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Craig POV
“Clyde, what the hell are we doing at the football field,” He was already climbing half-way up the wire fencing before he could even explain why he had taken me to the high school’s home field long after football season was even over, July 4th, at 8:00 at night.
Still silent, I watched as his eyes were strictly focused on the metal poles and bars holding up the stadium’s bleachers, littered with old, spilled popcorn scattered on the gravel and paper soda cups no one bothered to pick up after slipping them down between the seats.
“We’re missing the neighborhood fireworks,” I grunted. The sounds of distant “BANG”s and “BOOM”s without bright colors accompanying them was pissing me off, considering of how much Ruby had been rambling on about explosives for the past week. I could at least watch them after all I went through waiting for the day when she’d shut up to come around. Clyde froze his feet and peeked down through his arms to glare at me, round emeralds seemingly glowing with tension. His eyebrows furrowed as he put a single finger to his pink lips.
“Shh. Gimme a minute,” he whispered. A hand reached to grab the top beam holding the fencing together and he proceeded to get the front of his sneaker caught in one of the holes and yank it back forcefully, causing about 10x more noise with clanking and clashing of metal against metal than a mellow grumble that is my own voice. He freed his foot and raised his loose leg over and around the top of the fence and hooked his foot on the opposite side, other leg following as he shifted his hands’ positions. Bending his knees, Clyde leaped backwards off the wire and landed with a soft crack of shoes on stone, back facing me, lanky legs catching their balance and straightening themselves once again. He huffed and turned around to look at me, like I’d left in the past 30 seconds, which was likely if I wasn’t his boyfriend as of a few weeks ago. Unfortunately, me leaving was probably still an option because he signaled his palms up.
“Stay here, the gate’s over around there,” and he dashed off along the other side. I don’t know what he’s planning. I was sure we’d get caught, and it’s not like an empty, dark football field is any more entertaining that some goofy fireworks show. Must have been the unpopular opinion that night because the school hallway lights weren’t even on, no one was working late and everyone was out watching the colors and burning their feet on missing sparklers in the grass. Besides maybe the street lamps in the parking lot, there was nothing nice to see here.
“Yooo, over here!” Except him, maybe.
Clyde spoke up about 20 feet away, calling my name and his shady silhouette could be seen holding open a tall gate installed in the fence with one arm, waving the other. I made my way toward his direction, no objections. He was motioning me to move faster with his free hand.
“Come on, dude! I took you here for a reason, “ I purposely continued walking at the same pace to annoy him. I’ve got nothing more to lose, the fireworks sound over. Also he’s adorable when he’s frustrated. He grumbled but immediately let his impatience go as I stepped through the open gate, allowing the metal to slam shut with another loud “CLANK.”
“Yeah, I know. You’re jealous that I’ll be admiring the fireworks more than you,” I replied, looking back at him while he pushed a peg at the top of the fencing down, locking the gate. He shook the gate to check that it was locked and started forward to catch up to my walking. Shoving his hands into the front pockets of his letterman jacket, he puffed his chest and bit and put his shoulders back. Clyde, since elementary, has had about 5 million growth spurts in a short while and is significantly taller than me, probably by ¾ of a foot. I’m about the halfway point of his neck as of now, so despite it good for your back or something, I’m positive he only tries to stand up straight to confirm to me that he is now much, much taller. He gave me one of his stupid snarky smiles and cocked his eyebrow. Shit, I should not have said that. I love it when he does that. And he fucking knows.
I expected him to brashly call me out on my heart completely stopping at his attractive face, but he only paused and looked straight ahead again, smile melting away quickly. He brushed it off as nothing and saved me another life. Sweet Jesus. Although, my eyes were still locked on his, caught in the recent past of Clyde smiling like some hot 50s greaser, white teeth and plump lips pulled back into pure fucking beauty. I don’t know what the hell the girls thought back then, Clyde being put near the bottom of a list with the most attractive boys. This boy was practically a movie star as of junior year. Christ, where am I going with this. He bit his lip, which was what I may have been heavily focused on after my eyes trailed down the side of his face and around his jawline. He does that when he’s trying not to smile, or even better, laugh.
Wait. Shit.
My vision darted back to his bright green orbs, which were very unfortunately looking back in my direction. Startled, I ended up cracking my neck the slightest at the speed of turning straightforward and focused on the nearest object as we continued to step closer to the back of the bleachers. Ah, yes, a skittles wrapper. I wonder who had those. Probably some asshole. Yeah. Litter is terrible for the world. What the hell was he thinking.
Clyde busted his fuse and snorted,and I paced forward a little faster, turning my head back slightly to look at him bending over, laughing. He planned the entire thing from the second it began.
