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Life on Midgard was lackadaisical. Though it had been the same upon Asgard the final years, even when ravaged by war. With the Mad Titan gone, Loki had no need to fear or worry. Other threats in the universe may or may not be worse but Loki had trust that Midgard had a couple more centuries before being proficient in space travel.
Loki does not want to think how they became proficient in time travel before space travel. Everything was backwards on this hunk of rock.
And, really, Loki should know better than to put his guard down. He may have nothing to fear when it comes to the few powerful Midgardians and their abilities, but he certainly should be wary of their stark and disgusting lack of knowledge when it comes to sorcery. Somehow, Midgardians still become sorcerors and witches without any intrinsic knowing of such power. What idiots.
Loki should have prepared for the inevitable fallout.
“ Mr. Stark requests your presence in the common room. ” The Voice in the Walls spoke to him abruptly, causing Loki to jump up. He rolled his eyes and sighed heavily, still unsure whether it’s polite to answer a disembodied voice or just follow through with her direction. What even is the disembodied voice? Technology on Midgard was simultaneously archaic and beyond his comprehension. Artificial intelligence and sentience seemed a null difference.
The antsy, impatient energy swirling around is nearly suffocating. Loki grimaces, “To what do I owe the pleasure?”
“We kinda… have a little magic problem…” Captain Rogers scratched the back of his head, averting his eyes. Loki rose a brow and crossed his arms, waiting… then his eyes set on the son of Barnes carrying a limp child.
A child with golden locks and royal Asgardian armor.
Thor’s comrades voices muffle into the background and Loki hardly notices that he’s closed the distance between him and Barnes. He typically kept his distance, not one for such casual intimacy even between his own brother, but he could feel the weak and young aura pouring off of the passed out boy. It felt just like Thor’s.
Loki hovers his hands over the child, seiðr leaking from his fingertips and investigating the sour magic he can almost taste. It was sticky and gross, unnatural mortal magic marinating in a body with a natural apt for persevering feeble spells and curses. He couldn’t read the effects, whether Thor had lost any memory or if Thor would even return to his real age. For a moment, Loki lost himself in dread and his seiðr retreated.
“-and we found Thor like that…” Loki could sense the rising tension and hesitancy resonating from the mortals, unsure of his reaction to this transgression. Any other time, Loki might have found it amusing but the uncertainty underlying the mortal magic was a cause for melancholy. Not that he’d let them onto his concern, voice carefully passive.
“I see. I cannot read your mortal magic as well as other types so I cannot tell if this spell is permanent or if, when Thor awakens, he will remember you or I.” Loki closes his eyes in solemnity, hand reaching out to lay on Thor’s forehead. At the least, there was no damage within his mind, it seemed he was only resting after the toll his transformation must have taken.
“What do you mean ‘you or I’?” Stark asked incredulously. “I’d understand if he didn’t remember us, but you ? Aren’t you his brother?”
“Yes. But you seem to forget I am his younger brother.” Loki removes his hand from Thor and turns to the uneasy Midgardians. “Life on your planet is fleeting. The Aesir live for centuries and they still do not stay this vulnerable for very long. I was not around when Thor was this age and I am unsure if he even remembers when I had been.”
“Well, how old is he? Does he at least know he had a younger brother?” Lady Natasha queries, a careful mask atop her features. It was evident Thor’s Midgardians did not want to commit themselves to the worst outcome.
“Again, I can’t be exact, but I do believe he is around the age he’d been when I was born.”
Clint groaned, “That’s not reassuring, like, at all.”
“We’ll just have to see when he wakes up,” Steve sighed, rubbing his forehead. “Do you think it would be better if he woke up with just you there?”
Loki couldn’t help feeling taken aback. They’ve rarely asked his advice for matters and, the few times they had, it was at Thor’s behest. Now Thor was a kid and they looked to him for guidance. A show of the trust they’ve gained for him that Loki felt was misplaced.
The more Loki thinks about what will happen when Thor awakens, the more antsy he gets. Who knows how strong Thor was as an Asgardian child. And who knows his unpredictability and capability of listening. As far as Loki’s known, Thor’s only recently become a paragon of a king. When did Thor get gifted with his abilities? Wasn’t Mjölnir meant to help with control? When had Odin given the hammer to Thor?
