Archive of Our Own

10 reasons why Greg Owen sucks - a comprehensive list by Xander Gericke

Xander had never really been a fan of writing things down. He was more of a typing kind of guy. Some would say he had an unhealthy relationship with his computer (Ayla) but he chose to ignore them. He just found the efficiency of tying much better than writing, with a pen, like a peasant.

However, he had heard that it was quite therapeutic to write down one’s feelings. It’s shocking that he is aware of any coping mechanisms considering how many issues he had but this was one he did know.

(He had been on the dark web, browsing, when he stumbled upon therapists for hire. He thought that was a strange thing to sell on the dark web so naturally he clicked on the ad. There were some free tips in the biography as some sort of incentive, he supposes. Writing one’s feelings down was in the bio and maybe he shouldn’t be listening to the advice of a therapist he found on the dark web but it sounded smart enough.)

Xander had a lot of feelings as of the moment so he decided it was time to break out the old Bic he used at Lawson College and write down some feelings.

1. He is a hypocrite.

Greg had made such a fuss about how Xander had made out with Nicole (which he didn’t do!) and then he goes and makes out with Ayla! As if that’s not the exact same thing? Xander can smell the hypocrisy from across the room. Almost literally. Greg was currently sitting on the couch while Xander was writing this. Xander was planning on “accidently” leaving the list on the table for Greg to “happen” upon.

2. He is rich.

Xander has always been an eat the rich kind of guy. He had his own money but that wasn’t exactly real so it didn’t count. Greg, though? He was absolutely rolling in it and Xander couldn’t stand for it on principle alone.

3. He has no sense of loyalty.

Xander has always valued loyalty and trust. Greg has none of that! In Istanbul when Xander made him choose between Plank and Xander, Greg actually chose Xander. He left his best friend behind to the sharks. Xander had overheard the two of them talk about being best man at each other weddings for fuck’s sake. As soon as the going gets tough Greg just drops Plank? Worst friend ever.

Don’t get Xander wrong, he was happy when Greg chose him. His heart may have fluttered a little but that’s beside the point. Xander had betrayed Greg how many times and Greg still chooses him? What the fuck? How is Xander supposed to trust Greg after that if he’s so ready to drop people.

Xander’s head was already enough of a mess and now he was supposed to deal with these contrasting feelings? No thank you.

4. He is hot.

It’s really annoying for Xander to have to look at Greg’s face and not find a flaw.

5. He is stupid.

Xander had tried to believe otherwise because of how quickly Greg picked up on the hacking but there really is no denying it. Greg Owen is utterly stupid. Perhaps it was all those years of rugby that knocked a few screws loose but that doesn’t excuse his lack of common fucking sense.

He ran to Ayla with a half-baked theory about how her dad is the Baker based on absolutely no evidence. He started talking about how the Baker was the cameraman of the video of Xander’s dad’s death. Obviously! That wasn’t exactly groundbreaking Greg. There were three voices, two of which were Dok Pienaar and Chris Owen. Through logic one can deduce the third voice belongs to the Baker. Unfortunately logic and Greg are not friends.

The fact that he thought Ayla’s dad is the Baker was another level of idiocy. His whole theory was that Ayla’s dad wasn’t actually a doctor but a chemical engineer because the Baker would actually waste his time in a whole other career. Greg then has the audacity to say Ayla’s mom is also involved and that it has to be true because he saw a man and woman at the Baker’s house. That is the equivalent of walking up to someone on the street and saying, “Are you married? Yes? You’re the Baker!”

What it is is actual insanity, mixed with delusion and healthy amount of moronity.

6. He has a great physique.

This is purely from an objective view point. It is very annoying that Xander has to deal with this buff rugby player while Xander is very much not a buff rugby player. How is Xander supposed to focus on the plan when Greg wears shirts that cinch around the arms and emphasise his -

7. He kissed Ayla.

Perhaps there are some layers to this one.

One the one hand Greg kissed Ayla - Xander’s girlfriend who he loves. On the other hand Greg kissed Ayla. Maybe that was what made it worse - the fact that it was Greg. Xander had noticed how his relationship with Ayla was never very romantic. He loved her with all his heart but he was confused about exactly how he loved her. At first it was probably romantic but Xander thinks over the years it grew into a more platonic love.

This change was emphasised for Xander after spending so much time with Greg lately. No matter how much Greg infuriated Xander and no matter how little Xander trusted Greg, Xander couldn’t deny the pull he felt towards Greg. It was like they were magnets who always manage to come together.

When Xander saw Greg and Ayla kissing it felt like a knife to the gut. It didn’t help that it was the two people that were confusing his head the most, kissing. He would have much rather dealt with either of them kissing Oom Dirk.

8. He is a liar.

Xander is getting sidetracked but he cannot forget his mission. Greg Owen is a little liar. First he lies to Xander about putting the transponder in his hand. It was one of the only things Xander asked for and Greg can’t put a tiny chip in his hand? Greg wanted Xander’s help for crying out loud, he should have expected some contingencies.

Then there was the burnt book. He purposely kept it hidden even though him and Xander were supposed to be working together. How does Greg expect Xander to get over his trust issues when he keeps pulling shit like this? Absolutely ridiculous!

9. He is a heartbreaker.

Xander was never one for being vulnerable but when he finally decides to lay his heart bare for Greg and apologise, Greg dismisses him. That was maybe what hurt the most. Xander always thought his feelings weren’t completely one-sided. How could they be with they amount of times they stared deeply into each other’s eyes? But Greg just tossed him aside and chose his stupid theory over Xander. He chose Xander over his best friend but this is where he draws the line?

10. …

Xander looked up and stared at Greg across the room. Greg was sitting on the couch staring into space. Unfortunately even after everything Xander still though he looked good.

Xander was hoping this exercise would be helpful - a healthy outlet for his pent up emotions. All Xander felt now, though, was worse than before. Laid out in front of him was his true feelings about Greg Owen. His soul and heart placed on the page.

Sure there were some real reasons to dislike a person written on the page but there was no denying Xander was wholly in love with the buffoon sitting on the couch.

Xander dropped his head in hands and sighed. He couldn’t bring himself to write the tenth reason when it was so fucking obvious. Instead he stood up and walked to his room. He left the page behind on the table and he tried to ignore the way Greg had looked over at the table as he left.