Archive of Our Own ^beta

Ray would say he was living a normal, peaceful life. 

He was twenty-three, and had a really good job that he would even say he liked. He owned an apartment. And he even managed to make some friends.

Ray was working for a big company, and had an office in a tall, thirty-store building. He was working there for a year, but he already got promoted, and was in charge of a small group of people. As it turned out, those people (there were only three of them) were also his friends.

Don, Gilda and Oliver collectively decided that they have to take care of Ray, when he first stepped through the office door. And their attitude didn’t change when he was chosen to become their boss. But they still were carrying on with tasks assigned to them with the utmost professionalism, and never tried to use their friendship as a way to slack off (although Don joked about it a lot, but one stern look from Ray made him go back to work), so no one really minded.

After work, Ray was coming back to his apartment. It wasn’t anything big or fancy. Even if with his salary he could probably afford something more. 

There was a living room, separated from the kitchen only by a kitchen island. Small bathroom. And a moderate sized bedroom. Enough to fill a big bed and all his books. He didn’t need more than that. It was comfortable, and felt like home. He set everything up himself (with only a little help from his father), and he liked the way it was. It was his. He wouldn’t change it for anything. Besides, it was located in a quieter part of town, but still a short car ride distance from his work. For him, it was perfect.

The young man was spending most of his weekend hanging out with his friends - playing stupid board games in one of their houses, or going out to the cinema or to eat out. Sometimes his co-workers invited some of their other friends. Ray didn’t like how crowded it was feeling then, but he was managing. When it was getting too much for him, he was simply going home. 

Some weekends he was just staying home, like an introvert he was. He would read books, scroll through twitter, or other social media on his phone. Sometimes he would stay in his dirty sweatpants, watching his favorite movies for the whole two days.

The bottom line was: he liked his life, and he didn’t regret anything, because it all led him to this point.

Well, maybe there was one thing… 

But it was all in the past, and he could do nothing about it. There was no point in dwelling on it. Or opening the old wounds. The best thing he could do was forget.

And he tried. Oh, he tried so hard. Harder than he would like to admit. It was the reason why he moved from his hometown, because it was just so full of the memories that hurt so bad. And he almost got it. He managed to trick everyone, even himself, into believing that it was okay. That it no longer hurts.

Until, one day, when he was the least expecting that (because honestly, what were the odds?), Ray saw him.

He was leaving work that day, heading into the direction of the parking lot, wondering what he could make for dinner. He didn’t feel like grocery shopping today, so he’ll have to work with what he had in the fridge already. Ray raised his gaze, and white hair caught his attention. He stopped in his track, and looked at the face of the person that stood mere a few steps away from him. 

And he saw him. His only regret in his life.

Right in front of him was standing Norman Ratri.

***

“So, wait, is he like… your ex?” Don asked, trying to understand the situation.

They were sitting in the office’s break room, around the small table, all of them holding a cup of coffee. Ray’s cup was still full, and his coffee was getting cold at this point, but he didn’t care. He was having an existential crisis.

“Kind of…? No, not really.” He sighed. The situation between him and Norman wasn’t so easy to explain. “We never really broke up.”

It was back in high school. Ray was just an awkward, weird, emo kid back then. And on top of that, he had no interest in girls, sports, gossip, or any other thing his peers liked. He didn’t get along with people his age. Until he met Norman.

It was actually Norman who approached him first. One sunny day, when Ray was sitting under the tree, during the lunch break. Ray tried to get rid of him. He was sure that white haired boy just wanted to make fun of him. But Norman was different. He was so smart and charming… And he didn’t mind Ray’s quite questionable personality. Norman even seemed to enjoy talking to him. 

They started spending time together. And Ray quickly fell for him. How could he not? Norman seemed perfect… too perfect to be real. 

But it turned out the boy liked him too. Norman confessed five months after they first met, and since then they were boyfriends.

Ray didn’t have much experience with dating. He was only fifteen back then. But he and Norman seemed good for each other. They were happy together. Most of his happy memories back from that time had Norman in them.

Like the one from his 16th birthday. Ray never really liked celebrating those, but Norman insisted they should do something. And because he suggested staying home and binge-watching documentaries about serial killers (one of Ray’s favorites at that time), he really didn’t have a reason to say no.

So they stayed at Ray’s place, eat the cake that Norman brought (even if Ray told him not to), and were watching TV, until Ray’s eyes started getting heavy. 

“What, sleepy already?” Norman chuckled.

“Well, it’s been five hours, to be honest.” Ray answered, checking his phone.

“Right… I should probably get going.” Boy sighed, clearly not wanting to leave. But before Ray could say anything, his boyfriend’s face lit up. “But I have one more surprise. Close your eyes.”

“Seriously? I told you not to do anything.” Ray shook his head, but obediently closed his eyes.

There was some shuffling, and then Norman said:

“You can open them again.”

Ray did as he was told again, and then he saw a plushie. Not just any plushie, but as big as his whole arm, Darth Vader plushie.

“W- What is it?” He asked, looking at the boy.

Norman was smiling at him, but there was a delicate pink blush dusting his cheeks, indicating he was a little embarrassed.

“Well, it’s a present for you. I… thought holding onto something might help you fall asleep. You said you have a problem with that lately, so… And it’s Vader! Isn’t it cool? So, if your parents ask, you can say it’s just a part of your Star Wars collection. No one has to know you hug it before sleep. I promise I won’t tell a soul.” Boy sent him a wink.

“You thought about everything, didn’t you, smartass?” Ray tried to ignore how warm his own cheeks felt.

“I always try to…”

Ray didn’t let him finish and just kissed him. Norman didn’t seem to mind.

“Ray?” Gilda touched his arm gently, with a worried face.

Ah, he spaced out for a moment there.

He shook his head, to get rid of the memories that were trying to flood his brain.

“Sorry,” Ray cleared his throat, and told his friends briefly about him and Norman.

Including what happened later.

Of course, nothing could last forever. At least nothing good. 

So honestly, Ray shouldn’t be surprised when he saw Norman standing on his doorstep that one late evening, with tears in his eyes.

“Norman?” Ray immediately got worried, because he never saw Norman crying.

“My dad found out. About us.”

Unlike Ray’s parents, Norman’s dad was a huge homophobe. That’s why they were trying to keep their relationship low profile.

Nothing good could come from him finding out.

“Oh… do you want to come in?”

“No, I-” Two tears spilled, and flew down Norman’s cheek. “I only came to say goodbye.”

Ray felt all blood leaving his body so suddenly he might collapse. “What?”

“He’s making me change schools. We’re leaving the town, and he took away my phone.”

He couldn’t believe this was happening.

“I’m gonna miss you, you know? I can’t believe I never got to tell you how much you mean to me.”

Norman was standing there, with tears streaming down his face, and speaking words that made no sense. And Ray couldn’t do anything about it, because he was frozen. Unable to move even his finger.

“I’m gonna think about you every day. No matter how much time will pass, I will never forget you. So… think about me sometimes?” And then he laughed nervously. “Or maybe it’ll be better if you forget. Whatever you decide… Just stay safe.”

Suddenly there were arms wrapped around him.

Ray wanted to scream. He wanted to grab Norman, and never let him go. To hug him tightly, and take him back to his room, to hide from this nonsense. He wanted to tell Norman that he will miss him too. That he loved him…

But it was all pointless now.

If he told Norman, it wouldn’t change anything. It will only make it harder for them both.

At least that’s what he thought back then.

When he finished telling the story, his friends stayed silent. It was unusual for them, and Ray started regretting he told them anything. But he still decided to look up at them. He had to do damage control.

Gilda’s eyes were full of tears, Oliver seemed just shook, while Don was looking at him with furrowed brows.

“Wait, so from what I understand, you still like him, right?”

“Don!” Gilda smacked him in the shoulder. “That’s completely not the point!”

“Yes, it is!” Man rubbed his shoulder, looking offended, but he continued. “You like him, right?”

Ray nodded, there was no use denying.

