Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He’s done it his whole life, the damn nerd. As long as Katsuki can remember Deku would be carrying along doing whatever and randomly start singing. Honestly, it was kind of strange but also kind of adorable. Deku had a sweet, melodic voice and as he grew up, the constant singing paid off as his voice only became more beautiful. Katsuki remembers him when they were small, singing songs from Disney movies and coloring, as he watches Deku in the dorm kitchen singing Encanto as he chops vegetables with Katsuki for dinner. There wasn’t even music playing, there really never had to be for Deku to start singing though.

Katsuki would never admit it, but he loved when Deku randomly burst into song like a fucking broadway character. He felt like he was getting an inside look into the nerd’s mind.

Sometimes the songs seemed to fit whatever mood Deku was in, he would burst out in old pop hits from their childhood when he was excited and comfortable and goofy and sweet, calm songs, like Ed Sheeran when he was relaxed and comfortable.

Other times it seemed like the songs were just whatever was his favorite at the moment. Those were the times that made Katsuki the most curious. The songs weren’t always the same. One day it would be Izuku singing a broadway song on repeat and the next it would be the new Halsey or Waterparks. When he started hearing Deku repeat a song over and over, he didn’t find it annoying, he just wondered why that song. What about that song, or that line if it was just a snippet Deku kept repeating, made him so attached to it at this moment? Was it the lyrics cutting a new connecting path for the synapses in his brain that felt right? Or was it something in the melody that felt good to sing?

These thoughts run through his head as he hears Deku start singing something that sounds vaguely familiar….”When I’m away from you, I’m happier than ever, wish I could explain it better, I wish it wasn’t true.” Katsuki looks at him surprised and confused. He thought he knew the song but it sounded awful sad and tired for the usually upbeat and optimistic Izuku.

Katsuki typed the lyrics in his phone after making sure Deku couldn’t see what he was doing and quickly “Billie Eilish - Happier Than Ever” popped up. He hit the lyrics link and read through the words…

[insert happier than ever lyrics here]

He felt sick. He felt like he’d been hit by a bus and like his heart was in his throat stopping the flow of oxygen. It was like Deku had written that song about him! The lyrics fit their story so well, Katsuki couldn’t breathe. What if Deku was singing it to let Katsuki know in the least embarrassing way possible that he would be happier if Katsuki wasn’t around him?

He remembers hearing him sing “Waiting on a Miracle” from Encanto on a loop for a week after they watched it. He never asked, but it was so clear from watching Deku sniffle and cry watching the scene that he related to Mirabel and the song due to his own experiences being quirkless. What if he related to Billie’s song because of Katsuki?

As he listens to the nerd sing and chop veggies, he thinks how Deku deserves to be happy all the time and realizes he would do anything to make sure he was happy…even if that meant backing off.

As their friendship improved, Katsuki found himself spending more and more time around the nerd and only wanting to be around him more. After waking in the hospital for taking a shot from Shigaraki meant for Deku and only wanting to know of Deku was alright, he could no longer deny he felt more for the nerd than just friendship.

After that, and retrieving the shithead from his stupid vigilante bullshit, he hardly let the nerd out of his sight. Every morning they trained together before classes and eating lunch together and making and eating dinner together. On weekends, they could be found together whether it was at the movie theater seeing the new superhero film or the training ring getting some extra practice in. Often they would even go home together and have family dinners with their parents.

Now though, Katsuki was thinking maybe the nerd didn’t enjoy all that time together as much as he thought…maybe he just didn’t want to face the possibility of making Katsuki angry so he went along with it. Katsuki had vowed he would never hurt Deku again and yet he feared that’s exactly what he was doing by making him be around him all the time. So Katsuki decided he would give the nerd space.

After dinner, Izuku turned to Katsuki and said, “hey you wanna come to my room and finish that All Might documentary?” A normal enough thing for them to do on a weeknight, often binging a series together. Katsuki wanted to accept like normal, but then he remembered “when I’m away from you” coming from deku’s mouth so emotionally and instead says “sorry, I gotta study.”

“Oh. That’s okay! I probably should too. Whatcha need to work on? I haven’t done any of my homework yet.”

“Uhh, English. I gotta read so I’m gonna do it in my room.”

