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When he slept, Stiles looked like a little boy. Serene, innocent.
Nothing hinted at the tornado he was when he was awake.
As Derek adjusted the bandage (he had taken away his pain to make sure Stiles didn't wake up) he couldn't avoid a fleeting caress.
Stiles had changed his life. He had forced him out of his shell using only irony and rhetoric.
He had shown Derek that he didn't need to be strong to be strong.
And he had made Derek fall in love again.
Derek, who had sworn he would not allow himself to, not again, not after all he had been through.
And yet...
Derek sighed, covering Stiles with his jacket.
Oh well, there was little he could do.
He had even tried to leave Beacon Hills with Braeden, thinking out of sight out of mind , and instead when he had seen Stiles again it had been as if they had never parted.
Idiot human, who had taken a bullet for him even though he knew he would be cured in a few hours.
He still had taken a bullet for him.
Jesus, Stiles, why are you making it so easy for me to fall for you?
"Nnhh...five minutes...." mumbled Stiles, beginning to emerge from his slumber. He was having a crazy dream: he was in someone's arms - Derek? In a tuxedo? Smiling? - and looking down on himself he had seen that he was dressed as a bride.
What the hell? And was that a church ? And why was Derek bleeding?
The sound of the gunshot - even if only imagined - suddenly woke him up.
"Thefuckwherearewewhathappened!"
Derek put his hands on Stiles’s thighs to keep his legs down.
"Shh, it's okay, Stiles, it's okay. We're at my house, you...you fainted at the sight of blood."
He snorted.
"Well, thank you very much, it was my blood!"
Derek glared at him.
"You know you got shot for nothing, right?"
"Not really. If you had been shot and they had wanted to take you to the hospital, how would you have explained being healed?"
Pinching his nose, Derek cursed himself.
The kid was too, too smart for his own good.
Stiles had his patented you know I'm right look on his face.
"Besides, my foot doesn't even hurt anymore," he commented, shaking it off, and realized that it was bandaged and the bandage was pinkish. He almost fainted again.
"I've, um. Took the pain away."
In fact, Derek looked tired.
"Uhhh...weird. i mean, thanks man."
Still weird, though
Derek shook his head with a smirk.
"You're welcome. Now, do you want to explain to me what the heck you were doing in a den of bloodthirsty hunters?"
"Sure, dude, did you notice the three big letters on my bib?"
"You want me to believe you're an FBI cop , Stiles? You're what, 18 years old? 19?”
"I'm not a cop yet, obviously! I'm starting the internship, the studies, the, you know, that ."
"And they let you participate in a raid full of people armed to the teeth? They already want to take you out?!"
The tone was surprisingly playful and affectionate.
"Ahaha- witty. No, they showed us a video of a dangerous serial killer on the first day."
Derek rolled his eyes.
"Of course they blamed me for the werewolf deaths. Why am I not surprised!" he growled.
"I don't know, maybe because of this borderline psychopathic attitude of yours? Anyway, I convinced them to let me in on the action. With the intention of saving you, obviously. Which I did, for the record."
"Saved? Stiles, I carried you out!"
Good thing Stiles didn't read his pulse like wolves, or he would have clearly noticed the lie.
He couldn't believe the boy had risked his life for the possibility that Derek was there and needed help.
No one had ever done anything like that for him.
"...Oh, that's why the church."
Derek blinked.
"Church? It was a warehouse…"
Stiles blinked, before blushing slightly.
"No, um, I, um, dreamed, while I was unconscious."
A church? Derek's heart sped up.
"What did you dream about?"
"That you were carrying me in your, um, arms."
"Oh. It wasn't a dream, I carried you in my arms out of the warehouse."
"...thanks"
"It was the least I could do, you had come to save me."
When had Derek gotten so close?
"Was the least I could do, as well, sourwolf."
"And why?"
"...because..."
Stiles recoiled and shrugged his shoulders.
"Come on, I'm sure you can hold it against me the next few times you save my ass."
He laughed, to lighten the moment,
"It's nice to see you again, by the way."
Derek was tired, tired of holding it against him, tired of pretending.
That idiot had gotten himself fucking shot while he was looking for him, and-
"I don't want to hold anything against you, Stiles, I wouldn't."
Stiles looked at Derek, then looked away. He felt out of his depth, sitting there on the floor with Derek snuggled in front of him.
Derek stared at him, intensely.
"Why did you come looking for me, Stiles?" He muttered.
"I told you, I wanted to help you, and then, um, I, um, I also wanted to see you again. I'm glad to have seen you again, although I'll probably get kicked out of the FBi."
Derek licked his lips.
"I wanted to see you again too, Stiles, many times. So many times I picked up the phone and..."
"....really?"
Derek smiled at him.
"Yes. And no one will kick you out. Even if I have to turn myself in to the authorities. I definitely will, if that makes you safe. You've already lost enough because-of the supernatural"
"...no, no no no"
"Well, it's true that you didn't just lose. You also gained a girlfriend from it."
"Uh? Ah. Uh. Yeah."
Derek still ached to remember it. Stiles had ended up winning the woman he had always dreamed of, and he had lost his opportunity-if he ever had one.
Stiles looked at him, blushed, and looked away once more-how come Derek's expression seemed so intense?
"So, uhm....what about you? I mean, um, you, do you have anyone?”
"I tried with Braeden...didn't take," Derek muttered, and Stiles nodded, very seriously, complete with a sympathetic expression.
"I'm not an...easy person to be in a relationship with," Derek added, shrugging his shoulders.
Mostly because I'm in love with you
"Besides, I have no time or patience. There's so much to do, creatures to protect and defeat, so…nah. We're not all lucky enough to find our soulmates in the same circle."
"Yeah, sure, soulmate," huffed Stiles, chuckling bitterly, and Derek frowned.
