Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Thank you so much for having Jennie and I over for dinner. This was lovely, I’m so glad that our girls have each other.” Jennie’s mom mentions as they sit around the dining room digesting all that’s been prepared by Lisa’s parents. The two girls had excused themselves to catch the sunset outside. “It’s never any trouble—Jennie is always welcome and so are you. It’s been a crazy ride those four—” Lisa’s mom comments as they all erupt in a soft chuckle.  

The adults continue to talk about what Jennie and her mom had been up to while they’ve been in Thailand. As Jennie and Lisa are taking advantage of the warm weather and pink skies, “Have you enjoyed your time in Thailand?” Lisa questions the older girl trying to ignore the sweat in her palms creating a pool. A pool caused by the older woman not the weather. She doesn’t know why this is how she feels around Jennie because these types of feelings never come up with Jisoo or Rosé. She’s so caught up in her own head that she didn’t notice that Jennie had stopped talking. 

Jennie wraps her arm around the younger woman’s shoulder pressing her nose on her cheek, “Lili?” Jennie questions, Lisa turns her head quickly resulting in them inches from one another. Jennie smiles but Lisa pulls away rapidly hoping that the pink skies hide her flush cheeks. “Sorry yes, I’m glad I got to show you around Thailand—do you have a favourite part?” She continues to distract her as she musters up the courage to bring up these confusing feelings, wanting to know how she should deal with it.

Lisa can’t pinpoint why it all started or why Jennie but maybe all those times helping one another at studio, a year before they debut might’ve created too many intimate nights. Or the attention she received from Jennie was never the same from the other girls and it fed this part of her that was apparently falling in love with Jennie. There was always a certain difference in attention to detail when it came from Jennie. She never disappointed Lisa, not that she could even try to do so. But Lisa hasn’t been the same, every stage interaction with the older woman has fed this feeling. This stomach churning, smile forming, heart pounding feeling that distracts her from all that she must do, she just forgets to everything. Just like right now, all she wants to do is be in this moment and she is all of her attention is on how beautiful Jen— “Lisa what is going on?” Jennie chuckles once again having to pull Lisa out of her thoughts, “Sorry—I just—there’s something I want to talk to you about—” Lisa starts, Jennie turns her body towards the younger girl. Jennie’s also been trying to find the perfect time to tell her about Kai. And the time is presenting herself to mention her relationship, if anybody should know first it should be Lisa. 

Lisa’s been a prominent figure in her life, she’s the first friend she made during her trainee days. Ever since then she’s told the younger girl everything, from her traumas to the types of poops that she had that day, to how YG’s feedback made her feel basically anything to everything. Everyone assumes that Lisa is immature because of her persona but she’s just as wise possibly wiser than her other group members. “Okay—are you breaking up with me?” Jennie jokes, Lisa tenses up and the older girl notices making her chuckle, “I’m kidding—everything alright? You look like you’re about to throw up.” Jennie comments rubbing the younger girl back, but Lisa moves away creating space between them. Jennie pulls her hand back caught off guard by Lisa’s reaction, “I’ve been feeling something for someone and when we were trainee’s I pushed it down because I wanted this too much. I wanted to be where I’m at today, I wasn’t—I still won’t jeopardize our hard work but now that we’re here and we can—I just want to know whether I’m going crazy.” Lisa starts saying all of it under one breath. It’s a lot for Jennie to process but she catches the gist, Lisa likes someone. The younger woman has never disclosed this part of her before making this a big deal. Any time they would bring up this kind of topic she’d always bring up a celebrity crush and nothing else. Never divulging into what her type is, what she’d like to do on dates etc.

“Okay—” Jennie pauses nodding at Lisa to continue, “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but this person is driving me insane. And not in the cuckoo kind—they are running around my mind all the time and whenever they’re around I can’t focus, and I can’t breathe—I’m scared unnie—I don’t want to feel like this—it feels so wrong to be here—I hate feeling like this—I can’t—” tears begin to form at the duct of Lisa eyes, it’s scaring her that from this moment forward everything she’s ever felt about Jennie is going to be out for her to know. 

Jennie wipes the tears away “Listen—hey—woah—whatever or whomever this is about it’s going to be okay.” nodding for her to continue, “I think I’m in love with this person but—how could I—what do I know about love unnie?” Lisa sighs, trying to swallow the rock stuck in her throat. Jennie takes her hands into her own getting her to look into her eyes, ‘You are making this difficult’ Lisa thought to herself.   

“You know plenty about love—you taught me to open myself up to love especially when we first became a band, you taught me how to love and how to receive love in all its forms. If anybody knows love its Lisa Mano—” Lisa’s been waiting for this moment right here, she cups Jennie’s cheeks in her hands pulling her in for a kiss. There wasn’t a protest but in fairness Jennie’s blind sided by what just happened, Lisa is the first to pull away with all the hope in the world in her eyes. Jennie opens her eyes and only one thing comes out, “I’m seeing Kai.”

“Lisa? Hands in?” Jisoo bumps into the maknae, who raises her eyebrows faking a smile. Lisa hesitantly puts her hand in the circle looking around before stopping at Jennie making eye contact quickly, then moving to Rosé and back to Jisoo. They exchange a few encouragements before finishing with their normal routine, they head to their respective position creating space between her and Jennie. It’s been a week since their conversation and Lisa’s been trying her best to avoid Jennie like a plague while balancing her image around everyone. Jisoo looks at Lisa trying to warm up to have the energy that the crowd deserves, usually that energy would’ve been around all day. But something isn’t quite right with the maknae. Jisoo can sense it, Lisa loves performing for Thailand, but it feels like she trying to collect herself the energy to perform instead of just having it as if she’s trying to distract herself. Jisoo reaches her arm out to Lisa, “Are you okay?” she mouths, the youngest member nods softly grazing her hands. Which is another red flag usually she’d be clingy onto the older member but nothing. Jennie watches this exchange as best she can, but their platform begins to lift, and the music begins to blare through their in-ears.

Everything throughout the concert seems to be going as it should, the crowd is electric to see their country hero back. The girls had their typical moments on stage to the point that Jisoo brushed all that she’d witness, as if she was simply making something up. Jennie even as so far to inform the whole country of Thailand that they should be extremely proud of the younger woman. That if anything they will take care of her. Before they bow Lisa says her goodbye speech “ประเทศไทย! ฉันรักคุณ! ฉันคิดถึงคุณ! ขอบคุณสำหรับทุกอย่าง ฉันจะไม่เป็นฉันถ้าไม่มีคุณ! คุณคือบ้านของฉัน และมันดีเสมอที่ได้เห็นการกะพริบตาที่สวยงามมากมาย!” “(Thailand! I love you! I miss you! Thank you for everything I wouldn't be me without you! You are my home and its always so good to see so many beautiful blinks!)

They put their hands together and bow one last time before exiting the stage. As hectic as the stage is during their performance, post show is even zanier. They are running to change, catching their breath trying to beat traffic and avoid everyone trying to wrap everything up for the night. Thankfully they’ve all gotten use to how to be efficient in the dressing room, Rosé is always the first one done, and Lisa is always last. But this time Lisa is first to be finished, her costumes neatly packed in the bag for wardrobe, make up put away and anything that she brought was in her bag. “My parents are waiting for me; I’ll see you guys tomorrow for rehearsals—”

“Wait I thought that we were gonna get some drinks and celebrate?” Rosé questions. Lisa stops by the door completely forgetting that they had plans, “Shit. I’m sorry—can we move it till tomorrow I want to hang out with my family before I leave—"

“It’s okay—go—we can do something tomorrow.” Jisoo smiles the younger girl. She could tell that Lisa didn’t want to be there any longer than she must. Maybe it’s how well she’s been trained but from what she saw on stage its clear that all of it was just for the stage. She knows that her family is a priority to her, and she knows that her grandfather hasn’t been feeling well but her delivery’s laced with something else. There is definitely something going on, she looks around hoping to see that she’s not the only to notice the change in their maknae. But it seems that she’s the only one concerned, maybe it is just in her head.

The girls return to their hotel trying to catch up on their sleep. And trying to maintain their sleep schedule knowing that it’ll be messed up for the next 5 months. When they arrive at their hotel the girls’ exchanged goodnights before going to their hotel rooms. Jisoo collapses on her bed, closing her eyes hearing the roar of the crowds. As for the other young member of the group, Rosé is also thinking about Lisa being odd, but she doesn’t want to jump to conclusions. She doesn’t want to assume favorites or say that there are members that are closer with one another because in truth they tend to go back and forth with one another. But always felt that her relationship with Lisa tends to go from one extreme to the other. They’ll be obsessed with one another then they’ll simply be good friends and back and forth. Maybe it’s because they’re closer in age and just have a specific understanding about what it’s like to be away from their own family. They all know one another better than anyone else, of course she noticed that something is odd about their interactions with Lisa.

Jennie was the only one to greet them at the airport, not really giving her or Jisoo an explanation for the absence of their youngest member. When they arrived at the venue Lisa’s already with sound putting in her in ears and adjusting her microphone, Rosé quickly runs towards the younger girl, “Lalisa!” she screams hugging the taller girl from behind picking her up and shaking her. The older members smile even Jennie, she knows how much they mean to one another. A part of her knows that she should bring it up to Lisa what happened between them. But her mom had interrupted them before she could say anything. After saying ‘I’m seeing Kai’ her mother informed her that it was time to get back to the hotel. Lisa flipped a switch and returned to herself smiling, putting herself under Jennie’s moms’ arm. 

They start up their own conversation walking away from Jennie who’s left with a lot of things to process. But having a packed schedule to explore Thailand with her mother left her with a lot less time to process. She doesn’t mind being around her mother and she sure as hell didn’t mind being in Thailand but what is she supposed to do with that much information. ‘Lisa kissed her.’ Her mom of course noticed but if she knows her daughter, she’ll come to her when she’s ready. She knows that there’s been something occupying her daughter, and before she left, she asked one last time if there is anything she wants to talk about. But Jennie shrugs it off, offering another fake smile saying that she’s got everything sorted and it’s just the tour.

   “Chaeng!” Lisa shouts giggling at her current situation, Rosé puts her down digging her head into the slightly taller girl. “I missed you—how are your parents? Why weren’t you at the airport?” she questions snaking her hand through Lisa’s arm walking out to do some blocking and checking the stage. Lisa tenses up, she knew that she can’t be alone in a room with Jennie. Lisa knows that it’s going to take time and she understands that she’s not here to expect anything. But she doesn’t exactly have the liberty of months hell even weeks to get over her feelings for Jennie. So, this is going to have to go faster than most if it means not talking to her for week to just process and move on so be it. That’s what she’s done and by tonight she’ll be back to her flirty self on stage. “Parents are good, just been spending as much time with them as I can—been taking my grandfather to his appointments to get the best care he can get. And I tried to meet you guys at the airport, but my grandfather’s appointment ran longer than I had expected. I got the text that you guys were already on your way to the venue so here I am.” Lisa answers as they snake their way around the stage, the rest of the group join the two girls. Chaeng lets her grip go from Lisa and makes her way to Jennie while Jisoo makes her way to the taller girl to have some of the same conversation.

Individuals brewing their own theories about tonight’s interaction, could this just be something that they might be blowing out of proportion. Two are wondering whether there is something off about their group dynamic while one is left to wonder what she should do about Lisa. It’s not like there is some training on how to handle this she’s barely handling dating someone in the public eye. But this is where the immaturity that everyone expects out of Lisa comes in, she always distances herself and tries her best to fix it or figure it out herself. When in reality she could probably get some advice and help from others. But what can Jennie do? What is she meant to do; she knows that she doesn’t feel the same way about Lisa—right? They’re relationship is extremely complex and its multiple faceted and having this unknown territory muck it up is going to make the next couple of months rough and awkward.

Chapter Text

Saturday, January 26, 2019.

Hong Kong

Everything seems to be relatively back to normal for the most part, but Jisoo nor Rosé can’t shake off this distant nagging. They could tell Jennie was keeping something and that Lisa’s distant, not in the public eye, of course, she knows exactly how to be around cameras. But when it’s just them she seems overly consumed with her phone, taking photos, and is overly attached to the hip with Chaeyoung. It’s understandable to be attached to another group member over the other sometimes. But what’s confusing to Jennie and Jisoo is that they usually would’ve fought over something by now.

Yet, it's been peaceful between the both of them, more than peaceful actually it’s like they share the same brain. They’re currently in make up getting ready for their show in Hong Kong. Jennie is currently getting her look done, while Jisoo is playing with her switch on the couch. While the one brain cell is tangled together, Rosé aimlessly scrolling through her phone as for Lisa is typing away in her notes app.

“Lili, can you come with me to crafts?” Rosé breaks the white silence waiting for Lisa’s attention. Lisa finishes her thought, “Yeah—actually I’m getting a little hungry” she smiles at the blonde moving their legs out from one another.

“Does anybody want anything?” Lisa asks generally, the two unnie’s look at the younger girls offering a small smile and shaking their heads. They both shrug at one another and leave the room, Jisoo finds this to be the perfect opportunity to not interrogate her best friend but sus out the situation. “Can you give us the room for a couple of minutes?” Jisoo politely smiles at the make-up artist, who bows politely excusing herself.

Jennie opens her eyes and looks at Jisoo through the mirror in question, Jisoo decides to sit next to the younger girl turning the chair to face her. Jisoo reads the younger girls face, minimizing her eyes trying to intimidate her but it does the opposite. Jennie sits curiously unsure of what’s about to come out of her bandmates mouth. Jisoo lets them sit in silence a few more seconds, leaning even closer than she did before. “What are you hiding?” Jisoo finally speaks.

Jennie arches her eyebrow unsure of what she’s talking about let alone where this came from. “What?” Jennie chuckles trying to calm her thoughts that are going a thousand miles a minute. There are a few things she’s hiding, where does she even start but the important thing is understanding what Jisoo’s getting at. Her lies consist of; her not really being busy with her manager earlier, she just wanted some shut eye and peace and quiet. She’d been talking to Kai for more than a couple of months, but they finally went on date just a couple of weeks ago. That when she decided not to go see the girls it wasn’t because she didn’t want too it was just the fact, she was a little too busy Christmas shopping that she didn’t have enough time to catch up. There could be so many things that Jisoo is finally catching up on. “What…are you hiding?” Jisoo repeats one more time, Jennie scratches her nose trying not to avoid eye contact knowing that that’s one of her tells that she is lying. “You’re a little too composed—a little too quiet—some might say a little toooooo Jennie” Jisoo hums, and the nerves finally get the best of Jennie. They’ve been go go go that she hasn’t given anything else a forethought she barely keeps a conversation going with Kai, but she tries her best. So busy being on autopilot that she’s reminded again of the events of what happened in Thailand with Lisa.

The younger girl’s been so good at maintaining face with everyone that she’d completely forgotten her confession and that kiss. That when she really looks back at all of their interactions in the last couple of weeks, they’ve been so calculated by Lisa that she didn’t even notice how different she was off stage and away from the camera. Always hanging around Jisoo or Rosé only seeing her in a group setting or in meetings or the dance studios practicing away. Jisoo clears her throat getting Jennie’s attention “I’m not hiding anything, unnie.” Jennie replies grabbing her water from the table and Jisoo doesn’t buy it.

“Jendeukie—you’re not one to lie. Let alone lie to me.” Jisoo hums keeping the suspicious look on her face stone set. “I haven’t.” Jennie shakes her head taking another sip of her water. Jisoo tsk’s at the younger girl. “More lies—” Jisoo starts, she crosses her arms and legs leaning back on the chair. “—I know you’re hiding something and knowing you I know you’ll tell me when you’re ready, but I just want to let you know how I know for a fact you’re hiding something. You’ve had a pretty busy December—I mean we all have—” Jisoo shrugs casually as Jennie’s grip on the chair and water bottle tightens.

“—It’s the holidays—we all have our own schedule and duties keep us busy but even then, you were never around in the dorm. Up at dawn back by midnight—correct me if I’m wrong but you said that you hate early mornings so there’s that. You’re glued to your phone and that says a lot coming from me—and when you leave to go anywhere you are covered head to toe like a marshmallow. I heard you coming home one night, and I peeked through to see who it was, and I thought there was an intruder who hated the cold. Thank you for the heart attack by the way.” Jisoo winks, “So dare I ask you again—” Jisoo is interrupted by the two girls returning with an abundance of snacks that are made up of fruit, sweets, and chips. They pause by the doorway, “Why was uhmm— “Lisa starts turning her attention back to her bandmates. “Are we interrupting something?” Chaeyoung chuckles feeling the vibe of the environment be different from when they were both here.

Jennie knows that Jisoo will never quit, she may not mention it again but there will be looks, bumping and teasing that’ll continue until she breaks. Jisoo’s determination is not a joking matter when she wants something she’ll never stop until she gets it. “No but I do have to talk to you guys about something.” Jennie sighs—this is not how she wanted to let her teammates know that she is dating someone. Lisa on the other hand begins to sweat bullets but Rosé drags her closer to Jennie which is the closest she’s been to the older girl other than the stage. She tries her best to maintain her face and some space between her and Jennie, no one seems to notice.

“I’m seeing Kai—” she pauses, Lisa feels herself wanting to shrink reliving the same event from a week ago. How her heart crumbled like ashes in the wind at the words and it came as an utter shock to her that for once she could breathe. Regretting ever acting on her feelings because despite not being able to breathe around Jennie at least she could still be around her. Now she can barely be alone with her, she’s thankfully that her and the girls hate not being around the other, so she’s hasn’t been alone with Jennie as much.

The room erupts in coos and Lisa decides to play along cooing with the other girls. Giving her best performance as if she’s back on stage, Jisoo and Rosé begin to ask her all the details of how it all happened. And for once all that confidence, bubbly, curious, radiant positive energy is quiet. Smiling through it, knowing deep down that she’s merely enduring to get through the discussion of Jennie and her love life. Lisa tries her best to listen but it all sounds like this consistent ringing in her ears that’s making it impossible to focus. If anything, it feels like she’s suffocating, “Excuse me.” She barely whispers letting her arms go from Rosé it seems the other two are too busy to notice but Jennie eyes follow the maknae as she leaves the room.

Lisa doesn’t know where she’s headed but she just needs to breathe and release the tightening happening in her chest. She reaches behind the stage resting her back on a metal pole before pacing trying to calm herself down. The week of no contact with Jennie helped keep her out of her mind but being around the girl has proven to be difficult. And she’s handling as best as she can but now that she must sit here and stomach even more by hearing every little detail of their relationship. It’s like pouring salt on the wound and twisting the knife on her back. 

She feels so stupid, all those interactions with Jennie feel ordinary. They don’t hold any special memory anymore. Making her look back at how excited she got at the presences of the older girl she feels pity for herself. All those hugs were just hugs, dropping everything to come and see to her. Making sure everything was okay when she hurt her ankles after the shooting for that hellish military show was a friendly duty. Texting her those encouragements in dark moments in her life where she felt like she didn’t know if she could go on—it was just an elder looking out for her. That in reality it, it was only ever her who smiled at the sight of a Jennie’s name popping up on her phone. Somehow all those times Lisa was trying to figure out a way to see Jennie before they were in a group together were pitiful. She used to walk around trying to figure out a way to see Jennie throughout the day. Swallowing the pill that she will never make Jennie feel the way that Kai makes her feel.

With this being the last leg of this portion of the tour she’s thankful to know that they’ll be back in Korea with a few things on their schedules before the next leg of the tour. Back in her own apartment to wallow and move on properly or in her case distracting herself with work and dancing. Back in the green room Jisoo and Rosé get a breakdown of it all. “Wow 6 months of you guys talking and only now you guys go on a date 2 months ago!” the younger girl coos and Jennie smiles at the thought of him makes her heart skip a beat. “I mean we both have busy schedules so we figured we would keep a few days throughout December free for one another.” She smiles, Jisoo and Rosé exchange looks cooing at one another to see their member happy.

“Unnie, you seem so happy, but you didn’t have to hide it from us, you know” Chaeyoung states, Jennie sighs, she didn’t want to keep it from her best friends, but she just wanted them to be with one another a little longer. Beside it wasn’t her best friends she was trying to shield her relationship from its from their managers and the company. The fact that they’re from different management companies just complicates everything, so much so that she doesn’t even want to get into it.

“We just wanted a moment without any pressure, and I wasn’t trying to hide it from you guys I was trying to hide it from management. I know as soon as they know that’ll be it—” Jennie sighs leaving it at that because that could practically mean anything knowing how powerful both companies are. Jisoo goes in for hug knowing how big this is for Jennie, she’s as closed off as they come, and this is practically jumping off a cliff. Management is a lot of things, and their influence and power are beyond their own comprehension, so the girls truly recognize where Jennie is coming from.

“Does that mean when we fly back to Korea, you’ll be seeing him?” Rosé teases rubbing shoulders with the older girl making her blush because it’s true. “Well, that answers that questions” Jisoo smirks before they could continue this conversation the make-up artist knocks on the door and enters, letting the girls know that they’ve got to get back to prepping for the show. The girls bow their heads, and another make-up artist comes in to help. Jisoo decides to go next, Jennie excuses herself stating she’s going to call Kai and possibly grab some actual food from craft shading how the snacks brought by the youngins couldn’t possibly fill her up.

Rosé sticks her tongue out as the unnie leaves the room. Jennie wasn’t lying when she said she was going to call Kai—she also wanted to check in on Lisa—the conversation only lasted a couple of minutes, but it meant a lot to both of them to hear from one another. After 10 minutes of searching, she stumbles on Lisa coming back from the stage she knew that at some point they had to talk about it. Lisa’s got her airpods in with her attention on her phone, Jennie decides to be soft when grabbing her attention simply standing in front of her way. Lisa looks up and feels the rock in her throat return, “Hi.” Jennie says, Lisa takes the out her airpods stuffing them in her joggers along with her phone and her hands. “Hi.” She returns, offering the best smile she can collect.

“How are you?” Jennie questions, Lisa is curious—she’s sure that she was going to bring up Thailand but if not, she’s fine with it too. Lisa looks down at her feet then back at Jen, who finds herself a little lost in the younger girls’ eyes. Lisa’s eyes have this effect on people, they are adorable as they are seductive. People say that the eyes are the windows to someone soul but when you look at Lisa’s you can’t quite tell what she’s trying to convey it’s like they perform all on their own. “I’m alright just stretching; back’s been hurting a little how are you?’ Lisa replies slowly walking towards Jennie indicating she has to make her way back to make-up. Someone came looking for her earlier to get back to the green room for her turn to get ready. Jennie follows the taller girls pace trying to figure out a way to bring up what happened between them.

“I’m alright, I just wanted to check in—you kind of left—” Jennie explains dying off at the end, Lisa stops for a moment then continues to. She doesn’t know what to say, if she makes up an excuse the older girl will know it’s an excuse, but she doesn’t feel the need to have to talk about Thailand. It’s clear how Jennie feels about her and she’s working her way to accept the truth. “Yeah—just working on my nerves” Lisa fakes a smile; it’s not a total lie it was her nerves that was getting the best of her.

“Right—listen—” Jennie begins as they’re about to turn the corner to the green room she stops Lisa. Lisa is literally cornered as she nods her head, “—about what happened in Thai—” Lisa inhales deeply at the mention of Thailand, interrupting Jennie’s train of thought.

“It’s okay really—you don’t have to say anything—I value yo—our friendship and all of our hard work too much to let something so little affect it all. This is something I need work on by myself—and all I’m asking is a little bit of space and I know we’ll be back to how it was—forgetting that any of that ever happened.” Lisa battles the tears and the rock from winning while maintaining the eye contact that they both cherish. Jennie doesn’t know what to say because she had prepared a whole speech about what to say to the younger girl. But clearly Lisa’s made up her mind and when she’s made up her mind there’s not much to change it.

“Oh—okay.” Is all Jennie can say, “I’m happy for you and Kai. Seeing you happy is the only thing that matters.” Is the last thing Lisa says to the older girl walking away from her. Pulling on her sleeves trying to discreetly wipe the tears that were able to escape before she enters the green room and raise some questions. Jennie sighs as her anger brews, she hates that she hurt Lisa like this they’ve been so close since they were trainees. This distance is unsettling to her, they’ve been with one another. She releases an exasperated groan then makes her way to craft; Jisoo makes her presence known when she comes out of the other corner having come from wardrobe.

‘What the fuck happened in Thailand?’ Jisoo thought to herself proving that something is unravelling and there is definitely a shift within their group.

During the concert there were a few things that Jisoo couldn’t shake off, especially because everything she heard completely contradicts how Lisa and Jennie were acting on stage. She’s participated in flirting with her group members to amp up the crowd during a few moments but there seems to be something in the air. These two couldn’t seem to get their attention away from one another. From biting mini hearts, comforting the other when they’re on the ground, accidentally kissing the others cheek a little too close to her lips, holding hands and wrapping their arms around one another during the fan goodbye. Jisoo can’t seem to connect the dots, but she knows that she can’t keep the other member of the group in the dark. She’s sure that Rosé feels the shift and its time that they talk about it with one another.

Everything after the concert happened so fast that the only thing that any member can recall is being in their respective vehicle with a band mate. Thankfully Rosé and Jisoo are in one van while Lisa and Jennie are in the other, Lisa takes this time to grab some shut eye as they make their way to the airport. She considers it a superpower how she can just fall asleep anywhere. While Jennie finally notices the million notifications from Kai and every single social media platform she’s on.

[Kai 🐻❄️ :]

Did you know about this?

[Kai 🐻❄️ ]

What is going on?

[Kai 🐻❄️ ]

Management won’t leave me alone?

[Kai 🐻❄️ ]

Did you tell somebody about us?

[Kai 🐻❄️ ]

Call me when you can.

[Kai 🐻❄️ ]

We need to talk about this.

[Kai 🐻❄️ ]

Call me.

17 Missed Calls from Kai 🐻❄️

Jen looks over at Lisa to see her fully asleep, she decides to connect her airpods with her phone. Wanting to be sure that no one could possibly hear the conversation through her phone. He seems to be in a panic, but she doesn’t know why, she’s been on stage the last two and a half hours.

‘Hello?’

‘Ni—”

‘What is going on? Are you okay? What was with all of the texts.’

‘Has anyone on your team talked to you? Have you been on anything?’

‘No what is going on your freaking me out?’

Lisa wakes up at the sudden raise of voices in the car, the managers are whispering amongst themselves as Jennie’s voice continues to break.

‘Someone sold our relationship—’

‘Kai what are you talking about? We’ve been so careful—I just told the girls today?’

‘I don’t know Jen—I don’t know just ease up on social media today—but I’ Jennie can’t hear the rest of what he has to say because she is too busy catching up with all of her social media notifications. And all they had to say was that Kai shouldn’t be with her, she’s ugly, how could someone as sweet as him be with someone as wicked as her. Calling her the villain of kpop, her managers turn to her, and Lisa is now fully awake, but she doesn’t want to overwhelm the older girl. They are talking at her with all this information almost nagging her for answers.

‘I have to go.’ Jennie hangs up the phone and just sits her as manager lectures her while also simultaneously asking her what she wants to do. Lisa hates that all she can do is pretend to be asleep while the person she cares for the most is just taking all this fire. Lisa hates herself for it if she could shield her away from whatever all of this is she would but instead she sits there frozen.

“YG wants to see you the day after you land to discuss how to best handle this, and I advise you don’t go and see Kai. You are only going to damage your image as well as the girls with all this drama, you can’t keep up with this if you expect to have any future projects. Do you understand Jennie?” Its silent for a few minutes a sigh comes out of Jennie, “Yes, oppa.” Is all she can say.

Before Lisa knows it, her manager is waking her up to prepare them to get out of the van and into the airport. She looks over at Jennie who’s got a blank look on her face almost like she’s saving face. Lisa is the first one to step out of the van and she holds her hand out for Jennie and the older girl joins their hands together. The bubble forms around them, Lisa looks over at the older girl wrapping herself around her trying to shield her from the paps. The other two girls enter the bubble, and it gets bigger, but Jennie creates space between her and Lisa running up to Jisoo. Lisa can’t even be bother for all she’s focusing on is getting through this airport to their gate where she can continue her shut eye. Everything is quiet until they make it to their gate and start boarding the plane and Jisoo finally breaks discourse.

“Jennie are you okay? You look like you’re going to throw up?”

Chapter Text

When they landed in Korea it’s like no one could keep their own thoughts to themselves from the airport all throughout the streets of Korea. They all want to know about Kai and Jennie.  As for her, Jennie’s been numb since her conversation with Kai. She doesn’t care about the hate she’s getting from the netizens or the conversation she has with the CEO of in a few hours. She just wants to talk to Kai because she would never jeopardize all they’ve built in the last 6 months and throw it down just like that. He has to know how much she values her privacy, but he hasn’t been answering and everyone can tell, its driving her crazy. The three girls get dropped off at their dorm while Lisa is dropped off at her apartment, when she opens the door, she’s happy to see her babies acting as if she hasn’t been gone a whole month. Rubbing up against her leg, vibrating like batteries.

The stress of the last month and recently just washed away at the sight of her apartment. Home is not a place Lisa knows that but for her this space is something she’s worked hard on keeping it sacred. A safe space for her to be herself and let out her frustrations. Instead of unpacking her things she decides to simply spend time with her pets until her hearts content or until she passes out on her bed. While the other three girls had a little less calming arrival, the two were worried about Jennie who immediately rushed to her room avoiding any kind of conversation, encouragement, comfort, she denied everything. All she wanted to do was feel something, but she couldn’t until she knew what the future of her relationship is going to be.

It took a lot of her to take a leap to be vulnerable with someone and be with someone. She secretly hopes that they are stronger than everything they are going through, and he does but he hates what they are saying about her. Because she is none of those things, he finds her beautiful and wonderful, but what they are saying about her is uncalled for. Kai knew that this is going to happen with anybody he dates but he hates that it happening to her. He wants more than anything to drop everything and drive to where she is, but his management keeps putting all these worse case scenarios in his head. Mentioning how its best to stay silent to ensure the popularity of their career.

***

The next morning came, and Jennie couldn’t get herself out of bed. It’s the exhaustion getting the best of her, to the point that her manager had to call Jisoo to wake her up. The van’s been outside waiting for her for a good 40 minutes. Jisoo jumps out of bed which never happens—rushing over to Jennie, who is sound asleep under all of her blankets with Kuma guarding her feet. She doesn’t bother to entertain the dog; she just pulls sheets to her leaving the girl bare and shivering. Jennie opens her eyes to reality, none of it is a dream— “Oppa—is outside waiting for you—you’ve got your meeting with—”

“Okay—I am up. I will be down in 5 minutes.” She says emotionless, Jisoo doesn’t bother to say anything else but hugs Jennie before leaving the room. It was a deep and strong hug, a hug that Jennie needed because tears begin to form in her ducts as the older girl walk out of her room. “She’s on her way. “Jisoo responds over the phone waltzing out to the living room. Hoping to disassociate while she waits to give Jennie another goodbye hug.

“Oppa—do you know how dispatch found out?” Jisoo says barely a whisper not wanting to worsen Jennie’s anxiety by talking about her.

“Someone sold them a story—someone on our team—Making this much worse. This is a violation of privacy, and everyone is under investigation.” He explains, Jisoo is left speechless wishing she’d know how this could’ve possibly happened.

“—And this morning pictures are surfacing with the two them— “

“Nini— “Jisoo whispers, “—Listen the other oppa’s and I we’re talking and it’s not going to be easy. YG is extremely unhappy about the whole thing—she’s going to need as much support that she can. I know we dropped Lisa off at her apartment, but I think its best you guys stay under one roof until the next leg of the tour.” He explains carefully, Jisoo puts her phone down when she sees Jennie come out from the hallway towards their shoes.

“Nini—I love you. We’ll be here when you get back.” Jisoo pulls her into another hug this time squeezing a little and holding on a little longer. Jennie relaxers under her touch—easing her anxiety at her unnies hug.

Jennie pulls away, pulling the scarf up to her nose. She fixes the hat to let it hang as low as possible. So, there is no possibility of having her face be exposed.

[Jichu 🐰 ]

SOS, we need you to come back to the dorm ASAP. 

***

Lisa woke up around 11 which is later than normal. She’s surprised to not have been woken up earlier by some aggressive paws. But she’s thankful nonetheless to have gained a few more hours than she expected. She got about 30 seconds of silence before her phone started ringing and the chorus of meows started.

She released an exasperated sigh sitting up. Her phone vibrates again, she quickly grabs it immediately turning on Do Not Disturb. The messages were mostly from Jisoo, she never texts the younger girl this much.

[Jichu 🐰 ]

I know you’re probably asleep but this is an all-hands-on deck situation.

[Jichu 🐰 ]

LISA! Seriously where are you?

[Jichu 🐰 ]

We could use your overly positive personality in like the next 30 minutes!

13 Missed Calls from Jichu 🐰

7 Missed Calls from Rosie 💩🐿 ️

Based on the overflowing notifications from her group members, one can only assume that Jennie’s conversation is not going well.

Jennie’s been around that man for most of her teenage years. And she’s gotten use to holding a conversation with him. But having to see him and be lectured about her relationship is not something she is prepared for. Despite knowing that something so normal, something so human is somehow so wrong. When in reality there is nothing to be lectured for. 

She gets to the office, and they have to get a barricade placed around the building for the press. They were all screaming at her, she can’t even be bothered to understand or pay attention to what they’re saying to her. Her bodyguard and manager guide her into the building but as soon as she gets to the elevator, she’s the only that gets on.

“Fuck.” She sighs, usually they’ll be able to join her for her meeting but not now. She walks up to the office; the secretary greets her quickly and leads her back to his office.

“Jennie—please sit.” he’s staring out the window in his office. Almost to say that he’s asserting power over her, she sighs sitting down in front of his desk. Painfully she waits for him to talk but he hasn’t. He’s caught up in the view and collecting his thoughts. He finally turns around and Jennie spends the next minute trying to read his face.

“How long have you been together?” He states making his way to his desk, making eye contact with Jennie. For the first time in 4 years, she feels like that small trainee all over again. Who needs to just sit there and listen to him pick her apart.

“2 months.” Jennie responds knowing how he hates long winded answers, he tilts head back and forth. As if he’s bouncing his thoughts back and forth, he clears his throat “Well—do you think you can handle this?” He wonders.

Jennie is unsure of what to say, it feels unfair to have a response because this is a relationship after all. “I don’t think I can answer that without talking to Kai— “

“He’s already come to a decision—we’re waiting for you to decide, and we’ve already got two stories ready depending on how you decide.” Jennie could barely hear the rest of what he says because she’s gutted to hear that he’s come to a decision. Did he even bother to think about her?

“Oh—I uhm—can I— “

“I will say this. Your career should be your priority because he was thinking of his own career from what his team has told us—” he stops shaking his head trying to act disappointed. “—It’s a tough industry Jennie—and the only people looking out for you is us and the girls. Think about the girls…” he pauses and for a moment she’s left speechless.

She’s spent years watching friends of hers be side lined after flirting during their trainee years. She’s spent years avoiding any kind of interaction with the opposite sex and is it any different now? She’s being made to choose between herself and who makes her happy. “Okay—then we’re done.” Jennie sighs, once again she lets all the emotions in her body drain into a bottle. 

“I’m sorry Jennie—but this is for the best.” He says emotionless trying his best to act pitiful. “Can I go?” Jennie croaks trying hold her breath and prevent the tears from flowing.

“Yes—again I’m sorry.” He says one more time, she excuses herself from the room. This time she fixes her get up to ensure no one, in the building, outside, her managers she means no one can see her heart breaking.

The ride back to the dorm is quiet she barely spoke a word to the managers or the driver. When she gets back, she’s sees the girls tangled on the couch. It’s clear they’ve been waiting for her; they say nothing instead they stand up and pull her into a hug.

For the first time in 24 hours, she can finally let it all out. The tears flow quickly and concentrated followed by a symphony sobs. The girls tighten their hug as she heaves as her breath becomes laboured. The girls can feel her pain, with every shudder, tear, and heaving of her breath.

Ever since their second year as a band it’s become them, if one of them cries then the rest follows. Except this time everyone but Lisa is in tears, she’s angry. She hates seeing Jennie in pain like this and it’s rare to see the older girl sobbing like this. Jennie’s never audibly sobbed this loudly and this long, Lisa doesn’t need to hear what the boy or management has to say she is angry. Lisa can’t help but place her hand on the older girl’s hair rubbing it slowly while Jisoo rubs her back trying to ease her breathing. After what feels like years of being in the group hug Jennie pulls away. The girls decide to follow the brunette’s lead, Rosé heads over to the table to grab a box of tissue while the other two continue to rub Jennie comforting her. Hoping that their member finally catches her breath, Jisoo looks down to meet Jennie’s eyes.

“Are you okay? Have you talked to Kai?” Jisoo questions but it only results in Jennie to burst into more tears but this time her sobs are silent. Lisa smacks her glaring at the older girl, Jisoo apologizes “I’m sorry—it’s okay you don’t have to talk about it—we can stay in here until tomorrow. Oppa cleared your schedule for the rest of the day.” Jisoo informs the young member. She’s relieved to know that she won’t have to save face until tomorrow.

“I just want to be in bed. If that’s okay.” Jennie requests and her bandmates nod their head sadly knowing that they wish they could be there for her. But she’s not the type to really let others see her suffer. It kills her bandmates that they can’t be there for her not in the way that they’d like too at least. Jisoo points her head towards Jennies room at Lisa indicating her to help Jennie get to her room. Lisa nods, placing herself in front of Jennie, “Piggyback c’mon.” Lisa says bending down for the older girl, Jennie shakes her head, “I’ll squat in front of you all day until you decide to get on. So, if you wanna get some—”

“Alright.” Jennie sighs, jumping on Lisa’s back the taller girl makes her way to her unnie’s room and closes the door. She softly places Jennie on her bed, she turns around to face the older girl who’s disassociating. Making her laugh, how can someone be so cute at such a vulnerable state. “What?” Jennie asks pouting at the taller girl, “Nothing—” Lisa tries to stifle her laughter bending down to her level taking off her hat and scarf. From there she moves to her coat, Lisa hangs it up in the closet and Jennie has yet to move.

Her mind is elsewhere, no part of her wants to even participate in being in the moment right now. She wants to talk to Kai but from what she heard is there even a point in doing so? Was she the one that broke them up is there a possibility that management would lie to her? There are so many questions running through her brain and yet she can’t find the courage to ask him. What if it is true? He decided not to try and simply walk away from what could’ve been. It’s clear what her choice would’ve been but maybe it’s her fault for falling so easily.

“Unnie?” Lisa questions pulling her attention of the younger girl that’s on her knees waiting for a response, the younger girl smiles. “Do you need anything else? Maybe some water—a snack—tissues?” Lisa questions one more time and Jennie shakes her head pulling herself in bed and getting under the covers. Lisa sighs getting up and walks towards the doors to turn off the light, but before she leaves, she looks back at her on the bed to see the covers moving in the rhythm of sobs.

She doesn’t want to push the older girl, so she decides to simply walk out of her room. Jisoo and Rosé are in the corner of the hallway waiting for their maknae, Lisa shakes her head. Rosé and Jisoo bow their heads in defeat, “I want to know what happened—but I also know she’ll let us know when she’s ready.” Jisoo comments, Chaeyoung exhales planting her head on Jisoo’s shoulder. “I don’t like seeing her like that unnie, she doesn’t deserve this.”

Lisa plants a kiss on both of her band mate’s forehead before she heads to the kitchen to grab a water for Jennie. They both smile at the sweetness of their friend. Jisoo guides her younger member back to the living room. “I want what they have.” Rosé jokes, Jisoo chuckles watching Lisa run across the living room and dropped the water off for Jennie.

“That kind of love is very rare maknae. Let them have it.” Jisoo continues the joke. When Lisa opened the door, she sees a sound asleep Jennie, she tiptoes to her side table placing the bottles before she exits. Lisa comes out the room and heads to her room to grab a few things. Before all of this she had schedule a dance rehearsal with one of her favourite choreographers. Which meant she began to head out leaving the other two confused.

“Lili where are you going?” Rosé questions to arching her eyebrows at Lisa who’s a little preoccupied at lacing her boots. Lisa stops lacing her shoes and looks up at the two girls staring at her from the couch. “I have rehearsals with Chesir. Then I’ll feed the cats and come back, don’t worry. I’ll be here for unnie.” She says casually, trying to hold back the anger that could peek out with her delivery. But surprisingly it conveys normally, they simply nod knowing how normal it is for Lisa to dedicate much of her time dancing.

But Jisoo can’t shake the thought What the hell happened in Thailand? “When you get back—there’s something I want to ask about a specific move in one of our songs I keep accidentally hitting Rosé” Jisoo questions which Lisa finds odd but shrugs it off while Rosé shoots her unnie a confused look. Jisoo pops their eyes out letting her know to go with it. Jisoo smirks at her calculative move clearly the maknae has no idea what’s about to come. She’ll be talking to Rose about what she overheard and what’s she’s observed.

They watch as Lisa leaves the dorm, Jisoo patiently waits until she hears the door lock. When it does, Jisoo jumps up from the couch dragging her to her own room. Rosé protested the whole way practically dragging her feet and a multitude of ‘What—oh my god? What’s happening? Why are you doing this’ all collectively a whisper not wanting to wake up Jennie. But being dragged for the next 2 minutes is not her favourite activity. “What the hell is going on?  Jisoo throws her on the bed and at this point she is practically speechless.

“What do you know?” Jisoo quizzes but Rosé quite frankly knows nothing. “What are you talking about?” she answers completely clueless and Jisoo squints her eyes and she believes her poor band member. “I heard something…and I hate being the only one that heard it. I wanna know if you notice something— “Jisoo is interrupted with Rosé hitting her forearm.

“What did you hear?” is all she can gather up to say, she’s noticed a change in Jisoo’s stance. “Oh, shit and it’s good too.” Rosé smirks, Jisoo gets up from her bed and opens the door to ensure that there is no one in the common room just in case Lisa had forgotten something. After she finishes peaking, she quickly closes her door locking it—running towards Rosé.

“Something happened in Thailand between…Lisa and Jennie. It happened before we got there from what I heard” Jisoo simplifies and Rosé eyes glow like a flood light. As if Jisoo is in her head reading her thoughts while a moment of relief also comes over her. It’s comforting to know that it’s not only her that notices how distant they have been with one another in private. “What do you mean something happened between Lisa and Jennie?” Rose questions, she noticed a change in behaviour she had just assumed that they’d gotten into a fight because that is completely normal between the girls.

Knowing that if there’s a moment in which she’d fight with Lisa they were a little distant with one another. “No this is different…I don’t know how—but it is. After knowing what I know—their interactions are awkward when we’re off camera especially Lisa. Then on stage it’s a little too attentive for what I am used to.” Rosé is confused, what is she supposed to say, but also what is Jisoo getting at. “What do you mean different?” Rosé questions she only saw the distance between the two behind closed doors. Maybe she’s been a little too occupied with herself to notice while they ‘re on stage. Because honestly on stage they are doing a lot of flirting with each other, entertaining the crowd, dancing, singing and actually performing.

“What do you know?” Rosé sings quirking her eyebrows up and down. “I don’t know what to make it of it. All I heard was Lisa telling Jennie that she didn’t want to let whatever it is affect their relationship and that she just needs space. That somehow after she gets this space, they will back to how they were? Whatever that means.” Jisoo scratches her head unsure of what to say but Rosé is quick to make a conclusion/assumption.

“Oh. That could mean anything— “

“I had the same thought—but—-Lisa’s distant right—and she only does that when she gets hurt big time. And clearly its Jennie who hurt her and it never takes this long—it’s never this—it’s never I need you to give me space. She’s always hanging around me—I don’t mind but—usually— “

“She’s around Jennie. I agree. But lately it’s been you or me—” Rosé adds, they sit in silence, comforted by the fact that both have noticed a shift in their group dynamic. “Wait a week before we flew down to meet them for the concert in Thailand the group chat was really quiet usually, we’d get daily updates and photos from both of them—”

“You’re right even if they weren’t together, we always got photos and updates.” Jisoo interrupts, bringing her phone out to see what the last message was. “They had dinner with their families together nothing bad could’ve happened then.” Jisoo continues, they are stumped. They hate living in oblivion usually whatever it is they fought about would’ve been brought up by the other girls.

“Well, I’ll find out later when I ask her about it” Jisoo shrugs, and Chaeyoung finally understands why she’s been pawned by Jisoo earlier. “What are you going to say?” the younger girl asks, Jisoo simply shrugs, “I’m just going to get straight to the point. I hate beating around the bush.”

Lisa took a little longer than she had planned because she couldn’t land any of the choreography. They had to stop multiple times because Cheshir could tell that Lisa’s head is not in it. In truth its more than just that. There was an incident a while ago and she’s got a thick skin for most things. But it just felt like one thing over the other before she left for Thailand, they had attended the Golden Disc Award show and prior to that her appearance and her ethnicity was the talk of the town. She’d never known that the way she looked was such a controversy, she knows it shouldn’t get to her. She loves being Thai, but having so many people tell you that you can do all these things by adopting Korean culture—you’ll still never be Korean enough—you’ll never be as beautiful as them Jennie, Jisoo, or Rosé. Lisa can be one of the most confident people in the whole world it won’t matter because at the end of the day there will be moments where she’ll look at herself in the wrong angle and she’ll see what they hate about her—and agree. There have been moments that she doesn’t even think her other members have even paid attention too. Like one during a radio interview, she’d been sat next to Jennie and she’s right by the window where the paparazzi were, and they were just screaming the most awful things. All because they wanted to see Jennie, they wanted to take pictures of Jennie. Thankfully after that award show she went home to Thailand and was around people that remind her how much she is loved and appreciated. She knows that this is all part of the job but we’re all human we’re all fragile. But then that stuff with Jennie happened and it felt like she’s getting kicked while she’s down and it seems to be continuous this month.

But she refused to stop working because this is all she can focus her energy one that won’t ruin her image, career, or her relationships. Which led to her being at the studio dancing for 9 hours straight the last time she looked at her phone was when she got there. And it’s 9:30 now, after the music ends, she collapses on the ground catching her breath worrying Cheshir. “Are you okay?” she runs over to Lisa.

Lisa puts her arms over her eyes trying to hold the tears in all she can do is nod her head. “When was the last time you ate?” She questions petting the younger girl’s hair, “I haven’t—” Lisa puts her arms down by her side looking up at her friend. “Why don’t we grab something to eat—and you can tell me what’s going on?” she helps the younger girl up and they prep to head out for a meal. She knows that she’d promised that she’d be back, and she will but it’s starting to look like that she’ll be home a little later in the night.

Chapter Text

12:04 AM

Lisa thanked Cheshir for the ride home and started to make her way back up to their dorm. She knows that it’s a little later that she had promised, and everybody has a very busy schedule tomorrow, so her bandmates are probably asleep. But when she enters the dorm, she’s surprised to hear someone in the kitchen. She takes her coat and shoes off before she heads into the kitchen to see who she’s about to greet, its Jisoo. “Unnie—hi—I’m sorry I’m home so late—is Jennie alright? How is she doing?” Jisoo peaks her head out from the cabinet smiling at Lisa mentioning Jennie.

Jisoo closes the door grabbing nothing in particular, “She’s okay she came out to eat a couple of hours ago and went back to bed.” Jisoo sighs, Lisa nods, usually when Jennie is like this it takes more than just being around her friends to cheer her up. Sometimes it’s time and her mom to help her process her sadness, “Did she tell you what happened?” Lisa questions bending down on the counter looking across at Jisoo.

“From what she said YG gave her a choice to either try and make their relationship work or break up and know that everything will be okay with her and us. But the way that YG made it sound like was that Kai had chosen his career and she felt like she need to simply look out for herself too.” Jisoo sighs knowing how manipulative the company can be towards them. Especially because they know how much the girls have worked hard on this and wouldn’t want to jeopardize losing this. Lisa’s anger continues to brew, “Okay—has anyone called her mom? I know that would make her feel better—a dinner or something?” Lisa inquires and Jisoo honestly hadn’t thought about it, “That’s not a bad idea at all. I’ll mention it to Oppa tomorrow maybe we can have dinner with her mom before we leave for the Philippines.” Jisoo adds, Lisa smiles knowing how much it’ll mean to Jennie.

“What did you want me to show you? I figured I’d get sweaty again before I take a shower—”

“Why haven’t you been telling anyone especially me about what some netizens and paps have been calling you? Specifically, how they’ve been shouting at you—” Lisa sighs not wanting to open this can of worms. She decides to walk away from the conversation hoping that unnie will understand but Jisoo refuses. Lisa hasn’t been active in social media for a whole month which is odd for the younger girl. More importantly every interview in Korea since then she’s been quiet. Jisoo hates that this is how they are treating her because they are supposed to be their biggest supporters and yet here, they are breaking down one of their members. “Lisa-yah” Jisoo walks after her not wanting to shout and wake up the rest of the household.

The maknae doesn’t bother to turn around and continues to her room to grab her things for the shower. “It’s fine—unnie everybody’s allowed to have their own opinion I can’t be mad at that.” Lisa’s explains as she walks around her room gathering her things distracting herself from this conversation. Jisoo shakes her head, “What they are saying about you is unfair—Oppa told me about what they were yelling at you during radio interviews when they wanted to see Jennie. That is uncalled for—you don’t have to go through this alone Lisa-yah. We’re here for you.” Jisoo stops her from walking around the room and face her, Lisa looks up finally making eye contact with the older girl with tears in her eyes.

“Lisa-yah.” Jisoo sighs pulling the maknae into her arms, Lisa is one of the stronger ones between Jennie and Rosé. Always backing up Jisoo in moments where the other two girls are left in tears, they’re always the one comforting everybody else and sometimes they forget that they need comfort too. Lisa bends down resting her head on the older girls’ shoulder, silently letting the younger girl let out all her frustrations. Everything from the hate, Jennie’s heartache and Thailand is all coming out practically heaving at everything that she’s been holding on to.

“Why didn’t you tell us?” the older girl questions rubbing Lisa’s head trying her best to comfort her. There were a million reasons why she didn’t want to tell them, she didn’t want to worry them. There’s a big part of her that knows that if they got involve God knows the narrative the netizens and the media would’ve created. It all probably would’ve been a web of lies about how she made it up so that she’s not the only one who can get this much hate. “I didn’t want to worry you guys and I didn’t want to involve you guys because I know they’d blame me if you guys got hate. And you guys don’t deserve that.” Lisa sobs quietly trying her best to not be any louder afraid to wake up her bandmates.

“You don’t deserve it either—we are a band. If they love you, they love us—and if they hate you and they hate us. Do you understand—you are beautiful and amazing and I’m sorry that the same people that love us are hurting you and hating you. I’m really sorry.” Jisoo comforts holding onto her own tears as her shoulder grows damp. They stay there for a couple of minutes until Lisa finally pulls away wiping away her tears laughing at the big wet stain on the short girl’s shirt.

“We’re always going to be here for you— “Jisoo pauses wanting to bring up her and Jennie. She just has to know that everything about the band is going to be okay.

“—and I know there’s something going on with you and Jennie…” Jisoo words hang around the air. Lisa tenses up at the mention of her and Jennie. She knew that her band members would notice but she didn’t think it’d be brought up. Jisoo watches the younger girl say nothing,”—I know you guys will get through it but if there’s anything I can do for you—either of you. I will—I just hate seeing you guys like this.” Jisoo comments. Lisa pulls away further smiling at her, “I just need time—and we’ll be okay. This is something we have to let it ride out—we’ll be okay Unnie—I’ll be okay.”

“I just—What happened? It’s never taken you this long to make up.” Jisoo questions one last time hoping that the maknae finally tells her the truth. But Lisa doesn’t want to talk about it anymore. She barely wants to think about it, because talking about it means having to process that feeling of rejection all over again. She only got to live in pure bliss for those seconds where their lips touched.

That alone brings tears to her eyes, “I—when I’m ready—please unnie I just need time. This is something only I can do for myself.” Lisa says smiling at the older girl before excusing herself to take a shower. Jisoo reads the room and simply walks out. What could’ve been this bad for her to be this heartbroken. ‘What did Jennie do?’

Around 7am both Lisa and Jennies alarm went off they had a photoshoot for their upcoming new song. The other girls will come a little later to do their bit. It isn’t a particularly awkward morning, but it isn’t exactly a normal morning either. Both girls greet one another with good mornings as they are eating breakfast waiting for the car and their manager. Lisa decided after grabbing her breakfast to return to her room to ensure she’s got everything she needs for the day. After shooting with Jennie, she’s got a shoot with Dazed magazines. “Hey—oppa’s here with the car.” Jennie comes knocking on the side of her door. Lisa turns around smiling, following the older girl.

They quietly make their way to the van and greet the staff as they get in. Lisa makes way for Jennie letting her on first. Lisa follows and sees an empty seat in the middle back. Oppa shoots Jennie a look but shrugs. Lisa puts her headphones in for the ride hoping to grab more shuteye.

Jennie opens her phone for the first time in 48 hours to see a multitude of notifications. But only one name catches her eyes, Kai. But it wasn’t just a singular text it’s a multitude of text messages and phone calls and a few voicemails. But she knows deep down this is the last thing she needs. Doesn’t make it any easier to delete but she knows she has to. It’s only been 48 hours and that’s been enough time to let this man go. He’s not worth her tears and frankly it was only 8 months of her life. She’ll always get that back, besides this has given her something to learn. Jennie now knows more about what she seeks from a relationship.

Jennie knows it’ll probably a while until she gets into another one. But she knows she wants somebody to be invested in her as she’s invested in them. The thoughts of having someone personally invested in her and only one person comes to mind immediately, Lisa. But that can’t be how this starts, her feelings for Lisa are way too complex to simplify it as someone willing to invest their time on her. Because she can say that about the rest of her bandmates, Jennie is aware the amount of courage it took for Lisa to do something like that.

It’s just that Jennie is still working on processing it. And when she finally got a moment to think and process all that has happened shit hit the fan. Is there a possibility that she could have her feelings shift, who knows. That’s a part of her that she hasn’t really had to think about. There have been moments where she finds someone of the same” gender” attractive sure. It never got to the point where she’s wanted to ask them out. She’s sure it’s probably no different from asking a boy out but it seems like something she really has to think about.

And the one person who she can talk about it with doesn’t want to talk to her. Because if she was really being honest with herself that kiss made her confused. It was a good kiss, her lips were soft, her hands on her cheeks felt right. And the way their lips sat on top of one another felt a little too—

“Jennie?” Lisa softly taps her shoulder pulling her train of thought to stop. She puts her attention back into where she is to see the door open. “Oh.” She smiles stepping out of the van quickly walking into the building. Lisa following behind her, they are greeted by the crew. They happily follow them to their green room where they’ve got make-up artists ready for them.

One guides Lisa to her own chair and another guides Jennie to hers. Lisa’s still in her own world with her headphones in. It hurts Jennie to see them like this, but she wants to respect her. She looks over at the younger girl who is emerged on her phone typing away. Jennie can’t help but feel curious, ‘Has she told other people about their kiss?’ ‘Does that mean she can mention it to other people?’ Lisa has been attached to her phone since Thailand.

She peaks over quickly to see ไดอาน่า🫶🏼🐨. It’s in Thai but she knows what emojis Lisa uses for her parents leaving it to be someone else. But there are a few people she texts from back home; the most frequent person is Diana. ‘Does Diana know?’  Lisa feels the older girls’ eyes lurking and she quickly turns to Jennie.

Her reaction is much slow leading to them making eye contact. All she can do is smile at Lisa no point in pretending like she wasn’t looking at Lisa or her phone. “Everything okay unnie?” Lisa questions tilting her head at Jennie.

Jennie smiles to see Lisa initiating a conversation with her. Jennie’s about to open her mouth and ask how she is but the wardrobe came up to her. Letting her know that there are a few things that she wanted to discuss with her. The brunette closes her mouth at the loss of opportunity and watches the younger girl walk away. Lisa is the first one to get her shoots done in a few looks that they were thinking for her in the music video for Kill This Love. They’re all amazing in Lisa’s opinion all great combinations of feminine and masculine side of Lisa, despite preferring a more masculine fashion choice. Before she got to the shoot itself, she kindly requests the staff to play some music and she happily provided them with her phone. Something to make feel better and good about herself because she hasn’t been feeling good about her body or herself. When she comes out, she’s happy to hear them playing her music, she feels herself bopping around as she makes her way to the backdrop. Before she gets there, she introduces herself to everyone in the room, which is different from what they are used to.

Once that’s done, she makes her way to the backdrop, she begins to let the music bring out her alter ego. The one who is confident, who knows they can get anyone, who flirts with anyone and the one who constantly feels sexy and handsome all at the same time. “Yes, I love it— “the photographer starts to compliment Lisa as she poses for the camera. “I love it—so sexy! Put your hand up—” the photographer instructs but Jennie’s completely distracted by Lisa who is looking a little sexier as she enters the room waiting for her turn. A feeling in her stomach grows which is entirely new she’s never felt like this before and the only way she can describe it like the downfall of a rollercoaster.

“Jennie—do you mind if we fix your hair a bit before you get on?” the hairdresser questions Jennie isn’t able to form words all she can do is nod. Her attention is preoccupied by Lisa who is rocking the whole photoshoot. Lisa’s preoccupied in the moment, but she can see in her peripheral how Jennie hasn’t stopped looking at her. Even to the point of how she notices Jennie biting her lip as Lisa poses, maybe it’s her peripherals teasing her, but she thinks she even saw that Jennie licking her lips. But she refuses to let that distract her because she simply could be seeing things, she’s supposed to be moving on from Jennie not feeding her delusions.

“Great—thank you Lisa—Jennie why don’t you come up next while Lisa gets into her next look.” The photographer asks, Lisa smiles bowing her head to the crew excusing herself.  Lisa follows wardrobe secretly thanking buddha for timing. Before Lisa walks off Jennie catches her arm, “You looked really good up there” Jennie simply says quickly walking off to the centre of the backdrop. Lisa walks off trying to act like it didn’t affect her and for some odd reason that really bothered Jennie. Usually, she’d get a flirty comment but instead she received nothing but a smile leaving her confused.

Lisa returns to wardrobe text panicking Diana, after kissing Jennie—Lisa had plans to head to the beach with Diana, but the younger woman cancelled. Which is normal but usually she received a reason all she got from Lisa was a sad face, leading for her to drive over to her friends’ house and get a straight answer. So, Diana is aware of everything, does she want to have a stern conversation with Jennie sure but that’s just her friendly duty.

[Diana🫶🐨]

She just told me that I looked good?! What the hell am I supposed to do with that?

[Diana🫶🐨]

OMFG put her on the phone. Let me talk to this girl—she can’t be playing both sides—she either respects your space or she tells you she likes you and stops fucking around.

[Diana🫶🐨]

You know I don’t want that either…I can barely handle what’s happening right now—what I need is to not be a dumbass and turn back time from when I told her. Or move on with someone else.

[Diana🫶🐨]

Someone else? Who else are you kissing?

[Diana🫶🐨]

No one else! I don’t know what I want okay!

Lisa puts her phone down returning her attention back to her photoshoot, she loves Diana but sometimes she goes a little too far. She returns her phone back to the staff she’d given it to for music. After 20 minutes she returns to the photoshoot to see Jennie giving her signature look at the camera. Lisa is far too familiar with this look; this is the same look that gets her to do anything—that’ll get any boys number—that makes her weak in the knees. This look runs deep into Lisa’s eyes and makes it all the way down to her body to the point where she thinks she might even drool.

Lisa looks shakes her head at thought of Jennie’s eyes, she tries her best to disregard the look on her face. Turning around to her phone and speaker lining up new songs to distract her while simultaneously focusing her attention on being bringing her alter ego back. Knowing that if she dares look up, she’ll catch a glimpse of the older girl which will ultimately turn her into a pool. Lisa doesn’t need that right now, what she needs to do is focus, feel sexy and know that deep down her romantic interests don’t end with Jennie Kim.

Around one the other band members made their way to the studio for their portion of the photoshoot as Jennie and Lisa finish up. Chaeyoung is the first one to make their way into the studio, she drops her stuff off at the green room before running towards the photoshoot. “Lisa-yah! You look soo hot!” she shouts as soon as she enters the room, Lisa’s cheeks turn bright red making her break. The photographer stops, giving Rosé an opportunity to run over to the maknae. Checking out her outfit grazing her hands from Lisa shoulders all the way down to her hips. Jennie watches the whole interaction on the side and an itchy feeling grows, she doesn’t know what it means but it’s irritating her. Lisa bites her bottom lip, winking at the blonde making Rosé giggle—Jennie watches them indulge in conversation she can’t help as the irritation grows.

Her eyebrows furrowing at their interaction, Rosé is obviously flirting, and Lisa is flirting right back. Jennie questions if they’ve always been this flirtatious with one another. She’s about to get up from her seat to interrupt but Jisoo steps in front of her, “Jendukie you look great! Has it been a tough shoot?” Jennie adjusts her attention back to the older girl trying to ignore the chuckles and flirty interactions between the younger members. “Yeah, it’s been pretty easy and I uhmm—” Jennie tries to collect her thoughts but can’t pull her attention away from the youngest members who are practically on top of one another at this point. Jisoo follows Jennie’s eyeline to see Lisa and Rosé laughing at one another. Jisoo is confused at why her attention is focused on Rosé and Lisa, more importantly—Lisa. Jisoo moves over to cover the youngest members, “Everything okay?” the oldest questions, Jennie returns her attention back to her.

“Yeah, sorry I just have this headache but I’m alright—" Jennie makes up an excuse peeking through Jisoo. Lisa earns a round of applause from the staff—exiting as Rosé follows. Jennie doesn’t even notice that Jisoo was in the middle of talking about something when she says, “What’s going on between those two?” Jennie questions. Jisoo follows her eyes, “Those two?” unnie chuckles to see if Jennie is being serious, Jisoo points at the direction of their youngest members then looks back at Jennie. Who nods “Nothing—” Jisoo laughs, “Why—you know its normal sometimes they’re just really clingy with one another—I know that Lisa is usually—”

“Forget I said anything.” Jennie says walking up to the backdrop, releasing the conversation. Jisoo finds the whole exchange odd but decides to drop it just as she quickly has. Jisoo follows the younger members into Lisa’s dressing rooms, there Rosé is sitting between Lisa’s legs, “What’s up with Jennie?” Jisoo questions, they both exchange looks—what that even means.

“What do you mean?” Lisa shrugs, as she watches Rosé untie the shoes that they’ve given her wiggling her legs every now and again teasing her bandmate. “I don’t know maybe I’m seeing things—was she okay this morning?” Jisoo continues to question, knowing that if there is something wrong, she’d like to talk to her about it. Or at least offer her an ear, Lisa shrugs again, “Nope—everything was fine—I would ask Oppa though because I was half-asleep on the way here.” Lisa smiles, getting a little distracted with Rose trying to help her but she’s not making it entirely easy. “Weird okay—Chaengya—lets go to make up” Jisoo pulls Rosé from between Lisa legs and out of her room. Lisa shoots them both a heart as they walk out of her the room, she hears a knock on the door. She runs over to open it, thankfully she hasn’t started changing yet one of the staff members delivering her phone. Lisa thanks the staff member and locks the door and begins to change.

When she’s all done and finish, she makes her way to her bandmates who are currently getting ready. Jennie can’t shake the feeling from earlier, why does it bother her so much that Lisa’s attention is currently all over Rosé. “Jennie—what’s going on? I wanted a sexy scowl not an angry girlfriend scowl.” The photographer jokes—Jennie breaks her scowl on her face and puts her game face back on. Usually, she never minds when Lisa shifts her attention from another band mate because sometimes it can be a lot to have all of Lisa’s attention. But why is it different now, in times like this she’ll just hang out with Jisoo some more or a few people outside of the band. It’s annoying her right now that she can hear Lisa and Rosé in the other room laughing. Moments later she sees Lisa wave goodbye to her, Lisa doesn’t owe the older girl an explanation, but she can’t help but be curious about where the maknae next engagement is.

“Alright thank you so much Jennie” the photographer smiles at her she bows her head at the staff thanking them as she excuses herself. Rosé makes her way towards the shoot running into Jennie, “Nini! You look soo good.” The younger girl coos at brunette pulling her into a hug, she hugs her back knowing that it’s not Rosé fault that she feels like this. She tries her best to shake of the annoying feeling nagging at her. “You’re rocking this look Chaengya!” Jennie squeezes the younger girl, Rosé cheeks turn red again, “Stop it—anyways if I don’t get to say goodbye, I’ll see you at home later!” Rosé runs away to the backdrop where she is needed. Jennie smiles at the blonde before she makes her way to change back into her clothes.

“Jendeukie!” she hears Jisoo shout for her in the other room catching her attention, she takes a few steps back to see Jisoo getting her make up done. “Unnie.” She smiles greeting the older girl, Jisoo grabs Jennie arms rubbing circles on her hand. “How are you feeling today? Have you eaten today?” she’s not labelled the mother for no reason, she’s very attentive about her members. Jennie smiles at her sweetness, “I am—I just am—and I ate this morning with Lisa, but I’ll probably get lunch before I head to rehearsals for a few performances I have later in the year.” Jennie explains bending down to Jisoo’s level. Jisoo pets the younger girls head as the makeup artist continues to work on her eyes, “I think that’s a great idea—did you see if Lisa ate lunch? I know sometimes she forgets sometimes she’ll just keep going throughout the day.” Jisoo casually says trying to keep the topic of Lisa on deck, Jennie looks back on it thinking on whether she saw the maknae eat anything. “I don’t think so but I’m sure she’ll grab something.” Jennie shrugs trying not to tense up at Lisa’s name knowing how she was acting earlier.

“Yeah, I’m sure you’re right—speaking of Lisa—I wanted to ask you something?” Jisoo questions waiting for a body response from Jennie and there is—her whole body tensed up. ‘Is there a possibility that Lisa would’ve told Jisoo?’  “Sure, unnie what’s going on?” she tries to sound as normal as possible. “Did something happen between the two of you? You’re clearly in a fight, and you both have been acting weird since Thailand?—Did something happened in Thailand?

Chapter Text

“Did something happen in Thailand?” Jennie’s too stunned to speak, feeling trapped under Jisoo. If she doesn’t answer that’s basically answering, but she does answer she has to tell her about the kiss. The same kiss that as of today, has been continuously replaying in her head. All because of Lisa’s perfume, the smell lingering everywhere she goes. Flowing up through her nose bringing her back on that kiss. And it doesn’t help that she’s been around the younger girls scent all day, she can’t even begin to describe what it’s doing to her right now. All Jennie can think about when she’s around Lisa is how well their lips fit together, how softly Lisa kissed her which is an entirely different from what she’s known before. 

“Jennie?” the older woman softly pats Jennie’s head taking Jennie out of her head, she looks up at the older woman and the make-up artist remembering they’re not alone. “Can you give us the room please?” Jennie requests at the make-up artist, standing up. He nods exiting the room, Jisoo is nervous every time Jennie’s ask for the room. The news she provides always seems to be shocking under these circumstances. She sighs—slightly regretting asking what happened in Thailand—if anything she should’ve just left herself live in oblivion. “Oh fuck.” Jennie sighs—where does she even begin— “You have to promise me that if Lisa mentions this to you—you have to act like I never told you.” Jennie begins, now Jisoo really is confused what’s that supposed to mean but she reluctantly nods.

“Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit. Shit.” Jennie walks away from Jisoo and starts to pace the room; Jisoo turns to face her concern. Jennie takes one big breath, “WHEN-OUR-FAMILIES-WERE-HAVING-DINNER-LISA-AND-I-DECIDE-TO-WATCH-THE-SUN-SET-BEFORE-MY-MOTHER-AND-I-RETURNED-TO-OUR-HOTEL-I-SAW-IT-AS-A-PERFECT-TIME-TO-TELL-HER-ABOUT-KAI-BECAUSE-I-REALLY-WAS-PLANNING-ON-TELLING-ALL-OF-YOU-MUCH-EARLIER-THAN-WHEN-I-DID-BUT-THEN-I-JUST-KEPT-THINKING-ABOUT-WHAT-HAPPENED-WITH-LISA-AND-I-COULDN’T-DO-IT-I-DIDN’T-WANT-TO-KEEP-HURTING-HER-BUT-WHEN-WE-WERE-UP-ON-HER-BALCONY-SHE-WAS-TALKING-ABOUT-SOMEONE-SAYING-HOW-SHE-DIDN’T-LIKE-THE-WAY-SHE-FELT-AROUND-THIS-PERSON-AND-HOW-SHE-COULDN’T-HELP-HERSELF-SO-I-ENCOURAGED-HER-TO-TALK-ABOUT-IT-AND-TELL-ME-AND-THE-NEXT-THING-I-KNOW-SHE-KISSES-ME-AND-ALL-I-COULD-SAY-WAS-THAT-I-WAS-WITH-KAI-AND-WE-HAVENT-SPOKEN-ABOUT-SINCE-HONG-KONG-AND-ALL-SHE-COULD-SAY-TO-ME-WAS-THAT-SHE-NEEDED-SPACE-AND-SHE-DIDN’T-WANT-SUCH-A-SMALL-THING-AFFECT-OUR-RELATIONSHIP-BUT-I-HAVE-SO-MANY-QUESTIONS-I-JUST-WANT-TO-TALK-TO-HER-BUT-I-WANT-TO-RESPECT-HER-WISHES-TOO-BUT-ITS-BEEN-HARD-RECENTLY-BECAUSE-WHAT-AM-I-SUPPOSE-TO--“

“Okay stop!” Jisoo shouts interrupting the younger girl, “All I could catch from that whole thing is Lisa’s name. You…need…to…slow…down…” Jisoo chuckles as she stops Jennie from pacing the room signaling for her to breathe in and out. Jennie follows the older girls’ instructions—taking a deep breath in and letting it out. “When our families were having dinner a week before you guys came—Lisa and I decide to watch the sunset before my mom, and I returned to our hotel. I saw it as a perfect time to tell her about Kai. I really was planning on telling all of you much earlier than when I did. But then I just kept thinking about what happened with Lisa and I—and I couldn’t do it. I didn’t want to keep hurting her—So when we were up on her balcony, she was talking about someone—saying how she didn’t like the way she felt around this person—how she couldn’t help herself basically talking about this overwhelming feeling of love she has for this person. I encouraged her to talk about it and tell me possibly who or what she was feeling. Lisa’s never talks about these kinds of things right—she talks about how she might think someone is cute or—”

“Focus.” Jisoo says shaking her head at the younger girl, Jennie nods “—And the next thing I know—” she pauses at this point Jisoo is trying to understand what Jennie has said so far. “—she kisses me and all I could say was that I was seeing Kai—” Jennie pauses as Jisoo slowly starts to open her mouth in shock. “We haven’t spoken about it since Hong Kong. And when we did all, she could say was that she needed space because she didn’t want such a small thing effects our relationship. But it’s way too late for that now Jisoo unnie—I have so many questions—I just want to talk to her but I want to respect her wishes too but it’s so hard. Especially because who else am I supposed to talk too? —”

Jisoo’s jaw is on the floor now she really wishes she hadn’t pushed for this information because not it’s just sitting in the air. Sometimes ignorance truly is bliss she should’ve believed Lisa when she said she can handle it instead of being so nosy. Now she must sit here with this information and somehow advice Jennie on what to do—when truly even she doesn’t know what to do. What do you say to that—this kind of situation can’t be taken lightly because this is a major change in their group dynamic for sure. “Shit.” Jisoo mutters under her breath. Jennie patiently waits for her to say anything but cat’s got Jisoo’s tongue, “Unnie.” Jennie begs trying to get Jisoo’s attention, “Yeah I’m going to need the rest of the day to process—just—have to process.” Jisoo pushes the younger girl out of her dressing room and leaves the conversation at that. Jennie can’t even blame the older girl this is new territory; they didn’t even think that something like this could be possible.

Not to say that they aren’t for it, nor are they homophobic—they just have been so focused on this dream that romance was always in second to last place. Jisoo can’t even say that Lisa’s behavior finally makes sense because the young girl is as bubbly and as flirty as they come. That isn’t any different—now she really should talk to Lisa but from what came of last night’s conversation it won’t be easy to bring it up again. Maybe if she talks about it with Rosé she can get another person’s opinion—but it seems highly unfair to Lisa to be talking about something that she clearly prefers to stay untouched. “Shit.” Jisoo mutters again.

[Nallalisamang 🐣 ]

I’m sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have forced you talk about something you’re clearly not ready to talk about. I’ll see you tonight, if you want, we can play some games on the switch and just hang out. Don’t forget to eat! I know you didn’t eat before you left, and you’ve got a long day ahead .

[ Nallalisamang 🐣 ]

How’d you know I didn’t eat?

[Nallalisamang 🐣 ]

That’s the most important thing you got from that text? And I got eyes and ears everywhere 🧐

[ Nallalisamang 🐣 ]

Lol…I’ll let you know when I get home but yes I’m eating right now! ❤ ️

Jennie returns to her dressing room to get out of her get up and back into her clothes to head to rehearsals. Maybe she should take a page out of Jisoo’s book and let her process for the day. Is there a possibility of her feelings developing into something romantic. Jennie’s aware that the fans have labelled all their relationships with one another and how some of them see a lot of romance in them. But is that something she sees with her relationship with Lisa—of course she loves her, but can she fall in love with her? “Jennie—are you ready?” her bodyguard from the other side of the door says softly knocking to get her attention. “Yup be out in 20 seconds.” She responds packing everything she took out while she was getting her make up done. Once that’s done, she greets him with a smile walking out of the room. He guides her out of the building after she quickly waves to Rosé.

Looking back at her and Lisa relationship she should’ve really notice that Lisa’s attention towards her was different. The way she looked at her was never quite similar as to how Lisa looks at Rosé or Jisoo. Lisa always lingers when she looks at Jennie, for a moment Jennie catches a glimpse of what Lisa’s eyes were trying to say. It was always more than just friendship and trust. There’s admiration but when Jennie thinks about it, she never registered it as anything more. But for Lisa it was infatuation, love even despite it being unrequited. It made her heart skip a beat seeing Jennie’s name pop up on her phone. Giddy at how she was the first-person Jennie would text in the morning when they were trainees. Maybe that’s how it all started; Lisa’s read about the feeling of love before.

Lisa understands the love that we all crave is what makes us humans, the attention and feeling of being wanted just the way we are. Being loved without any restrictions or qualifications, understanding that those racing heartbeats is part of the most exciting thing about being alive. And Jennie made her feel like that, no one had dared look her way when she first came to Korea. Everyone was too scared to get caught speaking to her because somehow, they all knew that she was supposed to be practicing her Korean. But not Jennie, she didn’t care—Lisa appreciated that and that always held a special place in Lisa’s heart. Her love for the older girl only grew from there—Jennie took her time with Lisa, getting to know one another and really understanding how the other person worked. And when the other members came Lisa didn’t mind because she knew that everything would be alright if Jennie was around.

“Okay—again— “Lisa instructs the shorter girl as she restarts returns to her position, they’ve got a performance tomorrow and Jennie is having trouble with timing and the music. They’ve been in the studio for the past 6 hours trying to perfect every little bit, Jennie’s noticed something about Lisa in these last couple of months—she is a perfectionist. Lisa may not be worried about being sent home, but it’s never made her care any care any less about her craft if anything it fuels her to work harder and be better. When they are not in classes or lessons Lisa is always somewhere getting better, that is one of the reasons why Jennie was so attracted to her personality. She needed people like Lisa to be around because she wanted to know that there are people that are like her. That are here to make sure that their dream is a reality and not just some vision.

“You’re kind of stickler.” Jennie jokes trying to catch her breath, Lisa rolls her eyes smirking. Lisa knows that Jennie is quick to get shortness of breath. So, this much she can understand but she’ll be damned if she doesn’t hold the older girl accountable. They’ve spent way too many nights just comforting each other and practically tough-loving-loving-it-up all night with each other to keep the other going. “You say stickler—I say we’re gonna be the biggest girl group in the whole world.” Lisa winks staring at herself in the mirror analysing every move she’s making following along the choreography. It’s always going to amaze Jennie how quick Lisa picks up choreography it’s like her brain is going a million miles a minute. Taking pictures of how good the dance teacher is executing her moves.

“You’re right—help me up and let’s do this again.” Jennie puts her arm up for Lisa to grab, the taller girl pulls her up aggressively and Jennie lands into her arms. “Lisa!” she shouts landing right into Lisa chest and for a moment Lisa could feel her heart thumping wanting to jump out of her chest. Jennie snakes her arms all the way around Lisa’s waist tightening her grip. “Jennie—I can’t—breath—” Lisa struggles to say, she’s hoping to get rid of this constant thumping in her chest when Jennie’s around. She’s got no idea why this is happening, and it only started happening a couple of days ago. They were rehearsing by the piano Lisa wanted to practice on her voice a little more. Hearing that that’s where most of her feedback comes from. Obviously practicing at the wee hours of the night its bound to lead them to get a little delusional and easily distracted. Jennie started to lean on Lisa shoulder yawning and then Jennie guided Lisa fingers above the keys she’d been playing for way too long.

But while Jennie was guiding her fingers Lisa looked down at a sleepy Jennie. Who had a big smile on her face as she listened to Lisa run her scales. Jennie could feel those familiar eyes on her, she looks up to see Lisa smiling down at her. Then she looks at Lisa lips and Lisa looked down at hers and they slowly start to lean in. But one of Lisa fingers slipped pressing the wrong key. They both shy away from the other and Lisa couldn’t shake the feeling away. And here they are again caught up in each other spaces looking into each other's eyes, but this time Jennie pulls away laughing. Placing herself next to the younger girl. “—Okay 5, 6, 5, 6, 7, and—”

 Maybe Jennie was so hyper focused on their career that she never really read into any of her actions. But as she looks back on it now—she wants to hit herself at how she could’ve let so much get passed her. Whenever she guided Lisa anywhere in group settings Lisa always shied away from looking at her in the eyes. And when they would get to where they were going Lisa always wiped her hands on whatever and apologize for how sweaty her hands are. When the other girls would hold her hand it never had the same reaction. Anytime Lisa entered a room she always searched for Jennie before anyone else, always ran to Jennie no matter who else was in the room. Lisa always slowed down when they walked side by side to match Jennie’s pace. If she was cold Lisa always wrapped herself around Jennie or give her coat. When they would go on walks at the Han River, and it was a little too sunny Lisa always blocked out the sun for her.

It breaks her heart to know that there is a possibility that this has been going on for years and Lisa’s done nothing but respect her. The least that Jennie can do is give Lisa the space she asked for.  Besides, she doesn’t know how to feel towards Lisa right now and the last thing, she wants to do is give the girl any false hope.

***

Lisa’s once again the last one home and this time its Rosé that greets her at wee hours of the night. Rosé’s known to a be a little bit of an insomniac. And when it hits, she’ll usually be in the living room with her headphones and her piano. Writing God knows what, but Lisa’s always admired that about her friend—because Rosé’s one of the most creative people she’s ever met. Lisa always describes her as renaissance woman. Someone who dabbles in everything and has a way with words. Lisa often wishes she could see how Rosé see’s the world but she’s thankful enough to hear how she sees it. “Lisa-yah” Rosé smiles, putting one headphone back.

Lisa smiles at her soft greeting, planting herself next to her friend. “What are we working on? What’s going on in the beautiful world that is Rosé?” Lisa teases searching the screen to see what her current project is. Rosé playfully hits Lisa on the arm, “I couldn’t really sleep so I’m writing a song— “Rosé shrugs flicking through the notes on her music sheet.

“Oh, what’s the song about?” Lisa bounces her eyebrows up and down scanning the other side of the tablet to see a few words written. Rosé sighs, “A lot of things mostly love—specifically unrequited love.” She explains to the younger girl in English. “Unrequited? What’s that mean?” Lisa questions getting comfy for an explanation.

“Unrequited means…yearning for someone who doesn’t feel the same way. And you know they don’t feel the same way because they’ve told you or you’ve just got a sense that the relationship that you’ve established with this person doesn’t seem to be progressing. It’s a very one-sided experience and all you feel is grief, pain and sometimes even shame.” Rosé explains and Lisa can feel the knife in her chest slowly work its way deeper and deeper. Hurting her more thinking about the situation with Jennie. She lies back behind Rosé, the blonde reads that something is clearly bothering her best friend. “What’s going on? Did I say something?” Rosé questions Lisa turning to face her friend who’s clearly a little distress.

“Love sucks— “is all Lisa can say, Chaeng chuckles. Knowing that deep down Lisa doesn’t believe that love sucks. She easily one of the most lovable people out there. “What are you talking about? Love is— “she pauses trying to find the right words to say. “Is a mistake—complicated—a waste of time—a way for you to get your feelings hurt or to experience unrequited love.” Lisa finishes Rosé thoughts mocking their conversation.

“No—love is wonderful. Love is what you carry for your cats, your family, blinks, and us. We don’t suck right?” she tries to reason with the taller girl but it’s clear that she’s obviously not talking about that type of love. “Oh, I see you mean the other thing. The one where you practically hold your breath for this person just to have a moment with them. A moment where you can take in everything they are, even just for a minute. You change your whole day around just to get a chance or a glance to see them. And when you get lucky, and they notice you—you feel like all the words you know just stopped existing. You can’t seem to come up with a coherent thought all because of them. You wanna share everything with this person, about how a certain song made you think of them—or how you can tell what kind of day they’re having just by the way they text you. Believing that if you’d have eternity with them, you’d never get bored of them because everything they do is just so wonderful.” Rosé describes and its exactly how Lisa feels when Jennie is around, or at least how she did feel. Now all she feels is, “What happens when all of that gets torn down by the truth. And this idea that you had of this person is gone because they don’t feel the same way about you? That really if you think about it; they probably never rearrange their day to get a chance to see me, their world doesn’t stop just to have a moment with me. They can answer all of my questions because they don’t get tongue tied when I’m around. A song is just a song. And they don’t pay any mind to my name popping up on their phone. That really, their attention only comes when I’m around them and as soon as I’m gone, they just go about their day. “Lisa sighs holding back the tears. It’s only been a whole month and all of that love she had for Jennie only makes her feel like this.

“Love shows you how foolish you really are.” She ends her argument and Rosé is at a loss for words. Lisa’s never been this articulate about her feelings before. It’s clear that she’s healing a broken heart but what confuses her is the who. “So, you’re in love?” Chaeyoung decides to risk it and ask. “I don’t know what I was, but it doesn’t matter. All I am now, is mending what’s broken.” Lisa groans leaning her head on Rosé back. “I know what that’s like you know—stealing glances of them just hoping that one day they look at you the same way you look at them. Maybe one of these days they’ll finally laugh a little harder when you tell a joke the same way you laugh at theirs. Hoping that one day you’re the first person that comes to their mind when they wake up. But— “Rosé sighs and the shift of energy comes; Lisa is so caught up in her own world sometimes that she didn’t even notice that her best friend was going through the same thing she was going through.

“The reality is—when they look at you it’s nothing like how you see them, and you just ache a little bit because you can only ignore the truth for so long.” She finishes her thought and Lisa delivers one of her hugs from behind comforting her aching friend. Rosé appreciates the hug, massaging Lisa’s hands with her fingers “But we still aim to love.” Rosé sighs and Lisa sadly joins in because it’s true, there is still a craving for love. “It’s okay—why do we need anyone when we’ve got each other.” Lisa states confidently making the older girl giggle in agreement, “That’s right—who’s this person?” she tries to act as casually as possible trying not to spook Lisa.

Jennie comes out of her room with a face mask on and hears the two girls’ voices, she needs to get to the kitchen but to do that she has to pass them. “It doesn’t matter who they are—I’m just trying to move on from them and if I keep talking about them it feels like I never will. Jisoo-unnie’s been asking what’s going on with me and I didn’t want to tell her.” Jennie hears the familiar sound of Lisa’s disappointed voice linger; Jennie quietly plants herself against the wall. She hates having to eavesdrop, but Lisa won’t talk to her. How else is she supposed to know how Lisa is feeling these days.

“Why she would’ve understood—”

“I know but I was already telling her about what the press and some fans have been saying to me on social media lately and I didn’t want to worry her even more. She takes care of us so often that I think she forgets to take care of herself too you know?” Rosé wonders what Lisa’s talking about when she means press and fans. “What have the press been saying?” Rosé questions, while Jennie knows exactly what she’s talking about. She sat next to the younger girl when they were swearing at her, and she was in the car with Lisa when she saw what the netizens had been saying about how she looked and how her being Thai isn’t good enough. It was hard for Jennie to walk the red carpet and pretend like she didn’t just see Lisa wiping off a few tears in the car. It’s completely and utterly unfair to be talking about someone that way. They all know about backlash, but Lisa never opens up about it and all the girls know it gets to her, but she never shows it. It hits differently when it comes from the people that say they are fans of the group when really, they only mean they are fans of certain members.

“I never understood how people can be like that—but I’m sorry. You are loved and you belong here as much as all of us. Besides if they hate one of us, they hate all of us.” Rosé winks knowing how often Jisoo uses that on the girls to keep their spirits fighting. It makes Lisa laugh and it warms Jennie’s heart to know that at least she’s talking to her other members, but she does miss talking to Lisa. They used to be able to talk about everything with one another, but the more Jennie’s looks back on their years she started to realize how much Lisa’s restricted herself around Jennie. Somehow when things changed for Lisa—she just stopped breathing around Jennie all together holding something in. Jennie can’t even fathom how exhausting it must’ve been for Lisa to just stop being yourself around the person you love the most.

She decides to just take herself to the kitchen as the other two have fallen silent, when she passes the living room, she sees Lisa and Rosé in their own little world. Lisa had Rosé headphones in, Jennie waves and only Rosé notices waves back as Lisa vibes to her track. Rosé excuses herself from Lisa who doesn’t seem to notice and follows Jennie to the kitchen to grab her water. “Unnie!” Rosé whispers not wanting to wake the eldest, Jennie turns to face the blonde with a smile on her face. “Chaeng!” Jennie scrunches her nose the blonde’s cuteness.

“Couldn’t sleep huh?” Jen asks, Rosé shrugs “Yeah but it’s okay Lisa-yah just got home so she’s been keeping me company and, in the loop, —our baby is mending a broken heart. I never thought I’d see the day not that I want to see her heartbroken—” Rosé jokes and Jennie tries her best to keep face. “You two should talk about it—maybe you both can heal, it’s better to be broken hearted together than it is alone.” She adds making Jennie choke on the mango that she’s eating. 

“I don’t know—I don’t think she’ll want to talk to me about it.”

Chapter Text

“I don’t know—I don’t think she’ll want to talk to me about it.” Jennie jokes before Rosé could answer Lisa comes up to the counter, “Your headphones are on the piano I’m gonna head to bed. Goodnight.” She says generally not singling anyone out to be sure not to make anyone feel uncomfortable. The two girls mumble their goodnights watching their maknae head to her room. “Why wouldn’t she? Best way to heal a broken is with friends is it not?” the blonde asks, and Jennie bounces her head back and forth.

“Trust me when I say—I don’t think I can do much. Besides what happened between Kai, and I is done and there is nothing to dwell on. Its best to just move on.” Jennie states but it raises a few questions in Rosé’s radar, usually Jennie would be the first one to plan out a few things to keep the one hurting distracted. Jennie watches the wheels turn in the blonde girls’ head making her nervous. Before Rosé can come to any conclusion Jennie walks away but “You know who it is—more importantly you know what really happened between the both of them!” Rosé exclaims stopping Jennie from walking away, she puts her fingers up to her lips shushing the blonde. But it only turns her curiosity up five notches.

Jennie pulls her down behind the counter onto the floor, “Oh my god! What do you know!” Rosé tries to whisper but fails, Jennie softly smacks her arm, and she turns her volume down. “What do you know?!” Rosé continues to exclaim to see that Jennie is clearly hating the attention that they might gain with her shouting. Jennie eyes are ready to pop out of her head when she hears Jisoo’s door open, “Quiet!” Jisoo shouts making Chaeng smile at Jennie.

“Look it doesn’t matter what I know—what matters is that you give her space to feel what she has to feel okay—”

“Jennie-unnie I have never heard her describe her feelings like this—you know Lisa-yah its always blue skies and sunshine but this—this is different I can hear the pain in her voice.” She interrupts the shorter girl, who’s slowly wishing she could be swallowed whole by the floor. “What did she say?” Jennie questions without hesitation, knowing that she’ll never hear Lisa say this to her. “The basis is that she is mending a broken heart. And from the way she described it she really likes this person—some might say she’s in love with them, she said that she use to rearrange her day just to see this person—that when this person was around her whole world would stop—she gets extremely tongue tied around them—that there are songs that remind her of this person—but now all she feels is the opposite of all of that.” Rosie sighs at the pain of Lisa’s voice echoing in her head. “I mean to go from having heart eye lenses to realize how extremely unrequited her love was—is devastating.”

“Fuck.” Jennie mumbles to herself leaving the conversation not wanting to discuss this any further. It’s making her feel guiltier and guiltier, Rosé found her reaction odd but decided not to even bother running after her. She doesn’t want to get yelled at by Jisoo.

***

It’s their last day in Korea and their schedules made sure to keep them busy. Thankfully Jisoo had put Lisa’s plan into action and got the team to prepare a dinner with Jennie’s mom.  Sending them but more importantly sending Jennie off on a positive note for the rest of the tour. They made reservations at Jennie’s favourite restaurant. And Lisa already texted Jisoo that she’ll try to get there when she can. It’s weird that she’s the only one that didn’t get cancellations on her schedule but for now she didn’t mind.

It’s never a bad thing to have constant stream of income. Plus, she’ll be able to avoid the topic of Jennie’s heartache if she gets there a little later. As for Jisoo and Rosé they are the first ones to arrive at dinner. “This is nice—I’m sure it’ll make Jennie-unnie feel better.” Rosé says while scanning the menu. Jisoo puts the phone down to look at the menu, “Yeah, I hope so. I think it’ll really boost the mood for more than just Jennie.” She adds thinking about their busy body maknae.

Soon after, they see Jennie coming in with a slight smile on her face. “Hi guys.” She greets her members making her way to give them hugs. She sits down smiling, she’s excited for dinner. Jennie love for this restaurant is inexplicable it always brings a smile to her face. And it’s a bonus that every time she’s gone it’s always been with a loved one. “What’s the occasion?” Jennie questions putting her things away. Jisoo and Rosé exchange looks and smile “You’ll see.” They say in unison, they order a few starters and drinks while they wait for her mom. A little after the drinks and starters arrive the two members see Jennie’s mom entering the restaurant.

They decide to say nothing and let her mom do the talking. She wraps her hands around her daughters’ eyes covering them “Guess who?” she says barely a whisper still scaring the shit out of Jennie. The warmth of her mother voice and scent comes over her, “Umma” the girl shouts making Jisoo and Rosé grin from ear to ear. Her mother wraps her arms down her child’s shoulder wrapping her up in a hug. Jennie could cry at the sight of her mother; she stands up to properly hug the older woman. She turns to her bandmates, “You guys!” she shouts at them, and they shrug, her mom motions for them to join the hug. Which they happily do, “Thank you.” Jennie whispers holding back the tears.

Jisoo pulls away with Rosé and Jennie’s mom wipes away her tears, “Don’t thank us thank Lisa it was all her idea.” Jennie says nothing, unsure how to react to that information and just smiles. Jennie pulls a chair out for her mother, and they begin to discuss nothing and everything. About an hour into dinner, they finally see their last bandmate entering the restaurant. Jisoo sees Lisa with a small bouquet of flowers. Jisoo tries to hide the smirk that seems to want to peak through.

She approaches the table with a smile on her face. “Umma—I’m so sorry I’m late I brought you these.” Lisa bows her head presenting the older woman with the flowers. Jennie’s mother gets up pulling the young woman into a hug. “I’m just glad you’re here. Thank you for inviting me to dinner.” She whispers in Lisa’s ear. Lisa smiles nodding her head, she makes her way to the empty seat next Rosé.

“How are you, Lisa?” Jennie’s mom questions while she scans the menu. She brings it down from her face to look at the group, “I’m good—I was just at dance practice so I’m a little tired.” Lisa smiles. Jennie’s mom nods, “Ah I see—how are your parents?”

“Good—I’m going to talk to them tonight I’ll let them know you ask about them.” She smiles, Lisa continues to look through the menu and everyone talks about various things. Jennie takes notice to the conversations and Lisa ordering. This is the first time she’s noticed how attentive the younger girl is. Inviting her mother to a dinner knowing it’ll make her feel better. And despite being late she still brought her, her favourite flowers. Azaleas, which are probably impossible to find in this weather. It’s churning a feeling inside her to see how Lisa is around her mother. “Nini?” Rosé says catching attention back to the conversation.

“Sorry, yes?” she turns to her mom who noticed how Jennie hasn’t stopped looking at Lisa since she’s arrived. “I asked are you excited to head to America and Europe?” her mom asks one more time. Jennie smiles, “Yeah, it’ll be good I know we won’t have much time to explore but I think we’re going to try and fit as much as we can.”

The girls erupt in a giggle, “What” the brunette asks, “It’s like you guys practiced all your responses already. They said the same thing you just said.” Her mom chuckles knowing that Jennie’s still a little distracted. But it’s not the same kind of sadness she sees at the mention of her breakup. “I’m sorry force of habit.” She jokes making everyone chuckle. The rest of dinner consisted of positive conversations, clearly Lisa’s planned her night correctly. She’s completely evaded the topic of Jennie’s break up. A part of her feared that if she were to hear any other details. She might’ve spent the whole dinner digging her nails into palms controlling her temper.

Despite never really demonstrating her temper she knows that there is some deeply rooted anger within her. But she’s glad to hear that Jennie is starting to sound like her old self. It would be dumb for Jisoo to notice that Jennie’s been smiling since she mention that this little idea is from Lisa. A bonus is when she saw Lisa bring her mother her favourite flowers. Jisoo won’t ever confess how cute she finds her best friends as a couple would be, but this is some girlfriend behaviour. After occupying the table for about 3 hours they finally make their way out of the restaurants to say goodbye. “Thank you for coming to dinner, I’m happy to see Jennie feeling better.” Lisa whispers into her hug and Jennie’s mom can’t help but tighten the hug. Jennie’s mother always appreciates the attention that Lisa provides Jennie. It eases her mind to know that there is someone looking out for her daughter, not to say that the others girl don’t. In truth there is just something different about how Lisa takes care of her daughter, it’s none of her business to label what it may be. But she slowly hopes that Jennie notices the love the younger girl has for her. “Thank you for loving Jennie.”

She let’s go of Lisa and moves on to the next girl, Lisa offers Jennie a soft side hug before heading into the van. Everyone of course notices the odd interaction knowing how Lisa usually hangs over Jennie’s shoulder during these exchanges. But they prefer not to acknowledge it at least not her band members, the two barely exchanged conversations. When the band leaves Jennie’s mom takes her hand into hers, “I’m sorry to hear about what happened between you and Kai—but it’s all a part of life you know?” her mom casually brings up as they continue to walk. Jennie sighs not wanting talk about this topic any longer, there are bigger things in the horizon to focus on than her failed attempt at a relationship.

“It’s okay having my friends and seeing you has helped me move on from that mess, there is no point in dwelling in it.” Jennie simply puts and her mom can’t help but smile knowing that Jennie often tries to intellectualize her feelings instead of feeling them. Resulting in moments of vulnerability or a break where everything she thought she’d “gotten over” comes up. “I understand but you know it’s okay to be broken hearted right?” she adds, Jennie smiles appreciating the time her mother is taking with her.

“Yes. I just—I have bigger things to think about you know.” She mutters towards the end but her mother is quick to catch it. “Are you talking about Lisa?” her mom questions making her choke on her own spit. Is it truly that obvious? If anything, they’ve been great in the public eye no one could possibly know that there is something going on. Maybe it’s just because her mother knows her and the girls, so well that she’s quick to see a difference in dynamic. Her silence speaks volumes in reference to her mother, “I’ve noticed since Thailand, especially after that dinner we had with her family.” Her mom comments again leaving her speechless, she hates that she can be so easily read by those that know her.

“Do you want to talk about it? You know whatever it may be—I love you and my love for you will never change and same goes for Lisa.” Her mom states as a matter of fact, but she can’t help but still feel hesitant to say what she wants to say. Yet where else is she going to have a conversation like this, Jisoo has yet to make anything of the information she told her and Lisa’s isn’t exactly talking to her. She stops in her tracks and jumps up and down for God knows how long until she musters up enough courage to say what she wants to say. Jennie’s mom is confused and unsure of what is unravelling in front of her as her daughter jumps up and down until she finally stops, “When we were in Thailand—” Jennie stops groaning audibly trying to let herself continue, “—while you guys were downstairs and we were watching the sunset I was working up the courage to tell her about Kai and she was working up the courage to talk about someone. Someone she had feelings for—I have never seen her like this—she was nervous and unfocused—I had noticed in the last couple of years that she was distant but not in the way that she is now. Like she had been keeping something from me and I only noticed after this—I hated seeing her so—”

“Unlike herself.” Her mom finished and Jennie nods, “So I told her to talk about it because talking about it always helps—but then she—well—she—she just—uhm mm—she kissed me. And now I’m just confused because what am I supposed to do and all I want to do is talk to her and all she wants is space.” Jennie tries to say as quickly as possible but as her mother heard the words ‘kiss me’ she couldn’t help herself but smile. Lisa’s always treated Jennie differently and Jennie’s always treated Lisa differently. A mother can always tell when there is something more. For her Lisa’s the sun to Jennie’s moon, the way they love each other is indescribable. Lisa, just like the sun is always willing to come down to let her moon shine. While her own daughter looks at Lisa as if she’d place the stars up in the sky for her. “Okay—well how do you feel about Lisa?” Jennie’s mom inquires.

