Archive of Our Own ^beta

Petrified, Spencer stared at the patient file the doctor had handed him. This simply couldn't be true! All logic had spoken against it and yet, the DNA test had not been falsified, he had personally made sure of that.

He quickly read through the file again to make sure it was the right one, but no matter how many times he read it, the tick next to Positive didn't disappear and reappeared next to Negative. There was no doubt about it, he was the father of Cat's baby.

Spencer still remembered the day she had told him. The day he'd thought everything would go back to normal once he'd found his mom. Instead, Cat had reappeared in his life and forced him to play her sick game. Even then, he refused to believe the confirmed pregnancy, especially when she'd claimed it was his baby, that she and Lindsey had drugged and raped him. The scopolamine would have greatly reduced his excitability and made it hard to get what the two of them needed, yet the DNA test told him otherwise.

He felt sick. Over the years there were so many cases of women who were drugged and raped. He had felt sorry for each and every one of them but he never wondered how they felt. Now he knew and wished he didn’t.

Spencer closed the file. There was no point in staring at it any longer, nothing would change anyway. He clutched it to his chest just to hold on to something and stared through the glass in front of him.

Behind it was the postnatal ward for newborns, where only one bed was currently occupied, that of his baby. He just stood there for a while, watching the sleeping baby and thinking. His mind was racing and emotions flooded the logical parts of his brain, making it hard to catch a thought that didn’t end with him strangling Cat.

He took a deep breath and tried to suppress the anger. After a few somewhat calming breaths he was finally able to think clearly. He now had two options. Either he gave the newborn up for adoption or he raised it himself.

With any other mother, he wouldn't have hesitated and taken it in, after all he had wanted children for some time, but the mother was Cat, a clinical psychopath. Several studies had shown that this could be inherited, even if that was perhaps another reason to take the little one in, because upbringing often proved to be a far more decisive influence.

Spencer knew that he would be able to balance, if not outweigh, Cat's genetic influence because the baby had half of his DNA as well. In addition, adoptive parents who did not know the background of the adoption could support the psychopathic tendencies that might be present.
But the fact was that with his sick mother and his job, Spencer wouldn't have much time to raise a child. He would have to leave one of them and he wasn't sure if he could do that. His mother needed him more and more, she would never get better. Sure he could start thinking about nursing homes but that felt like abandoning her. Spencer had to admit that the thought of leaving the BAU had crossed his mind before but he wasn’t ready for that either.

Deep down, though, he had already made a decision that wouldn't change no matter how long he thought about it. He loved Henry and Michael and was sure that he would have even stronger feelings for his own child. Feelings that he could already sense, like the desire to hold the little bundle in his arms and never let go again.

After almost half an hour of quiet reflection, he came to a decision: he would raise this child, no matter how difficult and complicated it would be. Cat was back in prison and would never get out, except in a body bag. She would never be able to poison their child with her words, Spencer was going to make sure of that! The situation with his mom would be complicated but he would figure something out. He always did.

He flipped the file open again and took a photo, which he then sent to the members of the BAU, because one thing was clear, he would need help, if only for the first few months. He was sure Garcia would happily buy a bunch of baby clothes without him having to ask. The thought of that made him smile for the first time all day.

Spencer put his phone away again, took a deep breath and then entered the station. He'd only been called after Cat was about to give birth and by the time he'd arrived at the hospital, she'd already been on her way back to prison. The baby had been taken immediately for aftercare and Spencer hadn't had a chance to hold it or see it up close.

To be honest he didn’t want to, not really. He was way to busy with hating Cat and being scared of the result of the DNA test. Denying the possibility of being a father was easier than facing it. Holding the baby would have made it all to real too fast.

He stopped in front of his child's cot and put the file away. For a moment, he just looked at the little sleeping face. He could actually recognize a certain resemblance to himself. The fine brown curls and hazel eyes were definitely his.

He still couldn't believe that this was his baby, even if it was now a much more positive disbelief. The fact that he had made this little something was unbelievable to him. Slowly, he reached out to stroke the slightly reddened cheek, but hesitated briefly.

Touching the child would make all his thoughts real, would make him a father. The possibility of that had freaked him out just half an hour earlier.

Before he could change his mind he carefully stroked the warm skin. The baby didn’t wake up, only turned its face, pressing it against Spencer’s finger. And Spencer just stood there, frozen with his hand in the crib. This was his child, his daughter!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

A few hours later, Spencer sat in the row of chairs closest to the newborn ward and filled out the necessary forms and documents. He had no trouble with most of them, many were self-explanatory, but one he had to put aside until the end.

