Archive of Our Own ^beta

“I’m not going.”

Jisung huffs, looking at Hyunjin with a look that probably translates to get a load of this guy. Seungmin ignores it, trying to regain focus on the anatomy textbook he's been skimming through.

“You are most definitely going, Kim Seungmin,” Hyunjin insists, slamming Seungmin’s textbook shut. “The semester just ended, you don't need to keep studying all the time.”

“I’m preparing.”

“You pre-med students, I swear,” Jisung grumbles, taking an exaggerated sip from his coffee. “Let's strike a deal. You go to the party, I do all the chores in our apartment for the next month.”

Seungmin snorts, staring at his roommate in amusement. “You wouldn't last a week. Plus, I do things my own way, I don't want you doing my chores wrong.”

Jisung slumps back in his seat. “Do you have any better ideas?”

Seungmin sighs, knowing he's not going to be able to persuade Jisung. “I’ll go, but only on one condition.”

Jisung perks up, his eyes hopeful. “And that is?”

The kitchen isn’t too far from the main room, but it's definitely a stark difference from the chaos happening there. It's just him and Jisung, the room silent other than the thrum of music coming from the other room.

“This isn't fun at all.” Jisung whines, staring longingly at the alcohol bottles littered throughout the kitchen. “I can’t believe I agreed to be designated driver. You aren't even drinking!”

“A deal is a deal,” Seungmin says, shrugging as he nurses a glass of water. He almost laughs, but then he catches movement in the corner of his eye, and his jaw immediately tenses up when he recognizes who's coming into the room. “Oh, you've got to be kidding me.”

The person reaches them, squeezing between them and hopping up to sit on the counter. “Hello, Jisung,” he greets cheerily, offering Jisung a smile. Then, he turns to Seungmin, his smile turning into something like a smirk. “Kim Seungmin,” he acknowledges.

Seungmin plasters a customer service smile onto his face, knowing it'll annoy the boy in front of him. “Lee Minho,” he says, his voice dripping with false sweetness.

“I should've known you'd be in here,” Minho says, humming thoughtfully. “Too stuck-up to actually have a social life and have fun, right?”

Jisung looks between Seungmin and Minho, wary. “Guys—”

“Seungmin and I can talk on our own,” Minho interrupts, not even looking at Jisung when he says the words. “Right, Seungminnie?”

Jisung looks at Seungmin, raising his eyebrows. Seungmin just shakes his head, waving him off and turning his full attention to Minho. “Sure.”

Reluctantly, Jisung mumbles half-hearted goodbyes to the two, slipping out of the kitchen and disappearing into the crowd of people in the main room. Suddenly, the situation he’s in fully registers, and Seungmin has to take a deep breath to try and remain unfazed.

It's not that he thinks Minho is going to hurt him, not at all. It's just that Minho has been a thorn in his side for the better part of a year, always starting unnecessary arguments and getting in the way of everything Seungmin does. Seungmin isn't a saint either, though, and he returns the same energy, purposely getting on Minho’s nerves and trying to disrupt him when he sees him. It's difficult when they share the same friend group, but their friends seem to find it entertaining, so there's never been a serious intervention.

Right now would be as good a time as any to start bickering with him, but Seungmin’s social battery ran out the moment he walked into the crowded house and he's really not up for putting up with Minho’s bullshit today.

“Gave into peer pressure and finally showed up to a party?” Minho says, one eyebrow raised. “Shocked. What did it take?” Seungmin ignores him, taking a huge gulp of his water and praying Minho takes the hint and leaves.

“Rude today, aren't we?” Minho says, hopping off of the counter. He steals Seungmin’s cup before the younger can even react, taking a drink out of it before rolling his eyes. “Water, of course.” He pushes the cup back into Seungmin’s hands, but Seungmin just throws the cup away, not wanting to drink out of it anymore.

“Please leave me alone,” Seungmin says, making eye contact to get his point across. “I’m not in the mood.”

Minho hums thoughtfully, and suddenly his eyes light up. “I will, but only if you do one thing.”

Minho and his useless games, seriously. “What is it?”

“You spend ten minutes in the main room with everyone else.”

Seungmin’s heart drops to the pit of his stomach.

He opens his mouth to protest, but he stops himself before he says no. Minho didn't say he has to talk to anyone, just be in there for ten minutes. He can probably find a quiet corner to hole himself up in for that length of time, and he can always find Jisung if he needs to. Social anxiety be damned, he just needs Minho to go away. “Fine,” he agrees.

Minho blinks in surprise. “Really?”

“Anything to get you out of my sight,” Seungmin says, not bothering to wait for a response before pushing past Minho and heading into the main room.

Immediately, he regrets his decision.

The music is much louder than he remembers it being when he walked in. Some tacky Western rap song blasts through the speakers, and there's no reprieve from it, as there's speakers along every wall. How have they not received a noise complaint?

The music isn't the only problem, though. The room is way too small for the amount of people crammed in it, everyone pushing up against each other in a huge mass of sweaty bodies. Every time someone brushes up against him, his skin feels like it's being lit on fire. The scent of alcohol permeates through the room, burning his nose, attacking his senses so much he can practically taste it.

He looks toward the kitchen, but through everyone surrounding him, he can't see it. That's the final nail in the coffin for Seungmin’s nervous system, and he's plunged into sensory overload. On autopilot, Seungmin squeezes his eyes shut and pushes his hands against his ears, but it does nothing to stop the suffocating feeling of bodies around him and the vibrations from the heavy bass of the song playing. Static plays behind his eyelids, and even that is overwhelming.

It hits him then, that he's not going to make it out of the crowd. There's too many people, he can barely feel his feet on the floor, he can’t get enough air, he's suffocating, he's stuck, he’s stuck, he’s—

A firm hand circles around one of his wrists, pulling it down from his ear. Seungmin wants to rip his hand away, to say something, but he can’t. The hand starts pulling him, and Seungmin’s feet automatically follow, his body squeezing through the people in the room as the stranger tugs him along. Not once does he open his eyes.

It feels like both an eternity and a split second have passed before the stranger stops pulling him, and Seungmin belatedly realizes that all the commotion is gone. Under his shoes, he feels soft grass, and a slight wind tickles his skin.

As soon as the grip around his hand is gone, Seungmin’s knees buckle and he drops into a sitting position, his fall cushioned by the dirt beneath him. He tugs his knees up to his chest and takes deep breaths, trying to calm the racing of his heart.

He doesn't know how long he sits there gathering his bearings, but it has to have been at least ten minutes. Now that he isn't panicking, he just feels tired, his entire body aching and his head pounding. There's a lingering twinge of anxiety under his sternum, but it's small enough to ignore, and he knows it will pass.

Finally, he raises his head up and opens his eyes. It's almost pitch black outside, aside from the moonlight and the light coming from the house, so it takes a while for his eyes to adjust. Once they do, he takes in the sight of the person sitting a couple feet in front of him, and he does a full on double take.

“What are you doing here?” Seungmin asks, his voice shaky and quiet. He tries to straighten up a bit, to appear more confident, but he's so, so, so tired. He slumps back into himself, wanting to suddenly learn how to teleport and get back to the safety of his apartment. “If you're gonna laugh, do it now.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” Minho asks, furrowing his eyebrows. “Dude, you just had a panic attack and you think I’m going to laugh at you?”

Seungmin shrugs, picking at a loose string on his pants. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth, his throat is dry, and he wants to go home. He can't bring himself to respond, exhaustion flowing over him in waves.

“Jisung is your ride home, right?” Minho asks, already pulling out his phone. “I can call—”

“Don’t,” Seungmin says weakly. “I don't want to ruin his fun, we basically just got here. I can just call an Uber or something.”

Minho slides his phone back into his pocket, pursing his lips. “I didn't drink tonight, so I’ll drive you,” Minho says. “You still live with Jisung, right?”

