Chapter Text
HARRY
I looked up at the ceiling still confused with what had just happened. Liam had stormed into the bathroom angrily after having a fight with Sophia but stopped when he saw me
frantically searching for something in the cupboards. He started to help me open things when he noticed the razor on the counter and looked at me quizically, he glanced down at my sleeve
which had blood seeping through it. Immediately he choked and tried to even his breathing “ Harry, what exactly are you looking for? “ he asked voice steady. I looked down preparing for Liams
reaction to the words i said next “ band aids “ in stead of the angry reaction i expected from liam he walked out of the room ( i still half expected he would come back with a belt though ). Liam
came back with bandages and a special cream, he shoved my sleeve up and cleaned all the blood up. Then without another word of the incident he picked up the razor and told me to go to
bed.
I heard liam on the phone, most likely talking to my mom or doctor. You see this has happened before, about a year ago i was obsessed with the terrible habit of cutting to make myself feel
better. Apparently my problem had to do with control and my lack of it, i had problems with not being in control of certain things and it made me mad. when lou and louis heard about it they
talked and i started getting a lot more support from my band mates and i stopped cutting, its probably not that simple but i guess it must have been easy to stop then because i didn’t know
exactly what i was not in control of but this time i do.
Me and my mate Louis have this…bromance…larry, we take it as a joke so Louis is always saying he loves me and making penis jokes. I guess i sort of became attached to this “ conspiracy of
fan fiction “…i fell in love with the little shit, but of course as far as i know he is strait and only thinks of me as a band and flat mate. The bond with him i have is just deeper than the other boys,
Louis will always be there to take care of me and say “ i love you “. Thats what I’m not in control of, my emotions. It also doesn’t help that the fans completely support “ Larry “ and think Modest
makes us hide our sexuality, which is not completely true because i don’t know about Louis but they only make me hide mine, even though its not like I’m eager to tell the entire world that i like
boys ( cue Simon Battle ).
Louis walked into my room, I was instantly caught of guard and picked up a book as if to pretend i was reading. He sat on the bed and ran his hand through my rather long curly locks
sighing, “ Harry, is there anything you have to tell me? “ he asked as if i was some naughty child that had just stolen a cookie ( i was still naughty but i don’t know anything about a cookie ). I
quickly realized who Liam had been calling.
“ umm…no “ i said quietly enjoying the fact that Louis was still caressing my curls.
" you sure " he asked only recieving a nod and sideways glance from me.
“ for fucks sake Harry! cut the bullshit! “ he exclaimed, i sat there stunned “ I’m not here to joke around with you Harry, you know exactly why im here harry, this is not a joke, i-its not “ he said
voice cracking as he said the last word. I almost snorted at the fact that poor Louis was still going through puberty but then made a split second decision to be mature because even though
cutting actualy made me feel calmer it scares the boys.
“ i-i-umm, i resorted to my old way of solving problems instead of telling someone “ i said reciting something my doctor said, he nodded and then asked me something everyone does
“ why? “ he said asking the question i absolutely hate, obviously i don’t want to talk but know one understands that do they. This time i didn’t hold back a snort which received an eye roll from
louis.
“ because i am experiencing something i don’t understand and have no controll over! “ i recited practically yelling ( but not quite ) at Louis as if he should already know this, even though he
should since he was the one to drive me back and fourth from my doctor appointments, this were the doctors exact words.
“ and can you tell me what it is? “ he said clearly repeating something liam told him to say, none of the boys knew what to do with me and when we talked about things like this they were never
themselves, the only words that were exchanged were thing people told us to say.
“no”, with that Louis’ body stiffened like i had just told him horrible news
“ thought you trusted me " he said then got up and left, abondoning me to talk things out with myself knowing his last words would make me feel like crap.
“ whatever, louis doesn’t even care “ i said to myself.
After alot of thinking I eventually went to sleep only to be woke up an hour later so we could ride the tour bus to another city on our unending tour.