Archive of Our Own ^beta

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Nightmares are something everyone has. Unless you don’t sleep- but at max humans can stay awake for like 11 days- and their real life is probably a nightmare after 11 sleepless nights. So yeah- nightmares are common.

This does not stop Kyle Broflovski from being incredibly embarrassed at having them. He’d begun having regular nightmares when he turned 14. At first he’d just thought it was normal- after all high-school was stressful, and wasn’t everyone getting stress nightmares?

However when 2 years went by and he was still having nightmares almost nightly- he decided it was probably some kind of problem. It confused him to no end- the only change that had happened when he was 14 was his arrival at high-school.

He still had the same friends, still hated Cartman’s guts, was still Jewish, was still getting good grades at school, was still on the basketball team, was still ginger, was still in love with his best friend- oh right that. Again nothing changed- his crush on Stan was old news by now.

Despite 2 years of almost nightly nightmares he still hadn’t told anyone. He never talked about the dreams where everyone hated him. Or the dreams where everyone realized Cartman’s gay jokes were too close to the truth. Not the dreams where everyone he loved died- and especially not the dreams where Stan hated him after his confession.

It didn’t even matter what had happened during the day- it was like a nightmare lottery that never ended in anything good. Winning the lottery basically just meant a dreamless night-

Due to his increased nightmares the ginger had become reclusive from all sleepovers. He’d rather die than let Cartman see him freak out or cry- he’d never hear the end of it! Even if it was just Kenny or Stan who saw him crying- it would still be awful. He’d have to tell them about his nightmares- and about how long it's been going on for. No way did he want that.

If there was one way people described Kyle- it was stubborn and independent.

So no matter how many nights he suffered from nightmares- he never told anyone. The only people who were even slightly aware was his family. Of course they knew a little bit- he’d woken up screaming before. With Sheila being such a light sleeper it was no question she’d come in running as if her son was being murdered. Despite that- screaming wasn’t all that normal and Kyle wasn’t going to make his parents aware of every time he had a nightmare.

There was one person who seemed to be concerned even without knowing something- and it was of course Stanley fucking Marsh. Realistically Kyle should have known it would happen- Stan and him used to have sleepovers constantly- and then it just stopped? Stan knew Kyle better than anyone else in the whole world- there was no way he’d just not notice something was up.

Despite this- Kyle was determined to keep it a secret for as long as he could. He was 16 and waking up crying? He’s not in 4th grade anymore- he wasn’t a child. Even if that wasn’t enough to keep him quiet- then just the sheer idea of Cartman finding out was certainly enough. God, fucking hate that fatass.

It all came crashing down when Stan begged and begged for the millionth time to have a sleepover with Kyle- The ginger had been so overwhelmed with watching Stan that he’d just given in and said yes. It wasn’t his fault Stan was good looking! He just had to have the most perfect eyes Kyle had seen- fuck! Not the point.

When Stan was around Kyle the ginger didn’t know what to do. Sure he could hold a normal conversation and hangout like nothing was wrong- but as soon as Stan got too close or touched him- it was over. He knew instantly that his face was bright red and his heart rate had increased.

Despite what Kyle thought was obvious- Stan never seemed to figure out why his super best friend became a blushing mess when they hugged. It was beyond Kyle- after all everyone else seemed to think it was obvious. Well- at least the constant gay jokes about the pair made Kyle think everyone knew. That or they were just assholes- Honestly probably both were true.

Despite Stan’s dense attitude towards Kyle’s feelings- he was able to pick up on Kyle’s tired and more skittish attitude over the last years. Realistically the ginger thought he was keeping his nightmares more secret than his crush- but if Stan was going to figure anything out he’d prefer it be the nightmares.

When Kyle showed up at Stan’s house picking nervously at his nails- lets just say he was less than ecstatic about the prospect of Stan finding out. It’s not like Stan was the WORST person to find out- but it’s not like he wanted Stan to think he was some kind of wimp. Opening the door with a spare key Stan had given him years ago, the two hangout so often that it just made sense for the two to have spare keys to the other's house, he nervously looked around before calling out.

“Hey Stan! I’m here-”

A loud thud came from upstairs startling the boy- he turned his head as Kyle heard someone running down the stairs.

“KYLE!”

