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La Douleur Exquise

Summary:

La Douleur Exquise (n.) – The feeling of wanting someone that you know you can never have, but still wanting them all the same

Notes:

I just know if Tanya was real she would genuinely hunt me down and take me out because of the misery I put her through on an annual basis (though not if Kate and/or Irina got to me first).

Sorry girlie <3

Chapter 1: Yuánfèn

Chapter Text

Bella was 25% sure this was a bad idea.

That 25 came solely from Edward insisting it was.

“They despise us now,” Edward had hissed. He paced back and forth as he ranted about the coven. “They refuse to see reason. Blinded by their emotions, they’ll use Renesmee for revenge.”

At one point in her life, Bella would have just nodded and moved on.

At one point, she would have taken Edward’s word as seriously as if God himself had spoke it.

But that point was long gone. 

If Bella’s pregnancy had proven anything it was that Edward Cullen was far from infallible. 

Bella turned in her seat to glance at the back of the car. Renesmee had fallen asleep, her head lulled to the side. Bella could hear her deep breathing, a soothing soundtrack for their road trip. That was the other thing about Edward. He might not have much interest in his child, but Renesmee was Bella’s whole world. She would do anything for her. 

Even going to the Denali coven on her hands and knees begging for help.

“Everything alright?” Rosalie muttered from the driver’s seat. 

If you had told Bella six months ago she would be closest to Rosalie of all the Cullens, Bella would have laughed in your face. But the pregnancy had changed that. In Bella’s time of need, really only Rosalie and Emmett had stood by her. They were the ones who had really fought for Bella’s decision. When Bella had come to Rosalie asking her to drive them to the Denali coven, Rosalie agreed. They had left without telling anyone mere minutes later, not giving Edward any time to stop them.

“Thank you for coming with me,” Bella said softly, breaking the silence. 

“Of course. I have been meaning to check on them for a while,” Rosalie frowned. “Them not coming to the wedding… it was odd.”

“What do you mean?”

“The battle… I understood. I wasn’t happy about it, but I understood,” Rosalie motioned with one hand. “The Denali Coven is an old one, Bella. They still live by a moral code of an eye for an eye. No matter what we believe, in their eyes, blood was spilled, and the price was more blood. But… a wedding? They wouldn’t miss a wedding. Especially not Edward’s first wedding. The reasons Edward and Alice gave were a little off, but I didn’t think to question them.”

“But now?”

“Our backs are against the wall,” Rosalie said, being blunt as usual. “Alice is… gone. Who knows where. We’ve lost our ability to see into the future, we have little knowledge of what’s coming down the pipe anymore. What we do know is this. The Volturi are coming, which means we need as many witnesses as we can possibly get. For Edward to insist we not turn to our oldest allies… it’s weird. Tanya and her sisters are reasonable people. They will listen to us.”

They arrived at the Lodge. 

The Denali Coven’s home was large. It was wooden with sharp angles and plenty of windows. It was… gorgeous. There was no doubt about it. As their car pulled up, Bella noticed three blonde female vampires spilling out of the house. 

Rosalie parked the car, giving Bella a reassuring smile before getting out of the car. Bella could hear her greeting the coven. She turned to the back seat. 

“Renesmee,” she said quietly, reaching towards her daughter.

The young girl opened her mouth wide in a yawn as she opened her eyes. 

“We’re here,” Bella said with a smile. 

“Where?”

“In Alaska, remember? Auntie Rose wanted us to meet some family,” Bella said, her voice soft as she unbuckled Ren’s seat.

Bella exited the car to hear the tail end of what Rosalie was saying.

“-trust me.”

“Rosalie, you’re worrying us,” one of the women said as Bella moved to the back door, her hand on the handle. “Who’s she?”

Bella paused as she locked eyes with the one talking, a sudden heat blazing in her chest. “ Yes ,” her heart whispered quietly “ we know that one .”

The woman’s hair falling in loose strawberry blonde curls, a sharp contrast to the dark fur coat. The woman looked just as bewildered as Bella felt for a solid second blinking before regaining her confident air. Her eyes drifted back to Rosalie. 

“What is going on Rosalie?” She asked again, her eyes darting to Bella again. 

“Just promise me you will hear us out before doing anything.”

The leader frowned, but nodded. “We will listen, but that is all we can promise you.”

“Thank you,” Rosalie said, relief coloring her tone. 

She motioned to Bella. Bella opened the car door. 

Ren sat still in her chair.

“Come on,” Bella said quietly. “It’s alright.” 

She hoped her voice came off more confident then she felt.

Renessmee hopped out, immediately grabbing her mother’s hand.

As soon as she came into view the other vampires freaked out. 

“You fools! Are you trying to get us killed?” A blonde with straight hair asked, taking a step back. 

