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"Have we ever considered the fact that every single great mind has always been the slightest hint of disturbed?"
The library was a place of no noise, its high roofs glimmering with the gemstones that decorated the holes in the bricks, the domed arches and wooden bookshelves as pristine as they had been a hundred years ago when the school had been founded- and the students who walked its hallowed halls keeping its prestige the way it had been etched onto the marble wall at the entrance of its doors.
"I mean- Can you think of any artist who was not driven mad with his obsessions? Take Van Gogh for example- or Edvard Munch? A poet or even a musician- is knowledge that heavy of a tool that it drives a man insane to gain it?"
Lando spoke with hushed words, letting his words sink into the ears of his friends who were busy completing their own work- head buried into their books and pens scribbling quickly against the papers.
George hummed in reply, shaking his head to let his hair fall gently over his face again- lips pulled back as the sunlight that streamed through the windows now shone even brighter as the antique clock on the wall ticked towards 11.
He was a literature major- George being arts and Alex being Economics. Their university did offer it all- varied courses and exceptional teachers and yet the amount of students in the school was somehow still dwindling in two digit numbers- far too less to embrace a campus over ten acres long. But Lando knew the reason, it was one of the reasons he had applied in the first place.
The university only accepted people tainted with powers.
'No Lando, we don't say tainted, we say blessed' the words that their headmaster had spoken on his first day still echoed in his brain, the small smile on his face as he had gazed at a shellshocked boy whose looks continued to shift with every person who gazed in his direction.
But what should Lando call his supposed powers? The power to look like every persons ideal type, the power to please anyone who looked at him, the power that never allowed him to look like himself, the power that had people trace their way back down the corridor for another glance- to always look at him, but never see him.
Even now he could see the way the girl sitting a few benches away threw him hasty glances, the way the boy who she sat next to bit his lip and tried to focus on his work.
And he wondered, should he love it? Love the attention it garnered him, love the fact that no one would ever reject him? That he would always be the thought that occupied every persons head when they described their ideal type.
The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow." Alex mused, biting the end of his feather tipped ink pen before letting his hover in the air and press itself onto the paper before passing a glance at the nodding boys face. "Lando, what is this assignment about?"
And through the light colours and shimmering stares in the blonde's eyes, Lando could see his reflection- no not his reflection, not the one with hazel eyes and curly brown hair which stuck up haphazardly, not the one with tanned skin and long limbs- but the one with pale skin and blue eyes that shined like the blue sky.
But he was used to it, used to seeing his face morph into somethings which differed so much from his reality that in the end he doubted whether or not the face that greeted him in the mirror was actually his own too- or just his minds idea of his own tastes and preferences.
"Psychology" he dipped his head, brain running overboard with thoughts as the open books on his lap greeted him with the same thoughts that he continued to contemplate over. The topic was a project yes, but over the year that he had been given to do it- it had morphed into something more. Was his own power just another manifestation of this belief?
He had thought about it- for in the end, to see the heights of someones wants in the form of a person not power if it was something you could use to control? Something which drove people towards you so you could drown in their attention and longing, learn to twist your words to make it exactly what they wanted to hear, to soften your voice and raise it at the right moments so that they fell to your feet.
Dark- absolutely dark, yet fascinating.
The walk outside of the gothic architecture and into sunlit fields filled with fruit laden trees and small groups of students lounging on the benches and the soft grass was quite a difference yet Lando skipped his way towards the small group that sat at the very corner of the lawn.
"Hello there," Charles leaned against the wall of a tree, biting into an apple as Lando hummed in reply- ignoring the hand that was wrapped around the Monegasque's leg which belonged to Max- and flopping down next to Carlos.
The group was an odd bunch that had stumbled into each other one dark evening on the campus, hiding out of a storm in between the branches of an oak tree before Lando had burst into a conversation including the workings of two philosophers and their thoughts on greek mythology- slowly it had turned into weekly meetings to discuss topics before delving into a friendship that encompassed him every time his eyes locked onto any of them in the hallways.
