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He always hated hospitals.
He has learned that most hospitals have always kept the best interest of their donors and their “VIP” patients in mind. They don’t pay their nurses, doctors, or surgeons the best. But Vanilla Flower Hospital? They are the best of the best. They give a shit about less fortunate people. They take people who don’t have health insurance and they take in children who are scared and unable to have a full belly because they have parents who are high or drunk or they simply don’t care.
Cici is forever thankful for this hospital. The nurses, doctors, and workers surrounded him with more love than the foster system. The foster system has done nothing but beat him down and ruined what little hope he had for the world. His priority then was his younger brother who lies in a hospital bed, sick with a fever, and his stomach empty because their current foster mother was so drunk that she didn’t remember that she had kids she needed to feed to get that fat paycheck from the government.
Cici doesn’t like recalling the past, especially when it comes down to the foster system, but sometimes, when he is called out to rush to his brother’s side because he needed a blood transfusion right away, then the memories often resurface and bring a current of pain that makes Cici feel… murderous. The hospital was decorated in hues of yellow that resemble the sun and the sunflowers that flourish outside the hospital, and the tiles are soft and the click of heels tap softly rather than the sharp and cut-throat heels of the mortician. Cici is standing outside a specific room, a room that currently holds a sleeping blonde who had been admitted into the hospital about seventeen hours ago, and Cici still replays the scene.
The call came in during Twister .
The game was competitive for several reasons; Sal loves to stretch out and over the other roommates because he was the tallest, Petunia would always lose first because she would fall easily, and it would be between Radley and Daisy to fight and try to win while Sal wheezes and chuckles when the duo stretch under or try to go over the taller member. Cici had been “banned” from the game because the others found out he was very flexible and won the six rounds they played for the first time playing the game. Cici was stuck spinning the wheel and laughing when the others cursed him out as if he was to blame for where they needed to go.
Cici remembers that he got to hold the wheel when the phone started to ring, Petunia offered to take the wheel and Cici stood to answer the phone. He had no idea who was on the other line but he would laugh if it was someone from one of the other’s work, but his demeanor would drop once he heard the voice of the nurse who simply said, “Cici, it’s your brother.”
And Cici immediately felt his shoulder sag as all those fears of his childhood returned. All those memories of hiding under the bed or running in the middle of the night with no shoes as the foster parent chases them with a shotgun. “Cici? Are you still there?” The blue-haired student smiled wide, his iconic mockery smile turning into a slit. Petunia and Daisy had one time commented that when Cici turned his bright smile into a thin-lipped slit, they said “You look like you’re about to murder someone,” and perhaps he DID look like he was about to murder someone. And punching the wall was very tempting.
“I’m here… I’m here…” He responded calmly. The nurse started back up, “Your brother was admitted around eleven hours ago, his emergency contacts weren’t available so we reached out to you-” Cici frowned as he thought for a moment about that snippet of what the nurse was saying, ‘Emergency contacts? Aren’t I his only emergency contact?’ Cici wondered, and granted, the tri-major student knew that Allin had found… an interesting relationship. The last phone call with Allin had Cici struggling to hear Allin because some woman was screeching bloody murder as someone else because they “ruined her beauty sleep”. His brother laughed, his laugh was soft and gentle like the buds of a sunflower blooming on a sunny day, and it was a sound Cici enjoyed.
“What does he need the most?” The student asked if he could feel his patience running thin as the nurse continued to list off what seemed to be the whole medical history of his younger brother, although, in the notes of the medical record, he was mentioned in every instance of Allin Knowledge going into a hospital. “A blood transfusion could suffice him enough, can you be here by ten am tomorrow?” The nurse asked. Cici could get to the hospital in five hours if he broke several traffic laws and took the backroads to avoid the police if they gave chase. “I’ll be there at nine am sharp.” He said and he hung the phone back on the wall.
The shortest roommate turned around and found the other four roommates in a tangled mess, all laughing and mocking one another. Cici relaxed his face, trying to put on the facade that everything was okay, and if he made them think everything was okay then he wouldn’t have to explain to any of them what was happening or why his heart was about to break his rib cage, or why his hands started to shake as his nails dug crescent moon into his palms, or why-
“Cici… You look like you want to murder someone.” Daisy noted. The other blinked as if surprised for being called out, and he made the effort to look at least sheepish. “Sorry, I just got a call from work. Brad forgot about this meeting he volunteered to host and he is now black-out drunk and the boss would like me to drive up north to help out.” Daisy pouted, “But what about that book fair we wanted to go to?” Cici internally cursed out his brother, the book fair that he and Petunia were excited about because there would be a book signing of this archeologist who had discovered this chapel filled with bones of other humans that were glued and strapped together by rope.
