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Wei Ying slipped out of bed quietly with a light yawn. A quick glance at the time confirmed that it was seriously way too early to be up, even for Lan Zhan, but the indent in the left side of the bed was cold, and Lan Zhan was evidently long gone.
Jin Zixuan slept on peacefully on his other side and Wei Ying didn’t want to disturb him, especially when the frown line that constantly marred his forehead had only just eased as he slipped into dreamland.
They’d only barely managed to save up enough for this apartment that was far enough away from both Jin Zixuan’s and Wei Ying’s demons but the process had been long and grueling. Lan Zhan, the absolute sweetheart (simp) that he was had offered to dip into his not inconsiderable trust fund for them but Jin Zixuan and Wei Ying had exchanged just a single glance and refused. They wanted – needed – to work their own way to true freedom.
(Wei Ying had never had access to his family’s wealth. Yu Ziyuan sneered at him at even the thought of mentioning it and Jiang Fengmian had mumbled some nonsense about following his wife’s financial advice.
Jin Zixuan got cut off on his eighteenth birthday, when he vowed that he would never become like his father and that to try would be to shoot himself in the head.)
And the apartment wasn’t that bad, really. It had a kitchen with a combined dining / lounge area, and a bedroom large enough for their massive queen sized-bed. The bathroom was more than a little cramped and even Lan Zhan had been prompted to almost-cursing after the fiftieth time he’d hit his head on the very-low ceiling.
There had been only one brief almost-argument right at the very beginning when Lan Zhan and Jin Zixuan had sat Wei Ying down and proclaimed that no matter how much they loved him, they were not going to put up with his habit of messiness in such a small space, which…Wei Ying understood.
But. But it was theirs. Through long hours at minimum wage jobs and allowing his ideas to be ‘used’ (read: plagiarized) by the huge companies that he was working for, they’d finally saved up enough.
The moldy ceiling and the faucets that never stopped dripping tasted like freedom.
And Jiang Fengmian’s shocked expression when he’d dangled his own keys in front of him had been entirely worth every second of painful work and having to watch his ideas become bestsellers under someone else’s name.
Yu Ziyuan’s spluttered complaint about “something something degeneracy something something ruining everyone’s reputations something something living in sin,” had only been the cherry on the top of the cake.
Wei Ying was happy to be gone.
He dropped a soft kiss onto Jin Zixuan’s forehead, brushing a few strands of hair back to lie against the pillow and wrapped a robe around himself to ward off the cold before heading to the bedroom door. It wasn’t quite late enough in the year that they could justify the exorbitant energy bill that would come from turning on the heating.
Despite their best efforts, the apartment wasn’t quite as spotless as Lan Zhan wanted from them, so Wei Ying had to climb over a few piles of clothes to get out of the room.
He closed the door softly behind him and quickly surveyed the rest of the apartment to try and find Lan Zhan. Quickly being the key word there, because even a cursory glance was good enough with how small it was. They could barely fit all three of the around their table and regularly complained about banging their knees.
Wei Ying insisted that it was just homely, but Jin Zixuan and Lan Zhan, both born wiping their asses with pure gold, had turned their noses up at it. Jin Zixuan with badly veiled disgust plastered over with the relief that he was finally away from his family and Lan Zhan with something that looked like grief at everything he was leaving behind for them.
Wei Ying knew that they were trying though, and that was good enough for him.
Lan Zhan wasn’t in the apartment, so Wei Ying stuffed his feet into his bunny slippers. (They had bought three matching pairs at his insistence and he still thought it was a phenomenal idea each evening when Lan Zhan and Jin Zixuan would stumble into the bedroom wiping their eyes sleepily, with the bunnies on their feet, and would accept Wei Ying’s coos and squishes to their cheeks.) He pushed open the front door.
The sudden cold breeze that rushed through him forced him to wrap his robe tighter around his front. He wasn’t entirely sure where Lan Zhan would’ve gotten to, but he seemed to have an innate ‘Wei Ying compass’ so the moment that he stepped outside, he was certain that Lan Zhan would hone on him. Somehow.