"Well, that's what you always said, I mean...isn't it?"
Yikes, he shouldn't have sounded so hopeful!
"Yeah-ish. I mean, she's fiiiine, but..."
"But...?"
"Let’s just say I stopped believing in soulmates."
"What? No! Don't stop-not you!"
Stiles was the most dreamy and idealistic person Derek had ever known. It perfectly contrasted his rationality and cynicism, made him wish he was still capable of dreaming.
If he lost that innocence of his..Derek felt stupidly responsible, and he put his hand on Stiles’s arm.
"Stiles, if it's not her...there will be another. There's time, you'll see."
"---hhha, aha, y-yeah. Um, maybe-I’m starving, do you happen to have anything to eat?"
Derek got up-it cost him more than expected to get away from Stiles-and walked toward the American-style kitchen.
"What are you in the mood for?"
"Pancakes!"
"Okay, I think I have the ingredients. Do you want to go take a shower in the meantime? The bathroom is down the hall, next to my room."
Then, Derek seemed to reconsider.
"Can you make it there by yourself? Do you want me to help you?"
"Thank you. I don't think I can walk on it."
Derek went back to Stiles and, with no apparent effort, pulled him up with an arm around his waist, holding him against his side to keep him upright.
"Lean on me," he instructed.
Stiles nodded, letting him do it.
How he had changed, Stiles -- the hair, the muscles, the hint of a beard. It seemed like every detail had been designed to drive Derek crazy.
He carried him by weight to the bathroom, sitting him on the edge of the tub, and there, he hesitated.
"Do you need me to..."
"No!"
Stiles blushed.
"Uh, uhm uh, I'll do it myself, thanks."
"Sure. I'll go get you something to wear, then."
Derek bit his lip.
"You can remove the bandage if you think you can stand the sight of the wound without passing out again. Otherwise, I'll take care of it once you're done."
He hoped Stiles would choose the second option, because he wanted to touch him again, so badly.
Stiles's look was very telling.
"No problem. So, call me when. Yeah."
Derek left him a towel by the tub and deflected before embarrassing himself further.
The energy with which he set about beating the eggs made the dough almost overflow.
Stiles showered carefully, slowly.
Derek looked like this. Derek.
He hadn’t realized he was missing him that much.
Nooo. Sure. Who are you trying to convince?
The pancakes followed one another in an almost mechanical way.
Good thing Derek made them so often that he didn't need to pay attention, because all his senses were turned to the bathroom. And to Stiles in the bathroom.
That was why-and, well, because he was a wolf-that he heard him fall.
He had never moved so fast.
Damn foot, damn bandage, and damn water!
Stiles had hurt his pride more than anything, stumbling as he got out of the tub, and now he was curled up on the floor, half covered by the towel.
Derek opened the door wide.
"Stiles?!"
His eyes flashed red.
"Ouch--hey! ah, uh, I'm fine, just-- " could Derek see his butt?
He quickly covered himself.
The desire, the need to protect Stiles, to care for him, to be near him, almost suffocated Derek. Before, he had been so used to it that he could control it; now that they had been apart and suddenly Stiles found himself in Derek’s own living space, with their smells mingled, in his home...it was almost impossible.
"Don't move," he almost growled. Then he pulled Stiles up, bridal style, towel and all, and carried him to his room, laying him on the bed with surprising kindness.
He took the ankle in his hands, lifting it up and studying the foot carefully, unrolling the bandage slowly.
Stiles tried not to think about how he had held around Derek’s neck in transport - nor about the surprised yelp he had let out.
He draped the towel over his hips as he lay, red to the sternum.
Then a sudden thought.
"...you had red eyes..."
Derek stared at him, he knew he shouldn't but he couldn't stop.
Stiles was in his house, on his bed. How many of his dreams had started this way?
And his embarrassment was-oh, yeah.
"I'm an alpha again."
"Why? How?"
Derek shrugged his shoulders.
"In South America there are dynamics and creatures that make Beacon Hills look like an amusement park. Let's just say that in a couple of situations I've had to...make myself responsible, that is."
He had needed to prove to himself and to the world that he was strong. That he was good. That he could save people, not just send them to their deaths.
"I feel like I've missed out on a lot of fun."
"Yeah, no. Fun it’s not how I’d define it."
"Sorry, I should have let the quotation marks be heard"
Derek couldn't help a chuckle.
"You haven't changed at all. I've missed you, Stiles."
As they talked, Derek had tightened his fingers around the boy's ankle, and black lines had begun to run from his pale, freckled skin to his tanned one. He grimaced.
"You--you shouldn't...I mean you don't have to...I can take it"
Derek's grip became more like a caress.
"I know you can. But I want to."
He gave Stiles an indecipherable look.
"You're my pack too."
"...awww"
Derek glared at him.
"Don't...tease me," he muttered, piqued.
"You know family means everything to me."
And you know I consider you part of my family
"I know, Der, I wasn't making fun of you."
He leaned over to take Derek’s hand, then flushed and pulled back, feeling the towel slip, and he adjusted it on the fly again.
Derek had also leaned toward him, .so they found themselves like that, with their hands in midair, and the gaze of both of them on the slice of skin uncovered and then immediately covered.
Derek swallowed, his Adam's apple shifting under the skin.
"You know, I really think I should get dressed..."
"You should, yeah..."
Derek's voice was practically a whisper.
Stiles could probably feel the heat of his body through his clothes- werewolves were natural heaters.
"...............................Derek...?"
The hand Derek still had in midair landed on Stiles’s naked shoulder.
"Tell me no," he whispered in the same tone, as his voice cracked.
"Tell me I'm reading you wrong, that your smell, your heartbeat...tell me no"
..........................fuck. Fuck, Stiles hadn't fucking thought of that .
Had Derek always been able to read him so well? Why hadn't he said anything? Asked anything?