"God, Turner really want's me to submit that essay by tomorrow- I haven't even started" Charles groaned slightly, shifting his weight slowly and looking down at the open notebook of Max and souring slightly. "Obviously hes almost done with it"
The difference in the two of them was something that Lando had always found fascinating- ignoring the fact that the two looked at him and saw each other- it was the sheer differences in them that seemed to attract the other into their orbits.
Max was a performer, loud and not hesitant to speak his mind. One whose emotions bottled themselves to minimum and drank far too many energy drinks for his own good, sat outside in the rain and didn't try to hide the affection he felt from his face.
Charles was the opposite, a performer yes- but one whose words were often spoken in the back of his own mind, one who laughed and cried at the same time, hands always filled with scribbled and ideas shown through his fashion style and the silent looks he threw at the Dutch who he shared most of his classes with.
"It is not my fault you procrastinate so much Charlie, I reminded you yesterday" The hoarse voice of Max was layered with the slightest of endearment.
"I'll just ask for an extension- he does give extensions right George?"
"Yeah," The Brit replied, shifting his shoulders slightly and closing his eyes. "at least, I hope so- still havent submitted the Latin one"
"To be human is to accept death" Carlos replied, looking at the sky through squinting eyes. "It was on that quote was it not?"
George hummed, still wearing a suit jacket which seemed far too hot at this ungodly hour"For it is the only thing all humans are equal in. Death is inevitable but it's the fact we only have a limited time that makes it wonderful."
"Quite macabre is it not?" Lando quelled his thoughts, raising an eyebrow.
"Says the man researching on the the shortcomings of artists of luxury and their tendency to go mad"
"In the face of suffering, if art also insists on being a luxury, it is also a lie" Charles mused.
"Camus, and no- it is more along the lines of the burden of knowledge is so great it destroys its holder to gain more"
"Ah" and then the conversation shifted.
Lando made his way back to his apartment another two hours later, sweat decorating his brow from the constant sun that had bent down harsh on his skin and cursed the ice melting in his cold-coffee to last just a while longer as he put it down on the kitchen counter and took a shower before collapsing onto the couch.
It was quite small, cluttered with torn papers and peeling wallpaper that Lando knew he had to replace soon but right now- he couldn't be bothered. Piano music continued to play in the background as he pulled on the numerous bracelets he decorated his wrists with.
At such times Lando would usually scroll on his phone, turn on the television only to ignore the show he would put on completely and instead sleep but right now- now he just hooked his arms around his knees and breathed out gently.
The blank screen of his phone gave him a glance back at his face and Lando tried his hardest to ignore the pit that dug itself even deeper in his stomach. For there were his eyes- at least he hoped they were his eyes- with bags under them, staring right back at him and he wondered whether it was possible to manipulate your own self into turning yourself into something different yet something so 'you' at the same time.
Should it be called called growth or destruction?
↘︎ ↘︎
The next morning dawned far too bright and far too early for Lando's liking. Greeting him with the ring of his alarm clock and the rushed walk towards the literature class that he and six more people attended. At the beginning of the year, Lando didn't know why he had chosen the subject- he doubted whether or not he would last the whole semester but at least he would try.
It was called literature for a reason- they discussed Plato and Shakespeare to the best of the credibilities but it had been two classes in that Lando discovered it was far more than simple underlined quotes and memorised lines- it was discussions that evolved from one liners to debates stretching into realms of history and politics and left his head reeling with the information as he walked out two hours later.
No one took the professors classes- the school called him mad and asked the handful of kids he picked from the lot to drop it unless they wanted to go mad, but he supposed that it worked better for the old man too.
"The last comfort we can grant ourselves in moments of crises - in hours of grief -, is looking for a reason" The words that he uttered were soft yet they echoed across the lecture room as the clock ticked to 10am.
Lando threw a glance around the room, stretching his legs and skipping over the familiar faces of the rich brats who attended the school and stuck around for nothing more than the credit the class would provide before they found themselves latched onto a figure sitting alone by the window, head resting on his intertwined hands.
Lando had never seen him before.
A new student- he deduced, eyes still trained on the boy as he watched him soak in each word that the professor uttered. He didn't blame him, he had been much the same in the first lecture- the old man spoke fantastically well, demanding attention and intrigue with every pause and breathe he took.
