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Chapter Text

In Shen Yuan’s defense, the entire mess probably wouldn’t have happened if the power grid didn’t decide to go on strike for half of Beijing that fateful night. 

In Shen Yuan’s further defense, it definitely wouldn’t have happened if Jiu-ge didn’t leave his reading material strewn all over his house, so in the proud tradition of all little brothers everywhere, Shen Yuan laid the blame squarely on Jiu-ge’s shoulders.

It started like this:

“What’s this?” Shen Yuan, visiting is brother’s house under pain of Jiu-ge breaking into his apartment and dragging him out by the hair, asked when he spotted an old silk-bound manuscript, simply left out on the commode next to the house keys. 

“Don’t touch that!” Jiu-ge barked from the kitchen, without even seeing what Shen Yuan was touching. 

Shen Yuan, being Shen Yuan, did not stop touching it. Instead, he stuck his tongue out in the direction of the kitchen, then carefully pinched the covers and opened the manuscript. The yellowed pages looked old enough to be from the Qing dynasty, though that might have just been the tea staining. But if it was a new book edited to look old it did a pretty good job, with the browned thread holding it together and the crumbling edges. 

But it revealed itself to be a fake when Shen Yuan flipped a few pages further and found the manuscript illustrations.

Shen Yuan was a nerd, and a pretentious nerd at that (hey, he knew his faults, okay?). He had read all of the important classics, including the Dream of the Red Chamber, and he had even hung up a few of his favorite illustrations in his apartment, back before Xianxia webnovels started consuming his brain. And the drawings in the manuscript were definitely not from the Qing dynasty. Or… any historical context, really.

The drawings seemed to be done with something like charcoal, for a start, and they depicted men and demons alike in a style that was far more European-portrait-sketches than the stylized demons and dragons of the appropriate era for the binding. It was written in the Qin dynasty clerical script, at least, but instead of being lined on a boxy grid they were all over the page, often lined in odd circular shapes, and the calligraphy was clearly done by a sloppy if practiced hand.

Paging through the book, it took Shen Yuan, nerd extraordinaire, an embarrassingly long moment to figure out it was supposed to be some kind of manual for summoning demons. 

Shen Yuan scoffed. If he saw this kind of prop in a TV show, he’d eviscerate it. It had no basis in history, every single thing written in it was anachronistic, and it looked like a weird rip-off on the Necronomicon. At best, it looked like a wandering monk managed to wander a bit too far into the lair of a European alchemist and tried to translate one of his books, and that was only if the alchemist was a drunk and the monk didn’t speak European. 

The author had skill, though, he’d give them that. If only they had bothered to do some actual research they might have produced something actually worthwhile. He wondered if Jiu-ge knew the author.

Though, come to think of it… What was Jiu-ge even doing with this clearly fake book?

“Dinner!” Jiu-ge’s voice rang throughout the house like a clarion call. Shen Yuan set the book down and dutifully wandered into the dining room, where Jiu-ge was laying the fruits of his labors. 

“Isn’t this a bit too much for the two of us?” Shen Yuan asked when he saw the spread of food, “Is Qi-ge joining us?”

“No, this is for you to take home,” Jiu-ge said in a tone that brokered no arguments.

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. “You know, I’m not going to starve to death if you don’t pack my lunches, Jiu-ge.”

“You would. And I would write ‘I told you so’ on your gravestone if you did, and then mock you in the eulogy,” said Jiu-ge, who had spent half of his life packing prescription-diet bentos for his sickly brother and verbally eviscerated the housekeeper into tears if she tried to do it instead. Jiu-ge was a classic tsundere like that. 

But he also had Shen Yuan well trained, so he just sat at the table and let Jiu-ge spoon overcooked rice, mushy veggies and runny tomato sauce onto his plate, then serve it with a patented glare that promised retribution if the plate wasn’t cleaned by the end of dinner.

Shen Yuan looked at the food, sighed and dug in. The wonders of a low residue diet. At least Jiu-ge had enough experience to make it halfway palatable, even if Shen Yuan was ready to commit murder after eating it for too long without even cup noodles to soothe his palate.

And, to be fair to his brother, he put the same lunch on his own plate and suffered through it with him.

Shen Yuan had the best brothers ever.

Finally, after enough fussing to put helicopter mothers to shame, Jiu-ge put the rest of the dinner in a hundred and one Tupperware dishes and called a taxi to drive Shen Yuan home, which was less than 30 minutes away by foot. Loaded down with food and two scarves because it was mildly windy out today, Shen Yuan was two seconds away from tossing his dignity out the door and whining that he was an adult now, thankyouverymuch, when he noticed the fake demon summoning manual.

“Where’d you get that?” 

“Hmm?” Jiu-ge looked up from his phone where he was silently cursing the Didi driver, to look at the innocuous-looking book, “Oh, that. It’s one of Shang Qinghua’s newest acquisitions. The idiot must have bought it before looking inside, because it’s clearly fake. And it’s coming out of his budget.”

“Huh,” Shen Yuan was a bit surprised. Shang Dong, courtesy Qinghua, because their work really was that pretentious that they imposed courtesy names on their employees, was a nervous wreck and hopeless porn writer, but he wasn’t an idiot. He was one of the few reasons the research institute where he and Jiu-ge worked hadn’t imploded yet, and he didn’t get to that position by being easy to fool. If someone had managed to slip a fake historical manual past him, Shen Yuan would have expected it to at least be a masterclass of forgery. 

Or maybe he took it for the same reason Shen Yuan wanted it, and had hoped to take it home without anyone else asking what the money was shelled out for. 

He so owed Shen Yuan some noodles for this. “Can I have it then?”

Jiu-ge’s piercing eyes immediately zeroed in on him. “Why?”

“I took a peek. The monster drawings are cool.”

Jiu-ge did not look convinced, so Shen Yuan deployed his tried and tested weapons:

He looked at his brother from under his eyelashes and hiked his shoulders a bit to look like he was trying to hide a pout behind his scarves. “Please?”

And that was how Shen Yuan went home with a very pleased smile and one fake summoning manual richer.

That might have been the end of it, in a different universe. Shen Yuan came home, texted his brother that he had miraculously managed to get home without being kidnapped, put his food in the fridge by playing some creative 3D tetris, stuffed the fake manual onto a shelf with all of his other trashy literature, and promptly forgot about it when he went to take his meds.

It sat on that shelf untouched for the next two weeks. Shen Yuan was planning to ransom it back to his idiot Airplane-bro in return for some contraband junk food, but… He honestly forgot about it. 

Until one day, when Shen Yuan was mid-rant on the latest chapter of Airplane-bro’s trashfire of a stallion webnovel, the entire building shook like someone had dropped a bomb straight on the roof and cut off all power.

Shen Yuan’s comment, already two pages long, was not saved. He handled that like a mature and responsible adult.

“肏你妈!!!” He screamed to the heavens, “Stupid, useless- Of all the times-!!!”

He kicked the useless computer in its useless tower, then went to find his phone. 

Fifteen minutes on Twitter later, it turned out to be a much bigger issue than he first assumed. It seemed to be a minor earthquake, which explained the building shaking, that nevertheless managed to hit something important in the powergrid. Which meant it wasn’t just Shen Yuan suffering, but half the city had gone dark.

It was nighttime already. And his battery was at 5%.

“肏,” he muttered under his breath. Still, he quickly shot off a text to Jiu-ge that he was fine and just going to bed early, please don’t break his door down, then turned on the light on his phone and went to hunt down those candles Meimei dumped on him when she was over with her weird yoga phase. 

He was very thankful she had, since his phone was dead in ten minutes and his apartment was in complete darkness except for the merrily flickering candles that smelled like jasmine. 

He had to admit, it kind of created a cool atmosphere. Shen Yuan felt like a Final Boss in a videogame just lounging on his armchair. It was the perfect setting to indulge in some horror movies. 

If only he had, you know, some goddamn electricity. Or at least a laptop whose battery wasn’t also dead.

Reading was right out, since reading anything new also required electricity. Shen Yuan had a ton of books, of course, but nothing he hadn’t read before or felt like reading again. Shen Yuan was a nerd of the highest caliber, and took mortal offense at having books on his shelves just for display. He’d even read his textbooks cover to cover already. The only thing he hadn’t read yet was-

“Huh,” he tilted his head, then went to hunt down the only new book in his apartment.

A demon summoning manual was even appropriate for the atmosphere. But what Shen Yuan had entirely missed in the LED lights of Jiu-ge’s entry hall, became startlingly clear in the candlelight. The drawings not only looked cooler in the flickering lights, but whisps of hair and fur and smoke rendered in charcoal seemed to move . Viewed in the lights they were clearly intended for, the drawings seemed ready to leap off the page. 

One in particular, a demonic prince that ruled the Borderlands, caught Shen Yuan’s eye. Curly whisps of hair, high straight brows above piercing red eyes. An intricate huadian rested on his forehead like a crown. The artist had truly captured the regal nature of the demonic prince. Shen Yuan could barely make himself look away.

Was it just him, or had the eyes gently glinted in the light? What a cool effect.

He’d changed his mind. Airplane wasn’t getting his book back.

In fact…

Shen Yuan tore his eyes away from the skillfully done sketch to the side page with the instructions. Luo Binghe, the book proclaimed him. Appropriate, since he was the ruler of the River Borders of the Demonic Realm, which were apparently formed with rivers of blood that he could command at his will. The rivers were only traversable when frozen, and he could move them as he pleased, granting and taking territory to whoever had his favor or ire, respectively.

He was so cool. Heh, literally.

Under the brief summary about the demon was a summoning circle. Shen Yuan had to squint to see the characters in the dim light, but they were either the oracle bone script, which Shen Yuan had no hope of deciphering without a whole separate manual… or they were complete gibberish. Maybe just really bad caligraphy? At least there weren’t that many of them…

He could do it, it occurred to him. The summoning circle would be easy enough, he just had to roll up the carpet and push the sofa away. The candles were already lit, it was dark and he literally had nothing better to do.

After a moment he decided: Why not? It wasn’t like he would actually summon a demon.

A bit of huffing and puffing later, he had a nice bit of clear area for the circle. According to the instructions he would have to sit on one of the star points while summoning, so the circle had to be a fair size. There was no way he could do a perfect circle free-handed, but he had an easy solution for that.

There were exactly four people in Shen Yuan’s life that knew of his shameful love of cosplay, and they were all sworn to secrecy. Airplane-bro and his Meimei would probably manage to fatally stab themselves if they so much as touched a needle, and while Gongyi Xiao, Shen Yuan’s other best friend, could actually operate a sewing machine with a great degree of skill, he didn’t have the patience for embroidery or fiddly details hanfu outfits were full of. So they usually split the work for both of their outfits, with Gongyi Xiao actually sewing and hemming them, and Shen Yuan adding details by hand. Liu Mingyan, who'd actually taught him embroidery, had even praised his work.

Hey, it might be a very girly pastime, but it made for a really fun result and it did, indeed, pass the time while he was bed-bound.

It turned out to be useful for this situation as well, because it meant Shen Yuan had plenty of chalk, sturdy string he could tie it to and a measuring tape he could use to plot out the summoning circle. It also required a bit of geometry calculations Shen Yuan barely remembered from high school, but he was glad he paid attention now. Who knew it would come in handy one day?

By the time the candle wax actually started dripping down the dark jasmine candles, Shen Yuan had the entire circle plotted out, and he only had to erase the wrong lines once. Then he filled the outer circle with his best attempt at the gibberish calligraphy. By the time the circle looked put together, Shen Yuan was downright giddy with excitement. He was looking like a proper summoner! If this were a movie-

Well. If this was a movie, it would have been a horror movie, and Shen Yuan would have been the idiot who unleashed the evil demon into the world and paid for his stupidity with his life. The protagonist would probably be his Jiu-ge, becoming the hero to avenge his stupid little plot-starting brother. 

…It would make for a very cool story though. Certainly better than anything Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky could manage to write.

Well! If it was for the sake of the plot, Shen Yuan was willing to suffer for his craft. 

In fact, he was committed! He knew the chances of magic actually existing in this modern world were slim, and the chances of the manual actually being legit even slimmer, but what if? What if there was a chance this could succeed and Shen Yuan ruined it with his apathy? He couldn’t risk it!

Determined now, he looked the circle over to make sure every line was at its correct angle and the correct number of candles was in position. They were starting to drip wax onto the hardwood floors, but Shen Yuan thought it was better not to risk the entire ritual by putting saucers under-

Saucer! Shen Yuan leapt to his feet so fast he nearly tumbled down again. The ritual required a saucer for the blood sacrifice - only a few drops, Shen Yuan wasn’t so anemic he couldn’t spare that much - and he had just the thing! Qi-ge had brought him a little saucer bowl made of some weird volcanic clay from their research institute, back when Shen Yuan first moved out. It was supposedly old as hell, kinda exotic but not so rare that the institute would miss one out of a dozen. Shen Yuan thought it was cool, and put it up on the shelf with the other weird paraphernalia his brothers brought him over the years.

Though… Jiu-ge used it as an ashtray when he came over. Maybe he should wash it first.

One saucer, retrieved and scrubbed clean, was placed right in front of the place where Shen Yuan was supposed to sit. Careful of the chalk lines and the open flame all around him, Shen Yuan sat on the most undecorated star arm in the circle and took a deep breath.

Now, the blood. Shen Yuan debated for a moment if he should cut his hand the way they always did in movies, but in the end decided that was stupid. Blood was blood no matter which part of his body it came from, and hands had a lot of nerve endings that he wasn’t looking forward to exposing to open air. Forearm was better, and Jiu-ge would panic a lot less if he thought Shen Yuan just cut his arm because he was clumsy than if he thought Shen Yuan had deliberately cut himself.

So. Single slash, high up on the outside of his forearm, and if anybody asked, Shen Yuan’s mortal enemy was that nail that some punks had stabbed into the bench in the park next to his condo. Jiu-ge had no way of finding out who those punks were and murdering them in their sleep, and he had his tetanus shots. He’d be fine.

He took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and quickly drew the knife. 

…He might have been a mite too enthusiastic. 

At least the saucer was full.

And Shen Yuan had prepared. He pressed a wad of gauze to his cut with a quiet hiss and quickly tied it to his arm. It turned red alarmingly quickly but the blood didn’t seep down his arm, so it was good enough. 

That done, he took up the manual again and flipped open the part with the invocation. 

His heart was beating like a gong inside his chest, but his voice was strong and steady as he read the summoning chant. It rose, and rose as the cadence commanded, and ends on a booming note. A summon, an invite and a command all rolled into one.

And it does… Nothing.

Shen Yuan held his breath for a long second, then let it out in a gusty sigh. “I don’t know what I expec-”

The candle fire flared high like a circle of miniature fountains. The summoning circle glowed a bright blood red all around him, the blood in the saucer started boiling up into a steam. Shen Yuan barely had enough time to cover his eyes when a flash of intense light and heat nearly bowled him over.

It was over quicker than it began, leaving behind a strange scent of the world burning.

It worked?! Shen Yuan marveled through his shock, IT WORKED!!! 

He quickly righted himself and his glasses, beyond excited to see a real demon, and a Prince at that! He looked up at-

Nothing? He blinked at the empty air where a demon prince should have been, then, with a rather bewildered expression, looked down.

Two glowing red eyes were staring at him, which he had expected.

What he didn’t expect was for them to belong to a dog.

Shen Yuan blinked. Nope, the first guess was right. There was indeed a dog sitting in the middle of his summoning circle. A puppy at that.

“Er,” Shen Yuan blinked some more, “You’re not Luo Binghe.”

The puppy yipped as if to cheerfully say ‘Nope!’, tongue lolling and a fluffy tail wagging a little.

Shen Yuan looked at the manual in his hands, at a complete loss. “I must have mispronounced something…”

The puppy yipped again, but it stayed sitting in the center of the star. Right, there was something about the summoned demon not being able to leave the circle for the duration of the summoning as long at the formation was intact. 

It still left the question just what kind of demon he had actually gotten.

Shen Yuan flipped to the beginning of the manual, then turned the pages until he found a drawing of what he had first presumed was a monstrous wolf. It too had glowing red eyes and a huadian on its forehead, along with long curly fur. But it was also about two meters long and had wickedly sharp teeth and acid saliva.

Shen Yuan looked at the puppy. Technically, it did look like it could grow up to be the fearsome creature in the manual, if the chosen observer squinted. Maybe in a few years. Possibly decades, he didn’t know how long demon dogs lived.

“So,” Shen Yuan tilted his head. The puppy copied him. “You’re a hellhound?”

The puppy yipped again. Shen Yuan wondered if it understood him. Maybe? Were demon dogs smarter than regular dogs? 

Holy cow, Shen Yuan thought, I summoned a demon and actually got one.

…Jiu-ge must never find out about this. He’d flay Shen Yuan alive and then never let his skinless corpse out of his sight. 

But onto the more pressing concerns… Now that he had a demon in his summoning circle, what was Shen Yuan supposed to do with it?

He’d had some vague plans to have a polite and respectful talk with Luo Binghe, maybe ask him some questions if the prince was in the mood to humor the lowly human who summoned him. His page had also contained instructions how to un-summon him, but Shen Yuan had no idea if that would work on the demon puppy. He didn’t know which part of the summoning he’d botched so badly to have gotten it in the first place, and he’d rather not risk magically eviscerating an innocent pup just because he was an idiot that couldn’t read the instructions properly.

The puppy was still waiting with surprising patience. Shen Yuan was starting to feel like a bad host.

“Um,” he looked at the pup helplessly, “I… have no idea how to send you back. Can you… do that on your own?”

It was the puppy’s turn to blink at him uncomprehendingly. Then its ears drooped down, followed by its entire body. It curled up in a ball, looking resigned to its fate.

Okay, now Shen Yuan felt really bad. Here he was, an idiot who clearly shouldn’t have been dabbling in demon summoning with a manual he clearly had no idea how to use, and this poor creature was paying the price. 

“I’m sorry,” he told it, “Let me just figure out how to send you back and I promise I will,” he winced a little, “Preferably before your mom realizes you’re missing and comes here to eat me.”

Busy as he was reading the manual, Shen Yuan completely missed the menacing glint in the puppy’s eyes.

A moment later the lights flickered back on, along with the hum of other electrical appliances. The fridge made a particularly fearsome noise before it settled and started working again.

It did give Shen Yuan an idea how to cheer the puppy up. “Hey, are you hungry?”

The pup perked up a little, so Shen Yuan took it as a yes. “Wait here a sec.”

He got up and dodged around the still burning candles then made his way to the kitchen. He had some roasted duck left over from yesterday that should still be good. And demon dogs were technically still dogs, so they could probably eat duck meat.

It was a puppy, though, so Shen Yuan put the duck on a porcelain plate and nuked it in the microwave for a bit before he brought it back to the living room. The puppy was right where he left it, now sitting up with interest.

“Hope you like roast duck,” he said as he gently set the plate where the puppy could reach it, “I don’t know what demon dogs eat, so if it’s not to your liking you can just leave it.”

The puppy tilted its head at him, then sniffed the meat curiously. It tentatively licked at the sauce Shen Yuan should have probably scraped off the meat before he gave it to the dog, but then must have decided it liked it because he ate it without complaint. 

Shen Yuan couldn’t help but smile at it. “Gosh, you’re cute. Shame I’m allergic to dogs.”

The puppy looked up at him in alarm.

“No, no, don’t worry!” Shen Yuan waved his hands, “I’m okay so far, and I have allergy meds. I’m not just gonna leave you here. I’ll get you back home.”

The puppy was still looking at him with wide eyes, the rest of the duck now forgotten. At a loss of what to say, Shen Yuan went back to looking through the manual.

Unfortunately, to un-summon a demon you needed the same thing you used to summon it: their name. The page with hellhounds offered a few options, but none of them sounded anywhere close to Luo Binghe, so Shen Yuan was up shitt creek without a paddle. 

“I don’t suppose you could tell me your name?” Shen Yuan looked at the puppy hopefully.

The pup looked back blankly. 

“Figures,” Shen Yuan sighed, “I assume it at least sounds similar to Luo Binghe… But I have no idea what went wrong.”

The puppy seemed to take pity on him, straining forward on its forelegs and sticking its little snout towards Shen Yuan. It let out a pitiful whine.

Argh, it was way too cute! Screw Shen Yuan’s allergies, they wouldn’t kill him quickly, but the lack of petting that cute little snoot might!

Mentally mapping the location of his antihistamine inhaler, he cautiously stretched his hand forward and let the puppy sniff it. When nothing further happened he gently set his hand on the pup’s forehead and rubbed the red huadian.

The pup’s eyes fell closed and his tongue lolled out of its mouth. Shen Yuan fought down a very undignified noise no self respecting man would ever make.

“Argh, I can’t even- How are you so cute?” He demanded, now scratching under the pup’s ears with both hands. “Is this a hunting strategy? Lure unsuspecting humans into petting you and then eat them? Because if it is, it’s working.”

The puppy opened its eyes to look at him with a perfectly innocent gaze. Shen Yuan wondered if that was confirmation.

Well. It was tiny, and Shen Yuan was a full grown man. Plus he doubted he was very appetizing. His strict diet meant he had managed to maintain very little meat on his bones, and while an adult hellhound might deem him worthy of a snack, the puppy would have a lot more trouble taking him down. The biggest danger he was in was still his own treacherous immune response.

Speaking of which, he should probably stop petting the tooth-rottingly adorable dog and get his meds. His dog allergy was thankfully the ‘bad rash’ type rather than ‘immediate anaphylactic shock’, but the rash wasn’t exactly fun either. It was miracle he hadn’t broken out already.

A sudden idea occurred to Shen Yuan. Demon dogs were different from Earth dogs, right? Earth dogs certainly didn’t grow to be so big and spit acid. What if they were different enough that… Shen Yuan’s allergies didn’t react to them?

Trying to temper his excitement, Shen Yuan scooted a bit closer and gently but vigorously rubbed his wrist along the puppy’s scruff. It left it a bit ruffled, which only made him look even cuter, but the important thing was that Shen Yuan had rubbed the most sensitive part of his skin into its loosest fur.

He drew his wrist back and looked it over. His skin was pale, blue and purple veins running underneath it like rivers. 

But there was no rash. He hadn’t so much as sneezed the entire time the puppy was here!

“Heh,” he grinned at the pup, “Figures I’m allergic to normal dogs but not demon dogs.”

The puppy yipped and wagged its tail again. Shen Yuan’s smile widened in response.

“Hey, would you like to stay here with me?” he asked before he could think better of it, “At least until I figure out how to get you back home. I promise I’ll take good care of you.”

The puppy looked as gobsmacked as a dog could look. Then he started yipping and turning in circles with sheer joy.

Shen Yuan, hopelessly charmed, didn’t hesitate as he drew his finger through the chalk lines and released the demon into his home.

Luo Binghe considered himself fair. And he was, in every meaning of the word, but it was a demon’s idea of fairness. He returned his debts a hundred-fold. Both kindness and insult would be paid in kind, a hundred times over. Very few demons had such strong principles of reciprocity.

It was this principle that left him rather confused how to deal with this situation.

When he had first felt himself being summoned, it was immediately clear that this was someone new. Someone whose blood hadn’t dripped onto Luo Binghe’s tongue yet, whose energy hadn’t torn open a portal between realms before. Perhaps even a novice summoner, for the call was strong and loud, but it lacked the willpower to make it a command. Luo Binghe could have ignored it, had he so wished.

But he was bored, and this summoner was new. A powerful one, but alone. Even if it was a trap, Luo Binghe was powerful enough to tear it to pieces. And he could really use the entertainment. 

He had thought about it for a minute, informed Zhuzhi-lang he would be back soon, then decided he would answer.

As with all new summoners, he decided to test them first. To see what their reaction was when they didn’t get the fearsome demon prince they wanted, and what they would do to a ‘helpless’ creature that had ruined their efforts. If they merely sent him back when they realized their mistake, Luo Binghe would do nothing to them, even if they had wasted his time. If they took it in good humor, if they still showed respect, Luo Binghe might reward them by showing his true self and listening to their pleas.

And if they got angry, and tried to harm him… Then they never saw the retribution coming.

But this… This had never happened before. 

His newest summoner wasn’t just a novice, but a rank amateour. He had looked surprised that the ritual had worked at all. He didn’t even know how to send Luo Binghe back without reciting the chant backwards, when that should have been the first thing his Shizun ought to have taught him.

He had just… Found a demon summoning manual and decided to try it for fun.

Once he had determined that his summoner was a particularly unlucky idiot, but not a malicious one, Luo Binghe settled in to wait and contemplate the man’s punishment. Nothing permanent, but something that would teach him a lesson. A week of nightmares about being torn apart by demons, perhaps. Just a little something to make him think twice before trying such foolishness again. Luo Binghe was generous like that.

At least, that had been the plan. But then the summoner had been… kind. He’d offered Luo Binghe food, had been gentle, and offered a promise to send him back home without even hinting that he wanted something return, all the while thinking Luo Binghe’s mere presence would be detrimental to his health.

He was… kind. To a creature he believed to be small and weak. To a demon. 

No one had shown Luo Binghe such kindness before. Not since his mother died.

When the little foolish summoner had let him out of the circle without so much as a talisman to protect himself, had shown such genuine delight when Luo Binghe had climbed into his lap and wagged his tail, he decided such kindness had to be repaid in turn. Curing his illness with his blood would suffice, and would enable Luo Binghe to find him again. If he proved his kindness wasn’t merely a fluke, that he was genuinely one of the few creatures of the world who had a good heart, Luo Binghe would repay that too.

But that plan was derailed as well, as soon as his summoner opened the window to get rid of the pervasive smell of jasmine and for the first time Luo Binghe caught a whiff of his scent. 

He knew that scent. He knew it like the pain in his bones, like the scar on his chest, like the blood stolen from him. He knew it like the hopelessness in his heart, like despair filling his very marrow.

Shen Qingqiu.

Only the jasmine scent had saved the man’s life when he first dared to summon Luo Binghe. Only the fact that Luo Binghe was free saved his life now. Only such kindness could stay Luo Binghe’s hand now, sitting at the foolish summoner’s bedside in his true form, looming over the peacefully sleeping man.

Without his spectacles and his face relaxed in repose, Luo Binghe could even see it now. In the slope of the man’s nose, the arch of his eyebrows, shape of his jaw. The family resemblance wasn’t immediately obvious, but it was clear the moment it was brought to his attention.

This foolish summoner shared blood with the hateful Shen Qingqiu. There was nothing about him that Luo Binghe could take at face value. Not his kindness, not his good will, not his ignorance, and definitely not his innocence. 

And yet. Yet. The man had done nothing wrong yet. Maybe this was a trap, but maybe it wasn’t. Luo Binghe didn’t know yet.

But he had an easy way to check.

He bit the pad of his finger until it bled, held it over the sleeping man’s slack mouth and let it drip down.

Once Luo Binghe’s blood was running through his veins, imbedded itself in his organs, he would belong to the demon. Forever.

The foolish summoner was his now, for Luo Binghe to do with as he liked. 

One more thing left to do now. Luo Binghe cupped the man’s cheek gently, mindful of his claws as he ran his thumb over his cheekbone, then delved into his dreams.

Shen Yuan.

His name was Shen Yuan.

And Luo Binghe would sign his name into his bones.

Chapter Text

Shen Yuan woke up slowly, not with a bang but with a whimper. His head was killing him. He felt like he’d laid dying and in those few minutes of his brain shutting down his entire life flashed before his eyes. It might not have been eventful but it felt like a lot to relieve in one REM cycle.

His mouth tasted vaguely like blood. Had he bitten his cheek in the night? Ugh, he wasn’t sure if he could afford to keep losing so much blood this soon after-

There was a wet snout pressing itself into his face. Shen Yuan reluctantly opened his eyes.

Bingbing yipped and wagged his tail. The moment he saw Shen Yuan was awake he proceeded to slobber all over his face.

