Chapter Text
and when i’m back in chicago, i feel it
another version of me, i was in it
i wave goodbye to the end of beginning
“End of Beginning” — Djo
Lucy is very nearly asleep when the turbulence hits, jostling her so much that she smacks her chin on Kate’s bony shoulder. It completely chases away her drowsiness, leaving her unfortunately wide awake again.
She groans, reluctantly pushing herself upright and attempting to stretch out the kink in her neck. As tired as she is from sleeping fitfully for the last few hours through their overnight flight, she already knows she is not going to be able to doze off again. At least not with the way Kate is shifting beside her, tension radiating off her in waves. Kate’s anxiety had started out fairly manageable when they woke up, but it has since devolved into near a constant state of fidgeting.
“Babe,” she says, carefully extracting one of Kate’s hands from where they are knotted together in her lap and lacing their fingers together so she can’t destroy her cuticles any more than she already has, “your brain is going to explode if you think any harder.”
Kate doesn’t seem to hear her, staring blankly at the seat in front of her.
Lucy squeezes Kate’s hand and shifts in her seat until she is facing her girlfriend, ignoring the slight twinge in her back. Kate’s eyebrows are scrunched together in that half-startled, half-confused look of hers. Normally, Lucy finds it adorable, but knowing that it currently stems from a place of deep-seated anxiety just makes Lucy worry. “Kate,” she says carefully, “Hey, listen—”
“This is insane!” Kate blurts, snapping her head around to look at Lucy so quickly her neck must hurt. Her brown eyes are wide and terrified, darting around Lucy’s face, her jaw clenching and unclenching on a loop.
Lucy elects to go for humour to diffuse Kate’s anxiety—nine times out of ten, it works. “We’re seven hours into a nine hour flight. It’s a little late to get cold feet, don’t ya think?” she asks with a chuckle.
Kate shakes her head a little wildly. “No, this is insane. I can’t do this. I can’t introduce you to my family. It’s not— I can’t—”
Evidently, this is one of those tenth times where humour is the wrong choice. Lucy swallows the pang of rejection at Kate’s words, trying to ignore the way her heart twists in her chest. It unfortunately reminds her of their earliest days together, and she forcibly pushes that thought away. They have both come a long way since they met, but Lucy knows that Kate still has a tendency to flee when things get scary—the difference now is that Kate always comes back within the hour, regret in her eyes and an apology on her lips.
But it doesn’t make Lucy’s heart ache any less.
She supposes she should probably have expected this. They are travelling over eleven hours to Illinois to meet Kate’s family, which is a much bigger deal than meeting Kate’s FBI team at a BBQ picnic where they could make a quick escape back to their apartment if need be. Especially because it’s more than just meeting Kate’s parents, it’s meeting her entire extended family at the annual Whistler-Johnston family reunion—parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and too many cousins to count (in Kate’s own words).
“I feel like I’m going to be sick,” Kate says, “This is a bad idea.”
Lucy drops her gaze down to their tangled hands so Kate can't see the hurt in her eyes. Her blood roars in her ears. The lump in her throat threatens to choke her, caught in place by Kate’s words. She knows that Kate is just catastrophizing, and she knows exactly how to calm her down, but she needs a minute to make sure that the hurt doesn’t show in her voice. She breathes carefully and fiddles with Kate’s rings, slowly spinning them around her long fingers before she gathers enough strength to look up at Kate.
She must not have done a good enough job at hiding her hurt because Kate’s eyes go wide as soon as they meet hers. Almost immediately, the panic fades from Kate’s expression and she visibly softens, her eyes scrunching and her lips parting, and it melts Lucy’s hurt like cotton candy in water. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that,” Kate says quickly. “It’s not the introducing you to my family part that I’m worried about. They’ll all adore you, just like I do.”
Lucy grins and preens a little, her unease fully dissipating when it makes Kate laugh.
“It’s just,” Kate drops her gaze, “The last time I was in Wordsworth was over eight years ago. And that trip didn’t exactly inspire me to ever go back.”
Lucy brings Kate’s hand up to brush a quick kiss over her knuckles before settling back in her seat and resting her head on Kate’s shoulder. She knows that sometimes Kate finds it easier to talk about difficult emotions without any eyes on her, and Lucy is more than happy to cuddle up beside her girlfriend. Kate’s body instantly relaxes, tension draining out of her shoulders as she sinks a little further into her seat. She kisses the top of Lucy’s head in silent thanks before dropping her cheek to the same spot.
