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Seungmin is having his afternoon coffee in his garden.
It’s a Saturday, so he doesn’t have work today, and now was a perfect time to relive all the stress accumulated from the week. He’s 24 and is working at some boring corporate job that should honestly pay him more for the amount of labor he does, but he is past that point already.
He sips on his mug and sets it down on the table beside him. He finally picks up the book lying on the table, some novel that his co-worker recommended to him, and he silently reads through it. He is already twelve pages in when someone calls for him.
“Hi, neighbor,” a voice sweetly calls to him. Seungmin inserts a ribbon in his book before closing it and looking to his side, seeing a man with a bright smile waving at him. “Am I disturbing you?”
“Not at all,” Seungmin replies as he sets his book down.
“My husband and I just moved in, would you like to drop by for a chat and some housewarming pastries?”
Seungmin contemplates and shrugs. There’s nothing to lose anyway.
“Sure.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m Hyunjin,” Hyunijn ushers him to sit down in their living room and sets down some tea and brownies in front of Seungmin.
“Hi, Hyunjin. I’m Seungmin, I just live by the house next to yours.”
“How long have you been living in this neighborhood?”
“For about three years now. We found this through a real estate agent that was a friend of a friend.”
“That’s nice,” Hyunjin hums as he takes a sip of his tea. “We found this house from an advertisement. I’m really glad we checked it out, it’s a really nice house.”
“It’s really peaceful here since it‘s pretty far from the city. There is no sound of rushing cars and other noisy things, just peace and quiet.”
“That’s one of the reasons why we chose this house, actually,” Hyunjin turns to look at Seungmin, his eyes filled with excitement. “It’s tiring in the city, it’s incredibly noisy. My husband already has trouble falling asleep, and the city is one of the factors to it. We’re glad to find a place in an area like this, it’s peaceful.”
“I agree,” Seungmin nods and leans back on the sofa. “You have a husband? Where is he?”
“He’s at work right now, monitoring our business,” Hyunjin smiles softly as he looks down on his left ring finger, playing with their wedding ring that was sitting beautifully on his slender fingers. “We just got married last month and I couldn’t be happier.”
“Congratulations,” Seungmin smiles. “I’m sure your heart is filled with joy now that you’ve finally married.”
“Oh, the heavens only know how over the moon we were when we finally decided to get married,” Hyunjin chuckles. “We’ve been engaged for four years, but we only decided to finally tie the knot recently.”
“Why’s that?” Seungmin asks curiously.
“We both wanted to have our dream wedding. It’s no rush, it’s not like we saw ourselves calling off the engagement soon so we were okay to prolong it before actually getting married. Chan, my husband, wanted to get married on his favorite beach in Australia, while I wanted to have a grand celebration for it. We were only around 20 when we got engaged, and we’re dumb and broke to make that happen, to say the least,” they both laugh at that. “So we made a deal. We start running a business or two until we have finally managed to save up more than enough to make our dream wedding happen, so here we are. Happily married and financially stable, finally. We’re living the dream. Our dream.
“That’s amazing,” Seungmin says in awe. “I respect the dedication so much. I know for a fact that some couples would have gotten frustrated for not being married in a short period of time after being engaged or for having so much dedication toward a wedding. I’m really happy for you.”
“We both had the same goals in mind, so it was easy. I do have to admit that sometimes it feels frustrating if all the effort and the long wait would be worth it, but there’s nothing we couldn’t handle. I’m glad we waited.”
“I look up to marriages like you, really. You guys are amazing,” Seungmin solemnly says. “You have a business, you mentioned?”
“Yes, Channie and I bought a franchise of a fast-food restaurant and we set up the branch somewhere in Seoul. It was pretty cautious and shaky at the start, there’s so much paperwork, I tell you—but it grew easily since the fast-food restaurant was already known and all. We knew that the capital we were going to allot for availing a franchise of an already popular business would pay off well, and we’re glad it did. It was not cheap,” Hyunjin covers his mouth as he laughs. “And last year, we decided to open a small salon and spa business in Seoul as well with some of the profit we got from the franchise. So we’re managing two businesses right now.”
“That would be exhausting,” Seungmin gapes.
“Tell me about it,” Hyunjin rolls his eyes. “But it brought us to where we are now, so I guess we could say that it’s okay. We got a house out of it and our dream wedding to come true.”
Seungmin takes his teacup from the saucer, but Hyunjin’s eyes were quick—a gem shines under the light of Hyunjin’s chandelier in Seungmin’s hand, and Hyunjin visibly perks at it.
“I reckon you’re also married? Or engaged, at least? You have a pretty ring on your finger as well.”
“Oh,” Seungmin freezes. “I guess… you could say that.”
“Seung, come rest,” Minho gently tugs on Seungmin’s arm. “You can still work on your graduation thesis tomorrow. Your eyes are already going to fall off with how much you’re staring at your screen.”
“I’d be fine, hyung. I just have to finish this part up.”
“You had been saying that for the past hour, I don’t think that’s going to get finished soon. Come rest with me, let’s refresh your brain so you can work on it more efficiently tomorrow.”
Seungmin stops typing, but he continues to stare at his screen. Bags are present under his eyes and his back and shoulders were aching, begging him to come to lay down on a bed after straight hours of sitting and writing his thesis. His temples were starting to ache as well and his stomach was rumbling—he was so incredibly tired, and his body was screaming at him to take a break. Seungmin’s brain refuses to because he’s afraid to lose momentum.
“I know what you’re thinking, Seung. You won’t lose momentum, okay? You’re already losing your energy, and it’s okay. You’ll have better momentum tomorrow, don’t worry.”
Seungmin tiredly looks at Minho who was standing beside his chair, his eyes were incredibly dull. Full of fatigue.
“I’ll just finish—”
“You will finish it tomorrow,” Minho cuts him off, stern yet still soft as he cups Seungmin’s face and runs his thumb over his cheek. Seungmin leans in his hand and closes his eyes. “There you go, come rest with me.”
Minho feels something wet drip into his thumb, and his heart aches as Seungmin’s eyes shed a tear.
“Oh, there you are. It’s okay, baby. It’s okay,” Minho pushes Seungmin’s face onto his stomach, and Seungmin wraps his arms around Minho’s face. Minho runs his hand through Seungmin’s hair as Seungmin continues to shed a few more tears, Minho’s shirt soaking them up. “You’re okay. You’re doing fine, my love.”