Seungmin hums an affirmative, not even bothering to ask why Minho is doing this for him. It's the quickest option to get him home, so of course he's going to take the opportunity. Again, he does trust Minho, despite everything.

Minho helps him stand upright, and it's easier to use his legs now that his anxiety has mostly passed. Still, Minho puts a hand on Seungmin’s arm to keep him steady as they walk to Minho’s car, the vehicle not too far from the house. Seungmin slides into the passenger seat and immediately relaxes, relieved to be sitting somewhere quiet and comfortable.

“Please don't tell Jisung what happened,” Seungmin says as Minho settles into the driver’s seat. “He's the one who convinced me to come, I don't want him to feel guilty.”

Minho chews on his lower lip, not starting the car yet. “It's more my fault than his,” he says.

“You couldn't have known what would happen,” Seungmin counters, surprised that his first instinct was to defend Minho. “I didn't even know that would happen.”

“Has that happened before?”

“Plenty of times. I guess I’m kind of used to it.”

“You know,” Minho says, “I’ve had panic attacks before. They're scary. I recognized what was happening and I just…” Minho swallows, his eyes fixed on the steering wheel. “I couldn't leave you there.”

Seungmin looks away from Minho, instead choosing to stare at his own hands in his lap. “Thank you,” he whispers, just loud enough for Minho to hear.

A beat of silence. “It's no problem.”

The car finally starts, and Seungmin closes his eyes.

Seungmin wakes up in the comfort of his own bed, still wearing his clothes from last night. Sunlight filters through the blinds, and Seungmin vaguely registers that he must still have his contacts in, so he begrudgingly slips out from under his covers. He makes a mental note to wash his bedding later, his nose wrinkling at the thought of dirty clothes on his bedsheets.

As he carefully removes his contacts in front of the mirror, little pieces of last night come back to him. He very vaguely remembers Minho helping him reach his apartment, the older boy only leaving once the door was shut. He remembers kicking his shoes off at the door and immediately brushing his teeth then heading to bed, not bothering with changing or anything that would take more than an ounce of effort.

He goes through his usual morning routine, his mind completely jumbled. As he showers, all he can think about is how embarrassed he is. He had a full-on panic attack just from being in a loud crowded room for not even a minute, and Minho saw it. All of it. He knows that Minho said he wouldn't laugh at him, but Seungmin doesn't think he can ever face the older boy ever again.

It's his own fault anyway, he thinks. Sure, Minho is the one who suggested he go to the main room, but Seungmin was the one stupid enough to accept despite knowing he has a history of frequent panic attacks. He only accepted because he wanted to prove a point, but all he ended up doing was ruining Minho’s night and failing Jisung by not staying at the party.

Oh, right. Jisung. His roommate probably has no idea how Seungmin got home last night, seeing as he was supposed to be Seungmin’s ride.

Seungmin hurriedly gets dressed in a loose white shirt and old sweatpants, grabbing his glasses from their case once he's finished changing. He would normally dress a little better, even if he just stays home, but stressful situations leave him drained for at least a day after the fact and he really can’t be bothered to look presentable. Either way, he still follows through with his routine, brushing his teeth and then heading into the kitchen for breakfast.

Right as he steps into the kitchen, he meets eyes with Jisung, and Seungmin immediately feels guilty. For what, he doesn't know. Not staying at the party for long? Not letting Jisung know that he left? A small part of his brain tells him that those things weren't in his control, but he feels bad about it regardless.

“Jisung, I—”

“Minho-hyung texted me and told me he saw you leave early. He said he assumed you got an Uber home,” Jisung interrupts, taking a bite of his cereal.

Seungmin exhales in relief, but he still feels guilty, since he and Minho are lying to Jisung. “Yeah, I did. It got a little overwhelming so I left. Sorry for not letting you know.”

Jisung shrugs, looking down at his cereal and spinning his spoon around in the bowl. “It's fine, I hung out with Hyunjin for most of it and forgot about you until it was time to leave.” Jisung peers at Seungmin and offers him a sheepish smile.

“Ouch,” Seungmin says, but in reality he really doesn't care. He knows Jisung tends to forget things easily, especially if said things don't normally happen. Seungmin never comes to parties, so it would be pretty easy to forget he was there.

The two of them chat for a while as Seungmin eats his own bowl of cereal, mostly about their plans for break and the upcoming semester. Jisung is going to stay at Hyunjin’s family’s house over break, as he usually does. Seungmin doesn't have any plans, which is also typical. As much as he loves his friends, he always needs a few weeks to himself to recharge, study, and not worry about masking anything.

Right as Seungmin finishes his cereal, Jisung gets a call from Hyunjin, and heads into his own room to take it. Seungmin takes care of his dishes and wipes down the table, noticing that his hands are a bit shaky, but he knows it's just residual anxiety.

After he finishes cleaning up, he goes over his options. On a nice weekday like this, he would usually study or read something, but his brain immediately shuts that idea down. There's always watching YouTube or Netflix, but he doesn't think he could handle the stimulation from that either. He definitely doesn't want to go outside, so really, there's only one option left.

He heads back to his room, grabs his heaviest blanket, and wraps himself into a sitting cocoon.

His eyes slip shut, but he isn't tired. He just wants to let his mind wander for a little bit, to let his brain do whatever it wants to do so he can regulate himself again. He's comfortable, he's secure, he’s—

Ping!

Seungmin's eyes shoot open, and he looks at his phone on the nightstand. He almost ignores it, but it pings a couple more times, and Seungmin sighs. He unravels parts of his blanket cocoon, reaching out and grabbing his phone. When he reads the name on his screen, though, he has to do a double take.

lee minho
can i come over? i locked myself out of my apartment
i tried asking jisung but he won't answer my texts
i only need to stay for a couple hours while i wait for felix to get back

Seungmin chews on his lower lip, contemplating. He really doesn't want company, but Minho probably won't even go near his room. Minho was also extremely kind to him yesterday, and he feels like he should return the favor somehow.

kim seungmin
sure, the door should be unlocked
knock if it isn't though

lee minho
thanks, kim

Seungmin sends a thumbs up emoji in response, not knowing how else to respond. He shuts off his phone, burying himself even further into his blankets and closing his eyes. A wave of exhaustion passes over him, and he exhales, knowing that it’s a bad day.

Without even realizing it, he drifts to sleep right then and there, slipping into a dreamless nap.

“Seungmin?”

His eyes slowly flutter open, his brain taking a moment to register where he is. Once he realizes he's still in bed, he looks to the doorway, where Jisung is standing with a slightly concerned expression.

“You good?” Jisung asks, fully entering the room and shutting the door behind him. “I was about to go hang out with Changbin, but if you want me to stay back, I can.”

“I’m fine,” Seungmin mumbles, rubbing his eyes under his glasses. “It’s just one of those days.”

Jisung chews the inside of his cheek. “Minho-hyung is here,” Jisung says quietly, scratching the back of his neck. “Are you sure you'll be fine alone with him? You two won't try to kill each other?”

Seungmin breathes out a laugh, finally emerging from his blanket cocoon. “I’ll be okay, mom.”

Jisung wrinkles his nose at the nickname, earning another laugh from Seungmin. Jisung doesn't seem as concerned as before, and the two chat a little more before Jisung leaves, shutting Seungmin’s door on his way out. Seungmin can faintly hear him talking with Minho, but the door eventually shuts and the apartment goes quiet.

There's two choices now. Either Seungmin stays in the safety of his room and waits for Minho to leave, or he goes out and properly thanks Minho for last night. He's going to have to face Minho eventually, and what better time is there when they're alone?

