Chapter Text
Ping
Sebastian looks up from his screen for the first time in… oh shit, four hours? Stands up from his desk chair, stretching his arms up over his head. Hears something crack when he tilts to one side. Probably nothing.
He steps over to his bed, where he’d tossed his phone earlier to avoid distraction. Should’ve silenced it though. Unlocks the screen and looks down at the wall of notifications, the latest one at the top making him do a double take.
alex_greene_13 requested to follow you
Seb frowns. The fuck? Alex Greene? Alex Greene who lives in town? Alex Greene, the (former) varsity (perpetual) asshole who’d basically outed Seb in high school and then avoided him like the plague, Alex Greene? What. The. Fuck.
Curiosity gets the best of Seb, and he taps on the username. Scrolls through a few rows of pictures, like he still isn’t sure he’s thinking of the right Alex Greene. Of course he is. Football, gridball, football, Haley Jensen, ad infinitum. Seb pauses on one, a photo of Alex and a couple of his teammates (doesn’t know their names, doesn’t care to know). This guy? Who’s worn a fucking varsity jacket for the last, what? Four years?
Seb rolls his eyes, chucking his phone back down onto his bed, promptly ignoring the request. He’s got more important things to be doing anyway. This project, for one, that’s due tomorrow. Sam threatened to come over later, and Seb didn’t doubt he’d follow through. Always needs to be entertained, can’t stand to be alone for two fucking seconds.
He sits back down at his desk, waking up his computer with a shake of the mouse. Flexes his fingers over the keyboard and dives back into his work.
Fucking Alex Greene. Can’t believe he lost five minutes of work thinking about that asshole.
* * *
Alex can’t stop thinking about him.
Looks down at his phone again, but a watched follow request never gets accepted. The nondescript “This Account is Private” text on the blank white screen is mocking him.
He clicks his phone off (will probably repeat this little ritual again in about 60 seconds) and sighs, leaning forward on his bed.
Maybe he should just cancel the follow request. That’s a thing you can do, right? Just like, cancel it? This is so embarrassing. Even though Sebastian’s the only other person who knows. Or maybe he’s already screenshotted it to send to all his friends, had a good laugh about it.
It’s weird. Alex knows. He’s painfully aware.
So why can’t he stop thinking about Sebastian?
The other day, he’d been walking up to the spa, where he goes most days during the winter to relax after a workout. And Sebastian had just been up there walking the train tracks. He hadn’t seen Alex, most likely. Kinda off in his own little world, lit cigarette in his hand. Just walking the length of the rail, one foot in front of the other like he was walking on solid ground. Had been kind of mesmerizing. And Alex hasn’t been able to stop picturing it since. This black-haired boy pacing back and forth in his brain like the pendulum of a clock.
He’d just looked so… serious. Thoughtful, maybe. No. Pensive. That’s the one. What was he thinking about? What does a guy like Sebastian have to be worried about?
It’s not like Alex even knows that much about him. He lives up the mountain. Smokes. Has an absent father, like everyone else in this fucking town. They’d gone to the same high school, but never said a word to each other. About each other, yes. Something Alex regrets to this day.
He didn’t mean to. He hadn’t even known Sebastian was, well… gay. Had honestly just been trying to get his own friends to leave him alone for still being a virgin in junior year, to stop razzing him and calling him names. He’d just pointed across the cafeteria at Sebastian and Sam, who’d had their heads down, sitting next to each other reading a comic book or whatever, and made some offhand, off-colour comment about them probably being boyfriends. And it had stuck. And turned out to be true, about Sebastian at least. Or so Alex had heard, weeks later. Someone had apparently seen him kissing Brian Holleran in the library and that shit spread like wildfire.
And even though they never spoke, Sebastian never failed to give Alex an icy glare whenever their paths crossed in the hallways. A look that made Alex’s blood run cold. Forgive, but never forget. And maybe even not forgive.
Alex picks up his free weights, abandoned on the floor where he’d left them when he went to check his phone for the seventeenth time.
