Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The Invitation

Shadow was tired.

Not physically. His genetics were such that it was unusual for his stamina to be phased in the slightest, but mentally, emotionally? That was a different story.

It felt like he’d been fighting, running, working against or despite some unseen adversary for so long he couldn’t remember what it was like to live with ease.

But maybe this was normal. Perhaps this was what everyone felt.

Maybe this was just life.

Shadow sighed heavily at that thought and reached down to snag the small stack of mail from the base of his apartment door. He slotted his key in the lock, mind continuing to wander. He knew for some the monotony of a lackluster career would numb minds and smother spirits, but he worked for G.U.N. His days weren’t spent behind a desk, or at least not solely. Instead, he traveled the globe using his unique abilities and skills to safeguard the world and all its peoples. He’d had more adventures and adrenaline rushes than he could count. It should be enough. He should feel fulfilled. He should be happy.

So why did he feel so empty?

The agent tossed his mail on the entryway table as he sidled into the two bedroom unit G.U.N. provided for him. It was open and relatively spacious considering what few options there were in the center of Station Square with true brick facade and old paned windows that sometimes frosted on the inside during the winter months. The space brimmed with natural light during the day, feeding his assortment of plants and basking his favorite reading chair in warmth. It was nice. It suited him and his tastes.

It should have been a place to which he felt eager to return, somewhere he felt safe, relieved, secure… happy. And yet, as the clang of his keys and the slap of mail hitting his entryway table echoed in the hollow silence of his apartment, he felt everything but. Coming home did nothing but amplify the thrumming ache in his chest. The one he’d carried with him for so long he was becoming more and more ambivalent to it.

It wasn’t something wrong. It wasn’t something to fix. It was just the way it was.

Shadow slipped off his skates and kicked the door shut with a socked foot before stalking toward his refrigerator. He knew he should cook, that it was healthier, cheaper, but… he couldn’t bring himself to go to the effort. A meal was something enjoyed, something shared. Food was simply a necessity for life.

Food would do.

He grabbed the last two slices of leftover pizza and popped them into the microwave, his eyes turning back toward his door as he leaned against dark gray countertops. Maybe if he stared long enough it would open. Maybe someone would come in. Shadow didn’t know that he even particularly cared if they would be good or bad, enemy or friend.

They’d still be someone.

He turned his back, pushing down the weight of silence and facing the yellow light of the microwave as it warmed his dinner. Rouge had visited a few times after Team Dark had disbanded, but she spent much of her time running her club and tolerating the big red oaf she occasionally referred to as her ‘future husband’ when intoxicated. He didn’t blame her for not visiting more. He could hardly talk. He hadn’t been to Central City in years.

Almost 10, to be exact.

His microwave beeped, startling him from his thoughts. He shook himself slightly and pulled out the plate, grabbing a napkin as he walked by his dining room table and toward the living room. As he passed the doorway again, something caught his eye, and he paused, brows furrowing with curiosity.

He shifted his plate to one hand, the other reaching out to disturb and move the stack of mail, revealing something that was definitely not a bill, not with that coloring.

Not with that handwriting.

Shadow felt something twist in his stomach, his hunger all but forgotten as he set his plate down and picked up a bright pink envelope addressed to him in handwriting so poor Shadow was surprised it’d found him in the first place. A corner of his mouth ticked up as he traced a finger over the bright blue script that spelled out his name.

He turned the letter over and carefully opened it with a gloved thumb before pulling out shimmering gold cardstock.

Between one breath and the next, his world was upended. His heart stopped. His stomach fell. The earth disappeared from beneath his feet, and he was left reeling and tumbling with no sense of up or down, left or right.

His hand shook as he read the text printed elegantly in rose-colored ink.

Shadow swallowed hard against rising bile. He felt sick. The 10th was less than a week away. Why… why would Sonic send this? They hadn’t spoken since… not since Shadow left.

In a split second, Shadow found himself in the midst of a memory he’d spent the past decade trying to forget.

He’d been in his late teenage years, stupid, and shockingly oblivious to the way the world worked despite his miserable experiences. At that point, he’d known Sonic for roughly four years, their relationship slowly evolving from enemies to rivals and then to friends despite himself. It wasn’t something he planned. It wasn’t something he wanted. He’d done that before. Opened up, let someone in. He knew how it ended, and he knew how much it hurt.

Sonic didn’t give him a choice. Somehow, that stupid, annoyingly persistent blue hedgehog got through Shadow’s walls almost as if they’d never been there in the first place. Of course Shadow had tried to fight it, but could you fight the inevitable? Prolong it perhaps, but not prevent it.

As time wore on, those feelings of annoyance and reluctant friendship shifted. Shadow found himself wanting to spend more time with Sonic. He found himself needing it, almost craving it. He found himself drawn to the hero’s smiles, his laughs. He found that he wanted, more than anything, to be the cause of Sonic’s joy. He found his eyes lingering on Sonic’s body, his own reacting in unfamiliar ways that left him wondering and guessing at everything until finally…

He made the connection. He had feelings. Romantic ones. For Sonic.