Lucy hasn’t actually asked why Kate has never returned to her hometown in the last eight years, why she never invited her parents out to visit her in Hawai’i once she permanently settled there—she figures that Kate will tell her when she’s ready, and she is content to wait. They’ve both been working on communicating better, but there are certain things in both of their pasts that they haven’t shared yet. Not because they don’t trust the other, but because it’s too hard to talk about. And at the top of both of their lists are the difficult relationships they have with their families.
“It was hard, after Noah died,” Kate murmurs. “Not just losing him but the way it broke my family too. My parents never,” she trails off. Lucy carefully traces her thumb across the back of Kate’s hand and waits. “Well, I suppose you’ll see soon enough,” Kate finally says. She sighs and presses another kiss to Lucy’s head. “Thank you.”
Lucy frowns a little. “For what?”
“For loving me,” Kate says simply, and it makes warmth curl in Lucy’s chest, “I would have never even dreamed of coming back to Wordsworth without you. I meant it when I said you make me a more open person.”
Lucy smiles, her heart aching for an entirely different and much better reason than before. “I love you, too.”
It’s just after 1:00 p.m. when they make it to Chicago, and Lucy stifles a yawn and curses the time difference. It’s 8:00 a.m. back home, and the fact that it’s only early afternoon here is really throwing her off. Both Lucy’s stomach and her internal clock fully believe it’s breakfast time, preparing to spend the morning dozing in bed and cuddling with her girlfriend—unfortunately, they still have a nearly two hour drive ahead of them before they reach Kate’s hometown.
Needless to say, it’s been a long day, and it’s only going to get longer.
The majority of Kate’s extended family are arriving on Saturday, which means that they have today and tomorrow with just Kate’s parents, grandma, some aunts and uncles, and most of her first cousins. Lucy is more than a little nervous about meeting Kate’s entire extended family at once, but she has been trying to hide it for Kate’s sake—Kate is anxious enough for both of them, and Lucy knows she would push her own feelings to the side in an instant to take care of Lucy if she suspected anything. Kate is getting better at not compartmentalizing her emotions, but always picks the habit back up if she thinks for even a second that Lucy needs her. And right now, Kate needs Lucy more than Lucy needs Kate.
“Hey, ready to head out?”
Lucy looks up to find Kate standing in front of her, their rental car’s keys in her hand and a small smile on her face. Her hair is loose and wavy around her shoulders, the sweater she wore to keep warm on the plane tied around her waist. Lucy can’t help but bounce up to steal a quick kiss—she has a hard time not kissing Kate at the best of times, but especially when she is soft and smiling and so pretty it almost hurts—before grabbing her bag from the floor. “Lead the way.”
It takes them nearly forty-five minutes to actually get out of Chicago, but eventually they are heading west on I-88 in comfortable silence. Lucy has never really had a relationship where she didn’t feel the need to fill every moment of silence with inane chatter just to ensure that the other person didn’t grow bored of her, but, like most things, everything is different with Kate. The radio plays quietly in the background, slowly breaking up more and more as they leave Chicago behind.
When the radio station just fully becomes static, Lucy leans forward to fiddle with the channel knob. She skips through stations, each one somehow more staticky than the last, until she finds some classic rock channel that is seemingly the only station capable of playing music without interference.
“Is there like only one radio tower out here?” she asks.
“Welcome to the midwest.”
Lucy narrows her eyes are Kate. “Is there?”
Kate shrugs and nods to the fields. “Look around. Nothing but corn and more corn for miles. Of course there’s only one radio tower nearby.” Lucy can’t tell if she’s fucking with her or not. She narrows her eyes at Kate, staring at her profile until Kate’s lips twitch. She glances at Lucy, visibly fighting her grin, before her eyes return to the road. “Now, eat your corn nuts.”
Lucy snorts and does as she’s told.
An hour later they are driving through Wordsworth. The windows are down, both Kate and Lucy tired of the A/C and trying to avoid having dry eyes for the entire weekend. It is August long, so everything is hot and sticky, the breeze blowing through the car doing very little to cool them down. Wordsworth is a sleepy town, the main street lined with buildings and stores that don’t look like they have been updated since the sixties. There are a few people strolling around—old couples holding hands as they shuffle down the street and parents with strollers, teenagers slouching against the buildings and people carrying grocery bags back to their car—but the town is quiet despite that.