“Like you’re even missing anything right now, dude. My face seems more interesting to you than the fireworks anyway,” he choked out. My heart raced and I felt my ears start to burn. This has been the norm since before any romance even went down between us. God, I hate him sometimes. I started toward him, hoping it was dark enough to hide the redness of my face and neck.
“Vain little shit, I’ll look at what I wanna look at. I zoned out.” I felt my eye was twitch out of annoyance but I could still feel myself grinning unsarcastically. What the actual fuck is he doing to me. Clyde stood up after about falling over from laughter when I finally approach him. Without even looking, the brunette wrapped his arms around my shoulders and leaned in for one of his stupid bearhugs. Jokes on him, he’s the one constantly craving the chance to hug or cuddle me, that’s more than just simple admiration.
But, that must of been his ever-so-meaningful apology because he didn’t let go for a while. Squeezing my arms to my sides just the tiniest bit tighter, Clyde turned his head and buried his nose in my neck. I let my breathing slow down and move in sync with his before he let go, a warm smirk still lingering across his face. If anyone can smirk like a doofus but make it full of feeling and understanding, it’s Clyde.
“Asshole, “ I grumbled. I don’t let it bug me that much, however. I hate how he can completely control my embarrassment, and the fact that he loves it, but I like how he knows my emotions. He can read me like a newspaper with a whole new level of respect that I’ve never even witnessed and I really love it. I’ll never tell him that, though. That, and how he can make me smile just by fucking looking at me. Clyde knows full well that a relationship isn’t something I or anybody else is required to have, but he doesn’t know that it’s sure as hell something I want if I’ve got someone with a level of care and respect like his. He’s also a huge fucking dork, that’s a plus.
“Pff. You’re adorable,” he coos. I don’t bother to say the usual reply like, “stupid” or “dumbo” and just roll my eyes. Clyde shifts and makes his way to my side again after bending over a bit and pecking my forehead. I scrunch my nose on contact and smile. I find myself tapping his hand with my pointer at our sides, triggering his fingers to intertwine with mine. We’ve done this for so long already, it feels as though his thickish, football palms and fingers fit perfectly in the spaces between my own; long, nimble, and pale. His hands are the slightest bit clammy from climbing on the metal, but still warm to the touch. Despite it being July, the night was freezing and I didn’t have my chullo hat to warm my ears. Mum said it was dumb to wear in the middle of the summer, so I just rolled with it to avoid some stupid argument. I don’t really care. I figured eventually Clyde would offer up his jacket like usual, or I’d just ask for it. Either way, a Red Racer t-shirt and jeans was not enough warmth for my stick figure arms and legs and practically entire body. I wished I was still being hugged. What are we even doing here.
“So, what are you planning, Donovan? You made me miss the fireworks for what,” I questioned. We had already stepped up the stairs through the opening to the field in the center of the bleachers, greeted with a dark, outdoor stadium full of empty layers of seats covered with old gum and scattered crumbs. Clyde only looked to me and gave me a toothy grin that lit up the entire field. Reaching into this pocket he pulled out a pair of keys and whipped them around his finger before grasping them in his hand again.
“Newbie coach left them on the desk at tryouts for the team. They open the room where all the commentary happens at games, “ he pointed up to a room at the top of the home team bleachers, normally holding the announcers and a camera crew, and continued, “ There’s a ladder in there leading to the roof of that thing and I thought I’d take you up there.”
I stared in disbelief at his excited face. This was the same kid that took the time to read the Terms and Conditions in fourth grade.
“The hell dude? This isn’t you,” I wanted to laugh, but I couldn’t. This wasn’t normal. At all. He could get kicked off the team for this, who knows how that’d crush him. He released his fingers from mine and raced up the bleachers, stepping in between the seats, careful not to trip.
“Relax. Stan’s always talking about him and Wendy sneaking into the field at night and they don’t ever get caught. Course, they don’t steal the keys to the skybox…” He paused, freezing his hands like he was about to regret opening the door, but he just shrugged and held the second door tonight open for me.
“Whatever you say,” Just roll with it, I thought. I still had to get used to trusting him more than just my best friend. I stepped through the door frame into the room.
The “skybox” was awfully small without any drywall, just sheets of metal surrounding the perimeter of the room that were smelted together and painted white. At the front was a thick, glass window view the entirety of the football field. To view the field you were accompanied by a desk cluttered with soundboards and microphones, swivel chairs, and a few tripods awaiting to hold a video camera again. In the back of the room, just as Clyde explained, was a short, steel ladder leading to the roof of the room. In the midst of the night, standing there in the room felt forbidden and eerie knowing we weren't allowed here at all. Whatever. It wasn’t like I had anything to lose at school, the the teachers hated me already anyway. The tension slipped at the sound of Clyde smacking his head on the roof before opening the little trapdoor atop the ladder. I snorted and followed along behind him.