He set off in a random direction, breathing deeply and relishing in the freshness of the cold air in his lungs. He stuffed his hands into the pockets of his robe to fend off the chill as he marched onwards, breath puffing out visibly in the air. The pools of light from each lamp post broke up the darkness and Wei Ying amused himself by counting how many breaths he let out between each one.
When he arrived at the single wooded area in walking distance of their apartment, Wei Ying wondered how really random his direction had been. At the shadow of Lan Zhan crouching among the trees, he couldn’t help but smile. They were the same.
He made sure to tread on all of the leaves that he could see on the ground so that Lan Zhan would hear his approach – there were no more streetlights, here – and when he finally approached Lan Zhan was looking up at him with something that looked painfully close to love.
(“I love you,” Lan Zhan murmured into his neck.
“I know,” Wei Ying deflected with a laugh, “Who wouldn’t?”
“Only people who have no sense,” Jin Zixuan added harshly, not even looking over at them.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan agreed.
“You’re an amazing person and you deserve more than you’ve gotten in life,” Jin Zixuan continued and Wei Ying could feel his heart pounding against his ribcage and he was sure his expression reflected that.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan agreed.
“And you’re never going back to them, who made you feel any less than that,” Jin Zixuan finished.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan agreed.
“Oh,” Wei Ying said, holding his cracked and broken heart in his palms and marveling at what a few kind (and honest) words could do to heal it.
“So yes, we love you,” Jin Zixuan finally made forceful eye contact and instead of being put off by the prideful tone, Wei Ying looked past that to see his own insecurities reflected a million times over.
“I love you too,” his voice broke half way through and he tugged Lan Zhan with him as he jumped into Jin Zixuan’s arms to hug him properly, Lan Zhan’s arms automatically winding around them both, where they belonged.)
“Hi,” he said breathlessly.
“Wei Ying,” Lan Zhan returned, a half-smile spreading easily across his lips.
Wei Ying remembered when those smiles did not come anywhere near as easily.
“Fancy seeing you here,” he said, knowing that as cringy as it was, this was their place.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan said, rising to his full height and putting something into his pocket.
“Can’t sleep?” Wei Ying asked, stepping closer to leach off of Lan Zhan’s furnace-like body. It wasn’t his fault that he was cold, okay, it was verging on winter and he was wearing pajamas. Although on second thought, maybe it was his fault for coming outside in only pajamas.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan agreed, “My thoughts are being very noisy.”
Wei Ying slipped his hand into Lan Zhan’s with a small smile, “Do you want to tell me about it?”
Lan Zhan paused for a moment, considering, just looking into Wei Ying’s eyes.
They’d come so far.
Wei Ying remembered when that offer would’ve been shrugged off as an attempt to humiliate him and Wei Ying would’ve been left holding only the air of Lan Zhan’s departure.
“No, thank you,” Lan Zhan turned back to looking out into the darkness, but his fingers stayed slotted firmly between Wei Ying’s.
“Okay,” Wei Ying acquiesced. That was also new. Before, he would’ve pushed and pushed and pushed until there was no semblance of trust left between them.
(He didn’t have a brother anymore, not really. He learned not to push.)
And then Lan Zhan was reaching into his coat pocket and pulling out a packet of some sort and offering it to Wei Ying.
“Here,” he said, “For the cats.”
“The cats?” Wei Ying asked, accepting the treat anyway.
“The cats,” Lan Zhan confirmed with a secretive smile. Then he knelt back down again and called out softly into the murky darkness surrounding the bases of the trees.
And out emerged what must’ve been dozens of cats. Wei Ying had never seen this many cats together before in his life. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, he stopped counting.
Lan Zhan looked up at him with a small smile and a cat nudging against the palm of his hand and Wei Ying’s heart melted, just a little bit.
He wished that he’d thought to bring his phone so that he could take a photo for Jin Zixuan to see later.
Wei Ying crouched too, feeling his knees click and berating younger him for not keeping up with his flexibility exercises. He shivered heavily as the motion moved his robe and allowed the frigid air to reach his chest. It was fine. For the cats. (And for Lan Zhan.)
