Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

7 Minutes in Heaven is the stupidest fucking game ever invented.

Shauna comes to that conclusion after the fourth couple exits what she’s certain is an extremely musty and sweaty closet in the kitchen of whoever’s house they’re all currently partying in. The circle of people she’s sitting with whistle and laugh as the two teens, some boy and girl she’s never met, rejoin them, clearly dazed by whatever they’d just done. 

Shauna’s eyes fall on the girl’s neck, which is covered in red, raw blotches and probably going to bruise in the next hour. She takes a sip of the sprite and vodka in her cup and swallows it bitterly.

What the fuck was she doing here?

The answer was sitting right next to her, hollering with the rest of their small group. Jackie’s arms around Shauna’s right arm is the only thing really keeping her from getting up and finding something actually fun to do. And usually, at a party like this, Jackie wouldn’t be snuggled up to Shauna, as painful as that truth was. As luck would have it, Jeff and Jackie had one of their huge blowouts and had broken up, again , an hour before this shitty party in Holmdel. Jackie was in revenge mode, and her idea of getting back at Jeff was to play stupid party games where she’d end up making out with any guy just to spite him.

Truthfully, Shauna wasn’t sure why they'd broken up this time , but she was sure that he deserved it, judging by the way Jackie looked nearly close to tears when she’d told Shauna that they were through. She hated the hold Jeff had on her best friend’s happiness, hated how Jackie dropped her standards so miserably low because he was pretty much her first and only boyfriend, and he was safe. 

At least she’s laughing now, leaning her head on Shauna’s shoulder as their group decides on who should spin the bottle next. Shauna leans her head back on hers and relishes in the warmth that floods her, a small smile on her face. 

The smile fades as quickly as it comes when she hears the voice that haunts her during her waking hours.

“Move over, I’m joining.”

Randy Walsh. Fucking great. 

Shauna takes a large gulp from her cup and straightens as Randy sits directly across from her. He winks at Shauna, then grins, and it takes everything in her not to visibly grimace.

“Well, this just got interesting.” Jackie giggles from beside her, poking one of her ribs.

“Did it?” Shauna mumbles, her stomach turning from a combination of the vodka and her unease.

“Alright,” Natalie, who’s also sitting across from Shauna, grabs the bottle and holds it up. Shauna watches her scan their circle, teeth trapping her lower lip in a grin she’s trying to contain. It’s nice to see her having a good time, but it was probably less about their activity and more that she was super high. “Who’s next?”

“I think Shauna should go.” Randy says eagerly, trying to make eye contact. Shauna’s eyes don’t connect.

“I’m sure you do.” The comment comes from Lottie, who’s leaning back on her hands, long legs outstretched in front of her, one crossed over the other. She’s sandwiched between Randy, who kindly shoved her as he sat down, and Natalie. Shauna watches as Lottie makes eye contact with Natalie, who’s not hiding her laugh at the comment, and then her attention drifts to her. She was kind of high, too, but it was harder to tell with Lottie already being so lax. Dark, half lidded eyes meet her own, and then the smallest of smiles blooms on her face.

“Well, Shipman?” Shauna pries her eyes away from Lottie to Natalie, who’s now holding the bottle in her direction, and before she can even try to formulate a protest, Jackie is grabbing the bottle and holding it up to her.

“Come on, Shauna,” It’s less of an encouragement and more of a command, and Shauna gives Jackie an exasperated look. Jackie’s eyebrows only raise in response and with all the reluctance in her body, Shauna takes the bottle and places it on the ground in front of her as the circle starts making noise again. She rises up on her knees, takes one look around the circle, sighs, and spins.

She’s dizzy with dread as she watches it spin, and the ghost of the idea that it might land on Jackie has her stomach in these tight knots, riddled with something akin to excitement - excited for what, Shipman? - but then it starts to slow and it goes way past Jackie and Shauna and inches towards the opposite side of the circle. 

She feels like she might vomit as she watches the neck of the bottle slow towards Randy. She knows she was Catholic for only a short time and for the wrong reasons but she screams a prayer in her head for it to gain just a bit more momentum.

For once in her life, someone is listening. The bottle inches slowly past the boy who is salivating at the thought of being alone in that closet with her - 

And lands on Lottie Matthews.

“Holy shit!” Natalie bursts out laughing as the rest of the group starts hollering and whistling. Shauna looks up to find Lottie’s eyes much wider than they were a minute ago as she stares down at the bottle pointing directly at her. Her face heats up with embarrassment at Lottie’s shock. It wasn’t as if she’d done anything to get the bottle to land specifically on the other girl… Except for, well, spinning it… and praying.

Fuck.

“Hey,” She feels Jackie tugging at her arm, and she pries her eyes away from her soon-to-be closet-mate. “You don’t have to do this if you don’t want to. I don’t think Lottie will even care if you pass.” Jackie’s face is sincere, a sweet smile on her lips as she reassures Shauna and for a second, she believes her, wants to believe her. But then she glances over at Randy who’s laughing with some other slob in the circle and she knows, deep down, that if the bottle had landed on him, Jackie would have pushed furniture in front of that closet to keep them in.

From Randy, her eyes fall back to Lottie, who’s no longer staring at the bottle but directly at her. Gone is the shock and all that’s left is an expression Shauna can’t quite place. She’s not sure why, but her stomach tightens.

“It’s fine,” Shauna dismisses, breaking eye contact with Lottie to look at Jackie. “It’s just Lottie. We’re probably just gonna talk in there or whatever.” Jackie raises her eyebrows but doesn’t say anything else, just lets her arms fall from Shauna’s and drop into her lap.

“Sorry, Randy.” Lottie says, unapologetically, and stands, wiping her pleated white skirt off, adjusting her cropped, light blue polo. 

“No apology needed, this is so hot.” This time, Shauna can’t hide her disgust as her nose scrunches. Seriously, can he not just keep that shit in his head? Lottie’s face is similar to hers in discomfort as she offers her hand. Shauna lets herself be pulled up to her feet and be led to the closet, hand still in Lottie’s.

“Don’t be afraid to take more time!” Some douchebag calls out from the group, and Shauna rolls her eyes. Lottie opens the closet door for them, but not before flipping off whoever just spoke. Shauna takes a deep breath, staring into the darkness of the closet.

It’s just seven minutes, and more importantly, it’s just Lottie.

The closet was a lot larger than she was anticipating, but then again, it was a massive house. It was still very much a storage space, with cans lining the walls and some stuff on the floor she couldn’t quite make out, but there was a solid eight feet between the door and the very end of the area. 

She gets up on the small counter against the very back of the closet, pulling down the end of her short, a little too short for her comfort, black dress from where it rides up. The garment’s been nothing but annoying, but she knows she looks good in it; it was, after all, Jackie Taylor-approved. 

“You’re gonna look so hot tonight.” Jackie holds her hand up as she spins her, getting the full view of the dress she plucked from her wardrobe. “This dress makes your ass look great, and don’t even get me started on your boobs.”

Fine, the dress wasn’t all that bad, but she’d still rather be wearing jeans, or even shorts.  At least Jackie let her keep her jacket.

“So…” She starts slowly, but Lottie puts a finger to her lips and then points at the closet door, which she’s still leaning against. A few seconds later, they hear it.

“Randy, get away from the door, you fucking perv!”

“What? I’m just making sure they’re playing the game right.” Shauna’s sure Lottie can’t see, but she rolls her eyes so hard that it almost gives her a headache. She’s still adjusting to the dark, but she can see the movement of Lottie’s arm rise and then fall against the door heavily, followed by a loud FUCK! from the other side of the door.

“Fuck off, Randy!” Lottie yells, and Shauna has to cover her mouth to keep her laughter in. She can see the movement of Lottie’s head shaking back and forth. “What did you do to that guy? He’s like, in heat, or something.”

“I wish I had an answer for you.” Shauna giggles, watching as Lottie wraps her arms around herself.

“You look like you’re having fun tonight.” She takes a step, maybe two, forward towards her.

“Really?”

“No.” Shauna can almost make out her friend’s grin in the darkness.

“Thanks, Lottie.”

“Why’d you come? I mean, if you didn’t want to?”