The image of Asgard’s true history flashed through his head, Hela lofting Mjölnir high above her and Odin’s destruction. A weapon made for the firstborn. Norns, Odin had been so afraid of creating another Hela, he made Thor believe he was to be revered. Was Loki more alike to Hela? Or was Thor? What lesson had Midgard been meant to teach Thor again?
It is very late for Loki to come to these realizations. Never before had he seen the pressure and weight upon Thor’s shoulders to be the Golden Prince. Never before had he thought of what it might feel like to have the whole of Asgard watching your every move. It’s now so easy to believe the Allfather had failed all his children, for so long Loki had thought it just him. They were set up for failure from the start.
“Uh, I think he’s waking up!” James’ alarmed tone is shown through his jerky way of setting Thor onto the couch as gently and quickly as he can, assumably to avoid Thor opening his eyes in a stranger’s arms. Loki hesitates getting close again and, before he makes a decision, his now younger brother wakes like a biglesnipe out of Jotunnheim. Eyes squeezed shut and body ratcheting to a sit, arms crossing over his stomach as if he’s about to be sick.
His heavy, panting breaths belie his anxiety, and Loki suddenly finds himself uneasy. He’s never known Thor so young, who knows if Thor would believe them if they told him he was Loki, his supposed-to-be-babe brother. He feels he doesn’t know anything about his brother then, at a complete loss for how to alleviate all his worries and those of the Avengers. As far as he could tell, this could only end in disaster.
Thor’s eyes were shot wide and darting around, unsettled either by a strange environment or a familiar environment suddenly being twice its size. Loki couldn’t tell. When the crystalline orbs finally drop on Loki, the weight of the Nine Realms hits his shoulders, a tense slump.
“…Loki?”
Loki hides a grimace and takes the opportunity to kneel before his brother, just matching his height on his knees. He wishes it were more obvious if Thor were himself or not.
“Yes, it is I, brother. Do you remember much?” He’s usually more tactful when it comes to investigation and needling answers but, for a year or more now, Thor’s been the one a step ahead of him . Not the other way around. Loki misses the simplicity.
Thor’s hands come up to his head with a small whimper and the boy makes a poor attempt at hiding his pain. Had Thor always been so cruel to himself?
“N-not really. I know this is Midgard and I know I’m not supposed to be this age but…” Thor tries to muffle another pained whimper that resonates in his head. He pulls his hands away from his face, stress lines marring his features. Something akin to horror worms beneath Loki’s skin. “I-I can’t quite grasp it.
“I know you’re Loki,” Thor says with surety. His resolution in front of this supposedly unknown yet known scene has to be stressing Thor out but Loki cannot find anything of the sort. He doesn’t remember Thor being so apt at clandestine emotion and thoughts. Most of his childhood had consisted of trying to rein Thor in and, when he inevitably failed, follow his brother into the fire. Yet Thor seemed to not recall being king or his past thousand years plus of growing.
Loki’s taken out of his overwhelming thoughts by a tiny hand reaching out to touch his oil-colored strands. The motion is purposeful and it’s obvious Thor’s doing it for his own benefit, a reassurance. Loki doesn’t know what Thor needs reassurance from.
The small god gives a single nod, as if finding what he’d been looking for, and his hand retreats. Gazing around, Thor’s shoulders rise to his ears at all the eyes on him before it seems he has a realization and squares his shoulders instead.
Loki has been scarily thrown off balance.
…
Loki was beginning to get angry with his older brother. Thor could not take a hint for the life of him and all Loki wanted to do was sneak another one of Mother’s sorcery novels to further his knowledge. But, no, the dreadfully boring and oafish Thor wanted to spend time with him.
Spending time with Thor always meant sparring or a random, needless quest that wasn’t actually a quest because while Father had gifted Mjölnir to Thor, he had rejected any pretense of Thor actually using the weapon in battle anytime soon. It was irking that Thor refused to find his equally oafish friends to play with and instead felt it his duty to be as bothersome as possible to Loki.
