Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Thursday PM

(10:45) Mabel have you seen my computer?

(10:45) i’m not mabel but i do have a computer sitting across from me

(10:47) Sorry wrong number.

(10:48) don’t you have contacts in your phone????

(10:50) What if someone looks at my phone? I don’t want them to know who I’m texting!

(10:51) WOW paranoid much

(10:52) Shut up.

Friday AM

(6:33) hey i never got your name last night

(6:34) Look I’m up late into the night anyway.

(6:36) This was uncalled for.

(6:40) And you, as someone I don’t know, definitely doesn’t get to know my name. You already have some idea of how paranoid I am.

(6:41) Why are you up so early anyway?

(6:45) Yeah just wake me up and then don’t respond that’s cool.

(6:50) I LEFT FOR LIKE TEN MINUTES

(6:51) TO GET BREAKFAST

(6:52) to answer your question I’m one of those people that only needs like 4 hours of sleep

(6:55) and if you won’t tell me your name i’ll just give you a nickname

(7:00) My gut tells me this is a really bad idea.

(7:01) haha yeah probably is

(7:02) so you paranoid little meatsack, tell me about yourself

(7:04) Meatsack?

(7:06) its what i call all humans, including myself

(7:10) Suddenly my mom and dad warning me about talking to serial killers on the internet and through texting is clicking into place.

(7:11) i’m pretty sure i was one in a past life lol

(7:11) thAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU LOL ABOUT

(7:13) haha yeah it is lol

(7:15) anyway. what are your interests? hopes, dreams, what you like to do….

(7:20) Wow you don’t seem like a stalker at all.

(7:22) When I was younger I used to be obsessed with the supernatural. I mean, I still am but its kinda lessened over the years. Anyway, when I first came to the place where I now live, I was twelve years old, and at the peak of this obsession, so I hung out in the woods a lot. Me and my sister would go looking for stuff. It just was really fun, and one of our better summers.

(7:25) awwww

(7:25) What?

(7:26) you sound like a dork

(7:27) So you wake me up early and then you insult me. Great.

(7:28) Where’s the nickname I was promised?

(7:29) woods, huh?

(7:29) and you're a guy, right? you sound like a guy.

(7:30) i hereby dub thee Pine Tree

(7:31) whHSFS HOLY MOTHER OF FUCK

(7:32) i always knew i had a hidden talent for nicknames

(7:32) NO YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND YOU WOKE ME UP BEFORE MY ALARM

(7:32) AND I FORGOT TO TURN IT OFF

(7:33) AND IT JUST SCARED THE LIVING GOD OUT OF ME

(7:34) I AM LAGUHING SOH HARD OMFG

(7:45) wow sorry

(7:30) You okay bro? I heard screaming

(7:34) Yeah I'm fine Mabel.

(7:35) Did someone wake up on the wrong side of the bed??

(7:38) No.

(7:42) Whatever you say, bro bro

Friday Afternoon

(1:30) Sorry about leaving earlier. I have a problem with holding grudges.

(1:30) how weird it is that I guessed that

(1:32) ....Anyway. I told you my name...

(1:32) no you didn't

(1:32) So you should tell me yours.

(1:33) only if you promise to start using contacts

(1:34) .....

(1:35) Fine.

(1:36) well then Pine Tree, my name is Bill

(1:37) Well then Bill, a bus of tourists just got let out outside the shop, and I have to go.

(1:32) I think they're texting!

(1:33) That's great Mabes

(1:34) Pacifica, be happy!  He hasn't dated anyone in nearly a year, this could be great for him!

(1:34) Omg now he’s blushing!

(1:35) You're insane.

(1:36) You love me.

(1:37) Guilty as charged.

(1:33) Who are ya texting?

(1:34) .....Why do you want to know?

(1:34) Because now you're blushing

(1:35) I AM NOT BLUSHING!!!!!

(1:36) Haha okay Dipper

(1:35) Mabes says you're blushing and I would like confirmation

(1:36) I

(1:36) AM

(1:36) NOT

(1:36) BLUSHING!!!!!

(1:37) I feel as though I've struck a nerve here.

Friday Night

(5:51) hunnnnnggggrrrrryyyyyyyyyy

(5:52) Same

(5:53) Tired.

(5:53) HUUUUUUNNNNGGGGGRRRRRYYYYYY

(5:54) Let’s go out to dinner then. I’ll pay.

(5:55) Yes!

(5:55) I don’t care if you’re paying, the last time I went out to dinner with you two all I got was a front row seat to your kissing.