“The Human Chapel” is what the building was dubbed after the archaeologist found it fifty feet under a chapel where a corrupted priest resided. The only reason why Daisy and Cici would go is because; 1. Petunia liked to look at spooky artifacts much to the displeasure of Daisy and Sal, 2. Cici is fascinated by the creepy and unnerving (he even commented on wanting his bones to be stripped of his flesh to be a part of the chapel), and 3. The duo had always this interest in the afterlife. While Daisy would have been a perfect conversationalist with the subject of the afterlife as she studied the World's Religions, Petunia and Cici had an interest in the paranormal side of things rather than the obvious religious take.
“Sorry Petunia maybe Radley or Sal can take you and you can get both our copies signed," Cici recommends solemnly. The pink woman sighed unhappily and Sal waved his hand to get the attention of the blue-haired student, ‘GO-TO WHERE YOU?’ Sal asked while his one hand was free and the other was trapped under Radley. “Up north. I have no idea what city it is but I will text you when I arrive.” And within seven minutes, he was able to walk out the door and march off to his car with the route to the hospital already in mind.
Cici barely even glanced at other cars or signs as he drove along the highway, he would stop to get gas even if the meter showed halfway full, it gave him time to buy at least seven packs of salt and vinegar almonds and iron pills to take while he’s on the road, all to boost his iron. And he arrived an hour before he would need to get his blood drawn.
And despite all the blur, the voices, and the slap on his chest with the sticker that boldly said, “ VISITOR ”, he found himself in his brother’s room- standing right in front of his sleeping brother who already looked like hell. Cici sat next to his brother in the plush chair which he had broken in after all the years of his odd growth spurts and his lanky body carving a place in the chair to hold him up when he felt weak. The room was 307, a room that has been “dubbed” as Allin’s and Cici’s room; a room that they have to themselves, a doctor and a routine of nurses that know them best, and a room that slotted itself perfectly into the minds of the brothers who sought shelter after they were abandoned or hungry.
It’s a big plus because that room is the only room on that whole floor that has a vent to only produce heat and it never overheats or overwhelms the brothers in the room. The blonde in the bed was wrapped in multiple blankets and his only arm was stuck out with an IV in his arm, Cici held onto that uncovered hand, his mind racing as he tried to think of what to say to his brother, and he already could hear the conversation. ‘You’re not supposed to be here’, ‘But you got sick’, ‘there was no need to travel down here’, blah blah blah.
Cici doesn’t really know why his brother didn’t have the hospital call him first thing when he had his seizure but he didn’t care now, he was here now, all for his brother. Cici noted how his brother’s hair was slightly longer, his ivory bangs were separated down the middle and brushed off to the side, and his face was slack but a small smile graced his lips. Cici would laugh if this was any other situation where his brother wasn’t in a hospital bed and being treated for something that should have been taken care of all those years ago when Allin turned 18 and was about to be shipped off to the Navy and go through basic training to just get into the medical school of his dreams and serve as a medic for the Marines.
Even then, his brother should have been in Japan by now rather than in the States, in a hospital with him by his side and ready to scold him. Cici wondered how his brother was so… calm about life. He has his doctorate, he has time to see the world, and he is covered by the military for health insurance, life insurance, and every other insurance Cici can think of in the book. Why was his brother back in the States?
Cici remembers when his brother had applied and studied night after night for his exam to be sworn in and scheduled to be deployed. Cici had this old and near-breaking down car that he drove to the Navy Center and followed the bus that would take his brother to the testing site, and he waited outside with mothers and fathers, aunts and uncles, grandparents alike- all waiting for their kids to come out with a smile on their face.
Cici remembers Allin leaving the building with his different colored eyes watering and his smile was everything. It was the sun, it was the stars, it was the rarest diamond in the world that outshined any light, and right there, despite how low on money Cici was, he still took his brother out to that fancy garden next to a seaside restaurant and they celebrated like it was their last day on earth. The blue eyes of the older brother stared intently at his younger brother’s face, afraid to look away and he’d lose his brother. Cici had always been there for Allin, he would not lose his brother to anything but old age, and even as the student clutched onto his brother’s hand, he could feel his body shake.