Loki couldn’t believe Thor was the chosen heir. Sure, Loki didn’t much look like a Golden Prince but he could fill the role easily enough. He was certainly wiser than Thor, even if he didn’t beat his brother in brutish strength. Yet he knew Asgard valued its firstborns and, subsequently, they were typically the strongest and most fit for a title. Loki could disagree with the customs all he liked but the Allfather’s word was law.
That didn’t mean Loki couldn’t show his anarchy on the royal grounds. Or that’s what Loki told himself, it was more an excuse to torment his brother. Also, what better way to practice than on a living dummy?
Loki could have dodged the blow, it was a high swing and simple to duck. Instead he created an illusion, allowing the makeshift hammer to make contact. Loki himself was exceedingly proud of his trickery, watching the illusion crumble to the ground in a faux fatal wound.
“Loki?!” Thor cried, tears welling and spilling over his cheeks as he dropped to his knees. His hands were trembling, wary to touch and make it worse on accident. “Loki, I’m sorry! Please, brother, I didn’t mean to!”
He couldn’t help snickering, hidden behind a column as he made his illusion wail at the imagined pain of death. He was sweating a little from exertion but Thor’s face was absolutely priceless, especially when his hands finally slipped through the illusion and it dissipated.
The shock, fear, and anger didn’t stop Thor from bawling still, though the illusion had vanished. His sobs echoed across the pillars and grated Loki’s ears, making him grimace and roll his eyes. His brother was so dramatic.
Thor was seven hundred years old and couldn’t stop himself from crying like a baby.
Loki crossed his arms and stepped out, “You could have seen through the illusion if you paid more attention to your studies, brother.”
Thor wasn’t listening, face in his hands as he cried. It was starting to worry Loki a bit.
He and Thor hadn’t been best of friends lately and he could only see them drifting further apart in the future. That didn’t mean he liked watching Thor suffer so deeply. Only because Loki hadn’t actually seen his brother cry this much in centuries.
“Please, brother, I am still alive. Your tears are for naught.”
“Why would you do that?!” Thor wailed, finally looking up from his kneeling position to glare. Any sympathy Loki had begun having left quickly. “That was a cruel trick even for you!”
“Not any crueler than others.” Loki rose an unimpressed brow and held out a hand for Thor to pull himself up with. “You were the oaf who couldn’t see through it.”
Thor’s eyes darkened in a stormy blue and he knocked away Loki’s hand, standing to tower a mere two inches above Loki. Loki blinked in surprise at how swift the movement was. Neither of them spoke for a moment.
Thor’s expression crumbled a bit and he harshly wiped away the tears on his face, half-heartedly using one hand to push Loki’s shoulder. Loki wasn’t prepared and faltered a step back, mouth dropping open to scorn his brother just to be interrupted.
“Don’t do that again.” Thor didn’t wait for a response, spinning around and stalking off with raucous stomps. Loki grinned at the ridiculousness.
Thor would get over it.
…
Thor hadn’t so much as left Loki’s side to go to the bathroom, a hand constantly wound in his robes. While it was obvious Thor was comfortable in the compound, he didn’t seem at ease with the amount of Midgardians wandering around. Even if they were his friends. He would smile back at them if they acknowledged him but he didn’t speak and Loki was getting concerned. He’d never known Thor to be the silent type. Recently, yes, his brother had reached a certain enlightenment. But as a four hundred year old child? Definitely not.
Everything was so off kilter from what Loki believed of his brother.
That whole debacle with the Valkyrie and Sakaar and Ragnarok had deeply instilled Loki with fright. A terrifying exposure to the truth that Thor had grown up and Loki had not noticed it. Now that grown up was shoved into a small child that was extremely uncertain and unknowingly powerful. Norns, Loki always got himself into the worst situations.
“You will have to depart from my legs at some point, Thor,” Loki sighed. He was reluctantly standing at the counter to eat instead of holed away, his brother between his legs and the cabinets. Where he’d been since an exhausted Stark and Banner entered with no words spoken and plopped on the island’s stools to guzzle down Midgardian energy in bitter liquid form.
“Aw, cut the little guy some slack. He just wants to be near you, Frosty,” Tony grunted, burning forehead on the counter because he couldn’t find the effort to lift it. Though he could find the effort to snark.