Stiles's heart sped up even faster, and Derek's eyes flashed again.
"Ah, I...I....I’m sorry, I didn't think, I didn't-"
Derek withdrew his hand as if Stiles's skin was burning.
Had he really misunderstood?
He suddenly felt like an idiot, with his feelings slapped in his face, open and honest, as Stiles stared at him with wide doe eyes.
"...I didn't think you noticed."
"Ah-well..."
What could Derek answer? That he had noticed from the first moment, but he had categorized it as a teenage crush, then as a physical attraction, and finally when he had finally accepted that perhaps Stiles was more serious than he had initially thought Malia had appeared? Not to mention Lydia.
"It wasn't realizing it that was the problem, Stiles. You were a kid-you still are, for God's sake."
"I-I'm sorry Derek, I didn't think-I just didn't think, I mean, you were-you're so-and I-what does my age have to do with anything?" he asked, abruptly changing his tone.
"I'm not a kid, Der, it's not like, because I'm a teenager then-then I don't understand anything or I'm easily influenced by everything or- "
He spoke freewheeling, almost all in one breath, getting more passionate as he went.
"Why do you keep apologizing, Stiles?"
"I can't...I can't tell you no, I don't like you , okay? That's why I'm sorry!"
And Derek's pulse increased in step with Stiles's. All in all, he was not overly surprised.
"Why are you sorry you like me, Stiles?"
His voice was remarkably tender.
"'Cause you don't, um, like…me?"
Derek's expression softened in a way that Stiles surely had never seen.
"I'm practically kneeling over you, I'm eating you with my eyes, I asked you to tell me you don't want me because otherwise I wouldn't have stopped...no, I definitely don't like you"
Oh. Wait
Stiles took a moment to consider their position:
Him, sitting on the bed with his feet on the mattress and legs bent, virtually naked except for the towel twisted between his hips and legs. Derek, kneeling in front of him and just leaning toward his face.
Oh Christ
Derek smiled.
"Catching up, finally?"
Derek probably would have noticed the sudden burst of lust that hit Stiles, even if he hadn't been a wolf.
He leaned slightly toward Stiles again.
"You still sorry you like me, Stiles? Because I am. Sorry about that."
"Are you fucking kidding me?"
"I'm older than you, I have a terrible record when it comes to relationships, I'm misanthropic and negative, and-"
Derek liked him. He liked him. Derek did. Stiles was liked by Derek.
Stiles would have liked to have jumped into his arms and rolled him over on his back. But he probably wouldn't have moved him an inch, that was why therefore he moved the hands with which he was supporting himself from behind his back to Derek's shoulders, clinging to him.
Derek swayed a bit, but had no trouble supporting him. Stiles was so light...He held him with an arm around his hips.
"I’ve never been less sorry than now, Sourwolf."
"Stiles..."
Wolves mate for life
Derek swallowed.
"What about-"
"I've always been smitten with you, Derek. Always . From like minute one, when we saw you in the woods, algid attitude and all. Aaand you're not the only man I liked in my life but jeeez you are the man I liked more . The most. More than girls. Definitely more than girls."
Derek stared at him, unblinking.
Evidently he was waiting for Stiles to continue, since he still hadn't said the important part.
"...definitely more than, uhm... any girl"
Derek took a deep breath, motionless on him.
"Stiles, I’m not going to fuck you if you're with someone else," he finally said.
"Whether you like me more or less is irrelevant. If I make you mine, you are mine , do you understand?"
And if Stiles had to be frightened at discovering Derek’s possessive, monogamous streak, well. Better sooner than later.
No, Stiles hadn't understood at all . He was still stuck in a loop considering the verb fuck used with subject Derek and object complement him .
"Stiles!" called Derek back to order, somewhat dryly.
Stiles jumped in place, practically blinking and gasping for air.
"Yes! Present! ...christ..."
He quickly checked to see if the towel was still in place.
Oh, yes. With a pleasant curtain effect.
"You want to be with me? And I don't mean in the biblical sense, I mean, be-be? Really..really?"
Derek frowned.
"If you know me a little bit, and if you know my life story a little bit, you should already know the answer. I didn't fight attraction and desire tooth and nail for years just for a night of passion."
Okay. Stiles surrendered, and levering his arms he pulled himself up just enough to glue himself to Derek’s lips.
But Derek pulled back before he even had time to rejoice in that much-dreamed-of contact.
"Stiles, no, I just told you-”
"I'm leaving her!"
Derek clenched his jaw.
"And I'll kiss you until you can't feel your lips. Once you get it done. Now-"
"I'mleavingherIswearIcandoitnowdoyouhaveacellphone?"
Derek blinked.
"What?"
"Do-do you want me to leave her now?" Stiles gasped, trying to reason and breathe.
“If you want me to leave her now I call her, I-"
God, what a shitty person was he? First he was with her on the rebound, and then he was even breaking up with her over the phone? He paused, breathing deeply.
It's not like having Derek lying on top of him was really helping Stiles’s concentration that much.
Derek realized how incoherent his own words and actions were, and once he had laid Stiles back down on the bed he climbed above him and sat down on the mattress, close but not too close, giving him room to breathe.
Noticing Stiles’s excitement was not helpful to his breathing.
He bit his lip, uncertain. He wanted Stiles, desperately, and now they were there, that was their moment. What if they had lost it, what if they had let it pass by and then hoped they could get it back and ended up finding out it was impossible?
On the other hand, Stiles had said he was going to leave her, that Derek was the one he wanted, so-
His brain, serviceable, replayed to him in quick succession what had happened all the times someone had promised him to do something afterwards, and Derek reeled as if he had been slapped in the face.
No, not this time.
"I don't want anything, Stiles."
Liar
"And I'm not forcing you, or blackmailing you, or whatever. I've been waiting for years, it won't-it won't kill me to keep doing it. But to let myself go and then-now, that could kill me."