This seemed to have awoken the younger brother. The gold-and-sapphire differently-colored eyes opened slowly as if his eyelashes were weighed down by remaining dew drops of rain, the blonde opened his eyes and looked off to the side where he saw his eldest brother with his head down and shoulders shaking.
“You’re supposed to be in class.”
Cici chuckled wetly, holding back his tears, “And you’re supposed to be in Japan.”
Allin snorted as he shifted his body to face his older brother while his hand squeezed the other. “And you’re supposed to be studying for your arts final, especially for that big painting. Or is it your theater final where you dress up like a jester?”
Cici laughed, filled with tears and cracked with mirth at his brother’s simple question, “Either one. My professors are willing to understand, they know my record.”
Allin rolled his eyes, “Ah yes, but, weren’t you knitting your costume? How far along are you?”
The different shades of blue eyes shot to the left where his duffel bag sat under the bed where his costume is under the bed. His final was supposed to be himself performing a modified skit of one of Shakespeare’s lesser-known plays and while he memorized the lines, he still needed a costume and as such, he took on the task to knit his costume. A time-consuming process. Cici turned back to his brother, allowing those held-back tears to fall one by one, “I’m halfway done, plus, you’re supposed to be in Japan eating expensive sushi or something, not here. Why are you here?”
Allin’s smile wilted for a split second, sending off the alarm bells in Cici’s head and he leaned forward with his face pulled into a concerned frown, “Allin?” He asked. The blonde dropped his eyes to the IV that stuck itself in his arm, his eyes down and refusing to look up at the different shaded blue eyes begged the different colored eyes to look at him. The two brothers sat in a still silence and it reminded Cici of the day that Allin said that he wanted to go into the Navy to become a medic for the military. Allin was getting his last rounds of chemo and Cici had shoved his work off to the side, it was his fifth job he left to be able to stay by his brother’s side and to hold his hand.
Allin was gripping onto his older brother’s hand which was so much like how Cici was gripping onto Allin’s hands now, the blonde sniffled and tearfully confessed that he wanted to join the military to not only help out the ill from outside of the country and to heal those who needed hope like him. Cici laughed tearfully and promised to send his brother to the Navy and make him heal the world through his hands, and despite all the times that Cici had stayed up late in the night to help Allin study, all the days where he pulled shift after shift to even pay for gas and food for the duo to eat, he worked hard to pay the bills that threaten to drown him but he still pushes himself to pay off each bill no matter how high the cost is because he knows that if he falls, then his brother will fall with him.
“Cici… I- I have to tell you something and promise me- promise me you won’t get mad.” The blonde begged in a shaking whisper, and the blueberry student scooted closer, his head falling against his brother’s forehead, the duo shared the silence almost like a confession because they knew that they would cry but they wanted to hold it back for as long as they can until the blood transfusion is completed. “I want to leave.” Allin whispered, his eyes shut as he pulled away from Cici and laid it back on his pillow, the tri-major student stood to fluff out the pillows and pulled the blankets up to the chin of the younger brother while smiling so small, “Leave what?” He asked but he felt that gut twist in his stomach, the butterflies that dared to spill out of his mouth, and he wanted to hear his brother.
“I want to leave the military… I want to stay near you. You are living your best life and I want to be there…” Allin whispered- his voice breaking. Cici’s smile widened and he pressed a tender kiss to Allin’s head, “Alright… That’s fine with me, I’ll be there to pick you up from the airport and we’ll go to that fancy seaside restaurant like we did when you visited last time.” The laughter that tittered out of the younger’s lips brought the sun out from the clouds, the birds started to sing their heavenly song and the hospital seemed to have gotten brighter as the whole building became warmer. Allin sniffled and allowed his tears to fall more freely as he smiled wider, “Thanks for being here… the others would have come but their flights got delayed.”
Cici hummed and he crossed his arms to rest his chin on, “Others… You mean the other people who are supposedly the other “emergency contacts”? Which I distinctly remember putting my contact information as your immediate emergency contact when you are ill.” Allin wipes his eyes as he sniffles, his hand dropping to fiddle with the blanket as he looks away from the squirting eyes of his older brother, “I… When I started to date the others… I wanted to have them on my emergency contact list and the receptionist labeled them as my partners who would be contacted. I didn’t know that they would contact them first.”