Even if she’s never been here before, it weirdly feels a bit like stepping back in time; Lucy wonders if that’s how Kate feels. She glances at her out of the corner of her eye to find Kate’s lips pressed together as she very intentionally keeps her eyes on the road, her hands clutching the steering wheel so tight her knuckles are white.
Lucy’s heart sinks and she reaches out to rest her hand on Kate’s thigh. Kate startles, glancing at Lucy with wide eyes, and then some of the tension in her shoulders eases. She loosens her hold on the steering wheel a little. “It’s weird, being back,” she says, turning her eyes back to the road. “It hasn’t changed at all.”
Lucy thinks back to the ever changing city of Dallas where she grew up—stores changing owners every year, new restaurants popping up and then going out of business, old buildings replaced with skyscrapers, the never-ending sprawl of urban life. Even the house she grew up in (though Kate always jokes that it was more of a mansion after seeing pictures) was never stagnant. There was always new decor, her parents changing the furniture out with the seasons.
She can’t imagine going back and recognizing anything.
“I feel like I’m fourteen again,” Kate adds quietly.
Lucy runs her thumb back and forth across Kate’s thigh, watching as more tension bleeds out of her shoulders with each pass. “I bet fourteen year-old Kate was adorable.”
“Fourteen year-old Kate was a closet case with limbs that were far too long for her body.”
Lucy grins. “Adorable,” she insists.
Kate rolls her eyes, but she is fighting back a smile; it’s one of Lucy’s absolute favourite expressions and something that often makes the top ten of her Reasons I Love Kate Whistler list. With a soft sigh, Kate drops one hand from the steering wheel to cover Lucy’s hand on her thigh, the furrow between her eyebrows finally smoothing out. Lucy quietly pats herself on the back for successfully soothing her nerves again.
They reach the other end of the town quickly considering there is only two stop lights on the entire main road, leaving Kate’s hometown behind them. The actual family reunion is being held at Jackfish Lake, a short twenty minute drive from Wordsworth. Halfway there and still yet to meet another soul on the dirt roads, Kate glances at Lucy with a small frown.
“I think I should warn you that my family is incredibly weird,” she says.
Lucy waves her off, dumping the last of her corn nuts into her palm and tossing them into her mouth. “I’m sure they’re fine.”
“No, you have no idea what you’re getting into. Weirdness level wise, I mean.”
Lucy shrugs and eyes Kate slyly. “I love you, don’t I?”
Kate swats at Lucy’s arm, gentle and playful. “Oh, shut up, you,” she grouses, obviously biting back her laughter, her dimples deep and her eyes sparkling.
Lucy just grins, catching Kate’s hand and pressing a kiss to it.
Jackfish Lake is a short lake surrounded by lush trees and small lake-houses with huge yards, and Grandma Mary’s house is no exception. The long dirt driveway is lined with dusty cars on both sides, angle parked on the grass and using the trees on either side as parking bars. The house itself is hidden from view, the driveway curving towards the right about thirty feet from where they’ve parked.
Kate turns the car off but makes no move to get out, curling both hands around the steering wheel and staring blankly out the windshield. Lucy swallows her own nervousness and leans into Kate’s space. “Hey, take all the time you need,” she says softly.
Anxious brown eyes meet hers and then soften. “You’ll stay by my side the whole time, right?” she whispers.
Lucy presses their foreheads together and cups Kate’s face. “Always,” she promises, “As if you could get rid of me.”
Kate takes a few deep breathes and then tilts her chin up to capture Lucy’s lips. The kiss is soft, settling the nerves in Lucy’s own stomach. She sighs and presses closer, tenderly touching Kate’s cheeks, jaw, neck. Kate’s eyes remain closed for a moment when she pulls back, before she nods to herself and gets out of the car. Lucy quickly follows, meeting Kate near the trunk and lacing their hands together. Kate gives her a grateful smile and then they head down the driveway to her grandma’s house, turning the corner at the end and emerging into the middle of the family reunion.
It is relatively small house with white siding that went out of style decades before Lucy was even born, a little run down, but surprisingly cozy with the huge flowerbeds surrounding it. There is a white guest house-garage combo nearby that is obviously newer, the garage door wide open with a makeshift drink bar inside. The yard itself is huge, a sprawling area with neatly trimmed grass and a volleyball net set up. It turns into a hill that leads straight to the lake, a short length of beach between the retaining wall and the lake waves that lap at the sand. Lucy frowns as she eyes the lake; she doesn’t hate lakes as much as the ocean, but it’s close.