“It’s getting frustrating,” Seungmin whispers as he buries his face in Minho’s stomach. “It’s too much work with so little output.”
Minho continues to rub his hand through Seungmin’s hair, then he brings it down to rub his back. “I’ve been working so hard and it feels like it’s not paying off. It’s weird, because I’ve always tried my best in everything and they pay off, but now it’s just pressuring.”
“I understand,” he whispers.
“I regret it, hyung, I regret it so much,” Seungmin’s voice was growing louder. “I regret doing my best from the very start because now people have high expectations of me. I can’t—it’s hard to maintain it. It’s so hard because I know they’ll get disappointed when I don’t try hard enough. It’s suffocating. I wish I never did my best so I can lay low.”
“You’ve never disappointed anyone.”
“I will now if I don’t do my 200 percent in this damn thesis,” Seungmin angrily says and more tears start to flow. “I want to give up, Min, I want to give up so much—”
“Hey now, you’re not giving up,” Minho pulls Seungmin’s tear-stained face away from his stomach and wipes the continuous tears with his thumbs. “You’re already amazing for coming this far, okay? You’ve done your best, you’re already at the final step of your education, and you’re amazing. Not everyone has come this far, yeah? Resting is different from giving up, and resting is not a reward. You need rest to function well, Seung.”
“Hyung, I don’t know how to stop,” Seungmin’s lips were wobbling and the dim light of the room casts shadows on his face. “I don’t know if I already did my best because I know I could do so much more.”
“You’re always at your best, my love,” Minho presses a soft kiss on his forehead. “Only you can tell that, and only you know how much effort you’ve put in your studies. We only see the outside aspect of it, but it’s you who fully knows what you’ve done. Don’t worry too much, okay?”
“I’m tired, Min,” Seungmin whispers. “I’m so tired.”
“I know, it’s okay,” Minho pats his cheek. “Let’s get you to bed, okay? Let’s continue doing your thesis tomorrow.”
Minho quickly clicks the ctrl and s buttons on Seungmin’s laptop and closes it. He slides one arm under Seungmin’s knees and one arm on Seungmin’s back and lifts him up in bridal style, then sets him down on their bed. He pulls a blanket over them, and Minho continues to softly rub Seungmin’s face, reaching out to his ear as well.
“I’m wasting everyone’s time,” Seungmin’s voice was barely over a whisper, almost inaudible, “I’m sorry, hyung.”
“You’re worth my time. You’re worth everything,” he caresses his face and lightly tickets his jaw with his knuckles. “You’re worth more than you know.”
“You deserve someone more than me.”
“I only want you. There’s no one else for me, okay? You’re everything I feel worthy of.”
“You deserve the world and I’m not the one who can give it to you,” Seungmin closes his eyes as he speaks.
“You’re already my world,” he reassures him. “It’s your tiredness talking, hm? Go to sleep, Seung. I’ll be waiting for you in your dreams.”
Seungmin stills after that, and Minho is relieved when he finally sees Seungmin’s chest move more slowly, his breath getting even as he fell asleep.
Minho loves Seungmin terribly, and he worries for Seungmin. The proof of his love was waiting in Minho’s bag, nestled in a small, velvet box, ready to see the light of the world soon. Minho’s waiting until Seungmin’s graduation before popping the question.
Seungmin is worthy of Minho’s love.
“You’re good at wooing people, aren’t you?”
“I was just being a kind neighbor to the couple who recently moved next door.”
“Had a good talk, hadn’t you?” Minho retorts. “Got you occupied for the whole afternoon while leaving me here to clean the house.”
“You could’ve just texted me, I would have excused myself.”
“Text you to do something we have always done during Saturdays? Get your head straight, Kim Seungmin.”
“Maybe if you weren’t an asshole, you would have met the people next door too.”
“I shouldn’t be meeting people who bring me no joy.”
“Too bad you’ve married one, then.”
It’s been a week since Hyunjin and Seungmin met. Seungmin was informed that Hyunjin was born in the same year as he is, and his husband was older than them. It was nice.
It’s now Sunday, which means it’s the designated market day—Seungmin has to go to the local wet market in the city to buy some ingredients for their meals for the week. One of the cons of living away from the city was that stores weren’t nearby, so they either had to purchase everything earlier to save gas or go on a long car drive in the middle of the day just to buy some things they forgot to buy.
Seungmin just parked his car outside the large wet market, and he’s now clutching his wallet as he skims over the various poultry, seafood, meat, beef, and vegetables he sees. He checks the grocery list in his hand that was written on the back of an old receipt, in Minho’s handwriting. Minho cooks, and Seungmin shops for him. It was something they can agree on. Seungmin does not know how to cook to save his life, he only knows a few recipes courtesy of Minho.
“Seungmin-ah?”
Seungmin whips his head up from inspecting some beef, and he sees Hyunjin’s eyes lit up in recognition when he was right about Seungmin being here.
“Hey, Hyunjin,” Seungmin walks toward him. “Buying some ingredients here too?”
“Yeah, it’s the designated market day so here I am,” he shrugs.
“Same here,” Seungmin laughs. “Your husband is not with you?”
“He’s asleep. It is six in the morning right now, and you know about his sleeping problem.”
“Ah yes, makes sense. It kind of slipped my mind.”
“What about you? Your spouse is not with you now?”
Seungmin pauses, thinking of a response. “He… cooks for us. I buy the things he needs then he’s the one who cooks.”
“That’s nice! A balanced marriage,” Hyunjin laughs, and Seungmin smiles just by a bit and nods along. “I am the one who cooks and buys ingredients. I like to cook, I like the sense of control it gives me and I like experimenting on stuff. Plus my husband is brutally honest, so his feedback matters a lot to me. It’s a nice bonding experience, I get advice and my cooking gets better, then Chan gradually gets better food.”
Hyunjin has a cute grin on his face, talking about his husband. It’s obvious that they’re still in their honeymoon phase, and Seungmin also feels the joy radiate from Hyunjin. He feels envious if he’s being honest, but he’s not. His pride refuses to admit so.
“You want to go buy stuff together? I can help you buy the good ones,” Hyunjin offers.
“That would be nice.”
“For beef, you need to buy the red ones. The redder it is, the better,” Hyunjin points at the reddest beef displayed at a stall. “That one is the best option.”