The cats took a while to warm up to him, sniffing him with suspicion even with the promise of the treat that he had and Wei Ying wondered just how long Lan Zhan had been sneaking out at night for them to trust him so much.
“Where is A-Xuan?” Lan Zhan asked after a minute, looking up at Wei Ying over the top of a black cat with a splotch of white on its nose that kept demanding his attention.
“Asleep,” Wei Ying replied, “For once. I didn’t want to disturb him.”
Lan Zhan hummed in acknowledgement before grabbing the black and white cat and dumping it abruptly in Wei Ying’s lap.
He looked at the cat.
The cat looked back at him.
The staring contest lasted a good half a minute before the cat decided that his lap was better than the grass floor and curled up, headbutting his stomach and purring immediately.
Wei Ying let the pleased grin spread across his lips, pointing proudly and making excited eye contact with Lan Zhan. He only looked fond though, eyes crinkling into his smile.
Another cat sidled up to him, eyeing the space in his lap out of the corner of its eye. Even in the poor lighting, Wei Ying could tell that it was a lighter color, a peachy sort of blond. It sort of reminded him of Jin Zixuan in a way, how it was searching for affection but would rather be caught dead than to actually ask. It was cute.
And as if he had been summoned from his thoughts, the leaves crunched again and the cats (minus the one in Wei Ying’s lap) scattered.
“A-Xuan,” Lan Zhan greeted and Wei Ying looked over his shoulder to see Jin Zixuan bundled up appropriately for the cold weather with a big backpack on his back as if he was going on a whole ass overnight trip.
“Lan Zhan, Wei Ying,” Jin Zixuan responded, voice gruff from sleep, “What are you doing out here?”
And before, Wei Ying would’ve taken that as a criticism, only reading the venom at the very tip of his voice.
Now though, he could see the concerned furrow of his brow, the way that he caught Wei Ying’s teeth chattering slightly and the panicked hysteria in the depths of his words.
“The cats,” was Lan Zhan’s only explanation.
Jin Zixuan frowned even further, coming closer so that he could see the black and white cat curled up in Wei Ying’s lap.
“Hm,” he said. And then he pulled the backpack off his shoulder and opened it to bring out Lan Zhan and Wei Ying’s winter coats.
“You forgot these,” he said, not making eye contact, “We spent so much money on good ones, don’t waste them.”
Wei Ying’s heart felt endlessly warm as he slipped his on, still toasty from where it had been resting by their fireplace.
(“This is a fire hazard,” Lan Zhan said flatly, “Absolutely not.”
“Lan Zhan…” Wei Ying whined, “Imagine cuddles in the winter around the fire!”
Lan Zhan looked conflicted, “…no, that’s irresponsible. We don’t need an open fireplace.”
“Pleaseeeee,” Wei Ying pouted and Lan Zhan averted his eyes so that he wouldn’t fall prey.
But Lan Zhan wasn’t the target.
Jin Zixuan sighed just once before turning to Lan Zhan.
“You know…my parents never let me have a fireplace,” Jin Zixuan started, looking down at his feet demurely, “I always wanted that experience…”
Lan Zhan looked pained, “…”
“It would really make me happy,” Jin Zixuan looked up at Lan Zhan through his eyelashes, the killing blow.
“…” Lan Zhan swallowed, “okay. We’ll get this apartment.”
Wei Ying held out his hand for a high five and Jin Zixuan’s smug grin haunted his dreams.
“…what am I going to do with you two,” Lan Zhan sighed.
Wei Ying wiggled his eyebrows, “I can think of a thing or two,” he winked.)
“Thank you, A-Xuan,” Lan Zhan murmured as he took his coat too, dropping a soft kiss onto Jin Zixuan’s cheek as he moved away.
The surprised flush that erupted immediately across Jin Zixuan’s cheekbones at the gesture was worth everything in the world, Wei Ying thought.
“Ugh,” Jin Zixuan said, flopping onto the ground next to them, “Just do your cat things, whatever.”