“Argh, I’m awake! I’m awake!” Shen Yuan said, gently trying to unglue the sticky pup from his face. It yielded mixed results. “Let me up.”

Bingbing yipped enthusiastically and scurried off to the kitchen. Right, he had a dog now, which he ought to feed, and feed better than he fed himself at least. Ugh, and he needed to put his living room back to rights. And probably scrape purple wax off his floor. Double ugh.

That was a problem for future Shen Yuan.

There was another yip coming from the direction of the kitchen and tiny claws scraping on the floor, prompting Shen Yuan to finally sit up and paw blindly for his glasses. By the time they were on his nose and his eyes were actually open, BingBing had clearly gotten impatient with his - Owner? Host? Temporary master? - and jumped on the bed to lick his face some more.

“Hey! No-” Shen Yuan tried to pry the enthusiastic pup off of him, with mixed success, “I’m up, I’m up! I’ll get you fed! Down, boy!”

BingBing did not sit down. Bingbing, in fact, proceeded to double his efforts until Shen Yuan’s face was more slobber than anything else. In the end he had to pick BingBing up and hold him like a baby, which the dog looked adorably baffled about. 

“Ha!” Shen Yuan grinned, scratching the curly fur of the dog’s belly, “Serves you right for being baby-sized.”

BingBing looked like he had no idea what to do in that position, but soon was kicking his hind leg in the same rhythm as Shen Yuan’s rubs and his tongue was lolling out of his mouth. Shen Yuan was not built to withstand such cuteness, and as such held out for maybe three seconds before he broke out the embarrassing babytalk.

“Who’s a good boy?” he cooed down at the puppy, “Who’s the best boy who didn’t even nibble on his master in the middle of the night?”

BingBing yipped and kicked his leg harder. 

Still half-asleep and his vision blurry from the slobber covering his glasses, Shen Yuan somehow managed to navigate the mess he’d left his living room in and made it to the kitchen in one piece, tried to put BingBing down, then scooped him up again when the pup looked at him like a betrayed lover from the cold tiles.

“Ma ya,” Shen Yuan sighed, cradling the dog in one arm and opening the fridge with another, “Haven’t been here a day and you’re already spoiled. What am I gonna do with you?”

Then he actually looked in the fridge, realized that none of the food Jiu-ge had forced into his arms yesterday could be fed to a dog, and closed it.

“Take you to a pet store, I guess,” Shen Yuan said, “Lucky there’s one near by. Let me just get my keys.”

“Oh, he’s really adorable,” the pet shop girl cooed at BingBing as she was fitting a harness on him, “I don’t recognise the breed, is he a mix?”

“Erm,” Shen Yuan thought fast, “Yeah, he’s a new, em, hypoallergenic breed. I’m usually allergic to dogs, but I’ve been fine with BingBing.”

“Oh yeah, I heard about those!” another shop employee poked his head through the ‘Employees Only’ door, “They use modern genetic engineering to alter the dogs so their skin and saliva don’t produce the proteins humans are allergic to. May I take a look?”

“Sure, if he lets you,” Shen Yuan shrugged one shoulder. So far BingBing had behaved, but Shen Yuan did not want to find out what happened if a hellhound bite got infected. 

“It’s okay, I’ll be gentle,” the man flashed him a charming smile and turned to BingBing, “Hey boy, mind if I take a look at you?”

He offered his hand to BingBing, which the puppy didn’t seem too enthusiastic about, but he didn’t flash his teeth as the employee ran his fingers through his fur.

“He’s definitely got a double coat, so I’ll get you some brushes for that,” the employee hooked his hands under BingBing’s front legs and lifted him up so he was sat up on his haunches. BingBing’s small, triangular ears pressed back and his teeth flashed at that. Shen Yuan hurriedly wrapped his fingers around the back of the harness, thinking of the warning about acid saliva.

Far from deterred, the employee just took a closer look at BingBing’s teeth. “Huh, his paws look like he’s still got some growing to do, but these don’t look like milk teeth. I’d rather not put my fingers in there, but it looks like he’s got a full set already.”

“That’s good, right?” Shen Yuan asked. He didn’t even know dogs had milk teeth!

 “It means you got lucky and skipped the teething phase,” the employee chuckled. He had a rather plain face, but a warm, crooked smile that made him look very approachable. It must have done him well in customer service. Shen Yuan almost got the urge to pat him on the head and thank him for his hard work as he looked BingBing over.

“I’d say he’s at least six months old, though not over nine. The snout looks Pomeranian, and the paws and hindquarters look more Chow Chow, so I’d say he won’t grow to be more than 15 kilos.”

If only, Shen Yuan sighed in his heart. Well, he couldn’t blame the young man for not knowing how big hellhounds could grow. At least BingBing’s glowing red eyes and huadian had disappeared sometime during the night, so he didn’t have to field any awkward questions on that front.

 “Is he house trained?”

“He is. I mean, I’ve only had him since last night, but he hasn’t made a mess or anything.” Actually, Shen Yuan had no idea, but so far BingBing had displayed more intelligence than some people he’d met online, so he wasn’t too worried. 

“Where’d you get him from?” 

The Demon Realm, Shen Yuan did not say, but he’d prepared for that question. “My brother got him for me, but I didn’t ask from where.”

BingBing whirled around to look at him so fast the poor employee almost dropped him. Shen Yuan had no idea how a dog could look so scandalized but BingBing looked like a child that just got told he’d been adopted. Sorry BingBing, it’s true! But your new family loves you very much!

“Well, your brother must have paid a fortune for him, but it looks like you got your money’s worth,” the employee set him down gently, and even managed to pet him between the ears once before BingBing snapped his teeth at him. Shen Yuan quickly put his hand over his snout.

“Sorry,” he apologized.

The man pouted a little before he flashed another winning smile. “It’s okay, that just means he’s already loyal to you. If you’ll come with me, I’ll get you everything you need for him. Anything you want to know, just ask.”

Shen Yuan smiled gratefully. But he must have had awful timing, because the employee tripped and nearly went careening into a stack of canned dog food.

“Ah, are you alright!?” Shen Yuan hurried to help him up, but the girl behind the counter just giggled, apparently used to it.

“Don’t worry about Ming Fan, he’s always like that,” she said with a wave of her hand.

The employee, Ming Fan, turned bright red with embarrassment as he accepted Shen Yuan’s hand. “I swear I’m not. Usually. Just, uh-”

“It’s okay, nothing happened,” Shen Yuan assured him, hoping to save the man some face, “I’ll trouble you to lead the way.”

Ming Fan, face still a bit red, happily took a shopping basket while Shen Yuan scooped up BingBing, who was glaring at Ming Fan. 

Aiyah, BingBing, don’t tell him you’re still mad at Ming Fan for looking you over? The man was just doing his job, be nice!

And Ming Fan was excellent at his job, because he took Shen Yuan through the entire store, telling him everything new dog owners ought to know and even letting him know which foods were actually worth the money and which were just overpriced, which brushes were best for BingBing’s fur and which chew toys would survive more than a day in the puppy’s teeth.

By the end of the tour, Shen Yuan had an overflowing cloth bag full of stuff (which he got for free with a brand new membership card), a pale green collar with a hexagonal tag with ‘冰冰’ engraved on it (offered at an employee discount by the shop girl, Ning Yingying, who couldn’t stop cooing over him) and even Ming Fan’s number, in case he needed any help. The young man was very kind, to offer his expertise to a noob like Shen Yuan. Though that might have been just because he was hoping to find out where he got the supposedly fancy dog from, in which case he was out of luck, but Shen Yuan wasn’t about to tell him that.

Shopping done, Shen Yuan set BingBing down and clipped a leash to his harness. 

BingBing looked at Shen Yuan, looked at the leash, and looked back at Shen Yuan with an expression that looked suspiciously like ‘Are you kidding me?!’

Shen Yuan tugged the leash lightly. “Come on, let’s go home.”

BingBing did not start walking. BingBing decided he was so mortified by the leash he flopped sideways down on the ground in protest.

Shen Yuan sighed and tugged the leash again. “BingBing, don’t be like that. I know you can walk, and we’re two blocks from home.”

BingBing did not move. BingBing did not look like anything short of a crowbar would make him move. The passersby were starting to give Shen Yuan weird looks.

Shen Yuan’s face was really too thin for this, so he hefted the bag on his shoulder and knelt down to scoop up his way too spoiled dog and struggled back to his feet.

“Aiyah, why are you like this?” he complained. BingBing really wasn’t that heavy on his own, but combined with the bag and Shen Yuan’s noodle arms, it was getting close to his limit. “What are we going to do when you get older? Am I going to have to call Liu-gege every time you go outside? Liu-gege is too busy to be your personal chauffeur, you know. Then again, maybe he isn’t. I’ve known him for years and he still won’t tell me what his job at the institute is. Other than looking like a dashing hero, I mean. Which he does pretty well, I admit. And annoying Jiu-ge, which isn’t exactly hard, but he does it really, really well.”

Shen Yuan continued to absent-mindedly prattle as he walked home. BingBing was an excellent listener, so it was easy, but perhaps not his wisest choice. By the time he was close to home he was running out of breath, and coupled with Beijing’s air and the fact that he forgot his mask when he left the apartment, his chest was starting to feel tight. Spending almost an hour in a pet store that had dogs his allergies most certainly did object to probably hadn’t helped either. He’d also left both of his inhalers at home, and he had a feeling he was going to need them, and need them soon.

He turned out to be right, because by the time he was actually home his chest was burning in a distinctly bad way. He dropped the bag and BingBing (gently!) on the floor and leaned his shoulder against the wall for a moment to catch his breath, then stumbled into his bedroom, collapsed on his bed to catch his breath again, then dug through his nightstand drawer looking for the damn inhaler. Dammit, if he couldn’t find it he was going to need his oxygen mask and that thing was hassle and a half-

Luckily, the inhaler was located in time, and eased the burning in his lungs before the migraine and the nausea set in. Shen Yuan closed his eyes and just enjoyed breathing the filtered air of his apartment for a moment.

Man, you really didn’t know what a great thing oxygen was until it suddenly wasn’t available. 

A high-pitched whine and a paw scratching at his leg reminded him he wasn’t alone. BingBing was looking at him with worry on his little doggy face, with the dreaded leash still dragging behind him.

“Here, let’s get this off,” Shen Yuan managed to drag his body over the edge of the bed just enough to reach the back of BingBing’s harness. He unclipped the tether and let it fall on the ground. He’d pick it up later. 

BingBing jumped up on the bed and shoved his wet snout into Shen Yuan’s face. Ah, the poor thing looked so guilty! No, no, BingBing, it wasn’t your fault you had to be carried! You’re just a baby and your master doesn’t know anything about dogs! Ah, forgive him, he’ll do better next time!

“It’s okay, I know it was your first time out in the human world,” Shen Yuan murmured, petting BingBing, “I’d be scared too if I was just dropped in the demon world and expected to act like everything was normal. We’ll work up to it. I’ll take you to the park later, and you can explore in peace. Ah, but the Leash Laws means the harness is mandatory. BingBing will have to get used to it.”

If dogs could pout, BingBing would probably be doing it. As it was, his tail was tucked between his legs and his ears were pinned back, his eyes huge and watery. Shen Yuan seriously wondered if the excessive cuteness was some kind of superpower. If Bingbing got any cuter, Shen Yuan would probably go blind from the shoujo-anime protagonist sparkles! Could hellhounds even do that? Better not take the risk!

“Come now, come now, ah!” Shen Yuan wrapped his arms around the small body, buried his face in Bingbing’s belly and simply enjoyed the feel of silky soft fur on his cheeks, “Aren’t you supposed to be a fearsome Hellhound? Be brave, Bingbing, your master’s got you. There is no need to cry. I’m sorry I scared you. I’ll do better next time, promise.”

To his credit, Bingbing stopped crying. Less to his credit, he stopped crying in favor of curling around Shen Yuan’s face like a furry little facehugger and gnawing on his earlobe. Shen Yuan just let him and snuggled into his makeshift pillow deeper.

What a wonderful thing it was, to have a dog you could snuggle with.

Shen Yuan didn’t know how long he slept, but when he woke up he was pleasantly surprised to find out his chest didn’t hurt at all. Usually, even a minor mishap like that would leave his lungs burning for the rest of the day, but he felt perfectly fine after just a short nap. 

Maybe Jiu-ge was right and Shen Yuan should just bring that inhaler everywhere. Discreetly. And never tell Jiu-ge he was right, because he’d never let Shen Yuan live it down.

“Morning,” he greeted Bingbing around a yawn, “Again.”

Bingbing yipped, fluffy tail wagging once more. He jumped off the bed and shot off in the direction of the kitchen, loudly banged into something with another yip, then scuttled somewhere deeper into the apartment. 

Shen Yuan, figuring Bingbing couldn’t get into that much trouble in three seconds (he would learn just how wrong he was in due time - but not that day), leisurely stretched, put his glasses on, and shuffled into the living room.

Then promptly tripped and fell over his footstool.

“What the-?” Shen Yuan righted his glasses and fought his way to a vertical position, then promptly dropped his jaw on the floor.

Last he saw his living room (this morning, what the actual fuck-?) it had still been a mess, furniture haphazardly pushed to the side and the carpet just kicked out of the way, purple wax and chalk ruining his hardwood floors. He’d already resigned himself to just cleaning up the chalk and maybe scraping off the wax before the cleaning lady came in, then sheepishly tipping her to help him put his room back to rights. 

Well, apparently, that wouldn’t be necessary. Somehow, somebody had already done it.

His entire room was pristinely clean, free of chalk, wax or even dust. His couch looked like it had been freshly deep-cleaned. The color of his carpet was more vibrant than ever. His coffee table gleamed. The candles were nowhere to be seen. The carved wooden box that held Shen Yuan’s sewing supplies was put back together and tucked onto the backless shelves that held all of his other knick-knacks.

It was also completely rearranged. The TV was on a low shelf stand that held Shen Yuan’s textbooks, the tall shelves were by the wall, the couch was moved next to it and the carpet was centered perfectly. The impeccable feng shui alone was enough to make his mother’s interior designer weep tears of joy. Shen Yuan’s kneecaps, which did not expect the sofa’s footstool to be where it was now, not so much.

Bingbing came running out of the kitchen and immediately bonked his head against Shen Yuan’s legs. In a move that was becoming a bad habit, Shen Yuan bent down and picked up his monstrous fluffball of a dog.

“So,” he mused with surprising composure while looking at his living room, “Either I’ve been robbed by interior design students, or…” he looked down at Bingbing, “Or you’re a lot more magical than I thought.”

Bingbing yipped expectantly and wagged his fluffy tail. That was as good as a confirmation.

Figuring this was just his life now and he might as well get used to it, Shen Yuan just petted him. “Give me a bit more warning next time, Bingbing. But thank you for cleaning up, your master is proud of you.”

Bingbing’s tail, if possible, wagged harder. Shen Yuan vaguely wondered if it was possible for dogs to sprain their tail from too much wagging.

He’d ask Ming Fan later.

For now, he just made his way to the hall, where the bag of pet supplies still lay overturned. He scooped them all up and dumped it on the kitchen table to sort out. There was a porcelain water dish, which he set in the corner, and a matching food dish, to be filled shortly. He took out a meat stick wrapped in pink foil and a can of puppy food, figuring that was enough for breakfast. Ming Fan said to give Bingbing three meals a day, carefully portioned, instead of just keeping his bowl filled so the pup didn’t overeat to the point of nausea. 

He had a feeling it wasn’t going to be a problem, because when he put the food dish on the floor, Bingbing looked at it and then turned that same betrayed look on him that he had when Shen Yuan tried to make him walk on a leash. 

“What’s wrong now?” he asked. He brought the dish closer to his nose, taking a sniff, but it seemed fine. And Bingbing had eaten that duck last night just fine. Although… “Do you want me to warm it up?”

Bingbing still gave the impression of a sulky child told to eat his veggies, but he nodded. Full-on humanlike nod. Shen Yuan carefully did not think about the implications of that, and just put the dish bowl in the microwave. 

Bingbing still wouldn’t eat it. After some back-and-forth he finally deigned to actually put the premium canned dog food in his mouth if Shen Yuan put the bowl on the table and let Bingbing sit on the other chair while Shen Yuan ate his own meal.

“I guess Hellhounds are social eaters then?” Shen Yuan mused around a mouthful of mashed potatoes, “Makes sense, if they’re pack animals like wolves. Well, humans need to eat three times a day too, so we can just eat together,” he sighed, “Maybe it’ll make the food more tolerable.”

Bingbing took a look at Shen Yuan’s own plate, then looked at him with a lot more understanding in his eyes than a dog ought to have.

“Yeah,” Shen Yuan sighed again and let the spoonful of mash potatoes fall on the plate with a dull splat, “Jiu-ge means well, but those prescription diet recipes were written by white people, and it shows. But Jiu-ge probably thinks I’m going to explode if he actually makes the food tasty or something.”

Bingbing whined in commiseration. Shen Yuan didn’t bother resisting the urge to pet him.

“I know you’re probably used to eating fresh meat in the Demon realm, so I’ll get some from the butcher. Would that be better?”

Bingbing yipped and wagged his tail. 

“Okay, well if I’m not going to torture you with healthy food, I won’t torture myself either,” Shen Yuan grinned, then got up and went digging through the cabinet that was supposed to hold cleaning supplies. Technically it did. But hidden behind them lay the treasure that got Shen Yuan through just about anything.

“Don’t tell Jiu-ge about this,” Shen Yuan said as he sat back down, ripped open the packet of Haek-buldak-bokkeum-myeon, the hottest ramen sauce he could get his hands on, and dumped it on the potatoes.

He got the feeling Bingbing was laughing at him, but that might have just been him crying from the fumes.

Getting used to living with a dog turned out to be surprisingly easy, though Shen Yuan would be the first to admit his was probably not a typical experience. 

Despite Ming Fan’s warnings about destructive habits of puppies, and Shen Yuan’s own anxiety about raising a Hellhound, Bingbing was the most well behaved pup in the entirety of China, possibly the world. He didn’t chew on the furniture or Shen Yuan’s shoes, he did all of his business outside without a single accident, and he never barked at the cleaning lady or howled at night. He loved getting his fur brushed and didn’t really shed, or if he did, he cleaned it up with Demon magic before Shen Yuan noticed. Once Shen Yuan figured out he liked eating lightly broiled chicken hearts mixed in with dog food #3, Bingbing could eat his body weight of it without any fuss. 

Getting used to the leash and harness took some patience, but after a few walks and a lot of pouting and dragging his feet, Bingbing finally decided he could suffer through the indignity of being led around on a string if it meant he could go to the dog park. Once there, his favorite activity was terrifying the bigger dogs and showing them who was the boss. It was probably mean of Shen Yuan, but watching Bingbing, a little furry sausage on stubby legs, chase around three different full-grown huskies was the funniest shit he’d seen since the last time he’d gotten Airplane drunk. 

One of the dogs had actually tried to jump on Shen Yuan the first time he came to the park. He’d worn a fitted mask and brought his inhaler, so he hadn’t been that worried, but Bingbing went into full-on bodyguard mode, setting himself in front of Shen Yuan and growling like a proper Hellhound. The offending dog froze before he could reach them, wide-eyed, and ran away with his tail between his legs. 

None of the dogs tried that again.

The owners of the bullied dogs probably hated him, but didn’t have the face to actually complain about their big bad guard dogs being cowards. Shen Yuan loved it. Yes, he was aware he was being a complete and total jackass. No, he didn’t care.

The only hurdle they encountered were the sleeping arrangements. Shen Yuan had bought a dog bed, whose only purpose turned out to be collecting stray socks at the foot of the bed. Bingbing categorically refused to sleep alone, and no matter where Shen Yuan left him sleeping in the evening, he’d inevitably wake up with his face smushed in a warm, furry pillow. He didn’t actually mind Bingbing’s stickiness, but Ming Fan had said puppies needed to learn how to sleep alone at night or they would turn into unholy terrors when their owners spent the night elsewhere, so Shen Yuan really did try to get Bingbing to use the dog bed. 

For the first two weeks. After that, he just decided that if Bingbing trashed the entire place the first time Shen Yuan had to stay overnight in the hospital, he could damn well fix it when Shen Yuan came back.

The things was… He’d been so preoccupied with Bingbing that he had completely forgotten everything else. 

Like the fact that he had an overprotective brother who hadn’t even called him in over two weeks.

He was sitting on the floor in front of the TV, watching some trashfire of a historical drama while he was brushing Bingbing’s fur, when the doorman rang and told him he had a guest coming up.

Suddenly remembering that aforementioned fact, he panicked for a hot second before he remembered the doorman knew what both of his brothers, his Meimei and his parents looked like, and if something had happened they would have called in advance. So that left two people as options, and Gongyi Xiao should be at work right now.

Granted, so should have been Shang Dong, but out of the two of them, only Airplane was shameless enough to just walk out for a lunch break and keep going until he ended up at Shen Yuan’s place.

He was proven right a minute later when the interloper started knocking on the door in the beat of a Blackpink song.

“Cucumber-bro!” Airplane greeted cheerily, “Please tell me you have food.”

Shen Yuan kicked him in the shin. “You know where the fridge is.”

“Not that food!” Airplane whined, balancing on one leg so he could rub at his shin with an exaggerated expression of pain. “I meant real food!”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes, but to be fair he hadn’t eaten something decent in a while either. “I’ll order a delivery.”

“Thanks bro! You’re the best!” Airplane chirped, all pain forgotten, and skipped off into the living room, “So how are you doing? Any new- AAAAH! What’s that?!”

Shen Yuan frowned, then followed Airplane’s girlish screech to the living room, where he found Airplane perched on the back of the couch like a frightened cat, and Bingbing quietly growling at him from the floor.

He rolled his eyes. “That’s just Bingbing.”

“Bingbing?” Airplane looked at him like he’d started sprouting Japanese, “Bro… You- Do you know what that is?”

“ He is a dog,” Shen Yuan said in the driest tone he could manage, “And he weighs four kilos, Airplane. He couldn’t eat you even if he tried.”

“A-ha-ha,” Airplane did not look convinced, still looking at Bingbing warily, “You sure?”

“You’re pathetic,” Shen Yuan informed him, then picked up Bingbing and settled him belly-up in his arms. Bingbing stopped growling immediately in favor of cuddling, as he always did. Because he was literally a baby, unlike Shang Dong who was just acting like one.

“Holy shit,” Airplane swore under his breath, “Where the hell did you get him?”

The ‘my brother got him for me’ excuse probably wouldn’t fly with Airplane (heh), seeing as he actually worked with both of Shen Yuan’s brothers, but he had an excuse prepared for them too.

“There was a guy selling puppies from a cart by the park,” Shen Yuan cheerfully lied, “They were really cute, and he said they’re hypoallergenic, so I got one. He’s been with me for two weeks.”

“Two weeks?!” Airplane squeaked, “And, uh, nothing weird happened?”

“Don’t be silly, of course not,” Shen Yuan said, then turned a gimlet eye on his friend, “Why?”

“No reason!” Airplane squeaked. Like a hamster. 

Bingbing let out a little chuff, like he wasn’t impressed either.

“And the guy who sold him to you?” Airplane squirmed, but at least he was now inching off the couch, even if he was still looking at Bingbing like he might bite, “Did he look… Weird? Kinda foreign?”

Shen Yuan gave him a flat look. What was with that line of questioning? 

Come to think of it… Bingbing was a demon. A demon Shen Yuan had summoned with that manual Jiu-ge said Airplane had bought. He’d acted almost like… like he knew what Bingbing was. 

But no, he couldn’t know. No way would Shang Dong know demons were real and actually manage to keep it quiet. Shang Dong couldn’t keep himself from blabbing out every single thought that crossed his mind, up to and including the shoulder width of his ideal man. No way he could keep something so big a secret. 

And… If he knew, then his brothers would know about it as well. Shen Yuan refused to believe they would keep something so big a secret from him. So this was just Airplane being his usual neurotic self. Nothing more.

“I don’t know, I wasn’t really looking at him,” Shen Yuan shrugged, then rubbed Bingbing’s belly, “Why would I be looking at a man when Bingbing is right here?”

“Harsh, bro,” Airplane pouted, though he seemed a lot less wary of Bingbing now that his tail was wagging and his tongue was lolling out of his mouth, “Still can’t believe you got a- a dog. From a shady dealer you met in an alley, no less.” He suddenly looked terrified for a completely different reason. “Oh god, you literally went after a man in a shady alley because he promised to show you a puppy. Shen Qingqiu is going to kill me.”

“Jiu-ge can stuff it,” Shen Yuan huffed, “He knows I’ve always wanted a dog. The only reason I haven’t is because I’m allergic to them. I’m not allergic to Bingbing. Problem solved.”

“Bro, the problem has only just begun,” Airplane whined, “You- Do you even know how big he’s going to get? He’s cute and fluffy now, but puppies don’t stay puppies forever.”

“I’m aware of that, but so what? Bingbing is very well behaved,” Shen Yuan said, rubbing one of Bingbing’s ears in a way that made the dog shiver and then positively melt in his arms. “If he gets too big, I’ll just move to a bigger place.” Maybe in the countryside. His family had a house he could move to, Shen Yuan had spent a lot of time there as a kid when his asthma was acting up. They’d even installed an internet connection in the past year, which was pretty much everything Shen Yuan needed.

That is… If Bingbing even wanted to stay with him then. But that was a problem for Future Shen Yuan.

“Oh god, Shen Qingqiu is really going to kill me,” Airplane was still whining, “He’ll roast me over a fire and eat me for breakfast! He’s even worse than usual because we still don’t know where- Erm, and he’s been pissy all week that you haven’t called him.”

“He’s usually the one who’s blowing up my phone,” Shen Yuan told him, “I figured he was busy. What’s so bad that you ran all the way here to hide? Did the institute lose an artifact or something?”

“Or something,” Airplane muttered, “Ah, nevermind, I’m really not supposed to be talking about this with you. We’re working on it, but it’s all hands on deck kind of situation. And I’m not hiding, it’s just… This thing is important, and now that it’s gone Shen Qingqiu is like, three seconds away from literally breathing fire at any moment, and Liu Qingge is itching for a fight so bad he’s punching the walls. Yue Qingyuan is the only thing standing between us and total destruction, and even he can’t protect us forever. It’s like sitting on a bunch of atomic bombs that could go off if you breathe wrong, and you’re supposed to work with them.”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. If he kept doing that they’d roll out of his skull and then Jiu-ge would really kill Airplane. “You’re all a bunch of history and mythology nerds stuck in an ancient labyrinth you call a library in the basement of an institute that all of the museum curators have nightmares about. Face it, lost artifact or no, it was only a matter of time before you all went off the rails.”

Airplane opened his mouth like he was going to vehemently protest that assessment, paused to actually think about it, then slumped his shoulders in defeat. “I can’t believe I’m legally not allowed to disagree with you.”

He looked so pathetic in that moment that Shen Yuan couldn’t help but take pity on him.

“Here,” he took out his phone, unlocked it and tossed it to Airplane, who fumbled it twice before barely catching it, “Get me some luosifen, spring rolls and those bao that come arranged on a bamboo leaf, and whatever you want. We’re watching the Story of the Yanxi Palace, and the institute won’t miss you for at least two episodes.”

“Bro,” Airplane looked at him like he hung the moon, “You are seriously the best thing in my life right now.”

“I’d be flattered if that wasn’t just sad,” Shen Yuan told him, “And order yourself something extra to take back for dinner. I’ll call Jiu-ge and see if I can calm him down.”

“Bro, if you keep talking like that, I’mma have to kiss you.”

“Not even if I was gay and you were the last man left on earth.”

Chapter Text

Mobei-jun’s pet coming for a visit had been most unexpected, but decidedly enlightening. 

It also confirmed everything Luo Binghe had strongly suspected.