Seungmin already knows that, Minho already told him that before. He still listens to Hyunjin, anyway.
Seungmin tells the lady selling the beef that he’s buying the certain beef Hyunjin pointed at, and the lady puts the beef in a plastic container and wraps it with cling wrap. She hands Seungmin the beef and he hands her the payment along with it, then he and Hyunjin went to the other stalls.
“What’s the next thing on your list?”
Seungmin grabs the crumpled list from his wallet and looks at the next thing on the list. “Mussels and tomatoes.”
“Oh, great! The mussels are nearby and I’m also buying some.”
Hyunjin drags Seungmin by the arm to head toward the seafood section of the market, the smell of the sea filling in their nostrils as they walk nearer and nearer.
They look over the variety of clams being sold. Seungmin spots a set with a pretty green color on the sides and dark in the center, and he orders two kilograms of that one from the man selling them. Hyunjin does the same.
As the man was weighing their orders, Hyunjin speaks up. “Does your spouse know the trick so that the mussels don’t have much sand in them for cooking?”
Seungmin looks at Hyunjin for a second, then returns his vision to the mussels. “I don’t think so.”
“You put the mussels in water, then just wait for less than half an hour. The mussels will eventually start spitting out the sand by then.”
Seungmin makes an ‘o’ shape with his mouth, then nods. Maybe he can tell Minho that. “That’s interesting, I’ll tell it to my spouse when I get home.”
“Great,” he grins. “I like seafood so much, especially shrimp. Chan likes meat better, so that’s where we kind of clash, but it’s not like we’re picky or anything. He likes what I cook.”
“I like whatever you cook, Min.”
“You’re not helping,” Minho deadpans. “I need some actual input. It’s hard to think of what to cook, you know?”
“But I really do—okay, okay, I’ll think of something,” Seungmin laughs when Minho glares at him and punches his shoulder. “What about Yukgaejang?”
“Great, let’s buy some vegetables and beef,” Minho entwines his fingers in Seungmin’s own, then pulls him into the meat section of the market.
“Beef brisket is the best cut for this soup, it looks like that,” Minho points at the beef displayed. “Remember it so you can buy it on your own next time, yeah?”
Minho is very close to his mom and is an only child, so, naturally, he’s the one to carry on the recipes and cooking techniques of his mother. He already knew a lot of stuff because his mom pulls him into the kitchen and the market, constantly nagging him to remember them because his mom always says “if I die and you don’t know how to cook, you will die of starvation and no one will come to save you.” It’s quite effective and real, Minho thinks.
Seungmin nods and mentally takes note of everything Minho says to him as they shop in the market. He’s amazed at how much Minho knows, and Minho nearly slaps him because Seungmin spaces out while watching his husband ramble. Minho is endearing whenever he rambles about something he’s passionate about, and something inside Seungmin’s heart flutters—it’s love.
“Shrimps should be bought alive, along with crabs and some other seafood, so don’t be afraid of them when buying because they always taste the best—Seungmin! Stop staring while I’m teaching you something, idiot!” Minho whines as he tugs Seungmin’s arm.
Seungmin laughs, colored with fondness. “Sorry, Min. You look very cute and it’s hard not to stare.”
“You can stare all you want when I'm not teaching your something important,” he nonchalantly remarks. “Stop spacing out, I’m serious.”
“Okay,” Seungmin leans down to press a peck on the tip of Minho’s nose. “I’ll listen now. All ears to you.”
“You know I like vegetables, so we’ll add more than usual here,” they walk toward the vegetable section of the market as Minho hands Seungmin the plastic bag of beef they just bought.
“The roots of radishes should be bright in color. You should avoid the ones with roots that look like that—” Minho points at the poorly colored roots of a certain radish. “—and it should always look like these.”
Minho lifts a piece of radish with bright roots. “You can also squeeze them to see if they are firm. If the center is kind of mushy, you choose another one. Try this one.”
Seungmin squeezes the radish that Minho just handed him, and he nods at Minho to confirm that it was indeed firm. “It’s firm, right? Go choose one more then I’ll check if they’re okay.”
Seungmin tries to pick one radish that had bright roots to check if it was firm—it was not, so Seungmin sets it down to grab another one. He nods as he feels its firmness and hands it to Minho, and Minho squeezes it to check. He hands the person selling the radishes the two radishes they’ve picked, and the person makes quick work of putting it in a bag and giving it to them after.
“Let’s now look for shiitake mushrooms. For this one, you have to avoid the ones that look wet. And also choose the one with the thickest caps. These ones are usually already in packages, so you can’t inspect them individually,” Minho picks up a pack of shiitake mushrooms and hands it to the seller.
Things with Minho are still simple now that they’re married—they’re slowly coming into the terms of adulting. They’re splitting the bills, doing taxes, asking someone to set up their water meter in their new house, worrying about what to eat every day, doing laundry—there’s so much. It’s kind of overwhelming at times, but Minho has been nothing but patient with him, and they’ll get used to it soon. Minho is also dragging them to apply for insurance soon, already contacting someone for it. For some reason, Minho is also pulling them into death insurance. Seungmin’s inner child is laughing at it, but he knows it’s just something practical for the future. Minho already knows a lot of things about adulting, and he’s holding Seungmin well as they both experience it.
Their wedding was not grand—it was just a simple garden wedding with their family and close friends. They both believed that it was not worth it to spend too much on their wedding, and a simple one does the trick for them.
Minho is beautiful, terribly so—Seungmin doesn’t mind waking up at ass o’clock in the morning to go to the wet market if he gets to see Minho like this, youthful and radiant and so painfully endearing with how he’s getting absorbed in doing their groceries.
They are now living in their own home, a friend of Jisung was a real estate agent and helped them through it. They got the land and house for a fairly less price than it was in the present since the neighborhood was still in construction and they already bought the house under a preorder agreement. They were now happily living in their own house, even if they were still paying it monthly for a couple of decades.
Minho continues to drag Seungmin around the market and tell him advice on buying everything and anything. Seungmin absorbs what he says like a sponge.
Perhaps this is why present Seungmin would rather clean all the bathrooms in their house than buy ingredients because it all reminds him of Minho, his dear Minho who was once so youthful and looked at him like he was his world and it hurts.
His mind is nothing but the thought of Minho, Minho, Minho, and something in his chest feels like it’s falling into an endless void.
