Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Later, man,” Kenji says, looking at his friend standing beside him before they parted ways.

“Later, Kenji. Just remember we’re friends,” Makoto reminded, stuffing the beaded and woven choker into his pocket. “See ya.”

Kenji stood still in his spot for a minute or so, rooted in place through his soles, watching a head of blue hair crowned with grey headphones descend down the spiral staircase. Then, and only then, did Kenji breathe out slowly and look down at his black school shoes.

The smell of that special seasoning Hagakure used in their ramen wafted out through the double doors that opened every few minutes, enticing Kenji almost as much as one of the magazines he hid from his dad. The boy quickly decided his wallet couldn’t take another ramen bowl today-– they were cheap, yeah, but he didn’t have the deep pockets that Makoto had (for whatever reason).

 The sky was darkening now with the coming of evening, and people were clearing out of the teeming strip mall. Huh. Makoto, Kenji thought as he paced through the street leisurely. While working his way through a throng of people, Kenji sighed and resisted the urge to facepalm in public as a hardly-contained look of disgust manifested on his face. God, could I have been more of an idiot in there? I was seriously acting all gay with that friendship shit. Well, I do appreciate Makoto, but… Whatever. Not like that. I did it all so wrong. Like, that stupid choker?

“I can’t believe I did that,” he murmured under his breath, feeling his face grow hot. Kenji couldn’t understand why he even went through with it and made the choker the other day. Like, oh wow, don’t you like my little arts and crafts project, Makoto?

It was irreverently juvenile.

With all of this thought put into the matter, Kenji realized his feet had already taken him home. The teen fished his keys out of his pocket and fumbled them into the lock. He felt heat creep up his back when he almost dropped them on the ground. Despite his shaky and now clammy hands, the door was opened and promptly closed as Kenji went to his bedroom and flopped on his mattress.

The choker, the stuttering while talking to Makoto, and now my stupid fumbling with the keys… Kenji reflected in annoyance, and he wondered why there was mild panic and discomfort pooling in his stomach.

The brunette sighed and felt even more defeated at the realization he had forgotten to take off his shoes.

Staring at the ceiling, Kenji felt irritated as his mind went back to Makoto. The transfer student he befriended earlier this year. The, surprisingly, funny boy who wasn’t as brooding when you got to know him. A guy who would probably be a hit with the chicks if he could just have some sense of style. That was what the choker was for, though, right? Kenji had been thinking it would look good on Makoto.

He felt his insides twist at the realization. Huh? Damn it. Why even think about what would or wouldn’t look good on Makoto, huh? Kinda weird.

Kenji tried to zone out, but he kept thinking about why it could be that he had his best friend so stuck on his mind. Wait, that was it! His best friend.

I’ve always been kinda focused on hitting on chicks, or trying to find, like, a girlfriend, he reflected, remembering his sobering experience with Emiri. I haven’t really had any real friendships with dudes for a bit now. This somewhat loser-ish epiphany dawned on him like a speeding train. Am I really just nervous around Makoto ‘cuz I haven’t had a real friend like him in so long?

“Shit,” Kenji said out loud, furrowing his eyebrows as his lips pursed and unpursed while he was deep in thought. “S-So, I was stuttering and feeling embarrassed to tell Makoto how I appreciate his friendship because I haven’t had a real bond for a while.” The boy let his conclusion linger in his room before it dissipated in an unsatisfying smoke. “Nah, that… It’s more than that. Like, it’s gotta be. Two bros can go on about stuff like that and not stutter. Makoto and I…” Kenji drifted off, shifting around in bed as he put his hands behind his head. He closed his eyes tightly in concentration before opening them.

“Our friendship… What Makoto and me have, it’s different than my friendships in the past,” Kenji stated. “We’re tight. After talking about Emiri and whatever, we’re totally sealed partners for life.”

The brunette seemed pleased with that conclusion, nodding and closing his eyes again.