Who would have thought it could be so difficult to choose a name. Whenever he had imagined a future with children, it was more about the things he wanted to do with them and not so much about their names. He certainly didn't want to name his daughter after Cat and he thought her suggestion of calling her Maeve was just as stupid. Every time he heard the name of his deceased love, he felt sad and he didn't want to do that to his child. He wouldn't give her his mother's name for the same reason.

At least he already had a few ideas for the second name. He wanted to name her after one of the women from the BAU who had been like a big sister to him. He still couldn't decide between Penelope, Emily or Jennifer though.

While he was still thinking about it, he heard an all-too-familiar clacking sound coming down the corridor and sure enough, less than ten seconds later, Garcia turned the corner. As always, she was wearing a colorful dress and high heels, but now her cheeks were flushed as if she had been running.

As soon as she saw him, she threw her arms in the air and asked out of breath. "Well?"

Spencer jumped up and grinned as he ran towards her, "It's a girl!"

Garcia let out a little cry of joy and hugged him tightly. "I'm so happy for you!" she said, then suddenly pushed away from him "Where's Cat?"

"She's back in prison and that's where she's going to stay." He replied grimly.

Garcia nodded. "Good!" A smile stole back onto her lips. "Can I see her?"

He smiled as well. "Come with me!" He lead her through the door of the newborn ward and to his daughter's crib.

When Garcia saw the peacefully sleeping baby, she covered her mouth with her hands and tried to muffle a delighted cry.

"She's so cute. May I?" She then whispered and Spencer nodded encouragingly.

She carefully stroked the back of the baby's hand and had to pinch her lips together when the little fingers closed around her finger.

"She's so strong. Have you chosen a name yet?" she asked quietly and without withdrawing her hand.

“No!" Spencer gave a short laugh, "It's harder than I thought, to be honest. I hadn't really thought about it until now."

"Well... I'm sure no matter what name you give her, you'll be a wonderful father! I know that and no matter what she gets from her mom, you'll turn it into something good!" She sounded so convinced that he almost cried.

"Can you take her with you already?" she asked and he had to clear his throat before nodding again.

"Yes. All the necessary examinations have been finalized. I just have to fill out the rest of the forms."

"Good!" said Garcia, stroking the little girl's cheek as she slowly withdrew her finger, "Have you got a car seat for her?"

Somewhat ashamed, he shook his head. He had to admit to himself that until a few hours ago he had flatly refused to believe a word Cat had said, which was why he hadn't prepared himself in any way to take in a baby. "No. "I... I didn't want to..."

"... admit that Cat was telling the truth?" Garcia completed his sentence. "That's okay. You know what, I'll get a car seat, you fill out the rest of the forms and then we'll take her home. All right?"

She gave him one last hug and then headed towards reception. Spencer looked at his daughter's face for a few seconds before following her. He would have a lot to do when he got home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The way to Spencer's apartment seemed strangely long to him. The adrenaline caused by the excitement had worn off hours ago and he was getting tired. Luckily Garcia had offered to drive them, otherwise he would have ended up falling asleep behind the wheel. Instead, he was now sitting in the back seat with his daughter next to him.

Garcia's driving style was normally not the most responsible, but today she seemed to be making an extra effort. When he arrived home, Spencer carried his baby upstairs in the car seat and unlocked the door.

At least he'd been mentally present enough to buy a crib last week. It hadn't been expensive, but it was reasonably sturdy. A small part of him had assured him that it was better to prepare for the impossible and he was glad he had listened to that part.

He carefully placed his sleeping daughter in the cot next to his bed and then went back into the living room to Garcia. Exhausted, he flopped down on the couch and ran his fingers through his hair, sighing. Garcia poured him a cup of tea and sat down next to him with one of her own.

They drank their tea in silence for a while and Spencer's eyes slowly drifted shut. It had been one of the most exhausting days of his life. Maybe not physically, but emotionally it had been a rollercoaster.

Clearing her throat, Garcia snapped him out of his thoughts. "So, have you thought about a name?"

While he was thinking about an answer, his eyes fell on a pile of books that he had wanted to bring his mom. Books that she had read to him as a child. He had hoped to jog her memory of how they had both sat in bed all day and built a castle out of pillows after reading King Arthur.

A sudden thought flashed through his mind and he smiled as he replied to Garcia. "Yes, I did. What do you think of Guinevere?"

"Like the Queen of Camelot? Oh, Spence, I love it! It's perfect!"