Seungmin ends up giving Hyunjin a ride home.
Hyunjin puts his bike in Seungmin’s trunk and thanks him for the ride. Seungmin drops him off in front of their house, and Chan was already outside, watering the plants.
Seungmin just registers that now was the first time he saw Chan. He’s handsome, he couldn’t deny that, and he had striking orange hair.
“Thanks for the ride, Seungmin-ah!” Hyunjin pats the side of Seungmin’s shoulders as he grabs all the ingredients he bought and exited the car. Hyunjin walks toward his gate and Chan spots him—Chan immediately drops the hose and opens the gate for his husband.
Chan downright cups Hyunjin’s face and pulls him in for a sweet kiss. Something resentful pokes Seungmin’s chest, and he hates the feeling of it. Chan pulls away from Hyunjin but his hand on his cheek remains, and Seungmin could barely make out the “good morning” from the shape of Chan’s mouth as he spoke. Hyunjin had his back facing him so Seungmin couldn’t see, but he points his thumb to Seungmin’s car over his shoulder and they turn around to face Seungmin. Chan walks near Seungmin’s car so Seungmin pulls his window down.
“Hey, man,” Chan grins, his dimples on display. “It’s nice to finally meet you, I’m Hyunjin’s husband, Chan. Thanks for giving him a ride, by the way.”
“It’s nothing,” Seungmin brushes it off. “We met at the market and it was just common courtesy. It’s nice to meet you too, by the way. I’ll have to get going now, my spouse is also waiting for me.”
“Oh, don’t let us stop you then. Thanks again and good morning, Seungmin!”
Seungmin drives and parks at the house next to Hyunjin and Chan’s, and he tries to shoot down the negative feeling in his chest. He misses his honeymoon phase with Minho—Hyunjin and Chan were so happy, and Seungmin yearns for it again. He misses feeling that way, he misses the fresh love he shared with Minho, he misses kissing Minho when he arrives home, he misses going grocery shopping with him, and he misses all the little moments they shared together.
He’s jealous of Hyunjin and Chan sharing something he once had with his own spouse.
The world is small, but living away from the city made it appear even smaller.
There’s a mall near Seungmin’s neighborhood, one with a bunch of boutiques, hardware stores, and a bunch of other things in between. It’s only a fifteen-minute drive, and it’s closer to Seungmin’s place that the local wet market.
It’s a Tuesday night and Seungmin just got off of his boring corporate job, and he’s now in the mall. He just exited the hardware store since he just purchased a new water sprinkler for his garden because the one he had broke. The new, plastic-sealed sprinkler is now in Seungmin’s hands, and he’s now ready to head home and rest after a tiring day. He plays with his car keys that were stuck on his belt loop by a keychain as he walks toward the parking lot, but he slowly comes to a halt when he sees two familiar faces in the open stall in the middle of the mall’s first floor. There’s a big sign that says there’s a 50% off promo going on right now, one for curtains and bed sheets and the like.
“Hyunjin?”
Hyunjin turns around, and his eyes perk up when he sees Seungmin. “Hi, Seungmin! Fancy seeing you here!”
“Indeed, it’s a small world, really,” Seungmin turns to Chan who had his hand on Hyunjin’s lower back. “Hello, Chan hyung.”
“Hello to you too,” Chan gives him a small salute. “What brings you here?”
“Just bought some stuff for the house since something was broken,” Seungmin raises his hand that had his water sprinkler inside a plastic bag. “What about you two?”
“We’re shopping some stuff for our home, it’s still pretty plain there,” Hyunjin waves over his back, showcasing all the different items on sale. “We’re lucky to land on a sale promotion, curtains are one of the things we’re looking forward to buying.”
“Any luck so far?”
“Yes, we’re already making a shortlist of them, actually.”
“Hyunjin wanted some wall curtains, and I wanted something bright-colored. We’ve ended up seeing a dark gray wall curtain that was the only wall curtain on sale; we’ve also seen this—” Chan picks up one of the curtains from their shopping basket, “—beige one, it’s way prettier than the gray one but it’s not on sale, unfortunately.”
“I’m glad you guys already have some choices, and I do agree that the beige one would be beautiful,” Seungmin transfers his weight onto his other foot as he speaks. “It makes the room more bright.”
“I agree, that’s the reason why I’m looking for something bright,” Chan laughs. “Hyunjin wants a wall curtain because they apparently make the house look a lot bigger, so here we are.”
There’s a bunch of sealed curtains in their shopping basket, Seungmin observes. Some of them have patterns in them, and some of them had various plain neutral colors along with some shades of blue as well. All of them had red tags from the sale, apart from the one that they can mutually agree on. Seungmin thinks that shouldn’t be a problem for them, though, since they have a couple of good businesses ongoing and a slightly more expensive curtain shouldn’t hurt them that much.
“Don’t let me be a hindrance to your shopping, then,” Seungmin grins. “I’ll have to go home now.”
“Your spouse is waiting for you?” Hyunjin teases. I wish, Seungmin mentally retorts. “Don’t let us be a hindrance as well, safely go home now, Seungmin.”
Hyunjin and Chan wave Seungmin goodbye, and they turn their backs on Hyunjin and started to look at some curtains again. Chan hooks his arm around Hyunjin’s elbow and leans toward him, while his other arm was occupied with holding their basket. Hyunjin drags him to the other mini-aisles, Chan putting some of their options back on their shelves as they choose their final ones.
Chan faces Hyunjin from previously looking down at the items, then he proceeds to grin and do a little weird shake while grabbing Hyunjin’s arm. Hyunjin lightly pushes Chan’s face away from him, but the fond laugh does not go unnoticed. They’re so in love, and Seungmin wishes that they would be for a long time.
Seungmin sees Hyunjin raise the beige well curtain they’ve been eyeing since earlier, turning it around and inspecting the package. He could barely read Hyunjin’s lips from a distance, but he’s sure that Hyunjin went “I like this one.”
“I like this one,” Minho points at a white wooden bed frame, one with a simple headrest and some drawers underneath. “It’s practical.”
“I like that one too, it’s better than the metal ones we’ve seen” Seungmin solemnly agrees. “Shall we get that one?”
“Let’s get it, I like that one the best.”
“I like you the best,” Minho scrunches his nose at Seungmin’s remark, resembling a bunny.”
“You’re corny, anyone who is within an earshot would say the same.”