“I -” Shauna pauses. It was, unfortunately, a good question. “You guys are here, like, you, Nat, Tai, Van, and you know, Jackie wanted to come so…” She trails off, knowing that none of what she just says really answers the question. Still, she sees the other girl nod slowly.

“She’s not here with Jeff?”

“It’s a long story.” A long story that she hadn’t heard yet because Jackie, in her current version of self destruction, was still refusing to talk about it. It was a rare occurrence for Jackie to want to party instead of vent. Jeff must have really fucked up this time, but it’s a blessing in disguise; Shauna’s been looking for a good excuse to tell him to go screw himself.

Lottie hums, nods again, takes another step. She’s processing. Shauna had noticed how she always seemed to chew the info fed to her, savor it, always digesting before answering, never in a hurry to come up with a quick response. It was more than just what was said, but how someone had said it to her, what their voices sounded like, what their faces were saying. It wasn’t easy to lie to Lottie.

She was the first one out of all of them to find out about Taissa and Van, after all. She claimed she could just tell, but she never elaborated. Shauna could see it, though, after she’d pointed it out. Van was bubbly by nature, boisterous and fun, but there was something that came over their face when Taissa was near, something softer, sweeter. It even gave Shauna butterflies.

“Whatever,” Jackie says with an eye roll. “She probably caught them making out or something.”

“Would you rather be in here with her?” The skin on the back of Shauna’s neck prickles at the question. She sits up straighter, trying to see from Lottie’s expression if she’s messing with her or not.

“What?”

“Would you ra -”

“No, I heard you, just… What kind of question is that?” She sees the girl’s shoulders shrug in the darkness. Another step towards her.

“It’s just a question.”

“No,” She shakes her head. “I mean, if she was in here, we’d probably just talk or something. Nothing would happen.” Her voice gets just the tiniest bit softer at the end and she wants to smack herself for it. 

“So who would you rather be in here with?”

“Lottie, what’s going on here? I didn’t sign up for twenty questions.”

“No,” She takes another step closer, and with her eyes properly adjusted, she can see the small smile playing on Lottie’s face. “You signed up for 7 Minutes in Heaven , so we can play that, if you want.” Shauna immediately feels the heat rise to her cheeks. She clears her throat and looks away, even though she’s certain Lottie can’t see her face that well in the dark.

Almost certain.

“That’s not what I meant,” She says. Her voice betrays her embarrassment. “It just kind of feels like I’m being interrogated or something.”

“Sorry, I’m just trying to break the ice.” At that, Shauna lets out a pretty unflattering snort.

“Break the ice? We’ve known each other since 5th grade. I don’t think there’s any ice between us.” She looks at Lottie for a long time, the way she still has her hands wrapped around her middle. If only she could see her eyes. “Do you think there’s ice between us?”

“It’s been a while since we’ve talked alone.” Lottie admits easily. It makes Shauna’s stomach twist with a twinge of guilt. She was right, tough as that fact was to swallow. She couldn’t recall the last time she’d talked to Lottie without being surrounded by their teammates. Or Jackie. 

“I think we know each other well enough.” She assures the taller girl, and by extension, herself. Lottie hums again, and then another step is taken towards her. She’s pretty much in front of her, just inches away from her knees. Lottie’s bottom lip is buried in her mouth and her expression is indecipherable. Even if it was, though, Shauna’s certain she never could have predicted what was going to come out of her next.

“So then, it shouldn’t be a problem if we kiss, since we know each other so well.” The words hit her like a hot smack to the face. Her eyebrows shoot up in absolute shock, and she can’t even control the surprised laugh that leaves her mouth. As she recovers, she can see that Lottie’s expression hasn’t changed a single bit - lip between her teeth again, arms still around herself, just watching her with this look of…

Realization trickles down Shauna’s spine.

“Are you flirting with me?” It’s Lottie’s turn to laugh. Shauna watches her head shake from side to side just the slightest bit.

“Kind of. Maybe I am.” 

“You’re not doing a very good job.” Shit. She’s never been good at hiding exactly what she means or feels, but that slips out of her mouth before she can stop herself and she can see Lottie’s eyes widen.

“Wow,” Her friend scoffs, smiling in disbelief. Shauna bites her lip, holding back her own smile. “Thank you for that. You know, I can go get Randy and we can see how a real expert does it.”

“Fuck off.” Shauna shoves her shoulder, unable to contain her laughter any longer. Lottie’s grinning now, and her arms have finally fallen from around her waist.

“You are smiling, though, so I can’t be doing that bad of a job.” She’s right. Shauna is smiling. A real, genuine, cheek-aching smile. The first one of the night.

Okay, fine, maybe she wasn’t doing that bad.

“Why are you trying to flirt with me?” She leans back on her hands, smile still very much in place. 

“God, Shauna, it’s 7 Minutes in Heaven , it’s like, the point of the fucking game. But, besides that…” Lottie really was full of surprises, Shauna concludes, as she watches her friend place her hands flat on the counter on either side of her hips and lean in just enough that Shauna can finally see her eyes in the darkness. Her breath catches, and of course it fucking catches, because Lottie Matthews is literally so close to her face that she can smell her Burberry perfume and the hints of alcohol on her breath. 

She’s never been blind to how attractive Lottie is. From her cute, - cute? - secretive smile down to her impossibly long legs, toned from years of soccer… Not that she’d been watching or anything, except maybe during their drills, or in the locker room, or tonight, when she was sitting across from her, looking at her with that smile on her face, that look in her eyes…

Whatever.

Lottie was stunning , yes, and Shauna wishes she were just slightly less stunning, because then maybe, just maybe, she wouldn’t feel her stomach tingle with excitement, or hear her heart in her ears, or feel herself leaning in just a little bit.

“Besides that?” She hears herself asking, but she’s not even sure how she’s forming a rational sentence. She watches impossibly dark eyes search her face. They drop to her lips, then down to her dress.

“Don’t even get me started on your boobs.”

“I think you look really beautiful tonight.” The words linger in the air, the very little air, between them and then Lottie’s lips curl into a small smile.

“Wow, Matthews.” Shauna thinks using her last name might give her the edge here, might make her sound unimpressed or unaffected, but her voice comes out just a tiny bit breathless, and the smile on her own face is not doing her any favors, and it sounds like she’s flirting right back at her. 

She’s flirting with Lottie Matthews. She wants to keep flirting with Lottie Matthews, wants her to keep looking at her like this. Like she wants to kiss her.

“Is it working?” 

“No, it’s not.” She’s a bad liar. Everyone knows it.

“You’re a really bad liar, Shauna.” She knows.

“I know.”

Shauna’s favorite thing about summer are the storms, the ones that bring torrential rain, the ones you can smell coming. She loves the pressure in the air just before the clouds break open, the rumbling of the thunder, the energy in the stillness.

That’s what she feels as she stares back at Lottie. She can feel the rumbling inside her chest, her heart thundering. Lightning crackles in her veins when eyes fall to her lips again. She blames the alcohol for leaning in, for wanting to be drenched in the storm.

Shauna’s lips almost brush against Lottie’s just as the door opens.

“Oh,” Such a simple word, and yet, as soon as Shauna hears Jackie’s voice, the storm is gone and they’re back in someone’s kitchen closet at a party that she didn’t even want to come to. 

“Okay, spill.” Shauna’s looking for literally anything stronger than beer on the table in front of them. She picks up a bottle of Malibu, only to be crushed when it’s weightless. 

They’re not in the kitchen anymore. Hell, they’re not even in the same part of the house anymore. Jackie had practically dragged her out of the closet and she had let her because she was still staring at Lottie’s smirking face and her body was still buzzing, cheeks hot from embarrassment from… well, from all of it. From being so easily trapped under Lottie Matthews' sirenic gaze.

“Jackie, nothing happened.”

“Oh my God, bullshit, Shauna!” Jackie tugs on Shauna’s jacket so she can look at her and it’s a dirty move, because Shauna can’t hide behind a cup if it’s empty. “I opened that door and Lottie was all over you.”

“Jackie!” She hisses, her eyes darting around to make sure no one of importance is in earshot. “She wasn’t all over me,” She was. Even Shauna can’t really deny it. “We were just talking.”

