Chapter Text
Alec couldn’t even remember how it started.
He just remembered the heat of the club, the pounding of the music and then, Magnus.
He wasn’t there for fun. He’d never have stepped inside if that were the case. He’d never have gained the courage to but on a mission, it all seemed a hell of a lot easier.
Alec had to fit in. He’d blow their cover if he didn’t.
Dancing with Magnus had only been a bonus. A dangerous one. A stupid one.
Izzy and Jace noticed - how could they not? Their brother who was always so high strung, dancing in the middle of Pandemonium with the High Warlock of Brooklyn.
“I didn’t know you knew how to dance,” Izzy said after. She’d stared at Alec wide eyed, like she was seeing him for the first time.
Alec didn’t like it.
“Anyone can dance,” Alec had responded and that had been that.
Jace tried to bring it up but Alec avoided him every time and eventually, it was back to being something they didn’t talk about anymore.
But Magnus never went away.
Magnus slipped Alec his number that night. Alec meant to throw it away, knew that he should but he’d kept it anyway. It was a memento more than anything, something he kept but never intended to use.
Until one night, a bad night, Alec found himself ripping the paper from his draw and dialing Magnus’ number. Magnus answered on the second ring and Alec spoke before he had the chance.
“Can I come over?” was all he’d said. He didn’t need to say much more.
“Of course.”
So, Alec went.
It turned into somewhat of a thing. It was a habit Alec tried to break every time he left Magnus’ loft. He was determined he’d never call again, that that was the last time they’d see each other but it was never the case. Eventually, he’d get worked up, angry and Magnus’ number would be ringing before Alec could think twice.
Alec would almost feel bad, if Magnus minded being used this way but he didn’t. He liked Alec. He liked what they did. He liked having a shadowhunter so worked up, liked being the reason Alec was worked up in the first place.
Alec didn’t tell him that wasn’t exactly the case. He didn’t tell him about every other night he’d spent beating his anger away until his fists were bloody. Magnus didn’t work Alec up, it was everything else that did. It was his mother. It was taking care of the Institute. It was being the only one of his siblings who seemed capable of rational thought. It was carrying the weight of his entire family on his shoulders.
But Magnus liked it when Alec fucked him, so Alec didn’t think it was worth correction.
Magnus had come for a meeting, the first time he and Alec fucked in the Institute.
Alec hadn’t intended to suck Magnus off in his mother’s office but he supposed he should have known where the night was going when the meeting ended with his mother storming out, leaving Alec behind to sort out her mess, as she always did.
“Show him out,” she’d hissed behind her.
Alec considered it. He was sure Magnus had other things to attend to today but when Magnus didn’t move to leave, when he merely stood there watching Alec and waiting, Alec began to consider something else.
He stood from the table and grasped Magnus’ wrist. He was pulling the warlock out of the room and down the hall before either of them could speak. He was bruising Magnus’ wrist, he was sure of it, but Magnus didn’t seem to mind.
If he did, Alec knew he wouldn’t be letting it happen.
He pushed Magnus inside his mother’s office without checking to see if she was there. It was possible she’d left, walked down the hallway and gone in. It was likely even, but when Magnus’ hips hit the wood, they were alone.
Alec sank to his knees without a word. He let Magnus fuck his throat and twenty minutes later when they both turned to leave, he realized he hadn’t even locked the door.
Alec wished he cared. He wished he was scared still but it was becoming easier and easier not to give a fuck.
After that, Magnus would meet him in the Institute sometimes. Alec didn’t ask how he got inside without activating the alarms. He pretended not to notice but surely, Magnus knew he had.
It was a security flaw, a huge one at that but it meant that when Alec slammed his door shut, Magnus could meet him. It meant Alec didn’t have to come up with an excuse to leave, didn’t have to avoid his siblings as he left and didn't have to pretend he cared if they realized he was lying.
Magnus seemed to like it too. It wasn’t lost on Alec that this building must hold ghosts for him. Some of it was in the records but most of it wasn’t. Alec knew Magnus had been locked in the cells once, when he’d been arrested in the 1800s. He knew Magnus had been at the meetings in the early 1920s, when the downworlders had been spat on and banished. He knew Magnus had been there when his parents had been given the Institute in his city as a punishment for their war crimes.
Alec knew that fucking him under their roof did something for Magnus. How could it not?
That’s why Alec didn’t feel bad. He used Magnus as a release for years worth of anger but Magnus used him just as much. Alec could see it in his eyes, in the way he stared at the cum shinning on Alec’s tongue, in the way he moaned louder in the Institute than he did when they fucked anywhere else.
Magnus wanted Alec’s parents to catch them just as much as Alec did. He wanted Maryse to find out. He wanted to see her angry. He wanted her know that he’d been fucking her son for months and she didn’t even know.
That’s why Alec pretended he didn’t notice when Magnus put the silencing charm on his room, just before they hit the bed. That’s why Alec pretended not to notice Magnus locking the doors behind them.
It was a fantasy they both enjoyed. One that Alec knew would be a calamity if it ever actually happened.
Jace found out when he and Magnus had been fucking for a few months. The silencing charms, the locking of the doors - it was all useless when Jace walked around the corner and caught Alec with his tongue down Magnus’ throat in the hallway.
Magnus gasped, his cat eyes wide and blown as Alec pulled away. His eyes followed Alec hungrily and then darted over, noticing Jace long after Alec had.