“It’s okay. I don’t mind them knowing how down bad I am for you.”
“Shut up, Seungmin,” Minho’s ears were red as he calls a saleslady and tells her that they were purchasing the bed frame. “We are in public.”
“Would you rather let me do it in private, instead?” Seungmin whispers and Minho smacks his shoulders, an action he often does that it does not faze Seungmin anymore. “Ow, okay, I’ll shut up now.”
“You better,” Minho jokes. They head toward the cashier when the saleslady assisted them, with Minho filling up some delivery and installation forms after. He also hands the cashier their shared debit card for the sole use of purchasing something for the house and other married couple expenses, and the cashier swipes it swiftly. Minho and Seungmin have been laying on the mattress that was on their floor since they moved it, eagerly waiting for their mid-month pay so they could finally purchase a bed frame for them. As a staff checks and scans through the forms Minho just filled, Minho smiles softly at Seungmin as he wraps his arm around Seungmim’s waist.
It’s fulfilling to finally buy some furniture for their house. They prioritized buying lights and kitchenware when they first went shopping for furniture and appliances, and now was a good time to buy more essentials for their home. The echo of the house whenever they talked was silently vanishing as the empty space slowly became filled with furniture and some of their belongings, and the house started to feel like home. It felt incredible to finally be living in their own space that they’ve bought with their own money at such as young age, despite it being paid through a loan. It feels so fast, it feels like it was just yesterday when Minho and Seungmin were finally out of their six-month work contacts and were finally regular employees, and now they’re already filling up their space with things.
As the cashier hands Minho the receipt, he pulls Seungmin to wander around the shop. He’s starry-eyed as he skims through the various countertops and pretty knife sets displayed. They all have a horrifying tag price attached to them but Minho pays it no mind as he ogles them. Maybe Minho was already planning their next purchase for the house, Seungmin assumes.
Minho drags his fingers over the porcelain, shiny material of a marble countertop, the touch was cold and smooth under his fingertips. He moves his hand from the black countertop to a white one, with some gold details on it. It looks beautiful as it reflects the lights of the store, and it must be motivating to see it every time they cook.
“It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” Minho feels Seungmin takes a deep breath, and Minho could already tell that he was going to say something stupidly and horrendously cheesy, so he cuts him off before his vocal cords would be put to work. “Don’t—Don’t say anything cheesy, Seungmin. I beg. Please spare me.”
Seungmin laughs out loud, his eyes crinkling up as he sneaks his arms around Minho’s waist for behind and presses his cheeks against his. “Okay, you know me too well. I’ll keep my mouth shut now.”
“Thank god,” Minho mutters. “I can’t believe I married someone as ridiculous as you.”
“But we’re here now, aren’t we?” Seungmin teases. “And you’re thankful for it, I remember your vows as clear as day—”
“Shut the hell up,” Minho grits his teeth and stresses each word as he turns around and puts a hand over Seungmin’s mouth. “Please.”
Seungmin gently coaxes Minho’s hand away from his mouth, then brings it up to his lips again as he presses a chaste kiss on his knuckles. “Love you, Min.”
Minho can grimace all he wants but his ears don’t lie. He turns around and continues to inspect the countertops, resting his hands on Seungmin’s own that were both resting on his stomach now. They walk around for a bit, before Minho gently removes Seungmin’s hands from his stomach, much to Seungmin’s dismay.
He squats down and opens the small cabinet doors below the counters, looking at the spaciousness of the bottom that would be good for storing pans and whatnot. His mom also did the same in filling up the compartment below their countertops, so Minho would most likely do the same. The compartment was plain white, just like its outside that was coated in something that Minho does not know to make the outside smooth.
Minho stands up and Seungmin watches him with horror in his eyes as Minho bends over the countertop, his upper body laying flat on whatever the top surface can cover.
“What are you doing?” Seungmin frantically asks as he steps directly behind Minho, mainly to cover his husband’s ass from the looks of the passersby. “Get up!”
Minho gets up and wheezes while laughing, leaning toward Seungmin’s shoulder as he laughs so hard. Seungmin does not know what’s funny, but he awkwardly holds his husband that was dying of laughter while his face was buried in Seungmin’s neck.
“I’m sorry—” Minho squeezes his eyes shut as he lets out a laugh again. “I was just testing the countertops.”
“Testing the—what do you mean?”
Seungmin’s confused look on his face was hilarious, and Minho laughs even more when he sees it. “I don’t know, testing it for cooking or something.”
“Why would you bend over while cooking? It’s not like the end is out of reach whenever you want to get something or anything?” Seungmin asks, and Minho is still red from laughing. “Hey, answer me, why would you test a countertop that way—oh.”
Seungmin falls silent when he finally realizes, looking at Minho with his eyes looking a lot like it’s telling him “you can’t be serious.” Minho continues to laugh at him, at Seungmin’s face that was slowly turning red from his husband’s antics.
Minho is lovely, even if he’s doing something vaguely inappropriate for a public setting, and Seungmin finds himself laughing along with him.
Seungmin pulls up in the driveway, and Minho is already eating dinner when he enters their house.
Minho stares at him as Seungmin removes his shoes, not looking at the spoonful of rice he’s shoving into his mouth.
“What took you so long?”
“Just dropped by the mall to buy a new garden sprinkler. The one in the garden broke.”
“Of course, it took you more than two hours to buy a goddamn garden sprinkler on a Tuesday because the mall is crowded during weekdays,” Minho humorlessly says as he finishes up his bowl. “Tell me something more believable, at least.”
“If the truth is not believable to you, that’s not my problem,” Seungmin unbuttons the top buttons of his long sleeve. “I’ve been telling nothing but the truth to you. We’ve known each other for long, I thought you would have known that I hate lies and everything that goes with it.”
Minho stands up from their dining table and slams his bowl on the countertop, one that they used to have funny moments attached to it, but Seungmin guesses that he won’t be remembering anything but the ear-piercing sound of Minho’s ceramic bowl hitting his precious countertop whenever he looks at it anymore. Seungmin flinches from the sound. Minho stares at him for a second, one void of any emotion but it looks like he has already said a million hurtful words with his gaze alone. He walks away and heads toward their bedroom—it’s Minho’s bedroom now, Seungmin supposes—because Seungmin has always left Minho alone whenever something icy happens, opting to sleep on the couch instead. The cold air of the night passing through their living room windows might be cold, but Minho feels colder. If there are two terrible options, you have to pick the one less terrible, right?