He slides out of his bed, running a hand through his hair to make himself at least a little presentable. There's not much he can do, so he just takes a deep breath and walks to the door, knowing if he hesitates at all then he isn't going to go through with it. He opens the door quietly, but that doesn't stop Minho from immediately noticing his presence, seeing as Seungmin’s room directly faces the living room. The older boy is sitting on the couch, his phone in hand.

Seungmin closes the door behind him, but doesn't move any further. He swallows the lump in his throat, waiting for Minho to speak first. When that doesn't happen, Seungmin flexes his fingers, anxious. “Hey,” he says.

Minho blinks at him a few times, his face unreadable. He puts his phone face down on the coffee table. “Hi,” Minho says steadily. “Look, about last night, I’m really sorry about—”

“Thank you,” Seungmin blurts out, cutting Minho off. “For everything, really. You didn't have to do all of that for me, and I really appreciate that you did.”

Minho hesitates, pursing his lips as he seems to think over what he should say. “I saw myself in you last night,” Minho says. “I know I told you this in the car, but I’ve had panic attacks before, and in similar situations. I should've known better than to pressure you into that, and I’m sorry.”

“It's not all your fault,” Seungmin says hurriedly. “I was stupid for trying to prove a point, despite knowing that could've been the outcome.” Seungmin looks down at his feet. “Either way, I forgive you,” he says, looking back up.

There's a small smile on Minho’s face, just barely there. “You surprise me more every day, Kim Seungmin.”

Seungmin furrows his eyebrows. “What?”

“Nothing,” Minho says, humming. “You're quite tolerable when you're not looking at me like you want to kill me.”

This, Seungmin is familiar with. Banter. His anxiety subsides, and he raises an eyebrow, a practiced move. “I wouldn't let your guard down, Lee Minho.”

Minho mirrors Seungmin’s expression, but it doesn't feel as taunting as it usually does. Instead, it feels more playful, a word Seungmin never thought he would describe an interaction with Minho as. “Same goes for you, Kim.”

Seungmin slips back into his room, shutting the door gently. He stands in the middle of his room for a moment, attempting to process the interaction he just had. It's the first nice interaction he's voluntarily had with the older boy, and it feels oddly nice.

The reason Seungmin started disliking Minho in the first place was due to the first interaction they had a year ago, when Minho called Seungmin a ‘stuck-up know-it-all’ in front of their entire advanced biology class. To be fair, Seungmin did constantly try to correct the other students, but at the time he thought he was helping. He's since gotten rid of that habit, but it didn't really help what happened in the past. That one small incident snowballed into even more incidents, even though their friend groups ended up merging.

Maybe now things can get a little bit better, even if it just means tolerating each other. Their friends always insist that the two of them are the most similar in the entire friend group, despite Seungmin and Minho’s constant objections to the idea. I saw myself in you last night. Perhaps it isn't too far off.

Belatedly, Seungmin realizes that it doesn't feel like too much of a bad day anymore.

The next time Minho and Seungmin see each other is a week later, and Jisung and Felix are there as well. Felix had invited Seungmin and Jisung for a sleepover at his and Minho’s place, and both of them had accepted easily after being promised free food.

Everything was pretty typical for a while, with Jisung and Felix talking their heads off while Seungmin and Minho occasionally chimed in. Seungmin’s too focused on the book he's reading to fully get involved in the conversation, and Minho isn't much of a talker when it comes to anything that isn't one-on-one.

During the middle of Jisung and Felix’s rant on what food combinations should be valid or not, Minho stands up from his spot on the floor. His sitting spot was on the opposite side of the room from the beanbag chair, which Seungmin had claimed for himself as soon as he walked in.

“I’m making ramen,” Minho announces, stretching his arms above his head. “Before you ask questions, yes, it's the kind you all like.”

Just as he's about to enter the kitchen, Seungmin speaks up. “Minho-hyung,” he calls out, gaining the older’s attention, “can I have an extra egg?” Minho doesn't respond verbally, but he shoots Seungmin a thumbs up, slipping out of sight and into the kitchen. It's strange—if he were to ask prior to last week, Minho would've told him to make it himself.

Seungmin returns his attention to his book, but he soon realizes that the room has gone completely silent. He looks up from the page he's reading and nearly jumps in surprise when he sees Jisung and Felix staring at him, shocked expressions on their faces. “Uh, why are you guys staring at me?” Seungmin asks, looking between the two.

“You just called him hyung,” Jisung says, his tone making it seem like it’s the most ridiculous thing he's ever heard. “Dude, you've never called him by anything other than his full name.”

Huh. Seungmin didn't even realize he said it.

“It just slipped out,” Seungmin says, and it's not a lie.

Jisung squints at him, and Felix crosses his arms over his chest. Seungmin suddenly feels like he's being interrogated.

“Come to think of it,” Felix says, “you two haven't argued at all today. I knew something felt off.”

Yeah, Seungmin really doesn't want to deal with this right now. “I’m just tired,” Seungmin says, absentmindedly pulling on the hem of his shirt.

Felix frowns at that, uncrossing his arms. “You okay? You didn't have to come if you didn't feel up to it, you know. I would've understood.”

“No, it's okay, I wanted to come,” Seungmin says quickly, not wanting Felix to get the wrong idea. “I’m just not in the mood for bickering, you know?”

Thankfully, Jisung and Felix drop it quite quickly after that, getting distracted by whatever ridiculous conversation they started having. Seungmin tries to pay a little more attention to what they're talking about, but he gives up pretty fast and tunes them out like he usually does.

After a while, Minho brings out a big pot of ramen, setting it down in the center of the low table. As Minho goes back and forth between the kitchen and the room they're in, Seungmin bookmarks the page he left off on and slides off of the beanbag, settling on the floor in front of the table. Seungmin considers asking Minho if he needs help getting anything from the kitchen, but by the time he gets the courage to ask, the older boy is bringing out the last of the side dishes.

Minho wordlessly gives him two sunny-side-up eggs. “Thank you,” Seungmin says quietly, already placing one of the eggs in his bowl.

“I might have poisoned those,” Minho deadpans.

Seungmin glares at him, but he's biting the inside of his lip to stop himself from smiling. “I’m flattered you spent extra time preparing the poison for me, then. I feel very special.”

Minho tugs on Seungmin’s ear playfully, then heads to his own spot across the table. Seungmin glances at Jisung and Felix to see if they saw that, but the two are having an animated conversation between bites, barely taking any time to breathe. Seungmin thinks it's a miracle that neither of them have choked yet.

Once they're all finished eating, Seungmin offers to help Minho clean up. It’s the least he can do. They don't talk to each other as they clean, but they coexist in a comfortable silence, and that's more than enough.

Midnight rolls around quite quickly, and while the other three are still pretty awake, Seungmin’s eyelids feel heavy. Normally, he would just go to sleep now, but his usual spot during sleepovers is the couch and it's currently occupied.

He was prepared for this to happen, though. He already changed and did his slightly simplified nighttime routine a little while ago, knowing that he might just end up falling asleep sitting anyway. It wouldn't be the first time that's happened.

Giving in to exhaustion, he shuts his eyes, pulling the small blanket he brought over his body. His position is a little uncomfortable, his legs curled up in an attempt to fit his full body on the beanbag, but it isn't the end of the world. He’ll deal with it if it means he doesn't bother his friends by asking for the couch.

He’s not quite at the point of falling asleep yet, so he picks up on the conversation in the room. Minho’s become a bit more talkative since dinner, not that Seungmin has been paying attention.

“Felix,” Jisung says, “you need to teach me how to cook, Seungmin won’t let me in the kitchen anymore.”

Felix laughs, and there's a rustling of a chip bag. “You're better off asking Minho-hyung about that, not me. I don't know how well you’d live off of just brownies.”

“I’d not live for long, but man that would be a good way to go.”

“You can’t die yet,” Minho chimes in. “You still owe me money from a couple of months ago.”