Dozens of people mill about, drinking and talking and keeping one eye on the kids running between their legs. Kate visibly steels herself, suddenly turning from Lucy’s goofy, loving, dorky girlfriend Kate into stern FBI Agent Whistler. Lucy runs her thumb across the back of Kate’s hands as they make their way towards the throng of relatives.
A man around their own age spots them first, lighting up and setting his drink down on a nearby folding table before striding over. He has curly light brown hair that hangs into his eyes, a mass of freckles across his nose, and deep dimples that crease his cheeks when he smiles widely. Lucy can instantly see the family resemblance—his eyes scrunch in the same way Kate’s do.
“KitKat!” he exclaims, his arms wide and welcoming, “You made it!”
KitKat? Lucy mouths at Kate, grinning when she rolls her eyes. The man reaches them quickly, and Kate can’t quite bite back the smile that lights up her face, FBI Agent Whistler quickly melting away. “You’ve gotta stop calling me that,” she grumbles even as she lets herself be pulled into a bear hug.
The man winks at Lucy over Kate’s shoulder. “Never.” Kate laughs and draws back, letting the man inspect her. “You look good,” he says, and then softens, “Happier.”
The tips of Kate’s ears go pink but she looks over at Lucy with a smile. “I am,” she murmurs. Lucy bites her lip to try and keep her own smile contained, but she’s pretty sure that it’s probably bright enough to be seen from space. The man nudges Kate when she doesn’t continue, looking expectantly between her and Lucy. “Oh! Right,” Kate laughs and tucks her hair behind her ears a touch self-consciously. “Benji, this is my girlfriend, Lucy,” she introduces, “Lucy, this is my cousin, Benji.”
Benji winks again, his curls falling into his green eyes. “Her favourite cousin, she means.”
Kate rolls her eyes but doesn’t dispute it. Lucy grins and holds her hand out to Benji. “Well, I’m her favourite girlfriend, so I think we’ll get along great.”
Benji stares at Lucy’s outstretched hand for a second before bursting into laughter, ignoring it to pull her into a quick hug instead. “I like her,” he says to Kate.
Kate’s cheeks glow pink, but she is smiling warmly at Lucy. “Funny,” she says dryly.
Lucy shrugs as Benji releases her. “I know,” she grins, tossing her hair over her shoulder.
“You’re lucky you’re cute,” Kate says, and then turns to Benji. “When did you get in? And where’s James?”
“Only a few hours ago. And he couldn’t get out of work. Someone with more seniority took vacation time this weekend and he couldn’t find anyone else to trade with.”
Kate hums. “That sucks, I was looking forward to seeing him too.”
“He told me to send his regards to you and you only,” Benji says with a conspiratorial whisper. “I think he was a little relieved that he couldn’t make it. Aunt Linda is here.”
Kate’s nose wrinkles in a way that is so cute that Lucy has to restrain herself from kissing it. “Oh joy.”
Benji rolls his eyes and then looks over at Lucy. “Aunt Linda has been trying to set me up with her neighbour’s daughter since we were in middle school, and she’s giving it the old college try again,” he explains, “I truly don’t know how she still hasn’t realized that I’m, like, the gayest man in a five hundred mile radius. Or remember that I married a man. Or that she was at the wedding.”
“And she’s been trying to set me up with the son of her friend’s friend since kindergarten,” Kate adds, shuddering, likely at the thought of marrying a man.
Benji laughs. “Joke’s on her because I’m the one who married him.”
Lucy grins at their back and forth, relaxing for the first time since Kate tentatively suggested going back to her hometown for this family reunion a few weeks ago. If the rest of Kate’s family is anything like Benji, she is sure that the rest weekend will go by smoothly.
The rest of Kate’s family is nothing like Benji.
It is not that they are unwelcoming, if anything, Lucy is a little surprised at how easily they take her presence in stride, especially because Kate admitted that not everyone actually knew she was a lesbian before now—not because she’s closeted with her extended family, but because it’s exhausting to come out to each individual person in the family and she gave up after the first dozen relatives years ago.
No, Kate’s family is nice enough, they are just regrettably and unmistakably heterosexual in ways that makes Lucy flash back to her Texan high school. Her high school had put a ban on girls and boys attending prom with the same gender, even if they were going as friends, apparently not in an anti-gay way (though it was definitely in an anti-gay way), but because there were too many boys in her grade. If girls went as friends—or, god forbid, as girlfriends—then there wouldn’t be enough girls to walk with the boys.