“Just talking? Really?” Jackie crosses her arms, face skeptical. It’s a lethal stance that she’s incredibly acquainted with. Until Jackie hears what she wants to hear, she isn't going anywhere. “Okay, so if you guys were just talking , then why were you blushing? Actually, why are you still blushing?”

This was going to be a nightmare.

“I’m not blushing,” She defends, resisting the urge to touch her cheeks. She doesn’t really need to, though. She absolutely is blushing. “It’s like a million degrees in this house right now.”

“You suck at lying, Shipman.” Her breath catches for a second and her stomach does a somersault, swoops in a way entirely too pleasant.

“You’re a terrible liar, Shauna.”

She knows.

“Okay, fine,” Shauna says, crossing her arms in some sort of defense. She bites her lip then sighs. “Yes, she was… flirting with me. Only a little.”

“I knew it!” Jackie says with a laugh and smacks Shauna’s shoulder. She lets out an ow! but she’s smiling a bit, too, still blushing, still kind of flustered, but for a second, it feels nice. It’s like they’re in Jackie’s room, gushing about one of her crushes from when they were kids.

So this is what it felt like to be in Jackie’s place. 

“Did you like it?” 

“What?” She’s going to have whiplash by the end of the night. “No, I mean, you know… It’s Lottie.”

“So what? Lottie’s hot.” Jackie says it seriously and Shauna’s stomach tightens. She averts her eyes to the table, searching for something that will drown her excitement over that statement.

“I mean, you know, she’s herself.”

“You’re literally smiling right now.” Jackie is smirking at her and she has to resist the urge to cover her face and scream.

Fuck.

“It was nice to be flirted with, okay? And she wasn’t doing a terrible job.” Not at the end, anyways. Definitely not at the end. 

Jackie’s eyebrows are rising again, and Shauna doesn’t even want to hear, or imagine, what she's going to say next. “But that’s as far as it went. Just flirting. I swear.” It wasn’t too hard of a point to defend because it was true, after all. 

Mostly true. 

So what if she knew what perfume Lottie was wearing, or that she could tell at some point, she’d had on strawberry lip gloss because it blended in perfectly with the hint of alcohol on her breath? It didn’t mean anything. It doesn’t mean anything, but even now, the memory of it makes her chest warm, and that warmth runs all over, like goosebumps in a hot shower. It settles in her lower belly and makes her bite the inside of her cheek.

Jackie looks at her for a long time, eyes narrowed, but Shauna can see the skepticism melting away.

“Okay, I believe you. I’ll drop it.” 

“Thank you.” She doesn’t even try to hide her relief. She relaxes, smiles gratefully and turns back to the table, trying to find something that’ll wreck her tonight.

“Actually, just one more thing?” 

Of course.

Shauna turns back to her best friend, trying her best not to look exasperated, and raises an eyebrow. Jackie scans her face, her eyes moving along the entirety of it, observing her. She’s taken aback by the intensity of it and looks away, feeling exposed. 

“Did you want to kiss her?”

Definitely the million dollar question of the night.

“I don’t know,” It comes out as a stutter as she scrambles to find some sort of defense, because she’s lying. She definitely knows the answer to the question. “Who cares? Girls kiss each other at parties all the time.” That analytical look is still on Jackie’s face as she finishes, and for a second, she worries that she actually won’t drop it, but then Jackie shrugs and grabs an empty plastic cup from the table.

“Good point.”

Shauna lets Jackie drag her into the living room and for the next hour, they dance to the crappy pop music that booms through the speakers. She drinks in between every song until they actually start to sound good, and by the end of the hour, she’s happily hopping along with Jackie to Waterfalls . This Is How We Do It starts up, but Shauna’s been ignoring her bladder for the better part of ten minutes and starts to separate herself from her best friend’s arms.

“No, Shauna!” Jackie whines, trying to pull her back towards her and the mass of people dancing around them.

“I’ll be right back,” Shauna laughs at Jackie’s pouting face as she successfully frees herself. She picks a random direction to go in, trying to focus on her feet to move her forward and her arms not to bump into anyone. She was a lot more tipsy than she thought. She makes her way into the foyer and asks two guys leaning up against a wall if they know where the bathroom is. If only she were drunk enough to ignore the way their eyes roam her entire body.

They point behind her and she mutters her thanks as she walks off, resisting the urge to turn and make sure that they’re not following her. She makes her way through another living room - seriously, who the hell lives here? - and recognizes the area where she’d been playing just an hour ago, but the circle is no longer there. Before she can really stop herself, her eyes scan the room for a ruffled white skirt and a long-sleeved, baby blue polo. She comes up empty and ignores the disappointment that settles over her.

The two creeps weren’t lying, thankfully, because as she makes her way into the kitchen, past the closet that she definitely does not stare at, Shauna comes upon a line of girls waiting along a wall; the telltale sign of a bathroom being near. She sighs and gets to the back of the line, leans against the wall and properly takes in her surroundings.

Now blissfully buzzed, she actually finds herself enjoying the party scene. She wraps her arms around herself and smiles as the people in the second living room finish dancing to This Is How We Do It . When Fantasy starts up, she hears some girls yell as they start singing along, and it only makes her smile widen.

“Hey, Shauna,” Her eyes lazily follow the sound of the voice. Beside her, Akilah smiles at her, clad in an olive green dress and beautifully braided hair over one shoulder.

“Hey, you! You look amazing!” She doesn’t often speak to Akilah, the younger girl being on their JV team, but alcohol always made her more charismatic, so she smiles and turns to face her.

“Thanks,” Akilah says with a grin. “So do you.” 

“Who are you here with?” 

“I came with Mari and Melissa,” Akilah points somewhere into the crowd of people between the kitchen and the living room and Shauna feels like her eyes are moving in slow motion, trying to find either girl in the crowd.

“Where?” She says, laughing a little because yeah, she’s so beyond tipsy. Akilah laughs, too, then points again, and this time, her eyes do connect with Mari, in a shiny, mauve dress, with her hair up in a bun, with Melissa beside her, and then her eyes fall on the white skirt.

“You guys are hanging out with Lottie?” She tries to ask as casually as possible, but even under the influence, she can tell how eager she sounds. Akilah doesn’t seem to notice.

“Kind of. Van’s there, too.” Shauna feels just a little bad for not noticing Van, clad in a black shirt and overalls, standing directly beside Lottie, talking excitedly about something to the group of girls. “Um, Shauna…” She pries her eyes away from the group reluctantly and looks to Akilah, who’s gesturing to the moving bathroom line.

“Sorry,” She moves over, and her view is slightly obstructed from the wall that holds the bathroom, but not enough to where she can’t see the way Lottie throws her head back laughing at something Van just said. She feels heat rise up her neck, feels that familiar warmth in her chest again. “Do you know who she came here with?” 

“Lottie? No,” Akilah shakes her head. “But I can ask when I get back.”

“No, no,” Shauna puts a hand on her arm, shakes her head from side to side. She did not need Lottie finding out she was asking about her. “I was just…”

She watches Lottie ask Mari something, who then turns and points to Akilah. She doesn’t even realize she’s holding her breath as she watches Lottie look over in her direction.

If she was ever looking for proof of the stars aligning , or whatever other cosmic garbage she didn’t believe in, she would have found it in the way Lottie’s eyes met hers from across this loud, sweaty party scene.

“You were just…?” She hears Akilah’s voice, but she might as well be in a different room. She never breaks eye contact with Lottie, watching as she lifts the red, plastic cups to her lips but doesn’t drink. “Shauna?” This time, Akilah’s voice is firmer, and she pries her eyes away, not easily. The younger girl beside her gives her an odd look, and she remembers that they’d been in mid-conversation.

“Sorry,” Shauna apologizes, shaking her head. “What were we talking about?”

“Dude, I think you need to start drinking water.” Akilah laughs, nudging her forward as the line moves. Shauna looks back towards Lottie, who’s still watching her with that same look - you’re a really bad liar, Shauna - until the wall in front of her finally obscures her view. She falls back heavily on to the one behind her and laughs, covering her face.

“Yeah, I think so, too.”

Using the restroom sobers her quite a bit, but her brain is still incredibly fuzzy when she goes to wash her hands. She looks at herself in the mirror as the cold water runs through her fingers, providing some small relief from the heat in her hands. Her eyeliner still looks good, so did the bit of eyeshadow she had on. Jackie would never set her up in bad makeup. The only thing that had faded was her lip gloss, watermelon mint.