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Emily had given him a week's paid leave so that Spencer could concentrate fully on his daughter. It was harder than he'd thought. JJ had told him stories about her kids and he'd read a lot about the subject, but nothing had come close to the truth.

He had never really slept much, but Guinevere was really keeping him on his toes. The circles under his eyes were deeper than ever. JJ had brought him a stroller the next morning before she had left for a case with the others, so he was able to go into town with Guinevere.

He had to figure out exactly where the shops selling baby stuff were first, but then the shop assistants could help him. By the end of it, he had bought more in one day than he had in his entire life.

Under normal circumstances, it might have taken Spencer a few hours to set up what he needed, but with a baby, everything was different. Again and again he had to put his tools away to look after her and so he continued to work late into the night. He tried to get some sleep for the remaining hours, but nothing came of it, so he turned his attention to the last of the hospital and prison forms.

All it took was a few signatures and he made sure that Cat would never see Guinevere again. The last document from the hospital was the one with the name. After a moment's hesitation, he entered the name 'Guinevere Penelope Reid' in the space provided. Penelope was the first person he had seen and the one who could always put a smile on his face. The name fit. It was also another name full of history. Penelope, wife of Odysseus, who had waited decades for his return and had tricked her suitors in the meantime.

He put the forms in two envelopes, stuck stamps on them and put them in his pocket. Sighing, he leant back, closed his eyes and massaged his temples. The thought of being a father was still overwhelming for him but staying busy with all the preparations kept him from spiraling.

The very next day, he started looking for a new apartment. His current one was perfect for him, but it only had one bedroom and no bathtub. Besides, Guinevere would certainly enjoy having a proper garden later on. Perhaps he would also decide in favor of a actual house. He had the money. He pretty much only worked for the last 15 years and hadn't spent any of his savings. Inspired by the idea, he started looking and actually found a few affordable houses in D.C. where he could imagine living and raising his daughter. He immediately arranged viewings.

Most of the houses were either too far away from Quantico or not even remotely as described on the websites, but the last one seemed promising. It was two-story house and had a large garden with tall bushes like a fence. The upper floor was actually just a large room where he could easily imagine a library and his office. Downstairs there were two bedrooms, a kitchen, a living room and bathroom. Everything was small but cozy. The estate agent was able to make him a good offer because the owners wanted to get rid of it as quickly as possible. Although Spencer would probably have a lot to do in the next few months and buying a house would only mean more stress for him, he accepted the offer. He wanted to give his daughter the life she deserved. A life away from the stress of his work and the grip of her mother.

The rest of the week was a mixture of dirty diapers, pureed vegetables and quick naps interrupted by screaming. Meanwhile, his team was in Portland investigating a possible serial killer. Rossi had called him once and asked him questions. Spencer had of course asked if they had a complete profile yet or if there was anything else he could do to help. Rossi promised to call again if they needed his help, but his phone remained silent.

He suspected that his team was trying to give him as much crime-free time as possible, but he had to admit to himself that he missed his work, although not as much as he used to. Just a few weeks ago, his whole life had revolved around his job as a profiler. From morning to night, his thoughts had revolved around murderers, rapists and arsonists, and even in his dreams he had analyzed criminals.

It was different now. Of course he missed his team, his family, but now he had a new family. Guinevere was now a part of him and every time he looked into her little face, the dark thoughts immediately vanished and nothing but love filled him.

He had felt the same way when he had spoken to Maeve on the phone, but his love for his daughter was different, deeper. From the second he'd first held her, it had been in every corner of his being and Spencer could feel it only growing by the day. He would do anything for her.

In prison, his boundaries had shifted. Spencer had done things he didn't think he was capable of and yet he had done them because he had to in order to stay alive. Now, however, he was no longer fighting for himself alone. To protect Guinevere, he would throw his boundaries completely overboard. Maybe that was what it meant to be a father.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Five days after the team had set off, his doorbell rang. Garcia was standing in front of it, a large bag in each hand and a big grin on her face. Spencer's first thought was how glad he was that he had been able to take a shower earlier. Guinevere hadn't given him time to dry his hair, but at least it wasn't a complete mess anymore.

Garcia held up the bags and said excitedly, "They arrested the Unsub and I finally had some free time to go shopping!" Without waiting for his reply, she stepped inside and whispered, "Where's Guinevere? I can't wait to see her again!"

Spencer grinned and closed the door, "She just went back to sleep. Do you want to see her?" he asked as quietly as she did and Garcia nodded excitedly.