Wei Ying smiled broadly, depositing half of his cat treats into Jin Zixuan’s lap so that he too could enjoy the wonders of cat taming.
Lan Zhan called the cats back out again and Wei Ying was mildly offended how quickly they warmed up to Jin Zixuan, crawling all over him even after his treats ran out.
Wei Ying became significantly more pleased when Jin Zixuan saw his irritation and decided to kiss the pout off of his face. That was much better, he thought against the feeling of Jin Zixuan’s soft lips against his.
“Wipe that smug grin off of your face,” Jin Zixuan said, “Stop it.”
“Never,” Wei Ying replied smugly, “Give me more kisses.”
“No,” Jin Zixuan crossed his arms and turned back to the cats. The dim light didn’t conceal the way that his blush returned though.
(Jin Zixuan’s lips were surprisingly soft, was Wei Ying’s first thought. His second thought was oh, fuck.
And then he was pushing against Jin Zixuan until his back hit the floor and he crawled on top of him and all he could think of was Jin Zixuan and all he could feel was Jin Zixuan and all he could taste was Jin Zixuan.
He pulled back for only half a moment to see Jin Zixuan looking as thoroughly surprised as Wei Ying felt, lips parted and eyes wide.
He didn’t know who moved first this time but somehow Wei Ying’s hands found their way to Jin Zixuan’s waist and he bit lightly at the bottom lip between his own and shuddered at the throaty noise it provoked and-
He was burning up from the inside, his very soul on fire and every single cell in his body yearned for Jin Zixuan’s touch.
But he wasn’t ready he- he- he- Wei Ying pulled away as quickly as he had attacked, eyes wide not only in lust but in fear now. Jin Zixuan was Jin Zixuan, what was he thinking?
But Jin Zixuan looked just as petrified as Wei Ying and he could feel his heartbeat racing under Wei Ying’s fingertips and everything that he had built with Lan Zhan was crumbling under his corrosive touch and-
No.
It wasn’t like he and Lan Zhan hadn’t talked about it.
There was just a difference between ‘potentially dating outside of each other’ and straddling Jin Zixuan after kissing him to the ground.
His heart jumped into his throat.
They were so ill-suited to each other. Jin Zixuan was conceited and overly pleased with his own self worth and would never even look twice at someone like Wei Ying, cut off from his family and with no conceivable income.
He was looking twice now.
This was a mistake.
Jin Zixuan looked absolutely debauched and something animalistic rose in Wei Ying at the sight.
He didn’t want their first kiss to be like this. He didn’t even know if he wanted a first kiss with Jin Zixuan of all people.)
Wei Ying turned to Lan Zhan triumphantly to beg for more kisses from him too, only to find him lying on the ground and looking up at the stars. He reached over to grab Jin Zixuan’s arm, tugging him over so that all three of them could lay next to each other.
“Wei Yi-” Jin Zixuan tried to say, “Stop, just for a moment.”
Jin Zixuan wasn’t moved by his pout this time, reaching into his bag to pull out a blanket that he laid on the ground. “There,” he proclaimed, satisfied.
“I love you,” Wei Ying couldn’t help the words from spilling out at Jin Zixuan’s little smile that exposed his front two teeth.
Jin Zixuan just pulled a face, “I know. Now stargaze with me.”
And that was new, too. No more defensive lashing out because he didn’t – couldn’t – believe those words, so twisted up with falsehoods and neglect and unreasonable expectations as they were in his mind.
Wei Ying laid down on the blanket, pulling Lan Zhan over too and twining his hands together with his two boyfriends.
His eyes automatically sought out the North Star. He didn’t even need to point it out to know that Lan Zhan and Jin Zixuan were already watching it too.
His heart felt like it was beating heavily under the weight of the tattoo inked over it like a physical brand. The area just behind his ear tingled pleasantly, too.
As if his thoughts were mirroring Wei Ying’s, Lan Zhan’s free hand came up to rub at his upper arm.