He barely even processed his name being said before he was crashed into by a familiar black haired boy. As he realized what happened the effect was almost immediate- his face became flushed and his ears were pounding with the beat of his heart. Stan’s arms eventually pulled away and the boy grinned up at his taller friend. It was probably due to running down the stairs- but Kyle swore Stan’s face was pinker than normal.

“Dude, I’m so excited- I swear we haven’t done this since we were in middle-school!”

Despite being 16, Stan almost seemed childish- it sent a pang of guilt through Kyle as he realized how much Stan seemed to miss their sleepovers. Kyle wouldn’t lie and say he didn’t miss them too- He was just… scared.

“Yeah- sorry yknow. Just haven’t been able to-” Kyle let out a nervous laugh.

If Stan noticed he didn’t say anything- instead pulling Kyle up the stairs by his hand- Making Kyle turn as red as his hair. The ginger couldn’t figure it out- Stan was being extra touchy today. While it was normal for the two to be close- Stan never made this much contact. It was making Kyle go insane-

He wanted nothing more than to melt into Stan’s touch- but his brain made sure to keep him stable. If he acted too weird then Stan would question it- then he’d have to explain- and then Stan would hate him!

Stan almost kicked down the door to his room. Kyle couldn’t spot what had made the thud earlier- wondering briefly if Stan was the one to have fallen and made the noise. He shook that thought away considering Stan’s rather unharmed looking body. God was he hot-

Stan let go of Kyle’s hand- immediately Kyle missed the warm. Making his hand into a fist to stop himself from reaching out towards his best friend. The black haired boy once again did not notice as he turned around with a bright grin.

“Soooo- wanna watch a movie or play a game first?”

His smile made Kyle almost forget about everything- Stan’s smile had that effect on Kyle. Stan smiled a lot- but it was rarer than when the two were kids. It made the ginger sad that his friend had become less happy, but it also made him appreciate Stan’s smiles even more. Was it gay to get butterflies when your best friend smiled? Probably- was that a problem right now? Kinda- but he was gonna say no for the moment-

“Movie definitely- what do you want to watch?”

The two bickered back and forth about what movie to watch- Kyle saying he didn’t want to watch a horror movie- Stan saying it would be fun- Stan making fun of Kyle for his love of romance movies- All the usual arguments. Despite what Kyle said- he allowed Stan to pick a horror movie out for the two. By the time they’d settled down with blankets and a movie it had become dark out.

As the movie played Kyle felt himself shrink into the blankets. He’d never done particularly well with horror movies- always ended up hiding under the covers. Stan however absolutely loved them. Laughing at the gorey murders as if they WEREN’T murders! It was honestly astounding to Kyle how much his SBF loved horror movies.

Anytime the movie got even remotely gorey Kyle would pull the blanket up to his face almost hiding from the screen- he knew Stan was laughing at him when he did it- but honestly who the fuck cared!

At some point Kyle glanced towards Stan just to see his reactions- what he didn’t seem to realize was how close together the two actually were. While they weren’t touching each other Kyle could feel the warmth radiating off of Stan’s body- their legs were almost touching- and Kyle swore Stan was leaning towards him. Which was ridiculous- or at least not on purpose!

This was quickly proven wrong however when Stan fully leaned onto Kyle- Kyle felt his body tense up for a moment. His eyes darted over to Stan in shock- and there Stan was. Looking completely unbothered by the sudden contact. Kyle was so distracted by his friend that he didn’t notice the horror movie on screen anymore. When a scream broke through the white noise that was Kyle’s brain he felt himself flinch backwards into the bed frame.

Before he could let out any noise of pain he felt a hand around his- And suddenly he was frozen again. All pain prior to that moment was gone- instead his entire focus was on the hand wrapped around his own. He didn’t dare pull away though- letting his hand be held tightly by his super best friend. Stan’s hand was warm just like the rest of his body- Kyle knew his hand was probably warm too. His hands often turned red when he was embarrassed- and there was no way he wasn’t flushed at that moment.