Clyde was already in awe of the heights we stood at, leaning over the bar fencing us in on top. Even without the lights glimmering over the field, you could make out the 50 yard line and the broken bulbs on the scoreboard. The windchill was lower up there, but the air was crisp, and a delight to breathe and run through your hair, whisper in your ears. I had goosebumps running up and down my arms, Clyde had already given in and draped his letterman on my shoulders (What did I tell you? It’s like he enjoys being cold for me or something), and sighed happily at the sight. Either he’d gotten over his terrible fear of heights, he refused to climb up on the counter to get things from the cupboard when he was already 9 years old, or he was just hiding it around me. Looking over at him, he had his eyes closed and was enjoying the night air. The sky shined with blue and purple and white stars like glitter on a birthday card, not to mention the moon completely ruling the atmosphere, smiling down at everyone that can see her.
Clyde ran to the other side of the roof, looking down at the school. You could see over the building all the way to the front garden where the flagpoles stood. I stepped back to his side and the closer I stood the more I noticed a large group of people surrounding the front of the school. Everyone should have been at the show or home… why…
Clyde noticed my presence next to him and pointed down at the crowd with a confused face.
“W-what are they..?” he said. But, when he spoke it wasn’t in a confused tone. Clyde spoke in an extremely sarcastic and almost parent-like, as if he was showing his kids presents under the Christmas tree put there by “Santa”. However he talked to me in that split second, it wasn’t serious.
I had about .00001 seconds to react before gasping as a trail of smoke flew from the crowd of people below and exploded into a cluster of blue and green sparkles, right in the sky above us. My ears rang and I was breathing heavy in surprise, smoke trailing off away in the sky. Clyde at one point stitched his stupid smirk back on under his nose when I yelped at the rocket exploding in the air, and he started to laugh again, more fireworks shooting into the stars and blowing into a million colorful lights of pinks and yellows on a backdrop of blue and black.
“What the FUCK?” I shouted over the sounds of gun power being lit, and Clyde only laughed harder. I felt as though my eyes were shaking they were so wide, demanding an explanation.
“Dude I thought you knew they had a show at the school tonight!” he choked out.
“Fucking no?? I’ve missed like how many days of school??? You fucking knew?” My hands we’re waving. I wasn’t mad, just probably scared for the rest of the night. It hit me though, he only took me up here to get a kick ass view of the fireworks. Still practically out of breath and screaming on the inside, I caught his laughter and rammed into him to squeeze him.
“Dude holy fucking SHIT why did you DO THIS?” My face was lit and my heart raced. It was hard to yell loud enough to be heard over the fireworks exploding left and right. His smile was was big enough to cause him to squint a little bit, but he gave me another “Shush “ finger and said something I thought to be, “ Just watch! “
Up close, the show was beautiful. The stars acted like everlasting lights in the background, shining through the clouds of smoke caused by the huge explosions of colors and shapes, like millions of people took fist-fulls of glitter and threw them into the air at once. The fireworks shot out hearts and rainbows and colors like they came straight from an artist’s paint collection. My heart seemed to slow with time, yet still beating ever so hard, every spark I witness sending me to fall deeper, further into what people could call love. I turned to him, checking to see the same emotions rushing through his veins as they are in mine. But I don’t.
Instead, I catch him red-handed, a fusion of peridot and emerald in his eyes looking back in admiration at me, despite the presentation of tints and floating light reflecting off the face of the moon just beside us. He looked lost in a mix of emotions, and his eyes we’re glassy. Oh man, he’s gonna cry. But he’s still got the same smile stitched onto his face. He noticed me looking and turned away quickly, embarrassed. He cupped a hand to his mouth, hiding his wonderful smile from me. How dare he.
I grabbed his wrist with one of my hands and pulled him close with the other around the back of his neck, giving probably one of the biggest “thank you” kisses I’d ever give. His neck started to burn under my palm and his lips were tense and stiff, but he soon melted into my grasp, letting his arm pull my waist in closer against him, his thumb giving gentle rubs down my lower back. My remaining hand released his wrist and made it’s way to his jawline and face. Clyde leaned in further and forced his lips harder against mine passionately, furrowing his eyebrows and hitching his breath. He begged for more with his hands, pulling at my waist like it could get any closer to his. His cheeks were soft and felt damp with few tears. I pulled away from his bite, lips in a smile meant to show comfort, care. Sure, I probably can’t do it as well as him, but it worked, because he gave me a tiny smile as I wiped his cheeks with the glide of my thumb.