“You’re the only familiar thing here, Loki.” Bruce shrugged, unapologetic. Loki flashed a glare at him but it didn’t reach the weary scientist. He quietly wondered just how long the two had been huddled away in a lab. “Tony and I haven’t discovered anything new either so you’re gonna be stuck with him for awhile.”
The little hands above his knees tightened around his robes.
“He has some memory,” Loki scowled. “I do not heed advice from mortals regardless.”
“You’re the one with a child clinging to your drapes,” Tony quipped.
Loki frowned and decided he was done eating for the moment, beginning to direct Thor away from the blunt instruments in the room. While it was true, Loki couldn’t help but feel there was something more to the way Thor clung to him and refused to leave his side. Something deeper in his brother’s currently-muddled psyche that caused his transformation to have him act like this.
…
Another two days of this and Loki is at his wits end. It’s not that he minds it so much that Thor lacks the ability to recall many memories. What is driving him up the wall is Thor’s clingy attachment and near muteness. As much as Loki wanted to interrogate his brother on his behavior, he couldn’t guarantee Thor wouldn’t cry, let alone answer at all.
They were no further on figuring out how well off Thor may or may not be and if he’d be returning to his buffoonish size any time soon.
Loki could use his seiðr to clean and tidy himself all he wanted while Thor was otherwise indisposed of but, if he were honest, he liked the comfort of a Midgardian shower. It did make him miss the luxurious bathhouse he’d had on Asgard but Stark’s wealth was good for some things. One of those things being giant showers that felt more like scalding rainfall.
He could put it off as long as he had his reserves but, in the end, comfort and an opportunity for alone time won him over. Seiðr wasn’t a great substitute to actual cleanliness anyway.
Still, loathe as he was to admit it, Loki didn’t really want to put Thor into that hands of his Midgardian friends. Sure, they were friends . But Loki wouldn’t trust any of them as far as he could throw them. But he had no other option. And, instead of choosing a single one of the mortals, Loki decided the best way to ensure Thor’s safety would be to wait till they were all gathered at one of their little meet-cutes.
“We swear we’ll holler if we need anything,” Steve made a poor attempt at placating Loki. The god’s icy exterior did not falter but he relented his tirade of the differences between the Aesir and humanity.
“Very well.” Loki crouched in front of Thor, clasping his shoulders. “You know where to find me, yes?”
Thor nodded quietly, looking down at the floor rather than meeting Loki’s eyes. The raven-haired didn’t try to force him and gave his own nod, making a swift exit after throwing a last sharp glare at the Avengers.
“So! I guess we’ll have to change what movie we’re watching.” Tony clapped his hands together. “What with Sparkles six years old.”
Steve rolled his eyes at Tony’s disappointed voice. Of course, Borat was not a kid-friendly film. He took the opportunity to place a hand on Thor’s back, pushing him forward gently to the seating area.
“You can sit wherever, Thor,” He reassured. Steve wasn’t sure about all the memory stuff Loki was raving over but the tiny god seemed at ease enough, if oddly quiet.
Normal Thor didn’t care where he sat at any event, choosing the first option he sees. This Thor is no different, hopping up on a couch right next to James. Steve smiles, a little curious if Thor remembers Bucky carrying him inside after the spell hit or if he thought the man looked similar enough to Loki. Either way, Steve took the seat next to him, sandwiching Thor between two super soldiers. He figured Loki would approve of the protection system.
Deep down, Steve still wasn’t sure how to feel about the younger god. Thor and Bruce vouched for him, as well as the surviving Asgardian race, but his god title didn’t leave much room for leniency. God of lies and mischief? That just sounded like a recipe for disaster and backstabbing. But he trusted their word, and it’s not like any of them could really disagree with Thor. If the Norse mythology book Steve had read is to be believed, Midgard is protected by Thor and was, in time past, under Asgard’s jurisdiction.
Regardless, it was a little relieving to see the care Loki was showing this young Thor. Before, Steve had thought Loki arrogant and selfish but his obvious knack for Thor couldn’t be ignored. Not when it’s being slapped in his face.
