Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

the chosen ones 12:23 a.m.

Lord of the toilets: life is full of horrors but then there are also the sweet little treats that keep me from killing myself

Megamind: I got him a donut

cart(i)er: realest thing you've ever said

English james bond: omg boyfriend annabeth???

English james bond: Hot

cart(i)er: please don't ever say that again

lord of the toilets: .

English james bond: they hated jesus cause he told the truth...

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Private chat between Sadie and Carter 3:34 a:m

Chicken-head: Felix threw up again

Avril Lavigne rip-off: not my problem

Chicken-head: I cleaned after him last time it's ur turn now

Avril Lavigne rip-off: he's basically a grown man he can clean after himself

Chicken-head: he's 6

Avril Lavigne rip-off: exactly 

Chicken-head: I'm telling zia

Avril Lavigne rip-off: I'm not scared of ur girlfriend

Chicken-head: U sure???

Avril Lavigne rip-off: oh for fucks sake

Avril Lavigne rip-off: I'm coming

Avril Lavigne rip-off: I hate this fucking house

Chicken-head: :)

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The chosen ones 2:04 p:m

Lord of the toilets: Did yall know tall people die faster

Megamind: Thats absolutely not true

lord of the toilets: It totally is I pinky promise

Megamind: Where did u even find that

Lord of the toilets: It was written on a Wendy's bathroom stall

Megamind: ...

Megamind: why do I even bother anymore

English james bond: idk I believe them

English james bond: why would they lie on a Wendy's bathroom stall like that

Lord of the toilets: THATS WHAT IM SAYING

Mango cheese: I slept in a Wendy's bathroom stall for a week once

English james bond: cozy

Mango cheese: horrible experience, would not recommend, I smelled like shit for a month straight after that

Megamind: not that u smell any differently now

Mango cheese: how do u feel about kys jokes?

Megamind: getting beheaded will seem like a joke after I'm done with u 

Mango cheese: a no would have sufficed

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The seven (stages of grief) 3:57 p.m.

Pipe cleaner: I hate watching 2000s movies cause I'll be chilling and then BAM my shirtless dad is on screen

Per(chance)cy: I wouldn't mind seeing ur shirtless dad on screen

Pipe cleaner: alright but if I called u a slur then I'd be the bad guy

Per(chance)cy: :(

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Private chat between percy and annabeth

4:48 p:m

Seaweed brain: do u wanna come over for dinner

wise girl: YES

Seaweed brain: damn wise girl, u missed me that much 😏???

wise girl: no don't be ridiculous

wise girl: I miss ur mom

wise girl: You know i fucking love that woman

Seaweed brain: Yk what

Seaweed brain: I'll take the w

Seaweed brain: Come over at like 7

Wise girl: 😊😊😊😊

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Chapter Text

The chosen ones 8:24 a.m.

Cart(i)er: sadie just woke up half the house cause she's blasting london boy at full volume

Cart(i)er: someone remind me why sistercide is bad

English james bond: WE CAN GO DRIVIN IN MY SCOTAH

English james bond: YK JUST ROUND LONDON

Cart(i)er: 6 years in Brittain and she thinks she's joe alwyn

lord of the toilets: HE LIKES MY AMERICAN SMILE LIKE A CHILD WHEN OUR EYES MEET

English james bond: DARLING I FANCY YOUUUUUU

Mango cheese: did u guys know taylor swift is actually part dwarf

Lord of the toilets: wha

English james bond: ...

English james bond: smash

Cart(i)er: NO

English james bond: boooo u whore

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The chosen ones

Mango cheese: sorry I was IA my girlfriend beheaded me

English james bond: is your girlfriend Henry the 8th

Megamind: SADIE DID U JUST QUOTE AN HISTORICAL FIGURE???

Megamind: CORRECTLY???

Meganind: IM SO PROUD OF U

English james bond: historical figure?

English james bond: isn't Henry the 8th the dude from six wives?

Lord of the toilets: THATS WHAT I SAID

Megamind: nvm

Lord of the toilets: HE WAS IN AN EPISODE OF THE SIMPSONS TOO

English james bond: OMG YES

English james bond: IS UR GF HENRY THE 8TH FROM THE SIMPSONS

Mango cheese: not that I know of

English james bond: bummer

Cart(i)er: open the schools

Megamind: .