“So what’s the problem? He’s here! You can have him back.”

Oliver crossed his arms.

“If it was that easy, then we wouldn’t be sitting here, when we should be working.” Ray ignored the part about working. He wasn’t in the right mind to do any work today. They’ll just have to work twice as hard tomorrow, and they’ll make up for today. They were capable enough to do it. “So, what happened yesterday, Ray?”

Oliver was always awfully good at reading the situation. It was a useful thing most of the time, but when it concerned Ray himself, he hated it.

“Oh, yeah, did you talk to him yesterday?”

Ray wanted to lie and say that Norman didn’t notice him, and disappeared before Ray could even call his name.

But even if he was an excellent liar, he knew he couldn’t lie to his friends.

“No, we…”

The truth was that Ray looked Norman in the eyes, and immediately saw the recognition there. Norman knew who he was. He remembered.

Not really thinking about what he was doing, Ray made half a step forward. But that’s when an unknown voice called out.

“Norman? Come on!”

Ray looked in the direction of the voice, and saw a red-headed girl in a flowery dress, standing next to the car, and looking at Norman.

“Ouch, you’re thinking it’s a girlfriend?” Don’s face was now sympathetic.

“Or a wife? I don’t know…” Ray started drumming his fingers on the table. He was tired. He didn’t get much sleep last night, and his head was a mess.

“Or… Just a friend?” Gilda offered. “You said it yourself, you don’t know. Please tell me you didn’t run away from there.”

“I… didn’t run away from there?” Ray tried.

“Ray!” The woman threw her hands in the air. “You’re hopeless.”

“You weren’t there. You didn’t see the look on his face.”

“Oh yeah, what look?”

“Like he was scared that this girl might see us together. Even if I was just standing there. But he didn’t want to be seen with me.”

“I’m sure you’re just exaggerating.” Oliver said.

“And I’m sure I’m not.” Ray shook his head. “Guys, come on. It’s been seven years. And for all I know, he could be bisexual. Even if that was just a friend, she could also be his wife’s sister.”

“And why are you so sure that he has someone now, and that it’s a girl?”

“Because of his father,” Ray simply said.

“Oh, please, Ray. You said it yourself, it was seven years ago. The fact that the man is a disgusting homophobe doesn’t mean that this boy, man, whatever, is still listening to him. He’s an adult now.” Gilda wasn’t giving up.

Ray really appreciated that she tried. As the only girl in their group, she probably understood him the best. He noticed a long time ago girls were more empathetic. Besides, Gilda was also growing up as a nerd, so they had similar experiences.

But she just didn’t see the whole picture.

“You don’t understand. He was, and still is, a Ratri. They are crazy rich. Old money. You think how otherwise they would be able to just suddenly move? If Norman wants to see any of his family’s inheritance, that was all meant to be his, he had to listen to his father. And it’s not only about money.” Ray shook his head. “If he lost that, he would also lose his entire family. No one would ever talk to him, if his father would disown him.”

That’s why Ray tried really hard not to blame Norman. Sometimes, when he was in a shitty mood and was getting bitter, he was thinking if all of this was worth more to him than Ray. But then he hated himself for those thoughts. They were still kids back then. Neither him nor Norman could do anything about it. And now it was too late.

“But still…”

“Gilda, let go.” Surprisingly, it was Oliver who stopped her this time. “Give him some space.”

The silence fell onto the room once again.

“You should go back home, Ray.” Oliver finally said, standing up. “Get some sleep.”

“Yeah, truly man, you look like shit.” Don added, also getting up. “We’ll take care of things here.”

Ray would normally flip Don off for that comment, but he was too tired for this. Or to argue that when he comes back home, he would only overthink everything again.

“Yeah, I guess…”

Gilda gently patted him on the shoulder when he was leaving.

He was still awake enough to drive back to his apartment. Otherwise, he would have to take the bus, and that would be uncomfortable, and also would take much more time.

But as soon as he came back, he decided to lie in bed for a moment. And Ray had no idea when he fell asleep.

***

A few days later, Ray was picking up Gilda before work.

“Thank you so much, Ray! I have no idea what happened to my car, it just didn’t want to start at all.” She said, wringing her hands.

“It’s not a problem, Gilda.”

“Let me treat you to coffee as a thank you.” The woman offered.

“You don’t have to. I told you it’s not a problem.” He couldn’t sleep anyway, and was considering getting to the office early.

“Oh, come on, I will feel better about myself if I do it for you. And I know a really good place. I’m sure you’ll like their coffee.”

Well it was quite early in the morning, and the prospect of getting a warm caffeinated drink did sound promising… 

“Tsk, okay.” Ray decided to give in. “Let’s have it your way. But only this time, and only because I didn’t have coffee yet.”

Gilda smiled gratefully at him.

Five minutes later, they stopped in front of a small coffee shop, tucked between some restaurant and an apartment building. It was covered with greenery and looked really cozy. It was his first time here.

“I get coffee here almost every morning. Remember the time when I got a coffee for Don, because he asked me to, and you took a sip of it, and said it would be good if it wasn’t so disgustingly sweet? It was from here. That’s why I think you’ll like it.”

It’s funny that most people knew Gilda as a really quiet and hardworking person, with a one-track mind. It was true only to some extent. Ray belonged to the small group of people that she liked and trusted, so he knew Gilda as the heart of their group. She was a person who would always scold you when needed, but would also talk non-stop about literally everything.

Ray opened the door for her, and they entered the café.

Everyone thought of her as shy, because meeting new people was hard for her. She was getting flustered a lot, and usually stayed silent. That’s probably why her face fell, when she looked in the direction of the register.

“Oh no, it must be some new barista. I never saw him before.”

Ray was ready to offer that he will order, to not stress her out before a day of work. But then he looked in the same direction as her, and he froze.

Because, behind the register, dressed in blue t-shirt and brown apron was standing Norman.

Oh, fuck no.

Ray could feel his heart getting into his throat.

He was about to turn around and get out. He couldn’t do this anymore. Gilda could order herself. 

But then the man turned, probably hearing that someone got inside, ready to greet new customers. And blue and brown eyes meet. Norman also seemed to freeze, but it lasted only a moment.

“Hi, Ray.” He said quietly, but loud enough for them to hear.

Great, now his face was getting red. Just because he heard Norman calling his name? That was stupid. But his voice changed. It was lower now. More rich… It sounded so good.

“You know him?” Gilda was looking at him with furrowed brows.

“It’s Norman.” Ray whispered to her.

Gilda’s eyes widened. But then his friend looked at him with a look of determination. “Good.” And she grabbed his arm, and dragged him to the register.

Ray was too surprised to resist in any way.

“H- hi! I umm…” Despite the fact she seemed so determined, she still seemed to be a little shy. “We would like some coffee.”

“Well, then you sure are in the right place.” Norman finally looked away from Ray, and smiled at the woman.

“Oh, well-” Gilda seemed to realize what she just said, and her face got red from embarrassment. 

“Sorry,” Norman laughed. “I didn’t want to tease you.”

Last time, Ray didn’t have time to get a good look. At first glance, he would say that Norman didn’t change that much. He was even still styling his hair the same way. But upon closer inspection… Ray could see those seven years that passed since he was last looking at Norman. His hair got longer. His jaw was sharper. And he got taller. More slim.

Norman threw him a side eye, and Ray quickly averted his gaze. He wasn’t staring, okay?!

“It’s okay,” Gilda answered quietly, and tried to smile.

“So, what can I get for you?” He asked, putting one of his hands on the register.

“Oh, I think I would get a medium oat milk latte. And Ray…”

“Large black coffee?” Norman asked, looking at him again. But this time he was smirking. “You never liked anything too sweet.”

Ray had no idea how to react, so he only nodded.

Norman pressed some buttons on the register, and then said the price. Gilda got out her credit car.

“Should the girl really be paying for that?” Norman asked no one in particular, furrowing his brows.

“Oh, it’s okay.” She smiled reassuringly. “I dragged Ray here as a thank you, for being a good friend, and driving me to work.”