"-Believing in an explanation for our suffering. A greater cause! If we only didn't do this or that, it may have altered the outcome- And how devastating is it to realize there was no such thing? Oh, how cruel and shattering it feels to come to the understanding of nothing making sense! Of nothing having to make sense- would anyone like to continue?"
Lando raised his hand, finally looking away from the pale skin of the new boy, the swoop of his hair and the red of his lips as he bit down on them every two minutes before turning his attention towards the pen in his hand like a scared deer.
"Yes-"
"Bad things just happen. You might get betrayed by your closest friends just because they follow a whim. Sometimes you are just at the wrong time at the wrong place." he could feel all eyes on him, but suddenly there was a pinprick on his back- one which seemed to come directly from the direction that the new boy was sitting in.
"Sometimes a second of your life changes the whole course of the rest of it. So you have to keep what you love close, for in moments when something shatters the ground underneath your feet, it can remind you of who you are- of who you've been."
It took everything in him to not turn around, that pinprick now turning into a flaring heat.
"And-"
"Don't get lost in looking for a reason because sometimes there's none-"
A pause, a new voice- one which was underlined with an accent and suddenly everyone was looking straight towards the new arrival- who had just spoken, cutting Lando's words mid sentence and blinking as Lando gazed straight at him. Straight back at the grin on the boys face, straight at the fierce posture in which he was sitting relaxedly in, at the hoodie around his shoulders and the eyes that glittered in the morning light.
"And the question is, are you ready to accept that?"
"And that Ladies and gentlemen, is an excerpt from our book- The count of monte cristo"
The next few sentences went straight into the suddenly deaf ears of Lando as he found his eyes locked into those of the newest arrival, bright and amused yet ever so challenging- it was a contest, of who dared to look away first- backed down and Lando was not one to lose and so he watched him tilt his head, still standing until a loud clearing of throats drew his attention back towards the professor.
His heart was beating painfully fast, sweat gathering in between his palms and yet the feeling that gnawed its way upwards his throat was one of anger and a little- could it be called lure?
"Well with that, I would like to introduce the newest addition to our class- Oscar Piastri"
And just like that the boy- Oscar- stood up, waving his hand slightly before sitting back down and Lando decided that he had to get to know him better.
The opportunity came soon after, when the bell rang and Lando stood by the doorway ignoring the longing looks that were passed in his direction and waiting for Oscar- who seemed to be in no hurry to leave his seat and frankly, Lando knew he had much better stuff he could be doing but heck, he had to get at least a word in.
"Can I help you?"
Lando blinked. The perfume the boy wore now itched his nose, a frown on his face was accented by the way he tilted his head and spoke.
"Uh- no" Oh god help him he was stuttering.
"Right then," And Oscar moved slowly and that was enough to snap Lando out of his daze.
"Wait no, I mean't- I came to say hi" His hand scratched the back of his neck, watching the frown dissipate off of the brunnetes face only to be replaced by confusion as he accepted the outstretched hand. "Lando"
"Hello"
"You're Australian" Lando pointed out, placing his hand down and watching as Oscar nodded his head, a strange glimmer overcome his eyes -pulling at his backpack.
"And you're British"
"How do you know?"
"You're accent? Dead giveaway mate" and Oscar laughed, teeth glinting as Lando felt his nerves get replaced with astonishment at the fact that his laugh actually sounded quite nice.
And then the realisation sank in.
He was British, but no one ever recognised it before because for them- his voice sounded the way their ideal person would sound- he could be French, Indian, Italian but never before had anyone told him British.
"Oh-" his head halted, as he looked at the boy. "Right- well, when did you join this class? Never seen you around before"
"Well, I just started here- first day first lecture and all that"
"You seemed to know what we were doing though" They had fallen into a walk, Oscar's footsteps syncing with Lando's.
"I may be new but that doesn't mean I didn't catch up on the portion mate,"
"Hey I'v been in the lecture for so long but even I don't know what were doing"
"I could see that from the way you answered the question perfectly" Oscar deadpanned, standing in the open corridor and crossed his arms and Lando grimaced slightly. Right, he had.
"Beginners luck?"