“Ok! Want me to join?”

“No. I think I’m gonna study on my own for a bit.”

“Oh” Izuku said, looking crestfallen. “Uh, okay. Guess I’ll see you in the morning for training then?”

Katsuki made a noncommittal noise and took their plates to the dishwasher before going to hide out in his room and mope.

For the next week, Katsuki was more miserable and stressed out than he’d been since Deku’s coma. He’d blown the nerd off for everything they usually did together, ignoring him when Izuku knocked on his door the next morning for training and telling him later that Katsuki overslept. Izuku was suspicious, Katsuki was a creature of habit and never overslept as far as Izuku recalled, but Izuku didn’t push it, knowing if something was wrong Katsuki would talk to him when he was ready.

Izuku did start worrying when Katsuki continued acting weird all week. He didn’t sit with him at lunch or offer to make him dinner. He rejected Izuku’s offers to study or train together and missed out on all of their usual training sessions, even blowing off their usual tea with All Might! All Might of course asked after the blond, thinking his distance was strange after how close the boys had gotten. Just having someone else acknowledge Kacchan was acting weird helped Izuku feel a little better.

Things came to a head when Izuku went to Kacchan’s room to grab a notebook he’d left there while they were working on a project and heard the blond chatting with Kirishima.

“It’s like he won’t take the hint and just keeps following me everywhere! I don’t know how to be more clear without being a dick!” The blond complained.

“Dude you’ve barely acknowledged he exists in the last week. He’s smart enough to know what ghosting is.”

“I’m not fucking ghosting him! How can you even ghost someone you weren’t dating? I am just getting some space! We were spending like every waking minute together.”

“Uh yeah dude, the whole class knows. We saw. Why do you think I asked why you ghosted him?”

“I DIDNT FUCKING GHOST HIM”

“Bro, you made like Danny Phantom this week! Honestly, I can’t believe you guys weren’t dating. You looked so happy being around him, well happy for you I guess, more like less explosive.”

“Yeah well appearances can be deceiving.” Katsuki said with a defeated huff.

Izuku turned and backed away, heart hammering in his chest and tears in his eyes. He’d heard enough. He thought he and Kacchan were in a better place than ever. He had been so happy and comfortable with their routine and having the blond boy as a fixed star in his universe. It felt like he’d stumbled into a parallel universe, like everything had been moved half an inch to the left and he was the only one who noticed. His heart was breaking and he just wanted to sob.

Kacchan had been the center of his universe as long as he could remember. He was the image of every ideal in Izuku’s mind and the only person Izuku ever remembered wanting to have around constantly. He thought that maybe Kacchan shared his feelings, that they circled each other rather than Izuku orbiting him. When Kacchan started going out of his way to help Izuku, like in the war, he really thought it meant Kacchan actually did care about him. Maybe even liked him, not like Izuku liked Kacchan, but enough to at least be friends!

Izuku wonders if he’d just been looking at things through rose-colored lenses and Kacchan has just been tolerating him out of guilt this whole time. If that’s the case, he doesn’t want to burden Kacchan. Since Kacchan seems to want nothing more than to be away from him, Izuku decided to give him his space.

Chapter Text

The next day, Izuku came into class looking sullen and tired. Katsuki noticed the red around his eyes like he'd been crying, but Deku kept his gaze down and said nothing to him. Not hearing the usual "Good morning Kacchan!" made his chest ache but he figured that pain would go away eventually…maybe…

Everyone in the class had noticed the strangeness between the two boys over the last week but they had agreed long ago asking the two about their relationship was a bad idea unless you had a death wish so no one said anything to them.

However, seeing the resident sunshine looking like a rain cloud and the momentary devastation on Bakugou's face when said sunshine didn't even look at him convinced at least a few it was time to intervene.

Kirishima and Uraraka shared a look that only two best friends of two oblivious idiots in love could get and nodded.

At lunch, the self-designated Bakusquad grabbed a table in the far corner of the cafeteria, as far from Deku and his friends as possible. Bakugou appreciated his friends respecting his wish for space form the nerd, even if it did make him miserable. He really should be nice to them sometimes. They're not too bad at all, he thought to himself as he sat across form Mina, Kirishima, and Kaminari.