He just wants to know more. Sebastian is elusive as fuck. Rarely ever comes into town, and when he does, he’s always flanked by his two weird friends: Sam, the loud one who never stops talking, and that alt e-girl who spends an alarming amount of time in the old cemetery. He’s always just been in the peripherals of Alex’s life here, standing at the edge of the crowd at every community event. And maybe it’s because Sebastian is so elusive that Alex is interested. Curious, maybe. Something he shouldn’t want.
Fuck, this is escalating quickly. He wants him now? Since when?
He grips the handles of the weights, slick from his sweaty palms, and lifts them out, arms straight. Maybe he just needs to think about something else.
Easier said than done.
“Alex,” his grandmother calls from the front room, “Haley’s here.”
Alex doesn’t answer. Haley knows where his room is, doesn’t need a tour guide.
Maybe he should talk to her about it. She’d know what to do. Haley’s no stranger to dating, to put it nicely. Been around the block a few times, to put it less-nicely. Though he doubts she’s ever been in this specific situation before, fucking Homecoming Queen who had guys lining up all the way from here to Zuzu to date her. He can only recall one time when Haley had to actually work to get a guy to notice her, some older dude who’d been staying one town over working some kind of contract job one summer. So maybe she could empathize.
But here’s the thing: if he told her the situation, the whole situation, he’d have to admit, out loud, to another human person, that he maybe isn’t completely straight. Of course he’s not. He’s had half-naked photos of pro gridball players and bodybuilders on his walls since he was fourteen, before he even knew what it meant to feel something for someone who wasn’t a girl. Never said a fucking word about it, even to his best friend, let alone his family. He knows what his grandfather would say. The same thing he says whenever he sees that commercial on TV with the two women walking their dog. That’s not right.
It’s not right. It’s not right that he feels like he has to walk on eggshells around his own grandparents. It’s not right that he has to keep this secret from Haley, who tells him everything, even things he doesn’t want or need to know. But it’s also not right that he gets to keep this secret when Sebastian didn’t. Because of Alex.
There’s an impatient knock on the door.
“You better have a shirt on when I come in there,” Haley shouts, and Alex rolls his eyes.
“Well I don’t,” he calls back, dropping the weights onto the rack by his bookshelf with a grunt, “so don’t.”
The door opens anyway (when has she ever listened to him?) and Haley walks in, immediately looking disgusted.
“Ew, it smells like a locker room in here.” She wrinkles her nose. “Ever heard of opening your window?”
“It’s below freezing outside,” Alex says, wiping at his chest with a towel.
“Well you better bundle up then,” Haley says, waltzing into his room and taking a seat on his bed, “because we’re going into the city.”
Alex scoffs. “Oh we are, are we? How are we getting there?”
“You’re driving, of course,” Haley says, leaning back on one hand and inspecting the nails of her other.
“And why are we going into the city?”
Haley looks up at him, like he’s an idiot. “Uh, hello? It’s almost Wintersday. We need to go shopping.”
Oh right. The feast. Alex had forgotten all about it. Other things on his mind, he supposes.
“I spent all night trying to brainstorm gift ideas,” Haley continues. “What the hell am I supposed to get a genius hermit teenager?”
“I dunno,” Alex shrugs, “batteries?”
Haley snaps her fingers. “Okay I know you were being facetious, but that’s actually not a terrible idea. Maru seems really practical, I bet she’d love that.”
“Don’t know what ‘facetious’ means, but you’re welcome.”
“Thank you,” Haley says. She stands up. “Are you gonna shower, or…?”
“Yes,” Alex says, brandishing his towel at her, “so get out please.”
“Don’t you dare hit me with that thing,” Haley warns, glaring at him. “It smells like a locker room, but this isn’t one. No cat tails.”
“It’s rat tails.”
“Whatever.” Haley turns around in the doorway. “Hurry up. I’ll be in the living room. Chop chop!” She claps her hands for emphasis then leaves the room, leaving the door wide open.
“Yeah, yeah.” Alex turns around, rummaging through his dresser for a clean shirt.
“Oh!” Haley returns, leaning on the doorframe. “You never told me who your secret friend was!”