“I—I don’t know—I’m puzzled because a large part of me hates that we’re not talking right now. It hurts that I can’t talk to the one person that I want to talk to the most. I get irritated at how close she is with Rosé right now even though that’s just how she’s reacting to what I said or in this case what I didn’t say. She won’t look me in the eye and all that does is give me this stinging that I can’t explain. All I want to do is be around her and I can’t so it feels—it feels like I’m going through a breakup. Somehow this is hurting me more than what happened between Kai and me. I hate that I could hurt her like this but I am afraid of actually talking to her too because I don’t want to say the wrong thing—I don’t want to let her think that there is something that could happen between us—"

“Well, is there?” her mom questions interrupting her thoughts, she’d been avoiding answering this question herself because she doesn’t know. She doesn’t know if there is. “Our relationship is so complex; I don’t think I’m ready to answer that—all I want to know right now is how did she know?” Jennie questions, “I can tell you that—despite you having expressed no reciprocated feelings for her she still had a plan—at least a way to make you feel better about your breakup. Personally, invited your mother to a dinner she curated with your managers and brought me my favourite flowers. She was in her home country and still took the time to show us around despite missing out on spending time with her family—My sweet girl I’ve seen the way that girl has looked at you. She looks at you like you had arranged the planets and stars for her. You can’t help who you fall in love with because you just fall and that’s all Lisa did—she can’t help it. I’m not going to sit here and tell you what to do with your feelings but instead of being so caught up in trying to ask her all of these questions you should ask yourself. Take this time and space that she’s asking for to figure some things out—I love you nonetheless and I’m sure that after a while you guys will be okay enough to talk about it.” Her mother explains and she can’t help but hate and love the advised she’s been given.

Her mother drives her back to the dorm and wishes her well on the next leg of the tour. She gave her mother a long and tight hug knowing that it’ll be a while before she gets another moment like this with her. When she gets back in the dorm there seems to be an abnormal amount of chaos everywhere. It seems that no one in the dorm had time to repack their suitcases which means this is the time. Rosé is running back and forth from her room to Lisa while Jisoo’s singing a song about the items she needs to pack. It felt like the old environment she was used to before the thing with Lisa. Everyone’s so caught up in packing they didn’t even notice her come in, until Rosé see’s Jennie’s door open as she’s making her way back to her room. “Jennie-unnie!” she shouts getting everyone to recognize that Jennie’s home. Everyone returned to their own packing and Jennie jumps up getting scared by the quick attention. “Yes?”

“Nothing—I just wanted to say hi—” Rosé smiles popping her head into the Jennie’s room. Jennie smiles at the cuteness of her bandmate as she locates her suitcase.

***

February 2, 2019

Manila

The concert’s been going how it usually goes. A little flirty, a little moment with the girls but something caught Lisa’s attention. There have been too many incidents of Jennie smacking her butt or Jennie clinging onto her after a quick hug that she initiates. Which is catches Lisa her off guard. Usually, she would be the one instigating these kinds of actions but it’s confusing her that Jennie is initiating this. She wants to feed into the moment but reality is quick to hit her with the truth. She looks deeply into Lisa’s eyes with so much seduction and for a millisecond Lisa wants to pull her in for a kiss. Thank God for the screams for taking her out of those moments because if not she might jeopardize their whole career. Lisa tries to refocus her energy for the rest of the concert and thank God she could. When they get off the stage Jennie quickly wipes off that flirtatious look of hers and runs away from the girls to change. Forgetting about her like she hadn’t just been flirting with Lisa all night, like she hadn’t been testing Lisa’s boundaries all night.

For the fan goodbye Lisa had been hand in hand with Jisoo but as they were exiting the corridor Jennie came out of nowhere pulling her away from Jisoo. Of course, she couldn’t react as quickly as she wants, leaving her to say goodbye with Jennie. And that’s it for Lisa, something about the whole night had gotten the best of her. She’d hope that after the dinner with Jennie’s mother she’d gotten a thank you but instead she got nothing. Jennie came home that night and said nothing to Lisa. She’s aware that the older woman doesn’t owe a dying love confession but it rubs her the wrong way that she’d spent the whole time being in Korea pushing her feelings aside. She pushed her feelings aside for Jennie’s break up and that she got nothing not even a thank you as an effort of making her feel better.

When they walk away from the fans one last time everyone erupts in conversation, Lisa pulls her arm from Jennie’s grip. She doesn’t even notice she’s too focus on her conversation with Rosé and Jisoo, Lisa clears her throat pulling Jennie’s arm—” Can I talk to you for a second?” she doesn’t bother to let the older woman answer as she pulls her behind the vans getting some privacy from everyone including the other two girls. But they decide to quietly follow them, “What happened—is everything okay?” Jennie innocently inquires Lisa, but the maknae doesn’t buy the bullshit.

“I can take the winks—the little hearts—hell the stupid flying kisses I don’t care about that. But when you touch me and you hug me it hurts more than you think. And I know—I know that you’re only doing this as fan service—but Jesus Jennie why linger—why?” Lisa raises her voice slightly catching Jisoo, Jennie, and Rosé off guard. They’ve never seen the maknae like this, she’s only ever talked about her temper but this is not what they expected.

“—I’m sorry—I didn’t know—I was just—”

“Just what? —how could you know? I ask for space and you can’t even respect that—you cling to me like you’re losing me—” Lisa says interrupting Jennie’s train of thought. The maknae waits for a response as the tears in the older girl’s eye build but have yet to fall.

“It feels like I am—” she says barely a whisper. Lisa’s eyes pop out of her head, “You’re not!” she raises her voice again, shaking her head profusely in disbelief, “I asked for space Jennie—do you have any idea what it’s like to be around the person who’s—” Lisa pauses trying to hold back the tears she hates seeing Jennie like this but it felt like it’s the only way to get the space she seeks. It’s possible that some anger is coming out from never receiving an ounce of appreciation when they were in Korea. “You don’t just stop loving someone because they don’t love you back. Do you understand? Space—Jennie-unnie.” Lisa wipes the tears in her eyes walking away from Jennie who’s also in tears. The girls hear the maknae’s steps and immediately try to go back to where they were. When Lisa arrives, she grabs Chaeyoung’s arm and drags her to one of the vans leaving Jisoo behind for Jennie.

The older girl says nothing until the van door closes from there she watches as Lisa buries her head in her hands. Rosie doesn’t know what to do other than rub her best friends back, she hates to see her hurting this much. But she can finally connect the dots of tonight’s clues. “Are you okay?” Rosie finally breaks the silence. Lisa shakes her head; Rosie continues to comfort her friend waiting until they reach the hotel.

The ride there is filled with Lisa’s sobs as she tries to control her tears. When they arrive at the hotel Rosé wraps her best friend under her arms. Their managers give them separate key cards but Rosé shakes her head. She wasn’t going to let Lisa sleep alone tonight. Arriving at their room for the night she can’t help but sit Lisa down on the bed. Grabbing the tissues from the bedside table, Lisa wipes her face and smiles down at Rosie who’s on her knees. She’d been waiting to see those soft brown eyes. “It’s her isn’t it—she’s the one that broke your heart. She’s the one you’d arrange your day for just so you could see her.” She questions and Lisa doesn’t bother to deny it.

“Is it that obvious?” Lisa sighs finally able to catch a breath. Rosie doesn’t know what to say, she takes a moment to collect her thoughts “No—but when we’re talking that night back at the dorm. I remember how you use to frequently go to the bathroom during our classes. You came back one day and I finally asked you why you always had a smile on your face when you came back—or something like that and you’d say how you ran into Jennie-unnie. And I remembered how she would suggest songs for us to sing and you’d be listening to that song nonstop. You stole one too many glances and I finally connected the dots.”

“Well, it doesn’t matter what I did back then because all I want now is for this to be over. I don’t want to have to hate her to get over her—we’ve built too much to have it all just be taken away like it’s nothing.” Lisa sighs trying to act strong but Rosie doesn’t buy it.

“It takes time Lisa—this is your heart we’re talking about. That’s one of the hardest things to fix—I’m still not over my person and they don’t even know. At some point you both will find a happy medium but for now you are in uncharted waters.” Rosie begins to speak, knowing how deep this pain may run in a person.

“I think that she’s finding it difficult because she misses her friend—” Rosie pauses and Lisa shakes her head. Lisa spent the last few years seeing her as a crush, someone she wanted to be with and then she saw her as a friend. That’s not an easy road to back track. “—I understand that but I don’t see her as a friend right now. “Lisa groans, feeling the tears come bursting out of her once again. Rosie reaches up pulling her into another hug repeating the words, I know.

A couple of rooms down Jisoo is comforting a crying Jennie. Lisa’s never raised her voice at anyone before, it sucks to be the first. “Jendukie—what happened?” Jisoo questions rubbing circles on Jennie’s back. “she told me how I’d gone too far this time? But I thought it was just the right amount—I mean she does it with you and Rosie—I just thought that—that—that “Jennie stutters as the tears continue to spill over.

“It’s okay—hey it’s okay—I understand that you want your friend back. But if she says you’re pushing her a little too far then maybe you are. She gets to be the one who is in control here Nini—not you—it’s her feelings—her boundaries. Have you given some thought about what your mom said?” Jisoo doesn’t want to force her friends to have feelings for one another if there isn’t anything there. But when Jennie mentioned it to her what her mother had said she also started looking at how they use to interact and it is different. Jisoo knows though that this journey is Jennie and Lisa’s alone, the only people that can fix this and talk about this is them. The only people who they have to answer to is themselves and they must keep each other in check to ensure that they repair their friendship. A friendship that keeps growing not regressing.

“Yes I understand that— “she groans “—I don’t have feelings for her Jisoo-ni—I want my friend back.”

“Nini—that girl is in love with you, do you understand that? And she’s stronger than most to be around the person she loves and have to pretend as if she’s not mending a broken heart. She pushed her feelings aside to help heal your broken heart—I don’t know about you but I can’t stomach having to think about being around a person that doesn’t love me back.”

“I do love her—I just don’t want to lose her— “

“Yes, I know you do—but not in the way that she loves you. If you keep pushing yourself onto her—you just might.” Jisoo sighs knowing that tough love is what Jennie needs. She needs to be told the truth, after letting her know about what happened in Thailand Jisoo took the rest of the day to process just like she’d said. It broke her heart to see the maknae in so much pain and try her best to hide it, must be how well they’ve been trained but it doesn’t make it easier. What hurts to think about the most is just as she said being around a person that doesn’t love you back. Jisoo understood what Lisa meant when she said, ‘You don’t just stop loving someone because they don’t love you back.’ This thought of Lisa having to stomach an excruciating truth like this by herself pains the eldest. “If you keep pushing yourself onto her…” you just might.”

“What am I supposed to do? I can’t pretend she doesn’t exist—”

“She’s not asking that you pretend that she doesn’t exist Nini—she’s asking you to give her time to get over you. And it doesn’t help that we’re around one another every hour of everyday—just let her lead the interactions. Okay?” Jisoo advice and Jennie nods her head wiping the tears off of her face. “Why don’t you shower first I’m going to ask for some waters okay?” she orders the younger girl and Jennie follows. Jisoo grabs her phone reaching for Rosie contact and texting her.

[Rosépasta 🐿 ️ ]

Meet me in the hallway...ASAP

Jisoo patiently waits until finally Rosie comes out of the room a couple of doors down. They walk towards each other, “What the fuck.” They say in unison.

Chapter Text

They walks towards each other, “What the fuck.” They say in unison. But they know deep down they can’t stay here, just because of the possibility that someone could hear them. Jisoo grabs her key card searching for her room.

They enter, but Jisoo pushes Rosé into the bathroom and turns on the shower. Rosé just watches the senior do this not bothering to question her. “So, Lisa ‘s in love with Jennie.” Rosé states plainly, Jisoo closes the door. “It runs deeper than that—remember I told you something happened in Thailand— “Jisoo explains and Rosé nods frantically.

“Lisa kissed Jennie.” They both grow silent as the room begins to fill with steam. Rosé doesn’t know what to say, “That’s why they both have been acting the way that they are acting. But after they kissed all Jennie said to Lisa was that she was seeing Kai. And now here we are— “

“Okay so not only is Lisa in love with Jennie but she’s also kissed her. While Jennie doesn’t feel the same way am I getting right?” she repeats back to the older girl, who’s pacing but reacting to everything Rosé repeated. “Shit.”

“Well, everything just blew up in everybody’s fucking face so now what?!“Rosé panics, Jisoo hits her arm, “Language and I have no idea—our best bet is just to let them heal naturally and be there for the both of them.” Jisoo concludes knowing deep down that it’s easier said than done. 

“Okay. Easy enough.” Rosie answers. And that’s exactly what they did, thankfully their next performance won’t be for a week. And Jennie’s got some plans to be in Paris for that week while the other three girls will be in New York for their own individual schedules. Which is the perfect because it’s exactly what Lisa needs. There won’t be any cameras pointed at her or Jennie. It helps that they are on different continents. Nothing is going to ruin this trip especially since it’s her first time in the states.

She’s planned to shop for a few things for her families as well as gifts for the girls. Then soon after that she’s got a photoshoot which is something she’s working on being excited about. It’s still chilly and the rain isn’t helping. Hopefully tomorrow when she hangs out with Jisoo and Rosé it’ll be a little sunny.

***

Mother nature proves her wrong again because it’s windy and raining. But that didn’t stop them from seeing the Brooklyn Bridge. “Are we committing to crossing it?” Rosie sweetly asks arranging her flying skirt. Jisoo and Lisa look at one another and nod, this feels like one of those things they won’t be able to do again without getting trampled. And they start their trek encouraging one another that it’s only a few more minutes. But deep down they knew how long this bridge is, when they finally reach the end, they pull each other in a hug cheering themselves on.

“I need a drink.” Jisoo says catching her breath, the two girls chuckle nodding their head. Seeing that Jisoo had a few more photoshoot locations she said she’ll just meet the girls at the restaurant they decide on. Rosé and Lisa head back to their hotel to change and shower before dinner. Rosé is the first one to finish getting ready so she decides to head to Lisa’s room.

She hears the familiar sound of the bass bouncing off the walls, Rosie knows that when she enters the room, she’s going to have to make herself known. “Lisa-yah!” she shouts over the music hoping that was good enough that she doesn’t scare the young girl. Lisa pops out of the bathroom smiling at her friend, it rare that they get the night off and they aren’t all tired from their schedules. “Rosie!” Lisa smiles greeting the blonde, it looks like she’s just about done with her make-up when Rosé arrived.

“Have you chosen a restaurant yet?” Lisa questions coming out of the bathroom and turning off the music and grabbing her coat. Rosé looks at her phone bringing up one of the restaurants the staffed had shown her and their website. She pushes her phone up to Lisa’s face, the girl jumps back making Rosie chuckle—she blushes “Sorry but we were thinking of this place—and I heard that there is a bar/night club next door so that might be fun.” Rosie bumps her eyebrows up and down its their last night in New York before they fly to Singapore tomorrow. They’ve been so busy that they haven’t been able to bring up the whole incident last week. But what can they say to Lisa she doesn’t already know. “Is Drunksé coming out to play?” Lisa teases grabbing her purse and looking at the mess in her room to ensure she’s got everything.

“Only if Long Leg Lisa comes out with her.” Rosé winks, Lisa pulls Rosie up from her bed and drags her out of the room shaking her head. “I’m never going to live that down, am I?” Lisa laughs as they walk to the elevator. Rosie shakes her head, “As long as Drunksé is alive so will she.” She simply states. They had won their first award after they had debut and Lisa recently had turned 19. The girls had the amazing idea of celebrating their win and for Lisa to get a taste of the drinking culture in Korea. She doesn’t remember much of that night but there are videos from her band mates of her practically break dancing for them. There’s even a video of her giving all her bandmates lap dances.

“Getting flashbacks of all of that soju you drank?” Rosie teases as they walk out of the hotel playfully bumping into Lisa. The taller girl pushes her back, she wishes she could remember more of that night but maybe it’s for the best that she doesn’t. “I don’t want to have that much fun—we still have to be on a flight for like 18 hours tomorrow.” Lisa reasons with her friend and Rosie nods and they fall silent while they are in the car. When they arrive at the restaurant, they see the eldest already ordering for the table, nothing too crazy probably just some starters and drinks. They greet the host and point at Jisoo; she smiles and the girls make their way to her. “Jisoo-ni!” Lisa says a little louder than usual, the older girl gets a little shy at the attention Lisa’s getting them. She hugs the girls before they sit down on the table, “I got us a round of cocktails—I choose the ones I knew we all would like.” She smiles at the girls and they smile back as they put their attention to the menu in front of them. Jisoo takes this time to respond to Jennie.

[Jendeukie 🐻 ]

It was a good day we just crossed the Brooklyn Bridge then I had a photoshoot after that.

[Jendeukie 🐻 ]

And now were at dinner—then I think Rosé is going to get Lisa drunk or me or everyone honestly lol

[Jendeukie 🐻 ]

Oh that sounds like a fun day—are you guys going to be okay?

[Jendeukie🐻]

Yes I’m here and besides I just have to watch out for Rosé—she loves to socially drink. Lisa and her just build off one another so really I’m the one you should be worried about.

[Jendeukie 🐻 ]

That’s true. How’s everyone?

Jisoo knows that there’s one person that Jennie really cares to hear about. She can see it plainly through the screen. She looks over at the younger girls drooling over the menu trying to decide what to order. Jisoo’s hadn’t seen Lisa smile like that in a while and she’s relieved to see it.

[Jendeukie 🐻 ]

Lisa’s seems to be okay. She really likes New York but hates the rain—there were a few moments where she would just go off on her own but we just respect what she needs. How are you? How’s Paris?

[Jendeukie 🐻 ]

It’s good—it’s kind of lonely. I miss you guys and it doesn’t help that he was here for a couple of days but other than its fine. I’m glad to hear Lisa’s okay.

[Jendeukie 🐻 ]

Why was he there? How was it seeing him? Are you okay?

[Jendeukie 🐻 ]

Well he’s also a Chanel ambassador that’s a portion of how we met, remember? I only saw him for a second and it was a reflection in the mirror so I can’t really complain. I’m okay.

“Jisoo-ni do you know what you’re getting?” Rosie turns to her; she places her phone under her thigh giving the younger girls her attention. “Yeah— “she begins to ramble and Lisa’s quick to see how quickly Jisoo put her phone away. She knows that Jisoo was probably talking to Jennie. Lisa’s appreciated the time away from the older girl but she misses her, whenever they weren’t together they use to text every hour of the day. She can’t even remember the last thing they texted one another,

[Jennie 🐻 💋 ]

We’ll be there soon! I can’t wait for yummy foods.

Figures, it would’ve been the last thing they sent to one another—the more she’s actually had time to think about it the more she regrets ever saying anything. She hates that it’s effected their whole group, it feels selfish to have only been thinking about herself and her feelings. Now it feels like she’s been making her friends choose between her and Jennie and that’s the last thing she wants to do. They shouldn’t be divided, that’s one of the biggest reasons as to why she tried to keep this to herself for so long. “Lisa-yah—it’s your turn to order” Jisoo softly catches her attention, she looks through the menu again and pinpoints what she had her eyes one. The waiter nods their head and walks away with their order, “Can I talk to you guys about something?” Lisa speaks up and the two end their conversation nodding their head at their maknae.

“I just want to apologize for everything that’s happened. I don’t want you guys to feel like you guys have to choose between Jennie-unnie and I. You guys need to know that whatever is going on between her and I will never affect our work. It will always be this band first— “

“Lisa-yah. We know—we trust you guys. We’ve seen it.” Jisoo responds interrupting the maknae. Lisa let out a sigh of relief, “I just—don’t want you guys to think that there would be anything that could come between all of us.” Lisa finishes her thought, Rosie and Jisoo exchange looks and smiles. Knowing how anxiety inducing it must’ve been for the maknae these last couple of months. The drinks arrive in perfect timing, the girls thank the waiter, “Cheers to all of us. This is forever.” Jisoo smiles taking a drink from the middle of the table. The other two smile at the eldest picking up their pick, they clink their glass together smiling at one another.

“Okay I just need to know to relieve my own anxiety and be prepared. Will Drunksé and Long Leg Lisa be making their appearance tonight? I don’t mind because I will also be partaking in said activities, but I have to know if I must cut myself off.” Jisoo breaks the silence, and the two girls laugh, “When in New York?” Lisa shamelessly shrugs, Rosie brings her hands up to get a high five from the maknae. Jisoo shakes her head nervous about tonight’s activities.

Across the pond Jennie’s in her hotel room packing her things and doing her best not to think about her fight with Lisa. She’s never had a severe fight like that before, though it happened a week ago it still bothered her. Jennie never knew how deeply Lisa’s infatuation ran, the maknae’s never been one to raise her voice to anyone. She can’t help but beat herself up, she should’ve known—she should’ve known that those eyes have been speaking to her this whole time. How in love they were at the sight of her, she never knew a love could be so pure until it came with Lisa. She’s known for years and respected her, supported her through everything. Talk to her endlessly about every little crush that Jennie had when they were trainees, and listened to the type of person that she tends to fall in love with.

How can someone stomach that—knowing how in love they are with you. Jennie can’t even begin to think about how she would be destroyed having to sit through everything Lisa sat through her. No wonder Lisa slowly started to change, she had to just sit back and watch her fall in love with somebody else. No one could be the same after that. Jennie stops abruptly from packing grabbing her phone hovering over Lisa’s name,

[Lili 🐣🤍 ]

|

She watches the cursor blink over and over again, unsure of what to say or where to start.

[Lili 🐣🤍 ]

I’m sorry. I’m sorry I didn’t know. I’m sorry that I talked so much about those that I liked. I’m sorry I didn’t know how much I was hurting you. I never want to hurt you the way I did. I care for you Lisa, I think a part of you knows that. I know we’re going to be okay in the end but it doesn’t help that this week and these last couple of months have felt like hell without you. Because despite you being there at every hour or every day I could tell you were never really there. I know its selfish of me to miss you right now but I can’t help it |

The cursor blinks back at her but what she’s said so far doesn’t satisfy her, she wants to say more she wants to deeply apologize for all the pain she’s caused.

[Lili 🐣🤍 ]

I hate this undeniable distance that’s growing between us, it terrifies me. I have lost so much in my life. Both friends and family have come and gone but you I can’t afford a loss like yours. I can’t manage to attempt to fill the gapping hole your absence would cause. I have no right to ask anything of you I understand that but please know that how deeply sorry I am.

Her manager walks into their conjoined room scaring the shit out of her as she accidentally sends the message but she has yet to notice. They let her know about the plans for tomorrow and the flight details when they’re landing, etc. She nods along knowing that her mind is occupied by that taller girl. She finally understands what Lisa meant when she said, ‘You don’t just stop loving someone because they don’t love you back.’ But it doesn’t ease her anxiety, she’s been with these four girls for almost a decade even having to think about possibly losing one if not all of them scares her.

“Jennie?” one of the team members speaks, she pushes her gaze at them, “Did you hear us?” she asks and she nods her head politely, they exchange looks with one another knowing that there is something clearly occupying the younger girl’s mind. “Is this about Kai?” one of them speaks up and she freezes, “We didn’t know he was going to be in town for a couple of days—truly we should’ve—”

Jennie shakes her head, “No—it’s not that it’s okay. I just need to get some rest it’s gonna be a long day tomorrow.” She sighs and they all nod their heads before bowing and exiting her room. Jennie locks her door this time, she then finishes her packing and gets ready for bed. When her body is buried under the covers she turns off the light and reaches for her phone to erase the message that she left under the text box. But when her phone unlocks and her heart drops at the sight of the blue speech bubble. “Fuck.” The only relief she has is the fact that Lisa has yet to answer but the more she thinks about it its merely feeding her anxiety now.

She could stay up and text the rest of the girls or she can force herself to go to bed and face the consequences of her actions when she lands in Singapore. By the way she’s simply putting her phone on DND it’s clear that she chooses the latter. While Jennie gets to bed the other three are only beginning their night, they all had 2 drinks each and a hefty dinner which prepped them for the rest of the night. They are a little tipsy and it’s just the right amount to be able to order and still have a good time.

“Okay—okay I will get us the drinks you guys find a comfy spot like a booth or something.” Rosie shouts over the DJ, Lisa and Jisoo nod their head heading for the now free booth near the back. Which is a great plus because that includes privacy, Lisa had her arm around the older girl while Jisoo wraps her arm around Lisa waist. Excusing themselves through the dancefloor, Jisoo looks up at Lisa as she dance-excuses them through the crowd, she knows that the younger girl is feeling much better than how she did last week. When they make it to the booth smiling at one another, “Unnie—thank you for everything. I know Jennie told you about everything that has happened between us and I wanted to say thank you for not treating me differently.” Lisa sighs sitting down next to Jisoo who is perplexed.

“Why would we treat you any different?” Jisoo didn’t have to think about her response it’s a gut reaction. Lisa hesitates to say, “Well I don’t know—Korea is pretty conservative when it comes to these types of things and the last thing I want you guys to feel around me is uncomfortable just because I am who I am.” She spits out and Jisoo shakes her head, “Lisa-yah—you can’t help who you fall in love with and honestly people who judge others based on who decide to love feels like a low. You know love is so complicated you can’t just decide who you have feelings for. Frankly I love you either way—you could tell me you identify as a giraffe and I wouldn’t even bat an eye.” Jisoo adds and a huge weight off of her chest to hear to hear that from the older girl.

Jisoo’s been like a replacement mother for Lisa since she’s been to Korea so she thinks extremely highly of the older girl. Not that she needs someone’s approval but it means a lot to her to hear that Jisoo loves her no matter what. “What about you Jisoo-ni have you ever been in love—I know we don’t really talk about these things but I’ve always wondered. We all have feelings right?” Lisa jokes, Jisoo hits Lisa’s arm like a knee jerk reaction but for Jisoo it’s just like Jennie. Love was second to last on her priority list, she worked too hard to be where she is right now. God knows netizens are extremely sensitive at the thought of their idol dating so she always steered clear of anything that even resembled anything to love.

“I mean I think the last time I had a crush was way before I was with YG, so I couldn’t even tell you who they were. I’ve been so caught up with us that I don’t even think I have anyone in mind that I find attractive.” Jisoo chuckles shaking her head but Lisa is having a hard time hearing that the visual of their band doesn’t have their eye on anyone. Rosie comes back with their drinks with a smile on her face, they are quick to drop the conversation to ask their band mate what’s with the smile. “What happened?” Jisoo questions, Rosé bites her bottom lip thinking about the quick interaction she had. “A woman bought all of our drinks and flirted with me—then she asked for my number and I think I flirted back!” she squeals Lisa quickly celebrates but Jisoo is hesitant, “Wait! Did you give her your number!” she exclaims pulling Rosé closer to her, the younger girl laughs in her face loudly.

“I’m not stupid—unnie of course not but I did tell her that if she’s still here before we leave that I MIGHT give her my number…but probably not” She exclaims at her bandmates—it feels like Rosé had a few more drinks that she leads on. “Did you have another drink while you were waiting for our drinks?” Lisa teases and the blonde blushes excessively nodding her head, “They also bought me a shot but—I don’t want to keep talking about them I want to enjoy myself and my friends!” she semi shouts taking a sip of her drink. Lisa and Jisoo exchange looks as they grab their drinks and taking big sips of it trying to catch up to Rosé.

“Wait—do you like women?!” Lisa shouts a little too loud catching a few glances from some people on the dance floor and various booths. She slowly slides down trying to avoid the eyes that have landed on her. The senior and the blonde can’t help but laugh off their bandmate’s embarrassment, she waits a moment before it all returns back to normal. “I think I just like— “Rosie simply ends her sentence. Lisa and Jisoo nod understanding what their bandmate is getting at. “Yay for liking!” Lisa celebrates and Rosé cant help but smile at her friend’s support.

“Jisoo-ni?” Rosé questions, their eldest raises an eyebrow unsure if this is the right time to discuss something only she’s ever thought of. Instead of answering the younger girls she merely shrugs. If Jisoo were to be honest she doesn’t know what’s come of her romantic interests.

“I don’t know. This has been my life for almost a decade and I haven’t really been focused on falling in love or crushing. Besides taking care of you guys is like a full-time job at this point I’m celibate.” Jisoo jokes taking a few sips of her drink. The younger girls feel a bit of guilt knowing that being the oldest is not the easier job. She’s practically raised these girls throughout the most influential time in their life.

“Well I feel like now you can try right?” Rosé questions, Jisoo shrugs giving herself a moment to think about it. “Technically yes—but the logically no. I mean look at what happened to Jennie. As much as we’d like to think we’ve got control of our romantic relationship that’s not actually the case. The idea that all the netizens have about us is that we can be in relationships with them, right? They said the most horrendous things about Jennie and Kai. The person I’m dating doesn’t deserve that much hate. And I hate being manipulated—it doesn’t feel worth it right now.” She sighs, the other two members nod their head in agreement. Jisoo could tell there’s something occupying the blonde’s mind. “But don’t you have needs—like don’t you get horny?!” she whispers—Lisa chokes on her drink and immediately takes Rosé away from her. “That’s enough of that.” Lisa shakes her head and Rosé couldn’t help herself but chuckle.

Jisoo takes a big sip of her drink digesting what Rosie just inquires. “I mean we all have needs right?” She simply answers and Lisa chokes on her own saliva. Lisa buries her head in her arms, there are some parts of her friends she’s never known before. Rosé screams in excitement, “Unnie!” she hits the older woman who acts hurt.

“I didn’t think you’d answer! What—how—but no crushes?” Rosie stutters making the girls laugh. “If we’re going to keep talking about things like this I’m going to need a stronger drink.” Lisa states, Jisoo points at herself nodding before Lisa walks away.

Rosie sits closer to the older as the maknae grabs a shot for the both of them. “No crushes. Just some situations where I’ll find someone attractive and my first reaction is to be hot and bothered. I can’t help that.” She shrugs. The two girls keep talking about said topic while Lisa’s at the bar waiting for her shots. She decides to take the time to give her phone a glance. Lisa scrolls through her notifications a few emails, notifications from Instagram, text message from her friends, a message from Jennie and a few notifications from WeVerse. She back tracks, scrolling back up to see Jennie’s name again, it’s not just her name popping up as a response in the group chat but just her name. A part of her is nervous to know what they older girl has to say. But she knew deep down that if she’s to get over this, she must give her energy into doing that and not backslide. Their shots arrive, she thanks the bartender and tries to carefully make her way back to the girls.

“—So you would have sex with a woman?!” Rosie exclaims, Jisoo hits her arms as Lisa arrives. She only heard that last part of that conversation and that’s all she needed. After placing the shot down in front of Jisoo she downs hers quickly. “I’d try anything once.” Jisoo plainly states.

It only took about 10 minutes of all of them taking pictures with one another and casually taking sips of their drink to catch up to Rosé. It’s moments like this where they look back on how much of their teenage years they missed. Instead of sneaking alcohol and sneaking out to parties they spent late nights mastering arrangements and choreography. Not to say that they aren’t grateful but it feels like they skipped a large amount of normalcy in their life because while they were out and about in New York there were a few people following them. From fans to paparazzi’s it feels like they gained their freedom but lost privacy.

“Okay—okay—okay—I’m only going to ask because I am curious about it—” Jisoo mumbles to the maknae’s, Lisa fears where the conversation is going but is too drunk to care. “HIT ME!” she shouts over the music, Chaeyoung reacts immediately hitting her best friend. Lisa shakes her head at the older girl and all she can do is smile back at Lisa. “Why Jennie and how do you even know what falling in love is like? I just see you as this baby—that’d ask me about certain Korean traditions and lifestyle. You have so much life ahead of you Lisa—” Jisoo pushes her drink in front of Lisa’s face trying to prove a point. Jisoo understands the attraction towards Jennie but how did the maknae find the time or the attention to fall in love during their busy ass schedule. Lisa chuckles knowing that this feels a question that’s been brewing within Jisoo’s back burner. She looks over at Rosie whose eyes are glossy and are hard at work trying to focus her eyes on Lisa.

“I don’t know—how it all happened. I think that you know you’re in love when you see the person and you automatically smile no matter what, when you do anything and everything you can just to be with them or talk to them for even the shortest amount of time. The moments you spend with someone you’re in love with just feels endless, sometimes you just want to hear their voice and you could talk for hours. It makes it even harder now that we have social media because I think that someone who you are in love with makes your heart skip a beat when you get a notification from them and it’s a sweet text or even a simple heart. It’s not easy to fall in love if it’s not the person you believe you are meant to be with. I think that when you meet that one special person someone you know pretty soon that they are the one you want to be with for as long as you can. When you are able to be comfortable around that person and you are able to be yourself and just laugh and smile and look them in the eyes and your whole face just lights up because you are so happy that’s when you are in love—“Lisa sighs disappointingly for what’s she’s about to say next”—It just happened to be her.” Lisa rambles leaving her best friends speechless. She might be the youngest but that doesn’t excuse her feelings or what she knows. Jisoo is proud to hear the young girl isn’t just talking about infatuation knowing how that is easily confused with love. While Rosé is on the verge of tears just thinking about Lisa’s explanation.

“God you’re right Lisa. Love sucks—I hate that I feel like that.” Rosé shouts downing the rest of her drinks, Jisoo thought that it would’ve been the maknae drinking her pain away but if her father taught her anything drinking can only take your feelings away for so long so it’s best to just face it head on. Jisoo and Lisa turn their attention to Rosé who’s already gotten up to get another round of drinks. “That feels like something we should bring up when we’re sound of mind.” Lisa mumbles trying to hold the hiccups in, Jisoo nods but it feels like this isn’t the time to do so. Rosé probably already forgot about what she has just confessed to her other bandmates. When she returns her demeanour is back to that party animal that comes out when alcohol hits her system.

“I wanna dance! C’mon dance machine!” she shouts over the music once more dragging Lisa way from the booth, Jisoo places their jackets on the table to sign that they are clearly occupying the table. The two young members begin to dance to the rhythm of the music while Jisoo dances next to them, Rosé always feels confident when she dances but when she dances next to Lisa or with Lisa her confidence jumps up tenfold. Rosie’s arms are currently hanging by Lisa neck as their proximity get closer and closer, Jisoo’s mischievous side comes out when she pulls her phone out to take a picture of the two girls. Practically grinding up against each other, she not only takes one photo but instead multiple sending them all in the group chat.

After she sends those pictures she joins the two girls putting her arms around them, they both happily open space bringing the eldest into the circle.

Chapter Text

Next Morning

Jennie gets woken up by her 12039482094397^th alarms but it didn’t refrain her from falling back asleep. It’s only when she heard multiple knocks on her door and a varying amount of ‘Jennie wake up’ did she finally sit up on her bed. She turns off her alarm one last time, that’s when she sees a multitude of notifications from the group chat but not Lisa. Deciding to keep off of her phone she continues to get ready but she can’t help but hear the conversation that’s happening on the other side of the shared wall. She overhears the managers talking about the girls outing last night and how they were all trashed and currently hungover for their flight which spikes her interest on looking at her messages. But she’s supposed to leave for the airport in 20 minutes which means she’s got to hold off until she’s at her gate.

Thankfully everything seems to move faster while she is travelling alone which is a plus because her patience is wearing thin thinking about what could’ve happened last night. That results on having a lot of notifications in the group chat that’s excessive even for them. Jennie walks pass the paps and fans waving and bowing every now and again trying to acknowledge them. Knowing that if she stays any longer her anxiety might act up. She hates this part of herself because loves her fans more than anything but the idea of being in an uncontrolled crowd makes her want to break out into hives. Jennie never really did well in big crowds, the sounds of everyone’s conversation, everyone is pushing up against her all trying to simultaneously protect and touch her, and somehow the lights are brighter despite her being away from the paps.

She gives the crowd one final wave before making her way through TSA security and finally make it to her gate. Her team find a secluded seat by the gate and get on with business as usual. She puts some headphones on knowing that there are videos along with the texts and photos.

23:32

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

*video*

‘Woah—look at that sexy sexy! Wow!’ Jisoo cheers from behind the phone as she captures Lisa and Rosé surrounded by a group of people. The music blaring almost breaking the phone speakers. Lisa makes her way to the camera winky and blowing a kiss, Rosie following up behind her she wraps her arm around Lisa’s neck pulling her in for a kiss on the cheek. Lisa smiles from ear to ear while their eyes gloss over from intoxication, Rosie also winks at the camera. When they pull away she puts her hands on Lisa grinding down playfully.

Jennie stops the video quickly, what is this feeling that’s gnawing at her. Could it be FOMO, it’s a rare occurrence for Jennie to feel FOMO knowing how independent she is and how much she values her alone time. She decides to skip that video and move on to the next,

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

*video*

‘Unnie! Oh my!’ Lisa’s voice rings through the phone as it shakes up and down following Jisoo bouncing, making Rosie stop in her tracks to understand what’s going through the senior’s mind. ‘Unnie! Get—it—one—two—ohhhh Park Chaeyoung!’ Lisa continues to cheer, as Rosie joins the senior.

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

*video*

‘Park Chaeyoung!’ Lisa’s voice chants holding Rosie’s hand with her free hand as she gets down once more twerking on Jisoo who can’t even be bothered. She is too busy with her glossy smile to notice how any of them are behaving. It looks like their first win and Lisa’s first night drinking with the girls.

[Rosie 🐿 ️ ]

*12 pictures attached*

Most of them were all 3 of them posing for the camera while Lisa holds up the phone. Seeing that she’s got the longest arms but once again 3 photos catch her attention. It’s clear that it’s taken but by someone else, that’s not what caught her attention it was the woman who had their arms draping around Lisa’s waist. The following photo this woman’s head is placed next to Lisa’s head as her arms squeezing the maknae’s waist. The last photo is the one that felt like a punch in the stomach for Jennie. Lisa sitting on this woman’s lap with her head tilting back in midst of trying to plant a kiss on her cheek. It’s clear that they were trying to mimic what Chaeyoung and Jisoo were doing. But it felt a little too intimate.

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

I think we lost Lisa

[Rosie 🐿 ️ ]

No she went to the bathroom, just stay by the booth, and make sure no one takes it!

[Lili 🐣🤍 ]

Can you get me some water?

02:01

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

Is everyos3e in bed?

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

I regdfally don’t feel like rundaning around the hothgfel trying to chdfase your drunkasfe

[Rosie 🐿 ️ ]

We in bedjg unnie—also wahs?

[Rosie 🐿 ️ ]

If ur gnna threaten us at least makse ense

[Lili 🐣🤍 ]

Speakfor ur csehfl

[Rosie 🐿 ️ ]

Can us even speak?

[Lili 🐣🤍 ]

Yechniacally we’re texting

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

If I hear my phone ring one more time I’ll kill you both. We have to be up in like 4 hours. And this took a lot of brain power to compose so I really do mean it I will kill both of you.

[Rosie 🐿 ️ ]

“I’ll kill both of you” lol

[Jennie 🐻💋 | Jennie 🐻 |Jendeukie 🐻 ]

Hell of a night lol <3

That’s where the messages end, there is a lot to process. One thing she did take notice is the fact that Lisa was texting in the group chat which meant she choose to ignore Jennie’s message. And that felt like another level of hurt, that’s she can’t even be entitled to have. She decides to distract herself with music and social media as she waits for the flight to board.

As for the amazing trio, they are regretting every drink they had after the restaurant while they make their way to the airport. They look like every stereotypical idol, hats, sunglasses, masks, hoodies, and sweats. Their team has never heard the girls this quiet before and decided not to mention it. The ride to the airport felt like hell for all of them. Jisoo has the sweats and a headache clingy onto the air conditioner that is pointed at her, while she tries to minimize any kind of stimulus from entering her space. Rosé is suffering from a migraine, all the light and sounds that seems to peek through feels like a gunshot. Lisa is trying her best to focus her attention in the distance as she holds onto the puke that is making its way up her throat.

When they arrive at the airport they still have yet to talk to one another, it’s not because they are mad but they’re all just trying to focus on their own pain. They bow their head—Rosé had trouble coming back up feeling like her brain just moved. Jisoo and Lisa exchange looks to gage whether or not they have to help their bandmate but she comes back up. They wave to the fans one last time before rushing to the entrance of the airport. The girls don’t even bother to wait for their managers as soon as they finished in TSA they were quick to head to the lounge for some comfortable seats. “Oh my god I’m so hungover.” Lisa mutters as they collapse on the airport seats. The two girls slowly nod their head in agreement.

“I’ve never been this hungover.” Jisoo adds tilting her head back as she fans her neck from all the sweat. “I feel great I ran a 5k this morning—” Rosé mumbles, Jisoo and Lisa turn their attention to the blonde in disbelief, “Really?” Lisa eyes pop out in disbelief. Rosé shakes her head bowing it down regretting shaking it in the first place, “No I threw up in the shower.” She mumbles rubbing her temples, all she wants to do is crawl into a ball like a child in a dark closet with noise cancelling headphones not particularly playing anything.

“Don’t say throw up.” Lisa says through her teeth trying to hold it in. Rosie pulls her glasses down a little looking at the best friend. Who doesn’t particularly look that well, she’s pale and her pupils are dilated. Rosie softly hits Jisoo to get her to look at Lisa, “Lisashi you should go to the— “Before she finishes Lisa looks down gathering up her strength “Bathroom.” Lisa quickly excuses herself running away from the girl. One of their managers look at the other two, Jisoo mouths ‘bathroom’. “Unnie— “Rosie groans as she continues to rub her head.

“Mhmm?” Jisoo questions while shushing her at the same time. Her head pounds with every syllable she hears. “Why didn’t you stop us?” Rosé whispers knowing how painful word are right now. Jisoo groans, “I think the alcohol got the best of me and I had a lapse of judgment. “Rosé continues to groan extremely unhappy with everyone. Lisa returns, stopping at their managers asking for them to grab her some water, medication, and a toothbrush. It’s a painful lesson to remember once again how much she should watch herself when she drinks.

***

Jennie’s the first to arrive in Singapore. Happily greeting fans as she exits the airport. It’s dinner time when she gets to the hotel, she’s settled in as much as she can before checking her phone. The team is currently in her room deciding on where to eat. The girls’ plane is arriving much later, but she hopes to catch them at least to say hi. Thankfully they’ve got conjoined rooms but she’s yet to know who she’ll be sharing a wall with. During her flight she couldn’t help as that nagging feeling returned. The same feelings she had when Rosé clings around Lisa, just gnawing at her when she saw those pictures last night.

They are just pictures, more importantly pictures of her friends. Her normal reaction would’ve just been hyping them up. But all she could muster up as a text back was ‘hell of a night’ like what is that. “Jennie are you ready for dinner?” Oppa questions, she nods her head putting her hat and mask back on. The picture of Lisa on someone’s lap doing god knows what lingers, somehow it irritates her more than Rosie being clingy. Their hand placements, the face that they were making with one another.  It was all over the top at least from what Jennie can see. If you wanted to have cute pictures together just take selfies. Jennie thought to herself.

The team notice that throughout dinner Jennie was in her own world. She was quiet and consumed by her phone. Usually she would have conversations hear about how the staff felt about Paris or anything. Maybe even ask about how their schedule looks for the next few months. But nothing, she’s consumed by her phone, they couldn’t particularly ask but as people who’s always around her they found this odd. The incident with Kai she was barely on her phone, unlike how others would be after a breakup. She distanced herself so it’s leaving them to wonder what’s got her caught up in her world.

After dinner, Jennie says goodnight to her team. Wanting to get a grasp on her sleep schedule and not think about her bandmates going out last night. And some random woman hanging out with Lisa being a little too touchy. Speaking of touchy why weren’t the managers or bodyguards there. Surely they wouldn’t have let anybody approach the girls like that. Maybe if she was there they wouldn’t have been approached at all. It really just just be FOMO and annoying to see her friends have fun without her. She’s just a little protective of her friends and wants to be sure that no one was taken advantage of last night.

Jennie hears a faint knock on her door, she looks through the peep hole and sees one of the managers, “The girls are here, Rosé is to your left and Jisoo is to your right. Lisa’s room is just past Rosé’s I just got done letting them know how most of these rooms are cojoined. Sorry for the interruption, goodnight.” He bows his head before walking away, Jennie closes her door and immediately grabs her phone to text Jisoo.

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

Can you let me in please 🥺

She hears the door on the other side unlock and open, “Unnie!” Jennie shouts, Jisoo is happy to be reunited with her best friend. It’s never the same without all of them there. Jennie pulls her in for a hug while also pulling her into her room. When the younger girl finally let’s go, Jisoo collapses on top of her bed letting out the biggest groan that she’s ever released. Jennie sits across from her wrapping herself with a blanket, “How was the flight?” Jennie questions, Jisoo is reminded of a hell of an iconic flight definitely one for the books. She doesn’t mind long haul flights—truthfully she never has, “Well Chaeyoung, Lisa and I all spent the first half of our flight hungover—we’ve never been this hungover, Jendeuki—Lisa kept throwing up. I felt like I was going through menopause and Chaeyoung couldn’t sleep because of her head. It was not a good time.” Jisoo explains.

Jennie reaches out massaging the eldest hands. “Damn—I’m sorry about the shitty flight—“Jennie chuckles but Jisoo shrugs, “Still a fun night. What about you? How was your flight?” she could tell that there’s something that Jennie wants to say. But she’s holding it back but Jisoo doesn’t have a clue as to what she wants to bring up. Maybe she did talk to Kai or maybe she has been thinking about Lisa romantically—truthfully it could be anything. “It was fine. I’m just tired—I didn’t get to have a crazy night like you guys—“she jokes but Jisoo can tell she’s setting something up.

“Why weren’t oppa’s or bodyguards there?” she adds, and there it was. Jisoo saw the videos and pictures she sent last night. Maybe it was her drunk brain but either way the plan is genius. She’s getting exactly what her drunk self knew was going to happen—a reaction from Jennie. “They were there for dinner but somehow Rosé got them to agree to let us have the night. As long as we were back by 1 or latest by 2. “Jisoo explains waiting for Jennie’s reaction, but Jennie’s good at keeping face. “Ah no wonder you guys were so trashed—those messages made no sense. And your pictures—glossy eyed.” Jennie teases, there it is—the perfect opportunity for Jisoo to bring up the events of last night. Especially the one of Lisa finishing herself on some stranger’s lap.

“Oh yeah—I barely remember half of when we took those. Way too many free drink— “Jisoo jokes, Jennie’s head perks up clearly taking the older girls bait. “Free—really?” she croaks, she knows how attractive her bandmates are but getting free drinks doesn’t sound like they were keeping themselves a low profile or being safe. “Yeah—it started with Chaeyoung—this girl was flirting it up with our blonde baby. Then there was a few people that kept buying our drinks anytime we went up to the bar to buy it ourselves. And Lisa—“Jisoo jokes reminiscing about what happened with Lisa. Nothing out of the ordinary from what was happening with Rosie but Jisoo wanted to see how far she could take it with Jennie.

“Well you know her—the crowd fell in love with her. From there we we’re set for the rest of the night—anytime she was up by that bar it was always someone new and free drinks.” Jennie tenses up and Jisoo quickly notices and decides to add a little more flavour to the story, “But there was this one girl that caught her eye and they were practically attached at the hip—she’s the one that took photos for us and with us.” Jennie quickly rolls her eyes and Jisoo can’t help but smile at her small victory. The senior knows that there is something between these two dumb dumbs. She’s surprise that the maknae is the first one to notice but now it feels like she has to nudge her best friend in the same direction before it’s too late. 

As for Jennie she finally knows who’s head and lap it belongs too. The gnawing feeling returns only it’s come back tenfold. Lisa allowed to flirt with whoever she wants but— “Nini?” Jisoo snaps her fingers in front of the Jennie and she turns her attention back to the conversation. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah just worried me a little how drunk you guys were last night and I wanna be sure that no one takes advantage of you guys.” She rambles not really making any sense, “—Riiiiight—Well as you can see we are a—okay—we’ll except for Lisa her stomach is bugging her like crazy. Anyways—I’m gonna head back and get some rest. I love you—good night.” She smiles at the younger girl giving her one last hug. Jennie decides to do the same thing, no point in dwelling on did happened last night. Jisoo wasn’t lying about Lisa though—her stomach wasn’t letting up. The only thing that she could keep down was liquids. Managers are currently on a hunt for some medicine for the younger girl.

It stopped when she fell asleep during the flight. Everyone thought she was in the clear, she ate the next meal provided. But an hour after she ate she went running back into the bathroom. The only thing in her stomach was fluids and sometimes that pushed it. She’s been resting in her bed as soon as she arrived at the hotel, Jisoo checked in with her quickly but the maknae insisted that she’s going to okay. But Jisoo didn’t believe her so as the eldest she texted Rosie to check in before the blonde went to bed.

“Lisashi?” Rosé softly taps on the door as she slowly enters, Lisa is nowhere to be found. She calls out for her one more time, “Lisa?” she says in her Australian accent, she hears a faint coughing coming from the bathroom. She makes her way to see the younger girl wrapped up by the toilet. Lisa lifts her head up, “Are you okay!” Rosie rushes to the maknae who is exhausted. Lisa smiles at the blonde, “Yes—oppa’s gave me medication and something to eat but the eating part didn’t hold up so well.” Rosie starts to rub the younger woman’s back a little worried about everything. “Do you want me to grab one of the oppa’s—Jisoo-ni—anyone?” Rosie questions, Lisa shakes her head, “The medication is working, already—I think it’s just pulling out the rest of whatever is making me this sick.” Lisa sighs, Rosie hates that she doesn’t want any help, the medication might be helping but it takes a while until it goes into full effect and the younger girl can be comfortable enough to sleep.

“Do you need anything from me then?” she questions, Lisa looks around “Just company and make sure I don’t fall asleep on top of the toilet.” Lisa jokes making Rosé laugh, she looks around the room to find a small trash can, she excuses herself quickly to find that plastic bag that’s always wrapped around ice containers. Once she finds that she wraps the plastic around the trash can placing it on the nightstand then she returns to Lisa. “Why don’t we get you into some comfy clothes and to bed?” Rosie suggests, the taller girl nods—Rosé excuses herself to give Lisa the bathroom to change but she carefully waits outside the door to make sure that if Lisa does need anything she is right there. Lisa comes out in some sweats, a little more colourful than she looked at the start of the day. Rose puts takes her arm helping her get to bed, there she softly places Lisa at the edge of the bed. She watches as the taller girl makes herself comfortable and grabs a chair setting up next to the bed, then grabs a few more water bottles for Lisa. “Thank you Chaeng.” Lisa says barely a whisper, the blonde figures she can stay until Lisa falls asleep.

It didn’t take too long for Lisa to do so; Rosie isn’t surprised the girl’s been sick for more than 24 hours. Her body is probably exhausted having to deal with this, everybody always assumes that being the younger girl out of the group she’s the party animal. It matches her personality to be the party animal in the group but she’s surprisingly not. Lisa likes to party as much as the next person but she performs as her career, sometimes the last thing you want to do is be in a room full of people where you have to dance and sing only this time is supposed to be for fun. Maybe the younger girl just has to build a tolerance when it comes to a night out, Rosie thought to herself, she loves how peaceful Lisa looks when she’s sleeping. Despite everything they fight about she always caves and forgives the taller girl. She can’t even fathom not having Lisa around because no matter what happens the maknae always puts a smile on her face. There is a pull that Rosé wants to give into—she just wants to tou—

There’s a faint knock on the door, which is odd, its 2 am who else could be up at this time. She softly walks over and doesn’t bother to look through the peep hole, there reveals Jennie with a bag of things. “Unnie—hi.” Rosie whispers, Jennie’s heart seems to fall out of her chest and down to her stomach at the sight of Rosie in Lisa’s room. She tries her best to cover her shock and disappointment, “Hi—I was just—”

“Wait did Jisoo-ni ask you to stop by?” Rosie questions, Jennie found this as a perfect excuse instead of having to come up with one. “Yes—so if you want to shower or get some rest I can stay with Lisa if you want.” She smiles letting herself in, Rosé nods “Okay that’d be lovely—I have to shower I feel stinky—but she was on the floor when I got in but I set up the trash can for her and I’ve just been making sure she doesn’t need anything you know.” Rosé says to the older girl, Jennie nods her head putting the plastic bag down on the nightstand. Rosie hugs the older girl, “Thank you unnie” she says in the hug before saying goodnight and closing the door. Jennie takes out everything she asked the team to grab for Lisa which consisted, blue Gatorade, ginger ale, ramen, and some crackers. She sets up them up nicely so it’s easy for Lisa to grab in the middle of the night. Jennie grabs the extra blanket on the bed and sets up camp on the chair that Rosé had set up but as she’s about to sit she hears, “I’m cold, Chaeyoung come here please.” Lisa begs turning around making room towards the edge of the bed. Jennie is frozen does she get in bed with the younger girl, “Park Chaeyoung—I am freezing.” She moans shivering, Jennie decides to go against what her brain is telling her. She opens the comforter, softly getting in bed when she finally lays down Lisa reaches her hand out to grab Jennie’s arm to wrap it around her. Lisa pushes herself against the older girl feeling comfortable, Jennie on the other hand is frozen as her heart practically tries to beat out of her chest.

This shouldn’t be something that makes her nervous, they use to do this it shouldn’t be any different now—right?

***

The next morning, Jennie woke up to an empty bed, she thought that Lisa would be in the bathroom but she didn’t hear any shuffling in the bathroom either. Jennie stands up and opens her eyes to see no one in the room at all, but her suitcase was open it’s clear that she left already. Jennie grabs her phone and exits the room promptly not wanting to think about last night or what Lisa’s reaction was. She tries to quickly make her way back to her room without running into anyone, thankfully the universe was on her side. When she glanced at her phone she saw that she had about 30 minutes before she’s supposed to meet up with the girls to head to the venue. She quickly gets ready while grabbing everything she needs for rehearsals. Jennie arrives with about 5 minutes to spare before she was going to get summoned, she sees Rosie and Lisa engulfed in one another while Jisoo’s sipping on some coffee. She apologizes for being late but it doesn’t catch the younger member’s attention, the team starts to head out of the hotel. The youngest members lead the oldest members, Jisoo can’t help but notice how Jennie keeps glancing at Lisa while the youngest doesn’t seem to notice. “Everything okay?” Jisoo speaks up, Jennie pulls her glance away from Lisa and puts her sunglasses on.

“Yeah—didn’t sleep well last night what about you?” Jennie answers the senior smiling as if she didn’t just get caught watching Lisa the whole she came down. Jisoo sighs, “I slept okay I was worried about Lisa but I’m glad to see she’s feeling much better today. She has some colour today; she was so pale yesterday.” Jisoo answers and she’s right when she saw the younger girl last night she looked like a vampire, Jennie smiles not wanting to say anything just in case she says the wrong thing. Like letting Jisoo know how she spent the night cuddling with the younger girl. She doesn’t want to give out the wrong idea especially because she doesn’t even know why she stayed—knowing her brain was yelling that she should just go. That something about her staying that night would complicate everything with Lisa and even complicate her feelings for the younger girl. She didn’t use to get so nervous touching the younger girl, normally she would’ve gotten in that bed without any hesitation. Usually seeing her friends have fun without her wouldn’t make her blood boil, seeing someone wrapped up with Lisa never use to annoy her and now— “Jendeukie—do you want to sit in the back or sit up here?” Jisoo questions, Jennie looks to see Rosé in the back while Lisa’s in the front with sunglasses and headphones on, she might still be a little nauseous. Jennie points to Rosé and heads to the back, Jisoo tries her best not to read into that but definitely takes notes. She makes eye contact with Rosé and the blonde nods acknowledging what Jisoo is saying.

Rehearsals go as planned but everyone in the group could tell that Lisa is still preserving her energy to ensure that she doesn’t push herself too far tonight. During their break Lisa returned to the green room to hydrate and rest, Jennie decided to head to catering for some food leaving Jisoo and Rosé by themselves. “Thank you for telling Nini to come and check on Lisa I really needed to—”

“I didn’t tell her to check in on Li—”

“Well that’s what she said last night—she even had a bag of things for her.”

“Wait—it makes sense now—Lisa won’t look at her and Jennie was late today. Jennie is never late—which means she didn’t sleep in her room last night!” Jisoo exclaims, Rosé confuse as to how the senior got here. “How do you know that?”

“I knocked on her door to see if she wanted to go down together, I didn’t get an answer so I went in to check and see if she was even in her room. I wouldn’t have been surprised if she was the first one there. But when I got downstairs I was the first one, then when Lisa came down she got tense when someone mentioned Nini—then Nini came down and Lisa won’t look at her. So they slept in the same room last night.” Jisoo explains, Rosé eyes practically one to pop out of her head.

“They slept in the same room last night.” Rosé repeats.

Chapter Text

Concerts went on just like normal it starts to blend halfway through each leg of the tour and the only thing that helps is them getting to explore for a bit. But sometimes with their hectic schedule they rehearse and perform for one night in one city then they are on a plane soon as they get off the stage. For Lisa that’s probably what blends her days the most and the fact that she’s got a system for what she does on stage with each member. Knowing blinks are quick to assume why one interaction with one member is longer, or why she didn’t hold hands while somebody was reaching out, she knows that they are quick to simulate a situation. Which means, fan services went on to keep their image going and keep the fans happy. And outside of the concerts, Lisa and Rosé have been busy with a lot of zoos, aquariums museums and shopping, for Lisa it was long enough to be away from the other girl and fun enough to see cities. As for Rosé she was just happy to accompany her best friend, believing that this is what she needs. By the looks of it, it was—though Jennie and Lisa don’t really hold a long conversation these days but it’s better than them fighting which the other girls appreciate.

After their show in Taipei the girls returned to Korea to shoot Kill This Love, followed by some promotions and live performances. In between that they have rehearsals for Coachella, and then they’ll be back in the states to promote their new song as well as them performing for Coachella. It’s been pretty busy which Lisa loves because she wakes up to spend the day with her bandmates for recordings, rehearsals, or promotions. After work she gets to dance a little longer with Cheshir to get rid of anything that might’ve happened during the day with Jennie. It didn’t happen often but sometimes she took it a little too far with their interaction leaving both of them to linger and she couldn’t get mad at anyone but herself. Slowly but surely her emotions are chipping away, as her days are busier. She also started to get back into walking by the Han River just like she use too. Whenever she missed home, or she found herself overwhelmed with her feelings about Jennie. Being around the water always seem to calm her mind. It’s amazing how much time away from cameras can do, sometimes it gets a little too tiring to pretend to be someone. It doesn’t help that her feelings were true, but recently despite spending time with Jennie she can feel herself outgrow her feelings for the older girl. She’s surprise to even find herself at the dorms at times participating in game nights with the girls, even sleeping in her old room. Lisa didn’t seem to mind it felt like how it was before all of this confession stuff.

The tension in the air is slowly disappearing, gently she’s encouraging conversations with Jennie even have moments with her naturally where it’s not awkward. This image that she has with Jennie is slowly dissipating. Since Lisa’s been so caught up in her thoughts with the dancing and walks. Looking back on it, it felt like teenage love—infatuation at the idea of the person. Pining after them believing that someday they could ever love you back. The more that Lisa’s had time to process it she’s come to realize that what made the whole thing so painful was the humiliation. The chastening realisation that she liked someone so much that she romanticised almost every interaction only to realise Jennie probably never once thought about her like that and she was being delusional. Truly that it’s not Jennie’s fault that she doesn’t feel the same way.

It’s been a freeing idea, coming to that conclusion. Honestly it’s what’s been putting her in a better mood. And probably the fact that they don’t have to be on stage for the next few weeks. Touching each other and flirting as if there’s something there. Feeding all those things that Lisa’s thought about in the past when it came to Jennie. She doesn’t have to pretend and put on a brave face. Everyone can tell there’s a difference in Lisa, they can feel the old Lisa coming back to herself.

As for Jennie, well, she’s been spending a lot of time with Chahee and her mom. It’s good to be able to spend time with people outside of the group, helps her recharge. And it’s given her a lot of perspective about her relationship with Lisa because, it seemed like everyone knew how Lisa feels about her. It’s as if she’s the only one that’s never noticed how in love Lisa’s been with her. Those interactions that Jisoo, Chahee, Rosé, Irene and her mom pointed out she thought they were just a friend being a friend. She never looked further into why Lisa was doing it or the way that Lisa looks at her when she would do those things for Jennie. But it explains a lot of her expectations when she was seeing Kia. Jennie appreciates people who; do things for her without her having to ask, listen carefully, give her their jacket, block out the sun when it hits her eyes, and someone who matches her pace especially when she’s in heels.

It's not fair to compare how Kai treated her versus how Lisa did because Lisa has years on him. But something about the fact that she never had to tell Lisa how to do those things is just so touching. Sometimes when Lisa would do those things it even surprised her—even now despite what happened between them, Lisa effortlessly does those things. It’s become reactive for the younger girl; Lisa never knew that those things mean a lot for Jennie she just did them for her not because she thought it would make the older girl fall for her. But she just did it because she could tell Jennie appreciated it.

Ever since that night in Singapore, Jennie’s feelings for Lisa have shifted. She paced around her room for a good hour trying to talk herself out of seeing the younger girl. She was trying to respect Lisa’s wishes by giving her space but she just wants to see her. Make sure she’s okay—possibly yell at her for being foolish and drinking so much. She just needed to see her, she woke up her bodyguard and asked him to go to the store with her. She apologised for the inconvenience and rushed to Lisa’s room. It hurt her seeing Rosé there already and from her perspective it looked like she was about to get in bed with the taller girl.

So it came as a surprise to Jennie when Rosé was there because Jisoo had asked her to check in on Lisa. She’s always felt safer around Lisa, they hadn’t been that close in a long time. In truth she was just going to check in and drop off the gifts but when she heard Lisa asking someone to stay—she caved. Something about hearing Rosie’s name instead of hers at Lisa request stung Jennie. Despite it only being a couple of weeks without her friend she craved Lisa. Her attention, her laugh, those stupid jokes, her radiant positive energy, and her touch.

She missed being wrapped up around Lisa’s arms. Somehow being around those long arms slowed her heartbeat and reassured her. Especially when they’re in airports, Lisa can always tell when her anxiety is acting up. It’s not much and not a lot of people notice it but Jennie appreciates it. Neither of them know when it started but whenever it did start Jennie’s thankful that there’s something that brings her back. When Jennie starts to feel her anxiety creep in, Lisa’s pinky immediately searches for hers. Squeezing it, grounding that anxious energy by letting her know that she’s right there. Even though they’re not exactly the best of friends right now Lisa still does it. It means a lot to Jennie to know there are aspects of their relationship that haven’t changed.

Not spending every waking moment with Lisa has really put her feelings into perspective. Her feelings for Lisa aren’t just friendship anymore something is growing outside of it and she wants to talk about it. When they got back to Korea, Jennie spent a few days with her mom. She wanted to let her know about everything, the fight with Lisa, her accidental text, and that night in Singapore. Her mother could tell that she was in love with the girl just by the way she was talking about everything they went through in the last month.

“We were fine on stage; you know how we are—we joke—we flirt—she was flirty with Rosie and Jisoo-ni even me at times. Everything felt fine but then she yelled at me and Lisa never yells at anyone umma.” Jennie explains as she watches her mother fix up dinner, various clanging going on behind her. Her mother patiently waits for her only daughter to finally come to the conclusion that everyone has come too. “What did she say?” she answers as her daughter prepares to dish out what the maknae said to the older girl. “How—she could take all the winks, hearts, during the concert but somehow when I touch her—which I assume she’s talking about our choreography—I mean honestly—”

“Did you hug her or something?” Her mother wonders, Jennie sighs knowing that she did. “I might’ve hugged her multiple times and possibly taken her away from Jisoo during the fan goodbye—but that’s beside the point because she hugged Rosie and Jisoo—”

“But there is a point—she’s not pining after Jisoo or Rosie. She’s in love with you Jennie. All those things you do on stage together—she probably has thought of outside of that situation. She’s probably thought about being able to love you the way she acts with you on stage.” Her mother points out and it breaks her heart that she’s never thought of it like that. “Why did you pull her away from Jisoo?” her mother demands, to see if Jennie can be honest with herself for once.

“I—I—I don’t know—I just usually—I don’t know I wanted to be around her. And I knew she wouldn’t say no because we would be around fans.” Jennie stutters, her mom stops prepping and turns to face her child in disappointment. Jennie bows her head, “i—”

“Why did you stay with her in Singapore—even though she was calling for Chaeyoung?” her mother continues to probe, but Jennie is quiet—her gut wants to say what her brain is refraining her to feel all this time but if she can safely confess what she thinks she’s been feeling—surely it can be with her mother. “I wanted to stay. I needed to know that she was going to be okay—I really wasn’t planning on falling asleep it’s just that—”

“Did you know that we often feel sleepy around those we feel safe around.” Her mom interrupts, “Okay?” she shakes her head in confusion, “How do you honestly feel about her sweetie because it feels like we are skirting around it all.” Her mom once again stops what she’s doing. “What do you mean?” Jennie questions, “You’ve been home for a whole week. All you’ve done is talk about Lisa—you come home from work and all I hear is Lisa this—Lisa that. She wasn’t even at the shoot you had yesterday and an outfit was it? Reminded you of something she wore or thought about wearing. And when you do have something with the group—the group might I add—all you can talk about is how your interactions with Lisa went that day—or how Rosie made Lisa laugh despite her joke according to you wasn’t even that funny—”

“But that’s just me talking about my day—” Jennie tries to reason with her mother but even she doesn’t buy what she’s saying. Her mom sighs giving her that ‘I know you know what I’m trying to get at’ smile. “So what I’m hearing is all you can think about all day is Lisa. Even you didn’t talk about Kai this much—I’m not asking you to say anything to me because it won’t do you any good but I think you know who you have to talk too.”

 She took what her mom had said into consideration she really has, but she also had to take into consideration what Jisoo had said about Lisa. Jisoo went home for a couple of days and took Lisa with her, the maknae is very close with her family so it isn’t too out of the ordinary. During their time there Lisa and Jisoo finally got to deep dive into what’s been going on with the maknae. Ever since tour they could only have moments of discussing every little thing. But now Jisoo can finally listen to everything that Lisa has to say especially since she’s ready to let go of Jennie and this idea that she has of Jennie.

“I appreciate you coming with me to see my family. They are very excited that you’re here.” Jisoo starts making conversation as they’re sitting outside by the fire, everyone else had gone inside since they have to get to work tomorrow. Lisa smiles, she loves being around Jisoo’s family, “Thank you for letting me come, you guys practically raised me.” Lisa says staring into the fire, Jisoo can tell that the maknae’s got a lot on her mind and this is one of those rare moments where they won’t be interrupted for a show, a taping, a shoot, anything, for once they’ve got all the time in the world. “How’ve you been feeling—about everything I mean—with you and Jennie?” Jisoo questions, Lisa looks up at the senior then back at the fire trying to collect her thoughts.

“Recently I am in a place of healing and hurting all at the same time. If that makes sense—” she pauses, Jisoo nods, Lisa exhales “I think that—I just have to let her go because in reality I wasn’t in love with her. I’m in love with the idea that I have of her and I convinced so much of myself that that same idea and the Jennie that is actually in my life are the same people. Which is obviously not the case—I miss being her friend and I think I really just needed to separate those two people from my head. She’s made it very clear that she’ll never reciprocate those feelings for me and I’ve been working on that—and it’s a slow pace but its better now. I feel really guilty about yelling at her while we were in Manila but I was speaking in a place of hurt so I hope she understands that—”

“She does—” Jisoo comforts which Lisa appreciates, “I don’t think I told anyone this but she texted me that night in New York.” She pause again trying to remember all the Jennie had bared into that text. Jisoo sits up in interest, “She said she was sorry for hurting me and that it was never her intention to brag her love in front of me. That she cares for me and how her days without me have been painful and hell but she recognized how selfish that was. To miss me at that moment, but she said that she couldn’t manage to fill my whole presence if it were to leave her. A part of me screamed to text her back and let her know that everything was going to be okay and clearly it is but I couldn’t. I wanted her to feel the pain that I was feeling I think that’s why I drank so much because I was hurting and I felt guilty.” Lisa confesses, Jisoo says nothing and simply listens to Lisa. Her actions and feelings are all valid.

“Then when we were in Singapore—I woke up with her in my arms and for a minute I felt like that’s where I belonged and then reality just hit me that she’ll never feel the same. You know—she’ll never look at me and think that that’s where she belongs. That she feels safe around me—for a moment I had a lapse of judgement because I just wanted to be with her so badly. I think that’s what made this all so hard you know—I thought that sitting back and watching her fall in love with somebody else was painful. But this… trying to get over someone who was never yours, it hurts that she knows and yet will still never look at me like how I look at her. This is another kind of stinging that I never thought I had to get through.” Lisa tears slowly fall down her cheek, Jisoo gets up from her seat to sit by Lisa and wipe her tears away. She knows how deeply Lisa feels but she didn’t know it could hurt her this much. It pains to see her two best friends be in so much pain but not be able to do much for them.

“Do you hate her?” Jisoo spoke, “Of course not.” Lisa quickly replies. The older girl tightens their hug.

When they returned from the trip Jennie decided to go to lunch with Jisoo to talk about what her mother has been saying to see if it’s a good idea to talk to Lisa to even see if she’d be open to it. They got the small talk out of the way of course and Jennie finally gains the valour to say, “I want to talk to Lisa and I wanted to see how you felt about the idea.”

Jisoo quickly chokes on her meal, Jennie laughs wondering if the idea is really all that bad to make her choke. Jisoo shakes her head as she tries to control the food from going down the wrong pipe. “I mean—”

“Does she still talk about me?” Jennie’s invasive thoughts got the best of her as she speaks without thinking. Jisoo is taken back by Jennie’s statement; she didn’t think that it would come to this. She thought that they would talk a little bit about Lisa then the rest of the tour. “Sorry—you don’t have to answer—I shouldn’t have asked.” Jennie shakes her head trying to change the topic.

Jisoo sighs, “Not like she used to…” she starts to say, Jennie picks her head up and stops playing with her pastry, “Excuse me?” she inquiries, Jisoo sympathetically smiles again, “She doesn’t talk about you like she used to…now when she hears your name, when someone brings you up she’ll look at the few of us who know with these eyes. These brilliant, melancholy eyes of hers and in that moment…you’d think that all the sadness of the world was forced into this one body, one soul, this one heart that is so fragile and close to breaking. Then she’ll put on a smile that is so obviously forced it’s kind of painful to see. She might space out or change the subject. Not because she doesn’t want to talk about you, but because she can’t. I can tell she’s hurting…she hides it well but deep down she is.” Jisoo describes and Jennie can’t help but feel the tears in her eyes form. She grabs the napkin from the table and begins to wipe them off before they come down.

“But you should know—that if you do want to talk to her this would be a better time. I only said what I said because I know you deserve the truth, the actual truth, for once just please be honest with yourself. Whatever that may mean—” Jisoo instructs and Jennie nods. They went on about their lunch and decided to talk anything else. Jisoo knows that if they were to continue talking about Lisa, Jennie will intellectualize her feelings and won’t tell Lisa how she really truly feels.

After their meet up they decided to head back to the dorm together Lisa obviously wasn’t there. But she knew that Lisa was in the studio which meant that she was going to get the driver to drop Jennie off of at YG. She asks the front desk what studio Lisa’s rehearsing in and headed towards that familiar studio. It’s the same studio they use to hang out in when Lisa needed help with her voice lessons and arrangements. Jennie knows that this room had some nostalgia and it has a special place in each girl’s heart. She hears the familiar thumping of hip hop music coming from the room, her palms are sweaty and a part of her wants to turn around and not do this at all. But she hears the door opening up and see’s Cheshir coming out with a smiling Lisa. “I know I just—that part that goes—Jennie—” Lisa stops halfway through to see the shorter girl in front of her. “Hi, Cheshir—” she greets the both of them, “What are you doing here?” Lisa questions.

“Can we talk?” Jennie requests, Lisa turns to the choreographer, “Is it okay if we continue this tomorrow?” she probes, the older woman nods returning to the studio to grab her things. She says goodbye to girls. They wait in silence until Jennie points at the studio. They both chuckle and head inside, they sit in silence again. Lisa cuts the tension with a chuckle, “Sorry I just had a whole speech ready and now that you’re in front of me—I can’t seem to remember anything I wanted to say to you.” Jennie jokes. Lisa tries not to let her anxiety win so she decides to put her things away. Jennie follows Lisa around with her eyes, ‘JUST SAY IT!’’ her thoughts shout.

“I miss you.” She says barely a whisper, Lisa stops for a moment. “What are you talking about? We were just together yesterday?” Lisa knew damn well what Jennie meant. But it feels so good to hear the older girl say that to her. Like she’s not the only one that’s been craving attention. Jennie sighs, Lisa can tell she’s already beating herself up, “No I mean—I miss having you around. And I know that you are here—I am trying to respect your wishes by giving you space. I just—you’re not here—I miss how you’d made me laugh—I miss your hugs—I miss your jokes—You’re around but I can’t feel you. And it sucks because you make me feel safe and composed. I miss you.” Jennie explains this is what she can remember from her prepared speech.

Lisa finishes grabbing her things and slings it over her shoulder. “Jennie— “she stops for a moment reminding herself that this is her best friend Jennie. Her friend, nothing more than that “I miss you too. I appreciate that you’ve been giving me space it’s helped a lot. I think that I really needed to separate you from the idea I had of you. You know? I just couldn’t do it with you around touching me the way that you normally would because it started to send mixed signals to me. Which I know was not your intention—I’m really sorry about what happened in Manila. I was speaking from a place of pain. I know it won’t be easy to get back to the way it was but—I can tell we’re slowly but surely moving on.” Lisa says confidently, Jennie’s speechless. It’s been what she’s wanted to hear but she doesn’t seem satisfied if anything she’s a little disheartened.

It feels like rejection, but rejection from what. Lisa comes in for a hug and for once Jennie can feel that the young woman mean it. She melts into this hug, reaching her arms all the way around Lisa’s waist. Hearing the thumping of her heartbeat on her ear. Lisa feels a sense of relief with having Jennie in her arms. It may be nothing more than friendship but that’s enough for Lisa. She’s not fully over Jennie but she needs her friend more than anything. Jennie shifts her head to look up at the younger girl, Lisa looks down. They share a smile, then Jennie shifts her eyes to Lisa lips and Lisa follows. Jennie looks back in Lisa’s eyes searching for something anything to let her know to stop. But she doesn’t see anything that’s telling her no, she looks back down at Lisa lips. She bites her own as she tip toes slowly closing the gap between her and Lisa, the younger girl is frozen in place. She’s in shock—she didn’t think that this was where their talk would go. Lisa doesn’t end the kiss instead she bends down meeting Jennie halfway capturing the same lips she’s been craving since Thailand.

Their kiss is sweet, soft, and slow. Jennie’s stomach is filled with butterflies going up and down, she feels like she’s finally getting a fix from something she didn’t know she needed this whole time. Lisa tries to pull away to ensure that they don’t keep going and get into something they both regret but Jennie snakes her hand around Lisa’s neck pulling her back down into the kiss. She tilts her head indicating the continuation of this kiss. Lisa can’t even protest knowing how much she’s melting at the softness of the older girls’ lips. The bags slips off of Lisa’ shoulder as she explores further down Jennie’s back, while Jennie’s hand separate one located on the back of Lisa’s neck tugging every now and again driving the younger girl crazy. The other resting on top of Lisa’s collar bone almost as like an anchor trying to hold herself together—as a way to let herself know not to go further. While Lisa’s hands are exploring they reach the end of the older girl’s shirt while it was resting on her waist. She squeezes earning a moan from Jennie, she takes that opportunity to slide her tongue on Jennie’s bottom lip requesting access for more. Jennie is drunk on ecstasy she can’t pull away from this kiss and happily grants Lisa for more.

Chapter Text

Jennie wants more, she pulls away from the kiss pushing Lisa towards the wall, once she feels Lisa’s back hit the wall she tilts Lisa’s head back. Gaining access to the younger girl’s neck, she runs her tongue along the sweet scent of Lisa’s perfume. A moan escape Lisa as the contact of Jennie’s tongue around her neck sucking on her pulse. Then brushing it over with her tongue to ease the pain, she can’t even begin to wrap her mind around what’s happening. Does Jennie want her? As reality slowly starts to slip in and the logical answer to pull away sets in, Jennie pulls her back into a kiss. ‘Fuck it.’ Lisa thought to herself tapping Jennie legs to wrap them around Lisa’s hourglass waist. She didn’t want to waste any more time, “I wanna go.” Jennie requests breathlessly, Lisa nods softly putting Jennie down and holding the older girl’s hands. She grabs her things quickly exiting the studio hoping that neither of them feel logic start to creep in and lose the moment.

They greet the driver, but it’s the same driver that drove Jisoo and Jennie they’re so focus and enamoured by the kiss that they didn’t notice that they were returning to the dorm. But it’s too late to say anything they just hope that no one is home as they make their way up the elevator they stop for a moment in the hallway. Right by one of the camera’s blindsides, Lisa pushes Jennie up against the wall crashing their lips together. Jennie moans at the quick contact, Lisa pushes her head up as Lisa sucks on her pulse then walks away to open the dorm. Jennie bites her lips; she can’t help the warmth that grows in her stomach. She collects herself and follows the taller girl who’s patiently waiting for her with lusts in her eyes. They unlock the door, the relief of seeing nobody feeding their lust Jennie grabs Lisa’s hands letting the door slam. Jennie pulls them towards her room and disaster strikes, “Unnie?!” she hears the familiar blonde voice quickly walking out of her room, Lisa drops her hands creating space between and the older girl.

Rosé gets to where Lisa and Jennie are and she’s surprise to see the maknae “Lisashi” she smiles, Lisa returns the smile, “What are you doing here?” Rosé questions. Lisa panics for a moment and turns to her room, “I forgot something that’s all.” Lisa turns to her room, she looked at her empty room spun in a circle then walked out. Rosé and Jennie turn to look at her, “It’s not here—well I’ll see you guys tomorrow.” Lisa quickly exits not looking at both girls, frustration doesn’t even begin to explain how the girls feel.

The driver returns to pick up Lisa from the dorm to take her to her apartment, her brain’s consumed by all of the flashbacks of what occurred between her and Jennie. She thanks the driver as he pulls away, as she is making her way to unlock her door her phone begins to frantically vibrate. She struggles to open the door and drop her things by the kitchen counter, she pulls her phone out to disappointingly see BamBam’s name. She hasn’t talked to him since she’s been back to Korea and it’s been a while since they saw each other. Maybe it’ll be a good distraction to not think about what just happened between her and Jennie.

‘Hello!’ she greets,

‘Noona!’ he screams over the phone making Lisa laugh, she goes about her normal chores as she stays on the phone.

‘How are you?’

‘Good—I just wanted to give you a call I heard you were back in Korea—did you wanna meet up like a dinner or something?’

‘Yes I would love that! Did you have a date in mind?’

‘Are you free tomorrow?’

‘I mean we’ve got a performance then I think a photoshoot and rehearsals but I’ll be free around 8—did you wanna stop by my apartment we can order some take out?’

‘Yeah that sounds like fun—how’s your tour going?’

‘Good—interesting—you know how tour can be—what about you guys how’s the new album coming?’

‘It’s going we should we releasing new music soon so that’ll be fun. But alright I have to get back into the studio—I’ll see you tomorrow NOOOOOONA!’ Bambam shouts before he hangs up.

***

Next Morning

The girls had an early call for their rehearsals and Lisa is the last person to be picked up before they head to the studio. She’s spent the whole night tossing and turning thinking about that kiss, especially how it clearly was going to escalate. Those soft lips running up and down her neck, hearing Jennie softly humming against her skin. Lisa’s so busy daydreaming about that kiss that the water starts to burn her hand, she pulls her hand away cursing at herself. She turns the water a little colder bending down to wash her face. Reaching out for her face wash she notices a little bruise on her neck, but she’s not sure if it’s her sleepy eyes playing a joke on her. Lisa rubs her eyes with more water but it only clarified the truth, she’s got a hickey. It’s not too big but it’s obvious enough to see that there is a mark. “Shit.” She says out loud, after cleaning up she returns the clothes she had picked out. Instead of loose-fitting clothes with layers she’s got to wear a turtleneck for the rest of the day.

[Rosie 💩🐿 ️ ]

How do you get rid of hickey?

[Rosie 💩 🐿 ️ ]

A hickey? How the hell am I supposed to know! WHO GAVE YOU A HICKEY?

Lisa puts her phone away and continues to get dressed but her phone continues to buzz. She doesn’t bother to look at her phone knowing that they’ll probably be outside in less than 5 minutes. Lisa glances at herself in the mirror one last time to ensure that the hickey can’t be seen. Thankfully it can’t be, she grabs her daily things like water, extra clothes, and other miscellaneous things that help make her day go by.

Lisa gets down to the lobby of her apartment, she sees the familiar black van pull up. The bodyguards form a soft path for her to follow that creates a space between her and the paparazzi. When she gets in all eyes are on her, its quiet until the door closes and the girls erupt in curiosity. “A hickey!” “Who gave it to you?” “Is that why you came back to the dorm last night?” “Let me see it!” most of these questions came from Jisoo and Rosie. Lisa looks back at Jennie to see her eyes close but she’s having a hard time believing that she is asleep with all of this ruckus.

Jisoo reaches out for Lisa’s neck pulling down the turtleneck, she turns to Rosie and gasps. Lisa squints her eyes at Rosie wanting to kill the blonde, and she’s trying her best to avoid the maknae’s eyes. “I thought you were lying! Who did this!” Jisoo shouts—Rosie does her best to keep a straight face. Lisa pulls the eldest hands off of her turtleneck creating space between her and her bandmates. “I don’t want to talk about it.” Lisa groans putting her headphones in and her sunglasses not wanting to hear any teasing or questions.

Jennie’s not asleep, she’s feels her skin burning up. Being reminded of being wrapped up around Lisa last night and the fact that she woke up this morning craving the younger girl. Then hearing that she left a mark on the younger girl’s neck there are very conflicting feelings. She should feel shame, embarrassed, hell she should feel every other emotion. Instead she feels proud marking Lisa, “Jendeukie—we’re here.” Jisoo taps on Jennie’s leg. She pretends to wake up from her fake ass slumber, she smiles at Jisoo. They both step out of the band and stay quiet until they enter the building, the senior pulls her in “You missed it—our little maknae has a hickey on her neck.” She gossips, Jennie gasps as realistic as she can. Not too much to raise an eyebrow but just enough to let her know that she’s in shock.

“Who gave it to her?” Jennie wonders, Jisoo finds the question juicy but decides to keep their conversation going. “She wouldn’t say—but she’s really mad at Rosie.” Jisoo chuckles. “Rosie?” Jennie wonders almost defensive to hear the blondes name, Jisoo giggles. “Yeah, Lisa made a mistake asking her how to get rid of a hickey but Rosie can’t keep secret you know that.” The older girls enter the studio Jennie’s frozen when she realizes that they are in the same studio as they were last night. She makes eye contact with Lisa; the younger girl tilts her eyebrow and Jennie tucks her bottom lip between her teeth. Lisa breaks the contact shaking her head, they go off to drop their things off waiting for the team to come in.

Their choreographer enters along with the dancers for their Coachella number, they greet one another, the choreographer stands in the middle waiting for everyone. Lisa and Jennie stand away from one another putting Rosie and Jisoo right in the middle. The teacher leads stretches and they all follow, usually when she’s rehearsing her game face is on. But her mind is consumed by the images of Jennie wrapping her legs around her waist. Hearing that addicting sound coming out of Jennie, what’s crazy for Lisa is the fact that Jennie has this effect on her and all they did was kiss. Lisa tries to gain control of herself by looking up at herself in the mirror, but her eyes begin to wander to see Jennie stretching normally. She hates that the older girl isn’t being physically affected the way she is right now, it’s especially annoying that she’s got a hickey from her. She didn’t think that Jennie had lingered for that long, or maybe its because she’s never had experienced that before. Her skin is just quick to reach to something like that.

They start to run through all of their songs and finally Lisa is starting to feel like herself, focused on her craft shaping every move. Ensuring there is charisma, control, power and of course talent with each move. The choreographer gives them a break and works on the background dancers, Rosie takes this time to fall on her back finally being able to catch her breath. Jisoo and Lisa take turn munching on some snacks to recover some energy back. The maknae is so busy fighting the eldest for snacks that she didn’t see Jennie step out of the studio, “You know I think you should take your turtleneck off you might just pass out.” Jisoo teases. Lisa hits her in the arm, “Unnie!” she moans but the older girl does have a point she’s sweating like crazy. She’s gotten so far by removing one arm off from the turtleneck.

“Do you have a band aid?” she questions, Jisoo chuckles shaking her head searching for one in her purse. Surprisingly she does, Lisa thanks her and leaves the studio to head to the bathroom. If she had to dance longer with this damn thing on, she’s for sure going to pass out. She tries to unlock the bathroom door but its locked, she doesn’t want to head up to the floor above because she knows they’ll be back to rehearsing. Instead she waits patiently scrolling through her phone. Jennie opens the door to see Lisa waiting right by the door, without thinking she grabs the younger girl’s wrist pulling her into the bathroom. “What the f—” Lisa tries to speak but doesn’t finish, Jennie crashes her lips onto the taller girl pushing her against the wall.

Lisa quickly softens into the kiss as soon as she tastes Jennie’s familiar lipstick running in between her lips. She wraps her hands around the girls cheek gaining control of the kiss. Her brain is ready to split because as much as she loves being wrapped up in Jennie right now she’s getting confused. Lisa softly pushes Jennie away and the older girl is hurt by the sudden distance, “Haven’t you done enough?” Lisa questions pulling the turtleneck down. Jennie arches her eyebrow seeing the bruise herself, she feels proud. “Wipe that smirk off of your face.” But Jennie can’t take Lisa seriously with a hickey on her neck and her lips swollen pink.

“So you think you can just have me?” Lisa questions breaking the tension, Jennie checks the hickey once again and Lisa pulls her hand away. “Can’t I?” her brow inches up before leaving the bathroom. Lisa tries her best to act as if she’s not flustered and changes into the clothes she grabbed. She checks the hickey Jennie left groaning in pure frustration and struggle to put on the band aid. She returns to studio to see everyone waiting for her, she apologizes promptly taking her place next to Jennie. Lisa doesn’t bother to look at her instead she looks at her reflection putting her game face on. The girls are quick to notice the change in Lisa’s demeanour as they wait for the music, Jisoo and Rosé exchange looks a little scared. Moments like this where the maknae changes her demeanour she becomes extremely over critical of herself, and meticulous until she gets the result she wants. Which means they’ll probably run this choreography multiple times or she’ll run it by herself.

And the girls were right she ran that choreography multiple times, up until the others left for their own shoot. Lisa’s the last one to arrive at the shoot seeing that she didn’t have much to do. When she was getting her make up done, she had to mention that she accidentally burned herself with a curly iron. The make-up artist covers the hickey perfectly, when she heads to the shoot she sees her bandmates waiting patiently. Rosie runs up to Lisa hugging her, “Lisa-yah are you still mad at me? I didn’t think it would be a big deal—to be honest I was only asking the unnie’s to see if they knew anything to get rid of it. I’m sorry.” The blonde moans hanging onto the taller girl, she shakes her head as her eyes roam all around the room. It was quick but she saw Jennie glaring at how close Rosie is to Lisa. Lisa decides to play along wrapping her arms around the blonde’s waist pulling her into a hug, “I am still mad at you but it was my mistake thinking I could trust your loudmouth.” Lisa teases planting a kiss on Rosé cheek as they head to the backdrop. Rosie hits her playfully as she continues to hang off of Lisa’s shoulder.

Jennie witness the whole interaction and her blood boils as how quickly Lisa’s actions are getting the best of her.  Just when Lisa thought they were making progress, these intimate run-ins with one another continue to complicate their relationship. But that is the last thing Lisa wants to think about right now, so for most of the shoot she was flirty and spent most of her time with Rosé. It didn’t seem out of the ordinary, except Jennie whose jealousy grows with every giggle that comes out of the blonde’s mouth. Lisa of course didn’t even notice that this was getting the best of Jennie, because she’s spent the rest of the day ignoring her.

The older girl can’t blame Lisa’s behaviours because her actions are confusing, in truth she doesn’t know what took over her last night. Lisa just looked so beautiful and she just wanted to feel those soft lips against hers again. She knew she craved Lisa; she didn’t know how to feed into the craving other than kissing her. That moment with Lisa in the studio confirmed one thing for Jennie, she has feelings for the maknae. She wouldn’t be sitting here jealous over her friends who are merely hanging out. She wouldn’t have been angry to see someone arms around Lisa’s waist during a night out if she didn’t feel anything for the girl other than friendship. She wouldn’t be craving the younger girls touch or lips if there wasn’t an ounce of love in her body for Lisa.

“Jendeukie—hello?!” Jisoo bumps into her trying to get her attention, she turns to Jisoo and smiles. “Sorry yes?” Jennie responds, Jisoo follows the girls eyeline and it lands on the maknae’s of the group. She looks back at Jennie who is now on her phone, “Anyways the show cancelled so we’re done for the day, Rosie and I wanted to grab dinner with you guys—”

“Uh yeah sounds good.” Jennie puts her phone away; Jisoo grabs her hand and drags her over to Lisa and Rosie. The two girls look up at their unnies, “Lisa-yah we’re grabbing dinner after this do you want to come?” Lisa maintains eye contact with Jisoo then looks at Rosie. “I sadly have other plans tonight.” She tries to act disappointed, Jennie’s shoulder tenses up at.

“Ooooh is it with Mr. Hickey?” Rosie whispers teasingly trying to tickle the maknae, Lisa doesn’t bend and instead retaliates. Jisoo hits both of them, “What other plans?” Jisoo investigates, Lisa smirks “Well you heard Chaeyoung, I got plans with Mr. Hickey.” Lisa gets up from Rosie’s lap excusing herself from the group. Jennie aggressively bites the inside of her cheek trying to keep herself from letting her roommates know of last night’s events. Chaeyoung gets up from her seat putting her arms around the shorter girls, “She can’t possibly be seeing someone right? She’d tell us? Do you think it’s the girl from New York?” she quizzes, Jennie bites her cheeks harder and Jisoo is quick to notice. She decides to egg the idea on to see how far she can push Jennie; the younger girl never told her what happened to their talk last night and she’s grown curious.

“I don’t know if she gave her—her number or anything but I wouldn’t be surprised. That girl was drooling over Lisa it was cute. I mean you saw it Chaeyoung sparks were flying—I’ve never seen Lisa flirt but that girl has a got some—”

“I’m getting hungry—we should get out of here.” Jennie leaves the conversation interrupting Jisoo’s probing, Rosé of course just goes with the flow but Jisoo can feel the seeds of jealousy growing. By the time her bandmates joined her in the changing room she was halfway done. She placed all of her costumes back into the bags that was given to her and went to wardrobe. Lisa returns to the green room to say goodbye to her band mates, “Are you going on a date!” Chaeyoung shouts, scaring the shit out of every in the room.

Lisa smirks, “Who’s asking?” all of them roll their eyes hating how mysterious she’s being. Jennie hates it the most because all she’s been able to think about is being with Lisa and continuing what they started. “Lisashi!” Rosé shouts, Lisa sends her a best friend a flying kiss before waving goodbye to the rest of her bandmates.

[Bamx2 ⚡ ️ ]

Schedule ended early can we move dinner up to 7?

[Bamx2 ⚡ ️ ]

For you NOONA anything! Grabbing the best Thai food in Seoul ASAP be there in an hour.

Lisa smiles down at her phone as she enters one of the vans waiting for them outside. She’s really excited to see BamBam, it’s been a while since she’s talked to him and it’ll be fun to catch up. When she arrives home she realizes how much she needs to clean up and how little time she has. She rarely has guest over because she’s rarely home so she’s never really had thought about keeping up with her apartment other than the maid that comes every other month. She started in the kitchen and ended in her bedroom, by the time she finished making her bed she heard a buzzer. Lisa rushes over to let him in then back to her room to get some finishing touches done.

Her doorbell rings, she looks around one last time to see everything seems to be perfectly placed and clean. She opens her door to a smiling Bambam with two bags worth of Thai food. “Holy hell, “she mumbles as he smiles at her, “Noona!” he screams, she pulls him into a hug then into her apartment.

“Nice place—that Blackpink money is treating you well.” He teases making their way to her kitchen, Lisa shakes her head disregarding her comment. “But seriously though, how are you? It’s hard getting a hold of you—” he jokes sitting on the island as they both unpack their own bags. Lisa knows being an idol means having a busy schedule so it’s hard to see her friends and family. Bambam for example is in the same country as her and she sees him twice a year.

“And getting a hold of you is sooo easy,” she teases back making him laugh, “Fair enough so what going on? I feel like the last time I saw you—you had auburn hair.” He points at her hair while taking the plate she’s handing him. She smiles recalling that that was the last time she saw him, they grow silent for a moment grabbing food for themselves. “Do you want something to drink?” Lisa questions opening her fridge, he tilts to the side looking passed her to see a bottle of wine and points at it. Lisa nods, grabbing the bottle and some glasses from the cabinet. She pours herself a big cup and himself one too, she takes a big sip preparing to answer him. “A lot but not too much—I feel like this is the first time I’ve had a moment to breathe in the last 3 years.” She chuckles shuffling through the food and stuffing it into her mouth. He nods his head knowing exactly how she feels.

“I know what you mean—a year only feels like a couple of weeks.” He adds and she nods her head aggressively knowing exactly how that feels. Back when she was a trainee it felt like every year was a decade long and now they feel like weeks. “Right—looking back as a trainee we definitely had more freedom because as soon as we debut it felt like we were in charge of every little thing. And we couldn’t just do what we wanted we had to ensure that it would be received well and supported.” Lisa sighs.

“Life of an idol right—I heard about what happened to Jennie by the way how is she holding up?” he questions she tenses up at the mention of Jennie, “It was a little rough in the beginning but I think she’s seems to be over it now.” Lisa quickly comments wanting to push the topic aside. Bambam picks up leaning forward, Lisa pulls back with her plate of food. He squints his eyes at her, “What?” she mumbles with food in her mouth. He quizzes her face once more, “I don’t know—usually you’d be like I did this for Jennie-unnie—we had a thing for her—blah blah blah.”

Was she truly this in love with Jennie that everything she talked about had something to do with her? She looks at him curiously, “Jennie has a life of her own and so do I.” he’s taken aback by the simple comment, “Are you guys fighting?” he questions her deeper making her laugh. “No we’re not fighting what is up with you?” she defensively comments.

“What is up with you?! He bites back, they both aggressively eat their food in silence. BamBam’s always been like a little brother to Lisa so it’s no surprise how easily she gets annoyed by him. He continues to tempt her with his annoying eyes, he’s not stupid there is something that taller girl is keeping from him. They continue to eat in silence, only the silverware making conversation. Lisa takes another big sip of her wine, “Alright—alright—I just need to know, if I were to say people think I’m in love with Jennie how would you feel?” she questions him.

It doesn’t take him more than a second to reply—he didn’t even have to think about it, “I wouldn’t say in love—obsessed maybe—what do I know about love. Though—” he answers pauses for a moment, “The more that you say in love—the way you treat her makes more sense with love than friendship—you talk about her all the time, I’ve seen you drop me to go see her because she hurt her ankles—but also she does the same thing for you. But you guys have also known each other the longest so really who knows what you could label your obsession with one another.” He rambles on for a while and she takes it all in, but she’s heard all of this already.

“I’ve already heard all of this.” She sighs, he jumps up from his seat “Wait! Does that mean you are in love with her?” he shouts, she reaches her hand out to hit me and it lands perfectly.

Chapter Text

Lisa spent the rest of the night telling catching up BamBam on everything that’s been going on with her and Jennie. She might’ve left out a few details, but she gave him the gist of the situation. He ended up having too much wine leading him to crash on Lisa’s couch. This isn’t new for Lisa. She happily tucks the young boy in to ensure that he doesn’t grow cold at night. Surprisingly her cats have behaved for most of the night but she’s sure they’ll probably act up tonight but that sounds like BamBam’s problem. After tucking him in, she goes back to the mess in the kitchen finishing the wine bottle into her glass. Putting the dishes away in the dishwasher and saving what can be saved from the takeout. When she finishes cleaning up, she grabs her wine glass and heads to her room to get ready for bed.

As she’s doing her night routine she hears her doorbell ringing, not the buzzer but her doorbell. Which is odd because no one could possibly get into her building without being buzzed in. She walks pass the living room to see if it had woken up the young man but it hadn’t. Lisa walks over to her door to see through the little hole who could possibly outside her door at 2 am. It’s Jennie.

“Unnie? What are you doing here?” she questions the older girl as she opens the door, she looks around to see how the hell she got here and in. Jennie pushes pass her and the scent of liquor lingers behind her and its strong. Jennie stops when she sees someone’s head resting on Lisa’s couch, she turns to Lisa with tears in her eyes “Wh—”

Lisa tilts her head, walking over to Jennie to wipe the tears in her eyes to the side “It’s BamBam.” She softly responds, Jennie pushes her away and walks towards Lisa bedroom. Lisa frantically follows the older girl that she had forgotten that she was only in her bra because she’s supposed to be in the bathroom getting ready for bed. Not chasing the brunette throughout her apartment. When she gets to her bedroom she doesn’t see Jennie but she’s 100 percent sure she saw her run in. Lisa walks further into her room and hears her door close and lock. She turns to see Jennie against the door with that familiar smirk that she had on during their exchange in the bathroom.