“Damn, I thought you forgot about that.”

“A Scorpio never forgets, Ji.”

“Did Chan-hyung get you into astrology?”

“I’m fully capable of gaining interests by myself, you know.”

“That doesn't answer the question.”

Minho huffs. “Yes, he did.”

Jisung pretty much cackles at that, but he's quickly cut off by Minho shushing him. “Be quiet for once,” Minho says, his voice toned down a bit. “I think Seungmin’s asleep.”

Oh?

The room is silent for a few moments, and Seungmin assumes they're looking at him, so he keeps his breathing steady and feigns sleep. Jisung is the one to break the silence, his voice lowered.

“You and Seungmin have been acting kind of weird today, hyung.”

“I’m just being a decent human being.”

“But you've never acted this way with him. You haven't argued at all, you're being oddly considerate when you would normally try to mess with him, you're just—”

“Can we not do this while Seungmin is right there?” Felix interrupts.

A pause. “Sorry,” Jisung mumbles.

Silence. Seungmin clutches his blanket a little tighter.

“I’m going to bed,” Minho says. “Make sure Seungmin doesn't sleep on the beanbag, it'll fuck with his back.”

Oh.

Seungmin had only ever brought up his back problems to Minho once in passing, during a group hangout. The topic of conversation landed on the most comfortable sleeping positions, and Seungmin had mentioned that most positions are quite uncomfortable due to a past back injury that didn't heal properly. Now that he thinks about it, there is a twinge in his back from the position he's in.

A Scorpio never forgets. Seungmin wonders how true that is.

“The couch will fuck with it too, it doesn't matter,” Jisung says. “Bring out the air mattress or something. Let him sleep in your room.”

Minho sighs, and Seungmin hears footsteps approaching him. Suddenly, there's a hand on his shoulder, shaking him gently. “Kim Seungmin, wake up.”

“What,” Seungmin mumbles, opening his eyes.

Minho hesitates, glancing back at Jisung and Felix, who are doing a bad job at pretending they aren't watching them intently. He sighs again, then makes eye contact with Seungmin. “Do you want to sleep on the air mattress?” Minho asks.

Seungmin thinks it over. It'll be much more comfortable, and maybe it's a good chance for the two of them to talk some more. And, he can always just go to the couch if it gets overwhelming.

“Sure.”

It's half past midnight when Seungmin finally settles down on the air mattress, which is on the opposite side of the room from Minho's bed. Seungmin’s only been in Minho’s room once or twice, and only briefly, but he can admit it's quite nice.

Ever since entering the room together and settling on their respective ‘beds,’ Minho hasn't spoken a word. To be fair, Seungmin hasn't spoken either, so he can’t really blame Minho for not initiating conversation.

Without thinking, Seungmin blurts something out.

“Last year you called me a ‘stuck-up know-it-all,’ among other things. Do you still think of me that way?”

Seungmin can’t see Minho’s reaction in the dark. It's easier this way, he doesn't have to face him head on, he can just talk openly.

“Until recently, I did,” Minho admits. “I kind of thought you were being a dick about it on purpose, that you thought you were better than everyone somehow. I know I shouldn't have made assumptions, and I’m trying not to be so judgmental.”

“Don't feel bad,” Seungmin says. “I thought you were an asshole.” Minho snorts at that, but Seungmin keeps talking. “I mistook your confidence for arrogance. I guess I’ve always been a little jealous of you, and that skewed my perceptions a bit.”

“Jealous?” Minho asks, almost incredulous. “Really? You're at the top of all your classes, the professors all love you. You're set to become a doctor, Kim Seungmin. I’m just a vet student who’s barely passing.”

“Grades don't mean everything,” Seungmin says. “You have passions. A social life.”

“You have both of those, too.”

“Not quite. I only have friends because they approached me first, and half of them are because our friend groups merged. As for passions…” Seungmin chews the inside of his cheek. “I don't have any.”

“Not even medicine?”

“It's interesting, sure, but I’m not overly attached to it.”

“Oh.”

Neither of them say anything after that. There’s a statement that creeps up Seungmin’s throat, wanting to be out in the open. A clarification. Something he's not told anyone, something that he wants to tell Minho of all people for some unknown reason.

“Hyung?” Seungmin asks, swallowing down nervousness. His mouth feels dry, suddenly.

“Yeah?”

A deep breath. “I’m autistic.”

Silence again. Seungmin can hear his heartbeat and feel it under his sternum, fast and unrelenting. Did he just make things awkward? Is Minho going to start treating him differently? God, he shouldn't have told—

“Thanks for trusting me with that. And if you're thinking that’s gonna change how I think about you, you're wrong,” Minho says, seemingly reading Seungmin’s mind. “You're still Kim Seungmin.”

“The others still don't know.”

“Oh? Why not?”

“What if things change?”

“How so? Best case scenario, you tell them and they learn how they can accommodate you better. Worst case scenario, Jisung whines that you didn't tell him sooner.”

Seungmin breathes out a laugh at that, some of the tension leaving his body. Minho has a point—his friends aren't going to suddenly change their entire view on him. They might make mistakes, sure, but that's natural. It's not like they'd do anything wrong on purpose.

“I’ll tell them eventually,” Seungmin says, and it's the truth. He's always planned to tell them, just never had the guts to do it. Why he told Minho is a mystery, but he's glad that he did.

Just as he's about to wrap up the conversation and wish Minho goodnight, the older boy speaks up.

“Do you want a hug?”

Seungmin’s suddenly very awake. “What?”

“A hug,” Minho repeats, a little quieter this time. “Sorry, did I cross a line? I just thought maybe—”

“No, it's fine,” Seungmin assures. “It just shocked me, that's all. Yeah, I’ll take a hug.”

Seungmin throws his blanket to the side and pushes himself off of the air mattress. When he stands up, his eyes are adjusted enough to see Minho standing a few steps in front of his bed, so he meets him in the middle. It's awkward for a few moments, neither of them knowing when to initiate. Eventually, though, Minho holds his arms out in invitation, so Seungmin takes the final step and wraps his arms around him.

Minho hugs him tight, but it isn't too much, the pressure comforting Seungmin despite its unfamiliarity. The older boy is really warm, and he smells faintly of cinnamon, the scent welcome to his senses. There's a lot of things that overwhelm Seungmin, but Minho seems to be just right in every sense. His previously racing heart starts to slow down a bit, and his tiredness creeps back up on him, his eyes closing on their own.

“Are you about to fall asleep on me?”

“I might.”

“I’m flattered,” Minho says, “but you shouldn't sleep standing up.”

Seungmin huffs, reluctantly pulling out of Minho’s embrace. “Good night, Lee Minho,” Seungmin says, already walking back to the air mattress. As he settles into it, Minho responds.

“Good night, Seungmin-ah.”

That's the first time Minho directly refers to Seungmin without using his full name. Something warm fills his chest, and he drifts off easily.

Jisung leaves for Hyunjin’s two days after the sleepover, which gives Seungmin a huge chunk of free time. The thing is, Seungmin’s been restless since the sleepover, having random urges to just get out and do things.

Just as he's about to sit down and make a plan, he considers asking Minho what he's up to. They've never hung out one-on-one, but then again, are they even friends? They had a couple friendly interactions, sure, but that doesn't mean anything. Seungmin’s had more kind interactions with the guy who sat next to him in biology last year, and he doesn't even know the dude’s name.

Throwing caution to the wind, Seungmin shoots Minho a text. He’ll never get answers if he just sits around doing nothing about it.

kim seungmin
hey hyung, are you busy?

He doesn't have to wait long, because Minho’s response comes in less than a minute.

lee minho
depends on who's asking

kim seungmin
me, i’m asking, obviously

lee minho
hmmm
i’m not busy, why?