At the time it was infuriating, but looking back, it’s just kind of funny in the saddest way possible. The school admins were so focused on ensuring that every boy had a girl to attend prom with that they put an anti-gay policy in place somehow incidentally.
Kate’s family reminds her of that—no one is blatantly homophobic, but it’s obvious that they have never thought that there was any option other Kate bringing a man home before now. But they are warm and friendly, if a little surprised by Kate introducing Lucy as her girlfriend with their hands tangled in a decidedly romantic way. Lucy honestly totally forgot that it’s not uncommon for older straight people use girlfriend to mean their friends who are girls, at least not until Kate whispers it into her ear after the third relative who they have to correct.
But greeting the seemingly never-ending rotation of relatives goes rather smoothly aside from those few corrections. Except for Aunt Linda, who doesn’t seem to realize that Lucy is Kate’s girlfriend she is deeply in love with and not a friend from Hawai’i who tagged along for free food and booze, despite Kate trying to correct her for almost five minutes. Eventually, Kate gives up and just shakes her head at Lucy, who simply shrugs in return. Aunt Linda is in her late sixties, and neither Kate or Lucy have the patience to explain what a lesbian is to her.
Once they escape from Aunt Linda’s insistence on trying to set Kate up with a nice Wordsworth boy, Kate reluctantly leads Lucy into the house. “My parents and grandma are probably in here,” she explains, kicking off her sneakers next to a pile of mostly orthopaedic shoes. Lucy does the same, catching Kate’s wrist before she can get too far.
“Hey, it’s going to be fine,” she murmurs, reaching up to brush Kate’s hair back and settling her hand on Kate’s cheek. Kate eyes slide closed and she leans into the touch just like she did the first time Lucy did it in the DIA parking lot. If asked, Lucy would probably cite that as the moment she started falling in love with Kate, and each soft look on Kate’s face whenever Lucy’s palm cups her jaw since has only made her fall harder.
“I know,” Kate whispers, “It’s just— I haven’t seen them in eight years. I’ve barely talked to them in that time. What if— What if they’ve changed?” She falls silent and closes her eyes for a long moment. “What if they haven’t?”
Lucy brushes her thumb across Kate’s cheekbone, rising up on her toes to press a lingering kiss to Kate’s other cheek. “No matter what happens, I’ll be here beside you.”
Kate takes a deep breath before nodding, and when she opens her eyes again, they are filled with that fiery determination that Lucy so adores. “Let’s do this.”
Lucy follows Kate through the house. Indoor plants cover nearly every surface and windowsill, their leaves bright and healthy, almost rivalling the flowerbeds outside. She is honestly impressed—her and Kate have managed to kill every single indoor plant they have bought. Their decor now consists entirely of non-living things, mostly vases, candles, and plastic plants that they won’t forget to water. Pictures cover almost every wall, family portraits and graduation photos and little kids smiling toothily at the camera. Lucy recognizes Noah Whistler immediately because him and Kate look nearly identical, with the same blonde hair and the same sparkling brown eyes and the same dimpled smile.
Lucy glances at the back of Kate’s head, but doesn’t have time to say anything because Kate is entering the kitchen the same way she enters a suspect’s house, her back ramrod straight and her face stony with determination.
Lucy hurries after her, entering the kitchen right behind her girlfriend. She recognizes Kate’s mom right away, and not just from the few pictures she has seen of the woman. She is tall and athletic like Kate, her grey hair streaked with a touch of blonde and her muscles softened with age. Glasses perch on the end of her nose as she traces her finger across a cookbook, flour dusting her hands and cheeks.
Hunched over the stove is Kate’s Grandma Mary, a grey apron with Grandma’s Bakery covering her flowery blouse and khakis. Her short hair is pure white, the irises of her brown eyes behind her glasses a little cloudy but just as sharp as Kate’s. Deep wrinkles crease a face that obviously spends a lot of time outside tending to her garden and yard, brown sunspots dotting her skin.
Kate clears her throat and both women look up, surprise colouring their expressions. Kate hadn’t told anyone but Benji that she was coming in case she changed her mind at the last minute.
“Mom, grandma,” Kate says, her voice only wavering a little, “hi.”