He felt like the main character of a romance novel, pathetic and in love, but he would not give in. He wanted Stiles, with all his soul, but without compromise.
Stiles meanwhile had calmed down a bit. Not much, actually, but just enough.
He pulled himself up, propping himself up on his arms.
“Der, I definitely wouldn't need you to force me to-I told you, didn't I, that I no longer believed in things like soulmates. After Malia, I thought that it was okay to be with someone whom you like enough to, well, to be with, since what I really wanted was out of my league. At least that's what I thought. Turns out he is not?" he hinted a hopeful, nervous smile.
Derek, who was convinced that Stiles was talking about Lydia, widened his eyes.
"Me? The one out of league was me ?!"
"Well, man, I couldn't smell how you felt in my presence, and honestly nothing about you made me think I would get anything other than a punch if I jumped on you."
"And indeed you would have, but not because-Stiles, when we met you were the same age I was when I met Kate."
Derek lowered his gaze.
"Teenagers are so easy to manipulate...even unconsciously."
"I am not easy to manipulate! I already told you that!"
"Maybe not. But I couldn't risk it."
"Neither could I. A punch from you, I mean."
"I understand that. But now you know there will be no punches...unless that's your thing," tried to joke Derek, but the smile did not reach his eyes.
As if. He couldn't hurt Stiles even if he begged him.
"And you know I will leave Lydia as soon as I see her."
"I know you want to leave her as soon as you see her, Stiles. It's not the same thing. And I believe you, baby, don't think that I don’t-but how am I going to live with myself if I do this?"
Stiles inhaled and then sighed.
"Fine, okay. Let's just wait. I don't... I don't know if I would have let you fuck me just like that, anyway. I’m not thinking on my feet right now," he huffed.
He was a terrible liar, and they both knew it.
"Well, you only have one right now."
"Hah! What a wonderful line, Sourwolf, so original."
"...Sorry. I'm not used to joke."
I haven't talked to anyone in months, let alone joked
Stiles looked at him, pouting more in mock than real, and he couldn't resist hugging Derek again.
Derek cautiously pulled him close to himself.
A hug didn't imply anything, did it?
He had always liked Stiles's body against his own.
Stiles exhaled, realizing at that moment that he had been holding his breath.
He turned his face and rubbed his nose against Derek's neck, letting the beard prick him.
Derek let out a shuddering sigh.
"Stiles, don't-I'm not made of stone, and it's been years since-" he swallowed the rest of the sentence.
"And you think I am?"
Who knew what Derek was picking up through his nose. Stiles could barely smell the shampoo he used.
Derek could smell everything that his dreams were made of, that's what.
"Well, I'm not the one who’s talking about sex and want. I'm the one who’s trying not to be seduced."
Stiles blinked and pulled his head back, looking at him...stupendously amused.
Derek shifted his gaze, a little embarrassed.
"I was just thinking...so that's what you were feeling. Wow, if I had known all these years that I was leaving the trail of my desperate crush going on, I would have thrown caution to the wind and tried to kiss you. That asshole Scott might as well have told me, I bet he knew-oh, fuck, everybody knew!”
"Scott also knew that I wanted you, if it's any consolation."
"THAT ASSHOLE!"
Stiles looked at Derek and tried to kiss him again, in a rush.
Derek this time let Stiles’s lips rub against his for a thousandth of a second before pulling back and caressing them with his fingertip.
"Stiles."
"Fuck. Please. It's just a kiss. I mean it's not, but-please?"
"And if when you were in love with her she kissed someone else, how would that have made you feel?"
"I don't know, I've never been in love with her," Stiles answered curtly, and Derek laughed softly.
"You spent the first 16 years of your life planning your future together, Stiles."
Derek felt terribly arrogant at the thought of it, but-
"Maybe it's not that you're not in love with her. It's just that you're in love with me more," he mumbled, self conscious.
"...kiss. Now. I don't have your fucking nose. I have to make sure somehow that this is really happening," Stiles croaked.
It was a pretty remote possibility, that twice in a lifetime one would fall prey to dreams and hallucinations due to an evil entity. But fuck, such a hallucination would have ensured much less resistance on his part.
And to that, Derek could not resist. He remembered Stiles lost in his head, not knowing what was true and what was not...he couldn't let him suffer because of him.
Or maybe he was just looking for a reason to justify the desperate passion with which he took possession of the boy's mouth a moment later, indulging in the kiss.
Stiles yelped into Derek’s mouth, clinging to his shoulders.
It was the first time he had ever kissed a boy. A man. Wolf-man. A male, in short.
It was... Unbelievable.
For Derek wasn't the first time...but he had never felt this way before.
He moaned, pushing his tongue between Stiles's lips, possessive, dominant. In love.
Oh God, oh God .
The tip of Stiles's tongue timidly came forward.
Hi there, welcome to my place
Derek's hands seemed huge as they held Stiles’s face and caressed his cheeks.
Stiles yearned to feel them everywhere.
Derek's tongue caressed Stiles', strangely shy in turn.
Hey, thank you for letting me in
Stiles had never, ever been so desperately excited as he was at that moment. He had the feeling that he might come just from Derek's tongue tickling his palate.
You're welcome. Make yourself at home. Here are the keys
Derek wished it would never end.
He wished he could have had Stiles like that, abandoned, soft, warm in his arms.
He squeezed him, then guided Stiles' tongue into his own mouth with his own.
Well, here are mine, it's only fair
Stiles moaned, exploring his mouth with neurotic curiosity.
Derek didn't know if Stiles could notice his smile, and he absentmindedly wondered what it tasted like.
Stiles sighed, beside himself with joy.
Derek had to stop. They had to stop. He couldn't-ah, fuck, Stiles was hard against him.