When Thor had been grown, Loki had rarely shown face and only at Thor’s request. So to see such a drastic change for an unknown spell? It was heartwarming.
“D’you not like us, Pointbreak? Is that why you hang around Loki all the time?” Steve shot a look to Tony, who shrugged with a half-hearted smile. It was an honest question and Steve had to admit he was curious too.
Thor’s hands were twisted in the sweats he wore, voice subdued yet earnest, “No, no. I just don’t want Loki leaving.”
As if saying the words would bring it to fruition, Thor throws an uneasy glance to the hallway leading to Loki’s room. Steve’s brows furrow incredulously. Didn’t Thor see how much Loki cared about him?
“I don’t think he’d leave you like this.” Steve reached out instinctively, patting Thor’s upper back. “He hasn’t left your side, right? Besides just now?”
Thor’s chewing on the inside of his cheek, eyes old and deep in a way that leaves Steve unsettled. His voice has gone tight, “Loki always leaves. I don’t want it to be my fault again.”
There’s a stiff silence following that revelation. One Steve doesn’t know how to break.
Tony leans forward, elbows on his knees, speaks soft and imploring, “Why would it be your fault, bud?”
Thor’s lip wobbles, “I hurt him! I hurt him every time! It was always my fault!”
Steve darts his eyes around, the rest of the team just as flabbergasted as he, not knowing where to go from here. Do they keep interrogating? Let it go? What does Thor even mean that Loki always leaves? Surely that’s an over-exaggeration? He’s thankful someone else talks before he does.
“Father always says I’m the Golden Prince but Loki wouldn’t have fallen if it wasn’t for me being such a stupid oaf!” Thor suddenly cries, face flushed from unshed tears and chest heaving with his dwindling air intake. It was such a quick escalation, it leaves even Natasha startled.
“Aw, kid, I don’t think—“
“Loki wouldn’t leave all the time if I was a good big brother!” Thor wails, interrupting Clint as his tears spill over his cheeks. “I don’t want him to leave now that I can’t even do that!”
Bruce jumps into action, kneeling before Thor and grasping his hands to stop them from covering his red face. Steve’s never seen the scientist so solemn. “Thor, I don’t think Loki believes you’re a bad brother. And I really don’t think he’d leave you alone when you’re this vulnerable.”
“You don’t know how bad a brother I am!” Thor’s eyes clenched shut, head shaking. “You don’t know how many times I’ve failed him! What if I age and I lose him again, in all the ways that matter!”
“You’re right, we don’t. You’ve known Loki far longer than we have. But that doesn’t mean any of what you say is true. How do you know how Loki feels if you haven’t asked him?”
Thor doesn’t know how to explain that Loki has said it before. That Loki has felt betrayed and abandoned by Thor for centuries before Thor even took notice . They could never understand because they don’t have a younger brother, but Thor can’t lie and say he doesn’t find their comfort and assurance helping. Even though it doesn’t alleviate the weight of what Thor knows, he at least has his friends’ support when he needs it. Not that he can really pinpoint how they became friends and when right now.
They take his silence as acceptance. Thor wipes at his face with his sleeves, embarrassed by his outburst but not knowing what to say in response. He hadn’t expected them to entertain his worries.
Steve nods to the remote in Tony’s hand he’d forgotten about temporarily. The brunet returns the gesture, beginning to cycle through the movies on screen too quickly for anyone but him to read.
“I was thinking comedy or action, unless someone else has a suggestion?”
…
“Your Midgardians do not understand, Thor. You have lived for centuries and seen them advance while they only know you as a blubbering idiot, not a god.” Loki is braiding Thor’s hair gently despite his rash words. “Don’t you think they’d view us both monsters if they knew how much blood we’ve shed? You lack common sense, brother.”
“I know even at this age I am much older than they, but I suppose that only means they evolve much quicker than we.” Humble words for an Asgardian turned into a boy. “Their wisdom and philosophy knows no bounds.”
“Ours shown further,” Loki asserts, moving to the next chunk of precious golden locks.
“Yet at four hundred years old, I appear as a human six year old.”
Loki hums. “Perhaps. But I believe that is only because gods are meant to experience all the horror and gore life wrought before man does.”