As she digs into her pocket for the lip gloss and begins to reapply, she thinks of the red cup against Lottie’s lips, how strawberry lip gloss had likely rubbed off on the rim. Lottie’s breath fills her mind, the smell of strawberries and alcohol floods her senses, and she mashes her lips a little too hard when she tries to spread the gloss evenly.

Whatever.

She’s wiping off the excess gloss when she starts to hear the voices of the party change, like there’s some kind of commotion. The song playing outside ends abruptly and people start to yell. Someone runs past the bathroom door, and she hears the one word that would ignite panic in any partygoer.

“COPS!”

Fuck.

Shauna rips the bathroom door open and sees the masses of people shoving each other, can hear the deeper voices of who she could only assume were the officers making their way through the house. People run past her towards the back of the house, where the multiple patio doors are now wide open, the yard of whoever’s house this was now littered with fleeing teens.

Jackie. 

Fuck.

Shauna had left her in one of those rooms. She leaves the doorway of the bathroom and starts shoving against the crowd, trying to make it back to the room. She almost turns the corner until she feels a hand wrap around her wrist and pull her back. She turns, outrage already on her lips until she sees it’s Lottie’s hands around her wrist, her face one of genuine panic.

“We have to go this way,” She urges, and Shauna knows, but she looks behind her, towards the other rooms.

“But, Jackie -”

“She’ll be fine, Shauna, we have to go. Please .” She hates that Lottie’s right - why did it have to be Lottie? - but, with one more glance backwards, she lets herself be led towards the back, through the patio doors, and into the backyard. Lottie’s grip is firm, but not bruising, as she looks around quickly, then looks back at Shauna. “This way,” They run towards the very back of the yard, blocked off by a tall, black fence. Shauna’s no stranger to hopping fences, but this one was a little too tall for her.

She should have worn shorts.

“I can’t,” She looks over to Lottie, panicked, but the taller girl is already bending down, cupping her hands.

“I’ll help you, go!” Shauna doesn’t hesitate and uses the boost Lottie gives her to grasp the top of the fence. She grits her teeth as she pulls herself up, and for once, she’s so happy to be a soccer player. She lifts her leg over and hisses as her calf lands on one of the spikes, but she pushes and then she’s landing hard on the other side of the fence.

“Hey!” There’s a booming voice that comes from the entrance to the patio, but all Shauna can see is blinding lights approaching them.

“Lottie, come on.” She pants, and then Lottie’s jumping up and grasping the top of the fence, pulling herself over with ease. She jumps down and Shauna half catches her, nearly toppling over from the force. She grabs Lottie’s hand and starts running in any direction away from the house, leaving behind the chaos of the party. She’s fast, a lot faster than she’d thought she’d be drunk, but Lottie is keeping up just alongside her. Pretty soon, they make it through the small bunch of trees behind the house and on to the other side, stumbling on to another person’s yard.

“Shit!” Shauna curses as bright flood lights come on, blinding both girls for a second.

“This way,” And then Lottie is leading them again, moving just behind the houses in the neighborhood, avoiding getting too close. They run for a bit until enough houses have passed them that they feel safe, and they stop near a large tree to catch their breath. Shauna falls heavily against the tree and Lottie bends over, hands on her knees, as they both heave greedy gulps of air.

“I think we’re okay here.” Shauna says in between breaths. She watches Lottie straighten, still panting, holding her side.

“Van said to meet at the gas station across the street from the entrance of the neighborhood. We came with Tai, she can give you a ride home.”

“Do you know which way the entrance is?” 

“Fuck no.” Lottie says this with all seriousness as Shauna stares at her. There’s a beat of silence, and then she’s bursting out laughing. Lottie’s laughter bubbles, then she’s full blown laughing, too.

“Why did we come this way?” 

“I don’t know!” Lottie’s throwing her head back and Shauna’s covering her face, trying to control herself. When they stop, panting now from laughter, Lottie lets out a breath and clears her throat. “Who did you and Jackie come here with again?”

Jackie. Shauna straightens at the sound of her best friend’s name, tucks some of her hair behind her ear, clears her own throat.

“Um, we hitched a ride with Jamie Hoffman last minute.” They were supposed to go in Jeff’s car, but Jamie’s minivan was a surprisingly nice upgrade. It definitely beat sitting with the paper bags of whatever fast food Jeff had eaten that day, or Randy. She preferred the bags of food to Randy.

“Right.” Lottie nods then takes a glance behind them. “You don’t think there’s any chance she got a ride with Jeff, right?” 

“I don’t think so.” Shauna says, and she hopes she’s right. Jackie might’ve been unhappy with him tonight, but she was so ridiculously soft for him, too. If he said the right thing, whatever that happened to be, well… She honestly wouldn’t have been too surprised to see Jackie jumping into Jeff’s car.

Maybe it was good, then, that she’d fled with Lottie.

“You must be pretty happy about that.” It’s a statement more than a question and Shauna’s eyebrows furrow.

“Why do you say that?”

“Come on, Shauna, you hate Jeff.” Shauna scoffs. Yes, she did, but that didn’t mean that Lottie needed to go around saying it out loud.

“I do not hate Jeff, Lottie.” But Lottie is looking at her, mashing her lips together to hold back a smile. Shauna ends up covering her own face to hide hers and then they’re laughing again until she shakes her head. “I just think Jackie could do better, that’s all.”

“Well, you’re not wrong there.” Lottie agrees, shifting weight from one foot onto the other. Shauna watches the way she wraps her arms around herself, and her mind flashes back to the closet. Lottie, in the darkness, watching her, moving closer. 

“It shouldn’t be a problem if we kiss, since we know each other so well.” 

Shauna clears her throat, looks down at her scuffed converse.

“Do you mind if we stay here for a bit?” She’s still decently buzzed and the running and alcohol were not doing wonders for her energy. She hears Lottie hum beside her in approval and she slides to the ground, not caring at this point about grass or dirt stains on the dress. The party was definitely over.

When she’s settled, back pressed comfortably against the trunk, she turns her attention back to her friend. Lottie is so tall; it’s all she thinks about as her eyes travel up the length of her body, lingering on long, tan, toned legs and a slightly exposed, taut stomach. 

Whatever. 

She’s a drunk teenager in front of one of the hottest girls she knows. Sue her.

“Do you wanna sit?” She asks, resting her head against the tree. Lottie’s hair is a little untamed from their running, a little curlier and voluminous, but it looks nicer that way, more authentically her. 

“I would, but,” She gestures to the very white skirt that Shauna totally forgot she was wearing. Right. She thinks for a moment, then starts to take off her jean jacket and places it on the ground next to her. “Shauna,” Lottie protests but she just smiles in response and pats the space next to her.

“I’ll break my neck looking up at you for so long.” There’s just a little bit of truth in her joke. Prying her eyes away from Lottie right now would take a Herculean amount of strength that she knew she didn’t have. 

“I guess chivalry isn’t dead. You’ve just been hoarding it in your tiny, little body.” Lottie grins, runs her hands through her hair to move it from her face. 

“Shut up and sit down already.” She leaves out the please that echoes in her mind. Lottie crosses in front of her and sits, legs outstretched. She leans back against the trunk, her hair tickling Shauna’s now exposed shoulder, her body heat radiating. She ignores the goosebumps rising on her skin.

They sit in silence for a bit, taking in the quiet and darkness around them, the only bit of light coming from the mostly full moon. It’s a welcome change from the endless stimulus of the party - the heat, the music, the lights. Shauna’s mind goes back to Jackie, inevitably, hoping that she left the house okay. If she were here right now, she’d probably be talking about something or the other and Shauna would be nodding along, half listening while trying to navigate.

She loves Jackie, loves how she always fills the empty spaces with her boisterous laugh and her giant personality, but there was something nice about this, too, this peace she’s sharing now with Lottie in some random wooded area in Holmdel. She can hear the crickets, the light rustling of the wind, Lottie’s steady breathing beside her. She glances beside her, making sure her friend isn’t asleep, though she wouldn’t have blamed her. Lottie’s eyes are closed, head tilted back slightly, the picture of serenity. Her bangs have fallen back on to her forehead, naturally, making her face scrunch up. She feels the tiniest of flutters in her stomach.

