Archive of Our Own ^beta

Asi just stabbed alaz , her hands were shaking her heart was burning she wanted to scream at him to scream at herself to burn the fucking world why did he have to look at her that way why did he have to tell her not to cry while being stabbed she took the knife out of him and she just cried.

“Asi kiz i’m sorry for everything so don’t blame yourself “

Asi couldn’t look into his face anymore so she turned around and was leaving she needed to leave before she regrets it before she couldn’t handle the pain anymore.

Alaz went to the car and slide in front of it he wanted to die and this was the best scenario yaman must have been right alaz will never know what real love is his dad turned into a manipulative bastard his mom never loved him so maybe sitting here and leaving this messed up wkrld is his best option , he’s grateful towards asi and he regrets that he was drugged that night that’s his only regret since that night for him was real he needed to be with someone safe and feel protected and surprisingly that turned out to be asi .

After walking a while asi stopped fell to her knees and just cried so many thoughts running into her head she can’t believe what she did she didn’t want to be a murderer but alaz deserved it he used her he slept for with her for a fucking alibi and she was so stupid to fall for it she was so stupid that she thought maybe he came for her because he had feelings for her her when the hell did she wants to be liked by him when the hell did she fall for him she’s just so confused and hurt and she knows she needs to call someone to come treat him or go back to him but she needs a moment to let her feelings out and bury them so deep inside of her so she can never make this kinda mistake again.

Alaz closed his eyes he thought of chagla and eçe and to his surprise he thought of yaman maybe the last one will be happy that alaz would be gone but he wants him to maybe feel pain of his loss and that is just funny after what alaz did they could never be brothers again they could never be on the same side again so he closes his eyes but after awhile he hears footsteps and it doesn’t matter no one will be willing to save him anyway.

“Alaz get the fuck up “

“Asi kiz why are you here came back to finish the job “ alaz was surprised asi came back but he didn’t want to have false hope since if anyone deserves to hate him asi would be on top of the list.

“Just get up … please “

“I can’t “

Asi kneels next to him doesn’t look at his face and put her hands under his shoulders trying to make him get up while alaz is mesmerized by her face he can’t look away he can’t understand why she came back why the hell is she this good of a person.

“Ugh… asi kiz u should just leave me here and go u really need to know how to flee a scene when u stab people “

“Alaz can u please shut up before i change my mind and stab you again “

“ you really are bad at being a bad person I thought street kids would know what to do if they want to kill someone “

“Well sadly I don’t want you to die “

“Well i am bleeding so i could disagree with your statement “

“Uuuuf alaz i want you to suffer okay so stop talking to me “

She helped him sit gently on the passenger seat of the car she was so gentle alaz wanted to laugh and tease her he seriously thought that the situation is funny and he may have been going crazy that he thinks asi is cuteafter she stabbed him, asi suddenly sits on the driver seat and starts the car.

“Wait a second , do you even know how to drive asi”

“ calm down i have driven before “

“ are you sure cause i think i could still drive “

“Alaz you couldn’t even get up and sit into the car on your own “

“Thanks to someone “

“Yeah and I would stab you again if you keep talking “

Asi started the car and started driving she knows how to street kids help each other when they can if someone knows how to read he teaches the others if someone knows how to bargain he shows the others how and this is how they gain their life skills the drive was silent she could feel alaz’s gaze he was staring so intensely at her she wanted to cry and to toss him of the car , she hated herself for still caring and worrying about her if cesur was here he’ll tell her how cheap of a person she has become and this will hurt she already feels cheap as it is she had a damn one night stand with a drugged person who used her for an alibi and the worst is that it was her first time .

“Asi …. Asi…. ASI KIZ “

“what do you want WHAT “

“I’m going to be fine so no need to feel bad about it “

“I don’t care”

“If you didn’t you wouldn’t have cane back and driven me to wherever you are taking me “

Asi bit her lips and she didn’t answer she’s rather die than admit that he’s right.