Grandma Mary gasps, abandoning her wooden spoon in what looks to be the largest pile of sautéing onions and butter that Lucy has ever seen. She crosses the kitchen quicker than Lucy has ever seen an eighty year-old move and quickly pulls Kate into a hug. Kate has to stoop nearly in half to embrace her grandma, but almost immediately relaxes into her.
Kate’s mom is still frozen by the counter, the surprise fading and replaced with an expression Lucy can’t quite identify, but one that she has seen on Kate’s face many times before, though it’s been years since she saw it last.
Grandma Mary fusses over Kate, fiddling with her hair and poking at her stomach in disapproval. “Do they not have food in Hawai’i?” she grumbles.
“Yes, grandma, they do surprisingly have food in Hawai’i.”
“Well, do you eat it?”
Kate laughs, catching her grandma’s hands before they can poke and prod at her any more. “I do.”
Grandma Mary shakes her head and tsks before returning to the stove. “You’re far too skinny, Katherine. Sit, eat, eat.” Kate meets Lucy’s eyes and raises her eyebrows in amusement.
Kate’s mom finally seems to unfreeze, slowly crossing the kitchen and pulling Kate into a short hug. Kate stiffens in her mom’s embrace, the complete opposite of her reaction to her grandma’s hug. They exchange a few short words that Lucy doesn’t quite catch before Kate’s mom takes a few steps back, putting some distance between them.
It’s only then that Kate’s mom and grandma seem to realize there is another person in the kitchen, and Lucy gives them a slightly awkward wave. “Hi,” she says brightly, swallowing back her apprehension at meeting the people who raised Kate, “I’m Lucy. I’m really happy to meet y’all.”
Kate puts her hands on her hips—the one nervous tick she allows herself at work that Lucy thinks is adorable even if Kate hates showing any outward sign of nerves while on the clock. “Lucy is my girlfriend,” she says, and her voice barely shakes. “Lucy, this is my grandma, Mary, and my mom, Paula.”
Grandma Mary eyes Lucy and approaches her. Unsure what else to do, she offers the old woman a hand to shake. Like Benji, Grandma Mary completely ignores Lucy’s outstretched hand and pulls her into a warm hug. Lucy gasps a little, before grinning at Kate, who is watching them with soft, shining eyes.
When Grandma Mary pulls back, she pokes at Lucy the same way she had poked at Kate. “Are you sure there’s food in Hawai’i?” she asks critically, shooting Kate a scolding look. “Do you not feed your girlfriend?”
Kate laughs, meeting Lucy’s eyes and grinning teasingly. “Oh, believe me, I feed her, but she’s from Texas. I don’t think she’s ever full.”
Lucy’s stomach takes that moment to growl loudly, and Lucy flushes, the skin of her cheeks burning like she’s been launched into the sun. Evidently, the one bagel sandwich she had on the plane and a package of corn nuts are not enough to sustain her for a whole day.
Grandma Mary laughs the same way Kate does, her eyebrows scrunched together and her head thrown back just a little bit. She points at the kitchen island where four stools are tucked under the edge. “Go sit, I will bring you food.”
Lucy’s cheeks are still burning, but Kate is smiling at her so fondly that it’s almost worth the embarrassment. They take their seats while Grandma Mary bustles around the kitchen and throws together the fanciest looking turkey sandwich that Lucy has ever seen. Kate makes small talk with her mom while Lucy inhales her sandwich—it is somehow even better than it looks, and Grandma Mary grins when Lucy tells her as much.
“Where’s dad?” Kate eventually asks.
“He is returning from a business trip tomorrow morning,” Paula says before going back to dumping ingredients into a mixing bowl.
They all lapse into slightly awkward silence. Kate fidgets with her rings, and Lucy slips her hand onto Kate’s thigh, smiling at her when Kate gives her an appreciative look.
“So,” Grandma Mary says, breaking the tension, “How did you two meet?”
Lucy and Kate look at each other with wide-eyes, not really wanting to go into the specifics of their two-nights-three-days meeting with Kate’s eighty year-old grandmother. “Um,” Kate starts, “I was in Hawai’i for a meeting a few years ago and ran into Lucy and we, uh, hit it off.”