“Clyde, hey, why are you crying, dude?” I chuckled, tenor crackling while I spoke, he was close to almost making me cry. The brunette’s hair was all over, covering his eyes and forehead. I could somehow still see him gazing back through his bangs longingly, eyes watery. I brushed his hair away, awaiting a reply. Clyde was so much more bigger and stronger from when I first knew him, but really he’s still just a kid. He started to sniffle.
“G-god… do you.. do you know how beautiful you are when.. you’re happy? “ He was choking on his own tears by then, looking away. I have him in my hold, he’s not running away. Not when’s going to make me cry like this. New tears started running down his cheeks, but he laughed as I continued to wipe them all up.
“Clyde! Oh… oh my god dude don’t cry you emotional baby.” Usually when you see your partner, or husband or wife or even just your best friend cry you’d expect your heart to break and fall apart, but not for a minute did I imagine anything but my heart beat for the loser I’m currently holding in front of me, even as the first trails of salty tears started to run down my cheeks.
Clyde was desperately trying to talk normally through his hiccups and sniffles, apologizing and laughing every other word. I made my arm up to my face to rub my own tears away on his jacket and he lightly pushed me away to ball his fists and rub his eyes, coughing up the last bit of his crying.
“I-I’m sorry I didn’t want you to cry! Uhum… ugh hell, I didn’t want to cry, oh my god I’m so sorry,” he rambled on. I don’t even know how many times he apologized to me, I was caught in the moment of watching my boyfriend build himself up again right in front of me. It’s almost mysterious how quickly he can do it.
“How do you do that so fast? How to you just… cheer yourself up like that?” I asked. As bad as ruining the moment is, I couldn’t let my curiosity sit there.
Clyde stopped apologizing and turned at me, confused. He stared at me before realizing he had to reply.
“O-oh uh.. I.. don’t know… maybe I’m used to it or something. Wait no! I’m not upset! I’m actually, really.. happy right now. Yeah. No, I couldn’t be any more happy right now I’m not sad I promise.”
His reactions were bipolar and unexpected. He kept apologizing and changing his mind but never did his cute little smile leave his face. His hair was messy from the breeze running it’s fingers into it and through his own tears he was still the prettiest guy I’d ever seen.
I’m so extremely lucky.
I still didn’t want to see him cry anymore. Stepping closer again I leaned in and kissed his cheek gently. His tears had stopped, and after me he had stopped as well. I let my eyes wander up and down his figure and tapped his shoulder with my pointer finger. Looking back up, his eyebrows raised the slightest bit and I knew I had his attention.
“Hey, “ I spoke, interrupting the silence. He kept eye contact with me and I could see he was trying to read my emotions again.
“...Hm?” he replied almost anxiously.
“I love you.”
My voice felt like pure warmth being sent to him, calming him down. His eyes relaxed and he kissed my forehead again. I didn’t even need words to know of the care and fondness radiating from him to me and me only. I sighed and leaned against him, resting my head on his chest. Fireworks were still being set off, the sounds of explosions and whistles and cheering erupting our surroundings, but the only could I hear the sound of his slow, golden heart beating in sync with mine.
“You believe me, right? You’re… incredibly beautiful when you’re even just the littlest bit happy. I.. just a minute ago not only we’re you just ecstatic, you.. your eyes were lit up with excitement and your smile… heh. I don’t know,” he said. He couldn’t see my face, but I had hoped he felt me smile through his shirt. The hum of his chest when he spoke made my stomach churn with butterflies a little bit, but I felt at home.
“Then… Then you looked over and caught me watching and smiled straight at me and… shit, it kind struck me that I’m the reason you’re here and that you’re feeling alive and happy and I guess I broke down? And... “ He didn’t know how to finish it off, so he kissed the top of my head and hugged me tighter to give me the picture. I took the attempt at speaking for him.
“I thought it was because you went completely hypocritical and got lost in my face and turned away to hide you’re fucking embarrassment of getting rekt by just a glimpse of my unbelievable face, “ I cackled. Clyde laughed at my pointless use of “rekt” and sighed again, slowly, like the last of the nerves engulfing his body had finally disappeared.
“Yeah, okay. That too.” I couldn’t see his face, but I could definitely tell there was the usual smirk plastered on his face again.