“Yes, Jiu-ge,” A’Yuan muttered into the phone, stuck between his cheek and shoulder, “I am being careful. I haven’t so much as sneezed since you last saw me… Jiu-ge, I can cook. I’m not going to drop dead just because you’re busy… Yes, I still have some. And my prescriptions are up to date, before you ask… Jiu-ge, I’m an adult… Sigh… If you really need to fuss over someone, why don’t you fuss over Qi-ge? He’s the one who thinks everything takes precedence over his health… Yeeeees, it’s almost like we’re related or something… ”

Shen Qingqiu, the monstrous shadow of the Demon Hunter’s Association, the Silent Exorcist, the terror of every demon who had the misfortune to hear his name, had a sickly little brother he was extremely protective over. A sickly little brother who had no idea what was it that his older brother did for a living, or the kind of monster he shared blood with.

And Shen Qingqiu had no idea his precious little chick had the Crown Prince of the Demon Realm, soon to be his husband, cuddled on his lap. That his little morsel of a brother had, in his ignorance, revealed not just Shen Qingqiu’s birth name, but Yue Qingyuan’s as well. 

Now that Luo Binghe knew their names, they were as good as dead already. 

And to think, Sha Hualing had been running a bet that they were lovers. Nobody even suspected them of being half-brothers, much less that they had a third brother hidden away. A pale beauty as powerful as he was fragile, a palace made of glass, that they were willing to do anything for. With his new knowledge and secure position, Luo Binghe was looking forward to snatching the entire pot when he returned to the Demon Realm with their heads hanging from his belt, displayed for all to see.

Still distracted, A’Yuan absent-mindedly scratched under Luo Bighe’s chin.

Hmmm, but maybe keeping trophies would be a bad idea. His new bride was a human, with very human sensibilities. He would be upset enough by their deaths without Luo Binghe flaunting it in front of him, and even with Luo Binghe’s blood in his body A’Yuan’s constitution was worryingly fragile. Adjusting him to the Demon Realm, not to mention Luo Binghe’s harem, was going to be a long, delicate process as it was. Actually, better kill them quickly and out of A’Yuan’s sight and never mention them again. A’Yuan would forgive him in time.

It was better than those bastards deserved, but Luo Binghe could be generous on occasion.

Heaving another great sigh, A’Yuan picked Luo Binghe up from his lap, sprawled himself on the couch and laid him down on his chest, then resumed petting him with both hands. Shen Qingqiu continued to squawk like a ruffled hen over the phone, and was showing no sign of stopping. His voice was starting to grate on Luo Binghe’s ears, high-pitched with poorly hidden anxiety and concern. It was… annoying.

Luo Binghe had fantasized about hearing that voice scream until it couldn’t anymore. Tearing its owner limb from limb, mauling and dismembering, paying back everything he did to Luo Binghe a hundredfold. With his blood, he could keep Shen Qingqiu dying by inches for years.

It was a shame that was one of the fantasies he’d have to give up for his new bride’s sake. Wedding nights rarely went well if his brides knew he was the one who killed their families prior to the wedding, and all of his wives so far had been demons. He had no delusions about A’Yuan reacting well to such news, no matter how despicable Shen Qingqiu was.

Hmmm, but Meng Mo always said that there were more ways to torture people than merely the physical. Maybe he could leave the wretched Exorcist alive long enough to attend the wedding. It was customary for a husband to display just how well he could take care of his bride to her family, both in and out of the bridal chamber. Shen Qingqiu’s face would be priceless as he was forced to watch Luo Binghe pleasure his most precious brother to incoherency. Ah, but A’Yuan was far too thin-faced about such things. It would be better if he muzzled Shen Qingqiu and hid him behind a privacy screen, so A’Yuan wouldn’t have his attention straying from his husband. And Shen Qingqiu would be helpless to do anything as he watched a despicable beast take A’Yuan, both his body and heart.

Yeeeess, he could be very satisfied with such torture. He was starting to see why his Father always said a happy marriage required compromise, loathe as he was to admit the old man might be right about anything. But shoving Yue Qingyuan’s decapitated head in his father’s face would take the sting out of it quite nicely.

Ugh, but maybe he should keep the bragging about that accomplishment to a minimum as well. Yue Qingyuan was also A’Yuan’s brother, whether Binghe liked it or not. And Luo Binghe wanted to avoid hurting him as much as possible. Balancing his rightful revenge with his new wife’s humanity was going to require careful planning.

But planning was going to have to wait. Two of those skilled fingers found their way to the tip of Luo Binghe’s ear and started rubbing gentle circles around the pressure point Luo Binghe hadn’t even been aware he had before his marvelous fiance found it. Within seconds a tingling rush of sensation shuddered through his body, then settled into something Luo Binghe could only compare to a post-coital haze. Almost all of the benefits of orgasm with none of the effort! Of course, Binghe liked sex, and enjoyed plenty of it whenever he wished, but he was usually the one doing all of the work. Which he didn’t mind either but…

But it was surprisingly pleasant, to lie back and be taken care of for a change. For doing nothing but looking cute! Of course, Luo Binghe was taking good care of his bride in return, but A’Yuan didn’t even know that! He didn’t know the full extent of Luo Binghe’s power, didn’t know of his status or beauty or influence. To him, Luo Binghe was merely a particularly intelligent pet. A listening ear, a warm body to lay his head against and a companion to share his interests with. A dear friend, even if he couldn’t talk back like this.

And for A’Yuan, that was reason enough to shower Luo Binghe in all the love and affection he held in his small body. He didn’t even care that Luo Binghe was a demon. If anything, he treated the glowing huadian on Luo Binghe’s forehead like a helpful sign pointing at the place where he should lay his kisses!

Another shiver of delight went down Luo Binghe’s spine. Ah, he could just imagine how much better it would be once they were married, and Luo Binghe could stand before his bride as a man! He would wrap his arms around A’Yuan’s thighs, hoist them up and around his waist, and A’Yuan would put his arms around Luo Binghe’s shoulders, blushing so prettily and trying to save his thin face, but he would give in as he always did and lay his lips on Luo Binghe’s forehead, and then tilt his head for a kiss- 

But that would have to wait until Luo Binghe found the source of Shen Yuan’s malady and thoroughly eradicated it. It was slow progress, the fragility of mortal humans making Luo Binghe stick to a positively glacial pace. It would not do to harm his darling beauty just because he got impatient. Ah, and when he got a chance he’d have to contact one of his minions and tell them to build a new courtyard in his palace and ward it well. He would have to work out a way to provide appropriate human food as well. And that was without even preparing for the wedding itself.

So much work to do, but it would be worth it. Luo Binghe would just have to be patient. There would be plenty of time to fulfill his desires once they were married. 

Come Hell or Heavenly tribulations, Luo Binghe was not letting Shen Yuan go.

“Finally,” Shen Yuan sighed once the call was disconnected, “Jiu-ge can really go on forever… Were you waiting for long? Are you hungry? Aw, but you’re a good puppy, and so patient. The goodest boy!”

Luo Binghe’s tail wagged of its own accord and his tongue lolled out in ecstasy. Yes, he was the best, and the most deserving of Shen Yuan’s attention. And Shen Yuan was worth the wait and all of Luo Binghe’s careful care to make him healthy and immortal.

As his future wife cooed praises into his ear, Luo Binghe swore he would wait as long as it took, if this was the consolation prize. They would eventually have eternity together anyway.

And perhaps, Shen Yuan wouldn’t mind doing this even when they were married. Luo Binghe did not mind being a dog, as long as it was his love who pet his ears.

Shang Qinghua was panicking. He was panicking very, very much.

He had some very good reasons to panic.

“DO I LOOK LIKE I CARE?!” Shen Qingqiu thundered from his end of the conference table, “That Beast is still missing! Check again!”

“There is nowhere left to check!” Liu Qingge thundered back, “We asked every single one of our contacts on this side of the continent! Nobody who has the power to summon Luo Binghe has seen him!”

“Then one of them is lying! You quarter-wit idiot, threatening people into telling the truth is exactly why we keep you on retainer! If you can’t do that, why are you even here?!”

Liu Qingge looked ready to draw his sword and leap over the table at Shen Qingqiu’s throat. Shang Qinghua gradually inched closer to Qi Qingqi’s back, ignoring the look of disgust she shot towards him. But Shang Qinghua was reasonably certain she wouldn’t shove him in front of herself as a meatshield if a fight did break out, so she really was the safest option.

“I still think we should consider the possibility of a new player,” Mu Qingfang piped up bravely, “Someone powerful enough to summon a Prince of Hell would be more than capable enough of covering his tracks. Or even making Luo Binghe do it for them.”

“Summoners that powerful don’t stay hidden for long,” Wei Qingwei waved a hand, “And how would they hide? My instruments would have picked up on the summoning itself if it was done anywhere within a 1000 kilometers in any direction.”

“But not if it was done during the blackout,” Mu Qingfang said, “The new alarm system does need electricity to work, doesn’t it?” Wei Qingwei grumbled something that might have been an affirmative, or might have been an insult. Mu Qingfang took it as the former. “And all of us were… absent at the time. Someone could have taken advantage of the opportunity.”

Unfortunately, that was a plausible possibility, even if nobody at the table liked it. It meant the Luo Binghe had been in the hands of an unknown summoner for over two weeks, and they haven’t heard anything about it. That, more than the summon itself, made everybody's hair stand on its ends.

Summoners weren’t the type to keep quiet about such an accomplishment. Back when Shen Qingqiu had managed to summon Luo Binghe, and had kept him trapped for three full days, everybody in the business knew about it on day two. His Shizun had named him his successor before the ink on his thesis was even dry. Even now, a decade later, Shen Qingqiu still had some of the crystal batteries filled with the power he’d siphoned off of the demon. He would have been named the Director for that, if his elder brother hadn’t been the one to shove his sword into the heart of the Demon Emperor himself.

Regardless, people still talked about it with awe in their voices. And that was when the Crown Prince of Hell was just a little curly-haired cub. He was all grown up now, and no summoner in their right mind would think to summon him and make him do their bidding alone. Not unless they were suicidal. And if there was one sad truth of having multiple people at a high-level summoning, it was that there was always someone who couldn’t resist obliquely bragging about it on Twitter.

But this whole thing was kept so horribly quiet, that they wouldn’t have even known about it if Mobei Jun hadn’t told Shang Qinghua that Luo Binghe’s entire palace was in an uproar. Mobei-jun was not the most expressive of demons on a good day, but he’d been desperate enough to ask Shang Qinghua if he’d heard about the Crown Prince’s disappearance.

When Shang Qinghua admitted he knew nothing, his King had looked outright apprehensive.

So yes. Shang Qinghua had some very good reasons to panic.

And of course Cucumber-bro couldn’t pass on the opportunity to make his blood pressure skyrocket even further.

Shang Qinghua had no idea how the fuck he was supposed to tell Yue Qingyuan and Shen Qingqiu that the demonic Prince with a hefty vendetta against their family might have made contact with their precious and very carefully hidden baby brother, and had given him a hellhound puppy named Bingbing, what the fuck, what was the plan here, how was this his life?!

“Shang Qinghua?” Qi Qingqi’s voice startled him out of his spiral, “I asked if your contacts have told you anything new?”

Right! He was supposed to be spying on the demons! That was his job! Which he should do now! “Er, nope! They know about as much as we do! Just that Luo Binghe informed his servants he was leaving for a summon and then never returned. But, um,” he pulled at the edge of his collar in a vain attempt not to sweat clean through his clothes, “There’s been whispers that… That Tianlang-jun is sending General Zhuzhi-lang to search for him.”

The silence that descended on the table was deafening.

“AND YOU DIDN’T THINK TO LEAD WITH THAT?” Shen Qingqiu screeched. Yue Qingyuan’s arm to shot out to steady him before he literally leapt for Shang Qinghua’s throat.

Not for the first time, Shang Qinghua seriously considered faking his death and running off to live in a cave as a hermit writer. Except that he’d tried to live on a writer’s salary already, and that had led to him being desperate enough to agree to do the accounts for a shady government institute for some extra cash, and ended up with one foot in the Cang Qiong Institute of Mystic Arts, a Demon Hunter organization, and one foot in bed with the current Mobei-jun, the King of the Northern Demon Realm.

He didn't know how he could possibly end up in a worse situation than this, but he was not eager to find out.

The worst part about cosplay, in Shen Yuan’s not-so-humble opinion, was the shopping.

Specifically, having to do shopping alone.

Gongyi Xiao had sounded genuinely contrite over the phone when he said he had to pick up his little devil of a cousin from her gymnastics class and therefore couldn’t get to the fabric store before it closed, so it fell to Shen Yuan to pick them up himself. At least, he had to if they wanted their Xianxia cosplay to have the correct number of layers in time for the Beijing Anime Expo, and Shen Yuan was nothing if not a pedant.

So. Here he was. Lugging three bolts of watered silk fabric in one hand and Bingbing’s leash in the other. Perhaps it would have been easier if he left Bingbing at home, seeing as he would only be gone for a couple of hours, but trying to leave Bingbing behind had gone… About as well as Ming Fan had warned him it would.

That is to say, Bingbing had ran out into the hall three times right before Shen Yuan could close the door, and the fourth time, when he managed to close the door with Bingbing on the other side, his poor puppy started crying and howling so loudly and so wretchedly Shen Yuan didn’t make it halfway down the hall before he was running back to comfort Bingbing.

After that, taking Bingbing with him had seemed like the path of least resistance. Well, what else was he supposed to do? Ignore Bingbing when he was crying, leave him all alone? No! Bingbing was very smart but he was still just a baby, and Shen Yuan was no monster!

Thankfully, the Fabric shop-xiaojie didn’t mind Bingbing going into the store as long as Shen Yuan carried him in his arms. But it left him with a problem: how was he supposed to attend the convention if he couldn’t leave Bingbing alone?

Maybe he could get his Meimei to babysit. She shared his dog allergy, but if Shen Yuan was fine with Bingbing, she should be as well. Uuuugh, but Meimei couldn’t keep a secret if her life depended on it, if she found out he got a dog, Jiu-ge would find out he got a dog, and then all hell would break loose. Maybe Cleaner-xiaojie could watch him if she didn’t have other jobs that day…

He was so lost in thought he nearly pitched over when Bingbing’s leash suddenly pulled tight. 

“Bingbing?” Shen Yuan stopped in his tracks, thinking Bingbing needed to, ah, mark his territory, but Bingbing was just staring at the bushes with a worrying intensity. Ears pinned back and lips pulled up, just… Staring at something Shen Yuan couldn’t see.

He stepped closer and crouched down, wanting to see what had Bingbing’s attention like that, and Bingbing chose that moment to zoom past him so fast Shen Yuan ended up sprawled on his butt.

His disorientation lasted only a second, but when his eyes found Bingbing, he realized for the first time that, yes, this creature he’d been cuddling with every night was a beast born and bred to hunt down his prey and rip it apart.

Bingbing’s eyes were red and glowing, his whole face twisted in rage, blood dripping down from his maw, and his teeth sunken into a small, wriggling green snake.

“Bingbing, no!” Shen Yuan shrieked, then just dragged Bingbing closer by his harness, “Let it go!”

Bingbing, if anything, growled and bit down harder. The poor little snake hissed in pain and writhed, trying fruitlessly to escape. Considering that warning about acid saliva, Shen Yuan was honestly a little amazed it was still alive.

At a loss of what else to do, Shen Yuan struggled to his knees, wrapped an arm around Bingbing’s chest and shoved his other hand between Bingbing’s teeth. His fingers burned, and Bingbing trashed like he was the one stuck between someone’s fangs. “Drop it! I said drop it, Bingbing!”

He managed to wrap his hand around Bingbing’s jaw, his thumb and forefinger jammed in the gap between Bingbing’s fangs and first molars and pulled as hard as he could. It wasn’t much, but Bingbing’s hold did weaken. Shen Yuan was horrified just how much blood spilled out onto the pavement below. 

Suddenly, Bingbing twisted so hard Shen Yuan nearly dropped him, threw his head to the side and released the snake, letting it sail through the air and land over a meter away from them.

Sprawled on his butt and with Bingbing growling like a dog three times his size on his lap, Shen Yuan finally managed to get a good look at the poor creature. It was a relatively small snake, vibrantly green with an odd iridescent sheen to its scales, like it had slithered through an oil puddle. It was leaking blood at an alarming rate from several deep wounds around its… neck? A few centimeters behind its head. It was trying to right itself so it could slither away, but was writhing in pain too much to orient itself.

Shen Yuan felt horrible. He knew snakes almost never bit humans unless they were seriously provoked, and even Bingbing was too big for it to eat. The poor thing was probably just minding its own business before Bingbing’s hunting instincts kicked in. 

He couldn’t just leave it like that. 

“Bingbing, stay,” he ordered sternly, hopped up to his feet and quickly snatched the little snake right around the back of its head with one hand, and with the other helped to wrap its body around his forearm. It writhed and hissed, smearing blood on Shen Yuan’s sleeve, but it was too weak to struggle away.

Bingbing was barking like a dog possessed around his feet, clearly appalled at what his master was doing.

“Shush, Bingbing,” Shen Yuan scolded him. Making sure to keep a firm grip around the snake’s head and his entire arm well out of Bingbing’s reach, he picked up the bag with the fabric with his other hand. The skin around his fingers was reddish and sensitive, but Shen Yuan’d had worse. He’d live.

Bingbing was trained well enough by now to follow along even if Shen Yuan didn’t hold his leash, and he wasn’t going to risk him getting closer to his prey. “Xiao She was clearly just minding its own business, and you nearly killed it. This wouldn’t have even happened if you just walked past it! Now we have to help it.”

Bingbing looked at him like he had lost his entire mind. To be fair, Xiao She was probably venomous. Shen Yuan knew next to nothing about snakes, but Gongyi Xiao knew plenty, and he said if the snake had a more triangular head it was probably venomous. Hence why Shen Yuan made sure to grip the back of its head, but the poor thing looked so frozen with shock he didn’t think it even had the energy to bite anymore.

Luckily for Xiao She, they were already on their way to someone who would be able to help.

“It seems you got lucky, little one,” Gongyi Xiao said as he gently dabbed the blood away with a cotton ball, “The wound isn’t as deep as it looks. It will take a few weeks to recover, but after a few sheds everything should be back to normal. Can you give me another cotton ball?”

Shen Yuan obediently rolled another ball, soaked it in snakeskin-friendly disinfectant and let Gongyi Xiao take it with a pair of forceps. The little snake, now wrapped around Gongyi Xiao’s gloved forearm, remained surprisingly docile as it was treated.

“Are you sure it will be okay?” Shen Yuan asked, nervously eyeing the blood on his sleeve, “This looks like an awful lot of blood for a snake this small.”

“If it makes it to tomorrow morning, yeah.” Gongyi Xiao threw away the bloodied cotton ball, then dragged a tub of vaseline closer. “It looks pretty bad, but it’s not enough to cause hypovolemic shock. As long as the wound stays clean and doesn’t get infected, it should be fine. We’ll keep it for a few weeks while it heals, and then see if we should look for its owner.”

“Owner?” Shen Yuan said, “It’s not a wild snake?”

“I doubt it,” Gongyi Xiao said, dabbing vaseline over the wounds gently, “It’s highly unusual to keep venomous snakes as pets, but it’s far too used to being held to be wild. It looks like a bamboo pit viper at first, but they don’t have iridescent scales like this, and the shape of the head is all wrong, so it’s not just a morph. I think it’s a hybrid of some kind, and those usually happen only under human supervision,” he made a face, “Usually by irresponsible breeders. And if it escaped its enclosure I doubt it was having a good time with its former owner. ”

The little snake tightened its body around Gongyi Xiao’s arm. “Shh, shh, almost done. You’ll feel better in a minute,” he all but cooed over the snake, which wriggled a little before going still again.

“Gege!” Gongyi Xiao’s little biao-mei, Hua Lian, came barreling into the room, still in her gymnastics leotard, “I set up the spare tank!”

“Did you remember to secure the lamp?” 

“Duh,” she rolled her eyes like only snooty four-year-old raised by a CEO could, “I set up Princess’ tank all the time.”

Whether or not she did it well was another thing, but Gongi Xiao just smiled. “Thank you, Meimei. I’ll go put our new guest in its room.”

While they put the snake in its new tank next to the snake they already owned (a dark yellow ball python named Princess, who mostly just slept all day and did not make Shen Yuan understand the appeal of keeping a reptile as a pet) Shen Yuan went to see how Bingbing was doing.

His poor baby got his leash tied to the doorknob in the hall while they were busy treating Xiao She, and had handled that like the baby he was. But he’d stopped whining and crying a while ago, and Shen Yuan got worried.

He found Bingbing curled up in a ball at the bottom of the door, his fluffy tail covering his snout and his ears folded down. He was definitely sulking, and even though he’d been very naughty, Shen Yuan really ought to comfort him.

Just as soon as he snapped a picture, because Bingbing was just so perfectly round he looked like a tribble. He was going to do numbers on Twitter.

As soon as his camera released a shutter sound, Bingbing peeked up from behind his tail like a skilled courtesan peeked from behind her fan, as if to make it obvious he was just sulking for show.

Shen Yuan sighed and put the phone away. He unclipped the leash from the harness and folded it up. “I’m not mad anymore.” 

Bingbing’s ears perked up, but otherwise did not move. 

“Xiao She should be fine. Gongyi Xiao knows what he’s doing, he’ll take good care of it.”

Bingbing’s ears went down.

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes much like Hua Lian. “I take it Bingbing is not sorry about what he did.”

Bingbing let out a little huff, as if to say ‘damn right I’m not’.

“I get that Bingbing was trying to protect me, but it was really not necessary,” Shen Yuan said, “I don’t know what kind of vipers you have back home, but here, snakes really don’t attack if you don’t bother them. And Gongyi Xiao says this one is someone’s pet. What am I supposed to tell its owner, eh?”

Bingbing winced, then finally uncurled from his position and crawled into Shen Yuan’s lap, licking his chin in apology.

“Ah, it’s okay, all forgiven,” he cooed at Bingbing, “Everything turned out fine. I know Bingbing won’t do it again.”

Bingbing just licked at his face some more.

Luo Binghe was going to kill his cousin, he really was.

He waited until the little brat was put to bed (she refused to go to sleep until ‘Yuan-gege’ told her a story, which was how Luo Binghe found out his fiance was an excellent storyteller) and A’Yuan and his friend were occupied with a spirited discussion about that drama A’Yuan watched, then snuck away to change his shape and sneak into the room where they put Zhuzhi-lang.

The little bastard was enjoying the wonders of human technology in a glass box, where he was curled up under a red-glowing tube that dispensed warmth like a Fire Orb. His wounds looked almost healed already, glistening with a coating of some scentless ointment. He looked far too comfortable for the crime he tried to commit.

“Cousin,” Luo Binghe growled down at him, “Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you right here and now for trying to assassinate my bride.”

Zhuzhi-lang’s head shot up in surprise. Slowly, adjusting his coils to avoid his wounds, he moved to the center of the tank and slowly transformed into a human shape, catching the top of the terrarium on his shoulders and carefully moving it to the side.

“Apologies, Crown Prince, this one was not aware of Shen Yuan’s significance when I came to the human world, “ Zhuzhi-lang bowed his head in apology. He looked genuinely contrite but completely ridiculous, still kneeling in a terrarium like that. “Crown Prince has been missing for a full moonturn. Junshang sent this one to see if you needed help to escape your summoner.”

Luo Binghe raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “Tianlang-jun was worried? You’re not a very good liar. We all know there’s no human alive that can hold me by force,” his face darkened, “Not anymore.”

“But it has happened before,” Zhuzhi-lang said, eager to dig his own grave, “And you said the summoner was new. It was a possibility, and Crown Prince has been gone long enough that his… palace staff thought it prudent to check when he was coming back.”

Luo Binghe could read between the lines to find the real problem. What Zhuzhi-lang meant was that Sha Hualing was bored and asserting her dominance over all of his other wives, and it was getting bloody enough the servants were getting worried. Luo Binghe had been gone for long periods of time before, and similar things had happened. He always came home to a mess he had to fix.

After spending a month in A’Yuan’s company, going back to the Demon Realm to his palace, where most of the walls were probably painted with blood by now, held even less appeal than it ever did before.

“Not yet,” Luo Binghe decided, “Let Sha Hualing cull the herd a little. Slake her bloodlust and get rid of the more aggressive ones while she’s at it. A’Yuan is human. The less jealous wives I need to worry about the better.”

Zhuzhi-lang nodded. “As you say, Crown Prince. I shall pass on the messages to the staff and your father. And tell Mobei-jun he must take care of things in your place for a while longer.”

“Don’t bother, I’ll do it myself.” Appeasing his staff and subordinates would be easy enough, but he had some words for the idiot that sired him, and possibly some questions. Questions he did not want Zhuzhi-lang hearing. God forbid he actually tried to be helpful about answering them.

The fact that Luo Binghe was half-human was one of the best kept secrets of the Demon Realm, with a grand total of three people knowing about it. Even none of his wives knew. It didn’t really show in his looks or his scent ever since he unlocked the full powers of his heritage, so there wasn’t really much point in demons knowing about it. Luo Binghe forgot about it himself, most of the time. It just made it a bit easier for him to assume a human guise. 

But that little secret made itself relevant now, because, much as Luo Binghe didn’t like to think about it, it was proof his father had successfully seduced a human. 

Luo Binghe never thought he would have to ask his father for love advice of all things, but here they were.

“Ah, Crown Prince?” Zhuzhi-lang piped up hesitantly, “This one does not wish to be rude… But I had caught Master Shen’s scent. He is…?”

Luo Binghe grimaced. “He’s Shen Qingqiu’s younger brother. But make no mistake, blood is the only thing they share. A’Yuan is nothing like that scum. I wouldn’t still be here if he was.”

“This one has seen that for himself, Crown Prince,” Zhuzhi-lang nodded, “It is indeed remarkable how vastly different they are from each other.”

Luo Binghe huffed a little laugh. Suddenly, he had the perfect idea haw to keep Zhuzhi-lang out of his business. “Nature demands a balance of good and evil, and sometimes she has a sense of humor. A’Yuan’s friend, the one that took care of you?” Luo Binghe smirked, “He’s Lao Gongzhu’s nephew.”

Zhuzhi-lang stared, wide and unblinking, at that revelation. Luo Binghe knew exactly how he felt. If there was one person who had hurt his father and his cousin as much as Shen Qingqiu had hurt Luo Binghe, it was Lao Gongzhu. Yue Qingyuan might have been the one to drive a sword through Tianlang-jun, but Lao Gongzhu was the one that had made it possible. He was the reason why Luo Binghe lost his birth mother before he met her, why Tianlang-jun had lost his wife, why Zhuzhi-lang had spent twenty years rebuilding his uncle’s body. 

“And the little girl is his daughter,” Luo Binghe made a show of checking his claws, “I figure he visits them whenever he can. If you were looking to come back with a body,” he turned with a wicked smirk, “you already have a perfect place to lay in wait. They don’t even know demons are real. They would never even think of suspecting you.”

Zhuzhi-lang blinked. When he smiled, it was with all of his needle-sharp snake teeth.

Chapter Text

Shen Yuan knew that, technically, he wouldn’t be able to keep Bingbing a secret from his brothers forever. They were bound to visit eventually, or Shang Dong was going to wag his tongue a bit too hard, or something like that, and they were not going to be happy if they found out they were the absolute last to know.

The best course of action would have been to tackle Qi-ge first. To show evidence that his health was better than ever, tell him how happy he was with his current situation, and then show him Bingbing. Qi-ge was a cat person in general, but he liked dogs just fine, and Bingbing would win him over in a heartbeat. Once Qi-ge was won over, he would go and break the news to Jiu-ge, ride out the inevitable tantrum, and convince him to give Bingbing a chance. Jiu-ge would not be happy about it, but he’d hold his tongue once he saw how much Shen Yuan loved Bingbing, and after a few years of muttering disparaging comments under his breath he’d resign himself to the situation.