That is, right before promptly opening his eyes, sitting up flushed, and exclaiming “What the FUCK did I just say?!” Kenji exclaimed, panting. “What me and him have? Jesus. Like, no way. I sound way weird…” The boy mumbled, suddenly wondering if someone else in his house heard his outburst. Maybe talking out loud to himself was a freaky habit to get into. Despite his doubts, he kept going. “We definitely are close. More than best friends, but is there anything even past that for two dudes?”

Kenji knitted his eyebrows together, squinting his eyes as he stared hard into his floor. “Best best friends?” he whispered before promptly shaking his head, groaning in frustration. “Ya know, for someone going to cram school, I’m still just a dumbass sometimes. As if me making that choker wasn’t bad enough, I actually gave it to Makoto, and now I’m…” he breathed slowly, trying to calm down. It was hard to admit what he was saying, for some reason.

None of this matters. I shouldn’t be all stressed, anyway. Makoto is gonna just be chill like always tomorrow. Ya know what, knowing him, that choker just got chucked in the bottom of a drawer, right? Nevermind. He’s my best friend; I’m overthinking all this.

“Definitely,” Kenji asserted out loud, and this conclusion satisfied him as he closed his eyes again to fall asleep.

—

While rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, Kenji entered 2-F with a lazy slide of the door and immediately spotted Makoto in what looked like an awkward conversation with Yukari and Junpei. Sitting down in his seat, the brunette strained to eavesdrop on the trio at the front of the class as he watched their movement. Oddly enough, he couldn’t quite get a good look at Makoto…

“Well, we match now, don’t we?” Yukari smiled unsurely, rubbing her neck with one of her hands before it dropped back to her side. Oh, Yukari is so cute. If I was Makoto, I would have been putting the moves on her ten times over… he thought, getting sidetracked before paying attention again.

Junpei was shifting his weight from foot to foot with an uncomfortable expression. “Well, dude, not to put a damper on your newfound choice, but aren’t you worried about looking like a chick?” he asked bluntly, adjusting the brim of his cap and clearing his throat. Makoto leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms in response, mumbling something Kenji couldn’t quite make out. Whatever. Man, this eavesdropping is stupid. I’mma just go say hey to my best friend.

“Heyy, Makoto! Good morning,” Kenji walked up with his usual boyish grin, eyes big with excitement.

All of his bravado was quickly vacuumed out and replaced with a healthy dose of shock as Makoto turned around in his chair to face him, giving Kenji that small, genuine smile. “Morning, man,” the blue-haired boy said, looking up at him. Kenji gulped, his mind driven into a nervous stupor as his big brown eyes were glued to his friend’s gentle neck.

The choker, which Kenji had woven together with dark brown and black leather cord, contrasted quite well against his best friend’s pale skin. The small blue beads he had strung into the choker even complimented Makoto’s hair quite well. Just as he had suspected, the choker looked good on Makoto. Really good. The simplicity of it was quite a match.

Kenji’s mouth opened and closed a few times as he felt himself panicking. H-He’s… Makoto, he’s seriously wearing that stupid, s-stupid choker…

“Um, Kenji, hello? Did you actually wake up this morning, douchebag?” he snickered, still looking up from his seat with those grey eyes.

“U-uh, yeah, yeah. Of course, man. Just w-wired ‘cuz I did a lot of homework instead of sleeping y-yesterday. Sucked, too, without watching my favorite show at t-the same time,” Kenji stuttered miserably, sticking his sweaty palms into his pockets before he made a puddle on the floor with them. The boy felt so pathetic. Why. Am. I. Acting. Like. This?!

Makoto’s smile fell as his usual blank expression returned. “Oh, I see,” he nodded, resting his face on his fist. “What were you saying, Junpei?”

Junpei yawned and turned to Kenji. “Well, I was saying just now that Makoto kind of looks like a girl with that new choker. I mean, he’s totally taking Yukari’s thunder, too,” he snickers, and the girl in the pink sweater chuckled.