“Is that so?” Norman finally accepted her card, and turned around to make their coffees.

That’s when Gilda elbowed him.

Ray sent her a grumpy look. He didn’t do anything to deserve this!

“Talk to him,” she mouthed.

He only shook his head.

Before she could argue, or punch him again, Norman suddenly spoke.

“So, you made some friends, Ray? I gotta say, I was quite worried, given how anti-social you are. But I’m glad you’re doing good after all.”

“I’m not anti-social!” He didn’t like it. He didn’t like the fact that after seven years Norman had the guts to suddenly stand in front of him and pretend as if he knew him. Maybe he did, back then. But he didn’t know anything about the person Ray was now. “I’m an introvert. Smartass like you should know the answer.” He was slowly getting the urge to punch him.

“But either way, you never liked making friends, right?”

Gilda, not reading the situation at all, (or maybe reading it too much, and trying to stop Ray from doing something stupid) decided to jump in.

“Well, Ray said once that we bullied him into being friends with us.”

Norman laughed at that, but it sounded so… forced. Fake. And it was nothing like how he used to laugh when something funny happened at school.

“Always the tsundere.”

He had enough of this.

“Like you could fucking know that.”

And without a second thought, he just stormed off the café.

He didn’t care that it was childish. He wasn’t going to stand there and listen to this bastard pretending like the last seven years didn’t take place, and they were still the best of friends. 

Didn’t Norman miss him? He said he would. But it was probably stupid to believe his feelings wouldn’t change after all this time. Besides, he saw that girl. 

Still, could he not at least… Ugh. Ray didn’t expect Norman to throw himself at him, but the simple “Hey, Ray. How have you been?” would be better than whatever the fuck that dry smiles and cold demeanor was.

“I can’t believe you!” Gilda got in the car, holding two coffee cups. “Seriously, Ray?”

“What?” His fingers were itching for the cigarette, even if he quit three years ago.

“What was that? Couldn’t you just talk normally with him?”

“Normally? He was the one who was acting like an asshole.”

“I didn’t notice him saying anything that would justify calling him that.”

“Yeah, and him just casually pretending as if the last time he saw me, he wasn’t crying his eyes out, while my whole world was falling apart, because the person I loved was leaving? That was totally cool?”

“Well, maybe he didn’t know what to say…?”

“Whose side are you on?!” Ray didn’t mean to raise his voice, but he was tired. So Norman could not know what to say, but he had to? He didn’t get the right to feel angry? Why was he the one that was supposed to fix everything?

Ray took a deep breath and started the engine.

“Sorry Gilda… This situation is just too fucked up. I don’t want to think about it.”

“Okay.” She answered quietly.

They spend the whole ride to the office in silence.

***

Ray knew he was a masochist.

If someone accused him of being one, he would argue, but deep down he knew that he was one. That’s probably why he still kept all this.

He knew it was a bad idea. But it was 3am, he couldn’t sleep, his head was a mess, and he was sitting on his bedroom floor with the box in his hands.

The 3am thoughts are never a good idea, he was more than aware of that, but he still opened the box.

At the top, there were a bunch of pictures. Some were of him and Norman, at some you could only see the white-haired boy. Ray looked at them all, slowly tracing Norman’s features with his fingers, remembering the moments when they were made. Until he saw the one he was looking for. 

In the picture, Norman was squishing him in a one arm hug (his second hand was holding the camera). The boy was about to take the photo, when he suddenly decided to kiss Ray on the cheek. So, in the picture, his lips were pressed against Ray’s cheek, and his eyes closed. He looked at peace. In the meantime, Ray looked surprised, but you could still see the ghost of a smile forming on his lips, while his cheeks were already pink. 

He didn’t know how long he was looking at that picture. 

His heart was breaking all over again. He missed that. He missed what they had. Was he really so naive to think that he got over it?

Ray finally dropped the picture back in the box. It was full of other things he kept from that time. Silly things, like drawing Norman doodled for him, or old movie tickets that they watched together. He couldn’t look at them all now. If he would, he would start crying.

He stood up, and went to the window, slightly parting the curtains to see the world outside.

The worst thing was probably the fact that he had to accept the fact that no matter how much he missed those times, he could never go back. Because people in those pictures no longer exist. He wasn’t the same person as he was back then. His Norman was gone. And he had to accept that.

But it wasn’t that easy. Ray wished he could just forget it all. Forget Norman, and all he felt for the other boy. It at least would stop hurting so much. But as some people say: You never forget your first love. He had to learn to live with it.

His hand was itching for the cigarettes again.

***

Ray was staying in the office late that day.

They had a big project to finish. The deadline was coming closer every day. And being the perfectionist he was, Ray had to make sure everything was flawless. So he let Don, Gilda and Oliver go back home, after they already stayed an hour overtime, and was going to check everything once again.

Suddenly, his phone rang.

Ray decided to ignore it. He was working. Whatever it was, it could surely wait.

The ringtone died, but then it started again, almost immediately.

That made him pick up his phone from the desk, to see that it was Don who was calling him. Did this idiot forget something, and instead of going back up, he was calling Ray to bring it down to him?

The man sighed, knowing that his coworker wouldn't stop calling, and answered the call.

“What?”

“Hi, I need you to come down. Like right now.”

“Did you forget something, or...”

“No, just come down. Now.” And at that, Don hung up.

Ray considered ignoring that, because Don was just acting weird. And if he wasn’t going to tell what was going on, he could just stand there like an idiot, until he would call again, and then maybe tell Ray what he wanted. Perhaps then he would come down.

But as much as Don loved pranks, he knew how important this project was, and he wouldn’t drag Ray away for some stupid reason. What if… someone destroyed or stole his car, and Don just didn’t want to tell him through the phone?

He quickly grabbed his coat, because the autumn chill was already noticeable in the air, and he couldn’t afford to get sick now. Then he took the elevator to the ground floor.

Ray got out of the building, but he didn’t see Don anywhere. He assumed that “coming down” meant just that. And that Don would wait for him by the front door. It looked like he was mistaken.

Ray sighed, annoyed. He didn’t have time for this.

He was about to get back, and just ignore Don (and honestly everyone else) for the next few hours when he’ll work on the project, when a soft voice stopped him.

“Ray?”

Ray turned around, and he thought he might be dreaming.

Few steps behind him was standing Norman, but he looked different from when he last saw the other man. And Ray wasn’t talking about his thick beige coat, or the blue scarf, or his hair that was slightly disheveled, probably by the wind (honestly, what idiot was wearing a coat and scarf but no hat?). He was talking about Norman’s expression. 

Blue eyes were looking at him openly: a little shy, slightly happy, and maybe a bit scared. Ray could see all the emotions written in them, just like he used to back then. Norman’s cheeks were slightly pink, and his smile was… warm. Nothing like the fake one, he sent him in the café. What was going on?

He couldn’t look at his “ex”-boyfriend for too long, because it made him feel as if someone was squeezing his heart. It hurt. Ray decided to look away, and that’s when he noticed that Norman was holding a big bouquet of red roses.

“What…?” Well, now he was even more confused.

“That’s too much, isn’t it? I knew it would be too much. I told Emma you’re a minimalistic type of guy, and that would be way overboard, but she insisted.”

“Wait, those are for me?!” Ray’s eyes widened. He was expecting everything, but not this. “And who’s Emma?” He was only getting more and more baffled as it seemed.

Norman let out a short laugh. It was light, happy, and airy. That was the laugh that he remembered. That was the laugh he loved.

“Sorry, I should explain everything properly, right?”

“Yeah, that would be nice.” Ray still wasn’t sure if he didn’t fall asleep in the office, and this was just some weird dream.

“I… I came to apologize. Thus, the flowers. Although, I know I should have picked a smaller bouquet, but Emma, my best friend, convinced me that I fucked up big time, so I also should get the biggest one.” Norman scratched his neck sheepishly, and his cheeks got redder. It was always easy to see when he was getting embarrassed, thanks to the fact that his skin tone was so light. “I’m sorry, Ray. You had every right to get mad at me, back at the café. I… crossed the line. I shouldn’t have behaved like that. And I’m sorry.”