Seungmin’s fingers hover over the keyboard. He hadn’t planned this far, to be honest.

kim seungmin
wanna hang out?

lee minho
when & where

kim seungmin
was kind of hoping you’d know a place

lee minho
of course i know a place, who do you take me for?
how about
dress comfortably, i’ll pick you up in 30

kim seungmin
…where are you taking me

lee minho
that’s for me to know and you to find out

kim seungmin
you're going to kill me aren't you

lee minho
maybe
see you in 30?

kim seungmin
see you then

Seungmin spends nearly all of the thirty minutes trying to figure out what dress comfortably means. There's so many things that it could mean, but after consulting the internet, he settles on a pair of black joggers and a white T-shirt. Thankfully, when he slips into the passenger seat of Minho’s car, the older boy is wearing a similar outfit.

The car ride is pretty uneventful, the two of them chatting about what they've done for the past few days. The ride only lasts a few minutes, which shocks Seungmin, especially since he recognizes where they are.

“You took me to the dance studio?” Seungmin asks, watching as Minho grabs a duffel bag from the trunk.

“Yeah,” Minho says, shrugging the bag over his shoulder and closing the trunk. “I booked one of the rooms for two hours. Follow me.”

Seungmin does as he's told, following Minho as he checks in. Once that's dealt with, Minho leads Seungmin down a long hallway, and he can hear music thrumming through some of the doors they pass by. Eventually, Minho stops at one of the rooms, unlocking it and leading the two of them inside.

The room is pretty spacious, with huge mirrors lining one of the walls. There's a long couch on the other side of the room, and that's where Minho sets his bag down, unzipping it and procuring his phone.

Seungmin watches as Minho connects his phone to the speakers in the room, and he finally decides to speak up.

“Why did you bring me here?”

Minho sets his phone down, turns to face Seungmin, and smiles.

“You said you don't have any passions, so I’m sharing mine.”

Seungmin blinks in surprise, a foreign feeling settling under his sternum. He's left completely speechless, only able to stare at Minho in shock.

“Hey, don't cry,” Minho says, and only then does Seungmin realize that there's tears pooling in his eyes. He quickly wipes them away, but they come back, blurring his vision. “Did I do something wrong?” Minho asks, sounding worried.

Seungmin shakes his head quickly. “No, I’m just—touched.” He wills himself to stop crying, rubbing his eyes until they feel dry enough for him to look Minho in the eyes. “This means a lot.”

Minho smiles, and the feeling in Seungmin’s chest spreads throughout his body. Minho turns back to his phone, scrolling through his music before settling on a song. The first notes of it play through the speaker, and Minho spins around, his smile widening as the lyrics fill the room.

Music, dance, yeah
Hands in the air, yeah
Music, dance, you too, dance
Hands in the air, stop right there

“I don't know how to dance,” Seungmin says.

Minho clicks his tongue, disapproving. “Nonsense, everyone knows how. Just let your body move how it wants to. Watch.” Minho starts to move along with the music, his movements fluid and in perfect sync with the song.

Don't look away
I can only feel you right now
So baby don't stop now
With your gaze in pieces
You're sparkling and moving, ayy, ayy

Seungmin watches in awe, unable to tear his eyes away. Minho must be some sort of professional, because even when he's dancing for fun, he looks like he's born to do it. He's in his element, here.

“Come on,” Minho says, stopping momentarily to urge Seungmin to join him. “You try. It's fun, I promise.”

“Can’t I just watch?”

“Here,” Minho says, stepping forward and taking both of Seungmin’s hands in his own. “Like this.”

Minho leads Seungmin through a few simple steps, adjusting his position and demonstrating where Seungmin’s feet should go. It's a miracle that they don't get tripped up, but Minho seems to be invincible to mess-ups, easily maneuvering them so they don't lose their footing.

I don't care, you can do it, let's dance
Don't be nervous, uh
It's only you and me, yeah, that's all you need
Stay right there, let's go

After a little while, Seungmin starts to get the hang of it, his feet moving in time with Minho’s. They're not doing anything complicated, just moving along to the beat, but it's honestly pretty fun.

When they do end up tripping up a bit, they both just laugh, exchanging a look before getting back in rhythm. Minho's hands are warm in his, keeping him steady.

Tell me now you know
Round and round, we go
You know that?
Don't run away, stay right here, this moment is perfect
I feel something, breathe and shout, ayy, ayy

“See? Everyone can dance,” Minho says, his gaze steady on Seungmin. “You don't have to be good at it to enjoy it. And the more you do it, the better you'll get. But you can have fun at any level, that's what makes it great.”

Minho’s eyes practically shine as he explains it, and it's such a pretty look on him, it's crazy that Seungmin has never seen it before.

“You love dance a lot.”

“Of course.”

Hey, you're the star
Your way, whatever you want
Now look, that's you

Seungmin can't help the smile that forms on his face, and he squeezes Minho's hands. “You're really good at it.”

“I know,” Minho says, but despite his words, his face flushes a little.

The song comes to a close, enveloping them in silence, but it isn't awkward. Minho drops Seungmin’s hands, and some part of Seungmin misses the touch.

“Any song requests?” Minho asks, walking back to his phone. “I can dance to pretty much anything.”

“I think you should pick.”

At that, another song starts to flow through the speakers, and Minho returns to the spot where Seungmin is. He takes his hands again, lips curled up into a smile.

“Let's keep dancing, then.”

Seungmin ends up enjoying his time at the studio so much that they stay the full two hours, which shocks him. He never expected to like it, but Minho made it fun.

Despite everything, though, he doesn't know what to define his relationship with Minho as. He's unsure if it's friendship, he doesn't know if Minho sees him as a friend. He wants to be friends with Minho, but even the term friend seems a little… off?

“Hey,” Minho says, glancing over at Seungmin while they're at a red light. “You seem to be thinking pretty hard.”

“Are we friends?” Seungmin blurts out. He averts his eyes right after saying it, warmth creeping into his face as he scolds his brain-to-mouth filter.

The light turns green, and Minho looks back at the road, humming. “I think we can call ourselves that, yeah. Unless you don't want to.”

“I do want to,” Seungmin says, chewing his lower lip. “I just didn't know if it was too fast, you know?”

“In my opinion, there's no such thing as becoming friends with someone too fast.”

“But we didn't like each other, like, a week and a half ago.”

“Do we still dislike each other?”

Seungmin blinks a couple times, looking back at Minho. “No.”

“Exactly,” Minho says, pulling into the parking lot of Seungmin’s apartment building. “I enjoy your company, Kim Seungmin. I want to be friends.”

“Okay,” Seungmin says, relaxing in his seat as Minho parks. “We’re friends, then.”

“We should freak our friends out by not telling them, but still acting friendly when they're around.”

Seungmin laughs. “Sounds like a plan. I’ll text you?”

“Of course. Bye, Seungmin-ah.”

“Bye, hyung.”

For the next couple of weeks, Seungmin finds himself joining Minho at the dance studio quite frequently. They also do other things, like treating each other to meals, taking walks, and texting each other every day.

Having Minho as a friend is way better than Seungmin could've ever expected. He’s learned that Minho is actually extremely sweet and considerate, and that he's a very fun person to be around. Sometimes, when Seungmin comes home from hanging out with him, he’ll find that his cheeks ache from how much he laughed around the older boy. It feels like they've been friends for much longer than they have. They still bicker, but it’s stuff like silly disagreements over what the cutest animal is.

And, not once has Minho made Seungmin feel any different for being autistic. He still teases Seungmin, but it never crosses a line, and Seungmin always shoots back with teasing of his own. In general, he treats Seungmin like a normal person, not walking on eggshells around him like people from his childhood did. But it's not like Minho completely ignores it, though. He’s always willing to accommodate for Seungmin if it's requested, and sometimes checks in to see if Seungmin needs a break.