Seungmin drags himself toward the dining table, seeing his own previously warmed dinner under their microwavable food cover. There’s still some moisture inside the cover when Seungmin lifts it up, and he doesn’t know what to feel when he sees two slightly burned pork belly slices on top of his rice—just like how he likes it.
Minho is not patient with him anymore, he’s far from it now, maybe he lost all of it as time flew by. The old Minho would have probably teased him for being a workaholic or anything else, but people change. Sometimes not in our favor, but it’s okay. It has to be.
Minho is not patient with him anymore, maybe he finally opened his eyes to how frustrating of a spouse Seungmin can be, and maybe he finally decided to give Seungmin the treatment he deserved.
Seungmin is in his garden on a Saturday, again.
His week goes by quickly with nothing thrilling happening in his work, and needless to say, in his real life too. He already installed his godforsaken new water sprinkler now, and it’s currently watering the abundance of grass and bushes around their house. It’s already nearing sunset, the sun was hidden somewhere in the sky and the sky was gray, soon turning into a shade of azure before completely turning into black.
Seungmin sits at the table in their garden, while enjoying a glass of champagne as he gazes into the view—it was one of the perks of living away from the city, you get a view of the city itself. The city was a bunch of tall buildings clustered into one area amidst the nothingness of nature. The lights were slowly starting to turn on, it looked beautiful from afar.
Hyunjin and Cham’s gate was wide open now, a bunch of unfamiliar cars was parked in their garage and some were on the street. Seungmin assumes that they had a bunch of people over.
He can see the inside of their house better now that the gate is open. Seungmin sees the house beside him light up, its various fairy lights and other lighting turning on. Seungmin looks at the area and he sees Hyunjin walking toward his and Chan’s rover, assuming that it was Hyunjin who turned on the lights. Seungmin can vaguely make out the back of Chan’s rover that was clad in a picnic blanket and a bunch of pillows, along with a small table with a bunch of fruits on it. Chan has another blanket draped over him but he raises his arm in invitation and Hyunjin snuggles up right underneath his arms. They’re lovely.
In Hyunjin and Chan’s garden, there are a bunch of children playing around. They have a pool too, it was Seungmin’s first time seeing it. It’s not like it was visible from the walls surrounding Hyunjin and Chan’s house.
Seungmin sees Chan point at him from a distance, and Hyunjin looks in his direction. He waves his hand excitedly and was making a motion with the same hand telling him to come over. Seungmin contemplates, but then again he has nothing better to do, so he sets down his champagne glass and walks toward their house.
“Good evening, Seungmin-ah,” Hyunjin greets him warmly.
“Good evening,” Seungmin tips his head. “You have visitors over?”
“Mhm. A bunch of our nieces and nephews are here now,” Hyunjin gestures at the children playing around. “The oldies are inside, playing Poker.”
“Why aren’t you guys playing with them?”
“It’s too boring for us,” Chan answers for Hyunjin and chuckles. “We’d rather have some alone time here—if this counts as alone time with all the kids around, anyway.”
Seungmin looks at the pool, and he sees a little kid pushing another kid in the pool, a bunch of screams and laughter followed. “They’re chaotic.”
“They’re children, it’s inevitable for them to be chaotic,” Hyunjin takes a bite of one of the pineapple slices in their bowl. “At least they’re not bothering us too much. They’re adorable above anything else, though.”
“I agree. They are a bunch of innocent souls.”
“Chan and I are planning to adopt one soon, actually.”
Seungmin shows a surprised expression. “Really? That’s awesome. I bet it would be fulfilling on your end.”
“It is,” Chan replies. “We’ve been planning to adopt a baby after we already bought our own house, and here it is. It’s the next step in our plan.”
“We’ve already contacted someone about it, we’re going to talk with them next week. We’re both looking forward to a baby girl, but a baby boy would be fine too. It’s time that we finally add someone to our family.”
“The baby would be lucky to have you two as their parents. I can sense you two have so much love to give.”
“Hopefully so,” Chan smiles. “We’d love to raise a human who would be upright in the future.”
“What about you, Seungmin? Do you have a child?”
“No child,” Seungmin purses his lips. “I don’t think we…” would be good parents, “are ready for that yet.”
“That’s understandable,” Hyunjin reassures. “You don’t have to answer, but I’m curious. Have you ever thought about it before?”
Seungmin would rather not have a human traumatized from the lack of familial love in the family, together with him and Minho constantly at each other’s necks. Kids deserve better than loveless parents. “Not really, unless my spouse has thought of it and didn’t mention it to me. We’re pretty content as we are now.”
Lies, lies—Seungmin does not want to dump his problems onto Hyunjin and Chan. “That’s fine. The world is overpopulated for more humans, anyway,” Chan jokes. From a distance, Hyunjin and Chan’s front door opens, and someone calls them over for a celebration of some sort.
“Sorry, we have to go,” Hyunjin sheepishly says.
“It’s no worries, it was nice talking to you.”
Hyunjin and Chan get down from their rover and enters their house, and Seungmin leaves their vicinity. He goes back to his garden and sips his champagne as he stares at the abundance of children in Hyunjin’s pool. He spaces out while staring at the children, mindlessly swirling around his champagne glass, letting time pass by.
He has thought of having a child or two with Minho before, of course. When they were young and in love and were eager about their future together. Seungmin would drop their child at school and kiss them goodbye every day, then Seungmin would drop Minho off at work. With a kiss goodbye too, of course.
He doesn’t believe it was possible now, for obvious reasons. Minho barely spares Seungmin a glance whenever he drops him off to work every morning, not even a muttered “goodbye” or “see you later.”
“Why are you acting weird?”
Seungmin snaps out of his trance and stops swirling his wine, and looks up to Minho. He didn’t feel him approaching him.
“What do you mean?”
“I didn’t know you were fond of children.”
“I’m not.”
“It doesn’t seem like it,” Minho scoffs. Seungmin tightens his hold on his glass. “You aren’t capable of raising a kid, anyway.”
Seungmin and Minho’s marriage went downhill in a slow manner.
It’s more painful this way, in a sense, because they both saw it coming. It was dangerously steady, and Seungmin was just convinced that it was them slipping out of their honeymoon phase and it was all normal. It was not.