The atmosphere and air was comfortable. You’d think it’d be awkward and tense, but Clyde makes a fool of himself by acting all emotionally unintentionally all the time, so everyone is kind of used to it. I’ll be honest though, before that night I had never seen Clyde cry over me specifically, at least not in front of me. It was surprising, actually. I mean, his mom died because he never did something as simple as putting the toilet seat down, you’d think he’d be stressed out and anxious about every little task, something else on his mind every minute. Not how I’m way prettier when I’ve got a smile on my face. I also wonder why he even cares about that so much, he’s pretty much where I find myself smiling the most. It doesn’t bother me too much though. It’s just another way I’m being cared about, why am I complaining? Honestly, I couldn’t be more thankful deep down.
“ I love you too, “ he spoke quietly, in reply to me from earlier. Out of nowhere, I started feel his heart beat not faster, but noticeably harder, through his shirt. I didn’t say anything, but instead just hummed in return. Being in long hugs like this are one of my favorite things about being with Clyde. His arms wrapped around my back, he slouches and buries his face in the side of my neck, I’m held against his chest as he runs his fingers through my black hair, breathing and hearts in sync.
I pushed myself off gently and tilted my head upward, flashing him a sleepy smile. The fireworks were over, only God knows for how long, and the amount of warmth and cuddles I was feeling then was making me feel tired and flimsy like the smallest breath could blow me over like a piece of paper. As relaxing as drifting off into the night like a leaf would be, I couldn’t fall asleep yet.
“Let’s go down to the field. I wanna explore, “ I said. Clyde paused, but only nodded and mirrored my smile back.
Clyde POV
I didn’t really want to leave the rooftop then. Everyone down in front of the school to watch the fireworks show had left already and it was just Craig and I, in each other’s arms for I don’t even know how long, but however long it was, it was too short. I wasn’t done finger-combing his hair yet. I wasn’t done running my thumbs back and forth across his shoulder blades and feeling his slow, steady breaths bleed through my shirt making my legs feel numb and wobbly around my knees. But, like usual, I just roll with he’s doing. I already showed him the main attraction, I’d like to see what I can accomplish while having the constant ghost of Craig’s thin, soft lips pressed against mine distracting me from whatever the outside world has to offer. Stepping down the ladder after him, I made sure to let him go through the door before locking it and heading down the bleachers to the field.
Just a second before he was yawning and falling asleep standing up with only my own body to lean on and hold him up-right, so I don’t know where exactly his sudden burst of energy came from because he was running down the steps like he was late for his flight. Meanwhile, I still felt sluggish, crying over your boyfriend in front of him isn’t really the best feeling despite the fact I’m still really happy I did it. I meant it, after all. He’s adorable, beautiful, and just any good adjective you can use to describe a human being is what Craig seems to be when he’s happy. The fact that I had managed to do it all by myself was a huge accomplishment for some reason. Otherwise, I still felt grubby from having my salty tears dry on my cheeks like that. I felt stiff.
At least until my thoughts trailed back to the present and I attempted to shove the keys back into my pocket, only to find my jacket wasn’t on me anymore. Looking back up, I was reminded of Craig’s back read my last name again. My heart skipped it’s 500th beat in a matter of probably under an hour as yet another thing I crave to see appears in front of me like magic. It’s been weeks since he even agreed to a full-on relationship with me after I worked up the courage to ask him. I’m still in complete disbelief that he’s an even bigger part of my life than he was before, that he’s actually someone I can call mine, better yet, my boyfriend.
Well either way, I’ve been overly excited since then to see him and talk to him and just be with me because the small thing that’s always sitting in the back of my mind is the “ oh my gosh hey that’s my boyfriend aww god he’s so fucking cute im so lucky that Craig right there is my boyfriend yep my boyfriend this boy is taken-” and so on. Man, I was an idiot before but now I’m forgetting simple tasks and items like, for example, at football tryouts for the next year. We had finished up and I had everything right next to me waiting for my ride home, bag packed, cell phone on the bench. Turns out Craig came along and watched and approached me when it was all over and of course my stomach twists and I get all happy because, “ Oh hey is that my boyfriend, it IS! Hellooo there.”
Turns out I left my cellphone there. It’s amazing what he can do. I called him on the house phone and whether it was sarcastic or not, he was flattered so that’s alright. I went and picked it up the next morning.
I’ve honestly never cared about someone as much as I do for Craig, before he even knew I was very, very attracted to him I had such a different, home-like love-crush for him compared to all the dumb girl crushes I used to have in elementary. I’ll try to sum this up for you.