“Does it still hurt?” Jin Zixuan asked, heaving himself up to lean on his shoulder so that he could see Lan Zhan’s face.
Lan Zhan shook his head, “I took good care of it like the parlor said to.”
And of course he did. Wei Ying would’ve been more surprised if he hadn’t, considering how absolutely petrified he’d looked the entire time that he was under the needle.
“You’re both permanent to me,” Lan Zhan said, echoing the words that he’d mumbled when he finally agreed to the tattoos, “I’m not going to change my mind about any of this.”
“We know,” Wei Ying replied, speaking for both of them without hesitation, “Love you.” He leant his full body weight into Lan Zhan’s shoulder for a moment.
“Mn,” Lan Zhan responded, the tips of his ears damningly red, “Love you too.”
“I’m not ashamed,” Jin Zixuan proclaimed suddenly, rolling up the sleeves of his coat so that they bunched up around his elbows and showing off the two tattoos inked there, one on each forearm.
“Anyone can ask,” Jin Zixuan went on, “And I will be proud of having you. Both of you.”
Wei Ying couldn’t help the flutter in his heart. It was- he-
Okay, so maybe he sometimes needed that. For someone to look him right in the eye and say that they loved him without any conditional clauses.
“Why are we recounting our promises?” Wei Ying asked nervously, trying to deflect the obvious emotional impact and evidently failing by the way that Lan Zhan wrapped an arm around his lower back and dropped a kiss on top of his hair.
Jin Zixuan sat up again, pulling his backpack over to them and opening it again. “Well,” he began, looking incredibly nervous, “It’s- you see, three- I just wanted to- um.”
He lapsed into silence again.
“For god’s sake,” he muttered under his breath, and then in one smooth movement pulled out a whole cake from his bag and set it down on top of the blanket.
“Here,” he finished, covering his face with his hands in embarrassment.
Wei Ying blinked at the cake once, twice, thrice.
It was black all over save for on the top where there were three stars drawn on in a shaky white, all as bright as each other, and below that the words “happy three years”.
(“What’s your favorite constellation?” Wei Ying asked, tracing the freckles on Jin Zixuan’s back with a finger.
“What?” Jin Zixuan rolled over to look into Wei Ying’s eyes, “I don’t have a favorite constellation.”
“Well,” Wei Ying let a smile spread across his face, “Let’s fix that! Get dressed, come on.”
Jin Zixuan frowned in confusion but allowed Wei Ying to pull him up and out of bed, “What? Why now…”
“Now is the perfect time, it’s night time and there’s a clear sky. Come on, come on!” Wei Ying was excited to share the wonders of the night sky with him.
Jin Zixuan slipped into his clothes quickly and Wei Ying turned to him, phone already in hand, “Do you mind if Lan Zhan comes too?”
Jin Zixuan pulled a face, “I don’t want to third wheel you and your other boyfriend…” he was hesitant.
Wei Ying pouted, “But he knows so much more than me about all of the stars, and you’re just as much of my boyfriend as he is. I won’t ignore you.”
Jin Zixuan only sighed, lips twisting unhappily, “Sure. Whatever. It doesn’t matter. If he’s awake at this hour.”
Before he could blink twice they were sneaking out of Jin Zixuan’s room and out on the street, searching for Lan Zhan.
And then they were sitting in incredibly awkward silence as Lan Zhan pointed out constellations and Wei Ying was burning up in irritation because he knew that they could like each other if they just took the chance.
They’d literally been friends in childhood, what was stopping them now?
“I’m going to piss,” he announced sullenly, standing up abruptly, “Be nice to each other.”
Was it really so much to ask his boyfriends to get along? He knew they used to have some tenuous connection, so like fate, stretching between them that he’d just bulldozed through. But was it that hard to regain?
Wei Ying barely suppressed the urge to stomp like a child as he ducked behind a tree to do his business.
And then when he returned-
Lan Zhan’s hand was gripping Jin Zixuan’s hair as if he was afraid to let go and Jin Zixuan held Lan Zhan’s arms just as tightly, fingers going a little white with how hard he was pressing.