He wasn't just hard, he was also hypersensitive: he squeaked against Derek’s lips just for moving into him arms for a moment, without the need to rub against him on purpose.
Without even realizing it, Derek had started moving his groin.
He had completely lost himself in the kiss and forgotten all his principles and doubts.
Stiles squeaked, arching with a gasp.
Half of the towel had already slipped off, a little more and he would have been totally exposed.
With a whimper, Derek stroked his hips.
It was perfect, so perfect.
Another flap of the towel shifted. Now Stiles was practically a new Adam, with the fig leaf just above his groin.
Derek's eyes were closed; he didn't see him. But Stiles's hot body was driving him crazy, and there was nothing left but that heat in his head.
Derek was excited -- was he? Yes he was...
Stiles shifted one arm, breaking the grip and thus moving away from his face due to, well, gravity, and extended his hand -- directly between Derek's legs.
Derek emitted a wounded animal growl, arching at the touch, but at the interruption of the kiss suddenly the magnitude of what they were doing hit him like a bucket of ice.
His eyes flashed red, and he snapped to the side, still panting.
"Stiles...fuck, what the fuck..."
Stiles let himself fall back, panting as well, his eyes closed.
Derek took his head in his hands.
"No, no, nonono."
Stiles folded an arm across his face, trying to regain connection with reality.
The towel was tangled between his legs, and one corner barely covered his testicles, leaving more than a glimpse of his state
And Derek, ashamed as a thief, looked at him.
"it's ok, Der, it was just a kiss... nothing happened... nothing wrong , I mean, just a - iiiik"
Stiles realized he was practically naked and pulled the towel over himself, however, giving Derek a few moments of full view.
Derek's cock was hard, so hard that the tip peeked out over the edge of his shorts.
"I mean, nothing to feel sorry about, we just, we just w- eeek ," Stiles squeaked again when he saw him, and blushed, his gaze snapping upward, wide-open eyes aimed at Derek's face -- and it wasn't much easier, looking at his face.
Derek didn't notice, he was too distraught and busy trying to control his excitement and desire to just jump on Stiles.
“Christ, man, say something-that isn’t nonono "
He wants you, not her. He said he wants to leave her, he will leave her for you, he will be yours -- why wait? Show him that he is making the right choice , said a voice inside him that sounded too much like Peter's to be trusted.
But fuck, Stiles was so fucking beautiful .
"I want you," hissed Derek through gritted teeth.
"...OK, that's something," muttered Stiles, gasping.
"But...Stiles, I-"
God, Derek couldn't think, not with all the blood between his legs.
"...look, it's -- it's ok if you wanna wait. Totally ok."
'cause I'm terrified right now
"...but that won't change anything"
Derek looked up, hesitant.
"Won't it?"
And what if when you see her again-
He was used to the fact that whoever wanted him, only wanted his body.
Stiles shook his head vigorously.
"If it's because you don't think it's right that..that it happens when she doesn't know anything yet, I'll agree with you."
I wish I were strong enough to think the same
"But if you think that... that maybe then I won't leave her and you don't trust me to... in that case, you are wrong"
"Stiles,I..." Derek bit his lip.
"... I mean, I understand if you think that, because you're you and-but I'm me , and I'm already loving you, Derek."
Derek stopped breathing.
"...what...?"
"...aah, I mean, liking , I mean....shit...I-y-yeah, I'm in love, man, sorr- uhm, do I have to apologize?"
"Because you return my feelings? No…not really."
"........ what?"
Derek's voice trembled.
"Stiles, I...me too, Jesus Christ, me too."
Stiles stared at him in silence for at least five full seconds.
And then, this time, he couldn't help but jump into Derek’s arms.
"I...I..." Derek squeezed him almost in desperation.
Call her , he wanted to tell Stiles. Call her, please, because this is the best feeling I've ever had and I should feel happy at last and instead I just feel dirty
Stiles meanwhile was squeezing him back, hard.
"Look, I'm a shitty person, but I have to...I have to call her."
"You really don't love her ?"
"No, man. Maybe if I hadn-t met you, if I wasn't/I was hoping I would start, at some point."
Derek looked at him, confused. Stiles’s pulse was going crazy.
"I was trying to get over it, okay?"
Derek grazed his knuckles.
"Like I did with Braeden."
"Yes, I guess so."
"I should tell you no. I should tell you it's wrong, and that she deserves better, but...I'm not a nice person, Stiles."
"She deserves someone who dreams about her and not someone else, Der. Anything else is better than that, in my opinion."
Derek's fingers squeezed his.
"Call her," he murmured.
"Please."
Stiles nodded and jumped out of bed, only remembering he was naked once he was already standing.
Derek almost swallowed his tongue before averting his gaze abruptly.
He's not mine yet
Stiles limped to the bathroom, picking up his clothes and looking for his cell phone in the pocket.
Once he had found it, he hastily put his jeans back on. No way he’d have that conversation (or any conversation, really) butt naked on the floor.
His hands were shaking as he scrolled through the contact list.
"Stiles..."
Derek was against the door. He wanted to pull Stiles against his chest, but he didn't.
He wasn't sure if that was a good idea.
Stiles shook his head and opened his mouth to speak just as Lydia answered.
“Hello?”
"Hey, Lydia, hi, it’s me. How’s it going?"
Derek strained to hear her on the other side.
"...huh? Ah! Stiles! Hi! Uhm-how are you?" the girl's voice was a little shrill.
"well-well. Um.”
"I haven't heard from you in a while, has something happened?"
"...yyyyeah, I, um, I'm in Virginia."
Lydia gave a chuckle.
"Baby, I know. Interning at the FBI. I’m not that distracted, you know."
Derek flinched.
Baby . Sure, of course.
"No, I mean, with Derek. Not at Quantico."
There was a long pause.
"Derek is in Virginia?"
