Chapter Text
I don't really got shit else
So that shit helps when I'm depressed
See, everything you say is real
And I respect you 'cause you tell it
- Eminem, Stan
The Encore on Demand
To Whom It May Concern,
I regret to inform you that despite an abiding love for my work as well as for my team, I have come to realize that it is time for me to focus on a different team; at home. Therefore, please accept this letter as my formal resignation from my role as Head of the Medico-Legal Investigative Laboratory at the Arkadian Institute. I am deeply grateful to have worked with a highly motivated and efficient team these last fifteen years.
I will ensure all of my cases are either closed or reassigned before my departure, and I plan on working with my team to locate a suitable replacement to serve in my position.
Lexa Woods, Ph.D
♾️
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
Re: Task Force Lead Investigator Position
Absolutely not. In fact, please accept this reply as my formal resignation so I don't have to type it again. While my time at the FBI has been both highly disappointing and incredibly traumatic, it's also been existentially exhausting and a cause of significant intestinal distress and early onset grey hair.
So while I definitely appreciate the offer of more need for therapy and risk to life and limb, I think I'm going to opt to spend more time with my family and what's left of both my hearing, sanity, and natural hair color instead.
Oh, and I'm begging you, don't let Blake have my office; I'll never hear the end of it. Seriously.
Clarke A. Griffin
(Soon To Be Former) Special Agent "In Charge"
P.S. Madi wants to make sure you're still bringing your ranch dip to the Super Bowl party even though I'm quitting
P.P.S. She also wants to know what the qualifications for my job are
♾️
One Year Later
"Mom!" Madi yelled from the mudroom, stamping her boots loose of the rain and dirt as she pulled the hood of her coat off.
"Madi.." Lexa sighed as she peered around the doorway from the couch, where she sat reading a book. She wore soft grey leggings with a pastel floral pattern on them and thick slouched socks framed her ankles where they crossed on the coffee table.
Madi took a step sideways into the living room, already looking mollified. "Yes, Bones?"
Lexa gave her a tiny, tight smile. "Clarke went to pick up dinner, but if she were here, she would likely point out that she’s already nearly deaf, and the decibel of your voice just now likely would not have improved her situation any. Can I help you?"
Madi sighed, gesturing a little frustratedly. "I’m sorry for yelling, Bones, but Mom borrowed Falcor yesterday, you know, to take Gizmo to get groomed, and she said she would fill up the tank, but not only did she not fill up the tank, it’s super empty, and she broke my rearview mirror," the sixteen year old whined a little at the end, leaning against the wall. "Like, I literally have a life!"
Lexa sighed, ruffling Gizmo’s tattered ears as the poodle-esque mutt yawned and slid a paw over his face. "Just put Falcor’s gas on the emergency card, I’ll make sure Clarke knows."
"I would have already, but.." Madi informed her very mildly, "Unless there’s a gas station on Timber Trail.."
Lexa’s eyes widened as she finally stood from the couch, setting her book aside and disturbing Gizmo. "You ran out of gas?"
Madi’s eye twitched slightly. "No. Mom did, so I walked home from Timber Trail.. In the rain.. With my rearview mirror in my pocket.. Cuz Mom tried to fix it with manicure glue.."
Lexa rubbed her face tiredly, shaking her head as she headed for the key rack on the wall, retrieving her spare keys from the hook beneath one of the curling arms of ivy that decorated it. She held them out to Madi.
"Take my car, and I’ll just.. You know, just.. Just give me the mirror," she decided, putting her hand out. Madi obediently retrieved it from the pocket of her soaked cargo pants, looking even more pathetic as she turned it briefly in hand. "You already called triple-A?"
Madi nodded. "And Dad. He’s headed there now to wait with it, and he said he’d give me a ride home, but.." She gestured a little frantically with the mirror. "Stage crew has to be there in twenty minutes, so I’m already stupid late."
"Go," Lexa gestured, tugging the mirror from her hand lightly. "Can you just grab the mail on your way out, since you’re already drenched? I’m expecting something."
"Yeah, sure," Madi agreed, jingling Lexa’s spare keys a little. "Thanks, Bones. You’re a lifesaver. And Mom is a goblin. She got peanut butter on my steering wheel cover, too, and blamed Gizmo."
Lexa shrugged, looking not all that empathetic. "Why do you think I stopped letting her drive my vehicle?"
Madi pulled the hood of her coat back up again, shouldering her bag once more. "That stain on the console?" she guessed.
"And the one in the trunk she refused to identify," Lexa agreed, grabbing the front door for her. "Don’t run."
Madi ignored her, jogging to the mailbox through the heavy downpour and heading back with a fistful of mail, panting a little.
"Thank you," Lexa thanked her, then paused as she inspected the topmost letter. "Hm."
"What?" Madi asked, lingering in the doorway and glancing at her watch.
"This one is addressed to Dr. Lexa Woods, Care of the Arkadian," Lexa replied, sounding puzzled as she discarded the rest of the mail on the coffee table and headed for the kitchen. She inspected it as Madi trailed her curiously. "This isn’t the Arkadian. Even if it was, I no longer work there."
"Probably just fan mail," Madi pointed out, peering over her shoulder at the envelope. "Look, the stamp is hearts."
Lexa continued staring suspiciously at the letter as she set it carefully down on the table. Madi watched as she retrieved a box of Evolution Ones from beneath the counter and gloved up before returning to the table.
"There are at least two issues with that. One; our address is listed under a fake name."
"Right," Madi recalled, but furrowed her brow. "What's two?"
Lexa tugged the letter inside free, showing Madi the front of the envelope from between her gloved fingertips.
"The stamp isn't cancelled," Lexa replied simply. "It didn't arrive via the United States Postal Service. Someone placed it in our mailbox by hand."
Madi visibly shuddered as she absorbed the implications.
Dr. Woods,
You don't know me, but I am surely your biggest fan. You may not understand right away, but we're destined for each other. I'll make you see it, no matter how many of my messages you ignore.
You see me now, don't you?
Someday we'll meet face to face, and I promise to show you a bloody good time when we do. You'll be hearing from me soon.
Eyes open, investigator.
Yours,
Bonehead
Dear Mr. I'm-Too-Good
To-Call-or-Write-My-Fans
This'll be the last package
I ever send your ass
- Eminem, Stan