But Ray was still wary. “How did you know where to find me?”

“Oh, I didn’t!” Norman sent him a little smile, “I was hoping you would come again, and I could apologize then, but you didn’t. I got scared that I might never see you again, so… It was a stupid idea, I know, but I remembered I saw you once somewhere here. You were wearing a suit, and that morning, when you and your friend were going to work, you were also wearing one, so I just guessed you might be working somewhere here, so I came and I… honestly I was going to just stand here and wait until I maybe see you.” Ray felt a sudden urge to roll his eyes, but he stopped himself. “But then this man almost bumped into me. He apologized, but we started talking, and I told him I’m waiting for someone to apologize. And suddenly he seemed to know who I was? He asked if my name is Norman, and if by any chance I’m waiting for someone named Ray. Is he your co-worker? Because he called someone and just went away saying ‘you'll thank me later’ and then I saw you.”

Ray was going to kill Don. 

But going back to Norman for now… Ray still didn’t understand. The ‘explanation’ didn’t really explain everything. Why did he care enough to stand here and wait for him? If he really cared, he wouldn’t behave like that the other day in the café.

“So what? You think you can suddenly appear back in my life, act like an asshole and Mr. Oh-I-Know-You-So-Well, as if everything was okay, and the last seven years didn’t happen? As if I wasn’t heartbroken, because last time I saw you, you were leaving? And then you apologize and everything is okay? We can… what? Suddenly become friends?”

His heart was beating almost too loudly for him to hear his own thoughts, but he had to ignore it. If he just accepted everything as it was, he was going in for another heartbreak. 

“Well, it’s not my fault. I mean… you started it!” Norman was puffing out his cheeks, like an annoyed kid. It would be funny, if Ray wasn’t so flabbergasted. 

(But okay, maybe it was a little cute.)

“Me?! I didn’t do anything!”

“You left! That first time, when we saw each other again. I looked away for a moment, and then you were gone. You didn’t even say “hi” or anything, you just ran away from me. I was so happy to see you! Honestly, I thought I would never see you again, but you were here. I just wanted to run to you and check if you’re real. To see if you still smell like lavender, and if you’ll get annoyed, but laugh later when I’ll pinch your cheeks. I missed you so much all these years, and you just…” Norman turned his face away. “God, you make me say such stupid things.”

“God, you make me say such stupid things.”

“I heard that one before.” Ray couldn’t stop the fond smile.

When Norman confessed to him… He said the exact same sentence.

Man seemed to remember that, because he looked back at Ray. His eyes were glassy, when he said:

“Well, I guess nothing changed in that aspect.”

Ray thought his heart might jump out of his chest.

“I… I’m sorry I ran. I was happy to see you too, I just didn’t know what to do. Honestly, I was mostly shocked. And…” How to say that, so it won’t sound like he was jealous? “I had no idea who that girl was. It looked like you two were close, so… I didn’t want to suddenly appear in your life and make a mess.”

“Since when are you so considerate?” Norman asked, teasingly.

Since I didn’t tell you I love you, when you were leaving, so you wouldn’t be as heartbroken as I was.

But he couldn’t tell him that.

“It was Emma, by the way. The friend that I mentioned earlier.”

“Oh…” 

But before he was able to say anything else, both their phones made a sound announcing a new message. It was almost funny how in sync it happened.

Norman took out his phone, so Ray did the same. But before he had a chance to check the message, he saw what time it was.

“Shit.” He didn’t realize how late it was.

He looked back at Norman, who was just hiding his phone back in his pocket.

“It was Emma, she’s asking if I’m forgiven. But, I don’t know what to tell her. Am I forgiven, or are you still mad?”

Ray honestly wanted to tell him that he is an idiot.

“You’re forgiven. I guess we both fucked up. But it’s getting late, and I have to get back to work, so…”

“Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t want to keep you from work. Is it something important?”

“Yes, kind of. I only need to check some details, but I really should do it now.”

“Sure, go. I’m glad you made some time for me.” Norman smiled softly at him, and then handed him the bouquet. And maybe it was silly, because it was just a form of apology. It didn’t really mean anything. But… When he was giving Ray those flowers, with such a soft smile, Ray felt as if he was falling for him again.

Back home, when he put the flowers in the vase, Ray sat next to the table and started playing with the flowers’ petals.

Maybe he won’t kill Don after all.

***

He barely got to walk past the office’s door the next day, when he was surrounded by his friends/co-workers.

“So? How did it go?” Gilda was looking at him expectantly.

“What?”

“The meeting with Norman!”

Ray sent Don a cold look. “Of course you told them.”

“Hey, don’t look at me like that! I couldn’t be the only one knowing. It wouldn’t be fair.”

“Maybe I should kill you after all.” Ray growled through gritted teeth, and Don jumped away from him to hide behind Gilda. “It’s not a time for gossip, we have a job to do.”

“Oh, come on, don’t be like that.” Gilda looked disappointed.

“At least tell us if it was good or bad, because otherwise I doubt we’ll be able to focus on work properly,” Oliver said, sighing.

“My private life shouldn’t be so interesting to you, that you can’t even do your job without knowing the aspects of it…” There was a beat of silence. “Good, but probably not as good as you might think.”

Not happy, but satisfied with his answer, all three of them went back to their desks, and for the rest of the day no one mentioned the subject.

But as soon as the clock hit 5pm, and they all clocked out, he was surrounded again.

“Okay, what is it now?”

“Did you think you'd get out this easy?” Oliver grabbed him under his arm.

Honestly, Ray hoped he would.

“We’re going to Oliver’s place, and you’re going to tell us everything.” Gilda announced.

“I already ordered some Chinese for dinner,” Don added.

He hated his friends sometimes.

But he still went along without much fight. They ate, and Ray told them more or less what happened. He might have skipped some of the minor details, for example how pretty Norman looked, how soft his smiles were, and how fast Ray’s own heart was beating. They didn’t need to know about it.

“See, I told you that you’re exaggerating the whole girlfriend thing,” Gilda said, when he finished.

Ray only rolled his eyes at that.

“Okay, but I still don’t get it. So, are you guys together now? You have a boyfriend, Ray?” Don asked. “Because if you got someone faster than I did, then I’m…”

Oliver laughed, while Gilda shook her head.

“It’s obvious they’re together.”

“Well… I wouldn’t be so sure…” Ray started playing with his chopsticks.

“What do you mean?” The woman furrowed her brows.

“Yeah, didn’t you say he brought you flowers and all?” Oliver asked.

“But he said it was his friend’s idea to give me the flowers, so…”

“Let me get this straight.” Don spoke again. “You talked with this guy for over an hour, but still don’t know if you are friends or something more?”

“Well, I didn’t think about it at that moment, so I guess no one just clarified…”

“You are hopeless!” Gilda threw her hands in the air. “Get up, we’re leaving.”

“What? Where?” He had no idea what was going on, when they all suddenly got up.

“Isn’t it obvious? You’re going to talk to Norman again. Maybe he’s still at work.” Gilda checked her watch.

“You’re crazy.” Ray answered, crossing his arms.

“Get up, loverboy.” Don added, which earned him a stone cold gaze.

“We have no idea if he’s even working today, and even less if he’s working right now.” Ray tried to argue.

“We won’t know until we check.”

“And if he’s not there?”

“Then you’ll get to tell us: ‘I told you so’.” Gilda offered.

“But wait, I’m not going to talk to him with you guys around!”

“Oh, we won’t get inside, we’ll just make sure you’ll get to the destination, and don’t chicken out on the way.” Oliver smiled innocently.

“I can have you all fired.” Ray threatened.

“But you won’t, because we’re in the middle of this big project, besides you know it’s too difficult to look for a good replacement.”

Ugh, he hated how right Oliver was.