And Jin Zixuan’s face was tilted slightly upward and Lan Zhan was-
Oh.
Wei Ying couldn’t suppress the little thrill that ran through his entire body.
He knew it.)
The silence was deafening.
“You see-” Jin Zixuan started nervously, fiddling with his fingers, “It’s been three years! Yay! Uh- I thought it would be a nice gesture and-”
Wei Ying launched himself across the blanket (careful to avoid the cake) and into Jin Zixuan’s surprised arms, planting a slightly too hard kiss on his lips.
“A-Xuan,” he muttered briefly before diving right back in again, slotting their lips together.
“I love you, I love you, I love you,” he got out between pecks and only pulled away when Jin Zixuan’s face was bright red and his lips shiny and a little swollen.
A hand on Wei Ying’s shoulder guided him out of Jin Zixuan’s lap so that Lan Zhan could kiss him himself and this kiss was a little more risqué. Wei Ying wondered if he could convince either of them (or both of them) to fuck him as soon as they got back to the apartment even though it was a stupid hour in the morning. He licked his lips in contemplation, tasting the faint citrus of Jin Zixuan’s lip balm there.
Lan Zhan backed off after a moment and Jin Zixuan looked more than a little dazed, hand tightening where it was wound around Lan Zhan’s waist.
“The cake?” Lan Zhan prompted and Jin Zixuan let go with an embarrassed apology.
Wei Ying sat there with a dumb little smile on his face, watching one boyfriend fumble in his bag for something and the other carding a hand through his hair and felt like the luckiest man in the entire world. Love bloomed like an all-encompassing rose in his chest and Wei Ying admitted to himself that he would go through all of those years of pain and wondering whether he even deserved to be alive a million times to have this. He held it in the palm of his hand wonderingly like one would look at a rare butterfly. Them.
(“I- I can’t,” Lan Zhan stuttered, “I’m sorry, I just can’t.”
Wei Ying pretended that his heart wasn’t breaking in two in his chest, smiling through the pain, “That’s okay. You don’t need to throw away your life for just- a thrill,” he couldn’t hold it together and his voice broke on the last word.
“You’re not a thrill to me,” Lan Zhan frowned, “You’re my everything.”
But not everything enough to leave your cushy lifestyle for, Wei Ying thought soundlessly. He’d come far enough to know that he was never going to be able to cope whilst standing one step behind Jiang Cheng for the rest of his life, and Jin Zixuan had hidden emotional bruises behind a scathing attitude long enough that Wei Ying had decided for him, too.
“Good bye, Lan Zhan,” Wei Ying tried, giving him one last kiss of farewell before turning away. He wasn’t sure that he could do what was best for him if he had to see the heartbroken expression on his face for a second longer.)
In a flurry of movement, Jin Zixuan found what he had been looking for and raised it into the air with an adorable little, “Ah!” and Lan Zhan pulled him into a bone-crushing hug, making him already drop it onto the floor.
Lan Zhan murmured something into Jin Zixuan’s shoulder too quietly for Wei Ying to hear but the way that the flush burst up across his cheekbones and he swallowed nervously gave him a good idea.
After a long moment, Lan Zhan pulled away with suspiciously red eyes and Jin Zixuan retrieved the lighter and candles from where he’d dropped them on the blanket, stabbing them into the cake and hesitating with the lighter hovering over top.
“It’s okay, you can light them,” Lan Zhan said into the pause, “This area allows candle fires as long as they are responsibly looked after.”
And Lan Zhan knew the rules around fires in a random little green clearing in the center of a city, because of course he did.
It felt symbolic of their entire relationship when Wei Ying reached over to wrap his hand around Jin Zixuan’s and flicked on the lighter together. You’re allowed this, he said wordlessly, you’re allowed us, you’re allowed to be happy about this. Nobody will take it from you.
And then he used his other hand to forcibly drag Lan Zhan over. You won’t be forgotten. You’ll never be left behind, you’re permanent to me.