In abrupt switches whenever couples fight, it’s easy to determine what went wrong—it was easy to know the root of where everything went wrong and it’s not too late for them to start fixing it. The heat lasts for a short period of time, and everything’s back to normal pretty quickly. It was simple.
Back then, it was easy for Seungmin and Minho to tell each other off for things that are not in favor of the other. It was easy to tell the other to put their shoes in the right places, easy to calmly remind each other that the bills are coming up and they have to split them, and easy to tell each other what are the living habits they had to break. Communication is key, after all.
Until it wasn’t.
It’s getting agitating to hear the same thing over and over again, even if you’re working on it. You get sick of it. That’s what happened to them. From the things as mundane as “Seungmin-ah, dinner’s ready, come set the table” to “dinner’s ready” to “dinner” to no words at all. From the redundant nagging of “Minho hyung, it’s almost the end of the month, we have to prepare the funds for the bills soon” to “Minho hyung, the bills are coming soon” to “Hyung, the bills.” It’s redundant, it’s getting tiring. The bonding becomes obligations. Minho’s soft voice when he calls Seungmin slowly turned into a plain one, not laced with endearment and adoration anymore. Just icy cold: sharp and frozen.
Sometimes Seungmin also wonders if Minho regrets marrying early.
Minho is starry-eyed and hopeful, eager to discover the world and its beauty. In all honesty, Seungmin did not expect Minho to want to marry him immediately after graduating. Seungmin expected Minho to want to travel around the world and have his own cat cafe that he has always dreamed of. Seungmin expected Minho to enjoy his youthful years to the fullest and without regrets, but he’s immediately tied with Seungmin and reality. By choice, which Seungmin finds odd.
He can feel that Minho wants to travel, of course—when they were one year into their marriage, Minho would fleetingly mention wanting to visit countries in Europe, and Seungmin would just say “if you’re serious about it, we can start planning and saving up for it now.” It never escalated to them actually traveling to another continent.
He feels sorry for Minho because instead of spending his money on leisure and travel, he has spent almost all of his savings on their house and marriage. He sometimes thinks that Minho regrets marrying him too soon, from being deprived of the beauty of the world that was right at the tips of his fingers but he chose not to for Seungmin, but he never dared to say it out loud.
So yes, the communication got tiring and there were doubts, and they were slowly drifting away from each other. Slowly and surely, and it’s more painful that Seungmin couldn’t exactly pinpoint when they went wrong, but he saw it coming. He didn’t know how to save it.
Seungmin made a choice.
He’s envious of Hyunjin and Chan, plain and simple. He never deemed himself to be envious of other people’s happiness, but here he is.
He’s at Hyunjin and Chan’s house again, but Minho was with him at this time. For the first time.
When Seungmin was about to enter his house from work, Hyunjin called him from his own. Hyunjin told him that he and Chan were holding a celebratory party because they just opened up a new branch of their franchise. He’s invited, and Hyunjin told him to bring his spouse as well, so here they are.
There were only a few guests in the garden. Seungmin doesn’t know them, of course. The only people he knows in the area are just Hyunjin and Chan. It was not a grand celebration, thair garden was just decorated with pink and gold designs that went well with the table cloth draped over the several tables. There were a few spotlights as well as a speaker, playing some tunes for the guests. There are catering services on the side too. Small crowd but still well-prepared.
“Hello, Seungmin. We’re glad you came,” Hyunjin has his arm linked with Chan’s as they approach Seungmin’s table. “And you too..?
“Minho,” he answers for him. Hyunjin smiles brightly.
“Nice to finally meet you, Minho-ssi. It’s finally nice to put a face on Seungmin’s spouse that he mentions often.”
Seungmin stills. “Does he, now?”
“Just some anecdotes here and there, there’s nothing bad, don’t worry,” Hyunjin winks at him. “How are you enjoying the party so far?”
“It’s great! The music is nice and the ambiance is not too suffocating,” Seungmin answers.
“That’s nice to hear,” Chan grins. “The ceremony will start in a while, we’ll just have some celebratory remarks here and there then you’ll be assisted to catering, in case you’re already hungry.”
“We’re fine, but thank you anyway. And congratulations on your new branch.”
“Well-appreciated.”
The event runs smoothly. There’s not much chaos, Hyunjin and Chan didn’t even bother to hire an emcee for it. It was just them and the other guests, happily eating, chatting, and congratulating the couple. The food was undeniably great as well, and the guests were now served the desserts. The background music transitioned from jazz to some love ballads, and Seungmin tries his best to not feel uncomfortable.
It’s only him and Minho at their round table. Minho’s sitting beside him, silently eating the crepes served to them. He hasn’t uttered much, only a few comments out of courtesy here and there. It’s silent, deafeningly so.
Some of the guests stood up with their significant others, slightly swaying to the slow rhythm of the ballads. There are so many couples around, some of them seemed like they were the age of Seungmin, and some seemed older, but all the sweetness remained no matter what their ages were. Seungmin can see Chan asking for Hyunjin’s hands near the front, and Hyunjin rolls his eyes fondly at him but he gives his hand anyway. Chan presses a soft kiss on Hyunjin’s knuckles before guiding it to his own shoulder while Chan rests his hands on Hyunjin’s waist, softly swaying their bodies together.
They’re like hot chocolate, so sweet and warm. Seungmin can see the adoration in Hyunjin’s eyes and Chan’s fond smile as they dance the night away. They were very content, and Seungmin yearns for the warmth that they share. His chest aches again because Minho was right beside him and Seungmin can ask for his hand anytime, but he seemed so distant, so unreachable. Seungmin has never felt so far from someone that felt so close.
Hyunjin and Chan remind Seungmin of his own slow dance with Minho at their wedding reception. (Truth to be told, every time he sees the couple doing married couple things, all he can picture is him and Minho doing them as well). Their proximity at the reception made Seungmin notice all the little details on Minho’s face, how his eyelids had shimmers of color, and how his eyes seemed to smile at him even when his lips weren’t. Minho stares at him like he’s a trophy he won after all the hardships he went through like he was something so special and is looked up to. Seungmin has a whole zoo inside his stomach, all his emotions fluttering around from how happy he was right at the moment. Minho was so, so incredibly beautiful, and Seungmin will never grow tired of thinking that whenever he sees Minho.