Honestly, Seungmin is surprised that they ever disliked each other. Their friends were one hundred percent correct when they said they're the most similar.

When Jisung finally comes back, Seungmin makes the decision to talk to him.

“Jisung,” Seungmin says, hovering at the open doorway to the other’s room. “I have something to tell you.”

Jisung hums, pulling his earbuds out and raising an eyebrow. “Yeah? Don't tell me you finally killed Minho-hyung. I love you, but I’m not going to jail for you.”

Seungmin glares at him, and Jisung holds his hands up in surrender. Seungmin exhales a laugh, a little less nervous. It’s just Jisung.

“So like,” Seungmin says, “I’m autistic.”

“Oh,” Jisung says, “cool. How long have you known?”

“Since I was seven.”

“Nice. Wanna come watch videos of animals doing stupid shit? Felix sent me this compilation and it's the funniest thing I've ever seen.”

Seungmin smiles widely, fully entering Jisung’s room. “Of course I do.”

Nothing will change.

“So,” Jisung says, his feet propped up on Felix’s lap as the two lounge on the couch. “What did you guys get up to while I was gone?”

“Minho-hyung was gone more often than not,” Felix says, grinning. “He was being all secretive about it too.”

Minho rolls his eyes, throwing a bunched-up napkin at Felix. “I was not being secretive, you were just trying to over analyze. I told you like ten times that I was at the dance studio.”

“Mm, sure.”

“What about you, Seungmin?” Jisung asks. “Just the usual? Staying home?”

“No, actually,” Seungmin says, ignoring Jisung’s look of shock as he says it. “I hung out with someone for most of it.” From the corner of his eye, he catches the small smile that appears on Minho’s lips.

“Who?” Jisung asks, narrowing his eyes.

Seungmin exchanges a glance with Minho, and Jisung notices the action, gasping as if scandalized. “Felix, are you seeing this shit?” Jisung asks.

“You're acting like we just confessed to, like, being secretly married or something,” Minho says, leaning back on his elbows. “All we did was spend time together.”

“Wait,” Felix says, “doesn't that mean you lied about being at the studio so often then?”

“No, I took Seungmin with me.”

Jisung looks three seconds away from passing out, and Felix just alternates between staring at Seungmin and Minho.

“I’m not even gonna ask any more questions,” Felix says, sinking further into the couch and sighing.

“Wait!” Jisung exclaims, nearly kicking Felix in the face as he takes his legs off of the other boy’s lap. “Is that why you two were acting so weird during our last sleepover?”

Seungmin adjusts his positioning on the beanbag, his book sitting forgotten next to him. “Not necessarily,” Seungmin says. “We hadn't talked it out yet, we only really talked that night.”

“So what happened before that?” Felix asks.

“Can we please drop this?” Minho says, sounding annoyed. “This is supposed to be a sleepover, not an interrogation.”

“But—”

“Just drop it, Jisung,” Felix says, and the aforementioned boy pouts, relenting.

“Hey,” Minho says, straightening up, “why don't we play a game of truth or dare?”

Jisung groans, slumping into the couch. “I’d normally be all for it, but I don't feel like doing dares.”

“Seconded,” Seungmin says.

Minho hums. “Alright, truth or truth, then?”

“Are we teenagers?” Seungmin asks, laughing. “At this point it's just asking each other questions.”

“What's wrong with that?” Minho counters. “We can add a twist to it. Whoever refuses to answer a question has a penalty.”

“Fine,” Seungmin says, “but we each get one pass, and the penalties won't be anything stupid.”

“How about for every pass, we have to do an extra chore for a month?” Felix suggests.

Everyone in the room seems to agree to that, so the game begins, starting with Minho since he's the oldest.

“Seungmin,” Minho says, and Seungmin sighs, preparing for the worst. “What's your favorite color?”

Jisung scoffs, kicking his feet back up on Felix’s lap. “That's so tame, dude.” Minho glares at him, and Jisung shuts his mouth, shrinking into the couch.

“Purple,” Seungmin answers. Why didn't Minho give him a hard question? “You could've just asked me that if you wanted to know.”

“Who said I wanted to know?”

“Uh, the fact that you asked the question?”

“Guys,” Felix interrupts, “stop bickering and get back to the game. It’s Seungmin’s turn to ask someone.”

“Alright, Minho-hyung, what's your favorite color?”

As the night progresses, the questions get a little more interesting, although most of them are just Seungmin and Minho throwing random questions at each other and seemingly forgetting that Felix and Jisung are in the room. Regardless, some things are still found out, albeit uninteresting.

“This is boring,” Jisung complains after a while. “Where are the juicy questions? The drama?”

“Ask a juicy question then, if you're so upset about it.”

“Okay,” Jisung says. “Minho-hyung, if you had to date one of the people in the friend group, who would it be?”

Felix scrunches his nose up, eyeing Jisung. “That's so much, obviously he's going to pass that ques—”

“Seungmin,” Minho answers nonchalantly, his voice steady.

Seungmin freezes, his eyes fixed on Minho. The older boy isn't looking at him, he's looking at Jisung, and Seungmin is somewhat grateful for that, because he can feel his cheeks starting to warm up.

“What?” Jisung asks. “Why? No offense, Seungmin.”

“None taken.”

Minho shrugs. “You two have boyfriends, Chan and Hyunjin are your boyfriends, Jeongin is like a little brother to me, and Changbin is… well, he's Changbin.”

“Who would you pick if we didn't have boyfriends?”

“What, are you trying to date me?” Minho jokes. “Still Seungmin. He's the neatest, and we have really similar tastes.”

Jisung squints at him. “Would you date him in general?”

“That wasn't the question,” Minho responds smoothly.

Seungmin stands up abruptly, clutching his blanket to his chest. “I’m going to bed,” he says, just a little bit too loudly.

“Seungmin, wait—” Jisung starts, but Seungmin is already leaving the room, heading to Minho’s bedroom. Just like last time, he's already done his night routine. The air mattress is already set up, though, so he plops himself down on it and thinks.

He knows that Minho chose him because the other options weren't as good, but then again, is he even a good option? He's got so much wrong with him, and Minho witnessed part of it firsthand. Then again, Minho only became friends with him because of that one instance. Does he pity Seungmin?

Seungmin shakes his head, reminding himself that the question doesn't mean Minho actually wants to date him. It just means that Seungmin was the better option out of the options he had. A last resort.

For some reason, that knowledge upsets him a bit.

Before he can dwell on it any longer, Minho appears at the doorway, looking worried. “Are you okay?” Minho asks.

“Yeah.”

Minho chews on his lip, taking a few steps into his room. “Sorry if all of that made you uncomfortable. I told Jisung off,” Minho says, settling in his own bed. “I’m honestly kind of glad I had an excuse to leave. I can only handle so much of those two, you know?”

Seungmin exhales a laugh, taking his glasses off and setting them on Minho’s desk. “Yeah, I know. And I wasn't uncomfortable, I just wanted to be done with the conversation.”

“Good,” Minho says. “You should get some rest, you seem tired.”

“I will,” Seungmin says, settling under his blankets. “Night, hyung.”

“Night.”

The lamp flicks off.

Seungmin stares at the ceiling, fidgeting with his hands. It's quiet. Too quiet. Too dark. He feels like he's floating in nothing, but it isn't a good feeling. His blanket brushes against his skin in the worst way possible, the air mattress moves with each of his breaths, every little noise triggers some sort of pain response in his head.

Before he knows it, his heart rate starts to pick up, his breathing becoming irregular.

Fucking panic disorder.

“Hyung,” Seungmin says shakily, taking a deep breath. “Hyung, I think I’m gonna have a panic attack.”

“Shit,” Minho says. “Do you want to lie with me?”

