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It was a beautiful morning, the kind Tsunade had often forgotten to appreciate. Through the window, she could see the sun shine on Konoha, brightening up roofs and leaves into vibrant colors. This early and this high up, its sounds reached her like a distant symphony of healing, laughter and hammering mingling with the usual noise of daily life. The suspiciously orange smoke cloud in the distance –that she didn’t notice, obviously- wasn’t her problem and would never be.
She had even opened the window for a while to enjoy the fresh air.
The war was over, world peace looking everyday less like a foolish dream and more like a terrifyingly concrete possibility that, thanks the Sage, she wouldn’t be in charge of.
That was paperwork she would happily do without.
Yes, it had been a perfect morning, to the point she should have seen such fuckery coming.
Now Tsunade needed a fucking drink or ten.
-
“Hokage-sama.”
“Kakashi-kun.”
“Everyone, dismissed.”
-
At least Naruto didn’t make her wait, she thought as she dismissed her ANBU guards just before the brat burst in.
“Why did you call me, Baa-chan? Because if it’s because of earlier I swear it’s not wh-“
“Don’t start, brat.” Tsunade silenced him before he could begin, voice hard.
It was not the time. Today’s business shouldn’t have been dealt with only today, and she didn’t want to start putting it off.
She was too good at it.
She unclenched her jaw and wetted her lips. “I don’t think you’re going to like it, but you deserve to see this before our idiot Rokudaime destroys it quietly.”
-
“Do you know why I have called you here today?”
“I wouldn’t dare presume your intentions.”
“…Then you should be reminded that everything we will talk about today is subject to S-rank secrecy protocols.”
“Yes, Hokage-sama.”
-
“Sensei would- what?” Naruto frowned, taking a seat in front of her desk. He stretched his neck in a comically inefficient manner, trying to read the papers taking up almost all of her desk’s real estate.
As it was only a couple of sheets, it was almost disturbingly empty. She could almost ignore the color difference that indicated the day paperwork’s rightful place, before she dumped it all over her staff.
A shadow passed over Naruto’s face, and he sat down properly, for once.
He looked at her, face painfully blank, and Tsunade couldn’t help but remember the bright eyed child who once came to drag her back here.
“There’s another secret, no?” he looked up, almost scowling. “There’s another thing hidden from me.”
He smiled, a bitter thing, and said:
“It’s about my parents, isn’t it? Or it’s another secret family member?”
“Somebody who should have been here?” he voiced around the grief.
-
“You have claimed custody of Naruto.”
“Yes, sir.”
“I cannot let you do that.”
-
As always, the mention of Jiraya curled up in her chest and stayed there, like a familiar pet. Reminding her of all the grief she lived with, and the sharp tang of loss at the back of her throat.
“No,” she corrected, because abandon never stopped hurting. “Somebody who tried to be there.”
-
“Because regardless of your abilities, you are a traumatized fourteen-year-old boy, Kakashi-kun!”
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Naruto clenched her fists. “Are they dead.”
“No, they’re not.”
Not by lack of trying, she thought but didn’t say.
-
“A traumatized, grieving fourteen-year-old boy, who cannot be asked to parent an infant.”
“And why's that!?”
-
“Why should it matter? It’s not like I’m the only one in this situation!”
“But how many of those children will take care of a Jinchuriki infant?”
“And how many people can be trusted with him?”
-
She let Naruto inspect her face in silence, in a display she would be otherwise overjoyed to see, if only to change his stealth’s status from KIA to MIA.
“I know them.”
“You know him.”
-
“You don’t have the right!”
-
She carefully didn’t react to his sharp inhale or the slowly growing mix of confusion and hope in his eyes and chakra.
“…It’s Sensei, right?”
She closed her eyes.
-
“Agent Hound!”
“I- sir…”
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“I… Baa-chan?”
-
“Hokage-sama, please…”
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“Yes.”
-
“No.”
“He’s my-“
“It does not matter today.”
-
Tsunade hated her job most days, even on beautiful mornings like this one, and the part of her so inclined to run away whined like the innocent genin she was never allowed to be.
She leaned her chin on her joined hands and faced that goddamn situation like the fucked up mess it was, as the Sage-cursed woman she became.
“You already know that Kakashi was your father’s student, don’t you?”
Naruto nodded.
“And that he wasn’t allowed to approach you?”
-
“Are you even taking into account how connected to his parents you are in everybody’s mind? Unless you wish for the whole world to know who’s the Yondaime son is when Konoha’s defenses are at their worst since the founding?”
“Of course not, sir!”
-
“Yes, he-” The teen hero -because of course wars were fought by children- swallowed once, before proving once more he had nothing more to prove to anybody. “He apologized. Once. Because he said he didn’t try enough.”
Tsunade snorted. That fucking overachiever. “He couldn’t have tried much more, brat.”