Shen Yuan knew all of that. He still, in his infinite fucking wisdom, kept putting off telling them. He had, maybe, in the back of his mind, stupidly been hoping that, by the time they heard about it, Shen Yuan would have had Bingbing long enough that it was old news, nothing for them to do about it. That they would just have their moment of bafflement somewhere ‘offscreen’ and the worst reaction Shen Yuan would have to deal with was some silent treatment.

Yes, Shen Yuan was aware, in retrospect, that plan was doomed to fail. Hindsight and all of that, shut up Airplane.

But anyway, that was how Shen Yuan returned from the dog park one day, thinking of nothing more than cuddling with Bingbing and working on the embroidery of his cosplay, when all of his troubles caught up with him at once.

He’d just pulled down his mask and toed off his shoes when Jiu-ge, who had his own key and did not believe in calling ahead when he visited, emerged from the kitchen like a portent of death, with a spatula instead of scythe.

Shen Yuan froze with one foot in the air when he saw him. Shen Jiu froze mid-bitchy greeting when he saw that Shen Yuan wasn’t alone.

For a long, heart-stopping second, neither of them moved.

“What,” Jiu-ge growled in a way that clearly signaled he was on the verge of apoplexy, “Is. That.”

It was not a question. Jiu-ge clearly believed he already had all the answers he needed and he liked none of them. Shen Yuan quickly put himself in between his brother and Bingbing. “He’s hypoallergenic! I’ve had him for over a month and I’ve been fine! He’s mine now and I’m not giving him back!”

The wooden spatula in Jiu-ge’s hand cracked. “You’ve had. That Beast. For a month?!?!”

Shen Yuan had a feeling he’d miscalculated somewhere. 

“A’Jiu? A’Yuan?” 

Oh thank god, Qi-ge was here, he was actually strong enough to hold Jiu-ge back if he tried to go after Bingbing. 

But the second Qi-ge saw Bingbing, his eyes went wide and his jaw tight in a way that meant he would not be on Shen Yuan’s side of this argument. It meant that, the second he got within range, there was a very real chance of Bingbing being taken.

He couldn’t win against both his brothers. At least, not without cheating.

Luckily, he still had his keys in his hand. He just bent down, scooped Bingbing up with the other hand, and booked it back out of the apartment before they recovered from their shocks.

There was a furious squawk behind him, but by the time Jiu-ge realized what Shen Yuan was going to do, the door was closed behind him and the key was already turned.

“SHEN YUAAAAAN!!!” Jiu-ge howled like a banshee and beat on the door twice as hard, “OPEN THE DOOR!!!”

“No!” 

“OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW OR SO HELP ME I’LL MAKE YOU FUCKING REGRET IT!!!”

“The only thing I regret is opening it in the first place!” Shen Yuan yelled back, “ Why do you never call ahead when you’re coming over?”

“Because you always hide away the evidence if I do! Like that beast! Where the fuck did you get that thing!?”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. “ Maybe I wouldn’t need to hide the evidence if you didn’t lose your shit every time you saw something you didn’t like! Or, I don’t know, if you actually talked to me like an adult instead of a hysterical harpy!”

“YOU LITTLE SHIT!!!” Jiu-ge, predictably, lost his shit again. But the banging cut off abruptly, then was replaced by murmuring and then loud stomps going down the hall. 

Ah, the cavalry had arrived.

“A’Yuan,” Qi-ge said in his patented Big Brother Is Here To Help™ voice, “Please come in.”

“No,” Shen Yuan held Bingbing tighter. He was probably squishing the poor pup, but Bingbing hadn’t complained yet. 

“A’Yuan-”

“I am not moving a damn muscle, much less the key, unless both you and Jiu-ge swear you are not taking Bingbing away,” Shen Yuan said. And he was perfectly fine with leaving them locked in until they relented. There was food in the fridge and they had TV. They’d be fine.

“We really need to talk about that,” Qi-ge sighed on the other side, “But it would be best if we all sat down first. A’Yuan, are you even wearing shoes?”

No. Shen Yuan was not. He’d taken them off in the hall before he spotted Jiu-ge and he didn't exactly have time to put them back on when he had to run!

“He’s not wearing shoes!?” Jiu-ge hissed. Ha! Shen Yuan knew he only pretended to stomp away. “The floor in the hall is marble! He’ll get sick!”

“I can hear you!” Shen Yuan grumbled, “And I’m standing on the doormat. I’ll be fine.”

“You will clearly not be fine, considering the kind of decisions you’ve been making while we weren’t looking! The second you come in I’ll- Mmmh!”

“He’ll go get you some extra socks,” Qi-ge said with such forced cheer, Shen Yuan could just see that strained Serene Smile™ on his face while Jiu-ge struggled to pry his hand off his mouth. “A’Yuan, please. We’re all adults here, we can act like it.”

Bah, adults. Shen Yuan was standing on his doorstep in only his socks and clutching his dog for dear life, and yet he was the only one displaying even a shred of rationality in this situation!

God, he hoped none of his neighbors came to see what all the noise was about. Shen Yuan’s face was way too thin for this!

“Fine, if we’re negotiating terms, I’ve already stated mine: both you and Jiu-ge must swear you’re not taking Bingbing away.”

“Absolutely n-”

“Conditional acceptance,” Qi-ge cut in, “A’Yuan, you- Well, whoever gave you that dog has neglected to mention some things about it that… would be impolite to talk about in the hall. We reserve the right to try and change your mind about it.”

Shen Yuan mulled over the wording, trying to figure out where Qi-ge put the loopholes. Both of his brothers were almost scarily committed to keeping whatever promise Shen Yuan managed to pry out of them, but if they really didn’t want to keep it they liked to weave little loopholes for themselves. Shen Yuan liked to think he’d gotten good at catching them.

“Fine,” Shen Yuan nodded decisively, “You can state your case. But unless I, with my own two hands and my own free will, hand Bingbing over to you, you are not laying a finger on him,” he paused, “Clarification: You are not going to touch him in any way, up to and including tools that could be used to hurt or capture him. Verbal persuasion only. ”

On the other side of the door, Jiu-ge was muttering something nasty about Shen Yuan and law school. “Keep talking like that and I’m going to make you write up a contract and sign it before I open the door!”

“Why do you develop bat-like hearing only when you’re not supposed to!?” 

Because I grew up with you for a brother, duh. “And if you break that promise, I’m going to move away and not tell you the address. Ever.” 

That shut them both up. Threat laid out, Shen Yuan waited. Jiu-ge was still muttering curses under his breath when Qi-ge dragged him away, presumably so they could prepare their own case. And possibly put Shen Yuan on one of Bingbing’s leashes if they thought for a moment he might actually run away.

Augh, he hadn’t added any stipulations for his own protection. A stupid oversight. Jiu-ge was not above tackling him to the ground and dragging him to the doctor by the ankles, as he had amply demonstrated throughout Shen Yuan’s life. And he was a lot stronger than his skinny frame suggested. It just meant he could sling Shen Yuan over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes and there was nothing cushioning Shen Yuan’s poor hips during transport.

Bingbing’s whining snapped him out of his musings. The poor little pup was looking up at him with huge eyes and his ears turned down, his fluffy little tail between his legs. It was the look he tended to give Shen Yuan when he had to go out and tried to leave Bingbing at home.

“Shhh, shhh, it’s okay,” he cooed and petted Bingbing, “It’s just to get the two of them off my case. They’re good at keeping their word, if they say they won’t touch you then they won’t, and it’s not like they can tell me anything that would make me give you up,” he held Bingbing tighter and buried his face in his fur, “You don’t have to worry, I’ll protect you from the big bad brothers.”

Bingbing let out a long, drawn-out cry. Shen Yuan was worried for a second but Bingbing’s tail started cautiously wagging. Then it picked out the pace and he started enthusiastically slobbering all over Shen Yuan’s face.

“Ma ya, calm down, calm down,” Shen Yuan said, not moving a finger to actually enforce that command, “Just promise you won’t bite either of them. I know they’ll probably say something stupid at some point, but you still can’t bite them.”

Bingbing looked predictably unhappy about that. Before Shen Yuan could figure out how to extract a promise from a dog that didn’t talk, he heard somber footsteps from behind the door.

“We accept your terms,” Qi-ge said, voice sounding ominous, and then turned on a dime into pleading “Now please come inside before you catch a cold.”

This must be what it feels like to come out to your conservative parents, Shen Yuan thought, sitting on the sofa opposite his grim-faced brothers, who were literally sitting together like a couple who fully expected their son to say something that would shame the family name, but were dead-set on handling it with dignity.

Shen Yuan took a moment to light a candle in his heart for Airplane Bro. He suddenly had a lot more sympathy for his predicament.

Shen Yuan clutched Bingbing close with one arm and sipped his tea, which had been bullied onto him before he even sat down. Bingbing was curled up in a ball again, only just peeking over the edge of Shen Yuan’s forearm to glare at Jiu-ge, who, apparently, did not have too much dignity to glare at a fluffy puppy. 

Poor Qi-ge looked like he was fighting a headache. Neither of them had actually said anything yet.

Well. Shen Yuan wasn’t the one who had started this whole mess, so they could stew in their silence for as long as they liked. He had hot tea and a fluffy puppy on his lap. He could outwait them.

Finally, Qi-ge rallied his forces. “A’Yuan, who gave you that dog?”

“Nobody,” Shen Yuan shrugged one shoulder, “I found him by the park, and it didn’t seem like he had an owner. They checked if he was chipped at the pet shop, and since he wasn’t and my allergies weren’t reacting to him, I saw no reason not to keep him.”

Jiu-ge snorted inelegantly. “You actually expect us to believe that?”

Shen Yuan glared at him. “Well then, you tell me how I got him, since you know everything.”

“That kind of beast-”

“Stop calling him a beast!”

“-doesn’t just appear without somebody having ulterior motives!” Jiu-ge was all but growling, “And then you of all people found it? It has that bastard’s dirty prints all over it! Ugh, not wonder it worked on you, you’re just like that. ”

Shen Yuan was offended. He didn’t know what he was offended about, but he was definitely offended.

And Bingbing agreed, because tiny, almost inaudible growls were coming out of his throat, tiny vibrations traveling up Shen Yuan’s arm. He surreptitiously covered Bingbing’s snout, lest Jiu-ge decide to puff up and start hissing. Over a puppy that barely weighed four kilos soaking wet!

Another ticked box on his theory that Jiu-ge must have been a feral alley cat in a past life. The evidence so far was overwhelming.

Qi-ge, who had the patience a bodhisattva would envy, put a placating hand on Jiu-ge’s shoulder and turned to Shen Yuan with a smile. “So, nobody gave it to you? Or told you its… breed?”

“No,” Shen Yuan shrugged, “But the pet shop employee said he’s probably a Chowchow and Pomeranian mix, about nine months old, and very well behaved.”

“Then he ought to be fired with extreme prejudice,” Jiu-ge spat, “Since he clearly knows nothing.”

“And you know everything, as always,” Shen Yuan said in a tone so dry, the Gobi desert hid its face in shame, “Might the Great and Powerful Shen Qingqiu actually share what is it that he thinks he knows about this lowly one’s dog?”

Jiu-ge ground his teeth like the strength of his jaw was the only thing holding back some very hurtful words. But instead of actually spitting out something useful, he crossed his arms and glared at Qi-ge. “We need to tell him.”

“A’Jiu-”

“Qi-ge,” Jiu-ge said with a poison smile, “In case you haven’t fucking noticed, our baby brother has a fucking Hellhound on his lap!” Shen Yuan froze where he sat, and so did Bingbing, “We are past the point of keeping it a secret. He should have been brought up to speed years ago. That old bag of bones is dead, and you are the Director now. So put on your Big Boy pants, and fucking act like it.”

While Shen Yuan was trying to figure out where to even begin processing those sentences, Jiu-ge was already getting up with an off-hand ‘I need a fucking smoke’, leaving Qi-ge and Shen Yuan sitting in the wreckage of the bomb he just dropped.

Qi-ge sighed so hard he literally deflated, dropping his face in his hand. Shen Yuan wondered how much sleep he was getting, in between all the other thoughts pinging through his head.

They… knew? They had never told him. What else had they never told him-?

“A’Yuan…” Qi-ge sighed, “We might have… Not been entirely honest about what we do for a living.”

Shen Yuan said nothing. He did his best to think nothing. Qi-ge did not seem encouraged by his silence, but he seemed determined to press on.

“I don’t even know where to start,” he said, “And before I begin… Please understand Didi, we didn’t mean to hurt you by keeping it from you. Quite the opposite. This is a mess that… Technically my biological father started, and well… You and Meimei weren’t even born at that point, mother and father were doing their best to forget it had even happened and we didn’t want to drag you into it like we were.”

That perked Shen Yuan up. This was going to be a whole backstory, wasn’t it? Shen Yuan didn’t really know much about their mother’s first husband, only that he was a horrible bastard and a Grade A psycho. He had gotten their mother pregnant when she was 17 and then pressured her into marrying him. But Yue Bingchang was no fool, and the rose-colored glasses fell off pretty soon after the wedding. She divorced him about a year after her son was born, changed his surname in the registry and went back to her parents. There had been a restraining order involved, if the Aunties’ scandalized whispers were to be believed.

But even after she married Shen Guojun, the father of her other three children, the man continued to cause their mother trouble. Nobody actually talked to him about it, but Shen Yuan had overheard the family gossip around New Years after a bit too much wine. It was not pretty. And then there was that whole-

Oh.

“By ‘dragged into it’ you mean,” Shen Yuan hesitated, did some mental math, and decided he was probably right, “You mean when he kidnapped Jiu-ge?”

Qi-ge startled. “You know about that?”

Shen Yuan shrugged one shoulder. “The aunties like to talk. I caught the gist of it.”

Qiu Jianluo was not the type of man who let go of things gracefully. Upon learning his ex-wife had married another man and started a family with him he had been furious enough that he had literally broken into their house, shot the nanny and took both children away. 

Qi-ge had been ten, and he had to jump out of a moving car and run to safety. The fact that his supposed father didn’t even bother to turn around and actually get him back, simply made it off with Jiu-ge, made it clear this was about revenge, regardless of what Qiu Jianluo claimed. 

Shen Yuan didn’t know the details, and nobody was eager to tell him. All he knew was that Jiu-ge had spent two months with him, and to this day he still had nightmares about it.

“Well, that was the start of it,” Qi-ge barged on, “I’d rather not go into the particulars. But what you probably didn’t overhear is that the people who rescued him weren’t police officers. Ordinary police wouldn’t have been able to do much against him. But the case was publicized, and Cang Qiong institute reached out to us. It had seemed strange at the time, that a glorified museum would be able to do what every detective in China couldn’t. But Cang Qiong wasn’t just an institute that studied the history of myths and magic.”

Qi-ge reached into his inner jacket pocket and pulled out a long piece of paper. After a blink, Shen Yuan recognised it as a talisman.

He realized what was going to happen a split second before Qi-ge flicked the talisman in his direction. Shen Yuan clutched Bingbing closer to him reflexively, but the talisman burst into flame well before it reached him, scattering ash in the air.

In his arms, Bingbing was growling much, much louder. His eyes and huadian were glowing bright, demonic red.

Yue Qi leveled him with a cold look. “Cang Qiong is not just an institute. It is also the guild of demons hunters, exorcists and mages that guard the Human realm from malicious forces. Like demons.”

Shen Yuan spared half a thought that such a revelation would have been very cool, in slightly different circumstances. It was still very cool, admittedly, but Shen Yuan wasn’t feeling very charitable at the moment.

“Did you have to do that?” he glared at his eldest brother, then turned to Bingbing, “Shhh, shh, it’s okay. No need to be afraid, shhh.”

He petted Bingbing in long, calming strokes over his glowing forehead, scratching behind the ears every couple of passes. Bingbing thankfully calmed down quick and stopped growling like a jet engine, and though he continued glaring at Qi-ge he made no move to leave Shen Yuan’s lap.

Qi-ge looked like he had been caught entirely wrong-footed. “You… Don’t look surprised.”

“That’s because he already knew.”

A little clay saucer was thrown on the coffee table so hard it was a miracle it didn’t break. Shen Yuan blinked down at it, then paled when he realized it was the same one he’d used for the ritual. And that Jiu-ge realized it as well, because he came out of the shadows like a vengeful ghost, with an equally frightening look on his face. “He’s the one who summoned it.”

Qi-ge went pale. “A’Jiu, that’s-”

“The saucer is full of dried blood,” Jiu-ge said, his voice so cold it was eerie, “Probably his own. He’s the summoner.”

It was probably a good thing Qi-ge was already sitting down, because he looked like he didn’t have any blood left in his face. Before Shen Yuan could do anything about that, Jiu-ge came to stand before him, blocking his view. 

Shen Yuan had seen his brother do the whole intimidation routine before, on baristas who messed up his order, their dad’s business partners and random would-be muggers. Every single one of them had quailed in their boots, struck by the sudden certainty that this man could make their most painful fears come true.

Shen Yuan never thought he would get to appreciate how it felt to be on the receiving end of that glare. 

“Well?” Jiu-ge growled, “What do you have to say for yourself?”

Bingbing started growling back at the challenge. Shen Yuan gently laid a hand on his snout to quiet him, and finally had to look away.

“You know that ‘fake’ summoning manual you took from Shang Qinghua?” he said quietly, “Well, uh. It’s not fake.”

He peeked up at Jiu-ge, but his brother’s expression didn’t really change. Shen Yuan squeezed Bingbing a bit harder for courage.

“I didn’t- I didn’t think it would work. Like, even if it had looked like a proper anything, I didn’t know magic was real. I just- It was during the blackout, and my phone was dead, and I already had a bunch of Meimei’s candles and nothing better to do.”

Jiu-ge raised an unimpressed eyebrow. “And for lack of ‘anything better to do’, you decided to summon a demon?”

Not liking his tone, Shen Yuan straightened his spine and glared up at his brother. “Yes. Because I didn’t think it was real, since the only people who could have warned me about it didn’t think it necessary to tell me anything.”

Qi-ge flinched in the background, and even Jiu-ge looked a little shame-faced. He recovered quickly. “And where is that manual you used?”

Shen Yuan pointed at the right shelf. Jiu-ge followed his finger to the shelf, marched over and practically tore it down.

When he saw what it was, he looked like he’d just gotten smacked by a fish. “Is this a joke?”

“Obviously not,” Shen Yuan hooked his hands under Bingbing’s front legs and lifted him up a little in demonstration, “The Hellhound page is near the beginning.”

Jiu-ge looked at Shen Yuan, looked at Bingbing, looked down at the manual, then started flipping through the pages. Shen Yuan could tell when he made it to the Hellhound page when he turned green around the gills. 

“And this is what you summoned?” Jiu-ge turned the manual around to show the room at large the great slavering beast that took up full two pages, “This? In the middle of the fucking blackout when all the phones were down and there was no way to call for help, you sat down and decided to summon this?”

Nope, Shen Yuan thought, I decided to summon something worse. “But I got this,” he hefted Bingbing up demonstratively, feeling like he had failed to drive his point home, “So I guess I got really lucky?”

Jiu-ge looked at him for a long moment, and then something in him visibly snapped. Within three long strides, he rolled up the demon summoning manual, raised it up in the air and brought it down on top of Shen Yuan’s head with an echoing smack.

“You goddamn moron!” Jiu-ge screeched, punctuating each word with another smack to Shen Yuan’s head, “You complete blithering idiot! Have you not a single shred of self-preservation!? You could have died! You could have been eaten!”

“But I wasn’t!” Shen Yuan found the lungpower to screech back, in between squishing Bingbing before he managed to shake free and bite Jiu-ge, and forcing Jiu-ge back by planting both feet in his abdomen and pushing with all his might.

It was not a very dignified scene.

At some point Qi-ge managed to remember he was both the strongest and the eldest here, and physically dragged Jiu-ge away, who was still calling Shen Yuan the biggest idiot who had ever lived.

“A’Jiu, please,” Qi-ge sighed, “We still ought to check where such a manual came from.”

Jiu-ge stopped struggling at that, then got a look in his eyes that suggested Shen Yuan would be attending Airplane’s funeral soon. “I’ll get a talisman of Revelations.”

“You’re going to do magic?” Shen Yuan perked up, “Here?”

“Where else?” Jiu-ge snarked, then glared at Bingbing, “And get that thing away from me if you don’t want my hand to slip.”

Shen Yuan didn’t need to be told twice. He scooped up Bingbing and legged it to his bedroom, set him down on the bed and then knelt before him.

“Stay here,” he told the dog sternly, “Just until my brothers leave.”

Bingbing whined mournfully, his eyes huge and watery. Shen Yuan poked him on the nose.

“None of that now, ah, it’ll be fine. Jiu-ge just needs to lecture me a bit more before his heart can be at peace again,” Shen Yuan assured him, “And they promised they wouldn’t take you away. You’re all safe here. It will be fine, and I’ll be back in five minutes. You just stay.”

Bingbing did not look any happier, but ended up dragging his feet to Shen Yuan’s pillow and curling up into his best impression of a tribble. 

Sulky little baby, Shen Yuan thought with overwhelming fondness as he shut the door behind him.

He rather abruptly found out why Jiu-ge wanted Bingbing out of the room when he only just turned around in time to see Jiu-ge throw another talisman on top of the manual, then had to immediately cover his eyes because of the resulting flashbang.

“肏你妈!!!” he cursed, then started coughing his lungs out when the explosion was followed by red smoke that smelled… Weirdly like pork barbecue?

“Dammit, Jiu-ge! Couldn’t you have done this outside?” he said in between hacking, “I have a balcony for a reason!”

“This…” Jiu-ge said, sounding weirdly strangled, “Wasn’t supposed to happen.”

Shen Yuan checked that the bedroom door was closed, then all but threw himself at the windows and flung them all open. When the smoke had cleared a little he dared to look at his poor, probably ruined coffee table and the summoning manual, which was still throwing off smoke.

Both Qi-ge and Jiu-ge were looking down at it in mute, pale-faced horror.

“Shen Yuan,” Qi-ge said in his There Will Be Trouble™ voice, “Where did you say you got this manual from?”

“He didn’t,” Jiu-ge said tightly, “I gave it to him. After I took it from Shang Qinghua.”

The silence that followed made Shen Yuan light a candle in his heart for his poor idiot friend. “What does the red smoke mean?”

“It means it’s demon-made,” Jiu-ge said, “And a very, very powerful one.”

“One of the Demon Lords?” Qi-ge asked.

“At least. If Tianlang-jun wasn’t barely more than a sentient corpse…”

“Luo Binghe?”

“Probably,” Jiu-ge sucked in air through his teeth, “It could be connected to the reason he went missing. I swear, if that rat knows something he hasn’t been telling us I’m going to skin him alive and turn him into a throw rug!”

Shen Yuan came closer to the table and peered down at the manual. It had opened itself down the middle, and when Shen Yuan blew on the smoke, revealed the same drawing that had captivated him the night of the blackout.

Shen Yuan sneaked a look at Jiu-ge. He was grinding his teeth exactly the way his dentist told him to stop doing and looked like he was already planing to hang up a rug made from Shang Dong’s skin. 

“We need to go,” he said, “Call an emergency meeting. I want want everyone who knows anything about this lined up and interrogated. We need to resolve this situation before it blows up in our faces again.”

Qi-ge obediently pulled out his phone and started typing something on it. Jiu-ge took the manual with obvious reluctance, shook it a little to clear the residual smoke, then flipped it over to the Hellhound page.

“A’Yuan, get that beast in here,” he ordered, “I’ll dismiss it before we go.”

“Dismiss him? No!” Shen Yuan turned to him in outrage.

“Yes!” Jiu-ge waved the manual at him, “You have no idea how lucky you were that your magic core is too weak to summon something bigger than a barely weaned cub! We need to get rid of it before it gets any bigger and you stop looking like a master and start looking like a snack!”

Shen Yuan flinched. That thought may have crossed his mind before, but he would be damned if he gave Jiu-ge an inch now. “No.”

“A’Yuan-”

“You said you wouldn’t do anything to Bingbing,” he reminded his brothers, “In fact, you both gave your word. Are you really going to break it?”

Jiu-ge turned a rather amusing shade of puce. Seeing a meltdown fast approaching, Qi-ge hurried over and put a calming hand on his shoulder.

“A’Jiu-”

“Don’t you ‘A’Jiu’ me!” Jiu-ge slapped the offending hand off of him, “This is all your fault!”

“And I will accept responsibility,” Qi-ge said with admirable calm, “But we have bigger problems for now. Hellhounds have a very long lifespan, so A’Yuan’s,” he grimaced a little, “pet probably won’t be dangerous for a while yet, and he obviously performed the Imprinting spell correctly. The risk is minimal.”

Shen Yuan had no idea what an Imprinting spell was, but he was pretty sure he hadn’t done it. Not that he was going to admit it.

Jiu-ge still looked like he was going to get an apoplectic attack, but finally let out an impressive roar of frustration and stomped away towards the hall.

Qi-ge turned to Shen Yuan with a tired frown. “I’m so sorry about this, A’Yuan. We really- I wish we had handled this better. Or at least earlier. We were really hoping not to add this burden onto your shoulders.”

Shen Yuan frowned. “Why are you always assuming I’m not strong enough to handle it? Has it occurred to you that I don’t want to just be another burden on your shoulders?”

Qi-ge looked guilty again. “I’m so sorry.”

Shen Yuan sighed. It was an old, old argument, and there was really no need to be dragging it up and miring it in all these new and shiny arguments, so he decided to throw his brother a bone and wrapped him up in a hug.

“Hindsight is 20/20 and all that,” he mumbled into Qi-ge’s collarbone, the highest he could reach, “Just keep in mind I’m stronger than I look.”

Qi-ge said nothing, just engulfed him in a bear hug that was nevertheless always gentle. Shen Yuan tightened his arms as much as he could. Qi-ge liked to be hugged until he could barely breathe, which was a clear indicator he needed to be hugged more gently and far more often.

“Will you get a move on?” Jiu-ge yelled at them from the hall, “We have a meeting to attend!”

Qi-ge sighed and let go with clear reluctance. “Please take care of yourself, A’Yuan. And if there is any trouble, any trouble at all, please call us.”

“I will, I will,” Shen Yuan promised, mostly not lying. “Bye, Jiu-ge!”

“Shut up!” Jiu-ge yelled back, “And dinner’s in the fridge, make sure you eat it!”

When he heard the front door finally close behind the two Hunters, Luo Binghe let out a gust of air he had been holding in and slid down the bedroom door in a wrecked heap.

He’d done it. Shen Qingqiu had been right there, looking at him, and he hadn’t even realized it. He’d looked Luo Binghe with eyes full of that familiar frightening hate, and he couldn’t do anything about it. He’d been driven away, and Luo Binghe was fine. 

All thanks to Shen Yuan. His A’Yuan said to Binghe he’d keep him safe, and he’d… Actually done it.

No one had done that before. Not for Luo Binghe. Before, he had never had anyone strong enough to protect him his mother had tried so hard and it had killed her and then he was supposed to be strong enough that nobody had even thought to try.

Shen Yuan had looked at Luo Binghe’s worst nightmare, and had said ‘you will not touch him’. 

Luo Binghe needed to get himself under control and turn back into a dog before A’Yuan came to check on him, but his throat was too tight and his eyes were too blurry. His chest hurt with something he didn’t even know how to name and undignified sounds were trying to escape his throat, and he needed to get it together right now-

“Bingbing?” A’Yuan called out, and then his footsteps were approaching, “Are you okay?”

With a burst of willpower that surprised even him, Luo Binghe imposed his will over his blood and transformed just a heartbeat before the door opened.

A’Yuan took one look at him and immediately scooped him up. “Oh no, were you scared? Did that explosion scare you? Ah, Bingbing, it’s okay now, you’re all safe, shh, shh, everything is okay now.”