She put the bags on the couch and followed him into his bedroom. He was glad that he had bought a new crib along with the rest of the baby stuff. The first one had been rather provisional and had actually only consisted of a few white metal rods. The one Guinevere was now lying in was made of solid oak and had all kinds of useful functions. Garcia stood as close as possible to the cot and looked down at the sleeping baby.

A broad smile spread across her face and she almost squealed with suppressed joy as she tenderly stroked Guinevere's cheek. "She's so adorable!" she whispered and turned back to Spencer. "I brought her something. Do you want to see it?" she asked excitedly and of course he nodded.

He hoped not everything in the two big bags Guinevere though. He didn't want his friends to spend too much money on him or his daughter, but he was talking about Garcia here. It was quite possible that she had a dozen more bags in the car.

Beaming with delight, she took the cutest bat costume Spencer had ever seen out of one bag. "I just couldn't resist!" she said, handing it to him before taking out the next one. "And look at this. Isn't this the cutest onesie ever? Or this one..." She pulled more and more outfits, hats and little shoes out of the bags.

Spencer protested at one point, but Garcia waved him off. "Do you know how much I bought for Henry and Michael? The little ones are just too cute!"

Before she left, he had to promise to send her a photo of Guinevere in every single item of clothing.

Since Garcia had told him when the team would be back from Portland, Spencer decided to wait for them in the office. Guinevere had woken up shortly after Garcia had left and Spencer couldn't resist carefully dressing her in the bat costume. It was made of soft black fabric, had short wings under the arms and a hood with pointed ears. As promised, he took a photo for Garcia before taking her to Quantico.

Like JJ back then, he went with Guinevere to the conference room and was greeted by Garcia, who was delighted to see the costume. She took his daughter in her arms and rocked her up and down as if she were flying. She seemed to like it because she didn't start screaming or crying.

After about half an hour, the rest of the team arrived, JJ in the front. She had a bright smile on her face and pulled Spencer into a tight hug, "Spence!" she said as she let go of him, "How are you?"
He smiled back at her, "We're fine. Tired, but fine."

She glanced at Guinevere, "Oh my God, she's cute!" She stood next to Garcia and stroked her small tuft of hair.

Now the other members of his team arrived. Prentiss and Tara hugged him, while Matt and Luke shook his hand, beaming, but nothing beat Rossi, who gave him a kiss on each cheek and showered him with Italian congratulations.

They all stood around Garcia, who beamingly showed them the baby and said: "This is Guinevere," she explained quietly, but with a palpable enthusiasm in her voice. "Our baby genius." The whole BAU smiled as they adored Guinevere.

Time passed in the conference room as the team swapped stories, laughed and made up for missed moments. Guinevere, still in her bat costume, won everyone's hearts with her gorgeous smile. Garcia took countless photos of the little girl and the atmosphere was so relaxed and warm that even the tension of the past few days faded into the background. Finally, as the conversations slowly calmed down and the team's exhaustion became noticeable,
Spencer took Guinevere in his arms again and stood up. "I think it's time for us to go home," he said with a gentle smile.

The team responded by standing up together and walking to the door. JJ gave Spencer another heartfelt kiss on the cheek, Prentiss and Tara hugged him again, and Rossi squeezed his shoulder tightly. Matt, Luke and Garcia reassured him that they were always there for support. Finally, Spencer said goodbye to the team and left the conference room, accompanied by the good wishes and support of his colleagues. Once outside, he breathed in the fresh air and a sense of peace and confidence filled him as he made his way home, ready for the next chapters of life with his little family.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Six months later

"And now the question of all questions: are you ready to go back to work next week?" JJ looked at him expectantly and Spencer had to grin. He had been thinking about this question for weeks now and didn't really have an answer. After Guinevere's birth, Emily had given him a week off, but he had soon realized that wasn't enough, so he had requested a long leave of absence from the bureau, which was now coming to an end.

He took a sip of coffee and tilted his head. "Well, on the one hand I can't wait to get back, but when I think about leaving Gwen alone I get anxiety attacks." He said honestly and JJ asked, "Is that why you've turned down every babysitter I've suggested?"

He nodded, "I can't bear the thought of leaving her with a stranger who might not even know what they're doing."

JJ sighed, but then pulled out her phone: "Okay, last chance. For the first few weeks after Michael was born, we had a wonderful student from George Washington University with us who was a great help. I was reluctant to call her because she is working on her thesis, but you turned everyone else down..." She opened a chat and said as she typed, "'Hi Ella, my friend Spencer had a baby six months ago and is looking for someone to watch the little one while he works on cases. I know you're busy at the moment, but maybe you could meet up with him and sort out details' and sent. I'm sure she'll write right back."

