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The soft flickering of the light above them makes Miyano look more beautiful. The small curve of his lips upward while talking about something silly—whispering carefully so he wouldn't disturb their cat that is already sleeping on the worn sofa in their living room—makes everything perfect. More perfect than Sasaki could ever ask for.
He's perfect. Sasaki says to himself. With him sitting on the countertop of their kitchen, wearing Sasaki's shirt and its sleeves almost covering half of his arms. With his hair sticking everywhere, the bags under his eyes darker and bigger from pulling two all-nighters consecutively, and his tired, bloodshot eyes still trying to wake themselves up so they could continue talking at this time (even if it's two in the morning, and normally, they should be in the bed sleeping), he's truly perfect.
You're beautiful. He wants to say.
I love you. He whispers.
Sasaki holds his breath unknowingly, a fleeting thought passes through his mind.
I want to marry you.
It's not a mind boggling thought, not an empty promise. It's not surprising anymore for Sasaki to have that thought cross his mind. It's the truth that he holds against the roughness of his palm. A plan he's had since forever at the back of his mind. A future that he's sure to have.
I want to be with you for the rest of my life. Sasaki thinks.
I want you. I want you. I want you. His whole body screams.
"Shuu?" Miyano calls his name softly that pulls him out of his thoughts. Sasaki sees him offering the cup noodles they are eating together and Sasaki can't help but chuckle before taking a scoop of the already soggy noodles and getting cold soup out of it and eats while the cup is still being held by Miyano. "Are you getting sleepy? Let's sleep after we finish this, alright?"
I'm so in love with you. Do you know that? Is what his mouth wants to say. Wants Miyano to know. Wants him to understand how all this love could fit Sasaki for him to give Miyano alone. That it's big and bursting through the seams but it doesn't feel heavy at all. Sasaki loves him so much, sometimes it still feels like he's being punched in the gut everytime he gets reminded of this in many random moments in their life—like this.
He settles in nodding as an answer, gently stroking Miyano's hair after. Because sometimes words can't even help him thread the sentences he wants to say to Miyano when his feelings hit him like a wave, trying to drown him, too.
Maybe that's why Sasaki has mastered holding his breath when Miyano's near him. I love you that I can't breathe. But I love you that it makes me want to breathe more so I could love you better.
You made me love living, do you know that? Sasaki tries to say yet fails.
"You're being so quiet, Shuu..." Miyano says again, interrupting his own story when he notices Sasaki's just staring at him, not making any sound to affirm he's listening.
Sasaki offers him a gentle smile, caressing both the corners of his jaw with his two thumbs, then slowly dipping in to kiss his lips—they both taste the saltiness of the noodles they just finished. When he pulls away, their faces are still close, just mere inches away that their noses are bumping. "I was just thinking that I haven't said I love you today?"
Miyano lifts his head a little and kisses him softly yet again. "You're being sap again. Is it because of the time?" He cracks a joke but the gentleness in his eyes and face tells Sasaki differently. "And I love you, too."
Let's get married. Sasaki wants to blurt out. I want to marry you. He says in his mind. I want to spend all my days with you. Just like this. He tries again but stops.
"I love you." is what he tells him instead. Like it encompasses all the things Sasaki wants Miyano to know. Like it says all the questions he wants to ask. Like it's a promise, a question, and their answer all in one. "I really love you. I really do."
Sasaki runs his thumb across Miyano's lips then leans forward again for a kiss that Miyano easily meets.
He could wait. He convinces himself as he remembers again the rings he bought that he's hiding in his bag. He could wait for this.
It's their promise after all.