(5:57) You got a free meal too…

(6:00) That’s not the point.

(6:01) C’mon Dip. Mmmm, food. Something you haven’t consumed since this MORNING!

(6:02) Plus, this way we can see what you’re blushing about.

(6:02) I almost forgot about the ~mysterious stranger~!

(6:05) Thanks for that, Pacifica.

(6:07) I think it's a great idea if we find out.

(6:10) Please don’t do this to me.

(6:11) We’ll be there in ten minutes to kidnap you

(6:12) At least you got a warning this time.

(6:42) Help

(6:43) They’re looking over my shoulders at my phone help

(6:44) how dare they

(6:45) wait who’s they????

(6:50) My sister and her girlfriend. They dragged me out to dinner.

(6:55) free food?

(7:01) At the cost of my sanity.

(7:02) what if i was there too? ;)

(7:05) Why am I still talking to you?

(7:07) because you like talking to someone that you think of as only YOUR friend,  instead of just talking to your sister and her friends,  who all seem to know your life story already. you like people who don't know you yet.

(7:09) That was....surprisingly accurate.

(7:15) i read people like books

(7:20) They're yelling at me now to put away my phone so I have to go. Bye.

(7:21) He looks a little angry

(7:21) I'm sure everything's fine....

Saturday Afternoon

(3:48) My sister is trying to convince me you're not a serial killer.

(3:48) But I didn't say anything about thinking you're a serial killer.

(3:48) And for some reason I feel like you had a hand in this.

(3:50) i'm not texting your sister, if that's what you're thinking

(3:57) you left quickly after i pointed out something about how your mind works. i'm assuming that you don't like people knowing that much about you that easily?

(4:03) ....

(4:07) You got me.

(4:11) I was just teased a lot when I was younger for....multiple reasons and all that's come of that really is being very guarded all the time and hoping people don't know that much about me. I imagine some of that came from the paranoid of the paranormal, but I think it mostly came from the teasing.

(4:13) you keep telling me you're paranoid but you're telling me these things so easily

(4:15) But it seems like I know nothing about you yet.

(4:15) okay, i'll fix that

(4:17) -picture-

(4:17) this was taken at a family event about a month ago. a family event that i majorly fucked up at.

(4:18) anyway.

(4:20) it seems that i know more information about you so here's some about me: i move around a lot, i've got a sister too, i’m pan, and my favorite colors are yellow and black.

(4:22) That's a lot of information in a short period of time.

(4:24) what? rather work for it?

(4:25) No, I just feel like we're not even because now I know what you look like.

(4:26) Here. -picture-

(4:28) oh you're cute, Pine Tree.

(4:32) Hi Bill this is "Pine Tree's" sister, Mabel! Dipper has unfortunately nearly fallen out of his chair and is now blushing like an idiot,  so I'm here to text on his behalf for the next few minutes!

(4:33) hi Shooting Star.

(4:34) making people swoon is another one of my fantastic abilities.

(4:35) Wait, I'm going to delete this text and the first text! Dipper isn't supposed to know we know each other!

(4:36) well here's a text for Pine Tree once he has recovered: blushing is cute too

Chapter Text

Sunday Morning

(11:37) I decided to look at my phone again but you know what I think I'm going to go hide my face in my pillow for another hour instead.

(11:39) aww Pine Tree

(11:41) i didn’t know my opinion mattered so much!

(11:43) I really wish you didn’t say things to make me blush.

(11:44) i really wish i was there to see you blush

(11:44) hey i’ve got an idea!

(11:46) Oh no.

(11:48) we should meet each other!

(11:53) Well...We’ve really only been texting for a few days, Bill.

(11:54) I mean, I’ll want to meet you.

(11:55) Just not yet.

(11:55) I’m sorry.

(11:57) that's alright Pine Tree.

(11:58) just let me know when you're ready.

(12:01) I'm sorry.

(12:03) i already said it's okay. it is.

Sunday Afternoon

(2:03) Hey Dip Dop are you okay? You look more stressed than usual. And the bags under your eyes are bigger.

(2:06) I’m okay. I’ll sleep tonight, promise.

(2:07) You always say that. And then you never do, and then you don’t sleep, and then you pass out at the cash register!

(2:10) What are you doing right now, anyway? READING ISN’T MORE IMPORTANT THAN SLEEP, DIPPER!

(2:15) I’ll take a nap.

(2:33) Dipper I know you’re still awake

(2:34) You just flipped a page

(2:35) Sleep!

