Chapter Text
Ping
(Unknown Number)
Ned help!
Ned I got stabbed!
(Unknown Number)
This isn’t Ned.
How did you get stabbed?
(Unknown Number)
Ned this isn’t funny it’s bleeding a lot.
(Unknown Number)
I’m not Ned
How deep is it?
(Unknown Number)
I can see yellow stuff.
(Unknown Number)
Okay, so apply pressure, and clean the wound. Then, grab your first aid kit, and grab the needle and thread, use a basic stitch and pull tightly.
After you finish, put the gauze or something over it.
How did you get stabbed?
(Unknown Number)
i was on a late night walk
and someone was feeling ✨✨stabby✨✨
Who r u?
(Unknown Number)
That’s classified, why were you walking at night?
In New York?
(Unknown Number)
because im quirky like that.
art thou a spy?
(Unknown Number)
???
Why do you think that?
(Unknown Number)
Only a spy or police would say ThAt’s ClAsSiFiEd
So yeah.
Unknown Number changed Unknown number’s name to Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.
(Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.)
Really kid?
(Unknown Number)
how do you know I’m a kid?
🤔🤔
(Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.)
You type like one.
What’s your name?
(Unknown Number)
ThAt’S cLaSsIfIed-
(Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.)
Real original. In that case.
Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound. Has changed Unknown Number’s name to A Child.
_____________
Peter fondly smiled at his phone, he was not a child! He was a teenager. Thank you very much!
“Peter, I'm back with the pizza!”
“Coming Aunt May!”
Typing a quick farewell, he ran down the hall and practically appeared at the table.
“That was quick! What’s got you so happy?”
“You know when you type something wrong? “
“Yes?”
“I typed Ned’s new number wrong, and found myself in contact with a new person! I’m pretty sure we’re friends!”
“Good going Peter!”
About twenty minutes later, May left to work a late shift. And Peter dawned his Spider-Man suit.
_____________
Natasha stared at her phone, that was interesting. Rolling her eyes, she made her way down to the common room, where Clint appeared to be tormenting Sam from above in the vents with Pietro.
“Stop it!”
“No!”
“What are you! Five!?”
“Nope! Admit you stop my chocolate bar!”
“Oh that was yours?”
“Yes!”
“Sorry alright!”
“It had my name on it! How did you miss that!?”
“My eyesight! Is not that good!”
She sighed.
“Friday?”
“Yes Miss Natasha?”
“Are you recording this?”
“I have been for the last twenty minutes. “
“Send it to me will you?”
“Of course. “
She rolled her eyes and gave a low sigh as Clint threw his hearing aid at Sam.
She was going to have stop this, but was she, nah.
“ Nick Fury wishes to speak with the avengers”
____________
Later that night.
___________
Spider-Man swung from rooftop to rooftop, stopping crime, and saving cars from trees.
And stopping guys that were feeling stabby that day.
Eventually around midnight he turned in.
But insomnia was truly a powerful foe when you were a teenage superhero.
Who worked after hours.
And his gummy melatonin tablets were out.
His eyes drifted to his phone.
Was he going to bother his new friend?
Yes.
Yes he was.
________________
A Child.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Hey.
Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound
What ребенок?
A Child
Child really?
Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.
You know Russian?
A Child.
Yep!
Because I’m quirky like that!
Anyways-
__________-
Peter let loose a soft sigh, that was really really close .
If he had spilled that secret, he might as well say, he was born in the Red Room and trained in Hydra.
__________
Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound.
Why are you up? Isn’t a school night.
A Child.
As a wise man once said “thou art a bitch insomnia “
Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound
‘Snort’ true
A Child
Did u just snort over text?
Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound
Yes, you got a prob with that?
A Child
Jerk!
Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound
How’s the stab wound, in case you didn't notice, I am not pleased that you didn’t go to a hospital.
A Child
Ew grammar.
________
Natasha snorted lightly into her hand, yes this was a child.
“Natasha is there something you wou like to share with the class?”
“Nope. “
________
Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound
Yes, grammar. Use it, it’ll get you a job!
A Child.
Rude. Anyhow, the stab wound is doing nicely, you sound like my mom, granted I only knew her for the first three years of my life-
Oh hey!
A Child. has changed Spy Lady who told me how to stitch a stab wound’s name to шпион мама
A Child.
Lol imagine having a childhood!
шпион мама
Kid don’t joke about that.
A Child.
Who you gonna tell? My mom? Jokes on you!
Okay but I’m all seriousness, from the bottom of my heart, I am very very sorry. Don’t block me, you are the first friend who doesn’t think I’m weird, or that sticks around me because I stand up to bullies for them-sry not sry Star Wars Buddy
шпион мама
It’s okay kid, one of my friends jokes as a result of trauma as well.
A Child.
Still sry.
Anyhow-
My friends also have trauma-
One was raised in unpleasant circumstances, another was abused for being different, then there’s me, we are a ✨quirky✨ bunch.
шпион мама
That’s a lot of trauma, so you need therapy?
A Child.
You are really like my mom.
It’s kinda scary.
шпион мама
Did you just use proper grammar?
Or am I going insane?
Also why are you fire walls so good?
A Child.
yes, shut up.
I like my privacy.
шпион мама
Like wise.
A Child.
I’m going to try to get some sleep before I cuss someone out in Russian.
шпион мама
Good night
Also why is that a bad thing?
A Child.
I got tired of a bully being mean so I began to call him a ублюдок and say it meant some thing else, eventually one of his friends caught on, long story short I got a three day suspension because his family is rich as fuck, don’t you dare say language. And they donate a lot to the school, he’s not that smart so he usually cheats.
шпион мама
That’s rough, anyhow get some sleep.
A Child.
Спокойной ночи
__________
Peter crawled into bed. His head pounded from a heavy blow he got earlier, it became clear to him he had a concussion.
He was fine.
Hydra had done worse.
__________
Natasha looked back up at the meeting.
“I need you lot to track down Spider Man and get his real identity. “
“Why?”
“So we can make sure he is doing things legally.”
“He looks after the small guys while we do the big stuff, plus he’s funny. “
Really Tony?
“It’s better if we know this so we can-“
“Treat him like a criminal like the Accords, would we do?”
“Offer him a place in the Avengers. “
“Fine, but only for that reason.”
Natasha rolled her eyes.