“What are you doing here unnie?” Lisa questions crossing her arms in confusion, Jennie walks up to her as her eyes grow seductive. “I want you.” She says Lisa’s breath hitches at the thought of Jennie begging for her. This is the last thing she expected the older girl to be saying to her, Lisa moves back shaking her head. “You’re drunk. Unnie we should just get you to bed.” The younger girl says, she doesn’t want a love like this, she doesn’t want to have to hide herself from people. And the fact that Jennie has to be in this state just to finally be honest with her makes her feel worse.

“Didn’t you hear me?” Jennie slurs her words; Lisa shakes her head grabbing a shirt for her in one of her drawers. Lisa says nothing as Jennie continues to grumble, “I thought this was what you wanted. For me to like you—acknowledge that you are in love with me. I want you isn’t that what you wanted?” Lisa stops for a moment, knowing that she’s only speaking due to the liquor but it doesn’t make it any easier to hear. She turns to Jennie who’s got this angry look on her face, “No Unnie—this is not what I wanted. What I wanted was you—not whoever this is. I want the person who broke the rules to speak to me. I want the person that is honest with me and doesn’t need alcohol to do so. I don’t want someone who’s afraid of their feelings. Who shows up drunk in front of my door assuming that I was just going to have sex with her because she knows I’m in love with her.” Lisa cries lacing every word with pain trying to convey to the drunk girl how hurt she is hearing how pathetic she looks in Jennie’s eyes. She hands the drunk girl a shirt and some shorts before going back to the bathroom to finish her nighttime routine.

As for Jennie she feels like the biggest asshole in the world. She doesn’t even know why she’s here, last she could remember was having drinks with her bandmates. Then continued to drink with them when they got home. They all promptly said goodnight but she snuck out from her dorm and ended up at Lisa’s apartment. ‘Why can’t you just say it. Say that you love her, say that you’ve been in love with her and only now did you realize how in love you are with her’ Jennie finishes changing wanting to hit herself over the head over and over again for doing the complete opposite of what she actually feels for Lisa. Lisa comes out of the bathroom, dressed in her pyjamas with her hair in a bun. She doesn’t bother to look at the older girl instead she just puts her things away and preps her bed. She places the body pillow in the middle creating a boundary between her and Jennie, “BamBam’s on the couch so we’re gonna have to share the bed” Lisa strictly articulates making herself comfortable on her side of the bed. Jennie sighs laying down on the other side of bed, they lay in silence—Lisa turns off the light turning away from Jennie.

“I’m sorry.” Jennie whispers, Lisa hears it but decides not to say anything, “I shouldn’t have just showed up at your apartment, drunk. I wanted to come here because everyone around me keeps telling me that I’m wasting my breath talking to them about you. But I can’t help myself—when you’re around I get excited and I lose control. I finally get to be around you—I finally get to hear you laugh—I get to see you smile and not the smile you show people but YOUR smile. A smile that only I know you mean—my words start to fumble when I see you. You’re like this drug to me Lisa. When you didn’t talk to me—or acknowledge me I felt like I was going through withdrawals—I craved you. I—‘’

Before Jennie continues, Lisa’s snoring interrupts her thoughts. Jennie sighs turning away from the taller girl and puts herself to bed. Lisa isn’t asleep but she doesn’t want to hear the rest of what Jennie has to say. In truth she no longer wants to hear it, she can’t keep getting her heart broken because Jennie can’t come to a consensus about how she feels. She just wants to move on at this point because despite Jennie initiating their kisses she finds the cost too painful.

***

They have a day off today—but Lisa wasn’t particularly keen on having to answer BamBam’s questions so she got up pretty early this morning. She looks to her side to see Jennie clingy onto her body pillow, “Fuck.” She whispers flipping through her hair thinking about everything she and Jennie said last night. She tries to slip out of her bed as quietly as possible as she heads for the bathroom. The bags under her eyes could tell a story with how low they’re hanging. She quickly washes her face and brushes her teeth. When she comes out she’s relaxes to see Jennie is still asleep, she tiptoes out of her room heading to the living room.

Lisa softly places one of her cats on top of BamBam and continues on. Finally, one of them heads for his face, poking at his nose softly at first then aggressively. Lisa can’t help but giggle, BamBam softly opens his eyes smiling at first. But his face is quick to change as his hangover sets in, “Morning—“ he groans looking around, immediately shutting his eyes from the sun.

“You had one too many glasses.” She chuckles hitting his arm playfully before heading to the fridge for water. BamBam stands up fixing the blanket that was draped over him from the night before. Lisa places the water on the counter before heading over to the guest bathroom for something to help with his headache. He sits on the stool draping himself over the island feeling the cool marble on his head. Lisa comes out of the bathroom with two tablets for him—she softly taps his shoulder holding out the tablets and his water.

“Thank you—and thank you for letting me crash on your couch. Why are you up so early?” he questions before drinking the tablets and drinking the rest of the water, Lisa walks over to the fridge to grab him some more water, “I have to get to a shoot in an hour.” She lies, sliding another cup of water over to him, he bows his head. “Oh—I’m really sorry let me get out of here. I’m sure my bandmates are looking for me.” He chuckles feeling a little guilty, checking his phone for notifications—and he’s right to do so because JB’s blowing him up. The leader calls him again, he hits ignore— “Well that’s my queue we should meet up again before you leave maybe a little less wine, a little more soju and barbecue?” he questions, she happily nods pulling him into a hug and he squeezes her tightly.

Lisa falls comfortably into his arms, she loves his familiarity, he reminds her of home and all those good memories. Performing for fun and just being in Thailand with family— “I love you Noona,” he whispers into their hug. “I love you too.” She whispers back to him; they pull away from their hug and he begins to put his shoes on. Once they’re on she walks him out of the door, they have one last hug before she waves him goodbye then closes the door. She cleans up the cup and decides to feed the cats, they’ve been meowing since she’d closed the door to her room last night. Lisa never closes the door because she doesn’t want them to feel lonely despite having one another.

She greets them all individually, while giving them all kisses and hugs maybe squeezing them a little too long. As she’s busy taking care of the kittens, she doesn’t notice Jennie come out of her bedroom rubbing her eyes and hair. She can’t tell what is more painful the pounding headache of the ache in her chest, she feels like an idiot. Putting Lisa in a situation like that—“Morning—” Jennie whispers not wanting to scare the younger girl, Lisa freezes for a moment before pouring the rest of the cat food in the bowl. She stands up and turns around to face Jennie, “Morning.” Lisa tries her best faking a smile but Jennie can tell it’s not how Lisa usually smiles.

“Can we talk about last night?” Jennie utters following Lisa go through her apartment avoiding her gaze. Lisa feels like she’s caught in a time loop, they talk, Jennie acts impulsively, she apologizes, and it’s this exhausting cycle of emotional rollercoaster. Lisa groans shaking her head, she turns her head back at Jennie, “I’m tired, Jennie-unnie. Aren’t you tired?” Lisa mumbles, Jennie bows her head disappointingly knowing that her inability to understand herself and communicated all that she feels is taking a toll on everyone. They stare at each other in silence, the younger girl gazing deeply in Jennie eyes for anything—anything concrete. Jennie looks away trying to hold her tears back, “I just want to apologize—I don’t know what’s going with me and its messing with what’s going on with us.” She states Lisa chuckles in disbelief at how Jennie is starting this conversation.

“Us. What are we?” Lisa demands, Jennie can feel the anger that’s lined with that question, she hesitates to speak. “I don’t understand you. Sometimes we’re friends, sometimes I am led to believe we are more but I shut myself down because you’ve made your feelings very clear and now—wha? What us?” Lisa chuckles with anger. “Because sometimes I am a stranger to you. One minute you happily respect what I need, the next you’re shoving your tongue down my throat telling me you want me and before I know it you can barely look at me. Don’t fuck with my feelings if you are still unsure about yours. You do not get to give me crumbs of yourself to keep me around—I’d rather have nothing but space to get over you, than you string me a long with scraps while you try to figure out what it is you feel for me.” Lisa curses trying to hold her tears in but it’s hurting too much to do so, if this is love—if this is love with Jennie she’d rather not have her at all.

“I’m not trying to string you along Lisa-yah—I just don’t want to lose you. I don’t want to be in this band and have to pretend to be someone else for other people—I don’t even know who I am anymore because I want to please you but I can’t to do that without losing myself. I grow confused the more I am sitting with the idea of us and who I am. I’m used to always knowing who I am—what I want but recently I’ve been thrown off from my axis. I’ve never been this damn impulsive in my life—I can’t think about anything. You’re relentlessly on my mind—its suffocating. I want what we use to have—I want the laughs—the jokes—the hugs—the conversations but it feels like I’m walking around eggshells with you. I don’t know how to talk to you anymore.” Jennie defends herself finally speaking from the anger, confusion and hurt that’s been brewing within her. Lisa is shocked, this is the first time she’s finally hearing Jennie. For once Jennie is saying what she’s been saying to everyone but Lisa. She’s scared of outgrowing the idea she has of herself, it’s leaving her anxious because for most of her life she’s known who she was. But there is this new idea—this new version of herself she didn’t see herself being but being around Lisa these little bits of her that she’s unconsciously pushed down is surfacing.

“I think the world of you Jennie—unnie. But I can’t just go back—I’ve tried—I can’t just act like I never had feelings for you—and I sure as hell can’t act like I still don’t have them now. I can’t fake anything with you. I miss you too. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss when we would sit in the living room at 3:00am having the deepest conversations. I miss dropping shit from the rooftop—I miss all the stupid crazy shit that we did. I miss making you laugh and you making me feel alive. We’re so good to each other and now I’m learning how bad we are for each other too—I’m sorry if I can’t move on so quickly.” Lisa pauses letting the tears freely flow down her cheeks, Jennie tries to reach out and wipe them but Lisa moves away softly, “We can’t be doing this to each other—I think that we should give each other space until you figure out what it is going on with you. I know what we are—and what we are not.” Lisa explains as they both catch themselves and their breath, painfully looking at one another with regret knowing that they never meant to hurt each other so much.

***

After that talk with Lisa they’ve never been more distant with one another. Jennie walked out after their argument, there was no goodbyes and there was nothing but silence hanging in the air. Lisa spent the rest of the day isolating herself from everyone, she didn’t bother to answer a single text. But she knew that when Jennie went home the other two girls had a lot of questions. As for Jennie she spent the rest of the day in bed, her mother came to quickly visit after work but even she was pushed away by the shorter girl. In moments like that she hoped that someone could tell her what was going on with her instead of having to wait until she figures it out. She hates waiting and sitting in the unknown especially when it comes to her relationships—she loves connecting with others.

It provides her with stability knowing that she knows where she stands with people. And that no matter how hard things get they’re never going to leave her, it may be the deeply rooted abandonment issues or daddy issues. But she never takes it kindly when her relationships are all kinds of whack because she’ll blame herself when they leave. Wondering how she went so wrong making them leave her picking at herself. On the outside she’ll act like she doesn’t care as if nothing can hurt her. Knowing that she’s got this big wall of resilience and pretend like everything is fine. As if she isn’t starved for affection when in reality she’s in pain and she’s terrified. Scared that she wasn’t good enough, afraid that she’s not vulnerable enough or too vulnerable for people. Afraid of the possibility of being loved by someone, that she fears they’ll eventually let her down. Terrified that her heart will break into a million pieces because she gave her all to someone who promised they wouldn’t hurt her. The thing is, she doesn’t know the outcome unless she takes a chance and that’s the line she’s always afraid to cross.

Despite knowing Lisa for months before anyone else in the band it took almost years for her to trust the younger girl. It took multiple 3 am nights of Lisa saying ‘I’m never going to leave you’ for Jennie to believe her but the maknae had the patience to do so. Hence why is it so different now, Lisa is everything and more of what Jennie is looking for. Why can’t she just be sure about what she feels for Lisa.

Lisa keeps looking back on those months where she tried to endure being around Jennie and quicken the process of moving on. Now, all she wants to do is slap herself. Maybe if she hasn’t been so thoughtless about moving on from Jennie she wouldn’t be in this much pain. Most days standing around Jennie feels like pins and needles all over her body as the air from the room is getting sucked out. As if it isn’t painful enough to be in the same room as her but having to look at her for photoshoots, talks shows or interviews is like drowning. While watching yourself fall deeper and deeper into the water. How she thought she could possibly continue interacting with Jennie normally on camera ignoring the pain she clearly feels is beyond her. 

The rest of the bandmates noticed of course but something about this distance felt colder. They watch as Lisa and Jennie drop their acts immediately separating from the other. And if they dare bring it up they were met with hostile answers consisting of ‘don’t worry about it—it’s something we’re trying to get through’. If that were the case then why does it seem like it’s not working and everything is much worse than before. Jennie’s a little transparent about the situation with Jisoo but she seems to be holding Rosé’s relationship with Lisa against her. Chaeyoung of course can sense it but doesn’t know if there is anything she can do about it. Deep down the blonde knows that the older girl isn’t actually mad at her but it sucks to have one of your best friends in ignore you or merely humour your interactions.

Jisoo on the other hand has mixed feelings, she’s thankful for her best friend’s professionalism but she hates their interactions in private. They refuse to look at one another but sometimes she catches them trying to steal glances of each other. And you can tell how much pain they are being around one another; she heard the argument from Jennie point of view. But she’s dying to hear Lisa’s—Jisoo and Chaeyoung tried to swap notes but the blonde wasn’t very helpful.

“What did Lisa say?” Jisoo questions as she closes the door to her room, Rosé walks over to Jisoo’s bed immediately collapsing. Disappointed at her failed mission she had invited Lisa for dinner after rehearsals. “Nothing—she tried to move on from the topic quickly. It must’ve been one horrible argument for both of them to be like this. What about you?” Rose questions pulling one of Jisoo’s pillows on top of her hugging it as tightly as she can. Jisoo walks over collapsing next to the blonde, “She told me everything—I mean everything—she snuck out of the dorm after we were drinking last week and went to Lisa’s apartment. And get this the hickey was from Jennie and—”

“Waohgf—woah you can’t just brush past that—Jennie-unnie gave her the hickey which means they’ve had—”

“See I thought the same thing but no—It started when Jennie came back from visiting her mom she had told me how she wanted to talk to Lisa so she asked me how Lisa was feeling and where she was at. After the driver dropped me off she went to talk to Lisa at the studio—well apparently there wasn’t a lot of talking but instead they made it out—Jendeukie gave her a hickey. They were about to do more from what Nini said but you interrupted them—” Rosé gasps audibly interrupting Jisoo’s thoughts “Oh my god—I knew it! I knew she didn’t forget anything!” Rosé shouts earning a slap from the senior, she puts her finger up to her lip trying to nicely tell her to shut up.

“Exactly but apparently during Coachella rehearsals before our shoot Jennie made out with Lisa in the bathroom that’s why Lisa was late coming back. Anyways you know how we went out for dinner and drinking then had more drinks—apparently when we fell asleep she snuck out to see Lisa because she wanted more than a kiss.” Jisoo finishes explaining, Chaeyoung shakes her head afraid of where this is going to go.

“Nini didn’t exactly handle the whole thing well. While we were out for dinner, Lisa didn’t have a date instead she was hanging out with BamBam. So when Jennie showed up at Lisa apartment to see him on the couch she said it felt like her heart dropped out of her ass. Then she explained how he was drunk and fell asleep and then she came onto her—”

“Oh shit.” The blonde mumbles, “But, Lisa could smell the alcohol on Jennie—who wouldn’t have that was a lot of soju and beer. But she tried to have sex with Lisa saying that isn’t this what you wanted—”

“Oh shit. No wonder—Lisashi is mad, I would be too. It feels like she’s manipulating Lisahi’s feelings to have sex with her”

“That’s what Lisa said—that’s what I said—and it’s what you’re saying now. She only realized what she did was wrong when Lisa yelled at her—talking about how that is how pathetic she sees her. I feel bad for Lisa and I do understand where she’s coming from. Jennie needs to just sit with herself and figure out what it is she wants out of her relationship with Lisa. It’s not fair to have been stringing her along like this.” Jisoo sighs, Rosé turns to the older woman afraid that they’re left to do nothing for their friends.

“So we’re just going to have to let them be? Even though we leave for the US in a few days?” the blonde questions, Jisoo looks over at her with regretful eyes, “There’s nothing to do but let time do it’s thing.”

Chapter Text

American Tour 2019

Having released their new song Kill This Love a week ago they were busy with a few promotions and performances for the song in Korea. And now they are on their way to do some American promotions which is exciting. They get some American exposure and be on so many well-known TV shows and of course performing at Coachella before kicking off their tour. After days on end of promotions they finally make it to the desert not only are they excited to perform but they also get to see some artists they admire.

They arrive in California a couple of days ago and now they are on their way to see a few artists before they go on tonight. Jisoo’s been battling a horrible sickness since she’s landed in America, she’s got no idea where she got it from but everything aches. But as soon as she knew that the youngest members were going to see someone else she didn’t want to leave Jennie alone. So her and Jennie are going to see SG Lewis while Lisa and Rosé are going to see Rosalia. The bandmates who aren’t actively avoiding each other made plans to meet up during Jaden Smith’s set. “I’m really excited to see Rosalia—I think I want to do a dance to one of her songs I just haven’t decided which one yet.” Lisa makes conversation as they walk hand and hand towards the stage. Chaeyoung smiles at her friend as they make their way through the VIP, they hear screams from the audience, neither of them think of it. They weren’t sure that anyone was going to recognize them but they can hear a few fans screaming their name.

Lisa and Rosé giggle with one another embarrassed yet surprise to see some people know who they are. “She has so many good song—is that what you’ve been working on with Cheshir?” Rosé whispers in Lisa’s ear hoping she can be heard through the crowd. “Yes and no..” Lisa jokes, Rosé is confused as to what she means so she continues to question Lisa until Rosalia comes on stage. They sit on a stage box together, but Lisa’s yet to answer. Ever since their trainee days, Lisa’s always known to dance her problems away—it helps her think clearly, something about exerting energy without having to punch something always helped their youngest member. “Oh—I see. You know that you don’t have to talk about it but I can see how it’s affecting you.” Rosie starts, every time they have a group schedule together Lisa’s mind is always elsewhere, unfocused almost unhappy to be there. But she’s stopped by during one of her rehearsals with Cheshir, there she sees Lisa joking, smiling, and laughing. “I know you’re trying your best not to let it get to you but we can all feel that you’re not really there when we’re all together. It feels like you’re always in a rush to leave—you skip out on our dinners, game-nights anything—really, Jisoo-ni and I can see how every time you look at her all of the colour in your face just drains in a matter of seconds.” Rosie hates seeing Lisa like this it’s unlike her and being around Jennie isn’t any easier either.

It might be due to the fact that despite having broken up with Kai months ago she’s still getting a lot of hate from his fans. One of her best friends ignores her every time she’s around, practically acting like she doesn’t exist at all. She’s expressed to Jisoo and Chaeyoung how she feels like every move she makes these days seems like it’s being investigated under a microscope. Nothing seems to be good enough for her or for the whole fandom. Her anxiety is at an all-time high and yet her depression seems to be winning all the time. The only thing that seems to be perking up her attitude is Coachella and the rest of the tour. But before they got here, Jennie did the same thing over and over again. She would do her schedule, go to Pilates, come back from her day and sometimes she’ll join them for dinner but most of the time she’ll eat in her room and go to bed.

“But talking to us can help. Instead of letting yourself fester in that anger alone—letting yourself ache on your own you can talk to us. We can hear about the whole thing 12 times over but we’ll still listen—we hate seeing both of you like this. I’m sure it’s not easy—” Chaeyoung reassures the youngest member. Lisa hesitates, the blonde can see it, “I mean I’d be mortified too because I would feel like I deluded myself with every interaction I had with this person. And for them to use that, knowing how much a kiss would mean to me—I don’t know, it feels so—inexcusable. And to have to see that person and somehow be okay with it when they can barely tell me the truth. Especially if I know I deserve the truth—” Rosie pauses, pulling away from her for a moment staring deeply in her eyes hoping that this conveys to Lisa “—because you do Lisa.” She grabs the maknae’s hand intertwining it with hers, Lisa’s body eases at the contact with Rosé’s hand into hers.

“I appreciate you Chaeyoung, I just feel—all the time I can’t seem to catch a break lately. What keeps me from wanting to talk about it, is believing that if I do I’ll never get over her. And all I want to do is be over her—which I know takes time but—”

“But you’d prefer not having to hold your tears back when you see her. Not have to feel your heart practically jumping out of your chest when you first lay eyes her. Feeling so excited to see her, only for that to end as you feel pieces of your heart start to break.” Rosé goes off on a tangent, which reminds Lisa of their night in New York. She puts her hand on the blonde’s thigh, “Riiiight soo who is this? Who are you hopelessly in love with? Who are you stealing glances from while you’re holding your tears? Who do you stop breathing around? Whose mediocre jokes are ten times funnier just because they bat their eyes at you.” Lisa aggressively shakes Rosé, who’s now beating herself up thinking about this damn crush.

“No one. It doesn’t matter—they’ll never know and they sure as hell don’t see me that way.” She aggressively shakes her head denying any further questions. Knowing herself the more Lisa questions her the more details she’ll release. Lisa bobs her eyebrows at her best friend, Rosie shakes her head, “Please—don’t—seriously. I have no self-control and I don’t know if I’m ready to have this information out into the universe.” Rosie begs, Lisa chuckles as the blonde’s eyes continues to beg her not to go any further.

“Whoever this is—they should know how lucky they are by the way you describe them. I’m sure they look at you the same way and you just don’t know it. Because you deserve the love that you describe.” Lisa smiles at Chaeyoung—she watches as Rosie’s cheeks blush and her eye’s drift away from Lisa ‘Trust me, she doesn’t’ the blonde thought to herself. The blondes heart starts to race as she avoids the younger girls gaze she wishes her feelings weren’t like this because she’s only hurting herself the deeper this hole gets.

“Alright—alright—“ Lisa sighs hating how she’s about to talk about this after weeks of simply ignoring it. Rosie returns her attention back to the younger girl as her heart calms down, “I just hate how she see’s me now Chaeyoung. It’s pathetic.” She bends her head down instead of looking at Rosie. The blonde puts her arm around the maknae pulling her under. “You’re not pathetic and I think you know that she doesn’t think that.”

“Don’t I? She showed up to my apartment drunk assuming that I was just going to have sex with her. AFTER—she gave me a hickey—now in fairness when she gave me that hickey I wasn’t in the right state of mind. I was weak—I was feeding into something that I’ve wanted since I realised I had feelings for her. But I hated hearing her say ‘isn’t this what you wanted?’ Because that was never something I wanted. I don’t want her to have to be drunk to be honest with me or whatever it was she thought she was doing. I hated how she took advantage of my feelings.” Lisa sighs, before Rosie could reply the crowd begins to shout hearing the start of Rosalia’s set.

On the other side of the desert, Jisoo and Jennie are comfortably waiting for SG Lewis to start his set. Taking pictures of one another filling their conversations with small talk. After they finish taking pictures Jennies starts to scroll through them. Jisoo tries her best not to let her intrusive thoughts win but fails, “So—how are you?”

Jennie chuckles knowing that they already had a conversation like this on the way to the stage. “Jisoo-ni I already said I’m okay.” Jennie shakes her head, “Right. Yes—I just like to ask—since you know you’ve been down recently and you’ve been giving Chaeyoung the cold shoulder.” Jisoo replies whispering towards the end, Jennie slowly stops scrolling through the photos. She’s been hoping that no one noticed how cold she’s being towards their younger member. “I—she’s just—gets to be with her Jichu. And it hurts me that she choose her— “

“Jendeukie—she didn’t choose Lisa over you. That’s what we’re not doing—Lisa-yah’s just trying to create some distance between herself and you. And Chaeyoung has tried to talk to you—hang out with you—but you keep saying no. It’s not that she’s not trying—it’s that you keep pushing her away. Are you mad at her about something else? Maybe you’re mad at her not because Lisa ‘choose her’ but because Lisa is talking to her. Or maybe because you hate seeing them together? I know how flir— “

“Stop it okay—I don’t care if they’re close and I sure as hell don’t care that they’re flirting with one another.” Jennie bursts interrupting the older girl, Jisoo shakes her head at her quick and venomous reaction. “Why can’t you just be honest with your feelings Nini— “

“Because I tried! And look at what that got me? She won’t even talk to me unless she’s forced too—hell she barely acknowledges me.”

“Jennie you’ve got to be kidding me. You have to know what you did was fucked up? You showed up to her apartment drunk—trying to have sex with her. You can’t sit here and tell me you didn’t just show up at her apartment without acknowledging that her feelings for you won’t play a part. Do you have any idea how she feels? Do you honestly think so little of her? You made her feel so small; she said it herself—she doesn’t want to be with a person who can’t even be honest with her unless they’re drunk. She deserves better than that—You shouldn’t have taken advantage of her feelings for you like that.” Jisoo’s mom voice comes out and the playful and calm aura of their environment dissipates. Jennie grabs her sunglasses and puts them on hiding the tears that start to fall. “Shit.” Jisoo sighs pulling her into a hug, Jennie begins to sob. She knows how much she’s fucked up but she doesn’t know how to even begin to apologise.

“No—it’s okay—you’re right I screwed up. I fucked up our relationship in the process. Which I shouldn’t have—I don’t know what came over—after we kissed I wanted more.” Jennie explains, Jisoo shakes her head. Jennie’s feelings for the younger girl is so clear to everyone else but her and its pissing Jisoo off that she can’t recognise it.

“That’s understandable but there must’ve been a part of you that knows you shouldn’t have done that in the first place. Because that’s sends the wrong message and you know that Lisa-yah—well she would do anything for you.” Jisoo explains dying off halfway through her sentence, knowing how true it is.

“I know how much I fucked up. And I am trying to focus on my feelings and understand my feelings for her. But I don’t even think that after all of this she’ll want to talk to me.” Jennie sobs onto the eldest shoulder, Jisoo rubs her head trying her best to comfort her. “Do you want to be with her? Are you afraid that you’re going to be treated differently if you are gay?” Jisoo questions, Jennie falls silent. It’s not that she’s afraid but it’s not exactly an easy realisation to come too. If she thought that being in a relationship with Kai was complicated this makes that look like a walk in the park. She would only want a few friends to know. But why think about the schematics when she hasn’t even fully accepted being gay.

“What if I am and she doesn’t want me! And she moves on what am I supposed to do?” she says between sobs, Jisoo’s heartbreaks a little at the thought of them not working out. “Well if that’s the case then you’re going to swallow the truth and hope that she’s happy. Because if you truly end up loving her then the truth of that love means that you only want to see her happy. Despite the fact that it’s not you that’s making her happy.” The older girl explains but it’s not an answer that Jennie’s happy to hear.

“How—why am I supposed to go through all of that if the person who made me go through all of this doesn’t even end up with me.” Jennie continues to sob; the managers and bodyguards look at her. Jisoo shakes her head making a circle with her finger indicating to create a shield. Which they swiftly make, Jennie pulls her head out of Jisoo’s shoulder. “Aren’t you tired of not fully being yourself? It must be exhausting holding this part of yourself in. Just because you come out—not that you really have too. Doesn’t mean you get nothing out of it—we all deserve to live as our true selves Jendeukie.” Jisoo comments wiping the tears off of her cheek, she looks over and recognizes the younger girls’ friend walking over to the VIP sections excited to see their friend. “Listen, if you are gay—that’s more than okay. I love you and your mother already loves but you have to learn to love yourself before you can love anyone else, especially someone like Lisa.” Jisoo wipes the girls’ cheeks one more time before Hyunji’s voice rings through the crowd, Jennie tries her best on fixing herself putting on a big smile. Perfect timing for the set to begin leaving no time for her friends to interrogate the younger girl.

45 MINUTES LATER…

]Jisooni 😆🖤 ]

We’re on our way to Jaden’s set are you guys on your way too?

[Jisooni 😆 🖤 ]

Yeah we’re on a golfcart now

]Jisooni 😆🖤 ]

Amazing! How’s unnie?

[Jisooni 😆 🖤 ]

Still sad, but Hyunji’s here so that’s making her feel better. I don’t know how much longer I can take of this crap. SHE CLEARLY IS JUST AS IN LOVE WITH LISA AS LISA IS WITH HER. WHAT DO WE NEED TO DO FOR HER TO UNDERSTAND? LIKE SLAP HER WITH IT OR WHAT?

]Jisooni 😆🖤 ]

Jisoo-ni! Relax—we can’t force them to get together especially since one of them is trying to get over this whole thing while the other is acting like she’s blind to her own feelings.

[Jisooni 😆 🖤 ]

I think I got it.

]Jisooni 😆🖤 ]

Noooooo..

[Jisooni 😆 🖤 ]

Yes…it’s gonna take some teamwork for this weekend and this upcoming week. Hyunji’s gonna be here for her and she’s always been a little flirty so I think we should up the ante.

]Jisooni 😆🖤 ]

What are you talking about?

[Jisooni 😆 🖤 ]

I’m simply going to play along with their flirtiness and I need you to play along.

]Jisooni 😆🖤 ]

This sounds like a horrible idea.

[Jisooni 😆 🖤 ]

Pulling up now.

Jisoo puts her phone back in her pocket as their bodyguards guide them behind the stage. She sees the rest of her bandmates happily talking to the Smith family, Jisoo turns around to check on Hyunji and Jennie. Hyunji currently has her arm wrapped around Jennie, the younger girl’s mood has gotten better since the set and her closest friend is there to cheer her up. Jennie told Hyunji about the whole situation with Lisa when they quickly met up in Paris. But when they met up for the set Jennie didn’t mention Lisa again. Jisoo looks back at the rest of her bandmates and sees Lisa with her arms wrapped around Rosé waist as she stands behind the blonde.

Rosé and Jisoo make eye contact, the older girl immediately bulges her eyes at the blonde but Rosé doesn’t registers what the older woman is trying to say. They arrive where Lisa and Rosie are and exchange conversations with the Smiths, talking about how they met Will and Jaden while they were still trainees a few years ago. The girls felt very lucky and surreal that people like Will could remember them. While they were talking to the Smith’s Jisoo moved closer to Rosie and Lisa naturally pulls away as Willow asks her a few questions about everything they went through. Jisoo slowly pulls away with Rosé, the rest of the group doesn’t even notice the two girls pull away for a bit. “Hyunji knows about the situation between Lisa and Jennie and—I might’ve—possibly—maybe—told her to flirt with Jennie—really—really hard like they look like a couple type of thing.” Jisoo bounces her eyebrows up and down.

Rosie bows her head reactively shaking her head at the eldest. “Jisoo-ni—I”

“No listen it’s going to work—all I need from you is to flirt with Lisa—which comes to naturally that you don’t even have to worry about it okay! Cool! Great! Woohoo let’s do this!” the eldest girl cheers, before Rosé could protest she’s being dragged back towards everyone else. Jisoo quickly pushes Rosie back to Lisa and this time it’s her turn to wrap herself around the taller girl, resting her chin on the crook of her neck. She happily joins the conversation with Willow, Jisoo winks at Hyunji and the model nods.

Jennie looks around feeling like there’s a whole other conversation happening outside of the one that’s actually happening. She catches a glimpse of Lisa and Rosé and she could feel a rock lodge itself in her throat. Hyunji wraps her arms around Jennie waist naturally while paying attention to the conversation. Jennie sighs resting her head on her friend’s chest, Hyunji can see how much the younger girl is affecting her friend. Lisa on the other hand knows better than to look where she knows it’ll only make her heart twinge.

“And who is this? Is this your girlfriend?” Will questions Jennie and Hyunji, how close they’re being finally catches one of the Smiths attention but it catches everyone’s attention, Hyunji chuckles and Jennie blushes. “Oh no—I’ve tried and I’ve tried but her heart belongs to another.” Hyunji jokes catching everyone including Lisa’s attention, Jennie hits her friend in the stomach making everyone but Lisa laugh who tries her best to smile while keeping the green monster at bay.

“Stop that—she’s a friend we met when she modelled for Chanel.” Jennie pulls away from Hyunji but Jisoo pushes them closer together. Hyunji chuckles bumping into Jennie, she looks back at her wondering what’s gotten into her. “Ah—I see—” conversation continues as normal and they all grab a photo before Jaden heads to the stage. They watch the young man take the stage as his parents walk up with him, Lisa pulls Rosie away from the group and follows one of the bodyguards to the VIP section. The unnies react too late and decide to just follow their young members. Jisoo winks at Hyunji before walking up to her bodyguard wanting to be taken back their trailer—she’s currently battling the flu and wants to grab some rest before their performance tonight. Jennie watches as Lisa and Rosé hold hands through the crowd, as much as she’d love to enjoy Jaden’s concert all she wants to do is cry.

She hates seeing Lisa and Rosé together—and she hates that this jealousy is getting the best of her and she takes it out on Rosé. It feels like she’s not only losing Lisa but as her jealousy gets the best of her she’s losing Rosé too. She’s well aware of how unfair she’s being towards Rosé but Jennie’s knows that if she had a moment with the blonde all she’ll want to know is how Lisa is feeling. And that’s not something she needs right now— “Hey are you okay?” Hyunji whispers in her ear, she looks over at Lisa and Rosie who are currently jamming to the song playing while they hold hands. Lisa’s behind the blonde and Rosé is controlling the maknae’s hand with the beat.

Hyunji of course sees this and reacts properly by putting her hands around Jennie’s waist pulling her closer. She starts to bob her head at Jennie hoping this will distract her and pull her attention to the performance, thankfully it does. The four girls seem to be enjoying themselves for a bit sometimes even dancing with one another. Well Rosie and Hyunji would acknowledge the other person presence by making eye contact and having a moment with one another. Lisa pushes herself to the front a bit just to vibe while Rosé checks her phone and takes pictures of the maknae. Hyunji and Jennie are currently dancing behind the maknae, resulting in Lisa moving up. They are dancing a little closer than Lisa’s ever seen Jennie dance with anyone—in truth its pissing Lisa off despite it not Jennie’s intention—it is however Hyunji’s. Rosie sees Lisa roll her neck; Rosie knows that’s one of Lisa’s tell when she’s irritated. The blonde immediately puts the phone in her pocket pushing herself against the maknae dancing it up with her. Rosie even goes as so far as to whispering the lyrics in Lisa’s ear—Jennie witnesses the whole interaction at this point it feels like a competition but what is the price? Bragging rights? Who is the best flirt? Lisa? Because if it’s—

“Jennie-unnie, Jisoo-ni our managers are telling us to start heading back so we can start getting ready.” Rosé looks over at the shorter girl who is pulled out of her thoughts. She tries her best to smile at the blonde which Rosie buys by the look of relief in her face, “Okay—” she turns to Hyunji while Lisa and Rosé start to exit, “I’ll see you backstage later.” She kisses her friend’s cheek goodbye catching up to the rest of the girls. When she does, she grabs Lisa’s hand pulling her to be right behind her, leading the youngest members away from the crowd. Rosé sighs, “Let the games begin.” She mumbles holding Lisa’s other hand walking behind her.

Chapter Text

“Let the games begin.”

Their performances that night was electric, Jenlisa couldn’t keep their hands off of each other. It was like every planned interaction they had on tour was on crack, every interaction was laced with sex appeal. But what confused the other two was the fact that as soon as they got off stage it’s like none of it happened. They held hands when they got off stage because hell they just performed in Coachella but after the festivities Jennie left with her friends and Lisa left to watch Childish Gambino. Jisoo and Rosé were the last ones to change out of their costumes and Jisoo really couldn’t do much more. After their performance Jisoo was immediately rushed back home to recover some more, as much as she would’ve loved to celebrate she literally had to be greeted with an oxygen mask as soon as she got off stage. Which left Rosé to catch up with Lisa—which she didn’t mind—she didn’t mind having all of Lisa’s attention since this whole Jenlisa’s ordeal it felt like for the first time in a while Lisa finally sees her.

Back whenever Lisa developed these feelings for the brunette she could feel Lisa pulling away from her. It may be the fact that she’s madly and deeply in love with the maknae that she’s quick to notice but it wasn’t easy having to adjust to it. Rosé knew when she first develop these feelings that she was never going to do anything about them. Hoping that one day they would blow over but somehow the maknae made Rosie fall in love with her even more. So, yes, if anyone is going to know how Lisa feels about having unrequited love it’s her. In truth it might’ve been the little things Lisa would do for her that fed into her feelings keeping her at bay. It was never painful but when she heard about Lisa’s feelings for Jennie it made every painstaking moment after feel numbing.

Chaeyoung realized as this whole thing unfolded with Jennie that her feelings are not worth all of this conflict. She hates what it did to her best friends, they use to talk to each other and now they can barely look at one another. The last thing she wants is to lose Lisa, though she’s in love with her it’s best she lets it go for a multitude of reasons. Her bodyguard spots Lisa’s guard and they slowly pave their way to the maknae who is simply enjoying herself. She spots a water bottle in Lisa hands wondering what’s inside, she hugs the younger girl from behind, “Chaeyoung!” she shouts pulling her in giving her a kiss on the cheek. Chaeyoung can smell the champagne from the younger girl’s breath, Rosé points at the water bottle, the maknae giggles happily handing her the bottle.

Rosé takes a sip looking around to ensure that her managers aren’t telling her no, but they seem to be enjoying themselves too. She looks back at Lisa dancing to the music and the light is catching her beauty just right. Somehow the stage lights and the moon are beaming right down at Lisa bouncing off the most beautiful parts of her. Lisa turns her head at Rosie in question, she laughs it off taking a larger drink from the water bottle. Lisa turns her attention back to the artist playing—Rosie decides to hold onto bottle patiently waiting for it to hit. Rosé makes her way closer to Lisa and the maknae happily makes room for her to stand in front. The blonde’s stomach begins to do flips when she feels Lisa presences behind her. That’s how sensitive she is to the maknae, they don’t even have to touch and yet she knows when Lisa is nearby. Somehow between songs, the alcohol in her bloodstream begins too familiar itself. The music seems to feel louder in the best way and the company she’s around seems to have gotten better.

Despite being at one of the world’s largest festivals she can’t help but only want to focus on the maknae. Who for once looks like she’s enjoying herself she’s got the same gleam in her eyes that Rosie misses. It’s true, for once Lisa is actually enjoying herself it’s the most normal she’s felt in a long time. She’s not worrying about the social media talking about how she’s not good enough, or any mistakes that she might’ve made on stage. Because she was too nervous and as soon as she was on—well she was on and blacked out the rest of the performance. It’s very unlike her and she hopes to remember the next performance but it might be due to her adrenaline. It was a new stage after all either way she could feel the relief that came over her body as soon as she was off stage.

“Can you believe we just performed in Coachella?” Rosé pulls herself closer to Lisa so the maknae can hear her. Lisa bursts into a large smile looking at the blonde, she grabs Rosé wrists and joins her to jump up and down to the beat. The blonde happily accepts, “I can’t remember much of it but holy shit we did didn’t we!” Lisa shouts over the music as soon as she stops jumping to catch her breath. Rosé chuckles at her response, Lisa grabs the water bottle and drinks the rest of the champagne that she snuck in. Chaeyoung’s eyes want to burst out of her eyes shock at how much the younger girl is drinking. It might be the American air but for some odd reason whenever they seem to be here alcohol is just a normal activity for them to participate in. The blonde looks over at her manager signing for more alcohol, she smiles and nods at the blonde. “I’m happy that you’re happy.” Chaeyoung says to Lisa, the maknae bites the bottom of her lip at Rosie’s comment.

“Thank you Chaeyoung. You’ve been so patient with me I don’t even know how to possibly thank you.”

“Ha—just take me on a date and we’ll call it even” Rosie says half-jokingly, “Done.” Lisa doesn’t hesitate to answer already thinking of what to do with the blonde during their week off. “Oh—alrighty then—I heard there was a neon carnival party do you wanna go?” Rosie questions before she answers her manager taps her on the shoulder bringing them two different water bottles filled with champagne. Chaeyoung hands one to Lisa as she continue to contemplate, she’s got plans to meet up with Niki tomorrow to see Sabrina Claudio, J Balvin, and Tame Impala. But from what her manager said they’re not meant to meet up until 2pm tomorrow so a party doesn’t sound so bad. “Are you asking me out?” Lisa teases, Rosie cheeks are quick to flare up but she knows not to let it get to her. “Absolutely not—you’re supposed to be taking me out remember” she flirts right back, Lisa arches one eyebrow up quickly as a reaction.

“You’ve got me there—how about Sunday? The beach? Or a private café? I’ve got a book I’ve been meaning to read.” Lisa seriously questions as Rosie starts to choke on the champagne she’s sipping on. Lisa giggles taking a drink from her bottle as well, “Yeah that’s good we can head out after rehearsals?” Rosie questions trying to solidify their plans, Lisa’s a little preoccupied to redbone playing in the background of their conversation. When the chorus finishes she turns to Rosie, “Sounds good” is the last thing they say to each other as they enjoy the final moments of Childish Gambino’s set. Outside of the desert at a Jacquemus party Jennie is enjoying herself she’d been dancing nonstop since she got to the party. She finally got a moment to excuse herself to hit the bathroom and to breath.

Jennie is fighting for her introverted self to come out but it’s growing more difficult the longer she is at this party. The lighting in the bathroom is obviously immaculate so after using the bathroom Jennie decides to take a few photos for Instagram as she scrolls through the app aimlessly she can’t help but see Lisa and Chaeyoung at Coachella. Dancing, whispering and wrapped up with one another and for once she finally lets herself cry. Her jealousy, regret, heartache, all coming for her at the sight of Lisa being so affection towards Rosé. She grabs some tissues and catches a glimpse of herself in the mirror, “Pathetic.” She mumbles to herself and begins to wipe the tears.

“JENNNIE!” she hears Hyunji shouting and banging at the door, she quickly fixes herself knowing that as soon as she gets out Hyunji’s going to interrogate her. Jennie opens the door to see her friend scrolling through her phone, Hyunji see’s Jennie emerge from the bathroom immediately putting her arms around her. She can tell there were some tears from Jennie’s red eyes, “What’s going on?” she questions.

Jennie shakes her head not wanting to keep mentioning Lisa, “You just played one of the biggest musical festivals in America and now you’re at a party—and you’re actually enjoying yourself for once and she’s still on your mind. How long are you going to keep crying about her instead of just acknowledging that you’re in love with her.” Hyunji plainly states, Jennie’s taken back by her closest friends’ quick reaction. “I’m not in love with her.” Jennie shakes her head profusely; this is the first time she’s heard someone say it out loud. She’s had an inkling for a while but she’s never heard it out loud before. Is it truly that painfully obvious to everyone but her? Or is she working too hard to deny her feelings about Lisa.

“Jennie—you are painfully in love with that girl only difference between you two is the fact that you’ve unconsciously blurred the lines on whether or not you have feelings for her or its merely a friendship. Now in fairness her love for you is apparently abundant. I could tell the first time I was with you guys. Besides, I’d like to think that I’ve known you for a while now. And the way you glow when you’re around her is sickening to normal people like me—and I’m not gonna let you think about it anymore—okay—well at least for tonight. Tomorrow we can figure out what you should do” Hyunji grabs the girls wrist pulling her back out onto the dance floor. She doesn’t exactly what that means but she hopes to finally say what she’s feeling to someone.

But it’s clear now why Jisoo’s been so irritated with her. Anytime she’d mention Lisa Jisoo always led with ‘What about that feeling, that keeps gnawing at you?’ She’d inevitably makes up some excuse—which receives an immediate eye roll from the older girl. She shakes her head trying to clear her thoughts of the maknae and go back to enjoying herself.

***

Jennie woke up in the house they were renting the next morning with Hyunji snoring next to her. The pounding headache didn’t bother to wait until she’s upright to greet her this morning. Mistakes were made last night; she wishes she had the energy to push her bed mate off of her bed. Instead she settles for continuously tapping to wake her up, Hyunji has no mercy and just smacks Jennie back. “Fuck—” she pauses reacting “—you” she winces, Hyunji chuckles.

“You started it.” She grumbles shifting over to the other side, Jennie sits up grabbing her phone to check the time. “What the hell happened last night?” she puts her phone down, rubbing her temples gently Hyunji chuckles at first then groans. “Well we went to a party—then I found you crying over Lisa which led to you getting drunk. And here we are—“she answers.

Jennie lays back down burying her into the pillows, ‘you are painfully in love with that girl’ Hyunji’s words echoes in her head haunting her. “Thinking about what I said huh?” the model jokes, Jennie takes a pillow sending a blow on her side. The other girl doesn’t retaliate but instead turns around to face Jennie. “So—what do you wanna do?”

“What is there to do—we’re only ever together in group settings.” She grumbles pushing the pillow on top of her face, Hyunji rolls her eyes at Jennie’s cute behaviour. “We all start somewhere right? Just start doing the little things, if you’re grabbing yourself a water—grab her one. Make nothing of it just hand it to her.”

“This feels extremely manipulative.” Jennie comments, Hyunji sits up grabbing the pillow from her face and pulling her up. “You’re not trying to manipulate her—you’re being normal—you’re being there for her without overwhelming her with your attention or your feelings.” Jennie nods fiddling with the ends of the pillowcase, “Now, if you they pass you blankets be sure to hand her one first. If you see it falling off—simply fix but don’t look at her. If you guys are walking as a group let her go in first—guide her. When you guys are snacking share some with her how you usually would—just little things like that.”  Hyunji explains but Jennie hesitates that’ll work. Not because Lisa’s not going to allow it or anything of the sorts it’s just that most days she’s attach to 3 things, her phone, Rosé or Jisoo. So, grabbing her attention isn’t particularly easy, “That’s not going to grab her attention.” Jennie pouts.

“Hiya—ah you’re missing the point. You’re not trying to grab her attention. You’re trying to rebuild your relationship with her—trying to build some normalcy and trust. This is the long game kid—it’s gonna take some patience.” Her friend explains and as much as she hates to admit it—she’s right—she nods her head in agreement. If Lisa can endure years of being on the side line hearing every little excruciating detail of Jennie’s love life surely Jennie should be able to get through this.

On the other side of the house Chaelisa also had a late night, they return at around 3am last night. It felt like it was one party after another and neither of them wanted to miss out knowing that they rarely get to have opportunities like this. Rosé is the first one to wake up immediately chugging the water that her manager left for her. Knowing that it’ll be a necessity before she can function for the rest of the day. But if she’s being honest with herself she doesn’t think she’ll ever come off of this high—she spent her whole night with Lisa and they’ve got plans with one another on Sunday. She can’t even begin to think about what the younger girl has planned. She releases a small squeal trying to signal to herself not to get ahead of herself. She adjusts herself quickly at the sound of a faint knocking on her door, it’s her manager letting her know she’s got rehearsals for tour and some fittings for their upcoming appearances for some TV promotions.

Before they left she kindly asks them for some breakfast and something to get rid of her headache. They agree and she starts to get ready, as for the maknae of the group she knows where her cut off was so she gets up this morning without a hitch. No headache, no throwing up, and no hot flashes. By the time the manager let her know that it’s time for rehearsals she had no problem getting ready, in fact she’s the first one to get to their designated meeting spot. Chaeyoung is second to report for duty; she’s got sunglasses on and her sweats loosely hanging off of her body. She reaches Lisa on the couch immediately placing her head on the maknae’s legs.

Lisa begins to softly pets her head as they wait for the unnies of the group. Jisoo comes out of her room, masked up with sunglasses on “How’d last night go?” she smiles mocking the blonde who’s trying to control her dry heaving, “I can’t stop seeing neon lights.” She groans burying her head deeper into Lisa, the maknae chuckles at her best friends suffering “Well I had a great time—we got to meet a lot of people and there were no cameras so that was new and fun.” Lisa adds. Jisoo nods happy to hear that Lisa isn’t so tense, “What about you Jisoo-ni? How are you feeling? How’s your back?” the youngest asks, as they wait for their last member to join them. Jisoo notices Jennie coming out of her room since the maknae’s have their back turned. She also sees Hyunji following behind with dishevelled hair and her clothes from yesterday. It leaves Jisoo with a lot of questions, “What are you—” Lisa prepares to follow Jisoo’s eyes but knowing Lisa. Seeing Hyunji with Jennie like that would probably kill the younger girl. “So! Tell me about this party?” Jisoo practically shouts—the blonde jumps up from Lisa’s lap then back down to Lisa’s shoulder glaring at the older girl.

Lisa tries her best to act like that wasn’t weird, “It was a glow in the dark party—which we didn’t know it was until we got there so we just took a bunch of glowsticks and whatever glowed to help us fit in. There was champagne—I knew when to stop while—”

“I didn’t.” Rosé adds pushing herself further into Lisa’s shoulder, when she finishes waving Hyunji off she heads to the living room where the girls are. But first she grabs a water, she hovers over one more but decides to just grab each of the girls a water. She casually walks over to the girls handing them all water. Just like Hyunji said Lisa made nothing of it as she continues to talk about the party.

Jennie places herself on the open love seat waiting for their ride to rehearsals. She knows that hearing the details of the maknaes night will only trigger her jealousy, but she’s got to stay strong. If she’s supposed to get anywhere with Lisa, she’s gotta get through everything. Lisa continues to coo and Jennie simply digs her fingers into her palms. Hearing how Rosé and her were meeting a multitude of people, drinking, dancing and possibly flirting with them. It boils Jennie’s blood thinking that someone could possibly be all up in Lisa’s space. Smelling her perfume, familiarising themselves with her neck, sucking on her pulse knowing that that’s hers. “—Jendeukie?” Jisoo softly taps Jennie’s shoulder getting her attention. She looks at the group trying to recall the last thing she heard. “Sorry?” clearly she doesn’t remember much. “Did you have a good night last night?”Lisa repeats and the other two look for her answer.

Specifically Jisoo, she looks like she’s waiting for something. “It was good, I hung out with Hyunji most of the night. I’m a little hungover but not like Chaeyoung over here.” She teases the blonde who’s snuggled up on Lisa. Something Jennie is also trying to adjust too. Rosé pulls the glasses down to the bridge of her nose so Jennie can see her glare. The unnie glares back teasing the blonde further, half-joking if she’s being honest. Finally one of their managers comes to let them know their ride is here, Jisoo and Jennie get up first as Lisa baby’s the blonde up from her lap. Jennie couldn’t possibly wait and watch the rest of all of that so instead she pretends to grab something from her room. When in reality she’s just timing her walk to be able to do just as Hyunji had explain, she hears Lisa giggle as a signal to leave her room.

The universe seem to be on her side because it seems that it’s just right that she walks right next to Lisa who makes nothing of Jennie walking beside her. They get to the door and Jennie pulls herself back pulling her arm out and bowing her head, Lisa’s reaction’s quick as her head turns at the odd interaction with Jennie. But Jennie tries her best to act as if it was merely instinct resulting in Lisa simply letting it go. They comfy themselves in the van and head towards rehearsals.

When they arrive the venue’s ready for them, there is a place for wardrobe for their fittings, there’s a stage that’s practically identical to the one they performed on in Coachella and from a distance they can see a whole team ready to overwhelm them with time and requests. They all let out an audible sigh as they make their way inside the venue, Rosé is the first one to be pulled away for fittings, Jisoo is next but with good reason the physical therapist and massage specialist greet her. Leaving Lisa and Jennie together surprisingly neither of them make anything of it. It might the headphones jammed in the younger girls ears but Jennie’s going to take it.

They’re guided to stage where their familiar yet scary choreographer waits to greet them with her laptop. Jennie looks over at Lisa, who fidgeting with her hands—Jennie wants more than anything to reach over and calm her down. Knowing that if there was anyone that ever-made Lisa doubt herself it was her. Jennie does her best to find an alternative—thankfully she does, she quickly rubs the maknae’s back before running up to greet their dance teacher. She knew that if she lingered a little too long it would be another heated argument.

Their teacher begins to tear up their performance from last night, if anyone could find one wrong detail it would be her. The girls find it both helpful and extremely hurtful, being taught and nit-picked by a person for a whole decade creates thick skin and fear. So when they start to rehearse both girls have game faces on—Lisa finally begins to remember every interaction she had with Jennie on that stage. She could slap herself for how hypocritical she is when she’s on that stage because as much as she’d like to pin it all on Jennie—she fed into every single one of their interactions. But what can she say—it’s so organic that it doesn’t take a second thought to react too.

“Kill me.” Lisa whispers making Jennie laugh, she turns to the maknae. “Just like the good ol’ days huh?”

Chapter Text

After hours of nit-picking rehearsals whilst also going through individual fittings they’re finally done. Lisa reaches out for her phone texting Niki back letting her know she’ll be back to the desert soon. Jennie sees how attach Lisa’s been to her phone and curiosity is getting the best of her but there is nothing she can do. She watches Lisa walks away to grab her things and head for the car waiting for her outside. “Are you going to see any acts tonight?” Jennie asks the rest of the band members who weren’t in a rush to leave. Jisoo shakes her head, “I am back on bed rest when I get back—Chaeyoung?” she questions putting the attention on the blonde who’s still on the ground catching her breath.

She looks over at the unnies, “I’m catching up with a friend—I know Lisa’s going to hang out with Niki, to see Sabrina Claudio—J Balvin and Tame Impala. What about you Jennie-unnie?” Rosé pushes her eyebrows up in question and Jennie sighs, “I think I wanna see Billie do you want to come?” She puts her hand out for the blonde—who happily takes it the older girl pulls her up. “Yeah—sounds fun I’ll ask Lisa if her and Niki want to join—” Chaeyoung starts to say but her phone begins to vibrate so she excuses herself. Jennie could barely protest, Jisoo chuckles wrapping her arms around Jennie’s shoulder hitting her shoulder teasingly. “What’s that for?” Jennie questions.

Jisoo doesn’t buy it arching one eyebrow, “Okay—if you say so—but try to stay strong okay. I know it’s hard to watch someone—”

“I’m painfully in love with—I KNOW!” Jennie groans walking away from Jisoo whose shock hearing those words come out of Jennie’s mouth. Despite having a fever and a horrible back Jisoo immediately runs up to the brunette. Shaking her profusely ensuring that there’s no one else around, “What did you just say?” Jisoo questions pulling on Jennie’s shoulder down as they keep walking but the girl continues to shake her head not wanting repeat what she just said. Jisoo’s been waiting to hear these words since she heard that Lisa had feelings for Jennie. It’s been irritating, painful and extremely annoying to have to sit through all of their talks together. At some point Jisoo was about to hire a pilot to write out Jennie’s feelings out in the sky for her. Hire one of those singing telegrams and film a whole movie to spell it out for the younger girl. “Jendeukie I need to hear you say it again because I’ve been waiting months—and I mean months for you to stop being so oblivious to your own feelings.” Jisoo whisper shouts through the mask that’s fighting to stay on.

Jennie blinks repeatedly confused at Jisoo’s reaction, she can’t get a read on whether or not she’s happy to hear her confession. “What do you mean you’ve been waiting for months? I’ve only come to understand it in the last few weeks.” Jennie answers, Jisoo groans again pretending to hit her head up against the wall. “Say it.” Jisoo strictly repeats, Jennie pushes herself back “I’m painfully in love with Lisa” she says barely a whisper and Jisoo smirks under her mask pretending to hit Jennie who pretends to get hit. “Alright thank you—now what’s your plan?” Jisoo composes herself from the excitement that took over her body for a second it makes Jennie chuckle.

“No tell me what’d you mean that you’ve been waiting for months? What do you mean months?” Jennie questions again, Jisoo sighs— “You know for somebody who is very emotionally aware of everyone else’s emotions you are completely clueless when it comes to yours. You’re obsessed with that girl; she walks into a room and your eyes light up. It’s practically useless to try and grab your attention because it’s all on her. She has the stupidest and I mean stupidest jokes in the world and you just can’t help but roll over and laugh at them. Don’t even get me started on how you look at her—I mean it makes me throw up—you have the gummiest dumbest look on your face. You’ve never looked at Chaeyoung or me like that—so yes I’ve been waiting months. For your dumbass to you realize how stupid in love you are with her—now c’mon we have to tell Chaeyoung.” Jisoo starts to drag Jennie but she protests, “No-no-no please—only you and Hyunji know.”

Jisoo lets out that laugh of disbelief knowing that every Blink has an inkling. She she quickly changes her energy to see how serious Jennie is. “Ha! You honestly believe that nobody else knows?” Jisoo pauses and Jennie doesn’t change her expression, “Oh—alright fine we wont tell her.” They walk towards their green room to grab their bags and make their way out to the van. They’re surprise to see the blonde there already but still on the phone with whomever. Jennie can’t help but notice a slight change in her recently, she’s brighter than how she usually is. There’s just a shine that she can’t quite put her finger on, in truth she’s jealous of it. Maybe going to see Billie tonight will give them some time to catch up. Possibly ask her about a few things, specifically where this shine is coming from.

Jisoo quickly took advantage of finally being able to sit for the first time in 5 hours and immediately fell asleep. Jennie shrugs it off blasting music through her ears waiting for their van to move. As for Lisa, she’s the first one to arrive home, she’s been given 2 hours before she’s to be taken to Coachella to meet up with Niki. She’s extremely excited despite meeting her for the first time they’ve been talking for a while since she DM’ed her—praising her about her about the recent songs she released. It was La La Lost You that got her hooked onto NIKI but it was Lowkey that really pulled her in. Both songs related to her feelings a little too and it’s been a dream to hang out with Niki and just have a friend someone like her.

Pick her brain about her process with writing so pure and honest, as often as she’s asked Rosé—their brains just work a little too different. Though it may be the fact that Rosé tries her best to explain everything to the taller girl but she immediately loses her patience with Lisa. Because as she’s explaining her process all Lisa wants to do is just immediately understand—not see the beauty—just immediate gratification. When Lisa finishes getting ready she heads out—she heard the girls enter the house but she knew that to get to where she needs to be in time she needed to focus on getting ready. As she heads out the door she passes by the living room, there she finds Rosé laying down on the couch leisurely waiting. “Lisashi!” Rosie jumps up from the couch, Lisa takes her glasses off looking at Rosie.

“Do you want to meet up to see Billie later before Tame Impala?” Rosie questions, Lisa looks down at her phone then back at Rosie smiling, “Sure thing Rosie Posie. I have to go though I’m already running late. I’ll see you later.” Lisa nods off quickly waving the blonde goodbye. She watches the taller girl march off and she’s instantly reminded that she’d forgotten to mention that Jennie is going to be joining her. But hopefully having spent all day with Niki will ease Lisa into the idea of spending the rest of the night with Jennie. Rosé doesn’t bother to reach out as she still aids the ache in her stomach that’s feeding her nausea. Hoping that if she lays down until she heads out to meet up with her friend it wont be as bad.

After her shower Jennie’s got the rest of the day off, leaving her unsure of what to do a part of her wants to read while the other part of her wants to talk to her mother. Catch up and see how the older woman’s doing, she decides to catch some suns and dial up her mother.

‘Hi my little mandu—’

‘Hi umma—I wanted to give you a call before you headed out for the day.’

‘How are you? Congratulations on your Coachella debut how’d it go?’

‘I’m okay—it went really well at some point Rosie had to tell me to ease up and calm down. I was losing my breath fast—she didn’t want me to pass out.’

‘Ahh of course the desert will do that to you. Please keep listening to Chaeyoung—I am really happy for you my love. Don’t even get me started on how proud I am of you Nini—brings me to tears all of your hard work paying off.’

‘Uuuummmaaaa—don’t because you know if you cry I will start sobbing.’

‘Okay—sorry—alright—how’s everybody?’ Her mother questions and for a moment she pauses knowing that her mother is interested on whether or not her and Lisa have spoken yet.

‘Jisoo-ni’s not doing too well she had a fever on the way here and it’s yet to get better and she’s got some body aches. Rosé’s good she’s heading out to catch up with a friend—but she’s nursing a hangover right now. She had a bit of a crazy time with Lisa last night and then when she comes back from her afternoon outing we’re gonna try and catch Billie Eilish and meet up with Lisa and Niki.’ She hears her the older woman humming over the phone but stop at the mention of Lisa’s name.

‘Ah I see sounds like a busy first night—have you talked—to—Lisa?’ her mother questions, Jennie sighs.

‘I already told you she doesn’t want to talk to me.’

‘Yes I understand that but all you said was that you messed up but never really told me how and it possibly couldn’t be that bad for you guys to stop talking.’

‘Let’s just say it wasn’t great.’

‘C’mon Nini—talk to me—what happened?’

‘I showed up to her apartment drunk and tried to sleep with her.’ Jennie mumbles, her mother groans asking her to repeat it.

‘ishoweduptoherapartmentdrunkandtriedtosleepwithher.’

‘Jennie Ruby Jane.’ Her mother scolds trying to hear her daughter’s confession clearly.

‘Ugh—alright! I showed up to her apartment drunk and tried to sleep with her.’

‘What do you mean sleep with her?’

‘Omma I am not going to spell it out for you.’

‘Jennie Ruby Jane Kim! That is not right.’

‘Yes I know I heard it all already okay! I know it’s not right—that’s why I can’t blame her for not wanting to talk to me. Now I have to show her that she can trust me and I won’t take advantage of her feelings for me ever again. Despite the fact that I am in love with her.’ Jennie’s mother is silent at her daughter’s confession but she’s thankful to know that she recognizes her faults and flaws. Yet she also can’t help but feel disappointed at Jennie’s action.

‘A lot of things to say—one I am glad to see you take responsibility for your action and I hope that when you do talk to her you let her know that instantly. Two, clearly you were trying to process your feelings for her and went down the wrong path, next time talk to people, read about it or meditate on it. Crossing that boundary with her wasn’t fair for her and you know that because the last thing she needs is mixed signals after you’ve already stated one thing. Finally, I love you no matter what happens and I hope you know I am always rooting for you. I love Lisa and Lisa loves you—I’m glad you finally understood your feelings for Lisa, especially since you’ve been unconsciously expressing your love for her for years—Thank you for calling me but I’m about to head into the office. Call me soon okay. I want to hear all about the US.’ She greets her mom goodbye before the call drops. A thought pops into her head, so truly she’s been blind about both of their love for one another. If this is how everyone around them seems to be reacting to the fact that they have feelings for each other.

Her mother and Jisoo are right—she’d never let them know of course but they are both hideously right. Her minds always consumed at the thought of Lisa it’s not always romantic let alone conscious but she always thinks about Lisa. If she’s onstage she searches for Lisa first, serving food she grabs one for both her and Lisa. At the airport while they’re walking she looks for Lisa—for practices she joins Lisa despite hating waking up early in the morning—if they’re in the studio and she can tell that Lisa not feeling one hundred percent confident in herself she reassures her and offers to run it with her. Even the littles things if they’re about to perform she goes to Lisa first knowing that she’s the most nervous and usually the taller prefers to not speak at all before they get on stage.

As foolish as she’s been most of those actions and processes were unconscious. Some were done to take care of the maknae but it doesn’t seem to execute the same with her other members. She doesn’t have this warm feeling when Lisa smiles at her in appreciation—or how quickly Lisa wraps herself around the older girls despite knowing how she towers over her. Her skin catches fire at the touch of Lisa and she finally understands now, why those moments of contact she’s so giggly and her cheeks burn red. Jennie takes a seat on the lounge chair finally going through the last bit of her processing her feelings for Lisa. As much as she’d like to stay in this bubble of heart racing and smile changing thoughts of the thought of being with Lisa. It’s clearly not going to go anywhere if the taller girl won’t talk to her and she really understands what Hyunji is trying to say but—can she really be that patient.

“Hey—are you busy?” Alison her manager greets her pulling her out of her thoughts. Jennie shakes her head patting down on the chair next to her. Alison takes a sit and opens her laptop, “Is it alright if we talk about your schedule for the following months?” She brings up as she searches through her files for the next few months.

***

”—No way! That’s awesome—we haven’t had the opportunity to meet her yet but I hope we can catch a concert or something. But thank you so much for spending the day with me by the way.” Lisa continues their conversation softly swaying to Sabrina Claudio singing in the background. Niki pushes her arm through Lisa’s arm smiling happily. “Are you kidding! Of course I’m happy we could finally hang out in person. Feels like you guys are only gonna go up from here.” Niki responds slowly swaying both of them to the music.

“Who knows we’re kind of—living in the moment type of people. We dreamed of being here and we’ve just been living for that. Not to say that we don’t think that we could be doing this in the future but this industry is hard. So we’ve just been go go go like crazy.” Lisa explains. Their conversation dies down and lets the music fill the air. Back at their AirBnb, Rosé finally returns from her outing. She walks pass the doors for the outside and see’s Jennie laying down simply reading.

“Unnie—“ Rosie greet simply at the older girl. Jennie puts her sunglasses down and smiles at the blonde. Rosé sits down on the lounge chair next to her. “How was your outing?” Jennie questions looking at Rosie.

“Good—I love catching up with friends. How’s your head?” she asks, taking her stuff off and getting comfortable on the chair. Jennie sighs, “Considering I spent the first 6 hours of the day completely dehydrated I think I might’ve sweated it all out. I’m much better—I’ve done nothing but sit here and drink water.” She describes making Rosé laugh nodding along.

“What about you—you looked like you were in hell this morning?” Jennie adds towards the end, “I feel much better I got some food in me so it absorbed all of that stuff.” She smiles, Jennie nods back happy to heart the blonde feeling better from this morning. They sit in silence for a moment until Jennie clears her throat, “Chaeyoung—“ Jennie says breaking the silence. The blonde takes a moment to finish her text before looking over at the older girl, smiling.

Jennie knows she’s got to apologise for how she’s been treating their friendship. And she’s always valued how understanding Rosé is but she feels as if she’s taken it too far. Denying the younger girl every attempt to interact with her. “I want to apologise for how I’ve been with you. My lack of relationship with Lisa shouldn’t have been affecting our friendship. And I’m sorry.” She begins, Rosie of course understood. She was bothered in the beginning of it but then she finally understood as days went on. But honestly if it were her in Jennie’s shoes she might fully isolate herself away from both of them. Rosie hates being in the middle of things especially if she’s somehow involved. “It’s okay unnie—I understand. I’d be hurting the same way as you. You’re much stronger than I am though—I’d probably try to die in a hole or completely ignore that person until I can look at them without crying.” She simply puts accepting Jennie’s apology. Jennie chuckles hearing a little of similarities between her and Lisa.

“You’d think after hearing what’s not good enough about you we’d be okay with rejection—“

“Yeah but these are your feelings not your talent—your talent can only improve but your feelings? They just get hurt.” Jennie adds to what Chaeyoung says. The blonde nods, “Right? But I don’t know being in love with the person who doesn’t love you the same way can feel degrading to you—because you kind of wonder ‘Oh maybe if I was prettier or more interesting or funnier’ they wouldn’t act this way—“ Rosé sighs before clicking her tongue.

“But soon enough you learn that it’s totally not true—it has everything to do with them and nothing to do with you.” Rosé sighs bringing herself into reality despite the night she had with the maknae. She knows deep down that Lisa felt as if last night was just two friends hanging out and nothing more—as for the ‘date’ tomorrow is nothing but both of them hanging out. Rosé hates that she puts herself in these situations constantly ‘cause it feels like she’ll never get over the younger girl this way. But there is no one to blame but herself—she wants her too much that she’ll take anything. Despite knowing to never actually read into anything she can’t help herself but want too—those innocent eyes that look at her with so much hope. That laugh—oh how that laugh is like music to her ears—that smile calling to her like beacon honing her home, grounding her as to where she needs to be. While the sound of her name coming out of Lisa’s mouth is the sound of her favourite song.

“Chaeyoung? Are you okay? I think I lost you there for a second.” Jennie jokes as the blonde focuses her attention back to the older girl. She of course tries to mask the fact that she was daydreaming about Lisa with said chuckle, “Sorry—got a lot on my mind lately.” Is all she can say, “Oh yeah? Jisoo-ni mentioned that there’s a special someone who’s caught your eye? Are they running laps?” Jennie chuckles as Rosé begins to panic she must tread carefully, reveal too much it’ll be over for this dynamic reveal too little well the teasing only continues. It’s only fair she mentions something to Jennie, it was her that brought it up to Lisa and Jisoo whilst they were in New York. “It doesn’t matter—because just like Lisa—they’ll never feel the same way. Only difference between Lisa and I is the fact that you know and my person doesn’t know. And I don’t think I will ever tell them—I’m not strong enough because I already know how they feel about me.” She sighs turning her attention back to the pool. Jennie empathizes with the younger girl knowing how much courage it takes to talk about one’s feelings. Maybe that glow that Jennie is talking about is the fantasy that Rosé is living in fantasy knowing that reality is far too harsh.

“Well being the other person in that situation we would like to say you we’re sorry and in some occasions you never know—because sometimes that time apart that you seek allows us to see our feelings for what they truly are.” Jennie states plainly and Rosie’s breath hitches at Jennie’s confession slowly realizing what the older woman is getting at. Does she mean what I think she means. Rosé thought to herself not wanting to look at Jennie afraid of the tears that could possibly fall down her cheeks at the sight of Jennie. Realizing that the brunette has finally realize the love that she has for the maknae. Rosé isn’t stupid enough to ignore the feelings between the two as much as she tried. But Jennie’s eyes are meant for Lisa and Lisa eyes only shine at the sight of the shorter girl. “Have you decided what to do then?” Chaeyoung questions trying to keep her tone normal, Jennies too caught up to even notice the blonde trying too hard to be normal.

“She’s in control—Chaeyoung and I don’t want to overwhelm her so I’m just focusing on rebuilding our relationship from whatever is left of it. I just wish I didn’t fuck up so much you know—” Jennie exhales, she misses having these talks with Chaeyoung. The blonde somehow always creates a safe environment for intellectual conversations whenever she’s around. It’s one of Rosé’s gifts that her band mates have noticed since she’s joined the group, she always validates their feelings. Always coined as the emotional one when in reality she’s teaching her best friends and band mates how normal it is to feel these types of emotions. There is no shame in crying, heartbreak, anxiety, or any emotion really, because that vulnerability allows for them to trust one another. And Rosé knows that it’s one of the main reasons that she fit in so well with the group.

She was so nervous they put her in with the other girls for the first time because those 3 had months in relationships ahead of her. But those 3 were always busy with enduring each day that they never talked to each other unless it was until the last possible moment where they are just left crying and breaking down. When Rosie found out she was being placed with a new group she had a moment to herself of isolation and anxiety.  She’d gotten use to the people she was with—built relationships with them and all of that was taken away. Maybe it was the pressure to be successful, being away from her family and the fact that her once sense of familiarity is being taken away got the best of her. She started crying in her new dorm because she thought that she was alone but Lisa was actually home.

They only had one bathroom to share and Lisa had to use it but to make a long story short, the girls didn’t like seeing Rosé crying at the idea of her joining their group. Rosé explained every single possible emotion she felt when they found her crying. The girls were overwhelmed but felt a shift in dynamic hearing someone voice every single emotion they had felt since they’ve been here. It’s left the group better knowing how to communicate and listen in moments like this. Because as much as Rosé wants to be selfish deep down she knows there’s a lot of reasons as to why Jennie intellectualizes her feelings and why it’s hard for her to come to terms with them. 

“You didn’t fuck up—” she tries to comfort the younger girl.

“Oh but I did—I took advantage of her feelings for me when I was drunk because a part of me assumed that she wanted to sleep with me. And now she barely says more than two words to me—so I would categorize that as fucking up.” Jennie complains making Rosé chuckle knowing that she did indeed fuck up but rubbing it in her face isn’t going to get her anywhere. “That’s all in the past what matters now is what you’re going to do about it. I think that rebuilding your relationship is a great start—but you should make your intentions clear. Not only with her but it’s important to know what you want too.” The blonde advises knowing that all of this has been going on because Jennie couldn’t understand her own feelings for Lisa and acted on what she thought Lisa wanted. But all that did was send mixed signals to Lisa ultimately aggravating her.

“I want—” Jennie hesitates for a moment; Rosie can see the gears turning in the older girls head. “I want her—I want to be with her.”

Chapter Text

“I want her—I want to be with her.”

Time came to see Billie, Niki had to go for tour rehearsals leaving Lisa by herself. Rosé and Jennie are currently making their way towards the stage. After hearing Jennie’s confession this afternoon, Rosé’s a bit frozen—so frozen that she has yet to tell Lisa that Jennie with her. As Lisa vibes to the music she feels a tap on her shoulder, she turns to see Rosie happily smiling—Jennie steps from behind the blonde and Lisa’s smiles slowly disappears.

“Hiiii—“Rosé sheepishly greets trying to slyly let Lisa know to fix her face, Lisa quickly does so giving both girls a childish smile. Jennie tries her best to hide the hurt in her eyes smiling back at the younger girl. “She’s about to come out any minute.” Lisa smiles putting her arm around Chaeyoung’s waist turning around placing herself in the middle. There’s no space on the other side of Rosé so she’s left to stand next to Lisa, there’s no time to protest because the crowd starts to scream as the light dim.

Chaeyoung decides to live in the moment wrapping her arm around Lisa’s neck. Jennie on the hand decides to act like she pays no mind and let the music do its thing. Lisa’s aware she’s being petty but she’s a little surprise to see Jennie. If anything she wants to take it out on Rosie but she needs to be talking to at least one person here but she’ll probably bring it up tomorrow. As for Jennie she’s slowly regretting coming with the blonde its clear she’s not wanted. If she could turn back time and not show up at her apartment or do all that stupid shit she did in between she would. Maybe they would actually be enjoying themselves while they’re in America. They’d go shopping like they use too—enjoy dinners, a night out but truly she misses just bringing some drink to the maknae’s room and they watch movies together.

Instead of getting the silent treatment from the maknae. They’ve been through so much and yet all of that quickly dissipated when this happened. She thought they were stronger than this, but everything seems to be a different when romantic feelings are involved. Jennie wishes she could turn back the time and give Lisa the answer she wants but, deep down she knows it wouldn’t have been fair for Kai for one. And two she didn’t know—she truly so unaware of her feelings because it all felt like a friendship. But now Lisa smiles makes her giddy, her presence alone makes her flustered since that kiss. That damn kiss…flusters her more than anything every time she touches Lisa a part of her loses control wanting to continue what she started. Feeding the desperation that’s only grown since that kiss, at random moments in her day she gets flashbacks of that kiss.

Her legs wrapped around the younger girl waist as they familiarize each other with their lips. Moans escaping one another begging each other to keep going, the sensation of having Lisa suck on her pulse. Her breath hitching as Lisa’s hands was exploring all over her body. If Chaeyoung wouldn’t have interrupted them and they would’ve kept going would they be okay? Would Jennie have realized her feelings for the younger girl sooner or would they have regretted what they’ve done? Though truthfully Jennie can honestly say she wasn’t thinking straight all she wanted—in truth all she needed was to be with Lisa in that moment.

She glances quickly at the younger girl watching the moonlight dance on her skin, shining a light on everything the Jennie was just recollecting. Jennie rolls her eyes catching herself still thinking about Lisa again, ‘Jesus listen to yourself Jennie get a grip!’ she thought to herself. She tries to focus her attention back to the American singer on stage, but she begins to hear Lisa softly singing right beside her.

‘Don’t you know I’m no good for you’ Lisa sings softly watching as the desert air start to bring tears in her eyes. ‘

‘I’ve learned to lose you can’t afford, tore my shirt to stop you bleeding—but nothing ever stop you leaving’ Jennie notices Lisa sniffle trying to keep the tears in, she looks off in the case the Lisa catches her staring. She focuses her attention back on Billie but can see in her peripheral Chaeyoung comforting her. She pulls Lisa’s head on to rest on her shoulder, it seems the songs hitting a little hard for the maknae.

‘Don’t you know too much already? I’ll only hurt you if you let me, call me friend but keep my closer. And I’ll call you when the party’s over’ those words along ring through both her ears and Lisa’s, she hears another sniffle come out of the maknae. “A little too close?” she hears the blonde comfort the maknae, earning a chuckle from Lisa nodding her head to the question she’s been asked.

‘But nothing is better sometimes—once we’ve both said our goodbyes, let’s just let it go—let me let you go’ Billie finishes the last bit and Lisa couldn’t hold it in any longer, she let’s go of Chaeyoung excusing herself from the group. Her manager and bodyguards follow her as she is quickly making her way through the crowd. She’s headed towards the artist area backstage to use the bathroom. She started to feel suffocated with Jennie around and music that’s describing exactly how it feels to be around the shorter girl. As she fleetingly walks she hears various ‘Are you okay? Where are we going? What’s happening?’ she finds a bathroom and immediately slams the door shut.

As for Jennie it didn’t take more than a second to run after Lisa, her team came running after. Rosé to simply let them be, the only people that’s keep them from each other is themselves. As much as she wishes she could stop it from happening they’ve gone too far to come back. She sees Lisa and her team running behind her, soon enough she witness the younger girl shut herself in the bathroom. Her manager is asking the same questions but as soon as their managers get together they exchange some looks. Jennie walks up to the door knocking softly, “I’ll be out in a minute.” She hears Lisa’s muffled voice through the door.

“It’s me just let me in.” Jennie begs resting her head on the door, Lisa debates for a moment looking at herself in the mirror wondering if she should even consider it. “Please.” Jennie begs from the other side of the door one more time, Lisa sighs opening it quickly and pulling her in. Jennie looks up at Lisa with red eyes, like she’s been rubbing off her tears. Lisa looks down at Jennie. They say nothing , for a moment they’re frozen. Deeply lost in one another’s eyes, conveying the same thing. Regret. But it doesn’t last for very long, as their breathing begins to sync, quickening, they have yet to move or say anything since they’ve been in there. Yearning begins to take over. Lisa looks at each of Jennie’s eyes then down to her mouth making a triangle. Jennie tucks her bottom lip between her teeth hitching her breath trying to control herself. They’re back in the practice room all over again wanting to continue what they started. “Shit.” Lisa mumbles picking up Jennie placing her on top of the sink crashing their lips together. She pushes Jennie’s legs apart placing herself between them.

Jennie guides their kiss as her hands familiarise themselves with Lisa neck once again. Pulling Lisa as close as she can get her, as she tries to satisfy her craving. Lisa’s breath hitched in between their kiss as she plants her hands on Jennie’s legs. Squeezing, slowly inching up the girls’ legs. Jennie’s craving for her hands to make contact. As she guides their kiss tilting her head to deepen it. She slides her tongue on Lisa’s bottom lip asking for access. Lisa’s a bit preoccupied with restraining her hands from going further. Jennie couldn’t wait any longer taking actions into her own hands. Her hands snake their way onto the younger girl’s waist. Squeezing it then running her hands over the younger girl’s centre. Lisa releases a moan; Jennie takes the opportunity to insert her tongue tangling it with Lisa.

As for Lisa that’s all the confirmation that she needs. Their tongues fighting for dominance while her hands finally make contact with Jennie’s center. But she doesn’t run her hands along Jennie’s center. She rests there and starts to slowly rub circles over Jennie’s jeans. Jennie moans pulling Lisa closer, the hat falls on floor when it bumps Lisa’s head. Lisa moves her hands away from Jennie’s legs to take off the younger girl’s cardigan. And Jennie realised, this shouldn’t be where their first time should be. “I want you. But not here—we go back to Chaeyoung we meet Billie and then we go.” Jennie pulls away from Lisa, the maknae’s disappointed but not surprised. Lisa’s hesitant to believe the older girl and Jennie realizes why “I’m not drunk. I want you—but not in the bathroom.” She explains, Lisa releases a breath of relief.

Jennie pulls on Lisa’s blazer not quite closing the gap between them. Inhaling the maknae’s familiar scent. Softly rubbing her lips against Lisa’s ear making the girl’s centre grow impatient. Lisa turns away biting her lip giving Jennie access to her neck. She plants a soft kiss before running her tongue near Lisa’s pulse. Wanting to leave a mark but before she can even debate. Lisa pulls her back using her hair, somehow turning her on even more. She chuckles and Lisa arches an eyebrow, “All good things come to those who wait.” Lisa pulls her cardigan back on and the hat back on her head. She goes to unlock the door but Jennie pulls her in one last time catching her off guard. Jennie hums happily when they make contact. Lisa can’t help but smile within their kiss. There’s a knock on the door interrupting their kiss. They pull away from each other smiling like idiots, Jennie fixes Lisa’s hair and Lisa fixes Jennie’s cardigan.

They open the door to see 4 concerned people. Before anyone speaks Jennie’s quick to explain, “It’s okay we’re good I took care of it.” Their managers are confused but if it’s taken care of what’s there to stress about. They head back to see the last song of the set, Rosé can tell something happened but she figures she’ll hear all about it. The last of Billie’s set is of course electric and the girls couldn’t be happier to witness it all. As she says her final goodbyes to the fan the girls are guided back stage. They grab a couple of drinks whilst discussing the set. As Jennie’s speaking she notice how Lisa’s giving her full eye contact. But after incident Lisa had refused to look Jennie in the eyes, so whatever must’ve happened when she ran away must’ve been good.

Which ultimately changes things between her and Lisa. There isn’t much she can do and she can’t help but notice the looks being exchanged. Maybe she’s just seeing things and decides to just pay attention to Billie. They coo over one another, Billie is being pulled away by her family. “Listen I’m having an after party right now—do you want want to come?” she looks at the girls, Lisa pretends to stretch and yawn. “I’m tapped but I’ll see you soon—I don’t know about—“

“My ankles been acting up but we’ll do this next weekend—Rosie?” Jennie turns to the blonde, clicking her tongue together. “Looks like you’re stuck with me—“ she jokes Billie rolls her eyes kiddingly. “It’s their loss not mine.” Billie comforts pulling Rosé towards her into a hug.

“Just don’t be hungover for our date tomorrow.” Lisa winks making Rosé blush pushing her lightly. Jennie tries her best to not let it get to her. But the word date does get the best of her. They exchange goodbyes one last time before going their separate ways. The girls get into separate cars leaving Lisa anxious. Despite the reassurance Jennie had given her this time apart could make her change her mind. She begins to pick at her phone as they drive back to the airBnb. Lisa continues to disassociate as her phone blows up. Alice decides to caress the younger girls arm to get her attention. She looks at the older woman who pints at her phone. It had been going off since they left.

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

Your room?

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

Unless you’ve completely changed your mind. Which is also 100% understandable.

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

Honestly I might as well apologise now—I’m sorry. I was just trying to ensure you were okay. I shouldn’t have gone after you.

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

Jennie. I want you.

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

I’ll meet you in your room.

Lisa’s the first to arrive back at the house unsure of how to be let alone how to act. She says goodnight to her team as they go their separate ways. It feels like she’s dragging her feet to get to her room. The nerves are getting the best of her yet when they are together she acts as if she’s got it down and she knows exactly what to do. “Lisa-shi!” she hears Jisoo call her name from the other end of the hallway. “Jisoo-ni” she sheepishly smiles sending a quick text to Jennie.

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

Sneak in through the back Jisoo-ni caught me.

“You’re home so early?” the older girl comments, Lisa turns her head look at the clock “Unnie it’s 1 am what are you talking about?” she retaliates making Jisoo laugh at her reaction. Jisoo walks over to Lisa as she’s headed to the kitchen “You’ve got me there—get some rest you’ve been gone most of the day.” Jisoo lectures, Lisa rolls her eyes before walking towards her room, “Yes—unnie” she responds this time picking up the pace on her way to her room seeing that she couldn’t check her phone for Jennie’s reply. She enters the room expecting no one since the lights were off but she’s immediately pulled in. Jennie grabs Lisa’s wrist then closes the door, “What happened with Jisoo is everything okay?” she whispers slowly pushing Lisa towards the door, she thinks nothing of it of course until her back hits the door. “Yeah she was just passing through to get to the kitchen I didn’t know if you minded if she saw you come through—”

Jennie sighs interrupting Lisa’s thoughts, “I don’t care about anything right now other than you and continuing what we started. I meant what I said a few months ago—I crave you.” Jennie whispers looking up at Lisa slowly sliding the blazer off of her shoulder waiting for it to fall to the floor. Lisa can’t seem to think straight—Jennie’s not drunk and she’s never been this articulate about anything before. The taller girls wants to take advantage of that but what will that mean for their relationship. But as she’s trying to think Jennie is leaving soft kisses up her neck and on her collar bone making it impossible to even wonder or be anxious about tomorrow. Because fuck it Jennie Kim can’t get enough of her as of this moment, she lifts Jennie’s chin up reaching down close the gap between the both of them. Jennie releases a moan as soon as they make contact happily tasting Lisa again. It was only an hour since they last kissed and she’s got no shame confessing that she hated to wait any longer. Lisa slips Jennie’s cardigan off tossing it somewhere around the room, the next thing to go is Jennie’s hat. The taller girl is gaining some advantage as she slowly pushes Jennie towards her bed. Lisa hears a thud and Jennie falls down right on the edge of the bed, she looks down at Jennie to see those eyes. Begging her to be touched, her eyes pleading for contact

Lisa bites the bottom of her lip as she tries to calm herself down at this sexy sight.

Jennie can’t read what the younger girl is thinking so instead she pulls on her with her waistband. She pushes Lisa’s shirt up exposing the younger girls fit abdomen, planting kisses that slowly push her shirt off. Lisa can’t help but smirk at how forward the older woman is being but she doesn’t mind. She happily takes the shirt off before bending down to planting kisses on her neck, sucking on that same spot from before. Not caring whether or not she’s leaving a mark if she can’t be hers in public but at least in private she’ll know who makes her feel good. Jennie moans as Lisa tugs at her skin which she then soothes with her tongue. The brunette is in pure ecstasy, Lisa pulls Jennie’ shirt off as they move further up in bed. They don’t bother to pull away from one another, their lips continue to tangle with one another as the hills on Jennie’s skin grow at the slow satisfaction of her craving. Jennie’s fulling laying on the bed as one of Lisa’s hands make their way down to the zipper of her jeans. Jennie’s hands are busy as well slowly marking the maknae’s back, “Are you sure?” Lisa whispers in Jennie’s ear, the brunette nods but Lisa doesn’t move her head. She unzips the older girls pants inserting herself where she’s clearly needed. Lisa softly runs her middle finger over Jennie’s garments massaging through her folds.

Jennie groans desperately in Lisa’s ear, she knew that she was going to love the sound that would come out of Jennie but this is different. That sound alone created a pool in her center, Lisa returns to Jennie lips and it’s laced with desperation. She continues to massage the older girls point as they get lost in each other’s lips. They may not be drunk but this kiss is no longer allowing them to drive sober. Jennie inserts her tongue in between Lisa’s lips wanting to explore more of what she’s gotten a taste of. As Lisa runs circles around her creating a lethal combination that Jennie immediately reacts too, tilting her head back moaning, “Fuc-“ she says lowly. Then she hears a knock on her door, “Lisa-yah are you okay? I heard a lot of banging do you need help with something?” Jisoo’s voice rings through the other side of the door, Lisa pulls her hand out from Jennie’s pants panicking. She gets up and Jennie pushes herself to the other side of the bed where she can’t be seen. Lisa grabs her shirt then looks at herself in the mirror before heading to the door she takes a deep breath then opens it as little as possible. “Yes—sorry I just didn’t want to turn on the light and I tripped over a few things but thank you. You should get some rest, Jisoo-ni.” Lisa eggs on, Jisoo can tell she’s hiding something but doesn’t bother question her. It’s late and they both need to get some rest, “Oh—well alright. Have you seen Jennie or Rosé?” Jisoo wonders quickly trying not to hold the younger girl up too long. “Oh—uhmm—uhhh—Chaeyoung went to a party with Billie and I don’t know where Jennie-unnie is. I left as soon as I congratulated Billie.”

“Mhmm—well alright. Good night and stop being dumb and turn on your lights.” Jisoo advises, Lisa sheepishly chuckles watching the older girl turn the corner before she closes the door. A huge sigh relief comes out of both of their mouths, Lisa looks around to see Jennie’s legs behind the bed. She runs over to help the brunette up, “Are you okay?” Lisa inquires pulling her up, Jennie pushes her hair back chuckling at her and Lisa. The maknae can’t help but laugh along, “Why don’t we slip into something comfy its 2:37 we should get some sleep.” Lisa sighs knowing that they’ve got a long day tomorrow. Jennie’s disappointed of course but the yawn is speaking for her tiredness more than her sexual needs. The maknae grabs a zip-up hoodie for Jennie as she heads over to the bathroom to clean up. Jennie changes into the zip up making herself comfortable on the bed waiting for Lisa. The maknae comes out in an oversized shirt then locks the door. Soon after she heads over to the bed only using the moon light as her guide. They both tuck themselves in and have yet to say anything. They’re both taking the time to process. Jennie turns to Lisa waiting for her attention, Lisa smiles turning towards her. Jennie reaches her hand out caressing Lisa’s cheek. The moonlight somehow always knows to shows what she loves about Lisa the most.

Those innocent eyes, where she sees galaxies showing her all the possibilities. Lisa blushes at the attention running her finger over Jennie’s lips.  “Goodnight.” She mumbles making Jennie giggle. “G’ night”Jennie answers reaching over to peck her on the lips. As if it’s part of their routine, as if they even have  a routine at all.

She closes her eyes despite not wanting too, she finest want all of this to be over. Waking up to realise that they’ll have to talk about it and—before she can finish that thought she’s being pulled by Lisa. Into a passionate kiss one where you can feel both of their fears for tomorrow. But they don’t want to lose what happened tonight, suddenly Jennie’s awake. Reaching her hand down to massage Lisa’s breast. It’s a new sensation for both girls but it’s a type of sensation they both fall into immediately. Lisa moans into the kiss, giving Jennie the opportunity to return where she feels she belongs. Lisa’s skin is on fire as Jennie lips continue to explore parts of her lips she didn’t know she needed to be touched. Lisa’s hands make their way over to the up pushing the zipper down. Just enough for her to expose Jennie’s shoulder. Pulling away from the older girl and exploring the neck and the scent she’s loves. Planting kisses along the way Jennie’s hands move themselves up Lisa’s hair. Tangling themselves as the younger girl pushes her down desperately wanting to explore where she left off. She pushes the hoodie up the younger girls thigh. Exposing Jennie’s underwear, Lisa inserts herself between the woman’s center and the garment. Finally making contacting with Jennie’s wet spot. Jennie moans at the contact tilting her head back at how it feels to be touched.

Lisa slowly runs her fingers through her folds teasing her. But Jennie needs Lisa now, so she pulls Lisa’s head away from neck. Looking at her deeply, “Don’t be gentle, fuck me like you hate me.” She commands, Lisa bites her lip at how wretched she’s made the older girl. Lisa pulls the older girls under garment off throwing it where her cardigan must be. Rubbing circles at Jennie’s throbbing clit while devouring Jennie’s lips. Jennie’s hand keep themselves busy by tugging at Lisa’s neck. Fueling her fire, the older girl drips on Lisa fingers and all before she’s even inside her. Lisa teases her entrance slowly making their way in, Jennie groans loudly surprisingly Lisa. “You’ve got to be quiet. Can you do that?” Lisa questions as she inserts herself into Jennie testing to see if the older girl is listening. Jennie whimpers trying to hold the sound in, Lisa smirks. “Good girl.” Lisa hums bending down to capture Jennie’s breast into her mouth as her hands begin a slow and steady rhythm. As her finger pumps into her,  Jennie can’t help but moan at how good her fingers feel inside her. Lisa introduces another digit and slowly quickens the rhythm she’s got going. She feels Jennie’s walls tighten around her fingers. “Shit.” Jennie groans loudly again, Lisa pulls herself out of Jennie. “If you want to cum, you’re gonna have to be quiet.” Lisa growls at the older woman placing her hand on top of her mouth. Trying to muffle the sounds, she doesn’t bother waiting for an answer. She immediately pumps two fingers back in. This time Lisa rhythm is laced with aggression, loving the feeling of Jennie’s walls tightening around her fingers. She feels Jennie’s moans vibrate on her other hand, she decides to straddle the older girl. Grinding her body to the rhythm of her pumping in and out of Jennie. Jennie knows if she moans to loudly this will be all over. So she latches onto Lisa’s shoulder moaning while her hands create art with the red lines she’s leaving on Lisa’s back. She can feel herself close, she pulls away trying to look into Lisa eyes. As much as she loved hearing her groan in moan in her ear. She needs Lisa’s undivided attention to let her know how good she’s making her feel.

“Fu—Lisa—I’m gonna c—“ she barely finishes as she drops over Lisa’s fingers. The maknae collapses on top of her, as her tiredness creeps in. “Fuck,” Jennie breathlessly answers as she comes down from her high. Their heartbeats thumping syncing with one another. “I—“ Jennie stops herself from saying. Lisa pushes herself off of the younger girl catching her breath. She’s so exhausted arhat she didn’t even notice when she fell asleep. Jennie turns over to say something but she’s greeted with a snoring maknae.

Chapter Text

“Lisashi!” she hears Jisoo rapidly knocking at her door almost worried, Lisa immediately sits up from her bed panicking. While Jennie is sound asleep, Lisa gets down to whisper to wake her up softly. Instead of a respond all she gets is a groan, “Jennie—”

“Lisashi—“ for a moment Jennie gains consciousness at the sound of her best friend’s voice from the other side of the door. “Lisa!” Jisoo’s voice ring seriously leaving Lisa no choice but to push Jennie off of her bed, she runs around throwing every piece of clothing that belong to the older girl away from the eyeline when she opens the door. Jennie groans immediately as she makes contact with the floor, Lisa swiftly whispers sorry, once again looking at herself in the mirror to ensure she looks how she usually would. Truth be told she’s looking for another hickey, she opens the door to a worried Jisoo practically sweating bullets, “Jisoo-ni what’s going on?” the maknae questions opening the door slightly giving the older girl little to no room to peak into hers.

“Jendeukie never came home last night.” She utters worriedly, Jennie sits up from the ground immediately worried, Lisa on the other hand practically chokes on her own saliva. “What are you talking about—have you talked to Alison?” Lisa quizzes, pushing the door closer to her, Jisoo is curious with all of the noise that comes from her room as she tries to focus her energy back on the topic. “Yes—she said Jennie headed to the back of the house and then when she checked in on her before going to bed she wasn’t there. Then she checked her room and she wasn’t there either—which means she snuck out.” Lisa could laugh at the thought of Jennie sneaking out like a teenager and she tries her best to hide the smirk forming on her face. “Oh well—I’m sure she wouldn’t miss rehearsals, is Chaeyoung home?” Lisa wonders, Jennie scoffs at the sound of Chaeyoung’s name coming out of Lisa’s mouth.

“Yeah—she’s home. I just wanted to see if you heard from Jennie is all” Lisa walks out of her room slowly while closing it carefully to ensure that the older girl doesn’t see a thing. “I’m sure she’ll be home any minute. Now—I’m going to get ready and we can wait for her in the living room okay.” Lisa ensures, the older girl nods giving the maknae a hug trying to soothe herself. Lisa pats her head softly before she walks away heading towards the living room. She opens the door, to see Jennie ready to sneak out of her room and make an entrance in front of the house. But before she does so, she walks over to the maknae “When you’re done with your date with Chaeyoung—I wanna see you later. Come to my room.” She whispers in Lisa’s ear, giving Lisa flashbacks from last night. Lisa shivers as the bumps creep in on her body starting from her arms ending the trail all the way up to the back of her neck.

Lisa gulps, Jennie tiptoes securing a kiss from the maknae’s lips as she carefully exits out of Lisa’s room. Once again sneaking out from the back and entering the front of the house, Lisa isn’t dress on time but she hears the start of Jisoo’s lecture from the other side of the house. “You can’t just leave and not tell anyone! Where have you bee—and what is that on the side of your neck!” Jisoo shouts getting Lisa’s attention, she’s so in the moment that she hadn’t realized that her kissed had left a mark.

Jennie runs over to the mirror checking her neck. Not only is it bright purple but there’s more than one. She could kill the maknae if it wasn’t for the fact that she’s getting flashbacks. “Who did that! What are they a vacuum?” Jisoo continues to shout until finally the maknae’s of the group make their way to living room. Lisa avoids eye contact with the brunette focusing mainly on Jisoo. Chaeyoung who’s evidently hungover again is bothered by all the yelling. “What’s going on?” Lisa whispers covering poor Chaeyoung ears. The blonde rests her head on the maknaes shoulder happy to be next to her. “Look at this.” Jisoo grabs Jennie’s arm pulling her towards the girls. Who have now found themselves on the couch sprawled against one another. Jisoo tilts Jennie’s chin up showing the side of her neck. Lisa bites the inside of her cheek trying to keep a straight face. Chaeyoung’s eyes jump out of their sockets shocked at the sight of her unnies neck.

“It’s not that bad.” Jennie mumbles trying to not glare at Lisa. Who’s currently trying to act shock while holding her laugh in. “You look like an old banana that’s been sitting in the kitchen waiting to be eaten. I mean Jeez—“Jisoo continues to comment while scanning the rest of Jennie’s neck. Lisa and Jennie finally make eye contact but instead of an apology. The maknae gives her a ‘paybacks a bitch ‘ look but it doesn’t threaten Jennie. She returns a different look, ‘We’ll see tonight.’ Lisa arches an eyebrow and looks away before any of her and members can notice them exchanging looks. “How are you going to explain this to Alison? Can I be there?” Jisoo teases, Jennie finally pulls away from the older girl trying to create some distance between her and Jisoo. “Nothing’s going to happen—I mean nothing happened to Lisa when—anyways nothing happened to Lisa.” The maknae chuckles, Jennie turns to her curiously “ We only had rehearsals and mine was the size of a quarter as for yours is the size of a coaster.” She continues to tease.