(2:40) Fine.

Monday Morning (kinda)

(2:13) Why am I on the couch?

(2:14) What day is it?

(2:15) So you’re finally awake!

(2:15) Its Monday! I knew you were tired!

(2:17) Why is there glitter everywhere?

(2:18) You uh. You slept through a lot

(2:18) Do I even want to know?

(2:19) Probably not. But there’s a lot of glitter, and as a Class A crafter I know how to get it off! Spray hairspray on the clothes then wash them, and oil will take it off your skin and hair! You’re welcome!

(2:22) Why are you even awake?

(2:22) Along with the glitter, there was Mabel Juice!

(2:24) Are you going to sleep?

(2:24) Nope!

(2:23) Hey are you awake?

(2:25) now i am

(2:26) Sorry

(2:26) it’s fine. i got my required 4 hours anyway

(2:26) what’s up?

(2:28) I slept for twelve hours and now I don’t think I’ll be able to get back to sleep.

(2:34) that means you missed eating dinner

(2:34) go eat something, Pine Tree

(2:37) Can’t. Researching.

(2:37) if you can text me while researching, you can make yourself some food

(2:38) Look, I probably wouldn't have eaten anyway.

(2:40) what? Pine Tree, you need to eat

(2:42) Sometimes I just forget. I get so caught up in reading or whatever I'm doing.

(2:45) well thanks to me you haven't forgotten this time.

(2:48) You're not going to leave me alone about this, are you?

(2:53) nope!

(3:03) I'm back with a sandwich.

(3:06) good! i can't have you starving on me!

(3:09) well, it's 3 in the morning and we both have nothing to do, want to play a game?

(3:11) I'm not sure what to expect and I don't think it will be good, but I'll play anyway.

(3:13) you should have more faith in me. Not all my ideas are bad!

(3:14) anyway. let's play a game of questions!

(3:14) Ohhh nooooo. No.

(3:15) oh come on! i'll even let you ask the first question!

(3:17)...Fine. What do you do?

(3:20) do you know that's a very rude question to ask, Pine Tree? but i'll tell you anyway. i'm what most would call a jack of all trades.

(3:20) But a master of none?

(3:21) hold on now Pine Tree, you just asked a question, it's my turn now!

(3:21) and i might as well ask you the same question! how do you earn your pay?

(3:23) My sister and I own a shop with all sorts of stuff, like neon cookies in one corner and ancient spellbooks in another. It's creepy, but it's nice and attracts enough people.

(3:25) you know what might attract even more people? fortune telling.

(3:26) Why do you think that?

(3:26) because that's how i made a living for a period of time.

(3:27) Was it real?

(3:29) the fortune telling? some of it. most of the fortunes came true, though. when the fortune teller says something,  people often take it into their own hands and shape their fate the same way the cards have laid it out.

(3:31) How was only some of it real, then?

(3:34) patience, Pine Tree.

(3:34) favorite color?

(3:35) Seriously?

(3:35) just answer the question.

(3:37) Dark blue.

(3:39) great! some of the fortune telling was real because sometimes i'd dream of what was going to happen before it happened. they were very hard to distinguish from other dreams, though, and usually concerned only things i cared about, so they weren't good for telling others what's to come.

(3:42) That's really interesting, if you have another dream like that, can you tell me about it?

(3:44) if you want

(3:45) Thank you...I'm actually getting tired again, thanks for talking to me. I'm sorry but I'll probably go back to sleep now, if that's okay with you.

(3:45) of course it's okay. goodnight, Pine Tree.

(3:46) Goodnight.

Chapter Text

Monday Morning

(11:34) wake up, say good morning to

(11:34) that sleepy person

(11:35) sending texts to you

(11:35) Good morning to you too.

(11:37) Have you been up since I woke you?

(11:39) yeah but i'm not tired

(11:41) should we continue our game of questions?

(11:43) Are you sure you don't need sleep?

(11:45) Pine Tree, you worry about me too much.

(11:46) i'm practically invinciBILL.

(11:46) I should have anticipated that and yet I did not.

(11:48) Anyway, it's your turn.

(11:52) alright, well, what are you always researching?

(11:54) Lots of things, I may have grown out of my paranormal phase a little, but not completely. It’s all stuff that might be real. Like cryptids.

(11:54) What time is it where you are?

(11:55) 11:55. but that is subject to change, as is most things involving me!

(11:57) You move around a lot?

(12:03) i've been all over the world, kid.

(12:04) Do you have any stories?