The trio of idiots looked at him and steepled their fingers over their mouths, grimacing.

"Just spit it out already!" Bakugou yelled at them, already annoyed with whatever bullshit they got in their pea brains.

"Bro, what happened with Midoriya? You guys seemed so happy like last week and now you can't even look at each other!" Kirishima, always brave enough to try and find Katsuki's soft side, said.

"Tch, it's like I told you. Looks can be deceiving." He responded with his usual scowl. His friends knew him well enough to see the sag to his shoulders though.

Mina reached for his arm on the table, and surprisingly he allowed it, "Honey, we're worried about you. You two came a long way and we just want to know what could be worth throwing that away?"

Bakugou took a breath in and exhaled with a slump, dropping his arms by his side and dropping the scowl, "That's a great fuckin' question."

"Wait, are you saying you didn't dump Midoriya?" Kaminari chimed in, unhelpfully.

"You can't dump someone you didn't date idiot!" Bakugou responded.

"But you weren't the one who pulled away?" Mina inquired, attempting to course correct.

"Let's just say, that nerd made it perfectly clear where he stands." Katsuki said, crossing his arms as if resuming his defense.

"So you don't like him like that after all?" Kaminari said, scratching his head.

"What are you on about now?" Katsuki griped.

"Well, I mean the dud is obviously very into you so the only thing that could explain whatever is up is you not feeling the same." Kaminari elaborated.

"Tch. Why would you think that? He only ever wanted me around because he wanted to prove me wrong. Now he thinks he's surpassed me? I guess when you're handpicked by basically a god you get a big fucking ego to go with it. But ya know what? It's probably best. I can't stay ahead if I let that stupid nerd in on all my training anyhow. It was stupid to think…"

"Katsuki. Bro. Take a breath. What makes you think Midoriya doesn't want you around anymore?" Kirishima interrupted Katsuki's mumbling.

"Yeah that doesn't sound like Midoriya. What exactly did he say?" Kaminari asked.

Katsuki considered telling them, before saying "It's not exactly what he said per se."

"Then what was it? Because I cannot imagine an Izuku who doesn't think the sun shines out of your ass." said Mina.

"Rrrrr…it's just…ugh…you know how he sometimes just sings shit like on a loop?"

"I mean I guess? I've noticed he sings a lot." says Kaminari, the others nodding in agreement.

"Well he kept singing that stupid fucking Billie Eilish song when we were hanging out."

All three looked at him blankly until Kirishima bravely said "Ok? And?"

"And? You idiot do you know what the lyrics to that song are? He clearly got them stuck in his head because he thought they related to our situation and he's realized that all I do is make him miserable and he's better off without me around." Katsuki said, slumping down more in his seat.

His friends scrunched their eyebrows, thinking through what he said, until Mina finally responded "Why do you think that? Did you ask him why he was singing that song?"

"And embarrass myself further?! I'm good enough with context clues to figure it out on my own, Pinky!"

"Dude! Don't you think you're jumping to conclusions? That's one of the most popular songs in the world right now! Maybe its just stuck in his head because its always playing! Plus, that songs about her ex! Like you said, you can't dump someone you didn't even date! On top of all of that, has Midoriya ever been able to hide his feelings? He's like an open book! And on literally every page all it says is 'Kacchan sugoi' so why on earth would him having a song stuck in his head make you doubt the literally years of evidence that he wants you around??" Kaminari argued, making good points, to the shock of everyone.

Katsuki blinked at the blond boy for a minute, processing everything he said. It was true that he had never doubted that Deku meant what he said and was honest with him before. The more he thought about it, the more silly he felt that he was so quick to assume the nerd had been lying about wanting him around. It seemed ridiculous, honestly, that he put more weight in the nerd singing one line than in him following him around for years and seeking him out at every turn. He turned and looked across the cafeteria to where the nerd sat with his shoulders slumped. Uraraka had her hand on his back, appearing to try and cheer him up while stupid Four Eyes sat across from them, talking and gesturing wildly as if giving a rousing pep talk.

Without another word, Katsuki got up from his seat and crossed the cafeteria. As he approached, Uraraka saw him coming and seemed to give Deku a heads up of his approach. The nerd sat up and whipped his head around, making eye contact with the blond coming his way, looking timid.