Jennie grabs a pillow immediately throwing it at Lisa but instead she hits Chaeyoung, “Ahhhh unnie!” she finally says something which took a lot out of her. Jennie walks over petting the blonde softly glaring at Lisa, “Jennie.” She hears her managers voice enter the room, ‘Shit’ she thought to herself she turns around slyly putting her hand over her neck acting as if there’s an irritating scratch there. “Yes—unnie?” she smiles knowing she won’t be lectured but she will be interrogated. Alison comes around the corner to see all four girls staring at Jennie. Her eyes land on the brunette who’s profusely sweating smiling suspiciously. “Where’d you go last night? You had me worried sick! I thought I was gonna get fired!” She complains walking over to the younger girl. Pulling her into a hug, Jennie chuckles, “I’m fine—I just stepped out to grab some air and I lost track of time. I just wanted to explore.” Jennie explains, Alison pulls away from the hug finally but as she pulls. Her eyes drift to the Jennie’s neck, she shakes her head pulling Jennie out of the room. The three girls exchange looks and try to hold their laughter.

“What the hell happened to you? Who did this? Are you seeing someone? Because if you are—you don’t have to tell me but I can make it easier for you so this won’t happen I can arrange things for you—we can avoid—”

“Unnie! Stop!” Jennie grabs her forearms trying to calm her down while holding her laughter in. “I am not seeing someone—it’s complicated—but please unnie help me take care of this and I promise I won’t just sneak out next time.” Jennie begs Alison, who’s slowly pulling away from her crossing her arms unsure on whether or not she should believe the younger girl. She gives her those famous kitten eyes and caves; she rolls her eyes at Jennie. The younger girl finds victory in the exchange and nods, “Fine—but tell whoever this is to not treat you like a carpet. I’ll get the makeup team to take care of this—now go change you look like sex.” Alison shakes her head, Jennie goes in for a hug before running off to her room to change for rehearsals.

Back in the living room, Jisoo begins her detective skills—deductive reasoning, eliminating all the possible suspects that could’ve given her that hickey. Lisa and Chaeyoung watch as Jisoo paces the room back and forth, clearly the older girl is feeling much better. “…Who else were you guys with last night?” Jisoo questions them again, Chaeyoung sighs turning away from Jisoo catching a little shut eye on top of Lisa’s lap. “Jisoo-ni do we really have to talk about this—because I already—”

“Who else were you with last night?” Jisoo questions authoritatively one more time, Lisa sighs dipping her head down in defeat. “It was just us three—then we congratulated Billie there wasn’t anyone else she was talking too. I went home and I was told she came home right after me. Then you saw me and we talked, I didn’t hear anything else.” Lisa mentions one more time trying to remember the exact details she disclosed first. Just to be sure that there are no discrepancies, “Well I didn’t see her come in and if she would’ve come in she would’ve walked past the kitchen—so it’s odd because we didn’t even talk for that long—so she could’ve been running away from me.”

“Jisoo-ni if I have to hear you say this one more time my head is going to explode—Jennie—unnie had a fun night? What is so wrong with that—we all deserve a little night out do we not?” Rosé groans, having no regrets of last night’s decision. Though it saddened to not have a repeated of Friday night’s actions, she still had a wonderful time and met this girl name Talia. Distracted her from Lisa and what she could’ve possibly been doing—though reasoning and logic are screaming at her that Lisa just wanted to go home after a long day. “Alright fine—but I’m gonna keep bothering her until she breaks.” Jisoo snickers the maknae’s of the group roll their eyes. Knowing how relentless Jisoo is, she’ll probably wear Jennie down. Jennie comes out from her room with a zip up, the hoodie on a pair of sunglasses. She hears snickering behind her as didn’t wait for her members and simply started to head to the van for rehearsals.

She quickly whips her head whips her head back and the three girls immediately fix their faces waiting till she turns back around to continue giggling. Jennie wishes she could say that she’s surprised about their reaction but her neck does look like she’s been paintballing. Thankfully the make-up team erased the evidence of last night’s events, hopefully she won’t distracted for the rest of the day. She’s only had sex with one another person and it’s never been that satisfying before. Jennie catches herself thinking about Lisa and she immediately shakes her head sending a glare towards the maknae. But Lisa’s too caught up with her phone giggling, she looks over at Rosé who turns around giggling at Lisa. Jennnie can’t help but roll eyes, it bothers her that Lisa’s got a date with the blonde because is it actually a date. In which case she can’t really get mad because she has no right to be. They had sex that’s all but her feelings are selfish and only want Lisa for herself.

Sooyachu 🐰🐢

Seriously though where were you?

Sooyachu 🐰🐢

I changed then I had the make-up team cover up hickeys because according to my members I look like a banana!

Sooyachu 🐰🐢

I mean you did!

Sooyachu 🐰🐢

But you know that’s not what I meant! Where did you go last night!

Sooyachu 🐰🐢

I told you already, I went out to explore and lost track of time. Can’t I be a little mysterious jesus.

Jennie puts her phone on her lap deciding to end the conversation there. She places the headphones in knowing that the older girl will turn around and glare at her. Just as she predicted, Jisoo turns around to glare at the brunette. But it’s too late, she’s shielded herself away from her knives. Lisa on the other hand was too busy giggling about Rosé night. She’s happy to hear the extrovert enjoy herself, knowing how introverted the rest of the group is. While she was hanging out with Niki yesterday she got a few recommendations about what to do while they in California. She’s currently giving Rosé the breakdown to see what the blonde is most interested in.

Rosie 💩🐿 ️

Obviously we can check out Venice beach, but there is a café that Niki also really loved called the Beachwood Café. There’s some bookstores as well, a few art museums that also sounds really fun.

Rosie 💩🐿 ️

All of that sounds amazing but I’m shocked that there’s no shopping on the list of possibilities.

Rosie 💩🐿 ️

Why would I put it on the list if I’m taking YOU on a date. Besides I can go shopping throughout the week

Rosé stomach churns at Lisa’s messages, its almost impossible not to fall for the younger girl. She’s putting so much thought into hanging out, she thought it was just going to be them hanging out. But Lisa is treating this like a date and it’s fucking with Chaeyoung because she knows that there is nothing romantic about what Lisa’s doing for her.

Rosie 💩🐿 ️

Okay sounds good, we’re meeting up after we clean up from rehearsals?

Rosie 💩🐿 ️

Yeah maybe a little over an hour after? I don’t know what time that’ll be…

Rosie 💩🐿 ️

Yeah sounds good.

Rosie 💩🐿 ️

Great I already arranged for someone to drive us, come to my room when you’re ready and we can go from there?

Rosie 💩🐿 ️

Okay :)

The girls return to their rehearsal space from yesterday and they get ready to repeat everything little thing from their first weekend of Coachella then move onto rehearse for the North American Tour choreography. Which isn’t any different from what the tour is now but rehearsals never stop, their choreographer always strive for perfection if you can. They greet the crew before heading towards the green room to put their things down only having the necessities with them on stage. Jisoo and Rosé are a bit busy snacking while Lisa’s the first one to leave, she likes to stretch with the dancers and learn some choreography with them. Sometimes being with them helps her grow her freestyling skills, and whatever else they can teach her.

“Hiii” she greets bowing to all of them individually, “Lisa-yah!” they shout in excitement seeing the maknae join their stretches. She giggles hearing them all greet her like a choir, she picks a spot near the back and follows along with their stretches. As they continue to stretch she see’s Jennie from her peripheral putting in her in-ears and grabbing her microphone. Lisa ends her glance and gives her attention back to the dancer leading the stretches. Jennie could feel Lisa’s eyes on her but she decides to focus on work, she wasn’t going to let Kai distract her then and she’s not going to let Lisa do it now. She tries her best to focus her attention on the music blasting through her in-ears but her eyes drift to Lisa bending over down to her toes.

It’s like everything happened slowly after that, Lisa flips her hair coming back up with a smile on her face. Laughing at something that a dancer had said which of course Jennie didn’t catch. Soon after that she watches Lisa stretching her arm reaching for the sky carrying her shirt up with her. Exposing her lower abdomen, it might’ve been the lack of light last night but she only notices the V forming on the maknae’s side. “Jesus. I’m no better than a man.” She mumbles to herself but the sound operator had already turned on her microphone while she was daydreaming. And the whole stage heard the feedback to what she just said. The dancers and Lisa look over at her, and she wants nothing more than the ground to swallow her whole. “Sorry.” She says bowing, she looks over at the audio operator sighing knowing that he had no intention embarrassing her.

Lisa twitches her eyebrows to no one in particular as they get back to stretching. By the time the rest of the band got their in-ears in, Lisa’s saying goodbye to the dancers to grab her microphone and in-ears. As the girls wait by the end of the stage. She waves at the dancers goodbye one last time as they exit the stage. Lisa runs over to quickly get hooked up and give her microphone a try. Everything seems to be working so she runs over to the girls and their choreographer who clearly has more notes to give them.

***

After hours of rehearsals, they’re back home for some lunch and have the rest of the afternoon off. Jennie couldn’t help but keep her head on straight, her eyes kept falling on the taller girl. The way she moves is always mesmerizing to Jennie, every movement comes with intention she didn’t know that watching someone move like that does things to her. Yet all of that quickly disappears when Lisa walks over to Rosé or vice versa. It always ends in the both of them flirting with one another and it makes Jennie’s blood boil seeing the maknae flirt with the blonde. Today, they couldn’t seem to keep their hands off of each other, always hanging around each other’s neck. There was a point during rehearsals that she couldn’t take it that she purposefully pushed herself to run into Rosé. Of course didn’t think much it simply catching Jennie laughing it off.

When they arrive at the house Rosé and Lisa are quick to run to their rooms to change and get ready for the rest of their day. “Do you want to grab some food with me?” Jisoo questions turning to Jennie as they walk together towards the house. Jennie turns to Jisoo smiling, “Yeah—do you want me to invite Lisa and Chaeyoung?” she questions, “They’ve got a date so they probably won’t be able too—anyways 1 hour enough time?” Jennie had completely forgotten that they were spending the rest of the day together. “Yeah that should be fine.” They go about their separate ways but Jennie quietly follows behind Jisoo waiting till she enters her room to sneak into Lisa’s.

She doesn’t even bother to knock but she enters quietly, she hears the shower running and decides to lay down on the bed. Smelling that familiar scent of Lisa and all of the events from last night, god, the more it lingers in her brain the quicker the warmth and butterflies in her stomach grow. Lisa comes out humming from the bathroom with a towel around her body and one around her hair. “Jeezus—Jennie-unnie you scared the heck out of me.” She jumps back putting her hand on her chest trying to calm her heart. “Sorry—I just wanted to see you before you go.” Jennie whispers smiling at the maknae. Though she’s been around Lisa for quite some time now, recently she can’t seem to stop herself from getting lost in her beauty. After all of those things that the netizens said about her she felt like she’s been on a mission to prove the maknae wrong and all that they’re saying is not true.

“Oh—” Lisa quizzes starting the process of getting ready, “That comes off odd doesn’t it—I shouldn’t have come.” Jennie gets up from Lisa’s bed and starts heading for the door Lisa chuckles shaking her head. She quickly jumps into some jeans quickly running after Jennie before she gets to the door. “No—it’s alright. I remember what you said earlier and I will be there. Now go before everyone thinks you snuck out again.” Lisa tilts Jennie’s chin up planting a soft kiss on her lips and a few right on her neck. Jennie wraps her hands around Lisa’s throat softly pushing her away. “So what? You think you can just have me?” she mocks Lisa from their earlier interaction, Lisa smirks “I already have and you clearly want more.” Jennie bites her lip before quickly exiting Lisa’s room. Which is in perfect timing because 10 minutes after Jennie left, Chaeyoung came bursting into her room cooing about the beach and the pictures she’s about to take. As well as some a list of books she’d like to get her hands on to keep her company while they’re in waiting rooms.

“Thank you again for taking me out.” Rosé says running through her list on her phone while Lisa’s doing some finishing touches. “Thank you for being a great friend. I wouldn’t have survived these last couple of weeks without you. Thanks for loving me.” She answers, before planting herself right on top of Chaeyoung who’s caught my surprised not only by her words but by her actions. Her heart could practically beat out of her ass with their face’s inches away from one another. She’s had moments with Lisa where she is this close to her but its only now she notices the scent of vanilla combined with a cedar moss musk. Rosé is drunk on the scent, “Your eyes look really pretty today,” she says impulsively and regretting it the second it left her mouth.

“Our date hasn’t even started yet and you’re already complimenting me when it should be me complimenting you. But all in good time—are you ready?” She stands up from Chaeyoung and grabs her purse opening the door for the both of them. Chaeyoung bows her head at the younger girl. She secretly wishes she could hit herself for the idiocy that came out of her mouth. They make conversation as they walk towards their van. So engulfed in one another they didn’t even notice Jennie sitting on the couch waiting for Jisoo. But something about what Jennie saw going on between Rosie and Lisa feels threatening to her. There’s an insecurity she feels creeping in at the sight of the both of them in such close proximity.

“Anyways I feel like we’ve been so caught up in everything around us that we haven’t checked in with each other in a while? How was your friend? That one that you went to see?” Lisa questions putting her phone down giving Rosé her full attention. Rosie feels her cheeks slowly burn up, “They’re good—I got a few more people to come see our concert in LA. But other than that we caught up, they might even come see us at Coachella this coming weekend. What about you? How are you feeling—You look like you were gonna throw up during Billie’s set.” She comments. Lisa chuckles because if she had to find a way to describe how she was feeling that night it’s that. Seeing Jennie there made her sick to her stomach, looking at someone who hurt her so much. As if being swallowed by the ground wasn’t enough, her own body was rejecting the close proximity. “I just wasn’t expecting to see her.” She sighs, Rosie feels a pang of guilt hit her. “I know I should’ve told you—it was kind of last minute. I’m really sorry. Did—you—guys talks to each other? I saw her run after you.” Rosie stutters to say knowing that she doesn’t really want to know the truth of what happened that night.

Lisa is on the same boat, she doesn’t know where Jennie’s at about the whole thing. As for Lisa she prefers to not tell anyone at all. It doesn’t help the group to have everyone know their business. Especially if it’s something as big as this. She was afraid that after last night she would be crying over her today. Because the reality is that it probably meant nothing to Jennie. It’s clearly just a continuation of where they left off. In truth Lisa was already half way through making out with Jennie to finally realise that they should stop. But being with Jennie last night felt so good, despite not knowing what she was doing it felt instinctual for her. She just wanted to make Jennie feel good—“Lisa-yah?” Rosie questions getting her attention.

“Sorry yeah—uhmmm—we just talked. She just checked in with me and that’s about it honestly.” Lisa tries her best not to look back on last night events again. Though when they were in rehearsals today, she couldn’t help but check Jennie out. The way she tilted her head back to stretch reminds Lisa of how good she made her feel. Immediately hearing the moans that filled her ears—“Are you guys okay?”Rosie questions, Lisa releases a sigh, “I’m working on being okay and I don’t about her so. But I don’t want to talk about her and I anymore. I want to talk about who this person you’re in love with is? Or at least talk to me about them.” Lisa gushes teasing the blonde, she can tell is a sensitive topic because her ears are starting to turn red. Rosie chuckles and sighs all at the same time, “There’s nothing to tell, I am hopelessly pining after a person that clearly doesn’t want me. And guess what—I’ll never tell them. I’m just hoping to just be over them.” She rambles but a part of Lisa is disappointed to hear her friend shy away from her true feelings.

“It’s so unlike you to be like this. You deserve to know how they feel, and it’s not going to be easier if you keep up with this. You’re always so honest why is this person any different?” Lisa proceeds to question, Rosé sighs it’s encouraging to hear this from Lisa but it doesn’t erase the truth. How in love Lisa is with Jennie and if it’s going the same way it’s going with her feelings. She knows that her feelings for Jennie runs deep and it surely won’t just disappear like that. “Because I care about them—and I value their friendship. All these feelings bullshit isn’t worth the hassle. Look at you guys—I don’t think I can take them not talking to me—hell I’d die if they can barely look at me.”

“Isn’t it killing you when you’re around them?” Lisa pulls the hair out of Rosie face. Rosie chuckles creating space between the both of them, ‘It hurts even more seeing you with the person you love’  she thought to herself but if she can talk about this with anyone else why not her crush. Maybe it’ll bring her some closure, “It’s excruciating pain actually—“ she pauses looking deeply into Lisa’s eyes almost hoping that she can read her mind. “Because when I look at them—“ she takes in the courage to say what she’s always wanted too even though Lisa will never register that it’s her that she’s talking about. “It’s like basking in the sun, there’s a comfort that they bring me every time they’re around. Somehow I can always be myself around them, I’m not afraid to be myself I don’t have to be Rosé from Blackpink—I’m just Chaeyoung. And when they smile or laugh I could write a million songs on that alone. Yet every time we’re together I can tell they’re never actually there with me, like they’re heart just isn’t in it.” Rosé stops and for a moment it looks like it’s registering in Lisa’s mind. But she stretches her lips into that familiar sympathetic smile. And Rosie knew that she’ll never guess it’s her. It hurts Chaeyoung as much as it comforts her. “Okay you need to tell whoever this is because—I would love to be loved the way you’re describing this person.” Lisa shakes her head as they exit the car, Rosé unbuckles her seatbelt “If only you knew,” she whispers to herself looking loving at Lisa who doesn’t even seem to notice.

“C’mon I want to take pictures of you on the beach—“Lisa coo’s grabbing the blondes hands pulling her towards the beach. From then on Rosie decides to simply enjoy her time with the younger girl. Because if she’s stays in her head continuously feeding herself horrible words because Lisa can’t love her the way she wants her to be loved. She’ll only push the younger girl away because she knows that’s how she’s handled these kinds of feelings in the past. She starts to run ahead of the Lisa surprising the taller girl but she happily follows her lead, “Get ready for the best date ever.” Lisa shouts following after Rosie.

Chapter Text

While Rosie and Lisa enjoy their date, Jisoo and Jennie are enjoying their quiet feast. They landed on some Thai food funny enough to satisfy both of their cravings; Jisoo wanted a little bit of spice and Jennie wanted a taste of something a little different from home. But they’ve been here for about 30 minutes and only the utensils are exchanging conversation. Not because Jisoo hasn’t tried, but Jennie’s been avoiding her gaze acting caught up in the good food. The food is good but not good enough to be this silent, “Nini! What happened to us?” Jisoo finally breaks the silence and those words get the best of Jennie. Concern and shock she chokes on her food, after she recovers from her coughing fit she asks “What are you talking about Jisoo-ni?”

Jisoo sighs really milking her disappointment, she even goes so far as to look away from Jennie. The younger girl rolls her eyes at Jisoo, “You use to tell me everything. And now we’re keeping secrets? We’ve literally seen each other naked and suddenly there’s this space between us. What’s that about?” Jisoo dramatises, Jennie can’t even try and feel guilty knowing that at this point they’ve seen each other naked. She shakes her head not wanting to feed into this drama. “See radio silence.” Jisoo tsks.

“Jisoo-ni. Stop it, I had one night to myself—“

“First of all you clearly were not by yourself—“

“Unnie there is nothing to tell okay. I—“

“Do I know who they are?” Jisoo whispers getting closer to Jennie, her eyes could get stuck with the amount of times she’s been rolling her eyes.

“Jisoo-ni enough.” Jennie tries to state sternly as possible but it doesn’t work on the unnie, “No it’s not enough because one second you’re sitting here telling me you’re in love with Lisa then you go and hook up with someone else? What is that about? I am not going to sit here and let you fuck all of this up. I refuse I am not going to let you put that girl through the ringer and I am not going to let you sit here and let me tell you straight to your face that I know she deserves much better than you. I don’t ever want to have to say that to you because both of you deserve each other.” Jisoo disappointingly trying not to gain too much attention from the crowd. Finally Jennie understands what Jisoo is getting at, but after what’s happened the last couple of months Jennie must tread lightly. It’s not that she’s ashamed of having slept with Lisa because if she’s to be honest what happened last night was nothing to be ashamed of. And it seems from this morning’s short conversation it’s clear its bound to repeat itself again tonight.

“Unnie—I can’t force her to love me and I can’t force her to forgive me—when I got there last night with Chaeyoung it looked like she was going to throw up at the sight of my face and that hurt. I’m still in love with her and what happened last night was in the heat of the moment. I was dumb doing what I did—leaving the house without telling anyone. But they reached out to me and one thing lead to another and that’s it, we’re never going to see each other again and Lisa will never know.” Jennie explains almost proud of herself, not all of what she said is a lie—parts of it were true. Jisoo waits a moment looking deeply into Jennie’s eyes to see if she tries to redact what she’s confessed. But nothing, Jennie maintains eye contact despite feeding herself.

“So you do plan on telling Lisa?” Jisoo questions, Jennie smiles clearly the older girl is somewhat happy with her response. “I—am trying to be patient. I don’t know what I’m suppose to say or do?”

“Ask her out?” Jisoo plainly answers.

“What if she says no?” Jennie worriedly responds letting her anxieties get the best of her. Jisoo sighs softly banging her head on the table, “Do you honestly believe that? After EVERYTHING I’ve said, your mother Hyunji hell even Nayeon has thought about this whole thing or what we’ve said to you?!”  she mumbles and the matter of Nayeon’s name catches her attention. “You involved Nayeon? What the hell? At this point Jisoo-ni it feels like everyone knows!” Jennie complains but Jisoo needed some fresh ears, a perspective that’s not with them all the time. And they’ve known Nayeon prior to both bands debuting. Nayeon knows Jennie pretty well so Jisoo knew that she’d be the best person to talk about what’s going on with Jennie. And in truth she didn’t really say much, only what she needed to say for some perspective that she’s not the only one that wants these two idiots to get together.

“If everyone knew—Lisa would know.” Jisoo whispers to herself, Jennie doesn’t bother to comment on the last part of her sentence. “And of course I did—she wanted to know what was up with you—you weren’t talking to her and she thought you were drowning in your tears over Kai—”

“That’s a bit dramatic.” Jennie rolls her eyes, “I mean you were being moody…just…not about Kai.” Jisoo shrugs as she finally resumes eating. Jennie on the other hand decides to look through numerous texts that she’s been ignoring due to the volume she received after they performed at Coachella. She finds Nayeons name immediately;

Nayeoni 🐰

I was not drowning in my own tears about Kai

[Nayeoni 🐰 🍭 ]

HELLO Nini. I’m doing fine thank you for asking. What no way! You guys performed at Coachella that’s amazing! Congratulations! Oh you know we’re just preparing on making a comeback but I just wanted to check in on you since your breakup.

Nayeoni 🐰

ALRIGHT! I’m sorry I’ve been M.I.A I’ve just been caught up with stuff you apparently already know about.

[Nayeoni 🐰 🍭 ]

At least Jisoo still talks to me

Nayeoni 🐰

NOOOOOOO pls, I’m sorry!

Nayeoni 🐰

How can I make it up to you?

[Nayeoni 🐰 🍭 ]

I better be the FIRST person you see when you come back to Korea

[Nayeoni 🐰 🍭 ]

Obbbviously if our permit schedules permit it BUT I swear if you use your schedule as an excuse we’re done.

Nayeoni 🐰

Deal and I promise I won’t

[Nayeoni 🐰 🍭 ]

Good.

[Nayeoni 🐰 🍭 ]

I actually only know the most basic information. Jisoo said you were dealing with a crisis and that you were avoiding your feelings.

“A crisis?” Jennie looks up from her phone as Jisoo continues to happily eat, slowly but surely she’s getting back to herself. She’s got nothing to say and simply nods her head.

Nayeoni 🐰

It’s something alright—if you’ve got the time do you want to face time just talk and catch up?

[Nayeoni 🐰 🍭 ]

I would love too how about tonight?

Nayeoni 🐰

I’m a little busy tonight I would only have like 5 minutes to chat maybe tomorrow morning here? While I get ready?

[Nayeoni 🐰 🍭 ]

Suspicious. But alright tomorrow it is.

“Can we PLEASE and I will get on my knees and beg you at this point. Keep the whole Lisa thing between us. Please—this has gotten out of hand, this should’ve stayed between Lisa and I and now I feel like I have to tell you that this should’ve stayed between us as a group. It’s not that I don’t trust Nayeon or my mother but please. We—and by we I mean Lisa and I just need time to; one let her heal from all the hurt I gave her, two a way for me to let her know without hurting her or letting her think it’s some kind of joke. And finally for us to feel comfortable about where we are god knows how long that’s going to take so PLEASE. Be patient with us and let us figure it out without telling anyone else.” Jennie begs pulling the utensils away from Jisoo hoping it’ll grab her attention as to how she’s trying to be. Guilt runs all over the older girls face she was just hoping to talk to someone she didn’t really consider whether or not this is something Jennie wanted to discuss outside of the group.

“I’m sorry there is no excuse for my actions, I shouldn’t have involved others. I want to say one last thing and that is I just had a feeling that deep down you’ve had the same feelings for Lisashi and I wanted to be sure I wasn’t the only one that notice them. Okay that’s it. But from now on we will respect you guys—despite both Chaeyoung and I both wanting to know everything please know that deep down you don’t have to share anything with us until you are ready.” Jisoo explains knowing deep down that she had no right to say anything about anything at all to Nayeon. Jennie of course understands wanting to talk to someone when the person you want answers from doesn’t want to provide you with anything at all. But if her relationship with Lisa is suppose to strive it needs the least amount of people involved in all of it.

“I just want the both of us to come together naturally—you know? None of this everyone expects us too because my feelings for her runs deep Jisoo-ni. It’s scary how willing I am to drop everything for her. I hate not having her around, everything is rainy and dreary without her—she is this sunshine in my life that I didn’t know I couldn’t live without. And when I heard all of those things that netizens and paparazzi were saying about her all I wanted to do was react and let them know that all of that is bullshit. How her eyes are this amazing chocolate brown that remind me of the Christmas chocolates that umma use to give me. How her laugh is so infectious that I can’t help but smile and laugh along at whatever it may have been that made her smile and laugh. How much I hate how territorial I can be with her but I have no right to be so, especially when she’s around Chaeyoung—its suffocating seeing how much they flirt with one another. A part of me—a very—almost extremely toxic part of me wants to just walk on over to her and kiss her—let the whole world know that she is mine—”

“But she’s not.” Jisoo interrupts, Jennie hits the older girl in the arm for stating the obvious. She painfully aware that she’s got no right to be that territorial, “Yes thank you. I just don’t want you to think that I don’t see her the way she sees me, I don’t want her and I’s relationship to start and already have this narrative that one person is a little more into the other.” Jennie sighs, for once Jisoo is clear about Jennie’s feelings there is no hesitation. Hopefully she lives up to all that she’s confessing to the other girl because at this point Jisoo is loving the Kdrama that is unravelling in front of her eyes.

“Okay. I trust—you’ll make your move when you both feel ready. You won’t hear another peep out of us.” Jisoo agrees for the sake of both Lisa and Jennie. As much as she wants them to be together now it wouldn’t do either of them any good to push it. And if Jisoo knows one thing it’s that if they were meant to be they will be. “Thank you—now how are you how’s your back? How are you feeling?” Jennie questions talking about something else other than herself or Lisa. Because the topic of her and Lisa reminds her of the fact that the maknae is one a possible date with Rosé. “I’m okay—unnie got me this physical massage therapist to come in and treat me and when I tell you I watched my soul leave my body it’s crazy!” Jisoo talks about her out of body experiencing making Jennie laugh.

“Unnie!”

“No—seriously—it felt like I was a piece of cement and they were just trying to break it apart to lay down new cement.” Jisoo continues to explain but it’s not quite getting to Jennie, “I don’t know how cement works but I feel like new strong cement.” At this point it feels like the conversation has gotten the best of them, that its gotten somewhere but nowhere all at the same time. “I’m glad you’re feeling better? Is that what you’re getting at” Jennie concludes the older girls nods as she starts to slurp down her soup. “Are you nervous about the next leg of the tour?” Jennie questions making conversation. Jisoo shakes her head back and forth unsure how she really feels. After they debut, she’s not really one to get nervous or anything of the sorts. “Not really—I’m use to it. The only thing I’m nervous about is having ¾ of the team injured.” Jisoo shrugs passing new information to the younger girl. She’s aware of her ankles and Jisoo’s back but who’s the third one. “ ¾ ?” Jennie questions, Jisoo could hit herself for letting the goddamn cat out of the goddamn bag right now. Lisa got injured while she was dancing with Cheshir. Jisoo wasn’t suppose to know but she caught the maknae in crutches while she was going to back to record a few vocals for Kill This Love. Apparently she had misaligned a joint in her knee. Lisa didn’t want to worry her band mates or take a break so she just made an excuse as to why she could only make appearances during performances. Lisa skipped out on, dinners, meetings, rehearsals, practice everything that meant being with a group. Jennie thought nothing of it because—Lisa had spent weeks prior ignoring her for her actions. And if she needed to come back for vocals or fittings for herself she arranged something to be done about it.

“Unnie?” Jennie questions grabbing Jisoo’s attention she’d been mentally panicking for a few minutes over the mistake she just let it slip. “Right sorry—uhmm Lisa-shi—injured her knee. She was practicing with Cheshir that landed her in crutches while we were in Korea it’s why she missed a lot of rehearsals and everything in between she’s in crutches outside of being around me or anyone on her team. She didn’t want to—“

“Wait she’s suppose to be in crutches?” Jenni interrupts worried about the maknae; Jisoo shrinks in her seat regretting every word leaving her mouth. All she can do is nod, “Why didn’t she tell anyone?” Jennie says almost angrily but she tries to keep face. Jisoo shakes her head, “It’s not that she doesn’t want to tell anybody—because honestly I stumbled on it—“

“Why is she still rehearsing? What is it?” Jennie insists and Jisoo wants more than anything to be swallowed by the ground. She’d gone a whole 2 months without having said anything to anyone. Jisoo sighs deciding whether she should cave in or not. But as much as she hates keeping secrets she hates leaving her member in the dark. “She’s got a fucked-up ligament in her knee. Her doctor told her to not use it at all hence the absences during the practices and anything that involved being in a group—so it really wasn’t just you. But I don’t think she should be doing what she’s doing anything right now, that was only a month ago. She told me that she was suppose to get surgery but that meant her pulling out of everything for the next 4 to 6 months. She didn’t want to do that—“

“Is she dumb?” Jennie growls, the older girl raises her eyebrows at the attitude she’s exuding. “So what is she doing? She can’t not get surgery and continue working.” Jennie rambles, Jisoo sighs agreeing but their maknae is a hardworking workaholic. They are all impossible to pull away from work but the most stubborn of them all is the maknae. “Well, she’s got a physical therapist that comes with us on tour, one that’s specifically focusing on her knee.” Jisoo explains but Jennie is not satisfied. She shakes her head at the newer provided she got a whole anatomy lesson about the body when she injured her ankle. An injured knee is not something that should go untreated. “Is that working?” she questions Jisoo can tell that Jennie’s got a loaded gun of things to lecture and question the maknae about. Whether or not she’s going to warn the maknae has yet to be decided. Lisa’s keeping something from Jisoo and she hates being left in the dark. She knows that she’s not at the liberty to know everything but she should.

“It seems to be but there will be times I’ll catch her spending hours with the PT. Or she’ll call out of rehearsals—the only reason she’s hasn’t called off recently is because of Coachella and the next leg of the tour. “ Jisoo explains Jennie releases another huff as she hits the plates a little harder feeding herself another spoonful. Jisoo sighs—it’s only right for her to let Lisa know just in case in turns into a mother big argument. “I understand you’re angry and disappointed—but you have to remember you’re her friend—her band mate. Not her mother—father—girlfriend or whatever. If you’re going to over react it’s not gonna end well, I already gave her an earful. But even I couldn’t get through that stubborn streak of hers.” Jisoo suggests watching as Jennie’s face calms as she hears those wise words from the older girl. They’ve sort of just made up and the last thing she wants is ruin what’s going on. Despite only being separated from Lisa for only a few hours. She’s already craving her touch, how quickly she came undone watching Lisa practically fu—

“Jendeukie—d’you understand what I’m saying?” Jisoo questions bringing her attention back. Jennie clears her throat, looking back Jisoo nodding her head as normally as she can. “Yes—you’ve got nothing to be worried about it’s not like she’s talking to me.” She reminds the older girl who immediately remembers that the two girls haven’t spoken outside of the public eye. Jennie knows it’s a lie but they only started talking to each other last night.

***

“I had a wonderful day Lisa-shi—I mean it. I miss having moments like this with you. I feel like since we’ve been back in Korea we’ve been a bit busy especially you. I feel like I only ever saw you when we had to perform for most of our promotions stuff. But I also know you’re also avoiding Jennie-unnie—” Rosé rambles as they enjoy the night breeze waiting by the fire. Rosé’s been dreading coming back from her date with Lisa. She’s spent a couple of years dreaming about a day just like the one they had today. Rosé was mesmerized at the sight of Lisa giving her undivided attention, they talked about everything and anything today. Where they saw each other in the very distant future after Blackpink—where they saw each other residing to see if they would ever leave Korea. Rosé is many things and most of the time a lot of people only assume much of what she’s got on the surface but if there was ever a moment in the group that’s gotten deep that’s because of her. She loves putting herself and everyone around her think—she loves hearing how they personally see’s the world. And having heard someone who’s she’s deeply in love with talk to her all day about how she goes about to world was wonderful.

“Chaeyoung-ah. I haven’t been fully honest with you.” Lisa says and the panic immediately taking over her body, ‘Shit.’She thought to herself but she just makes a curious sound, “Yes—I am avoiding Jennie-unnie but that’s not the only reason why—it was 2 months or so ago I was practicing a piece with Cheshir and I landed on my knee wrong.”

“Lisayah!” she shouts bumping onto Lisa who’s trying to calm her down a bit, “So I ended up misaligning a ligament in my knee and I was and still supposed to be in crutches. That’s why I haven’t been practicing with you guys and most of my schedule is just me going to physical therapy and trying to keep off of my knee.”

“Lisahi! How is it now? Misaligned knee shouldn’t you be getting surgery or something that sounds really serious—”

“When I was rushed to the hospital they wanted to take me to surgery but before we decided anything they told me I would be pulled out of everything for the next 4 to 6 months. Which means no Coachella—North America tour—or Europe and I didn’t want to disappoint anyone—”

“Are you dumb!” Rosé mumbles squeezing the maknae’s arm a little harder than it was playful. Lisa pulls away knowing how disappointed her best friend is with her decision. “Listen I asked for other alternatives which meant physical therapy for a bit, doctor visits, MRI’s, and X-Ray’s. I wasn’t going to let the team down—Chaeyoung.”

“Lisa—the team would’ve been fine. You should take care of yourself.” Chaeyoung continues to nag, Lisa sighs, “It’s not just that, manger-oppa didn’t really give me a choice either. He got into my head—and now here we are. But I have physical therapy all day tomorrow until we have to show all these promotions so I am taking care of myself.” The maknae tries to make a point but Rosie refuses to listen. “Doesn’t help that you’re suppose to be in crutches—speaking of which where are they?” Chaeyoung bumps into Lisa again but this time Lisa wraps her arms around Rosé trapping her under her arm. The blonde didn’t even bother to protest, she simply folds. “They’re in my room—“

“Alright well if I have anything to say about it you’re not walking on that fucked up ligament anymore.” Rosie breaks from Lisa standing up in front of her forcing a piggyback. She feels Lisa put her arms around her neck softly, “Oooh Chaeyounga!” Lisa coo’s resting her head on the blonde’s shoulder as she picks up the speed. Running towards the door, the girls share a laugh as she feels Lisa bouncing on her back. The maknae is snorting at her feeling like she’s riding a horse. Rosie slowly bends down trying to reach the handle but it only makes Lisa laugh a little louder. “You could help.” Chaeyoung chuckles, Lisa uses her long arms to open the door.

As fate and timing would have it Jensoo has come back from their calm Sunday afternoon outing. Jennie hears the familiar sound of Lisa laugh. She smiles at the sound but her smile turns upside down as soon as she hears Rosie laugh. More importantly how they’re laughing together, the maknae line couldn’t hear the unnies come in so caught up in their world. Rosie starts to swerve side to side making airplane noises making Lisa nervous but also can’t help but smile at the childlike energy that Rosie is bringing in. “What’s that thing they say—ooh—please keep your seat belt fasten we might be experiencing some turbulence—” Rosie warns slowly squatting the jumping back up to bounce the maknae that practically weighs nothing on her back. Lisa continues to laugh, a laugh that none of the girls have heard since they’ve debut. This innocent laugh she use to have before the YG system broke her down. The girls know how reserve Lisa’s become throughout the year so hearing her laugh that innocent laugh she use to have when she’s fourteen almost brings tears in their eyes.

“Chaeyoungah! My room is over there!” Lisa giggles even louder her laughter begins to dissipate and the unnie’s assume that they are slowly entering the maknae’s room. “I haven’t heard her laugh that in a while.” Jisoo reminisces smiling at Jennie who’s overwhelmed with two emotions. She’s sad that the Lisa’s energy and confidence has changed so much, she can feel Lisa holding herself back. But she’s so happy to hear the younger girl sort of find herself and slowly growing her confidence. As much as she hates hearing Rosie’s voice follow Lisa’s she’s glad to hear that the maknae is no longer in her shell of wanting to force herself to suffer alone. “Yeah last time I heard that we were all introducing ourselves when Rosie came to the group.” Jennie add as they slowly walk towards their rooms, “I’m glad she’s feeling better these days.” Jisoo says under her breath Jennie nods, she’s noticed that without having talk to each other the younger girl the last few months she does seem to be doing better. Her actions last night are getting the best of her and the guilt is taking over, “Good night Jendeukie. I’ll see you tomorrow bright and early, think about what I said.” Jisoo reminds Jennie one last time just in case she gives in to temptation. But having heard Lisa laugh like that, the last thing Jennie wants to do is be the reason why she stops. So Jennie heads to her room to get comfortable for a night in especially since they’ll be having a long day tomorrow. That and she doesn’t know how long until Lisa’s going to stop by, she’ll probably take this time to think about what to say to the maknae.

Speaking of the maknae, “Alright ladies and ladies on behalf of the flight crew and I we would like to thank you for choosing Park Chaeyoung airlines today! I hope you enjoy your stay in Lisa’s room.” Rosie jokes slowly placing Lisa on her bed, the younger girl hasn’t stopped laughing since she was first picked up. “Thank you.” She sings watching the blonde stretch out her back, her back isn’t taking kindly to having held someone for so long despite that she doesn’t mind. “No thank you, I had a wonderful time at our date.” Chaeyoung coo’s once again, Lisa smiles pulling her into a hug resting her head on the blonde’s stomach. Rosie of course doesn’t protest instead she starts to massage the younger one’s head as it rests on her. Lisa smiles but Rosie can’t help but feel her heart break at the realization that their date is over. Making her the first one to pull away, “Okay I’m going to shower because we have a looooong day tomorrow,” she comments making Lisa pull away from her but before she does she squeezes one more time.

The blonde starts walking out of the maknae’s room but Lisa runs after her hugging her from behind, “Thank you Chaeyoung” Lisa coos pulling her closer wrapping her arms around the blonde’s stomach. If only she could feel the fluttering butterflies that are dancing around in her stomach she’d know how much this day meant to Rosie. Rosie smiles trying to hold back the tears mustering up the courage to turn around. When she does she’s met by those eyes that have always capture her as if they know how she’s truly feeling that somehow deep down she can see that there’s a possibility that Lisa can love her too. Lisa leans in quickly giving the blonde a soft peck and a smile, Rosie’s taken aback, “Well it was a date I figured it should end how all dates do—with a kiss” She innocently smiles before grabbing the handle waiting for Rosie to walk out, the blonde says nothing of course but offers a smile the best one she can fake before walking out of the maknae’s room.

A part of her can’t even fathom what just happened nor does she really want too. The moment wasn’t long enough to process who can she even talk about this with. She’s been in this bubble of being in love with Lisa that she truly doesn’t know who to turn too. But that seems like something she has to unpack all on her own she’ll probably spend the rest of the night thinking and writing about this tonight. Back in Lisa’s room she’s getting ready for a shower but as she’s wrapped up in a towel but her phone begins to ring. It’s Mina, before they left for America Lisa had grabbed dinner and some karaoke with Jihyo and Mina.

Lisa was expecting to only be with Jihyo but she happily brought Mina which Lisa didn’t mind. There are a lot of things that night that was only supposed to be one thing, for example, it was only supposed to be dinner but Lisa expressed being stress. So, Jihyo suggest karaoke and how that always seems to destress her then spending time with Mina and how well they seem to get along with each other.

‘Myonuri—hi!’ Lisa greets excitedly to hear from her new friend.

‘Hi—’ she softly greets the maknae

‘How are you?’

“I’m alright—I just wanted to give you a call and congratulate you on your debut at Coachella that’s pretty amazing! “TELL HER I SAY THE SAME THING! AND THAT IT WAS—OW!” she hears the familiar voice of Jihyo interject in the background as accompanied by a few thuds.

Lisa giggles before answering, “Thank you! I love hearing from the both of you! But you didn’t have to call me I know you guys are busy so I appreciate you guys taking the time to do so I hope I can see you guys soon! I’m surprisingly missing karaoke already’

“HA! I told you she’d be happy to hear—AAHH MINA—MINA!!” she heard Jihyo say in the background, ‘Is everything okay?’ Lisa chuckles over the phone Mina clears her throat while hearing a few more grunts from both girls.

‘Yeah—I think Jihyo just tripped so who knows. But how are you? How’s LA?’

‘It’s good—cold at night hot for the rest of the day but I wasn’t really expecting anything other than that—Rosie and I explored a bit then I have some physical therapy for most of my day tomorrow. What about you? How’s the comeback?’

‘Yeah I also wanted to call you about your knee? Last time I remember Jihyo and I had to take turns carrying you after one too many soju and beer.’

‘—Jeez that’s embarrassing but thank you for doing that by the way.’ Lisa is practically blushing at this point thinking about how physically in tune she was with Mina at the time.

‘Don’t be I don’t mind—the maknae’s seem to see me as an elevator too—” Mina mumbles but Lisa hears it clearly, ‘An elevator MINARI—ouch I thought you liked me—yet now you’re teasing me’ Lisa jokes while across the world Mina melts at Lisa’s words, something about their hang out wanted her to reach out with Lisa.

‘I gotta keep you on your toes—anyways I have to go we’re shooting something else but I’m glad to hear from you.’

‘Shouldn’t I be the one saying that to you since you called me?’

‘Again keeping you on your toes, “Mina let’s go!”’ she hears Nayeon in the background screaming for the for the black-haired girl. ‘Alright I’ll see you later—I’ll text you.’ Before Lisa could respond the phone call drops she feels a little giddy from that short phone call.

Chapter Text

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

Unnie is it okay if you meet me in my room? I want to talk to you about something.

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

Yeah of course do you want me to come now?

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

How’s it looking out there? I don’t want to raise any eyebrows.

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

My manager unnie and yours is still out there

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

I think she’s a little scared that I might sneak out again but there’s a door that leads to the pool that leads to your room…

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

If you don’t mind—being a horny teenager and sneak out…

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

Shut up.

[Jennie 🐻💋 ]

I’ll be there in 5 minutes.

Lisa puts her phone down and gets herself and her mind ready for what she’s going to do and say with Jennie. Seeing that most of her bandmates know what’s going on with her because she needs to stop pushing herself physically if she wants to get better. If her knee is going supposed to get better she needs to actually listen to her doctor about taking care of herself.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Jihyo won’t leave me alone she keeps singing almost is never enough its so annoying! You’re braver than me please tell her to stfu because we’re at this shoot for so long.

Lisa laughs at herself reading Mina’s message, reminiscing slowly of what she can remember from that night. It was one of the few nights where she felt like Lalisa for once she felt like she was just a 20-year-old who was enjoying her time meeting new people.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Jihyo’s just likes to get to you feel what she feels like you need too

[Minari 🐧 ]

So what is it that’s almost never enough?

[Minari 🐧 ]

I hate how well she does that because she always knows how others feels instead of letting me guess my own emotions

[Minari 🐧 ]

I’m well aware any time I’ve ever needed to understand what I’m going through she always knows how to explain it to me so I can understand my own emotions.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Honestly the more we talk about it it’s kind of pissing me off how well she does that for me because NOW I am caught up in a shit show.

[Minari 🐧 ]

A shit show? What do you mean?

[Minari 🐧 ]

I’m actually moving on from it and really I want to be out of it. I want to be around new people

[Minari 🐧 ]

I’m pretty new

[Minari 🐧 ]

Exactly and you’re great! So if you ever find yourself in America or Europe or honestly when I get back to Korea we should hang out.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Don’t make promises you can’t keep.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I would never break a promise.

Lisa smiles continuously down at her phone until she hears a soft knocking outside of the glass door. She looks up to see Jennie waving at her telling her to hurry up, Lisa puts her phone down and grabs the crutches. Jennie finally sees the infamous crutches that she only uses around Jisoo. Jennie’s face is accurately depicts confusion. Lisa unlocks the door and Jennie opens it slowly, “Why are you in crutches?” she questions as normally as possibly, Lisa feels her palm begin to sweat. Jennie walks in then closes the curtains in to ensure them both have privacy. She turns around to see Lisa on the couch waiting, “I was dancing with Cheshir and I landed on my knee wrong—and I’ve been and suppose to be on crutches for the rest of the year. Since I didn’t get surgery and I’m telling you because if we’re going to keep doing what we’re doing I will probably be in crutches outside of it.” Lisa confesses Jennie pretends as if this is the first time she’s heard this. She rolls her eyes sitting down next to Lisa to still convey some normal reaction not to raise any questions.

“Two things, one thank you for telling me , two why didn’t you get surgery?” Jennie says through her teeth trying to keep her anger at bay. Jennie’s aware that it comes from a good place but her anger often manifests to a protective mother like effect. “I was suppose to but then manager-oppa got in my head saying I’ll be pulled from most of everything—Coachella—America and European tour—it was going to be 6 months or so and I didn’t want to disappoint you guys—”

“Fuck manager-oppa you should’ve gotten the surgery. Do you want me to give you a massage?” Jennie tries to control the passion in her voice making Lisa chuckle. Jennie takes the crutches out from Lisa’s hands putting off to the side that’s when she hears a familiar ding from Lisa’s phone. She let’s slide off of her back and begins to massage the maknae’s legs everything surrounding her knee. Knowing that trying to massage around the injury instead of on, she figured she finally return the favour after those nights when Lisa took care of her ankle. Lisa’s phone dings again but she doesn’t seem to notice as she melts under Jennie’s massage, “You know this is going to cost you.” Jennie whispers smirking at Lisa who is a little too occupied at how good the massage she’s feelings.

She’s been so busy that she’s kept pushing her appointments with her physical therapist so she’s currently in heaven. Jennie decides to keep massaging and this time she hears Lisa’s phone continuously chiming, “Nini can you grab that for me?” Jennie can tell that Lisa’s definitely going to milk this injury for as long as she can as if she doesn’t milk being the maknae enough. Jennie gets up to grab the phone and phone lights up and she sees three names, Mina’s, Diana’s, and her mother’s name. She raises an eyebrow at the sight of Mina’s name she didn’t even know they texted each other. Jennie’s only seen the two talk during award shows or behind the scenes when she’s catching up with Nayeon. She’s aware however that Jihyo and Lisa are very close friends but Mina is new information. Jennie hands the younger girl her phone, Lisa sits up grabbing her phone and smiling. The older girl notices of course but decides to channel all that jealousy onto the massage trying to ignore Lisa who’s giggling over her phone.       

[Minari 🐧 ]

We’ll see I hope you haven’t forgotten that you owe me a lot of beer and soju.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Is that so? Aren’t you allergic?

[Minari 🐧 ]

That’s beside the point. Am I that boring to you?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Quite the opposite actually—I just don’t remember when I stacked up a debt of soju and beer.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Almost is never enough night.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I see what you did there 😋

Lisa decides to put her down when she feels Jennie hands start wandering away from her knee a little closer to her center. She looks down at the older girl smirking, “Miss Kim that is nowhere near my knee.” Lisa leads the older girls chin up to be face to face. They close the gap feeding into their craving that they’ve been trying to keep at bay since they parted this morning. Jennie moans feeling Lisa’s hands start exploring her body trying to slowly pull her closer until finally she’s waiting for the signal from Lisa to straddle her. Lisa’s rests her fingers right inside Jennie’s waistband pulling her in slowly, the older girl straddles the maknae putting her hand on her neck. Deepening the kiss, their breathing shifting hitching at each other’s touch, they can’t even begin to describe how their familiarity with each other makes them feel.

As well as they have been distracting themselves with their bandmates they both have been craving each other’s attention. Their hands on each other teasing their clothes whether or not they’ll be coming off or not. Mouths dripping in alcohol at how quickly they both got so addicted with others taste. Lisa’s been dreaming about moments like this with Jennie she can’t even bothered about how this is going to affect their friendship. Let alone where their feelings stand, there must be something that the brunette feels for her. She came on to her, she came back for me with her all Lisa has to do now is wait and simply enjoy what’s going on right now. Jennie brings her back into the moment by brushing her tongue across Lisa’s bottom lip. Lisa happily parts her lips granting her access as she snakes her hands on Jennie’s back scratching softly. Inching their way up to the older girl’s bra hook to smoothly unhook it, wanting to be where she was last night. Only this time she wants to feel the sensation and the sequence of actions of what it’s like to be in between Jennie Kim’s legs.

Once her bra is unhook she pulls her hands out from Jennie’s shirt, slowly pulling the straps down from both sides. There’s no protest from the other girl of course, she wants more than anything to feel that release once again. Lisa throws the bra off somewhere as soon as it fell on her lap and she starts to lift Jennie shirt, they pull away from one another quickly. Jennie’s now topless and Lisa is taking turn with her hands giving each breast the right amount of attention to get Jennie moaning every now and again. She’s always been drawn to Lisa’s hands, she likes how big they are, they always towered over hers. There’s a certain safety that comes to it and with last night and tonight it’s given her nothing but pleasure. Jennie removes her hands from the back of Lisa’s neck copying the younger girls’ actions unhooking her bra and taking off her shirt. Jennie breath hitches taking a moment, “You’re beautiful.” Jennie confesses impulsively, Lisa winks trying to take that with a grain of salt. She signals Jennie to get up, Lisa pulls her back using the waistband to guide her back.

Lisa plants soft kisses on Jennie stomach, leaving snail trails before sucking on her sweet skin. Leaving softer marks, Lisa can’t help but smirk at the thought of her neck. At lease these marks won’t be so obvious, and she saw that most of what Jennie’s going to wear for press is covering this part of her body. Trying to distract but also fill her with something else as she unbuttons Jennie pants. Jennie hadn’t notice until Lisa lowered her mouth where she expected her pants to be. Lisa looks up at Jennie biting her bottom lip asking for consent, Jennie nods softly. Lisa stands up aggressively picking up Jennie. Who quickly wraps her legs around Lisa’s hips as she guides them back to the bed. Jennie tries to control both of them by trying to get Lisa to spin, ensuring that it’s the maknae’s back that lands on the bed first. Sure enough it’s Lisa, Jennie situates herself before lowering her head down next to Lisa’s ear. “My turn.” She whispers and the huskiness in her tone creates a pool in Lisa’s already damp underwear. She gets chills at the lingering breath Jennie leaves around her ear, pulling away heading towards Lisa’s center.

This was all she could think about…all day. Being between Lisa’s legs and hearing her name coming out of her mouth as she finishes. Jennie lifts Lisa shirt slowly knowing that she can finally look at all of her beauty. She takes the shirt off the younger girl softly tossing it to the side planting a soft kiss on her lips slowly leading them down to Lisa’s waistband. Jennie looks up for consent, Lisa nods her head trying to control her breathing as it hitches at the sight of Jennie Kim getting ready to eat her out. Jennie smirks unbuttoning the girls pants first before taking off the girls under garment. Jennie bites her lip at the sight of something she’s been craving. Something she never knew she would crave, she prompts Lisa’s long legs right beside her head. Perfectly placing her head right between those legs looking up at Lisa one more time to be sure that this is what she wants. But Lisa’s already reacting as she tilts her head back to Jennie merely breathing on the most sensitive part of her.

Jennie begins by slowly kissing Lisa’s inner thigh trying to build up to what Lisa’s been waiting for since their kiss on the couch. Lisa moans with each kiss as Jennie lingers with a bite hoping it leaves a mark. Jennie finally makes it to Lisa’s center running her tongue through her folds and ending at Lisa clit. Jennie slowly circles her tongue around Lisa’s clit making her moan. This is a new feeling for both girls and there is no complaints for either girls. “Fuc—” Lisa moans as her breathing gets heavier with every stroke of Jennie’s tongue. Jennie continues to suck on the most sensitive spot every now and again, the maknae begins to sway her hips against Jennie’s tongue. Wanting to continue this ecstasy, Jennie steadies the younger girl by grabbing her legs. At this point her tongue doesn’t know what it’s doing but she knows its making Lisa feel good.

“Uh—fuck—” she moans a little louder catching Jennie’s attention but it quickly fades when she can feel how tense Lisa is getting. She pulls away a bit and running her finger up and down her folds until it reaches Lisa’s entrance. Judging by how wet the younger girl is there is much for an introduction so she slowly inserts her finger in Lisa catching the younger girl off guard. “Shit—oh fuck—” she repeats again, Jennie starts to slowly before building up the speed of which is driving Lisa. “Fuck—yes right there—uhh—that feels so good” Lisa arches her back loving how much Jennie’s touch is making her feel so good. So desirable, Jennie lowers her head back down to Lisa’s center as her fingers keep a steady rhythm. Lisa’s knuckles turn white as she holds onto the sheets getting closer to the end.

There are stomps coming from the either side of the door but neither girls are bother to care. Lisa wants to feel the sweet release of all of this tension and she is close. “Fuck—yes right there—shit that feels soo good. Fuc—meee” Lisa growls, music g her hands in with Jennie’s hair tugging harder and harder with each interaction with her tongue. As her fingers go deeper into her, having this feeling of pleasure fill her up. “Shi—faster—ugh that feels soo goood” Lisa groans feeling herself get closer to the edge. Jennie fastens her speed while keeping her contact consist with Lisa’s clit circling around it, while sucking around the girls center. Lisa’s moans get louder and louder and neither of them can even bring it to each other’s attention it, the moans alone is making Jennie fall in love deeper with Lisa. As for Lisa just loves how good she feels right now, it’s different from watching K Drama’s or reading books. This is much better than she thought it was going to be. “F—right there—I’m—” before she could finish her sentence she comes undone onto Jennie’s fingers. Her breathing heavy trying to catch her own orgasm as Jennie collapses right on top of her stomach.

***

The next morning, Lisa’s the first one to wake up she’s got physical therapy for the first half of her day before meeting the rest of the girls for their promotions. She doesn’t dare linger at the sight of Jennie knowing that it might make it harder to move on. Somehow getting all of this sexual tension out of her body as help her be able to focus elsewhere. It’s opened a whole new section of the can of worms that is there relationship but something about Jennie wanting her eases all of her desire. It’s proving that deep down, no matter how deep, Jennie clearly had feelings for Lisa. Somehow all of that’s given the maknae some weird form of closure, she’s slowly releasing the idea of dating and loving Jennie Kim.

[Minari 🐧 ]

So Jihyo and I had an idea we’re going to be in America in July?

[Minari 🐧 ]

…damn we’re going to be in Australia…

[Minari 🐧 ]

That is truly unfortunate

[Minari 🐧 ]

Ditto, how’s your 2020 looking? We’ll be in Japan in February?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Now you’re speaking my language, I’m pretty sure we are too! Maybe we can see each other while we’re all in Japan?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Yes! I would love to see you guys! Maybe you can show Jihyo and I your favourite spots.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Jihyo knows them all already but I’m sure she wouldn’t mind tagging along.

[Minari 🐧 ]

It’s more like do you mind if I tag along?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Of course I don’t mind. I’m sorry if I gave you that impression last time despite the fact that I was the one that crashed your date with Jihyo.

[Minari 🐧 ]

It was a joke. I was just teasing you.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I guess that’s karma from teasing you yesterday. How’s your leg?

[Minari 🐧 ]

She’s in a lot of pain I’m currently with my PT and he’s giving me shit for missing it yesterday specially because I spent all day walking around on it.

[Minari 🐧 ]

It’s like you don’t want to get better 🙄

[Minari 🐧 ]

Technically I don’t think you can be mean to me yet we’ve merely just started our budding friendship.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I think my 11 years of ballet and personal experience of dance injuries gives me a pass to be on your ass about you needing to take care of yourself.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I am taking care of myself but I hate letting people down.

[Minari 🐧 ]

The only person you’re letting down is yourself. You should be recovering and manager-oppa should’ve prioritized your health instead of manipulating you into thinking that missing out on a few months of tour is more important than your physical health at this moment and the future.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Woah kind of intense but thank you.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I don’t like injustices is what I’m getting at.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Passionate, I appreciate it but I’ve told all of the girls so now I don’t have to hide the fact that I’m supposed to be on crutches outside of schedules and performances.

[Minari 🐧 ]

You just now told your best friends?!

[Minari 🐧 ]

Listen I am the maknae and I didn’t want to worry them. I knew that whenever I was going to tell them all of their worry would manifest as anger and I didn’t want to hear it.

  [Minari 🐧 ]

Yeah but all of it comes from a place of care Lisa.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I know I know 🙄 you sound like all them

[Minari 🐧 ]

Okay I’ll stop, is your PT nice at least?

[Minari 🐧 ]

She has her moments but she makes me laugh so that’s a plus. What are you guys up to today?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Prepping for the new album, lots of interviews and rehearsals you know how it is. What about you guys?

[Minari 🐧 ]

I can already feel the late nights for you guys, in a few hours we have an interview with James Corden.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I already stay up late won’t be much of a change

[Minari 🐧 ]

That’s so cool!

[Minari 🐧 ]

You purposely stay up late when you don’t have too?

[Minari 🐧 ]

The world is a just a little more quiet at night.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I wouldn’t have taken you for a night owl, though it would support the whole mysterious quiet thing you’ve got going

[Minari 🐧 ]

What is that suppose to mean?

[Minari 🐧 ]

I mean the whole time we together all I heard was laughs from you which is fine but how mysterious

[Minari 🐧 ]

I like to observe first I don’t like to insert myself in environments I’m not familiar in

[Minari 🐧 ]

Nothing to be worried about, you know Jihyo and we’ve seen each other in award shows

[Minari 🐧 ]

Yeah I know but I don’t know I feel awkward 😅

[Minari 🐧 ]

Really because on stage I don’t see you feel awkward at all

[Minari 🐧 ]

Lisayah! You know that’s different

[Minari 🐧 ]

Okay—fair but you don’t have to be different around me

[Minari 🐧 ]

Noted, but duty calls thanks for the chat

[Minari 🐧 ]

No worries, I like chatting with you ☺ ️

Chapter Text

Just as Lisa promised all the girls she was in physical therapy as much as she could be. Despite wanting to explore or be out an about while they were in the US she spent most of her days off with the physical trainer. Rosé was kind enough to spend some of her days off with Lisa. She still hasn’t spoken about the kiss to anyone. Especially since it clearly meant more to her than it did Lisa, she written so many songs of what she thought it would be like to kiss the maknae. Hours of her life writing—being consumed at the thought of Lisa and her together. Yet when they’re spending time together she can tell that there is nothing for Lisa.

Lisa isn’t nervous seeing her again, their kiss isn’t constantly consuming her mind like it does Rosés. How to her their lips practically fit together like a puzzle piece and now every time the blonde smells a hint of firewood it reminds her of Lisa. The perfume that she often wears now, everywhere she goes she feels like that scent alone brings her back to that quick kiss. It’s replaying so much in her mind that she’d forgotten that that was her first official kiss. “Chaeyoungah!” Lisa taps her softly as she sits next to Lisa’s physical therapy table.

“Sorry—yes.” She offers a sheepish smile, Lisa sits up from her position as the physical therapist begins to clean up after their session. “I said…can we explore around Spain a bit before our flight to Macau?” Rosie smiles standing up heading for Lisa’s crutches, “Sure have you asked oppa?” she questions, Lisa chuckles sitting up grabbing crutches from Rosie than standing herself up from the table. The physical therapist clears her throat the two girls turn their attention to the older woman. “Please ease up on your knee, its healing very slowly—and I saw your slip up at the concert in London. You and I both knew what happened because that set your knee back. If you can drive to a few places that would be great.” She instructs, Lisa places a guilty smile on her face but ultimately nods. The last thing she wants to do let alone be is on those crutches longer than she was promised. 

They bow their heads saying thank you to the therapist before heading out, “So what were you thinking of doing?” Rosie asks as they walk through the hallway of the hotel back to their things from their rooms. “I don’t know a little bit of sight-seeing then maybe just to sit in the sun. I feel like I haven’t done that in a long time—a little vitamin D?” Lisa smiles at her best friend who in her deepest heart of hears would do anything for her and she doesn’t even know it. “That sounds great, I’ll meet you downstairs in 5 minutes? I just have to grab my bags and make sure the rest of my stuff is ready.” Rose smiles as they stop in front of her room, Lisa nods knowing that she’ll probably do the same thing. But she already started getting her stuff ready last night knowing deep down that she’s the messy pink out of all of the girls. When she gets back to her room she’s surprised to see Jennie waiting for her patiently, “Jesus Unnie! You scared the living daylights out of me.”

Jennie giggles as well did Lisa, the younger girl decides to carry on knowing that there is no time to be with Jennie and also see the sights with Rosie. Frankly she’s a little bit tired, don’t get her wrong she doesn’t mind having been sleeping with Jennie the last couple of months. It’s like all she needed to do was the fuck the feelings out of her system and that’s what she’s done. Her feelings for Jennie seem to have normalize themselves maybe all of those feelings that she thought she had were merely in her head. Or some horny teenage fantasy she can’t quite pinpoint when it all pivoted for her but she’s happy to see herself feel normal again. “I can’t—uhmm—”

“Oh—no I’m not here for that actually—I was wondering if you wanted to go do something later or now?” Jennie smiles but Lisa’s yet to look at her general direction since she’s come in. Lisa pauses for a moment finally look up at Jennie, she smiles at the older girl and Jennie can see the difference in her smile. “I can’t—I’ve got plans with Chaeyoung but maybe when we’re in Macau?” Lisa comments before continuing to gather her things. Jennie takes a minute to compose herself trying to act as if that comment alone didn’t hurt feelings. She clears her throat standing up from Lisa’s bed heading for the door, “Yeah that’s fine. I’ll see you guys at the airport then—have fun.” She practically murmurs, trying to hide her sadness. When Jennie opens the door she’s greeted by Rosie who feels her heart fall to her stomach. She quickly fixes her face hoping the older girl didn’t notice, “Unnie hi—” she smiles, Jennie fixes her face too, “Rosie—hey.” She smiles excusing herself returning quickly to her room.

“I’ll be right there Rosie Posie!” Lisa shouts thumping around with her crutches grabbing her things. Rosie shakes her head entering her room trying not to make anything about finding Jennie in Lisa’s room. She’d be foolish to try and act she hasn’t noticed their relationship has been better since Coachella. Maybe they finally talked about their unresolved conflict in feelings and have been secretly dating behind everyone’s back. Rosie’s nervous at the possibility of that being the truth, that she comes up with another explanation. Maybe they’re finally making time to talk everything through and realize that dating within the band is a horrible idea. “Alright, you ready?” Rosie focuses her attention back on the maknae who’s happily smiling in front of her.

“Yes.” They begin their walk down the lobby talking about various things. Starting with their thoughts about the America and Europe tour. It wasn’t their first time in America just their first time in a few states. They loved being able to return to New York after their last experience, only this time it was a little less drinking a little more shopping and sight-seeing. As for Europe was just filled with a lot of faster paced sightseeing, there wasn’t much time in between before they had to go to another country. For Rosie she fell in love with Amsterdam, she tried to fit as many activities as she, could bringing along whoever was willing to do what. “I don’t know if I ever see myself leaving Korea to live somewhere else other than Australia—but Amsterdam is a close second.” Rosie speaks, Lisa happily nods in agreement. Lisa had a wonderful time in Amsterdam despite spending most of it in a hotel room, she’s thankful for Rosie who kept her company when she was waiting in between activities. But when Rosie would leave she often found herself talking to Mina and Jihyo asking them about their tour. They’re really excited about being able to travel around the world but they aren’t use to being away from home for so long. There was a moment where Lisa and Mina found themselves talking all night. About how both of them knowing that this is where they were meant to be but they find themselves having a moment of why are we doing it at all. Mina specifically kept mentioning how there is some unspoken pressure that she can’t seem to shake. Lisa tries to get her open up a bit but they can’t seem to catch a break. Having her own tour to be a part of, but she’s glad that they seem to be finding solace in one another.

Not to say she doesn’t find it in her bandmates but it’s nice to hear from somebody else’s perspective. Out of all the girls she seems to be the only that always finds herself anxious about performing. She doesn’t know where the narrative came from but whenever it popped up in her head she can’t seem to shake it. This idea of having to show up not just for herself but for everyone else. Maybe it’s due to the fact that she always felt like she’s lacked in the singing part of being in the band. So there’s this pressure that she’s got to show up in other ways. But it’s something she’s been holding over her head ever since she could remember. “I know what you mean I feel like Amsterdam would be a great place to have a family. The fresh air, the culture its very different from Korea’s so I truly do understand.” Lisa chimes trying to shake off her thoughts bringing herself back to the conversation with Rosie.

“What part of Europe did you like the most?” Rosie questions as they make their way to their first destination of the day, “I honestly love Spain. It’s is exciting me the most so I can’t wait to see what it has to offer.” Being so close to the coast reminds her a lot of Korea which she loves and the streets always seem to be filled with music which is just inspiring to her. “Is it the music?” Rosie questions, Lisa chuckles shocked at how well her best friend knows her she doesn’t even know how to reply. “I’m right aren’t I?” she giggles so proud of herself, Lisa nods her head, “It is—and the people—I went to a market last night after the concert and there was people on streets dancing the flamenco and they were so welcoming they even tried to teach me but manager oppa told me that it was time to head back.” She sighs smiling about the events last night it was small interaction but the simplicity of it all fixed her craving. 

“That feels like something straight out of a movie.” Rosie chuckles as they get out of the van onto their first pit stop. “It sure felt like it, it’s one of the better days that I’ve had recently.” She sighs and they start walking towards no particular direction, Rosie wants to ask more but she surely unsure of how to do so. “I see you’ve been having a lot of those lately.” She smiles back at her best friend, who’s a little busy looking up in the sky as if she’s up there with the clouds. But it’s true Lisa, does find herself content recently. “You could say that—”

“Is it because of Jennie-unnie?” her moment of content dissipates quickly at the mention of Jennie’s name. She sighs, knowing that if she’s to speak on it with anyone it might as well be Rosie. “We’re civil yes—we’ve just come to an understanding that it’s best that we move on from all these feelings business because it gets us nowhere. I was just thinking of the band in the end—I never ever want to do anything to cause us to get into a fight over what I thought I felt for her. Its childish to have believed that anything I felt for her could’ve been real. Or that there would be a day that she would actually even feel the same way about me.” Lisa starts to explain looking back down and to Rosie who’s curious as to what else she has to say. Clearly they aren’t dating behind their backs but they aren’t exactly as chummy as they use to be. Rosie doesn’t know who or what to believe but there is sincerity in her voice. “I’ve just gotten in touch back with Jihyo and I’ve been talking a lot with Mina and it’s just nice to be normal again and be back on track. Not feeling utter sadness and embarrassment on someone who’s clearly never going to be mine you know?” they continue to walk and they stop in front of a gate Lisa begins to pose on the other side of it.

Rosie takes her phone and begins to take picture of her funny best friend trying to ease up her thoughts. Letting her continue to come back to herself and how she was, this is one of the biggest reasons why Rosé hasn’t said anything about her feelings. Let alone mention to Lisa about how much she loved that kiss that they shared. Maybe there will be a day where Lisa finally sees her and reciprocates those feelings but until that day she’ll find herself here. Just like her phone capturing moments and living through them hoping they last a little longer than the sound of the shutter. “It’s okay you know—it happens to the best of us. But I’m glad you’re reaching out to Jihyo and Mina—it’s reminding me to reach out Chaeyoung. I know they’re supposedly on tour right?”

“Right! I think we’ve been a little too caught up in our Blackpink world.” She jokes continuously posing for Rosie. “But yes they’re on tour it’s their first world tour just like us.” She smiles coming out of the gate continuing onto their exploration day, Rosie follows slowly pulling Chaeyoung’s name up from her phone,

[Chae 🐯 ]

Hey! How’ve you been?

“It’s crazy how far we’d come?” Chaeyoung starts catching up with Lisa leaving a bit of their security behind wanting a little bit more privacy. After what happened with Jennie they’ve been a little more cautious as to what they say and who they’re around. It’s given them a little of shake up not wanting anything bad to come out but if they were being honest they hated having any type of their privacy published out there. To have people observed them like animals at the zoo when really it’s just their life. And there is a part of them that feels guilty for even feeling a slightly angry at the media but it's nice for them to have one another. “And we’re only going to keep going up.” Lisa confidently says putting her hand over the blonde’s shoulder. Rosie of course doesn’t protest and wraps her arms around the maknae’s waist as they continue to walk. “Hopefully.” Rosie mutters, Lisa pauses for a moment and she jokingly scoffs in disbelief. “What do you mean hopefully?”

Lisa playfully tightens her grip around Chaeyoung’s neck. “Lisayah!” she shouts, the maknae let’s go, “I don’t know sometimes I think about what happens after all of this you know? Or it would be foolish to ignore everything that’s being said about us or me.” She sighs it’s clear that this has been something that the blondes been carrying around for awhile. Lisa pulls her into a hug, planting a kiss on her head. “What’s going on Chaeyoung?”

“I don’t know we’ve just been traveling so much. And sometimes it’s hard to ignore everyone’s whispers without my people around you know? It’s like everyone thinks they know you because of the little bit of information you’re willing to share. When in reality it’s not—they see one side of us and they think that’s all we are.” Rosé sighs into Lisa as they walk they hear the teams footsteps behind them get a little closer. Lisa sighs, it takes a lot for this to be happening she can only imagine what’s being said. Usually Rosé and Jisoo are one of the stronger ones in the group when it comes to this stuff and sure they had a little bit of training back in the day. But it’s actually five times worse in real life when they hear those things being said to them in person. “I’m sorry Chae, I know it’s not easy but a part of your people is here. I know we’re not much but we’re still family. It’s not fair to have to go through this experience alone because despite how many times Jisoo-ni or Jenni-unnie say or even I say that you’re not alone your experience is always going to be different from mine.”

“So, I’m not going to stand here and say I understand what you’re going through because I can only fathom so much but I’m here for you Chae.” Lisa smiles at her best friend as she slows their pace, she looks back at the staff asking them to give them some space. “Lisa I need to tell you something.” Rosé speaks out of nowhere, she doesn’t allow her mind to try and stop her. Lisa looks at her giving her this soft inviting doe-eyed look that’s making her melt as they speak. “There’s been something that I’ve been keeping from you—and I don’t know how you’re going to take it and IknowthisisprobablythelasthingthatyouwantohearaftereverythingthathappenedbetweenyouandJ—”

“Chaeyoung!” Lisa chuckles alerting their staff who’s distanced in the back to focus their attention on the girls. “Sloooow downnn” she chuckles, Rosie nods her head taking another big breath in. “Alright let’s try that again, I don’t know how you’re going to take this bu—“

Their conversation is interrupted when Lisa’s phone rings. Lisa reaches in her pocket to check who it is—it’s reads Minari🐧. A smile appears on her face, “Sorry Chae—I have to get this. But I cant wait to hear what you have to say.” Lisa says quickly before excusing herself to take the call.

‘Minari!’ she exclaims so excited to hear from her friend.

‘Do you have a minute to talk?’ Mina answers in a very unfamiliar tone and worry takes over Lisa’s face. She creates more distance between her and everyone else.

‘Are you alright? What’s going on?’ Mina’s breathing heavies as Lisa waits for an answers. There are various voices in the background that she can’t quite make out.

‘I—I—didn’t know who else to call. Talking to the girls felt like I was suffocating and now I really—-‘ She begins to huff through the phone worrying Lisa a little more.

‘Minari—listen to me—count to ten okay—focus on that for now. Are you alone?’

‘Yes—why do—‘

‘Okay just count to ten for me—one—‘

‘two—three—four—five—six—uhh—‘ Mina sobs a little and Lisa could feel her heart break to hear her crying.

‘Hey—woah it’s okay—seven—eight—‘

‘eight—nine—ten—okay—that—‘

‘Okay what happened?’

‘I don’t know we—we were practicing and everything was fine. But it got to my part in BDZ—and I couldn’t breathe. I couldn’t sing I felt like—‘Mina pauses and starts to sob again, Lisa doesn’t interrupt instead she lets Mina cry until she stops. It’s different from how the girls usually go about when one of them cries.

‘Sorry for calling out of the blue—‘

‘Hey listen—you do not have to apologise for calling me—ever. I like talking to you.’

‘I—‘

‘Can you remember anything after you couldn’t sing.’

‘I felt like I was going to faint so I walked away. Or I at least tried too but then everybody came running to me and surrounding me. And I couldn’t—I felt so alone and despite having all of them there—’

‘Okay—I’m sorry that this is happening to you. Is there anything else I can do? I wish I could be there to hug you right now.’ Lisa sighs over the phone listening to Mina huff and catch her breath in the background.

‘Just hearing your voice is helping a lot actually—it’s calming.’ Lisa couldn’t help but laugh at that statement. Hearing that her voice is somehow calming to others when she’s always heard the opposite.

‘That is definitely a first—but I’m glad to hear I can help in anyway.’

‘What do you mean?’ Mina slowly controls her breathing as she listens to Lisa giggling on the other side of the phone.

‘I’ve never had someone tell me that my voice is calming. It’s making me laugh how you think my voice is calming. Because yours on the other hand—you’ve got a voice of an angel I feel like you can calm anyone down. You might be able to calm down even a sumo wrestler with that voice of yours.’ Lisa rambles making Mina laugh and she could tell that her breathing has gotten back to normal. Which is easing her own conscious to hear Mina moving away from her panic attack.

‘Don’t be so hard on yourself because its calming me right now—thank you Lisa.’ Mina sighs onto the phone gathering her sniffles.

‘Of course, do you want to talk about it?’

‘I—I don’t know—I don’t even know where to be—begin. I just don’t feel like I belong with them—all this pressure keeps coming from the fact that I’m not doing enough on stage. I’m not showing up enough for the group—or the crowd didn’t like me—I just wanted the world to swallow me whole and I couldn’t get it out of my head. I just wanted to be alone but I couldn’t—I could feel all of these eyes on me—I just couldn’t breathe.’ Mina explains over the phone, Lisa acknowledges every explanation she gives waiting for her moment to answer.

‘I’m really sorry that your head is messing with you this way. I think that your fans know more than I would that you belong with Twice. You belong with the band—remember what we said—we’re meant to be here. I know its easier said than done to let go of how you’re feeling but if you feel like talking you can always talk to me and my calming voice will keep you company. Listen you mean something to people okay—never forget that. And I know how much of a double-edge sword that is but before you were Mina from Twice you were just Mina. And guess what little penguin you’re still Mina.’ Lisa responds, all the way the across the world Mina begins to smile and feel herself calm down. Her anxiety as of lately has been getting the best of her more than usual, the flashing lights of the camera and the stage feel like a constant spotlight that won’t leave her alone. The sounds of screams use to make her smile now it only makes her want to crawl further into her shell.

All her life Mina’s known how much of an introvert she is but this feels a little too extreme. Every move she makes with the girls or by herself takes at least 30 minutes of overthinking. She doubts even the simplest of actions and its restricting her from doing anything these days. Lisa knows that this has been going on since the start of their tour, Mina noted how much pressure she felt from everyone because it was their first world tour. She talked about how they’ve been preparing for this for two years on top of their multiple come backs. Lisa can tell that she’s just getting burned out, ‘Thank you Lisa—I mean it I feel like I’ve been bothering you for like what 5 months now since we first met with my problems. I’m really sorry—’

‘Stop apologizing like I said—I like talking to you. I don’t mind hearing all about your problems as long as your comfortable sharing them with me. But you should know Jihyo’s been worried about you—she said you haven’t been talking to her or any of the girls about what’s going on. Don’t get me wrong I love being your friend but they know you better than I do and they might be able to tell you what you need to hear.’ Lisa advises and a pang of guilt hits Mina, it’s true she’s been shutting all the girls out but she feels like a burden. A disappointment to the group because the only thing that she can think about doing that would make her even slightly feel better. Is the worst thing she could possibly do to her group right now and that’s to leave.

‘I know I just hearing from you and talking to you has been better—as much as I appreciate their encouragement it’s just not quite what I need to hear you know. But with you—you seem to always know what to say.’ Mina simply says without thinking and her cheeks can’t help but burn up and Lisa can’t help but do the same.

‘Okay well the offer stands whenever you need someone to talk too—I’m here. Do you feel better?’ Lisa questions, Mina takes a deep breath and what sounds like getting the rest of her sniffles out before she answers the younger girl.

‘I do thank you.’

‘Good—if you need anything else give me a call okay but I do have to go. Chaeyoung and I are supposed to be exploring Spain before our flight to Macau. But you can text me if you want.’ Lisa offers but Mina shakes her head knowing she should return to rehearsals.

‘No it’s alright I’ll talk to you later—maybe text me when land in Macau?’

‘Of course Minari.’

‘Okay bye.’

‘Bye.’

Lisa sighs hanging the phone up and turning her attention back to Chaeyoung who erases the worry in her face and turns it to a smile. “Chaeyoungah!” Lisa shouts running back to her, Rosie opens her arms up to catch the maknae happily. “Sorry about that—it was Mina and I figured if she’s not facetiming but is actually calling me it must be important.” Lisa explains to Rosie who just nods happily.

“So, what did you want to tell me?” but it’s too late all of courage she had to finally bring up her feelings is gone. The moments over and her delusion that Lisa could actually change her mind after watching her romantic coded phone call from a far. “I—” she pauses for a moment maybe her courage will come back.

“I wanted to tell you I love you. And that after all this time I am still disgustingly in love with you despite having watched you be in love with someone else—I couldn’t help myself but still love you. But you know what’s sad about love? It’s when you happen to know that there’s no hope for you being together and yet you still pray to make it work. It’s when your mind says ‘let go’ but your heart says ‘hold on’. It’s when you dream of that person almost every night only to wake up in the morning with tears in your eyes. And most of all, it’s when no matter how you try to forget that person, you just can’t love cause of the fact that you love that person so much and you just don’t know why.” Rosé thought to herself but she immediately went back into herself. Not wanting to tint their dynamics even more, she can’t shake what it’s done to Lisa and Jennie. She’s barely seen the two have more than a 5 minute conversation and when they’re together as a group Lisa is always reserved. Listening to what everybody else has to say.

“Nothing—the moment’s gone and frankly I already forgot.” Rosé chuckles wrapping her arm back around Lisa waist. Lisa’s not oblivious she can tell that there’s something that Rosie been holding back recently. Usually when it comes to the matter of the heart Rosie can be a little reserved it’s a certain type of vulnerability that she’s not good at expressing. Lisa also knows that pushing her to talk about it only pushes her further back into her shell. “Okay well I’m always here if you change your mind.” Lisa shares, Chae can feel the forming in her eyes but she decides to swallow those whole along with the rock in her throat.

Back in the hotel Jennie is in her room laying flat on the bed bored out of her mind. She had texted Jisoo as soon as she left Lisa’s room to see if she wanted to do something but Jisoo was still asleep. Resulting in her calling the older girl asking her to hang out, but that was about 30 minutes ago. She fears the the older girl fell asleep again. Jennie gets up from her bed and decides to bombard Jisoo by going to her room pounding on her door. “Wahhh!” she hears Jisoo’s voice complain from the other side of the door and couldn’t help but laugh. “Jisoo-ni!” Jennie cries from the other side of the door. She hears another complaint and some stomping.

“Wah?” she opens the door to a smiling Jennie while her face is contorted in a very angry manner. “I thought we were meeting up?” Jennie questions walking into the unnie’s room who doesn’t bother to protest but instead just closes her door as Jennie makes herself comfortable on Jisoo’s bed. Jisoo begrudgingly walks to her bed where she finds Jennie happily relaxing. “I was hoping you’d got back to sleep honestly.” Jisoo answers getting in bed putting the comforter overhead blocking out the light and Jennie. “Unniiiieee” Jennie whines but Jisoo doesn’t cave she simply groans and shifting to turn her back from Jennie.

“Jendeukie—I am tired. If I could just nap for a least a little longer that would be—”

“But I’m boooooooreddd!” Jennie continues to whine, but Jisoo’s not up to deal with her as of right now. They’ve been traveling for the past year performing every other night and if they’re not performing they are travelling which is another version of tired all on its on. She’s a little irritated but she can’t and shouldn’t take it out on Jennie, but if she keeps going off like this she just might. “Jennie—please just—”

“NoOoooO you said you’d hang out with me.” She continues to whine.

“Why don’t you ask Lisa?”

“Lisa?” Jennie’s taken aback by Jisoo’s suggestion, she tries her best to act as if it’s ridiculous to even say such a thing.

“Yes. Jennie, Lisa—don’t act dumb it doesn’t suit you. Tell me how long do you think you were going to be able to sneak around behind our back acting like you guys aren’t hooking up.” Jisoo simply states and Jennie jokes on her own spit at the sound of Jisoo’s comeback. Especially since they’ve been so careful since Coachella—no hickies—always meeting up after everyone’s asleep—taking different cars to different places—going to places that have no camera—literally taking all the steps necessary to ensure no one finds out.

“Well how long have you been fucking Lisa?”

Chapter Text

“Well how long have you been fucking Lisa?” Jennie ears are ringing; how could she have possibly put the pieces together. She’s numb she doesn’t know what to say—what can she say to avoid any of this. Jisoo knew that that comment is uncalled for that it was just her sleep deprivation getting the best of her. She’s known to be a little less kind when you catch her burned-out and sleep deprived but who wouldn’t be.

“What are you talking about?” is all Jennie can say, she clears her throat trying to let Jisoo second guess her accusation. But Jisoo doesn’t;

*FLASHBACK*

Amsterdam—May 18,

*SOUNDCHECK*

“Let’s run it from Kiss and Make Up—” the stage choreographer shouts from the sides the girls take their places. Jisoo’s noticed ever since Coachella Jennie’s stealing one too many glances. What’s raised questions for the older girl is the fact that it always ends with her blushing after Lisa catches her. She just must be that in love with her, to now start blushing at the sight of her. Jisoo tries to shake it out of her mind of course as she needs to focus.

The music begins but Jennie can barely focus, ever since Coachella she’s been around Lisa more than she can count. All behind everyone’s back of course which makes this whole thing so appealing for the both of them. Though Jennie’s noticed that Lisa tends to walk away at any sound of an intimate conversation. She always seems to have the perfect excuse not to have to talk to Jennie. Of course, every time she does so Jennie reminds herself that it’s the little things and frankly if this is how they are meant to start their relationship who is she to deny Lisa that. Maybe it’s a way for Lisa to keep herself guarded from Jennie and for that the older girl can be patient.

But she’d be a fool if she didn’t recognize how good the younger girl’s been making her feel. Despite not having dated so much in her life this is the best sex she’s ever had. And she’s consumed with the idea of being with Lisa all the time which has proven to be an extreme distraction. There is no exaggeration when she says how it’s consumed her. There was a moment where she’d seen Lisa with her physical trainer the sight was no longer than a second. But the physical therapist had been stretching her legs bringing them up to her chest.

That action alone made the room hot for Jennie the flashbacks didn’t take more than a second to return from the night before. Every night since Coachella they’ve spent together whether it be before Lisa hangs out and explores or after, same goes for Jennie she always makes time throughout her evening to meet up with Lisa. In the beginning there were moments where they were about to get caught. It was their first show after Coachella and everyone had planned to go see the Bean. Since it was their first time in Chicago they figured they could hit some tourist attractions before they headed to Canada.

To avoid the crowd everyone decided to go after the concert, despite it being late at night they didn’t mind. There might have been food bribed courtesy of management that really made them decide to go. Of course, Jisoo thought nothing of it to be honest nobody did, but it did put a dent on JenLisa’s plans for the night. Jennie had been teasing Lisa all throughout the day, it really didn’t start out that way. But if Jennie were to brush up against her during a certain part of the choreography the older girl would blow on the back of Lisa’s neck. After having known Lisa for years, she never knew how sensitive the back of the girls neck is. So sensitive that Lisa let out the smallest moan that only Jenny could hear, the older couldn’t tell if that was on purpose or if that was her genuine reaction.

It had been a while since everyone on their team saw jenlisa like that, walking arm and arm together actually having a conversation. Sure, Rosé was on one side and Jisoo was on the other. It had made the four girls like how it uses to be, they teased each other about each other’s minute mistakes on stage. It felt good to hear the girls all laughing together. As security check the perimeter and the managers speaking amongst one another. The girls begin to take photos of each other, knowing that this takes longer than a group photo taken by the unnies.

All in their own world, Jennie notice Lisa slowly walking around sculpture. Chaelisa’s a little too distracted by their own shoot to notice them both walk away. Jennie gets closer to Lisa and looks around to see no one in particular in their team on that side of the bean. Jennie slowly puts her hand on Lisa’s waist startling the maknae, “Unnie jeez.” Lisa whispers immediately scanning everywhere to make sure no one can see them. Lisa releases a sigh of relief and cups Jennie’s bringing it up closer to hers, closing the gap between them. Seeing that they weren’t able to see other this will simply have to do. Having slept with one another almost every night they simply don’t know when to stop. The footsteps getting closer didn’t seem to faze them, “Jendeukie!” Jisoo shouts finally getting their attention, they push each other away and as Lisa stand in front of The Bean Jennie takes her phone out and begins to take photos. As if that’s what they’ve been doing this whole time, Jennie clears her throat slowly walking up to Lisa.

“Thank you—“Lisa doesn’t even bother looking at the photos before acknowledging her friends walking up to them. “Ahhh you guys found better lighting and told no one!” Rosé jokes and the two relaxes their body as if they hadn’t just been in each other’s space. Getting a glimpse of what could’ve been tonight, Jisoo noticed them acting a little too normal of course but decided to simply let it be. They exchange looks before anyone could see, casually returning to their respective space. Jennie next to Jisoo and Lisa attached to Rosé. Lisa can tell that Jennie’s trying to keep the green monster at bay and ever since they’ve been sleeping together she can tell that it’s beginning to prove harder and harder. She’s not an idiot of course she can tell that there’s something that Jennie’s been going through something and has been itching to talk about it. But Lisa can’t bear to hear it, she’s killed the curiosity within her mind. A part of her knows that she no longer has to hear it. If she’s truly to move on like Mina said, I shouldn’t have any expectations and I should stop giving her space for any emotion disclosure. Especially if its got something to do with us, whatever is meant to be said has already been said.

“Hey!” she hears Jennie’s voice come up behind her, she looks around to see themselves alone again. Jennie feels the taller girls shoulder ease at the sight of no one around. Lisa turns to see that familiar grumpy smile but at the sight of her that smile turns mischievous and the innocence in her eyes turn dark. Jennie grabs the younger girls neck pulling her down to her height connecting their lips. Lisa doesn’t have time to protest and instead cups Jennie’s face as if it brings them even closer. But this kiss isn’t slow, it’s fast and needy as if Jennie had been craving Lisa’s taste all day. Lisa loves the effect she has on the older girl. This trance she seems to have Jennie on just by her mere existence it may be the power that feeds to fuel the older girl. As their kiss and breathes sync together as if this alone allows them to understand one another. Lisa’s hands move down to Jennie waistline just hovering right above the button of her pants. Palming Jennie’s pussy over her pants and slowly sliding her hand into her pants. And this is the sight that Jisoo stumbled upon, clearly they didn’t hear her she moves back a little further “Chaeyoungah!” she shouts grabbing their attention slowly walking to them.

Lisa and Jennie pull themselves apart creating space between them, Lisa runs off before Jennie is able to react. She pulls her phone out pretending to take pictures as she sees Jisoo’s face coming from the side. The whole day Lisa had been trying her best to ignore Jennie but she’s not an idiot. Hearing the older girl moan her name as she finishes is the only thing that’s been occupying her mind since Coachella. The only time her mind isn’t consumed by the thought of Jennie is during rehearsals, conversations with Rose and Mina or anything that has to do with work. She’s surprisingly stayed strong but recently it’s gotten to be proven difficult. There are too many opportunities during their choreography where Jennie is walking or she’s simply standing behind her. They’d made a strong agreement, stronger than most NDA’s to try to avoid being around each other. Creating some distance between them knowing that they’re practically magnets once they are too close. And this is one of those moments where it practically proves their point. They can’t be so close to each other, there’s this strong attraction that neither of them seem to control.

“How long have you and Lisa been sleeping together?” Jisoo questions one more time, Jennie could tell that her patience is wearing thin. Jennie’s regretting having busted into Jisoo’s room maybe she should’ve left herself in her room to rot. Instead of breaking the agreement she had with the maknae. How could she possibly even back out of this how could she possibly even convince Jisoo otherwise. “I’m not sleeping with Lisa.”

“Oh so you guys are dating?” Jisoo crosses her arms; her hostility may be coming from having been woken up by the younger girl. Or the jetlag is finally catching up to her, but deep-down Jisoo knows that she’s annoyed that Jennie felt like this is something she has to keep from her. “Why is this even a conversation Jisoo-ni? She’s made it very clear she wants nothing but space Unnie. Space—and the fact that—” she pauses shocked by the tears surfacing. Jennie waits a moment trying to gather herself and she realizes that all of those talks that Lisa’s refuses to humor Jennie with are surfacing. Jisoo’s begins to soften her face watching Jennie face change, “ No. I am not sleeping with Lisa and no we are not dating. I told you last time that I am going to do nothing but respect what she wants and from what I can tell she’s already moving on. She doesn’t feel—” Jennie stops once again knowing how she can tell Lisa’s feelings altering all these weeks.

They’re quiet unsure of what to say to the other, the last thing Jisoo wanted to do was upset Jennie but it’s too late for that. “Jenduekie I—”

“She won’t give me the time of day and when she does I can tell that it’s not the same. I can tell that her feelings for me aren’t the same anymore. And it pains me to just have to sit here and not fight for her but what else can I do? The fact that you thought I was going to even keep something that big from you—”

“I’m sorry I shouldn’t have—” Jisoo pauses, what else is she supposed to think, after what she saw in Chicago. They looked a little too comfortable to be not anything right? Should she even bother bringing this up? Jennie looks up to see the sincerity in her eyes but her want to spend time with someone else dissipated.

“It’s alright. I’ll see you later. I’m gonna head out.” Jennie walks out and doesn’t allow Jisoo to interrupt her exit. Jisoo simply sighs softly slamming her head down on the bed, she doesn’t know how much longer she can take this. In times like this Jisoo wishes she could go back in time when she asked Jennie what the hell happened in Thailand to just not have asked her at all. Not because she hates the position that she finds herself and Chaeyoung in but she hates what it’s done to Lisa and Jennie. As much as she’d like the two to get together it feels almost impossible to see them together now. Of course, there is no one she can talk to about this but they can’t be the only girl group who’s had something like this happened.

Jisoo reaches for her phone and immediately dialing Nayeon🐰

‘Jisoo’ Nayeon questions over the phone

‘Nasoong—hi—how are you?’

‘I’m alright we’re just heading to stadium for rehearsals—is everything okay?’

‘Yeah of course—how’s rehearsals going?’

‘Well you know what it’s like to be perfectionist and wanting everything to be the best.’

‘I sadly do—how’s everybody?’

‘They’re doing their best because that’s all we can do—’

‘Ahh so it’s tough huh?’

‘A little’

‘I’m sorry but I’m sure it’s going to be great!’

‘Thank you—so what’s going on—’

‘I just have a question—are you alone?’

‘I can be’ “I will be back guys I’m sorry this will only take a couple of minutes sorry you can run it without me.” She excuses herself to backstage trying to find a very secluded spot. Nayeon and Jisoo have been friends for a while and have exchanged too many secrets to know that when of them asks if they’re alone it meant to be for their ears only.

‘What’s going on?’

‘Uhm---how do I say this?’

‘Is anyone in Twice gay?’ Nayeon releases cough followed by a multitude of chuckles which makes Jisoo believe that there is something more to her answer that she’s going to expect.

‘Where is this coming from?’ she tries to recover from choking.

‘I just—has anyone in Twice ever had a crush on someone in the group?’

‘Is this a joke? Are you a secretly a shipper?’ Nayeon continues to tease Jisoo but she isn’t having it.

‘Nayeon—’

‘Okay—uhmm—this has to stay between us and I mean it Jisoo—you and me. You can’t tell Jennie.’

‘I understand.’

‘Yes. It was last year between Momo and Dahyun…’

‘How did—Momo and Dahyun—are they? I did not see that coming—I thought it was going to be you and Mina but alright—’

‘Mina and I—I’m going to move on—from that—but yes Momo and Dahyun.’

‘Are they still what happened—wha?’

‘It was last year, we knew they were close—I mean we all are but they had apparently been together since December of 2017. We just kept noticing a few slip ups you know? They were always caught sneaking out together and the excuse was always the same—just going to the studio to practice then it was the ISAC’s and we all just couldn’t keep to ourselves anymore. Sana was the one that brought it up to Jihyo and well as the leader she asked them and we all discussed it. ‘

‘Don’t leave me hanging keep talking!’

‘Okay!—Jihyo was the one that first talked to the both of them. Their conversation didn’t go well—so the environment in which it came to be was just tense. Momo was mad at what Jihyo said—’

‘What did Jihyo say?’

‘What any leader would’ve said—’

‘Which was?’

‘Of course, she supports her friends getting together but as the leader of the group—as the one who constantly is in between a rock in a hard place she described how she knows all the possibilities of where that relationship could go and what it would do to the group. Momo didn’t take to it while Dahyun understood where she was coming from. As for the group it was a bag of mixed reviews most of us were surprised but supported the two—but Sana walked away—that’s another bag of worms to discuss—but ultimately Jihyo let them know that it was their choice—’

‘And?’

‘They decided to break up a month after that.’

‘Momo wouldn’t speak to Jihyo and Dahyun wouldn’t speak to Momo. Because all Dahyun wanted to do was think it through and talk about it but Momo saw it as Dahyun trying to break it off. So, Momo felt like she was doing what she thought Dahyun was getting at.’

‘Do you think they made the right decision? Have you guys been the same?’

‘I mean—you can tell that it’s a little awkward between the both of them but it’s something they have to keep working on. They’re slowly rebuilding their relationship. And clearly there’s still some heartache surrounding the other person. It’s a very hard thing to navigate as a group so God knows exhausted they are dealing with in alone. Jihyo feels really guilty about the whole thing. Because she had mentioned it to me but we’d come to a conclusion not to say anything but—I don’t know I guess it’s just didn’t work out that way.’

‘Huh—do you think if you guys didn’t bring it up to them that they would’ve said anything?’ Jisoo questions, Nayeon sighs knowing that if it were up to Momo they probably would’ve kept it a secret.

‘Honestly—no they probably would’ve kept it a secret until they broke up or until we disbanded 10 years later or whatever. I know Momo and she feels very deeply and what she felt for Dahyun ran deep. Now that I just told you one of the biggest secrets in Twice can you tell me what the hell is going on?’

Jisoo sighs, swearing in her head knowing that it’s not right to leave her friend hanging after she just put out one of the industry’s biggest secret. ‘Answer me this? Then I’ll tell you what’s going on.’

‘Sure.’

‘Did any of you ever get involve? Surely some of you thought they were cute right or you hated seeing them so distant and hurting like did it ever effect the group at all?’

‘Of course, it did but before we could pry and meddle Jihyo talked to all of us. We weren’t allowed to pry and we could only support them. And they were the ones that were allowed to bring it up because she knew that if we were going to get involved it will look like we were taking side which is the last thing we needed. Now tell me.’

‘Okay—okay—it’s Jennie and Lisa.’

‘Jennie and LISA!—I WOULD’VE FIGURED CHAEYOUNG NOT JENNIE.’ Nayeon screams and Jisoo could practically hear her from across the world.

‘Would you please keep your voice down.’

‘Sorry I—just you all seem—soo?’

‘Straight? Private? A whole mystery?’

‘Yes. Kind of—and to fans yes.’

‘Yeah well—we’re a mystery to our own bandmates. I just needed some advice and surely it couldn’t have just been our us hence why I came to you. I knew that you’d be honest with me—’ Jisoo sighs over the phone she hates seeing her friends like this.

‘Okay—I’ll help best as I can—wait so did Kai and Jennie even date?’

‘Oh that’s 100% true, they did date. Lisa and her overlapped and no they didn’t breakup because of Lisa they broke up because someone sold dispatch the story of them dating. YG made it seem like Kai choose his career over her so that’s why they broke up.’