Then, because Shauna seemed to enjoy testing the limits of her sexuality tonight, - which was what, exactly? - her eyes fall to the slope of Lottie’s neck. She feels herself swallow just a bit, wondering suddenly what it would be like to  -

“Shauna?” She jumps at the sound of Lottie’s voice. She looks away immediately, cheeks flushed. 

Fuck, did she see that?

“Sorry, did I scare you?” 

“It’s okay, I just didn’t expect you to talk. It’s so quiet.” Shauna says with a small laugh, relaxing a bit.

Maybe she didn’t see. God, she needed to pull herself together. She was no better than a teenage boy. 

Lottie sits up a little straighter, clears her throat. “I’m sorry if I came on too strongly at the party. I just thought it might be fun to push your buttons a little.”

“Push my buttons, huh?” Shauna says with a small smile.

“You looked like you needed it.” Boy, did she. “But I also get carried away sometimes when I’m playing party games.” 

“So, you’ve tortured other people like that?” It’s a half joke, half serious question because, for whatever reason, she finds herself wanting to know if Lottie has ever flirted her way into kisses before.

“Tortured?” She says, appalled, and Shauna’s smile widens into a grin. “Rude, but no. Not really, anyways. I wouldn’t have joined tonight but Natalie was holding my joint, and she wanted to play, so…” She trails off with a smile. “I’ve never actually ended up with anyone in the closet anyways, so, thanks for being my first.”

“Shut up,” Shauna rolls her eyes, but her stomach tightens and she bites the inside of her cheek so hard it almost bleeds.

“What about you? Have you gotten lucky with anyone playing one of those stupid games?”

“I wouldn’t call it lucky, but yeah, I had to kiss Oliver Dunn in spin the bottle during Freshman year.”

“ Overbite Oliver ?” She says it with so much shock in her voice that Shauna feels the embarrassment rising up her neck, but she nods. “Did he take a piece of you with him?”

“Stop, Lottie,” She says, biting her lip to keep from smiling.

“Fine,” Lottie says with a laugh, bumping her shoulder playfully. “Please tell me Overbite Ollie isn’t the only person you’ve ever kissed.” She takes in a breath at the question, a bit of discomfort coming over her.

“He’s not, but my list is disappointingly short.” She’s not lying about that, either, because there’s only three people on it; Oliver Dunn, some random boy from a party last year, and, well…

Jackie.

“I find that very hard to believe.” Lottie’s voice is just a bit softer when she says it, still joking but there's something in the way she says it, or maybe it’s the way she’s looking at her. Sincere eyes, like she means every word.

Shauna looks away. She has to.

“I’ve been sharing a lot tonight, why don’t you roll out your list?” She’s deflecting, she knows, but she has to do something . It almost feels like they’re picking up where they left off at the party. Maybe they were.

“Yeah, well,” Lottie sighs, relaxing back against the tree. “My list is also disappointingly short.” Shauna snorts. It’s incredibly unattractive and she doesn’t mean to, but she can’t help it. There’s no way people weren’t dying to make out with Lottie. “What?”

“Nothing, I just,” Shauna laughs a little, shaking her head. “I just don’t believe that.”

“Why would I lie about that?” 

“I don’t know,” Shauna says with a shrug. “Maybe you’re just trying to make me feel better about myself?” Lottie gives her an incredulous look, eyebrows furrowed, smiling.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t do that.” Shauna’s jaw drops, shoving her friend's shoulder hard. Lottie has to catch herself, but her laughter is infectious, childlike and bubbly.

“Asshole.” She says but she’s laughing, too. She can’t help it. Lottie brings it out far too easily. When she recovers, the taller girl clears the remaining giggles from her throat, and Shauna watches as she picks at a blade of grass in between them.

“Believe it or not, guys aren’t lining up to kiss girls who tower over them.” Though there’s still a bit of a smile on her face, it fades as the sentence lingers between. As ridiculous as it sounds, Shauna knows she’s not lying. Boys their age were made up of nothing but beer and fragile egos. 

“Guys fucking suck, anyways,” Shauna says with an eyeroll. “I think you’re hot.”

The words are out of her mouth before she can even filter the thought out of her head. Lottie’s eyes grow wide, she looks up from the blade of grass she’d been toying with. They stare at each other for a moment, then Lottie’s sputtering out a laugh, and Shauna’s throwing her head back as her own laughter pours out of her.

“Wow,” Lottie says, trying to contain her laughs. Wow, indeed. Shauna’s had her bold moments in the past, but this was something else entirely. She blames the liquid courage in her veins for her statement, even if she wasn’t that drunk anymore. “That makes sense, actually. You’ve been eyeing me like a piece of meat all night long.”

“Oh, fuck you. Like you haven’t been doing the same.” She doesn’t even deny Lottie’s statement, but Lottie doesn’t deny hers, either. She feels triumphant for a moment until she meets Lottie’s eyes again, dark and mischievous, staring at her. It feels like they’re back in the closet, and the storm’s rolling in.

“Yeah, maybe I have.” Lottie says, her bottom lip disappearing into her mouth. Shauna watches the movement pathetically. “I meant what I said at the party, you know.” Lottie inches just a bit closer, shoulder now flush against hers, and she feels the electricity of the touch in her bloodstream, igniting everything in its wake. “I think you look beautiful tonight.”

She can feel her heart thundering, the anticipation building in her stomach. How did she end up in another charged staring match with Lottie Matthews, curling her hands into fists to stop herself from…

From what, exactly? No, she knows from what. She can blame the alcohol, or the atmosphere, she can even try to blame Lottie, but the truth is laid out plainly before her.

She wants to kiss Lottie Matthews. She’s wanted to kiss Lottie Matthews since she leaned over her in that dark kitchen closet with her alluringly bad flirting. And that’s exactly what was going to happen, now, wasn’t it? They were going to kiss. 

It was an inevitability at this point; Lottie’s already leaning in, and Shauna’s not even thinking of pulling away. They’d unlocked something in that closet, something she wasn't aware was even feasible between them, but here it was, so really, what else were they supposed to do with it?

“Lottie,” She whispers against her friend’s lips, a breath away from her own. “What are you doing?” It’s the stupidest question she’s ever asked, but it’s her last barrier before she falls into oblivion. She feels Lottie’s laugh on her lips. Her toes curl in her shoes.

“I’m counting how many eyebrow hairs you have.” She breathes out her own laugh. It’s such a dumb joke, so terrible, and yet she’s absolutely charmed because it’s Lottie’s dumb joke, and it’s Lottie’s dumb smile mimicking her own, and it’s her eyes, half-lidded and full of want staring back at her, and it’s Lottie that’s about to give her a kiss that’s going to absolutely destroy her. “What do you think I’m doing?”

She answers by closing the distance between them. Despite her eagerness, their first kiss is gentle, tentative. Lottie pulls away, just for a second, and Shauna worries that she’s changed her mind until she kisses her again, less gentle. A hand comes up to her cheek, grounds her, and she sighs into the kiss. Lottie presses a little into her, more insistent, more wanting. She feels her breath against her lips before another kiss starts, and there’s something that tightens just below her tummy, delicious and warm. Her hands tangle in Lottie’s blue polo, pulling her closer. Kiss after kiss, Lottie’s hand ends up in her hair, gripping lightly and the sensation elicits the softest moan from her, breathless and broken.

She’s surprised when Lottie pulls away just a bit to look at her. Her eyes search hers, a silent question - is this okay? should we stop? - but there’s a hunger in her eyes, a plea in her stare, in the way she tucks her bottom lip into her mouth. Shauna almost does the same just to taste the mixture of strawberry and watermelon mint on her tongue.

She’s never felt desire quite like this, and it was nothing short of addicting, even more so when she could read it on Lottie’s face, and it was because of her . She answers in the only way she can think of. Her hand slides up to the back of Lottie’s neck, and the coil in her stomach tightens when she feels her shiver. She pulls her in again, hard, bruising, delicious. Her tongue runs along the Lottie’s bottom lip and she’s rewarded with a moan directly into her mouth. God, she can taste Lottie, can taste the alcohol that was on her tongue, the familiar sweetness of rum, and she feels drunker than she’s ever been. It’s so much, her head is swimming in heat and lust and want, and it’s still not enough.