"Yeah. It’s kind of a long story…actually, is not. The FBI thought he was a serial killer."
"Whoa, big surprise. Stiles...what's up?"
Lydia's tone had changed suddenly, as soon as she had heard that Derek was there too.
"........we....uh...."
Stiles shifted his gaze here and there, and at one point looked at Derek, who was about to merge with the wall.
"Look, Lydia, I'm sorry, but I..."
Lydia sighed.
"Did you finally get it?"
Stiles paled.
"...you...you knew...?"
"Stiles, baby, I've known you since you were six years old. Do you really think I could have missed it?"
"...ah....uhh...I...we....we...we kissed"
"That’s all?" Lydia's voice was full of affection and mischief.
"Lydia!!!"
"...fornow" Stiles mumbled in addition, and Lydia laughed.
"That's not what I meant, dummy. I meant that if Derek hasn't jumped on you yet, he must be cooked even more than I expected."
Derek’s eyes went wide in shock.
Shit, had he been that obvious?
"Did everyone knew we liked each other but us ?"
Lydia hummed.
"Yup"
"Fuck. You might as well have pointed it out earlier."
"And miss this moment? Hell no."
Lydia snorted, before clearing her throat.
"And while we're at it, baby, I'm going out with Parrish tonight."
"...........what?"
"Oh, come on, don't tell me you actually thought we were a couple ! You gave me a kiss that was less passionate than the ones I give my mother and this is the first time you get in touch since then!"
Lydia sighed.
"Stiles...you wanted Derek. All along. I knew it was only a matter of time before you finally got your shit together."
Derek was incredulous. He took a couple of hesitant steps toward Stiles, but stopped in the middle of the bathroom, not knowing what to do.
"So...we're good then?"
"It depends. Am I still your best girl?" She sounded doubtful for the first time.
"...hell yeah. The only girl."
A sigh of relief.
"Then we're good," Lydia replied.
"Go to your guy, Stiles, he’s probably about to die of anxiety. And come back and visit us soon, you hear?"
A doorbell rang in the distance.
"Oh, Parrish is here! Bye baby, mwah!"
".....................Jesus"
Stiles heard the line go dead and looked up at Derek, who was motionless.
Now what?
Stiles was free now. He could have been his. Would he have been his? Really?
".............say something, Sourwolf."
"I love you"
Derek gasped. That was not what he wanted to say! It had just-
Stiles bounced to his feet.
"Me too!"
Derek launched himself at him, pulling at him, this time unimpeded.
Stiles crushed him in a hug - or at least he liked to think so
"Now...now what?" Derek asked, his voice muffled against his forehead.
Are you mine now?
"Now I guess I'm single. Apparently I already was. Wanna be my boyfriend?"
"More than anything."
Fuck, since when did Derek’s voice shake like that?
He squeezed Stiles tighter, to compensate for the macho points.
Stiles pressed his nose against Derek’s shoulder.
"Can I kiss you now, Stiles? Kiss you for real ?"
"Ah, the one before was for pretend?"
Derek smiled, finally caressing one cheek with all the affection he had stifled until five minutes earlier.
"Before, it was me fighting against myself, knowing I couldn’t and I shouldn’t. Now..."
He slowly stroked Stiles’s cheekbones with his thumbs, then he leaned in and rubbed his nose against Stiles's.
"Now I can," he murmured, and kissed him.
This time the kiss was hot from the first second, and it would have been impossible for Stiles not to notice how much feeling Derek was putting into it.
He murmured softly, snuggling into him, and Derek squeezed him in response, running his hands down his back, caressing his palate, his lips, his teeth, his tongue with his own.
He gasped against Stiles’s lips, moving down his jaw.
Stiles arched his neck, closing his eyes and panting.
They weren't going to stop this time, right...? He quivered at the idea.
Derek was aware that they were in the bathroom, half undressed, and Stiles's foot would start to hurt in no time, but he could not pull away long enough to move them elsewhere.
Stiles was slumped against him, beautiful and aroused, and there was nothing left to stop him from making every single fantasy of the last few years a reality.
He licked his jugular, stopping to nibble on his collarbone, then he kissed his shoulder, following the constellation of moles that sprinkled his pale skin.
Stiles' breathing was getting heavier and heavier.
Derek took more and more weight on himself, until finally he practically had Stiles in his arms.
"De...Derek," Stiles whined, blushing.
"I'm here...talk to me, anything"
Derek rubbed his nose against the delicate skin behind his ear and Stiles clung to him like a koala bear.
"What is it...?" Derek asked, hoarsely, as he kept leaving kisses on his skin and caressing him.
He was excited, of course he was, but he didn't care.
He ran his fingers through Stiles’s hair, slowly, checking to see if it was really as soft as he had always thought.
It was.
You're different than before , it’s what Stiles wanted to say.
"Do you want to...undress us again?" it’s what he blurted out instead.
Derek stiffened.
"We don't have to-that's not why I asked," he stammered.
Stiles understood, didn't he?
Stiles sighed, rubbing his face against Derek’s neck.
"What's stopping us now?"
"Nothing, but that doesn't mean we have to do it. I mean, you said it was more than okay to wait, so…"
Stiles squeezed him.
"Okay, okay, we don't have to do everything . But we also don't have to not do anything ."
Derek laughed despite himself.
"Think you're gonna get lucky, don't you?" He asked mischievously.
That was Stiles. Infuriating, sexy, annoying, adorable Stiles.
He stood up, pulling him along.
"This time I want to see all of you," he murmured.
Stiles huffed. He was already regretting it.
No, not really.
"Hey, I want to see you too, big guy!"
Derek smiled, leading them both back to the bedroom.
"Okay," he replied almost shyly.
He was not blind; he knew he was attractive. But before Stiles he hadn't cared how others saw him, what they saw.