‘Well damn she’s going through it. So how did Lisa overlap all of this.’

‘Before the start of tour Jennie went to spend time with Lisa and her family. Lisa confessed that she had feelings for Jennie for a while they were there. And then she kissed Jennie—at the time Jennie was just trying to tell her that she was dating Kai which left—’

‘Lisa actively heartbroken.’

‘Exactly on stage and in front of cameras they were great they’re themselves—but behind the camera Lisa avoided Jennie like a plague. She then brought it up once and Lisa asked for space and then a couple of concerts later. Lisa felt like Jennie was doing too much on stage—I didn’t see anything but they got into a big argument about it and it was not a pretty argument. And Rosé went with Lisa and Jennie came with me—they were both so devastated. All Jennie wanted to do was talk through the whole thing with Lisa but Jennie was also flirting with her on stage and the more I thought about it that’s probably all Lisa’s dreamed off so I couldn’t really blame her for getting mad at Jennie. It did look like she was fucking with her the whole time.’

‘I—that is painful. That is a different kind of pain that I don’t think I could endure.’

‘Yeah—I had to explain to Jennie that everything is under Lisa’s pace not her. It was her feelings on the line not hers. But Jennie hated the feeling of losing Lisa and for that I can’t blame her. Those two have known each other the longest—but anyways at that point they both had finally told Chaeyoung and I about the whole thing. So, most of the Asia tour was left in doing our best in keeping up with our image. But behind the scenes they were never in the same room. The thing is I started to think about how both of them interacted with each other. Specifically in the past it was just so natural. They’re like magnets, somehow they’ll always end up next to each other.’

‘You know the more you talk about them—the more they remind me a lot of how Momo and Dahyun were.’

‘Yeah they’re so in love with each other the more I looked at them but you know Jennie—‘

‘Lemme guess it took her too long to realise and now Lisa’s practically over her?’

‘Something like that—but she just told me that she can tell Lisa doesn’t feel the same. Her feelings aren’t there anymore which worries me because I secretly want them together.’

‘Ah—so you are a shipper. But take it from me—if they’re meant to be then they will be. But I also know how Jennie and Lisa are both workaholics and value this group too much. So, there is a possibility that they never might.’

‘So I’m just suppose to watch them love each other but never do anything about it?’ Jisoo sighs

‘Listen—despite taking most if not all of the heat from Momo—Jihyo’s right you have to leave them be and let them figure it out.’

‘What if they never come together?’

‘Lemme ask you something’

‘Have you heard them both say something remotely similar about each other?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I’ve heard Jennie this and Jennie that what has Lisa said?’

‘Well—seeing that Jennie spent the first few months of this whole ordeal trying to lie to herself. Lisa’s been successful moving on, she respected Jennie’s wishes. Believing that there will never be a day that Jennie will feel the same way about her.  So I think having going through some physical troubles with her knee and mostly spending her time with Rosé or on the phone with Mina. It’s helped her move on. Before all of that she use to just not speak during group settings. Now she does, you’ll catch her avoiding eye contact with Jennie but these days she’ll speak. She won’t ask about her but you can tell she’s stopping herself from doing so. The only time I’ve seen them interact is during concerts because outside of that setting their interactions are quick. You can tell how painful it is in her eyes—having to force yourself to simply stop loving someone. No matter how much she’s moved on there’s always going to be a part of her that is painfully attached to Jennie.’ Jisoo sighs over the phone

‘The way she spoke about Jennie is how every girl wishes the person they love would speak about them. How delicate and careful she was with each word she used when she spoke about Jennie, it’s crazy to me that they couldn’t make it work. Maybe Jennie’s combination of lack of self-awareness and having given Lisa too much space has only hurt her position in the end.’

‘And you don’t think that there’s even the slightest chance that they might get together in the end?’ Nayeon questions starting to become a little invested in the whole thing.

‘I don’t know. I feel slighted—the way they’ve always treated each other have always been more than friends but I can’t force them to be together. I can’t just ignore the efforts of Lisa practically paving to whatever path that Jennie wanted to walk on and vice versa. I want them to be together I’ve never wanted to be something truer than Lisa and Jennie being together but—I’ve never seen Lisa in so much pain—I’ve never known for us as humans to be so capable of hurting others before. But what Jennie put Lisa through—no one should ever have to cry over someone like that over and over again. As for Jennie—I want her to be happy too but I can’t make keep making up excuses for her actions and for her idiocy. I just don’t know what to do because now I have a loved-up Jennie and an emotionally unavailable Lisa.’

Nayeon sighs, because if anyone has any first hand experience of being the Jennie of the story it’s her. ‘I’ve been Jennie and take it from me—just tell her now that there is no hope. Before she spends the next few years hoping she had done and worked through her feelings quicker. If they are really meant to be together they’ll get together and if they don’t then it wasn’t meant to be. As toxic as it sounds—the band should always comes first and I think that’s part of why Jennie waited and why Lisa is moving on.’

‘What do you mean—you’ve been Jennie?’

‘It doesn’t matter—it was way before the Momo thing and I just realized how late I am.’ Nayeon sighs but Jisoo could tell that this is something that Nayeons been holding back. It’s what most of the world always forgets about idols—that they have feelings too only they’ve been told to constantly hold that part of themselves back. Jisoo’s always been so livid at this portion of what it’s been like all those years training to be an idol.

‘It does matter—’

‘Jichu—please—it doesn’t matter because it’s over now. Everything I feared every time I thought I could do it—every time I thought I could finally go up to h—them and let them know that I have been in love with them for years—I am reminded by what will always happen. Everyone’s fear will always win and no love is stronger than fear. Even if they do come together—’ Nayeon sighs ‘’Nayeo-ni you have to come back in—now.” Jisoo hears Sana voice in the background. “I’ll be right in.”

‘They will still choose the well-being of the group. Save them the heartache—let Lisa move on and tell the Jennie the truth instead of giving her hope. The same kind of hope she gave Lisa. I have to go Jisoo. I’ll talk to you soon’ Nayeon doesn’t wait for Jisoo’s response and simply ends the call. Jisoo is left even more confused than where she thought this conversation was going to help her. As much as she knows she should probably not bring up Lisa right now, maybe Nayeons right.

A little after her heated conversation with Jisoo, Jennie went back to her room to get ready to leave. To which she spent gathering up the courage and making a bullet point list of what she wants to finally say to Lisa. After finishing her conversation with Jisoo, something in her awoke. A part of her that she had been trying to ignore because it’s been being met by the fact that she’s sleeping with Lisa. But as soon as she mentioned Lisa not feeling the same about her—the insecurity that she’d been trying to ignore is finally coming up. Which means that its finally time for her to accept the truth and stop merely accepting that this is the start of their relationship. When in reality sex is not what she wants out of their relationship.

“Thank you Rosie—I had a wonderful day today but I’m just gonna head to my room to just check it one last time before we go.” She hears the familiar sound of Lisa and Rosie’s voices right by her door. She decides to ignore looking down at her bullet pointed list;

• When we’re alone I can’t help but want to give everything up for you.
• We flirt all the time, smile and laugh but how I am supposed to know if this is real? I can’t control my feelings anymore. It’s so hard being around you and not saying all the things I want you to hear. I’m trying my best to act casual but all I can seem to do is get mesmerized in your eyes.
• I wish I wasn’t so afraid from the beginning. That day when we first shared our kiss—I should’ve just told you right then and there how much I love you.
• It’s scary to see how much I love you.
• I don’t want for us to start like this—I want to do this right. I want us to be right.
• Some days I can’t stop thinking about you, and other days I wonder why I’m wasting my time.
• I wish I could just ask you what you think of me?

“Jennie?” she hears Alison’s voice on the other side of the door pulling her out of her list. She buries the phone in her pocket locking the last of her suitcase. “Coming.” She lifts the bag down from the bed. Jennie glances at the room one more time before gathering the rest of her things rolling her way towards the door. Alison smiles at the sight of Jennie looking up from her phone as Lisa’s manager holds on to her things. She hears the clunking of Lisa’s crutches and her chest tightens knowing how awkward this lift ride is about to be. Lisa’s been consistent with one thing and that is lack of interaction with Jennie since Manila.

“Thank you oppa.” She hears Lisa whisper behind her, Alice and Alison get on the elevator first along with her luggage, oppa gets in and holds the door looking at both of the girls. “Is it alright if you guys take the next one? We still have to grab other luggages.” The two girls nod watching the doors close, they stand in silenece for a minute before Lisa clears her throat. Jennie’s so busy trying to calm her mind that she thought Lisa had said something. “Sorry what did you say?” Jennie questions, Lisa chuckles shaking her head pulling her attention away from the phone and down at the older girl.

“Oh I just cleared my throat.” She clarifies, Jennie decides to refrain herself from talking just in case she does something stupid. Lisa clears her throat again, “So—what should we do in Macau? What does your schedule look like—I mean we should figure out some time blocking for that now bec—”

“I just wanted to talk” she interrupts Lisa practically speaking through her teeth continuing to refrain herself. Lisa’s taken aback, “Okay sure, we can do it now if you like.” Jennie shakes her head trying to find the right words to say without saying what she truly needs too yet. “No it’s okay it can wait till Macau I know we have some time after the concert there.”

“Okay.” Lisa can tell there’s something odd going on with Jennie but decides not to pursue it and lets the lift fall silent again. The doors open to Rosé patiently waiting sitting on top of her suitcase as the managers check everyone’s documents and suitcases are there. Rosie runs up to Lisa helping her with her crutches and they go their separate ways. Jennie walks over to the couch getting ready to read over her talking points and disassociate for the however long this flight is about to be. She pulls the hood over her head resting her eyes for a bit feeling the lights pursue the beginnings of a migraine.

“Jendukie…” Jisoo hums trying to softly get her attention, Jennie tries to hide the smirk knowing that sulking is the way to go right now despite Jisoo being right. “…I’m sorry about what I said earlier. I shouldn’t have—”

“Jisoo-ni it’s okay. I think—“Jennie sighs pulling herself out of her hood. “I think that when we get to Macau I’m just going tell her everything.” Jisoo chokes at the sound of ‘everything’. Here she was thinking that she had to be the barer of bad news but maybe this is them coming together naturally or at least them figuring out how to best move on or get together. The possibilities are endless for Jisoo, “Oh—uhmm—”

“I just need to know and I think she needs to know. We both need to either talk about how to do this together or move on. I can’t just keep watching myself lose her—she deserves to know and so do I.” Jennie simply puts watching her and Chaeyoung mess around with each other suitcases. Teasing each other how they always have even before they debut. Jisoo follows her eyeline and watches the maknae’s unfold with their teasing and the light in Jisoo’s head finally lights up. Lisa is the one that Chaeyoung’s been in love with. “For fuck sake.” She uncontrollably says and Jennie is astonish.

“I mean—yes I think that is a great idea. No sense of beating around the bush anymore its been a few months and she seems to be doing good—” the last part catches Jennie’s attention, is she trying to confirm Jennie’s insecurities. Does Jisoo know what she’s been noticing deep down this disconnect that she’s been feeling.

“What do you mean?” her voice slowly breaks and the older girl is quick to notice, Jisoo sits in front of Jennie trying to cover her from everyone else. “No-no-no—no that’s not what I meant. I just mean that you guys haven’t fought about this in a while so you’re not exactly opening up any fresh wounds to pour salt on.” Jisoo comforts her band mate wiping the tear off that clearly wants to fall down. “I think it’s a good idea okay—do you already know what to say?” Jisoo tries to lighten the mood by teasing her best friends tendency to ramble and land nowhere near the point.

“Yeah I have a list—I just want to be able to get through what I have to say. So I asked her to hang out during our day off in Macau so I think I’ll probably mention it then.” Jennie smiles looking down at her phone. Jisoo smiles confidently at her friend as she dissects every interaction Chaeyoung and Lisa has ever had. “Do you want to look over it?” she questions knowing how much of a nosy confidant Jisoo’s been for her, the older shakes her head. It raises a red flag in Jennie but decides not to pursue it. She needs all the mental and emotional strength for the next 2 days.

It could go really well and Lisa finally forgives her or at least gives her a chance. Or it could go horribly wrong and they stop speaking to each other for a while. Jennie sighs at the thought of the latter, but they both need to bury all of this business. “ Alright girls are you ready?” one of their managers speak up. The four girls turn their attention to their belongs and head for the door. Lisa’s the first one to lead the way since they’re trying to conceal her injury. After security help her in the van the rest of the girls follow. Since Lisa’s injury their journey to the airport has been faster and secure. They get a private entrance through security even on the plane.

The ride to the airport was quiet, sounds of their thumbs scrolling through their phone. A stifled chuckle every now and again but mostly quiet.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Is it weird to let you know that I’m kind of excited to talk to you later?

Lisa looks down at the message, a sweet message she’s not used to receiving but something she could get use too. Her heart beat a little faster at the sight of Mina’s name and now her palms are starting to get sweaty too. She shakes her head rolling her eyes as a reaction before writing back to the Japanese girl.

[Minari 🐧 ]

No I don’t think it’s weird.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I’m excited to hear your voice.

[Minari 🐧 ]

🥰

[Minari 🐧 ]

How are you feeling?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Still a little out of it but I talked to Jihyo like you said.

[Minari 🐧 ]

And?

[Minari 🐧 ]

I know it probably was hard but how did it go?

[Minari 🐧 ]

I felt like for once I was just talking to Jihyo not Jihyo the leader of Twice. Which was different and talking to her helped me level my head a little.

[Minari 🐧 ]

That’s good. I’m glad to hear she could do something for you.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Yeah she’s a good one.

[Minari 🐧 ]

She really is. A wise one at that, I think that sometimes people forget that she’s still figuring things out the same way we are all because she’s a leader.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Guilty.

[Minari 🐧 ]

It’s alright. Did the talk help or?

[Minari 🐧 ]

I hope so because we’re leaving for the US soon. I just want to do the best for our fans. I don’t want to be labeled as someone who’s boring, or someone who has no stage presence.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I know I’m no Momo. I’m not a powerhouse like Jihyo and I know I’m not as beautiful as Tzuyu or Nayeon. I feel like I am exhausting myself trying to please the fans because I know that without them I wouldn’t be here. And I just am trying so hard to let the fans know that I do belong here.

Lisa sighs at Mina’s message. She doesn’t understand how such a beautiful person like Mina feel like they’re lacking in their existence. This idea that Mina sees herself as someone who’s not enough for anyone.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Mina. You are amazing. You are talented. You belong with Twice because without you there would be no Twice. Of course, you’re no Momo, Jihyo, Tzuyu or Nayeon because you are Mina. They don’t need another Momo, Jihyo, Tzuyu or Nayeon, what they do need is a Mina. And last time I check you are Mina.

Before Lisa could anticipate Mina’s response they arrive at the airport. The girls are pretty good staying off of their phone up until they’re at their gate simply waiting for the plane. Knowing that going through the airport normally is hectic enough and the last they want to do is add onto the stress. Lisa doesn’t get to look at her phone until they land in Macau.

Chapter Text

Kiss and make up begins to play and girls feel the thumping of the bass in their heart. While the music raves through their in ears, something about the song always brings out parts of themselves that they often keep at bay.

‘We haven’t talked all morning—bang my head—bang my head against the wall’ Rosé begins singing as her platform moves her above the girls. ‘I’m scare of falling—losing all—losing all my control’ The girls sway their hips whilst simultaneously waving at the crowd waiting for their own parts in the song.

‘And I’m tired of talking. Feel myself saying the same old things—but this loves important don’t wanna lose—don’t wanna lose you this way.’ Jisoo comes in at her part and her platform raises at the same level as Rosé. Lisa and Jennie wait at the bottom still engaging the crowd. ‘I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,’ Jennie sings—Jennie anticipates hearing Lisa’s voice through her ear singing ‘Feel like we about to break up’

‘I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I,’

‘Just wanna kiss and make up one last time.’  Lisa sings and the girls get into the groove of the song everything is seems to be normal. Jisoo of course couldn’t help but feel her head thumping with all the information that’s finally coming together in her head. But she’s trying really hard to keep her focus on the show but she couldn’t help the disconnect there seems to be on stage. Lisa’s focused on the song and hitting her notes while both Chae and Jennie steal glances from the maknae. Jisoo rolls her eyes and continues to perform, of course she continues to observe all parties until finally her brains are connecting the dots. Something definitely did happened between Jennie and Lisa because usually especially since they started featuring this song they’re on top of each other. Every single time the line ‘Cause all I want is you up on me’ is being sung by Jennie they’re grinding up against each other. But not now, yet how Jennie reacted seems a little uncalled for—unless…

Jisoo glances at Jennie and Lisa exchange looks but nothing else. Nothing more than a look and pointing at each other. Clearly Lisa’s emotionally absence has something to do with this but why would that be any different from how she’s been towards Jennie. The only way someone would be hurt with that much emotional absence is because they’ve had sex or we’re in a relationship before. Jisoo of course can clear out the latter because even dating behind their backs would get obvious.

Memories from Coachella begin to flash in Jisoo’s mind. Jennie’s never runaway before and when she’s left she’s always told at least one person whether that be her band mates or someone in management. The more Jisoo thought about it there was only one car that came back from the festival last night which meant they shared the same car last night. But Jisoo can’t quite prove to herself or anyone else that they had sex that night. Let alone when they started because she knows that deep down what she caught in Chicago was them either having a close conversation or sharing a kiss with each other.

“MACAU! Your energy is amazing!” Jennie shouts and the crowd erupts into various claps and shouting. It shakes Jisoo to turn her attention back on the concert. The girls exchange looks baffled that they are able to hear the crowd through their in-ears. “We’ve had an amazing night how about you?” Rosé questions turning her microphone to the crowd wanting to hear them cheer as loud as they possibly could. The crowd roars making the pick smile uncontrollably again, “Macau we are Blackpink and we hope you have a great night and get home safe!” the girls bow one more time before walking off the stage. Jisoo of course couldn’t help herself but peek one last time making the crowd scream again. The girls share a laugh like they did before and for a moment she saw a peek of how they were before all of this.

The moment of ends fairly quickly as Lisa and Rosé make their way back to the dressing rooms to change. Leaving Jennie and Jisoo behind struggling to take off their in-ears, Jennie smiles at Jisoo which she happily reciprocates. “Do you wanna explore around Macau for a bit? It might help ease your mind a bit. I heard our managers talk about a night market would you want to join them?” Jisoo questions, as Jennie waits for her to finish with her in ears.

“Yeah that sounds like fun.” Jisoo smiles at Jennie’s agreement grabbing her arms walking back together to the green room where they hear some laughs from the maknae line. Making their unnie’s smile to hear a sound they rarely hear these days, when they walk in they see them clearly letting their lack of sleep getting the best of them. Jensoo couldn’t figure out based on context clues what could’ve possibly left Lisa gripping her stomach in laughter and Rosé on the floor laughing. “Are you guys okay?” Jennie speaks up and the room begins to grow quiet, the two exchange looks trying to stifle their laughter. “Yes—unnie just a tiny—hilarious misunderstanding.” Rosé smiles slowly getting up from the floor avoiding Lisa gaze. The maknae nods in agreement continuing to pack her things.

The older girls shrug it off and get to their things. “I wanted to ask you guys if you wanted to join Nini and I at the night market?” Jisoo questions catching Jennie off guard. Lisa and Rosé exchange looks and nod with a smile. “A night market? I could use some noms.” Rosé smirks knowing how hungry she usually is after the show. Jisoo smiles softly taking her make up off. Lisa plants herself on the couch after she placed her suitcase right by the door for staff to grab. Rosé is quick to join Lisa waiting for their unnies, consumed by their own little world.

[Minari 🐧 ]

What’s it like always knowing what to say?

Was Mina’s response after Lisa’s last text but she’s been so caught up with prepping for the show as soon as they got off the plane. There really hasn’t been any time where she could just look at her phone. It’s been a whole day since she could get a chance to reply. She doesn’t quite know why she feels guilty not responding.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I wouldn’t know. I usually will say with I feel about most things. But I’m sorry for such a late reply I know it’s like 1am there.

It doesn’t even take her more than 5 minutes to receive a reply from Mina. Her heart again fluttering at the sight of Mina’s name.

[Minari 🐧 ]

No need to apologise I was up anyway. Shouldn’t you be resting?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Yes but we’ve got 2 days here before we go to Australia. But the girls and I ate checking out a night market tonight.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Ah I see. The concert went well then?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Yes it was fun, how are you? Why are you up so late?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Truthfully?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Of course.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I fucked up on stage during our show. AGAIN. All those mistakes keep replaying in my head over and over and then guess what I get on stage and I overthink my steps, I go over my lines too much, I forget to look at monitor for the lyrics and then another fuck up happens. I am not good up there for anyone. And that all the netizens have to say about me.

[Minari 🐧 ]

And it’s like all those conversations with the girls deem themselves useless. Do you know what it’s like to crave peace and silence

[Minari 🐧 ]

Not recently—but I do know what you mean.

“Lisashi are you ready?” Jisoo questions, Lisa locks her phones looking up at her band dressed in their best normal clothes hoping to blend in with the crowd. She stands up nodding her head before following as Jennie and Rosie are the firsts one to leave the room. Lisa follows the eldest out of the room to the van carefully parked as close to the building as possible.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I don’t know what to do. I can’t be on stage without over thinking every single little thing that I do that leads me to fuck up. And I’ll spend the rest of the concert trying to hold this feeling of the world ending in and wanting to just ball up and cry. But I can’t leave my bandmates knowing how long we’ve worked for this especially this tour alone. I feel like I am stuck and everything is just happening to me all at once and I don’t know what to do—I don’t know who I am. I can’t even look at myself in the mirror.

Lisa sighs as an immediate reaction to Mina’s text, she hates seeing her friend like this. She can only imagine what it’s like to the other girls to witness it firsthand. Lisa knows what it’s like to watch someone perform and put a smile on their face despite not wanting to do any of it. Looking them right in the eye knowing that if one were to stare too long it might make them cry. It catches everyone’s attention in the car, “Everything ok?” Jennie is the first one to speak out catching everyone’s attention. She shrugs her shoulders at Jisoo, Lisa quickly replies to Mina before bringing it back to their attention.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Mina. I’m so sorry this is happening. I know that no amount of me saying how good you are isn’t going to make you feel better. But it sounds to me like you need to take a break at least sit one concert out it doesn’t have to be the whole tour. You need to put yourself first.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I don’t know I just—can’t tell who I’m doing this for anymore? I need to be on stage because my bandmates need me. I get on that stage and I feel like I am drowning, I am so nervous and fearful but I don’t even know what I am fearful and nervous about. There’s this pressure that is constantly leaning on me and I don’t know where it comes from. All I want to do is scream but not even a whisper comes out. I am up all night because I am afraid of tomorrow, I am shaking not because I am cold, I am exhausted all day long. It’s this all-consuming feeling and I have no idea what to do about it. I feel like I am letting everyone down by leaving midway.

“Yeah—” Lisa debated for a moment if she should even involve others but that might be the last thing that Mina wants.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Minari. Someone wise told me that staying for others instead of taking care of yourself is only doing yourself an injustice. That really if you think about it if you do take a break from performing. You have to know that Twice will welcoming you with open arms and Onces will be there with them.

The girls decide to shake it off and put their attention back to the Macau night sky. Lisa decides to be in the moment, hoping that what she had said to Mina can help. These last couple of moments with Mina has given Lisa some perspective about what it is to have someone who isn’t afraid about talking about their feelings. Who doesn’t just shut down at the sight of big emotions, it may be an extreme comparison to how Jenny is. But Lisa can’t help but compare to how easy it is to talk to Mina about her emotions and vice versa. Jenny looks at Lisa who is in deep thought, so deep that she doesn’t even notice how many times her phone has lit up. Rosé reaches over to the maknae’s hand to hold—hoping to guide her attention back at the blonde. Lisa offers Rosé a smile—a smile that Jenny hasn’t received in months. Despite this whole situation only happening at the beginning of this year it has felt like all of that establish friendship they had together couldn’t even withstand the idea of being in a romantic relationship.

Jennie releases a heavy sigh—one only Jisoo could notice; she could tell that this conversation that she’s anticipating is weighing on her focus. Jisoo taps her shoulder, mouthing are you okay? All Jennie does is smile and nod her head trying to continuously convince herself that this is the right thing to do. The girls arrive at the night market and by the looks of it’s got a good crowd, not too much to keep them from exploring around. The girls are guided out of the van while their managers and guards get out of the other van. Rosé points at the first thing she sees then back at her bandmates, the girls shrug and follow the blonde.

Lisa finally glances at her phone as her bandmates begin to browse their options. Her notifications read 3 Missed Calls from Minari🐧 , Lisa smiles at her name but it fades knowing it’s probably an uneasy topic. “Sorry I just have to make a call real quick.” She excuses herself creating a little distance between her and girls as her managers carefully follow behind her.

‘Hey is everything okay?’ Lisa greets softly trying to hide the smile knowing that having multiple calls from someone is never a good sign.

‘Oh yeah—sorry I just wanted to hear your voice—’ Mina tries to catch her breath, clearly Lisa is catching the end of her panic attack. It’s heartbreaking to hear someone try to act as if they are okay—going through the lengths of even giving her compliments.

‘Ah—yes of course—have you given my text some thought?’ Lisa tries to ride the band wagon not wanting to open the conversation unless Mina is willing to do so.

Mina sighs over the phone followed by a chuckle, ‘All it made me think is the fact that maybe—just maybe—I may have debut too soon. I wasn’t in training long enough maybe I’d feel a little more prepared to just get over this and be ready for this tour. Instead of calling someone who I just got close with a few months ago and just dumping everything on her—’

‘You’re not doing anything that someone who’s going through only a few people could understand would do. It’s really okay—but I do understand not recognizing yourself or not knowing you are let alone wanting to scream and not being able to make a sound. Are you sure there isn’t something else that might’ve fueled all of this? Can you remember what made you feel like this or when it started? Because I know sometimes when you push too much of yourself down it starts to take come out.’

‘What do you mean? What are you talking about?’

‘I don’t know I just know that when I was in your head space—I just remember waking up everyday like I couldn’t breathe—but I would go through my day like it wasn’t really happening. And when I was alone I felt the same way you’re feeling right now. Slowly but surely I found myself right where you are’ There is a moment of silence between the two girls as Mina tries to think about where this all started. As Lisa waits she glances over at the girls smiling over the various meats being grilled on the barbecue. A warm blanket her heart seeing her friends smiling enjoying themselves like schoolgirls. But her attention is pulled by the same girl that got her attention when she first heard someone speak English to her. That gumby smile that eradicates this persona that Jennie gives off as this unapproachable individual, the same smile that drags her lips up to forms a smile herself.

There are still remnants of her feelings for Jennie, it would be foolish to act as if love was never part of the equation. But the way Jennie simply is always pulls her back in—especially her eyes and that smile since it was the first thing that really drew her into Jennie. ‘There was something that happened between Nayeon-ni and I—’ Mina speaks grabbing Lisa attention back to her and away from Jennie. Mina sighs, ‘I don’t really know if that’s it but there were a few other things on top of that—someone hacked our account on Spotify uploading a song and then at the same time there was a weird document about how JYP had gotten—me pregnant—I just didn’t even know what to do with all of that. I just remember everyone asking me all of these questions to see if I was okay and that I shouldn’t look at my phone for a while. But you know its human nature to do the thing that people are telling you not to do. And I also haven’t been totally honest with you—in the beginning of this year I also had a knee injury hence why I was really defensive about you getting the help that you need—And on top of that—’

‘Mina that alone is a lot to deal with—I can’t even imagine what kinds of stuff they’ve been saying to you over the internet. I know how cruel they can be’

‘I just—all of that seems to get trumped by the conversation Nayeon-ni and I had—’

‘Which was? What if you don’t mind me asking—’

‘The girls had been taking turns checking up on me they didn’t

want me to be alone. It was Nayeon’s turn to check up on me in the hotel room. It would’ve been like every other checkup but she told me that there was something she wanted to talk about. She was hoping that maybe hearing what’s going on with her could help distract me from all of these things I am feeling because truly it does help sometimes.’

‘That make sense—’ Lisa simply answers, Rosé lifts a kabob up at Lisa to get her attention the maknae smiles back at the blonde nodding her head. ‘She had told me that recently—she had asked me a few questions about Jihyo, Dahyun, Momo and Sana but I had told her that I’ve been too distracted to which she nodded her head in agreement that I have the right to be distracted. But apparently something in the past had gotten her thinking. She intellectualizes her feelings from what I can describe it and she said that she needed to be rid of this specific thought or thoughts.’ Lisa couldn’t help but feel herself get pulled back to the beginning of this year with Jennie and Thailand. ‘—I don’t know I never thought of her that way I didn’t know what to say. So, we sat there in silence for a couple of minutes until she got up and said “I’m going to go—you don’t have to say anything your silence is answer enough..” I just sat there not knowing what to say to her or to myself. I know sexuality is never an easy conversation to have with anyone especially not with yourself. I think I’ve been trying to act like it didn’t happen the last couple of days but now Nayeon-ni has been avoiding me. And I sound like an absolute asshole but it’s the last thing I need—I just am now finding myself going through this whole process of trying to not let the media get to me. Now—I have figure out how to make up with one of my best friends but also I can’t ignore that I’ve had feelings like hers before. But not towards her and all of it is most recently.’ It feels weird for Lisa to hear this point of view so candidly, in the past couple of months she could only imagine what was going through Jennie’s head. And here’s Mina giving her a first person look as to what it’s like to be on the other side of the conversation. She’s truly still trying to recover at how Nayeon and her practically bared their hearts out there and receiving nothing back.

‘Lisa?’ Mina’s soft voice rings on the other side call but Lisa’s in deep thought, or at least feels trapped within her thoughts. What can she say?

‘—Yes—sorry but wow—Mina I can see why all of that might take you to where you are right now because I actually know what you’re going through at least from what you are talking about. I’ve also been on that kind of self journey.’ Lisa says mumbling the last parts of what she said. She’s never truly talked about this journey with anyone at least not out loud so she not only shocks Mina but she shocks herself as well. ‘Oh I didn’t know that you were—’

‘Well, I don’t know what I am—I just know that at I found myself in a situation with someone I never thought I can fall in love with—and it’s sent me into a spiral why do you think I hurt myself? Or how Jihyo and I started making time for each other I needed to speak to someone then at the end of the day it was left for me to figure it out. I danced and danced until my heart’s content until I got my injury and all I could do was walk. I walked all over the the Han river—all it got to was that I cant control who I fall for or who I have feelings for. So yes I think you should take the break. And when you do take a break I will come and see you as much as you need me. ‘ Lisa explains in the best way she can, while Mina is trying to wrap her head around the fact that there’s an idol like her who also might be into women. It might be explaining the frightening excitement and nerves that she’s greeted with at the sight of Lisa’s name popping up on her phone. Or how despite only spending an actual night together with her band mate. She can’t help but repeat the laughs that they shared together. But could it be the excitement of finding a friendship within the industry or could it be—love.

‘Oh—wow—uhmm—this is a lot process actually—I think that I’m going to need some time to think or I think that maybe I should go to bed.’ Mina sighs, she hates that she’s running away from what her new friend has just confessed to her. Lisa smiles knowing that Mina’s frighten about what all of this could mean for herself. She even goes so far as to let out a chuckle before replying, ‘I think that’s a great idea. Give yourself some time away from me and maybe try to think about putting yourself first when it comes to this tour.’

‘I will get some rest and give myself some time to think but let’s not go crazy—a day without talking to you is like a day without sunshine. Goodnight Lisahi—’ Mina pauses anticipating for Lisa responses, despite practically losing her voice at the sound of being described as her presences as something as wonderful as the sun. She looks around for group to see they have only move onto the next vendor. Clearly they haven’t gone that far, ‘Goodnight Minari.’  She simply says before hearing the call drop, Lisa slips her phone in pocket joining the rest of the group. Jisoo slides her arm across Lisa’s shoulder excited to see her join them. Jennie and Chae are too caught up exchange foods with one another going back and forth with each other singing only the words of oooh’s and ahhh’s. Chae offers the rest of hers to Jisoo and Jennie indistinctively offer hers to Lisa.

Lisa doesn’t think much of it taking a bite out of the meat. She smiles down at the older woman and Jennie couldn’t hide the blush, Lisa makes nothing of it of course. Lisa hums nodding her head at Jennie choice, noticing that she’s clearly worked up an appetite after the concert. Jennie tries to take another bite but Lisa takes her hand to feed herself one more bite, Jennie couldn’t help herself but jokingly push the younger girl making Lisa laugh. After she finishes chewing she looks over at the blonde to see what was on her stick, “Chaeyoungah! Lemme taste it!”Lisa shouts pulling away from Jennie. Rosie of course would be more than happy to give Lisa a bite of what she has, Jisoo of course took that opportunity to taste Jennie’s order.

“Mhmmm!” Lisa’s eyes bulge out of her face at the taste of Rosie’s order it was tangy and spicy right at the end. Remind of a bit of home, especially when the spice kicked in. “Which one is better?” Jisoo questions the maknae, Lisa wipes her lips from the sauces the lingered from her bites. Lisa thinks about it for a moment looking back at Jennie then at Rosie. “I like the spice of Chaeyoung’s thing but I really liked Jennie-unnie’s.”

“Yes! Jisoo-ni said the same thing! On to the next stall Chae—Nini-2, Chae 1.” Jennie balls one hand into a fist pumping it towards herself feeling proud of the wager that her and the girls have started. While Lisa tries to put the pieces together as to what the hell the girls are talking about. “I would just like to say I don’t think this is fair since Lisayah was gone for most of the first stall and this one—”

“I’m sorry it was a very important phone call.” Lisa states simply grabbing the water her manager had bought for her, Jisoo takes this opportunity to tease the maknae for more information. “Oh someone very important?” Jisoo pull her eyebrows up and down teasing the maknae, Lisa rolls her eyes not knowing what to even get out of her conversation with Mina. There was too much to dissect from Nayeon expressing her feelings for Mina to Mina practically saying that she has the same feelings about someone. “It’s Mina,” she tries to down play it but it would be foolish for the girls to act as if she hasn’t mentioned Mina more than anything or anyone else in the last couple of months.

“Yeah? How is Mina?” Rosé decides to build onto what Jisoo’s getting at, slowly but surely Rosé’s accepting the truth of her own situation. Taking a page out of Lisa’s book and finding others to confide and talk to these days, she can tell that there is something going on between both girls. Rosé seen the way Mina’s face lights up at the sight of Lisa’s as soon as she answers that call. And Lisa always seems to be smiling at her phone these days instead of just typing her heart and thoughts away. Or she’ll always share something funny that her and Mina had inevitably spent all night talking about instead of actually sleeping.

“You know how it is—you talk to Chaeyoung—tour is tough and I’m sure Nayeon-ni is saying the same thing to you guys right?” Lisa tries to make a generalized comment at all the girls not wanting to raise any suspicions. The last thing she wants to do right now is focus on her feelings and put them on the line for someone else to possibly reject and shit on. The girls shrug it off but Jennie simply couldn’t the feeling that she’s been pining on about finally has a name. A reason for the tugs that Jennie has felt with every interaction with Lisa, knowing that deep down it wasn’t just her processing her feelings. That was over and done with—this is something new happening now—this feeling of her having the same feelings for someone else. Mina. She’s so caught up in her thoughts holding back on her tears, “Nini are you coming?” Rosé turns back at the older girl who pulls herself back into the moment grabbing her bag to catch up with the rest of the girls. Jisoo and Lisa currently pointing at the new options for the next competition.

“Yes sorry, but I agree we can start over and let them choose all over again.” Jennie tries to act as if she’d been into the conversation after the mention of Mina. Rosé chuckles shaking her head, “Yeah unnie I know—you nodded your head and everything—c’mon lets get some food and maybe a little alcohol?” Rose teased only now realising that her and Jisoo’s comments were a little damaging to Jennie’s feelings.

“Ahhhh unnie—you said that I could take the first bite!” Lisa whines, Jisoo chuckles loudly taking yet another bite. “Ah unnie!” Lisa shouts one more time playfully before Jisoo finally gives in handing the rest of the treat to her. Chaennie joins the girls, “Alright now that you’ve got an appetizer we have to start all over again. Unnie and I are going to choose a thing from each stand and both have to vote loser has to pay for the next hot pot dinner.” Rosie rubs her hands excitedly at the thought of hotpot. The meal always brings the girls together somehow. Back during their trainee days hotpots were their cheat days in between their strict diet. Something about it always gave the girls comfort, they could always laugh about a harsh criticism that one if not all of them might’ve received.

“Sounds good to me.” Lisa looks over at Jisoo who simply nods along. Jennie and Rosie begin to scan the menu while Lisa and Jisoo take photos. Not only of themselves of course but the whole group. “But actually how is Mina?” Jisoo whispers while the other girls whisper among themselves about what they’re thinking of ordering. Lisa sighs ducking her head down trying to avoid any color getting to her cheeks. “She’s okay—but from what I’ve been hearing from Jihyo and her it sounds like the band is going through it or at least most of them are.” She shrugs trying to keep the attention on a very generalised topic. But the sound of the words the band rings a bell in Jisoo’s mind. Reminding her of her last conversation with Nayeon.

“She told me that for a couple of months now she’s wanted to talk to me about something—and I remember it so well because it sounds like something every girl wants to hear from someone they like—I’m falling for something that isn’t real she started by saying—and I could see that this was something that was going to change how we are. I want it to be real—You don’t see, see how happy you make me just by being you. I love it when I look over and you’re already smiling and staring back at me. Could I have been on your mind—even for a second? Does that mean something? But if we were meant to be something surely it would’ve happened by now. It’s so difficult liking someone. I’m here overanalyze every little thing you do, and I tend to assume the worst all the time. One day you could make me feel special and the next I wonder if you have feelings for me at all. My mind is enthralled with them and I have all these things I’m urging to tell you but I can’t find the courage and I fear that you don’t feel the same way. It’s like my whole life revolves around you in every way possible, your mood, how your day goes and everything else. Everybody including our closest friends and now me have fallen into this trap that is being into someone—that someone being you has caused me this much pain and happiness……………I’m going to go—you don’t have to say anything your silence is answer enough..” The words repeat in Lisa’s mind while Jisoo keeps hearing Nayeon say “I’ve been Jennie—”

“Yeah—I mean no one is ever really ready for tour—I think the reason why we’re seemingly okay so to speak is the fact that we don’t have as much to prepare on our discography.” Jisoo clears her throat trying to also avoid any kind of information that has been trusted with her to leave her lips. Lisa nods, there are perks of tour but there are also things that outweigh those perks. It all looks so glamorous but sometimes they just want to do nothing for a whole week straight.

“I agree, how’s Nayeon? I know you guys are pretty close.” Lisa questions, Jisoo takes a deep breath debating on what she should share about Nayeon’s update. “Ahh—well—”

“Chichu! Lalisa! C’mere our orders are ready” Jennie interrupts and a sigh of relief takes over Jisoo dragging herself and the maknae back to the two girls. Jennie gives the eldest a bite while the blonde shares her with Lisa. A choir of “mhmmms” fill the air between Jisoo and Lisa, the other two exchange looks with one another trying to intimidate each other. “Interesting notes.” Jisoo comments wiping her lips getting ready to taste Chaeyoung’s choice. Jennie walks over to give Lisa a bite placing a hand under the maknae’s to catch anything if it were to fall. Lisa takes a bite and nothing fell but the sauce did go all over her the side of her mouth. They share a laugh together, Jennie wipes the stains off of Lisa’s face with a napkin and she can’t help but get taken back to—

“Wiping off the mess you made acting like you didn’t just cum all over my face?” Jennie teases the younger girl whose blushing at Jennie’s comment. So embarrassed that she grabs the pillow hitting the older girl with it.

“Lili? Are you alright? Chaeyoung just asked who you liked better?” Jennie smirks wondering if she’s thinking about the same thing. Lisa coughs, “Right—I-uhh—choose Chaes—sorry unnie.” She sheepishly smiles trying not to look so guilty but failing in doing so. “Ha! Yes!” Rosie cheers to herself earning a glare and a side hug from Jisoo leading her around to the next stall. Lisa and Jennie stand next to each other giggling following the other two. “What were you thinking we should do?” Lisa questions trying to distract herself from looking at her phone. Knowing that deep down Mina is probably asleep and she should really focus on being with her friends not some potential romantic connection with someone who’s got too much on her plate.

“I don’t know maybe there’s an art museum that we could go to?” Lisa suggests taking Jennie back she thought that the younger girl would’ve suggested shopping but is happy to hear it. She smiles up at the younger girl nodding her head, “I think that is a great idea, maybe some lunch or breakfast?” Jennie suggests knowing that it’s not ideal to have such an intimate conversation in a quiet public place. Lisa doesn’t mind since she didn’t have much plan—because in truth she would’ve probably waited around for a sound from Mina. This might just be the perfect distraction for her, “Yes that sounds perfect.” She smiles at Jennie.

Jennie could stay laced around Lisa’s arm forever, she always loved that despite having much longer legs than her. Lisa always follows the older girls pace, “Jenlisa let’s go! “Chaeyoung shouts at the two girls who fasten their pace, Jennie could feel her cheeks rush red. As for Lisa simply shakes her head and rolls her eyes as they approach the next stall. Jennie let’s go of Lisa making her way over to Rosé. Jisoo walks back over to the maknae hoping to continue their conversation. Seeing that now she’s ready for her response. “Nayeon is okay—she seemed a little off last time I talked to her but she had to go so I didn’t want to pry so maybe I’ll check in with her again.”

“Oh no—I was only fishing from my experience with Jihyo and Mina. But wow—hell of a first world tour.” Lisa chuckles fixing her hat to cover up more of her face. Without her phone distracting her she can hear other shutters.  “I mean this is technically our first world tour and it hasn’t exactly been a walk in the park either.” Jisoo adds trying to make Lisa laugh “Yikes” she adds adding a little hurt and a sigh towards the end. “What’s going on with Nayeon-ni—” she tries to ignore the idea of even trying to recall everything that has happened to them since the start of this year. Jisoo sucks in the air through her math and looks back at Chaennie who still is trying to decide what their next choice will be. “Just like you said they’re all going through it—she didn’t get into specifics but she sounded very broken hearted.” Jisoo shrugs off and the light in Lisa brain immediately reminding her of what she’d just spoken to Mina about at least an hour ago.

“Broken hearted? I didn’t know that anyone in the group was dating?” Lisa fishes but Jisoo is too distracted to notice what the maknae is slowly getting at. Lisa knows how untrue that is especially since she’s been talking to Jihyo about Daniel to see if it’s gone anywhere. Lisa follows the older girls gaze to see some men with large professional camera snapping photos. Jisoo immediately turns Lisa around so there are no face photos security and managers follow her eyeline. Two of the security details walk towards the 3 men, and that’s the last thing the two girls see. “I don’t know if anyone is dating anyone—but you know what it sounds like when someone is heartbroken.” Jisoo answers vaguely returning to the conversation.

“What do you know unnie? It feels like you’re holding out on me” Lisa teases Jisoo doesn’t know what there is to say, maybe all in good time but also if she were to say that this is something Nayeon prefers to keep a secret. “Of course I know something but it’s not my place to share. Besides every band has their own thing. Up until the beginning of this year I thought I knew everything about all of you girls but apparently I was wrong.” Jisoo comments effortlessly shocking Lisa with her response.

“I would just like to say that we as humans are subject to change and growth. Besides we’ll always be around each other but that doesn’t mean that we’re always gonna know what’s going on.” Lisa lectures, Jisoo sighs acknowledging that the comment is a little harsh. “I’m sorry—there’s just been a lot of change and we’re on tour and stability is hard to come recently. You girls are a constant and I know that not everyone is going to always be the same and it’s just hard.”

“Jisoo-ni are you tired or are you getting emotional or has this tour been just that—”

“Lisa-yah! I’m just—being honest and now that you’re teasing me about I will be putting it to rest.” Jisoo sighs placing her head on the maknae’s arm as they wait for Chaennie to walk over with their prepared food. “I understand what you mean—but I hope you know—if I haven’t made it clear yet—I will always put the band first. What happened between Jennie-unnie and I was a childish decision on my part. We’ve worked too hard to get here and I won’t be the reason why we’d lose it all.” Lisa states clearly one more time to ensure to her unnie that this band is the first that always comes to find at the end of the day.

Has she been hooking up with Jennie behind the rest of her bandmates backs—yes—but she wouldn’t have done so if she knew she couldn’t trust herself. Lisa knew that the last of her feelings resided in the physical attraction is a craving that no amount of touching herself could satisfy. Physically she needed Jennie Kim and from what she’s been experiencing the last few months, Jennie Kim needed her just as much. “Lisayah! I appreciate your constant reassurance and I know you wouldn’t ever do anything to jeopardize the group. But I think you that if the moment comes where you do fall in love with someone—it’s okay to prioritize them too and figure out how to best be together. That love can be that important and it’s just as strong.” Jisoo adds looking up at Lisa who’s chuckling at the idea of even putting herself in that situation again.

“Alright this might the final round because more cameras are coming out and the managers want us to get some rest before we head to Australia.” Chaeyoung responds taking little bites of her chosen food. The girls nod knowing that it’s probably the best that they head back, Lisa’s got plans with Jennie tomorrow and lots of not thinking about Mina to do tomorrow. Jisoo on the other is never going to argue about having the opportunity to sleep all day same goes for Rosé. Jennie shares her first bite with Jisoo and Rosé shares hers with Lisa. “Mhmmm..” she hesitates to responds waiting for Lisa’s reaction.

The girls switch partners, Lisa takes one bite of Jennie choice squinting her eyes unsure of what to make of the flavors dancing between her taste buds. “Not bad—but not good.” Lisa simply states and Jisoo couldn’t have said it better herself, she hits Lisa continuously happy to hear someone bring the words from her head out into the world.

“Does that mean what I think it means?” Rosie smiles as at the girls and Jennie slowly closes her eyes knowing that the responsibility of finding a hot pot spot as well as the bill has fallen on her. “Fu—yes—it does mean what you think it means.”

“Jendeukie!” Jisoo slowly chants as they make their way back to the cars, the younger girls couldn’t help themselves but add to the cheers their unnie started. “Jendeukie…Jendeukie…Jendeukie…Jendeukie…Jendeukie…Jendeukie…” the younger girls chant along with Jisoo. Jennie rolls her eyes smiling at how happy her bandmates are for hot pot tomorrow. In truth she really doesn’t mind—what she does mind is losing. Others might call it being competitive she calls it determination, “Yes—alright hot spot on me tomorrow we’re meeting up at 6 be there of be square kids.” Jennie simply states as they get into the car.

“I can’t wait for tomorrow.”

Chapter Text

This was the first time that the girls weren’t all on the same floor together. Jisoo and Rosé were a few floors below Lisa and Jennie’s room was under Lisa’s. Which meant they were the last to get off the elevator. They’d come to an agreement that they’ll meet at around 10 this morning.

But if Jennie is to be honest, she hasn’t been able to sleep a wink. All she could think about is talking to Lisa letting her know everything she needs to say. Words replaying over and over again to be sure that she doesn’t just babble.

As for Lisa she’s still got one person in mind. Mina. As soon as she woke up this morning she was the first person that came to mind. She sits up trying to avoid looking at her phone knowing that she can’t always expect to see a text from Mina. Despite that being the truth the last few months, the idea of Mina taking a break from her wasn’t just meant for Mina. Maybe it’s the fear of rejection getting the best of her. But she has to protect herself. Of course, she’s grown rather fond of the girl. So much so that every little thing seems to remind her Mina.

“Fuck” she smiles getting out of bed to get ready for her day with Jennie. Hopefully this can distract her or make her feel better about her and Jennie. The last couple of months of their arrangement has been amazing. Maybe it’s all that pent energy from focusing all of their energy on debuting. But she’s surprised that it hasn’t gotten complicated. In fairness she hasn’t exactly been that open to having a conversation about their situation. Which might’ve derived to make sure there was never anything that could complicate sleeping with each other.  

Lisa placed the tapes around her knees before sliding her jeans on to complete her outfit. She grabs her hat as well as her purse. She takes a deep breath as she reaches for her phone to see no notifications. Leaving a disappointed stinging feeling, but she shakes her thoughts. Telling herself that she expected this. Mina’s got a lot on her plate right now and it’s not personal if she doesn’t reach out for a while.

Lisa leaves her room to meet Jennie by her room. She mindlessly scrolls through her instagram waiting for the elevator arrives on Jennie’s floor. She lifts her hand getting ready to knock but is surprised to see Jennie. “Oh—hey—I was just about to come to your room.” Jennie smiles, Lisa smiles back at their timing.

“Well no need I’m here.” Lisa leans on the door frame making room for Jennie to walk out. “Cool—I’m excited for this museum.” Jennie adds as they start to walk to the elevator. The girls make small talk about what they think they’ll be seeing. Then move topics to their favourite food they’ve tried so far. For Lisa it feels like how it use to be, she’s aware that she could talk for hours about nothing with Jennie. It’s one of those things that’s always been easy for the two girls.

Having lived for years together they never struggled in getting to know each other. They’re perfect for each other in that way. Lisa always knew how to explain Jennie to others. And Jennie always knew how to explain Lisa to others. In the beginning of Lisa’s training period they always treated her like some animal in the zoo. Pointing at her—laughing—talking about her. She’s never one to stoop low and when she met Jennie she no longer felt like the laughing stock of the company. Other trainees hesitated to look their way. Knowing that catching the other end of Jennie’s cat eyes never ends well.

YG labeled her as his ace and that meant something to people. She’s practically untouchable, that if there was a teacher or a judge that dare make her cry. Well let’s be honest, there was something wrong with them not the other way around. Jennie took Lisa under her wing not because she pitied Lisa but because for the first time in a while of training at YG she found someone she knew who would make it. In the same way that she knew that she was going to make it.

Lisa might not have been popular but she made everyone know she belonged there. People didn’t call her the royal maknae for no reason. Lisa used all that time by herself to perfect her craft. Nowadays her keen eyes always catch her bandmates mistakes. It can be annoying but they’d rather be the best than nothing at all. The girls arrive at the museum with a few security guards and their managers.

The managers grab their tickets and the girls wait. Lisa looks around the tall ceilings amazed at the architecture. Jennie wanted to focus her energy on the art and architecture. But most if not all of it gravitated towards Lisa.

“Girls ready?” tone of their managers asks. Lisa brings her eyes down at group smiling. She looks at her unnie waiting for a smile or a nod checking in with her. Jennie nods, Lisa looks back at the staff and off they went. Jennie had made sure that they are not interrupted today. So, everyone is keeping a safe distance from the girls. Jennie wanted privacy but security in their outing.

Jennie follows Lisa’s pace, moving from painting to painting. Every now and again Lisa comments or she’ll tilt her head. Which Jennie finds absolutely adorable, Lisa hadn’t noticed any of this at first. She’s overwhelmed by the amount of creativity that all these individuals possess. She tries to read each description and she’ll get merely a glimpse of what they’re trying to portray. All this emotion—these feelings it’s crazy how much self expression takes people. “When you look at this photo what do you feel?” she blurts out catching Jennie’s attention.

The older girl clears her throat glancing at the piece then back at Lisa. She’s quiet for a moment checking the painting understanding the colors of the painting. “I feel—at peace—like I am able to breathe and for once it’s the kind of breath that I haven’t been able to take in a while. Where it’s cold and crisp—the kind of fresh air that you’re always greeted with when it’s the first day of fall by the Han River. That’s what I feel.” Jennie responds looking deeper into the painting. Lisa’s surprised to hear these words from Jennie—so much depth. Lisa can’t help but wonder where this was all those months ago. What she would’ve done to have a conversation like this about anything and everything but they never could be on the same emotional wavelength. That seems to be the one thing they could never figure out and if they can’t figure out such an important part of a what makes a relationship work. There was never any hope on making this work at all. That’s most of the reason why Lisa couldn’t stay in the idea of being with Jennie and it helped her move on.

“Wow. That’s beautiful unnie.” She grins at Jennie who’s still immersed in painting which isn’t a total lie. She’s also avoiding eye contact because she knows what she has to do today. They move onto the next painting but Jennie’s mind is itching for a release. But instead of giving her mind some relief she decides to swerve off and look at another painting. Hoping to calm herself down because if she goes in there guns a blazing it might just spook Lisa. The maknae can feel eyes on her but decides that it may simply be people recognizing them. Instead of reacting which might cause more ruckus she simply lowers her hat. Her gaze decides to veer off from the painting onto Jennie. Who looks like she’s having a whole in her head. Lisa is quick to observe just from how her eyes looks.

Jennie feels Lisa’s gaze on her and decides to return the favour. Lisa smiles with her eyes, Jennie tries to communicate through her eyes. Saying that there’s something they’ve got to talk about. Or at least she has something important to say. But it all gets lost in room full of people taking in the art. Lisa tries to read what got lost but lets it go. Their manager walks over to each of them trying to get moving as the room starts to fill up with more people.

They move onto the next room this time moving a little fast from one painting to another. Not much is exchanged between the two girls. Which is driving Jennie crazy, she can’t help but think what if that answer overwhelmed Lisa. She can tell that her anxiety is getting the best of her. That if anything Lisa is just taking in the art in front of them. But what does Jennie these last few months it’s felt like she doesn’t even know who Lisa is any more.

It’s like she’s getting to know her all over again. What else is she to do, she can’t force Lisa to just be the way she was. Clearly that isn’t her anymore, maybe all this space was good for the both of them. It help Jennie think about what she really wants. Or really who she wants, and it help Lisa speak up for herself. Taught her to be so brave to be who she is.

“Unnie are you ready?” Lisa questions coming up behind her l. A small yelp comes out of fear, everyone looks at the them. She puts her hand up to excuse herself. Lisa chuckles, “Sorry”. “Jeez but yeah I’m ready. How long have you guys been waiting?” she questions matching Lisa’s pace.

“Well, I was whispering unnie for a good 5 minutes and I looked like an idiot. So about 5 minutes—“she jokes, Jennie groans putting her head in her hand. “Well, you did look like you were in deep in thought”

“It feels like I’ve been in deep thought for 7 months.” Jennie mumbles to herself, Lisa looks down in question. Knowing she said something but unsure about what she said. “Hmm?”

“Nothing” Jennie smiles wrapping herself around Lisa’s arm. The maknae didn’t seem to mind walking with Jennie wrapped up in her arm. There is a part of Lisa that can’t help but recognise how long she’s craved this kind of attention. Maybe it’s the work the first love—maybe she’ll always crave something from Jennie. Her mom use to always say, you can love and you will always fall in love with someone new. But no one will ever amount to your first love. Maybe this is that—maybe Jennie will always have something over her. She hates the idea of it but what is she to do. This is the first one—to love—to crave—to be so immensely in love with that she couldn’t breathe. What is she suppose to do—she can’t just erase that.

“Okay.” Lisa replies as they circle the around the room with new art pieces. “Actually—“ Jennie starts but stops walking—‘’Hmm?” Lisa repeats again unable to hear Jennie, “—nothing” Jennie grumbles irritated with herself for not being able to just say what she wants too. Lisa lets it be, returning her attention to the art—Jennie doesn’t bother to let go of Lisa’s arm. Testing to see how long it would take for the maknae to pull away.  It’s merely the beginning of their hang out and Lisa can’t help but think about Jennie’s/Mina’s point of view. As if she didn’t blame herself enough for putting their friendship through this. She’s been caught up with herself and her journey that she didn’t even bother to think about how this affected Jennie in the long run. “Lisashi-“Jennie mumbles again this time fully ready to confess it all. Lisa comes out of her thoughts, “Yes unnie?” Lisa doesn’t bother to look at Jennie at the possibility that she changes her mind again. Jennie takes a deep breath “There’s somethi—”

“Girls we have to go—the museum staff just let us know that the entrance is getting bombarded by fans trying to push through to see you guys.” One of their security details explains whilst scanning the room for any possible fans trying to work up the courage to approach them. The managers and the other security detail begin to form a perimeter around the two. Jennie can feel the beginnings of a panic attack, Lisa looks around then back down at the older girl to see her breathing hard. She reaches her pinky out for Jennie’s, for a moment she thought someone was trying to reach out to her trying to push her. She looks down to see that it’s the same arm she’s been holding onto. Jennie smiles, feeling her heart calm at Lisa’s pinky tightening around hers letting her know that she is there. “I’m really sorry girls why don’t we get you guys out of here and then maybe you can think about another place you guys would like to go.” Jennie’s manager apologies as they both have their hand down just following the flow of their team.

It's clear that they exit the building from the back as it was quiet and dark, probably where they transport art. Once their van they begin to research about other options they could go for, they truly were hoping for a quiet tour around Macau. But they’re still getting use having so much attention, it’s only been 3 years and they’re slowly starting to feel themselves lose control. Before all of this—they use to be able to grab some food off of the street and no one would even bat an eye, no one would even look twice in their direction. And now all it takes is a glimpsed and people are flocking around them in minutes.

They look back on those days when they’d leave the building and all the paparazzi would turn their cameras off at the sight of them. These days it seems like they have to either look like a completely different person or get mobbed. Everyone is well aware this is just one of those things that they have to get use too. “There’s a park maybe we can just go on a walk near the river?” Jennie perks up asking Lisa and their managers they research the park to see how big it is and whether it provides enough room for the girls to explore individually. The managers exchange looks ultimately agreeing that it will be a safe alternative. “Yeah—that’ll work.” Jennie’s manager smiles handing the phone over to the driver to provide him the address. Jennie moves closer to Lisa to whisper something to the younger girl, “I’m sorry the museum didn’t work out” Lisa smiles hearing the soft apology, it makes her chuckle that Jennie feels as if she has to apology for something that’s not in her control. “Unnie that wasn’t your fault nothing to be sorry about. I’ll be honest I was surprised it took longer for us to be recognized—not in the cocky way but maybe it’s just Korea where it takes like two seconds for us to immediately have to evacuate.” Lisa jokes making Jennie giggle, the older girl pulls away agreeing fully with Lisa.

“I know but I was really hoping for some—“her sentence is interrupted by Lisa’s phone lighting up with one familiar name on the screen Mina🐧 (5)iMessages, Jennie can feel her heart sink at the bottom of her stomach. She can feel the irrational and rational parts of her argue about Mina’s presence in Lisa’s life. The rational side believes that they are merely friends, which is healthy to have in this industry. You need to have people outside of this group or else it can be isolating. Which means all of their interactions is nothing but friendly and Nayeon had mentioned to Jennie that Sana and Mina are currently having a hard time. Maybe—just maybe Lisa and Mina are finding comfort with each other being foreigners in a Korean group. Just talking about the difference in treatment knowing that some companies and netizens treat foreigner members differently.

As for the irrational fearful part of her believes that there is something romantic going on with them. Maybe this is where Lisa is getting all of her emotional needs being met and why she’s not emotionally available for these chats with Jennie. It would be foolish to ignore the grin and glint in Lisa’s eyes when she looks down at her phone, she doesn’t even do that when her mom calls her. But with Mina, there’s this smile that Jennie recognizes—it’s the same smile that she used to be greeted with when Lisa would enter the room looking for her. The same smile that would make her laugh because it’s just so pure when you’re on the receiving end of it. She watches as Lisa’s eyes glow at the sound of her phone going off but is surprise when Lisa doesn’t bother to look at her phone. Instead, the maknae silences her phone and placed her phone back in her back pocket. This part made the irrational part of her feel better, clearly Mina might not be as important as she’s think she is.

“Unnie? Hoping for some what?” Lisa questions bringing Jennie’s attention back to her as they make their way to the park. “Do you think we can finally talk about everything—”

Lisa sighs but she knows that deep down that they’re going to have to hash it all out, “What is everything because I feel like the things that have happened recently don’t really need to be addressed—it seems pretty self-explanatory.” She adds, the older girl giggles knowing that that part of their relationship might have to be unpacked another time but she wants to finally have the conversation she’s been waiting for since this whole mess started. “I am with you with that one.” She chuckles ensuring the younger girl that it’s merely the past and having some clarifications and possibly just express her list to Lisa;

• When we’re alone I can’t help but want to give everything up for you.
• We flirt all the time, smile and laugh but how I am supposed to know if this is real? I can’t control my feelings anymore. It’s so hard being around you and not saying all the things I want you to hear. I’m trying my best to act casual but all I can seem to do is get mesmerized in your eyes.
• I wish I wasn’t so afraid from the beginning. That day when we first shared our kiss—I should’ve just told you right then and there how much I love you.
• It’s scary to see how much I love you.
• I don’t want for us to start like this—I want to do this right. I want us to be right.
• Some days I can’t stop thinking about you, and other days I wonder why I’m wasting my time.
• I wish I could just ask you what you think of me?

“I think it’s a great idea.” Lisa simply puts, a part of her knows that this conversation has to happen if she’s to truly meant to move on. This chapter of her life has to be received some kind of closure something to just close the door. “Oh—okay great.” The van pulls up to the parking lot and the girls tug their hats further down fixing their mask to ensure that there is only like a 10% chance they’ll get recognized. Security details come out of their van out first to open the girls and managers vans. Lisa and Jennie exchange looks knowing that they’re going to get recognized quicker with a team people following them.

“Unnie—” Jennie starts and Lisa merely follows knowing that Jennie is the spoke person to staff when it comes to the girls needing something. “Can you guys walk like 20 feet behind us because sometimes having the whole team surround us make us recognizable—maybe try to blend in with the crowd?” Jennie suggests chuckling a bit towards the end knowing how ridiculous it sounds to even bother explaining to adults how they should be behaving. But they exchange looks with one another, specifically checking in with the managers to see if this is okay. They debate with each other for a moment and exchange looks. It seems to be a fairly quiet park, “Alright.”

“Thank you.” Jennie giggles, grabbing Lisa’s arm guiding her towards the entrance of the park. The walk to the entrance is quiet, Lisa’s taking in the view while Jennie’s trying to focus. And decide what she should even begin with, “So—“ Lisa hums wanting to simply ripped the bandage.

“Right—“ Jennie nervously chuckles letting go of Lisa’s arm burying her hands in her pocket.

“So—how are you? How’s your leg? How do you feel about the whole tour?” Jennie starts, the idea of just bombarding Lisa with a heavy confession followed by a multitude of questions doesn’t seem to be the right approach. Instead she aims for a multitude of questions that aren’t too vague and it makes Lisa laugh. “I am okay—I am hitting a wall when it comes to this tour. I knew that as soon as we debut that we were going to be like 10,000 times busier but I can feel myself losing steam. Maybe it’s my knee that’s throwing me off or maybe I am craving just not being on a plane every other day. And you?” Lisa answers not really paying attention so much as to Jennie. Who’s not given the park a second of her attention. All of it has been on Lisa, who’s done nothing but look around.

“I know what you mean. I’m also craving just being in one place for a while, not to say I haven’t enjoyed travelling but I honestly I’m just hoping for a home cooked meal at this point. My ankle’s been acting recently too—I think going from swelling for like more than 10 hours then going back to normal doesn’t help with its recovery. But I feel like since we’ve been on tour while also recording and writing it’s really pushing us towards a burn out. What I would give to visit Jisoo-ni’s family homemade kimchi jjigae.” Jennie reminisces about the older girl’s mothers signature meal when Jisoo goes home.

“Awww yessss I would give up a limb for that warm broth. Always makes me feel warm on the inside—I don’t even know where to begin how well that soup alone could cure my sadness—” Lisa get into a long tangent about being in Korea and how it’s become a second home to her. Jennie’s of course is more than happy to listen because this is the first time in a while that she’s been able to hear Lisa talk this much. She could Lisa talk about anything and nothing because it gives her a glimpse of how they use to be.

It's reminding both of them their history and the worth of their friendship. To the point that it’s making Lisa feel better about keeping their relationship what it is now and possibly even ending their arrangement. She doesn’t know how to best describe it other than saying she “fucked” the Jennie out of her. “Exactly—I completely forgot to ask you this while we were in Germany but there was someone there that had your Kill This Love outfit! Like down to the last detail and the one she was with had Chae’s.” Jennie comments, Lisa’s eyes jump out of her skull slightly disappointed having missed a fan dressed like her. “Waaah! It’s so weird and yet awesome at the same time to see how dedicated our fans are. I also want to know how they’re so quick to getting replicates of our outfits, because there have been a few that I’d like to keep in my wardrobe.” Lisa continues recalling about certain outfits that she has had in the past but wasn’t able to keep.

“I know--if anything find them dedicated so much love and devotion. Do you think you could ever love something so much?” Jennie chuckles almost regretting saying the last parts of her sentence but it seems to have gone past the maknae who’s quick to say “My cats obviously because if I could be with them all the time and not disappoint or fail anyone—I would.” She states simply without any hesitation, a sigh of relief washes over Jennie seeing that Lisa’s quick to dismiss any kind of romantic atmosphere.

“Oh for sure how I would be with Kai and Kuma.” Jennie starts, “Especially now—I don’t know what it is—I think that having them stay with my mom recently and the fact that I wasn’t able to see them while we were home physically broke me. I can’t wait to get home to Korea and just spend that time with them before we go back on the road. I know that technically that we still have a very busy schedule but at least I get to be in the same country as them and I could ask my mom to drop them off by the dorm. But I was thinking about even finding an apartment while when we go back.” Jennie continues to rave as Lisa’s attention is caught by the words ‘finding an apartment’

“An apartment?” she couldn’t help but interrupt the older girls rant, “Yeah—I don’t know—I see you with your apartment and the cats and I want that—but also selfishly I want my mom to just visit said apartment instead of constantly having to take away Kuma and Kai when I’m away. “ she smiles at Lisa who totally understands where the older girl is coming from. When she first thought about leaving the dorm it was because she wanted some space from Jennie. Hoping that maybe having a place to herself away from Jennie will keep her feelings from getting deeper. And when she finally moved in, it did what she hoped it would. Her time was consumed with decorating the apartment and finding the right accessories for her babies.

“Oh yes 100% because these days it’s so nice to come home to my apartment not only to see the cats but also a note from my mom. It honestly warms my heart so I think you should do it.” The maknae smiles at Jennie, she’s missed these kinds of conversations she knows that Jisoo and Rosé aren’t fully into leaving their dorm yet. But when it comes to Lisa it was always one of the first things that she was going to do as soon as they had been making enough money. “I knew you’d understand—“Jennie chuckles, there’s a moment of silence until Lisa spots a butterfly. “Ah.” She shouts softly running away from Jennie wanting to take a picture of the beautiful creature. Jennie’s unsure what just happened but decides to follow Lisa. She looks back at the staff who are now frantically sprinting towards the girls. Jennie shakes her head telling them to ease up, “Lisa-yah!” Jennie shouts, the maknae turns around shushing the older girl.

“What are we chasing?” Jennie finally catches up to Lisa whispering next to her, “Lisa points to the butterfly trying to choose which flower to land on. “I want to take a picture of it now come here and be quiet.” She chuckles pulling her phone out trying her best to take a photo, Jennie decides to leave the girl be until she grabs a photo.

Jennie walks away and looks down at her phone to see a text from Jisoo;

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

How’s it going? Will it be awkward during hot pot?

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

I haven’t said anything yet. We’re just talking and honestly I missed this a lot.

[Sooyachu 🐰🐢 ]

Ah okay. Well I’m glad you guys are talking :) see you later

Jennie places her phone back in her pocket. She continues to wait for Lisa, who’s now running back to her with the biggest smile on her face. “I got it. Look!” she hovers her phone in front of Jennie’s face.

“That’s so pretty.” Jennie comments, Lisa takes phone back immediately locking it. She doesn’t bother to acknowledge her notifications. It’s become crystal that clearly Lisa’s avoiding Mina, but the real question is why. “Thank you—now—you said you wanted you talk. About everything—“

“I do. I feel like we’re both in a good place to finally unpack this.” Jennie chuckles looking everywhere but Lisa. Who’s surprisingly receptive to unpacking everything they’ve been through. “Okay—“

“Right—so feelings? Your feelings for me how long has that been a thing?” The older girl questions and it makes Lisa laugh, “We’re really just jumping in this huh?”

“Well I don’t know—I think that it was always there and I think for a while I just was like ‘she’s my best friend of course I love her’ then I can’t tell you when or why or how but I just knew. I fell in love with—“ Lisa pauses for a moment looking back at herself and at their walking pace, stopping trying fully let Jennie comprehend the grasp she had on the younger girl. “—the way you looked at me. Somehow the way you spoke to me was different than the others. It’s like my day wasn’t complete unless I saw you—or I saw a glimpse of you. A stolen chance that was simply mine because you never looked the same to me—you were always beautiful, yes, but almost ethereal. Your jokes were funnier—the way you laughed didn’t just make me want to laugh but it sounded like the purest form of content. And I don’t know—every text you ever sent meant to me. Every song you ever suggested felt like there was something from you for me to understand. It felt like you were trying to tell me you loved me without having to do so. I was so in love with you for years that even the way you hugged me felt you weren’t just Jennie—you weren’t just an experience—“ she pauses one more time, this time starting to slowly walk again “—you were everything.”.

“That’s how I feel about you now.” Jennie thought to herself, she’s never been great with her words or her feelings but this, these feelings are one thing she’s sure of. She is in love with Lisa. But everything of course came down when she recalls the words the ended with -ed and you WERE everything. “FUCK” she thought to herself again.

“Wow.” Is all Jennie is able to say, Lisa giggles trying to diffuse the awkward tension in the air. “I know it sounds childish right? That if anything saying it all out loud it’s sounds more like a high school crush.” Lisa states which is making it even more difficult to say what she needs to. How is she supposed to segue into her feelings and how she feels.

“I don’t think it’s childish. I think it’s love—and there’s nothing childish about loving someone.” Jennie comments but it leaves Lisa unsure what to say, instead she lets about a breath. The same breath she’s been holding on since she’s accepted the fact that there was a possibility of her being in love with Jennie.

“Yeah but I hate what it’s done to our friendship—I didn’t want to have to ignore you—I didn’t want to have to ask for space. You’ve been a part of my everyday life since I was 14 and to go from that to not being able to be around you killed me. But I also knew that if I were to just act like everything was fine in every aspect of my life I don’t think I would be where I am right now. I do however wish there was a way for us to exist in this without having hurt one another so much.” Lisa explains, Jennie is slowly losing confidence in herself wanting to bring up her feelings. “I mean—I know I wasn’t acting fairly when this all first happened—everything about how I approached it was selfish.” Jennie adds,

“I just felt like I was losing one of my oldest friends—I wasn’t fulling listening to what you needed because all I cared about what I needed. And I want just to offer my deepest apologies for the way I was acting—” she pauses and the maknae feels safe that for once like her feelings are being heard by the older girl. She can’t help but be happy that they are finally having the conversation that they needed to have in the first place. Where neither of them are hurting and neither of them are just saying what they feel the other has been waiting to hear.

“—It’s okay unnie—I know you were scared but you know that I’m never going to leave you—” Jennie’s taken back to those 3 am nights they shared together. Getting to know one another and of course learning to trust each other. Her heart melts at those words, why out of everything she could say did she have to say those words. Tears begin to collect themselves by her duct as she tries to her best to fight them from falling. But Lisa is quick to notice them, “Unnie—are you okay?” she questions not walking any further other than walking in front of her to look into her eyes. She wipes the tears out of the shorter girls eyes and once again they’re caught in a very intimate position. Jennie can’t even form any words because in this moment right here is where she wants to stay.

Lisa in front of her, attending to her emotional needs—“I—” she tries to speak but it comes out like a croak from a frog, Lisa chuckles at the sound she makes. At this point the tears can’t help but fall but she’s yet to start sobbing but she’s however chuckling at how ridiculous she looks right now. Lisa chuckles along and continues to wipe the tears away, “Unnie—what’s going on?” she wonders trying to ignore the gut feelings that she’s since she’s woke up this morning.

There was only a moment within these last few months where their relationship was in limbo—where it wasn’t out of balance. But recently Lisa can tell that there’s something she wants to say or there’s something that’s bothering her. With every hook up they have she’s keeps trying to find a reason to make Lisa stay but the maknae refuses. She’s doing it to protect herself because she knew if there was even a sliver of what she thinks it might be lingering in the air it would change everything they’ve got going on. A part of her knows that she’s got feelings for Mina and she’s got every right in the world to want to pursue that. And if that means denying Jennie parts of her that could be swayed otherwise then she should.

Fuck. Mina. Lisa thought to herself fully remembering she’s got 5 messages from Mina, she stops herself from grabbing her phone from her pocket returning her attention back to Jennie.

[Mina 🐧 ]     30m ago

Hi.

[Mina 🐧 ]     25m ago

Sorry, that was weird I never just send you texts like that. How are you?

[Mina 🐧 ]      20m ago

I know that we’re supposed to be taking time to think. Well at least you advised me to give myself time to think about everything going on with me but I feel like I don’t know where to start. Right now, all I can think about is how courageous and brave you are but you are just simply being yourself. That is amazing to me, I hate that I sound like I am praising you for being yourself. But do you have any idea how hard it is to not pick up the phone and call you. It’s only been like 12 hours or less I can’t really tell because I really did try to get some sleep and try not to text you. But these last couple of months you’ve been the first person I talk too. Even before I talk to my bandmates. I really did try throughout the day to distract myself with you today but the way we left things off yesterday just made me want to talk to you more. But it seems like you don’t even want to talk to me, don’t even say that you do because you would’ve sent me a text by now.

[Mina 🐧 ]     15m ago

Oh my god I sound pathetic. Please ignore me. Well technically you are or you’re just busy which I understand. But I also wanted to text you an update that I’m going to have a meeting with JYP next week. I don’t think I can stay any longer, Nayeon won’t look at me I feel like I’m just holding everyone back. And ever since the start of this tour I cry before every performance, it’s not fun anymore.

[Mina 🐧 ]      5m ago

I hope I hear from you soon.

She looks down to see Jennie lingering around her hand, she pulls the older girls mask down to wipe the rest of the tears down then pulls away. “Do you want to talk about it?” she questions waiting for Jennie to pull her mask up. Jennie looks around to see that everyone is still going about their day and no one has noticed them. “ I just think I’ve been needing this for a while—I feel like I’ve been in the dark for so long and I feel like for once I understand and can make sense of everything and we are actually hearing each other and it’s nice” she rambles making Lisa shake her head at how much she agrees but how much this has clearly been weighing on the older girl. That in truth she’s not been the only one whose gone through a rollercoaster of emotions—they might not have been the same but there was still a lot of emotional distress that Jennie was going through.

“I know what you mean I am glad we could have a moment to finally talk about this before we go back to Korea. I want to make sure this band keeps working like a well-oiled machine that it is. I think I’ve been meaning to have this conversation with you but I didn’t know if the 19-year-old in me could take it you know?” Lisa partially jokes knowing that if she’s to really close this part of her life it has to start with this conversation.

“I think this might be one of the first times in a while where we’re in the same page and we’re being honest with each other—” Jennie pauses finding the perfect segue to say what she has been waiting to say. “In lieu of being honest—if you don’t mind there’s something I have to say. I feel that offering you my deepest apologies will never take away the pain that I’ve caused you. I meant what I said when I told you that I couldn’t afford a loss like yours I meant it. I can’t manage to attempt to fill the hole your absence would cause—you are one of the few people in my life that I just know I need to have a round. This was our dream and I wouldn’t have wanted it with anyone else.” Jennie starts and Lisa can feel the pit of her stomach turn at Jennie’s candor.

All this time Lisa’s been caught up in what Jennie lacked that she’s missed what Jennie has been offering her. The same idea that she’s been protecting their friendship from and that is losing one another. “Thank you—unnie but you don’t need to say all of this. I’ve forgiven you—I think that knowing that deep down we have been through so much and understanding that all of that is not worth my childish wishes of wanting to be loved. I think that I just needed to know that I was capable of loving. I was afraid that you guys would be the only people that could love me—which again makes this sound so selfish.” Lisa clarifies unsure of why out of all the people in Korea did she have to fall in love with Jennie Kim. This is the only explanation that Lisa could conclude too, because if she had a choice to have fallen in love with someone else she would’ve. But instead her heart pined for the older girl, “I know what you mean sometimes it’s too hard to ignore what’s already there—” she pauses and Lisa is left confused.

"Don't do this." Lisa begs Jennie, since the start of the day Lisa could tell Jennie's been waiting to say something to her. And she'd tried her best to ignore the feeling and keep them distracted but there's nothing left to avoid the rest of this conversation.

"What?" she innocently asks, as her eyes pull Lisa in deeper.

"Don't. Don't do that. We are finally okay--we're good. I'm fine to be without you. I've made peace with that, It's not your fault that you don't love me. It's my fault because I fell in love with you. Because after years of waiting nothing came--and thats fine. Sometimes you feel so strongly for a person and you don't know why - the feelings are just there. And they start to consume you until there's nothing left in your heart except what beats for that person. And thats what it was like with you...for some reason I had fallen into some kind of love with you and I picked myself up with just as much pain because you were who I thought I saw a future with. But things are different for me now-"

"I'm sorry but I love you." Jennie states begging for Lisa to hear and hear her clearly. Lisa shakes her head walking further away from Jennie not wanting to even humor this idea. Jennie runs after Lisa trying to get her to listen to what she has to say. “Lisa please—I need you listen.”

Lisa chuckles in disbelief—“You can’t be serious.”

“I know I have no right to ask you to listen to this let alone tell you how I feel no—”

“What did you think was going to happen? Did you think that I was going to wait for you—did you think that by telling me this I’d come running back to you?” Lisa bites, furious at what’s unravelling in front of her. She spent 3 years and some months to hear these words. And here they are but she can’t even stomach having to listen to what else Jennie has to say for herself.

“No—I—you need to know! I know I’m not good at talking about my feelings but I need you to know.” Jennie tries to keep calm not wanting to match the maknaes energy. Which is proving to be harder than usual, “ I don’t have to listen to anything. Why should I listen to you! Why is it that now you’re ready—huh?” Lisa continues to raise the tension between the both of them. Not caring whether they catch others attention.

“Because you deserve to know why now! You’re not the only that talked to people! That did some thinking—I wasn’t just using that time away from you to enjoy myself. Acting like I was finally free from the burden of knowing that you were in love with me—“

“Ha! A burden! I am so sorry Jennie that me having been in love with you was such a BURDEN.” Lisa tries her best to control her volume but fails to do so towards the end. Jennie shakes her head profusely knowing that that wasn’t what she meant to say. She merely wanted some recognition that she didn’t just disregard Lisa’s feelings. “No! That’s not what I meant—I—“

“You what? You spent 7 months to be sure that you liked me? And that my feelings for you weren’t some practical joke? Is that why you’ve been sleeping with me? You failed on anchoring me the first time—so you figured hell let’s try a second time so I can really be sure that I am gay. What am I some experiment to you? For you to use so that whoever comes next is actually deserving of you—Fuck you Jennie.” Lisa says all in one breath without thinking. They’re both hit with the feeling of déjà vu. She didn’t think that Jennie could still hurt her this way.

 “ I needed you to know that I wasn’t just disregarding your feelings Lisa. All I could talk about was YOU! How you were feeling? Thinking about how much I’ve made you cry?” Lisa disrupts letting out another chuckle of disbelief “Don’t flatter yourself—“ Jennie tries to ignore it and continues “Or the fact that the only thing I could think about was how to fix this? That really when I think about it—I don’t look at our friends the same way I look at you! That my heart can’t seem to contain itself when you’re around. And I don’t even know what the fuck that means—“ Jennie tries her best not to shout as she bares herself at Lisa. Unfolding every little feeling she’s felt for Lisa.

“What I do know is this—“ she wipes the tears in her eyes clearing her throat. “When we’re together I can’t help but want to give up everything for you—we flirt all the time, smile and laugh but I can tell Lisa—you’re not really here with me. It’s so hard being around you and not say all the things I want you to hear. I’m trying my best to act casual but all I can do is get mesmerised by your eyes. I wish I wasn’t so afraid from the beginning. That day when you kissed me—I should’ve told you right then and there how much I loved you—even if I didn’t know how much that was. It’s scary how much I Iove you. I’ve never been so unsure of myself—there were so many times I just wanted to ask you what you think of me now? Because I spend so much of my time thinking about you or I wonder if I’m just wasting my time. I never wanted us to start like this—“ It’s clear that Lisa’s calm down as Jennie’s spoken. But she can recognize the defeat in Lisa’s eyes. If this would’ve been sooner she wouldn’t be so afraid of Lisa has to say now.

“Unnie—look at us. Look at this—” she points at the staff on edge watching the heated exchange between the two girls. Lisa nods them off trying to ensure that they were alright, they walk to create some space between them and their staff. Jennie walks up next to Lisa, unsure of what else the younger girl has to say. “For a long time I feared losing you—” Lisa begins and Jennie can’t tell what direction their conversation is going too and she’s practically at the edge of her seat.

“The thought of never having you by my side scared me, I held onto so much of myself because of this fear. I didn’t want to tell you because of what it could turn too—I look at how things are now, I never imagined this moment. I realized that by holding onto myself and to you it was only killing me, slowly, and taking space. This was one of the best things I could’ve done. I’ve learned that loving you was the best mistake I made, with no regret. I appreciate moments we both took for granted. The lack of appreciation only makes me appreciate the small moments I did have with you. They might have meant nothing to you at the time—but like I said you were everything to me. I loved you, know I will never forget those memories. I simply realize that I never want to love like that again. You are supposed to support and appreciate one another not take them for granted, appreciate the love. I may not be able to but someone needs too. I just would be doing myself injustice if I am not cautious and I wouldn’t be one hundred percent truthful to you if I sit here and act like this is something I am okay with when I am not.” Lisa wipes the tears in her eyes but she can’t stay it would undo everything she’s worked on. And everything she’s building with herself and her future.

“So, what does that mean for us?” Jennie foolishly asks, Lisa stops walking again digging her hands deeper into her pocket pinching herself. Trying to avoid any more tears from falling down, she sighs “We’re so good for each other Jennie-unnnie—”

“But we’re so bad for each other and we can’t ignore that. If we ever want to make this band if we want to keep doing what we’re doing we have to let each other go. We can’t heal in the same place that hurt us unnie.”

Chapter Text

“So that’s it?” Jennie croaks trying to stop herself from sobbing, all this time she could only imagine what Lisa’s felt that time. Not once did she think that she would be in the receiving end of it. Maybe a little part of her did expect Lisa to reciprocate what she’s been feeling. But clearly 7 months was enough for Lisa to move on— “We can’t move on by going backwards unnie.” Lisa sighs not wanting to say what she has to say to so that Jennie doesn’t end up where she was. There is a moment of silence between the both of them, only those who are familiar with the sound can hear the sound of a heart breaking in half. Jennie reaches for Lisa hand intertwining them together rubbing circles with her thumb, she looks up at the maknae “I love you—”

Lisa saddens at the sound of absolute defeat in her voice, the past version of herself is screaming at herself now. She should be jumping at this opportunity but Lisa can tell that she’s not in it anymore. That she has truly moved on, “We can’t keep going the way that we are” Lisa clarifies knowing that if the shoe were in the other foot she would prefer to have someone rip the band aid like this. So, instead sitting in her own thoughts thinking that there might still be a chance of them being together. This is better, she knows that this is better.

“Don’t you love me anymore? “Jennie questions making all of this even harder for the maknae, of course she loves Jennie. But she knows that clearly she shouldn’t love Jennie this way. There is nothing good coming from it, “Unnie—“she starts quickly pulling Jennie in for a hug then pulling her away guiding her towards a bench nearby. “Of course I love you, you’re my first love.” She whispers wiping the tears from both her eyes and Jennie’s, “But this isn’t love. We didn’t even date but look at how much pain we’re causing each other—you know love isn’t supposed to be like this.”

Jennie jumps, “Love is like this Lisa—it would be foolish to believe that it’s supposed to be blue skies and sunshine. You love each other so much that—”

“That what? We bring each other to tears—every single time. We deliver so much pain that we can barely be around each other. It’s too hard unnie.” Lisa quizzes quietly sobbing not making a sound. Jennie looks to the distance to not wanting to see how much they’ve been crying.

“What is worth suffering for? Everything is hard in some way. It’s hard to be in the wrong relationship. It’s hard to be in the right one. It’s hard to be broken and miserable. It’s hard to achieve your dreams. It’s hard to be stuck in the middle not really feeling anything at all. Everything is hard, but you choose your hard. You choose what’s worth it. You don’t choose whether or not you’ll suffer but you do choose what you want to suffer for.” Jennie rambles hoping that it could convince the younger girl even in the slightest.

“I don’t think I could handle being in this band if this is what happens to us if we end up breaking up after giving each other a chance. I know we haven’t been friends but I think it’s much better to be that than this. We’ve worked so hard to get here and no one is worth that.” Lisa simply states, “I just don’t think I can ever love—” she pauses trying to catch her breath, thoughts and heartbeat all at once.

“So, what are we supposed to do?” Jennie questions, accepting that clearly nothing is going to change the younger girls minds. Lisa is exhausted having to say this one more time, “I’m going to respect your space. I know how hard it is to be around the person you’re desperately in love with. I’m not going to force you to talk to me. I’m not going to push you during performances and we’re going to repair our friendship in your pace.” It’s an impossible pill to swallow but there is no changing Lisa’s mind. Jennie replies, “Okay—thank you—I’m sorry I couldn’t offer you the same kindness and understanding when you loved me.”

“You did what you believed was best. If you had known better, you would have done better. If you had been capable of doing better, you would have done better. You didn’t have all the knowledge, strength, confidence, and self-awareness that you have now. You did the best you could with what you had. We’re going to be okay unnie. “ Lisa tries her best to smile at Jennie who’s holding more than tears back. All she can do is nod her head; she looks up at the staff to see them signaling that it’s been quite a while since they’ve been here. Lisa’s the first one to get up, she reaches her hand out at Jennie. Signaling she’d be more than happy to help her up. The brunette shakes her head no, “I love you.” Jennie mutters one more time, Lisa smiles that painful smile that Jisoo described to Jennie months ago, “It’ll pass.” She simply says right before she turns to walk away.  “I’ll be over in a second—I just need to—.” Jennie communicates without trying to sound as if she’s begging.

Lisa sighs, she leaves the older girl alone and starts walking back to the staff. She stops by a tree hiding from Jennie and the staff. “Fuck.” Lisa scolds herself finally letting the sobbing out of her body. Ever since she was 17 all she could think about was having Jennie love her the way she loved the older girl. Yet now the opportunity is presenting itself to her and she can’t find herself to accept it.

The part of her that continuously aches at the thought of Jennie breaking her heart. She doesn’t believe any sincerity that comes with her unnie reciprocating her feelings. How could she believe that these feelings are authentic. What if it’s just Jennie being scared of losing her? What if it’s just another way of manipulating Lisa? Others might call it overprotection or her being unfair but she can’t just put that part of her away.

“Lisa?” she hears Alice’s voice ring from the other side of the tree. Lisa collects herself trying to silence her sobs before she answers. She swallows the biggest lump from her throat, “Yup. I’m ready.” She softly responds and the older girl can’t help but notice her red eyes, instead of dragging her bag to security and the other manager she simply pulls her into a hug. “I don’t know what’s going on—and I don’t really have too—but I’m just really sorry Lisa.” Is all she can say as the young girl continues to sob on her shoulders.

On the other side of the park is Jennie trying to get a hold of herself. In moments like this she’s instructed management to give her space. That somehow in a matter of minutes she will get herself situated but this time it’s taken longer. She can barely understand how Lisa was able to bare all of this in a matter of seconds. Yet here she is struggling to catch her breath; she looks up trying to see if it was gravity pulling her tears out. Slowly catching her breath when she’s felt as if her tears have stopped. She looks back at management but doesn’t see Lisa towering over everyone. Does space immediately mean now? She’d gotten used to having crumbs of Lisa recently and now she doesn’t get to have anything at all. Jennie’s knows that it’s for the best and that its going to help in the long run but as of right now she feels like her heart has just been ripped out of her whole body. How barren she feels knowing that she could’ve been love the way she deserved but she’s too terrified to admit who she really is deep down. Lisa could’ve been her great love, the one her mother always talked about but what’s the point of what if when it’s clearly done. 

From her peripheral she sees Lisa is wrapped around Alice’s arms walking back to the car. She sees Lisa team take one team and leave, “Fuck!” Jennie shouts burying her head in her hands, she’s been through so much and she’s gone through so much but she’s never hated herself so much. “Jennie?” she hears Alison whisper behind her, she fixes her gaze upward one more time whilst simultaneously wiping those tears that dare come out. Jennie turns to Alison trying her best to fake a smile but anyone with eyes can tell that she’s not okay.

“We can go.”

“We don’t hav—”

“Unnie—please. Let’s just go to hot pot—get on a plane and get on with our lives.” Jennie distantly answers walking past Alison and towards the van, Jennie reaches out for her phone debating if she should give into temptation. But she doesn’t instead she blocks out the world unsure of what’s to come during dinner.

In the other van Lisa is fighting off a panic attack, it doesn’t take a genius to know what a panic attack sounds like. Alison turns around to offer some help but Lisa shakes her head no. Instead she dials Mina’s number,

‘Hello?’  Mina answers smiling at her phone to have seen Lisa’s name. Only problem is—it’s not a particularly positive phone call.

‘Can you talk?’  Mina’s flags raise at the shaky sound of Lisa’s voice. She’s going to know what a panic attack sounds like, her heart drops at Lisa’s voice.

‘Of course what happened?’

‘I—just—had a horrible argument with—and I can’t—‘ Lisa stutters slowly feeling suffocated being in the car

“Stop the car!”Mina hears Lisa shout over the phone. There’a various voices trying to reason with Lisa but none of them are effective. There’s a screeching sound and car doors slamming shut.

Lisa’s pants on the other side of the line, ‘Lisa hey—one breath at a time—‘  she advises, Lisa tries to take deep breaths but is unable to do just that. Lisa finds herself unable to focus her attention on anything. Her lack of response is alarming to Mina, ‘Lisa-yah—hey focus on my voice—remember? The same voice that you think could calm a sumo wrestler down. Minari.’  She softly talks knowing that the last thing Lisa needs to hear is an overbearing voice.

Lisa tries to direct her attention away from her team and towards the horizon of the road. ‘I’m sorry—what a dick move—I haven’t even read your messages then—“ she pauses heaving every other word it makes Mina chuckle. She knows how ridiculous those texts were. It was a spur of the moment of insecurity and it got the best of her.

‘Lisashi—stop apologizing—okay—let’s focus on breathing for now. ‘

‘ I—just—whooooo—‘ Lisa tries to control her breathing again, ‘I just—I don’t know I can’t do it. I’m not going to let myself get wrapped up in it. Not again—I deserved love okay—I fucking deserve the love I give. I don’t deserve to be someone’s second choice—‘  her breathing continues to stagger ‘Let alone their forethought, I shouldn’t have to wait until someone is sure of me.’ Lisa begins to ramble and Mina can’t even understand what’s going on. Lisa’s staggered breathing makes all of this rambling make it sound more painful to listen too.

‘I’m so sorry Lisa. You do deserve someone who is sure of you. You deserve to be loved in the way that you love—deeply and honestly. I’m sorry someone made you believe that you deserve to be treated that way.’

‘You come to me after months! MONTHS! I bared my heart to you and yet you couldn’t give me the same decency that I am offering you now. ‘ Lisa continues to ramble despite a staggered breath. Slowly Mina is able to put some of the puzzle together. Instead of prying she decides against it and just lets Lisa continue rambling.

‘You love me—’  something with this specific delivery is bitter—heartbreakingly bitter ‘ You can fuck off. You think I’m gonna come back running to you ! You’ve got another fucking thing coming—‘ there’s an empty pause between the two girls. Mina can tell Lisa is finally able to catch her breath. There’s a few more heaving until it sounds regulated.

‘I’m sorry—I’m sorry.’  Is all Mina is able to say—she’s never seen Lisa in a such a state before.

‘It’s okay—I’m glad you’re okay. Do you want to talk about it?’  Mina questions, Lisa sighs slowly waiting for her blood to cool.

‘I just—this is the shit show that I was talking about. And it took a fuck up of a turn but no more. I’m not letting myself doubt the fact that I walked away.’

‘Okay—vague answer but—‘

‘I just don’t want her to think that she can just turn around and tell me she loved me after I told her the same thing 7 months ago—7 months ago—I bared my heart out—I came out—I—’

‘Oh’ Mina comments trying to act as if her heart hadn’t just dropped from the height of the sky down to the pits of hell. She knew that clearly there was someone that got Lisa to this point of her life. But it’s only human to be slightly heartbroken to hear from the person you have a crush on that someone they liked months ago are finally reciprocating said feelings.

‘No—I’m not doing that to myself. It took too much to get where I am right now. I’m sorry I just called you—suffering from a panic attack—then started yelling—it’s probably the last thing you need to hear—’ Lisa explains, Alice and her other manager look over at her signaling if she was okay. Lisa nods, they wave her over to come back into the car.

‘I’m such an asshole I didn’t even read your messages—hold on.’  Lisa adds on top of her response while walking back to the car. Mina panics on the other side of the call hoping to protest.

‘Wait no—no-no-no-noo it’s really—‘ Mina tries to object but Lisa’s pulled away from her hear catching up on her messages. She gets in the car and finally digests what Mina’s texts, leaving her feeling as if she’d gotten off an emotional rollercoaster.

‘First of all—you’re not pathetic it’s nice to hear those kinds of things. I’m sorry the panic attacks have been so unbearable—I haven’t had one in a while so I can only imagine how it feels to have one everyday—because this—this was painful—I hated being in this state for so long’

‘I think—like I said in the text I’m just used to talking to you every day and it was weird to have to stop myself from reaching out to you especially since the last couple of months it’s been you—’ Mina stops only to realize seconds later that it was a weird moment to stop speaking ‘—That I talk to everyday I mean—like I said before I say anything to my bandmates or managers you’re the first person I talk too. But I wasn’t going to reach out to JYP because I was hoping that hey maybe I can get a hold of this but—during rehearsals today I was missing steps and missing marks. And now while I’m sitting here waiting to perform I feel like throwing up—or disappearing I just don’t want to be here and I can’t get rid of the feeling—‘ She pauses realizing that Lisa’s going through an emotional crisis and she just inserted her situation again, ‘—I’m sorry this is about you not me—how are you? Was it that bad of a conversation?’

‘No it’s okay—I just—don’t want to dwell too long. But—yes it was a horrible conversation. I let my anger get the best of me which I know I shouldn’t but I spent so much of my life being in love with her and I was consumed with the idea of her and she left me hanging. She didn’t even say the things that I said to her now—she couldn’t give me the decency—the respect—and don’t even get me started on the her pulling up to my apartment trying to sleep with me—’

‘What?’ Mina questions.

‘Yeah and she kept doing shit like that in the first couple of months until I blew in her face—telling her that she’s making it almost impossible to get over her all because she can’t decide whether she wants to be with me or not’

‘That—sounds horrible—I would feel so—‘

‘Small? Pathetic because that’s what I felt—‘

‘Took the words right out of my mouth.’ Mina replies, Lisa can’t help but smile a little hearing Mina’s soft voice.

‘But I’m glad you're bringing it into JYP’s attention. You’ve got to put yourself first—and I wasn’t ignoring you. I wanted to give you space so you could think clearly.’  Lisa replies, knowing damn well that she understand the struggle of not reaching out. Mina was the first thing that came to her mind this morning.

‘I don’t want to talk about me right now. Is this the person that brought things up for you?’ Lisa sheepishly chuckles in disbelief with her own experience.

‘Oh—are you sure?’ Lisa questions feeling a little guilty bringing this kind of energy into Mina’s atmosphere knowing how delicate it is right now. ‘ I am positive.’ Mina sighs locking herself into a room that she’d just stumbled upon after taking this call with Lisa.

‘ Well—they brought everything up and more. I didn’t think I’d be so angry—let alone lead myself to a panic attack. I’m just so torn—if she would’ve said all of this to me 7 months ago. I think we’d be happily together by now.’ Lisa sighs as she feels her heart ripping at her decisions.

‘I understand—but you said it yourself that was 7 months ago—that’s not you anymore.’ Mina replies trying to support her friends decisions. If she were to be in the same shoes as her, surely she would’ve done the same thing.

‘I just can’t shake this feeling of absolute defeat you know—‘

‘I think that’s the whole point.’ She pauses leaving Lisa a little confused. What could she possibly mean by that.

‘No one is supposed to win in this case. It’s two broken hearts—right? There is no winner—I understand wanting to hurt someone in the way that they hurt you but that’s not you. And from what I know—that’ll never be you.’ Mina smiles on the phone, the bubble her stomach begins to expand. Knowing her reactive that answer is, she didn’t think about how that sounded.

‘I just wish I wasn’t myself in moments like this because I feel like a punching bag. Always just taking hits—never fighting for myself—’

‘If you aren’t the way you are I wouldn’t be falling for you’ Mina thought to herself, her chest tightens at her own thought. The conversation falls silent, ‘Mina?’ Lisa questions grabbing Mina’s attention, she tries to her best to ignore the bubbling feeling that starts at the pit of her stomach ending with heart palpitations. ‘Sorry—did you say something?’

‘Yeah—I have to go—I have dinner with the girls. Maybe we can talk to later? I know it won’t mean much but I hope you have a good show tonight.’ Lisa repeats once more, Mina’s breath hitches taking a deep breath in hoping hating how she feels at the mention of the show. ‘Yeah—thank you. I’ll talk to you later.’ They exchange goodbyes and the phone goes mute.