She finally slid one of the papers to him, and watched as he read through it.
It didn’t take her any effort to see when he reached his own name or “demand of custody”. Even less for when he saw it was written not a day after his birth.
And…
“REFUSED?!,” Naruto bellowed, as his chair clattered down the floor.
“Refused”, she repeated calmly, glaring at him until he at least sat back down.
-
“No one will let you keep him, Kakashi-kun.”
“…”
“Not only me.”
-
Naruto gave one solid attempt at smoothing back the paper he just clenched before wrinkling it accidently once more.
“But why?”
“Many fucking reasons why, actually. Some of them even make sense.” Some of them didn’t. “At least those I can think of, as obviously nothing is written down.”
-
“No one should be raised among ghosts. Doesn’t he deserve to grow up without shouldering the dead?”
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“We both want what’s best for the village and Naruto, Kakashi-kun.”
-
Who knew those administrative suckers could use less paperwork, if only when it was inconvenient.
To be fair, Bijuu attacks could get in the way.
She opened her mouth and started to explain what she could piece together.
-
“Is my reputation a factor in the Council’s opinions?”
“… Agent Hound is a precious asset of the village which cannot be spared in times like these.”
“I understand.”
-
Naruto listened in a disturbing stillness.
Appropriate for the topic, maybe, but not on him.
-
“What would be the alternate arrangement?”
“Well, any suggestion, Kakashi-kun?”
-
“I already know most of these,” he cut her off. “There’s more to it, isn’t it?”
He looked down at the rest of the desk.
“I wouldn’t be here if there wasn’t,” he stated.
Tsunade turned away towards Konoha and its many scaffoldings.
-
“Your Honorable wife and daughter had many times voiced the wish to…”
“…”
“My sincere condolences, Hokage-sama.”
-
“You wouldn’t have been adopted,” she said finally, as she hadn’t the skill to soften such news. “Whatever happened, you couldn’t have.”
She turned back to him and didn’t react to the emotions on his face.
“Your primary guardianship, if you ever stopped being a ward of the Village, would have been given to Hatake Kakashi.” Naruto tilted his head in confusion as she handed him the agreement. “I believe it was to prevent Danzo from getting you.”
-
“Are you using me as a deterrent?”
“I am saying that as long as you are alive, Naruto will either be treated as a precious orphan of Konoha or immediately be placed in your care.”
-
It was a smart move if she thought about it. Both a surefire way to keep greedy elders away and half a reason to prevent a teen from… giving up.
She wanted a bottle.
“…Danzo would have tried to get me adopted by ROOT agents, or get to me by any other guardian, right? They couldn’t have protected me.”
Tsunade almost smiled at his deduction and nodded.
“But! It doesn’t make sense!” he growled. “Why didn’t Kakashi-sensei get me in the first place?”
He grabbed his hair, much more at loss here than on a battlefield against a literal goddess. “If they were alright with it in that case, why not from the start?”
-
“When will I regain main custody?”
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“Did he-!” he stopped and swallowed. “Was I not... wanted?”
“You were!” Tsunade snarled. “You are.”
-
“We will grow older, Sandaime-sama. Even if I could not take care of a baby as of now, what about a toddler, later?”
-
“-and it’s easy enough to visit either in Henge or as an ANBU in the meantime, while of course-”
-
She looked down at that fucking last sheet of paper, being so innocently inert when she was convinced she should have been able to feel the heartbreak on it, was the world any fair.
“Doesn’t fucking doubt it. He wanted you.” She almost grabbed him by the collar but settled on pinning him with her gaze. “He wanted you, and I would eat my hat, was I not planning on strapping it on him, if it wasn’t still the case.”
Tsunade sighed and settled back fully against her backrest.
Naruto continued to look away.
“He should have gotten you,” she concluded softly. There wasn’t any reason not to.”
-
“I can see your reasoning. However…”
“I am sorry, my boy, but I cannot let you do that.”
“Furthermore, from this moment onwards, you are forbidden to have any kind of contact with Uzumaki Naruto outside of your duty until, at least, his graduation from the Academy.”
-
Unless, a cool-headed, cold-hearted part of her whispered, unless he wanted to keep the Jinchuriki’s loyalty by making sure his only familial relationship was to the Hokage, and not to some reckless ANBU who had every reasons to go missing-nin or die, was he any less loyal or resilient.
However, Tsunade still wouldn’t have chosen like Sarutobi-sensei.
She wouldn’t have, at least not like this.
-
“You cannot do this.”
“You’ll find out that I can.”
“You have no right! Even as Hokage, you do not have this kind of power!”
“You cannot make me abandon my own brother!”
-
She gave him the last paper, the bright red stain of the invalidation stamp lurid in the sunlight.
She closed her eyes and let herself feel very, very old.
-
“The adoption happened less than a month ago, Kakashi-kun.”
“…”
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“Please don’t do this.”