And just like that, Luo Binghe’s control was broken. His sobs sounded even more pathetic coming out of such a small throat, and the tears and the snot were absolutely disgusting. Luo Binghe was disgusted with himself, but he just couldn’t stop it.

But the entire time he cried, A’Yuan held him tight in his arms, cooing and petting. For the first time in his life, Luo Binghe felt truly safe.

Chapter Text

A few days after his brothers left, Shen Yuan was seriously considering taking Bingbing to the vet. 

His poor little puppy had been listless since Jiu-ge’s visit and yet stickier than ever. Shen Yuan could literally not go to the bathroom without Bingbing tagging at his heels, which his thin face could absolutely not handle. But even disappearing behind closed doors for less than a minute made Bingbing so anxious he started scratching at the door. The only way Shen Yuan could shower in peace was if he set a cushion on the washing machine and let Bingbing stay there while he washed. He was really, really lucky the grocery store-xiaojie liked him enough to turn a blind eye when he brought Bingbing into the store, because otherwise getting food would have been an impossible mission. The only thing Bingbing wanted to do was sit in Shen Yuan’s lap and occasionally whine for pets. Not even the dog park excited him anymore.

It was getting ridiculous! Not to mention worrying…

“Bingbing,” Shen Yuan tried to sound stern, “I know for a fact you are old enough to have developed object permanence. You know I am not disappearing when you can’t see me, and you know I will come back for you. So why all the dramatic stickiness?”

Bingbing couldn’t actually tell him, unfortunately, but he didn’t seem interested in actually listening to him either. He just curled up on Shen Yuan’s lap and pretended he was deaf and blind and Shen Yuan had to do literally everything for him. 

Granted, Shen Yuan didn’t mind very much, he actually liked taking care of someone for a change, but the convention was coming up soon and it did not allow for pets. Shen Yuan obviously couldn’t leave Bingbing alone, but he really didn’t want to miss the convention either. Gongyi Xiao was going with him, so he couldn’t babysit, Liu Mingyan would also be running one of the booths at the convention, and Airplane had much, much bigger problems on his hands (Shen Yuan had sent him a warning text that Jiu-ge was out for his blood about that summoning manual, and all he got in response was a string of hysterical emojis). So that really left only one person he could call.

Who was ringing his doorbell right now. Two hours early.

Well. Shen Yuan supposed that was his own fault, telling Meimei he had a very cute puppy neither of them would be allergic to.

“Gege!” Shen Haitang barrelled into him with all the speed and force of a wrecking ball. “Where’s the puppy!?” 

“Hi, Meimei,” Shen Yuan patted her on the back indulgently, “Nice to see you too, Meimei. I’m doing fine, thanks for asking, Meimei.”

Meimei pinched his waist, then pushed away so she could glare at him. “You better be doing fine! Do you have any idea how hard it is to smuggle unhealthy snacks into the hospital? All the nurses know to keep an eye on me by now!”

“And yet you always succeed,” Shen Yuan said solemnly, “I figured you like the challenge.”

She turned up her nose with an exaggerated pout. “And if you want me to do it next time, then pay up! Where Bingbing?”

Shen Yuan stepped aside. Bingbing, who had been stuck to Shen Yuan’s heels like glue, was suddenly exposed.

Meimei squealed so loud Bingbing flattened his ears to his skull, but to her credit, she didn’t move to touch him. “He so cute!”

“Be gentle,” Shen Yuan warned her, “He’s been shy lately. Jiu-ge scared him.”

Meimei nodded, not really paying attention. She knelt down on the floor and sat on her heels, then offered her hand. “Hi, baby! Hello! I’m your auntie Haitang! Come say hello?”

Bingbing looked at her, looked at Shen Yuan (who did his best to look encouraging), then cautiously started wagging his tail. Within a minute, Meimei had scooped him up and was quietly squeeing and cooing into his belly.

“This is the best day of my life!” she said, “I love you, Gege. You definitely my favorite brother. Aaaaah, he’s so fluffy I want to die! Ohmigod, his little paws are pink!”

Shen Yuan hid a smile behind the sleeve of his sweater as his Meimei continued to shamelessly lose her composure in the face of Bingbing’s unparalleled cuteness. “So I take it you won’t have any trouble watching him for a few hours?”

Meimei scoffed softly. “A few hours? Gege, you’ll be lucky if I don’t take him home with me.”

Bingbing let out a sudden, unhappy ‘murrr’ at her words, and squirmed until Meimei was forced to let him go, then scrambled behind Shen Yuan’s legs.

Meimei pouted. Shen Yuan allowed himself one supremely smug smile. 

“Don’t worry,” he patted her head, careful not to ruin her hairdo, “I’ll give you some puppy sticks so you can lure him back.”

“Gege is most generous,” Meimei deadpanned, but nevertheless got up and dusted her knees, “But just you wait and see, I’ll win him over soon enough!”

“Sure you will,” he said, “Come on. I’ll walk you through Bingbing’s schedule.”

There wasn’t much Meimei needed to know for a few hours of babysitting, just that Bingbing had to be fed dinner and then walked an hour after that. He didn’t really play with his toys, but he was very peculiar about where they were supposed to be (which was mostly lined up on the couch, where they could watch TV). He showed Meimei Bingbing’s brushes, how to brush his fur, and where Bingbing liked to be petted. 

“I feel like I’m babysitting your actual child and you’re suffering from separation anxiety,” Meimei remarked just as Shen Yuan was telling her which shows he and Bingbing watched together.

Shen Yuan gave her a flat look. “Weren’t you listening to me? Bingbing is the one with separation anxiety, and you need to know how to keep him occupied while I’m gone.”

Meimei rolled her eyes. “You’re going to a costume party-”

“It’s a cosplay convention!”

“-not going into battle. And Bingbing’s a puppy, I doubt he has the attention span to be lonely for too long.”

“He has a bigger attention span than you,” Shen Yuan retorted, then looked at the clock, “Just feed him and keep him occupied until after the judging, please. It shouldn’t take too long, but you have my number if something goes wrong. I need to start getting ready.”

He went away without waiting for more of Meimei’s heckling. First things first, he changed into a bathrobe, and then he had to put in his colored contacts. The character he was going for was a Heavenly Official, and of course was beautiful, prideful and powerful, and embodied elegance and poise. The design favored whites, blues and turquoise shades, with tasteful gold accents in the embroidery, and since he was going to need to wear contacts anyway, he usually put in poison-green ones. 

Then came the wig, hairstyle already set in a half-up topknot with bangs sloping in a wave down the sides of his face. It was a bitch to maintain so he usually didn’t bother with changing the hairstyle. It wasn’t like it was going to go out of fashion, anyway. Historically-inaccurate Xianxia hairdos were great like that. 

His skin was pretty good already, pale and blemish-free, but it could be better. Figuring that he had the time, and Meimei was already here, he stuck his head out of the bathroom.

“Can you do my makeup?” 

Meimei perked up like a bloodhound that caught the scent of its prey. “Can I also do your eyebrows?”

Shen Yuan thought about it. “Fine, but no plucking. I want them to actually grow back when the convention is done.”

“On my honor, razor only!” Meimei promised with a grin, then scrambled up to get the makeup kit, Bingbing suddenly forgotten. The poor puppy was looking at Shen Yuan like he didn’t recognise him.

Shit, maybe he didn’t? How good was canine facial recognition at this age? “Ah, Bingbing, it’s me! I just have my contact lenses in.” He crouched down and petted Bingbing. The puppy allowed it, at least, though he was still staring at him. “Aiya, will you even recognise me with the hanfu and the makeup? I promise it’s still me, even if I look scary.”

Bingbing whined a little, but it only took him a second to start cozying up to Shen Yuan again. Ah, this ridiculous little pupper! There was really nothing he wouldn’t stoop to just to get some extra kisses from Shen Yuan, was there?

“Gege!” Meimei yelled from the bathroom, “Get your butt in here if you want it to look pretty enough to win!”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes again (really now, who taught his cute little Meimei those words??) but dutifully went over and submitted himself to her machinations. Bingbing eventually wandered over to stare at him, so Shen Yuan pulled him into his lap so Meimei wouldn’t trip over him while she was laser-focused on Shen Yuan’s face.

“This is so not fair,” she grumbled once she was done slathering foundation on his face, “You wash your face with soap and you don’t even know what a facemask is, how is your skin so much better than mine?”

“Guess Jiu-ge’s cooking is good for something,” Shen Yuan shrugged.

“You mean for something other than making us all suffer?” Meimei muttered. On Shen Yuan’s lap, he could have sworn Bingbing snickered. 

After about an hour, give or take, Meimei finally let him up to go see himself in the mirror. And while the result was superbly done (Meimei didn’t obsessively watch makeup tutorials for nothing) there was one rather glaring flaw, particularly with the eyeshadow.

“I look like Jiu-ge,” he turned a gimlet eye on his Meimei.

“Well you said the guy you’re going for is a holier-than-though bitch who has the stick of elegance stuck up his butt 24/7-”

“That is not the way I put it.”

“-so I thought: ‘Hey, that sounds like Jiu-ge! This will be easy!’ And that’s what I did!” She waved her hands with a little ‘ta-da!’ sound at the mirror, “Come on, you can’t tell me the look doesn’t match the described personality.”

Shen Yuan pouted, because… Honestly? He could not. There was a reason he liked this character so much, even if it was horribly embarrassing, and his Meimei sussed him out in three sentences.

So he turned to Bingbing. “What do you think?

Bingbing looked at him, tilted his head at a 45° angle, tilted his head the other way (Meimei was valiantly trying not to squeal in the background), and finally made a face like Shen Yuan made the mistake of serving him Kibble again. Then he sneezed, which was adorable, but conveyed his sentiments well enough.

Meimei laughed at him. “I’ll take that as a compliment of my work.”

Bingbing sneezed again and refused to look at either of them. Sulky baby.

Once all of that was done, Shen Yuan changed into the million layers of silk and organza, and Meimei helped him tie all the ribbons holding the whole thing in place. Keys, wallet and phone went into sewn-in pockets in his billowing sleeves (which Shen Yuan was privately calling Qiankun sleeves). Then Gongyi Xiao was texting him that he and Lian-mei were in the parking garage, and would pick him up in about 15 minutes.

“I have to go,” he bent down and picked up Bingbing, “I won’t be gone long, just a couple hours. Meimei will keep you company until I return, okay?”

Bingbing whined and tried to hide in the crook of his elbow. Meimei just rolled her eyes and pulled Bingbing into her own arms.

“We’ll be fine, Gege, you go have fun.”

Shen Yuan, still somewhat reluctant, nodded. Then petted Bingbing some more. “If there’s any trouble, any at all-”

“I am capable of putting fires out by myself,” Meimei deadpanned, “And if it really does go to shit, I have your number.”

“Language,” Shen Yuan half-heartedly admonished her, “Alright. I’ll be back in a few hours. Promise.”

Bingbing still did not look happy, but at least he finally stopped looking like he was going to run out after Shen Yuan. He just set his head down in Meimei’s arms and looked resigned to his situation.

Meimei ended up having to physically push him out the door, but let the record state that Shen Yuan did get out of the house on time.

Which turned out to be a moot point anyway, because Gongyi Xiao texted him there had been some kind of fire in one of the buildings next to the main street, and the firefighting vehicles were blocking the road, so he had to go the long way around and would be late.

A master of waiting for other people to pick him up, Shen Yuan sighed, sat down on the street bench, and opened Zhongdian.

“Well, well, that’s not something I’ve seen in the last century.”

Shen Yuan’s head snapped up at the foreign voice, and then he proceeded to clap eyes on what his Meimei would pronounce ‘the most cougarish DILF in the world’, and Shen Yuan would call ‘Best damn cosplay in the world, where the hell did you get this material?’.

Shen Yuan blinked, to confirm his contacts didn’t have a really, really weird blot on them, but no. That really was a rather handsome man in his late forties (maybe older, going by the long streaks of gray at his temples) in very elaborate red and black robes standing before him. Not even Shen Yuan’s robes were that good, and he did not cut corners when he was making it! He looked like he was playing the villain in a high-budget Xianxia drama, but had wandered over on his break to see Shen Yuan.

“Hello,” Shen Yuan greeted, “Are you going to the convention as well?”

“Possibly. What is a convention?” the man asked, voice a smooth baritone with a hint of raspiness.

Shen Yuan blinked again. Looked at the man a bit closer. There was… something very odd about him. And also something… Familiar? Wait, had he seen that huadian design before?

The man was watching him in turn, and either Shen Yuan had to find out where he got his red contacts from-

Or something was very, very wrong.

“Ah, where are my manners?” Shen Yuan smiled and offered a little bow, “My name is Shen Yuan. Have we met?”

The man’s smile widened. Just enough to show he had fangs.

Suddenly, Shen Yuan remembered where he saw him.

“Oh, not in person, but my son and nephew had told me so much about you,” Shen Yuan ignored the shiver that went down his spine, “that I simply had to meet you. This one is Tianlang-jun, the Ruler Supreme of the Demon Realm.”

Yep. This was happening. This wasn't a cosplay like Shen Yuan's but the real demonic deal. Shen Yuan vaguely remembered seeing that name in the summoning manual, close to the page with Luo Binghe. His summoning circle was too complicated for Shen Yuan to even think about attempting.

It seemed that someone else had taken up the challenge.

“Ah,” Shen Yuan suddenly remembered his character had a fan and quickly snapped it open and covered his face, then bowed deeply “This humble one greets Junshang.”

“No, no, none of that,” Tinalang-jun waved a hand dismissively, “I’m not here on official business. I just came to see Young Master Shen. Get to know him.”

That did not help Shen Yuan’s anxiety. He really, really hoped the Emperor of the entire Demon Realm didn’t know Shen Yuan had attempted to summon his son. 

“May this- Ah, may I ask what prompted this… Curiosity?”

If possible, Tianlang-jun’s smile widened. “I’m told you’ve been taking excellent care of my son since he came to the Mortal Realm. This poor father was curious to see what kind of person could inspire such loyalty in such a fickle creature.”

“Your son?” Shen Yuan said, poker face straining at the seams but still holding, “Forgive me, but I don’t believe I ever met your son.”

“No?” Tianlang-jun raised an eyebrow, “Ah, right. He would be this big now,” he held his hands a little over a foot apart, “But he still has his mother’s curls, and his father’s huadian. Sound familiar?”

Shen Yuan looked down at Tianlang-jun’s hands, looked up at his forehead, and immediately went paler than a ghost.

“You mean Bingbing!?” he might have squeaked. A little. “Bingbing is yours?”

“Oh, you already have little pet names? How cute!” Tianlang-jun gushed, “Ah, but he’s not really mine. I’ve been a rather absent father, you see, and my son has grown up rather unfilial. I’m told that has changed since he’s been with you. Do tell me, how have you been finding him?”

Shen Yuan felt like he was spinning a roulette wheel of emotions and was somehow managing to feel all of them. He had, apparently , sort of stolen the Emperor’s dog, or at least he hoped he’d just taken a dog and that ‘son’ was a term of affection and not literal, but he did not know enough about to demons to be certain either way, and oh god, Bingbing really was smarter than most people Shen Yuan knew, did that really mean Tianlang-jun had-

That was when he hit the point of emotional saturation and his brain mercifully packed everything away, leaving him feeling remarkably sanguine about the whole situation. Sure, why not, his brain decided, This might as well happen.

“Bingbing has been a true delight to have,” Shen Yuan said, sounding exactly like a tutor praising a child to their parents, “Very sweet and well behaved.”

“Really?” Tianlang-jun managed to sound both skeptical and delighted, “That doesn’t sound like my son. He has a bad habit of chasing around anything with cute fangs and a plush rear, you see.”

Shen Yuan was absolutely not thinking about anything Tianlang-jun had implied here. Nope. Nope nope, antelope! “We haven’t had any trouble with that. If anything, he has been terribly sticky as of late. I’ve barely managed to leave the house without him today.”

Shen Yuan didn’t think old men who were also Demons and Emperors could look giddy, but he was learning all kinds of new things today! “Truly remarkable! I simply must get to know you better! You said you were going to a, what was it again?”

“A convention,” Shen Yuan said, then had a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad idea, “Ah, would you like to come with us? You would blend right in.”

“I would?” Tianlang-jun clapped his hands happily, “Ah, I’ve been told the fashion of the Demon Realm is not very appropriate in these parts.”

“It’s been coming around, especially at conventions like these,” Shen Yuan assured him, “Pretty much everybody there will be dressed like this.”

“You hear that, nephew?” Tianlang-jun suddenly turned around, “We don’t even need disguises! And we have a wonderful guide! This will be a delight!”

Shen Yuan bent to the side a little, finally catching sight of a slender figure in green who had, apparently, been hiding behind Tianlang-jun this entire time. “Oh, I’m sorry for not greeting you. Who might you be?”

The nephew was a willowy youth with green, slit-eyed pupils and- Oh dear, those weren’t fake snake scales glued to his cheeks, were they? His eyes widened upon being addressed, and his moon-pale cheeks turned a light shade of green. 

“This one is Zhuzhi-lang, Master Shen,” he bowed, hands primly clasped in front of him. He seemed sweet, despite being distinctly… Reptilian.

Since they were here on ‘unofficial’ business, Shen Yuan bowed back equally. “Pleasure to meet you.” 

The green in Zhuzhi-lang’s cheeks intensified. Huh.

“Isn’t my nephew cute?” Tianlang-jun gushed like an Auntie, “Say, would you like to take him in as well? He’s very loyal, unfortunately, but for Master Shen I think he could be persuaded.”

“Junshang,” Poor Zhuzhi-lang looked like he would have liked the ground to swallow him and return him to hell. 

Shen Yuan sympathized, honestly.

And then, like a knight in shining armor, Gongyi Xiao’s Mercedes pulled up to the curb with a short honk, and rolled down the window.

“Yuan-ge!” Gongyi Xiao rolled down the passenger side window, then did a double take at the number of people waiting for him, “You came with friends?”

“Yes!” Shen Yuan quickly said before Tianlang-jun could open his mouth, “These are- cosplaying as Tianlang-jun and Zhuzhi-lang. From-” fuckfuckfuckthinkofsomething “-Proud Immortal Demon Way! Yeah! And since they were going to the convention too I offered them a ride. I, uh, hope you don’t mind?”

Gongyi Xiao, not being a low-IQ cannon fodder, didn’t look like he believed a single word Shen Yuan said. But, also being a Good Bro (take notes, Airplane!) just nodded and unlocked the car doors. Shen Yuan lurched forward as smoothly as he could and pulled the rear doors open, and waved a hand in welcome.

Tianlang-jun looked intrigued at what was, presumably, the level of technology they didn’t have in the Demon Realm. Zhuzhi-lang looked much more skeptical, but in a polite way. He tugged his uncle back and shot a look at Shen Yuan, who did his best to look encouraging. Luckily, he’d gotten a lot of practice at that with Bingbing.

Sufficiently encouraged, Zhuzhi-lang collected the hems of his robes and got in the backseat. Only to immediately be faced with a wide-eyed Hua Lian.

“You’re a snake boy!” she shrieked with enthusiasm only four-year-olds could manage.

To his credit, though he cringed backwards a little, Zhuzhi-lang stayed in his seat. “Ah, half snake, yes.”

Shen Yuan’s smile froze on his face. Only partly because he was he thought it went without saying that they shouldn’t announce their demonic origins just like that, and maybe a little a lot because if Zhuzhi-lang was half snake, then did that mean-!?

Luckily, Hua Lian was uncommonly used to people in weird costumes saying weird things, so she just blinked. “What does that mean?”

“My mother was a Heavenly Demon, and my father was a Zhulong. So I am, technically, half snake,” Zhuzhi-lang said, and yep. It meant. His mom fucked a man-headed snake-dragon creature and Tianlang-jun- That meant Bingbing really was- Was his-

Nope. Not unpacking that, nope. 

Oblivious to Shen Yuan’s absolute crisis, Zhuzhi-lang continued with a little frown, “Though, I’m over 200 years old, I do not think I can be considered a boy anymore.”

“Nonsense! You’re only a proper man after you get married!” Tianlang-jun protested loudly, getting into the backseat with none of his nephew’s reservations, squishing poor Zhuzhi-lang closer to Lian-mei’s booster seat, and leaned over the divide towards Gongyi Xiao, “I’ve been doing my best to find him a proper spouse, but my unfilial nephew has fought me at every turn! Say, would you have any suggestions?”

He winked. Winked.

Shen Yuan, out of both wits and fucks to give, abandoned dignity altogether. He grabbed the trailing ends of Tianlang-jun’s robes, shoved them in the car (accidentally sending the Emperor of the Demon Realm and the father of his dog, what the fuck was his life sprawling face-first in between the front and back seats. Accidentally.) shut the door and scrambled onto the passenger’s seat as fast as his robes and wig would allow. 

“Let’s go, time’s a-wasting!” he clapped his hands with somewhat desperate enthusiasm, “We don’t want to be stuck waiting in line, do we?” 

Gongyi Xiao, who looked like his eyeballs were a second away from falling out of his face, jerked his head around, pulled into gear and hit the gas hard enough that Shen Yuan’s head hit the seat. The people in the backseat yelped and might have tumbled around a little.

They’d be fine. Two of them were demons, and Lian-mei was strapped in. They’d live.

“So, um,” Gongyi Xiao turned to him hesitantly, not even sure how to formulate the question.

Shen Yuan kind of wanted to pull up his legs and hide his face in his knees, but that would ruin his makeup, so he just sighed. And maybe slumped in his seat. A little. “He’s Bingbing’s- former owner. He seems amenable to letting me keep him, but,” he shrugged one shoulder and looked pleadingly at Gongyi Xiao, “I’m hoping not to give him a reason to change his mind.”

Gongyi Xiao’s face dawned with understanding. He looked at Tianlang-jun in the rearview mirror (who was currently waving his arms and cheerfully recounting a particularly bloody battle to an enraptured Lian-mei, so at least someone was having fun), sighed and nodded. “Alright. We’ve partnered up with weirder people for conventions before. If nothing else, we’ll definitely win in the Best Costume category.”

And that was why Gongyi Xiao was Shen Yuan’s best friend! Take notes, Airplane!

(Unbeknownst to Shen Yuan, his grateful smile was so enchanting Gongyi Xiao had to focus on the road very hard so he wouldn’t drive the car right off a bridge. Such were the perils of being friends with Shen Yuan!)

Despite all the disasters happening simultaneously in such a small car, Gongyi Xiao had managed to get them to The China International Animation and Game Expo (One od the biggest conventions in the whole of China! Usually held in Shanghai! Held in Beijing this year only!) in one piece. Finding parking this late was going to be a trial, so Gongyi Xiao told them to go on ahead, and he and Lian-mei would follow later.

A reasonable suggestion, and one Shen Yuan wholeheartedly agreed with. It would have given him the opportunity to fill the demon duo in on what was and wasn’t allowed while ‘in costume’, and also the fact that they were supposed to be in costume before unleashing them on the human population. 

Lian-mei disagreed.

“NOOOOOO!!!!” she screamed at the top of her lungs, “I DON’T WANT TO STAY IN THE CAR!!!! I WANT TO GO WITH XIZHILANG!!!” 

Apparently, during the ride to the convention, Lian-mei decided Zhuzhi-lang was the coolest thing since colored pudding cups and pronounced him her new best friend, which was the highest honor one could bestow upon a person. Tianlang-jun thought it was the most adorable thing he’d seen this century (and possibly performed some kind of demonic bonding ceremony when Shen Yuan wasn’t looking) and actively encouraged it. By the time it was time to actually get out of the car, Lian-mei had adopted him so thoroughly it was now considered an inter-realm war crime to separate them.

Placating did not work. Orders did not work. Bribery did not work. Zhuzhi-lang trying to melt into the ground did not work. Lian-mei was a four-year-old who had never in her life obeyed the word ‘no’ and she had no intention of starting now. 

After she threatened to start biting people to get her way, Tianlang-jun threw his head back and laughed uproariously. “Ah, Xiao Gongzhu, you sound like my late wife!” he said, then sighed wistfully, “She got just as bloodthirsty when things didn’t go her way.”

Sir, your wife was a Hellhound, stop making it sound like a good thing! Shen Yuan decidedly did not say that out loud. 

“Well, nephew, what are you waiting for?” Tianlang-jun nudged an elbow in Zhuzhi-lang’s ribs, “Be an gentleman and escort the Princess to the Colosseum, would you?”

“Convention center,” Shen Yuan muttered under his breath. How the fuck did Tianlang-jun even know what a Colosseum even was? That was all the way over in Europe, and they didn’t exactly have the internet in the Demon Realm! Though, Da Qin Empire did exist a pretty long time ago… Just how old was he!?

Gongyi Xiao didn’t look very happy at having to leave his baby cousin with two people he only met half an hour ago, but it really was the only way to get Lian-mei to stop screaming, and Shen Yuan assured him he’d keep an eye on them all.

Lian-mei then insisted on riding on Zhuzhi-lang shoulders with all the imperiousness of her new title. The poor boy was evidently resigned to his fate already, because he moved his hair over his shoulders and knelt down before Shen Yuan could even begin to dissuade her. Gongyi Xiao, looking equally resigned, took Lian-mei under her armpits and hoisted her up on Zhuzhi-lang’s shoulders.

“Thank you so much for your patience,” Gongyi Xiao smiled earnestly at the snakeboy-turned-packmule. 

Zhuzhi-lang, holding Lian-mei by her ankles and his face haloed by her bright pink ruqun, turned a little green around the cheekbones. But, being the very picture of a polite young man, he nodded and gracefully accepted Lian-mei’s gymnastics ribbon (also pink) and tucked it into his belt like it was a sword. “I will protect her to the utmost of my ability.”

That was, thankfully, enough for Gongyi Xiao to get back in the car. But it also left Shen Yuan alone with two demons, a toddler and an order to make them all behave. 

God help him.

“Well,” he cleared his throat, “If you will follow me, the convention is this way. I’ll explain the rules on the way.”

Chapter Text

Despite Shen Yuan’s very reasonable fears that a horrible catastrophe was going to happen in between the parking lot and the convention center, their little quatro made it there surprisingly intact. And the closer they got, the more they started seeing other people in costumes. And, of course, faced the perils every cosplayer in decent costume faced.

“Woah,” exclaimed a person in a wolfsuit, doing a double-take upon seeing Zhuzhi-lang, “That’s a damn fine fit, dude! Your scales are fantastic! ”

Zhuzhi-lang tried to turtle back into Lian-mei’s tulle underskirt at being addressed, clearly unused to people complimenting him so loudly.

Tianlang-jun had no such problems.

“Right? Isn’t my nephew adorable?” he gushed, and even took Zhuzhi-lang’s chin and pulled him closer to the wolf-person, “I worked hard on this face, wonderful to hear my efforts being appreciated!”

“You did it yourself? Kudos, man!” the wolfguy (well, probably a guy, cosplayers could be weird) leaned in to get a better look through the mesh in the wolf’s mouth, “This looks professional! What foundation did you-”

“Hey!” Lian-mei suddenly freed her ankle from Zhuzhi-lang’s grip and planted her tiny booted foot on the wolfguy’s snout, pushing him away, “Personal space!”

Wolfguy stumbled back a step, only now seeming to notice a tiny pink princess on Zhuzhi-lang’s shoulders, but then remembered his manners and bowed in apology. “Ah, sorry for my rudeness.”

“See that it doesn’t happen again,” Lian-mei said with all the haughtiness of an Empress, then graciously returned her ankle to Zhuzhi-lang’s hand.

“We should get going anyway,” Shen Yuan jumped in, “We still need to get ourselves signed up, and get our passes.”