“Mina-unnie?” she hears a quiet on the other side of the door, she can hear Chaeyoung voice. A voice that the younger girl only uses for her, it’s soft and inviting. Mina sighs before answering, “Yeah?” she questions, trying to prevent the tears from falling. She’s got no reason to cry but all she seems to want to do is cry, it’s the type of tears that form from pure pain.

“Make up is looking for you.” These days Chaeyoung seems to be the only one that gets through her. Everyone else’s energy seems to be too overwhelming for her and even begin with how Nayeon is with her. Or the lack of it, Nayeon barely looks at her and if there is a rare moment where they are looking at one another—it’s like she can see her pupils flinch at the sight of the younger girl. Nayeon’s not one to really let you see how she’s feeling but in the rare chance that she fails in keeping face. You can see how much pain she’s in—the color in her eyes drain, her demeanor is quick to follow.

“Okay—I’ll be there in a minute.” Her smile from her conversation with Lisa is now gone as she’s faced with the reality. She’s going to have to get on that stage and inevitably fuck and try to play it off as if all she wants to do is be swallowed whole. Mina takes deep breath as she opens the door to a baby beast sat on the floor waiting for her to come out. “Chaeyoungah?” she questions, the shorter girl gets up smiling softly at her, “Is it alright that I waited for you? I just figured I could deter some questions from being asked and I could just say that we were together so you don’t have to explain yourself.” Chaeyoung clarifies wiping the dirt that might accumulated on her sweats having waited for Mina.

The older girl smiles, “I appreciate you.” She says barely a whisper and they both begin to walk towards hair and make-up. The girls don’t speak knowing that even before they debut, they’ve always come to this agreement not having to constantly fill their space with conversation. They all have very different with one another which the group always appreciated because somehow, they all mesh with each. Well, it usually does but recently seems like there isn’t a common ground that the band get on. Momo still hasn’t fully forgiven Jihyo for her breakup.  Add Mina’s relationship with performing as well as the cherry on top the strain with Nayeon. Jihyo’s the mood maker of the group but she can only go through so much while trying to juggle her relationship with Daniel.

“Mina-yah where’ve you been?” Momo questions the girl opens her mouth to answer but Chaeyoung saves her, “She was helping me decide what I should eat at crafts.” Mina doesn’t look up, she squeezes the younger girls hand as a thank you before proceeding to her seat. There are various conversations going about the room and she can’t help but wonder if any of them are about her. Rationally her name isn’t even mentioned throughout the room, but her anxiety can’t help but web everyone’s words to somehow mention her name. Mina buries her head further down practically using her hair as a curtain, but the make-up artist needs her to look up.

Mina catches a glimpse of herself, the mirror begins to crack and a tear threatens to escape. She looks around room to see if anyone has noticed a crack in their reflection instead she meets Nayeon’s gaze. The unnie bites her lip, clenching her jaw in pain—she then gets up disrupting her own conversation with Tzuyu and Sana. The girls exchange looks before following where their unnie had her gaze but Mina’s back to trying to maintain eye contact with the artist.

Mina doesn’t notice Jeongyeon signal to Jihyo who’s trying to catch some shut eye. The leader doesn’t hear the older girl and continues to try and drift off to some kind of dream land. “Jihyo-yah.” Jeongyeon whispers a little more aggressively, Jihyo quickly sits up taking a deep breath in a bit of shock as if she’s on on the precipice of REM sleep. “What—what—” she answers frantically looking around the room to find the emergency. Jeongyeon places her hand on the younger girls shoulder easing her mind, “Relax—but I think you’re right—it happened again—"

“Nayeoni isn’t in here?” Jihyo yawns searching around the room for the older girl. Jeongyeon shakes her head, the leader looks over at Mina. Who hasn’t even notice that she’s shaking. Having been so caught in her own anxiety she hasn’t notice how her mental state has taken over her body. The leader looks away, it hurts to know that there isn’t anything she can do for Mina. She beats herself up daily for not catching the pain that her fellow bandmate was going through.

It’s already been a hell of year for the band but it’s only been 6 months in. Maybe she’s been so busy just trying to console Nayeon and Sana. On top of that she’s trying to maintain a leaked relationship. Despite all of the hate she gets daily just for trying to love someone. These girls are her safe space but lately it feels like there is no space for any of them. Don’t even get her started on the state of the country and their fandom.

In her eyes she should’ve known. If she wasn’t the only one feeling like this surely the whole band could feel it. It was only a little after they’d seen Lisa did she notice. At first she just assumed that it’s all because of her leg, the beginning of the year Mina had hurt her leg just like Lisa had. This made her fall behind on a lot of the rehearsals for the upcoming tour and mini albums. Jihyo didn’t want to make much of it because Mina never really the type to bring too much attention to herself whether it be physical or emotional pain. Mina assured her that it was nothing and she’s simply going to take some time to rest.  Sure, Mina’s known to be extremely introverted a little attached to her phone, sure. It’s like a comfort blanket but lately, it seems like she can only be on it for a minute. And whatever she did in that minute seems to change her mood in a second. Jihyo of course would ask but Mina would just shake her head and avoid the leader’s gaze. Jihyo continuously beats herself up for believing that it clearly was a cry for help when Mina started to isolate herself from the girls.

The last thing Jihyo wants to do is bring this up in front of a big group because she knows that Mina would just shy away. Just go further into her shell, “Have you talked to Nabongs?” Jihyo sighs fixing herself in her regretfully uncomfortable costume for the start of the concert. Jeongyeon sighs knowing that Nayeon hasn’t spoken to anyone in the band, “No she won’t talk to me—she said that when she checked in with Mina everything was fine—but as you can see—”

“It’s clearly not—maybe I can ask Mina then ask her?” she sighs, perks of being the leader. The older girl waits for Jihyo to get up assuming that she meant now, Jihyo looks back at Jeongyeon confused. The older girl points to Mina, Jihyo follows the finger as it lands on the quietest member of the band. “Oh no—I’m not going to do it now.” Jihyo turns back to Jeongyeon shaking her head. The dark hair girl is confused, “Why not?”

“Look around—this is a very delicate conversation—Jy.” Like the married couple that they’re labeled to be, they usually turn to each other in moments like this. Without Jeongyeon, her role as leader would be impossible. The older girl always keeps her levelheaded in tough situations. “You’re right—I just feel like we are not Twice—” Jeongyeon looks around the room to see her best friends in their own world. “It feels like we’re just nine girls working together—”

“Yeah—it’s been a rough couple of months—we just can’t seem to catch a break.” Jihyo bites the bottom of lip not wanting a break but just a moment to breathe. “Girls—places in like an hour!” one of the managers shouts walking into the room catching everyone’s attention except for Mina. Who knows the girls as well as they know each other can tell that her presences, attention, and focus haven’t been on the tour in a while. The rest of the girls nod their heads and the manager walks off, the artist finishes on Mina’s look for the night and she heads out to wardrobe. Still paying the rest of the girls no mind, Jihyo decides to excuse herself from her conversation with Jeongyeon to follow her friend. She didn’t want to scare the younger girl so she simply speed walks and taps her in the shoulder, “Minari—” Jihyo utters softly, the black swan turns around to face the leader.

In truth since she walked into that room and made eye contact with Nayeon she couldn’t bare to give her attention to the rest of the room. She only fully gave her attention back to getting herself to wardrobe, like a zombie. “How are you?” Jihyo follows Mina’s pace as they walk around the stadium, for a moment Mina debates and staggers her steps. But inevitably her anxiety gets the best of and decides to just reply with “Yeah—I’m okay—”

Jihyo of course didn’t believe her, she’s been given the same response in the last 3 months and she couldn’t take it anymore. “No you’re not—”Jihyo sniffles, she tries to control herself knowing that she’s yet to let herself truly feel everything that girls have “put” on her. She knows that she doesn’t really have to bare all of their emotional needs but she just can’t seem to help herself.

Before debuting right after she’d been voted as the leader of Twice, she had a private meeting with JYP. He spoke about the responsibilities and other things he couldn’t mention in a group setting. Expressing that despite having your own feelings and opinions it must be pushed aside for the good of the group. Everything will always fall on her, the girl’s emotions, insecurities, responsibilities, thoughts, and complaints are now hers. But lately she feels as if she’s been selfish putting herself first.

Mina releases a chuckle through her nose, “What?” Jihyo bows her head in defeat. “You are not okay—” she plainly states halting their walk to wardrobe, she reaches for Mina’s hand into hers. When she first glanced at Mina in the green room she could see the younger girls hands shaking. Hoping that a touch from someone she knows can catch her attention and calm her mind, Mina looks down and she can’t help but let the tears fall. Jihyo pulls her into a hug, placing her head onto her shoulder.

Jihyo never likes seeing her bandmates cry but there was something about having Mina cry. She never makes any noise; you can feel in the way she walks into a room. If you look at her, normally her eyes show express the first day of snow. How calm it is, only having the wood crackling in the fire consuming the sound. And how the warmth of the fire covers the room. But when she’s like this, it’s rare that she gives you a glance of her soft gaze. In moments like this she’ll greet everyone with a soft smile and then the rest of the conversation will be held between you and her forehead. It’s as if she’s suffocating and a breath of fresh air seems to do the opposite. Despite suffocating she doesn’t bother to fight back; she doesn’t seem to have that round in her in moments like this. “I think—you should take a break. You don’t have to keep going on like this.” Jihyo whispers in her ears, Mina releases the tension kept on her shoulders.

Hearing Jihyo say those words it’s as if Mina is taking in some fresh air. Part of the reason why she’s been avoiding the leader is because she never wanted to disappoint her. Mina lifts her head from Jihyo’s shoulder finally being able to look her in the eyes, “I—”

“I know—honey.” Jihyo tries her best to wipe the girls tears without ruining her make-up. Mina eyes continue to produce tears and for once her tears have understanding. All these months crying her eyes nothing has felt more freeing than the tears she’s releasing now. “C’mon let’s go in here.” Jihyo pulls Mina into a random room, thankfully no one’s in there.

“I know the fans haven’t been kind to you—I also have noticed that Korean fans haven’t been subtle about their animosity towards you, Momo or Sana. After everything that happened between the court’s decision about the relationships between Japan and Korea—but please know that—”

“I can’t stay Jihyo.” Mina finally speaks up. Jihyo’s frozen, she knows that she’d been waiting for this since the first time Mina fell on stage when the lights turned off almost injuring herself. Jihyo’s only experienced heartbreak a couple of times in her life but it’s never this but her hearts never broken like this before. If this is how she feels she can only imagine that this is a small fraction of how Mina’s been these last few months. Jihyo’s tears can’t help but join Mina’s she tries to smile at the girl hoping what she’s about to say brings her some comfort “I know—I heard you’ve got a meeting with JYP, but I appreciate you telling me. Do you know when you think you’d want to go?”

Mina struggles to answer knowing that it’s much sooner—“I—think we’re going to decide that tomorrow.” She lies not wanting to disappoint the girl any further, Jihyo wipes her own tears before wiping the rest of Mina’s. Knowing that her last show with the girls will be in Manila. “Oh—alright well if you want me there or anyone at all for support let me know. I can figure something out with the managers.” Jihyo responds, if Jihyo’s going to offer you anything it’s going to be solutions. Mina just shakes her head knowing that her parents have already flown in from Japan to support her in her task to get through this meeting with JYP. It’s not that she’s afraid of talking to him because he is known to prioritize his artists post debut. But the fact that this is their first schedule world tour and she can’t even get through the whole thing.

“Look the girls and I will support you Mina okay—you are always going to be with us.” Jihyo continues to talk hoping that whatever she is saying is what the younger girl needs to her. But for Mina—she knows that she’s far too gone at this point nothing can change her mind from leaving. “I understand.” Mina grabs the doorknob wanting to leave the room starting another panic attack coming on. Powered by guilt and anxiety, the leader decides not to force anymore out of Mina just actioning that she’s going to follow the girl.

***

Rosé and Jisoo get to the place first, Jennie had texted in the group chat after the night market that she’d found a place. “I am excited—have you heard from Lisa or Jennie-unnie?” Rosé questions looking through the menu. Jisoo pouts as she closes the app she’s on to open her messages but no updates since the picture of a painting from the museum. “Nope—but I hope their day was good—also I hope she knows I am planning on ordering as much food despite not being able to finish all of it.”

“That’s not nice! But I think I kind of want to do the same—I’m glad they’re hanging out again.” Chaeyoung makes a comment picking up the menu again to see what’s going to fill her craving.

“I mean let’s be honest they’ve hanging out for a while now—“Jisoo comments without thinking but the minute it left her lips she wanted to beat herself up for it. But a part of her couldn’t take the lies anymore she finds her group and her family disrupted so unlike how they usually are. It’s also been made her sick that she’s watching another one of her best friends break their own heart because they can’t be honest with the person they love. Finally, she can put Nayeon’s advice to good use, she has to stop her friends from going any further. “Wait wha—what do you mean?” the blonde continues to hide behind the menu, beyond the menu is her face cracking.

“We’re emotional fluffers.” The eldest states plainly, so obviously that it seems like anyone off of the street could smell this dynamic between all the girls. “What are you saying right now—I am so confused.” Rosie tries to make a joke out of it by chuckling in the end but Jisoo doesn’t buy it. She’s tired of constantly having to pretend that this whole thing hasn’t changed everyone’s dynamic to the point where it’s going to start affecting how they work with each other. “Don’t you see—we honestly can’t be this blind—you can’t be this blind just because all you do is hang out with her. You can’t be this naïve Chaeyoung.” it come off a little harsher that it needed to be but Jisoo’s become frustrated by the whole thing. Rosé is quiet deep down she’s well aware that all of this is frustration but she’s just unsure where all of it is coming from. “They’ve been sleeping together for months and have just been doing that—neither of them are getting the emotional capacity that they need—so they’re getting it from us.” But clearly this is all new to the young member.

“What do you mean? They’re sleeping together—“ Anyone can see that Rosie hopes and heart are ripping the seams. The blonde falls quiet, the guilt in Jisoo starts to set in despite feeling a sense of relief not hoping that Rosie wont waste years in the way Lisa has. “Chaeyoungah—you can’t be serious?” Jisoo pulls herself from the shield she’d been using to see if Rosie’s been look at her this whole time. But when the menu’s down she only sees the blonde’s head bowing down in pure disappointment.

“They’ve been sleeping together—” the blonde whisper delivering a tone of disappointment with every word. Jisoo doesn’t know how to respond, the staff with them staggers around the restaurant and it changes the ambiance of the room. The girls exchange looks, Jisoo’s manager comes up to the table as they watch everyone else get dismissed.” What’s going on oppa?”

“I think you girls are going to have a private dinner tonight. So chef, one wait staff and everyone else is going home.” Private dinners rarely happen, which could mean someone from higher up is here to discuss something really important. Or something happened with Jennie and Lisa and it’s become a group problem. Jisoo and Rosé fall silent a little nervous about what’s going to unravel in tonight’s dinner. So much for a fun dinner with the girls, “I’m  sorry that you had to hear it from me Chae.”

“No—don’t apologize at least I heard it from somebody.” She says coldly, Fuck, Jisoo thought to herself. This might be the one thing she was trying to prevent but now it feels like she’s just rocketed them straight through the door. Jennie enters the restaurant with a bucket hat on covering her eyes. Shit, Jisoo thought herself. Jennie approaches the table taking her hat off. Her eyes are puffy and red, “Hey,” she tries to hide behind a smile but neither of the girls buy it. It doesn’t take much to know when someone’s been crying—” Have you guys ordered yet? Because I’m gonna go to the bathroom real quick,” she puts her hat down as well as her things. She excuses herself and the two girls are quick to exchange looks, “Fuck” they simultaneously utter at the same time.

“This is not good.” Jisoo shakes her head disappointingly unsure what to expect from what’s coming. Alison and Alice walk in together, which the girls find odd to see them walk together without Lisa. Because if her manager is here surely she should be right behind, but Lisa’s still in the van trying to collect herself.

“Unnies?” Rosé grabs their attention for a moment, they exchange looks with one another. Alison puts her hand up asking for a moment, she moves her face over to Alice’s ears to exchange whispers with each other. They end it with a nod to each other. “We don’t know everything but—Lisa and Jennie got into an argument. From what we could tell it was the kind that’s been brewing for a few months and it finally blew up. By the looks of the way they left it off it did not get resolved—we need this to be done now. It can’t go one like this and we know that getting upper management involved will only make this worse. So—” Alice turns to Alison,

“So—we need you guys to fix it and figure it out as a band—because at the end of the day we know that you guys are doing this for each other. Not us—not the money—none of any of that—and we know that. So please, before anything could get worse—”

“We got it.” Jisoo’s quick to cut her off understanding the severity of the situation. Truly—she was hoping to take Nayeon’s advice not wanting to step in between the two girls but clearly someone has to be the Jihyo in this situation. Just as fate would have it, Lisa comes walking into the restaurant as Jennie’s making her way out of the bathroom. Jisoo makes a general order for the whole group and the whole room clears out. Jennie and Lisa’s eyes meet—for a moment—they pause in their tracks. Lisa looks away as if they hadn’t just looked at each other. Jennie decides to ignore it and sits down on the booth first smiling as if they hadn’t just seen her rosy puffy eyes. “What did we order?”

“I just ordered a variety of foods for the group.” Jisoo strictly says, Jennie isn’t foolish she’s quick to catch her tone. She only ever plays this card when something is seriously wrong as. Jennie looks around avoiding Lisa’s gaze to see that the whole restaurant is empty. “What’s going on?” she tries to make a joke of it but none of them smile, Rosé and Jisoo exchange looks with each other.

“We can’t go on like this. You two can’t go on like this—we’ve tried to leave this alone because we figured you’d both have it figured out by now—but now it’s affecting all of us—” Jisoo takes a pause, she hates having to pull out seniority but enough is enough. Clearly not only does she have to break Jennie’s heart in the process but everyone elses. “So let’s just bare it all out there and figure out how we can go on—how we can all move on—” the waitress comes up to the table to bring them their food, Jisoo waits, the girls smile as a thank you. Staff quickly dismisses them along with the cook, only the dishwasher and the owner is left.

“I don’t want to hear some bullshit about how—oh we’ll figure it out unnie—you have to give us time unnie—because we’re tired and frankly by the looks of it so are the both of you.” Everyone is silent, what are they supposed to say. They can’t begin to protest wanting to put everything out there because Jisoo does have a point. These last couple of months they both have fed everyone lies saying they’ll take care of this but clearly— “So—let’s have it—should we start from the beginning or should we talk about what happened today?”

Lisa’s quiet, she can’t even begin to fathom where should she start. If she could avoid having to relive this painful story of being in love with someone and the feeling of having to begged to be loved she would. Jennie’s on the same boat as the maknae but it’s time for her to do right by the girl and takes the lead in their discussion. “Okay I can start——I’m sure everyone here already knows but Lisa had told me she had feelings for me after we celebrated New Years together in Bangkok. But as everyone knew—” Jennie pauses trying to clear her voice from the shakiness of her anxiety and truth of the last couple of months are coming into light.

“I was with Kai at the time but that clearly didn’t last—I broke her heart which left her—” she looks over at the maknae whose still looking down avoiding everyone’s gaze, Jennie sighs, “—I won’t speak for her—”

“—it’s okay I think everyone knows how that turned out—” Lisa chuckles trying to lighten herself and the mood but it does the opposite. Everyone knows this is no laughing let alone joking matter.

“Don’t do that—don’t minimize how you feel—because that’s how we got here in the first place. She broke your heart and you could barely look at her—” Rosie chimes in trying to stand up for her best friend, she reaches over Lisa’s shaky leg hoping to bring the girls mind to some ease. Jennie bites her lip knowing that she deserves to hear this, she deserves to know how it truly was for the maknae all of those months. She deserves to know how everyone else stepped up to take of the maknae after she left her so broken.

“I know what I’ve done—and I understand what it’s done—”

“It wasn’t just you.” Lisa speaks up surprising the unnies, “Either way—ever since then all its done is put a wedge between all of us because despite not trying to take sides we clearly all have. And for that I am sorry—”

“Me too…” the maknae adds

“—I—know on my end the last thing I wanted was to have this affect us a group and I continuously used that excuse when it came to coming to terms about having feelings for Lisa. Having kept this between Lisa and I was clearly a mistake but I think that we were just trying to save ourselves the trouble of now. It’s done a lot of harm and I recently had just come to terms that clearly my feelings for her ran deeper than I had realized which scared me until now. I knew that I had no right to tell her at least not now.  I just had hope that she’ll still love me. But I didn’t want to give her the wrong idea I wanted to be sure of my feelings so I waited. So—today—I was trying to do—just that and well” she chuckles selfishly hoping to get Lisa to love her.

“I was selfishly hoping that Lisa was still where she was in the beginning of this year—it’s stupid to assume that someone could just stay loving you despite not giving her an ounce of me all these months. I should’ve known but—I was finally ready to do right by her. But she’s made it very clear that it’s not going to happen like that. So here we are now—if you guys have got any ideas as to how to move pass this I’d love to hear them—and Lisa—” she pauses looking over at the maknae hoping to catch a glimpse of her gaze but nothing. Lisa’s still enamored with her hand regressing into silence for some comfort knowing this is the last thing she ever wanted.  

Jisoo follows Jennie’s gaze but is met with the same fate, she looks back at her friend who’s been working double time to keep her tears at bay. “Lisa?” Rosie softly questions.”

“What else is there to say? Neither of us are in the same place that the other person is at. All we’ve done this last 7 months was hurt each other. It’s stupid to consider that we could turn anything we felt for each other into love.” She adds, Jennie tries to stifle her disbelief but parts of it come out. Lisa wants to react but decides against it. Jisoo shakes her head knowing that both girls are simply taking shots at each other.

“Is there anything you want to add Lisa? Anything you want to say?” Jisoo softly engages, Lisa takes a deep breath. The type of breath that you take when you’ve just finished running a marathon and you finally catch your breath. There’s no stingy sensation trying to steal the spotlight of wanting to delivery crisp air. But also holds a sadness within it because all of that energy and hard work only amounted to you barely qualify for the race.

“No. I want this to be done. I want all of my energy—all of our energy to only be focused on this group. I don’t think I want to go through this again--” Lisa simply states looking up from her hands finally offering her gaze to her band members. The way Lisa’s eyes from this day on will always be ingrained in their minds. How barren it looks; how cold it seems to make them all feel the further they go into her eyes. All of that life that breathes through her can barely be seen.

Silence fills the air in exchange for the maknae’s opinion. They look at each other hoping someone will recognize her, someone will recognize what she’s said. “Alright.” Painfully Jennie does so, Lisa looks up to finally meet her eyes. Softly they exchange a look only the other is able to understand. They look a look at each other like they were almost lovers, like they should’ve kissed and made love and laughed in bed together, but they elected to stay friends. They look at each other like with what ifs and could haves and hearts full or regret.

“So--?” Jisoo waits to see if there is a way for all of them to move on from this as best as they can. “I’m going to respect her space. I know how hard it is to be around the person you’re desperately in love with. I’m not going to force her to talk to me. I’m not going to push her during performances and we’re going to repair our friendship in her pace. If you both truly want to be helpful don’t force anything to happen between the both of us, if there is a night where you guys are going to get dinner and you happen to invite me and I say no—please respect that and vice versa.” Lisa starts as she relives what she had to say earlier today.

“And when the moment comes where you can feel us get back to how we use to be please don’t make a big deal out of it. Please don’t force either of us to talk about everything that’s happened—” Jennie adds biting the inside of her mouth hoping to prevent her voice from breaking.

“Please.” Lisa adds avoiding the older girls gaze once more.

“If we want to talk about it then fine—that’s different but don’t force us to talk about it otherwise.” Jennie finishes, she sighs rubbing her hands together hoping this will prevent her from shedding anymore tears. Despite hoping to have a wonderful day to finally be fully transparent with her feelings its turned into this.

“We can do that.” Rosie finally speaks up grabbing all of the girls attention, “I think I speak for Jisoo-unnie and I when I say that we can do that if we stop keeping secrets from each other.”

“I agree. We’re not asking that you tell us when you have to poop or that you’re on your period but if it’s the kind of secret that clearly affects us as a group we need to know. We’re not asking either of you to come out to either of us but when you both could feel that it started to clearly lose control you should’ve told us and maybe we wouldn’t be here.” Jisoo hates to have been so blunt but how else are they supposed to move on without transparency.

Neither girls are sure what to say but there’s some accuracy to what their unnie is saying. “We understand.” Lisa nods her head obediently, looking off into the distance. “I’m sorry it couldn—” Lisa shakes her head in protest, knowing that there will always be a profound feeling of loss for what could have been. Jennie is deep thought knowing that for God knows how long she’s going to have to just sit and forget.

Knowing that she has to let it all go. The way she kissed her, the way she smelled, the way she touched her waist and pull her in. She has to let it all go—she has to let Lisa go. Because that’s who she was—not who she is. Knowing now what it’s like to sacrifice yourself to love someone.

Having loved her was a sacrifice because without Lisa knowing it she had all the power to destroy Jennie. Ultimately that’s exactly what she did, deep down she knew that letting her go is the lesser of the two evils. She couldn’t love her—she couldn’t be that naïve or romantic knowing what she knows and feeling what she feels for Mina.

Chapter Text

“What do you mean she’s gone?” Sana questions loudly, as the group scrambles to digest Jihyo’s news. She exchanges a look with one of the managers. They collect everyone else and pull them out of the room. Jihyo nods off to thank the manager as she exits the room. The leaders walks over to the door locking it hoping that there will be no intrusions. The manager posts herself at the door to ensure the girls aren’t interrupted but more importantly that they’re not spied on.

“How is she even gone?” Sana continues to question loudly, Jihyo checks the rest of the room for any other points of entrance. Jihyo returns to the group and starts to pace.

“Sana-unnie—please sit down.” Dahyun suggests as her immediate reaction to the news is to protest, unsure if she’s hearing the leader correctly. Sana tries to control her swelling eyes as they watch Jihyo pace in front of them. Jihyo pulls a chair over and sits in front of her group. “Mina left for Japan this morning. She’s gone.” Jihyo says one more time hoping that she herself is able to digest the news that she’d received earlier this morning. Mina’s meeting with JYP was only a month ago how could she have already gotten everything together so quickly. How long has she been thinking about this, clearly that chat wasn’t just a conversation but a warning.  

The girls erupt in different forms of protest, Jihyo doesn’t bother to shush them or control them. Instead, she lets them process everything for a few minutes. Everyone feels like this came from left field. They knew that Mina’s been having a hard time but they didn’t know the extent. Of course, this is only an inkling, they’ve tried to talk to her. But she continuously insisted that it was under control or she’d simply close up like a clam. They could feel that Mina’s energy wasn’t in the tour anymore. Her attention, her whole presence no longer resonated with the group or anything around. All she wanted to do was stay in her room. It’s like she’d been taken over by something else. “Did she say why?”

“Do we know when she’s coming back?”

“Do we even know how she got this all figured out in the first place?”

“Was anyone with her at the airport?

“Why didn’t she say goodbye?”

  “Why didn’t she tell anyone?”

“Did you know about this?” Momo’s tone as well as accusatory question brings everyone’s attention back to Jihyo who’s still in the middle of processing. Momo stands up glaring at Jihyo. Deep down the leader knows that this anger stems from her break-up with Dahyun. The rest of the band excused it for a few months but when they try to confront Momo about it she shuts down. Excusing that she has every right to behave just so because it was all of Jihyo fault.

“Hello?” Momo says trying to catch her attention this time with a little bit more bite with her tone. Jihyo can recognize, hell, their team and the fandom can tell how awkward their friendship is. Especially in front of cameras. But behind the scenes Jihyo could always give them the benefit of the doubt that not everyone can see their friendship and they’ve got nothing to prove. Yet after their break up it’s proven to be more difficult. It’s as if all of those faults that Jihyo finds herself insecure about were merely truths she chooses to ignore. “No—” Jihyo doesn’t look at her, she replies barely a whisper. “Excuse me?” Momo continues to morsel at her hoping to get Jihyo’s attention. Refusing to let her sit in this news as the rest of them waits for to know what she knows.

“I know for a fact you knew about this—and you still know more now and yet you’re refusing to let the rest of us understand. Something we all deserve to know—” Momo raises her voice as her finger acts like a knife trying to stab Jihyo. But the leader’s focus is still at her best friend’s departure. Momo turns to the rest of the girls who are afraid of what’s to come next “—you guys can’t sit here and tell me you believe that she didn’t know that Mina’s—”

The girls erupt in a multitude of nicknames for Momo hoping to get her to back off. But only “Momoring—enough.” Sana speaks through her teeth, if anyone could calm Momo down it was Sana—it was always Sana something about the way she understood how deep Momo’s feelings always ran. Jeongyeon puts her hands on Jihyo’s knee’s trying to look her in the eye. A tear falls from one side, “She told me about her meeting with JYP—” the girls fall silent understanding that for once they are not the only ones in shock. Their leader is just as human as all of them.

“—she told me that she didn’t know when she’d leave—.”

“—she said it was just a meeting—” she repeats to herself, “It was just a meeting” Jihyo finishes. The girls are unsure of what to say or how to react because Jihyo opens her mouth to say something else, “When I spoke to her—she told me she didn’t know when she was leaving. I only knew about her meeting with JYP because he sent me an email—but that was a month ago” she says barely raising her voice from a whisper, clearly in shock.

“I don’t understand what’s happening?” Tzuyu finally speaks up. The unnies look at her in pure concern, the younger girl fears the worst. “What are we supposed to do without Mina-unnie?” Her voice cracking, she’s never been separated from these girls before. Having one of them gone feels like a part of her is missing.  

“We knew she wasn’t doing well but we never thought this—” Dahyun mentions unsure of what to say or what it means that she’s gone. They’re all going through the same panic thoughts.

“Why didn’t she tell anyone?” Chaeyoung questions in disbelief.

“She hasn’t been feeling like herself for a while now and—”

“That much we knew but it looked worse after her check in with Nayeon-unnie.” Jeongyeon fishes, Jihyo shakes her head in disappointment knowing this is not the right time to bring that up. But Jeongyeon has had enough of Nayeon’s silent treatment towards Mina. Confuse looks gaze at her unsure what she’s getting at. Jeongyeon ignores Jihyo’s disapproving look and continues on. “I don’t know there was regular, normal, quiet, Mina but after Nayeon’s check in she became cold—at least that’s what Momo and the rest of you thought after I asked about it.”

“Why are you bringing me into this?” Nayeon speaks up for herself in disbelief that one of her oldest friends could even take shots at her. “Nayeon-unnie?” the younger girls exchange looks with one another, except for Momo.

“We can’t just sit here and ignore that after you checked in with Mina she wasn’t exactly the same.” Jeongyeon begins to argue, Nayeon scoffs, Jeongyeon hates how Nayeon’s been so closed off recently. Which is very unlike Nayeon especially towards the group.

“She hasn’t been the same that’s the whole point. How am I even connected?” Nayeon finds it to be a joke but others can’t help but wonder. As they all look back on how both girls acted the next day. Nayeon missed breakfast, which was odd, as for Mina was a wild card. Depending on how she felt that morning she often missed breakfast. That day Nayeon made up an excuse as to why she missed breakfast, but instead of stopping herself from missing just this breakfast. She just kept giving them other excuses as to why she’s missing so much of the group activities that had nothing to do with promoting the group. They can’t even look at each other much after that. When Mina would try to talk to her about anything it often ended quickly—hell even trying to get her attention for some group notes on rehearsals she’d got one-word answers.

“Why have you been ignoring Mina? Do you honestly think that’s been helpful with what’s been going on with her? She needed you and yet you’re too selfish to put your own feelings aside so all you did was ignore her? What could she have done to you for you to treat her like that?” Jeongyeon instigates, it’s very unlike her to be like this towards Nayeon.

Nayeon, Jeongyeon and Jihyo have always been as thick as thieves. They were the first ones to be put together and they’ve been through it all. From monthly evaluations, to eating restrictions through tireless nights. You name it they’ve done it together, so it’s truly baffling to her that Jeongyeon could be so cruel towards her.

Also, Nayeon is painfully aware of her relationship with Mina, despite having been in Korea for a whole year and in the company for a whole year Mina hadn’t spoken to anyone. Yet right before she left to see her family for break she finally initiated a conversation with someone in the company. Nayeon felt honored to be the first person that the younger girl introduced herself too. Ever since then Mina’s always found comfort in Nayeon she's always been her safe space. Which is the reason why Jeongyeon’s a little hostile towards the older girl because she sees it as a betrayal. “I didn’t do anything why are you taking this out on me. I checked in on her the way you guys have been—”

“Oh, please save us the drama Nayeon—because if you really have been checking in on her why have you been asking Dahyun to take your check ins?” Jeongyeon pauses looking over at the pale girl who is currently avoiding the unnie’s eye contact. “You avoid her like a plague.” Jeongyeon continues to instigate and none of the younger members want to step in. When they both get like this, it’s almost impossible to truly get in between without getting hurt themselves.

“Enough Jeongyeon.” Jihyo sternly requests enunciating every letter but Jeongyeon moves closer towering over Nayeon. The eldest stands up to face Jeongyeon, Jihyo walks up between them “No—it’s not. It’s not enough. For all we know she could’ve said something to push Mina over the edge or all those times of her ignoring Mina could’ve done it.” Jeongyeon’s voice gets louder, Jihyo pushes her aside creating some space.

“Why are you pinning this all on me?” Nayeon fights back refusing to be blamed or pushed out. “Enough! The both of you.” Jihyo shouts, the leader never shouts like this. She’s finally got their attention. Jihyo is a fairly levelheaded person, it’s the type of person she’s been trained to be. When she’s has to be the one, calling all the shots, delivering horrible news, be the middleman and practically mother everyone. But in moments like this a part of her equilibrium tends to fail “She left because of her anxiety. Wake up!” Jihyo shouts again, huffing trying to catch her breath and avoiding herself from crying. “It has been months of her just in her own head after her knee injury she wasn’t the same—” she pauses shaking her head, she’s truly baffled that she even has to be this person right now. She can’t even begin to fathom that she’s got to pull the focus back on who actually matters as of this moment and that is Mina. “If we were only paying attention we wouldn’t be here! I am just as confused as all of you are!” Jihyo feels her tears fall but she doesn’t change face. There is anger, disappointment and pure sadness just written all over her face and the girls can see. They rarely see this side of Jihyo, she’s supposed to be the one to make everyone feel better. She’s supposed to be the face that brings all the girls comfort but with how this is going she’ll be the first to admit defeat.

“Jeongyeoni it’s not always going to be sunshine and rainbows—you should know that better than anyone. If there is something going on between us as a band, we’re allowed to handle it in private. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, then she doesn’t have to. Nayeoni we’re a band—we just want to know that you guys will figure it out. We’ve never gone a whole month without talking to the person we’re fighting with. We’re not oblivious to you or Mina we can tell something is wrong.” Jihyo wipes her tears away, both girls create some space between all three of them. Intently listening to what the younger yet wiser girl has to say. The taste of hurt lacing her words trying and hoping that everyone is able to understand each other she continues, “I understand the panic but she wasn’t doing herself any good by staying here.” Jihyo puts her hand up to her head trying to calm herself down. She looks around the room making eye contact with every single person.

“No, I don’t know how long she’ll be gone. No, she never specified why she left. No, I didn’t know she was going to leave today. You know everything that I know.” Jihyo firmly speaks scaring the girls, Jihyo rarely uses this tone at the girls.

“I understand that this year hasn’t been the easiest—“ the leader pauses “—for any of us. I get that—I really do—I don’t know what’s gonna happen next but when she does come back—”

“If she does—but we shouldn’t be here in the first place if you would’ve just been honest.” Jeongyeon says barely a whisper. Nayeon scoffs moving closer to Jeongyeon again only Jihyo’s there to stop her from walking any further.

“This is ridiculous!” Nayeon throws her hands up. Her eyes lit up in pure anger.

“I told her I was in love with her—alright! Yes that’s right I told Mina that I am in love with her. And I waited—no not for a couple of minutes but for an hour. I waited in her room for her to say anything truly anything a—hi, a hello any kind of recognition that she sees me. But she didn’t say anything back, so I left. She wanted to talk to me the next day but I feel humiliated—the same humiliation I feel right now! So yes, I have been avoiding—”

“That is the last thing she needed!” Jeongyeon shouts disregarding everything else that was said.”

“Unbelievable—are you listening to anyone but yourself. It is completely uncalled for and unfair for you to sit here and blame me for everything going on with her—because I know for a fact that you can’t even tell me what’s going on with her now because she doesn’t talk to you either! You and Momo don’t get to sit here and blame Jihyo and I for knowing or not knowing!” Nayeon shouts, the girls watch this unfamiliar vein pop out of her forehead, “No fucking right!” Nayeon shouts before walking out of the room. She almost runs into the manager as she walks out of the room, but thankfully stops herself and steps to the side.

Everyone is in shock, what else are they supposed to say. They’re all hit with guilt, even Momo, Jihyo runs after the eldest girl—not knowing what direction she went. It only took a few seconds to find her, thankfully, because when Nayeon is angry she’ll often pace and loudly mutter to herself.

“Nayeoni” she says softly, the eldest shakes her head “Not now Jihyo please. I need a moment and then we can talk.” She says quickly as she paces in the hallway waving the leader off. Jihyo puts her hands up moving away, Jihyo’s desperate for an answer so she decides to dial the one person that might know a little bit more about Mina.

‘Hello?’  Lisa answers

‘ Lisayah’  Jihyo greets trying to sound as positive as possible.

‘Jihyo-yah! Hi—what’s up that’s so weird I was just thinking about calling you today—’

 ‘I guess we both just had a feeling today—’ Jihyo jokes making the tall girl laugh, Lisa looks over at the stage to see everyone getting ready for stretches. She looks over at the concert director asking for a few a minutes. The band watches the maknae move further backstage as she takes her call,

‘I see that—what’s up?’

‘Nothing—I just wanted to ask since you’ve been speaking to Mina a lot have you heard from her?’  

‘No—last I heard from her was a few weeks ago—these days are kind of mixing for me in fairness.’ The taller girl tries to play-off despite also being a little worried about the black-swan lack of communication with her in the last month. It’s left Lisa to spiral wondering if she’s scared her off.  ‘I was about to ask how she was doing? I usually get a text from her but radio silence—I just want to make sure she’s okay—’ Lisa answers coughing towards the end trying to fix her tone hoping her words aren’t too obvious or forward. To the point that Jihyo can tell there’s something more to her questions.

‘Oh alright—uhmm—well—’ Jihyo debates as to whether she should tell Lisa or keep it strictly within the company. But they’ve known each other for a bit now and Lisa’s able to pick up on the concern in her voice.

‘Is everything okay?’ Lisa asks catching Jihyo’s shakey voice.

‘Uhmm—well no—because we just got the news that she’s going on hiatus today and didn’t tell anyone in the band that she was leaving. So, I was really hoping someone would know—what’s going on because I feel like—’ Jihyo pauses trying to swallow the pebble in her throat once again swallowing the news of her best being in so much pain. She laughs trying to avoid the tears, ‘—I’ve lost control and everything is my fault and no one talks to me because they might no---’

‘Hey—woah—woah—woah—breathe Jihyo—no one thinks that especially not your 8 best friends okay.’ Lisa comforts her friend.

‘I just—wow—I didn’t think this would ever happened but what the hell did I know. I’m sorry I just—I don’t even know what to do.’  

‘It’s okay—it’s okay not to know what to do. I know everyone expects you to know all of the answers but you don’t. That’s an impossible ask—but what you do know and deep down I know you know this. She needed to do this for herself—she’s going to come back the best you can do now is be patient until she reaches out to you guys. For now, focus on keeping your group together keeping each other safe and loved. You’re a good leader Jihyo-yah’ Lisa advises Jihyo nods her head along in agreement.

‘Right—loved and safe. Loved and safe.’ She repeats back to Lisa.

‘I understand wanting to point fingers but I know Mina and so do you the last thing she wants is to blame any of you. Because in reality there is no one to blame—it just all became too much for her.’ Lisa answers trying to calm her own racing thoughts. She’s been trying to distract herself with putting all of her energy on this tour. But she did find it weird when she hadn’t heard from Mina.

‘Thank you.’ Jihyo releases a deep breath out.

‘I needed to hear this.’

‘Yeah? I’m glad I could help—I’ll always be here to remind you. Listen I have to get back to rehearsals but hopefully I can see you or maybe we can face time soon? Check in—how it’s going with you and Daniel or just how you’re doing?’ Lisa says to the girl who totally understands where she’s coming from.

‘Yeah of course thank you. I would love to talk to you soon. And if you do hear from her—’

‘You’ll be the first to know Jyo.’ Lisa plainly states, Jihyo sighs in pure relief. In truth she doesn’t need to personally hear from Mina all she needs to know is that she’s okay and she’s going to be seeking some treatment. She especially wants to know that the whole group is here for her.

‘Thank you.’ The call drops, Jihyo turns back to Nayeon who’s no longer pacing but clearly on the verge of tears. After Sixteen Nayeon avoided trying to shed any tears knowing that she’s going to have to develop a tough skin. Yet when it came to love she often found herself in new territory. She’s just so protective of herself, she always saw love as having someone who could have so much power over you that they could break you.

“Nayeon-ni. Are you ready to talk?” she softly approaches the eldest girl who is catching her breath biting her cheek. Nayeon looks at the leader with pain her eyes, you could tell that her confession had been taking a toll on her. Jihyo knows that it wasn’t easy for her to get to that point and it even took a lot more for her to let everyone else know. “I just don’t understand why she’s attacking me—” she starts still clearly fuming from the unnecessary attack from Jeongyeon.

“I don’t know—I think having Mina just up and leave has everyone spooked and we’re all just trying to understand what’s going on. But that doesn’t excuse her trying to use you as a scapegoat.” Jihyo comforts the eldest in the best way that she can whilst trying to ensure that this fight doesn’t go any further.

Nayeon is quite unsure of what to say—slowly but surely she’d been wondering if what she confessed had something to do with Mina’s departure. “But what if she’s right Jyo?” Nayeon worries.

 “Right about what?”

“What if telling her how I feel pushed her over to leaving. Maybe Jeongyeon was right? That is truly the last thing she needed—she can barely process and deal with her own anxiety did she really need me and mine?” Nayeon huffs as her breathing gets deeper as if she’s struggling to carry over the smallest practice of breathing.

Jihyo doesn’t say anything, instead she starts to rub the older girls arm softly. Trying to soothe her before she brings herself to a panic. “Maybe she did leave because of me. I never wanted her to leave because of me—“

“Don’t—don’t do that to yourself. You and I both know how false that is. She’s going through something that only she can understand—and we all know that making her stay here wasn’t going to do her any good.” Jihyo rationalizes with Nayeon which she appreciates.

“I should’ve kept it to myself.” Nayeon shakes her head looking off into the distance. Jihyo sighs, she’s always hoped to have her best friend’s courage. To truly be who she is around them without fear. But out of all 9 of them she’s the one that has to burden everyone’s expectations. She doesn’t have the liberty to be so free.

“No. You shouldn’t have. I’m glad you told her. I’m glad you told us. You were never good at hiding yourself unnie.” Jihyo starts, “—That’s why everyone loves you so much. You are just your wonderful self. You’ve got the liberty to be yourself—it wouldn’t have done you any good by not sharing a part of yourself with the people that care about you the most. Besides you were always so bad at keeping secrets.” Jihyo jokes hoping to make light of things. Nayeon let’s out a chuckle agreeing with the leader she rests her head on her shoulder finally relaxing. “What are we going to do?” she questions.

“I don’t know. We’ll figure it out, like we always do.”

***

Lisa walks back on stage with the rest of the group. She places her in-ears in handing her phone to her manager. “Sorry about that—I’m ready.” She smiles at her group mates who respectfully smile back.

“Should we start with Really?” Jisoo submits, the girls nod their head in agreement. They turn to the band to see if they heard the oldest girl. The band scroll through their various iPads and give the girls a thumbs up.

The music begins and the girls prep their in ears as the count in starts. ‘If you really, really love me malhaejwo. Na eobsi haludo beotilsu eobsdago really, really

Jibchaghal mankeum wonhandago really’  Jennie starts staring off into the distance, Rosé and Lisa chat it up for a few seconds. Making a joke of their familiar tune of the song trying to make their rehearsals fun, ‘If you really, really want me malhaejwo. Neo jeoldae jamsido hannunan pandago really, really Daleun namjawaneun daleudago really’  Rosé comes in for her line and everyone moves their head back trying to create space between them and their in ears. Rosé’s voice is coming through louder than they’d all like. They scream collectively shocking the blonde herself.

The music stops, “What happened?” the stage manager inquires. “Yaaaaah—Chaeyoung’s mic is so loud in our in-ears!” Jennie says in her mic, “Sorry!” the sound designer replies waving off at the girls. The band counts them in again ‘If you really, really love me malhaejwo

Na eobsi haludo beotilsu eobsdago really, really

Jibchaghal mankeum wonhandago really’ Jennie starts still not moving from her spot. The youngest members begin their funny choreography again waiting for their cue. Rosie stops dramatically, ‘‘If you really, really want me malhaejwo. Neo jeoldae jamsido hannunan pandago really, really Daleun namjawaneun daleudago really’ She sings, not moving—Lisa chuckles she pretends to wrangle the unnies as a joke, they pretend to act like fish until Jisoo goes for her line.

‘Haneului byeolilado ttajugessda malhae (Uh)

Siganeun manhji anha isseul ttae jalhae (Uh-huh)

Daleun yeoja bogileul dol gati bondago hae

Ttaelon geojismal gatji anheun geojismaleul nanwonhae’ Jisoo robotically sings making the girls laught, Jennie jokingly pushing her as she laughs. Jennie shakes her head trying to hold her laugh in as she gets ready, ‘Byeol bolil eobsneunne juwiui yeoja. Geuman gwanlihago ssag da jeonglihae ne eojang. Eochapi neon naege oge dwae isseunikka. Better act like you know, boy. Better act like you know, boy’ Jennie could barely get through it trying to hold her giggle in. Lisa shakes her head walking in front of the monitor to see her lyrics, ‘Eyes have been callin' me, baby. Body been tellin' me, "Take me". Boys have been sayin' to date me. Your lips should be sayin' the same thing. For real, what's the deal? Got a feelin' you feelin' me Ay, but I don't play with them fakes. Keep it real with me.’ the three girls bounce with each line trying to hype each other up as the maknae raps.

The girls run up to Lisa before she finishes and Rosé, ‘If you really, really love me malhaejwo

Na eobsi haludo beotilsu eobsdago really, really. Jibchaghal mankeum wonhandago really.’ Chaeyoung winks at Lisa before she drifts off to other parts of the stage. Jennie and Jisoo decide to play a quick game whilst waiting for their own lines.

‘If you really, really want me malhaejwo. Neo jeoldae jamsido hannunan pandago really, really

Daleun namjawaneun daleudago really.’ Jennie gets on with her lines as she keeps up with Jisoo. Lisa decides to sit down to do a bit more stretching before the more choreography heavy songs.

Right before Rosé’s part Jennie runs over to her to do their routine teasing of one another, ‘Hanbeon haejumyeon dubeon haejulge ppoppo. Geuleohdago hambulo deulidaemyeon, no, no. Duli nunman majeumyeon haha hihi hoho. Oelowossdeon jinannaleun neolo inhae no more.’

Lisa gets up from her position to run over to Jisoo to do her choreography for her part, ‘Suleun masyeodo yeonlageun ssibjima, yeah. Ije kkeutilan nae maleun midjima yeah.’ It makes the unnie laugh the four girls exchange looks as Jennie gets to her parts.‘Bogjabhan geaniya swibge saenggaghae, one, two, three

Sangsanghaebwa uliga hana doeneunge eotteolji’

They finish with Really and move onto continuously refining the rest of their setlist. Everything seems to be running fairly smoothly. After a very enthusiastic start, it seems like everything is fine. But Lisa can tell when Jennie’s not fully here and when she’s just putting on a show. And for the past month that’s exactly what the older girl has done. Jennie didn’t want to seem weak and she sure as hell didn’t want to keep the whole band dwelling on the past.

What can she do—the whole group came to a consensus; it was time to move on. Jennie’s found it more difficult to move on having to be around Lisa. Despite the maknae trying her hardest to not even take up space when she’s around. Recently Jennie’s doesn’t have the same focus when it came to performing and she’s actually trying. Usually on stage her muscle memory as well as her enthusiasm go hand in hard together. But now, her muscle memory is miserably failing her.

Specifically, their dance break, maybe it’s the fact that they’ve been on tour for months. But the girls are slowly losing the feel of certain choreographies, while Jennie feels like she’s simply losing it.

“From the top, Jennie-yah what’s going on? You keep missing your mark—Jisoo-ni do this move with me—” the choreographer pauses getting her starting form, Jisoo copies her— “and go—1, 2 , 3,4 and 5—” she starts and Jisoo copies her perfectly.

“That’s what I want to see on stage okay—no short cuts. Again, from the top.” She orders, everyone gets in place. The first half of the choreography runs smoothly, up until the switch. Lisa and Jennie are meant to switch smoothly but after Macau she hasn’t been able to switch with the maknae without causing a crash. This time is no different, she runs into Lisa arms.

The maknae catches her quickly and the music stops, “Jennie-yah!” the choreographer shouts over the music, “What’s going on? Do we need a second?” she questions irritatingly. Jisoo puts her finger up at the director turning to the girls to give each other privacy. Everyone tends to their business.

“Jendeukie—we can take a break if you need it.” The other girls nod their heads in agreement. The girls know Jennie hasn’t been doing well since the hot pot incident. Lisa’s done as Lisa said she would, she would say Hi and be cordial but she remained her distance. But if Jennie were to say something or be right next to her she wouldn’t move unless told otherwise.

Jennie hated every minute of it. Of course she misses her, she’s around her all day but she’s never truly around her. It’s as if she’s the night and without Lisa there are no stars. She’s the warmth of the sun that Jennie can’t go on without. Jennie receives a bounty full of flowers every concert but to her they all smell the same but in the coincidence of having Lisa walk by her. It feels like a breath of fresh air. It doesn’t sound like the same flower, it’s refreshing, but all of that is gone now.

She’d been so distracted in her own thoughts that she hasn’t been listening to her bandmates exchange foolish attempts to calm her nerves. But nothing will work—she’s knows that and deep down they all do. “I need some air—I’m going to--” Jennie says cutting their conversation and barely finishing her sentence. Jennie walks away from rehearsals.

“Are we done for the day?” their choreographer looks at the three girls. The band and the dancers find themselves confuse as the brunette running off the stage. Jisoo decides for the group quickly, “No—she’ll be back. We can keep going.” Jisoo sighs, the girls get back information. Lisa looks back in Jennie’s direction debating—if anything wanting to run after her. When the music starts she whips her head back around.

This past month has been weird for her, without having heard from Mina. Whilst also trying to respect the unnie’s wishes it feels like Lisa can’t do anything right. So when she heard it from Jihyo it seemed like she wasn’t the only one who was feeling this way. That conversation was very crucial for how they were going to operate as a group and Lisa knows that. But there are certain words during their exchange that she wishes she had said. For once she’s on the other end of the pain. She’s finally understanding what Jennie meant having to watch her be ignored for months and not know what to do. The older girls join rehearsals a little after 10 minutes acting as if nothing happened.

A part of what’s been making this whole thing so difficult is the fact that they’re back in Bangkok. Right where all of this started, and for some odd reason it’s rubbing Jennie the wrong way to see Lisa be okay. Which is not entirely true but what else is Jennie supposed to think.

Lisa is far from okay—it’s bringing her a lot of emotions to be in Bangkok again. She’s happy—truly ecstatic to end this portion of this leg of the tour in her hometown. But she can’t help the flashbacks creeping up. Sure, she’s over the older girl but how are you meant to just act as if your memories aren’t in pain.

A part of her uses the reason of needing to be strong for the both of them. If she shows that she’s still affected what good will that do for the group.  There’s also the absences of a certain black swan of Kpop that’s been making it hard for her. Usually Mina’s presences has helped her keep her head levelheaded. Allowing for her to focus on what’s important. But from their last conversation it felt like Mina’s attention was elsewhere.

After rehearsals, Lisa headed out the door to meet up with her mother. “I’ll see you girls in a few hours.” She smiles at her bandmates bowing before she heads out. The girls erupt in goodbyes but continue to relax in the green room. Jisoo is unsure if the talk in Macau is a good thing or a bad thing. Because yes, the girls have been civil there hasn’t been any heated exchanges. But recently it’s like how it was when Lisa told Jennie her feelings, she’s barely around. They only ever see the girl when they perform or rehearse. It’s not like she’s in her hotel room because they’ve checked. They’re aware when she has physical therapy but that’s it.

A part of wishes she could get a hold of her managers but even they’re busy. The closest thing to an answer they’ve ever gotten was she went to the museum. Usually, Rosé had the liberty to join her but it seems things have truly changed. “What do you girls want to do?” Jisoo questions the other two consumed by their devices. They look up at their unnie then at each other. They shrug at Jisoo, it makes her smile—“Mario kart tournament?”

“Jisooni—it’s not even a tournament if we’re not exactly competition.” Jennie smirks at the older girl shaking her head knowing that it really won’t be a competition. Personally, she knows that she would put a fight but the same can’t be said for Rosé.

“Do you have a better idea?” she sasses back, Rosé puts her hand up, “We could nap? Or grab a snack—I’ll be honest I’m a little peckish.” She comments, the two girls exchange looks with each other making the blonde giggle. “You’re always peck-ish”

“Alright—alright—I’ll grab us some snacks if you want to start setting up Jisoo-ni.” The blonde leaves the room and the two girls grow quiet. Jisoo tries to ignore the underlying tension that has something to do with Jennie’s avoidant approach to her feelings again.

“Are you ready to go back to Korea?” Jisoo questions as she sets up the screens with her switch. Parts of her are excited to be home and to have some space from the girls. Maybe finally catch up with some of her old friends hopefully they can have some commonalities within her schedule. “I actually am what about you?” Jisoo smiles at the tone of enthusiasm in her voice.

“Yeah? Good—I am as well I think I might have an audition for a show shooting soon. Then I think I’m going to try to fit whatever I can in between our schedule. What about you? What are you thinking of doing?” Jisoo finishes setting up turning to Jennie who’s currently laying down with her eyes close. “I don’t know I’ll probably try to see my mom if she isn’t busy…I know Nayeon is in tour right now—so I’ll probably hang out with Irene.” Jennie comments having made all of these plans work behind the scenes. Knowing that she’s hoping and working through spending the least amount of time with Lisa.

It's not like they’re done with the tour, in reality they’re just taking some time to promote their upcoming albums and songs. One of the ways that their promoting their new album is a taping in Hawaii for the month of July relaxing but sometimes even those aren’t as relaxing as they make it seem. When they return to Korea they’ve got lot of rerecording’s and more dance practices for their singles. When Jennie was working with her managers behind the scenes it felt like she was meticulously weaving a web. She wanted to ensure she’s present enough for the band but safely distant enough for herself. Warranting that she’s able to see those she wants to see and she’s able to do what she wants to do. “Busy schedule on top of our busy schedule.” Jisoo jokes, Jennie knows she’ll both be regretful and grateful for it all.

“But I am happy to hear that you’re doing things—I know sometimes you just like to rot in the dorm.” Jisoo jokes making Jennie laugh as she hands her the controller planting herself on the love seat next to her.

“I don’t just rot, sometimes—the world is too much and all I want to be is a cocoon of blankets. But thank you Jisoo-ni I appreciate it—”

“Yeah of course.” She smiles assuming the conversation ends there, “No I mean it—thank you for helping and guiding all of us. Especially through this whole thing.” Jennie sighs as she unconsciously choses her character. Jisoo tries to answer but Rosé comes in with a tray full of food. “I’m sorry it didn’t work out in the way you’d hope.” Jisoo takes the invitation and adds to the conversation. Jennie exhales, “I meant what I said—it was foolish for me to believe that her feelings for me would’ve stayed the same all of these months. A part of me just wanted to believe that because it gave me the strength to come up to her and let her know how I felt.”

“I know I’m not supposed to initiate anything but are you okay? Heartbreak is a heartbreak.” Jisoo questions finishing setting up her character. “If okay you mean trying not to stay in my room and just cry then yes. But i’ll be okay—you know what’s so funny—“ she pauses trying to replace her tears with some laughs.

“This hurts more than Kai.” she finishes, Jisoo sighs pulling Jennie into a hug. Despite their positions the oldest insists on the close contact. When they pull away Jisoo couldn’t take her eyes off of Rosé.

“Jesus Chae—did you leave anything for the rest of the crew?” Jisoo jokes, Jennie sits up looking at the blonde immediately breaking down. “Hardy—har—har—unnie I wanted to get an array of snacks for us.”

On the other side of city Lisa is enjoying a quick bite with her mom. Her dad isn’t able to make it because he has a full day of classes. “How’s your knee sweetie?” her mom questions trying to make conversation replacing the sounds of utensils hitting their plates. Lisa smiles trying to finish her bite before answering, “It’s definitely better than how it was. But I still have physical therapy before and after concerts to make sure everything is healing up as it should and nothing moved.”

“I’m glad to hear that you’re alright but it doesn’t make me worry less—“

“Mæ—“ she groans at her mothers concern. But she’s not lying her knee has gotten better.

“I haven’t seen you in 7 months I can’t help it. Last I saw you was during you and Jennie’s new years plans. But then you were ignoring Jennie. Is everything better now?”  Her mother tries to casually bring up, Lisa stiffens. Despite exchanging a phone call every week she somehow managed to always avoid the topic of Jennie. “What do you mean?” she tries to play off. Her mom chuckles shaking her head at her child’s attempt in lying. Lisa’s always been sensitive at the topic of the girls. But specifically, Jennie, for a while she had understood it as Lisa being protective of Jennie. She saw Jennie as someone that Lisa looks up too.  That any kind of comment was an attack at the older girl.

But when Jennie was here for new years. She couldn’t help but see the look in her daughter’s eyes. Lisa’s attention meant something more, with every trip or sight they saw together. Lisa assured that everything was above perfect. And if there was a glance of boredom in the older girls’ eyes, Lisa dropped everything for her. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to understand that.

“Lalis—“ Her mom starts—

“I’m gay—actuallyI—.” She hesitates but she knows that it’s too late to turn back now. “--But what I do know is that I can have feelings for both girls and boys.” Lisa finds herself in disbelief. She had no intention of spewing any of that. Was it the panic?

“Okay—“ unsure of how to react or what to say—silence fills the air with a hint of tension. “I—“

“I love you sweetie. Thank you for sharing a part of yourself with me.” a hint of a tear dare itself to fall in both of their eyes. There’s a sense of relief from both parties, Lisa gets up from her seat immediately hugging her mother. The older woman can feel the difference in this embrace. “ I love you mom..”

“Well—here I was thinking you were going to show me photos of all the places you’ve visited but now I want to ask who the special person is.” Her mom sniffles sucking the tear back into her eyes. Lisa face gets beet red at her mothers personal yet normal question.  

“Why do you—“

“Because there’s always someone—“

“No—not always—“

“Sweetie this is about love—of course there’s always someone.” she smiles teasingly at her daughter who’s now sweating but is met with so much excitement. In the last couple of months Lisa hasn’t had anyone to talk to about Mina. If anything, she’s kept it to herself to ensure that her feelings for the girl were real. Not just some escape from Jennie.

But this feels different for Lisa, there’s nerves of course, but they’re the ones that excite you. The only other feeling she can relate it with is the same nerves she gets waiting to get on stage. Mina brings a calmness in her, she doesn’t feel the need to second guess herself. She’s sure of herself and having Mina around affirms a version of herself she didn’t think she’d be able to accept.

“—ahh—alright—there is someone.” She sighs in defeat but in the reality is she’s excited to talk about Mina with someone. “Okaaayy—let me guess its—Je—”

“Her name is Mina.” Lisa doesn’t allow her mother dare utter that name—it would only ruin the route of this conversation. For now all she wants to talk about is the black swan that is Myoui Mina. “Mina—wait—wait Mina from Twice?” her mother clarifies surprise to hear the Japanese girl come out of her daughters mouth. Lisa chuckles, “Yes—Mina from Twice? Why is that a shock to you?”

“It isn’t it’s just that last I heard her name was when you and Jihyo met up and she brought Mina. When did it start? She’s very pretty sweetie—” it’s as if her cheeks weren’t red enough they could basically stop traffic at her mothers comments. Lisa ducks her head unsure of what to say, “Yes she is---I don’t really know when it started. We just kept in touch—we sought out comfort with each other with what was going on. She also messed up her knee and we just kind of bonded over that. I don’t know—it went from texting sparsely then texts turned into calls and we never stopped—she’s the first person I think of when I wake up and the first person I talk too—or was at least—I haven’t heard from her for a month. I’m trying to be respectful and give her some space because she’s been going through it—but I--”

“It’s hard because all you’ve been doing is talk to each other and to have it just stop—”

“Yeah, it’s been radio silence. I’ve tried to check in, but I haven’t gotten anything back—I took that as a I need some space.” Lisa sighs, it’s true she’s been trying not to be too anxious about it but the more she’s focusing on it—it’s proving to be difficult.

“I just read this morning that she’s on a hiatus” her mom inserts, Lisa’s been so caught up being on autopilot mode that she didn’t even begin to take that into consideration “Hiatus? I’ve been such an idiot. Here I am thinking only about myself that it never crossed my mind that she finally put herself first.”

“It’s okay sweetie—maybe she’s settling in—not much was really said let alone where she’s gone. She’ll reach out whenever she’s ready—tell me more about her—are you going to ask her out? I mean clearly the dating ban’s been lifted because of Jennie and Kai so surely—”

“Mæ--!” Lisa interrupts her rambling mother, rolling her eyes. “Yes—the dating ban has been lifted but I won’t be doing anything. Honestly all I want right now is to hear from her. But I also don’t want to overwhelm her with attention—her band is already going through that with her.” Lisa shakes her head, “I just want to know if she’s okay—and if there’s anything I can do. Besides if we’re being honest here—I don’t even know if she likes me like that. And the last thing I want to do is ruin what we have right now—I care about her a lot.” Her mother takes a minute to listen her, not wanting to interrupt her daughter.

She smiles nodding her head, Lisa releases a huff feeling a certain relief finally releasing it all. “I understand hesitating to reach out but I hope that when the time comes you’re able to be honest with her. Whatever that may mean. Also, you shouldn’t assume how she feels about you honey—anyone who would be stupid enough to pass you up clearly isn’t worth your time. “ Her mother spoke trying to comfort her but only one thought came to mind. I guess Jennie wasn’t worth her time.  

“That much I know is true.” she says barely a whisper. “I’m sure you’ll hear from her soon but if not take it a sign. Maybe the universe wants you to be sure of something for hers and your sake. Love is a lot of things—precious—wonderful—painful but the most important thing to know about love is that it takes time. So don’t rush it—you’ll come together and decide what you both mean to each other when its right.” The older woman smiles at her child and she can tell that Lisa’s intently listening. Ensuring that everything that was said today is absorbed.

“Thank you mæ.”

“Of course—thank you for being so honest with me.” She smiles grabbing Lisa’s hand and rubbing circles on it. “Now will you finally tell me what’s going on between you and Jennie?” Lisa pulls her hand away slowly and looks off into the distance. Her mother’s instinct is quick to pick up on her hesitation. “Okay—I’m sorry.” She says to her daughter, “It’s okay a lot has just happened and we’re all just working through getting over it. Funny enough my feelings or at least I realised I was gay because of what happened between us.”

“Oh—I see it makes a lot of sense—when did you break up?” her mother assumes, thinking about how they’ve looked like a couple for a while. Lisa’s confused and hurt at how quickly her mother concluded her and Jennie dating. “Surprisingly—we never dated. She just broke my heart when we started our tour here. But it was my fault—“

“How?” her mom interjects, “Wha?”

“How is being honest about your feelings your fault? Did she say it was your fault?” Her mother’s instincts kick in wanting to defend her daughter. She knows how delicate Lisa is when it comes to her feelings, the last thing she wants to hear is for someone to let her know how wrong it is to express herself. “Mæ—no-no-no-no-no—” she chuckles shaking her head at how quick her mother’s attitude towards the older girl immediately change. “I told her how I felt and I was met with her telling me that she was dating Kai—and it just went downhill from there honestly. Either way—we’re all trying to move pass it and now I’ve moved on and did everything I was supposed to when someone breaks my heart. I’ve healed—”

“Maybe that’s why the universe is giving you and Mina some space” her mother interrupts pointing out something that’s making Lisa think about her intentions. “You’re not just using that sweet girl to get over Jennie right?”

“I—no. I hope not. I don’t think so—I like her” she blushes thinking about Mina. “What do you like about her?”

“What’s there not to like?” she pauses trying to recollect as much as she can since the last time she saw Mina. “She’s got these beautiful moles on her face that’s carefully placed. It starts all the way at the top of her head, so you can admire her brain. She’s so smart—it’s crazy I feel like she’s always teaching me something. Then it leads you down to the bridge of her nose right by her eyes, so you can truly witness her splendor—her kindness just by looking at the purity in her eyes. She says everything and nothing at all. I mean Mæ I could go on about just those moles—but in reality it’s her voice and her whole demeanor that really brought me in—it’s just so calming. I could listen to her speak all day—”

“Honey—that’s wonderful. I hope that you guys come together—but until then you should focus on yourself. You shouldn’t focus all of your attention on just love” she emphasizes knowing that no matter how much one might truly say they’ve healed and moved on. The truth won’t be put to practice until you’re going on dates with someone. Truly getting to know someone knew without comparison or discourse in your mind about the person you believe you’re meant to be with. “Yes Mæ—I understand—thank you for being so understanding and accepting—”

Her mother gets up from their chair and pulls Lisa into a hug. “I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to hold a part of yourself in because of me. If I’ve learned anything from watching my only daughter leave home at 14 is to trust you. And that at the end of the day you know better about what you want for yourself better than anyone else, which includes me. I trust you.”

“Thank you. For everything—I feel like we always gloss over the fact that you really just supported me for all those years.” Lisa chuckles thinking about truly crazy it was for her to simply drop everything and follow her dreams. “It was and still is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to get used to.”

“Why? I feel like I see you more often than I did before.” Lisa chuckles finishing her meal she brings her phone out to check the time. “You’re my baby. You are literally a part of me—that doesn’t just go away.” She looks over at the wait staff signaling for the check. Her child rolls her eyes knowing that if she doesn’t stop it she’ll continue on a parent tangent.

“I understand—but what should I do? I want to talk to her all the time I want to know what’s going on—I wanna hear her voice--” Lisa questions whining like a child whilst reaching out for the check. Her mother tries to protest but the girl shakes her head. “I mean I think that you being on tour has been good for you. And I know you sweetie you are one of the busiest bodies there is.” She laughs, standing up from their table getting ready to head out. Lisa’s security detail see them walk towards the door and they immediately insure to clear the way for them to safely get in the car. “Yes but the tour is over. And we’re going to Korea—we had made plans to meet up but I guess that’ll be reschedule or I don’t know—jeez I don’t like feeling this so distracted. I don’t think this ever happened with Jennie-unnie—”

“Because you were always with her—your feelings never had to yearn for her—or just miss her while she was gone. She was always around—” Her mom answers for her, the younger girl is silent. She’s never thought about it like that before—she only saw Jennie’s constant presence as extremes. Either too positive to the point that it fed into her feelings about the older woman or absolutely negative being there to constantly remind her of her broken heart.

“I guess you’re right.” She answers simply not knowing how to go on from here. Before heading back to the venue, they decide to pick the rest of Lisa’s family who’s going to their concert tonight. Various conversations about concerts, family gatherings and future holidays ensue. But Lisa can’t help but let her mind wonder why Mina’s hasn’t been speaking to her. Was it something she said? Surely it couldn’t have been, she hovers over Mina’s name on her text messages. Knowing that if she goes down this hole it might only make her anxiety worse.

She debates for another second, but instead her finger lands on Jihyo’s name.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

I’m sorry about Mina. I just read that she left for hiatus? I can only imagine that’s why you called me a while ago.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

I’m sorry. It’s a dick move to only reach out when I’m concerned my bandmate. I wasn’t even thinking it’s just been a hellish day.

Lisa sighs at the sight of her close friend’s text. She can only imagine how everyone is feeling, she can’t even begin to fathom to tour without her bandmates, bad blood or not.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

No please don’t apologize. This friendship is a two-way street, I should’ve kept up with you too.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Not just Mina.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

No it’s okay. I’m glad she had someone to talk too. Especially since she wasn’t really talking to any of us. Like I said I feel like I’m failing as a leader.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

And I’ll happily tell you that you are not. You’ve are one of the best leaders there is. You’ve taken care of those girls since the day they voted you as their leader. You have to know that Jihyo.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Thank you Lisa.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Of course. How are you and Daniel? Have you talked to the girls about what you guys are going to do when you get to America?

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Daniel is good, we’re meeting up soon when we head back to Korea. He’s been a saint through a lot of things. He knows that it’s been a rough year for the band so he’s been like a rock to me.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

As for the tour, I spoke about it with the girls and JYP we’re going to keep going. We learned after the concert that Mina had gone home to Japan.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

I’m glad to hear he’s being a good boyfriend. I’m glad to hear that someone’s taking care of you. ☺️

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

She’s in Japan?

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Thank you <3 but he’s absolutely lovely. I didn’t think I’d ever find someone so understanding so I’m really happy to have him around.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Yes. We heard everything after the concert. During her meeting with JYP she had brought her parents with her to the meeting.  JYP wanted her to go to a facility in Jeju but her parents insisted on bringing her home. They said that the help she can get can be something she decides. But she needs to be home and she didn’t protest.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Aww that’s wonderful Jihyo. Maybe we can hang out when we’re both back in Korea? But I also understand if you’re not ready for that. I also understand.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Oh. That’s good, I hope that she reaches out to you guys soon to let her know she’s okay.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

No I would love that. When are you back in Seoul?

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Me too.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

I’ll be back in August and we’ll be there until December. ☺ ️

Her mother taps her shoulder pulling her out her cellphone. She looks up to see that they’re at the venue, “Oh jeez I’m sorry” she giggles getting out of the van. Lisa waits for her mom putting her hand out guiding her out of the van. Her mom smiles at her as she waits for the rest of her family to get out of the van. She decides to wait until her grandfather’s hand takes her. He kisses her check as he steadies himself on the pavement, Lisa smiles returning the kiss.

Her aunt decides to take it from there, Lisa follows her family into the building. Knowing how orderly everything is as soon as she returns from being away she’ll be bombarded by 3 different people. Just like clockwork, hair, make-up wardrobe and her mangers we’re waiting for her. Oppa decides to take her family to their room as she gets ready. She makes eye contact with her mom quickly, exchanging an excuse me and approaching her, “I’ll see—”

Lisa’s phone vibrates in her pocket distracting her attention, Minari🐧 it reads. “Lalisaaaaaa?” her mother sings trying to gain her attention back. “Uhhh—yes—” she tries to look up at her mother but fails. Debating, longing only to finally hear her soft voice. “It’s okay—take it. We’ll see you later.” Her mom smiles at her, hugging her daughter tightly before letting go. Her manager and staff try to approach her but she puts her finger up wanting just a moment of peace.

‘Hello?’ she tries her best not to sound too excited on the other line. She eagerly waits for the soft to cross her from the phone into her ear. As if she’s hearing her band’s song play on the radio for the first time.

‘Hi.’ For the first time in a month she hears Mina’s voice, it’s like hearing her voice all over again. The smile on Lisa’s face didn’t even creep it—it ran across her face when she only heard the black swan breathing on the other side of the line.

Chapter Text

‘How are you?’ Mina questions, Lisa giggles.

‘Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that?’  Across the way Mina is looking out the back of her parent’s country house. It had been a long traveling day and she had spent one half of it worrying about her band mates and the other wondering what she should say to Lisa. It had been month since she last spoke to the Thai girl. She’d been caught up meeting with a multitude of therapists and psychiatrist. Planning and curating the kind of care she needs. All of her mental focus and energy went into that, just like Lisa and Jihyo had advised. For the first time in months, she finally put herself first. It’s nerve-wracking and she can’t help but overthink about every little thing about it but she’s here now. Besides, Mina thought it’d be best she creates some distance between her and Lisa.

Clearly Lisa, needed some time for herself too. Clearing the air with whoever broke her heart. ‘No, I want to know how you are too—’ Mina respectfully responds trying to ignore the thumping in her ear, hearing Lisa’s cheerful voice on the other side of the call.

‘Well I asked you first?’ Mina bites her lip trying to hide the smile tiptoeing itself across her lips. She missed this.

‘Okay—surprisingly about the same but it’s the first day so I can’t really say much. But I’m back in Japan in a house in the country with my parents and my brother. But they’ll be leaving soon they want to give me some space—’

‘Wait—wait then who’s going to stay with you?’ Mina’s heart skips a beat at Lisa’s concern. She cares, Mina blushes. ‘Well, it’s a farm—it’s a very big property so they’ll be around but they have work and school. So, they’ve given me some space, they’re only a walk or a call away. Besides my care team is nearby too—so I’m not exactly alone which is not ideal but I also understand.’

Lisa releases a sigh of relief as Mina explains the situation, ‘Okay—good. I know how much you love being an introvert but I’m glad you’ve got everyone you need.’

‘Not everyone.’ Mina replies barely a whisper but Lisa’s quick to catch it, she could squeal at that answer despite not knowing what it may mean for Mina.

‘What do you mean, not everyone?’ Lisa teases, Mina puts her head on the glass door wanting to bang it over and over again. Shit.

‘So how’s being home?’ Mina questions which raise even more suspicion in Lisa. Last they spoke was Sydney, how could she have possibly known that she was in Thailand. Of course, Lisa’s aware she’s trying to change the subject but she wishes she hasn’t.

‘How’d you know I was home? Are you stalking me?’ Lisa jokes and she can already see the girl rolling her eyes at her attempt to tease her.

‘No—I just listen. You told me that your tour ended in Bangkok—I remember it well because you told me how excited you were being able to start the show at home and close it at home.’

‘Alright—alright---alright—I’ll pretend to believe you.’

‘You are impossible.’ Mina sighs making Lisa laugh, Lisa pulls away from the phone for a minute as she’s being told that she has to get to hair and make-up now. Lisa begs just for a few minutes for the opportunity to say goodbye.

‘You have to go?’ Mina questions hearing Lisa voice get closer to the microphone.

‘Yes, I do. Listen call me anytime you want okay. I hope it’s good and I hope that they’re good. We don’t have to talk about our tours, our lives as idols, honestly we can talk about a new game that you’re playing. Or what I did with my family, hell we could just stay on the phone as we d—’

‘Come see me.’  What the hell did i just say?! Mina panics over what she just instinctively said.

‘What?’ Lisa chokes at her own words. A part of her wants to jump up and down and cheer. It might just be to hang out as friends but she’ll take what she can get.

‘Come to Japan…?’  Mina says less confidently, Lisa chuckles, "Lisayah—we need to start walking towards wardrobe please.” She hears Lisa’s manager beg.

‘Okay. Let’s talk about it tomorrow.’ She simply answers hoping to give the girl some time to think about her decision. It all seemed too spurred in the moment, maybe some sleep will help both of them grasp what’s going on. Mina sighs, ‘Good idea. Have a good show.’

‘Thank you, I’ve missed you, talk to you tomorrow okay.’ Before Mina can formulate a response, Lisa ends the call. “I’m sorry.” She sheepishly smiles at Alice as they quickly walk over to wardrobe. “It’s okay—but now that we’ve got to walk and talk about your schedule—”

“Okay I’d like to make a request, I’d like to fit as much time as I can visiting Japan” Alice stops dead in her tracks, “Japan? What’s in Japan?” she questions, Lisa smiles sheepishly unsure of what to say. Let alone how to describe it all, “Someone possibly no one but I want to see where it goes. I need to work with you on keeping all of it between you and I.”

“Lisaaaaaa..” Alice tries to hide and figure whether she’s nervous or excited at her need for secrecy. “Unnieeeeee pleaseeeeeeeeeee” she begs like a child, clearly hearing from Mina is a sign that they’re both somewhat affected by each other’s absences and that there might be something there. “Alright alright, I’ll wait until you’re ready to tell me what’s going on. But for now, what do you need oppa and I to do?”

“No don’t tell oppa, I just want you and you only to know about this. For now, just try to figure out which dates are ideal for me to stay in Japan as much as I can” she begs the older woman. She’s never seen Lisa like this before, protective yet serious about it all.

“I understand and when I am asked what all of this is for—my answer should be?” she questions the younger girl, Lisa sighs, “That I’m seeing my family” that’s the last thing she says before she’s being pulled into wardrobe. Alice lets out a sigh, scrolling through Lisa’s schedule preparing to inform the younger girl of her free days. When she walks into the room she sees Lisa being done up, she approaches her. “Alright—before we talk about your free time. Let’s talk about your schedule first, thankfully this time—” she pauses scrolling at the start of their schedule after this concert. Lisa anxiously awaits as make-up and hair take over. “—You guys have got some time before you leave for Hawaii—two weeks to be precise but there are days where you need to be in the studio throughout those two weeks. They are however split up, so do you want to meet with Teddy to see if those can be arranged so its consecutive instead of broken? So that you can spend that last week—” Alice wonders starting to type away on her phone knowing that Lisa will choose to have continuous days in the studio just like she predicted.

“Yes please, let him know I’d love to get it out of the way ASAP. Even if that means sleeping in the building—” she jokes, Alice smiles at the younger girl. She begins to compose her email for Teddy.

“For his and I sake please don’t do that but maybe while you are at the studio and he’s scoring with the other girls you can fit your rehearsals with Chesire and Lee Jung for the upcoming comebacks and album.” Alice questions, after years of working with Lisa, Alice has gotten it down to a T how much of a hard worker Lisa is. Especially when her biggest drive is being the best and also playing the hardest. One thing Alice noticed about Lisa is that she really exercises the idea of “Work hard, play hard” which she appreciates.

“Ah---it’s like you’re in my brain that is perfect yes.” Lisa turns around from the make-up chair. “Sorry.” She smiles at the girls who just playfully shake their heads. “And then the physical therapist will come by your apartment every night at around 7 for an hour and a half. No arguments Lisa.” she sternly spoke. Lisa nods knowing that these next two weeks will be very busy for her manager. She knows that these are not easy requests to be making.

“Alright—Teddy said he’s going to arrange for you to get most of your recordings out of the way. As for dance, you’ll be with Chesire for Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. Then you’ll be with Lee Jung on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays. And then that last Sunday we can talk about later.” Alice finally looks up from her phone to see a smiling Lisa. “If you keep smiling like that you’re going to break your face. You’re welcome now stop it.” Alice teases winking at Lisa before she leaves the room. “Thank you unnie!” Lisa shouts.

***

“Bangkok!” Jennie shouts into her microphone and the crowd goes wild. The girls giggle exchanging looks with each other. “I can’t hear you! I said—BANGKOK!” she says a little louder than the one before. This time the crowd doesn’t disappoint. They could hear them through their in ears, which is an entirely new experience.

“Weeeeehhhhh!” they gasp and the crowd erupts in even more cheers. “This is our last song for the night! Thank you so much for being the best crowd to close our amazing tour!” Rosé looks out at the crowd unsure of how to be, overwhelmed by the love and music their experienced tonight. “This is Hope Not!” Jennie adds and the music begins and the girls disperse.

‘Siwonhan baram buneun changgae anja

Meon haneul barabomyeo neoreul geuryeo nan’ Jennie begins avoiding Lisa’s gaze. She’s been avoiding singing this as their encore song. It’s been like the salt on her wounds lately—it makes her irrational and emotional. As if she’s reliving that painful conversation over and over again. But she tries her best to detach herself, yet when she hears Lisa sing ‘Eojjeol su eopsneun nan baboinga bwa. Sagyejeori bakkwieodo byeonhaji anha’ she can’t help but think about them.

Think about how her awful timing has been to the both of them. Having yearned for the other and all it’s done is left them with scars that they treasure. Despite having gone through so much with her Lisa’s feelings never changed. All those years being around each other, Lisa spent loving her. Jennie can barely take having her around for months. She can’t even fathom what Lisa was going through. ‘Huhoehan deul soyongeopta haedo. Nan neol aetage saenggakhae’ Rosé sings, swaying softly to the guitar. Jisoo can’t help but look over at Jennie’s who’s trying her best to not look at Lisa. But she’s failing miserably, she’s so near yet so far and Jennie doesn’t know what to make of it. ‘Amu ildo eopsneun geoscheoreom
Useojulge neol mannamyeon’ Jennie sings knowing how much these words mean to her. How despite constantly having Lisa on her mind. There truly is no point in regretting how she feels for the girl. Because at the end of the day she still smiles at the sight of Lisa.

Rosé walks over to the maknae putting her arm around taking a big breath in, ‘For you nan apado joha. Hamkkehaneun dongan. Neoege sangcheoman namgyeojun nanikka’ (translates to: For you, I’m okay with being hurt. Cause when we were together
I only gave you scars) facing Lisa she sings with her heart. This part has a special place in Chaeyoung’s heart, it’s like if she could pick an anthem of what it’s been like loving Lisa is this song right here. Jisoo walks over to Jennie and decides to do the same thing, ‘But you nega wonhan sarang. Naboda naeun saram manna haengbokhae
Nal ijeul mankeum maneun anigil’ Jisoo teases Jennie hoping to take her attention away from the maknae which she does just for a moment.

Rosé goes on with her part letting go of Lisa and walking to the other side of the stage. Knowing that if she were to have stayed under Lisa’s touch her tears would’ve threatened to come out. Lisa thinks nothing of it and works the crowd that the blonde just left. Jennie turns away from the crowd for a moment hearing Lisa sing the words ‘Next to me is an empty space. I'm not a stranger to being alone anymore.’  She looks up hoping the stars hoping they could take her tears back. That if there’s a moment where she could just step out and have it taken away this would be the perfect time. Jisoo looks over at her wanting to pull her into a hug. But that would only bring her unwanted attention, and her part soon comes on. Jennie is quick to follow up with her part trying to move past it and interact with the crowd.

Rosé and Jisoo exchange looks and glance over at Lisa to see if she noticed any of it. Yet, Lisa’s in her own world listening to both of them sing the chorus. Lip syncing along with them waving at the crowd blowing some kisses. She spots her family and her heart jumps; in that moment she feels content. She feels a pair of arms wrap around her waist and a head rest on her shoulder. Lisa knows who it is but she decides to not acknowledge it and just continue with the song. Lisa puts her hands up swaying with the crowd and Jennie simply follows.

Jennie tightens her grip when she starts, ‘For you nan apado joha. Hamkkehaneun dongan neoege
Sangcheoman namgyeojun nanikka’ she finishes off, letting go of Lisa. And there’s a moment of yearning when Jennie pulls away but Lisa dismisses the feeling immediately. A break doesn’t even begin to describe how Jennie’s heart is dealing with all of this right now.

The screams of the crowd get louder as the music ends, the four girls come together bringing their hands together to bow. “Bangkok!” Lisa shouts when they come up from their bow, the crowd gets even louder making the girls smile from cheek to cheek. “Thank you so much! Thank you for supporting us from day one! We wouldn’t be where we are without you!” Jisoo says in Korean and Lisa happily translates, the crowd can’t help but chant Jisoo’s name. The eldest laughs, at their reaction “Jichu—jichu—jichu—” Lisa chants with the fans.

Jisoo playfully hits the maknae shaking her head, “I just want to say to all the blinks out there this isn’t the last you’ll see of us and we’ve got so many exciting things coming up! Thank you so much for your endless support! Thank you!” Chaeyoung adds pulling the girls closer together then bowing herself to show extreme gratitude for their fans. The girls look at Jennie indicating it’s her turn to speak, “Thailaaaaand!” she starts waiting for the crowd to respond. She takes a moment looking out at the crowd. Taking in their success and their journey, looking back at all of their hard work. Tearing up for a whole other reason—“You have always got a special place in my heart—” she continues.

“This tour has been everything we’ve ever dreamed of, we’ve been to so many places. Seen so many blinks—visited so many places and we wouldn’t have been able to do any of that without your endless support. Thank you—thank you—thank you—a million times over thank you! To our beautiful blinks! We opened our tour here last January to celebrate the new year together. And here we are 7 months later closing it up together—what can we say Thailand? You means a lot to us—you gave us Lisa and we don’t think we can ever express our gratitude.” Jennie smiles looking at her bandmates waiting for a response.

“Aww Jennie—unnie that’s so sweet. Bangkok! My hometown, I know that a lot of people say that home is not a place but to me it is. You are my whole heart—my heart will always belong to you. Coming back here always means so much to me because it’s my way of thanking you guys. Wanting to share everything we’ve created, and just like Jennie-unnie said thank you thank you! A thousand times over thank you!” Lisa coos tearing up at thought of their journey together. Putting all the romantic business aside, this was a lot for four girls to take on. Leaving their home banking all of their hard work on a dream.

The crowd cheers louder for their hometown hero and the girls bow it out one more time. “Bangkok! I’m—” they stop for a moment looking at each other wanting to bow together. “Rosé!”

“Jennie!”

“Jisoo!”

“Pranpriya!” Lisa shouts one last time as the show ends. The girls pull their hands up, looking up at the crowd then back down. The girls shout their thank you’s one more time as the stage lowers down. When they reach the bottom away from the crowd they couldn’t help but pull each other into a hug. Rosé’s the first one to cry without any hesitation, Lisa pulls her head towards her shoulder trying to comfort the blonde. Jisoo reaches out to wipe the tears off of her face. The crew gives them a moment with each other knowing how meaningful this accomplishment is. “We did it.” Jennie smiles trying to stop herself from crying.

“We did it.” The girls repeat letting out a big sigh of relief. With the crowds still cheering for them the crew can’t help but cheer for them too. The room is filled with claps while chanting Blackpink. The girls turn to the crew smiling from ear to ear, overwhelmed with gratitude and embarrassment. Lisa let’s go for a moment bending all the way down to bow to the crew. The girls follow the maknae’s actions, after a few seconds the girls get up.

The audio person came up to them grabbing their microphones and in-ear monitors. Lisa and Rosé take the lead in leaving the floor first heading to the green room. “Race ya!” Lisa enticing the blonde who of course doesn’t back down.

“Not fair!” she shouts back running after the youngest who’s now turning the corner. When Rosie gets to the corner she sees Lisa caught herself in deep conversation with Alice, the maknae smiles at the blonde. She quickly excuses herself, “I’ll be there in a few minutes—we’re going out with my family. I mean—it all of us.” Lisa reassures the blonde, who smiles at the both of them before she continues walking to the green room.

“Sorry unnie you were saying?” Lisa turns back to Alice who was trying to show her, her schedule for the next two weeks. The first week is filled with colourful bubbles with all the hours of the day occupied with something. “I said it’s not going to be easy but if you get all of it done by that Sunday you can fly to—” she pauses finally hoping to hear Lisa’s plan about Japan.

“Kansai.” Lisa whispers, Alice eyes pop right out. Who the hell is in Kansai, she thought to herself.

“Okay.” Is all she can muster to say still trying to figure out who or what is in Kansai. Jennie and Jisoo walk by talking amongst themselves and they pause, Lisa smiles cheerful at her bandmates. Alice follows the maknae’s action waiting until the two girls disappear into the corner. “Now, I need flights to Kansai back and forth then transportation but I need to know that this transportation is trustworthy. Keeps me safe as well as keeps no records of where I am being taken and picked up from. I need this all off the books. This is something that has to be protected at all costs Alice-unnie.” Lisa seriously requests looking deeply at the older woman’s eyes trying to convey the severity of the situation.

Alice picks up on the severity of course and releases a sigh. She knows that she can do this but she also knows that it’s going to take a lot of work on her end. Not only does she have to be take into consideration Lisa’s safety and privacy. But she also has to ensure that none of this gets released into the media, just as Lisa said this all has to be off the books. “It’s only going to get harder from here huh? You realized this means we’re going to have to screen your security detail right or do you want it to simply just be you which would make sense because it would raise less suspicion.” Alice begins to panic ramble as she slowly plans out how she’s going to execute this.

“Thank you unnie—”

“If this works out. I’m going to need more than a thank you.” Alice mutters and Lisa giggles before jumping up and down. “AHHHHH! Unnie! Thank you!” she shouts running towards the green room towards the other girls.

***

For the first time in a month all four of them are out together enjoying themselves. They’ve somehow convinced this lonely shop owner to stay open just for them. As the drinks keep coming and the street foods keep walking by. Part of what Lisa’s said was that it was an honor to have Blackpink by his shop. And having them stay for only even an hour longer is enough reason to close the next day. No money could possibly make up for the chance of having Blackpink in his restaurant.

The girls of course feel bad so have been paying him much more than each beer actually cost. Most of the crew went back to their hotel already since they’ve got strike the next day so that everything gets back to Korea in one piece. Leaving just the managers and the girls, Lisa’s family had excused themselves an hour into the outing. But Lisa made sure to be the last to leave Thailand tomorrow so she’s able to see them one more time.

The pinks couldn’t help but miss this kind of company—they haven’t enjoyed each other’s company like this in a while it’s nice. Currently exchanging their favorite moments on tour, it’s Lisa turn but she sees Alice walking towards her. After having been on the phone in the last hour she knows it must be something important. “No there was—a dance circle—break dance thing happening during Ddu—dduu—” she pauses, looking up at Alice “—I can’t believe you guys didn’t see it—I’ll just be one second.”

She excuses herself from the group, the two women give themselves enough space to ensure they have a private conversation. “Yes—unnie.” She turns her head to ensure that no one can see her reaction. “Okay—so Kansai—what is this about? Can I get more details—I’m not saying this as your manager—I’m saying this as someone who is concerned for your safety—”

“I’m seeing someone.” Lisa interrupts her, Alice can’t help but squeal catching everyone’s attention, she bows her head as an apology to the crowd. “You’re seeing someone?” she whispers, Lisa shakes her head jumping ahead. “Well, it’s complicated. They invited me to Japan—we’ve been talking for a while and I just want to give whatever this is a chance.” Lisa sighs, Alice takes a step back a little startled. She’s never seen Lisa like this before, soft, calm and one might even say in love.

“Oh.” Is all she’s able say, unsure of what’s coming next to say. “They’re also in the industry” Lisa pauses unsure of how the older girl will react. But she doesn’t do anything but nod. “—but I don’t need the public to know. So, I need THIS to stay between us.” Lisa emphasizes pointing at herself and Alice. “ I mean it unnie. I’m already, reserve about naming them so please unnie—I just care about them a lot and—”

“Lisa—I understand. I’ve never seen you like this—to be honest I’ve never seen you like someone before—let alone want to protect them. I’ve worked with you for a few years now—and despite what you believe I have grown to be extremely protective of you. And I also trust you so if this is someone you see a potential future with then we’ll work it out. I promise you I will do everything I can.”  Alice promises giving the girl a world full of hope. This might actually work out, Lisa thought to herself hopefully during her time in Japan she can clarify everything between them.

Lisa went so far to even get her mom in on it. She’s been talking up the fact that Lisa’s will be back home in a week. “Thank you—I just want to protect what we have.” Lisa sighs, “I understand—so I have here, after rehearsals saturday you’ve got the earliest flight out of here. Just give me the go ahead—“ Alice smiles waiting for Lisa’s response. Lisa of course can already feel herself getting impatient.

“I’ll let you know tomorrow. I’m going to talk to them tomorrow.” Lisa hugs her quickly before walking back to her friends. They’re all still laughing sharing stories with one another. “What are we talking about?” the maknae questions. The girls look up at her a she takes her seat. Jennie of course isn’t blind and saw her conversation with her manager.

She couldn’t make out what was said but based on the hug it was clearly something good. “We were talking about what we wanted to do in Hawaii.” Jisoo replies, Lisa jumps in her seat thinking about everything she hopes to see.

“I want to swim with dolphins. Maybe surf? Just be by the beach everyday—is that too much?” she chuckles making the girls laugh. Seeing that as she was away, they had all basically said the same thing. “What?” the maknae wonders looking at the girls giggling with each other.

“Nothing—it’s just we all said the same thing.” Jennie answers making the maknae laugh. Their conversation continues, it’s like they haven’t had a moment to sit down like this in a while. They’re actually catching up with each other despite being on tour together it’s as if they haven’t been experiencing the same things. Rosé’s been talking to Chaeyoung and has been writing a lot so she’s excited to get back in the studio. Maybe even invite the Twice member to record together or write together. Jisoo had an audition for a show and got it so that is supposed to be shooting next year and the girls are excited to see it. Jennie’s got a few things with Chanel and she said that she’ll be going on a quick get away with Irene and they’re planning that currently.

At around 3am the girls and their managers finally gave them the signal that it’s time to go. The girls thanked the owner multiple times and tipped them graciously. No one’s particularly drunk but no one is particularly sober either. The ride back to the hotel’s quiet, finally letting the world settle with them. For once it felt like they could all breathe everything in, their success, the crowd, and the tour they’ve just been on.

They hug each other goodnight before separating, Jennie couldn’t help but linger of course but no one seems to have notice. Before Lisa heads to bed, she decides to text Mina.

[Mina 🐧 ]

I hope you don’t change your mind.

***

One of the nurses accompanying Mina woke her up at 8 this morning. She had hoped that she actually gets some rest for once but it’s not starting off quite right. They just got her vitals and took her on a walk. They explained that her treatment will consists, morning vitals and medications, a morning walk, followed by breakfast. She gets an hour to herself before she heads off to therapy right before lunch. She’s hesitant to see that part of her schedule go through. Fearing that she might not have much of an appetite after emotionally unloading. Then she’s got the afternoon to herself, but they also said she won’t have access to have her phone until that afternoon. They concluded that most of her anxiety stems from her exposure to fame. But since she can’t just drop out of the idol life this is the next best thing.

“It’s 1 o’clock can I have my phone now?” she questions her therapist who smiles and nods her head. She’s known not to engage too much on social media since the beginning. Having Lisa to talk to her has helped with that and when she finally has access to her messages, she’s happy to see. Her excitement only lasts seconds when she sees the rest of her messages.

[Jihyo🦉💛]

Hi. I love you. I am sorry I’ve failed you. I’m not going to bombarded you with questions I’m sure it’s the last thing you want to deal with. I hope you are safe, and you made it to Japan alright. You don’t have to talk to any of us immediately just take your time. Just know that whenever you do decide to come back, we will be here to welcome you with open arms.

[Momoring🍑🩷]

Minari. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you. I’m sorry I got caught up in everything that happened between Dahyun and I. I hope you’re safe and you’re resting. We already miss you, but don’t rush. We’ll always be here. I love you.

[Satang🐹💜]

Mitang. 😕

[Satang 🐹💜 ]

Are you okay? I wish you would’ve talked to us. But I guess there is no point in dwelling on what could’ve been done now. I miss you. We’ll be here when you come back and we’re going to hold your hand every step of the way. Stay strong.

[Changie 🐯 ❣️ ]

I’ll never fully understand what happened but I do wish we would’ve been there for you. I don’t think we can ever forgive ourselves for letting you get to this point. I love you. I hope you rest well.

[Jeongyeon 🐶💚 ]

I’m sorry. I feel like we’ve failed you. We’re your unnies and we should’ve been looking out for you. But we didn’t do that. We should’ve seen all the signs, I’m sorry Mina. I hope you know that you’re never alone. I’m sorry. I hope you get some rest.

[Dubuu 🦅🤍 ]

Minaunnie. I love you and I miss you. I don’t know how we’re supposed to do this without. But I think that’s the whole point, we were never supposed to do this without you. I hope that you’re getting some rest. And I hope that when you do come back we remind you that you’re never doing this by yourself. We’re always going to be here.

[Tzutzu 🦌💙 ]

Unnie. I hope you’re okay and get the help you need. I’ll be here for you to sit next to forever. We’ve always had that understanding so I hope you never forget that. I don’t exactly know how its all going to be but I hope to hear from you soon.

[BamBam 💥 ]

I just heard the news. I hope you’re okay. Let me know if you need anything.

[Nayeoni 🐰 🩵 ]

I’m sorry. I truly am sorry.

[Nayeoni 🐰 🩵 ]

 Instead of being there for you and listening to you I pushed you further away. It was selfish of me to put that emotional burden on you. When you come back and I hope that you do. I’ll be here for you.

Shes slightly regretting having her phone. But her therapist is right, she’s not ready to face this emotional burden quite yet. She decides to put the girls and their group chat on mute hoping that the day will come when she’ll gain the courage to talk to them explaining everything. Let them know that none of this is their fault. So, for now, all she can muster is;

[Ttdoongs 🍭♥ ️ ]

I made it safely to Japan. None of this is your fault. I love you. ♥ ️

Pathetic. She thought to herself, she wishes she could say more. But she wants to be clear about it all. No beating around the bush, but an honest to goodness answer for all of it. Because just as she talked about it with her therapist. It was everything. The band, the life, social media, expectations, somehow even the amount of food she ate was affecting her too.

Mina sighs, not expecting to read let alone get an immediate response from the girls. She hovers over Lisa’s name wanting to respond to her text from last night.

[Lisa 🖤 🩷 ]

I hope you don’t change your mind.

[Lisa 🖤 🩷 ]

I’ll be honest it was a spur of the moment thing. But I mean it come to Japan.