She put her phone down and Spencer asked with interest, "What's she studying?"

JJ also took a sip of her coffee: "She already has a degree, but she wanted to do her PhD in anthropology afterwards. She worked in between because her family needed the money, so she's a bit older than the average student. She's 34, I think." She gave him a meaningful look, "You'll like her. Ella's very... quick-witted."

Spencer didn't quite know how to interpret her look, so he said nothing. They drank their coffee in silence until JJ's phone vibrated after a few minutes. She looked at it and smiled, "Ella's asking if she can come round to your house tomorrow at 3. Can I send her your address?" Spencer nodded.

He was eager to meet this Ella. The other babysitters hadn't been bad, and some of them had seemed really likeable, but when he thought about his previous life, he doubted that any of them could cope with the stress.

Not only was he away for weeks at a time, but some Unsubs were also interfering in his personal life. Guinevere's mom was the best example. He wanted his daughter to be in good hands even then and none of the babysitters so far had seemed like they were up to such situations.
After they had finished their coffee and talked for a while, JJ decided it was time to go and Spencer accompanied her to the door. On the way through the hallway, they had to climb over a few boxes that he still hadn't unpacked, even though he'd been living in his new house for three months.

Derek had helped him to renovate it a little after the purchase had been finalized, but it had still taken some time before he and Guinevere had been able to move in. But it had felt like home almost immediately. The library upstairs was already well-stocked, although there was still plenty of room for more books, and Spencer had given his daughter the larger of the two bedrooms because he was sure she could make good use of the space later.

He opened the door for JJ, but before she stepped out, he said, "Thank you for your help over the last few months. I don't know how I would have done it without you."

She smiled at him and squeezed his arm. "It goes without saying, but to be honest, you didn't need that much help. You're a good dad!" she said with such conviction that Spencer almost believed her, but a small part of him still doubted it. "I'm not so sure yet, but thank you." He replied.

JJ looked at him seriously, "Don't be silly, Spence. You're a great father! I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to be my sons' godfather. You're the nicest person I've ever met. Gwen is lucky to have you as a father. Don't doubt yourself! I know that this girl will never lack anything!" To emphasize her words, she pulled him into a tight hug: "You're a great father!" she repeated after letting go of him.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Two months later

As the doorbell rang shortly after eleven, Spencer jumped up with relief and ran to the door to open it. Ella was standing in front of it and he had to suppress a euphoric grin. Instead, he settled for a friendly smile and invited her in.

Ever since Ella had started looking after Guinevere two months ago when he was working on cases in other cities, he had been a little happier every time he saw her. She was in her final semester and was only working on her dissertation, so she had no problem coming round and looking after Guinevere in between.

Ella was also excited about Spencer's book collection upstairs, especially as she was combining psychology and anthropology in her dissertation and found Spencer's books on the subject very helpful.

They went into the kitchen and he poured her a coffee. "Here you go." he said, handing her the cup, "Thanks for coming so quickly. I know it's quite short notice!" he apologized, but Ella just shook her head with a smile.

"Oh no, it's no problem. When do you have to leave?"

Spencer glanced at his wristwatch and said a little guiltily, "In about twenty minutes..."

She raised an eyebrow: "In twenty minutes? And why am I here now?" she asked, amused.

He poured his own cup of coffee and then said, "I just think it's rude if we don't talk because I have to go straight away, you know. I'm just trying to be nice."

Ella started to giggle, "Are you sure you don't just want to spend more time with me?" she wanted to know, but Spencer didn't answer.

The blush had crept into his cheeks and he quickly raised his cup to his lips, hoping the steam would hide his embarrassment. Judging by Ella's laughter, it wasn't working so well.

After this somewhat embarrassing situation, they talked about Ella's thesis for a while. Spencer was fascinated by how passionately Ella could talk about anthropology. As she talked about her studies, Spencer slowly drifted off, losing himself in the sight of her grey eyes and her straight brown hair falling gently over her shoulders. At almost regular intervals, she pushed her glasses further up her nose without really noticing.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when Ella asked, "Don't you have to get going?"

Spencer glanced at his watch again and cursed. She was right. He should have left five minutes ago. He put his mug in the sink and grabbed his briefcase from the table: "Okay, I have to go! Er... Gwen's still asleep. I'll probably be home in five or six days, maybe longer. I'll be in touch otherwise." he said, walking towards the door as he spoke. "Thanks again for coming round!"

Ella waved after him as he opened the front door and called out cheerfully. "No problem. Bye!"