Wordlessly, Seungmin pushes himself up, crossing the room to Minho’s bed. His hyung has the blanket open so he can climb in, which he promptly does, settling himself down next to the older boy.

“Squeeze me,” Seungmin says quietly. “It's, like, deep pressure therapy. It helps.”

“Okay,” Minho says, and in an instant, his arms are wrapped around Seungmin’s body, pulling him close. Seungmin squeezes his eyes shut, burying his face in Minho’s chest and trying to focus solely on the older. The familiar scent of cinnamon hits his nose, and he clutches the front of Minho’s sleep shirt, attempting to ground himself. He's safe here, he knows he is.

One of Minho’s hands comes up to rest on Seungmin’s head, his fingers running through the younger’s hair. “You're okay,” Minho whispers, his voice soft. He gently smooths down Seungmin’s hair, tucking the boy’s head under his chin.

Carefully, Seungmin sneaks his arms around Minho’s waist, wanting the close contact. Minho doesn't make any move to pull away, so he hugs him tighter, the tension leaving his body. “Thank you,” Seungmin mumbles, suddenly embarrassed by the position they're in. He cuddles with his friends sometimes, but never like this.

“You good?”

“For the most part, yeah.”

Seungmin expects Minho to let him go, but he doesn't. For a moment, it's just them, holding each other in comfortable silence. Minho’s rhythmic breathing lulls him into a peaceful state of mind, his heartbeat steady.

“What triggered that?” Minho asks quietly, playing with Seungmin’s hair. “It seemed very sudden.”

“Panic disorder. Sometimes I just have panic attacks for no reason, but I didn't have a full one just then, only the beginning of one,” Seungmin explains, shuffling himself upwards so he can look at Minho while he speaks to him. His breath hitches when he realizes how close their faces are, and his chest swirls with that familiar but foreign feeling he gets around Minho.

“Hi,” Seungmin whispers, not knowing what else to say. Minho laughs softly, his hand dropping to the nape of Seungmin’s neck.

“Hi.”

Seungmin searches Minho’s eyes, looking for something he knows he won't find. He’s never been good at reading people. He shifts his focus to the rest of Minho’s face, taking in details he hasn't been able to before. The way his hair frames his face in an almost regal way, his long eyelashes, the soft curve of his lips.

“Seungmin-ah,” Minho says, his name sounding so natural flowing off of the older boy’s tongue. “Promise you won't see me differently after I ask this.”

“I promise,” Seungmin says, and he can hear his own heartbeat.

Minho takes a deep breath, his gaze never leaving Seungmin’s eyes. “Can I,” Minho starts, then clears his throat. “Can I, um, kiss you?”

Seungmin’s heart skips a beat, then starts racing. He searches Minho’s face for a sign that it’s a joke, but Minho looks dead serious. He even looks… hopeful. Nervous.

Seungmin swallows the lump in his throat.

“Yes,” he whispers.

Minho’s eyes widen momentarily, like he wasn't expecting that answer. “Really?”

“Mhm.”

“I mean, I don't want to pressure you into anyth—”

Seungmin cups Minho’s jaw and presses their lips together, effectively cutting the older boy off. Minho is frozen for a moment before reciprocating, his fingers curling around the nape of Seungmin’s neck as he tugs him closer.

Only then does everything click into place.

The foreign feelings, the swirling in his stomach, the urge to be with Minho as often as he can. He developed feelings for him, and based on current events, Minho probably reciprocates.

At that revelation, Seungmin deepens the kiss, wanting to make the most of it. Minho tastes like caramel and cinnamon and autumn, clouding all of Seungmin’s senses with warmth and comfort and something so innately human. It's not his first kiss, but it feels like it, his heart racing and his hands shaking.

His head starts to feel a little fuzzy, so he pulls back, catching his breath. Minho looks amazing, his lips flushed red and his eyes shining. Seungmin can't help himself when he catches Minho’s lips in another kiss, but the need for oxygen wins out and he comes away completely breathless.

Minho’s fingers are running through his hair again. “Seungmin,” Minho murmurs, “sleep here tonight. If you want to, that is.”

“Of course I want to,” Seungmin says, tangling his legs with Minho’s. “I’m not going anywhere, hyung.” The words have more than one meaning, and Minho seems to catch on, the corners of his mouth curling up. Seungmin wants to kiss him again, so badly. “We’re gonna talk about this, right?”

Minho hums affirmatively, using his free hand to adjust his blanket so the two of them are more comfortable. “We have to sleep first.”

“I know,” Seungmin says. “Good night, hyung.”

“Good night, Kim Seungmin.”

When Seungmin wakes up the next morning, Minho is gone. As much as he'd like to stay where he is, he doesn't, untangling himself from Minho’s blanket and retrieving his glasses from the older boy’s desk.

Minho is in the main room, sitting on the beanbag and scrolling on his phone. Jisung and Felix are nowhere to be seen, so Seungmin wordlessly joins Minho on the beanbag, their shoulders and thighs pressing together. “Good morning,” Seungmin says. “Are Jisung and Felix still asleep?”

“They went out for breakfast a while ago, actually,” Minho says, shutting his phone off and dropping it into his lap. “They invited me but I wanted to wait for you.”

Seungmin can feel his face and ears warming up, but he ignores it. “Do you want to go somewhere with me for breakfast, though?” Seungmin asks.

“Yeah, but let's wait a bit so we don't run into Jisung and Felix,” Minho says.

“Running into them wouldn’t really be a big deal though, would it?”

“No, but I want to spend time with just you.”

If Seungmin’s face wasn't visibly red before, it definitely is now. “Oh,” he says, feeling kind of dumb. “Like a date?”

Minho’s cheeks redden a little, mirroring Seungmin’s. “If you want it to be.”

“I do,” Seungmin says, his gaze subconsciously dropping to Minho’s mouth. “I want to go on a date with you.”

Minho smiles, his left hand reaching up to fix Seungmin’s bangs. “As friends?” Minho teases, his hand moving down to Seungmin’s chin so he can pull the younger boy closer.

“As more than friends.”

“Oh, so best friends?”

Seungmin huffs, lightly punching Minho’s shoulder. “Shut up and kiss me, Lee Minho.”

“So demanding,” Minho chastises, but he catches Seungmin’s mouth with his own anyway, soft and warm and intentional.

Minho takes Seungmin to a somewhat hidden breakfast spot, where there's not a lot of people but the food is absolutely amazing. They chat for a while over their meal, mostly conversing about the upcoming semester and how often they'll be able to see each other.

Afterwards, they decide to walk around for a little while so they can talk more privately, and they eventually find a small park that's fairly empty, and they settle down on one of the benches along the walkway.

“I need to tell you something before we have this talk,” Seungmin says, fidgeting with his hands in his lap. “As in, it could affect whether or not you actually want to try dating me.”

“Not much could sway my decision, but go ahead,” Minho says.

“Have you ever heard of asexuality?”

“Isn't it like, not feeling sexual attraction?”

“Yeah,” Seungmin says, swallowing nervously. “I’m—I’m ace,” he says quietly, staring at his hands. “But, like, I’m sex neutral, I guess? I mean, I’m not too opposed, but it's not very important or necessary for me in any relationship, and I think it would be rare for me to actually want it. And I’ve never looked at someone and thought that I wanted to, like, you know. So if that's a dealbreaker, then—”

“Seungmin,” Minho interjects, his voice soft. “Look at me.”

Slowly, Seungmin raises his head to make eye contact with Minho, chewing on his lower lip anxiously. “Yeah?”

“You're stuck in your own head right now,” Minho says, taking Seungmin’s hand in his own and intertwining their fingers. “Take a couple deep breaths.”

Seungmin inhales slowly, noticing that Minho mirrors his action. He exhales, feeling a bit of his anxiety subside. He repeats it a few more times, Minho following along, and he eventually feels calm enough to continue speaking.