“And still I cannot grasp the last fifteen hundred years. The last decade is all I have to show for growth, brother.”
“True,” Loki admits, resting his hands on Thor’s shoulders and admiring the finished product of a traditional braiding. “But you have grown, yes? And unlike mortals, you do not reach another century and feel you are too old and wish for your death, do you?”
“That is because they have probably lost what they were living for.” Thor doesn’t turn to face him but he does bring a hand up to play with one of the strands Loki’d left free. “I am supposed to be the Ruler of the Nine Realms.”
“You are, aren’t you? Have you not become Allfather?” Loki cannot see Thor but he can tell by the movement he makes that his hand has come up to rest over his newly-regained eye. “Is this what is troubling you, Thor? Inadequacy?”
“No. I have always been inadequate.” It frightens Loki how easily Thor says that. And he doesn’t even know what his brother means by it. All this spell has given Loki is unprecedented insight to his brother in ways he’d never known before. “I think it troubles me that we have always viewed ourselves above humans but, really, we are the same. Just as we are alike to the Jotunns and the Dark Elves.”
“We are above them. I do not see any mortal containing Heimdall’s ability of foresight, nor do I see one walking around with seiðr oozing from their pores.”
“Father banished me when I thought the same.” It’s all Thor needs to say, Loki understands. He could never view mortals so equally, even having been defeated by a group of overpowered humans (albeit while mind controlled). One may or may not be able to kill him on their own terms if determined enough but Loki highly doubted the same vulnerability for Thor.
Thor’s first lesson when given his domain was its intrinsic intent to maim and murder.
“You prevailed.” Loki says simply. He wishes to pry apart his brother’s skull and worm through his brain, to bathe in his thoughts and feelings that are suddenly so unpredictable and unknown. A deep sea of abyss that Loki wants to drown in, to figure out how he missed such a drastic change and to relieve Thor of his ever-present pain. Loki had revived for a third time but Thor is still haunted. “Have we not seen proof of Odin’s own flaws? His empire was built on blood and yet he changed his rule for your birth.”
“Yes. The Golden Prince.” Thor whispers, lackadaisical. Loki frowns at the clandestine disdain hidden beneath his brother’s eerie monotony.
“An apt description. Hair like the luxurious mane of a unicorn and formidable strength comparable to the fiercest dragon. The best of both Frigga and Odin, cunning nature and steep resilience.” Loki forces his voice mocking, knowing the words he says are soaked in the truth.
“You have not complimented me so generously in ages. Have I rubbed off on you, brother?”
Loki allows the transparent redirection with a light squeeze of Thor’s shoulders. “Doubtful.”
…
“I’ve never seen Thor so… introspective.”
“Are we sure thinking’s even what he’s doing?”
They all directed their focus to Thor, sat next to Loki on a loveseat and staring blankly at the novel the raven-haired has spread across their laps. Loki is otherwise invested in the story, flipping yellowed pages rapidly. Thor, however, is unmoving, dead to the world.
“Okay, maybe not,” Tony concedes. “But this has been going on for days. Not even an almighty child-god could hold so much ignorance to what’s around him.”
“I guess not but what are we supposed to do?” Clint shrugs. He still wasn’t exactly friends with Loki but he could see how much his presence soothed Thor’s stripped nerves. “The only time he’s talked to us was that movie night.”
They all collectively grimace at the memory of it. Thor was serious but not quite as serious as he’d been that day, and certainly had never cried in front of them. Let alone to the extent of admitting something he seemed mortified to even acknowledge by himself. It shook their foundation, to be exposed to such power brought to its knees by failing the person he loves most. It was only then they’d grasped how much Loki actually meant to Thor.
Tony would almost call it codependent if he hadn’t watched Thor muzzle Loki in 2012. And, surely, it had to do with them being age old gods than the hardships they’ve survived together. Tony didn’t know what a millennia of knowing a person does to your perspective on them. He wasn’t sure he wanted to know.
“Do you think Loki’s purposely keeping him like that?” Steve, ever the pessimist, pipes up. “I mean, he’s always said Earth magic is weak.”
“Then I’d feel like we’d already know his reasoning for doing it,” Natasha points out. “Do you really think he’d put in the effort for this spell just to sit around and make nice with Thor?”