“Ah, sorry for keeping you. I should get all my stuff too. See ya!” the wolfguy waved, then made finger guns at Zhuzhi-lang, “But seriously, great costume bro! The rest of you are great too, but you are superb! ”

“Thank you!” Tianlang-jun preened. Zhuzhi-lang tried, once more, to impersonate a turtle.

They finally got going and went to stand in line for the passes, since they had two unexpected additions that didn’t fill out the applications in advance. While Shen Yuan was quietly explaining to Tianlang-jun about makeup and special effects the wolfguy was referring to, he overheard Zhuzhi-lang quietly thanking Lian-mei for pushing the nosy cosplayer away.

“Of course,” she said, “Gege said you’d protect me, so I need to protect you too. That’s how it works.”

“This Zhuzhi-lang is honored by your regard,” he nodded, seeming to genuinely mean it. 

Shen Yuan was so used to nosy cosplay enthusiasts that it hadn’t occurred to him Zhuzhi-lang might be uncomfortable with the attention. After all, he wasn’t actually in costume. “Ah, if you don’t like people coming up to you like that, don’t worry. You can get an interaction badge.”

“What’s that?” Tianlang-jun asked.

“It’s a little pin you put on your clothes,” Shen Yuan indicated the size with his fingers, “They come in three colors. Green means anyone is welcome to approach and interact, yellow means only the people who know you can come, and red means nobody approaches you unless you approach them first. It cuts down on awkward conversations a lot.”

“Fascinating,” Tianlang-jun stroked his chin contemplatively, “And it applies to everyone?”

“Yes,” Shen Yuan nodded, “Not everyone will have them, but it’s a good indicator for who you can approach and who wants to be left alone.”

Tianlang-jun nodded. “So if I get a green badge…?”

Shen Yuan just sighed. “It means people will approach you for a chat, yes. Just remember: you are a character from Proud Immortal Demon Way, a Zhongdian webnovel that recently got pulled for publishing.”

“Yes, yes,” Tianlang-jun waved a dismissive hand, “I have been to the Human Realm in disguise before.”

“And how did that work out for you?” Shen Yuan deadpanned before his mind caught up with his mouth. 

Luckily, Tianlang-jun just laughed. “Poorly! But fear not, I am wiser now than I was before, and now,” he threw an arm around Shen Yuan’s shoulders and, ouch, squeezed, “We have a most generous guide! Isn’t that fortuitous, Zhuzhi-lang?”

“Very much so, Junshang,” Zhuzhi-lang loyally answered. 

“Happy to be of service,” Shen Yuan wheezed. Dammit, he was a fragile human! Have some consideration!

“Yuan-ge!” Gongyi Xiao once again came to the rescue, jogging up to their place in line. “Did everything go alright?”

“Yeah,” Shen Yuan casually shrugged off Tianlang-jun’s arm and opened up his fan again, “Everything alright on your end? Do you have your pass printed out?”

“Here,” he took it out, already on a clip, and attached it to his belt. He took out the other one and turned to Lian-mei, but found her a bit higher up than he was used to. Zhuzhi-lang was not exactly short. “Ah, could you just get down a little?”

Zhuzhi-lang, either misunderstanding or not trusting Lian-mei’s stability, kept his back ramrod straight and instead chose to get down on one knee in front of Gongyi Xiao. 

Next to Shen Yuan, Tianlang-jun said: “Hmmmm.”

Shen Yuan knew that ‘Hmmmm’. He knew it very, very well. When any of the Aunties made that ‘Hmmmm’ it was time to start running before they got you in their sights.

He hit Tianlang-jun on the arm with his fan. “Don’t even think about it.”

Tianlang-jun looked at him with an expression of complete and utter innocence.

Shen Yuan smacked him again, this time harder. “I mean it!” he hissed, “That kind of thing isn’t even allowed here!”

“We’re in disguise,” Tianlang-jun protested quietly, “Nobody knows we’re demons.”

“I meant-” Shen Yuan grit his teeth, then lowered his voice even more, “Two men together. It’s literally illegal here.”

Ironically, the problem wasn’t Gongyi Xiao’s… interest. He liked both men and women, which Shen Yuan found out about due to an extremely embarrassing situation wherein Gongyi Xiao misinterpreted Shen Yuan’s general cuddlyness for something more… romantic. Shen Yuan, who had no idea his friend swung that way, had probably not reacted as gracefully as he could have. Luckily, Gongyi Xiao had been understanding, and it was resolved and never mentioned again. 

Of course, now that Shen Yuan had had time to wrap his head around it, he fully supported his friend no matter who he chose, and he probably would go for Zhuzhi-lang. 

Though, he wasn’t sure Zhuzhi-lang would go for anyone, despite his uncle’s efforts. Poor dear looked like he would combust if anyone so much as took off a wrist guard. Possibly the only reason he hadn’t done so the first time a girl in a miniskirt had walked by was because he never took his eyes off the ground.

“Ah,” Tianlang-jun inclined his head, “So it’s one of those periods here. Don’t worry, it will pass. It always does. After all,” he sighed most unbecomingly, “True love always prevails.”

Shen Yuan smacked him again. This absolute weirdo just looked even more delighted by that.

“Erm,” Gongyi Xiao, who had been staring at them whispering to each other for way too fucking long, cleared his throat, “The line is moving.”

So it was. So it was. 

If this was how things were already going before the convention even started, Shen Yuan’s face wasn’t going to survive the day.

They managed to get passes for Tianlang-jun and Zhuzhi-lang without further incident, which Shen Yuan counted as a minor miracle and was appropriately grateful for. 

He wasn’t sure that miracle would actually last, though.

The thing was, by virtue of being the real thing, Tianlang-jun looked like he put professional cosplayers and special effects artists to shame. And because he had gleefully pinned a green interaction badge to his robes (‘accidentally’ baring his collarbone and chest a little more in the process) their little group couldn’t go two steps before someone came up to him and started sucking up so hard it was embarrassing. Worse yet, Tianlang-jun loved it. He had no shame and even less compunctions about outright flirting with whoever approached him, even if they were wearing something that could only be described as an octopus fursuit with a giant eye. 

(“This is not how I expected to see Xanathar worshiped in these modern times, but I am fairly certain he wouldn’t complain,” Tianlang-jun opined. Shen Yuan took that sentence and buried it somewhere deep under the bed, to be excavated never .)

Thankfully, cosplayers and even regular convention goers barely batted an eye at someone ‘staying in character’, and even more insistent cosplay enthusiasts were willing to accept Tianlang-jun’s excuse of ‘it’s a secret’, in spite of (possibly because of) the accompanying wink and a flirtatious smile. 

“Is he always like this?” Shen Yuan whispered to Zhuzhi-lang after the fifth (sixth?) group of convention-goers stopped them for selfies. One of them, a teenage girl in a Japanese schoolgirl uniform, was gleefully explaining cameraphones to him in detail. Shen Yuan had been worried she would be suspicious that Tianlang-jun didn’t even know what a touchscreen was, but she just called him ‘more ancient than my grandpa’ and proceeded to explain her iPhone like she really was introducing new technology to her 90-year-old grandfather. Her friends, dressed all the same but in different wigs, chimed in every few sentences with more in-depth details.

They hadn’t moved from that spot for the last twenty minutes. 

“Yes,” Zhuzhi-lang said tiredly. 

Shen Yuan patted him on the shoulder in sympathy.

Lian-mei eventually batted her heels against Zhuzhi-lang’s chest. “I’m booooored. Aren’t you done already?”

“In a minute,” the schoolgirl cosplayer waved a dismissive hand at her, not even looking in her direction, and continued to explain intricacies of social media to an enraptured Demon Lord.

“We can go get some boba tea while they finish,” Gongyi Xiao hurried to assure Lian-mei before she exploded, “Zhuzhi-lang, would you like something as well?”

Zhuzhi-lang frowned. “I need to stay with Tianlang-jun.”

“Don’t worry about him,” Shen Yuan waved a hand, “They’ll be at it for a while. Go get something to drink. To food court is right over there, you can still see us if you lean over. I’ll stay and babysit.”

Zhuzhi-lang didn’t look convinced. “What if he gets bored and wanders off before we come back?”

How he managed to say that about a middle-aged man with a straight face, Shen Yuan would never understand. He also couldn’t say it wasn’t correct, after knowing Tianlang-jun for less than an hour. 

Gongyi Xiao pulled out his phone. “If Shen Yuan will stay with him, we’ll just text each other where we are. And even if your uncle does get lost, the convention center isn’t that big. We can find him over intercom, and the convention crowds are generally a helpful bunch. He’ll be fine.”

Zhuzhi-lang still didn’t look happy about it, but Lian-mei tugged on his braids and whined perfectly on pitch (she had a lot of practice), so he sent one last woeful look at his uncle, then turned to Shen Yuan. “Master Shen, this one would owe you a great debt if you were to look after his Lord while he was gone.”

Shen Yuan straightened his back slightly and opened his fan. “I assure you, nothing bad will befall your Uncle while he is here. I’ll keep him safe and ensure he doesn’t wander off too far.”

That did the trick, even if by a thin margin. Gongyi Xiao had to steer him away by the elbow, gently but insistently steering him towards the food court, and Zhuzhi-lang looked like he was going to cry for a second there, but he was a demon. If he was letting himself be bullied into walking by one and a half humans, then that was willingness enough.

“Master Shen!” Tianlang-jun called out, “You simply must come and see this!”

Shen Yuan sighed, but he was a man of his word. He went.

What Tianlang-jun wanted him to look at were memes. And not even good memes, but the vapid, unimaginative trends the tweens these days were mindlessly repeating without an once of self-awareness. Shen Yuan was biting his tongue by the third swipe, reminding himself that these girls were younger than his Meimei and they would definitely start crying if he tore into them Peerless Cucumber style.

Tianlang-jun, to nobody’s surprise, thought these were the height of human art. Shen Yuan prayed to whichever god was listening that nobody thought to show him Cocomelon.

“Hey, um,” one of the girls snapped him out of his spiral, then raised her cameraphone, “Your costume is great too. May I-?”

Back on familiar territory, Shen Yuan nodded and struck a dignified pose. 

“No, no, no!” the girl immediately protested, “Do that face like- You know, ‘If it wasn’t for the law of this land’-” Shen Yuan glared at her. “Yeah, that one! And Tianlang-jun stand next to him in that pose- Perfect!”

(A few minutes after taking the perfect photo, she published it on Weibo. A few minutes after that, Wei Qingwei’s facial recognition webcrawler would send a notification that one of the Institute employees had appeared on an account not in their database, and that damage control was needed. However, Shang Qinghua was usually in charge of managing their social media disasters, but he was missing at the time, so it would be a couple hours before Qi Qingqi thought to check if the crawler had caught him, only to spit her tea all over her screen upon seeing what appeared to be Shen Qingqiu about to be tackled by an enthusiastic Tianlang-jun. Which was at least good news for Shang Qinghua, because finding him suddenly became the last thing anyone was thinking about.)

“Thank you so much!” the girl clapped her hands cutely and bounced a little in a bow. “We’ll stop taking up your time, ah! Enjoy the rest of the convention!”

Finally, the girls leaving in a cloud of colored hair and girlish giggles, the two of them were left at the mercy of all the other convention-goers that were not hiding the fact that they wanted a piece of that Demon DILF ass. 

Deciding that his sanity would not survive that, Shen Yuan made an executive decision and grabbed Tianlang-jun by the elbow. “You know, one of my friends has a booth here, and I think her literature is just to your taste. Come on, I’ll introduce you.”

Liu Mingyan took one look at Shen Yuan, puffing and panting, and the absolute slab of demon muscle in fantastic ‘cosplay’ he’d been dragging away from anything shiny the whole way here, and immediately pounced on him like a kid on a giant New Years present.

“Yuan-ge, would you like a chair?” she offered sweetly, “How about your friend? Might I have a name?”

“He’s Tianlang-jun,” Shen Yuan all but gasped, “I’m babysitting him, and I need something to keep him occupied until his nephew returns.”

Despite how utterly batshit that sentence sounded, Mingyan’s only reaction was a delicately raised eyebrow. “And you came to my booth for that?”

“Yes,” Shen Yuan said, face completely blank. This was Liu Mingyan, and he knew exactly what she was selling here, but he was all out of fucks to give by that point. If she thought he’d gone insane, well. She wouldn’t be that far off. But she wasn’t the kind of girl who liked normal, so it all worked out.

Mingyan’s eyes crinkled at the corners, her facemask and purple veil of her cosplay hiding the rest of her mischievous smile. “I see. Would the honored king like to peruse my humble wares?”

Tianlang-jun’s expression matched hers almost perfectly. “Don’t mind if I do.”

Ten minutes later, when Gongyi Xiao and Zhuzhi-lang followed Shen Yuan’s directions to Liu Mingyan’s booth, they found the Emperor of the Demon Realm sitting cheek-to-cheek with a very beautiful young woman, both of them avidly reading a book with a blazing 18+ sign on the cover.

Gongyi Xiao took one look at them and immediately covered Lian-mei’s eyes and whisked her away, despite her protests.

“I would apologize for turning your uncle into a Fujoshi,” Shen Yuan said tiredly before Zhuzhi-lang even opened his mouth, “But I figure it’s a good way of making him sit still in one place for extended periods of time, so-”

“It is quite alright,” Zhuzhi-lang assured him, “Junshang has been fond of such novels long before he came to your festival. That you have taken his…” he made a face, “literary tastes with such calm does you credit.”

Shen Yuan scoffed elegantly. “I’ve been Airplane’s Beta reader for half a decade now, and I was the one who made Mingyan’s work actually readable. There is literally nothing that surprises me anymore.”

“Fei…Ji?” Zhuzhi-lang tilted his head.

“Shang Qinghua,” Shen Yuan said, suddenly connecting the dots, “He works at the same institute as my brother, you might have heard of him. Ah, you might actually know my brothers as well. I’ve been told they work with demons such as yourself.”

The look on Zhuzhi-lang’s face was indescribable. He looked like he was trying to juggle three different revelations and eight contrasting feelings with a limited number of facial muscles and was failing spectacularly.

Shen Yuan suddenly remembered that Qi-ge also mentioned demon hunters. Qi-ge was allergic to explanations on a good day, but Shen Yuan should have inferred some things from the title alone. Preferably before he opened his mouth, but alas. “Ah. I take it they forgot to mention the relations between the institute and demons aren’t… Overly positive?”

Zhuzhi-lang blinked. With both sets of eyelids. “No.”

“Ah,” Shen Yuan idly fanned himself just a little faster, “My apologies, in that case. My brothers weren’t overly forthcoming with the details, even when they finally deigned to tell me what their day job was. Or even some fundamental truths about humanity not being alone in this world.”

“Master Shen… Did not know about demons before he summoned…?” 

“Ah,” Shen Yuan lifted his fan to cover his face better, “Would you judge me terribly if I said that I’d been fairly certain the manual I was using was fake? The lights were out and I already had a bunch of candles lit…” he winced a little, “Aiya, it sounds even more stupid when I’m saying it to an actual demon, but you were right. My brothers knew, but they are quite a bit older than myself and our sister, and they’re horribly overprotective. I only found out they knew as well after I already summoned Bingbing.”

“Your brother is… Shen Qingqiu?” Zhuzhi-lang asked cautiously, “And he saw Dianxia with you?”

Dianxia was presumably Bingbing. Shen Yuan refused to think about it any more than that. “Yes, and while he wasn’t happy about it, I made him swear he wouldn’t harm Bingbing in any way. He’s very good at keeping his word, even when he doesn’t like it. Bingbing is safe with me.”

For some reason, that made Zhuzhi-lang look at him like Shen Yuan had just performed a miracle in front of his eyes and he was still incorporating that into his worldview. Shen Yuan had already gathered that Jiu-ge had a reputation in certain circles (he had a reputation in purely human circles at that, and he couldn’t imagine it was any better in the Demon Realm), but he was really wishing he’d asked more questions when he still could. He had a feeling Zhuzhi-lang had taken away something completely different from the same conversation, but it wouldn’t do to reveal the actual extent of his ignorance and ask for clarification. 

Oh well. The only was out was forward. 

“And anyway, I can’t imagine the relationship between humans and demons is quite that dire,” Shen Yuan waved his fan in Tianlang-jun’s direction, “After all, you two are here, and I’ve noticed you have no problems just walking around without any actual demon hunters jumping out of the woodwork.”

Zhuzhi-lang grimaced. “I had noticed that as well. That is… Rather unusual. We were not meant to stay here for long, or be so visible. Someone from the Institute should have raised the alarm already.”

Shen Yuan frowned. “What happens when the alarm is raised?”

“The location of the demons is ascertained, then surrounded and a barrier is raised,” Zhuzhi-lang explained, “The hunters battle the demon to weaken and trap them, then the exorcists banish them back to the Demon Realm.”

Shen Yuan winced. “That sounds… Unpleasant.”

“It is.”

“And this happens every time? Even if the demon in question isn’t doing anything bad?” 

Zhuzhi-lang blinked at him with both sets of eyelids. “Yes. That’s the way it’s always been.”

Shen Yuan, who had written several college seminars eloquently spitting on the idea that something should be perpetuated without question simply because it was labeled as ‘tradition’, to the point he had very nearly been reported to the relevant authorities, very loudly scoffed at those words.

“Well, perhaps it is high time for that to change. Humans and demons can coexist, as we have amply shown just today. Your Emperor clearly likes it here,” he waved a hand in Tianlang-jun’s direction casually, where he and Mingyan were engaged in a vivid debate that would have combusted Gongyi Xiao’s ears to hear, “Diplomacy has been started on more tenuous grounds. On the human side, the Institute seems to be the relevant authority in this debate. My brothers have already made peace with the fact that I’m keeping Bingbing, so they’re not completely unreasonable, and I’m sure Yue Qingyuan would be open to diplomacy. He’s always been a peacemaker.” Shen Yuan continued, oblivious to the dark clouds suddenly covering Zhuzhi-lang’s face, “We just need to have something everyone wants at the negotiating table. Peace and friendly relations with your neighbors are usually necessary for prosperity, so if you can’t appeal to your court’s desire for peace, I suppose you can appeal to their greed. Surely the human realm has things the demons would want?”

Zhuzhi-lang looked like he’d just washed out his mouth after taking an unwitting sip of vinegar, but after a second he did look thoughtful. “The Demon Realm has always been rich in mineral and metal resources that humans have found valuable, and the Human Realm is by far more fertile than the Demon Realm. Our landscape has been described as inhospitable at best before, and attempts at starting an agricultural society have failed. Raids on the Human Realm have been largely unsuccessful for nearly a century now, since humans have made advanced weaponry. Trading human crops and livestock for Demon Realm materials would indeed be an attractive proposition to some leaders.”

Tianlang-jun punctuated Zhuzhi-lang’s statement with a delighted laugh. Zhuzhi-lang’s pointed ears drooped a bit. “Though, Junshang would be much less interested in crops and more in the scandalous writings.”

Shen Yuan patted him on the shoulder. “Well, if there is one thing the Human Realm has in spades, it’s dirty novels. I think convincing Tianlang-jun will be the easiest part. Especially if we show him the rest of the internet.”

Zhuzhi-lang tilted his head. “What is the internet?”

So that was how the first attempt at inter-realm diplomacy went: Shen Yuan showing Zhuzhi-lang the internet (with the VPN and with the Safe-search firmly on) and Liu Mingyan showing the filthiest things humanity had to offer to Tianlang-jun. They attracted customers to her booth just by being a pair of very pretty cosplayers in fantastic outfits (though a worrying amount of people asked if he was one of the characters in the doujins on offer), but Tianlang-jun’s enthusiasm was outright infectious. Mingyan made him a deal to give him a copy of everything she had as payment, and thus became his new favorite human and he her number one salesman.

“The Human Realm has become so fascinating since the last time I visited,” Tianlang-jun sighed wistfully, “At this rate, I’ll never want to leave.”

Mingyan, at this point resigned to the fact Tianlang-jun was staying ‘In Character’ more or less permanently, patted his shoulder. “I felt the same after my first convention. Gege had to drag me out by my ankles, kicking and screaming. But these conventions repeat every year, though they’re usually held in Shanghai. If you can take a few days off, it’s worth the trip.”

“Hmm,” Tianlang-jun scratched his chin in thought, “We burned through our contracts in this city just to meet my son-in-law today, and they won’t hold much longer. And forming a more permanent contract is a disaster without someone reliable on the other side. Though,” he eyed Shen Yuan with a rather worrying look, “I suppose it bears looking into now.”

Mingyan frowned. “Does that mean you need to leave soon? The convention is set to last for two more days.”

“Really? That’s a shame,” Tianlang-jun sighed, “But… Hmmm, you said your name was Liu? Any relation to Liu Qingge?”

“He’s my brother,” Mingyan admitted, ignoring Shen Yuan’s frantic gesturing for her not to do that , “But I don’t think you’ll have much luck contacting me through him. Hold on, I’ll write down my phone number,” she snatched one of the doujins she set aside for Tianlang-jun and went hunting for a pen, “You can contact me directly. I’ll let you know if I run any other tables on the next convention.”

“Excellent!” Tianlang-jun clapped his hands happily, “Xiao Gongzhu, you know how to use these Eye-phones for the summoning ritual?”

Lian-mei, who had since migrated back into her beloved Xizhi-lang’s lap and was showing him her favorite apps, looked up. “It’s called Facetime, but yeah.”

“Perfect! I’ll be relying on you for instructions.”

Shen Yuan wasn’t certain if phones would even work in an entirely separate realm of existence, but he figured they could only find that out by actually trying. He was pretty sure there was even a smartphone store somewhere around here, and he really ought to get Tianlang-jun his own phone before he snatched one from an unsuspecting passerby. He wondered if his brothers would object if Shen Yuan added him to their family plan. 

Probably. It depended if they even checked all the members on the family plan. Including cousins, the Shen clan wasn’t exactly small. They probably wouldn’t even notice!

“Yuan-ge!” Gongyi Xiao came running up to them, “We need to get registered for the contest!” 

“Contest?” Tianlang-jun perked up like he’d smelled blood, “You wouldn’t happen to be talking about the costume contest Xiao Gongzhu mentioned?”

“The very one!” Gongyi Xiao confirmed, “Would you like to register as well?”

“Of course!” Tianlang-jun struck a pose that was less dignified and more ‘new idol seducing their fans like their paycheck depended on it’, “I have been told I have excellent chances of winning.”

“Well,” Gongyi Xiao eyed him a little like a prey animal would eye a tiger. Was that blush on his cheeks!? “But you can’t just walk like you’re on a fashion show runway, you have to do a skit. You know, a little performance in character for your costume? I usually do a sword dance and Yuan-ge does the storm-summoning dance.”

“Hmmm,” the demon lord looked contemplative, “Does it have to be a dance? I must admit I’m more skilled with an instrument than on my feet,” he giggled a little self-deprecatingly, “They have a bad tendency to fall off if I overdo it.”

Fall off? Shen Yuan guessed Tianlang-jun was older than he looked, if his knees could outright dislocate if he danced too hard. You’d thing big bad demon lords would be spared the indignity of aging, but apparently not. “It doesn’t have to be a dance, just a performance. You could give a speech, or do one of the scenes from the source material,” which could be anything, since in his case the source material didn’t exist, “And if you can find an instrument, you can play it, you just need to keep it under a minute so the other performers have time to go on stage. But if you have some more elaborate performance planned, the stage is over there, so you can figure out the entry and the exit.”

Shen Yuan pointed a folded fan to the circular podium that took up half the hall. One quarter was blocked out by curtains, to make it appear more like a proper stage the performers could go in and out of, with stairs on the side and the back, so the exits and entrances could be customized as well. 

Tianlang-jun appeared very interested in the makeshift stage. “I see… And you said it can be an acting performance?”

“Yep,” Shen Yuan said as he was filling in the registration form for himself. As soon as he handed it in to the Touhou lady in the makeshift booth he took another form and wrote Tianlang-jun’s name, “What do you want me to put you down as?”

“Hmmm?” Tianlang-jun seemed to only now notice the paperwork, and the lady handling it, “Say, can multiple people perform?”

“At once?” the Touhou lady shrugged, “Sure, as long as you don’t, like, break the stage or something. But bear in mind that the winner is decided by audience vote, and no matter how good your costumes are, they will tear you apart if you do something out of character or someone else’s performance is not up to standard. People usually go on alone or in pre-prepared pairs for that reason.”

“Oh, I have full confidence in my co-actors!” Tianlang-jun threw an arm around Shen Yuan’s shoulders with a big grin, “There is that scene where the Demon King and his henchman kidnaps the human princess while her guards rush to stop them, you know the one? We have all the people we need for it!”

Shen Yuan blinked. “Wait, that’s- Four people and one little girl, are you sure that’s what you want to do?” he turned to the Touhou lady, “Can we even do it?”

She shrugged again. “Like I said, as long as you don’t break the stage, so just don’t jump around too much.”

At a loss, Shen Yuan turned to Gongyi Xiao, who shrugged helplessly. “Lian-mei would be thrilled, so it’s fine with me.”

“Perfect!” Tianlang-jun, if possible grinned even harder, “Just one more thing, my beautiful lady: you wouldn’t happen to have something sharp on you?”

“Sharp?” She blinked, “I… have nail scissors?”

“Acceptable,” he held out a hand, and she dropped a tiny pair of scissors into them, “I’ll give them back in a moment, I just have a leeeetle adjustment to make.”

As Tianlang-jun absconded with his ill-gotten gains behind the stage curtain, Shen Yuan had a horrible, horrible premonition. “You better not make a thigh slit on your robes!” 

“No promises!” Tianlang-jun yelled back.

Chapter Text

Tianlang-jun made a thigh slit on his robes, including the seams on his trousers and also the front of his robes. The only thing saving his modesty (whatever of it was left) was the fact that he, apparently, also wore knee-high leather boots with about a hundred leather straps going up to his thighs. Shen Yuan was so appalled by the man’s lack of decorum, that he must have been staring at the pale flash of skin for over a minute before he noticed that those leather belts weren’t just for decoration, but were cleverly designed to just look like kinky decoration while actually supporting a skeleton of dark-metal poles going up the sides of his legs. 

So. Maybe that joke about his legs falling off wasn’t entirely a joke. But Shen Yuan supposed it would be rude to ask.

“Like what you see, Master Shen?” Tianlang-jun cocked a his flirtatiously and waggled his eyebrows. 

Shen Yuan hid his expression behind a fan. “The only thing this master sees is why poor Zhuzhi-lang is going prematurely gray.”

Tianlang-jun, predictably, threw his head back with wild laughter. “Indeed, indeed! I am aware of my faults! This is why I have endeavored to find him a spouse! I know Honorable Master Shen is already spoken for, but perhaps-”

Shen Yuan, despairing that he was getting used to this, smacked him with a fan. “Not happening.” 

Tianlang-jun pouted. Pouted. Even worse, he recognised that pout. It was the same face Bingbing made when ever Shen Yuan forbid him from doing something, just on a human face, but it was distinct enough that it was the same exact pout.  

But that was a thought that was not allowed, so he hastily swept it under a rug and did the same thing he did with Bingbing: turned around and pretended he couldn’t see it. 

Luckily, Lian-mei distracted him by demanding a better role in Tianlang-jun’s little impromptu play. And also that, if she absolutely had to be the kidnapped princess, then it was going to be Xizhi-lang who did it. Tianlang-jun was magnanimously agreeing to compromise, though his giant grin was undermining him a little. Gongyi Xiao, the very picture of agreeableness being a curse, was attempting to write down a step sequence for their play (which was getting a bit out of control). 

As yet another example of the curse, Zhuzhi-lang had once again been saddled like a noble steed (or maybe an ordinary work horse, considering the multiple plastic bags filled with Mingyan’s works hanging off his elbows) so Lian-mei could argue with his uncle, which he did with an enviable amount of dignity, despite the fact that Lian-mei was literally standing on his shoulders so she could look down her nose at Tianlang-jun, keeping balance only by the virtue of her very expensive gymnastics lessons.