When Katsuki got close enough, he said "Hey, Izuku, can we talk?" Izuku looked a little taken aback and a lot nervous. He looked sideways to Uraraka who nodded her head encouragingly and responded "uh, sure." Katsuki turned and started making his way out of the cafeteria and into the hall, Izuku following him, still looking quite nervous.

When the two were far enough away from the crowds in the cafeteria to talk just the two of them, Katsuki turned on the other and began "Izuku…."

"Kacchan, I'm so sorry for whatever I did that made you angry. I don't know what's happened but please tell me and I'll fix it because…I can't take us going back to the way we were before, but if you decided being around me wasn't worth your time or you just don't want to I'll accept that. I just…I miss you and I want to understand why you cut me off again." Midoriya interrupted, finishing softly, with a quiet sniffle and staring at the ground.

Katsuki stared at the green-haired boy for a minute, realizing just what a piece of shit he'd been. How did he not realize that cutting Izuku off like that would make the boy think he hadn't changed at all since their childhood? Of course, the other boy would assume he was being cut out of Katsuki's life once again. Katsuki felt his chest ache with the pain he'd caused the other and the embarrassment at just how wrong he'd been.

"Izuku, I thought you didn't want me around anymore." Katsuki said, more softly than most people would ever hear him be, even as Izuku looked up in surprise at his response, "You, you just kept singing that song about being happier when you're away from me and I just assumed it was your way of letting me down easy."

Izuku looked confused for second, until it dawned on him, "Are you talking about me singing Happier Than Ever? Kacchan that was because I saw a TikTok where someone did a pop punk version and couldn't get over how good the drop was! It had nothing to do with the lyrics. I just thought it was a really pretty song and fun to sing!" Izuku seemed to gather his courage for a second, stepped closer to Katsuki, and took his hand. "Kacchan I'm the happiest when you're around me. Just having you in my life and spending time with you again makes me happier than ever. I'd never want you to think otherwise."

The blond looked into the green eyes, looking up at him hopefully and squeezed the hand in his. He took a deep breath and said, "Izuku, I'm so sorry for cutting you off like that. I thought I was respecting your wishes, but once again I just hurt you. God, I didn't even deserve your forgiveness before, but now I really don't…" Izuku cut him off, saying "Kacchan you know I forgave you a long time ago. And I forgive you for this too." Izuku said, squeezing Katsuki's hand back and giving him a soft smile. "But if you ever think I don't want you around, just know that could never, ever be the case. You're my favorite person, Kacchan."

Katsuki felt his eyes water from his own disbelief. He blinked away the tears with a small smile and looked back at the beautiful green-haired boy, looking up to him expectantly. He was struck by just how much that gorgeous face meant to him and reached his hand not holding Izuku's up to cup the other boy's face. "You're my favorite person too, Izuku." The green-haired boy's eyes welled with tears as he leaned into the hand on his face. Before he could chicken out, Katsuki moved towards the other boy, watching his eyes nervously for any signs to stop. When he found none, he leaned down until their lips met.

It was the first kiss and despite seeing it coming, Izuku inhaled a little breath as Katsuki's lips touched his. Katsuki nervously, sensing Izuku's shock, began to pull away quickly from the kiss, until Izuku wrapped his arms around the taller boy's neck and pulled him back in. The sheer joy radiating from both of them exploded as they continued to press together in a moment neither realized they'd been waiting for forever.

"OH THANK GOD! Guys!! It finally happened! Todoroki, you owe me $10!" Kaminari shouted, making the two jump apart.

"WHAT THE HELL DUNCE FACE?!" Katsuki yelled.

"You guys finally made up! And made a move! We thought you were just gonna die alone as old pining idiots! Congratulations!" Kaminari said.

Katsuki responded with a growl, and began approaching the other blond, who yelped and ran back towards the safety of the cafeteria, but before Katsuki could get far, he felt a hand take his and pull him back. Turning back to the green-haired boy, whose smile seemed to radiate and light up the whole hallway now, he said "I'll get him later. Right now, I've got better things to do." Before wrapping Izuku in his arms and kissing him again.

Later that night, Izuku posted a picture on his Instagram of two hands intertwined with the caption "I'm happier than ever."