, dreamed of this for so many years. And now… Now that the moment had arrived that she could have Lancelot, that she could be with him, it felt better than she had ever imagined. His hands on her skin, his sweet breath on her face, his lips on hers… Gwen was sure that this was exactly how it was meant to be. Lance was who she was supposed to be with. In his arms, she was sure that nothing could ever happen to her. She was safe and secure, and most of all, she was loved.

So she pushed away all worries and problems that the day had brought, and just for tonight, decided that the only thing she would focus on would be Lancelot’s voice whispering the sweetest and the dirtiest things she had ever heard, and the exquisite feeling of his body on her own. Gwen stepped out of her slipper-like shoes, and left them by the door.

The kiss slowly grew more and more intense, as his tongue eventually made its way into her mouth, and Gwen shuddered under the new sensation. She had never been kissed just quite like this. It was all she had ever imagined, all she had ever wanted, and so much more…

She couldn’t help but lean into the kiss and moan slightly, as a pair of gentle hands came to rest on her ass. Lance backed into her making her walk backwards slowly, and her own hands found refuge in his silky hair once more, as the back of her knees hit the edge of Lancelot’s bed and she squeaked surprised as he gently pushed her onto the bed.

Both of them chuckled lightly at her expression, and he kicked his shoes off, as Gwen slid further up the bed, before climbing onto the bed as well. His messy hair only added to the adoration Guinevere felt for the man in front of her. Lance sat with his knees on either side of Gwen’s legs and his hands resting near her head. Very slowly he leaned down and captured her in a breathtaking kiss that left her wishing for more when they had to pull away to get some air.

“Lance… I need you to touch me.” Was all she could get out, her face burning. Gwen knew she was blushing but she didn’t care. She needed Lancelot and she needed him here and now.

He seemed shy, almost inexperienced, so Guinevere took it upon herself to guide him. She guided his hand to her breast and let it rest there for him to touch. Then she rested her own hands on his collarbones, sliding underneath his shirt, as she pulled him down for another heated kiss.

Lance seemed to have gathered some courage from this, as he began massaging Gwen’s nipples through the fabric of her thin dark blue dress. He moaned as he felt them harden beneath his touch. Gwen smiled into the kiss, her eyes dark with lust. As he began grinding himself into her to get some friction, she could feel that Lancelot, too, was getting hard. He seemed slightly embarrassed by his own arousal, and almost apologetically pulled back. Gwen wined at the loss of touch, and sat up.

“Is everything okay, Lance?”

He looked embarrassed. “It’s nothing really, I just… haven’t done this very often.”

Gwen smiled, that really was no problem in her book. “I don’t mind, Lance. I love you for you. …Let me take care of it?” She asked, her eyes darting towards the bulge in his pants.

He nodded reluctantly, and went back to kissing her. The new seated position made it easy for Gwen to climb onto Lancelot’s lap. He sat back against the headboard, as began grinding herself against him roughly. Lancelot began roaming up her back again taking the bottom of Gwen’s long flowy dress with him, eventually pulling it over her head.

“Are you sure you want this?” Lance asked between pants.

“More than anything.” Gwen unbuckled Lancelot’s pants as he discarded his own shirt. When they were both naked, they took in the sight of each other. They had waited so long for this, and now the moment had finally arrived. Everything was as it should be. Lancelot snaked his arms around Gwen and she laid her breast against his for a moment, feeling his skin against hers. Another bolt of pleasure jolted through her, and a tingly feeling spread through her stomach, as his erection began to rise against her grinding movements again. Without the fabric keeping them from each other, Gwen could even feel Lancelot’s coarse pubic hair against her own.

“I… Need you now…” Lancelot panted, reaching out to massage her stone hard nipples once again. Gwen was happy to oblige. She stroked her own, soaking-wet pussy a couple of times, running her fingers along her slick folds, rubbing her clit in small, fast circles, and moaned at the sensation of pleasure. Lancelot’s mouth fell open, upon seeing Gwen pleasure herself, and the look on her face might have just about been the hottest thing he had ever seen in his life.

Then she lined herself up with Lancelot’s painfully hard cock, and after giving him a few pumps, sank down onto him in one swift move. He moaned loudly, not caring about the noise. She grinned at his expression of pleasure, and began kissing his soft chest hair and his collarbone, while she started to slowly move up and down, picking up a faster pace after a few seconds.

“god…God. You’re taking me so well, baby.” Was all Lancelot could get out, before his lover silenced him with another heated kiss. Her tongue made its way into Lancelot’s mouth, taking in every little last bit of his taste.

His hands got tangled up in her hair. She sat up straight, and Lancelot was about to whine about the loss of her lips on his, but then she picked up speed, fucking him just the right way. Gwen was panting, her legs on either side of this, and as she shifted slightly, she felt Lancelot’s length stroke something inside her that made her toes curl, and her head fall back with pleasure.

