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“You’re a bird.”
“Now say you’re a bird, too.”
“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird”
He understands the significance of the reference in relation to the film. If she’s a bird, that means he is one as well, for there’s no other explanation, no other option because they are destined to be together, like fate almost.
What he does not understand, however, is why he was forced to watch this movie. There are things to do. Things he must attend to, but no. Apparently, when you admit your feelings about someone to Dean Winchester, he turns into cupid (though not literally, Castiel can imagine many things but Dean Winchester as a cherub is not one of them). He’s not even sure he can properly refer to them as “feelings.” He merely said he feels a heightened state of consciousness whenever he’s around Sam. His vessel’s muscles tensed, his respiratory system began working faster. It was confusing.
He also felt particularly inclined to recognize the beauty of Sam’s smile, no matter how rare it was that it happened. Full lips pulled taut over white teeth, taut yet still full and… lucious. These were lascivious thoughts for an angel to have. Not right, not customary, not in God’s plane for an angel to feel deep feelings like this for a human. Castiel was not aware he was capable of such things and yet… he felt them. For Sam. The youngest Winchester, the boy with the Demon blood, the one who was the abomination, destined for darkness, yet loved his brother so much that he overcame it.
This film, The Notebook as it’s billed, is something strange. Much different from the pornography. These people genuinely seemed to be in love, vying for one another’s affections. He wrote her letters every day. Could Castiel ever be persuaded to write letters of a romantic nature to someone every day? He wondered if Cupid had a hand in making their love so. Was it destiny or was it chance? Were his… feelings for Sam destiny or chance?
Well at this point, he just didn’t know.
Sam Winchester is tall, very much so, built very strong with strong muscles and a broad build. He is the epitome of everything God had wanted when he created humans—trustworthy, capable, honorable, sympathetic. His lips are soft, too soft and Castiel can’t begin to imagine why before Sam is pushing him away.
“UM, WOW, CAS! WHAT EV-“
“I’m a bird.”
Sam’s expression goes confused. ”You’re… Wait, what? Wh-“
“If you’re a bird, then I am a bird.”
“Cas, what does tha-… Were… Were you watching The Notebook?”
He nods. ”Indeed. I was. Dean suggested I watch it before broaching the subject of my feelings toward you. Was I wrong to assume that I could do so?”
Sam’s silent for long moments, as if he’s speechless. Castiel wonders if he’s gauged the situation wrong. It never dawned on him that Sam might not feel the same way. He feels a tightness in Jimmy’s chest that feels all wrong, not like how he normally feels around Sam.
“Cas… I-I’m flattered. I… I had no idea.” Sam steps forward a bit. ”What makes you think I’m a bird?”
Castiel never considered that question before. ”Allie refers to herself as a bird. She feels freer this way. From what I gather, Noah says that if Allie is a bird, then that must mean he is one as well, for their love is destined. Correct?”
Sam is silent, before he laughs softly. Castiel forgot how much he liked Sam’s laugh. ”You’re overthinking this too much, Cas. Just… How do you feel?”
“What?”
“How do you feel? I want to know how you feel, not how Allie and Noah feel. Tell me. Please?”
Castiel had never considered this question either. How does he feel? Physically he knows how he feels. He knows how Jimmy feels, how the body he’s in reacts to Sam’s presence and most of the time it’s bothersome and most of the time it’s absolutely wonderful, but either way Castiel likes both feelings and he never wants them to stop. Ever. He’s certain the day these feelings stop, he’ll be very upset.
“Does…” Sam stops, chews on his lips for a moment, and then continues. ”Does it feel like you’re flying?”
“Sam, I fly daily. I cannot equate the feeling of being in love with you to that of flying. It is merely a pale comparison.”
Sam flushes a deep red. ”So… So you’re in love with me?” He’s trying to hold back a smile, Sam can tell, but he’s not doing very well.
“Can I kiss you again? I rather enjoyed that.”
Sam laughs again and bridges the gap between their bodies. Sam is warm, safe. He’s very tall and his body feels a lot like silk pulled over stone, rock hard yet so soft and it makes him feel strange in the pit of his stomach, but he likes it. That’s when Sam places the pads of his fingers lightly on Castiel’s cheek. He likes them there. Their lips slot together effortlessly. Sam is very skilled, and he lets Sam run his tongue along his bottom lip. It feels wet, slick and warm but Castiel likes it. He won’t lie and say that he doesn’t. He can feel heat pooling in the bottom of his stomach and it feels a little bit like he assumes ecstasy would feel like, what a drug would feel like and he smiles against Sam’s lips.
Maybe it is like flying. Maybe he is a bird.