I don’t really know how to describe my feelings as anything but really strong for Craig. I’ve always had such a close relationship to him, which was much, much larger than any other friendship I’ve had with another person… I have countless unique memories and inside jokes that are much more than just a small conversation, a day together, and they play over and over again in my head. Albums and sketchbooks and novels full of things that I did together with Craig or remind me of Craig, most of which before I even had my feelings start to blossom for him. I’ve only known him probably a quarter of my life, I’ve known him since third grade, but he is, by far, the biggest and best thing that’s ever happened to me, and those two main traits that describe the wonderful life-long experience that is my best friend, boyfriend, brother, whatever he is to me, continue to grow every second I see him or text him or have him around. I could ramble for hours on end about all the things he’s done for me or given to me or just ways that he fucking changed my life and turned it around at the tiny age of 8 years old. Truthfully, I’ve always loved Craig and have told him millions of times. As of about half a year ago, I just happened to let the brother-like love I have for him in my head evolve into an even bigger part of my thoughts and into a kind of love completely new and different, letting it take over my heart just about completely. I’ve never had any kind of experience with another girl, much less another guy. Maybe when you’ve called the person you love for years now, it sticks and can eventually grow into something even more special and great, giving you probably the closest and best relationship you can have with another human being. It’s so, so much different than the butterflies I’d feel when I saw the pretty girl across the hallway in 7th grade, twiddling my thumbs and being too scared to ask to be friends at least.
Now, when I see Craig down the hallway at his locker, I’m comfortable enough to walk up to him and escort him out of the school, have my heart flutter when he would purse his lips like he does when he’s trying not to smile after I greeted him. I used to be able to love him without even telling him out loud. That situation was for the longest time, both of us acting like a complete couple but just being the closest of friends in reality, and it was fine. Eventually I just decided to accept the new sudden determination to keep Craig at his happiest level and daydreaming about how we are going to spend our lives together after we are out of school, owning our own coffee shop and bakery and buying a huge apartment when I make millions off of making the Broncos one day. It obviously wasn’t friendship vibes I was giving myself when thinking about Craig. I lived with having him flood my thoughts for a while. Our friendship soon reached its closest point in that period: We were sharing beds at sleepovers and cuddling and my feelings bursted and it felt like I was high on love every second of the day. I wasn’t nervous around him like Red in 5th grade. Instead of my heart starting to race it instead began to slow down, pound harder the longer I stayed. He gave me the feeling of home by standing next to me.
Hell, I could’ve hummed and baked cookies and sweep up all the flour like I was trapped in the middle of a movie an 11 year old would sit down and record every time it appeared on Disney channel. I wouldn’t have been far enough out of the clouds to even notice.
Eventually it came to the point where I was so desperate to scream I loved him off a mountain-top that I told him. Let me tell you, I told myself for months on end that when Craig was dropping hints I was imagining it and being lovesick again.Yet, it turned out to be the dream ending where Craig had felt the same. Mutual feelings. Time passed for us to calm down, I asked him out, and call me the luckiest guy in the world, he agrees. Here we are now, I’m only allowing my love to grow bigger and bigger just by seeing him or making him happy. Right now, my only concern is that Craig is living happily and I’m so incredibly lucky to be there to see it, cause it even. This wasn’t quite the shortest summary, but I thought I’d explain it before I end up ruining all the rest of the excitement that night with a huge jumble of words I call my feelings. I love Craig. That’s all you need to know.
“Come on, asshole,” he grunted. Rushing to glue myself to his side again, Craig waited at the bottom of the metal stairs, his hands using a mind of their own, whether they were gripping the fencing around the bleachers or motioning me down. Craig was a daydream in night, narrow, icy blue eyes making their way up and down the steps in front of me and back in contact with mine. It was starting to get really cold, I could see him shivering and sniffling, as far as I know he wasn’t crying anymore and if he was I have my shit to recount for not noticing, despite having my jacket on and zipped up around him. Still huge as ever on him, ( he won’t be growing anymore, it’s funny but really sweet having a 5’2” boyfriend ) the jacket’s faded sleeves rolled down over his palms, which he curled trying to keep warm, and the bottom fell just below his hips, catching whiffs of air and puffing out around his waist with the wind. It was odd seeing him without his usual hat though, his think black tufts of hair were enjoy their freedom and transforming him into an oversized Q-tip. In other words, he looked cute as hell. It brought my spirits up again.
