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A camera turns on. A shadow of a tall building is seen in the middle of a foggy valley. Someone holds out a clapperboard. "Ghost OSHA, season two, episode four. Last resort… hotel. Well, with a name like that. Okay let's investigate."
[Wednesday 11, 24:00, front porch of the hotel, Luigi]
Behind the clapperboard, a man with a mustache and a green hat shows up.
"Ah! Do I start now! Okidoki, well erm- hello," he stumbles. "I'm Luigi, the- well I guess I'd be the plumber? Or janitor? I’m not sure, but I work here,” he flamboyantly points to the extravagant building behind him, “At the last resort hotel."
Luigi pushes the big golden doors open and leads the camera crew into the main hall. "My job is kind of varied, since most visitors are well- sort of kind of, how do I put this…"
Behind him, two blue ghosts show up, welding baseball bats. One is wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses, looking rather snazzy.
"Oh boy," Luigi mutters, as he quickly picks the vacuum head off his back and flashes the ghosts in the face. The ghosts start to panic, running around wildly, hiding behind furniture and one attempting to hit one of his comrades to show Luigi he is on his side. None of this seems to work as Luigi continues to chase them.
There's a noise of a door opening, the camera pans up the grand stairs to follow it. A man with a similar mustache and red hat seems to be eating a slice of pizza from the upper level.
[Wednesday 11, 24:10, main entrance, Mario]
"Do I think my brother is doing a good job? Of course he is. I mean look at him, he's so self assured now!" Mario says, pointing down at his brother, who is currently using one ghost to beat another ghost yelling: "Stop. Begging. For. Your. Life. You're. Already. Dead!"
“I mean really, since our bus broke down his kooky professor friend has been fixing it and we’ve been stuck here. He’s been doing a good job at keeping the ghosts at bay! I’m very proud of him,” he grinned.
In the background, a tiny Luigi is grumbling, sucking up the pieces of wrecked furniture and trash that got scattered through the fight. It sounds like he’s saying a slew of Italian swears that Mario seems to be ignoring in favor of talking some more about how great his brother is.
[Wednesday 11, 24:15, Floor 15; Master Suite, Kruller, security guard]
In a dark room with a wall of camera feeds of the multitude of floors the hotel covers, a ghost with a police outfit and big dark sunglasses is nervously fidgeting with the microphone feed on the desk in front of him.
“Uh, M-mister L-L-Luigi, please stop assaulting the h-hot-hotel person-nn-nel,” he stammers. On one of the screens behind him, the one labeled ‘main hall’, Luigi is seen waving kindly as multiple ghosts flee the scene. A ghost dog appears through the wall next to him, and pees on one of the sofas. “Yeah, we don’t know why he hasn’t left yet. Him and his friends. Like this is a hotel full of ghosts, I thought the guy was scared o’ ghosts!”
Behind him, a wall of red lights start to flicker. The one labeled ‘elevator’ is also making a horrible screaming noise. “Oh donuts, crumpets and all that is holy,” he says and rushes over to the intercom on the control desk. “To all Goobs on level 2; do not. I repeat; do NOT engage! Green beast on level 2, I repeat; green beast on level 2!”
On the camera’s, another brawl breaks out between the blue Goobs and Luigi. They seem to have formed an alliance with Polterpup, who seems to think they’re just playing.
Kruller turns to the camera. “Ever since th’ old boss got trapped in that painting, it’s been the wild west out here. We got strength in numbers but we’ve neve’ been great at unionizing, so that Boo guy still wants us to fight the plummer fella” he explained. Behind him, Luigi tries to pick up a trashcan to beat the Goobs with, but it seems to have come to life. “When I heard King Boo also got got, I fled here. I figured no one would be lookin’ for me here, but now they’re all expectin’ me to give the commands. Like what am I trained for? Nothing!” The Goobs have built a wall out of trash cans and dinner carts. Once Luigi summons Gooigi to get through the barricade, the Goobs panic and start throwing trash at each other in hopes of proving Luigi they’re on his side somehow. Kruller presses the button on the intercom again. “Guys, disengage! Disengage!”
With a sigh, he turns back to the camera. “I don’t think they have any clue what I’m saying.”
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With a flicker of static, the camera turns on again, this time in the main hall of the hotel. Chambrea the hotel maid and Steward the bellboy are fixing their clothes until the clapperboard snaps closed.
[Wednesday 11, 01:00, main entrance, Chambrea & Steward]
“Yes, we were the first to greet the plummer when he arrived with that tacky group of toads of his,” Chambrea said.
“I honestly cannot phantom- pardon me, fathom how he plans on becoming the hotel's first plummer. We already had a plummer!” Gaston explained, waving his arms dramatically.
“Yes honey but he got demoted for malpractice. Remember? The ducky incident?” Chambrea reminded, putting a calming hand on his shoulder.
Gaston’s arms froze in the air. With a complete look of terror he whispered, “By the beyond they were everywhere. Everywhere .”