It was a struggle to keep the candles lit long enough because they were outside and the tiniest little breeze blew them out but after circling to cake to block out as much of the wind as possible, they managed just long enough for them to be blown out.
“Go on then, A-Xuan, you made the cake, you get to blow them out,” Wei Ying prompted.
“No,” Jin Zixuan shook his head immediately, “You’re the reason that we’re all here, together,” he said as if that was logical in any way. The whole point was that they were all equally as integral.
“You blow them out,” Jin Zixuan finished.
Lan Zhan only nodded and Wei Ying vowed to kiss them both so much that they could never forget this night. Could never forget him.
He blew out the candles.
(“I walked out on my uncle,” Lan Zhan declared, rainwater dripping down his nose.
“…what?” Wei Ying couldn’t stop his jaw from dropping, “But- you said-”
“I was wrong,” Lan Zhan replied and Wei Ying could see how much it was costing him, “I miss you. Both of you.”
“Oh.”
“You’d better come in, then,” Jin Zixuan hooked his chin over Wei Ying’s shoulder, “I’m sure that Wen Qing can find space.”
Lan Zhan’s shy smile was the most beautiful thing that Wei Ying had ever seen.)
He ended up laying back on the blanket, a leg thrown across Jin Zixuan’s thighs and his hand entwined with Lan Zhan’s.
The tattoo on his chest right over his heart and behind his left ear prickled slightly and Wei Ying felt the urge to retell his own promises from just under three years ago.
“You’re the reasons that my heart still beats and my brain still works,” he said into the silence, avoiding looking at either of them because he wasn’t used to being so unfailingly honest, to speaking the words dancing across the inside of his skin.
“And- well. Not only because I wouldn’t be able to take care of myself without you,” he continued. That was what he’d said before and afraid of honesty. But now he knew better.
“Because if you weren’t here, I would have…I would have no reason to still be alive each day,” Wei Ying finished. The words hung in the air awkwardly and Wei Ying wished he could strike them down, suck them back down his throat and never let them see the light of day again.
But then Lan Zhan was pulling on his hand, tugging him closer and pulling Wei Ying’s head to rest on his chest and Jin Zixuan was shuffling over to curl protectively around Wei Ying’s back, a hand wrapping possessively around his waist and pressing a soft kiss against the back of his neck.
Lan Zhan’s heart thumped regularly beneath Wei Ying’s ear and Jin Zixuan startled doodling nonsense with his finger across Wei Ying’s stomach and- he felt safe and secure in their embrace.
(“The first step to self-improvement is being willing to change,” Wei Ying lectured as if he knew anything about self-improvement.
“I am willing-” Jin Zixuan tried, but Wei Ying cut him off.
“No,” he said, “You’re not with them anymore. You’re with me and with Lan Zhan and we’re living in Wen Qing and Wen Ning’s house and you need to learn to be more…allowing.”
It was a mark of his progress that Jin Zixuan only swallowed his complaints with a disgruntled expression, “How?”)
Despite himself, Wei Ying found his eyes drooping and his breaths evening out. How was it easier to sleep in the middle of a cold forest than in his nice, warm, comfortable bed??
He was halfway between awareness and full sleep when Lan Zhan wriggled out from underneath him with a murmured sorry.
Wei Ying mumbled unhappily as his pillow left but Jin Zixuan just bunched up part of the blanket for him and he settled quite quickly.
Vaguely he could hear Lan Zhan boxing back up the cake with a little, “The cats! It’s not good for them to eat cake!” but he was too far gone into sleep to do much more than smile a little.
When he emerged from sleep again, his head was cushioned on Jin Zixuan’s thigh and Lan Zhan was fiddling with his hair, and they were talking.
Lan Zhan seemed so much less stressed than before and Jin Zixuan was smiling gently and Wei Ying allowed himself to relax.
Good, he thought, Lan Zhan needs to have someone to talk to about the things that I can’t help with.
He dived back into the murky darkness of sleep, satisfied, and woke sandwiched between Jin Zixuan and Lan Zhan back in their bed, exactly where he should be at all times.
