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Why does it have to be like this?

Summary:

In order to use his ability Kenji needs to stay hungry. It makes his health deteriorate. But he has to keep up with it, what if he loses his friends just because he got greedy? That cant ever happen.

A huge TW for eating disorder and forced vomiting.

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

Why? Why must Kenji feel so bad whenever he eats? Most people feel joy whenever they eat a fulfilling meal. All he feels is guilt. What if something happends? What if people die because I ate and got weak. What if someone dies because I wanted a moment of pleasure. 

He would do all in his power to refuse eating. Telling his co-workers that he ate a big breakfast or that he wasn't hungry. He didn't get what was wrong with not eating. If it was a requierment for being strong enough to protect people it was fine. He knew it wasn't healthy, but others health came before his own.

One time when they had cracked a big case Fukuzawa invited for all of his dedectives to eat at a fancy resturant. They all said yes, ofcourse. But Kenji felt bad for even showing up. He wanted to eat the deliciouse food offered, but just couldn't. He cant risk anything. Even if it was completley safe he would still feel bad while eating. Though he also felt bad when denying the food he was offered. How could he come to a dinner party and not eat what was served? So he forced food down his throat. No matter how bad it made him feel. He just had to make up for it by not eating tomorrow. 

When the next day came Kenji felt even worse. How could he? The guilt was washing over him. A lump in his stomach formed, expanding and giving him a terrible feeling. He had to get the rest of the food out. He just had to. As he rushed to the toilet he could feel tears forming. As he was hunched over the toilet, fingers down his throat it all came out. And it hurt like hell. Almost screaming Kenji cried as it kept comming. When it finnaly stopped he simply washed his face, hands and teeth. Ready for another day at work.

Kunikida was a bit irritated about Kenji being late, but let it go as they recieved a small mission that was perfect for Kenji and his strenght. A gang that was affiliated with the port mafia. Th only thing needed was for the agency to kick their butts and they would stop terrorizing them. Kenji was eager to get going, as he hoped to be able to talk with the gang and make them surrender peacefully. Though the moment they were spotted shots fired at them. Kenji threw a car at them and stopped the bullets. After a simple fight they were done. Yosano was there to help any citizens that had gotten hurt. Kenji felt dizzy, like if he had eaten a big steak. But he had not eaten at all that day. As his legs started to tremble Yosano got a bit worried that he was hiding an injury. "How are you Kenji-kun? Did you get hurt?" Came a soft but worried voice. Before he could answer he fell to the ground. 

When he woke up he saw Yosano walking around with a notepad while Atsushi was sitting worried by his bedside. "Oh my god you're awake! How are you feeling Kenji-kun?" The tremble in his voice made Kenji sad. "I'm fine Atsushi-kun! I think i just hit my head or something." But his worries stayed as Yosano walked to Kenji. "You have no injuries, but your body lacks nutrions neccesary to work, have you been eating well Kenji-kun?" What? Why was she worried? He was just making sure to stay strong. "I mean i have been eating a bit less so i can stay strong in case of an emergency! But it should be alright?" Yosano shook her head. "Have you eaten anything today, Kenji-kun?" The silence was unbearable. After a while Kenji hesitantly anwered. "N-no, i haven't...." "Thats not good Kenji-kun! You should eat even if it makes you weak! Your body needs it-" Yosano cut off Atsushi. "I know it might be hard, but try eating a bit more, so we wont have situations like this again. Okay?" Kenji could only nod in response. 

 

Now he knew that he needed to act like he was better in front of Yosano. He still needed to be strong.

 

Notes:

OKAY SORRY! This took a while but im kind of proud? Kenji dosen't have nearly as much angst as he should have lol. Have a nice day/night

disclaimer: do not attempt in real life, this shit can actually kill you. Seek help please.