“Asi about that night “

Asi cuts him off “ nothing happened that night you were on drugs you needed an alibi and i was the stupid wall that fits the conditions “

“ I didn’t need an alibi”

“Yeah right”

“Yes asi I didn’t need an alibi because i went to the police the morning to give myself up and how do you know that i was on drugs “

Asi stopped the car suddenly “what “ she said while confused

“Well i didn’t tell you that i was on drugs so how did you know “

“That is not what am asking you alaz , I’m asking you what do you mean you were going to give yourself to the police or do you think i am dumb enough to believe you “

“You don’t have to believe me no one does anyway but you still haven’t answered me “

Asi stares at him and then restarts the car they were close to their destination anyway.

“Cesur told me “

“Oha so now you know he’s dealing drugs”

“What” her voice quivered

Alaz watched her face fall and understood cesur only told her what benefited him that alaz was in drugs that he used her and threw her away like trash and the letter that he wrote probably didn’t help his case so he just sighed and said “nothing”

“Oh no you don’t get to tell me cesur is a drug dealer then nothing alaz you will tell me everything before i kill us both in this damn car so spill”

“Okay asi but first you got to calm down”

“Don’t tell me what to do”

“Asi please” he said softly

“I am calm so talk”

“Yesterday before the accident i had a fight with home so i got out i was so freaking drunk and i came to depth of hell i saw yaman dancing with rüya”

Asi’s heart squeezed so tightly she thought it was going to burst he came to her had sex with her cause he was heartbroken did he imagine rüya’s face and voice when they were together she shook her head at her thoughts this was not the subject now and she had already accepted that it meant nothing to him and that she means nothing to people.

“Anyway i was already drunk then i saw cesur selling drugs and he sold me drugs when i said that I won’t tell anyone then i started hallucinating and the accident happened I didn’t know if it was real if i was hallucinating but i got spooked and i was a coward and i ran until i found myself at your door and you know what happened next “

“Fuck fuck damn it cesur fuck so you weren’t trying to kill them on purpose “

“Even if i say no nobody will believe me”

“I would have believed you”

“Asi”

“No what’s done is done we have arrived i will call the doc to come and help me “

“Wait this is yaman’s dad’s house he won’t help me he is the last person who’ll save me “

“He will he’s a good person even if he hates you he will help you”

Then asi closes the door and goes to guven’s ring the door he answers her

“Asi daughter what are you doing here at this hour”

“I made a mistake i stabbed alaz”

“WHAT and where is he did you leave him did you call an ambulance “

“He’s outside in the car can you fix him i know you hate him and”

Guven cuts her off “that was really stupid asi you are not a killer what were you thinking let’s go i need to patch him up “

They go bring alaz to the house alaz could not bring himself to look at guven he was feeling so guilty he was ashamed so he just shut up.

They brought him into the house guven was also silent he didn’t know what to feel he saw the stab wound it wasn’t deep asi was fidgeting next to the door .

“He’s going to be fine the wound is not deep so drink a glass of water and sit “

Asi was so relieved she looked at alaz he was smiling like nothing even happened she wants to smack him into the head but she has decided this is going to be her last meeting with alaz .

“No no thanks i need to go i have somewhere to be”

“Asi can we talk before you go”

“No alaz we can’t so take care of yourself and goodbye i never want to see you again and there is no reason for that anyway”

“Asiiii “ he tries to get up but guven stops him

“Easy there number two do you want to open your sutures already for god’s sake”

“Goodbye alaz oglan “

She heard him call her name again but this time she went out the door running with tears falling down like waterfalls she didn’t regret that night it was the first time she felt loved the only thing she regrets it’s finding out the truth finding out he probably doesn’t remember anything anyway and listening to cesure about it only being an alibi to finally know that it wasn’t after she stabbed the person she started to have feelings for and yeah she had to admit it the betrayal hurt only because she had feelings but she had to be real he is a soysalan he could get any other beautiful rich girl he wants and he only sees rüya and moreover yaman and cesur and their feud is still happening and this is no romeo and juliette so she’ll bury these feelings deep and never think of them again but now she’ll cry her sorrows away until she gets home because she needs to confront that damn cesur even thinking about this new drug issue is making her furious but for now she’ll just cry her loss.