Shen Yuan wondered if he should intervene, but decided against it. They both looked like they were having fun, and even if she fell, Liu Mingyan was right behind Zhuzhi-lang. She’d catch her if she fell backwards, and Tianlang-jun was close enough if she fell forward. She’d be fine. 

Liu Mingyan was also invited to for the ‘kidnapping’, which made Gongyi Xiao look at his poor chart in despair, but she had to decline, since there was no one yet to replace her at the booth. 

“Next time, then,” Tianlang-jun said, still grinning, “I hate to leave such a beauty behind, but a princess is a far more valuable hostage, I’m afraid.”

Mingyan stifled a laugh. “I shall take my freedom as a consolation prize, then,” she turned to Lian-mei and bowed respectfully, “I wouldn’t dream of trying to overshadow her highness.”

Lian-mei puffed up like a little pink bird, then bent down (nearly overbalancing Zhuzhi-lang in the process) and patted Liu Mingyan’s head. “Don’t worry, you can be the kidnapped princess next time, and I will be the one to rescue you.”

Tianlang-jun slapped a hand over his mouth and nearly choked himself trying not to burst into laughter. Liu Mingyan graciously inclined her head. “Xiao Gongzhu is very generous.”

“Of course I am,” Lian-mei straightened back up and crossed her arms self-importantly, “A princess is supposed to be wise and ben- Bene-”

“Benevolent,” Gongyi Xiao helpfully whispered.

“Bene-volley-net,” Lian-mei said. Tianlang-jun was turning purple at that point. 

Shen Yuan left them to it and snuck off a little ways away so he could pull out his phone and maybe check how his actual Meimei was faring, and if poor Bingbing hadn’t expired from sheer pining. Nobody would miss him for five minutes.

That plan was derailed when he noticed he had sixteen missed calls. From Jiu-ge. On top of ten from Qi-ge.

“What the fuck?” he blurted out, then hastily hit redial. “Who died?”

“DIDI!” Jiu-ge screamed into the speaker so fucking loud Shen Yuan had to hold the damn phone away from himself or go deaf, “WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU!? ARE YOU HURT???”

“Where- At the convention centre!” Shen Yuan said, bewildered, “I told you! That’s today!”

“I DON’T CARE WHERE YOU ARE, GET OUT OF THERE! NOW!” Jiu-ge continued screeching, “Just get out! Run!”

“Wh- Why!?” Shen Yuan said, “What’s going on-”

Before he could finish that sentence the phone was plucked out of his hand by Tianlang-jun. He offered Shen Yuan a placating smile and put the phone to his ear. “Elder Master Shen.”

Shen Yuan tried to grab the phone back, because Jiu-ge was going to have an aneurysm if he didn’t calm him down, but Tianlang-jun wasn’t a Demonic Emperor for nothing. He held Shen Yuan back with just one hand on his chest like he was a weak kitten.

“Hello, Elder Master Shen,” he said into the phone cheerfully, “There is no need for such theatrics, Young Master Shen is perfectly safe with us.”

Shen Yuan could swear he could hear Jiu-he having an apoplectic attack on the other side of the phone, so he twisted around and tried to grab his phone back from the other side, except Tianlang-jun also turned out to be well familiar with the Keep-the-toy-out-of-reach-of-younger-sibling game, because he just wrapped his other arm around Shen Yuan’s waist and picked him up like a sack of potatoes in between his arm and hip. 

“You have my word he won’t come to any harm under my care,” Tianlang-jun said into the phone cheerfully, the effect of which was immediately nullified by adding: “After all, he’s my son-in-law now! We’ll take good care of him.”

“Your what!?” Shen Yuan spluttered at the same time as Jiu-ge screeched loud enough even Tianlang-jun cringed, though he recovered quickly.

“Well, future son-in-law,” he admitted, “My useless son hasn’t planned the ceremony yet, but I’m sure I could light a fire under his unfilial tush. Which I’ll be doing now. Don’t worry Elder Master Shen, I’m sure you will be invited to the wedding itself.”

Shen Yuan twisted himself around to try and unbalance Tianlang-jun and get him off the damn phone before Jiu-ge really did get a heart attack, but the damn demon was steady as a rock. Not stable enough on his feet to dance, his ass!

“Don’t just stand there!” he yelled at the rest of their party, who were just staring at them with various levels of gobsmacked (Gongyi Xiao), exasperated (Zhuzhi-lang) and delighted (Liu Mingyan), “Help me!”

Gongyi Xiao, bless his heart, lurched forward to do just that, but Zhuzhi-lang stopped him with a hand on his arm and said something to him. Gongyi Xiao accepted Lian-mei from Zhuzhi-lang, much to her displeasure, but it freed up Zhuzhi-lang to hopefully come to Shen Yuan’s rescue.

“My, Elder Master Shen, I’m flattered,” Tianlang-jun kept talking, “But I’m a married man, you know! I can’t take you up on on your offer, though I liked the bit about the teeth! Very demonic of you, it must be said!”

“Make him stop talking,” Shen Yuan begged, outright begged, Zhuzhi-lang.

Zhuzhi-lang shot him a pitying look, but he did reach out to free him from Tianlang-jun’s grip. Shen Yuan stumbled forward, righted his robes the best he was able, and then just straight up started climbing Tianlang-jun to reach his damn phone. 

“Oh my, Young Master Shen!” Tianlang-jun whistled, “How very forward of you. Is everyone in your family like this?”

“Jiu-ge,” Shen Yuan ignored him in favor of at least getting his phone to his ear if not into his hand, “I’m fine, I’m not getting married, please don’t do anything stupid, your blood pressure is already too high!”

“Didi!” Jiu-ge at least sounded relieved, “Just hold on, we’re coming to get you!”

“I don’t need rescuing!” Shen Yuan insisted, smacking an elbow into Tianlang-jun’s face before he could say something stupid again, “I’m fine! Tianlang-jun is just provoking you because he thinks it’s funny!”

“That it is!” Tianlang-jun managed to grab Shen Yuan around the shoulders and immobilize his other arm, but thankfully not the one grabbing the phone hand. For the sake of his face, Shen Yuan refused to even think about what they looked like. “But I am quite serious! Young Master Shen will be a lovely bri-” Shen Yuan pulled at least three muscles twisting his neck around to straight-up headbutt the Emperor of the Demon Realm right on the nose. 

“I am not marrying a dog!” Shen Yuan screeched, “Jiu-ge, please don’t take anything he says seriously!”

“Well of course not!” Tianlang-jun grinned, “First you must turn him back with a True Love’s First Kiss!” 

“True love’s- What!? The dog!? ” Jiu-ge screeched in turn, “You mean the Hellhound!?”

“GE!” Shen Yuan roared in the direction of the phone again, “Don’t you fucking touch Bingbing! You promised! Tianlang-jun is just talking out of his ass!”

Tianlang-jun had the audacity to just guaff. “Can’t say that’s one of the abilities of Heavenly Demons-”

“No, that’s just you!” Shen Yuan said waspishly.

“-but you made Elder Master Shen promise?” Tianlang-jun sounded intrigued, “My, my, Young Master Shen, what power you hold!”

Shen Yuan flailed some more, but he was running out of limbs. Finally, he managed to hook his foot on one of those leather garter belts around Tianlang-jun’s knee and literally heave himself far enough upwards that Tianlang-jun finally lost his footing and sent them both tumbling down to the floor. 

To Tianlang-jun’s credit, he let go of the phone to grab Shen Yuan’s waist and twist them around so he took the brunt of the fall. Less to his credit, Shen Yuan was pretty sure he copped a feel in the process.

But what mattered the most was that his phone was now freed, and Shen Yuan could scramble over Tianlang-jun to grab it. Unfortunately, the screen now had a pretty big crack all over it, and when Shen Yuan hastily tried to turn it back on, it refused to do so. 

“God dammit!” Shen Yuan cursed. “This is all your fault!”

“Most things are,” Tianlang-jun chirped as Zhuzhi-lang helped him get up off the floor, “But in this case, I must say the results are at least amusing!”

“It will be less amusing when my brothers come in here guns blazing because they think I’ve been kidnapped and married off!” Shen Yuan pinched his nose. God, he could only imagine what kind of situation Jiu-ge was picturing. 

Zhuzhi-lang, exasperated but not nearly concerned enough for Shen Yuan’s taste, just came over and hauled Shen Yuan up by his armpits. “It was only a matter of time before we were discovered. We already have everything set up for a portal home. Do not worry, Master Shen, we will be gone by the time the Institute gets here.”

“It’s not you I’m worried about,” Shen Yuan grumbled and straightened his robes. It was a miracle his wig was still on, quite frankly, let alone his makeup. “You’re not the one Jiu-ge will lock in the basement with an ankle monitor for the rest of his life. Xiao-di, can I borrow your phone? I need to call my brothers before they do something stupid.”

Gongyi Xiao finally snapped out of his open-mouthed shock and went fumbling through his pockets for his phone. Thankfully Shen Yuan knew Jiu-ge’s number by heart, so he quickly dialed it and waited for him to pick up.

Unfortunately, no matter how many times he tried, the operator just kept saying the line was busy. Jiu-ge was no doubt trying to call him back, but Shen Yuan’s phone was in no state to accept calls. Trying Qi-ge’s number just went to voicemail, though he had a bad habit of not answering unknown numbers.

Shen Yuan ended up writing him a text, hoping that Jiu-ge would see it before he raised an entire army to storm the convention center. Or worse, send Liu Qingge to get him. He was always itching for a fight, Shen Yuan knew he wouldn’t be able to resist if he was confronted with two real live demons. Huh, maybe that was the point? He’d always wondered what a guy like Liu Qingge was doing working for a dusty old museum archive, but if he was a demon hunter too…

Shen Yuan did not see any way this could turn out well. 

“Yuan-gege,” Lian-mei tugged on his robes, “The contest is starting.”

“Right,” Shen Yuan sighed and returned Gongyi Xiao’s phone, “Do we even have time for it?”

Gongyi Xiao helplessly shrugged. “You mean before your brother gets here?”

“Yes,” he grimaced, “He tends to… Overreact. To the stupidest things.”

Gongyi Xiao very politely said nothing, but his expression said everything. He had met Shen Jiu before, since his uncle was one of the donors for the Institute, and the one time he’d actually talked to him, he’d come back looking like he’d narrowly escaped with his life. Shen Yuan didn’t even know what his brother’s problem was with Gongyi Xiao, since he couldn’t get a straight answer out of either of them. 

Whatever. Shen Yuan had done what he could. Might as well enjoy what little time he had left as a free man.

“Well, what are we waiting for?” Tianlang-jun clapped his hands enthusiastically, “It would be a crime to let a good performance go to waste!”

“Slow your horses,” Shen Yuan said, “We have to wait our turn. And let the costume judges poke at us for a bit, since the costume quality carries a lot of points.”

Tianlang-jun looked intrigued. “We’re getting molested by the judges? My, my, the Human Realm just keeps getting more and more intriguing.”

Shen Yuan didn’t even say anything to that, just smacked him with his fan. 

“Good luck,” Liu Mingyan patted his shoulder, “If it makes you feel any better, this is one of the most interesting conventions I’ve been to so far.”

“I’m glad at least someone is having fun,” Shen Yuan grumbled, then turned a gimlet eye at her, “And what do you mean ‘so far’?”

“Mmm,” Liu Mingyan’s smile turned mischievous under her mask, “You will bring him by next year, won’t you?”

“Next year?” Shen Yuan snorted, “Mingyan, I’m going to be amazed if we survive this year.”

“Now, now, haven’t you heard Tianlang-jun?” she grinned, “He gave his word you’re going to be just fine. And your brother can’t keep you locked away forever.”

“Don’t underestimate Jiu-ge. He can hold grudges like no one else. I’m pretty sure he still has beef with his primary school bullies.”

Liu Mingyan just laughed. “I promise if you get kidnapped for real, I’ll get my brother to break you free.”

“I might have to hold you to that,” Shen Yuan said, “Keep an eye out for my brothers, would you? At least stop them from doing anything stupid until the end of the performance, we’ve made enough of a spectacle of ourselves.”

“Ah, Yuan-ge,” she laughed, “You know it’s foolish to make promises you know you can’t keep.”

Shen Yuan just sighed. “At least try? Lian-mei was really looking forward to being the kidnapped princess, and this is the first convention she’s actually old enough to remember. I really don’t want to ruin it for her.”

Liu Mingyan nodded. “Well, I can promise to try.”

“Thank you,” Shen Yuan nodded. It really was the most he could ask of her. “Well, time to put of a show. Do I look alright? Is my makeup still in place?”

“You look amazing,” Mingyan assured him, “Worthy of being carried away by a dashing Demon Lord.”

Shen Yuan shot her a quelling look. “I’m not the one getting kidnapped here.”

“Not yet,” Mingyan just said. Fair enough.

“Why are we friends again?”

“Bad literature and worse taste.”

“At least we’re self aware.”

Luo Binghe could be patient. Whether it came to winning a woman or enacting his revenge, he could lay in wait and bide his time for as long as he needed. All things worth having required patience and commitment, and Luo Binghe had learned long ago the value of patience.

But being patient had never been so hard before. 

“Aish, you’re really like a clingy girlfriend,” his sister-in-law teased him, “Sighing like your love went off to war instead of a costume party. Am I really such bad company?”

She had a point. Luo Binghe really wasn’t acting very graciously towards her. As an apology, Luo Binghe got up from his cushion, laid down next to her on the couch and set his snout on her thigh. She immediately ran her manicured fingers through his fur, occasionally scritching behind his ears. 

It was pleasant enough. But she wasn’t Shen Yuan.

“Ah, if I could find a man who loved me half as much as you love Gege, I’d be a married woman already,” Shen Haitang sighed, “But what’s a girl to do when all the best men are either taken or dogs. The economy is in shambles.”

Ah, Luo Binghe understood her woes. He too had thought he would never find the kind of love his mama spoke about. The gentle, kind and patient love that came so easily to A’Yuan, like it was simply written down in his very being. He couldn’t even see how special he was, how unique, because it came to him so naturally he couldn’t even imagine being any other way. 

He had no idea how easy it would be to destroy it. If there was one good thing Shen Qingqiu had done in his entire miserable life, it was protect A’Yuan until Luo Binghe could come and find him. Luo Binghe was not gracious enough to forgive him for what he’d done, but for taking care of A’Yuan, Luo Binghe would spare his life. Kindness and injury must be repaid one hundredfold, and Shen Qingqiu had done possibly the only thing in the world that could turn the tally back to zero.

Any future injury would be repaid separately. Luo Binghe could even be generous enough to offer a discount of only tenfold revenge.

But now it was Binghe’s turn to take care of A’Yuan, to keep him healthy and happy and being the one beacon of light in this wretched world. It was a task Luo Binghe would undertake with joy and pride, no matter what form it took.

Unfortunately, that meant letting A’Yuan go to his costume party. He had been preparing for it since before Luo Binghe had come to him, diligently assembling his outfit and decorating it until it would make a Silkspider seamstress weep. Luo Binghe could not in good conscience take that joy away from him just because he wanted to spend every waking and sleeping moment with him. 

It had only occurred to him that he had been an utter idiot when he saw the finished outfit on A’Yuan. If everyone was dressed like that at the costume party, Luo Binghe would have fit right in with his normal clothes. Had he not moped and sulked so much, A’Yuan would have left him at home alone, and Luo Binghe could have followed him in his true form and introduced himself properly. He could have come up to his unsuspecting bride as a man, as a prince, swept him off his feet as he deserved. Then returned home as a dog and listened how well he’d done, how much A’Yuan liked the mysterious prince that had come to him like one of the heroes from the stories he liked to read. He could have slowly, over time, dropped hints of truth, until one day A’Yuan realized his love had always been with him, every step of the way, and they could marry with no secrets between them.

It would have been a perfect plan. If it wasn’t for Shen Haitang.

She’d taken her brother’s instructions a little too well, not letting ‘Bingbing’ out of her sight for longer than a minute. Luo Binghe could have slipped away easily, but she would have noticed him missing immediately and called A’Yuan in a panic, prompting him to drop everything and come running back, which would ruin his party and not accomplish anything Binghe wanted anyway. 

So. Here he was. Stuck at home babysitting his sister-in-law while his love was away having fun without him, being looked at and pawed at by disgusting, unworthy men. Thankfully his bride had high and exacting standards, and he wouldn’t spare those vermin any more attention than he would that pest from the petshop, no matter how much they drooled. Lao Gongzhu’s nephew might have been a problem, but he at least demonstrated he knew to keep his paws to himself, especially with his cousin there with them, so Luo Binghe could tolerate him, however grudgingly. 

And his own cousin might raise an objection if Luo Binghe removed him from the picture. Zhuzhi-lang better do it himself, then. Luo Binghe was certain he could tolerate Gongyi Xiao much better if all of his hopes for Shen Yuan were thoroughly dashed. Tianlang-jun would be thrilled the useless snake turned out to be a little less useless, and hopefully he’d be distracted away from Shen Yuan for some time. Luo Binghe wanted them wedded and bedded well before his poor bride had to be forced to suffer his Father’s company. It would be too much to hope Tianlang-jun ended up sealed under another mountain before the wedding, but Luo Binghe still wanted to thoroughly cut off any exit strategies before Shen Yuan decided he could find a husband with a better family to marry into.

And speaking of… Shen Yuan, of course, deserved to be a First Wife at the very least, but Sha Hualing would not take well to her position being put in jeopardy. Luo Binghe’s current plan was to divorce her with a generous severance package, return her father’s conquered lands to her name and let her take her pick of her favorite fellow wives. She’d only married him for an alliance against her father, after all, and she certainly wouldn’t turn up her nose at her own estate and title. Better yet if she took all of the wives with her. Most of them had been taken to strengthen alliances, given as tribute or won on the field of battle. Sha Hualing had been managing them herself for the most part, she could continue doing it in her own name. Luo Binghe would probably have to kill anyone who was foolish enough to object, and until things settled it was better Shen Yuan stayed hidden in the Human Realm. 

Aaah, so much to do, so much to do. He’d already sent Sha Hualing a divorce proposal, and was now waiting for her response. She’d no doubt name her own terms of separation, and Luo Binghe had to figure out which ones were necessary for them to stay allies and which ones she added simply to vex him. He’d carefully avoided letting her know who was the reason for such an abrupt proposal, but she always decided to be clever when she wanted Luo Binghe to suffer. She’d already figured out it was about a new wife, but he doubted she realized she ought to be looking for them in the Human Realm. Luo Binghe had so far only taken women, so that ought to slow down her search as well. 

It did amuse Luo Binghe to imagine what her face would look like when she did meet Shen Yuan. She’d made fun of Mobei endlessly for pining after his pet human, Luo Binghe bringing his own human wife would probably drive her mad. 

Hmm, maybe even mad enough to wonder what the appeal was. Luo Binghe eyed Shen Haitang out of the corner of his eye. He wondered if she liked women? His A’Yuan didn’t, even if he never said it out loud, so she might not either, and Luo Binghe hadn’t known her for long enough to be able to tell. But if she did, Sha Hualing would have her hands full with that one. It would be a great way to strengthen their alliance after the divorce, and it might just be the thing that drove Shen Qingqiu into an early grave for good. 

Ah, a demon could dream. Well, if the Fates decided to keep their streak of favoring Luo Binghe, he could make most of his plans to come true. He only had to wait until-

Someone was at the door.

“Hm?” Shen Haitang startled when she felt him bristling, “Bingbing? What’s wrong?”

She hadn’t even finished her sentence properly before the front door exploded inwards in a cloud of purple smoke. Worse, Luo Binghe recognised that smoke.

Well. Shen Qingqiu had promised he wouldn’t hurt Luo Binghe. He never said anything about sending someone else to do the dirty work for him.

Shen Haitang had rolled off the couch and to the floor, eyes wide with a hand over her mouth to stifle her fearful noises. With the smoke fast approaching, Luo Binghe didn’t have time for anything more than transforming, grabbing her and making for the open balcony. The Blood-Boiling smoke wasn’t debilitating for humans, but it was still smoke, and Luo Binghe knew enough about humans to know that even ordinary soot fumes would kill them in large enough amounts. 

Worrying. Shen Qingqiu ought to know that as well. The Blood-Boiling smoke was his invention, but he wouldn’t have used it on one of the people he actually cared about. So he either didn’t know his sister was here, or these were someone else’s agents. 

One way to find out. 

Shen Haitang finally couldn’t hold in her screams when Luo Binghe hopped onto the balcony railing and jumped onto the balcony to the left and up of their apartment. He had to hastily slap a hand over her mouth, careful not to cover her nose. He was trying to avoid suffocating her, after all. 

“Keep quiet,” he ordered quietly, “I want to know who sent them before I kill them.”

“Mmm!” Shen Haitang squirmed, trying to pry his hand off her mouth to no avail, but she went abruptly still when she realized it was a long way down if Luo Binghe dropped her. Even though the inherent power of the Shen family ran through her blood as well, she had no more idea how to use it than Shen Yuan did, and her physical strength alone was rather pathetic. She couldn’t even pry his hand off of her, she had no chance of surviving that fall, and she knew it.

Luo Binghe crouched down on the railing and let her sit across his thighs so he could free up a hand and bite into it. Shen Haitang flinched as the blood pooled in his hand and started bubbling.

“That’s not for you, don’t worry,” he assured her. She did not seem very assured, but that could wait for a better time.

“He’s not here!” a voice yelled from inside Shen Yuan’s apartment. One of the men in a dark outfit and a gas mask came out to the balcony, trailing thick smog around his ankles. One of the weaknesses of the Blood-Boiling smoke was that it didn’t stay in the air for long, so unless a demon was engulfed immediately it would just settle down close to the ground and you could avoid it by wearing boots. 

“He must have jumped down!” the man on the balcony yelled back, “Do we go after him?”

“Have we even confirmed he was in the apartment?” Another voice asked. 

“Negative,” yet another voice.

“Boss?”

“What?”

“Big Boss said his brother was out? So whose phone is this?”

Ah, so it was Shen Qingqiu then. Pity. Luo Binghe counted at least four men, and probably not more. Honestly, even four was overkill for a Hellhound puppy, but Shen Qingqiu never did anything by halves. He prepared his blood to form spikes and-

There were teeth in his other hand, and they were coated with his blood. Luo Binghe let go out of surprise more than pain, and nearly dropped his sister-in-law to her death.

“HE’S UP HERE!” She screamed. Right in his ear, at that. Ouch.

There was a stomp of feet returning to the balcony, then a lot of flailing before the idiots figured out where to look. One literally squeaked when he spotted him.

“I-It’s Luo Binghe!” he screamed, “It’s really him!”

“He has a hostage!”

“Fuck the hostage, that’s Luo Binghe! Fire at will!”

Well, he couldn’t have that. Now that they’d had the decency to line themselves up within easy reach, Luo Binghe shot his blood spikes straight at them, letting them burrow into their bodies and rip them from the inside out. It was a very, very painful death, but a quick one. 

“You- You killed them!” Shen Haitang trembled in shock.

“They were going to kill us both,” Luo Binghe pointed out. She didn’t have anything to say to that, so he just held her tight and jumped back to Shen Yuan’s balcony, carefully stepping around the bodies before he put Shen Haitang down.

“W-why did they-?” Shen Haitang looked down at the bodies in horror, particularly at the puddle of blood fast approaching her bare foot, “Who are they?”

“Demon hunters,” Luo Binghe said, then went looting through their pockets. Sure enough, one of them had his ID on him. “From the Cang Qiong Institute.” 

“Cang Qiong?” Shen Haitang squeaked, “That- That’s the place where Da-ge and Er-ge work.”

“I see they haven’t told you what they do for a living either,” Luo Binghe remarked. He pulled off the gas masks from the bodies, but he didn’t recognize any of them. A look at their IDs revealed they weren’t of a particularly high rank, either. 

That was a weird discrepancy. If Shen Qingqiu thought Luo Binghe was just a hellhound, sending four rookies with smoke bombs was a bit of an overkill, but if he even suspected Luo Binghe himself was involved, then it was pure stupidity to send anyone weaker than a Grandmaster. The Hunters were surprised to see him, but it sounded like they were at least warned of the possibility they might run into him on this mission. Were they sacrificial lambs then, to force Luo Binghe to reveal himself while Shen Yuan was safely out of the way? But they had to know they couldn’t get away with the same surprise attack twice. Now that Luo Binghe knew his cover was blown, what did they think was stopping him from just preemptively killing everyone he came across?

What the hell was Shen Qingqiu planning?

“You-” Shen Haitang was pointing a finger at him, mouth hanging open, “You’re Bingbing, aren’t you?”

Right. He’d literally transformed in front of her. No hiding it anymore. “Yes.”

“And you- You’re Luo Binghe?” she sounded less certain about that.

“That’s my Name, yes.”

“...And you’re a-” she looked like she couldn’t believe what she was saying.

“A demon,” Luo Binghe supplied. Might as well get things going. “And your brothers are Demon Hunters. Well, except Shen Yuan. He also found that out a few days ago.”

“Aha,” Shen Haitang nodded weakly, “Wait. Why were you a dog?”

“It’s a form I usually choose when meeting new summoners.”

“...Summoners.”

“Yes.”

She blinked at him. “You’re telling me Gege summoned you. As in… Magic circle and spooky candles at midnight, summoned you?”

“That is generally how one summons a demon, yes.”

She dug the heels of her palms into her eyes. “You said Gege only found out about demons a few days ago.”

“He knew about demons a bit longer than that,” Luo Binghe admitted, “He only found out about his brothers’ line of work a few days ago.”

Shen Haitang looked heavenwards, pulling at her hair. Luo Binghe didn’t know if it was shock or if she just wasn’t as smart as than Shen Yuan. His A’Yuan would have figured everything out by now and would have been on his way to asking what else the Demon Realm had to offer.

“You are telling me,” Shen Haitang slowly looked at him, “That Gege summoned you, some bigshot demon whatever, got a puppy, didn’t even question it, and had you wrapped around his finger faster than you could figure out his brothers could kill you dead. But you haven’t run away yet because you’re hopelessly in love with Gege and you’re willing to risk having Demon Hunters for in-laws if it meant staying with him, even though he literally doesn’t know you’re not a dog.”

Luo Binghe took it back. Shen Haitang was possibly the only person in the world actually smarter than his A’Yuan. What a terrifying thing to contemplate.

“...You got a few details wrong.”

“Which ones?”

“...”

“Oh my god,” Shen Haitang covered her face with her hands again, “Gege is literally living in a Danmei novel. This is such a BL plotline I’m surprised it doesn’t come with a warning label. And he has no fucking idea.”

Luo Binghe understood some of those words. “I had been hoping to ease him into it.”

“Yeah, that’s not going to work,” Shen Haitang was worryingly certain about that, “Gege min-maxed his perception and intelligence stats so hard he ended up the smartest idiot on the planet.”

Luo Binghe looked at her blankly.

“You cannot have missed the fact that he’s more oblivious than a brick wall.”

“...It has come to my attention.”

“Yeah, and you really think he’s going to realize anything that’s not spelled out for him?” Shen Haitang snorted, “You could show up naked in his bed with a rose in your teeth and romantic candles lit, and Gege would ask you if you were doing a photoshoot and if you needed help adjusting the camera. That happened, by the way, back when he was living in the dorms. I think the poor bastard never lived it down.”

Luo Binghe was feeling… Something. Incredulity. Denial. Maybe a dash of hopelessness. Because, honestly? Knowing what he knew of his bride, and having observed how any attention from his infatuated admirers slid from his mind like water off a duck’s back, Shen Haitang’s explanation seemed painfully probable. 

Luo Binghe had thought his bride rightfully considered those pathetic men beneath him. It hadn’t occurred to him that such attention was so ubiquitous in his life that he literally didn’t even notice it. It was just his baseline for normal human behavior. Everyone turned into an infatuated idiot the moment they got within sight of Shen Yuan’s smile, so how was he supposed to know that wasn’t normal human behavior?