His eyes kept glancing over to Stan. From movie- to Stan- movie- to Stan. He was brought back to reality again when suddenly Stan intertwined his fingers with Kyle’s. The ginger was pretty sure he was dreaming- that or this was a nightmare that was going to turn awful soon- but the throbbing in his head from earlier assured him it was real. Kyle stole a quick glance down at their hands- it was almost like a puzzle piece was fitting together- their hands perfectly intertwined with one another. As if experimenting Kyle lightly squeezed Stan’s hand- It took a moment in the dark, but Kyle noticed Stan’s ears turning a darker red color as he did so.

Holy shit- what the fuck was happening?

Chapter Text

Kyle knew he was only putting off the inevitable- and it wasn’t even fully on purpose this time! The fact it was 3am and he was awake wasn’t really his fault- If it was anyone's fault it was Stan’s! First he goes and plays a horror movie knowing full well how terrified Kyle is of them- and then he holds his hand? What was he thinking!

Just remembering what Stan’s hand felt like around his own made Kyle turn red. Even in the dark he could make out the sleeping shape beside him- Stan was passed out completely- having none of the same problems Kyle was having. Which was completely unfair! It was entirely Stan’s fault that he was awake- why did he get to sleep so peacefully?

Truth be told Stan was only partially why he was awake- well he was 100% why- but for other reasons. Kyle had decided to try staying up all night while with his friend. He didn’t want his nightmares to be exposed- so he just shouldn’t sleep! It was a foolproof plan when he’d thought of it- Now though.. It was 3am and he felt so fucking tired.

Every time he let his guard down the ginger’s eyes would droop lower and lower- his breath would begin to even out- and then he’d shoot awake remembering his goal. He attempted to busy himself by deciphering Stan’s earlier actions, but even then he felt overwhelmingly tired. He could handle it though- he’d just make sure to sleep as soon as he got home! Which was in- a long time…. Shit.

Before he knew it Kyle was asleep- he fought it hard but there was no point. He was completely exhausted. His brain couldn’t seem to get the hint though- and he was tossed into a nightmare.

It was a dream about Stan. It was like the world was mocking him- mocking him for all his stupid fantasies. For thinking maybe Stan meant something by holding his hand- Dream Stan didn’t that’s for sure.

Dream Stan was disgusted by Kyle.

“You thought I’d like you? Why would I ever! You’re disgusting-”

Realistically Kyle knew it was a dream. It always happened like this. He would know it was a dream anytime Stan was there. It was like some weird awakening- because dream Stan wasn’t real Stan- there was always something off about him. New way of styling his hair, his hat was wrong, his voice was off, his eyes were brown instead of blue- Kyle knew for a fact he’d memorized everything about his super best friend, but for whatever reason his dreams couldn’t get it right.

It was so close though. That’s what made Kyle cry- he cried at every hateful look and comment Stan threw at him in his dreams. He cried as if it were all real. And when he woke up after every dream- he cried more. It felt so fucking real- He wouldn’t be lying if he said his nightmares weren’t part of why he hadn’t told Stan. What if his nightmare became his reality? Then he’d lose Stan- and nightmares would just become flashbacks.

When Kyle woke up it was with a gasp- it was still dark meaning he hadn’t been asleep for long- but he felt as though it had been years. The voice in his nightmare rang through his ears- It was Stan’s voice telling him how much the black haired boy hated the ginger. Even as he looked over to see the sleeping shape of his best friend he couldn’t shake the fear in his heart.

As he gasped for air his vision began to cloud over. Kyle tried to rub his eyes but it only worsened the fog. Slowly tears began forming and he felt the warm liquid fall down his face. He attempted to wipe the tears away from his freckled cheeks- but it was no use.

His breath caught in his throat when he heard Stan move. His emerald eyes shifted to look at where his friend had been sleeping- and even through the fog of his eyes he could tell Stan was waking up. Stan groggily sat up and rubbed his eyes. Yawning for a moment and turning towards Kyle. Confusion written on his face.

“Kyle..? Why are you u-”

Stan’s voice froze- And Kyle knew it was over. Stan had to have seen the tears on Kyle's face. The way the ginger was curled into a ball- knees pulled into his chest. There was no way Stan hadn’t figured something out. Worst of all- Kyle was crying his eyes out in front of Stan.

“Kyle- What’s wrong?”