“Reindeer Games does seem to tolerate him more in this form,” Tony counters.
“I don’t know. I think their relationship now is similar to the one they had as children but with Thor like this? Loki’s being much kinder than I’ve ever seen.” Bruce had the most insight into the life of the gods but he still lacked a personal view. They all did, which was the biggest issue. How could they tell if they were being deceived? They didn’t want to throw Thor to the wolves. And they didn’t want to accuse Loki without reason and damage the tentative trust tying them together.
“So we got squat.” Clint groans quietly. It was irritating how roundabout the circumstances were. They’d run themselves on a hamster wheel as long as they pondered over the infinite possibilities. “Welp. Great job, everybody.”
“It’s not like any of us actually understand magic.”
Silence for a couple beats then multiple swears are spat onto the counter.
Tony sighs, long-suffering, “I’ll call the wizard.”
…
Dr. Stephen Strange’s eyebrows were furrowed near to a unibrow, hand movements erratic and feeling unnecessary. Thor was quietly fingering one of the braids Loki had intricately tied into his shoulder-length locks, sitting patiently on one of the barstools at the island counter while they all surrounded him like a pack of starving hyenas.
Stephen hummed, placing a hand on his chin when he finally pulls away from his observations. Loki had tension thrumming in him, antsy for the Midgardian sorcerer’s word. Anything to get a better read on the spell that has plagued Thor for five days now.
“Bad news is I can’t deactivate the spell and that’s because it doesn’t exist.” Strange’s matter-of-fact tone grates Loki’s raw nerves and he grits his teeth at the onslaught of raucous outbursts made by the mortals. Their outrage was refreshing proof of their care for Thor but not beneficial to getting a more explicated answer.
“Look, Thor was hit with a spell to revert his physicality back a couple centuries. But the spell has long since dissipated, I sense no remnants of its presence.”
“Then why is he still a child?!” Loki snarled heatedly, anger getting the best of him. He has severely lacked patience with the impending resignation of Thor staying this way permanently and had been trying his hardest not to think about the nigh future closing in. What if he lost Thor? What if Thor regressed further?
“Because he wants to be,” Dr. Strange shrugged. He gazed at Thor curiously and Loki had a quick moment of wanting to step between them to not allow the searching stare to pierce his young brother. But Thor’s completely stationary, eyes glued to the floor and body frozen.
“What’s that supposed to mean!?” Tony throws his hands up. Loki is as equally tired with the dancing around statements.
“I don’t know what to tell you. Thor’s… seiðr, you call it?” At Loki’s confirmation, the Sorcerer Supreme continues, “Thor’s seiðr is keeping him in this form, for whatever reason. I’m not sure what the reason is, but I do believe if Thor understands and takes steps to relieve this turmoil, he will go back to normal.”
“You’re telling me all this is Thor throwing a hissy fit?” Clint asks, an eyebrow raised skeptically.
Stephen rubs his forehead in apparent exhaustion, “No. This is happening because Thor feels a need to stay young.”
“What happens if he doesn’t figure it out?” Bruce redirects, hands wringing.
“I… don’t know,” Stephen throws them an apologetic look. “He could regress in mind eventually and this could become permanent or there’s no deadline at all and he would remain like this forever until he figures it out. There’s an infinite number of possibilities.”
“Thor? Do you have anything to say?” Natasha implores gently.
The loose strands from his braids do nothing to hide his features like he’s attempting to by ducking his head so low, a short shake of his head. Loki presses his lips together and reaches out to cup Thor’s neck, using his thumbs on his jaw to direct his eyes to meet Loki’s own.
The deep blue gaze is too old on the soft, porcelain features of four hundred year old Thor. Loki can almost see the aging wrinkles that had once been marring his brother’s features in the set of his downturned lips and penetrating stare. A face to-be-molded by its experiences void of the lines that shown the extent of tragedy showing the truth of how old Thor really is underneath all the fake innocence of his transformation.