“Oh, stop it. But… I wasn’t expecting you to ever wear jewelry, Makoto. Say, Kenji, do you think he’s pulling it off?” Yukari questioned. “Junpei and I aren’t that impressed!” she shared, giggling again.

Kenji, who had been slightly zoning out in his panic, was suddenly brought back to the conversation and sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. He wanted to regain his composure, but he just couldn’t. The boy simply responded, “Yes. H-He is pulling it off.”

At this response, Yukari’s laughter faded out as she exchanged a look with Junpei. “Well, the bell is about to ring. Makoto, maybe we can go buy you more jewelry after school,” the girl smiled, looking down at the blue-haired boy before trotting off to her seat.

Kenji gave Makoto a curt nod before returning to his own desk and sitting down like he had just got out of a grueling nine-to-five. The boy felt his stomach flip as he eyed Makoto at the front of class.

Why am I freaking out so bad about Makoto wearing the choker I made? It’s not a big deal, right? Like, I made it for him to wear. This is seriously dramatic! He felt exasperated and struggled to pay attention. Once again, Kenji was deep in thought about Makoto. My best friend. Well, this just means he likes the choker, right? But it… It feels so much more important.

Just as he was sorting out what was going on in his stupid and hormonal teenage brain, Makoto looked back and gave him a smile when they met each other’s gaze. As quickly as it happened, he turned back to face the teacher.

Kenji felt his heart skip a beat. He felt a heat roil through his body. The boy stared at his paper, no longer perceiving whatever Mr. Ekoda was droning on about. This… This is all too much, dude! Too much. What the hell was that little smile for? The choker, w-well, he was just being friendly. That didn’t mean much. But it did! Does, not did. Does it? The brunette felt like his head was about to explode. Inside of him, there was an inkling– an inkling lacking resistance– that told him he knew exactly what was going on.

No, there… There isn’t… Makoto is my best friend. It can’t be like that, ‘cuz… Well, I don’t even like dudes like that. Ugh! What was he thinking? Why even, for the smallest moment, give into a line of thinking like that?

Kenji squirmed in his seat slightly, wondering when his face would cool off as he snuck another look at Makoto and felt the inkling get stronger. Especially when he thought about the blue-haired boy’s gentle neck, the dark choker on his pale neck…

It took a massive amount of effort to not start coughing and sputtering right in the middle of class as Kenji did everything in his power to forget what he just thought about. Th-Those kinds of thoughts… Shouldn’t they be reserved for a cutie like Yukari? But… Makoto…

All of this was so confusing to process. He knew Makoto was his best friend, and he had a genuine appreciation for their unbreakable bond. On the other hand, this crazy part of his brain was telling him that his best friend was, perhaps, a little bit appealing to him. The part of his brain that made him hold his breath at Hagakure, fumble his keys, and stutter when he saw Makoto in the handmade choker. He wasn’t sure what this meant in regards to if he was straight or… gay. But, in his opinion, ignoring this kind of thinking could only worsen it, right?

Kenji gulped and thought about what he’d been reflecting on last night. He was so confused, and he had no idea what to do with all of these thoughts. But, one thing was clear: what he had said last night was starting to ring true.

What Makoto and me have, it’s different than my friendships in the past. Really, what I might have for him is different than anything I’ve known before. All of this surfacing because of that stupid, stupid choker. I am not making anyone a choker ever again if it will lead to this bullshit! He thought defiantly.

Kenji frowned, attempting to untangle his eyebrows from how they had naturally drawn together while he was thinking. The boy knew right now was not the appropriate time to think all of this out. Though he tried to tune back into the lecture, all he could think about was the choker on Makoto’s neck. How he had stuffed it into his pocket unceremoniously the other night. The brunette, against his better judgment, looked over at his best friend.

“Just remember we’re friends.”

Kenji couldn’t control it when a small sense of longing slipped through him like a breeze. He felt exasperated, staring at a blackboard he understood less than his brain. I’m so screwed.