Lucy can’t quite hold back a snort at describing their first weekend together as hitting it off. Kate elbows her and shoots her a glare that has words spilling out of her mouth, picking up the story. “And then, a few months later, Kate moved to Hawai’i for her job and was assigned as the NCIS liaison.” She smiles at Kate before meeting Grandma Mary’s eyes and shrugging a little, wanting to get into the admittedly rocky start to their relationship as little as she does their first meeting. As painful and miserable as it was at the time, she wouldn’t change it for anything—she’s proud of how far they’ve come. But it doesn’t mean she wants to share it with Kate’s family. “And the rest is history,” she says simply.
Kate tangles her fingers with the hand that is still on her thigh, giving Lucy a soft smile. “That’s more or less it,” she agrees teasingly, before looking up at her grandma.
Grandma Mary is smiling gently at them. “I am glad you two found each other,” she says, meeting Lucy’s eyes, “You’ve barely been here five minutes but I can already tell you two have something special. Kate has never glowed like this before.”
Kate blushes and ducks her head like she does with any compliment, and Lucy can’t help but stare at her, biting down on her own grin as she watches her girlfriend attempt to get her expression back under control.
“Noah will never get to introduce his girlfriend to us,” Kate’s mom says suddenly, her voice filled with pained longing. She doesn’t look up, just stares mournfully into the mixing bowl.
Kate’s joy evaporates instantly and she flinches a little, her smile slipping. Lucy’s heart drops, staring wide-eyed at Kate. When Kate’s fingers tighten around hers enough to nearly make the joints pop, she leans across the space between their stools to press her arm to Kate’s, unsure how to react. Grandma Mary freezes and then shoots Paula a look over her shoulder that is a cross between grief and disapproval.
Thankfully, Benji chooses that moment to burst into the kitchen. “There you are, KitKat!” he says, either not noticing or electing to ignore the tension in the room. “C’mon, Matty’s here and I know how badly you wanted to meet his baby.”
Everyone unfreezes, and Kate’s mom goes back to mixing as if she hadn’t said anything. Grandma Mary is half-heartedly stirring the onions, which have finally started to wilt down, but gives Kate a tight smile before shooing her out of the kitchen.
Kate doesn’t move, so Lucy stands and tugs on their linked hands until Kate silently slips off the stool. She lets Benji and Lucy lead her out into the yard, numbly slipping her sneakers on with a strange look on her face. The fresh air seems to startle her back into reality, and she blinks slowly before her expression shutters closed.
Benji looks at Kate with knowing eyes. “She did it again, huh?”
Kate sighs and scrubs her free hand over her face, her other still tightly tangled with Lucy’s. “She hasn’t changed at all,” she says with a bitterness in her voice that Lucy has never heard before.
Benji sighs. “No, she hasn’t.”
Kate simply nods and looks down, her lips trembling a little. Benji glances between Kate and Lucy for a moment, before jerking his thumb over his shoulder and walking away with an obviously fake excuse, giving them a moment alone.
Lucy immediately turns to Kate, lacing their other hands together and stepping into Kate’s space. Kate sniffles a little and then looks up at the sky, blinking rapidly. “I’m sorry,” she murmurs, not meeting Lucy’s eyes, “I don’t— I know this is all a bit much so if you need to take a break I totally get—”
“What? No, Kate—” Lucy pauses to take a breath before she starts rambling. Sometimes her rambling distracts Kate enough to stall the tears, but she doesn’t think that approach will work this time. This is a deep-seated hurt, something engrained in Kate’s very soul, something that Lucy has only caught glimpses of throughout the years, something that she has never seen this openly before. She sighs and tugs on Kate’s hands until Kate finally looks down at her. The look of raw grief and bitterness on Kate’s face makes Lucy’s heart ache so much it feels like her chest is collapsing in on itself. “It’s not too much,” she says softly, “You will never be too much for me. I love you, so much, and taking care of you isn’t a obligation or a burden, but something that I wholeheartedly want to do. No matter what.”
Kate swallows, her throat bobbing with the motion. “But—”
“Nope,” Lucy says firmly, “No buts. I love you. That’s what I’m here for. Okay?”
Kate takes a deep breath and then nods. Lucy presses a careful kiss to the corner of Kate’s mouth.
“Okay, now lets go find something to drink,” she says.
Kate nods again, stepping back but keeping one of their hands linked. They head for the garage and find Benji there already pulling drinks out of a cooler. He gives Kate another knowing look, squeezes her arm, and then passes her a can of beer.