Loki searches for something he can’t pin a finger on, scrutinizing every minute movement Thor makes. Thor doesn’t allow him to find anything and it hits Loki that he’s part of it. He’s part of the reason why Thor is staying like this and Thor doesn’t even have the decency to tell him. Loki doesn’t know what Thor remembers about his 1500 years that is causing him to be so distraught but what he does know is that he wants his brother back.
“You can tell me anything, brother. I will not be upset.” Loki brushes the blond wisps away from Thor’s face, voice as soft as it gets.
“It is dumb of me,” Thor’s tone trembles.
“Whatever has caused you such great strife is not foolish. All I understand is that I am the reason you have stayed this way but I do not know why.” Thor hunches in on himself and Loki can only imagine the stares he’s getting from the Midgardians at his back, the ones Thor is also receiving. “Whatever I have done, I am sorry.”
“But it’s not your fault!” Thor suddenly shouts, crystalline orbs irate and lips thinned. Thor’s eyes are glimmering in their anger, unshed tears at the edge of dropping. “It was never your fault!”
Loki’s heart drops out of his stomach. Oh. Oh, no.
At first, Loki wants to deny. He can’t be inferring Thor right, can he? But what of that odd conversation for Thor’s sudden interest in humane philosophy, and him being utterly glued to Loki’s side like a child to his mother. How had he not put it together earlier? It should have been so obvious when all he’d sensed was the remnants of the spell, sickly sour.
Loki swallows thickly, fingers curling around Thor’s biceps in a restrictive manner, preventing his focus from straying anywhere but him. He pushes down the emotion welling inside him, first and foremost came Thor.
“Brother, you have been there for me even when I have least deserved it. You loved me and believed in me more than anyone else ever has and I have repaid you with scorn and betrayal,” Loki’s breath shudders in his chest. He gives himself a moment to think over his next words as Thor is watching him raptly. “Yes, you may have been ignorant and arrogant, but you always saw the best in me. In spite of all I’ve done to hurt you.”
“But I—“
Loki’s smile is wry, “See, you are mistaken, brother. For you have not failed me, I have failed you.”
“NO! No, Loki, you—“ Loki interrupts Thor again, composure wobbling.
“Look at where we are, Thor. On the same planet I tried to conquer, and it is because of you that I am allowed to be here. It is because you saw the good in me when even I couldn’t see it. It is because of you that I have become sentimental and fear to leave you,” Loki states, stroking a thumb over Thor’s cheek. “All you’ve done is tried your hardest, brother, and I have let you down.”
A quaking sob escapes Thor and then he’s become a blubbering mess. Loki finds it endearing, as his chest aches with newfound knowledge. He pulls Thor in close, cradling him securely. Thor has wilted into his arms, cries subdued but as heart-wrenching as they’ve always been. The few rare times Loki has ever seen Thor let himself go like this. His gut churns knowing he was the cause but he shoves it down to deal with later.
He’s so focused on comforting Thor he barely notices the mundane yellow light spilling off his brother until his arms are subsequently full of a significantly heavier god. He stumbles a bit at the weight but Thor’s hold on him prevents the embarrassment, not that this whole situation isn’t humiliating in and of itself.
Thor pulls away reluctantly as he didn’t quite appreciate the prying eyes of his friends, no matter how well-meaning. He scrubs his face free of the ill moisture leftover from the tears and gives Loki a small smile before looking himself over, twisting his hands and clenching his fists to feel the power he hadn’t known he’d missed so much.
“It feels good to be back.”
Loki’s return smirk is not as blasé as he tries to make it, “I am glad you are back too, brother.”
Thor slaps a hand on Loki’s shoulder, a meaningful glance passes between them that tells Thor all he needs to know of their upcoming conversation. He turns to his friends, “Thank you all for your help, it is much appreciated.”
Tony grins, “It was no hassle, Pointbreak.”
“Glad we could help,” Bruce shrugs, expression warm. The rest follow with their own condolences and greetings but they don’t keep Thor and Loki long, sensing the unease between them.
As they walk down the corridor, Loki sighs, “I am sorry, Thor.”
“You have nothing to be sorry for. I am sorry you had to air that out so publicly.”
Loki grasps his wrist and forces him to stop, only when their eyes meet does he continue, asserts, “For you, it was well worth it.”
Thor pulls him in for another hug.