Alex looks over his shoulder at her. “Yeah, it’s a secret friend. You’re not supposed to tell.”
Haley huffs out a breath. “I told you mine!”
“Because you can’t keep a damn secret!”
“Yes I can!” She stomps her little foot, bright pink fluffy sock against the hardwood. “Tell me!”
“Not a chance,” Alex says, brushing past her on his way to the bathroom. He is good at keeping secrets. Been doing it a long time. What’s one more?
* * *
For a lot of people, the lack of sunlight at this time of year is depressing. Not for Seb. Feels more comfortable in the dark, actually. Abby says that makes him a vampire.
He flicks his lighter, the glow of the flame illuminating his path for a brief minute as he brings it to the tip of his cigarette. Hears the crackle of the paper igniting and breathes in. Stops walking, just for a moment, tucking his lighter back into the pocket of his jeans before carrying on down the dusty mountain road into town.
Fuck, it’s cold. Should’ve brought a jacket. His brain had been too consumed with work earlier in the evening to make practical real-world decisions. And it didn’t help that his mom had barged into his room without knocking to ask him whether or not he’d put the truck keys back in the shop after his last trip into the city (which would have been easy enough to check if she just looked). Hates when she does that shit. He should consider getting a lock on his door. But, then again, that wouldn’t deter her. She’s got the tools and knowhow to dismantle it in thirty seconds.
Seb grimaces at nothing, dragging his feet as he walks. He’s just in a bad mood. Wintersday had been so typically underwhelming, everyone making a big fuss over nothing, as usual. He’s not petulant enough to be upset over his presents; Abby’s dad had given him fucking eggs at the feast, and he’d received a sweater and a book called “What Now?: Finding a Successful Career That’s Right For You!” from his mom and Demetrius. But when compared to the mountain of gifts they’d gotten Maru, it’s hard not to feel like an afterthought.
His phone vibrates in his pocket, and he digs it out with one hand. Sam, of course, checking to make sure he was still coming. Seb shakes his head. Doesn’t need a fucking babysitter. He opens the message, letting his cigarette dangle between his middle and index fingers while he texts back.
Seb [4:58pm]:
I said I’d be there, didn’t I?
Sam [4:58pm]:
Just making sure
Seb shakes his head, sticking his phone back into his pocket and his cigarette between his lips. Is he so unreliable that Sam has to check in every fifteen minutes? Well. Kinda, actually. Bails on plans at the slightest inconvenience. Already has a low social battery, doesn’t need to make things harder for himself.
Sam’s different. He thrives on human interaction. Actually seems to recharge his batteries, being in the vicinity of other people. It’s something Seb always observed, with quiet admiration. Wishes he were more like that sometimes. But sometimes it’s nice to have people leave you alone. Even Sam, but he tries not to push Sam away. He’s been there for Seb through a lot of shit. Never tried to ditch him or anything, even after everything that happened in school. Seb would never say as much, but he’s really fucking grateful for the guy. Probably saved him from going insane.
He half-jogs down the stairs, touching down on the cobblestone of the town square. Checks the time on his phone. Wow, he’s actually early for once, even has time to enjoy this last bit of his cigarette. Trudges past the general store down towards the saloon, where he sees Alex fucking Greene leaning on the fence.
“Anyway, you get it.” He’s mumbling in the direction of the doghouse, head resting on his arms. Whoever or whatever he’s talking to doesn’t reply (obviously), just shifts slightly inside the little wooden house, and Alex nods, like he knows what that means.
He looks up when he hears Seb’s footsteps. “Oh,” he says. “Hey.”
Seb doesn’t say anything, just gives him a curt nod as he passes. Stops at the corner of the saloon and pointedly faces the other direction, blowing smoke up into the air. It’s stark white against the navy sky, and Seb watches as it disappears in the wind.
Behind him, Alex clears his throat. “Did you…” he starts, but cuts himself off.
Seb turns his head. Alex is still clutching the fence posts, staring down into the dog pen. “What?”
“Never mind.”
Seb rolls his eyes, turning back around. Whatever.
“Did you… hear anything I was saying?” Alex says suddenly. “To Dusty?”