“I’m sorry for rambling,” Seungmin says, squeezing Minho’s hand subconsciously. “But I’m seriously a piece of work,” he continues, laughing awkwardly.

“You're not a piece of work, you don't need fixing,” Minho says, frowning. “Besides, we have all the time in the world to figure out our dynamic. I’m not going to suddenly ditch you because of stuff like this.”

“You're sure it isn't too much for you?”

“I’m still sitting here with you, aren't I?”

Seungmin takes a shaky breath, his vision blurring with tears. With no warning, he engulfs Minho in a hug, burying his face in the older’s shoulder and curling his fingers into the back of Minho's shirt. “I really like you, Lee Minho,” Seungmin says, blinking back tears.

Minho gently pulls away from the hug, but he doesn't stray far, keeping close and cupping Seungmin’s face with both of his hands. Delicately, he uses his thumbs to wipe away Seungmin’s tears, his touch featherlight.

“I like you too, so don't worry.” Minho punctuates his sentence with a peck to Seungmin’s lips. “I’m willing to figure out what works best for us. Okay?”

“Okay,” Seungmin agrees. “Thank you for listening and being patient.”

“Of course.”

Before they head back to the apartment, Seungmin kisses Minho one more time, purposeful and insistent. They walk back with their fingers intertwined between them.

When they get back to the apartment, Minho helps Seungmin gather his things to head back to his own apartment. Once Jisung and Seungmin get back to their own place, Seungmin tries to head to his own room, but Jisung stops him in his tracks.

“Sit,” Jisung says, pointing to the couch.

“Am I a dog?” Seungmin asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Jisung answers, “I want to talk to you.”

“Meong meong,” Seungmin says, playing into the bit. He sits on the couch anyway, and Jisung follows, pulling his feet up so he's cross-legged and facing Seungmin. Seungmin mirrors his posture.

“I assume you want to talk to me about Minho-hyung,” Seungmin says.

Jisung gasps dramatically, putting a hand over his heart. “How did you know?” Jisung asks, feigning shock. Seungmin just stares at him, unimpressed, so Jisung drops the act.

“You two are really friends now?” Jisung asks, his eyes shining with excitement. “I genuinely didn't think I would ever see the day. How did it happen?”

Seungmin thinks back to the night of the party, chewing on his lower lip. “It's kind of personal? Something happened and we bonded over it. That's all I want to say.”

“Are you friends or just, like, tolerating each other?”

Neither, Seungmin wants to say. “Friends.”

“So that means you'd be fine with me inviting him over more often now? You won't run off if I do?”

“Yeah.”

Jisung smiles wide, practically vibrating with giddiness. “I’m proud of you, for giving him a chance. I’m sure the rest of our friends will agree.”

Seungmin just hums, and Jisung gets up from the couch, patting the younger boy on the head. “I’ll probably invite him over tomorrow. There's this one movie we wanted to watch together. You can join, if you want.”

“I’ll probably just stay in my room, but thanks for the offer.”

“Anytime.”

When Jisung heads off to his own room, Seungmin pulls out his phone, heading to his message thread with Minho. Before sending any messages, he changes the older boy's contact name.

kim seungmin
hey hyung
jisung is gonna invite you over tomorrow
do you think you'll come?

Minho responds quickly, as he always does.

minho-hyung :)
yeah, i’m not busy
you'll be there, right?

kim seungmin
i'll be in my room
but you're welcome to join me
although jisung wants to watch a movie with you
so i doubt you'll have many chances

minho-hyung :)
i'll find a chance
i’ll make sure to see you before i leave
i want to actually talk to you about something

kim seungmin
and that is?

minho-hyung :)
i know we aren't dating but
i think it would be useful to set boundaries
so we know what we're both comfortable with
and how we want to define everything

kim seungmin
oh okay
that sounds really good
i'll see you tomorrow?

minho-hyung :)
i'll be there
♡

The first half of the next day is rather uninteresting, Seungmin mainly stays in his room and studies. The next semester is quickly approaching, and he wants to prepare as much as he can, as he usually does.

Minho comes sooner than expected, actually showing up while Jisung is out running a few errands, which gives them the perfect opportunity to talk alone in Seungmin’s room, just as promised.

“So,” Seungmin says, facing Minho on his bed. “Do you want to go first?”

“If you want me to.”

“Go ahead.”

Minho hums, his eyes flicking around the room as he thinks. “I don't have a lot of explicit boundaries, I’d say,” Minho starts, returning his attention to Seungmin. “I’m fine with a lot of things, but if something comes up, I won't hesitate to tell you. I’m fine with PDA but not too much of it, I don't really care if our friends know about our relationship or not, and I’m happy with the boyfriend label if that's what you want too.”

Seungmin blinks, processing Minho’s statements one by one. Minho wants to be his boyfriend. Minho is willing to date Seungmin, even after everything that's happened. He takes a deep breath, preparing his next words in his head.

“I feel like—I think everything you said, I also agree with,” Seungmin says, “but I want to just say something extra. I’m fine with kissing, making out, whatever. But nothing past that unless I explicitly tell you I want it, and that's going to be rare, so bear with me.”

“That's alright with me.”

“You're sure?”

“Yes, Seungmin.”

Seungmin can’t help the smile forming on his face, nor can he calm the racing of his heart. “So, does this make us boyfriends?”

“If you want that, then yes.”

“I do want that.”

Minho grins, scooting closer to Seungmin on the bed. “So, boyfriend, are you sure you don't want to join me and Jisung for the movie?”

“Maybe for a little bit,” Seungmin says, trying to ignore the warming of his cheeks. “I’m pretty tired, I've been studying all day.”

“When’s Jisung coming back?”

Seungmin glances at the time on his phone. “In thirty minutes, probably?”

Minho pushes himself off of the bed, beckoning for Seungmin to follow. “Come take a quick nap on the couch with me.”

That's how Seungmin ends up lying down on the main room’s couch, his head resting on Minho’s lap, with the older boy’s fingers carding through his hair.

“Your thighs are really firm,” Seungmin comments.

Minho laughs, petting Seungmin’s head. “It's because I’m a dancer,” he says, moving to massage the back of Seungmin's neck. The younger boy hums contentedly, his eyes slipping shut.

after

children in their 20s (8 members)

kim seungmin
minho-hyung and i have an announcement

chan-hyung
please tell me you're actually friends now
this better be a friendship announcement

minho-hyung :)
oh, it isn't
we aren't friends

innie
chan hyung idk why you had hope for them

minho-hyung :)
seungminnie and i are boyfriends actually

6 people are typing…

Seungmin shuts his phone off, meeting eyes with Minho and laughing. “We're going to need to address that eventually, you know.”

Minho hums, tugging Seungmin closer and pressing a kiss to the corner of this mouth. “Wanna place a bet on who shows up knocking first?” Minho asks.

“Oh, please,” Seungmin says, “we both know it'll be Jisung. He lives here.”

As if on cue, there's a frantic knocking on the door. “Kim Seungmin, Lee Minho, you better get your asses out here and explain this!” Jisung yells through the door.

The two of them burst into laughter, and Jisung knocks even harder.

“He's gonna break the door down if you don't let him inside,” Minho remarks.

Seungmin shrugs, meeting Minho’s lips for a few moments before giggling to himself. “He knows how to pick locks, he'll be in here in a minute or two.”

Minho recaptures Seungmin’s mouth, not replying. Seungmin reciprocates, genuinely not caring if Jisung sees them. Let the world see, for all he cares.

Seungmin from a month or two ago never would've guessed that he'd be in this position, kissing the boy who used to make his life even harder than it already was. He would have laughed if someone told him this is how things would turn out, but life has a way of throwing random things at you when you least expect it.

He's not complaining, though.