Despite his clear distress he couldn’t help but feel his face heat up as Stan leaned closer. The shorter teen used his hands to wipe away at Kyle’s tears. A concerned look painting the boy's face. A frown tugged at his mouth but he kept it steady attempting to comfort his friend. Kyle could almost feel Stan’s breath on his nose- it was certainly a compromising position. The ginger’s brain was overrun with the overwhelming pressure to kiss Stan- He didn’t of course. Too busy crying his eyes out!

Kyle attempted to speak- but his voice was gone and his throat hurt. As if he could tell Stan reached behind him and grabbed the water cup on Kyle’s nightstand. He rubbed Kyle’s arm lightly while the ginger collected himself. There wasn’t a bit of judgment in the way Stan spoke or moved- only concern. Despite the years of fear he felt courage build up for the first time.

“J-just a nightmare.”

His voice was shaky- and somewhat hard to understand but by the way Stan’s eyes widened in understanding Kyle knew he’d heard. Kyle found it hard to look at Stan’s blue eyes. The way they shined with worry and concern made him feel guilty for having kept his nightmares a secret.

“Oh Ky.. you wanna talk about it? I’m here for you, dude.”

Stan spoke softly and never broke his worried stare at the ginger. Just as quickly as his confidence had built up it fell away instantly. There was no way he would tell his friend what the dreams were about- maybe about his other dreams, but not the one he had tonight. Stan was amazing and kind- and never judged him..but to tell him how much Kyle loved him to the point of getting recurring nightmares about Stan hating him- yeah that was a big no.

He shook his head lightly and leaned into his friend's chest. Attempting to hide his crying face again. There was really no reason to be embarrassed- Stan didn’t seem to judge him for the fact he had nightmares… He probably should have expected that- Stan was simply too kind for his own good! There was no way he would make fun of his super best friend. That’s why Kyle loved him.

The ginger felt his friend’s breath catch for a moment- and before he could question it, felt Stan’s hand rub against his freckled cheeks again. Wiping away the new tears falling out of his green eyes. Kyle knew his face was probably warm- but the noirette didn’t comment on it and just continued to sooth his friend.

“It’s alright Kyle… I’m here.”

The two sat like that for a long time- Despite that by the time they pulled away Kyle still thought it was too soon. The warmth from Stan’s body was still raiditing off him- and Kyle had to force himself to stop leaning into it. The two were in silence for a long time- it wasn’t bad silence. Only slightly awkward considering Kyle’s nose was still stuffy from crying.

The questions Stan had were obvious- Kyle knew he would have to answer soon- so why not take it into his own hands?

“I-I don’t want to talk about what tonight's nightmare was about… “ He took a deep breath, closing his eyes “But..You deserve some answers..”

Stan blinked quickly and opened his mouth in clear attempt to stop Kyle “You don’t ha-”

“I want to. If I don’t do it now I may never.” Kyle cut him off.

There was silence and he felt Stan shift slightly to face Kyle more. He waited a moment before continuing.

“For…2 years I think? I’ve had… nightmares. Not like when I was a kid- nightmares are normal right? I thought it was normal until it became.. Nightly.” Kyle bit his lip. “Every single night- constant nightmares. I would wake up crying or hyperventilating- occasionally I would wake up screaming..”

Stan didn’t speak- but Kyle felt him suck in a breath as he listened. It was terrifying to speak, but for some reason he couldn’t stop.

“Sometimes it’s just a scary dream- being chased or falling you know? Then.. sometimes…” He felt himself shiver. Hands tightening into balls as he continued on. “Sometimes they become too real… there are times where it will be my mother kicking me out for something- failing a test, getting in a fight, doing anything! She just yells at me to leave- and neither my dad nor Ike stops her… Then there are times when.. When someone dies- my mom- dad- Ike- you… sometimes it’s everyone.”

Kyle felt a sob in his throat- and before he could push it away he heard it in his voice. He could tell Stan heard it as well- since Stan reached forward grabbing one of Kyle’s hands tightly. The ginger kept his eyes closed tightly not wanting to see the expression on Stan’s face-

“There are other kinds of nightmares too…” It was a rash decision- and while it wasn’t too far out of his comfort zone… Well this wasn’t exactly how he’d imagined telling his SBF to say the least. “There is a certain joke… That Cartman makes rather often- about me… me being gay.”

The ginger felt his friend nod slowly- he was clearly confused at where the story was going. If the situation was anything else Kyle might’ve laughed at his best friend’s confusion. But he couldn’t do that now- maybe later once the tenseness had gone away.