Mina puts her phone down deciding to start a puzzle. One of the things she was told she should practice is detachment and the ability to simply wait without anxiety. At least be clear of the need to fidget because fidgeting leads her to overthinking. As for Lisa, that morning she had spent most of it with her family. They got brunch together and did a little bit of shopping. She had said goodbye to her bandmates of course before she set off that day. Alice is the only one left accompanying the younger girl back to Korea.

The morning had been so busy that she hadn’t really thought about the text she sent Mina. But her heart jumps at the sight of Mina’s name.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Okay how does a week from now sounds?

She doesn’t want to beat around the bush, the way her schedule is going to be. Everything needs to be sure; it might be her need to control but she wants everything to work well.

[Minari 🐧 ]

That’s good with me. It’s not like I’m doing anything important with my time.

[Minari 🐧 ]

You’re doing something very important with your time. I don’t want to intrude this is your recovery Mina.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I was told that it’s good to have people that make me feel good around. Have some grounding energy around.

The messages make Lisa giggle at the thought of her being a grounding energy.  

[Minari 🐧 ]

And you find my energy grounding? 😅

[Minari 🐧 ]

Yes.

[Minari 🐧 ]

 Alright, then I’ll see you in a week.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Wait don’t I get a date? I know it’s a Sunday. Do you have a time in mind? I don’t have access to my phone until 1pm.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I’ll keep that in mind. Can I call you later?

[Minari 🐧 ]

Okay, talk to you later.

Lisa dismisses her phone back into her pocket giving her attention back to her family. Most of them we’re still deciding what they wanted. Exchanging opinions with each other on what they should decide on. Lisa’s mom looks over at her daughter practically grinning from ear to ear. “You heard from her?” she questions coming up to her daughter who’s trying to bring herself back into the conversation.

“Yes. I am seeing her in a week. Flying to Japan.” She tries to hid the change of color on her cheeks. “That’s wonderful honey” she smiles. It means a lot to Lisa that her mother’s been so accepting of her. She’d been hoping for a moment to speak with her dad but he’s been preoccupied on the phone. “You can tell him whenever sweetie you know he’ll love you no matter what. You could honestly come back with Mina saying that you guys are dating and he’d simply be happy for you.” Her mom comforts knowing that Lisa’s been itching to have this conversation with her father.

“I know but I don’t like feeling like I’m lying to him.” Lisa responses, it makes her mother chuckle but she appreciates her daughters morals. “I understand, maybe we’ll have him be the only one that takes you to the airport? So you can have some alone time with him.” Her mother compromises, the girls happily agrees and heads back to her family.

Once she finishes paying for everyone’s gift they head back to her parents’ house. They said their goodbyes and thank yous to the younger girl as her dad patiently waits for her in the car. Lisa couldn’t help but feel her heart tear in two as she said goodbye to her grandfather. He’d always been so supportive of her ad whenever she performed her grandfather was always in the crowd. Somehow—some way she knows where he is in the crowd. He’s the last hug she has before she gets in the car with Alice and her father.

The car ride to the airport is quiet with Alice trying to arrange everything she needs too. While Lisa and her father make conversation about his upcoming school year and her upcoming album. When they arrive at the airport, Lisa instructs Alice that she can go ahead because she’s got something to talk about with her dad. Alice has no time to argue of course and decides to walk ahead to check in their luggage.

“You’ve been quiet.” Her father comments, Lisa looks up at the man and chuckles. “ I don’t know what you mean” she jokes trying to calm herself down. He looks down at her, “I know you—I know you want to say something. What’s going on?” he looks concerned, Lisa sighs.

“I’m gay.” She mumbles barely a whisper. The tall man looks down truly unable to make out what the younger girl has shared. “I like a girl” she says clearer but still a whisper. Her smiles down at her, she lets the message settle for the both of them before pulling her into a hug. “Who is she? Am I going to meet her?” he jokes making Lisa laugh. He’s always been a man with very few words but she does know how to immediately make the younger girl smile. A way to ease her mind, “No—not yet. I don’t even know if they like me yet.” Lisa says pulling away from her father.

“Well they’d be dumb not too. Thank you for sharing that with me darling.” he pulls her into another hug. Lisa tightens her grip around his waist.

“Lisayah—“ she hears Alice softly say behind them. “Alright kiddo—I love you. I’ll see you soon.” he smiles down at her. Lisa returns the favour hugging him quickly one last time. She runs after Alice not wanting to turn back. Lisa’s always hated leaving home, there’s this emptiness she can’t quite shake and it usually lasts for days. “Are you okay?” Alice asks as they go through security, Lisa releases a sigh nodding her head. Alice decides not to press it guiding the girl to the lounge for some privacy to talk about her schedule.

“Okay so tomorrow you are scheduled to be at the studio at around 7am—you’re recording 3 songs. Then you’ve got an hour break followed by rehearsals with Lee Jung until 5pm. Then you have to meet the physical trainer at your apartment around 7. She’s going to be there for about an hour every day and the rest of the week looks about the same. You do have a fitting for a photoshoot on Wednesday. But it shouldn’t take too long it’s you and Jisoo for the first 4 hours of the morning. Then a driver is going to pick you up to bring you back to record some more. Teddy did ask why it is so important for you to be first for each recording session, so I told him about you wanting to return to Thailand to have everything done before hand.” Alice explains barely looking up from her phone still captured by her phone. “A busy week then?” she jokes, Alice looks up empathically at the younger girl.

She knows that Lisa is due for a break, it could be a day or just a few hours. But in this line of work you have to really love what you do because a vacation is not so easy to come by. “A busy life kid but I hope you enjoy Japan.” She smiles at Lisa.

1 week later…

11:07am

“Lisa we have to go! Your flight is in 45 minutes and the drive is 25 minutes! This is a private airport we’re talking about let’s go!” Alice shouts waiting for the younger girl who’s scrambling in her room for a few last-minute things. “If I have to go in there—”

“I’m here.” Lisa laughs, saying as cool as she can despite being out of breath. Lisa carries her duffel, she’s not wearing anything attention grabbing. But she’s not exactly trying too hard to blend in either. Hoping that it’ll all work out. “Okay what’s the agreement we’ve come up with?” Alice questions as they make their way to the airport. The younger girl shakes her head, “I’ll update you when I arrive and when I leave. No public spaces—or crowds. You’re the first one I’ll call if anything goes wrong. Not that I think anything will.”  

“Thank you.” She smiles at the younger girl. The rest of the ride is quiet, it took a while for Alice to secure such a private ride but she’s glad to have done it. On the other side of the car Lisa’s trying to calm herself. Despite hearing Mina verbally consent all week that she’s more than happy to see her. She can’t help but be nervous;

[Minari 🐧 ]

I can’t wait to see you tomorrow ☺ ️

She reads over Mina’s texts hoping to calm her anxiety. Maybe it’s the anxiety of putting herself out there once again. But she knows what it’s like to be on the other side of holding her feelings in. Somehow that’s worse than doing what she’s doing now. “I know you’re going to be fine and that the less people surrounding you the better but it doesn’t make me worry less. Are you sure you don’t want at least one security detail?” Alice inquires one last time looking up from her phone.        As if she’s already got one in mind, “Unnie no. Thank you but I think it’s best if we both have this kind of privacy from the start. Because if it works out—then we might not always have an opportunity like this.” Lisa sighs looking down at her phone. Alice follows her gaze but there’s no indication of who this person may be. She had hoped that Lisa was a cliché and made this person her background. But the younger girl knows how to protect her privacy. It’s just a basic wallpaper that comes with your phone.

“Are you ever going to tell me who it is?” Alice wonders, a look of contemplation lands on Lisa’s face. Her eyebrows stiffen, she’s grown very protective of her love. Most importantly she’s grown protective of herself, “Maybe.” she answers simply.

The airport escort opens the doors for the both of them before Alice is able to ask a question. “Hello, welcome. You’re just in time” Lisa searches for Alice confused as to why they didn’t use her name. Lisa smiles at them handing them her duffel.

She reunites with Alice when they walk to the front of the car. They didn’t have to go through security, they were simply guiding her straight to the plane. “We’ll give you 5 minutes while they finish cross check.” someone in a suit says, Alice looks at Lisa lovingly like a mother does.

“Unnie. It’s literally 7 days.” Lisa rolls her eyes while Alice pulls her into a hug. “I know. Be careful please.” she says one last time. “Yes unnie.” Lisa initiates one last hug before running up the ladder into the airplane. Alice waits in the car watching as the younger girl is guided onto the jet.

Lisa turns back to wave at Alice one more time. The older girl smiles, they closed the door. And before Alice notices it her plane takes off. Back in Japan, Mina’s just got out of therapy. She spoke about the expectations that’s she finds herself baring. They worked on differentiating ones that she puts on herself and ones that others put on her. From there they spoke about how most if not all of them are things she cant control. This week has given her some strength to finally reply back to the girls.

[Lisa 🖤 🩷 ]

I can’t wait to see you 💕

Mina smiles at Lisa’s message as she walks back to the house. One of the many home attendants greet her. Mina bows returning the greeting, she tells her that the food is ready. Mina thanks the older woman and heads to the kitchen.

[Jihyo 🦉💛 ]

I miss you. Thank you for being my number one supporter. Thank you for being so understanding. I’m okay, I’ve got a village of people helping me and my family’s around. I’m just working through a lot.

Most of her messages were in the same vicinity of what she sent to Jihyo. Except Nayeon’s, all because of what her therapist asked towards the end of their session;

“What is so different with Nayeon and Lisa?”  she questions, Mina’s body stiffens at the mention of their names. She had gotten to the part of how Nayeon expressed her feelings but she herself doesn’t reciprocate them.

“I don’t think I understand what you mean—” she pauses looking off into the distance as she thinks about the eldest. There is a certain respect and obligation she can’t shake off. Wanting to be there for her and obey everything she says but also wanting to protect her.

“You’ve been given the same opportunity by two different people—now granted one you clearly favour over the other. Is that the only reason why you find yourself denying the idea that Nayeon could possibly feel this way about you?” the woman questions piercing directly into her eyes, which only made her think deeper than she’s willing too today. She only had one thing on her mind and that was Lisa—there’s a sense of betrayal trying to think about someone else.

“We have too much history—” Mina starts vaguely, she’s never told anyone this of course because of their dating ban back then. And she hasn’t said anything now because it was years ago—no need to pour salt on her wounds.

“History that you’ve already been romantically involved--?” she wonders, Mina sighs shaking her head.

“It was 2. years after our debut, 2017. I had gotten close with someone in the company. To be honest, we were even closer before I debut. He was away from home—like me. He made me laugh when I didn’t want too—he made me feel comfortable despite not saying more than 3 words around him. It was puppy love; I wasn’t particularly crushing on him but I wasn’t shutting him down either. It felt more convenient for me than it did love the older I got—but what really put the nail in the coffin was him being madly in love with Nayeoni. The part that really killed me. How painfully unaware he was of his feelings for her. But you know—actions speak louder than words ever will. And I think a part of me just doesn’t believe that she could like me—when everyone clearly pines after her. I’m just protecting myself. And my feelings for Lisa—I have no fear, there’s nothing to fear about liking her.” Mina explains, the therapist decides to hold off on anymore questions. It’s already been an eventful session and leaving off with this can help with the next one.

She hovers over Nayeon’s name for a few minutes. Thinking of her recent session. What does she even say? Nayeon deserves answers too—

[Nayeoni 🐰 🩵 ]

It’s okay unnie. We’ve been through so much together. I owe you an apology too, I shouldn’t have just left you hanging like that. But I didn’t know what to say. I still don’t know what to say. What I do know is that, I was already caught up in so much and I’m still trying to figure so much of myself out . I love you Nayeoni and I miss you guys.

She sends the message and places her phone down. The cook presents her with a typical Japanese meal and she feels her heart swell. Yes, the medication has been healing along with therapy. But the food has truly made her feel like herself again. Being at home has been good for her. “Thank you.” She looks up at the cook before she walks away. Mina noticed during her first week how the staff are around most of the mornings but by 1 they’re all dismissed. Her dinner already prepped for her even with a little dessert on the side. She appreciates how attentive they’ve been towards her. Everything they’ve done is excited in such care. To the point that when Mina had told them that starting this coming there’s going to be a visitor.

They questioned what kind of accommodations they should have for the visitor. Mina appreciated the gesture and ensured that she’ll let them know when the guest was here.

Her parents on the other hand still feel hesitant. She doens’t need to have a visitor from the idol part of her life so soon. She’s only been away for a week. Feeling a little cautious that it’s too soon to be exposed to that lifestyle again. “Miss Myoui—” the chef says, quietly not wanting to interrupt her lunch. Smiling at him, she puts her utensils down, “Yes?” she covers her mouth knowing it’s full of food.

“You’ve got a visitor; they’re waiting outside, and I am headed out for the day do you need anything from me before I go?” she asks. Mina shakes her head trying to answer her question. “No, I’m good thank you. Everyone else left?”

“Yes. I am the last one—but I wanted to let you know about the visitor before I left. I’ll see you tomorrow Mina-ssi.” She bows one last time and Mina reciprocates the bow and follows her outside. And there it is, she can’t quite make out who was inside the care due to the tinted windows. The driver gets out of the car and slowly walks towards her. She doesn’t even know how to feel—this could be JYP but she hopes that it’s Lisa. “Good morning.” He greets her softly, she smiles. Her heart feels like it’s about to beat out of her chest. She waves the last staff goodbye, “Good morning.” She returns the greeting, “Are you Mina-ssi?” he questions maintaining eye contact with the young girl.

She nods her head softly; he turns back to the car nodding his head. Lisa steps out of the car, Mina isn’t able to see her face though. It’s covered by sunglasses and a mask; Mina tries her best to hide the smile creeping itself in. He walks back to the car grabbing her luggage out of the boot. They exchange a few words before Lisa walks over to Mina. “Hi.” Lisa greets shyly, almost breathless excited to finally see her. Mina bites the bottom of her lip waiting for someone to initiate a hug.

“Hi back,” she shyly smiles, it’s as if they’re on the same wavelength because they both close the distance between them. Mina wraps her arms around Lisa waist and Lisa places her arms around Mina’s shoulder. It’s a quick hug both of them not wanting to linger too much. There is a tension in the air that they can’t quite label yet. “I can carry your bag for you” Mina bends down to grab her bag but Lisa shakes her head, “Don’t be silly—I can carry my own bag just show me where to go.” Lisa carries her bag falling behind Mina guiding her into the house.

“Thank you for coming—” Mina softly says taking her shoes off and switching her to her house shoes. Mina grabs a pair of spare slippers for Lisa. There is a small thank you that Lisa mumbles then she follows Mina throughout the house. “Here is the kitchen—a living room—there is a sunroom just over there—that’s where you’ll most likely find me. Then up the stairs are our rooms and the bathroom. My room is on the left and yours is right across. I’ll give you a moment to drop your things off and change or whatever—whenever you’re ready I’ll be in the sunroom” Mina speaks softer than normal, Lisa pulls her back “Thank you for inviting me” Mina doesn’t pull away from the girl but instead she squeezes her hand back. For the whole week she thought that she wasn’t going to be able to know what to say. Or that they might not even know what to talk about but Lisa’s presences alone have put her in some ease.

“Thank you for coming” Mina says, Lisa cheeks start to turn giving her the perfect opportunity to head up to drop her things off.

[AliceUnnie 🖤 ]

Made it to Kansai <3

Lisa opens the door to see a mattress on the floor with a pillow and a comforter. She gets closer to see a note with her name on it, clearly from Mina. She drops her back by the corner of the room then grabs the note.

Lalisa

I’m really, you’re here. Thank you for keeping me company, I can’t wait to see what we’re going to get up too.

<3 Mina

Lisa smiles placing the note under her pillow. She decides against changing and just heads back down. The house is a typical Japanese house, calm, minimal and relaxing. There are a few boxes that are clearly being unpacked and some photos put up. Just as Mina said earlier she’s in the sunroom working on a specific Lego set, with her food to the side. No music playing, just the sun hugging her figure, it’s almost like a painting. “Minari” Lisa softly greets her walking into the sunroom. Mina looks up at her smiling, “Hi—how was your flight here?” she questions pushing the Lego’s to the side wanting to give Lisa all of her attention. Lisa sits across from her hugging her legs, “It was good it was quick---it’s different to be the only passenger on the plane a little less stressful to have no public attention at all.”

“Wow. Maybe I should fly private all the time—” Mina jokes grabbing a spoonful of her food waiting for Lisa to continue. “If our companies would allow us I think it would be better. But I didn’t come here to talk about that part of our life. I want to know how you’re feeling what have you been up to? If you’re okay to talk about it?” Lisa rambles making Mina giggle.

It's very clear that both girls are a little nervous to be in each other’s presence. Last time they were together was a few months ago and Lisa was a little drunk out of her mind. Maybe it was the animosity of texting but it’s different seeing Mina in front of her. Finally, being able to see those markers that trail down her face for you to really admire her beauty. While Mina is finally able to hear that voice that’s been making her smile. “I think it’s going well—some days are easier than others but it’s only been a week. I am told to go on a walk every morning just as a reason to get out of bed—because sometimes I don’t want too—” she trails off feeling as if she’s oversharing. She avoids the other girls gaze, but Lisa is all too familiar with that feeling.

“I mean that’s probably one of the most helpful things to do for yourself. I’m happy to hear that you’re doing well—are the walks nice?” Lisa questions as her eyes roam around the room, there are some photos hung up. A family photo, some sports photos and of course Lisa couldn’t help but smile at some ballet photos.

“I love the walks. I hate leaving my house and waking up so early but I love the walks.” She smiles following Lisa’s gaze feeling the embarrassment overcome her.

“Oh noo—I told them to talk photos down” Mina stands up quickly but Lisa stops her shaking her head. “Oh stop it you’re so cute with your little tutu” Lisa smiles walking over getting ready to tease the girl. Mina stands in front of the taller girl trying to stop her from walking any further. Lisa of course is surprised that Mina’s putting up a fight but in fairness she’s got more muscle from the ballet than the Thai girl has overall.

“You’re lucky I’m not the body building type.” Lisa teases not pushing the girl any further. She does however look down at Mina’s hands which were carefully placed right above her abdomen. Mina’s cheeks begin to betray her when as Lisa gazes at her hands then at her eyes. “Oh sorry.” She giggles trying to avoid Lisa’s gaze walking away from the girl.

“Are you hungry?” Mina questions grabbing her plate, Lisa nods her head softly following the ballerina towards the kitchen. She looks at the food that have been nicely wrapped up on the counters. “Woah—did you make this all by yourself?” Lisa hovers over the food unsure of what she’s truly craving. Mina giggles at Lisa’s bold assumption, “No I did not. There is a whole village of people it would be messed up of me if I take credit.” She jokes.

“A village wow…I don’t even know you.” She jokes softly pushing Mina playfully hoping to finally not let her eyes deceive her into thinking that she can eat it all. She’s got a horrible habit that she’s had since she was little. “Stop it—half of it is my parents and the other half is from JYP.” Shaking her head knowing how excessive all of this staff hanging around her. But that was part of the agreement, all of them of course went through an incessant amount of background checks. “Alright, sure—” she winks.

“Have you got a plate?” she questions looking around hoping her environment gives her some clues. She hasn’t been here for an hour yet she can’t help but feel like a burden already. Mina grabs her hand, “Here, I’ll give you a tour in the case that I am away when you wake up.” Mina smiles at her dragging her around the kitchen trying to show the most mundane things. Things that surely she could find on her own but she can’t seem to be bothered to think about that now. All she can think about is how Mina is holding her hand.

How her hand is softer than most blankets she’s touched in this world. How the way she speaks to her so softly is in no way condescending but instead so inviting. How when she turns to look at Lisa to ensure that she’s memorizing it the location of these things. When in reality in that moment she can’t help but fall into her eyes. How inviting and warm they are. They not quite saying anything but they’re saying what they need too. “Lisa did you hear me?” Mina releases her hands turning back around, Lisa’s got a very shock look in her face.

“I—uh yes.” She tries to play if off but the shorter girl can’t even be bothered to believe her. Mina playfully pushes Lisa over once more, “Weh what was that for?” Lisa pretends to be hurt pulling herself back.

“You’re not even paying attention!” she laughs, Lisa shakes her head spiritedly. “Yes I am!” competitively she couldn’t help but lie but of course as Mina doesn’t believe her for a second. “Yeah? Then tell me where the cups are? Chopsticks? Better yet—tell me where the plates are?” Mina smirks raising an eyebrow at Lisa.

She squints her eyes, her eyes scan the room—knowing deep down that she doesn’t where anything is. But the doesn’t stop her from confidently walking over to some random cabinet, slowly opening it, “Obviously it’s in here.” She scoffs, Mina releases the cutest giggle and Lisa can’t help but blush.

“Not even close, why don’t you sit down and I can make you plate. I am older.” Mina shakes pointing at the chabudai. “By literally a couple days.” Lisa sighs in disbelief walking over to the dining room. Exploring the photos and trinkets surrounding the room. A few American memorabilia from when her parents lived state side. There’s a picture of a young woman standing in front of what she can only assume is a long horn? She tilts her head unsure how an animal could grow such horns, “My mom says they’re like cattle they’re called long horns.” Mina softly comments placing the plates down on the chabudai. Lisa continues to scan the room and Mina returns to the sunroom to grab her lunch.

Mina returns to see Lisa still gazing around the room at her photos. Instead of trying to grab her attention she simply continues to eat her meal. The Thai girl only notice that Mina had returned when she heard a soft slurp behind her. It makes her giggle, “So what do you want to do?” she wonders, Mina shrugs. “I don’t know—I’ve only been around other farms and the forest nearby, but I know there’s a town nearby too?”

Alice’s voice immediately rings in her brain immediately at the sound of possibly going to a very public place. “—and by town I mean a grocery store—one café—and a ramen place—or so my brother reported.” She giggles, a part of her agreement is that she avoids public places. She doesn’t want to seem like a bore but she doesn’t want to be in the public. There’s a part of her that wants to perform for Lisa.

“The whole point of you being away is to avoid the public. Why don’t we just have a picnic or draw or whatever calm people do in the country.” She half jokes trying to ease some of Mina’s and her anxiety.

“I don’t know. I feel like I remember something about us talking about choosing between the country or the city. I distinctly remember you choosing the city.” Mina defends, Lisa remembers the conversation.

“I see—you’re paying attention” she teases, Mina squints eyes not being too fond of being teased, “Well I appreciate it—maybe we can do something we both could enjoy? But until then maybe you can give me a tour around the property?” Lisa questions, Mina happily nods knowing that she wouldn’t mind.

“I just—” she pauses sighing, not wanting to share the truth but also feel tempted to just be honest about her anxieties “—I just don’t want you to regret having come here especially telling me everything Alice had to move aside so you can be untouchable for this whole week.” Mina’s anxiety is quick to defeat her of course. Something comforting on Lisa’s end though hearing from Mina knowing that she’s not the only one feeling this way.

“I wanted to see you.” Lisa starts, Mina averts her gaze she hasn’t even said much already but she’s already got her heart thumping. “We could be sitting on the couch for the week and I would be more than happy to just be doing that” she checks herself not wanting to say too much. One of the main reasons why she came to Japan was to check in on her. After the whole Nayeon thing the last thing she wants to do is spook Mina by confessing her feelings. Besides she also came here to feel out where Mina is.

“Okay—I just want to make sure that you’re okay and you have a good time. That’s all.” Mina sighs, finishing her meal pushing it to the side. “I understand, I felt really bad bringing this life back to you. Especially since the whole reason you’re doing this is to get a break from our life. And I am the literal embodiment—so—”

“You are not Lisa from Blackpink—to me—you never have been. You’ve always just been Lisa Jihyo’s friend. You don’t have to worry about bringing your idol life with you—you’re more than just that.” She simply explains and Lisa is taken aback, this is not the same Mina that she’d been talking too at all.

“Wow. You’re so different already.” Lisa jokes, Mina picks up a piece of rice and tosses it at Lisa. The Thai girl moves her head a little too late resulting in getting hit with the speck. If she would’ve said these words to Mina a few weeks ago she doesn’t think she would’ve gotten the same response. “Shut up—I’ve been working on humanizing myself for a week so I guess one can say it’s working.” she shrugs, Mina’s yet to return her whole gaze to Lisa. She offered a few glimpses but something about staring at Lisa. It makes her palms sweaty; her heart wants to jump out of her chest just to hug her. But is it too soon—is what she’s feeling for her real. Not just something convenient?

“That’s so crazy because I said something like that to you weeks ago?” Lisa continues to tease, Mina rolls her eyes throwing another piece of rice at her. “Stop it. You know better than anyone that is harder to put things to practice. Now tell me about your week—most of your texts were so sparse I couldn’t keep up.” Mina jokes. Lisa drags on about how most of her days truly blended for her. It’s as if tour never ended. Her week was made up of 16-hour days all the way up until Saturday. Most of the time she never got to be on her phone. There were always notes on her recordings, something changed in the choreography because everything is a working progress, or costumes just not quite fitting their new concept right. Some days were easier than others, sometimes she found herself having multiple coffees or red bulls. It got to the point where she’d take baby naps anywhere she can. On her way to some fittings—nap in the van—they’re not ready for her in the studio—nap in the van—Lee Jung is figuring out what’s next—nap on the floor of the studio. It’s like being a trainee all over again.

While she’s explaining her week Mina couldn’t help but say “Yeah—but having the girls made it easier right?” Lisa smiles at the mention of the other girls. Of course, when they were around it did make things easier. But since she had modified so much of her schedule to be able to spend this week in Japan. She rarely saw the girls, she can only recount seeing them twice during the week. There was a group recording then a group dance practice. But beyond that, she was never really around the girls. They exchanged texts during the week of course, saying how they miss each other. Despite having spent so many years together. Rosé always initiating the intimate exchange.

But before she left Jisoo had convinced her to go out to dinner. In truth the older girl only partially believed Lisa about her plans. She didn’t want to pry of course, but still excited to hear about her trip. “Sadly, I didn’t seem them that much—but we just had a world tour together so a little space isn’t a bad thing. Doesn’t twice ever get tired of being twice?” Lisa questions, Mina pauses for a moment looking back at times when they weren’t all together.

Mina shakes her head of course, “I don’t know—I don’think so—because when we’ve done solo projects together, we always seem to see each other. The only time we truly feel so isolated is when one of us—“ she pauses pointing at herself. Knowing the discomfort and pain she’s caused. Purposefully isolating herself, not speaking to anyone.

“—is pushing everyone away. But like I said—it felt like being there wasn’t doing anyone any good.” she sighs heavily unpacking a little bit of what she’d been saying for a week.

“Ah—yes. I think that’s standard protocol with being human. Not wanting to burden others but being caught between a rock and a hard place. Because clearly you’re not yourself but leaving means letting everyone down.” Lisa simply puts comforting the Japanese girl.

“Exactly, but—at some point we decide and live with it. So now back to—what should we do?” Mina smiles at Lisa whose finishing her meal.

Truthfully, “I’d love a nap—is that horrible?” Lisa makes herself as small as possible. She wants to spend time with Mina but she doesn’t think she can go on like this. She’s been running on 4 hours of sleep everyday. “No—it’s not horrible. I’ve got physical therapy for a couple hours anyway.” Mina smiles grabbing their plates and heading over to the kitchen. Lisa tries to fight for the chore but Mina’s doesn’t let go. Instead, she follows the quiet girl into the kitchen.

Silence falls between them, letting the water make conversation with the dishes. Lisa decides to simply let her wash the dishes and she can dry them. Lisa can’t help but feel better about being here. There is no longer any anxiety lingering around her being near Mina. The comfort of finally being around her is all she wants and here she is.

As for Mina, she’s still a little nervous around Lisa. Her feelings for her are still so confusing, because all those months texting her, we’re amazing. But at some point, she felt a shift in the way they spoke to each other. She started to care about what she was saying. Mina never cared before how she came off. But at some point, she didn’t want to sound to flirty, but she also did? She smiled a little too much when Lisa’s name popped up on her phone.

Mina never minded staying up all-night just to talk to her. Hearing her voice alone seemed to have calmed her down, doesn’t matter if she’s talking about missing her kittens. Or talking about certain dance moves that don’t particularly make her feel sexy. She could listen to her talk about nothing in particular and somehow she’ll still smile. “Penny for your thoughts?” Lisa playfully bumps into her;  she’d watch Mina let the water run aimlessly going in circles on one plate.

Mina giggles a little embarrassed, “Sorry I was just thinking—don’t mind me. I do that a lot.” She dismisses herself; Lisa decides not to pry of course. “Make sense, no wonder it always took you so long to answer. You’re just constantly staring at the wall-huh” she jokes, Mina splashes Lisa in the face. “Hey!” Lisa shouts flinching at the water, she softly whips Mina with the towel right on her waist.

The Japanese girl is in pure disbelief at the soft attack, “You did not!” Mina squeals as loud as her voice can. She tries to grab the towel from Lisa but fails to grab it, instead the taller girl brings it above her head. She may not be as competitive as Jihyo but she still can’t stand to lose. She doesn’t bother to wipe her hands mindlessly placing one of them around Lisa’s wrist as the other reaches for the towel. The taller girl of course doesn’t budge and just gets on her tip toes making her even taller. Mina begins to jump bringing them closer and closer together but neither of them have yet to notice.

“Unfair.” Mina whines, she jumps one more time but it results in her pushing Lisa backwards. Mina lands right on top of Lisa, but they’re too busy to even notice their close proximity. Laughing at the childish game they just played, they both release their final laughter finally coming back to reality. “oh.” Mina softly says realizing how close their faces are. Feeling each other’s breath hitching, exchanging the triangle method with one another. Switching an unfamiliar look with one another. A force pulling them closer to each other, neither of them unsure of what’s about to happen. “Mitang?” a voice rings from the front door. Mina quickly brushes herself off and stands up, Lisa follows suit as they place themselves in front of the sink. As if they’d been washing dishes the whole time, “Mita—oh—hello.” Her mother greets bowing her head, Lisa turns returning the bow going further down. “Hello.”

“Hello, I’m Mina’s mom—” she smiles introducing herself, Lisa recognizes very distinct facial features that she clearly passed down to Mina. “Hello—I’m Lisa. It’s an honor to meet you” she regretfully says, bowing again. She could punch herself in the face for what she just said. She hasn’t spoken Japanese in a while and it’s clear that she’s a little anxious but what the hell was that. Mina’s mother smiles at her nervousness as Mina chuckles, “Hi, okasan—” Mina wipes her hands walking over to give her a hug.

“What are you guys up to?” she questions placing herself on the other side of the island. “We just finished having lunch, Lisashi—is going to rest for a little and I’m about to head to physical therapy.” She smiles, handing the last of the dish to Lisa who quietly wipes off the excess water. “Alright I just wanted to check in and invite you guys to dinner tonight Is it alright if I walk you over to physical therapy?” Her mom invites, Mina looks over at Lisa whose clearly indifferent about the whole thing. Knowing that she is their guest and is more than willing to just go anywhere she is invited. “Sure—what time were you thinking?” she wonders, “7pm okay—?” Her mother returns a smile, Lisa folds the towel neatly turning around to join the conversation.

“Of course.”

“Alright—I’ll wait for you outside honey—it was nice to meet you Lisa. I’m looking forward to dinner tonight.” Her mother says invitingly hoping that it eases Lisa’s nerves. But it does quite the opposite, she thinks she has to be on her best behavior. “It was nice to meet you too—thank you for extending the invitation for dinner.” Lisa responds, her mother excuses herself out of the house.

“Don’t worry about dinner—it’s going to be okay. I’ll come by around 5?” Mina waits to say when her mother is out of the house.

“Sure,” Lisa smiles.

***

“So, your father is a chef—that’s wonderful—you must make the most delicious food.” Mina’s brother says excitedly and her parents nod along agreeing. It makes Lisa giggle, because last time she attempted to cook she figured out a way to burn water. “Unfortunately, I did not earn that specific skill set.” She respectfully answers. The night is going along swimmingly no one has mentioned being an idol or the public. They’re simply getting to know one another. Lisa learned that Mina’s father is a surgeon, which explains her calm demeanor and the length of her patience. Her mother is apparently a professor at a college while her brother is going to medical school. Her family of course spoke at great length about Mina’s childhood and embarrassing anecdotes that helped Lisa ease up.

Her family seems to be fond of the taller girl, especially in the way she speaks about her family. But what’s really winning her parents over is the fact that Lisa never mentioned anything about being on tour or the public life. Acting as if she’s not part of one of the biggest girl groups in the world. “—I think I attend one ballet class but I think they kicked me out because I had too much energy—so my mother thought it’d be best if I just attended other types of dance classes.” Lisa chuckles before finishing off the last bite of her meal.

“But look at you now. Do you have any siblings?” her mother inquires, Lisa shakes her head. “Sometimes I wish I was an only child.” Mina’s brother mutters, she doesn’t bother to say anything instead she softly pushes him to the side.

“Have they always been like that?” Lisa wonders watching them both exchange playful banter. Mina’s father nods her head, “But don’t get fooled she always wins.” He jokes. Their fight dies down, “Alright I think it’s time you both head back—it’s getting pretty late and Mina you’ve got an early morning.” Her mother observes and the two girls exchange looks nodding their head.

Her parents try to clean up by themselves but Lisa protests of course, they’re being so hospitable letting her stay. Lisa grabs the plates and Mina happily helps, this time Lisa decides wash and Mina dries.

Her family continues to make conversation with each other while the girls are silent. Neither of them mind the silence, in truth they’re trying to avoid talking about their growing tension. Lisa hands Mina the last dish and their hands brush up against each other. They finally offer each other their gaze they pause for a moment. Lisa’s once again mesmerized by those beauty marks that’s giving her a trail to follow. As for Mina, captivated by Lisa lips having been so close to them earlier she hasn’t been able to focus on anything else.

“All done?” her father walks in interrupting their interaction. Mina clears her throat drying the last plate, Lisa on the other hand excessively nodding her head. He chuckles, Mina turns around “Okay—we’re going to go. Goodnight.” They excuse themselves, saying goodnight to her parents and brother.

“Text us when you’re in please.” Her mother instructs while they put their shoes on. Mina nods her head, “Thank you for the wonderful dinner and for letting me visit Mina.” Lisa thanks them one more time bowing in great gratitude.

Mina’s parents smile back at Lisa, “Thank you.” They say in unison, the two girls bow one more time then exit out of the house. “You’re parents and brother are really nice.” Lisa softly comments looking around the property. Noticing that if you offer her too much eye contact Mina tends to shy away from eye contact.

“They’re one of the good ones. Thank you for enduring dinner with them.” Mina pokes but Lisa is having a hard time understanding how a good dinner could be enduring anything. “Enduring? I wouldn’t say that. I had a wonderful time. I’m sorry my Japanese was so rusty—“

“Somehow—don’t tell her I ever said this your Japanese was better than Momo’s in some parts” Mina bait. Lisa cackles not believing that her Japanese could possibly be better than a native speaker. “Please—I would’ve taken Oh that’s alright we still understood what you were saying.” Lisa shakes her head putting her hands in her sweatshirt pocket.

“Alright—alright—I’m sorry. I don’t know if I’ve told you yet but—“

“Mina. Stop thanking me, you’ve helped me a lot these last couple of months. The kind of help that a thank you could never repay. There are things I’ve shared with you that I’ve never shared with anyone else before so, thank you—“

“How about this—we stop thanking each other after tonight? Deal?” Mina chuckles putting her hand through the little space between Lisa’s arms and body. Lisa looks down at Mina softly nodding her head. “You’ve helped me figure a few things out too.” Mina whispers to herself but Lisa catches the last part.

They arrive at the house and quietly enter. A part of Lisa is itching to talk to Mina. She wants to know what’s going on isnt just something she’s experiencing. But she can’t read her, everything about Mina is so mysterious. All she wants to know is what she’s thinking—how she’s feeling. “Do you need help? Is your knee acting up.” Mina quizzes looking at a disassociated Lisa. She looks up at Mina then back down at herself. Lisa giggles shaking her head, “Now I’m the one doing your thing”

“Well this is going to be a quiet week if we’re both going to do that.” Mina cracks, Lisa dryly laughs trying to act as if her thoughts aren’t getting the best of her.

Mina turns her head to the side unsure how to react. Did I do something wrong? Lisa sighs, “Sorry I don’t think my nap was long enough.” she excuses but Mina doesn’t believe her.

“Alright,” Mina softly answers, she waits for Lisa who finally got her shoes off. “Goodnight Mina.” Lisa says with a hint of disappointment towards the end. Mina doesn’t want to pry, “Goodnight Lisa.” is all she can say. She watches the taller girl head up the stairs. Mina waits till she disappears into her room to walk to the kitchen. A part of her had hoped that she turned around and spoke to her.

No use in hoping in what’s clearly over. Mina grabs herself a glass of water hoping it helps her not to overthink. Maybe all those texts were just texts. She opens her phone looking over her texts. Of course, it’s not easy to ignore the groups messages but she decides to push through them. Finding Lisa’s name quickly;

Thurs, May 9 at 07:38

[Lisa 🩷🖤 ]

Good morning 😋 Sorry for the late reply but I think that anyone who wouldn’t sit with someone for hours and just be in each others presences is weird? How could you possibly know what they’re like?

Tues, May 14 at 03:12

[Lisa 🖤🩷 ]

I don’t know. But I think that anyone would be lucky to wake to see your face. I don’t know how you possibly don’t get distracted looking at yourself!

[Lisa 🖤🩷 ]

You’re not even here and yet here you are distracting me! UGH I GOTTA GO! How am I supposed to work under these conditions.

Mon, June 17 at 17:02

[Lisa 🖤🩷 ]

I saw a penguin at the zoo today and thought of you. I see why your fans and bandmates say you’re like them. Hehe you even move like them 🥹

“Mina?” she slams her phone down immediately looking at Lisa. Trying hard not to choke on her water, “I’m sorry I didn’t mean to sneak up on you.” Lisa walks up closer trying to make sure she was okay. Taking the cup from her so she could make sure Mina is able to swallow the water correctly. “Yea—do you need help with something?” she tries to say as casually as possible. As if she hadn’t been reminiscing on their clearly flirty messages.

“No—everything is perfect. I just—“ Lisa pauses, there is a silence hanging dead in the air. Unsure if it’s going to be filled or left there. Mina arching her brows for a sign as to what it is Lisa’s going to say. But Lisa says nothing at all, instead she gently cups Mina’s face tilting it up so their lips could meet. The kiss isn’t rushed nor is it long. It’s just right, enough for both parties to feel at ease with their feelings.

Lisa pulls away, biting her lip—“I just needed to say goodnight.” she waltzes back up the stairs feeling confident yet extremely uneasy about her actions. Mina’s left in the kitchen grazing her finger over her lips. Ignoring the heat obviously making its way to her cheeks. Trying to understand what just happened. “Goodnight.” her brain process finally, but the greeting lands on no one.

Chapter Text

Mina spent the whole night tossing and turning. While Lisa let the jet lag and the work get the best of her. She barely got any sleep and when she did it only felt like mere minutes. On her walk this morning she couldn’t be happier than to be outside. To be away from Lisa and think, a nurse commented how her heart rate seemed to be a little elevated this morning.

Did the kiss mean what she thinks it means? Is the ready for something like that? She didn’t hate having kissed Lisa, in truth that’s all she could think about. When she got to therapy, they were able to unpack more of what she went through with Nayeon. Even mentioning everything that happened with Lisa. The therapist told her to ensure that she’s not getting her feelings for the two girls mixed up. As if there’s even anything to feel for Nayeon other than friendship. When she returned from therapy to get lunch and catch up with Lisa she was told Lisa had gone for a walk herself.

Lisa had woken up shocked to see people working around the house. She then remembered what Mina said yesterday—a whole village. She wasn’t particularly hungry when she woke up, so she skipped a meal. If anything, she woke wanting to beat herself up—bang her head against the wall. Why did she do that? It’s like she’s learned nothing from having kissed Jennie all those months ago. She really needs to change up her tactic or just develop feelings for someone who’s not in the same industry as her. “Fucking idiot.” she mutters to herself as she kicks the rocks that happen to cross her path.

She should just be here for Mina and not her selfish agenda to dissect all of the conversations. Some people can have flirty friendships, that’s totally normal. And it could possibly mean nothing at all. “Stupid. Stupid.” she continues to mutter to herself. Maybe she can just sneak away before Mina comes back from therapy.

One of the workers around the farm run up to her, they exchange bows. “Miss Myoui is back and was wondering if you wanted to join her for lunch?” she wonders. Lisa smiles, “Happily I’ll be there in a minute.” Lisa answers the girls runs back to the house.

She quickens her pace mentally swearing in her head. When she gets in it seems that everyone who was there this morning slowly dispersed. The chef is the last one out, she walks into the house to see Mina in the sun room. She’s yet to clock Lisa’s presences. Lisa takes full advantage of this walking into the kitchen to grab herself a plate. To her surprise one is already made, she thanks the chef as she heads out. Finally, she walks over to the sunroom, “Morning.”

This time she softly says it, Mina looks up bringing her attention back into the room. She’d been in deep thought staring into the distance. “Good morning,” she smiles at Lisa.

Lisa’s shoulders relax to see she’s not being given the cold shoulder. “How was your walk?” Mina wonders, Lisa giggles “I was just about to ask you the same thing—“

Silence once again falls between them, “—but mine was good. Walks always help me clear my head.”

“Mine too—along with a couple of hours of therapy.” Mina cracks making Lisa smile. “Everything okay though?” she fishes, but Mina is quick to see the bait.

“A few things to discuss but everything is alright.” it’s clear that therapy isn’t actually the topic of conversation. “Ah—I see.” Is all Lisa can say. They let the birds outside and their chopsticks fill their conversation. Not knowing what to say first or how to even address the kiss.

Both of them steal glances when the other isn’t looking trying to read between the lines. Hoping that crack or a flying thought comes through. Giving them a hint of what the other is thinking about. But nothing they spend 10 minutes eating in silence hoping to develop a gift for mind reading.  

“I’m sorry about last night.” Lisa finally speaks. Mina looks up from her plate confused and a little hurt. “What is there to apologise for?” she wonders calmly and quietly.

“I shouldn’t have kissed you—“

“Why not?” Mina’s quick to interrupt as if her mouth had a mind of its own. Lisa’s shock, she wasn’t expecting this, “Did you mean it?” Mina questions again. Lisa’s at a loss for words of course she meant it. How could she not, she’s been thinking about those lips for months. She’s been thinking about spending time with her for months. She curated her schedule just so they can have uninterrupted time together. “Of course. I meant it—it just didn’t seem like the right time. I don’t want you to think that I came all the way over here to burden you with feelings I have developed for you. I came here to support you—to give you some comfort and to be somewhat of a positive presence—” Lisa pauses but since the topic’s been already opened there’s no point in stopping now. “Of course I’m not going to sit here and lie and say that I don’t ever want to talk about it. But I was hoping to have waited until we settled into the week but seeing you just made me throw everything out the window. Now, I feel like I am rambling so I’m going to stop.” Lisa sighs having said all of that practically in one breath.

“I understand what you mean. But the bigger and the mature part of me just wants to make sure that we’re both doing this for the right reasons. That, I’m not just using you to figure myself out and that you’re not just using me to get over the person who broke you.” Mina regretfully explains but she doesn’t want to even give them a chance to ruin what they do have if it’s for the wrong reasons.

Lisa nods in agreement, “I understand, and one hundred percent agree. But I meant what I said last month during my horrible panic attack—I am not the same person that I was seven months ago.” Lisa sighs, trying to collect her thoughts as best as she can. A part of her wishes the world can end now or that she can go back in time to take that kiss back. She should have thought about what she wanted to say and to make sure she had a good way to explain that her feelings for Mina are in no way convenient.

She didn’t develop them because Jennie didn’t want her or that they’re there because she wants to get over Jennie. The reality is that this is the last thing she had expected to happen. “And I think that deep down you know that. You were there—I understand feeling the convenience of it all but I can promise that this is not that. My feelings for them are gone—long gone. When we first started talking I honestly didn’t want to get involved with anyone. I just wanted a friend. Hell, I never saw any of it coming. But you are the best to me and you’re so easy to talk too. I never would have guessed it would lead to this. My mind started to concentrate on you, and nothing else. Whenever I see, talk to, or even when I’m near you. I get butterflies and your smile seems to make all my problems disappear. Everything you say or do makes me smile. I just have this happy feeling inside and it’s just such a good feeling.” Lisa pauses taking a breath she was really trying to make sure that it wasn’t going to come out this way but it is and it’s a little too late to take it back. She takes another beat before going at it again, “For a while I thought that you know maybe I was just continuously lying to myself about my feelings. But I wake up and the first person I want to hear from is you. I go through about my day, I work, I sing and I dance, I do everything expected of me but everywhere I seem to go you’re there. I feel happy with myself and where I am and if there is a chance that I see them and I hear from them there’s no love there. They hurt me and they put me through so much. I don’t feel anything for them and I mean that Mina. But you on the other hand—”

“Wait.” Mina says cutting Lisa off, she puts her hands up trying to just fully comprehend what is being confessed to her. Honestly, it’s what she was hoping to hear, and this is amazing, but she never actually prepped to hear this. She was always prepping for the worst; she would she exit the room after hearing that Lisa doesn’t like her back. She was ready for everything but this.

“I’m sorry—you should talk I feel like I’ve been bulldozing over you—and I am doing it again.” Lisa stops herself from rambling this time patiently waiting for Mina’s response. She’s not going to make the same mistake twice so all she can think to say is, “I can’t stop thinking about that kiss. I liked the kiss”. Lisa looks up at her and her cheeks are burning bright red and she’s struggling to maintain eye contact. “You liked or like the kiss?” Lisa clarifies, Mina bites her bottom lip thinking about that kiss again. She’d been so busy thinking about what to say to Lisa that she’s reminded again about that kiss. Fuck that was a good kiss.  She thought to herself.

“I…” she pauses for one second looking everywhere else but Lisa, she takes another deep breath. “I like the kiss” she elucidates looking deeply into her eyes. Lisa smiles despite the doubt seeding it’s way in her mind. She refuses to let it get the best of her and instead, she lets her heart be happy for a moment. Lisa doesn’t want to keep bulldozing over Mina and allows her a minute to say more, “I have feelings for you too. You’re the first person I think about when I wake up. The way you laugh literally makes me blush. Somehow despite wanting to fall off of the place of the earth I wanted you by my side. That must mean something.” Mina sighs not because she’s disappointed but it’s almost defeated. But not in the way that she’s hurting, defeated in the way that her feelings are getting the best of her.

“So—“Lisa inquiries unsure of where to go from here. “So—we get to know each other—” Mina smiles timidly, Lisa concurs of course nodding her head as if she’d been offered the best deal in the world. “And—I want to check in with you with everything that we do—we do this in our pace.”

“But we also can’t ignore that you leave in a week—and I don’t know how much longer I’ll be here--“Mina’s anxieties speak for her, “No of course we can’t so then by the end of this week we can talk. We can decide to either give this a try or leave it for what it was—a good week full of romance and trial.” Lisa complements pretending as if that very thought doesn’t break her heart. But it’s all part of being an idol and being famous there are some sacrifices one has to make to maintain all that she has.

Mina is no stranger to this, she’s very aware of this she’s seen it firsthand how amazing it all feels in the first couple of months. Right before someone from the public makes it everyone’s business by publishing it on some media. Poor Jihyo she thought to herself. Yet, she’d rather experience this than nothing at all. “Romance and trial—huh?” she cracks, Lisa throws a piece of seaweed at Mina.

“Alright what do you want to call it?’ she defensively questions crossing her arms, Mina finds it adorable seeing the taller woman pout like this. “No, I think that is the perfect way of describing it.”

Alrighty then. Lisa beams at Mina before rolling her eyes.

***

Back in Korea

The rest of the girls had their schedules spaced out. Jisoo’s balancing not only recordings and fittings for their comeback. But she’s also starting the process of rehearsals and chemistry reads for her new show. Jennie had fittings for a future Chanel campaign throughout the week while seeing her mother, Hyunji and Irene. She tried reaching out to Nayeon hoping to catch up but her calls keep getting declined. Until tonight, Nayeon sent a quick text. Jennie had been with her mother all day looking at apartments but knew her mother would understand wanting to see her friend. As for Rosé’s been catching up with Hyeri and Chaeyoung.

Rosé had been a little restless at the early part of the evening. Spontaneously she reached out to Chaeyoung, it was a long shot that she’s even in Korea. But the fates seemed to have been on her side tonight because Chaeyoung is quick to reply that she’s on her way. Without wanting to stress the leader out more she decide to let Jeongyeon break the news to Jihyo where she’d gone.

Rosé got some take-out and pulled out some old bottles of liquor that have done nothing but collect dust in their dorm. She had the whole dorm to herself; Jennie had gone to see her mother and Jisoo was home to visit her family. It felt like she was prepping for a date with all of the cleaning up and staging she did. Finally when Chaeyoung arrived she couldn’t help but throw herself at the smaller girl.

“Hey!” they share a greeting in the same frequency excited to see each other. Neither of them are ready to unpack what’s been going on with their band but they’re happy to see each other. Finding comfort in having completely similar yet different lives. Rosé leads the shorter girl towards the couch where she had all the food and liquor carefully displayed. “Jeez are we feeding a village and getting them drunk too!” Chaeyoung jests putting her things down respectfully.

“No—I just it’s been a while since we got to hang out. I feel like I haven’t seen any of my friends for a whole year—I’ve just been go-go-go because of this tour.” She explains sitting across from the blonde who is feeling all of those effects as she continues on this tour. Chaeyoung loves the girls she does, but recently it feels like they’re all on different islands.

“Yeah—I miss you too. I feel like last time I saw you was at one of those award shows. I’m glad we could take a night—a break really.” Chaeyoung comments falling a little towards the end. The blonde is quick to catch it but decides to put off bringing attention to it. Hoping that she creates a safe enough environment that Chaeyoung feels safe to share about everything.

“I hear you—so I was thinking I know over the phone we’d been talking about writing a song together so—”

“Ooo—you’ve got something cooking I can see it—" Chaeyoung teases looking over the notebook Rosé excitingly places next to her. She scans the page and sees a multitude of snippets. Most of them aren’t full songs but these lines are amazing.

Chaeyoung mutters to herself as she’s reading each sporadic sentence. “I like this line--we can't end it before it's over. It's as if we've been waiting for this agony—” she chuckles as the sentence read themselves over and over again in her head. The blonde looks over at her knowing how deep in thought Chaeyoung seems to be. “Yeah? Who have you been waiting for?” the Rosé quizzes before stuffing her mouth with a bit of fried chicken.

Chaeyoung stays quiet for a moment continuously reading the journal. Rosé patiently waits until Chaeyoung collects her thoughts for a response. A part of her feels a little vulnerable of course, letting someone read over her journal. She doesn’t even let her bandmates look over this little notebook. “Love—I guess—I’m waiting for love. But at the same time, I don’t think I’m ready for it because I don’t know if I am okay with agony? Does that make sense I want love but I don’t.”

“You crave the feeling but you’re not sure if you can actually take the whole thing?” Rosé clarifies as the cogs in her brain are turning she didn’t know what the thought stemmed from when she wrote that lyric.

“Weird right? But you put it together much better than I ever could—”

“No-no-no I think that’s a great you’re onto something.” Rosé begins to hum quickly grabbing her notebook, placing it on the stand right on top of the piano. Chaeyoung shrugs focusing her attention on pouring herself and Rosé a shot. The blonde keeps playing around with the sounds, seeing if any of the melodies catch on. Chaeyoung doesn’t bother to intrude knowing how precious someone’s writing routine is. She decides to look around the dorm to see what has changed in the last couple of years. There a lot of fan art on their wall and some stuffed animals scattered everywhere. Most of the changes were just improvements of what they used to have.

“That could be something—If I leave anyway, I’ll have you in my pained state—we can’t end it before it’s over. It’s as if we’ve been waiting for this agony” She speaks/rap/sings all at once still unsure what the line is for.

“Is it a rap or—” Chaeyoung cracks after her 2 shot of soju. Rosé grabs the shot poured for her before pouring herself another one. “Yes—exactly,” she shrugs her head unsure of where to go from there. Those are great lines and somewhat of a good melody.

“Okay what is the song about?” Chae wonders as she makes herself a plate of food to devour. “Exactly what you said.” Rosie smiles at the shorter girl who’s still clearly very confused about the whole thing. She turns her head to the side unsure if the taller woman will clarify what she’s getting at.

“Love—only it’s not about someone. It’s about wanting to be in love and wanting to feel love but not being ready to love—or not wanting to experience the negative effects of love. But—”

“All of that is a part of being loved and in love.” Chae answers, Rosie couldn’t help but hit the shorter girl in agreement. “Ow. But I think we might be onto something—” Chaeyoung smiles grabbing the notebook from Rosie giving her some time to eat. She begins to play with the melody over and over again, hoping that music will come to her.

“Would you consider—Maybe it's all just for a moment—” Chaeyoung speaks up after minutes of silence. There were a multitude of sentences and words that she found to fitting, “—What are we looking for so aimlessly—But I don't care, I'll do it over and over—I just need you in my life” Chaeyoung softly sings and Rosie couldn’t help but smile with her mouth playfully hitting Chaeyoung.

“Ow. Ow. Ow” Chaeyoung repeats reacting to the blonde hitting her continuously. “And then the chorus goes, we are the lonely girls—?”

“Lovesick?” Chaeyoung suggests, Rosie quickly swallows her food, “We are the lovesick girls—You can’t just end this love on your own—We are the lovesick girls—I’m nothing without this pain.” Chaeyoung makes up simply following along with the messages and their tune.

“What the fuck did we just write? Also, who hurt you?” Rosie jokes but Chaeyoung stiffens at the words who hurt you. The blonde picks up on it, “How much time have you got?” Chaeyoung matches the girls energy signaling she’s somewhat open to speak about it.

As the two girls get ready for an eventful night of discussing love, on the other side of Seoul is Nayeon and Jennie.

Nayeon didn’t say anything else in her text other than;

[Nadong 🍭🐰 ]

I’m sorry I haven’t answered. But this is my last night in Seoul, we leave for America tomorrow do you want to meet me at this address?

*Shares Location*

So, here’s Jennie at 10pm getting ready to leave her mother’s apartment to meet Nayeon. She didn’t exactly have time to research where or what this place is. Which meant she decided to simply play it safe with all black everything and some sunglasses and a mask. Who knows what she’s walking into.

She’s surprise to see that it was a karaoke place tucked away behind a market, it’s been a while since she’s been in one.

[Nadong 🍭🐰 ]

I’m here?

Unsure how else to address Nayeon, she simply waits in her car for a response. The less time she spends at the front desk the less time she has to be recognized.

[Nadong 🍭🐰 ]

Okay let them know your friend is in room 27 and the name is Sun.

Jennie giggles, grabbing her purse and moving her hat lower. She checks herself out one more time before heading inside, the exchange is quick, thankfully and she’s quick to follow the instructions to room 27. Jennie softly knocks, Nayeon smiles at the sight of one of her oldest friends.

They wait until the door closes for Nayeon to squeeze and squeal at the sight of Jennie. It makes Jennie giggle as she returns the power of Nayeon’s hug. There’s a difference in this hug and both of them can tell. They’ve been through too much to try and ignore it. There have been hugs of genuine excitement for the other accomplishments. And hugs that have been to comfort one another after a tough week during their days as trainees.

But this one—this one was different. They’re finally realizing how long it’s been since they’ve together. A certain sadness, they don’t bother to let each other go and instead let their tears fall from their eyes. A few soft sobs escape Nayeon’s mouth, Jennie pulls back wanting to check in, “I’m sorry—I just really missed you and I feel like I’ve been going crazy.” Nayeon chuckles trying to get a hold of herself. Jennie wipes the tears from her eyes then from Nayeons.

“I missed you Nadongs, what’s going on?” Jennie questions setting her things down and taking a seat right across from Nayeon. “I need a drink—don’t you?” Jennie can’t even disagree; she looks over at the menu as Nayeon waits for her top choices.

The two girls exchange a few ideas but decide with 3 bottles of soju and two bottles of beer for starters, Korean fried chicken, mandu and some wanja jorim (Glazed Korean meatballs). Jennie plants her face in front of her phone hoping to avoid any trouble.

Nayeon receives their order immediately closing the door and making use of all the curtains. They take off their hats and mask finally seeing each other. Jennie pulls her into another hug knowing how much the first one meant. “It truly has been a while—” Jennie sighs as soon as they let each other go. Despite training in different companies, they always could come together for some camaraderie.

“It has, geonbae!” Nayeon nods at the Jennie pouring both of them a shot. But the liquid is quick to disappear from her cup, Jennie’s yet to complete hers and Nayeon is already downing her second shot. Jennie’s eyes practically ready to pop out of her eyes watching Nayeon down yet another shot. “I’m in love with Mina, I told her and now we don’t talk. My band doesn’t feel like a band and everyone just seems to be mad at each other. And on top of that, Mina left for a hiatus.” Nayeon says all in one breath making Jennie choke on her own breath.  She grabs the bottle of soju to pour her own two shots, “Fuck.” Jennie mutters taking a big gulp of the soju then a breath “I told Lisa I love her despite her clearly moving on in the last 7 months and we got into a fight and now she doesn’t like being in a room with me.”

Nayeon pretends to act as if some of this information is new pouring herself and Jennie another shot. “Well alright. That’s one way to put everything out there. We miss each other for a couple of months and this is what happens?” Jennie jokes, the older girl moves her head back and forth in questions but nodding in defeat.

“Apparently. So where do we start?” Nayeon questions, unsure of who even wants to open this horrible bag of worms. Can they even consider it worms at this point, because it feels like a bag of poisonous snakes and every time she opens it, fireworks come out. “We start here,” Jennie ques one of the most popular heart wrenching love songs while having poured more shots for her and Nayeon. It’s evident that both of them have a lot to say but nothing will come out until they’re both tragically drunk enough.

They’re clearly going through the same thing, despite it being one of the biggest cliché songs to sing they poured their heart and soul into it. But it ends in good laughs, the girls sit down as the machine ques up its own songs automatically, “So—you’re in love with Mina…” Jennie fishes, Nayeon playfully hits the girls shoulder trying to hide the blush disguising itself as Asian glow. Yet, deep down Nayeon knows there’s no point in denying it, “And you’re in love with Lisa.”

“I’d like to just clarify she liked me first.” Jennie chuckles hurting thinking about how, if she hadn’t been so oblivious maybe they’d be together now. “ Liked? How’d we get here?”

“I don’t know—I don’t know sometimes I wish I hadn’t said anything because I feel like I pushed her away. And I know deep down it’s not true but it feels like my bandmates blame me for her leaving.” Nayeon shakes her head scanning the appetizers they ordered. Jennie knows the pain, especially when she came in today and Lisa was nowhere to be found. Although she had planned on simply staying away from Lisa all week. She had excused all the times they’d bump into each other in the studio. Or when they were the first ones at the studio for choreography. Even though they didn’t say anything to each other her heart’s content at the sight of her.

“Last I heard she had a knee injury right? I’m sure it wasn’t ideal for her to start a tour with such a horrible condition. You are not to blame.” Jennie pulls her in for a side hug knowing that if the hug was much more formal tears would be flowing.

“Yeah—what about you? How’s the thing with Lisa?” Nayeon sighs before promptly seeking comfort in food. Jennie doesn’t bother with the food instead she grabs herself another shot. “It’s in ashes and there is in no way to even rise from it.” Jennie stops, how else is she supposed to the describe it. This has been her life in the last 7 months.

“I don’t even know where to go from here. This has been my life for the last 7 months and of course the young idiotic teenagers we are—we slept together for a couple of months. I don’t even know why I agreed and I sure as hell don’t know why she did either. A part of me wants to believe that it was a way for her to figure what it was she was feeling for me but that’s kind of fucked. Anyways—what about you—what’s your plan when she comes back?” she answers for once feeling confidently in her descriptions. It felt good to describe how she’s feeling without consequences.

When it came to talking about this with the band it felt like she was being judged. Even though that was the main thing they advertised they wouldn’t do. “Wait you actually slept with her?” Nayeon chokes on her food at the sound of her oldest friend confessing to such a thing.

“I may have. It was a moment of weakness it felt like a movie honestly—I guess a continuous moment of weakness.” Jennie disappointingly explains hoping that it stops her memories from flooding in from their first night together. “There is no may have Jendukie!” Nayeon screeches if it was high enough she would’ve broken the glasses. Jennie hits her trying to get her to stop, “Alright we did. I don’t know why she did it—I mean I know why I did it.”

“Did she ever tell you why? Did you ever talk about it?” Nayeon questions starting to feel like Jisoo didn’t tell her everything but from the way that Jennie was talking about it. It sounds like this is the first time she’s said it out loud. Jennie shakes her head opening the beer wanting to just keep her buzz going.

“I tried—” she scoffs holding a shot and a portion of the beer up, pointing at Nayeon. She doesn’t bother to wait to even let Nayeon catch up, instead she just downs both drinks. “—boy did I try—but she wouldn’t give me a time of day. We would have sex and I would try to talk about anything—really anything she would excuse herself.” Jennie’s face has yet to fix itself after the beer and the shot of soju.

“I—” Nayeon tries gather her own thoughts but she’s still fixated on her oldest friend has been so candid about her sex life. “I know---” deep down she knew that she shouldn’t have let it happen in the first place but fuck. Everything about the first weekend at Coachella anything Lisa did drove her mad. What really takes her out is seeing Lisa wipe the sweat off of her neck something abo—“Hello? ARE YOU REALLY THINKING ABOUT HER RIGHT NOW!” Nayeon screeches again, “Nadong!” Jennie chuckles hitting her one more time, as she tries to play it cool as if her cheeks aren’t betraying her.

“Listen until you have had sex with someone—Mina—and you understand and accept that your feelings run so deep that it scares you I don’t want to hear it!” Jennie reasons getting herself another shot because she needs to move on from her flashbacks.

“I don’t think—”

“Don’t even try denying it Nadongs—have you slept with anyone yet?” Jennie issues, without alcohol in her system she wouldn’t dare bring this up. But who else would she bring this up with—because Irene is so shy about everything and Hyunji is too forward about everything. She just needs someone in the middle and Nayeon seems to be levelheaded enough. “We’re really just getting into it huh? Pass me that other bottle of soju.” Nayeon points to the last bottle right by Jennie.

A smirk dances across Jennie’s face as Nayeon doesn’t bother to use the glass. “Okay—wait woah! You still have a flight tomorrow!” Jennie takes the bottle from Nayeon to see that half of the bottle is gone. “Nadong! Do you drink often because if the answer is no—I’m cutting you off. That was a lot.”

“It’s okay Momo’s on speed dial. She said she’ll pick me up so I don’t get in trouble with Jihyo or management.” Nayeon slurs towards the end but fixes her posture acting as if she’s slowly not losing control. Jennie shakes her head, “But no. I have not. You know me standards are high and I can always take care of it—” Jennie doesn’t bother to argue knowing how impossible the girls standards. Especially when it comes to herself and other people, she’s not lying when she says she can take care of herself. “I got close once with Kyungsoo—we met backstage during one our first award shows—we hit it off. We hung out a few times which was almost impossible to do without the girls.  But we mostly talked on the phone. We still had a dating ban—we we’re alone at the dorms one night. I think 7 months into us basically dating. I made an excuse that I couldn’t go to dance practice that day. I snuck him in and you know things escalated—I honestly thought it was going to go further but then Mina stopped by to drop off some soup for me because again everyone thought I was sick and caught us. I apologized and cut it off with him after that. But that’s the closest I ever got to having sex with somebody—ugh I wanna dance.” Nayeon slurs standing up putting on Who’s your Mama by JYP. Instead of trying to argue let alone ask any questions, Jennie grabs the other mic and thumps to the beat of the song.

The two girls sing the song as if no one is listening, trying to recall to the best of their ability the choreography all the way until the end. “So how do you know you’d even want to sleep with Mina?” Jennie questions out of breath, Nayeon pauses for a moment catching her breath from that very fun break. “Because I’m a person—have you seen her? I’m kidding I just I get this heated feeling when she’s around I don’t know—How did you know you wanted to sleep with Lisa? ” Nayeon chuckles almost as if she’s surprised to be asked such a question.

Jennie looks back on when it all just clicked for her—was it the kiss? Was it the practice room? Was it Coachella? “I don’t know—I was hoping to speak to her and I just word vomited and then we hugged—followed by this horrible tense silence—and the only thing I could think about was her lips. And then we kissed and I couldn’t get enough but we almost got caught so yeah—I don’t know it’s just a feeling. Have you had moments like that with Mina?”

Silence falls between them, Jennie doesn’t rush her friend of course. Instead, she fills herself with some food, when they were dancing her vision and balancing started slowing down. “I’m going to leave it with a simple yes.”

“Have you kissed?” Jennie questions, Nayeon chokes on her next drink. Sure, there have been moments where she felt like they were both inching closer to each other’s face. Almost capturing one another but something or someone always seems to be stopping them from going any further. “—no but not for the lack of me not wanting too—never in my life have I ever crave wanting to kiss someone as badly as I’ve wanted to kiss her. God what am I saying! It’s clearly never going to happen. She’s made that very clear.” Nayeon plants her head on the couch disappointed knowing she’ll never know the feeling of actually kissing someone she’s deeply into.

“What exactly did you say? And what did she say?” Jennie asks throwing some napkins at the older girl. “Ugh please don’t make me relive it—it was embarrassing and gut wrenching all at the same time.

“I mean when is it not? You are putting yourself out there—”

“You don’t get it Nini she didn’t even say anything. She just left me hanging we sat there in silence and she said nothing. I don’t know how much more humiliating that can possibly be” Nayeon whines refusing to pick up her head, Jennie walks over to her friend bringing her head onto her shoulder.

“Shit. I’m sorry—Lisa didn’t take me confessing my feelings to her lightly either. We got into a horrible argument—she practically said that I had no right to feel the way I do—which is somewhat true. Maybe we should take some time for ourselves?” Jennie argues but only a part of her believes it. She hates to have to but at this point it feels like there is no other solution other than to move on.

“How—all I can think about is her? I want to know if she’s okay. If she’s taking time for herself, is she taking good care of herself. But all I get from her is some vague text about how she still doesn’t know what to say. I just want to know that we’re going to get through this.” Nayeon speaks, Jennie is speechless it’s like staring at her reflection all those months ago.

She sighs, “I understand—but forcing her to talk about it is only going to lead you where Lisa and I are now. And that’s the last thing you want to do. Just give her space.”

The rest of the night the two girls, poured their hearts out to each other. Nayeon feeling comfortable enough to share this news about herself. Jennie felt the same way, there was no judgement there’s just friendship with Nayeon. It’s always so easy with her. They spent the next two hours singing and pouring their hearts out along with the soju they kept ordering until Nayeon got a call from Momo.

‘Momoring! Momoring! Momoring!’

‘Are you okay? I haven’t heard from you—'

‘*Nayeon and Jennie singing As If It’s Your Last in the background*’

‘Nayeoni! It’s been hours! I’m on my way to you Jihyo just left with Jeongyeon—’

A part of Nayeon sobers up knowing that she might’ve told Jeongyeon as well. In fear that Momo would forget about her and fall asleep. ‘Shit.’

‘Okay please try to get here before her.’

‘I’ll try I don’t think you’re the only member that snuck out.’

The call drops Jennie looks at Nayeon’s pale white skin. Jennie respects Jihyo—in truth her respect for the other girl wraps around the universe multiple times. When she was offered the position of leader, she knew she couldn’t bare it. Despite having trained so long at YG it didn’t matter, she didn’t like the idea of being in control of her bandmates. She wanted all of it to be equal. She watches as Nayeon shoves water down her throat for a few minutes making her giggle. “Are you scared of Jihyo?” Jennie teases making Nayeon laugh, “No—but I do hate disappointing her. Jihyo is a lot of things and regardless of all of it I think sometimes she even forgets that she’s human too. That she’s allowed to be selfish too and sometimes I think that when different people in our band put our image in jeopardy not on purpose of course Jihyo is already 10 steps ahead. Protecting us and what we’ve worked so hard for even though she knows deep down we all deserve to do something normal but she’s been in the game way too long. And as one of her oldest friends I should know better but—I couldn’t do it anymore—” Nayeon chuckles chugging the rest of her water.

Jennie pulls one of her oldest friends closer, she’s happy to have taken the time to see her tonight. Even though its only for tonight, “Well—I hope that one day someone or you guys remind her that it’s okay to be human and that at the end of that day our image is just something that is fabricated and truly the humanity of our fans know deep down that we’re human too.” She explains in the midst of their hug. Nayeon feels the tears fall down knowing that it hasn’t been easy for anybody in the industry especially Jennie. She knows what’s been labeled of her friend, villain of Kpop, Korea’s It Girl, Human Chanel, you name it. Nayeon’s heard it all, they continuously try to strip her away of her humanity and yet she’s one of the humblest people.

“I love you, I hope to see you soon? Maybe at one of our or your concerts.” Nayeon suggest, Jennie chuckles “I will try to part the red sea if I have too—and please remember—you were only being yourself—there is no one to blame. And I hope someday you figure it out.” Jennie advices.

Outside of the karaoke place Momo parks the car but as she’s prepping her outfit she sees Jihyo stomping towards the establishment. She knew it was Jihyo because of the way she walked, always in a rush and always with purpose. “Shit.” She mutters trying to quickly get out of the car hoping that Jihyo doesn’t make a scene.

She sprints towards the younger girl, as Jihyo reaches for the handle of the door she gets pulled into an alley by Momo. “What the fuck?” Jihyo swears pulling her arms back to quickly cross it. She’s a little heated so she can’t quite recognize who is under the cap, instead she moves to a threat. “You have got 3 seconds to tell me who the hell you are before I start screaming.” She sternly requests, Momo scoffs, “Can you relax—it’s me” Momo grunts through her teeth letting Jihyo arm go and lifting her hat up.

Both women are confused, Momo had seen Jihyo leave with Jeongyeon and Jihyo doesn’t understand why Momo is here at all. “What are you doing here? Is anyone at the dorm?” Jihyo is in disbelief it feels like she truly is slowly losing control of it all.

“Yes, from what I know it’s just Nayeoni—she came to see Jennie-unnie.” Momo explains, but it still doesn’t explain her presence. “So then why are you here?” Jihyo speaks bitterly, this is the longest conversation they’ve had in a long time. Jihyo can’t help but feel a little bitter, Momo slights, “—Because Nayeoni’s been gone for 3 hours, and I got worried and from the phone call I had with her. She sounds like she’s drunk off her ass. I’m sorry she doesn’t trust you enough tell you because you’re—” Momo pauses and decides to step back. Trying to stop herself from wanting to speak from a place of anger—Momo knows where it comes from. True it’s been a year, but she can’t help it. She loved Dahyun and all she feels around Dahyun is heartbreak and all she feels around Jihyo is anger. Even from the start she could feel how Jihyo is somewhat distant always keeping her at arm’s length.

The leader looks at the older girl in question wanting to know what she has to say—wanting to finally let it all come out. “No go ahead. Say what you want to say.” Jihyo stirs up getting closer to Momo, the older girl pulls herself back. This is very unlike her but she can’t take it anymore. The little quips and side comments every time she speaks.

Momo’s palms cry at the leader’s words. She didn’t mean to strike a nerve.

“No seriously, you’ve spent all this time telling everyone else what your problem is with me—and yet you don’t have to guts to talk it out—so c’mon let’s hear it. You have always hated me—what is it about me that you could possibly hate that I already don’t hate about myself? Is it because I’m the leader? You don’t think I ever call the right shots? You think I had a say about you and Dahyun? C’mon Momo-ni let’s hear it!” Jihyo voice gets louder with every word. But Momo is silent, the only other time she’s seen her like this was a week ago. Silence falls between them—tension so thick it’s getting harder for Momo to breathe.

“You always put the company first.” Is all she manages to say after minutes of silence. Jihyo sneers at this misinformation, “You always put our reputation first—never our happiness. We’re all just seeking some form of normalcy. Despite us being a group—when you make decisions you always seem to feel like you have to make them alone. When that’s not true at all—you’re always so distant when somethings wrong—you’ve got all these secrets with management and yet you just assume we’re supposed to trust you. How can we trust you when it takes so long to finally hear what you guys are whispering about—we deserve to know too. Ever since that day we voted for who should be a leader there is never a day where I regret voting for Jeongyeoni.” Momo regrets it as soon as it leaves her mouth. She knows how to hurt Jihyo, she just didn’t know that she was capable of actually acting on it. Jihyo nods her head slowly, biting the side of her cheek.

Momo creates more space between her and Jihyo, “You have always kept me at arm’s length in difference to the other girls why is that—do you think I’m a threat to you. And don’t even try to deny it because I hear what you say in interviews—I want to trust you but you make it so hard.” Momo finishes rambling, she watches the tears in Jihyo’s big eyes build up. But the leader sucks them back in.

She releases a hmph, before answering calmly. “I put our reputation first because I don’t ever want to jeopardize everyone’s hard work. I am well aware that we deserve some normalcy but at the same time we knew what we signed up for.” she starts. One thing Jihyo’s learned as a leader and as a trainee is how to communicate despite your feelings wanting to take over.

“I don’t like having to make these decisions alone. Have you noticed that when we do try to come to a decision we’re never in a consensus.” She pauses again, Momo looks away feeling vulnerable and guilty. “I make decisions alone—because everyone else tells me how they feel but never want the responsibility of what it means to make the decision—I have to bear all the opinions, the complaints, the heartache, the anger all of it. It always feels like no one is ever happy at the end of the day and I hate it. —I mean truly I hate myself for it. Nothing is ever good enough.” Jihyo takes a beat, looking away from Momo, crossing her arms.  

“— All I ever want is for all of you is to be happy. You guys are my family, but to you all you see is a leader right? I am distant—I know that. I need to be when choices need to be made for the group. It’s never about oh what’s best for the company it’s always been about our hard work— our band. Those secrets aren’t things I like knowing if anything they are a fucking burden—” she pauses stopping her tears from falling as they gather. She practically spits the venom knowing that she shouldn’t say what she’s about too “—you want to know them. You want to know a fifth of everything that I have to carry without sharing—you want to know how I know what each looks mean from the manager—you want to know what the meetings are about—” her emotions peak through a for a moment, but she clears her throat “—fine—” Jihyo pauses.

“Your relationship with Dahyun—why don’t we start there.”  Momo knows it’s too late to take everything back. All this time she’d been angry at Jihyo for everything. But deep down she was also angry at herself for being so reckless. Acknowledging that she’s also not truly really ready to know it all. “—Manager—unnie caught you and Dahyun in the Madonna room—it was brought up to JYP. By the time it got to me—manager unnie was already fired and I was given orders. Those secrets, those meetings weren’t to talk about protecting your relationship. They were orders and lectures about how I failed as a leader. So that day when I wanted to talk to you and Dahyun it wasn’t just the girls. I only said that because I knew that if I told you that it was from the company. You’d both panic.” Another beat, Momo is numb.

“But let me not get ahead of myself. All of us noticed a changed between the two of you but we didn’t want to say anything because you were happy. You deserve love—both of you do. When JYP called me into the meeting with the managers it was them bringing your relationship to my attention. The orders were—vote one or both of you. And not out for some performance—but out of the band. The other is to put one of you on hiatus indefinitely. Because he incessantly reminded me about our dating ban. Lastly, they told me to break you up. No matter the circumstances And I couldn’t do it—I know you don’t believe that but I couldn’t. I begged them to just let me come up with something and to talk to you.” Momo’s chest tightens hearing the options given to the leader.

 Jihyo eyes well up—it feels like talking to a wall, “I believe their words were—JYP Entertainment doesn’t have gay idols”

Momo finds herself in Dahyun’s room during one of their biggest arguments. Momo wanted to tell the band about them Dahyun hesitated. The younger girl had feared the possibility of them getting exposed. She wasn’t ready to deal with all of that. She just wanted to enjoy being in love.

“What did you suggest I do—kick you or Dahyun out? This was brought to me six months after you guys started seeing each other. No matter what you may think of me— I’m not a robot—I saw the way you looked at her.” Momo’s in shock hearing the truth of everything unfolding.

“I waited and stalled for the next couple of months not knowing what to do. So as punishment I was brought into the equation. They knew what I was doing—so they introduced me to Daniel. We were told to fake date, took photo ops to get witnesses in case the article comes out. They’ve even gone so far to show me that there’s a whole folder of pictures of Daniel and I ‘sneaking around’. In the case that the both of you were reckless and got caught. Their reasoning was that it’s better that I take the heat than either of you, noting that it’s my failure anyway. I tried to stop it because I didn’t want to date—I wasn’t ready to be a part of the scandal it was only my second year as an idol too. But what was I supposed to do. At the end of the day, I had to ensure that both of your reputations and popularity were safe—so I agreed. They way they spoke about bringing this up to the both of you were horrible. I didn’t want them to break all of this to you—you deserved to hear from me. I am the leader after all—” Jihyo sighs, the crown seems to be heavier and heavier with every confession she makes.

“ –I asked them if I could talk to the both of you like adults as to where this relationship could go. All I wanted was to have a conversation—I figured hey, we trust each other—I clearly can’t go at this alone it was your relationship after all. Maybe we could’ve figured something out where I can protect the both of you while you both could stay together.  I guess I was wrong.” Jihyo pauses and Momo couldn’t help herself, because she does believe Jihyo.

“You’ve never been a threat Momo. You are one of the few people in this band that push my performance for the better and that is one of the things I love about you. I think the world of you.” Jihyo pauses letting go of the poisonous tone in her voice, dropping down almost tempting her tears to come out. She takes a deep breath, “—And you clearly think nothing of me. There is not a single day where I wish I wasn’t in this position. I keep you at arm’s length because of what I’ve done. I know how much——"

“Momo? Jihyo?’ Nayeon’s voice cuts off Jihyo’s speech, the leader pulls herself back from the older girl. She smiles at the eldest and Jennie. She bows while Momo is frozen, “Hey—” Jihyo sings clearing her throat. “Are you okay?” she walks over to the eldest who’s draped around Jennie’s arms.

“Yes—had a little much. Why are you here?” Nayeon questions, “Well—“Jihyo pauses grabbing Nayeon off of Jennie, “Jeongyeoni and I had to grab Chaeyoung and Jeongyeon told me you had gone out too, but it seems you called Momo-unnie to come get you. But I didn’t know that so I thought I’d give you a ride.” The girls are quiet with Nayeon smiling at the leader.

“—Why don’t we just focus on getting you home,” Jihyo pretends as if she hasn’t just had the most gut-wrenching conversations in her life. Nayeon smiles giving the leader a kiss on the cheek, “I love you. Thank you for always knowing what I need and taking care of everyone.”

Jihyo gives Momo a look signaling to head to the car. Momo looks at the leader as if it’s a completely different person. There’s a moment where she pauses, frozen in their conversation. She looks back at the leader to see Jihyo peak through, the taller girl runs over to the car to open the passenger side door, Jennie and Jihyo help Nayeon into her seat. “I’ll see you back at the dorm. Momo-ni get her some water and some hangover relief.” Is all Jihyo musters up to say, Jennie and her watch as the car drives away.

“Thank you for giving her a night.” Jihyo sincerely says, Jennie pulls her in, “Thank you for always taking care of her. And if you ever need a night like that you let me know.” Jennie smiles. Jihyo looks down on the ground then back at Jennie, “When I come back to Korea. I think I know who to call—do you need a ride? Are you okay?”

“Good. I’ll be waiting for the call, and no I had some water in the last hour. Drive home safe.” Jennie gives her one last hug before heading to her car, “You too.”

“Have a good tour!” Jennie shouts driving away. Jihyo smiles, she tries her best to hide the tears threatening her. 

Back at the Blackpink dorm Chaeyoung and Rosé have gotten somewhere and nowhere.

“Aye—as an artist I thought you’d understand the process. Art is art.” Rosé chuckles, Chaeyoung glances down at her phone to see multiple messages from Jeongyeon. She sighs, Rosé looks up, “Time to go?”

Chaeyoung disappointingly smiles down at the blonde, it’s been fun. But she’s scheduled to head out tomorrow for America in a couple of hours. It’s already very tense in dorms with without Mina. The last thing she wants to do is make it worse by being a burden to Jihyo. “Yeah apparently I wasn’t the only Twice member that snuck out to hang out with a Blackpink member” Chaeyoung jests but the blonde doesn’t know what the shorter girl is getting at.

Rosie tilts her head, as she clears the room from the various notebook paper and napkins scattered all over the room. “Nayeon-ni went to see Jennie-unnie tonight too and also made a mistake telling Jeongyeoni.”

Chaengyoung’s phone begins to ring, ‘Yes unnie? I’m on my way down. Okay—yes.’  The conversation is quick, Chaeyoung grabs her things after helping Rosie clean up a bit. The taller girl ensures that it’s really okay and she’ll clean it up before she heads off to bed.

They exchange a hug, “I hope you have a good tour. I can’t wait to hear all about it!” Rosie squeezes the shorter girl knowing that it’s going to be a while before they see each other again. “I can’t wait to tell you all about it, thank you for tonight.” Chaeyoung struggles to say as Rosie continues to squeeze her. The shorter girls phone rings again only she doesn’t bother to answer it.

Rosie finally let’s go of the shorter girl—she watches Chaeyoung disappear into the hallway.

***

2 days later…

Mina and Lisa had spent the last two days getting to know each other. Not really trying to put any pressure on being romantic with one another. Of course, if there is a moment both of them take advantage of it.

Lisa of course has been the best with assimilating to Mina’s schedule. Lisa knows that by the time she wakes up Mina’s already halfway through her schedule. So, she starts her day, talking to the staff before taking herself on a walk. It’s a particularly beautiful day today, with the breeze going and the sunshining.

“What will you be doing today Miss Manobal?” the chef inquiries making conversation. Lisa hums for a moment taking a sip of her tea, “I am planning a picnic—do you think you can help me?” she smiles. Aiko nods her head, “Of course, what do you need Miss Manobal?”

“Aiko—please call me Lisa. Maybe help me make a bento box—and tell me if you’ve got some blankets? And if there’s anyone who can run into town for me to grab a few things—I would but—I am also under strict instructions.” she uses her puppy dog eyes and the older woman of course smiles and doesn’t mind. “Of course—why don’t we start with some rice and eggs and we can figure the rest from there. Maybe you can make a list of what needs to be fetch?”

“Ah! Thank you! It’s a very short list—” she pauses quickly grabbing the piece of paper in her back pocket.

Mango juice

Mina’s favourite snacks

Mina’s favourite cookies from Kobe

Aiko hands it to one of the many people that’s passing in and out of the kitchen. Lisa places herself over next to Aiko and begins to help her prep parts of the box. Just as she had shared with the Myoui family she didn’t quite pick up the cooking skill. But thankfully Aiko is patient enough to fix her mistakes before each thing is cooked. At some point—Aiko just takes over knowing that if she wants this to be finished before Mina returns this has to be done fairly quickly.

One of the other helpers come back from town with everything that’s on her list. Aiko instructs Lisa to grab the bag, Lisa smiles hugging Aiko from behind. It’s clear that she’ll take care of the culinary part of her plan. The day before she had asked to see if they had a picnic basket. Which now is filled with blankets, Mina’s favourite snacks, paper and pens and the flowers she picked this morning.

“Lisashi!” Aiko shouts grabbing her attention, Lisa runs back to the kitchen to see the bento boxes of the lunches she’d failed to help with. “Ah! Thank you Aiko!” Lisa hugs the older woman even tighter than she did the first time. Aiko chuckles patting her forearm, Lisa lets go and bows to the floor to show her gratitude. “You’re welcome. Now why don’t you get ready, Mitang will be home soon.” Aiko smiles, Lisa nods frantically walking up the stairs.

While she gets ready she hears everyone softly greet the quiet girl. Lisa can’t help as her heart practically trying to thump out of chest. It’s not an official date or anything but she wanted to take some time to actually semi-ask her out. She hears a heavy set of footsteps get closer to her door followed by a soft knock. “Lisa?” Mina gently speaks on the other side of the door.

Lisa slams her body on the floor struggling to put her pants her on. It might be the nervousness that made her somehow even clumsier “Lisa!” Mina shouts on the other side, but Lisa’s focused on the pain searing through her left leg. Mina battles with herself for a moment but decides against it and waltzes into the room. “Lisa!” she chuckles rushing to her side.

“I’m sorry I just wasn’t ready—what’s up?” Lisa sits up rubbing her leg trying to act as if she’s not in searing pain. “Are you sure you’re okay?” Mina doesn’t bother letting up with their close proximity. Lisa looks up at her enjoying the proximity nodding her head slowly. “Aiko told me that you had prepared lunch today. I’m excited.” Mina reports, Lisa laughs at the thought of her even preparing that meal by herself. It wouldn’t be edible if she had cooked everything.

“She’s very sweet but if anything, she did all of the food and I’m just here with my pretty self.” Lisa jests rising her eyebrows suggestively. Mina playfully punches her, Lisa is quick to stand up helping her up. “Either way—I’m excited so lead the way.”

Lisa grabs the picnic basket sitting next to the door, Mina tries to sneak a peek, but Lisa shakes her head. “I’ll meet you at the door I just have to grab something from the kitchen.”

Lisa scurries over to the kitchen to put the bento box in the basket and to thank Aiko once again. “You are a life saver!” Lisa bows once again. Aiko offers the same respect, but she pulls the older woman into another hug.

“You girls have a wonderful time!” she grins watching Lisa excitedly walks towards Mina. “Lead the way.” They open the door and head out, during one of Lisa’s walks she stumbled upon a park.

“How was your day so far?” they say in unison, their laughs fill the air.

“Good, a lot to digest the last couple of days—” Mina pauses thinking their kiss and talk. And how therapy yesterday was mostly trying to talk through the whole thing from her perspective wanting to make the right decision.

“—therapy is working and so are the meds. My appetite is a new thing to get used to though so I am really excited to eat whatever you’ve made. Aiko wouldn’t tell me what it was.” Mina appreciates how attentive Lisa’s been. As soon as she gets back from therapy she doesn’t bombard her and just waits until she settles. They avoid the topic of their life in the entertainment industry. Nothing too personal is shared unless Mina opens up the topic, same goes for Lisa.

And at night, Mina’s been teaching Lisa how to play Mario Kart and a few other games. Lisa can’t wait to get back to the girls to finally dethrone Jisoo. If they’re not playing video games they’re just talking about everything and nothing at all. “Aiko is too nice because I didn’t cook at all if anything I tried and she politely kicked me out because I was about to burn everything she was making. But it’s good. I’ve never had days where I actually have control on what I do.”

“I know what you mean—soooo what’s in the picnic basket?” Mina smiles trying to steal the basket from Lisa but she’s quick to move it.

“Stop it we’re almost there—c’mon.” Lisa puts her hand out for Mina which she takes. Mina softly grabs Lisa’s hands watching the taller girl leads her to a tree with some shade. Lisa turns around putting her hand up, “Can you turn around I want to set things up first.” she puts the basket down softly turning Mina around.

There’s a soft and cute huff released from the shorter girl. To ease her up and somewhat tease her, Lisa hugs her from behind. As the taller girl pulls away, almost immediately Mina couldn’t help but want to reach out to her hands to keep her around.

Lisa opens the basket grabbing the blanket she’s found. She places is as perfect as she could followed by placing the foods and drinks right in the middle. Right by the corner of the blanket Lisa places some cute pens she accumulated while on tour. Most of them reminded her of Mina and some paper. Of course, she couldn’t forget about the flowers she’d picked out this morning. Beautifully wrapped placed right in front of the food.

“Ready.” Lisa grins from ear to ear watching Mina turn around. Unsure and overwhelmed with the feeling of pure happiness. No one’s ever done anything like this for her before. “This is—wow—no one’s ever done something like this for me before.” Mina gushes and Lisa’s stomach couldn’t help themselves but do triple back flips. Lisa begins to guide her and give her the grand tour. “I got you some flowers. And over here is some snacks and the bento box Aiko made. I also brought some papers and pens. Most of the pens are pens I got around the world and all of them reminded me of you. I figured this was the best way to give them to you—you know—maybe we could write about our goals or letters—“ she pauses laughing way herself.

“I’m rambling.” Lisa sighs to sitting down, Mina takes a seat right across from her taking it all in. “You even got my cookies! My parents use to send these to me when I was in Korea anytime I was homesick.” Mina gushes, “This is so sweet Lisa—thank you.” She smiles trying her best to hide the color sneaking up to her cheeks.  

“Of course, enjoy.” Lisa smiles opening both boxes waiting for Mina to choose. From the way she spoke earlier it sounded like she was really hungry. The girls enjoy the sun and their lunch in silence. Which is totally normal but Mina can tell there’s something that Lisa’s been itching to talk about. Their kiss was two days ago but she can’t quite just forget about it. The last two days all she’s wanted to do was either hold her hand or kiss her. She’s craving this skin-ship that she’s never craved with Jennie before. But maybe a part of what her mother said was true, she’s never had to yearn for Jennie before.

They were always together but with Mina, it’s like all she’s experienced is yearning. “So—” Mina spoke a little after 5 minutes—Lisa looks at Mina after having avoided her gaze.

“Yes?” she questions, “Is this a date?” Mina shyly questions, Lisa captures her bottom lips between her teeth trying to hold her smile back. She had hope that Mina picked up on the romantic atmosphere that she’s creating.

“I—if you’d like to be—and it’s okay with you that it is a date then yes. I didn’t really want to label it that because—” Lisa groans knowing that she’s once again rambling.

“It doesn’t have to be—it can be whatever you’re comfortable with.” She retires knowing how embarrassing she is when she gets like this. But she can’t help it, Mina gets her all tongue tied because she’s always so calm cool and collected. While Lisa is the complete opposite of all of those things. “This feels like a date—you went through all of this trouble to spend this wonderful afternoon for me—” Mina explain, Lisa rolls her eyes embarrassingly trying not to act as if she’s if the slightest bit nervous.

“I haven’t been on a date but from what I’ve heard about dates and from what I’ve seen on movies—thank you for taking me on this wonderful date.” Mina doesn’t shy away or try to avoid the taller girls gaze. Instead, she offers it to her some, something about it brings her comfort. The gaze isn’t overwhelming if anything it makes her want to kiss Mina.

“If it means spending time with you—I don’t mind ever.” Lisa grins at Mina, they exchange looks not aware that they were slowly but sure closing the distance between the both of them. But Lisa quickly pulls herself back— “I—don’t think we should do it here. Call me paranoid but—I don’t want you to have to go through something else.” Lisa puts her hand on Mina’s chest without realizing it but is quick to pull it away.

Mina places her hand down, to where Lisa places it after pulling away “Thank you. I know we made a pact about not thanking each other again and I’ll never bring them again but I mean it thank you and whoever had the mistake of even thinking about letting you go and playing with your emotions doesn’t know what they’ve truly lost.”

***

“Umma—without her it's like I’ve lost everything.” Jennie sobs onto her mother’s lap replying her conversation with Lisa.

Chapter Text

After her night out with Nayeon, everything she tried to bury with Lisa around found its way to the surface. No mother can ever fathom watching their child suffer. “—I’m sorry it didn’t work out honey.” she sighs stroking her daughter's hair.

“There’s no one to blame but me. And I don’t know what else to do but cry about it—but I don’t want to keep crying about it anymore.” Jennie explains in between each sobs.

“So, write about it? You just told me this week that you girls are getting an opportunity to finally write something for yourselves. Sometimes—crying about isn’t enough—and as a creative person I believe the next best thing is to put it through art.” Jennie stops for a moment, she glances up at her mother. Overwhelmed with so much sadness and joy it’s not too bad to do so. Maybe I will.

“The funny thing is we weren’t even together—how can I mourn something I never had—“ she stops sobbing for a moment and sits up. Her mother sighs, “It’s because instead of memories you got what ifs—you get memories of what could’ve been. It’s as beautiful as it is cruel. Maybe it’s time to move on like she has—” her mother regretfully says but Jennie doesn’t have the liberty of a tour or solo schedules yet. Instead they’ll be spending every moment together writing, promoting, practicing and everything in between.

“I’m not as lucky as her—she had the tour and different cities to explore to avoid me. We’re just in the beginning of our promotions—but maybe you’re right—I’ll just spend most of my time if not all of my time away from her. If that’s what it takes.” Jennie sighs, but she knows it’s not going to be easy.

These days being around Lisa is so suffocating for her. All she wants to do is word vomit and promise things that she probably can’t keep but will try too. Describing to Lisa that she’ll do anything to protect their relationship. She’s not going to let the media or the company try to destroy something clearly so beautiful. It could have been so beautiful, she thought to herself.

“It’s not going to be easy—you both know that but I hope that someday you guys can laugh about it you know? Maybe—and I mean this lightly maybe it truly was just puppy love? You know the love that we all experience when we’re in school—this feeling of world altering love that you just can’t live without them. But it doesn’t last—as we expect and we learn that there is bigger and better loves out there.” Her mom grabs her head softly placing it on her shoulder. Jennie releases a big sigh, followed by a few little ones.

“Maybe—I just wish I didn’t feel like this anymore.”

“It won’t be forever it gets easier.” Her mom comforts, Jennie nods knowing how much heartache it is for her mother. Love’s always been a touchy subject but whenever she would ask about her father. It was always something sweet never negative but somehow it makes it worse to hear how in love her mother was. Only for all of it to all come crashing down. “I know but—”

“There are no shortcuts—the only way out is through.” Jennie gets ready to answer but is interrupted by her phone. It's Rosie. Her mom wipes her tears as she preps herself to pick up the call.

‘Chaeyoungah?’

‘Unnie!’ she screams on the other side of the call, sounding a little drunk which is unlike her. It’s 2pm.

‘Are you okay? Is something wrong? Is there someone at the dorm—where’s Jis—’

‘Unnie—’

‘Sorry—’

‘I wanted to ask when you were coming home? Chaeyoung and I might’ve just written the best song! Or at least half of one—either way when you come back we’ve got our work cut out for us—the rap is a little hard for me to figure out.’

‘You made it sound like there was a real emergency. And you know I’ll be back home tomorrow—now lay off the soju or the whiskey.’

‘Unnie! Hyeri and I are just having fun and talking—’

‘And drinking at 2pm?’

‘Uhhh—unnie live a little. Bring back some liquor we’ll for sure write some hits.’

‘Please drink some water. I’ll be home tomorrow I’ll bring some hangover cure too.’ Jennie ends the call, it’s as if the universe was listening to her. Or is the universe giving her sign that clearly it’s time to move on.

“I see ¾ of Blackpink is mending a broken heart.” Her mom comments, she looks back at her in disbelief. She didn’t think if it that way— “What do you mean? We write about a lot more than just love okay it’s not always—”

“Just know that I can tell but I will says she’s better at hiding it than you or Lisa.” She tries to crack a joke hoping her daughter will smile or even let out a laugh.

“Umma!” she hits her playfully letting out a small laugh, “How could you know--?”

“Because we all have the same look on our face—idiots in love” her mother puns again and Jennie giggles shaking her head walking towards her room to get ready for tomorrow. Since the driving ban lifted having the freedom to drive has been freeing for Jennie. But knowing herself she also has to make time for her cautious driving to ensure she’s on time wherever she needs to be.

“Are you going to be okay sweetie?” her mom wonders checking in on her only a couple of minutes after walking away. Jennie turns around at her worried mother, “Yes—you said it yourself the only way out is through it. And I’ve got my friends—I just saw Nayeoni—I’m getting lunch with Irene. I’ve got people and I know I’ve always got you.” She smiles looking up at her mother trying to ease the older woman’s mind.

Her mother sports a loving gaze before heading off into her office. After her argument with Lisa, she found herself into a pit of a sadness. On top of the ongoing hate that hasn’t taken a moment to die down. So low to the point that Jisoo-ni suggested that she goes see someone about her sadness. It wasn’t an exaggeration when she said that Jennie spent most of her time rotting in her room. She wasn’t on her phone or finding herself deep into the internet like some people would. Instead, she would just lay there looking into space. Sometimes Jisoo would walk in and she’d be crying. Jennie would deny any company and turn away from Jisoo.

After her fight with Lisa the second person she called was her therapist, she talked her down from a panic attack. And was an amazing voice of reason, these days instead of wanting to word vomit at Lisa she’s just writes her letters. At first she found it silly to be writing them knowing that all she wants to do is to give it to Lisa. But the more letters she wrote the less she felt the need to share. It’s as if the act of writing them is enough.

***

“You know not to bring work into this—I don’t think netizens could ever imagine you being such a romantic.” Mina comments watching Lisa scribble away on various pieces of paper. Mina had decided to take a break and cave into her sweet tooth by digging into the cookies. Lisa looks up from her words shaking her head at Mina.

“Well—you should know better than anyone that we are not our idol self…” Lisa teases then open her mouth indicating she’d like a bite of the cookie in Mina’s hands. The Japanese girl is confused but doesn’t deny the taller girl. She reaches over giving the Thai girl a bite of her cookie. “Thank you...” she smiles before returning to her letter. She’d spent the last hour as Mina went back and forth from munching to eating writing a letter for the Japanese girl. Stating everything she wants her to know no matter what the outcome of this week may be. Lisa can’t even fathom that it’s already been two days since she landed and had their one and only kiss. That if they’re meant to only be friends and Mina isn’t ready to tackle going back to the industry and being together. Lisa respects it.