He wanted Stiles to like him, and he was already wondering whether Stiles would have preferred him with a beard or shaved, long hair or short hair, chest hair or-
Stiles let himself fall on the bed, sitting up, and clutched his legs to his chest, looking at Derek expectantly.
Oh. He meant now .
Derek slipped off his shirt without much finesse, then hesitated at the elastic of his shorts.
Stiles was already holding his breath.
Derek looked at him for a moment, then sighed and pulled them down, sharply.
Stiles choked on his saliva.
Jesus Christ, Derek was beautiful. Huge. Fascinating.
…and very hard.
Stiles was totally in love, and so turned on he felt dizzy with want.
Derek stood motionless, his heart in his throat. Stiles's gaze made it hard for him to breathe.
That same gaze rolled over him, shy at first but then more brazen, looking all over before returning to his face.
"You are beautiful, Der."
Are you sure you want me?
Derek blushed, like an idiot.
"Are you sure you want me?"
Hie whisper had been barely audible.
Derek wasn't even sure he had said it out loud on purpose.
But the doubt was there, dark and ugly, that Stiles wanted his body but was not ready to deal with his temper and the calamities that seemed to follow him everywhere.
Stiles gasped almost violently.
"Are you kidding?"
Derek grimaced.
"Not really."
"Well, then yeah, I'm sure. Fucking sure."
Stiles pulled himself up and crawled to the edge of the bed.
"Come here..."
Letting out a sigh he hadn't realized he was holding back, Derek joined him, his eyes fixed in Stiles's, so much so that he jerked when his knees touched the wood.
Stiles reached out to kiss him, wrapping his arms around Derek’s shoulders and Derek climbed onto the mattress, on all fours, responding to the kiss with passion.
It was okay, he could…he could let go now.
God, Derek was everything Stiles had always lacked in others.
Strong and tender, and caring, and...his own.
He loved their dynamics, but he had always wanted to get beyond the macho armor Derek wore. That was why he was always poking him, and standing up to him even though he couldn't really face him.
Scott thought that Stiles was good at bluffing, but he wasn't. No, he was the one calling Derek's bluff.
He pushed Stiles onto the bed, lying on top of him, but trying not to crush him. The boy had put on a lot of muscle...but Derek was still bigger.
Heh.
Big.
He giggled against Stiles's lips.
"Hmm?"
"Nothing...it's stupid"
Derek was embarrassed by his own thought, not realizing how long it had been since he had last allowed himself to be so...carefree. And stupid, yes.
"At least you’re aware, that’s a good thing."
"Huh?"
Stiles chuckled. As said, he liked to poke him.
Derek gave him a look full of warmth.
"If I'm not mistaken, someone didn't keep their word," he retorted, with a grin.
"Uh?"
Derek put a finger through the belt loop and pulled, playfully.
"You're still dressed."
Stiles blushed. Then he smiled, mischievously - and blushed even more.
"Do you want to undress me?"
Derek's fingers slid down his thigh.
"Yeah, I do"
And little did it matter that his brain had heard do you want to marry me and for a second almost died of joy.
Stiles chuckled shyly and pulled back, on wobbly legs, until he was standing in front of him.
Derek moved his fingers to the button.
"You sure about this?" He asked once more.
"I've dreamed of this moment in so many versions that whatever you do, I'm fairly sure I want it."
Derek blinked, then laughed softly, moving down to kiss Stiles’s lips, a kiss as light as a caress, as he unbuttoned his jeans and slowly pulled them down.
He had no underwear on, and Derek’s gaze grew dark.
Stiles flushed, biting the inside of his cheek.
"Stiles...look at me. You're everything I've ever wanted," Derek murmured, finishing undressing him.
And then he stared at him, entranced.
Stiles raised an uncertain but hopeful glance at him, nestling his head in his shoulders a little.
Something in Derek's gaze, however, seemed to inflate his heart like a balloon.
A hand ran across his chest, from his collarbone down to his navel and abdomen, passing a nipple.
"Tell me what you want."
"I- hah-I don’t know…"
Derek's lips followed the same path, prickling his skin with his beard, and Stiles trembled, gasping.
"I christ ah...I don't know..."
"You can have whatever you want, Stiles...whatever you want."
Derek kissed his hip, nibbling on his abs.
He could already smell his cock, it was so close...
"...fuck...I...you....I mean...usually..."
"Usually...?"
More kissing.
"Do you...would you…ۍ ̪ ̫ ̬ ̭ ̮ ̯ ̰ ̱"
He murmured so softly that even Derek's hearing could not decipher it, so he lifted his head, and waited.
Stiles swallowed air.
"Do you like to, uh...blow? Suck?"
With a grin, Derek descended a few more inches and slowly tracked the length of Stiles's erection with his lips.
"Do you want me to?"
The question was whispered a millimeter away from the wet tip.
Stiles trembled and moaned throughout Derek's movement.
"mmmmmmmmmmhhhhhi would love it."
Derek smiled, and welcomed him into his mouth with a sigh.
Stiles threatened to choke on a moan, and moaned, leaning back against Derek's shoulders.
Derek's lips were surprisingly soft as they slid up and down, learning the taste and size of Stiles.
"Christ...hah....Christ....Derek...hhhah..."
How many times had Stiles dreamed of this?
Few, actually, he hadn’t dared to think about it.
Derek stroked his hips, his thighs, enjoying every second, sucking him slowly. With curiosity. It was different from the other times he had done it before.
"I didn't even know that you liked the-hhah...and you on the other hand...hahh...who thought that-eh-eeh"
Derek had to pull back to laugh, or he would have risked biting him.
"Damn, Stiles, you just never shut up, do you?"
"Only when my mouth is full," replied Stiles, catching his breath before sliding down.
"Hey-what-Stiles?!"
Stiles would have liked to suck it all, but had to settle for half-or die strangled.