Shauna pulls away, smiles when Lottie chases her lips. She can see the question forming on her friend’s - friend! - face but she says nothing, just puts her hands on her shoulders and presses her flush against the tree. She rises up on her knees, the coolness of the grass a comfort against her heated skin, and climbs on to Lottie’s lap, straddling her. She settles her hands around Lottie’s neck, watches the way she mashes her lips together, a little swollen and red now. It’s all dangerously intimate - Lottie’s panting, her flushed cheeks, her impossibly black eyes staring up at her, effortlessly captivating. Still, she doesn’t make a single move to touch Shauna, hands curled into the jean jacket on the ground.

“So, now you want to be shy?” Shauna doesn’t recognize her own voice; it comes out a little lower, a little rougher. She smiles, still a little breathless, and finds herself playing with the hair on the back of Lottie’s neck. 

“Shut up,” Lottie breathes out in a laugh, but there is hesitation there, as if she’s realizing what’s just happened. For the first time since they’ve kissed, Shauna feels a little cold. 

“Are you okay?” She watches Lottie’s head tip back against the tree, her eyes illuminated by what little moonlight there was.

“Is this really happening right now?” 

“Yeah, I think so.” Shauna laughs, bites her lip. There’s a small smile on Lottie’s face as she says it and it relaxes her, but only a little. She searches her face for any signs of regret, trepidation, anything , but her mind is foggy and Lottie is already an impossible person to read. “Do you want to stop?” It’s a whispered question, one she doesn’t even want to ask, but she needs to. She needs to know that Lottie wants this, wants her , and because she doesn’t want to stop. She doesn’t want to think about what any of that means for her, she just wants to feel Lottie’s hands on her, her gasps against her lips, her taste. 

Seconds feel like hours as they pass. Lottie’s eyes never leave Shauna’s and she starts to worry that she came on too strong, that their current position is too much, and then Lottie lifts her head from against the tree and she’s so entranced that the hands that come to settle on her hips almost make her jump. She can feel the heat of Lottie’s hands through her dress, and she resists the urge to clench her thighs. Lottie doesn’t say anything, but Shauna watches her shake her head side to side just the slightest bit, her bangs following the movement. 

Shauna’s already leaning down to meet her halfway in a languid, open-mouth kiss that makes her hands curl at the base of Lottie’s neck. She feels like she’s in an 80’s movie, a wide shot makeout scene with music in the background, the chords progressing the more breathless she becomes. She tries not to react when she feels fingers tighten at her waist because the last thing she needs is to start dry humping Lottie… But she’s not far off.

She feels the scrape of teeth on her bottom lip and the heat between her thighs blooms, the coil in her stomach tightens. She pulls back just a little because there’s a fever in her head and all over her skin and she can’t even think, but it becomes a silent invitation for Lottie to attach her lips to her neck and the moan that leaves her is embarrassingly desperate and hot and wanting . 

Lottie pulls her flush against her body as her lips trail kisses along her neck and Shauna’s head tilts back. She opens her eyes and sees the leaves in the tree above them, can see that there’s wind moving through them, but all she can hear is the sounds of her short breaths and Lottie’s lips against her neck and fuck , was that her tongue?

She is going to dry hump Lottie Matthews.

Just as the thought crosses her mind, lips pull away from her neck. She immediately looks down, eyebrows furrowed, protest on her lips, but Lottie’s head is turned to her right.

“Did you hear that?”

“What?” As if she could hear anything besides her own heart rattling inside her chest like a caged animal, let alone think with the warmth buzzing in her head and between her -

And then she hears it. Footsteps and… giggling? Panic settles in her bones like a chill. She looks down at Lottie, eyes wide with horror and Lottie looks back up at her like a deer in the headlights. 

She doesn’t want to, she really doesn’t want to, but she uses Lottie’s shoulders for leverage and gets off her lap and they both scramble to their feet as quietly as they can, given that both their legs were more gelatin than muscle at the moment. Shauna presses herself against the giant tree and ever so carefully, peeks around the side. 

The visibility could be better, but the moon lights up enough of the area for her eyes to adjust. A few feet away, she can see what looks like two people walking in the dark, close together. There’s still too much darkness being cast by the surrounding trees, but if they moved just a bit more…

She hears a low timber, a male voice, say something but she can’t make it out, though the tone is oddly familiar. It was likely some guy from their school looking to score and she should roll her eyes, but that would make her a hypocrite. She feels Lottie move behind her, pressing against her just the slightest bit, and the contact lights up her whole body. Yeah, definitely a hypocrite. 

She grips the bark against her fingers, ignores how easily she reacts to Lottie’s touch, and tries to shift her focus to the two walking towards the opening of the woods. There’s some mumbling of conversation, silence for a moment, and then they both hear it: the wet-smacking of lips in the dark. 

“Ugh, gross.” She hears Lottie whisper and it makes her smile. It is gross, her nose scrunches up at the sound, but it’s also probably what they’d sounded like not five minutes ago. It certainly wasn’t gross then.

That really was going to be a lot to unpack.

They both hear a high-pitched giggle, and then rapid footsteps approaching the end of the tree line. 

“Come here,” It’s the voice of a girl. Shauna brings a hand to her mouth. She recognizes the voice almost instantly; she only hears it whining at every practice.

“Is that Allie?” Lottie’s whisper sounds just as shocked. Truthfully, neither of them should be shocked. To say Allie had a rebellious streak would have been an understatement, and the ego boost from being on the varsity soccer team only fueled it. Of course she’d found a way to make it to a party all the way out here. 

But who the hell was she swapping spit with? The idea of Allie kissing one of the guys at the party makes her stomach turn. She was a Freshman, after all, and couldn’t be more than fifteen. There were practically college men at that party.

Sure enough, Allie Stevens steps out of the tree line, illuminated by the moonlight, dressed in a miniskirt and an off the shoulder crop top. Footsteps start to approach, and Shauna’s peeking out just a bit further to get a good look at who’s coming. She prepares herself for the worst, that being someone that looks twice Allie’s age. As the details of this guy start coming into focus, the shock of realization sending goosebumps up her arms, she immediately regrets ever watching this closely because she knows exactly who’s walking towards Allie now. The height, the way he walks, his fucking jacket. She couldn’t see his face, all she could really see was the back of his head, but it was a head of sandy blonde hair she was all too familiar with. It was usually the first thing she saw when approaching Jackie’s locker.

“Holy shit,” She hardly hears Lottie’s whisper behind her over her heart pumping violently in her ears, the anger boiling in her veins. She knew Jeff was a dick, despite the nice guy act that he always had on, but he had just broken up with Jackie that night. If Jackie had been the one to catch them, flirting and laughing and kissing…

Shauna doesn’t even remember walking away from the tree, doesn’t remember making the decision to fast walk directly to Jeff and Allie. Lottie doesn’t even try to stop her, not that she could. The disdain she’s harbored for Jeff for the last few months - years, really - is tipping over and he’s finally given her a reason to spill all the pent up vitriol. She’s almost excited to do this.

“What the fuck , Jeff?” She’s not quite in front of them yet when she yells but Jeff was already leaning down to Allie and she didn’t need to see the rest of that. The two jump back at the sound of her voice, and as she gets closer, Shauna can see the realization hit Jeff’s face, can see the dread reshaping it.

“Fuck, Shauna, it’s not what it looks like.” He’s already flopping like a fish out of water. Good. He should be scared.

“Are you kidding right now? I just saw you try to kiss her!” Shauna’s in front of them now, chest heaving from yelling. 

“Shauna, what the hell?” Shauna’s head snaps towards Allie who’s sporting her brattiest sneer yet and she feels her frustration spike.

“Allie, seriously, shut up.” She turns her attention back to Jeff, who’s clearly scrambling for something to say. “Do you even know who she is?” Jeff opens his mouth, looks to Allie, looks back to Shauna.

“No, I mean, should I?”

“You don’t know who I am?” Allie turns to him, outraged and embarrassed. If she speaks one more time, Shauna’s certain she’s going to wring her neck. Both of their necks.

“We just met tonight!” 