Lan Zhan’s chest rose and fell evenly but Jin Zixuan sat up when Wei Ying blinked awake.
“Wei Ying?” he asked, voice thick with sleep.
“Did you carry me all the way back?” Wei Ying blurted out, careful to keep his voice low enough that Lan Zhan didn’t wake.
“Yes,” Jin Zixuan replied, “I carried you and Lan Zhan carried the cake and the cat.”
Wei Ying squeezed his bicep appreciatively with a hum and then- wait.
“Cat?” he asked.
Jin Zixuan just pointed to the end of their bed where the black cat with a white splotch on its nose was curled up into a small ball and purring.
“Oh,” Wei Ying said. Cat.
“She’s called Junie,” Jin Zixuan said, “We’re going out to buy proper things for her tomorrow, and Lan Zhan already checked that she had no owner.”
“Oh,” Wei Ying repeated. Junie stretched her front paws out and yawned and Wei Ying felt like his heart was going to explode.
“I think it will be good for Lan Zhan,” Jin Zixuan went on, “He needs something to take care of.”
“Did you sort it out, then?” Wei Ying yawned. He was not used to being awake this early.
“Yeah,” Jin Zixuan nodded, “He's learning to be okay, now.”
And wasn’t that just everything. Wei Ying learned how to be okay too, with them. Maybe they thought that he was the reason that they were together but to Wei Ying, there was nothing more amazing than reaching out into the unknown, taking that chance, and having them accept him. They saw his lonely hands and reached back. They looked up at him with stars in their eyes and were willing to try, for him. To see where the future would go.
(“I never told you my favorite constellation,” Jin Zixuan said, looking up at the ceiling.
“Yeah? What is it?” Lan Zhan asked, rolling onto his side to look at him and hair falling artfully over his face.
Wei Ying pouted at the sight. He seemed to do everything artfully.
“It’s Ursa Minor,” Jin Zixuan said, finally making eye contact with Wei Ying, and then Lan Zhan.
“Why is that?” Lan Zhan asked for the two of them. Wei Ying just looked at him with wide eyes, voice caught in his throat.
“Because it has the northern star and you two showed me it for the first time,” Jin Zixuan couldn’t hold the eye contact, “And…you’re my guiding northern stars. I’d be lost without you.”
Wei Ying felt like if he said anything at all he would just start bawling.
“Oh,” Lan Zhan said and he seemed even more affected than Wei Ying, “That’s. Good.”
“…did we still want to get those tattoos?” Jin Zixuan asked shyly, “Because I think that this would be a good idea.”
“I agree,” Lan Zhan croaked out and it looked like he was almost holding back tears and Jin Zixuan took one look at him before gathering him up in his arms with a hum.
“So Ursa Minor, then?” Jin Zixuan rubbed a hand up and down Lan Zhan’s spine.
“Sounds good,” Wei Ying choked out, not really sure why he was so affected. He shuffled over to join the cuddle pile.
“You’re a bunch of cry babies,” Jin Zixuan criticized but it was fond and his other hand made its way to Wei Ying’s hair, combing through it slowly.
“I know,” Wei Ying sobbed.
Lan Zhan clenched Jin Zixuan’s hand so tightly that it went numb and they had to switch, Wei Ying taking his place.
“The benefits of polyamory,” Wei Ying joked to the tattoo artist, “More hands to break.”
“Sorry,” Lan Zhan got out through gritted teeth.
“It’s okay, this is what I’m signing up for,” Wei Ying smiled through the pain.
“Take this as a promise,” Jin Zixuan added, “We’re both going to be here for all the times you need a hand to break.”
Lan Zhan nodded briefly but seemed more focused on the tattoo artist.
That was okay. They had all the time in the world to tell him again.)
Wei Ying’s hand rested on the Ursa Minor tattoo on his chest. Ursa Minor and its Northern Star, guiding him into the darkness. Wei Ying and his boyfriends, by his side for all of the future and learning how to move on from the past.
He turned his face into Jin Zixuan’s chest and closed his eyes, the soft breathing of two men and one cat filling his ears.
~~fin~~