How was he supposed to notice one lovestruck fool in a sea of lovestruck fools?

“I think you just realized what you’re dealing with here,” Shen Haitang sounded almost pitying. Coming from anyone else it would have been grounds for swift annihilation, but Luo Binghe was rapidly realizing his plans for seducing A’Yuan would be useless without some help. 

“If you help me marry your brother, I’ll help you find a husband too,” Luo Binghe offered, “That is what you’ve been sighing about for the past three hours, haven’t you?”

Shen Haitang turned red. “Hey, what makes you think I’d sell my own brother out just for a piece of ass? Try again.”

“I love him,” Luo Binghe said, “I didn’t think I was capable of loving someone the way I love him. I want to stay by his side for the rest of eternity. I will do everything in my power to make sure he’s safe and happy. I’ll kill whoever I need to. I’ll spare whoever he wants me to. I’ll give up the throne and stay a dog for the rest of his life, if that’s what he wants. I haven’t figured out how to completely eradicate his disease, but I’ve almost completely alleviated the symptoms. I will-”

“Wait, wait, wait,” Shen Haitang waved her hands to make him stop, “You’re trying to figure out how to cure Gege?”

“Yes, do keep up,” Luo Binghe glared at her. He had that speech rehearsed! With multiple revisions!

“And you’re the reason he’s been feeling so much better lately?”

“Yes, and given more time I can probably nullify the symptoms completely without drugs. I’ve already had to replace two of those with sugar pills so they didn’t overcorrect.”

Shen Haitang blinked. “Okay, usually messing with my Gege’s meds would be a hard no-no, but in this case I’ll allow it. And you think you can cure it completely?”

“Yes,” Luo Binghe was confident on that front, “I’ve familiarized myself with his immune system, and have gradually been retraining it to not react to his own tissues. There is little I can do about the symbiotes in his intestines, but those should recover on their own given enough time. I patched up the valve in his heart and-”

“YOU DID HEART SURGERY ON MY BROTHER???”

“It’s hardly heart surgery,” Luo Binghe rolled his eyes, “I just fed him some of my blood and used it to-”

“I don’t want to know,” Shen Haitang held up a finger to silence him, “I really don’t want to know the details of what you do to my brother in the dark, but. Bottom line. You can cure him, and you can do it without making him spend months and months in a hospital bed?”

“Yes,” Luo Binghe said, “His comfort is one of my priorities, which is why the treatment has been so slow.”

“Slow enough that he literally didn’t notice he was being fed a cure,” Shen Haitang sighed, “God, it should be illegal to be so oblivious. You’re going to have your hands full.”

Luo Binghe perked up. “Does that mean you’re going to help me?”

“Honestly, you had me at ‘I would stay a dog if he wanted me to’, but you being a doctor is what cinched it.”

“I’m not a-”

“I don’t care,” she said with a slightly manic grin, “I’m choosing to think about it that way, because I just realized I bit your hand bloody and didn’t remember to spit it out, so. You’re a doctor. Gege’s marrying a doctor. Our parents will be thrilled.”

Luo Binghe was starting to think he shouldn’t have dismissed shock so quickly. Shen Haitang was looking rather pale and unsteady on her feet. All things considered, she’d been keeping it together rather well.

And unfortunately, she was going to have to keep it together a while longer, because Luo Binghe could feel the spiritual energy of several very pissed-off exorcists fast approaching. But neither Shen Qingqiu nor Yue Qingyuan were among them, which set Luo Binghe’s teeth on edge. As far as they knew, their younger sister was trapped alone with a demon who had a very big grudge against them. If that wasn’t enough to make them show up, then whatever did have their attention must have been even worse.

Shivers going up his spine, Luo Binghe extended his senses to look for his blood in Shen Yuan. Then extended them farther. Then farther. And then snarled.

“Put your shoes on,” Luo Binghe growled at Shen Haitang, “No, take Shen Yuan’s boots, you’ll need them. And a coat.”

“W-why?” she asked, but hurried to the shoe cupboard to comply.

“The weather in the Demon Realm can be unpredictable, even in the stable areas.”

“Why are we going to the Demon Realm!?” she squawked, “ How are we going to the Demon Realm?”

Instead of answering her, Luo Binghe went to Shen Yuan’s bedroom and lifted the edge of the bedframe until it was fully vertical. Drawn in his blood on the underside was his seal, his connection to the Demon Realm and the ward allowing him to stay in the Human Realm by siphoning power from Shen Yuan while he slept. 

And if the seal was reversed, it would draw him back to the Demon Realm.

“Okay, that’s the how,” Shen Haitang cautiously came closer to him, “You still haven’t told me why.”

“I have a fiancé to rescue,” Luo Binghe said, “And a father to murder.”

“...Not the role I imagined for myself in a Danmei novel, but I guess I can roll with it. What do I need to do?”

“I need some of your blood. Just a drop is fine. It will activate the seal.”

“Okay,” she didn’t sound very enthusiastic about it, but she nevertheless offered Luo Binghe her palm. He made a shallow cut on the base of her thumb with his claw, then immediately knitted it together with the blood she swallowed.

“Hold onto me, and press your hand in the middle here,” Luo Binghe instructed. He could hear footsteps in the outside hall, fast approaching. “Now.”

Shen Haitang grit her teeth and hunched her shoulders, but she fisted one hand in Luo Binghe’s robes and pressed the other to the seal.

By the time the exorcists made it to the apartment, the red light of the ritual was already fading.

Chapter Text

Tianlang-jun somehow made it through the costume judging without revealing he was an actual demon or getting kicked out for sexually harassing the judges, but it was a near thing. 

Zhuzhi-lang had stood still as a statue, looking like nothing more than a kitten being forced into a bath. Lian-mei held his hand through it. The judges were at least sympathetic, correctly assuming he was here for the first time and rather nervous, so they didn’t try to touch his scales or hair, just checked the stitching and the embroidery on his clothes. He, of course, passed with flying colors. 

“How did you get more points than I did?” Tianlang-jun complained once their scores were tallied.

“You got your points docked for trying to bribe the judges,” Shen Yuan informed him, “With sexual favors.”

“They asked me to show them the inside lining of my clothes!” Tianlang-jun protested, “How else was I supposed to show them that?”

“By overturning your sleeve, or maybe showing them the stitches on the back of your collar or hems,” Shen Yuan deadpanned, “ Not by stripping nearly naked in front of small children. You should be happy they only docked your points.”

“They should have been clearer about that that,” the big bad Demon Emperor pouted. Shen Yuan ignored him.

“Let’s go find seats,” he said to Zhuzhi-lang, who had once again been saddled by Lian-mei, “We’re number 24, so we have some time to observe other performances before we have to go on.”

Zhuzhi-lang nodded, then went for find a spot where Lian-mei could see the stage. 

“I think we’re going to have to ad-lib most of it,” Gongyi Xiao leaned in to whisper in Shen Yuan’s ear once they were settled, “I couldn’t get them to agree on anything.”

Shen Yuan winced a little. There went their Journeyman Cosplayer certifications. “I guess we can come up with a better plan next year.”

“Next year this will probably be in Shanghai,” Gongyi Xiao pointed out, “Are you sure you’ll be able to go?”

“I’ll guilt-trip Qi-ge if I have to,” Shen Yuan said darkly. He owed him big time for all the secret keeping, and if Shen Yuan started pressing him early enough he’d probably drive him there himself. 

“I mean,” Gongyi Xiao hesitated, which told Shen Yuan everything it needed to.

“I’ve been a lot better lately,” he said, “New therapies usually take a while to show if they’re really effective, and I guess the current combination is a winning one. Last time I went, my cardiologist was so surprised by my results he tried three stethoscopes before he was willing to believe it was really my heart he was listening to.”

“Really?” Gongyi Xiao whispered, “Huh. I did notice you’ve been breathing easy this entire time, despite the, um…”

Despite the most ungraceful grappling match in the world against a man twice his size. Shen Yuan of six months ago would have been on the floor clutching his inhaler and getting an ambulance called on his ass. Shen Yuan of now hadn’t even noticed, considering everything else that was going on. 

“Yep, like I said, the current therapy seems to be the winning one,” Shen Yuan said, only slightly hiding behind his fan, “My doctors aren’t entirely happy with it, because my blood results have been coming back kind of funky, but I’ll fight them myself on this if I have to.”

“Funky?” Gongyi Xiao asked, “Funky how?”

Shen Yuan waved a dismissive hand. “It’s nothing, they thought I had some kind of parasitic amoeba floating in my blood, but it turned out the samples must have been contaminated after they were drawn, so I have to go do it again, but it has nothing to do with my therapy.”

That had been a fun phonecall to receive. They were ready to hospitalize him for amoebic dysentery, of all things, and were prepared to treat intestinal bleeding and fucking peritonitis. Shen Yuan had to argue with them on the phone for an hour that he would have noticed those things, he was unfortunately familiar with them, and he wasn’t stupid enough to ignore them, but he simply wasn’t having any of those. Finally, finally, they admitted that they found something in his blood samples from yesterday that made them panic it was cancer at first, and further testing yielded even weirder results, and if he was fine could he come in again for a redraw, just to make sure it was a false alarm?

It would have been fine if they only called Shen Yuan, but they also called Jiu-ge because he’d bribed and threatened the staff into keeping him informed, and then had to explain to him that the samples were contaminated post-draw and they made him think Shen Yuan was dying for nothing.

They did not call him back for a redraw. Shen Yuan had a suspicion they were now dealing with some significant staffing issues. 

“Anyway,” Shen Yuan cleared his throat, “My chances of making it to Shanghai have significantly increased lately, and there’s no saving this performance anyway, so we might as well focus on making sure everyone at least has fun. Lian-mei is now old enough to actually remember this when she grows up, might as well focus on making it a good memory.”

Gongyi Xiao said nothing, just got that soft look in his eyes that he sometimes got when Shen Yuan said something nice. “Yuan-ge is really generous.”

“He is, isn’t he?” Tianlang-jun piped up behind them, making them startle, “Far be it from me to be outdone in any area. So let me give you these gifts as thanks for everything you’ve done for us.”

Shen Yuan tensed, half expecting the ‘gifts’ to be some kind of poorly disguised sex toys, but what Tianlang-jun pulled out of his sleeve were, instead, three hairpins.

“Oh,” Gongyi Xiao exclaimed in surprise as he took one, “Is this ivory?”

“Close,” Tianlang-jun grinned, and pointedly offered the other one to Shen Yuan, “I made them myself. Won’t Master Shen admire my craft?”

Still a little wary, Shen Yuan took the middle pin and cautiously examined it. It looked like one of those simple and elegant wooden hairpins, except it was indeed made of something like ivory, white and light, with swirly carvings running up halfway to the tip. The very end was carved like a crown, and in the middle sat a blood-red gem. Shen Yuan didn’t recognise what it was. It was clear enough to be a ruby, but… The light inside refracted really weirdly. Sort of like that liquid crystal paintings that were popular in high art a while ago. 

It was clearly made from Demon Realm materials. Shen Yuan couldn’t wait until he made it home to take a closer look. He knew a guy from the geology department in his university, maybe he’d indulge Shen Yuan and help him research this. They had a crystallography professor somewhere, didn’t they?

“What is it?” Gongyi Xiao asked next to him, seeming just as intrigued by the hairpin as Shen Yuan.

“Well, it was supposed to be a wedding gift,” Tianlang-jun sighed like he was suffering all the woes in the world, “But since someone is not cooperating, they’re just ordinary charms now. They ensure safety on perilous journeys, and promise the right of safe passage to your destination.” He smirked lavisciously. “Now, Master Shen might not need it, since he is plenty well taken care of, but you can never be too cautious.”

Shen Yuan shot him a reproachful look, but he wasn’t about to give the hairpin back. He almost tucked it away in his sleeve before he remembered he actually had long hair right now. He had a hair crown with its own pin, and this one was a little too thick to replace it, but he could just stick it horizontally through the bun. Seeing him do that, Gongyi Xiao did the same. He’d just stuck on one of those topknot half-wigs with a headband around the base to hide where the wig ended, and didn’t bother with jewelry, so it gave him a more proper look. 

“It clashes with our outfits a bit, but I think it works,” Gongyi Xiao said as he looked at Shen Yuan, “The costume judging is done anyway.”

“Is the third one for Lian-mei?” Shen Yuan asked.

“Indeed,” Tianlang-jun grinned, then got up to go to Zhuzhi-lang, “I wouldn’t dream of leaving her out.”

Unfortunately, Lian-mei cared less about being included and more about not wearing something she deemed insufficiently pink. Gongyi Xiao attempted to convince her to at least put it in her sleeve, because it was rude to refuse a gift like that, but she wouldn’t budge. But Tianlang-jun had gotten familiar with her temper and effective methods of bribery, so he’d offered to take a few beads from Zhuzhi-lang’s hair and decorate her hair with them, and wouldn’t this pin look nice as a center decoration among these golden beads?

Somehow, by possibly dark magic, Lian-mei ended up quietly sitting on Tianlang-jun’s lap as he braided Zhuzhi-lang’s beads into her hair. Zhuzhi-lang was given the duty of untangling any bead Lian-mei decided was pretty enough for her hair. Unfortunately, that were mostly the beads that were the hardest to get to, so Gongyi Xiao ended up helping him. Tianlang-jun had laughed at them, but was dutifully lining up the beads he was given on tiny loops and braids.

“You’re good at this,” Shen Yuan remarked with some surprise.

“I had a younger sister,” Tianlang-jun said wistfully, “Granted, we fought more than played together, and we didn’t part on the best of terms, but when she was little she would occasionally deign to let me play with her, and do her hair. She was very much like Xiao Gongzhu here.”

Ah. Shen Yuan had wondered where the ‘Little Princess’ title had come from. Maybe it shouldn’t have surprised him that there had been another Princess at some point. Zhuzhi-lang did have to come from somewhere.

“Was she pretty?” Lian-mei asked.

“Oh, very. Her beauty was downright deadly, they used to say,” he chuckled. Shen Yuan had a feeling he wasn’t joking. “She was temperamental, and very opinionated. She had her own ideas of how a Heavenly Demon ought to live their life. She didn’t take too kindly to our father trying to force her to follow things like ‘duty’ and ‘securing alliances’. She eventually decided filial piety was overrated, and simply eloped one day. I never saw her again.”

“Why not?” Lian-mei asked, too young to understand adult nonsense.

“I thought she didn’t want to see me,” Tianlang-jun said, “In my defense, it was a reasonable assumption to make at the time. It wasn’t until she left me Zhuzhi-lang that I thought I might not have been as unwelcome in her life as I thought.”

“You should have asked her,” Lian-mei just said, “Then you would have known in time.”

“Ah, were that I was half as wise as Xiao Gongzhu at the time,” Tianlang-jun chuckled. “Alas, all we can do is live with regrets.”

“Why don’t you go visit her now?” 

Shen Yuan startled. “Lian-mei, he can’t.”

“Why not?” She sounded incredulous, “He said he wants to.”

“Because…” Shen Yuan flailed, “Lian-mei, remember what we said about your mama?”

“That she died and went to visit her ancestors,” Lian-mei said, “And she wouldn’t return for a long, long while, so long I might not recognise her if I see her again.” She paused, tilted her head, “Is that the problem? You don’t know what she looks like anymore?”

“Hmm, one of the problems,” Tianlang-jun just said, remarkably steady as he continued braiding, “And she wouldn’t recognise me either. I’d changed quite a bit from the big brother she once knew.”

“Oh,” Lian-mei thought hard, her little face scrunched up as she searched for a solution. “So what didn’t change?”

“What do you mean?”

“Even if they change, they’re the same people, right?” She nodded, like it made perfect sense, “So you look for the familiar bits. Princess changes all the time, she goes gray and wrinkly and loses all of her skin, but she’s still Princess, and I can always recognise her even in a snake pile because she has this one spot that’s shaped like a flower on her left side. And Gege says she would never lose it because that pattern is written in her blood. That’s how I will always know she is Princess. So you gotta find the one thing that didn’t change.”

Tianlang-jun paused his motions, then restarted them again. “That is very good advice, Xiao Gongzhu. I will keep it in mind. Maybe I will find my sister again, with your help.”

“You will,” Lian-mei nodded decisively, “It will happen. I’ll find my mama again, and you will find your sister. That’s how it’s going to go, and if it doesn’t, I’ll get Daddy to make the people in charge move their asses and get it done.”

Tianlang-jun burst into laughter at the same time Shen Yuan squeaked out ‘Language!’. 

“That’s the proper attitude Princess should have!” He cackled. “A wise ruler is the one who knows how to delegate! You will be the most formidable queen one day. Ah, no offense, Master Shen.”

“None taken,” ShenYuan automatically said, then actually processed what Tianlang-jun said. Then he smacked him again.

Despite all the interruptions, and the unavoidable squirminess inherent to all toddlers, Lian-mei’s hair ended up looking pretty great. Certainly worthy of a princess. She admired herself in her phone’s selfie camera, and twirled so everybody else could admire her too.

Zhuzhi-lang, the poor dear, ended up looking rather… Frizzy. Gongyi Xiao had done his best to finger-comb his hair into some semblance of order, but there was only so much he could do. Even with Lian-mei’s bobby pins holding down the worst of it, he looked like he lost a fight with a hair-crimping iron and was trying to tough out the results.

He was being a good sport about it, at least.

“I used to care very little about my hair, before Junshang took me in and demanded that appearances must be kept in accordance with one’s status,” Zhuzhi-lang just shrugged when Shen Yuan asked him, “This is fine.”

“As long as you don’t mind. It’s not like we’re hoping to win the contest anymore, anyway,” Shen Yuandecided pragmatically, “The whole point now is to just let your uncle and Lian-mei have their fun. It hardly matters what we look like. No one is judging us anymore.”

Zhuzhi-lang hesitated for moment, then looked Shen Yuan up and down with a critical eye. “Master Shen looks proper for his status, but…”

Shen Yuan did not like his tone. “But…?”

“Excuse me for a moment, I have something I need to acquire,” Zhuzhi-lang said, and before Shen Yuan could fully process how ominous those words sounded, he’d already disappeared into the crowd of cosplayers.

“Fuck,” Shen Yuan swore under his breath. What were the chances Tianlang-jun would actually try and stop his nephew if Shen Yuan asked him to?

…Actually, better not tell Tianlang-jun anything. He could get into more trouble just by existing than a quiet young man like Zhuzhi-lang could by actively trying. Shen Yuan could probably just leave whatever article of clothing Zhuzhi-lang felt he needed to ‘acquire’ at the Lost and Found after the convention. Hopefully there would be time for that before Jiu-ge dragged him out by his ear.

“Far be it from me to judge someone’s performance too harshly,” Tianlang-jun was saying when Shen Yuan came back, “But this young lady could use some singing lessons before publicly humiliating herself like this.”

Shen Yuan looked at the stage. A teenager in a Magical Girl outfit (Shen Yuan didn’t recognise the franchise it was from, but it had all the hallmarks of a Magical Girl dress) was belting out what sounded like a theme song while jumping about on the stage. What she didn’t have in talent she made up for in enthusiasm, at least, because… She had rather a lot to make up for.

“We’re hardly going to be much better,” Shen Yuan said, “We barely have a script, and we didn’t get time to practice it, either.”

“Oh, I have faith we will do just fine,” Tianlang-jun dismissed his worries, “The most important thing is that acting comes from the heart!”

Shen Yuan pointedly looked at the teenager on stage. She’d finished her piece and was bowing to applause that sounded more relieved than admiring. 

“Well,” Tianlang-jun shrugged, “We can hardly do worse.”

There was that at least. Shen Yuan really hoped nobody would be filming it.

Oh, who was he kidding? His only hope was to hide behind his fan the entire time and pray nobody caught a lucky angle. 

“Alright, we’re on in two turns,” Gongyi Xiao warned them, “Has Zhuzhi-lang come back yet?”

“No,” Tianlang-jun frowned, “Quite unusual for him. I do wonder what held him up.”

“Do you want to go look for him?” Shen Yuan asked, halfway hoping he could volunteer himself and miss the performance. Tianlang-jun could kidnap Lian-mei without his help.

“No need,” Zhuzhi-lang suddenly piped up from directly behind him, “Master Shen, please take these.”

What Zhuzhi-lang wanted him to take were, apparently, talismans. A whole bunch of them, with the ink so fresh it was still glistening. 

“Did you just make these?” Shen Yuan asked in astonishment.

“Apologies for the poor quality,” Zhuzhi-lang inclined his head, “The paper those people had was not meant for real talismans, so the effects will not be as strong as they should be. Master Shen will have to use more power than usual to activate them, but should he find himself in danger, these are better than going weaponless.”

Shen Yuan gaped down at, apparently, honest-to-god real magical talismans. He almost asked Zhuzhi-lang is he was pulling his leg, but then he remembered that he was an actual demon, and actually knew real magic. Because that was real too. And Shen Yuan was holding it!?

“I, um,” Shen Yuan very carefully folded them away into his sleeve, and made a mental note to apologize to the people running the calligraphy demonstration, “Thank you, but I don’t really… Know how to use them? I saw my brother use it once, but-”

“You must channel your Qi into them until they’re saturated, focus on the target, and just throw. I had little time, so these are only basic offensive spells,” Zhuzhi-lang instructed him, “We will do our best to make sure Master Shen will not need them, but it is not proper for a man of his status to go about unarmed. Master Gongyi has a sword, but I noticed Master Shen came without any weapons. These will suffice until we can procure something better.”

“Ah,” Shen Yuan hesitated, “I know I said my brothers might come in here guns blazing, but you don’t have to worry so much. I’ll talk them down. They’re really not as unreasonable as they seem.”

Zhuzhi-lang didn’t seem like he had that much faith in Shen Yuan’s diplomacy skills. “Please, keep them anyway, and don’t hesitate to use them if necessary.”

Shen Yuan decided it would be easier not to argue against such earnestness. He’d already accepted the talismans, and even though he was definitely not going to use them they would make for a nice souvenir when the demons went home. 

“Xizhi-lang!” Lian-mei came running when she spotted him, “Pick me up!”

Ever obedient, Zhuzhi-lang threw his hair forward over his shoulders, knelt down and picked Lian-mei up by her armpits, setting her back on his shoulders. “Is it our turn soon?”

“After that one,” Gongyi Xiao pointed at the man in spiked armor and a giant sword being announced by the organizer, “In five minutes or so.”

Zhuzhi-lang frowned. “I don’t know if we will have that much time. I saw Cang Qiong hunters on my way back. It is only a matter of time before-”

“DIDI!”

Shen Yuan jumped a mile in the air at the sound of Jiu-ge’s panicked voice. But before he could turn around and open his mouth, the entire world suddenly shifted and turned upside down.

“Well, guess we’re cutting in line then!” Tianlang-jun said… Somewhere behind him? It took a few seconds for Shen Yuan’s blood pressure to settle and for his brain to realize he was currently thrown over Tianlang-jun’s shoulder and moving.

“What the- Put me down!” He screeched, beating his fists on Tianlang-jun’s back. Jiu-ge was going to freak if he saw him being carried away like a-

“Wait a minute,” Shen Yuan gasped, “Is this the kidnapping!?”

“Indeed it is!” Tianlang-jun crowed, pushing past the spiky armor guy and the indignant organizer onto the stage, “Do keep up with the program, Master Shen.”

“But-” Gongyi Xiao protested, still holding his step sequence chart, “This isn’t what we agreed on!”

“I’m afraid we have to change our plans,” Zhuzhi-lang said, then unceremoniously bent down, smacked the back of Gongyi Xiao’s knees and caught him as he fell, then stood back up with Gongyi Xaio in his arms, bridal style.

Really!? Zhuzhi-lang makes his move now of all times? When Shen Yuan was-

Oh, wait, no, they were kidnapping Gongyi Xiao as well. And Lian-mei, since she was still on Zhuzhi-lang’s shoulders, for once getting nowhere with her complaints. 

“STOP RIGHT THERE, YOU BEAST!” Jiu-ge screamed somewhere Shen Yuan couldn’t see him, “PUT HIM DOWN!”

“Well, that would rather defeat the point of the kidnapping, now wouldn’t it?” Tianlang-jun boomed theatrically, throwing his free arm out, “We went through such trouble to meet my son-in-law, and I find I cannot abide him staying here any longer. I understand Elder Master Shen’s plight, but there comes a time in every bride’s life when she has to leave her parents.”

“I am not a bride!” Shen Yuan pounded his fists on Tianlang-jun’s back, did his best to angle a knee or a foot somewhere where he could properly hit Tianlang-jun, but to no avail. He wasn’t a fucking Demon Emperor for nothing, unfortunately. “I’m a man, in case you haven’t noticed!” 

“I know, it surprised me too!” Tianlang-jun crowed, and had the absolute audacity to grope Shen Yuan’s ass right in front of his brother, the audience and god. Shen Yuan wanted to die.

By the way Jiu-ge screeched, he probably held similar sentiments.

“I know we said we were going to improvise a lot,” Gongyi Xiao plaintively said, “But, um… I wasn’t told your brother would be in on it?”

Shen Yuan wanted to cry. Completely out of the loop, his poor friend was still under the impression he was dealing with human cosplayers, and an even more erroneous assumption that any part of this was still salvageable. Even as he was somewhat awkwardly held in Zhuzhi-lang’s arms right behind Tianlang-jun’s back. With their respective positions and their captors’ heights, it was the most awkward face-to-face meeting Shen Yuan had ever experienced.

“I don’t think this is a fake kidnapping anymore,” Shen Yuan admitted, hiding his face in his hands. 

“Erm,” Gongyi Xiao awkwardly looked up at Zhuzhi-lang, “It’s not?”

Zhuzhi-lang blinked. With both sets of eyelids. “No. I do apologize for the deception, but it seemed the easiest way to gain your cooperation.”

Gongyi Xiao went frighteningly pale. “...oh.”

Whatever else he was going to say was drowned out by a flood of red light… Coming from the floor. Shen Yuan looked down only to see glowing red lines and concentric circles surrounding the stage. Worse, they looked worryingly… Familiar.

It looked like a very elaborate version of the circle he’d drawn when he summoned Bingbing. 

Well. Zhuzhi-lang did say they had an exit strategy all planned.

“And that’s our cue!” Tianlang-jun crowed, “I’ll see Elder Master Shen at the wedding!”

“No,” Jiu-ge said. It was the tone that usually meant an unsuspecting victim had fallen for his trap, “That’s my cue.”

Because of his shitty, kidnapped-princess position, Shen Yuan couldn’t see what Jiu-ge actually did. All he knew was that Tianlang-jun sort of… lurched forward like he’d been punched in the gut and fell to his knees, clutching at Shen Yuan with both hands.

Less than a moment later, Zhuzhi-lang followed, bowing over Gongyi Xiao and nearly toppling Lian-mei off.

“Now,” Jiu-ge still sounded smug, “You’re not going anywhere. And if you release the hostages I’ll grant you the mercy of a quick death.”

“Master Shen…” Tianlang-jun strained, like it was physically paining him to push the words out of his lungs, “Really does… Negotiate like a demon…”

Shen Yuan suddenly felt something tingling all over his skin. Gongyi Xiao yelped and went to clutch at his wig. 

It was the hairpins. They were spilling light just like the circle.

“But you shouldn’t try to beat a master at his own game,” Tianlang-jun said, and suddenly Shen Yuan was falling butt-first down to the floor. It wasn’t a long way to go, but the floor sort of… Caught him. Like a springy matress.

He had a moment to look up to see that Zhuzhi-lang dropped Gongyi Xiao the same way, and threw his head back abruptly so Lian-mei went rolling backwards straight off his shoulders.

They sank into the once solid stage, swallowed up by a river of red light.

The last thing Shen Yuan remembered was Tianlang-jun frightening rictus of a grin and his brother screaming.