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Crowley groaned and tightened his grip on the armchair he was currently occupying. If heaven was even half as nice as what was currently happening between his legs, he may have considered returning when given the opportunity years ago. But the past was the unpleasant past, and he was much more interested in his extremely pleasant present. His present, currently, saw him reclined in an armchair in his shared cottage home, trousers and knickers pooled around his ankles, while Aziraphale was doing extremely sinful things involving putting Crowley’s very hard cock into his mouth and sucking like his life depended on it.
And what a magnificent cock sucking it was. Since they had thwarted the apocalypse - again - and pulled their heads out of their arses to actually talk, they had both started to enjoy their retirement. They were embracing all that came with being able to love each other fully and openly. That just so happened to manifest in them fucking often, with extreme enthusiasm, in as many configurations as they could imagine.
Aziraphale’s favourite form of fornication had quickly become giving an enthusiastic sloppy blow job or bit of wet and messy cunnilingus. It reminded him of his first experience with eating the ox, oh how he did so enjoy some delicious meat in his mouth. Crowley was certainly not one to complain, as the receiving party to his angel's relentless hedonism.
Suddenly, Crowley felt his cock butt up against the ring of muscle in Aziraphale’s throat, then he felt the head pop right on in. In the same moment Aziraphale let out a truly filthy wet, gargling moan. Crowley yelped as he cast a hasty miracle to avoid spontaneous orgasm at the sensation.
“Close”, Crowley bit out through clenched teeth. Aziraphale appreciated a little warning before he swallowed a load.
Much to Crowley’s shock, instead of doubling down and taking him deeper, Aziraphale pulled off. He replaced his mouth with his perfectly manicured hand and started pumping Crowley furiously. Crowley couldn’t mourn the loss of that hot mouth as it started spewing filthy praise immediately.
“You’re so hard for me my love, yes that’s it, you’re doing so well. Oh you are turning positively purple. Come on now, come for me, give it to me.”
Crowley threw his head back, eyes screwed shut, balls drawn up tight, and shouted through his release. His previous touch of edging had him coming hard, and long. Aziraphale kept murmuring to him as he came, and he felt something cool nudge up against the underside of the head of his cock. If Crowley wasn’t too busy having an out of body experience with his soul leaving him through his dick, he might have thought it was Aziraphale’s wedding ring. But coming as hard as he was, he barely registered the sensation.
As the last bits of come weakly trickled from the tip of his cock, Crowley fell back into a boneless heap, shuddering through the aftershocks. He couldn’t say it was the best orgasm of his life, as Aziraphale was a maestro when it came to making Crowley climax. But, it was certainly in the top ten. Crowley felt a bit like a damp rag, thoroughly wrung out and loose. As he breathed through the afterglow, he noticed a clear lack of a cuddly angel. Normally, after making him come, Aziraphale would pull Crowley into his arms and pet his hair while whispering endearments. It was painfully, tooth achingly, disgustingly sweet … but Crowley cherished those moments.
Crowley lifted his head from the back of the chair and cracked open his eyes, looking down to where Aziraphale was last nestled on his knees on the floor. The sight he was greeted with had his mouth fall open in utter bewilderment.
Aziraphale was still on the floor, but had a tea cup in his hand, pinkie out like a proper gentleman. There was a plate of pineapple Crowley was sure he hadn’t noticed before on the end table next to them. And Aziraphale, Aziraphale, had a piece of pineapple in hand, swirling it around the inside of the tea cup. A cup, which upon closer inspection, contained a very familiar looking milky liquid.
Crowley was lost for words as he saw Aziraphale bring the slimy piece of pineapple up to his mouth, and for some inexplicable reason, popped it right on in. Aziraphale chewed a few times and swallowed, before making a slightly disgusted, disappointed face. He glanced up at Crowley.
“Well that is terribly disappointing. Pineapple was supposed to make it taste better.” Aziraphale said with an annoyed little huff, before swiping another piece through the special glaze and taking a bite.
“Angel, Aziraphale, my love … what the ever loving bloody fuck are you doing?!” Crowley squawked, his spent soft cock still out and forgotten on his lap.
“The pineapple my dear, it is supposed to make your release taste better. But it doesn’t really do much besides make the fruit bitter, and a tad salty,” with that, Aziraphale still dipped another piece and ate it.
“Where did you hear that?” Crowly asked, still utterly baffled at the sight before him.
“If you must know, I was having tea with Madam Tracy and Mrs Sandwich, capital idea by the way, introducing them. They really do get on like a house on fire. But the topic had come up of the unpleasant taste of ejaculate and they recommended a bit of pineapple to enhance the flavour.”
Crowley was once again left utterly speechless. Taking another bite, Aziraphale made a sour face and miracled a saucer of cream and a bowl of sugar next to the pineapple.
“Perhaps it needs to be treated a bit like tea, some cream and sugar to help with the bitterness.”
“You know, you don’t have to ingest it, Aziraphale … you could just wash it down the sink,” Crowley tried, desperately trying to understand his angel’s thought process.
“Oh pish posh, I am no quitter Crowley, and while I didn’t spit it out, the sentiment remains the same,” Aziraphale tutted, leaving Crowley to wonder what the bloody hell else those two batty women had told him in their tea times.
To Crowley’s continued shock and twisted amazement, Aziraphale poured a touch of cream into the tea cup, then added a few pinches of sugar. Picking up another piece of the pineapple, he used the fruit to swirl the concoction together, then proceeded to eat it. Aziraphale closed his eyes and chewed slowly, letting out a contemplative hum as he did so. He swallowed, before adding another two pinches of sugar to his cup. Crowley’s brain finally rebooted and came back on line.
“Angel, you are not supposed to use the pineapple and dip it in the splooge.”
Aziraphale paused the swirling of his next pineapple chunk and glanced up. Just how much did Crowley come for Aziraphale to still be dipping pineapple into it. Crowley took the chance to continue.
“The pineapple, I’m ‘spose to eat it. I eat enough and it makes the jizz taste better when you swallow it, directly from the source.” Crowley looked down at that, finally remembering he was having this weird arse conversation with his whole cock and balls out resting on his lap. A quick miracle put him to rights.
Aziraphale pouted, “but then I don’t get to enjoy the pineapple at all, and it really is scrummy this time of year.”
Resuming mixing in the new addition of sugar, Aziraphale popped the bit of pineapple into his mouth. He had apparently hit the golden ratio of ingredients, as his eyes slid closed and he let out a moan of pleasure. It wasn’t at all dissimilar to the moan he had let out just a few minutes prior, when Crowley’s cock had been down his throat.
Crowley felt blood rush back to his cock, causing the most embarrassing boner of his life. And that was saying something, as Aziraphale had caused him many an embarrassing boner, dating all the way back to him first being tempted with the ox rib. Ever since, watching Aziraphale plus food equated to many a night with a hand around his cock or fingers up his cunt. Crowley let out an involuntary whimper as he was brought to full hardness in record time.
At the sound, Aziraphale glanced up, and smiled a mischievous grin as a new thought came to him.
“My dear, this wasn’t the only fruit related tip the ladies have given me. Have you, perchance, heard of grapefruiting?”
Crowley had not, but decided he would give himself over to whatever Aziraphale had planned. He was in for a long, messy, and enjoyable night.