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The chosen ones

English james bond: I feel like if I tried really hard I could become the president of the United States

Cart(i)er: not with that fuckass accent you cant☠️

English james bond: kys

Megamind: "president, the invading forces have been getting stronger, idk how long our military can hold them off" "ay mate, tell them to get bloody fucked I can't be bothered with this stuff rn, utterly ridiculous"

Mango cheese: AHDGJAHAJAJ

cart(i)er: "inflation has been getting worse and worse, the people cant afford to live anymore!" "Ay don't get ur knickers in a twist lad"

Megamind: CRYING

English james bond: die

English james bond: all of u

Lord of the toilets: no I believe in u

Lord of the toilets: can I be your vice president

English james bond: ABSOLUTELY U CAN

Lord of the toilets: LETS GO THEY WONT KNOW WHAT HIT EM

Megamind: how long would it take for them to start ww3

Cart(i)er: a month give or take

Cart(i)er: sadie is calling the wrong person a cunt immediately

Lord of the toilets: AS SHE SHOULD

English james bond: YEAH AS I SHOULD

Mango cheese: these our heads of state dawg the economy is collapsing☠️

English james bond: DEFUND THE SCHOOLS!!!

megamind: NO?

Lord of the toilets: IT WASNT A QUESTION

lord of the toilets: WE WILL DEFUND ALL THE SCHOOLS

English james bond: FUCK YEAH WE WILL

Megamind: 1 shared braincell between you and it's not even a good braincell either

Chapter Text

Lord of the toilets has creared a group chat

Lord of the toilets has changed the chat name to "therapists biggest nightmare"

Lord of the toiles has added megamind

lord of the toilets has added pipe cleaner

Lord of the toilets has added  alltheladiesloveleo

Lord of the toilets has added accidental furry

Lord of the toilets has added superman

Lord of the toilet has added chronically offline

Lord of the toilers has added brit james bond

Lord of the toilets has added mango cheese

Lord of the toilets has added cart(i)er

Lord of the toilets has added alex(ander hamilton)

Lord of the toilets has added death boy

Lord of the toilets: mingle

death boy: wym mingle who are these people

Lord of the toilets: dont worry abt it bbg

death boy: call me that again and im amputating ur legs while u sleep

cart(i)er: Hi im carter, nice to meet you

brit james bond: hI iM cArTeR nIcE tO mEeT yOu

brit james bond: nerd

Chronically offline: hi sadie :)

Brit james bond: hi hazel :)))))

Megamind: wait you two know each other???

Chronically offline: yeah we ran into each other a few months ago while fighting a monster

Lord of the toilets: THATS GREAT MY MASTERPLAN TO MERGE TGE FRIENDGROUPS IS GOING SO WELL ALREADY

pipe cleaner: So are they roman demigods or what???

Megamind: nope. Magnus and alex are norse demigods, sadie and carter are egypyians

Megamind: Magnus is my cousin actually

alltheladiesloveleo: Is there at least 1 pantheon of gods thats not churning out kids to turn into child soldiers

alltheladiesloveleo: Like whats next

alltheladiesloveleo: Christian demigods?

Superman: well if u think about it jesus was a demigod

Cart(i)er: Nono u got it wrong, we're magicians not demigods

Cart(i)er: egyptian gods dont have children with humans

cart(i)er: our parent are very much human

Brit james bond: And very much dead

Brit james bond: we did have a couple of gods stuck in our head for a while tho

Superman: pardon???? U had what???

Alltheladiesloveleo: got it so ur kinda like harry potter

pipe cleaner: also annabeth???

Pipe cleaner: ur cousins a demigod too???

pipe cleaner: Like damn 2 in the same family is crazy, poor life choises making skills run in the family uh

Mango cheese: hi sorry i didnt text sooner my girlfriend decapitated me

Alltheladiesloveleo: romantic

lord of the toilets: my mom is making cookies :))))

lord of the toilets: i fucking love my mom

megamind: we all fucking love ur mom

Brit james bond: percybald open up

Brit james bond: im outside your door

Lord of the toilets: why is it that when my mom makes cookies ur outside my door immediately but when i got a flat tire and asked u to come fix it with ur weird glowing drawings it took u like an hour and a half to come?

Brit james bond: i have priorities jackson

Lord of the toilets: Nico just shadow traveled here without telling me he just appeared behind me i think i just shat my pants a little bit

Brit james bond: Ur creepy friend kinda looks like anubis

Brit james bond: they even have the same general aura of death that follows them

Death boy: ill take that as a compliment

Chronically offline: i want sally's cookies too :(((

Brit james bond: i will literally open a portal to cali rn and bring u cookies u sweet angel girl

Chronically offline: :))))

Cart(i)er: i want them too

Cart(i)er: bring some home

Brit james bond: come and get them u lazy fuck

Cart(i)er: omg just bring me a fucking cookie

Lord of the toilets: we're making other baches 

Lord of the toilets: my mom is very happy that u all like her cookies :)

megamind: i fucking love that woman

Pipe mclean: nico bring me back a cookie pls

Death boy: why would i do that

Pipe mclean: cause we're friends and u love me???

Death boy: ...

Pipe mclean: if u dont im telling will u shadow traveled even tho u were supposed to be resting

Death boy: ...fine

pipe cleaner: thank u bff