↘︎ ↘︎
The croissant that he ate at lunch was stale and the cold that creeped in during the September months was enough to make Lando want to swaddle himself up in his blankets and lie still till the year passed and February creeped into his windows with the smell of fresh flowers and rain- but that was a fever dream. Instead he sat down once again in the library, headphones playing Tchaikovsky and Mozart as he tried to focus on the fundamental theories of Plato.
His vision was slightly burry from the lack of sleep he had given himself the past week, focusing on his assignments as well as the constant bombardment of his piano teachers exclamations regarding the concert and his exams which loomed right above the demon which was the mid-term exams.
So it really wasn't his fault if he didn't notice the boy who came and sat down in the empty chair in front of him till fingers tapped the back of his shoulder blades and caused him to jump in his chair.
"What-"
"Table for two?"
Lando blinked. The earlier confusion overcome with a smile as he saw the shy face of Oscar sifting his hands nervously in front of him. The boy was swaddled up in a coat, scarf around his neck and cheeks dusted pink from the cold and he blinked slowly at Lando.
"You scared me mate," Lando breathed, shaking his head.
"Sorry, I saw you and just thought I'd say hi"
It was such a simple gesture, Lando thought- but it had been a week since his last class, a week since he had had a small conversation with the new arrival and a week since he had cursed himself for not asking him for his number.
To be friends ofcourse, Lando prided himself on having a large friends group after all.
"Did you miss me Oscar?" He teased, wiggling his finger in front of the boy's face and watching the hesitant smile melt into a more confident one before breaking into a blushing red.
"Never" The Australian scoffed, and just for a second- a force of habit- Lando tried to see his reflection in his eyes, wondered what he would resemble this time. What face would be his new guise, what eyes would sparkle as they met his own, what mouth turned upwards when they laughed as the coffee cup turned cold on the table in between.
It was no shock that Lando had kept himself up the first night, wondered whether Oscar preferred blondes or dyed hair, green eyes or blue, a muscular build or a more relaxed one and-self indulgently- if he could see Lando for himself.
But there was nothing to be seen, chocolate brown melting like the chocolate Lando had left outside of his fridge that morning, a bit hollow and warm yet full of life and Lando looked away.
Not today, he would try to believe that Oscar could actually see him today.
"Well I don't believe in never," it was a gist, one given with a hand placed on his heart.
"Then I don't believe in always," He countered.
"Opposites attract yes?" Lando grinned, raising an eyebrow.
"Never" Oscar crossed his arms, a slight smile arising on his face as he realised exactly where this was going.
"Always" Lando finished and it was then that he was greeted with the laugh.
The laugh. Not 'a laugh', not 'an'- well it would be grammatically incorrect to say 'an', Lando knew- but 'the'.
For it was the minute that Oscar's head fell back, white teeth glimmering as he laughed- a sound which echoed in Lando's ears for far longer than it lasted.
"What are you doing here on such a fine day Osc?" Lando stretched slightly, hands rising behind his bak as the chair scraped against the wooden flooring- not noticing the nickname that slipped past his tongue and instead gazing back into his books.
And if Oscar noticed it too he gave no sign of it.
"Greek mythology to be short"
"How wonderful! what did you pick?"
"The fall of Icarus"
"Drawn on by his eagerness for the open sky, he left his guide and soared upwards.." Lando mused,
"Ovid" Oscar nodded, "The glory of having fought is greater than the disgrace of having been beaten"
The conversation shifted soon after, falling to the weather and the hard scones that they digested at tea times before Lando dragged himself out of the place and waved at the brunnete who was focused on his project- lower lip tucked behind his teeth and a small frown on his face.
And Lando thanked the stars above that Carlos made his way close enough to grab him by the collar and prevent his craned neck from crashing headfirst into the tree that Lando could have sworn had not been there a few days ago.
In the end, he realised- as the day bled crimson red and the stars glimmered gently against the darkening sky- that he had nothing to do.
He had spent the day in the library, researching for his english assignment and pondering over the mystery of understanding Oscar Piastri- hardly a worthwhile thing to do, he knew but how was he to stop the overload of questions that continued to echo in his head.