Ray decided he needs to work on his assertiveness, because honestly, what was stopping him from just telling them “no”? And maybe if they would still insist, he could always leave and go back home.

But he didn’t do it, and he was standing in front of the café that Norman was working at, hoping that he would see someone else, anyone else, behind the register.

But it seemed that luck wasn’t on his side.

“Wel- Oh, hello, Ray.” Upon realizing who entered the place, Norman’s expression melted from the customer service smile into something more natural, and Ray felt his heart melting with it. “What are you doing here?”

“What, you’re the only one who’s allowed to stalk me at work?” Ray crossed his arms.

Norman laughed, but his cheeks got pink. “Hey, I wasn’t stalking, okay?”

“Yeah, whatever.” Ray uncrossed his arms. Was he really going to do this? He felt nervous.

“So…? What are you doing here?”

“I was forced to.”

“Okay?” Now Norman looked a little concerned. “Is everything okay? You want me to call the police, or…?”

Ray snorted. “No, no. My friends just like to meddle.”

“Oh…” Norman put his head in the palm of his hand. “I get it.” His eyes seemed to soften.

“W- why are you looking at me like that?” Ray could feel the heat creeping up his neck.

“I’m just happy to see you getting along with people.”

Ray rolled his eyes at that.

“Actually,” Norman said, standing right up. “I’m supposed to start closing.”

“Oh, I can lea-”

“Would you like to stay? We can chat while I’m cleaning.” He was looking at him with those soft, open eyes again. How was Ray supposed to say ‘no’?

So he stayed.

Norman absolutely forbade him from doing anything to help. He said that he was already a great support, by just being here.

“You have no idea how boring it is to close all alone, it’s so just quiet and empty!”

They talked about the small things. The weather the last couple days, coffee, a silly song that was playing on the radio. Norman mentioned a good book he had read recently, and Ray (being the bookworm he was) wanted to know more.

Time passed quickly, and before he knew it, they were already standing in front of the café, and Norman was turning the key to close the door.

The white haired man stood still, with his hand on the door handle. It looked as if he was trying to remember if he definitely did everything he was supposed to. Ray stayed quiet to not disturb him.

“You know…” Norman suddenly said, taking the key and putting it in his pocket. “Can I ask you a question?”

Ray was surprised, but he answered with, “Yeah, sure.”

“Are you always dressing like that?”

“Like what?”

“Every time I see you, you’re wearing a suit.”

“Oh,” Ray chuckled. “No, I… I have to dress like that to the office. That’s the rule. And we kind of always meet after my work, so I’m always still in the suit.”

“So it’s just my luck, huh?”

“Why? Is something wrong with it?” 

Ray looked down at himself, suddenly self-conscious. Even if he was wearing it under compulsion, he thought that his suit was nice, and that he looked good. Don even once said that half of their office was interested in dating him. Although, Ray was sure he was exaggerating. 

“No. Not really. You just look so good, it’s really distracting sometimes. So I was wondering.”

And as if he didn’t just complement Ray, Norman turned his back to him, and started walking away.

Ray was standing in place, frozen, with his face hot against the cold air.

“I- Wait, where are you going?” He screamed after Norman.

The man stopped, and turned back to him. He already walked some distance, so Ray couldn’t see his face too clearly.

“Home. Where do you think I’ll be going at this hour?”

Ray sighed. “Do you live far away? I can give you a lift. It’s cold.”

“I know it’s cold, that’s why I was about to take a bus.”

“Come on, my car is right there. It will be faster than the bus.”

Norman shrugged. “Well, if you say so, Mr. Rich.”

Ray only rolled his eyes at the comment, until something struck him. In all this mess, he never wondered…

“Why are you working here?” He asked, before he thought better about it.

“Because they hired me?”

Norman was now standing on the other side of the car, with his hand on the door’s handle, waiting for Ray to open it.

“That’s not what I’m aski-” He saw a shadow crossing Norman’s face, and he realized how stupid he was. Norman’s status and his family was what separated them all those years ago. It was a bad enough memory. And Ray had no idea what happened next, and how much more they could traumatize him. He shouldn’t be asking about them so out of the blue. “You know what? Never mind.”

He opened the car, and they both got inside.

Norman gave him an address, and Ray put it into his phone’s GPS. Just a 20-minute drive.

After checking if Norman fastened his seatbelt (and turning on the heat, because he noticed how red Norman’s hands were, he really should start wearing gloves), Ray started the car.

They were sitting in silence. Ray was focused on the road, so he had no idea what Norman was doing. That’s why he was surprised when he heard a quiet voice.

“I cut ties with my dad. As soon as I turned eighteen. I just… couldn’t take it anymore.”

The last sentence was said so quietly, Ray barely heard it. He risked a quick glance at Norman. His shoulders were tense, and he was looking out the window, probably to hide his face.

Despite his better judgment, Ray took one hand away from the wheel, and grabbed Norman’s hand that was lying on his lap.

“Good.”

He only wanted to show his support so, after a second, he wanted to let go, to not make things awkward between them. But then Norman squeezed his hand tighter.

“It was hard at first. I just finished high school. And I had some money, I was saving up, but it wasn’t much, and hotels weren’t cheap. So, I had to find a job soon. But I also felt that I should hide. I… I was afraid he might find me, and do something to me, a punishment for disobeying him. That’s why I didn’t come back to you. I knew that you might be waiting for me, it wasn’t that long, right? And your parents wouldn’t mind taking me in. But I was afraid that would be the first place he would look for me. And I didn’t want him hurting you.” He squeezed Ray’s hand tighter, and Ray started rubbing circles on Norman’s hand with his thumb to calm him a little. “In the end, I got lucky, because my uncle found out what happened. And he managed to find me first. He said it’s crazy, and that I’m still a kid, and he made me come to his place. I lived with him for some time, and it was really nice. I… He’s a really good man. I never told him why I left home, but… I think he knew. He once said that it shouldn’t matter who you love, as long as you love them.”

They were already at the destination, but Ray was afraid that if he stopped the car, Norman might stop talking. And he wanted for the other man to get it off his chest. So he started driving around the neighborhood.

“But then Dad found out. He called my uncle, and was screaming at him, for keeping someone like me in his house. He said that his brother is now a disgrace to this family, just like me. I probably wasn’t supposed to hear it, but he was really loud. They were arguing for an hour. But I knew I just couldn’t stay. Now when he knew… What if he came there? I didn’t want to give my uncle any more trouble. He was so good to me. He didn’t deserve it. So at night I snuck out. I left him a letter thanking him for everything and apologizing.” Norman took a shaky breath. “Since then I have been traveling. Working here and there. Wherever they would take me. Until I met Emma, a couple months ago. At first, we were just co-workers, because she was volunteering in the shelter that I was working in. But then we became friends, and I didn’t even tell her much. Only that I live in a hotel, and I’m constantly changing jobs. She immediately wanted to help. That café is actually her family’s business. And when I had a regular source of income, she helped me find somewhere to live that wasn’t a hotel.”

Ray stayed quiet for a moment, to make sure that Norman finished, and then he parked the car. Now he could fully face the other man.

“Norman.”

He only said his name, but it seemed to snap Norman back to reality, from wherever he was. He let go of Ray’s hand, and started wiping his face, still not looking at him.

“Whoa, that was a lot, wasn’t it? Sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Ray said, calmly. “I asked, didn’t I?”

“Well, it’s true, but…”

“And I’m glad you told me.”

Norman finally looked at him. His eyes weren’t red or puffy, but there still was one tear left on his cheek. Ray extended his hand, and wiped it with his thumb.

Now he hated himself even more for every moment when he got mad at Norman for leaving him. Because maybe Ray was heartbroken, but he still had his parents, he had home, he could go to college. And Norman? He didn’t have anything. And he was left alone to deal with it all. 

If Ray even got unlucky enough to meet Norman’s father, he wasn’t sure he could stay calm. He just wanted to hurt that man, as much as he hurt Norman.

“So don’t apologize, okay?”

Norman nodded quietly.

Ray smiled at him.