They spend the rest of the evening mostly talking with Benji, who Lucy grows to like more and more with every teasing comment and easy smile. Kate slowly relaxes throughout the evening, smiling and laughing a little easier as the hours pass and their afternoon in the kitchen drifts further away. They even meet Matty’s baby like Benji promised, who is adorable and enjoys tangling her fingers in Lucy’s thick hair and pulling as hard as she can—Lucy completely forgot how strong a baby’s grip is until she is trying to pass said baby back to her father without ripping clumps of her hair out.
Kate and Benji point out relatives to Lucy, describing who is related to who, who is divorced and remarried, who is single, who they think is secretly gay. The Whistler-Johnston family is Kate’s dad’s side of the family, her dad the youngest of seven. Benji’s mom is the middle child, and he has three sisters who are quite a bit older than him—he jokes that coming out as gay was just a way to upstage his own birth, since both were complete surprises to his parents. Grandma Mary and their late Grandpa Tom have nearly twenty grandchildren in total, including Kate and Benji, and too many great-grandchildren for Lucy to dream of keeping track of.
Benji and Kate are close in a way that makes Lucy so happy that her girlfriend has at least one member of the family who she can rely on. She knows they still keep in touch, texting and occasionally FaceTiming with a glass of wine each—Lucy always takes those evenings to go to the gym, giving Kate a chance to spend some time with her cousin without having to stress about Lucy getting bored at home.
When Benji goes to get them all another drink, Kate quietly explains that Benji, Noah, and her were really close as kids, only four years separating Benji, the oldest of the three, from Kate, the youngest. They grew up in Wordsworth together, doing sleepovers every other weekend, running wild through town, and making up games that no one else understood. The rest of their cousins were either well into their twenties or literal babies when the three of them were kids, and so they all stuck together. The age difference between all of the cousins matters less now than it did when they were kids, but as the only out queer people in the family, Benji and Kate have remained each other’s favourite cousins.
Once the night has firmly settled, Benji offers to show them to their Bed and Breakfast since he has keys for it. While Kate’s parents and most of the other aunts and uncles are staying in Grandma Mary’s house or the guest house, all the cousins are staying with friends they know or at various Bed and Breakfasts around the lake since there is not enough room for everyone to stay at Grandma Mary’s.
Kate and Lucy are both exhausted from the long hours of travel and readily agree, excusing themselves and calling goodnight to the relatives around them. They all pile into the rental car and Lucy drives them the half mile to the Bed and Breakfast—Lucy stopped drinking hours ago after her first beer, wanting to keep her wits about her with so many of Kate’s relatives watching them. Kate and Lucy grab their bags and follow Benji into the cozy house. It isn’t a lakeside house, backing onto the golf course instead, but it’s cute and—more importantly—has beds. They are sharing and splitting the cost of the five-bedroom Bed and Breakfast with three other cousins that Lucy was probably introduced to but doesn’t remember. Kate has a lot of cousins, okay? And not all of them are even here yet.
Benji points them to the basement where the lone unclaimed room is, and Kate and Lucy waste no time turning in for the night, barely remembering to locate their chargers and plug in their phones in before changing into their pyjamas and crawling into bed.
Lucy settles on her back and opens her arms, and Kate sighs and curls into Lucy’s side, tangling their legs together and burying her face in Lucy’s neck.
The silence is comfortable, and Lucy is perfectly content to listen to Kate’s breathing even out as they both start doze off, but there’s a prickling in the back of her mind that won’t let her fully settle. She sighs, running her hand up and down Kate’s side until Kate makes a sleepy noise of protest at being drawn back from the edge of sleep.
“Do you want to talk about it? About your mom?” Lucy whispers. Kate mumbles something and tucks her face further into Lucy’s neck. “What was that, my love?”
Kate sighs, tightening her arm around Lucy’s waist a bit, but shifting enough that her words are no longer muffled by Lucy’s skin. “I said, not yet.” Lucy hums and runs her hands through Kate’s hair, smiling at the ceiling when Kate sighs and softens into Lucy’s ministrations like a cat in a sunbeam. “I’ll talk about it when I’m ready, I promise,” Kate murmurs, very much half-asleep, “But I’m not ready yet.”
There are many things Lucy could say in response to that—I’m proud of you, I know it’s hard to talk about, I don’t care how long it takes you to be ready, take all the time you need.
But instead she settles on the simplest one, the one that conveys all of that in three simple words: “I love you.”
Kate mumbles something that might be love you too, but it’s lost against Lucy’s neck. Lucy just smiles, running her fingers through Kate’s soft hair until she finally dozes off as well.