“I’m coming, god, “ I groaned in an unintentional Napoleon Dynamite impression. Craig caught the reference and proceeded to grumble in reply, “Come on Tina, you fat lard,’ as I took a jump start down the last 4 steps, two painful jolts rushing through my calves as they hit the concrete. My fingers tangled themselves in Craig’s right hand right as I arrived at his side again. The tips of his fingers felt frozen against the back of my hand, so I made an immediate attempt at trying to warm him up quickly as we began walking around the fencing surrounding the football field, towards the nearest opening to the turf. Don’t ask me why, I must have been in a cheesy mood after the cinematic experience of running down a flight of stairs to my lover. I leaned in and gave him a peck on the cheek. That marks kiss number 5 for tonight… if you don’t count the small ones left on his neck without him noticing. Craig visibly quivered and let his cheeks shade themselves even rosier than what they were before. I wonder if he thinks I can’t see. He’d been blushing furiously all night. He furrowed his eyebrows and pursed his lips. My heart does front flips.
“What the hell was that for…?” He doesn’t make eye contact and stares straight forward, observing the concession sign very closely.
“You looked cold again, “ I said miraculously without a satisfied grin stitched onto my face. He glanced over at me and frowned and I broke again, soft laughter erupting from me and Craig’s face growing redder. Craig’s usually the romantic one but, taking his place sometimes is pretty entertaining if you ask me.
Craig’s face went back to its normally pale color and I caught myself daydreaming briefly, I had the stupid one where we’re living together I whip out a bunch of flowers for him on his birthday and then we go for lunch and feed the ducklings at the pond and then they start to follow him around, and we have wine later at home and slowdance in the kitchen and I kneel down to propose to him-
-A-anyway, besides my heart still jumping out of my chest, I don’t know how I managed to pull something like that and get away with it without an elbow to the ribs like usual, I felt the cushiony touch of the field’s turf under the soles of my shoes and Craig paced forward. He froze and let his eyes wander before widening and clapping his hands around the air in front of him. I walked over and he peeked in between his fingers just like he used to as kid, letting a big firefly creep up around his pinky. He lowered himself and crossed his legs into sitting position, making sure not to let the bug fly away. My eyes tried desperately to adjust and watch the little bug transition from finger to finger along Craig’s hand while I plopped down right next to him. He treated the insect with delicacy, chuckling and knowing the stupid dork inside his brain, probably naming it. The firefly crawled up to the tip of his pointer finger before blinking it’s neon light once again and buzzing it’s wings, flying away.
I knitted my fingers together behind my head and laid straight on my back, the ground a crumbly, uncomfortable mattress. I expected full silence again and Craig’s eyes to wander aimlessly through the air and down the white lines painting the field. Yet, right when I closed my eyes they were immediately looking back at him confused when he spoke up again.
“Do you know how to do a cartwheel?”
“...You didn’t sleep last night did you?”
Craig’s eyes were locked on the sidelines where the cheerleaders usually sit on the bench and shout up at the crowd in the bleachers. He stood up with just his knees as his hands tried to find a way to express his emotions, yet utterly failing.
“No, seriously dude. Like, is it easy? The girls do them all the time and like, people do them when they’re happy n’ stuff. What the hell do I do when I’m happy? My legs and hands are wanting to do backflips on the trampoline right now, can you do one?” He was thankfully oblivious to admitting he was overly-excited to be here, so it only increases my suspicion of whether or not he has slept in the past 4 days, but my memorable boyfriend urges took over and I was standing up with him.
“ I dunno. I mean, I guess we could try? It doesn’t look that hard, you just kinda…” My arms rose up over my ears and I stepped forward, stopping in my tracks and contemplating what I was about to do. I tried to step slowly when he interrupted again.
“No.. like, I think you gotta use more force. Like a running start.”
“Uh,” I replied, looking down and positioning my feet. He mimicked my position, the sleeves of my jacket loose around his wrists and falling down to his elbows. Arms stiff in the air, his feet raced forward and he flung his chest toward the ground, yet slowing down unsuccessfully getting his legs around him in a full circle, instead allowing his elbows to bend after hitting the turf and fall on his ass. He brought a finger to his lips and furrowed his eyebrows.
“You try. Keep your body straight though,” he commanded, looking back at me with his icy eyes. I gulped, positive I was about to make a huge fool of myself and nodded back at him. My feet made their way a few steps back from where they before and starting forward, launching my torso at the ground and spreading my fingers to keep my balance. A battle cry escaped from my mouth and in half a second I was completely sideways and holding myself up with my arms, my legs in midair and pulling muscles before a flipped back upward onto my feet.
“Shit,” I laughed, bent over with my hands on my thighs, the insides of my legs were burning with pulled muscles, and Craig’s eyes glazed over in amazement.
“ I fucking knew it! How the hell…” Craig once again attempted to flip over, but landed on his ass like he fell off the bed in the morning, kicking his feet and biting his lip.
“Why do you even care, dude?” I sat back down the the burning sensation calmed down.