“I- Um… Thank you for the ride!” Norman suddenly looked anywhere but at him. “And… Thank you for listening, Ray.”

“No problem. Actually, here…” Ray grabbed a piece of paper and a pen, he found in his pocket, and scribbled a string of numbers. “My number. If you ever need a lift, or someone to talk to, or if you want to contact me for some other reason.”

“Oh.” Norman looked at the piece of paper, until he gently took it in his hands, as if it was something precious. “ Thank you.” He looked so grateful as if Ray gave him a thousand dollars, not just a piece of paper. 

“Yeah, whatever, just, don’t lose it or something.” He was getting flustered now, great.

“Well, then, I guess I’ll see you around?”

“I guess, yes.”

“Okay. Goodnight, Ray.” He smiled softly at him one last time before he got out of the car.

“Goodnight, Norman.”

Ray waited until Norman safely got inside the building, before he hit his head against the wheel. 

This man is gonna be the death of him.

***

He was lucky that the project’s deadline was getting close, so his friends weren’t bothering him about the situation between him and Norman anymore.

Their days were filled with work, stress and more work.

Writing proposals, calculating, fixing minor problems, reading emails, re-calculating, more writing.

But then, after two weeks (it honestly felt like a year) the project was finally done. All was ready, down to the last detail. They were exhausted, but free. 

“I can’t believe we’ve done this.” Oliver said, with his head resting on his desk.

“Yeah.” When Ray was closing his eyes, he was still seeing numbers.

“I’m getting home, and I’m just going to sleep. However long I can.” Don announced.

“Amen to that,” Oliver agreed.

Gilda stayed silent, visibly fighting to keep her eyes open.

“But, after we get our much-needed sleep… We’re going out, right?” 

“Why?” Ray asked. He just wanted to stay home forever, and maybe marry his bed.

“To celebrate obviously!” Don explained. “Gilda, you’re in, right?”

“Mhm.”

“That’s three to one. You have to come, boss.”

Ray considered throwing a pen at Oliver, but he would probably miss anyway.

“You can ask Norman to come,” Gilda suddenly said.

“Why would I do that?”

“First of all, so we could finally meet him properly. And second of all, so you will be more willing to come.”

Ray decided that he preferred when she stayed silent.

“Won’t it be weird if there will be only us three and him?”

“And who said you’re the only one bringing someone?” Don flashed a smile at him. “We’re finally all done with this project! Let’s celebrate it properly.”

Back in his apartment, Ray didn’t have time to think about it, because as soon as he showered, and his head touched the pillow, he was out.

After a solid fifteen hours of sleep, he finally awoke, feeling like himself again.

He made himself a cup of coffee, and then grabbed his phone, to check if he had any new messages. 

It seemed that only Don woke up earlier than him, and was spamming the group chat with messages about the party.

Group chat 

Donkey, Guilda, Oliver Twist, Raymond

> so the party is still happening right?

> the bunker?

> at 10pm?

> who do you want to invite guys?

And then was a list of various names of people they usually partied with. 

Ray chose to ignore Don for now, and opened his chat with Norman.

Since he gave Norman his number, they texted a couple of times. It was never anything important. Small talks about their days, how work was, sometimes a good morning message. Ray enjoyed those conversations more than he’d like to admit. 

He was also getting to know Norman all over again. Like the fact that his favorite time of the day was night (it used to be morning), his favorite color was still blue, and lately he learned to love Greek cuisine.

Ray was absorbing all this knowledge, like a dry sponge was absorbing water, and he was storing it all in the very special part of his brain that was dedicated to Norman.

The man was surprised to see that the last message was sent two weeks ago. He mentioned to Norman that he had a deadline for a big project coming, and Norman wished him good luck. Ray was too busy to think about texting him, and Norman probably didn’t want to disturb his work.

> It’s all done.

> Finally.

Norman responded after only two minutes.

> Wow, you’re alive! :o 

Ray snickered at that.

> So I believe I can congratulate you?

> Good job, Ray! :D 

His cheeks heated up at the compliment. Ray wanted to slap himself in the face. He was acting like a lovestruck teenager.

> Thanks.

> We’re actually going out to celebrate today, with some friends.

> And I thought that maybe you would like to come, too?

> If you’re free tonight.

> And don’t mind crowded spaces.

> You?

> Going out?

> With people?!

> Okay, who are you and what have you done to my Ray?

My Ray.

My Ray.

My Ray.

Ray couldn’t stop staring at the words. He was sure Norman didn’t mean it like that, but it still made his heart flutter.

It took him a moment to reply.

> I told you I’m not antisocial!

> Yeah, but I didn’t think you are that social.

> I am capable of spending some time in the company of people.

> Just… not too long.

> Hahaha! I knew it!

> But coming back to the subject: I don’t have any plans. So I would love to go if you’ll have me.

> Sure.

> You can even bring Emma, if you want to, and she’s willing to come.

> The more the merrier.

> My friends will be delighted that there’s more people.

> Oh, sure!

> I’ll ask her later, she’s at work now.

They texted for a while, exchanging info about where and when they should meet, and then Ray decided that he could try and relax before the party as much as he could.

Although, if Norman was coming… Maybe it won’t be that bad.

***

Oh, forget he ever said anything.

It won’t be bad? Yeah. 

It will be awful.

The party didn’t even start, and he wanted to come back home already.

Norman will make everything better? Yeah. Sure. 

He was making everything worse!

It’s not that he did something. He just… was.

And he was looking so good in a blue flannel shirt and black jeans, that Ray wanted to start kissing him just then and there.

They just met in front of “The Bunker”, the bar where his friends usually partied. Ray was waiting for Norman and Emma, so they could come in together, as the two were a new addition to the group, and didn’t know anyone beside Ray. He wasn’t waiting long, maybe five minutes, when he heard a voice calling his name. Then he turned and he saw him.

He knew he was staring. Why? It’s not like a flannel shirt and jeans were a particularly fancy choice of clothes. If it was anyone else, he would even say it was quite boring. But they looked so unusually good on Norman, that it seemed unfair. He just couldn’t stop himself.

The quiet cough pulled him back into reality. (He still wanted to kiss Norman senseless, he was just able to hide it now.) He looked at the red-headed girl standing behind Norman. She just winked at him.

“Ah, ehem, yeah.” Norman’s cheeks were unusually pink. “So, Ray, this is Emma. Emma - Ray.”

“Nice to finally meet you,” Emma said, extending her hand. “Norman talks about yo-” The rest of her sentence was muffled by Norman’s hand.

“You promised you won’t embarrass me!” Norman hissed.

Ray couldn’t stop a short laugh that escaped him.

“Nice to meet you, too, Emma,” he said, grabbing her hand, and giving it a firm squeeze.

“So, we’re coming in?”

“After you,” Ray said, opening the door for them.

Inside, half of their group was still missing, but his closest friends and co-worker were already there. They seemed delighted about finally meeting Norman, and they welcomed Emma very warmly.

For some reason, Ray ended up sitting between Emma and Norman. He had no idea how it happened. Shouldn’t they sit next to each other? They were friends, after all. But Emma was already talking with Anna, who was sitting on her other side, so he decided to leave it.

“So, tell me more about this project. It was big, right?” Norman was sitting with his elbow on the table, and holding his face in his hand. In the dimmed light of the bar, his hair seemed gray, not white, and his eyes had a deeper color. No longer like a bright sky above them, but more like the deep, stormy waters of an ocean.

“Huh?” He answered, not really smart.

“Unless you can’t. Is it like a secret or something?”

“No, not really.” He could talk about some parts of it without getting in any trouble. Just… “I didn’t think you would want to listen.”

Norman smiled at that. “Why wouldn’t I?”

“I don’t know, it’s just… boring.”

“You forget I sat through you telling me the entire plot of the whole Star Wars prequel trilogy.” Norman raised a brow.

“That wasn’t boring!” Ray felt offended. “I had to educate you, when you said you can watch three movies, but not all six.”

