Chapter Text
Percy was terrified, he didn't want to sleep. Sleeping meant nightmares. Nightmares of what he’d done…in…the pit. Sleeping meant reliving that horrid moment.
He didn't want to. He was scared, scared of himself. He thought he had everything under control. He thought his powers weren't a big deal. Sure he blew up a volcano once, but that was it. He was sure he wouldn't lose control of his powers again.
But he did, and he’d happily tortured a goddess. He laughed, he smiled, gleamed at her suffering.
Poison…Poison wasn’t part of his father’s domain…then why could he control it? He shouldn’t have been able to! He didn't…
He chuckled bitterly. He’d done the impossible again. But this time, it actually affected him. Because no one should have been able to control things that weren’t in their powers. Nor should they have been able to force a deity’s domain against them.
He was scared. If he lost control again…what would he do? What could he do? Did the gods know about what he did? They would surely kill him if they did. If his father saw what he’d done, surely he’d think of him as a monster.
He doesn't even know anymore. He’s confused. He remembers very well, what happened with Akhlys, and he really really, wished he didn't. Poseidon was the god of the seas, oceans or whatever, and definitely not of…poisons. Poisons were not water, liquid sure, but water? Big no. He was the son of Poseidon, so what was with that stunt he did down there? And he was sure something in his gut cracked, like a glass ball that fell, and shattered into a million pieces piercing at his skin.
And the terrified look on Annabeth’s face…He’s been with her for years, and not once has she ever looked so terrified. They’ve faced countless battles and quests together, and yet the first time she’s actually actually terrified, it’s by his hands. He thought he was a monster, torturing a goddess with their own domain, making her beg for mercy…but he really did want to see how much misery Misery could take…Who knows what she was thinking at that moment?
Sometimes, he feels like he’s been possessed, if Tartarus didn't already make him go insane, his thoughts sure would’ve.
Poison is a liquid, and you were able to control it, so what else is a liquid? B—
Shut up, dont finish that sentence. He thought, he didn't need more problems on his plate, is Gaia controlling his brain? Theres no way he’d actually be able to think about all this. In all his Seaweed Brain-ness. He frowned, he’d thought that ambrosia, and some water would heal him, but his body still ached, his skin itched, maybe from all those blisters he got down there, maybe it was the death mist(he still didn't know how that worked) His fingers were sore, most likely from all the killing he’d done.
He’s never been afraid of his powers, or himself, he’s never done anything to be afraid. Sure he could summon big waves, was excellent with swords, did some other stuff, nothing was too bad. He didn’t understand why people looked so scared of him.
You exploded an entire volcano when you were 15, almost killing yourself in the process. You faced Kronos, and killed probably as many monsters as Hercules at this point. His mind whispered to him. When would it shut up? He groaned, he was so tired of everything, and guess what? Gaia is still causing havoc, and probably about to destroy camp-half blood, and camp Jupiter soon. They definitely need to hurry up, because apparently, the almighty gods, couldn’t help to save the world they lived in.
He thinks back to when he asked his mom, his amazing, wonderful mom, Sally—oh no, she wasn’t informed of anything, sure he sent a message to her a while ago, but he was never sure if she received it, his mother who did everything she could to protect him, risking her life and freedom, and being the wonderful son he is—goes missing for half a year, and then goes missing again. Probably scaring her to death. He’ll really have to visit her after all this is over, that is, if he survives.
Anyways, he remembers asking his mother why she named him “Perseus”, after all, you dont really go around to find anyone named after famous greek heroes, in fact, other than the actual greek gods and heroes, he’s the only person he knows that’s named after one. Awkward, doesn't help that he hates formalities, and Perseus sounds too formal for his liking. Of course every monster decides to call him that anyways. His mother told him that Perseus was one of the few or maybe only greek heroes that got a happy ending, and was hoping he’d somehow get his luck. Ironically, his life has been anything but lucky.
He’s never liked all the attention he’s getting. When he was younger, he’d destroyed schools, and people looked at him like he was some insane kid, then he grew up, and found out his dad is apparently, a god, and one of the big three, then people start looking at him weird again. Then he goes on some quests, and then finds out he might be part of a big world destroying prophecy, go on some more quests, find out the Titan king is rising, and someone’s volunteering to host him. Go into war, and then afterwards, of course, people start looking at him weird again. Because they fear you And people’ll tell exaggerated stories of him at the campfire. He left every time they told stories, he was tired of protesting that he didn't actually do all that, and it’s real awkward when you exaggerate a story, and the person’s right there.
“He’s so modest! Always denying everything!” They’d say, he’s not modest, he’s just…telling the truth. He had lots of help during all his quests, and it’s not like he took down Kronos by himself, Luke technically killed him…by killing himself, he’s pretty sure he was hardly the hero there. Some campers started looking at him as if he was some sort of god, he felt really uncomfortable sometimes with all the staring. He just wants to live a normal mortal life, with his girlfriend, and go to collage, and grow up together—is that really such a difficult thing to ask for?
He would go take a swim to keep his mind busy, but it’s odd, he’s never wanted to be in the ocean so badly before, maybe he just really wants to after Tartarus—there was no water down there, only fire water, that he did not want to take a dip in, misery water, and forget-your-memories water, that he definitely didn't want to take a dip in—Lethe, Bob…Damasen, who sacrificed themselves so that he and Annabeth could leave Tartarus. He’s suddenly angry, angry that life could be so unfair, angry that he couldn't be better to save them. So many others have died because of him—
Somethings cant be avoided, bloodshed cant be avoided when you’re a demigod, on dangerous missions.
He blinks, definitely wasn’t expecting his mind to help him at all after all those remarks about Ahklys. However, this voice sounded softer, comforting, unlike the other one that was harsher, and cold. Yep, its official, he’s going crazy. He sighed.