Lance noticed too, and set his hands on either side of her hips, to help her continue fucking herself in that exact angle: “You like that, don’t you? Doing so well, honey.” He whispered, his voice raspy.

Gwen moaned, loudly, she no longer could keep her noises of pleasure in. When she bit her lip to keep herself from moaning, and when her legs threatened to give in, Lancelot took it upon himself to flip them over, his penis slipping out of her, her lying now beneath him, breathing heavily.

“You’re doing so well for me, darling.” Lancelot whispered in Gwen’s ear. “Now, let me help you…” She nodded, happily spreading her legs for him, as he lined himself up again, thrusting into her all the way. She whined, closing her eyes, and biting her lip again trying to keep her moans in.

“Shh, baby, look at me.” Lancelot whispered, and Gwen opened her eyes to meet his loving ones. “Don’t do that, don’t hold back, I don’t want you to hold anything back. Nobody can hear us, love. The other knights are still out drinking, I am sure of that, and there are no other chambers in this hallway.

Gwen wasn’t quite as sure of that as the dark haired man above her, but the sensation of pure ecstasy convinced her soon enough. She moaned contentedly as Lancelot slid back into her, and pounded into her while simultaneously rubbing her clit. The overload of sensations was all too much for Gwen, and she wined, a single tear running down her cheek.

She was so close, so unbelievably close to the edge, and yet it seemed so far away, impossible to reach. Gwen squirmed in Lancelot’s grip who between moans soothed her aching body with warm loving kisses.

“It’s okay, Gwen. Relax… Almost…”

Gwen heard Lancelot’s voice, but was too caught up in her own ecstasy to actually understand the words he was whispering in her ear. Then a strong tingly wave of pleasure started spreading through her body, making its way towards her head, and she felt herself be right at that edge again. For a second she fought the feeling, she squirmed, afraid to give herself completely. Afraid to be one with the pleasure, because even if she loved Lancelot and he loved her, enjoying this… Enjoying this in that way would mean that she would have betrayed Arthur truly.

For a second all the doubts that Merlin undoubtedly had carried washed over her, and she opened her eyes in shock. What was she doing? What would happen if anyone found out? What would happen if she were to fall pregnant by Lancelot? Arthur would know the difference. He had not gotten her pregnant in all these years, it was unlikely he would now.

She was pulled back into reality by the rising wave… no storm of pleasure in her abdomen. It was spreading, even if she wished it wouldn’t. She wished that she could despise the sensation, or at least not enjoy it, but truthfully, she loved better than she had ever loved Arthur.

“Shhh, my baby.” Lancelot said, and shifted positions, hitting that sensitive spot within her with each of his thrusts, that grew more and more sloppy by the moment. Gwen felt his hot breath in her ear, and a loud pleasure-induced moan escaped her lips. She loved Lancelot, and she loved this… Lying with him. She wanted it… More than anything.

And then that wave of pleasure finally rushed over her, as Lancelot uncaptured her in a sweet and tender kiss. He came right after her, and as Gwen opened her eyes after a couple of seconds, she could feel his cum hot inside her. Lancelot had collapsed on top of her, his head resting on her chest. Gwen pulled him against her breast and cradled his head in her arms. She could feel his breathing settle, and as Lance fell asleep with his body against her, she felt herself lightly clench around the emptiness that his length had left within her.

Gwen felt his cum run down her inner thigh, and slowly harden. She felt like she was floating. She had what she had desired most, she was lying with the man she loved atop her. She had desired a night of sinful lust, but what she had gotten almost felt like regret.

Everything was wrong. Her whole world felt wrong. The only thing she knew was right was Lancelot. He was right for her, in a world that was against them.

Another silent tear rolled down her face. Arthur… Poor Arthur… It might be that they didn’t love each other quite like they used to, but… She cared for him. And he trusted her.

Now she had betrayed him.

Gwen closed her eyes, trying to at least get some rest, but as she did so, she saw Arthur in her mind. She saw Arthur on their wedding day, specifically their wedding night. He had been the most beautiful man on earth to her that night. Their bed had been surrounded by candles, and he had been so gentle with her. It had been her first time, and he had been careful with her cradling her in his arms, and he had kissed the pain and tears away that she had shed when he first penetrated her.

It hadn’t been his first time, Gwen was rather sure of that, but she had never asked. It had been in the little things that she had noticed how full of routine everything was that Arthur did.

But still… During their marriage Arthur had always been a good and faithful husband to her, and now she had broken that bond. And yet… In a sick way she did not want it any other way. Her fingers started playing with Lancelot’s hair absentmindedly, as she silently cried herself to sleep with the image of Arthur in her mind.