Seb turns around again, taking a drag and blowing the smoke out the corner of his mouth. Briefly considers lying, just to see the guy squirm. “No,” he says, finally. “Just the tail end.”
Alex nods. Turns back to the pen, drumming on the fence posts with his thumbs. Like something Sam would do.
Seb watches him for a few seconds. It’s a rare opportunity, just a brief moment of curiosity, during which he can observe Alex Greene on his own, without all the bullshit. He doesn’t even have his gridball with him for once. Still got that stupid varsity jacket on though.
He should ask about the follow request. He hasn’t forgotten. Still needles at the back of his mind some nights when he’s up late, and sees his phone light up from across the room (he should really just start turning it off while he’s working). But what would that conversation even be? He’d ask why Alex requested to follow him, and Alex would give some bullshit answer that wouldn’t make a difference anyway. What reason could he give that would make Seb accept it?
He takes a step closer, and Alex looks up again. Eyes dart down to the cigarette in Seb’s hand.
“Do you… Do you mind putting that out, if you’re gonna come over here? I don’t want Dusty breathing in all that smoke.”
Seb holds his gaze, bringing the cigarette to his lips again, until Alex flinches, looking away first. Like he’s nervous.
Good.
Without taking his eyes off Alex, Seb plucks the cigarette out of his mouth, stubbing it out on the side of the saloon. Was basically done anyway. Chucks it in the bin next to the door and steps closer to Alex again, just to see if he’ll back away.
He doesn’t.
“You talk to him a lot?” Seb glances over towards the doghouse, then back to Alex.
“Dusty?” Seb nods, and Alex clears his throat again. “Yeah, most days.”
“About what?”
Alex shrugs. “I dunno, whatever’s on my mind, I guess.”
“Even though… he can’t understand you?” Seb cocks an eyebrow.
“I mean, he sort of can.”
Seb gives him a look. “He’s a dog.”
“Dogs are very intuitive!” Alex protests. “They can pick up on emotions, and know when you’re sad, or excited, or… whatever.”
“Uh huh.” Seb crosses his arms, leaning against the fence.
Alex gestures to the doghouse. “Try it,” he says, “you’ll see.”
Not a fucking chance. “Try talking… to the dog?” Seb bites back a grin.
“I’m serious,” Alex says. Eyes are all lit up. Clearly very passionate about this. Weird thing to be passionate about, but hey, Seb and Sam get together once a week to play pretend-wizards and shit. What does he know?
“I’m good,” he says, and Alex shrugs.
“Your loss, man.”
Seb sighs, turning in towards this so-called psychic dog. Looks up at Alex, who’s feigning indifference. But maybe that’s giving him too much credit.
“Hey… Dusty,” Seb starts, the disbelief obvious in his tone. “What’s up?”
A high-pitched whine emerges from the doghouse, and a wet, black nose pokes out from the shadows, sniffing the air.
“That means he likes you,” Alex translates. Looks surprised, maybe even impressed.
“How could you possibly know that?” Seb asks, and Alex laughs.
“I just know.” Oh okay, great, thanks Dr. Dolittle.
“Seb?”
They both turn at the sound of his name. Sam’s standing in the doorway of the saloon, staring straight at them. His eyes drift towards Alex, then back to Seb. “You coming?”
“Yeah,” Seb says, but Sam doesn’t move. Stays right where he is, training his eyes on Alex.
Seb turns his head and gives Alex an upward nod. He’s already walking away when he hears Alex’s voice mumble something that sounds like “see ya.”
Sam follows him through the door and into the saloon. “What was that about?” he asks, and Seb just shakes his head. “Was he trying to start something?”
“No,” Seb says, nodding at Abby who’s already grabbing their first round of drinks from the bar. “He wasn’t.”
Over the next hour, Seb proceeds to kick Sam’s ass up and down the pool table. It would be kinda funny if it weren’t so embarrassing. When he sinks the 8 ball for the third time, Sam’s still got five stripes left on the table.
And while he’s leaning against the wall waiting for Sam to get back with his victory drink, Seb pulls out his phone and accepts Alex’s follow request.