Seungmin knew that he made the right choice of marrying him. Minho was everything Seungmin was not, and they fit together well. They fill their dynamics perfectly, they work things out, because that’s how it should be. Seungmin has so much to say, he wants to spill his heart out and vomit every fleeting thought he had of Minho, his sweet, lovely Minho—he’s an inflated balloon with a push pin right next to its surface. Oh, how Seungmin wishes to hold Minho so close again, to have him in his arms and have him smile at him just like the day they got married, how he wishes that everything would go back to—
“Seungmin.”
Seungmin snaps out of his trance and looks at Minho, who was looking at him both irritably and strangely.
“Yes?”
“I asked if you wanted some wine. They’re serving some right now.”
“Wine, yes—” Seungmin is barely thinking. “I’d like some.”
Minho stares at him for a beat, and then he stands up to grab some wine from the catering. Seungmin breathes out and stares at their table, and he realizes that his cheek was wet. That was probably the reason why Minho was looking at him strangely, he was crying because he missed him, and he didn’t even realize that a tear slipped away from his eye.
He makes quick work of patting it dry with his sleeve, and Seungmin tries his best to not look at Hyunjin and Chan who were still dancing like no one was around. Soon enough, a wine glass was placed in front of him, and Minho spares him a glance before sitting beside him again.
Seungmin doesn’t do anything, his mind was just blank. He should probably drink the wine. He should probably thank Minho for bringing some to him. He should probably excuse himself and leave—
“Seungmin.”
Seungmin abruptly stands, his chair was pushed backward and the table shook, the wine threatening to spill from the glass because of the impact.
“Stop making a scene—” was all Minho let out before Seungmin grabbed his wrist and dragged him away from the garden, away from anyone else.
“Seungmin, what’s wrong with you?”
Minho is not angry. He sounds tired, probably from looking after Seungmin who barely spoke to him and kept spacing out. He’s frustrated, his eyebrows furrowed as he looks at Seungmin.
“I’m envious,” Seungmin finally speaks. Minho doesn’t speak.
“I’m envious of Hyunjin and Chan,” it felt weird finally saying it out loud. “They’re happy, they have so many plans together for the future, they’re so… overflowing with love.
“Ever since they moved in next door, I kept noticing them. We don’t have that many neighbors, but they stood out to me for reasons I cannot determine. Perhaps I can, but I’m a coward to admit them myself. It’s almost like—it’s almost like the angels sent me them to finally knock sense into my head. They’re a gift because the heavens saw us lose color as time passes by, and they decided to take the matter into their own hands.
“Every time I see Hyunjin and Chan, I can’t help but imagine… other people in their position. The second time I met Hyunjin was at the wet market we used to go to. He thought I didn’t know much about buying vegetables and whatnot because I’m not with you, and he decided to help me buy quality ingredients when I already know how because everything you say to me stays with me for a long time. I remember what you say, and on top of that, I remember the moments we’ve shared when we were—” Seungmin gulps, his throat itching and not permitting him to say the word easily, “—happily married. I know everything, I remember everything, because I’d be a fool to forget moments that I once shared with you.
“I keep seeing Hyunjin and Chan being so happy in their married bubble, and all I can remember is us being in their shoes before. How Chan looks at Hyunjin reminds me so much of how I looked at you. We were content, dare I say happy, and I know we’re far from it now.
“I yearn for what they have because I used to have it too,” Seungmin’s throat is burning as he plays with the wedding ring on his finger. “It’s stupid of me to be jealous of something that I would have still had if I wasn’t so foolish.
“I know I’m not the best partner out there. There’s always someone better than me, someone capable, someone who would probably greet you warmly whenever you call them for dinner. Someone who would still sleep beside you even if something bad happened.
“Sometimes, I think that you regret marrying me. We would have probably—” Seungmin squeezes his eye shut, a bunch of tears falling down his cheek. “We would have probably already got a lawyer to help us through a divorce. The only thing keeping us from fully separating is the house. The house you spent all of your savings on instead of living your life and traveling to your heart’s content. You chose me over your dreams, and I know that you’re regretting it now. I know, I’ve always known. We already invested too much in the house, the house that once felt like home with you smiling at me even after an exhausting day. God, I would do anything to make the house feel like home again.”
Seungmin blinks away some of his tears, and he doesn’t know if he’s hallucinating because he sees Minho crying too.
“I know it’s selfish of me to be crying in front of you for a problem I could have fixed way back. We should have talked—that’s what we’re good at, right?—talked until every single object in the house was a back story, a memory of us.
“It took me Hyunjin and Chan to realize that. To realize that I’ve been craving for your love, that I’ve been craving for a fruitful marriage. We’re far from fixing every piece of our marriage, but I swear with everything I have, that I’ll help you—I’ll help us through it. That’s what we’re the best at, aside from arguing over a fucking water sprinkler.”
Minho laughs through his tears. Seungmin is fetching something from his pocket, one that he bought recently because he thought of Minho too much. Something cushioned in a velvet box, something shining even under the faint light of the moon.
“Min,” he breathes out. Seungmin hasn’t called him that in a while. “I miss you.”
“Stupid,” Minho chokes out. “Stupid, stupid, stupid.”
“I deserve hearing that,” Seungmin smiles, his lips wobbly.
“I’ve been thinking about you too, more than you know. I’m just too afraid that you wouldn’t want to fix this marriage with me.”
“I can never.”
“I know that now.”
It falls silent. A comfortable one, finally.
“So,” Seungmin breathes out. “Min, will you let me do the honors of marrying you again?”
Minho breathily laughs, brings up his hand, and nods. “I’ll do anything if it meant that I would be happy with you again.”
Seungmin inserts the third ring on top of their wedding ring that Minho has magically never removed—a new promise, a new beginning, something hopeful that they would be okay soon. Seungmin kisses the ring on Minho’s hand, so tenderly and full of meaning.
“Let’s finally start traveling around the world together and let’s start talking about everything and anything again, my—” spouse, “—husband.”
‘Husband’ sounds better than ‘spouse.’ It feels better, Seungmin likes it better. And from the way Minho smiles at him, it’s safe to assume that Minho thinks the same way, too.
They’ve got a long way to come. They’re far from perfect, they’re flawed in so many ways, and they won’t be fully healed immediately. There are many to fix and talk about, so many unspoken topics that they’re bound to spill soon, but it’s okay. They can manage. They’re Seungmin and Minho—husbands—after all.