Alec looked up and met Jace’s eyes. He loosened his grip on Magnus and dropped him to the ground. The warlock caught himself gracefully, only his unsteady breath and the spit shining on his swollen lips to indicate what they’d just been doing.
Alec thought that night in the club had been a dead give away, that Jace was being polite by pretending he hadn’t known what he was doing.
The only expression on Jace’s face was shock. He hadn’t thought for a moment that Alec was capable of this. He probably thought what their mother did, that Alec was a good soldier, a good son, not distracted with silly whims, not interested in fraternizing with the downworlders, probably still a virgin.
Alec knew he should feel panicked but when he turned and dragged Magnus away, it almost felt good to prove Jace wrong.
Jace told Izzy. Alec knew he would. He knew the second he walked away that Jace was about to turn on his heel and sprint to Izzy’s room.
What he didn’t expect was silence that followed. He half expected his sister to throw his door open and march in the second she heard but that night, he and Magnus were left alone.
Magnus didn’t like spending the night at the Institute. Alec’s bed was uncomfortable. Magnus had said so more than once but Alec didn’t need him to say it. He’d slept in Magnus’ bed. He’d slept in his own. He knew which one he’d prefer.
But that night, Magnus didn’t complain. Alec curled against him long after they’d both cum. He pretended to be asleep for a while but he knew that they were both lying there awake. Magnus had cleaned them but he’d done it so seamlessly that Alec wasn’t quite sure when he’d done it, he only knew that he was comfortable and his skin wasn’t as sticky as it normally was when Magnus left.
If he stayed silent, Alec knew this is how the night would end. Magnus would stay. They’d wake in the morning still lying like this before they both pulled themselves away. It wouldn't be the first time it had happened but it would be the first time it hadn’t happened on accident.
All Alec had to do was stay quiet and let them both pretend they thought he was already asleep.
“I want the Institute,” Alec murmured instead.
He wasn’t even aware that was what he was going to say until the words were coming out of his mouth. They felt right and honest but it wasn’t something Alec knew he was going to say until then.
“I want you to have it,” Magnus responded.
“Help me then.”
Magnus chuckled. Alec could feel it through his chest. He knew what Magnus’ next words would be, that he couldn’t help with that, but Alec spoke before he could.
“I want you to draft a declaration. I want you to say that the High Warlock refuses all further relations with the New York Institute until a new leader is selected.”
At that, Magnus was silent. “Why would I do that?” He asked eventually.
“You don’t know everything my parents did for the Circle.”
When Magnus spoke, his tone had gone dark. “Darling, I assure you I do.”
“You don’t know the proof the Clave had.” Alec pushed away from him. He fell back against the bed, so they were lying side by side.
He’d thought of having the Institute for himself so many times before. It had always been an angry thought - something he contemplated behind slammed doors, after meetings with his mother that he wished had gone a million different ways.
It was never something he thought about like this, when he was calm. It was never something he imagined actually happening.
“You didn’t read the files. They played innocent, pretended they didn’t have much against them so they didn’t have to exile them but they had everything. It’s all there. I’ll show you. You can say someone leaked it or you stole it. It doesn’t matter.”
They laid in silence for a long while. Alec could tell Magnus was thinking. He let him.
“What made you decide this?” Magnus asked eventually. “What about your brother made you…” Magnus trailed off. Alec didn’t blame him for being confused. He’d probably expected a conversation tonight but one much different.
“I’m just done.”
Alec didn’t know how else to explain it. It wasn’t a sentiment he could put to words. He was just so sick of being angry about things he couldn’t change. He was so sick of being what everyone wanted him to be.
Jace had caught him making out with a boy. It wasn’t a big deal. It didn’t have to be. Jace and Izzy would tell no one if he didn’t want them to. He could pretend it never happened.
Or he could find out what would happen if he stopped pretending so much. He could find out what would happen if he started living the life he wanted instead of the one he’d always had.
“Will you help me or not?”
There was no hesitation in his voice when he answered. “Of course, I will.”
They laid in silence for a long while after, neither of them touching. It was one of the first times Alec could remember talking to Magnus like this, without a burning heat between them. Alec was always so angry when they talked. He was always in need of something only Magnus seemed to be able to give him.
Now, they laid in silence and Alec wondered for the first time if Magnus would still like him, when the thing keeping them together wasn’t a frantic gnawing need. He wondered if this was the last night they’d do this and then, he let his eyes close.
There would be others, if Magnus wasn’t interested anymore. And if he was, Alec imagined he’d find out what Magnus was like when wasn’t pinned to a wall or lying between his legs. He imagined there would be more nights like this, where they laid side by side not speaking, not feeling like they needed to.
Magnus had a cat, though Alec couldn’t remember the name of it. He’d seen it fleetingly a few times when he and Magnus had rushed into the apartment half undressed. Alec thought that maybe after all of this, he could meet it for the first time.
It could be nice to not feel so angry all the time. It could be nice to talk to Magnus like he was a person. It could be nice to see what this could be, when everything wasn’t so horrible all of the time. Alec was looking forward to it.
He was looking forward to it a lot actually. He just needed to get the Institute first.
"Thank you," Alec murmured into the dark.
Magnus didn't respond and neither of them said anything else for the rest of the night but when Alec woke up, he was lying in Magnus' arms and the sun was just starting to break through the windows.