“Listen to her heartbeat!” Rosalie said. “She’s not a vampire.”

There was silence for a moment. 

“What is she?” the leader asked to Rosalie. 

“She’s half-human, half-vampire.”

“She’ll show you,” Bella said. “If you let her.”

The woman in front looked from Bella to Ren, her brow furrowed. She knelt down in the snow motioning for Renesmee to approach. Ren glanced up at Bella who gave her a reassuring smile. Ren slowly let go of Bella hand to approach her. 

The clearing was silent beside the crunch of the snow as Renesmee walked towards her.

“How can you show me?” The woman asked quietly 

 Renesmee motioned with her hand before placing it against the woman’s cheek. The woman’s eyes widened in shock. “They’re telling the truth.”

“Tanya you can’t-”

“I’ve seen it,” the woman in front cut her off, authority in her tone. The woman turned back to Renesmee and gave her a small smile. “What’s your name, little one?”

Renesmee smiled and said quietly “Renesmee.”

“Ra-ness-may?” The woman pronounced carefully.

“Family name,” Bella said. “We usually just call her Ren.” A nickname from her uncle Emmett, one Bella much preferred to Jacob’s suggestion of “Nessie.” 

“Ah,” the woman said. “Well, it’s nice to meet you Ren.” She shook Renesmee’s hand, causing the young girl to giggle. 

Rosalie smiled, relieved as the woman stood. “Bella, The Denali Sisters, Tanya,” she motioned to the woman in front. “Irina,” the tallest one with slightly curly hair. “and Kate,” the one with straight blonde hair. 

“We’re the cooler coven,” Kate stage whispered with a wink, drawing another giggle from Renesmee and causing Rosalie to roll her eyes. 

“Let’s go inside,” Tanya said, motioning. “It seems we have much to discuss.” 

Bella took Renesmee’s hand and followed the blonde into the large house. 

 

They gathered in the living room. Ren sat on the floor, playing with some puzzle toy that Kate had found in Eleazar’s office. He and Carmen were out, but were meant to return soon. Rosalie had just finished explaining the recent series of events. “Wedding invitation? We received no invite,” Tanya frowned. “The last we heard of your coven was when Edward came to visit us for several days.”

“What?” Rosalie asked, her voice becoming cold as ice. A sign of her incoming rage. 

“It’s true,” Kate said. She sighed “I would have loved an invitation, I love weddings.”

“No you love ruining weddings,” Irina said, turning the page of her book. She had checked out of the conversation for the most part. 

“Guilty,” Kate grinned. 

“Why would they- the confrontation with Victoria-” Rosalie began muttering. Bella could see the wheels in her mind turning. Bella glanced over at Tanya to see her watching Rosalie. 

“It sounds to me that Carlisle didn’t want us around, but why?” Tanya mused. 

“Perhaps they were worried about our reaction to Bella’s humanity,” Kate said. “You have to admit that we probably wouldn’t have reacted the best.”

“Still… we would have come to terms with it if we knew they were planning to change her after the wedding,” Tanya mused, crossing her arms.

“They also didn’t want us to come up here to ask you to be our witnesses,” Bella mused.

“Now that is odd, considering what a perilous situation you’re in,” Kate said, reaching over and helping Renesmee by turning a piece, causing the young girl’s face to light up as she began to make some rapid turns to get her closer to solving the piece.

“Whatever the case, we will tread carefully. It’s not comforting to know your allies feel they can’t rely on you,” Tanya said. “However, we as the Denali Coven will back your claim. We will stand with your coven as we have before.”

“Thank you,” Bella said, relieved the trip hadn’t been for nothing. “This means more to me than you could ever imagine.”

“Mom,” Ren whispered.

“Yes?” Bella asked, turning her attention to her child. 

Ren basically shoved the puzzle in her face. “Help me.” 

“Is there a please in there anywhere?” Rosalie asked, though her tone was slightly teasing. 

Ren shot her Aunt a glare before turning back to Bella. “Help me please, Mama?”

Bella smiled, moving a piece as Kate had and handing the toy back to Ren. Ren gleefully continued.

“Have you gathered other allies?” Tanya asked.

“Some, we’re still searching for some more,” Bella admitted. 

“Edward is lucky Carlisle is quite likable,” Kate said. “If it was just the two of you, I doubt there would be any allies to find.” 

Kate ,” Tanya said, inconspicuously motioning to Ren who seemed too focused on her toy to care what they were saying. Though Bella also noticed neither Tanya nor Rosalie disagreed. She turned back to Bella, a shiver going down Bella’s spine at Tanya’s gaze on her. “When do you want us to leave?”

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to just turn around and leave… would you be alright with us staying for a little bit? I was thinking we can wait to leave tomorrow.”