(12:08) i have had my seat on an airplane kicked by 37 children over the years, heard so many different horror stories from different cultures that i'm immune to all of them at this point, and know some of the best places in the world. but my favorite thing that has ever happened was when i was a little kid, as were all my cousins and my sister, when we were much closer. we'd make up little stories that always suited the area we were in, and occasionally we'd act them out.

(12:08) anyway, Pine Tree,  have you ever gone anywhere?

(12:10) Well, I used to go to places around where I lived when I was younger, family vacations and stuff. Nothing as exciting as what you seemed to have done, though. We never left the west coast.

(12:12) Do you ever do anything but sit by your phone?

(12:13) i'm currently in between trades. so as of right now, no, i do not do anything else.

(12:13) rest assured, i have an idea.

(12:16) Is it legal?

(12:22) some questions, Pine Tree, are best left unanswered.

(12:23) Alright well I’m gonna go before I get implicated in any of your semi-legal activities. Talk to you later, Bill.

(12:25) see ya!

Tuesday Evening

(6:37) Pine Tree

(6:38) Pine Tree there's a cat in my room

(6:38) i don't have a cat

(6:39) Make sure it doesn't have any diseases before anything else.

(6:39) okay i'm gonna get some gloves and try to get it into a box or something

(6:43) shit it just ran under my bed

(6:46) WHY IS IT SO HARD TO LURE IT INTO A BOX

(6:47) Bill stop trying to text me while you're doing this!

(6:48) okay i finally got it

(6:48) its fur is the same color as my hair

(6:48) it looks like a stray

(6:50) Bring it to the vet and set up a found cat ad.

(6:52) okay but how do i keep it calm in the car?

(6:55) I....have no idea.

(7:01) wait i think it might be falling asleep anyway

(7:06) i’ll text you once we get there

(7:09) Alright.

(7:23) well we're here and i may end up with a pet cat

(7:26) Bill no.

(7:27) BILL YES

(7:31) But think about it in in a 'do I have the time and money for this' state of mind.

(7:33) ...

(7:33) i mean, i had one when i was a kid

(7:35) How many kids do you know that actually take care of their own pets?

(7:37) fair point.

(7:37) however, counterpoint,

(7:37) seven year old me did not have google. twenty-six year old me does.

(7:40) Please don’t inadvertently kill an animal.

(7:40) but it’s okay if i do it on purpose?

(7:42) Okay that’s not what I meant.

(7:43) ooo hang on Pine Tree the cat doctor’s back

(7:30) I heard there was a KITTEN?

(7:35) there is.

(7:35) i don’t actually own it yet tho

(7:36) BILL

(7:36) BILL

(7:36) YOU GOTTA GET THAT CAT

(7:38) working on it, Shooting Star

(8:30) i now own a cat

(8:34) Please do not harm it.

(8:34) i can’t believe you would think so lowly of me

(8:40) You could still be a serial killer.

(8:42) yeah but even they aren’t that heartless

(8:43) i’ve seen buzzfeed unsolved. i know that serial killers only care about killing humans.

(8:43) and like, you know what, i kinda get that. humans are terrible. i kinda understand the urge to murder them.

(8:45) Did you just justify murder? Like cold-blooded murder?

(8:45) yeah I GUESS but don’t get all donna tartt on me

(8:45) henry was right don’t @ me

(8:50) aw Pine Tree come back i promise i won’t throw you off a cliff

(8:52) Honestly, I never left, I just don’t know how to respond to that.

(8:54) what should i name my cat?

(8:55) What a subtle topic change.

(8:56) well i wanted to keep talking to you but i couldn’t really pick it up with ‘so when do you think murder is justified?’

(8:56) Never?

(8:56) yeah exactly

(8:57) so. cat names.

(9:00) Um

(9:01) Adam.

(9:02) James.

(9:02) Matthew.

(9:02) why are you giving me human names

(9:03) Because I am not very good at this.

(9:03) correct.

(9:03) WAIT I GOT IT

(9:04) No-Name!

(9:05) That’s creepy.

(9:05) i’m sorry did you expect less?

(9:10) True, true.

(9:13) Hey, I’ve got good news.

(9:13) what??

(9:15) I’m going to bed. Right now.

(9:16) i’m proud of you, Pine Tree.

(9:16) Yeah I know being a functional person is quite the achievement.

(9:17) don’t be sour

(9:17) if it’s something hard for you then it’s an achievement.

(9:27) Pine Tree?

(9:30) is he asleep?

(9:33) Yeah.

(9:33) alright good.