Cici rolled his eyes and closed his eyes as he said, “Oh well, I’m here now.” The door to the room opened and the duo found the doctor who smiled as he entered the room, “Good morning my dears, you look well.” Dr. Millie welcomed. His chocolate brown hair was pulled into a low ponytail while his fake-branch flower crown was perched on his head, his coat was decorated with stickers, and his badge was colored to be a garden under his name. Dr. Mille waved a nurse over who pulled forward a wheelchair to assist Allin into the chair to lead him and his brother to the waiting private room of the blood transfusion.
The room was white, with the machines ready to pump blood out of Cici to Allin, the two reclining chairs were set up and covered in heavy blankets, heating pads, and a tv with the duo’s favorite movie on. Allin was assisted first into the chair and he was wrapped and stuck with the IV and “feeding” tube into his arm for the blood to be transferred into his system. Cici popped onto the bed and was immediately swabbed with an alcohol patch on his left arm while Dr. Millie started to ready the needle and a few blood vials. One of the nurses walked over to Allin and handed him a crochet hook and what was a halfway done project of some kind of square while Cici was handed his knitting needles to finish the sleeve of his costume.
The blueberry-haired student looked away as Dr. Millie carefully inserted the needle into the vein of the arm, the pinch dropped a shiver down the student’s spine but it also kept him from the resurfacing memories of the past. The movie started to play and the duo started to knit and crochet. When Allin and Cici started to learn how to knit and crochet, they picked it up from an elderly woman who lived in the home of their foster mother, the foster woman was nice enough- she was more than happy to have her mother watch the children who were barely tweens, and the elderly woman was so patient to teach both Cici and Allin how to crochet and knit.
Cici took to knitting a lot faster than Allin who struggled to hold the needle while Cici struggled to make a magic circle and crochet a perfect amigurumi ball. The boys were eventually removed after three months and they still kept up with the hobby, and when the duo would knit or crochet while donating blood or waiting for test results, they would allow their hands to move and create while they either chatted or watched the movie.
The first time that Cici and Allin sat in this room was when Cici was a sophomore in high school and Allin was just starting his first round of chemo; Dr. Millie wanted to have a blood transfusion done first of all then the next day try the chemo. The two brothers were nervous but the process was rather quick and they found themselves bored and scrolling through Netflix for almost ten minutes. Cici perked up at a movie and asked if his brother would want to watch it, and they instantly fell in love with the movie. “ Legally Blonde ” was an instant classic for the two brothers, they finished the movie around the same time that they finished their transfusion, and they begged Dr. Millie to let them keep watching it.
The duo would make it a habit to always watch the movie when Allin was either getting his chemo or waiting on tests, they would watch the movie and either laugh or curse out characters. At this moment, the duo was watching the scene where Elle walked up to the Harvard pick-up packet where all the maps, schedules, and other items would be in a packet. When the male actor made the side joke about Elle asking for help on a “cruise-liner deck”, Cici hissed out “No need to be mean, dumbo.” Allin snorted as he moved his stitch marker to where he chained three, “He got into Harvard, Cici. I think he’s smart.” The blue brother rolled his eyes as he started to knit again, “You could be academically smart but be personally stupid.”
Allin rolled his eyes and turned his head over to his brother, “That doesn’t make any sense,” he teased, his smile small but it edged on the side of a smirk as Cici dropped his hands onto his lap and sighed, “It makes perfect sense! You could be the biggest dick in the whole college but you advance so well in your grades. You can be academically smart but be stupid in hormones and personality.” Allin laughed loudly while dropping his head back, his chest stuttering as he wheezed out a laugh, “Have you met someone like that?” The blonde asked. Cici nodded and opened his mouth to tell the story of his first meeting with Radley but Dr. Millie entered the room, “My apologies children but we should get you to your room so that Allin can rest and the two of you can eat.” Cici saw two different nurses enter the room with wheelchairs and the needles were drawn out and the brothers were taken to the room and settled down in a bed and chair.
Cici started up his project again while Allin turned Legally Blonde back on the TV in their room. Cici flicked his eyes up to the TV once in a while but most of his attention was on Allin and watching for any movements that indicated that he was uncomfortable. The blonde seemed to pick it up quickly and he turned to his brother, he dropped his eyes to the sleeve that Cici was working on and pointed out a small hole in the sleeve, “Did you miss a stitch?” Cici frowned and raised the project up and loudly cursed, “Fuck me! I missed a stitch!” Allin laughed loudly and started to wheeze where it felt like his lungs were trying to push as much air out of his body as he collapsed onto his back once again as he wheezed.