“Of course,” Tanya said. “After all, we still to talk to Carmen and Eleazar as well. Though I doubt they will protest joining us on this venture.

“I should go call Carlisle, update him,” Rosalie said, standing up. “May I use your phone?”

“Of course,” Tanya said, getting up and showing Rosalie where it was as Ren finished with the toy and climbed up on the couch by Bella. She tugged on her mother’s shirt. 

“What is it Ren?” Bella asked. Ren offered her hand to her mother. Bella sighed, moving forward and allowing Ren to place her hand against her cheek. 

Can I go play with Kate outside?

Bella glanced over at the blonde vampire who was laughing with Irina. “If she says yes, you can.”

Ren beamed at her and ran towards Kate. Bella watched as she tugged on the blonde vampire’s sleeve eagerly. 

Kate smiled down at her. “What is it kicsim ?” 

Renesmee reached up her hand. 

“Renesmee,” Bella called. “Use your words please.” 

Her daughter frowned in her direction but turned back to Kate and asked in the quietest voice ever. “Will you play with me in the snow?”

“Of course!” Kate said, her eyes lighting up. “Irina will have to show us how she makes her snowmen, she makes the best ones you know.” 

Renesmee eagerly followed the two blonde women outside. They passed Tanya who was returning to the living room. Bella felt herself light up as soon as Tanya returned, which immediately inspired some feelings of guilt.

Bella was married to Edward. Edward. Despite everything she was still tied to the man. If only technically at this point. She should not have these thoughts. Tanya sat down beside Bella on the couch, causing Bella to slightly tense up. All the furniture in the room and she had to pick right there?

“Don’t worry about Ren. Kate is very good with children,” Tanya said. The woman smiled at her and Bella wondered for a second if it was possible for vampires to faint. How could this woman be this charming? It wasn’t fair. “Before there were so many background checks, she worked as a schoolteacher a couple of times.” 

Bella nodded.

“She seems like a good kid,” Tanya said.

“She is,” Bella said. She was still astounded at every little thing Renesmee did. It was devastating that she was growing up so quickly. Bella could literally feel her time with her slipping through her fingers. “I don’t know how. I have no idea what I’m doing.”

“Few mothers do from what I gather,” Tanya said. 

“True,” Bella said. 

“How do you like Alaska?”

“It’s quite pretty.”

“It’s not the only thing that’s pretty.”

Oh, that look should be outlawed. 

“I’m married,” Bella blurted out.

“So… Edward is really your mate?” Tanya asked.

“... yes?”

Tanya smiled at that. “You don’t seem sure.”

Bella glanced away. “Things have been… difficult lately, since…”

“Since you became a vampire?” Tanya finished. 

“I don’t even know why I’m telling you this,” Bella said with an awkward laugh. “We just met and yet I feel like I’ve known you a long time.”

“I think you know why,” Tanya said, her voice quiet. 

Bella eyed the other woman. Tanya didn’t look away. 

Ours ,” it was whispered like a promise in her mind. “ This one is ours .”

Tanya stood up. “I’m going to check on my sisters and your daughter.” 

She nodded to Bella, getting up and leaving the room. 

It was odd, Bella thought, to feel the absence of someone else so much. Especially one you had just met. 

Rosalie entered the room, having finished her phone call.

“You alright?” She asked, immediately becoming concerned.

“Hmm? Oh yes, just thinking,” Bella said, flashing Rosalie a half-hearted smile. 

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Rosalie grumbled, sitting down. “Carlisle is a little bit upset we went without permission, but glad the Denalis will join our cause.”

“Did Edward say anything?” Bella asked.

Rosalie smiled at that. “He was throwing a tantrum in the background.”

“Rosalie…”

“What?” 

“You shouldn’t enjoy him being upset so much,” Bella said. 

“Why not? Something is going on, and I don’t like it,” Rosalie said, crossing her arms. “He’s hiding something.” 

Bella just shrugged, not caring to argue. She had to agree. The things they had learned here had been a bit… troubling. Their lives had been on the line and yet the Denalis hadn’t even been contacted? 

“Did you ask about it?” Bella asked.

“No, I thought that conversation would be better to be had in person,” Rosalie said.

“I agree,” Bella sighed. She glanced towards the door. Tanya had not returned. “We probably should check on Ren.” 

The two of them made their way to the door to find Tanya had been pulled into a snowball fight. Ren and Tanya versus Irina and Kate. 

“Aunt Rose!” Ren said, noticing them on the porch. “You’re on our team!” 

“Wow, I see how it is,” Bella teased.

“Looks like you’re on our team,” Irina said. 

“Oh I don’t-“

“Scared Bella?” Tanya asked, teasing, but an obvious challenge in her voice.

Bella scoffed at that. “You wish.”

“Yay!” Ren cheered as Bella made her way to Kate and Irina’s side.