“How the hell do you not know who she is? She’s on our team. She’s a fucking Freshman, Jeff!” It’s satisfying to see Jeff’s face contort into horrified shock as he turns to look at the girl beside him, who suddenly can’t make eye contact with anyone. She knows he probably doesn't care that Allie is a Freshman, but Jackie would care a lot and based on the way he looks, he knows he's fucked.

“I didn’t know! She said she was a Junior,” He turns to Allie, trying to dig himself out of the miserable hole he’s put himself in. “You told me you were a Junior.”

“And you believed her?” Lottie joins the conversation, voice laced with doubt, taking the words right out of Shauna’s mouth. She hadn’t even realized when she’d come to stand beside her. “Does she seriously look like a Junior to you?” Some pathetic noise comes out of his mouth for a second and then he’s throwing his hands up in the air in frustration.

“Fuck sake, this isn’t fair! You guys are ganging up on me when -”

“You know what’s not fair?” Shauna cuts him off. She doesn’t want to hear whatever dumb lie is about to come from him. “You broke up with Jackie like, what, two seconds ago, and you’re already trying to -”

“Whoa, hold on,” Jeff cuts her off right back and she clenches her jaw, teeth grinding in her mouth. “ I broke up with Jackie? Is that what she told you?”

“Yeah, that’s what she told me, because that’s what you did!” It’s the first time in a while that she’s been this angry and her voice cracks at the end of her yelling. She knows should be more mindful, what with them being in the middle of a suburb in the dead of night, but she’s lost in her rage. 

“I didn’t break up with Jackie, she broke up with me!” The silence that follows is deafening, stunning. Shauna stares at Jeff, face scrunched up in a mixture of anger and confusion.

He was lying. He had to be lying. The way Jackie looked on the car ride over to the party, defeated, on the verge of tears. It had taken her the whole car ride to talk her out of it. 

“You’re full of shit.” She’s shaking her head as she says it, but there’s the smallest bit of doubt in her words as soon as they leave her.

“I’m serious.” Jeff gives her a hard stare, and for once in all the time that she’s known him, she believes him. It’s like the ground beneath her has collapsed.

“Why?” It’s the only thing she can muster. She’s not even so much asking him but voicing the question aloud to herself, because Jackie looked her in the eyes, like a wounded deer, and told her that Jeff called it off. Why would she lie to her? 

“That’s none of your business.” Jeff’s demeanor changes. He straightens from genuine to concealing and cold almost immediately. His change in tone snaps her out of her shock and she crosses her arms over her chest, raises an eyebrow at him.

“She’s going to tell me, you know, and she’s going to make you look bad when she does it, so you might as well speak your truth now.” She watches Jeff clench his jaw, looks around at the other two girls present. Allie’s paying attention, but anytime Shauna glances at her, she shoots her gaze to the ground. When Jeff’s eyes look over to Lottie, she also takes a moment to glance beside her. 

Lottie’s almost as tall as Jeff, give or take an inch or two, and while she’s never looked intimidating to Shauna, her face was serious now, defensive. She wasn’t afraid to confront Jeff alone, but Lottie’s support was oddly nice. Her gaze falls to Lottie’s arms where her jean jacket is wrapped up in them.

“I guess chivalry isn’t dead. You’ve just been hoarding it in your tiny, little body.”

It feels like an eternity ago.

“Fine,” Jeff says finally, rubbing the back of his neck. “I went to go pick her up and we were talking about tonight, after the party. She was going to come over and we were…” He trails off and Shauna’s heart drops, swallowed by the pit in her stomach. She looks away momentarily, shifting her weight. Jackie definitely hadn’t told her that . “She went back on her decision, we got into a fight, and she broke up with me. She said she wasn’t sure she even wanted to be with me anymore.” He sounds genuinely hurt, but Shauna couldn’t care less, resisting the urge to roll her eyes.

“So, what did you say to her?”

“What are you talking about?”

“Do you think I’m dumb, Jeff? Jackie wouldn’t just break up with you for that, you guys have been in that crap since Freshman year, so what did you say to her this time?”

“I didn’t say anything, I just -” Shauna shoots him a look, cutting and aggravated, and he stops mid sentence. He throws his head back, sighs dramatically. “Okay, fine, you wanna know? I told her I was tired of waiting for her to be ready.” Shauna almost hears ringing after he says it, like she’s been smacked.

“Wow, Jeff.” Lottie speaks beside her, disbelief and distaste in her voice. Shauna doesn’t even respond, just stares at him as the ire swirls in her veins, as angry heat fills her chest. She focuses on her breathing and tries to settle the enraged pounding in her chest. 

“I was hurt, okay? I was starting to feel like she didn’t want me anymore.” She reads the words his lips are forming but all she can imagine is her fist connecting with his face, his nose shattering against her knuckles, burying his empty excuses back into his mouth.

“Yeah, I fucking wonder why.”

“Oh, you know what, Lottie -” 

“You need to go, Jeff.” Shauna cuts him off again before he can say something that will truly make her lose it. She sounds much calmer than she feels, and Jeff gives her an incredulous look.

“What?”

“Go, Jeff. I don’t care where the fuck you go but just go .” Jeff looks between the two of them, then to Allie beside him. He huffs and shakes his head, mumbling something under his breath, before he turns and walks back in the direction he and Allie came from.

“Wait, Jeff-” 

“Allie, are you fucking serious right now?” Shauna steps forward, grabbing Allie’s arm just as she starts to follow Jeff. The younger girl yanks her arm out of Shauna’s hand and fixes her with an infuriated stare, one that neither intimidates nor stops Shauna from speaking. “What the hell were you even thinking? Trying to hook up with Jackie’s boyfriend?”

“He’s not her boyfriend tonight,” Allie defends, a cheap defense, but she’s not wrong. It feels like a backhanded insult to Jackie, and for a moment, Shauna imagines slapping Allie across the face. “Plus, he wanted to talk to me. What was I supposed to do, say no? Jeff’s the hottest guy at our school.”

“God, Allie,” Shauna scoffs. “You seriously need some higher standards.”

“Screw you, Shauna,” If she wasn’t so enraged with the whole situation, she would’ve laughed. “I don’t need you to judge me and I definitely don’t need you to make deci-”

“Oh my God, Allie, shut up!” She didn’t often get to see Lottie lose her patience, but she had to admit, it was a little exciting when she did. Shauna watches as she places the jean jacket over her shoulder and grabs Allie by the shoulders. “Do you really want to hook up with a guy who’s using you to get back at his girlfriend?” Allie stares up at her, ready to argue, but Lottie doesn’t let her get a word in. “Do you seriously think he won’t drop you the second Jackie takes him back?” 

Whatever is on the tip of Allie’s tongue dissipates. For a moment, Shauna sees the sadness pass over her face, the sting of the harsh truth and rejection. It’s replaced almost immediately with a bratty frown as she shrugs Lottie’s hands off her shoulders. The younger girl grumbles a small whatever and crosses her arms, but she makes no move to flee. It was the smallest of victories, but at least they had one.

Shauna sighs, running a hand through her hair. Besides the whisper of a buzz in her head, she’s now miserably sober. She drags her eyes away from her childish teammate to Lottie. She watches her roll her eyes and shake her head, blowing at her bangs when they fall into her eyes. It’s cute… very cute. She feels a smile pulling at her lips but turns away as soon as Lottie’s head starts to turn her way.

God, she needs to go home.

“Start walking.” She says when she looks back at Allie, points in the direction directly ahead of them. 

“What?”

“If you don’t want Jackie to make your life a living hell on and off the field, I suggest you come with us so we can take you home.” She says the word suggest , but it’s really not up for negotiation. The Freshman makes sure they see her eyes roll before she turns and starts walking. Her eyes fall on Lottie again, - as if she could keep them away - and there’s a small smirk tugging at her lips. Shauna swallows, hard. “What?”

“Pretty sure we came from that way, didn’t we?” It’s payback for making fun of her sense of direction earlier but her voice is low when she says it, teasing. It almost feels like she’s flirting. Again. 

“Shut up.” She says it but there’s zero malice in her voice, just a small smile she’s hiding as she turns to walk in the opposite direction.