After that, everything amplified as though by acknowledging the truth in his heart, Shadow made it stronger somehow. He wondered if Sonic knew, if he guessed. He wondered even more if the other felt the same. It plagued him. It haunted him. It wore him down until he couldn’t sleep, he couldn’t eat. Every battle and fight to protect the world became riskier and riskier because his thoughts were devoted to the hedgehog he’d once despised.

Finally, it was too much. One final, brutal battle with Eggman, and everything brimmed over. He’d turned to the ragged, oil-stained blue hedgehog looking at him over the shattered, piled remains of badniks they’d destroyed together, and swore he’d never seen anything so spectacularly wondrous as Sonic the Hedgehog. He was stunning, beautiful, and just the sight of him made Shadow’s heart thump wildly with a sense of rightness he’d never felt elsewhere.

Sonic had met his gaze, panting and exhausted but still holding a gleam in his emerald eyes that said he’d enjoyed every minute of the fight. “There,” the hero had shrugged nonchalantly, brushing his hands together to dislodge larger pieces of dirt and grime, “that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

Shadow had let out a short laugh, glancing around the stacks of smoke billowing toward the sky, a handful of their teammates a short distance away cheering with the exhilaration of their hard-fought victory. “Just another day’s work.”

Sonic had moved closer and clapped Shadow on the shoulder, meaning to walk past him, but Shadow caught his hand and pulled him back. Sonic raised an eyebrow when Shadow didn’t let go, and Shadow felt his heart seize. This was it. It had to be. All the things he’d imagined himself saying, confessing, vowing to Sonic slipped from his mind in his panic, and instead he blurted out a fumbled, “I like you.”

Sonic tilted his head slightly, an amused smile breaking out across his face. “That’s really something from you, Shads. I like you, too.”

Sonic started to pull away, but Shadow kept his grip and inhaled deeply, gathering his courage. “I don’t just like you. I–I love you.”

Sonic stopped moving, and Shadow thought for a moment that must be a good sign, because Sonic wasn’t running. He wasn’t fighting, he wasn’t pushing him away, he was still and quiet.

Actually… maybe that was bad….

“I don’t know when I started to think of you as more than a rival,” he continued quickly, lest his courage fail him. “I don’t know when I began to consider you a friend. But, somehow, despite all that, sometimes I think I had feelings for you from the very beginning.”

“Feelings–?” Sonic pulled away harder, and this time Shadow let him. “Y-you… you’re… attracted to me?”

“Yes,” Shadow freely admitted.

“This whole time?”

“The sexual attraction came later, but–”

“Whoa, whoa,” Sonic said, holding his hands up as though to keep Shadow at bay. “I like you, okay? You’re a cool dude, but–”

Shadow felt pain spear his heart. “A cool dude?”

“--but I’m not gay, you know? I’m not into guys.” Sonic’s eyes flicked to the ground and he swallowed hard, backing away further. “And, you know, I’m sorry if I sent mixed signals, but I, uh, you know I’m flattered, but–”

Shadow tensed, a veil coming down to cover the inward shattering of his hopes and dreams. His expression was that of trained neutrality. “I see. My apologies for making you uncomfortable.”

“No, no, I’m not uncomfortable–,” Sonic started.

“You’re clearly uncomfortable.”

“No, it’s not that! I mean, you’re a nice-looking fellow, and any guy would be lucky to–”

Shadow turned to walk away. “Just stop.”

“Shadow, c’mon, wait!”

“Forget I said anything,” Shadow had called over his shoulder as he sped away.

He sure as hell knew he wanted to.

After that, Shadow had left the city. He’d moved to G.U.N.’s primary headquarters in Station Square. Eggman had been defeated. There was no civil unrest, no battles to be fought, no major crime to deter.

There was no reason to stay.

Sonic had tried to reach out. He’d texted a few times, tried to call once, but Shadow had ignored the attempts at contact. What was there to say? Shadow couldn’t take back what he’d said just as he couldn’t make his feelings magically disappear. If he’d been able to do that, they would have never existed from the start.

But life didn’t work that way.

Eventually he’d fallen out of touch with most of The Resistance. He’d separated himself from nearly everyone in his old life. Rouge opened her club, Omega traveled hunting down the last few remaining badniks, and he….

Existed.

Shadow turned the envelope over in his hand, noting the postmark date was just three days ago. His eye ridges furrowed, still trying to sort out why Sonic wanted him there. He’d seen the hero on the news, read about him in articles, knew he was doing all the good that he’d always done. He’d even known he was dating Amy.

It was hard to avoid that one…. The press’ darling couple. No matter that he wanted Sonic’s happiness, he still felt sick every time he saw the pink hedgehog draped across the person his own heart still called his.

Shadow walked past his tepid dinner and sat on the edge of his couch. Around him the silence screamed. Maybe… maybe Sonic had invited him so they could talk about what happened. Maybe that’s what Shadow needed too. Maybe he needed closure. Maybe if he was fully able to heal… maybe he could find someone else. Maybe there could be someone else to make his heart swell with love. Maybe there could be a reason to cook, a reason to share, a reason to come… home.

Shadow set the letter down and pulled his phone from his quills, mind made up.

After a moment and a few rings, a familiar sultry voice answered his call.

“Rouge? I need a favor.”