Soon the vampires were enveloped in a snowball fight, Bella laughing as she pelted Rosalie’s with snowballs.

Soon however, the vampires retreated into the warmth of the house, where Rosalie wrapped Ren up in a blanket and stuck her on the couch to get warm. Kate insisted they watch a disney movie, and so the group was littered around the living room, watching Hercules . Bella had made sure to position herself as far away from Tanya as possible, yet that seemed to do little for her instincts.

Towards the end of the movie, the front door opened, and two olive-toned vampires entered the home. A man and a woman, who looked to be in their early thirties. Both had dark curly hair.

“Tanya, the car outside-” The woman froze upon seeing the group in the living room. Her eyes darting immediately to Ren, who yawned. “What-”

“Not an immortal child!” Tanya said, immediately jumping to her feet. “Hybrid.”

“Hybrid?” the woman frowned. 

“Hybrid,” Tanya said. “Edward’s child by Bella when she was human.”

“Amazing,” the man muttered, rubbing his chin.

Tanya turned back towards Bella. “Bella, Ren, I’d like you to meet Carmen and Eleazar, the final two people of our coven.”

Bella stood up. “It’s lovely to meet you.”

“You as well,” Eleazar said shaking her hand. He paused. “Shield?”

“I’m sorry?”

“Your gift… are you a shield?”

Bella frowned. “I-” she glanced at Rosalie whose face was completely neutral. “I don’t- I’m new, at all this.”

“I see,” Eleazar said. 

“You’ll have to forgive him,” Carmen said. “Sometimes he speaks before he thinks. It’s his gift to recognize others’ gifts.”

“Oh, I didn’t know about that,” Bella said. “I wasn’t aware any of you had gifts.”

“You’re kidding right?” Kate said getting up from the couch. 

“Katrina-” Tanya said in a low voice as her sister approached Bella.

“So you didn’t know about… This ?” Kate placed her hand on Bella’s shoulder. She looked at Bella expectantly. Bella felt confused. Was she supposed to feel something or?

Kate frowned. “What-”

“As I just said, she’s a shield, Kate,” Eleazar said. “Your gift won’t work on her.”

“What’s Kate’s gift?”

“Electrical shock,” Kate said proudly. 

“Though only through touch,” Irina pointed out, earning her a glare from her sister.

“Still, cool,” Bella said. 

Carmen spoke up. “I don’t mean to cause issues, but I was unaware Edward was married. When did all this occur?”

“How did it occur is the better question?” Eleazar said amused.

“It’s a long story,” Rosalie said from her spot. 

“And one I’m sure Rosalie will be thrilled to tell you while I put Renesmee to bed,” Bella said, moving towards the small hybrid who still looked like a burrito all wrapped up in her blankets. 

The child immediately pouted. “I don’t want to go to bed.”

“Ren, you need to get some sleep.”

“But-” 

“Renesmee Carlie Cullen,” Bella said, her voice sharp.

Ren groaned. 

“We will play with you in the morning kicsim, ” Kate promised.

“Yes, you can ride in the car with us,” Irina said from her spot next to Ren on the couch.

“Oh, can I Mom?” Ren asked, turning towards Bella.

“If you get some good sleep,” Bella said as she pulled Ren out of the blankets and onto her feet.

“Can Tanya come read me a bedtime story?”

Tanya’s eyes lit up at the request. “Of course bogárkám , I would be honored.”

They made their way up the stairs, Tanya showing them to one of the numerous bedrooms. Ren giggled at the big bed, wiggling under the covers before Bella straightened them out. Tanya sat on the edge of the bed, near Ren’s feet while Bella stood.

“Tanya?” 

“Yes bogárkám ?”

“What does that word mean?” 

“My little bug,” Tanya said. 

“Oh,” Ren paused. “Do I look like a bug?”

Tanya chuckled at that. “No, no, it’s a term of endearment.”

“What’s endearment mean?”

“It means I like you, a lot.”

“Oh well… I like you too.”

“I’m glad.”

“Can I call you Boggy-kam?” Ren asked, butchering the hell out of the word.

“It’s typically used for children,” Tanya said. 

“Then what can I call you?”

“You can call her Aunt Tanya, like you do Aunt Rose,” Bella pointed out.

“I guess,” Ren said, frowning.

“You’ll come up with your own term for me in your own time,” Tanya said, soothing the child. “Now, are you ready for your story?”

“Yes!”

“We don’t have any children stories on hand, but I thought I could tell you a story instead.”

Ren nodded eagerly.

Tanya began telling her story animatedly, motioning with her hands as she talked, making both the scenery and the characters come alive. 

Soon, however, the girl drifted off to sleep, with a kiss on the forehead from her mother. 

Unaware of just how much danger she was truly in.