[Wednesday 11, 01:05, Floor 7; Garden suits, Dr. Potter & Clam]
We cut to a beautiful terrace filled with gigantic plants and mysterious flowers. There is a giant staircase leading to the top of the towering room. Between the biggest flower in the middle and one of the lower stairs, Clam the old janitor strung up a hammock. He is swaying gently back and forth, until the camera suddenly seems to fall to the ground. The cameraman is consumed by a bright red flower. For a second there is only the sound of crickets and bees. Then, a yellow toad is seen running towards the camera and picking it up.
“Yes, my brother dear has been living here now that he is retired,” Dr. Potter gently explained.
“I ain’t squattin’!” Clam called out of frame, from up in his hammock.
“He is unfortunately jobless now, but in my professional opinion he doesn’t mind as much as he lets on.”
“You don’t even got a doctorate!” Clam yelled.
Dr. Potter looks up, disgruntled, but simply turns back to the camera saying, “He is just upset that I am the more accomplished brother you see-”
“Alright that’s it, hold my duck!” Clam yelled.
The camera is cut by a yellow object obstructing the view, but there are some very creative swear words heard before the feed cuts out.
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[Wednesday 11, 02:15, Floor B2; Boiler works, Luigi]
A nice office space, with a window looking out over the boiler rooms. There was a rack with a bunch of green hats and a little doggy bed with ‘polter pup’ stitched into it with green thread. Next to the bed is a cardboard box with ‘polter kitty’ written on it in green crayon. Luigi is sitting in a rolling chair at his desk, petting polter pup's head on his lap. The cat is nowhere to be found.
“This is my new office. I think it is fair, because I do all the real cleaning, plumbing, electricity, carpeting and cooking in this hotel. I mean, Chambrea cleans too, but cleaning ghost dust, that is a lot easier!” Luigi explained. Polter pup barked in agreement.
Behind the camera, one of the crew asks where the cat is.
“Oh, the cat? I have no idea. First it liked to go into the suites and break all of the furniture. This scared the toads and they beat it with a broom once, and now it is deadly afraid of brooms. Whenever I go to clean, it runs like it is being followed by a hoard of a thousand Nep-Enut. Look it up, they are terrifying! Mario says I hallucinated them when we were babies, but they are totally real!” Luigi ranted.
Polter pup, seeming to have tired of the pets, walked over to the beds. The dog dragged the box over into his dog bed, only to crawl into the box, claiming the two beds for himself.
“I tried to get her helped you see, but after the third vet she ate- I MEAN UH” Luigi sputtered. “DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT!”
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[Wednesday 11, 04:15, Floor B1; Basement, Prf. E. gadd & Mario]
Mario and E. Gadd are standing in front of an old fashioned car. E. Gadd is preoccupied with fixing something under the hood. There is a concerning amount of bolts and wires launching from whatever it’s working on.
“We’ve been trying to get our bus going again ever since King Boo ended up back in that painting. My brother has taken many of the ghosts' responsibilities on his shoulders, I’m very proud!” Mario explained. In the background E. Gadd muttered something about the space-time continuum that Mario simply waves off. “The goobs are still fighting him, but the hammers have given up, most of them have moved to the spa. It is actually very endearing. Peach has gotten the fun purple ones to form a union against King Boo’s reign. They’re the… what were the purple ones called again?” Mario asked over his shoulder to E. Gadd.
E. Gadd pulled his head out of the car. “Slinkers!” he said.
Mario tilted his head to the side. “They sure have… some odd names eh?” he asked.
Finally, E. Gadd got out of the car hood. “I named them after rigorous experimentation based on response, color and how polite they were upon first greeting. The Slinkers were quite rude,” he explained. “There truly is no one who can keep those creepy critters at bay!”
[Wednesday 11, 01:15, Floor 5; RIP Suites, princess Peach]
Cut to a pretty pink bedroom, where multiple Slinkers are dressed in maid costumes serving tea to Peach and the toads.
“Why yes, these little darlings are no trouble to me at all, I don’t know why mister Gadd is so rude about it,” Peach said. The toads nod along in agreement. “He knows nothing about the gentle art of ruling. The same can be said for their troublesome ex-hotel owner. Truly, they don’t even get healthcare!”
The ghosts pose in dramatic ways, one even reenacting the creation of Adam painting with a toad. Peach didn’t take note.
Toadette came walking in with a tray of cupcakes, giving the camera-toad one before sharing with the ghosts around the room. “The princess is really smart, so she is helping the hotel-residents find themselves again,” Toadette explained.
Peach laughed into her fist. “I have done plenty of soul searching myself after all. I actually have a masters degree in psychology, with my thesis on PTSD. Luigi made for such an interesting subject that my professor asked if he could study him. He became quite shy after he learned I was studying Luigi.”
Toadette placed the tray on the tea table and sat down with a sigh. “All the toads are big fans! He’s so nice…”
Some of the ghosts seemed estranged with the situation, while others made puking faces. They stopped as soon as Peach turned her head however. Interesting for ghosts to fear death after all...
[ _ghosts: 89 ___ casualties: 1_ ]