"Holy shit!"
Derek growled, eyes red and wide.
Stiles’s eyes were half-lidded, one hand at the base of Derek's cock, and his lips tightened around it, trying to adjust to the volume of the other - fuck, he was big . He began to move his head back, slowly, careful not to scratch him with his teeth.
"What..what are you-ah, fuck-nghhh"
Derek, whose claws had come out, grabbed the sheets desperately.
Riiiipp
When only the tip remained between Stiles’s lips, he allowed himself to relax the muscles in his cheeks, and moved his tongue over it, tasting Derek.
Christ, you taste good, is this normal?
Derek had not expected Stiles would-maybe he should have. The boy was curious and competitive, it made sense.
"You're-ah! You're so good-mmm don't stop"
When he had the wolf under control again, he ventured to stroke Stiles’s hair.
It was nice, Stiles sucking him. He was so obviously his , while on his fours with Derek’s cock in his mouth.
Stiles seemed to like sucking the tip, his lips tight around the crown of the glans. It was much more comfortable, and somewhat reassuring.
Let's not be silly, I have Derek's cock in my mouth, nothing can be reassuring
He took a deep breath in through his nose and slowly moved down, welcoming Derek’s erection deeper into his mouth until he felt the tip against the base of his tongue.
He couldn't push any further, no way, and there was so much Derek out of his lips that if he had his mouth free he would have scolded him for being too much.
Oh! But he had his hand nearby. He began to move it, tentatively, as he retracted his head again.
Derek's roar rattled the windows. Suddenly the realization that Stiles was giving him a blowjob, and a wet, deep one at that, to boot, was unbearable.
"Stiles-Stiles-stop-fuck-gonna-"
But he failed to warn him.
Stiles's eyes widened, finding his throat flooded with hot liquid, and he swallowed, gasping. It was too much, and he pulled back sharply, coughing as the orgasm splashed across his face and chest.
Derek grabbed him and held him to his chest, sprinkling his face with kisses, licking away his own come.
"I'm sorry, so sorry, baby, fuck, sorry."
The smell of Stiles was intoxicating. Love, excitement, pleasure...and Derek, all at once.
You should never smell different than you do right now , he thought.
"Sorry for what? Jesus...Wow."
"For having-normally I control myself better, I swear, but-it was you , and I wanted it so badly that I couldn’t stop myself."
Derek continued to diligently clean him up
"Dude, I made you come. It was awesome."
Derek couldn't help but smile at that point.
"It wasn't the first time, you know."
"...What?"
"You made me come so many times, Stiles," he sneered.
Stiles blinked, and then he grinned in turn.
"You'd better reciprocate, then, big guy"
No sooner had the sentence left Stiles's mouth than he found himself lying back down with Derek on top of him.
"Are you trying to tell me that I didn't make you come enough instead?"
Stiles arched up against him.
It was exciting to see Derek so open and relaxed, but he would realize it later. Now he was too excited to think about it.
"So many... So many times"
"Mm thought so"
Derek smiled.
"Tell me what you want, Stiles. You can have anything,” he muttered against his neck.
"I already have it," Stiles replied easily, smiing at him, stroking his cheek.
Derek's heart leapt at those words.
"I'd mock you if I didn't feel the same," he said.
Stiles smiled back, bright, and kissed the tip of his nose.
"If you want to come, though, you'll have to give me some clues," Derek chuckled.
"Man, your hand would be enough for me."
Derek looked at him for a moment, then, slowly, he ran his palm over Stiles’s chest, collecting all his come that he had not yet cleaned up.
Fuck, there was a lot of it. He blushed a little, before clenching his fist around Stiles's erection.
He repeatedly kissed his neck as he began to jerk him off.
It was a strange feeling, it was slippery and wet, but not like when he used saliva, or lube.
Derek had never done this before.
Stiles moaned directly into his ear, and it was exciting as hell.
"Yeah, baby, give it to me...you're mine, all mine, never letting you go again"
Stiles's skin was full of red marks where Derek's beard had been pressed the longest.
Derek stroked him with more conviction, as Stiles arched toward his hand with a whine.
"You’re...Ah. yes...Fuck, you sound so good..."
"I will feel even better, I swear," gasped Derek fervently, reaching down to suck a nipple between his lips as he rubbed his thumb over the tip of Stiles’s dick.
"How can you feel better ?!"
"By being the best fucking boyfriend in the history of fucking ever," Derek staed firmly, rotating his hips against Stiles's thigh because he was starting to get hard again. Not that he even noticed, though. His mind, his heart. He was totally focused on Stiles.
"I'm going to make you disgustingly happy, Stiles, even if it's the only thing I do well in my life."
Stiles hugged him tightly, panting, and Derek's hand increased speed as the other...slid further down.
Further down.
And back.
Stiles widened his eyes and mouth, without making a sound, when Derek brushed his opening with his fingertips as he continued to stroke it steadily.
"ah, ah... Derek... Fuck..."
"If you want me to stop..."
"You're crazy if you expect me to stop you…"
"About you? For sure," Derek replied and kissed Stiles, as his finger slid into him.
Stiles blushed in places he didn't know he had, while Derek pushed his tongue into his mouth, humping him and moving finger and hand in the same rhythm.
Stiles moaned desperately and arched against him, exploding into his hand.
Derek grunted against him as he continued to touch him. He couldn't stop.
Stiles trembled, his body still jerking reflexively toward him.
"hhah... Hanf...fuck...."
Derek slowed his movement, little by little, until he stopped.
"You are beautiful. Even more beautiful when you let yourself go."
"It’s...Fuck...It’s pretty unlikely...Hah...I probably look a mess, instead."
Derek stared at him, intensely.
"Beautiful," he repeated.
If it had taken the rest of his life to convince Stiles of that fact, well, it was a sacrifice Derek was ready to make.