Norman started laughing, and Ray felt like he was falling in love all over again. Norman’s laugh seemed to light up the entire room.

“Okay, okay, nerd.” Norman shook his head, still smiling. “Now, tell me about this project.”

So Ray did. He told Norman all that he was allowed to, and the other man listened and nodded his head along.

Damn, Ray really wanted to kiss him.

Suddenly, he heard a crash.

He turned his head in the direction of the sound, and then he saw it was just Don, completely wasted, who dropped his glass.

Surprised, he proceeded to look around the table, and he noticed that most of the people were at least a little tipsy. When did they have time to drink so much?

But then he looked at his watch, and saw that already an hour had passed. He was talking with Norman the entire hour? How? He was sure that it was no more than fifteen minutes.

He was still surprised, when the said white-haired man started getting up, saying something about the bathroom.

“Oh yeah, it’s right to the exit,” Ray guided him, which earned him another smile.

He touched his cheeks, finding them warmer than just a moment earlier. Damn his body and its reactions.

That’s when he heard a chuckle. “You guys are so adorable.”

He turned and saw Emma, who was looking at him with a little smile. Her eyes were glossy, but not indicating that she was entirely wasted, so Ray decided it would be better to direct her attention elsewhere.

He cleared his throat. “So, Emma, are you and Norman friends for a long time?”

“Oh, hmmm, I think…” She put her finger to her lips, thinking. “I think it’s half a year? But we’ve been through a lot together, so it feels longer.”

“You two seem really close.”

“Yeah, we are! I’m probably the person who knows him best… Besides you, of course.” She shot him a bright smile.

Ray only smiled shyly in the response. He didn’t know if he was the person that knew Norman best.

“Of course you do!” He didn’t say anything out loud, so were his thoughts so obvious that Emma guessed what he was thinking? “Really, you should hear what he…” She stopped herself, by putting a hand to her mouth. “Oh no, I promised I won’t be telling any stories about him.”

Now Ray felt curious.

“Oh come on, you can tell me, Emma!”

“No, no.” She shook her head. “Norman will be mad.”

“Oh, but, you know… I know some stories about Norman too, so we could just call it… an exchange of information?” He smiled devilishly, and he could swear her eyes sparkled.

“Omg high school stories, really?! Yes, please!”

“What are you guys doing?” Norman chose the worst moment possible to come back, and he was now standing, with his arms crossed, next to them.

“Nothing!” They both said at the same time, trying to wear innocent expressions.

“Oh, really? You weren’t just talking about me?”

They shook their heads no.

“You know,” Norman said, sitting back in his seat. “I could have expected it from Emma, but from you, Ray?” He looked down, seemingly sad, and Ray was about to apologize. After all, he and Emma didn’t mean anything bad, but if it upset Norman… But then the man looked at him again, and there was a smirk on his lips. “After all, we’re here with your friends. You wouldn’t want me sharing some stories with them, would you?”

He heard Emma laughing behind him, that traitor. But he only crossed his arms.

“I have nothing to hide.”

“Oh really? Even the story about how during a math class in the Grade 11-”

Ray’s eyes widened. He didn’t think Norman remembered it. He himself forgot about it until it was mentioned.

Quickly, he put his hand on Norman’s mouth and got closer, so he could look him in the eyes in the dim light.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” He growled quietly, looking at him through squinted eyes.

Norman’s eyes were wide open, and for a moment Ray panicked that maybe he scared him. But then… He noticed how warm Norman’s skin was under his fingers. How his hot breath was tickling Ray’s skin. How close they were. And Norman’s eyes weren’t bright and scared, but rather dark and… hungry. Also, were they getting closer? Yeah, he was definitely seeing Norman’s face more clearly.

“Are you two gonna kiss, or what?”

They jumped away from each other.

Ray threw Oliver, who was looking at them with an innocent smile, an angry look. He was going to kill that bastard.

“Sorry, I…” Norman suddenly got up.

Ray looked back at him, but only saw his departing back.

“Go after him,” Emma whispered in his ear.

Maybe some other time he would be embarrassed about how everyone seemed to be aware of the situation. But right now it didn’t matter. He had to catch Norman before he’d disappear.

“Norman!” He must have heard him. People around him stopped, and looked at Ray, so he had to hear him too. But he didn’t stop, and he exited the bar.

Like hell Ray was going to let him leave.

Those seven years ago, neither of them could do anything about it, and Ray was too frozen in shock to react in any way. But now it was different. He won’t lose Norman again.

He stormed out of the bar after the man he loved.

“Norman, wait!”

When he finally grabbed the man's shoulder, he was out of breath. But he did it. Norman was here. But he was looking anywhere but at Ray.

“I’m sorry,” he murmured.

“About what?” Ray asked. “You really shouldn’t mind what they were saying, they were just joking.”

Norman bit his lower lip. “But they were right… I was about to kiss you.”

The whole world seemed to come to a halt, and Ray felt breathless for a completely different reason. “What?”

“I can’t even control myself around you.” Norman laughed hysterically. “I thought those suits were the problem, but it looks like you have to look good in everything. If no one stopped me, then fuck, I would have kissed you there!” Now his laugh was more bitter. “I’m so stupid. I don’t even know how you feel, I mean it’s been years, and the fact that I missed you every day doesn’t mean that-”

Ray didn’t let him finish. He just grabbed Norman by the collar, and pulled him into the kiss.

This was different from any kiss they ever shared. They were different from back then, after all. And they were people who were separated for years. So the kiss was bound to be a little desperate, a little frantic.

But still, kissing Norman felt like coming home.

Ray closed his eyes, ready to give in, to be lost in the kiss. But Norman gently pushed him away.

“Wait. You’re not drunk, are you?” He was looking at Ray with eyes wide open, pupils dilated, and his cheeks were dusted a lovely shade of pink.

“I didn’t drink even a drop of alcohol. I’m the designated driver.”

“Good.” Satisfied with that answer, Norman cupped Ray’s cheeks with his hands, and kissed him again.

This time it was slower. Sweeter. 

Norman’s lips were warm, and even if that was the only part of them that was touching, Ray felt as if it warmed up his entire body. He could spend his entire life like that.

If it only wasn’t for his stupid phone.

“You’re not going to pick up?” Norman asked, still barely millimeters from his lips.

“No.” Ray said, and kissed him again. “I have better things to do.”

Norman laughed into the kiss, and Ray felt a pleasant shiver going down his spine.

“Come on, Ray. It might be important.”

Ray pecked him on the lips one last time, and picked up the phone. In the meantime, Norman decided to cuddle closer, and put his head on Ray’s shoulder.

“What?”

“Umm, Ray, where are you?” It was hard to hear Gilda with all the sounds in the background, but she sounded unsure.

“Not far.”

“Could you… come back?”

Ray sighed. “What happened?”

“Nigel got into the fight…” 

Shit. “Okay, I’ll be right back. Keep an eye on them for a moment longer.”

He hung up, and dragged a hand across his face. That's going to be a long night.

“Everything okay?”

Ray looked into Norman’s blue eyes and felt the warmth spreading through his body again.

“Yeah, come on, we have to come back.”

With Norman by his side, everything will be okay.

***

When Norman texted him two days later, saying that they should talk, Ray kind of expected it.

Because, well, they kissed. And then they had to get back, take care of Ray’s drunk friends, and just as drunk Emma. And after that, check on the same hangover people.

So yeah. They probably should talk about what to do with the fact that they both apparently felt something more than just friendship to each other.

That’s why he went to the meeting spot feeling kind of excited. Not only because he was going to see Norman again, but also because he will probably get to call Norman his boyfriend again soon.

Because he wanted this. He wanted a relationship with Norman. His feelings never disappeared, and even if years passed, and they both changed, Ray learned to know and love this older Norman too. 

They were just meant to be together, and nothing could change it.

“Hi.” He couldn’t stop the little smile upon seeing Norman.

“Oh, Ray! Hello.” Norman smiled back, but he seemed stressed.