Mina scoots over wanting to see what Lisa’s writing but the Thai girl is quick to pull it away from her gaze. “Hey! No!” Lisa leans back trying to avoid Mina, but instead she continues to move closer to the point that she starts to put her weight on the taller girl. Lisa doesn’t pull away of course instead she puts it behind Mina’s head. The Aries girl doesn’t back down and hopes that a closer proximity will make the taller girl cave.

But Lisa does the complete opposite of caving she pulls herself even closer. Her eyebrows jump at their sudden closeness, Mina’s breath hitches exchange looks with Lisa eyes then lips. “Fine. But tonight—I hope you know I won’t be showing you any mercy during Mario kart.” Mina pulls away wanting to stop herself from doing something she’ll regret in the future.

“Oh, I’m sorry was that mercy the last couple of days because the number one spot on our scores begs to differ.” Lisa teases, she isn’t offended at all at Mina pulling away. They’ve been trained to always watch their back and always assume that they’re being watched.

“Hey don’t blame the teacher.” Mina teases back, Lisa rolls her eyes fixing up their picnic slowly.

“Why don’t we get out of here. I promised your mom we’d be back before it got dark out?” Lisa continues to pack their things; Mina decides to tackle the food by eating the rest of the cookies. Lisa can’t help but grin seeing Mina enjoying herself. She can tell there’s something different with the girl since they last spoke. It’s clear that this time has been working out for her.   

They make small talk with one another trying to ignore the tension clearly growing between the both of them. “This might be a little too much to talk about but—” Mina pauses for a moment she’d been waiting to speak about this with someone. She knew that bringing it up with her bandmates would cause a stir. She tried to talk to Jihyo about it but she could tell the stress that the leader was already in and didn’t want to cause anymore.

Lisa waits a moment, “Have you ever thought about doing anything else—other than being an idol—do you ever feel hollow like a doll?” Lisa’s perplexed. She’s never really seen herself doing anything else. It’s always been this—“I’ve never thought about doing anything else—It’s been this you know I’ve always performed even when I was little. But the being hollow I know what you mean—I felt it when I was trying to figure out what to do for my knee. Deep down I knew I should’ve gone to get the surgery but everyone else around me knew how work motivated I am and used it against me. And it only made me feel like a body that the company owned you know. That their concern wasn’t really because they were worried for my well-being. They we’re only worried about how the group was going to move forward.” Lisa explains, JYP is a lot of things but at least he allows for his artist to have some say for their wellbeing. We’ll post debut at least. Mina reaches her hand out to Lisa running circles with her thumb.

“For a moment—I thought that am I really just Lisa from Blackpink. Is that how everyone sees me—is that how I’m supposed to see myself. And I don’t know something I used to enjoy like performing I didn’t anymore. Plus, on top of everything else I just felt used.” Lisa sighs, Mina doesn’t let go. There is a sense of comfort hearing this from the Thai girl. The last couple months she’s felt like a vessel everyone only sees her as Mina from Twice. All because they wanted her to stay and in the end all it did was push her away.  

“So, in moments like that. Yes—I do feel like just a shell.” Lisa sighs, she’s never shared this with anyone before. She’d just accepted that this is part of being an idol. Mina looks at Lisa who’s clearly in deep thought preparing to say something else.

“But I think finally debuting, seeing my family, making friends with people that know me and spending time doing things I like. I’m reminded that I am more than just my band and that I should’ve gotten the surgery instead of pushing through.” Lisa tries to make a joke out of it but Mina understands.

“Maybe this is a way of learning?” Mina lightens up the mood getting closer to the Thai girl slightly pushing herself onto her. Lisa smiles naturally planting a kiss on Mina’s forehead. “I guess we’re both learning how to be an idol”

They arrive back at the house but decide to opt for the entrance by the kitchen so they can drop off a few things. Lisa begins to take her things off and notices that Mina’s in deep thought. Mina doesn’t let herself think about it for a moment longer. She pulls the basket from Lisa hands and places it on the floor. Lisa turns around confused with one shoe off piercing into Mina’s eyes trying to find an answers.

Mina moves closer as her gaze latches onto Lisa eyes and lips, she can’t even begin to form any thoughts. She feels her back slowly familiarize itself with the wall. There’s nowhere for her to go and Mina can’t help herself anymore. She tiptoes reaching and hoping to connect her lips with Lisa’s. The world tapers at this moment, below the dim lights of the house. Heeding to their intensifying breaths sync with one another.

A small noise comes from Lisa as she’s shocked to have Mina make the first move. It never occurs to Lisa that Mina would pull away until she tries feeling a little embarrassed. But the taller girl protests placing her hand on the ballerina’s nape assuring her. This kiss is something that Lisa’s been waiting for all day. Lisa’s touch burns straight through Mina’s cardigan.

Lisa tilts her head signaling deepening the kiss. As if their peck alone didn’t leave Mina paralyzed, Lisa slowly guides their kiss. Bopping their heads to the beat of each other’s rhythm. Lisa can feel her desire for the girl grow with every nibble Mina hints at. Mina deeply inhales feeling Lisa’s tongue brush upon her bottom lip. Lisa’s hands pull away from Mina’s nape and migrate down to her waist trying to guide them both out of the genkan. The other shoe simply slips off of her foot, Lisa tries to lead her as best as she can up the stairs. Only Mina’s back softly meets a wall, Mina lips part in a moan, Lisa takes the opportunity to slip her tongue in. Caressing hers in strokes so sensual she couldn’t tell where one ended and hers began. Mina moans at the contact, she’s never kissed anyone like this before. Lisa can taste the chocolate from earlier, it’s so addictive. Lisa reaches for Mina’s cardigan slowly slipping it off of her.

The warmth of her touch curls through Mina’s stomach, between her thighs, traveling all the way down to her toes. Finally, the wall ends and Mina can feel the start of the stairs, instinctively she climbs. For a moment they try to stay upright but quickly fail. Lisa pulls away giving each other a moment to breathe—more importantly a moment to think. Lisa’s searches for anything that shows regret but Mina’s face bares none of that.

Instead, its plush and pink as she focuses on taking deep inhales. Lisa looks down at her lips noticing how swollen they are, Mina’s cheeks turn even deeper turning away from her. “Hey—we don’t have to do anything. We can just lock the doors, say goodnight and head on up okay?” Lisa smiles reassuring that there truly is no pressure or expectations for them to go anywhere. But Mina’s too focus on trying to get her heart rate down, she’s truly dumbfounded.

Lisa chuckles waiting another minute before planting a kiss on her forehead. “I’m going to go lock up okay.” Mina watches the Thai girl walk away from her cooly as if that kiss wasn’t the hottest thing. Mina looks around trying to gather herself.

She hears Lisa shuffling around the kitchen and locking a few doors. Lisa knows that she needed to step away, she’s got a lot of self-control. She’s been trained to have nothing but self-control, yet she’s never had experience of being a teenager in love let alone lust. Never having the need to be around the person and just kiss them all the time. And now all she’s experienced is this sexual need this—

Before she could finish that thought, Mina turns her around pulling her into yet another kiss. With her hand on Lisa’s nape pulling her desperately wanting to be closer as if that’s even possible. A needy noise escapes Lisa mouth. Lisa pushes her back once again guiding her up the stairs. This time she made sure to use her memory to guide both of them up the stairs. Mina didn’t care which room they were going to. Stopping at the door, Lisa slips one of her thighs between her legs. Mina gasps, her thigh pressuring up. Her cheeks pink and flush, lips swollen and red parted gasping for air.

Their pupils blown wide open, the amber of their irises a thin circle. They both forget that they’re in the middle of a corridor as if they had no care in the world. So unaware of how much they want each other. Slowly Mina begins to lift Lisa’s shirt. Fingers brushing against velvet soft skin, disconnecting their eye contact for a moment dropping the shirt by their feet. Mina’s scans Lisa’s toned body, the warmth in her stomach builds. Lisa begins to slowly toil her thigh against Mina’s center.

Her eyes roll back feeling some pleasure, Lisa takes the opportunity of her exposed nape. Greeting it with her mouth leaving a soft trail of wet kisses. From the edge of her jaw all the way down to her collar bone. Mina’s breath begins to labor with each kiss. As Lisa lingers and sucks each spot longer every time. Lisa knows that it’s only moments away before she caves and reaches for something Mina might not be ready for. Mina tangles her hand with Lisa’s hair pulling her away from her neck. Knowing that if Lisa lingers a little too long, she’d have a bruise.

Lisa chuckles, she searches in Mina’s dark eyes for any indication to stop. But sees none, Lisa slides both hands down Mina’s legs before cupping her butt then lightly tapping it. Lisa easily picks her up opening the door to Mina’s room. She places her on top of a dresser, they had spent the last 10 minutes nipping at each others lips, plumping them naturally.

Mina pulls Lisa back in, deciding their lips have been apart for too long. Lisa groans at Mina’s aggression, she pulls her hands back not wanting to make this situation uncomfortable. By placing her hands where Mina might not be comfortable having it. But Mina’s searching for that burning sensation with Lisa’s hands all over her body. When she opens her eyes she sees Lisa hands placed behind her back stiffer than a board. She shakes her head within the kiss pulling them out from behind her.

Placing them right by her waist, unsure of what that meant Lisa left them there. Mina doesn’t know where to go from here of course. Everything leading up to this moment has been her following Lisa’s lead but she knows that Lisa isn’t going to make a move until she says otherwise. It’s best they stop but Mina can’t help herself but reach where clearly Lisa is desperate to be touched.

Lisa’s caught up in trying to match Mina’s pace, brushing her upper lip before sucking on it. Earning more moans from her acknowledging that she’ll be hearing these moans in her dreams for months. Mina’s lips alone are driving her crazy, it’s like whiskey on a cold night. Warm, addictive and strong. With her attention solely focused on Mina, it doesn’t register that fact she’s bringing one hand between her thighs. Her nimble fingers dancing over her zipper. Lisa’s alarm bells finally catch her attention when she feels the zipper vibrating down to be undone.

She’s unable to say anything as Mina’s hands slide down, wedging her hands between her pants and the only cloth separating them from going any further. “Shit” Lisa moans tilting her head back exposing her neck. But what a sight it is for Mina. To see her so vulnerable with her chest so plump and bare. Her neck so naked, Mina thinks back during one of the few times when she touched herself. Surely, it’s the same feel-good sensation Lisa can feel.

Planting her mouth on Lisa’s neck, slowly tracing circles with her hand on Lisa’s center. Another moan comes out of the taller girl. Unable to control herself she leans her head forward. Slowly panting, “I…Mina…” Lisa can barely get a word in. With her neck covered in wet trails of kisses to her center getting the attention it desperately needs.

“We…have to…” she pants in between groans with Mina trying to concentrate. “Stop…” Lisa barely completes, Mina pulls away.

“Am I doing it wrong?” Mina chases her breath waiting for Lisa to responds. Pulling her hands away slowly. Lisa eyes darken, “If you were doing it wrong, I wouldn’t be stopping you…” out of breath and slowly trying to think things through.

“So why are we stopping?” Mina questions, Lisa sighs. In disbelief about what she says next, “I just want you to be okay with this. This is a big step and I just want you to be ready. Doing this….” she pauses sliding her hands down Mina’s joggers slowly.

The ballerina bites the bottom of her lips. Lisa hasn’t arrived at her center yet and she’s already weak in the knees. She palms her center aggressively before running a finger through Mina’s folds. “…is a lot different from where this is heading.” she simply states planting her hands rights by waistband of Mina’s underwear.

She understands Lisa concern but now all she can think about is, giving into Lisa. “I am ready for you to touch me.” Mina leans over to whisper in Lisa’s ear then biting her lobe. Mountains and a chill run up Lisa back to feel Mina breath so close. She dips her hand beyond the waist band reaching for Mina’s center.

Lisa doesn’t break the eye contact instead she watches the pleasure take over. Her hands gliding itself down cupping Mina’s center. Running her fingers through her folds, watching Mina’s eyes roll to the back of her head as reaction. Mina releases a moan louder than she’d expected. Fuck, that feels good. She thought to herself, Lisa begins to massage her most sensitive spot.

The moisture growing between her and Lisa’s fingers. Her moans becoming more fearless, Lisa captures parts of her neck. This time trying to continue what she already started. Mina didn’t care there’s tension growing in her as Lisa fastens her movement. Mina moans again, Lisa rests her head on her shoulder. Trying to keep her contact merely on Mina’s clit.

She doesn’t want to push the girl by pushing a finger into her. “I…” Mina tries to speak as Lisa continues massage her clit. “More…” she groans requesting desperately.

“Okay.” Lisa husks in her ear slowly inserting her finger in. A groan escapes joyously from her mouth feeling Lisa inside her. Slowly Lisa pumps her finger in and out of Mina. The Japanese girl drapes her arms over scratching Lisa’s back. “…More…” Mina whimpers, tilting her head back grinding herself onto Lisa fingers. Matching her pace, syncing their breathing and movement together.

“Shit.” Groans by Mina’s ear watching her get herself off on Lisa’s fingers alone. “You’re so hot.” She adds, Mina licks her mouth as she continues to gasp knowing how close she is. Lisa can tell how close she is to her peak by the way her walls are tightening around her finger. Lisa starts to quicken her pace, attacking Mina’s neck. This time neither of them care whether or not it leaves a mark. It feels too good to even be bothered about the consequences of leaving a mark.

Mina tries to muffle her moans by attaching her mouth right onto Lisa’s shoulder. As she reaches climax her moans turn to biting and sucking on the younger woman’s skin. Lisa sensitive to the feeling of course and tries to pull herself out slowly. Mina rests her head on Lisa’s chest catching her breath and letting her high pass.

“Are you okay?” Lisa questions, lifting Mina’s head form her chest. Knowing how intense someone’s first time is—Mina can’t even look Lisa in the eyes.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about—I just want to make sure you’re okay with everything that we just did.” Lisa assures the Japanese girl whose cheeks haven’t quit since the beginning of this interaction. Mina refuses to look at Lisa and instead just shakes her head. Lisa chuckles rubbing the back of Mina’s head in comfort. Lisa doesn’t rush Mina in away and continues to rub her back.

After a few minutes Mina finally looks up at Lisa with these big amber eyes. Unsure of where to start let alone what to say, “I—I’ve never—that was—I really like you Lisa.” Is all Mina is able to say. It’s not even a full sentence but that’s all her brain could muster up to say. Lisa lifts Mina’s face through her chin giving her the softest kiss on her lips. “Why don’t you go wash up and I’ll look for my shirt. And I’ll make sure I didn’t miss a door or something.” Lisa winks licking her fingers before heading out of Mina’s room.

The Japanese girl is paralyzed watching Lisa taste her, as if getting her to cum wasn’t embarrassing enough. It’s a different feeling when you do it for yourself than when someone does it for you. She hears Lisa’s footsteps make their way up the steps and she finally realizes she’s been on top of the dress much longer than she’s expected. Assuming that Lisa is return to her room she tries to fix herself but she surprises to hear her go across the room. She decides to do as Lisa had suggested and gather her belongs for a shower.

Lisa on the other hand needed a minute to just collect herself and her thoughts. Most of it consumed with regret, in fear that Mina will ignore her as soon as she leaves. And that this whole thing is her using Lisa for her to figure herself out. There is a quick panic that rushes at the irrationality of it. But she can also recognize the possibility.

Avoiding herself from dwelling the worst Lisa begins to prep her things for a shower. She looks at her phone to see the normal notifications, her parents and Diana. But she sees a familiar name that hits her with guilt Jihyosi🦄🍭.

[Jihysosi 🦄🍭 ]

Hey, I was hoping to see you but I heard from your bandmates that you went back to Thailand. How’s the family?

Lisa sighs, she doesn’t like lying to someone so close to Mina. But she knows that less people know that they’re both even spending their time together, the better.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

Yes, I felt like a couple of days wasn’t enough. I’m sorry I missed you. The family is good how are you?

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

That’s wonderful. I’m glad you’re getting some rest, how’s your grandfather?

Lisa hates the lying it kills her, especially since this friendship is just blooming. They finally were able to meet up after multiple encounters during award shows. Truly it hurst to know that they’re building this friendship together. And keeping such important information about her own bandmate from her feels so wrong.

[Jihyosi🦄🍭]

Thank you Jyo. He’s doing the things and I’m trying to be there as much as I can. That means a lot how are you taking the tour and the hiatus?

She places her phone on top of the bed and begins to gather the rest of her things for a shower. Lisa hears the bathroom door open and she takes her leave. She runs into Mina as she walks over to her bedroom door, her cheeks immediately turn brighter. Only this time the steam isn’t the one bringing colors to her cheeks.

“Hi.” She softly greets, pressing a soft kiss on Mina’s cheeks before walking away. It’s kind of addicting to have this effect on someone.

It takes Mina 7 minutes after her shower to finally get dressed. She’s getting flashbacks just by looking at the dresser where Lisa had her. Hearing those words whisper in her ears every time she closes her eyes. “Ah Mina” she whispers to herself before heading down the stairs to grab some water. Looking for something to cool her off. She fills a cup of water and begins to scroll through her phone. She hasn’t looked at it since this morning. No notifications from social media of course but lots of texts from a lot of the members of twice. Mina looks over her messages to see that even the twice group chat has been quiet since she left.

But there is one message that entices her to read;

[Momoring🍑🩷] 10 minutes ago

She’s just in love with you. She shouldn’t be faulted for that.

[Momoring🍑🩷] 20 minutes ago

I really hope that you didn’t leave because of her.

[Momoring🍑🩷] 1 hour ago

I miss you, I know we don’t really get too emotional about how we’re feeling because when it comes to that we’re a little different but. I hope you’re doing well and that you’re taking care of yourself. The group is really different without you but I’m sure already knew that. I don’t like not having you around.

“Fuck.” She mutters, when Momo gets like this where she’s getting into her emotions she’s knows nothing about the group is going well.

Momo’s always been good about separating her feelings to their work. But sometimes, when it’s truly hurting her she doesn’t know the difference.

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

Is everything okay? 

She simply doesn’t want to talk about herself let alone Nayeon. All she wants to know is if everything is okay. Finding the water a little too weak she goes through the cupboard to find some sake that she knows her parents love to collect. She pours herself a small glass despite knowing the effects and takes a sip as she waits.

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

Honestly no. Jyo and I just got into it and it was a big fight Mina. I said some things I didn’t mean but I said them anyway.

It’s no secret that their relationship has always had this strain. But it wasn’t always like that, the way Momo saw it one day they were close then the next Jihyo just got cold. And when Mina had asked Jihyo about what’s going on she said, it was Momo that got cold. After what happened between Momo and Dahyun of course, it put more stress on their relationship.

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

What do you mean?

Mina wonders, they all can have quite a temper and usually it’s taken very lightly. But she’s never heard of her bandmates confessing to crossing the line. She’s nervous, she had a feeling that something like this would happen when she left.

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

I said something really bad Mitang

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

I told her that there isn’t a day that I regret voting for Jeongyeoni as our leader instead of her.

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

I didn’t even mean it.

Mina sighs at her best friend’s text message. One of Jihyo’s biggest insecurity has always been the position of leader. Mina’s been on the receiving of Momo’s bite before but Mina never back down if anything she met the older girl’s energy. But with Jihyo, Mina knows she simply sat there, listened then explained her side. No emotions just logistics.

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

So why say it?

“Hey..” Lisa whispers trying to grab Mina’s attention as she scrunches her face at her phone screen. Mina looks up at her smiling, “Hey, how was your shower?” she questions sipping on the sake waiting for the taller girl to answer.

Lisa hovers over Mina catching the rest of the sake in her mouth. Mina’s cheeks begin to burn red again, “It was good yours?” Mina clears her throat trying to ignore the butterflies flapping about in her stomach.

“Lonely. But good.” Lisa smirks, pouring herself a glass of sake. Mina’s attention pulls itself back to her phone.

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

I just hate what she did to my relationship. I’m having such a hard time forgiving her.

Mina sighs, she’s known for a very long time that Jihyo stepping in was never the reason for Dahyun and Momo’s break up. “Everything okay?” Lisa questions pulling away not wanting to fall into temptation by stealing a glance at Mina’s phone. “I just—hold on.”

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

Momoring. She had nothing to do with your relationship ending. Dahyun wanted to just talk to you. She wanted to discuss on what to do and YOU jumped the gun assuming that she was going to break up with you. Instead you broke up with her. You always do this Momoring you always try to hurt the people that love you the most so that they can’t hurt you. And I hope that you think of doing something to make it up to her because you know how fucked that is.

Mina’s slaps her phone down irritated at thought of the band environment her close friends are going through. The last thing they need is another reason to be wedge apart, not having her there is tough enough.

“Momo and Jihyo are fighting. But I don’t know if they’ll ever fix this. This has been going on to about 2 years now.” Mina sighs, grabbing the sake and pouring herself another shot. Lisa tilts her head at the information and the sight of her consuming alcohol.

“Oh, also I thought you were allergic to alcohol. And do they always fight?” Lisa wonders treading lightly knowing how precious a group dynamic is in general. Mina chuckles, “I am but from what I’ve noticed in moments like this I need a little of alcohol to just say what I need to say. Momo’s very hardheaded person especially when she feels like you’ve wronged her.”

Lisa’s face turn into pure concern, “Do they usually fight?” she wonders, placing herself on top of the counter. Mina sighs, “Not this much but ever since—” she pauses wondering if she can even share such an intimate secret about her group. But Mina’s knows there’s no one that Lisa would even bother to tell.

“It’s complicated but to make a long story short. Dahyun and Momoni dated for about 1 and some months. And because she’s the leader of the group Jihyo was put in a position where she had to have a difficult conversation with the both of them. Momo being her protective and defensive self, saw Jihyo as a threat to her relationship. And somehow convinced herself that Jihyo influenced Dahyun to break up with her when in reality Dahyun just wanted to talk to her but she thought it was going to be the end. So, she broke poor Dahyun’s heart and has been blaming Jihyo for the last year.” Mina explains shaking her head. Lisa struggles to understand or at least comprehend all of that.

“Wait—wait—wait—Momo-unnie and Dahyun? Dating a year? What?!” she exclaims excusing the shot glass completely moving onto lips to bottle. Mina chuckles, “What nobody in Blackpink has ever—”

“You’re avoiding the question.” Lisa simply interrupts Mina before any further questions could be present. Mina rolls her eyes feeling the effects of alcohol start to slowly kick in. “Yes they did. But all of that is over now and honestly it’s deterred a lot of us from dating let alone dating within the group.”

Lisa nods her head slowly, shit, she thought to herself. “So, what was their fight about?”

“Momoring can be—”

“Intimidating?” Lisa says half-jokingly, Mina shakes her head once again rolling her eyes. “No—and yes. But—sometimes she takes it a little too far and she knows that she has. She made a mistake pointing out one of Jihyo’s insecurity which is her position as leader—” Mina continues to ramble and Lisa begins to notice those moments with Jihyo when she’d comfort the Aquarius woman about how well she is at being a leader. “—I don’t know about you but having someone point out my biggest insecurity isn’t my favorite past time. I know she didn’t mean it but sometimes when she truly feels like she’s been wrong she doesn’t know when to stop.”

Disappointingly Mina hates to admit it, it’s one of Momo’s weakness. It’s one of those things that she brings into the band that creates problems. She’s not the only one of course because they all have something like this. It makes the situation for both girls much harder. Knowing that they both have been lying to the woman about what’s going on. Acting as if they aren’t together or have something one.

“So, what do you think is going to happen?” Lisa questions passing the liquor back to Mina who’s debating and recollecting the memories of the past.

“I don’t know. Having Momo be mad at Jihyo has made the dynamic of the group really weird. It’s been throwing everyone off—you know I just—they didn’t used to be like this. They used to be so close, they’d train together—Jihyo used to coach Momo with her vocals and Mom would help Jihyo learn how to control her body. But now—”

“It all makes sense now—she was calling me sobbing a few weeks ago—”

“A few weeks ago—this just happened? What was wait—” Mina’s tone changes in pure concern almost in pure panic. She brings her hands to her chest feeling it slowly tightening. Lisa quickly picks up on her body language walking over to her. She grabs Mina’s hands planting on her chest, “Listen to me—focus on my heartbeat okay just breathe.”

“It’s my fault.” She whispers slowly refusing to offer Lisa any eye contact. Mina repeats, Lisa bends down to look deeply into her eyes, “Listen to my heart. Feel it thumping focus on that right now. You said it yourself—they are in charge of their actions. So, blaming yourself for their wrongs won’t do any of you any good.” Lisa slowly speaks knowing that a high and much fast pitch will only have the opposite effect on the girl. Mina slowly nods, trying her best to ignore her thoughts. That are currently insisting that their fight is all because she wasn’t there to diffuse the tension.

And that her disappearance has only made the environment of her band worse. “Stay here—with me.” Lisa starts to breath calmly for aid the younger girl to sync their breaths. Mina slowly touches Lisa’s forehead with hers. “Slowly with me okay---in—” Lisa starts inhaling loudly, Mina copies, “Exhale.” She says softly.

“Thank you.” Her breath is shaky, she’s always had to fight these panic attacks by herself. It’s different to have someone guide you through a panic attack. “I’m sorry—I just hate that there could be a part of my absences that’s causing so much strain in the band.” Mina buries her head in Lisa neck, the taller girls nods.

“I understand but you being gone is for you. Whatever is going on with them should stay with them. The last thing you need is to worry about them. You are here for you Mina—you are not here for them. You need to remember that you are not the cause for other’s reactions with one another.” Lisa sigh, softly brushing Mina’s hair trying to keep soothing her. Mina doesn’t say much, she finds herself enjoying Lisa’s musk.

She’s beginning to find comfort in Lisa’s scent, it’s grounding kind of energy. “I’m sorry I just worry.” Mina mumbles under her breath wrapping her arms around Lisa’s torso. “I understand—why don’t we go to bed.” The taller girl tries to comfort the Japanese woman. Mina pulls away and begins to put her dishes away. Lisa decides to add the sake back into the cabinet before following younger girl up the stairs.

Lisa let’s go of her hand, “I’ll see you tomorrow.” she smiles walking over the door. “Wait—do you want to sleep with me?” Mina questions not fully giving Lisa eye contact. Lisa smiles, “Are we sleeping?” she jokes knowing that she’s one hundred percent sure that she means sleep. Mina chokes on air hearing Lisa’s suggestions. “Yes of course I mean sleep.” Lisa doubts the Japanese girl smirking at her hand.

Mina waits for her to take it within hers, “I…I wouldn’t even…if you don’t want too I understand. What we just did was…”

“Mina—” Lisa sighs, rubbing her cheek, “What we did was a lot and I’m sorry if you weren’t ready for it. I don’t—”

“I was ready for it. I just—meant that I wouldn’t know how to or where to start with you—with that I mean.” Mina answers interrupting Lisa before she begins to ramble. Lisa nods in relief hearing that she didn’t cross the line with Mina. “There is no pressure to ever reciprocate, Mina. Now—c’mon let’s go to bed.” Lisa softly pushes Mina towards her room, since they were a little busy when she first entered the room. She can finally study the younger girl’s room.  A lot of nicknaks from what Lisa can only assume is from her childhood. A lot of twice photos that she knows the fandom would go crazy for. Since most of these photos look like they’ve never been seen by the public eye.

Of course photos of her family and photos that only Lisa can assume Mina can’t remember. Since some of it looks like America. “Are you ready?” Mina questions over by her bed, Lisa looks at Mina’s who is now charging her phone. Lisa walks over to the other side trying to hide her smirk. She places her phone on the night stand and turns to face the girl. “Goodnight.” She says softly placing a kiss on her forehead before turning the other way to turn the light off.

Mina decides not to protest and does the same. Lisa had spent most of the day anxious about how the date was going to go so her body was ready to say goodnight. Mina sighs getting ready to say something bus quick to hear the Thai girl softly snoring.

What am I going to say?

***

The next morning, Mina finds herself wrapped under Lisa’s arms. Her head tenderly on top of Lisa’s chest, slowly finding comfort in her heartbeat. Almost falling right back to sleep until, “Minari?” she hears the soft nurse’s voice from the other side of her door. Mina stands right up at the sound of the nurses voice, “Shit.”

Without paying attention during her climb up she had elbowed the Thai girl. Lisa moans loudly but doesn’t say much, “Minari?” with the nurse unsure whether she heard the younger girl or someone else she asks again. “Yes. I’m coming.” She gently answers while rocking Lisa back and forth delicately. “Lisayah—you need to get up my nurse is here to give me medications and check my vitals” without raising her voice of course. Her warning means nothing to the taller girl of course.

Mina begins to scramble around the room, trying to get herself together. “Lisayah…” she says a little louder this time but the taller doesn’t say much.

“Mitang—can I come in?” the nurse threatens, Mina clears her throat, “No. Wait, I’m getting dressed—I was up a lot later than I would’ve liked last night I’ll meet you downstairs” she instructs, the nurse decides not to go against and simply heads down the stairs. Hearing the steps descend back down Mina looks at a peaceful Lisa. She walks over, hovering right above her face. “I’ll see you later.” She whispers placing a kiss on her forehead while caressing her cheeks. Lisa’s eyes peak through her drowsiness, she of course couldn’t help but smile. As if it’s instinct Lisa sits up a little planting a kiss on Mina’s lips. Her eyes ready to pop right out of her eyes surprised at the interaction. Lisa pulls away, turning the other way right back onto sleep.

“Mitang?” she hears a shout from down the stairs. Reactively she walks away from her bedroom and out of her room. Mina takes a quick trip to the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth before heading downstairs.

“Good morning, Mitang, your cheeks are a little red did you take a shower?” the nurse questions, pulling her sleeves up prepping to take her vitals. Mina takes a quick gaze of herself in the mirror, and the nurse isn’t lying. “Uhm no.” she’s quick to answer sitting down, the other nurse prep her meds and her water. She’s quick to take it so there’s no more room for questions. “Heartbeat is a little elevated—but everything else seems to be normal.” Unsure of what could’ve possibly cause this she decides to simply record it.

“Alright, why don’t you get some breakfast, and we’ll get going right after.” The doctor instructs, Mina bows excusing herself to the kitchen. “Good morning, Mitang.” Aiko smiles excitedly greeting Mina as she walks in. Aiko pushes the porridge she has made for the younger girl. Mina bows her head sitting across from the older woman.

“Good morning, Aiko.” Mina tries to hide the blush that’s still very pleasant on her cheeks. Aiko turns around to continue to prep the rest of the food for the day.

The sizzle of the food fills the air. A few moments later Aiko clears her throat, “How was the picnic with Lisashi?” she inquiries as casually as possible. Mina giggles, “It was good—we spent the rest of the afternoon at the picnic and then came home—” she clears her throat getting flashbacks of what occurred as soon as they arrived at home.

“And played some games but stayed up a little too long so—I—uhh—woke up a little later that I would like.” She tries to focus without thinking of how good she felt last night.

“I see—I’m glad you had a good time. Lisa’s a very nice girl. I like her.” Aiko replies casually as she begins to pack her things.

“Mitang—do you have your phone?” the nurse questions, having been so surprised earlier this morning she didn’t even bother to grab it. “No I think—I left it upstairs.” The nurse bows her head, “Alright. I’ll just grab it,” the nurses voices fade and Mina’s quick to dismiss it.

The alarms in her head begin to ring reminding her that Lisa’s sound asleep in her bed. “Wait!” she shouts, which is unlike her scaring everyone in the house. She hurriedly bows her head excusing herself from the staff to catch up to the nurse. “Yes Mitang?” she wonders turning around halfway up the stairs. “I can grab it—I forgot something—“she sheepishly smiles walking pass her into her room. Lisa sits up slowly at the sound of Mina entering her room.

Lisa rubs his eyes, “Mina?” she questions. Mina looks over at her and can’t help but melt at how cute she’s being. The Japanese girl walks over to her phone and sits down to say good morning one more time, “Morning.” Mina says, the Thai girl pulls her down for a kiss, which takes her by surprise. But it’s more than just a peck, Lisa pulls Mina by her nape trying to get her back into bed. “Mhmmm” she says in between the kiss trying pull away.

Lisa tries to protest but lets go moments later, “I have to go. But you can stay as long as you want. I just didn’t want the nurse to get confused when she came in to grab my phone. Besides I wanted to say good morning one more time. I’ll see you when I come back?” Mina instructs and all the taller can do is nod. Her brain is barely awake she only had the power to know that she wanted to kiss Mina.

Mina leaves a kiss on her forehead before heading back to breakfast. She glances at her phone to see an alarming message from Momo and Jihyo;

[Jihyo🦉💛]

I haven’t been truly honest with you. And without you around it feels like I can’t really be honest with anyone. I miss you. I miss having someone to talk too…someone who understands me. I haven’t been truly honest with anyone or the group.

[Jihyo🦉💛]

But since recently we all seem to just be going through it and I don’t know what to do with it anymore I feel like texting you is just as close as talking it through with you.

[Jihyo🦉💛]

The only reason Daniel and I even started talking a year ago was because of Momo and Dahyun. Maybe it’s the fight Momo and I had that has made me do some reflecting, but I don’t want to keep things from you guys anymore. At first of course our relationship was a PR stunt, but we spent so much time together and it just developed nicely you know.

[Jihyo🦉💛]

I do love him. He’s one of the best people around but I just haven’t seen him. And when we do see each other it doesn’t have that same spark it feels like we’re just doing it out of obligation. Which is now gone so I think a part of me is rethinking everything about our relationship. Did I just find comfort in him because I was forced too or did, I truly love him? I’m hoping my time in America and away will help me understand how I truly feel. I’ve been in this with him for almost two years now and I don’t want to keep going if my heart is not in it.

[Jihyo🦉💛]

You don’t have to reply. I just needed to figure this out and talk it out. I miss you and I hope you are well.

[Momoring 🍑 🩷 ]

I know I fucked up. But now she won’t even look at me and when she talks to me it’s short and quick. I don’t blame her though—I just don’t want to get hurt.

Mina sighs, “Perfect.” The nurse says taking from Mina. There’s no point in even protesting. She doesn’t even know where to start with the bomb that Jihyo just dropped and she doesn’t know what to say to Momo to make everything better.  

***

Back at the dorm in Korea, Jennie is sprawled across her bed. With letters to everyone but mostly Lisa occupying the bed. Right now she’s drafting yet another one before she heads to the studio.

Dear Lisa,

…This might be my 100^th or 50^th letter to you and yet I feel like I still have so much to say. In my last letter I talked about how I should’ve known that I loved you right from the beginning. Kai made me happy—he did. He’s sweet, thoughtful and handsome but he never made me feel the way that you did. Every time I saw you when you first moved to Korea, I couldn’t help but want to get close to you. I had asked around the company, but everybody seems to have steered away from you because they were scared too. Call it stupidity or call it love but I didn’t care. I just needed to know your name.

I remember everything…

I remember how I introduced myself, but you were so surprised and so happy that someone finally talked to you. That you rambled on about how happy you are to finally have a friend. Five minutes of your rambling you finally let me know your name was Lisa.

Lisa…it’s all so perfect.

My schedule before you was so isolating maybe it was because I had been there the longest, so they had to start making different lessons for me. But I changed everything for you, for a long time I used the excuse that you motivated me—that I finally met someone that wanted to be here as much as me. When in reality—I just love being around you. You made me smile, harder than a lot of the people I’ve grown up around. You made me feel wanted, you didn’t push me away like everyone else had.

But I am and was too stupid to notice what I had. I guess what they say is true, you truly never know what you have until it’s gone. If I could do it all over again—I would.

All that time during my Solo promotions you took your time with me. Went to all of my photo shoots, spoke to me about choreography, ran through it with me multiple times despite not having to perform it. You were in the studio bright and early like me, I’d protest knowing that you’ve got a schedule of your own, but you said that it was your pleasure. That hearing me sing or rap was inspirational because you wanted to be as decisive as me.

I love you.

And I’ll say it over and over again—I love—

Her thought is cut short when Chaeyoung knocks on the door frame trying to get her attention. Jennie looks up trying to hide Lisa name. As if the blonde girl can even see from all the way over there. “We’re about to head back to the studio—I mentioned to Teddy that we’ve been working on something and he’s excited to hear about it.” Chaeyoung smiles giddy about what she had spoken and worked on with the Twice member.

“Okay—I’ll be out in a second—have you spoken to Jisooni?” Jennie questions wrapping her thoughts placing all the letters in a notebook.

“Yeah—she’s in the living room trying to get a hold of Lisa.” Chaeyoung pauses for a moment knowing that she has to ask out of pure curiosity and worry. “I know you guys don’t speak much but have you heard from her? Or did she tell you anything when you guys rehearsed? Have you heard from manager-unnie?” Jennie stops for a moment, she remembers how secretive the two had gotten prior to Lisa leaving. But decided not to pay attention knowing that if she let her curiosity get the best of her there’s a possibility that she might get hurt.

“No—but I know she was figuring out her schedule a lot with manager-unnie. I can only assume it’s to go see her family. She only gets that way with her family—” she reasons without offering any eye contact. Nervous at the mention of the maknae. “—Yeah but we would’ve heard from her by now.” She interrupts her senior who takes a deep breath trying not to lose her patience.

“—I understand but—her grandfather hasn’t been feeling well. So—it could be that.” Jennie turns around with her things in hand walking towards the blonde. She nods in agreement at Jennie’s reasoning, how could she have possibly forgotten Lisa’s worry about her grandfather. The maknae had confided in her about her worries besides crying over Jennie. “You’re right I’m sure all her time is spent with him—which is a good thing.” The blonde grabs the older girls bag guiding her to the living room.

“Everybody ready?” Jisoo stands up without looking up from her phone still heavily immerse in it. The two girls erupt in yes’s as they head out the door. The ride to the building feels like seconds knowing how they’ve been making this commute for almost a decade now. Jisoo and Jennie head off to the dance studio and the blonde heads to the recording studio. “I’ll see you unnies later.” She waves them off, Jisoo and Jennie open the door to see Chesire already stretching with the background dancers

When they see the girls waltz in everyone’s attention turns to them. It’s always something that Jennie’s never gotten used to. The dancers bow deeply as a sign of respect and the girls happily reciprocate. “Hello.” They say in unison, the room erupts in hellos. Chesir approaches the girls and the rest continue to stretch, “How are you girls?” she starts making conversation, the last week the girls have made it very clear that they have had a very tough time learning the choreography for Pretty Savage.

“Good—I was wondering—well we—” Jennie turns to Jisoo who is still caught on her phone, Jennie playfully pushes her to get her attention. “Sorry.” She pushes her phone down giving Jennie no time to glance at her phone. “We—we’re wondering if we could run through—the pre-chorus to the chorus.” Jennie asks and Jisoo simply nods, the younger girl can tell she’s a little distracted.

Cheshir nods her head, “Of course, why don’t we get started with some stretches and we can start from there.” She smiles before walking away to instruct the dancers. Jennie and Jisoo place their things on the couch and Jennie can’t help but let her curiosity get the best of her.

“I don’t know if Chaeyoung has asked you but have you heard from Lisa?” she makes no eye contact with Jisoo. The eldest clears her throat, “No I haven’t I usually would’ve heard from her by now—but maybe she’s finally getting the space she needs.” Jisoo dismiss the conversation by walking away and putting her phone down right on top of her bag. She’s hiding something.  Jennie thought to herself but decides to get her into the rehearsal space.

“Alright—let’s get started with some stretching. Eunchong’s going to be stepping in for Lisa today and until Chaeyoung is done Dany is going to take her place.” Cheshir instructs and everyone follows. They’d spent the last couple of days recording vocals and prepping for shoots. This is their first day back in the dance studio, it’s a little weird not to have the dance machine here. Eunchong and Dany bow their head at the members taking their respectable place. Jennie and Jisoo exchange looks with one another seeing their members missing. Lisa had already missed most of the dance rehearsals last week. If they can both recall she only attended 2 of the group mandatory rehearsals for blocking.

Cheshir guides them through the stretches which both girls can feel in their joints. It’s only been two weeks since tour ended, and they already tell a difference within their joints. With all of the movement they make their joints tend to freeze up like a wet pole in the wintertime. They can physically hear some creaking as they stretch. As they’ve limber up Cheshir preps the song at it’s slowest pace, “Alright let’s start from the beginning, Jisoo-unnie, Jennie-unnie, Dany and Eunchong.” She instructs the girls to get into position. As she stands right in front of them, “We’re going to do counts first okay and 1! Stop!” she walks around examining their positions mostly Jennie and Jisoo. “Alright and —2—3—4—5—6—7—and 8!” she shouts that final number. “Pause hold it right there, now I need you guys to look at each other as a band and just embrace how awesome and bad you guys are! Bad bitches right!” Cheshir shouts amping the girls up. The whole unwraps into a bit of a giggle but understand what the message is.

“Alright from the top!” she instructs, Cheshir counts them in and this time the girls put on their game faces. As if they’re back on stage, “Yes! Alright let’s keep going—” they continue to rehearse up until the pre-chorus. Cheshir pauses the crowd is perplex, she grabs her phone “Right on time,” she pulls a chair over placing herself right in front of the room.

“I called Lisa to walk through the pre-chorus and chorus together. She did help me choreographed this after all. Can you hear us Lisa?” she questions, Lisa smiles through the camera, “Yes—Hi unnies! Hi guys whenever you are ready.” she says generally waving at the older girls. The girls try to act as if they aren’t examining where she is.

Jennie’s been at Lisa’s home but these walls don’t look familiar to her at all. Jisoo and her exchange look but the eldest shrugs. “Alright—shall we run through it first and Lisa and I can see?” Cheshir prompts earning a nod from everyone.

Cheshir counts them in, every follows the choreography they are taught. Lisa’s quick-to-glance at everyone’s movement, especially her bandmates. She’s already noticed a few mistakes they made but they continue and stop at the end of the chorus. “Alright—Jisoo-ni you work with Lisa and Jennie—unnie we’ll run through it together. Lisa you picked up on a few things that I saw?” Cheshir questions. The younger girl nods, Jisoo walks over closer to the phone to talk to Lisa. “Ahh—unnnie. Lisa squeals at the sight of the older girl. Jisoo smiles happily hearing the old Lisa through the phone. “Stop—being so nice and tell me where it went wrong.” Jisoo shakes her head and it makes Lisa laugh, “So—negative—why don’t we start with where you went right—okay from the top. Can you sing Rosies part?”

The eldest nods her head and begins to hum slowly while watching Lisa intently dance her portion, “Okay—this is the part you seem to get lost in—since in the next pre-chorus you’re last. But here you are first so as soon as you hear Yeah we’re some savage—you should already be facing the crowd. Then drop like we’re being launched up from stage—just a little bounce then head down—kah—” Lisa shouts dropping her head down then coming back up sexily.

“This is a very fast turn around because then it’s the head rolls which you’ve got down to a T-unnie—alright let’s run it!” she instructs but Jisoo’s attention is taken by the slight Japanese conversation happening in the background. “Give me a second.” Lisa pauses the facetime and mutes herself. The screen goes black, she looks at Jennie then at her reflection. Last she checked Lisa was the only one in her family that can speak Japanese—which means “She’s not home.” Jisoo mumbles to herself.

The screen reports back to Lisa and the Japanese conversation clearly diminish. “Ready?” Lisa prompts not trying to hear any questions from the older girl. Jisoo simply nods, she doesn’t want to make anything of it yet. And she sure as hell she doesn’t want to raise it to her bandmates. Not until she’s sure that Lisa isn’t home but instead in Japan. Why Japan that’s another question she’s got to find the answer too. Instead, she simply nods, she takes her place in front of the mirror following the main dancer’s prompt.

“Yes—alright let’s run through it again.” Lisa prompts, Cheshir on the other hand is currently fighting for Jennie’s attention as she continues to glance over at the phone with the maknae on it. “Jennie—unnie?” Cheshir questions, Jennie clears her throat looking at the choreographer. “Yes sorry—let’s do it one more time.” Jennie requests and the choreographer can do nothing but oblige. This time Jennie focuses on her movement in the mirror as she follows Cheshir.

They run through it a couple more times like Jisoo and Lisa do until finally they get back into position. “From the beginning—with music. Stay on the phone Lisa until we got this right, okay?” Cheshir request, Lisa gives her a thumbs up tucking the shirt in her bra. Jennie of course let her eyes wander despite not being able to see well from afar she can see clear those lines. Those lines that divide the younger girls prominent abs. So distract at the sight of her abs she completely misses the cue for the beginning of the song, “Jennie?” Jisoo turns around planting her face right in front of the distracted girl. Jennie pulls back trying to act as if she’s not completely in awe of Lisa.

“Right—sorry I’m having a hard time focusing apparently. I’m sorry.” She goes around the room bowing in remorse knowing that she’s practically wasting everyone’s time.

The music begins again, this time she puts her focus on reflection. She doesn’t bother to glance at the phone right in front of her. Finally the music and the choreography are clicking in her brain and she feels the sexy persona she puts on takeover. Past the chorus the music stops, “Yes! Now that’s what I’m talking about!” Cheshir claps enthusiastically, and Jennie caves glancing back at the phone only to see Lisa’s attention at someone else. She doesn’t know who because they’re behind the camera.

“Lisayah!” Cheshir says trying to get her attention, the maknae unmutes herself. “Yes—unnie?” she replies, “Thank you! You’re good to go enjoy your time!” Cheshir says vaguely.

Chapter Text

“I like this, Rosie. This is really good.” Teddy bops his head to the sample that Rosie and Jennie had been working on the last couple days. She’s so happy to hear the world renown producer praise her. “Do you really like it? Chaeyoung and I worked really hard on it—Jennie-unnie worked really hard on the lyrics do you think we can have this on our album?” she inquires, Teddy can’t help but smile at her eagerness, “Hey—if you guys can find the time in this busy schedule of yours then I will make the time for you. From there we can see how the other producers and obviously YG feels” 

She smiles from ear to ear as she grabs her bags and heads out the door. Rosie runs back in, “You’ve got a deal!” she shouts at Teddy happily skipping out of the studio down to the lobby. She’s tried for years to write with Teddy, but he always seems to already have something lined up for the girls. Or the team has already got something for them to sing about. 

Glancing at the van in front of the building she vaguely sees her bandmates silhouettes. She rushes to the van trying to avoid the paparazzi, “Unnie!” she exclaims planting herself right next to Jennie who’s clearly catching her breath from rehearsals. “Chaeyoungah!” she chuckles after taking a sip of her water, “Teddy is really interested in developing our song are you free tonight at 11pm?” 

Jennie chuckles, “Take me on a date first jeez.” Chaeyoung hits her playfully, “But yes I’m free.”

 Jisoo doesn’t have much to say because she doesn’t even know what’s going on. “Can someone help out here?” she jokes. “A few days ago, Chaeyoungah and I were playing around with some samples I had kept in my voice memos. Long story short we got a melody and some lyrics and then I’ve been working with Jennie unnie to figure out the rest of the lyrics. And today I showed it him and he said he’d help with the rest do you want to join us!” she can barely contain her excitement. Jisoo nods, excited to see the process hoping that there are a few things she can learn. 

“Amazing, so how did rehearsals go? Did I miss anything?” the eldest girls exchange looks, “Not much we ran through pretty savage a couple of times because as you know we’re having a hard time with the pre-chorus and the chorus. Lisa had to get on call to run through it with us—”

“Lisa?!” she questions, looking down at her phone to see still no reply then back at Jisoo. “Yes—”

“Could you tell she was at home?” Jennie jumps in letting her curiosity get the best of her. Jisoo clears her throat and debates in her head whether she should confess about hearing Japanese. “When we were doing one and one Jennie unnie mostly worked with Cheshir while I was with Lisa. She didn’t really say much—you know Lisa when it comes to dance she’s very focused.” Jisoo shrugs trying to act as casual as possible as if she hadn’t just ignored Jennie’s question.  

“So, was she at home?” This time Chaeyoung questions, Jisoo sighs clearly the girl won’t let up until she answers. “Honestly?” she starts, “Do you know anyone else in her family that speaks Japanese?” is all she’s able to say. Both girls exchange looks, the managers in the cars exchange looks but Alice doesn’t budge. 

“I’m pretty sure her mom speaks elementary Japanese but that’s about it.” Jennie answers, she’d been on a couple of holidays with Lisa and her family. Of course, she always invited, but both families had been on a holidays together. Jisoo recalls how well the Japanese was spoken and it sounded like a fluent individual. 

“Right—but this person sounded like a native speaker.” Jisoo deducts she looks at Alice one more time and nothing has changed about her demeanor. Still very focused on typing whatever she may be working on.

[Lalisa 🖤🩷 ]

You had a call with Cheshir. Jisoo heard someone speak Japanese did you forget to mute yourself?

“So, what are you saying?” You think she’s in Japan?” Rosie questions and now that she hears it out loud it wouldn’t make any sense to her.

Japan.

Lisa’s a bit preoccupied at the moment. She was prepping herself some lunch seeing that Mina wasn’t back yet. But she might’ve spoken too soon because a few seconds later the Japanese girl walks in without her noticing. Before she could even plate her food Mina turns her around and lifts her right onto the counter. She’s not able to protest because she’s greeted by the young woman’s lips.

Mina’s very hungry and aggressive lips invade hers. Last night her aggression was soft but now, there’s a desperation that Lisa understands but is surprised. Especially coming from someone who is always so calm, cool and collected. This isn’t the Mina that Lisa is used too.  This Mina is dominant as if she knows what she wants and how to get it. Frankly, Lisa doesn’t even want to protest because she finds this so attractive. She’s being tugged back and forth by the black swan as if to say she’s unsure where to go from here. Lisa brings her hand up to Mina’s nape leading her to look up. She gain some access to the Japanese girls nape and can’t help but taste everything from the night before. Mina moans at the feeling of Lisa’s tongue familiarizing themselves with Mina’s nape.

She tries to get down slowly from the counter knowing where this is going. “Do you want to go upstairs?” she inquires and for a moment Mina’s shyness returns. She brings her head down, “I’m sorry I totally interrupted you and you were about to—”

“Do you want to go upstairs?” Lisa sternly questions, this time Mina nods. Lisa grabs her hand and guides her up the stairs. She doesn’t talk knowing that that might bring more anxiety for Mina. Instead, when they reach the top Lisa looks back,  “Yours or mine?”

Mina can barely answer but instead she looks over at her room. Knowing that Lisa’s room is technically her brothers. Lisa reads her body language sliding the door open. Flashbacks of last night come crashing into her mind. But as soon as that door closes aggressive Mina is back pushing Lisa onto the dresser, with their lips tangled with one another. But the dresser didn’t suit Mina and her intentions, they finally roll onto the bed. Lisa tries to assert her dominance but fails to do so. Mina remains on top. “I want to taste you” This sentence practically ends anything Lisa was thinking let alone what she’s about to say.

All she’s able to do is nod and a smirk spread across the woman’s face. She dips her head down to capture the Thai girl’s lips in hers. This time she ensures that she gains access to Lisa’s mouth by gliding her tongue between Lisa’s lips. The girl obeys and a moan escapes her lips not only from the kiss but as Mina’s hands wander about her body. Squeezing parts of her she didn’t know she needed squeezed. It’s a very odd feeling to even dare explain.

Lisa is craving to touch Mina but she has other plans. She’s made her mission to reciprocate the feeling of last night. So instead of letting Lisa touch her she simply pins the girls hands above her head. Once again surprised at the strength the girl is exhibiting she finds herself not even putting up a fight.

Mina makes her way down to Lisa’s nape trying to control herself from leaving a mark. But as of recently she’s learned that she’s a very territorial individual. Having the opportunity to let others know that Lisa’s hers and only hers is addicting. She waits for a moment as she grazes and tugs at her nape waiting for some kind of protest. Mina gently comforts the spot she dares bite a little harder. But there is no protest from Lisa. Instead she simply moans with every opportunity that Mina takes.

Her hands begin to wander a little further south from Lisa’s arms to cup one of her breasts, breathing heavily in Lisa’s ear. It causes hills to form on her skin, it’s not quite as aggressive as she experienced before, “…fuck…” she says barely a whisper as Mina begins to leave trails down her body. Making sure that by tomorrow Lisa’s able to follow her happy trail.

Mina arrives at Lisa’s waist band and looks up, “Is this okay?” Mina questions, Lisa opens her eyes only seeing how dark Mina’s eyes have gotten. She arches her back moaning at how much Mina’s breathing alone is turning her on, “More than okay” she answers.

Mina calmly shuffles Lisa out of her shorts while Lisa works on getting her top off. When she’s left bare Mina’s shimmy’s down guiding Lisa legs open, she’s never done this before but it doesn’t take a genius to make a woman feel good. She works up to Lisa’s center starting by kissing the side of the girls’ thighs. She earns a moan when she lingers and marks what’s clearly hers.

She hasn’t even gotten to the best part yet and all of it is so sweet already. Arriving at the girls center she looks up to see Lisa on the verge of biting her bottom lip off. “Is everything okay?”

Lisa nods taking a deep breath, “I don’t want to be too loud in case someone drops by—” her eyes speak softly like a puppy but there is a darkness and desperation that follows soon after. Mina nods her head not breaking any eye contact as she lowers herself to where Lisa needs her most.

Mina deliberately runs her tongue between Lisa folds. Lisa tries to muffle her moans but Mina guides her fingers back up to Lisa’s mouth separating her lips. “I want to hear you. I want to know how good I make you feel.” Mina instructs as she slowly runs her fingers along Lisa’s lips. She turns back to where she is needed, assertively running her tongue between her folds searching for Lisa’s most sensitive spot. “Shit” Lisa moans, Mina smirks between Lisa’s legs immediately focusing all if not most of her energy on her center.

Her tongue circling around it massaging everything around to ensure that Lisa feels good. She doesn’t know where this knowledge all came from on what to do. Because she meant what she said last night about not even knowing where to start. Yet having Lisa just coming undone at the smallest touch to now one of the most intimate experiences says a lot for Mina. Clearly I’m doing something right. She thought to herself.

Mina’s tongue brushes upon her opening earning a moan that’s unlike the others. She returns with her tongue slightly inserting it but not too much as if to warm up her fingers. She opens her eyes to see Lisa panting and dripping the sheets in pure pleasure. Mina brings her fingers up to Lisa’s mouth gently inserting them into her mouth. Then transferring them down to her opening. Slowly she inserts a finger in, Lisa moans “Mina—” that sound alone did things to the younger girl.

But Mina doesn’t stop there she continues the rhythm as her mouth returns to Lisa’s most sensitive sport. Pumping her finger in and out while her most versatile muscle ensures the promise of an orgasm. Lisa’s close.

Her body following the rhythm of Mina’s fingers, “I’m so close Mina” she barely says with a moan in between each word. Mina somehow finds that a challenge inserting another finger and fastening her pace. Lisa feels foolish going on a run this morning, especially if she had known that this is where her afternoon was headed. She’s breaking more of a sweat getting fucked than she did a 5K.

Lisa’s walls get tighter and tighter on Mina’s fingers with every pump. Until finally she hears Lisa’s band of moans and her walls loosens coming undone onto her fingers. Mina’s pulls out slowly not wanting to harm the girl. She feels the pool in between her legs grow at the sight of Lisa undone. “I just need a moment” Lisa pants trying to catch her breath.

After helping the girls with the choreography she’d gone for a run. Might be the frustrations of last night. She got up for breakfast and a coffee, nothing out of the ordinary. Yet as soon as she walks past the stairs she’s hot and heated at the thought of her and Mina all over again. 

She finally returns from her run and when she enters the house, she’s surprised to see no one is home. It’s a little past 2, Mina should’ve been home by now. But it might not be a bad thing to get some focus for herself knowing that if she was here, she’s going to have to practice so much restraint. 

Lisa waives Aiko goodbye as she heads out for the day and heads up the stairs for a shower. It was weird seeing the girls on the phone while doing their choreography. It makes her miss them, even Jennie. That whole week felt like she’d been so isolated, she’s been so used to being a group that there’s never been a day where she thought she had to prepare everything by herself.

It was odd to look across the recording studio and not see the girls sitting there cheering her on. 

After she’s done with her shower she decides to reach out to her parents. Sending some vague photos without Mina’s face and a text about how well it’s going so far. That’s when the message from Alice comes through, but she needn’t panic. But she couldn’t even answer because Mina had other plans. 

Her phone rings from her pocket again and again. She can only assume its Alice, her parents and her bandmates. At this point she knows she has to answer, she sits up to see Mina is beside her slowly falling asleep. She plants a kiss on her forehead, before carefully getting off of the bed. 

Lisa reaches for her phone and her clothes to see that she was right. She changes back into her clothes and heads back downstairs to care of the food she had left out. She’s really worked up an appetite now. 

[ AliceUnnie 🖤 ]

Don’t panic. Jennie-unnie knows that my mom speaks some Japanese. And even if it did sound fluent it couldn’t have been longer than a second. No need to worry. I’m having a wonderful time.   

[ AliceUnnie 🖤 ]

Alright. Alright but they’re not letting up they want to know where you are and the other managers want to know too. How is this mystery person of yours anyhow?

[ AliceUnnie 🖤 ]

I feel like 3 years of having debut has earned me some privacy right?

[ AliceUnnie 🖤 ]

But, if anything goes wrong just say that I decide to book a last-minute trip with Diana and my mother. And they’re good we’re taking things slow not much to report. We’re just trying to figure out whether it’s worth it or not. You know how much privacy Japan offers and we don’t know if Korea’s going to give us that liberty.

[ AliceUnnie 🖤 ]

I will. I’m happy for you Lisa. Truly I am and I will try to the best of my ability to try and protect this for you.  Just let me know when the time comes. Especially when they’re back in Korea and you’re ready to make this work. 

Lisa smiles at her message happy to hear how supportive the older woman is. She decides to continue to ignore her bandmates’ messages knowing that one response will prompt them to keep texting her. That is the last thing she wants to do. She gets back to what she was trying to do much earlier as Mina rests. 

Korea

“Manager-unnie is it true that Lisa’s in Japan?” Jennie questions one more time and this time Alice tunes back in. She looks up from her phone and locks it immediately, “She asked me a few days ago to book a trip for her, Diana and her mother” she smiles and the girls ease back down on their chairs. But the eldest doesn’t seem to buy it, she looks at Jisoo and she’s got this ‘I guess that’s good for now’ look on her face. 

It doesn’t break Alice, “When does she come back?” Jisoo questions, Alice pulls up the flight details that she knows by heart but must be nonchalant about. 

“She comes back in Sunday night and then I think she wants to do some shopping Monday before your flight that night to Hawaii” she confidently answers leaving Jisoo feeling a little defeated. “She wasn’t home for every long.” Allison comments, Alice chuckles “Well you know their schedules” she shrugs. 

The conversation dies down but Jennie can’t shake this feeling of uncertainty. She doesn’t think that Alice is lying but something doesn’t seem right. 

***

“Okay can—there’s something about it that’s just not clicking do you hear it Jennie? Is it the verse? Is it the way the rap flows I just don’t hear it in the way that I hear it? Does that make sense?” Teddy questions, Jennie looks down at her lyrics then back at the producer. “Replay it?” she requests and listens intently to see if she understands where he is coming from, 

She hums along and it clicks, “It’s the flow Teddy—can I try something else and then we can compare?” Jennie questions. 

‘Yeong wonhan bam

Changmun eopsneun bange uril gadun love

What can we say?

Maebeon apado oechineun love’  “And then we can add reverb on love—does that sound better? Or did it somehow get worse?” she chuckles but by the looks of her bandmates and Teddy it clearly sounds better. 

“Do you mind doing Lisa’s part and when she comes back or when you guys come back from Hawaii I can hear her do it? Also who wrote the lyrics for her verse by the way because it’s really—”

“Chaeyoung squared.” Jennie jokes pointing at the blonde girl who’s rolling her eyes at the sound of hearing Chaeyoung squared. “ Don’t be ashamed Chaeyoung it really emphasis the message that you guys are going for. Ready Jennie?”

Jennie gives him a thumbs up and the metronome begins to tick, ‘Dachigo manggajyeodo na

Mwol mitgo beotineun geoya

Eochapi tteonamyeon sangcheotuseongin chaero miwohage doegreol

Kkeutjangeul bogi jeon kkeutnael sun eobseo

Iapeumeul gidarin geotcheoreom’ 

“Perfect, alright Jisoo let’s what you got. Thanks Jennie you can take a break.” Jennie takes the headphones off and heads to the other side. Jisoo smiles at the girl as she takes her place. Jennie looks at Chaeyoung, “How does her verse sound?” she wonders, Chaeyoung smirks, “You’ll see”

‘Ama da jamkkan iljido molla

Urin mueol chajaseo hemaeneun geolkka’ She sings unsure about the melody of what she’s singing. She stops midway putting her finger up to get a moment. Teddy nods, he plays around the computer a bit and adds the reverb that Jennie was talking about when it came to the word love. 

Rosie watches as Jisoo goes back and forth writing onto the music sheet. Chaeyoung gets up from her chair Teddy and Jennie are a little too preoccupied with the arrangement. “Everything okay unnie?” Chaeyoung questions looking over Jisoo’s notes. She’s clearly struggling with which note to start with and how to carry on the melody. Rosie walks over hovering right over her shoulder, she moves over by Jisoo’s shoulder. 

She moves the older girl’s hair to place her chin down the girl’s shoulder. “What if you did it like this—” she begins to hum the tune she finds the lyrics see fit the best. 

“And then—” Jisoo chimes in changing a few bits. Rosie nods her head excitedly, “Okay yeah it could go like-- Ama da jamkkan iljido molla

Urin mueol chajaseo hemaeneun geolkka” 

“Yes that’s it!” Jisoo turn her face to give Rosie a kiss on the cheek. The younger girl rolls her eyes and gets back into the studio. “Alright are you ready Jisoo?” Teddy questions, the eldest nods her head confidently. 

The music begins to tick in her ears and she, “Ama da jamkkan iljido molla

Urin mueol chajaseo hemaeneun geolkka’  she sings confidently and for once all three girls can feel their song coming together. Jennie and Rosie can’t help themselves but pull each other into a hug. 

“That was it.” Teddy nods, “One more take, I can’t hear the urin mueol chajaseo hemaeneun geolkka”  he sings quickly emphasizes on the last bits of the verse. Jisoo nods, pushing one of the of the ear muffs behind her ear so she can hear the difference. Jisoo sings one more time this time doing as Teddy request. She couldn’t hear the difference but she sure could see the excitement across from her. “How did that sound?” Rosie comes running from the other side of her. “So good unnie! Stay here we’re going to record the chorus together and then Jennie-unnie and Lisa will do it when we come back from Hawaii”

The girls and Teddy continue for about another hour or two. But around 3 am they all decide to head back to the dorm. Proud of something they have all created, so excited that they can’t wait to share their hard work with the maknae. By the time their arrive at their dorm, there wasn’t much room for conversation. They had a full schedule of fittings, sessions, lessons and rehearsals. Despite these days being the most exhausting the girls find it comfort in it. Knowing that one day they’ll be able to share their passion with the world once again.

3 days later…

Mina and Lisa had spent the last couple of days attached at the hip. Despite their own morning schedules and prior commitments. Whether that be Lisa speaking to Alice about the final details of what she has to do when she comes back. Or Mina spending some time with her family running the smallest most mundane errands they still kept in touch with one another. There is this looming feeling of course that they’re doing this because of today. It’s Sunday morning and Lisa’s flight back to Korea is tonight, even though they spent the rest of their time together no one dare mentioned what was going to happen tonight. Let alone what they were going to say to each other. For Mina this week has given her so much inspiration that for the first time in a long time she started writing a song. While Lisa has done her best to distract herself, until this morning when she looked over at the letter she had wrote Mina during their picnic date.

She wanted to make sure that this letter conveys everything that she needs it too. Deep down she wishes she could just peak inside of Mina’s mind to know what she’s going to decide. They had spent every night together and by the time she woke up this morning Mina was already out the door.

She’d taken up running since she’s gotten here because she wasn’t just going to pick up another Muay Thai trainer. She doesn’t mind frankly it’s just like dancing but a little less movement a little more repetition. Lisa’s seen how much it’s given her some release, especially since she’s made sure that all of their sexual encounters have been due to Mina’s action not hers.

Lisa wants to make sure that all interactions are under Mina’s control. “Aiko can I bring you back to Korea with me?” Lisa half jokes trying to distract herself from thinking about Mina and their looming goodbye.

“I would love too—but I’ve been working for the Myouis for almost 12 years now I don’t think they’d take kindly to me leaving.” Aiko answers honestly, Lisa can only nod her head. Despite only being here for a week she’s gotten very close to the older woman. They spoke about how she came about working with Myoui family. Lisa especially liked it when she’d add some anecdotes about watching Mina grow. Especially the rare moments that Mina was able to come home for the holidays when she was a trainee. How much the girl had changed when she first moved to Korea. Describing the fight that Mina got in with her parents when she spoke about quitting ballet to pursue being an idol.

Her parents had asked the older woman if she believed that younger girl could do. Aiko remembers looking at her parents after the fight going, if that find doesn’t convince you how much she wants this I don’t know what will. Mina had figured out all of the details of her migrating to Korea. It’s as if she couldn’t fall for Mina even more.

“I understand—I just hope I get to see you soon” Lisa sighs, prepping to wash her plates. For the first couple of days a lot of the staff tried to protest her from cleaning up after herself. But the stubborn Aries refused, if she was taught anything as a younger girl, always clean after yourself. “Of course you will-the family seems to be very fond of you because I know I am” smiling at the younger girl. Hearing that statement warms Lisa’s heart, she doesn’t want to get her hopes up about a possibility with Mina. But at least she knows that she’s made a very good impression with Mina’s family.

As Aiko continues to speak about her past work history with the family. She hears some staff softly greet someone and there’s only one person who can walk in without making a sound and yet get everyone’s attention. It’s simply Mina. “—Aiko please stop embarrassing me some more! I was so young—Lisa’s already got so much ammo against me” Mina moans hugging the older woman from the back resting her chin on the woman’s shoulder. But the woman is a little shorter than the girl. Lisa shakes her head as a response to her statement. “And who am I going to tell? Raychan? My cats?”

Mina lets out a little giggle, as she preps her plate. Aiko and Lisa keep talking and Mina couldn’t help but smile at how well Lisa gets along with one of the most important people in her life. After grabbing a plate for herself she takes a sit next to Lisa. Without thinking twice about it Lisa grabs a napkin for Mina and places it under her plate. Mina can tell it’s second nature as Lisa didn’t break any eye contact with Aiko. She listens intently as the two women keep talking about everything and anything.

Lisa briefly discusses her upbring in Thailand and what it was like being raised mostly by a single mother and her grandparents. What her earlier memory was about dance and Aiko mentions how she fell upon the job with Myoui family. Mina likes hearing such a human part of Lisa, being in the industry everyone talks about other idols god like. The unapproachable beings that only socialized with their group. But to it’s nice to reminded how human they actually are.

Aiko begins to wrap up everything she had made for the girls turning away from Lisa. “Do you want to go for a walk after this?” Mina questions, Lisa turns to her. Watching her eyes soften at the woman’s invite, “Yes—I’m going to head up and shower then I’ll meet you in the sunroom?” Lisa questions reaching to put her hand on Mina’s neck rubbing it a little.

Mina’s cheeks betray her by burning bright red. Right before Aiko turns Lisa excuses herself, to say her goodbyes. “Aiko—” Lisa gently says trying to get her attention. Lisa bows down to the ground showing extreme gratitude. “Oh dear,” she tries to bend down but struggles to do so. Lisa stops her mid-way, “Please I just wanted to say thank you for taking care of me this whole week. May I give you a hug?” Lisa request, Aiko of course doesn’t hesitate pulling her into a hug.

“I’m going to miss you Lisashi” Aiko squeals making Lisa laugh, “Have a safe flight and don’t be stranger” Aiko warns, Lisa furiously nods, “Of course” she gives her one last goodbye before heading up the stairs. Mina finds the whole interaction adorable, “She’s a good one” Aiko mumbles to no one in particular. Mina decides not to engage not knowing what that was supposed to mean. She grabs the phone the nurse left on the counter for her, she’s finally texting her fighting friends;

[Momoring 🍑🩷 ]

I’m not going to help you with this one Momoring. I love you but you have to figure this out on your own.

[Jihyo 🦉💛 ]

It seems to me like you’ve already made up your mind. I’m sorry for the circumstances in which your relationship was formed. But I’m sure there was love there, I think it’s a great idea to see how the distance and the time difference adjusts your relationship. But I also know that if you’re already this sure, you should talk to him. I am well thank you for checking in. One day I hope I’m ready to talk to you about all of this.

As for the message to Jihyo she can’t help but hesitate. She’s seen the way this relationship has unfolded. Either her friend is really good at pretending or somewhere in all of that pretending she said what she said she did. And all of it got lost within their make pretend relationship which is a can of worms to tackle all on its own. She feels her phone vibrate to see Jihyo respond but not Momo.

[Jihyo 🦉💛 ]

I’m glad to hear you’re doing well. I miss you.

Is all the message says. Nothing that acknowledges what the younger girl. Just an acknowledgement on how she’s doing and a part of her knows that’s Jihyo just respecting her space. She finishes eating her meal and cleans up after herself. Soon after she makes her way to the sunroom just as her and Lisa have plan to meet. All of yesterday all Mina could think about Lisa departing and how the whole thing has made her stomach upset. She’s grown very fond of the energetic girl. Somehow being the more extroverted one in the dynamic she still knows how to adjust to her.

All day she’s racked her brain on what to say but her brain and her heart are at crossroads. Her brain knows that truly what she’s got with Lisa is true and innocent. Yet without all of this privacy can they truly thrive. Can this be something they should sustain. But her heart, God does her heart crave Lisa, no matter what that may mean.

Her mind is sharp and there’s never a dull moment with her. Their conversation could be the deepest parts of the world or it could be the surface of the air right in front of them. She doesn’t mind listening to the girl nor does she mind talking to her at all. She herself doesn’t even know what she’s going to decide.  She’s hoping that this walk could solidify or bring some light as to where the girl may be swaying. She knows that all this time Lisa has said that the ball is in her court but it would be selfish not to take her thoughts and feelings into consideration.

“Are you ready?” Lisa smiles with her hair still wet with jeans and t-shirt on. Mina pulls her attention back from nature to look at Lisa. She simply nods her head and reaches her hand out for Lisa to take. Once they’re out of the house neither girls knew how to start let alone where so instead they start with their mornings.

“How was your morning?” Mina starts the conversation for once, usually Lisa would’ve gone through how much she’s going to miss Japan by now. Yet she’s being quite the opposite, timid—quiet almost as if she’s elsewhere.

Lisa looks down at Mina finally providing her with some eye contact, she waits a moment to answer. “It was good, I went for a run—and then I chatted it up with my best friend Aiko.” She jokes her chuckle is dry and Mina can sense her anxiety.

Mina begins to rub circles on her hands trying to subtly soothe her. “What about you?” Lisa takes a deep breath, she assumes that Mina will turn away from her due to her pattern. But instead the girl focuses her eyes even more, as if trying to read her.

“It was good, I went on a much longer walk this morning which pushed everything back that’s why I was a little late. But I’m glad Aiko kept you company.” Mina smiles bringing some comfort to Lisa.

They get quiet again unsure of what to say or where to go next. Mina’s attention peaks as finds herself experiencing some déjà vu to their first date. She wonders if this was deliberate but Lisa once again looks like she’s elsewhere. “Penny for your thoughts?” Mina softly tugging her arm down, but Lisa avoids gazing at her.

“You know I have a tendency to ramble so when we get to the tree I’m going to give you the letter I wrote for you that day—and we can go from there?” Lisa requests and Mina nods.

The girls enjoys the rest of their walk quietly just enjoying each other’s time together. This is one of those things that Mina always looked for in a partner, the ability to just be with each other. When they arrive Lisa plants herself down by the tree resting her back on the root. She spreads her legs tapping on the space as she looks up at Mina, who’s now profusely blushing.

But she doesn’t protest, she plants herself right between the girls’ legs resting parts of herself right on top of Lisa. She takes the letter out from her pocket handing it to Mina. In truth Lisa did deliberately plan this down to where she wanted Mina to sit. So if Mina does decide that she doesn’t want to give this a try she’ll have one last memory of them being what could’ve been.

Mina slowly opens the letter;

Dear Minari,

Thank you. I know we’d promised each other to stop saying that but I don’t think there will ever be enough thank yous to express how much you’ve changed a lot for me. I meant every word I said when we had our first kiss. My feelings for you are as true as they come but if you are too weary and would rather this go no further than this week I will understand. Until then I’d like to talk about you and us and how all of this has made me feel.

I still remember the first day we met. I remember our conversation that made me feel better. I still remember how your words made me smile unknowingly and made me feel alive. I still can feel things, I still can love and be loved. You made me feel a lot better, you made me feel alive again and in the end I started falling for you.

Unexpectedly I met you and unexpectedly you helped me heal. We’d always known about each other because despite having a big following the industry is still small. But you have changed me completely for good. You became one of the reasons for me to feel better, to be the cheerful like before. I started falling for you forgetting every betrayal hurt from the past.

It's so crazy what this feeling does for you. You honestly go from being so lonely and not liking anyone and being okay with being single to falling head over heels for someone. It’s that kind of feeling that is so innocent.

I’ll always be here for you, no matter the outcome.

                                                                                        xoxo,

                                                                                       Lalisa

It’s everything Mina needed to hear. All week she’d been riding this rollercoaster. She doesn’t want Lisa to feel obligated to stay in this because it makes of how it’s been this all week. She wants both of them to be in this because they actually want to try it. And from this letter alone Mina can see how willing Lisa is.

The Thai girl can see when Mina finishes reading and anticipates her response. Mina neatly folds the letter back; “Do you mean it?” she can’t help but ask, it makes the girl chuckle sweetly. Lisa nuzzles her face in the space between Mina’s shoulders and head planting a soft kiss on her way down. “Every word—” she pauses.

“If this is it.” Lisa surely says. “--Then that’s alright this is something I can cherish, and I’ll see you around the industry. Or whenever our schedules and paths cross again, I know it rarely happens because of certain circumstances and you know that’s something we can deal with. I just need you to know that at the end of this I’m not just going to abandon you because of your choice. I was and am your friend first. I know that we’ll always have each other, especially if we have someone like Jihyo who’s well enough to know that we can’t seem to say no to her. Honestly I’m thankful that we’ve got someone like her because—”

“Lisa.” Mina sternly speaks trying to interrupt Lisa before she either spirals or just continues to ramble. Lisa pines looking ahead of Mina, and it makes the girls giggle, “I’m doing it again huh?”

Mina nods her head planting a kiss on Lisa’s cheek, “I—” she pauses, and she can feel how tense Lisa’s demeanor just got. Mina gets up from her position wanting to face Lisa, she doesn’t exactly know what or how she’s going to say it. But she wants to be able to see Lisa’s face when she says this, “This week has been amazing—for the first time in 5 years I felt normal. I felt like a teenager who is going through her first crush. Someone whose face isn’t recognized 3 seconds but instead just a girl getting to know someone who she’s developed feelings for. You helped remind me that I’m not some basket case by being here. You don’t treat me nor do you look at me like everyone else has been looking at me since I landed.  You’ve respected everything I’ve thrown at you and—” she pauses, and Lisa can feel the air from her lungs leave.

Anticipating what’s about to come out of Mina’s mouth, “--someone would be stupid to let something like that go. I meant what I said. Whoever made the mistake of even thinking about letting you go and playing with your emotions doesn’t know what they’ve truly lost. And I am not going to let myself be stupid—I want to try this with you. It’s going to be slow and it’s going to a lot for the both of us to figure out but I want this—I want you.” Lisa can’t tell whether she wants to faint or kiss Mina so instead she just pulls her into a hug.

“Are you sure?” Lisa questions one last time, instead of saying anything else Mina just nods her head on Lisa’s chest. The looming doom that both girls had been trying to ignore the last couple of days leave. It’s replaced by love and relief; they don’t quite want to get into the logistics of it all right now. For now, they want to enjoy each other.  

A few minutes later they let go of each other. “What time do you have to go today?” Mina asks pulling away from Lisa sitting back down. Lisa grabs her phone from her pocket to check Alice’s reminder texts.

[AliceUnnie 🖤 ]

Hey, I know you probably won’t read this because you’re too busy with your person. BUT PLEASE DON’T BE LATE! THIS ISN’T LIKE A PUBLIC AIRLINE LISA THIS IS A PRVIATE SERVICE. Your flight takes off at exactly 6pm, please be ready by 4. I better get a text from you at like 4:30 that you’re already in the car on your way. Anyways I’m arranging for our day tomorrow I can’t wait to hear all about this holiday! Have a safe flight!

“I have to leave in an hour.” She stuff her phone back in her pocket wanting to give all attention her attention to Mina. The girls goes back to hugging her even tighter, “Listen to me—”

“We don’t have to talk about this now—”

“No I want too—I don’t want you to think that I’m neglecting you because there was never a conversation—so is it okay if I start?” Lisa nods.

“I don’t know how long I’ll be on hiatus, I think that’s the part the made me very anxious about wanting to keep this going with you. You’ve been so patient with me, and I can see now that you’re so understanding. A lot of people are expecting a lot of things from me as soon as I get back to Korea. I just don’t want you to regret this—I just want you to understand that it’s going to take some time.” Mina describes, Lisa cutely puts her hands up not wanting to interrupt but wanting to soothe some of her anxiety.

“Mina—I’m not expecting anything from you. Not to say that how you are now isn’t related to this relationship, but I am the last person you must worry about disappointing. You’ve got a lot of other priorities before me and I know that. Just talk to me. Communicate, I’m sorry I missed your call—I was A, B, C , and D. Because all I need is reassurance that we’re still doing this together. We don’t have to think about what we’re going to do when you come back to Korea because honestly we can cross that bridge when we get there. As of now take the time you need to feel better about being back and learning to love what you’ve worked so hard for. I’ll say it once and I’ll keep saying until you believe yourself—you belong up there.” Lisa’s never been this clear before and both of them notice is. She doesn’t say too much, she doesn’t ramble and instead she says the perfect thing.

“God what are you doing to me!” Mina shouts (at least her version of shouting as she tries to hide her blushing face in Lisa’s chest. She doesn’t know how to respond so she just starts rubbing the back of the girls head. “I’m sorry?”

“Oh stop it.” Mina pouts saying it in the cutest voice, “I do have one question, my personal manager—Alice. I want to tell her—but before you ask no—no one knows that I’m here—why—who I’m here for—but she well she’s to be ready to be there for me. More importantly she wants to be ready for us—verbatim I will do anything for you to stay happy—so is it okay if I tell her it’s you? She’ll be even more protective.” Lisa’s once again back to rambling despite getting through the most nerve-racking part of their conversation she can’t help but get nervous. “Okay.”

“What?”

“I said—” she leans over planting a kiss on her cheek, “Okay—now let’s get your stuff ready. It’s already 3:30—I just got Alice on my side I wouldn’t want to mess up my chances already.” Mina jests, before they get up Lisa pulls her into one more hug.

When they arrive back at the house, despite not having slept in her room in the last couple of days Lisa begins to pack her bags. Mina doesn’t dare watch her knowing that there is a possibility of her tears falling. This week has been so nurturing for her both mentally and romantically everyone around her had feared that Lisa was going to be a distraction. When in reality she’s been the opposite, therapy, medication and physical therapy has helped her health but Lisa has helped her breathe again. She can’t quite explain it any better than that so the idea of seeing her leave breaks her heart.

Lisa comes out of her room with her bags and the typical idol get up. Dark clothes, hat covering most of her face, a mask hanging from her ear and sunglasses. “A car just pulled up—I’m assuming that’s for you?” Mina questions in her puppy voice breaking Lisa’s heart. All she can do is nod, Lisa puts her bags down cupping Mina’s face into a kiss. Mina wraps her arms around the girls waist hoping and praying that time pauses right here, right now. Their lips familiarize themselves with each other one last time until they hear another beep from outside. “I’ll text you as soon as I land okay?” Lisa promises, she hears Mina try to cover her sniffling but fails to do when Lisa lifts her head.

Her eyes are a little red evident with some tear stains following after them. “I’m just a phone call away.” Lisa caresses her cheeks, another beep comes from the outside. They both groan as a reaction, “I really have to go” she regretfully says placing her forehead right onto Mina’s.

The girl nods her head grabbing Lisa’s bag heading down the stairs. They share one last hug, Lisa’s the first to let go as the driver is waiting for her. Before she gets in the car she looks back one last time at a teary-eyed Mina then gets into the car. Her heart is ecstatic to be Mina’s girlfriend but it grieves to have to leave her.

 [AliceUnnie🖤]

I’m on my way to the airport.

She regretfully sends trying to ignore the heaviness in her chest. It doesn’t take Alice less than 2 minutes to call Lisa;

‘Hello, unnie? Is something wrong?’

‘Ha-wait what’s wrong? Why are you sad? You just spent a whole week with someone you like and you’re sad why?’

‘Unnie—’ Lisa moans and groans quietly in the back of the car trying to make sure that they don’t hear enough of her conversation.

‘What happened it didn’t work out—what do I have to prep a hot bath and your favourite comfort meal or do I have to prepare champagne and a reservation at our favourite barbecue just tell me.’ The panic in her tone very clear. Lisa appreciates how much Alice has grown to know her.

‘I think both. We are together—’ she pauses for a moment hearing Alice gasp for a second and then returning to her composure.

‘But I hated having to leave…’ Lisa pauses anticipating to say Her unsure of how Alice would react.

‘Leave…’ she hums waiting for Lisa to say anything a noun—but more importantly a name. But instead of saying it Lisa sends her a text.

[AliceUnnie 🖤 ]

Mina.

‘Who?’

‘How many of those do you know?!’ she exclaims wanting to jump out of her seat. There may be a lot of commonalities among idols but when it comes to foreign idols there’s only one Lisa. And there sure as hell only one Mina.

[AliceUnnie 🖤 ]

From Twice.

The call gets quiet, Lisa is unsure if it’s tension she senses, excitement, or merely someone processing what she’s just said. But Alice is yet to say a word. Lisa doesn’t interrupt her process of course. She doesn’t want her to get to something too soon. The car arrives at the private airport and Alice still has yet to say anything. It’s been about 5 minutes now, ‘Unnie—my flight is going to take off in 20 minutes—you’ve got to say something now.’

She hears the older woman clear her throat, ‘So—you planned a trip to Japan to go see—despite—the fact that they just went on a—Lisayah! Did you ask for permission that’s so invasive what if they we’re—’

‘Unnie they invited me. We’d been speaking to each other the last 4 months, morning, noon and night they are the first person I think of. And the first person I want to hear from when I wake up—and by some miracle they feel the same way’

‘Are you ready for this?’

Now it’s her who’s left in silence, when it came to Jennie she’d always figured it’s going to be easier. They’re from the same company—shit they’re from the same band. They didn’t have to involve so many people (despite doing just that) to conceal their relationship. But now it’s totally different, Mina is from a different company and from a different band. A fandom that can’t seem to get along with theirs and keeps pitting them against each other.

‘I don’t think I’ll ever be ready but I want to try with her. We’ve got time unnie—they’re not sure when they’re going to come back and I sure as hell am not going to force them for a timeline. For right now, we’re taking things slow and I’m offering them nothing but love and support’

‘Okay—we’re still keeping this between you and me. I hope you know that I will start prepping—starting now I’m going to start driving you around everywhere—’

‘Wait—what—why?’

‘Lisayah you’re forgetting I’ve been doing this for a while now and I know how this goes. Plus, it won’t raise any suspicion when she returns and you begin to want me to take you everywhere to see her.’

‘Wah—I’m not going to want to see the—wait—You’d do all of that for me?’

‘Why wouldn’t I? Listen I’ve got to get some things started for when you return and for the latter. I’ll see you at the airport in a few hours’

‘Okay—unnie thank you’

The phone call ends as she guides herself through security onto the private waiting area. The attendant tells her that she’s about to board any minute. As she waits she decides to finally catch up with her messages. The guilt is finally getting the best with her.

  [Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

I’m holding up. It’s tough not having her around and just trying to manage 7 other people’s emotions when I’m trying to moderate my own. How long are you home for?

[Rosie 💩🐿️]

I hope you’re having a good time and I can’t wait to show you the songs we just started working on. I’m really excited to see you and hang out in Hawaii!

[Mae 🩷 ]

I love you, my sweet daughter I hope you’re doing well.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

I’m sorry it’s been so tough. Have you been doing something for yourself? You need time too.

[Jihyosi 🦄🍭 ]

I’ll never know what it’s like to be a leader but I do know what it’s like to be human. You need to be able to process everything too. Have you consoled Daniel?

[Rosie 💩🐿️ ]

Ooooh I love a new song. I can’t wait to hear it Posie! I am so excited to see you and spend some time relaxing in Hawaii.

[Mae🩷]

I am doing more than well Mae. I miss you! Please try to book your next flight back to Korea because I am more than excited to tell you about my trip and let you meet who I went to see.

“Miss whenever you are ready—we’re ready for you to head out. She looks up from her phone sending one last texts to the most people. Lisa simply nods getting up from her chair and heading out to the tarmac to board the plane. This time she doesn’t have the luxury of a private airport. This time she has to bare the public which isn’t naturally a bad thing because she’s sure no one knows her flight information.

[Minari 🐧 ]

I’m about to take off. I miss you already, I’ll text you when I land. I can’t wait to hear about what you had for dinner.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Can I also shamelessly ask you to send me some of your favourite cookies because…I understand now.

Lisa arrives in Korea a little after 7pm. She decides to focus on getting herself out of the airport first before returning any of the messages she might’ve received. Manager unnie is the first person to greet her on the tarmac pulling her into one of the longest hugs she’s ever been a part of. She grabs the younger girls bags off of her shoulders. “It’s okay I can carry it.”

“Will you stop it. Now tell me everything—” Lisa pauses for a moment looking at everyone around her. There’s guards, drivers, airport staff. Alice couldn’t possibly mean right now, “I’d like to wait until we’re in the car please.” Lisa bows her head down not wanting to make any more eye contact. It’s suspicious to the press enough that none of them knew that she flew out of the country. She wants to make sure that when she does share this information it’s just her and Alice.

The manager follows her gaze clearing her throat, “Right sorry—this is why I drove here. As soon as they escort us back to my car we’ll be golden.” The younger girl stays silent, netizens were cruel and unforgiving when it came to Jennie and Kai. She can’t even imagine what it would be like for Lisa and Mina. It might just lead to another hiatus.

When they get to a more public area the louder the whispers became, the brighter the lights are. She may not be so recognizable with all of her face covered. But Alice is known within the fathom. She hears a lot of people chanting her name and a lot of hands reaching out to her, she grabs what she could until the paparazzi’s catch wind of her arrival. That’s when her circle got tighter and she could no longer reach out for letters.  

She says thank you every now and then, and a hello here and there until she gets to the car. The girls are silent until they are on the highway. Something about having some lip readers within the vicinity of the airport wouldn’t either of them.

“Mina?” Alice tries her best to start the conversation with Lisa, who’s now blushing like crazy. She looks over at the younger girl who’s currently looking over some photos. Lisa looks up and Alice tries her best to act as if she hasn’t been peaking over at her phone.

“Yes” is all Lisa says unsure what she wants to say or how to start all of it. “Can I be candid?” Alice wonders, Lisa head tilts uncertain she’s about to reveal.

“With caution I suppose—” Lisa giggles nervous to hear what the older woman has to say. Alice playfully pokes the younger girl trying to ease her anxiety. “It’s nothing like that—I just want to know when it all started. How did you even have time—also I’m pretty sure like a month or two ago you and Jennie were fighting which I know you said you don’t ever want to talk about. But like I just what?!”

Lisa giggles at how baffled she sounds because she doesn’t have any observers or anyone to talk about this with. It does feel out of place, “Do you remember when I went out with Jihyo as a celebration of all of our birthdays? Like right before we left Korea?”

Alice nods, “Well that was a week after I messed up my knee—so I was having a lot of trouble walking on it. In fairness I know I told you I didn’t have any alcohol—” she pauses, Alice rolls her eyes she’s known that when Lisa reports that she’s going to have a quiet night in. It usually means quite the opposite, there’s been a few times when Lisa’s had a quiet night in at her apartment. Which meant her and BamBam start their night there but then end up leaving and doing other things. JBs always called up a little after 2 am to take them both home.

“—I may have. I missed hanging out with Jihyo and we were all just going through it—and we just wanted to take a load off—I had one too many drinks and my knee started acting up and for the rest of the night she just carried me around. A few weeks later she had a knee injury almost similar to mine, but she got surgery and we just never stopped talking” Lisa reminisces.

“When we first performed at Coachella, she was one of the first people to call and congratulate me. It’s just little things like that. We just spoke to each other every day and it’s just sooo—nice. It wasn’t one sided either—she talked to me about everything and anything. I can’t really pinpoint when it just turned from being friends to being more but it just did” Lisa coos at the beginnings of her relationship with Mina.

“But the hiatus I meant what I said Lisa—she got away from it all for a reason—I love you but did you—”

“Unnie—I understand I asked her 3 times probably even more. When I got there, I checked in with her multiple times letting her know that if she wanted me to go I would. I didn’t have to stay. I know what my status is, I know what I stand for and I know the industry that made me. That’s why I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it in the first place, but she assured me multiple times that she wanted to see me. Not Lisa from Blackpink which—”

“—Means a lot for you. I’m glad you continuously asked and I’m glad she continuously reassured you.”

“Of course, unnie, I like her but I would never do that. She’d been confiding in me the last couple of months and it’s taking multiple conversations about each and everything for her to finally decide to go on hiatus. There wasn’t even a second where I was hoping she stayed for my sake so I could see her. I always encouraged her to go” Lisa sighs thinking about all those panic attacks she’d endured over the phone trying to calm Mina down. She’s seeing so much progress already but of course that just might be because she felt the need to mask while Lisa was there.

“So, you guys are officially together?” Alice questions, they didn’t really label themselves as girlfriends. They sort of agreed on giving their relationship a try which is another way of saying they are girlfriends. Right?

“I—” Lisa pauses pondering about it “Yes and no. We didn’t really ask each other to be each other’s girlfriends we just agreed to try this—isn’t that the same thing?” Lisa looks over at the senior who is chuckling and shaking her head no.

“No but it’s a step towards that—asking her to be your girlfriend is like a declaration that you don’t want anyone else but her and that you’re committed because—”

“Wait so does that mean she’s can still talk to other people and have feelings for other people and—”

“Lalisa—relax I think her inviting you to Japan where you met her parents—and spent the whole week with her after only speaking to each other for what--?”

“3-4 months” she answers.

“She still developed feelings for you and didn’t send you away. Besides I think it’s a great idea not labeling it right now—it might only make her feel like she has to return soon to make you happy which I know you didn’t say to her” Alice says questioning the last bit of her rant to which Lisa happily confirms. Maybe that’s why didn’t exactly use the term girlfriends because of the pressure that it might put on Mina.

“Okay—I’ve just never done this before and she’s—well she’s so different unnie. She doesn’t come off as an idol in the best possible way—she’s so human and none of this has taken that away from her. She’s like a breath of fresh air—especially when she speaks I could listen to her for hours” Lisa coos gazing out the window, Alice takes a quick glance at how happy Lisa is.

“I like seeing you like this…I meant what I said on the phone earlier, I will do everything I can to make sure that what you have with Mina stays sacred” she starts, Lisa nods her head in appreciation.

“But I know a part of you already knows that you guys are probably just going to be bound to your apartment or hers. Or Japan?” Alice advises, but Lisa already knew that. Japan is such a private country rarely does she feel like she’s being watch unlike here in Korea.

“I understand—I’ve been trained to know that since I was 14, it doesn’t come as a surprise. Besides—I think she’ll be in Japan for a while. I like having a reason to go out there—a lot more privacy” she shrugs, her manager pulls up to her complex’s driveway and parks the car. Alice glances at Lisa who sends one last text, “Thank you for everything unnie.”

“You and me against the world kid.” She jests turning the car off, grabbing Lisa’s bags. The girls grab the bags from the older woman giving her one last hug, “I’ll see you at exactly 10 am—deal?”

Lisa nods her head, holding onto the older woman a little longer than they’re both used to. Lisa’s found a lot of comfort in Alice. Yes, her bandmate advocates for her often but behind the scenes Alice has done so much for Lisa. A lot of the reason why Lisa was able to do a lot especially about seeing her family when she first debut was because of Alice. It was only six months since they first met but the older woman couldn’t help but sympathize with Lisa. She’s so family oriented and selfless, she knew that no amount of shopping or food could heal the girls wounds from being a trainee than being around her family.

“Deal” she winks before walking into the apartment. The doorman greets her and so does the front desk attendant. They welcome her back and letting her know that her packages will be delivered up to her apartment. Making a note that she’s accrued a few while she’s been away.

[Rosie💩🐿️]

Glad to have you back!

[Jichu 🐰 ]

As annoying as you are I’m excited to see you!

[Minari 🐧 ]

I miss you already but somehow my parents have shared that they missed you more…lol

[Minari 🐧 ]

It’s quiet without you here. Is it even possible to physically miss someone.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Let me know when you land 💛

[Minari 🐧 ]

Hi, my love, I’m back home. I just walked in through the door.

[Minari 🐧 ]

Hey—I get it I miss them too. How’d the rest of your night go?

Lisa begins to unpack her things and taking out a much bigger suitcase. Their trip to Hawaii is thirty percent a vacation and seventy percent work. So, she’s got one night to pack for a whole month for tropical weather. It’s part of the reason why she’s going out shopping with Alice tomorrow. Last she had time to be at the tropics was in Thailand with the girls and that was a year ago. Surely the trends have retired and news ones have come up, or she excuses Their stylist had given her some ideas about what to aim towards hoping that she can have a quick shopping trip.

On the other side of town 3/4’s of Blackpink decided to go for dinner. They wanted to celebrate and treat themselves for all the hard work they’d done in the last two weeks.

“Righ—uhmm—I am moving out.” Jisoo and Rosie are quiet. They know that soon enough that dorm was going to get too big for all of them. And that at the end of the day they’re going to need to live on their own. But they didn’t think it would be so soon. Lisa left a year ago and now they’re losing Jennie too.

“Congratulations and also wow.” Jisoo comments, but honestly, they just didn’t expect it so soon. Rosie smiles trying to keep her tears from coming out. But she fails, “Chaeyoung…” Jennie chuckles at the youngest reaction. She switches her seat to get closer rubbing the tears in her eyes.

“I just—everything there—” she sighs, pulling herself closer to the blonde. Rubbing her back trying to comfort the younger girl. “As of recently—our dorm reminds me of her—and I thought—I’d hope that not being there will help me move on. Because—I feel pathetic.”

Jisoo sighs exchanging a look with Rosie. Before coming to dinner, they both had open the topic of feeling anxious about their trip to Hawaii. As much as they love both girls they just don’t need/want another repeat of tour. Rosie just doesn’t think she can do it. Having Lisa’s attention without a hint of a romantic undertone is killing her.  As for Jisoo is tired of being so divided. She just wants them all to be together again. They both hope that with all of these activities planned for them, there’s no chance of a fight brewing.

“Do you really love her?” Jisoo questions, wanting and hoping that Jennie is either ready to let her go or fight for her. Jisoo wants to give Jennie one final attempt.

“What do you mean?” Jennie questions, unaware of what she’s trying to get at. But Jisoo sees the waiter walking over to their table and waits to speak. They order another round of beer and meat.

“Do you really love her? Do you think that you’ll feel incomplete without having given yourselves a chance to be together? Do you think there will be anyone else?” She questions, Nini takes her time. Looking back on her relationship with Kai and everything she’s done with Lisa. It’s almost halfway through this year and there hasn’t been anyone else. There’s no one else that could measure up to how much love she has for Lisa. All this time it’s like her life is this drab and grey feeling all around her. She’s gets fleeting moments every now and again when Lisa’s around.

“No—I’ve never felt like that before. Not even with Kai.”

“What do you want to do about it—“

“I ca—“

“What do you want to do about it? I think you should make one final attempt. One more—and we’re going to help you.” This is news to Jennie but more importantly Rosie. How can she even stomach helping someone she’s in love with fall in love with someone else.

Chaeyoung face protests but Jisoo’s eyes bulge out threateningly. “Yeah—just let us know” Rosie sighs, Jisoo knows it’s unfair but that a different conversation.

“How—I don’t even know where to begin. Besides I’m pretty sure she’s talking to someone—“

“None of those matters. We’re going to have to go old school.” Jisoo sighs taking a big gulp of beer. The two girls still unsure what plan she’s brewing.

“…We’re going to make her jealous.” she simply states, the two girls exchange looks and chuckle. But the eldest doesn’t find them funny at all because she is very serious. Lisa may not be the most vocal about her jealousy but it’s there.

“That’s it? That’s your big plan to get Lisa to love me again? Make her jealous isn’t that the complete opposite of what I should do? I feel like I’ve crossed—“

“Do you want to fight for her yes or no?” Jisoo sternly questions, “Of course, I do.”

“Then follow everything I have to say. Everything will start as soon as we get out of here—we’re going to be away for a month. No interruptions and even if she’s seeing someone she won’t be seeing them for a month. You’ve got one month if you follow everything I say—by months end she’ll be thinking about you again.” Jisoo confidently says but it doesn’t feel good. Rosie’s still unsure about her involvement.

“This doesn’t feel right—“

“How am I even involved in this?” Rosie speaks up, Jisoo sighs, “It’s going to take a lot of convincing and hard work but you two are going to have to really play it up—” the two girls exchange a look with one another. They’re close truly they are, they are as close as any friend can be but that just doesn’t seem plausible.