Cici was frantically undoing the work he had been knitting for the past thirty minutes, yarn falling over his lap as he frantically unwinded his work once he got to the missing stitch, he quickly started back up his knitting, and at this point, Allin stopped wheezing but to the blueberry student, he wished he would listen to his brother laugh like that all day. “So- so tell me about your roommates.” Allin asked through gasping breaths which gave the older brother a moment to pause and look at his brother with confusion, “Wait what?” He asked. The ivory bangs were swept off to the side as the younger brother brushed the loose strands behind his ears, “I’ve been wanting to ask about your roommates but it kept slipping past my mind until now.”
The blue-dyed student ‘ahhhed’ and looked at the TV which was showing Elle in her pink PLayBoy Bunny costume for the party that was supposed to be a costume party but turned out to be a regular party, embarrassing Elle and giving her the strength to make a name for herself. Cici still knitted even when his brother stopped his project and tilted his head for an answer. “My roommates… Where do I begin with those four idiots?” Cici mused as he focused his attention on the TV rather than the sparkle in his brother’s eyes, and it seemed that Allin noted how closed off Cici got when the topic popped up, “Are they nice to you?” Allin asked.
Cici nodded. “Do they respect you?” and Cici nodded again. The yellow-and-blue-eyed medic nodded his head as if he already knew the answers, “Good, I would like to meet them properly when I’m not in the hospital and the others and I find a place to stay,” and this made Cici snap his head to his brother, “Right- the “others” who I assume are your partners, right? You’re still in the poly relationship,” and Allin’s face lit up red. Cici smirked as he learned on his unbandaged arm from the blood draw and asked in a high-pitched voice, “Oh silly vanilly~ Getting red over the thought of your lovers bursting into the room, sweeping you off of your feet, giving you kisses of plenty, and then showering you in affection.”
Allin shoved his face into his halfway-done project and groaned, “Shut up!” He pleaded while raising his head to look up at the TV. Cici laughed and continued to pester his brother. It went like that for the next few hours while food was delivered and they rewatched the movie again three more times until the tests came back. Dr. Millie had a look of forlorn as he read the tests allowed.
It came back.
The fucking cancer came back and it had a vengeance.
Cici felt himself being pulled back to when he was sat down by Dr. Millie and explained what was wrong with Allin; why he was always sick, why his complexion was so sickly, and why the bills were so expensive. Cici remembers his first two jobs and the endless nights of staying by his brother’s side while returning to the mini apartment with dried tears and heavy eyebags. While he grew out of the system, his brother was still younger so he refused to allow social services to take his brother to a home where he would endure the hell that he had experienced. He still feels the phantom bruises along his ribs from all the times the adults tried to hurt his brother.
Cici could feel the fear and the chilly air as he signed the documents to allow the surgery that would save his brother, the viewing almost made him throw up and he couldn’t look away as he watched the surgeons cut his brother open, Cici wondered if Allin was ever asked to participate in a surgery and lost someone during the surgery, he wondered if that might be a reason why his brother is going out of the military. But then at the same time, in the present, he found himself nearly breaking down in tears while he held his brother’s hand, Allin looked like he was expecting the news.
The next few hours were a blur, Allin was going to stay overnight for the next few days, his lovers were on their way and Cici was in the car. His phone buzzed from texts from Petunia and Daisy, Allin on video call, and the notifications of himself buying one too many energy drinks to travel back to his apartment. The drive was just as uneventful as the one to the hospital. Cici pulled into a gas station and found an image of his brother being hugged on the side where the IV wasn’t in the way of a pinkette who had her arms wrapped around Allin’s waist and then a second picture included a photo of three women around Allin who were smiling at the camera, the text message at the bottom saying, “They were sad they didn’t meet you, they planned to surprise you when we get the house after I was discharged.”
Cici responded with a heart and drove home, the apartment was empty and when he entered to find a note for him from Sal, he hung his keys, and dropped onto the couch to sleep. His energy finally spurted out and he finally fell into a deep sleep. His roommates came in soon after and tucked him in, allowing the blue-haired student to sleep for a good six hours until he woke up later on that night he sat with his roommates to make up a story about a meeting he never went to, and to figure out how to get his brother the best help he needs. Even if it meant he would have to drop out of college and restart his journey again, just like he did when he was in high school.