“So, what did you want to talk about?” Ray decided he’ll let him lead the conversation in case he was severely mistaken and Norman wanted to talk about something else entirely.

“Well, about Saturday…” Norman was fidgeting with his fingers. “And the fact that we kissed…”

“Yes?” Ray was starting to feel nervous too. What if he misread this whole situation? What if Norman wanted to meet and talk, because he wanted to tell Ray that the kiss was a mistake, and he never wants to see him again?

“So, ahem, I take it that you… like me back?”

“Yes, I like you, idiot, so stop it.” Ray grabbed Norman’s hands in his own, so he would stop playing with them. “You’re making me nervous. You like me too, right?”

“Well, I thought that much was obvious.” The tips of Norman’s ears were getting red. He coughed a little and continued. “So, I was wondering if… if maybe you’d be interested in… dating me?”

“Yes, Norman. I want to be your boyfriend.” Ray shook his head. “It’s not like we ever broke up in the first place.”

Norman’s eyes softened. “I never wanted to break up with you.”

“And I’m glad you didn’t.” Ray raised Norman’s hands that he was holding, and kissed his knuckles.

“And I’m glad I found you again.” His gaze was so soft and warm, Ray could do nothing but stare into his eyes all day.

If he looked long enough, he could see the youthful glee in Norman’s eyes. He could see the old Norman. Ray felt stupid for ever thinking that Norman, who he used to date was gone. He was right here. His image was overlapping with this new, older Norman. But they were both the same. They both were his. And Ray loved them both.

Happy, he leaned in and kissed Norman.

***

If Ray thought his life was good before, it was just wonderful now.

“Darling, could you help me with that?”

Ray rolled his eyes, but went to tie Norman’s tie for him.

They lived together, in an apartment that was closer to the city’s center than Ray’s old one. But it was theirs. They chose it together, picked all the furniture together, and decorated it together. On shelves were standing their books. And in various places there were their pictures. Most of them were new: from the vacation at the beach, some with their friends, one from when they were sitting comfortably on the couch on Norman’s birthday. But there were a few pictures back from high school. Norman was delighted to find out Ray still had those (all his copies got destroyed). And so he didn’t stop until Ray agreed to put some of those up.

“We’re going to be late.” Ray announced, now waiting for Norman to find his jacket in the closet.

“No, we won’t.” He quickly checked the clock. “Shit.”

Ray couldn’t stop the smirk.

They were going to visit Norman’s uncle. The one who sheltered his nephew back when Norman had nowhere to go. 

It was Emma’s idea, and she was the one who provided Norman the address. It took some time, and a lot of Ray’s support, but Norman decided to write a letter to him. And it turned out the man also cut all ties with the family. And he would love to reconnect with Norman once again. Ray could see the light in Norman’s eyes when he read that.

So now, after a few weeks of exchanging messages, they were both going to visit the man. And Ray was about to meet him for the first time.

He was a little nervous. The uncle was the only family Norman had. And he could see how important the man was for his boyfriend. So he obviously wanted to make a good impression. But Norman seemed way more nervous than him, now looking for his phone.

“Hey, airhead,” Ray stopped him. “Here.” He handed him the phone that was lying on the table.

“Oh, thanks.” Norman sent him a quick smile. “Okay, I think we’re ready?”

Ray nodded. 

“Then let’s go.”

Before he could leave, Ray grabbed his hand and stopped him.

“I love you.”

He was making sure to say this every day. Not only because he wanted to make sure Norman remembers this, or because he needed the reminder. He was making up for all the years he couldn’t say it, or he regretted not saying this earlier. Besides, Ray liked saying those words to Norman.

Norman immediately seemed to relax a little. His eyes turned to the calm waters of the sea during late mornings, when he smiled softly.

“You’re the sweetest.” He quickly pecked Ray on the cheek. “I love you, too.”

Then they got in the car and took off.

They were driving for two hours, with music playing in the background, because Ray absolutely refused to drive a distance longer than twenty minutes without music. Now, when there was nothing more for him to do than just waiting, Norman seemed to calm down. He was sitting in the passenger’s seat, and tapping his foot to the beat.

When Ray finally parked the car, it was in front of the house painted white, with black trim.

“It looks nice,” he concluded.

Norman nodded, and they both got out of the car.

“Ready?” Norman asked, when they were standing on the front door. 

Ray wasn’t sure who he was asking, maybe himself. But he still answered.

“Let’s do it.”

Norman knocked twice, and barely a few seconds passed, when the door opened.

In front of them was standing a man, who looked very similar to Norman. His hair was also white, and eyes blue. He was even of similar height. But their features were a little different. Their eyes were different shapes, the older man had a longer nose, and while Norman’s jaw was sharp, the man had a soft jawline.

“Norman!”

Before Norman could say something, his uncle closed him in a tight hug. Norman made a surprised sound, but quickly returned the gesture.

“Hi, uncle.”

Ray couldn’t stop the smile at the view. But their touching reunion didn’t last long. After a few seconds, they separated.

“It’s so good to see you, Norman.”

Norman smiled in an answer.

That’s when Ray decided that he likes that man already. He was good for Norman. So it didn’t matter if he’d like Ray or not. If Norman was happy, that was good enough.

“Uncle, I wanted to introduce you… This is my boyfriend, Ray.”

Norman bit his lower lip, apparently nervous. Ray put his left hand on Norman’s shoulder in a soothing gesture, while he extended his right hand to Norman’s uncle.

“It’s a pleasure to meet you, sir.”

“Likewise.” His hand seemed small in Ray’s grasp, but it was warm.

“Let’s get inside. I hope you’re hungry, because dinner is almost ready.”

All three of them got into the house.

It looked nice on the inside too. A little too organized for Ray’s own liking, but still pleasurable, and charming in its own way.

“So,” the uncle started, when they got rid of their shoes and jackets. “How are things on the campus going?”

Norman came back to university. It was mostly at Ray’s insistence. But Norman was always the smartest kid in class, and he loved learning new things. Just his life went this way, not another, and he only graduated from high school. So now, when he was finally living peacefully, and didn’t have to worry about money (Ray could easily provide for them both, but Norman still insisted on working on weekends at the café) Ray said he should go to college. It was never too late for that.

Now, Norman was a sophomore. He majored in finance and management. And he was the best in his year. Which Ray loved to brag about.

But this time he stayed silent. He let Norman tell himself all about his classes, assignments, and some of his colleagues. He seemed excited.

The dinner was filled with light chatter, and trying to get to know each other. There was also a little banter between all three of them.

“Norman, I’m glad to see your appetite improved. You used to eat so little!”

“Well, it’s because Ray spoils me,” he said. “He’s such a great cook, it would be a crime to not have seconds. So, I got used to eating more.”

Ray shook his head. “That’s not true. You just don’t know anything about cooking, and you’ll eat anything that I’ll cook. But that’s good, your uncle is right, you were eating too little.”

Norman rolled his eyes.

“You’re taking great care of him,” Norman’s uncle said.

“I’m trying.”

“So… Can I expect a wedding in the near future?”

Norman choked on the water he was just drinking, and Ray’s face got red.

“Sorry, sorry,” the older man laughed at their reaction. “I’m just teasing you. Whenever you’re ready, then you’re ready.”

For a wedding? Marrying Norman?

Ray would be lying if he said those thoughts never passed his head before. 

He wasn’t opposed to the idea of marriage. Actually, whenever he thought about putting a golden band around Norman’s finger, and being able to call him his husband… It felt as if a thousand butterflies were coming to life in his stomach.

He wouldn’t mind that.

But he had no idea how Norman felt. They never talked about it before.

But it’s not like they were in a hurry. They were still young, and Norman was mostly focused on his studies now. If they’d want to get married, then one day they will. After all, they were meant to be, right?

For now, they were happy with how things were. Living together, caring for each other, and just being in love.

Ray looked at Norman, who was laughing awkwardly, after he stopped choking.

Yes, maybe one day. But for now, he was just going to love this man with his whole heart.

Just like he always did.

And always will.