“I don’t fucking know,” he grumbled, flopping down face first on his stomach into the rubber. He was jumpier than a cat when he zipped back up into sitting position with a disgusted look on his face.
“I forgot, they don’t clean this shit,” he sounded terrified as he brushed the bits of rubber off of his knees and chest. I puffed and spread my arms out and rested on my back again with a smug look on my face.
“Yeah. There’s a good chance you just planted your face in my own sweat,” I stated matter-of-factly, and through Craig’s eyes you could see nothing but internal screaming and he whined, making sure to express every bit of distress in his noise. I cracked, tackling him over into the turf again.
“Ack! You piece of shit, let me go already!!” He dug at my arms which were now wrapped completely around his shoulders and back as I laughed into his neck, planting tiny kisses along his jawline, where I’m positive he’s ticklish, causing him to try to push me away harder and try to stop himself from giggling. I didn’t reply and instead hugged him tighter. Craig continued to bicker and insult me but he couldn’t stop himself from grinning and giggling like a doofus as he tried to wiggle out of my hold on him.
“Come on, asshole!!” he yelled, trying to cover up his laughter. I’ve seen this before and done this before and he’d thank me later. I can tell when he’s annoyed, and right in that moment he was anything but unless it was at himself from letting his cheeks grow hot and pink as he continued to laugh his head off while I tickled his neck from behind with the tips of my fingers, which were cold to the touch again. just because I’m ever-so-considerate I helped him stop his schoolgirl giggling by moving my lips up to his and giving him short, fluffed smooches, cutting off his laughter every time. His arms tucked themselves back in at his sides and he scooted in closer, catching his breath and trying to speak.
“Alright alright you win. Let go of me, “ he said, trying to shove me away. It disappointed me seeing him smile yet wanting to turn away. I once again broke his cover and flashed his laughter and he’s trying to hide it. I pulled him in closer.
“Kiss me,” I said, watching his gaze shift from looking up and away with embarrassment to my eyes. His lips melted into a smile with his teeth and he chuckled, closing his eyes and leaned into to kiss me gently once more, lips still smirking against mine. The sensation ended and I softened my hold on him and rolled over onto my back. Instead of rolling away like he had originally planned, Craig stretched his neck up and rested his head on my chest, both of us finding our eyes picking out constellations and lights up in the night sky. Craig pulled out his phone and held it up above his face, putting himself in danger of letting it attack his face. He squinted through the brightness and tapped the home button to turn in down and adjust to the screen.
12:47 am
“Shit,” he said, surprised. My eyes widened in shock as well as he made his finger to the button on the side of his phone and shut it off, putting the the tension of his ringtone suddenly going off out. I sighed, feeling tired again already. My heart started to pound through my shirt again and I wondered if he had noticed, because he has attempted to break the silence once again by humming as he steadied his breathing. Avoiding falling asleep was both one of our priorities then.
I still didn’t even know how to express everything I was feeling without completely falling apart like I did earlier, and I didn’t think anyone was ready for a huge talk on how much I actually cared for him. The silence that night went from completely eerie to so peaceful and never ending that I sat there wishing it would never end, that all the stars in the sky could die and form again over many millennia and we’d still be sitting together in the center of the Cow’s homefield, not speaking, just letting the world around us feel the radiation of love erupting from us forever. Besides, I was better with actions than with words anyway. I was so deep in thought, yet hooked onto a string being held up on the beach by Craig, giving him the ability to pull me out at anytime.
Like when he takes deep breaths and hums softly with pleasure when I subconsciously start to run my fingers through his bangs. He takes my hand and kisses my palm before placing it back on his forehead, allowing me to continue.
How I wished for an endless night then. How I wished I could just lasso the moon and the stars to symbolize the wonders I feel for the boy laying right at my side, although it still wouldn’t be enough. Both our phones were shut off and our families probably called thousands of times. I bet a lot of things happened in those few hours we layed there in silence. Thousands of kids were put to bed or woken up, thousands of people having their first kiss or staring at the phone, whether they were waiting for a phone call from the hospital or a friend or a lover but none of it mattered in that moment, because for once I could sit with the same emotions flowing through my blood as the person next to me, nothing to bother us, only peace keeping us engulfed in it’s waters. I heard soft snores coming from Craig a long while into star-gazing, probably around 3 am or 4 am or whenever, but I only sat up and rubbed my eyes, moving his head down to my lap and leaned down to kiss his forehead. I could only sigh and admire his cute face while he slept, curling up closer to me in the midst of his sleep. I felt my eyes get heavy as I whispered down at him.
“I love you, dork.”
He scowled and melted back to a straight sleepy face.
How can it get better than this?