The twenty minutes it takes for them to get to the gas station are agonizing. Allie walks ahead of them the whole time and doesn’t speak once. The only acknowledgment Shauna receives from the girl is her turning when she tells her to. It’s aggravating, but it’s a distraction, something to keep her mind off of glancing beside her and catching Lottie’s gaze, hearing that voice  -

“I think you look beautiful tonight.”

Whatever.

She could almost roll her eyes at herself for how ridiculous she was being. Seriously, avoiding looking at Lottie? And yet, every time the thought crosses her mind, her heartbeat quickens at the thought of seeing her eyes back on her, watching her, glancing down at her lips…

Agonizing actually doesn’t quite capture the torture of the walk.

Relief floods her when she sees the large sign displaying gas prices across the street. The three of them cross quickly and under the harsh fluorescent lights, Shauna sees Taissa’s off-green Ford Escape in one of the parking spaces. Natalie is parallel to it, cigarette in hand, and Van sits talking to her from the open passenger seat. Taissa spots them first and straightens from where she’s leaning against her car. She can’t make out what she says but Van hops out of the car and Natalie takes one last drag of her cigarette before she stomps it out.

“We thought you guys were spending the night in jail.” Taissa jokes with a smile, but Shauna can see her eyes narrowing as they approach. “Um… Hey, Allie?” She glances back at Van and Natalie, who both look equally as surprised to see their younger teammate. Allie doesn’t say anything when she stops near them and Taissa gives Shauna a confused look.

“You don’t wanna know.” Shauna has the urge to rub her face, the exhaustion of the night finally catching up to her, but she still has makeup on. Did it even matter? She was almost certain she looked a mess, anyways.

“Oh, I think I do.” Van adds, arms crossed, curious eyes on Allie. Allie averts her gaze from all of them and crosses her arms around her middle. Had she not been such a child earlier, Shauna would’ve felt a little bad for her.

“Let’s just get her home first.” Lottie offers and Shauna nods in agreement. They could talk when Allie wasn’t around. Taissa mouths an oh-kay then with an eyebrow raise and heads towards the driver's side. Lottie heads the same way and Natalie follows behind her, shooting Shauna an amused look. Van opens the backdoor of the car for Allie, who slides in first, and makes eye contact with Shauna as she steps up. Shauna shakes her head and Van gives her a sympathetic smile as they close the door behind her.

She doesn’t chime in with the quiet chatter that starts in the car, just rests her head against the cool glass of the car window, watches all the different buildings as they pass by. The atmosphere almost lulls her to sleep until she hears Natalie’s voice mention Jackie’s name and her head shoots up.

“What?”

“I saw Jackie hopping into Jaime’s van when we were leaving.” Natalie leans over as she speaks from the opposite end of the car. “That’s who you guys came with, right?” Shauna simply nods, breathes a small sigh of relief. Jackie had made it out okay. It was exactly what she’d needed to hear. 

It takes a little bit for Taissa to pull up to Allie’s house. Shauna eagerly opens the door and climbs out. “Bye, Allie,” Van calls from the passenger seat, turning around to look back. Allie says nothing, naturally, just slides out as quickly as possible. When she’s on her feet, she meets Shauna’s eyes, and there’s hesitation etched onto her face. Shauna raises an eyebrow, impatient but curious. If she makes another stupid comment about how she knew what she was doing, she’s not sure her friends would be fast enough to stop her from wrapping her hands around the girl’s neck.

In the end, Allie remains silent, just gives her another weird look before she heads towards her house. Shauna runs a hand through her hair with a sigh. 

What a fucking mess.

Her stomach turns uncomfortably at the thought of Jackie calling her tomorrow and she can already hear her voice in her head, prying details of her night out of her. Maybe she’d be too busy to call, maybe it could wait until Monday.

She almost scoffs out loud. That was a pipe dream. Jackie always called, and Shauna always answered.

She turns to climb back into the car and is greeted by Lottie now in the middle, smiling in greeting. Right. Allie had been sandwiched between the two of them. Despite her best efforts to remain impassive, her heart thunders in her chest as she slides back in. There’s enough space between them that they don’t touch but just being so close to Lottie again has her hands curling into fists to stop herself from moving closer. 

This was going to be such a fun ride home.

“Well,” Taissa drags the word out, a faux smile on her face. “That was lovely.” Van snorts, covering their mouth.

“What the fuck just happened?” Natalie says more than asks with a laugh. “How the fuck did Allie Stevens end up at that party?”

“I thought she was grounded from the last one she snuck into.” Van adds as Taissa pulls away from the curb. “Where the hell did you guys find her?”

Taissa hits a speed bump. Their thighs touch, just for a second. Shauna grips the seat so hard she’s certain her knuckles are white. “We, um,” Lottie falters momentarily, probably to gather her thoughts, but Shauna wonders if she feels it, too, if there’s excitement pumping in her veins. “We ran from the party and found her in the woods.”

“Alone?” Lottie looks over at her, eyes a little wide. Fuck. She hadn’t even thought of what she was going to say to them once Allie wasn’t in the car. She hadn’t even had a chance to ask Lottie what they should agree to say. Jeff deserved the humiliation, sure, but Jackie didn’t. Hell, Jackie didn’t even know yet.

“No, not alone.” Shit . She has no idea what Lottie’s going to say but she really hopes that Jackie’s been on her good side. “She was making out with some guy, I don’t even know who he was. He looked… older though.”

“Ugh, gross.” Taissa says, revolted. Shauna breathes out a sigh she hadn’t realized she was holding. She thinks about grabbing Lottie's hand, squeezing it in thanks, but thinks better of it. If she touches Lottie again, the whole car might blow up.

“Was he hot, at least?” Natalie asks, only mildly interested in the answer.

“You would ask that.”

“Fuck off, Tai.” Shauna’s having a hard time hiding her smile and Lottie doesn’t even bother to contain her snort. The interaction starts a volley of chatter between Taissa and Natalie, one that Van has to reel in when it starts to get out of hand. 

In the midst of it, Lottie glances over at Shauna, eyes wide but smiling at the chaos. As she smiles back, staring up at the girl beside her, it all seems to fade into the background. She wonders vaguely, once she finds the strength to look away, when the urge to kiss Lottie Matthews would subside. She’s felt it so many times tonight, she almost thinks she might miss it.

Shauna’s on autopilot when she finally makes it home. She doesn’t even remember taking her dress off or putting pajamas on, doesn’t remember sloppily wiping whatever makeup was left on her face. The only thing that seems to snap her out of her tired trance is the jean jacket that she starts to hang up in her closet. She puts it on her clothes rack, holds the sleeves as she stares at it. Lottie had been holding it the whole car ride home. It probably smells like her. 

Do not sniff the fucking jacket.

She rolls her eyes, rubs her face and groans into her hands. “God, Shauna, get a grip.” She mutters into her hands miserably. After a moment of sufficient self-loathing, she puts distance between her and the tempting article of clothing and makes her way over to her bed, turning her light off in the process.

As tired as she was, sleep doesn’t claim her as soon as she’d like. There could be holes in her ceiling from how long she stares up at it, but her mind won’t stop racing. She imagines all the different ways her inevitable phone call with Jackie tomorrow will go, and they all end terribly. What the hell was she even supposed to say?

Hey, Jax. Yeah, I made it out okay, but uh, I did run into Jeff making out with Allie fucking Stevens in the woods.

It makes sense, really, that she would have been the one to stumble into that shit show. She wonders if there was any possible way for her to get away with lying to Jackie, just until she can figure out how to break it to her, and she almost laughs out loud in the darkness.

No, there wasn’t, because she’s a terrible liar.

She sucks in a breath at the thought and a montage of her night assaults her. The memory of a bottle spinning, a dark kitchen closet, a red plastic cup. Moonlight, cool grass against her knees, hot hands on her hips, gasps on her lips.

“Fuck sake,” She breathes out, the heels of her palms digging into her eyes. “It wasn’t even that good.” She says it out loud, as if vocalizing it will make it more believable, but she truly can’t even convince herself. If there was anyone else here to convince, they probably would have laughed. Lottie certainly would have. She can hear her giggle in her head, can see dark eyes watching her. Teasing words, low and enticing, fill her brain, sink into her bloodstream. She breathes in, but all she can smell is rum and strawberries.

“You’re a really bad liar, Shauna.”

She knows.