-
She felt the rises and falls of Naruto and the Kyuubi’s –Kurama- chakra and trusted them to not raze the village to the ground.
She didn’t even thought about where Shizune could have hidden her newest stash.
-
“-please don’t take them away-”
-
Tsunade kicked her desk aside and opened her arms.
That hug was for both of them.
-
“Agent Hound, you are to report to Agent Jackal at the ANBU headquarters as soon as you leave.”
“…Dismissed.”
-
“I- I can get him back,” Naruto spoked up, in the end. He raised his head and she tilted her to avoid getting a mouthful of blond hair. “The papers said either the Uzumaki clan’s head, the Hokage or twenty-year-old me can overturn the thing.”
Tsunade raised her brow at the confusion in his voice, and leaned back a little to be sure the brat saw it.
“I think Sensei just didn’t want to be gutted by your parents in the Pure Lands.”
-
You both are going to kill me, no doubt about it.
Not even a week back under that damned hat and here I am, hurting both your children.
-
Naruto snorted.
Tsunade smiled wide, happy of her success.
“Did you know your mom’s temper was worse than mine?”
His arms tightened around her, but she could also feel his shit-eating grin.
“They would have both hated that stunt, believe it!”
“Your mom would have been meaner about it,” Tsunade chuckled, rubbing his back.
-
Kushina will probably get me first, and you’ll stay back a while, watching her, before joining this warm welcome.
…
Yes, I don’t think even the Pure Lands could calm either of your anger.
Not about this.
-
They snickered for a while.
“No but,” Naruto started again, “Since I can overturn it, why Sensei never talked about it?”
Tsunade hummed. “And why do I think he would never have talked to you about it, too?”
“Yeah!” Naruto nodded so hard she had to dodge the headbutt.
-
I could almost be happy you never had to take such decisions.
Because I will not regret it.
You would hate this, but wouldn’t you two hate watching your eldest drown himself in guilt even more?
-
“First, his guilt complex,” Tsunade started, mercilessly dragging her idiot successor's whole personality in two words. “But also…”
How could she formulate this.
She gritted her teeth. Diplomacy and talking about one’s feelings and relationships were sadly not the exact same skillset.
“He didn’t fulfill the duty of an older brother. So he doesn’t feel worthy of such relationship,” she attempted.
-
There is no good choice today!
Luckily, if there’s anything old bastards like me are any good at, it’s taking on the burden of cruelty.
-
Naruto huffed with all the outrage a teen could have against the world and jumped out of her arms. “That’s dumb!”
He threw his arms towards the sky and started pacing. “Dumb dumb dumb dumb duuuumb!”
She snorted.
“What!” Naruto said, scandalized. “That’s true! He’s already something like an older brother! Like...”
He growled. “He’s Kakashi-sensei!”
Tsunade barked a laugh.
“You sure don’t have the same relationship that brat had with Minato!” She winked to the ANBU just out of earshot who must have had three different kinds of heart failures between Kuruma’s chakra and seeing her hug someone. “Your father picked him up as his apprentice when he was, what, five or six?”
She looked at the Fourth’s portrait. That kid rarely had such a stern face, in reality.
“Five.” She turned towards the brat in front of her and watched him mouth the word. “Yeah, I don’t think you have the relationship he had with Minato.” And Kushina both.
“Yeah! No, that’s absolutely not the type of sensei Sensei is! No, that would be more like…”
His smile grew faint. “More like Ero-sennin.”
And Sage, was the kid braver than her.
-
…
I hope your boy will be better than all of us.
-
“So,” she cleared her mind forcefully and stood up too. “Kid, what are you going to do, hmm?”
Said kid laughed and jumped above the wreck of a desk. “That’s obvious!” he exclaimed, in the same tone he reserved for crazy ideas that somehow succeeded by sheer Uzumaki determination.
That, or Kushina was threatening the gods from the Pure Lands.
“I’m going to be the bestest brother ever!” He said, and started babbling way too fast about… mastering brotherly bonding, crushing the competition and… asking Maito Gai for ideas?
“And then,” he exclaimed, grabbing her shoulders, “when I’ll have him…”
He pulled her close, with wide eyes and a wider grin, and whisper-shouted: “I am going to adopt him!”
And oh, she could see where this was going…
“I’ll make him my brother!”
Sage, she loved that kid.
“And then!” he shrieked in glee, all wild energy and large movement, “I will pull that out! And he’ll be adopted twice over!”
“That’ll make him a Super Double Brother!” he cackled like a low grade villain, or like Uchiha Sasuke.
Tsunade wouldn’t have stopped her laughter for all her hidden stashes of shitty sake.
“I’m going to double adopt him!” Naruto continued. ”He’ll be stuck with me and there’s nothing he will be able to do about it!”
He inhaled and screamed: “Serves him right for being such a DUMBASS!”
-
I already believe he will be.