“I have nightmares where everyone hears those jokes- and…” he took a breath in. “Well- that they realize it’s the truth… Because- it is the truth. I’m gay.”

There was silence- it was unbearable for Kyle. Surely it had only been a few seconds- but it felt far longer as he awaited a response. There was no reaction from Stan- at least not physically. So hesitantly Kyle opened his eyes slowly to look at his friend. Blinking carefully attempting to focus his vision.

At first Kyle couldn’t tell- but then he realized Stan was smiling at him. His eyes were wide and the ginger had a full view of his friend's perfect blue eyes. What he noticed the most though was the happiness implanted in Stan’s eyes. His face lit up when Kyle opened his eyes. Before Kyle could comment-

“Dude! That’s awesome- I'm glad you told me.” And Stan really did look happy- “I mean- you know I’m Bi right? I wouldn’t care if you were gay!”

Kyle blinked slowly, staring at Stan in confusion. “Uh- no… I didn’t know you were Bi-”

“What?? How did you not know? I thought Cartman told you-” Stan scrunched his eyebrows in confusion.

Oh shit- Cartman had definitely mentioned Stan being Bisexual before- he’d gone on and on about how it was true! And how he should ask Stan himself- but Kyle had written it off as normal Cartman bullshit. Especially when he started talking about his nonsense of ‘Come on Kahl! You can go kiss and fuck him now!’ Yeah. He had stopped paying attention by that point- The real question is why Stan came out to Cartman and not him?!

“Well yeah- he said that- but it’s Cartman! Did you seriously think I would take his words seriously?”

Stan at least looked sheepish at the accusation. “Yeah alright- I admit my mistake. That’s why I didn’t tell you directly- I thought you already knew! Maybe you wouldn’t have been so scared to tell me you were gay If I had properly told you.” He let out a laugh

Kyle couldn’t help but laugh along with his friend. His face was still wet with tears- but his stomach felt less twisted than before. Honestly he felt stupid for thinking Stan would hate him for being gay- The noirette got along with Tweek and Craig just fine! Well- as fine as one gets along with Craig if you aren’t Tweek anyhow.

“You wanna talk about tonight’s nightmare? Might make you feel better-”

And suddenly he was back! He got quiet and averted his eyes towards Stan’s window. Silence overtook the room once again and he felt the bed dip as Stan shifted closer to Kyle. The ginger felt his face heat up again but he didn’t dare look at his friend. He was afraid if he did then he’d blurt out how much he loved Stan.

Kyle had known he was in love with Stan for a long time. There was always a closer bond between the two than might be considered normal. They held hands, slept in the same bed, cuddled, hugged for perhaps too long, and in Kyle’s case- well he wanted to move their relationship forward. Even the title of Super Best Friend had been called weird by many. Wendy had complained about how often the two hangout even though she was Stan’s girlfriend. Cartman had been calling them boyfriends for years- though no one really took him seriously anymore.

The two had always been close and nothing had shaken that. What Kyle was truly afraid of- was that Stan would leave him for the first time because of his feelings.

And just like that- tears formed in his eyes again. As if he could sense it Stan reached forward and pulled Kyle into a hug. For a moment the ginger didn’t know what to do but before he could react he was already sobbing into Stan’s shoulder.

“You don’t have to tell me, Ky…”

Kyle wanted to laugh at how pitiful he looked- crying into his best friend’s shoulder all because he had a stupid nightmare.

“God- I thought y-you’d m-make fun of m-me when I told you about the nightmares” He let out a shaky laugh that turned into a cry.

"Why would I make fun of you?" Stan mumbled softly as Kyle hugged him tightly.

"B-because I-I-I'm a coward!" A sob erupted from Kyle's throat.

"You aren't a Coward, Just an idiot. An idiot who's lucky I love him."

Kyle blinked away tears as his eyes widened comically. Did Stan mean to say that? Did he mean it as friends- did he mean it romantically? There was no way he did- but...

"You love me?"

"Yes, you idiot."

Kyle took a deep breath, pausing for a moment. His resolve was back and if he didn't do it now- well he never would.

“Hey Stan.”

“Yeah, Ky?”

“You… would you like to hear about my nightmare?”

~~~