Lando knew he could easily make things up, forget about it and conjure a whole personality for the boy- the exact way that everyone did to him, but he supposed thats why it never felt right for him to never truly figure a person out.
Anyways, he had the basics down- brown-touching caramel- haired, brown eyed with a face which hardly ever seemed to change from its one expression (or two, if he counted the way Oscar would bend in half to laugh at a stupid joke Lando had cracked one day in the back of the class, and tried his hardest to not let the way his body leap up at the sound be too noticeable) and slender fingers which wrapped themselves around those ballpoint pens he always carried.
He never showed off his powers- it was something he hardly discussed and Lando never bothered to reveal his own. He never did, all it would do was make it awkward and if Oscar saw him exactly the way he wanted then Lando could live with it- he always had, and always would- because at least then they could be close.
Smart, obviously- he looked the type to be and he played an instrument. Lando knew from the day he had stumbled into the music rooms to find Charles's sheet music only to see the familiar hunched posture engrossed against the black and white keys. Later that day he knew the song he had been playing was Beethoven.
So if he had to make assumptions on this knowledge- he realised for the first time, he couldn't make any.
As Oscar Wilde (how fitting, Lando grimaced slightly) had once said- to define is to limit and now Lando realised he didn't really want to define Oscar.
He wanted to wonder about the smallest of his doings that he hadn't been exposed to yet, to ruminate and excite himself as the boy hopefully (maybe) opened himself up a little more to the Brit.
"Hopeless behaviour," Thats what George called him as Lando found himself lying down on the other boys sofa, head first with legs dangling off and the hoodie he had worn riding up to his stomach. "Lando honestly, this is absolutely ridiculous"
"Riddikulus" Alex snickered from the back.
"Dick" Lando bit back a grin before scowling at the hand that rapped itself against his head.
"Surprisingly, this time I agree with George" There was a slight shuffle against the carpeted floor and Alex now made his way to grab the tea that had been prepared by his roommate and breathing out slowly. "You're getting far too wrapped up over a simple guy"
And that- Lando thought- was just rude. Because Oscar wasn't just a simple guy, he couldn't be a simple guy even if he tried.
Because Oscar loved those coffee cookies in the school cafeteria but hated coffee, played the piano but didn't know a single popular song on it (Bartok was as modern as it could get), tried to hide his smile underneath a cold front yet never managed to keep it when Lando cracked a joke, liked cars, racing sports about which he ranted excitedly about and-
"May we snap you out of your Oscar induced haze for a cup of tea mate?" Alex snickered slightly, the kettle ringing and Lando blinked languidly.
"Oh shut up I was not in a haze"
"I believe the lady doth protest too much" The door clicked open and the figure of Charles weaved into the room, one hand clutching onto a bottle of scotch and the other holding a begrudging Max in tow before falling straight onto the empty couch opposite to the trio.
"Are we talking about Lando's crush?" Max cut in.
"I do not have a crush on Oscar!"
"We never said a name Lando," Charles grinned and Lando groaned. "So, do you want to talk about it?"
"No, because theres nothing to talk about"
"Oh come on Lando," The Monegasque cooed slightly, kicking his foot to touch the Brits. "It is better to know than suffer in silence"
"Do not quote Shakespeare to me Charles, I swear-"
"Would you prefer Socrates then?"
"Ah-ha! So you do like Oscar!" And the new voice made Lando almost squak out of shock as a triumphant Carlos exited the bathroom (had he been there this whole time?). "Did you hear that Max? You owe me twenty eh?"
All eyes turned to Max, who continued to look blankly at everything and shook himself up when Charles nudged his shoulder. "What-lando likes Oscar? Well I knew that"
Lando decided to ignore everything else after that.
↘︎ ↘︎
It would take a few weeks for Lando to realise that Oscar was now a part of his life just like the way the tiny kitchen island was, a bit surprising at first to him- causing far too many stubbed toes and grimaces- but now something so woven into his own being that he doubted his apartment would look the same or feel the same without it.
Because now Lando didn't find it weird when Oscar slid into his hands a glass of coffee as they walked out of the library and towards their classes, didn't find it anything out of the ordinary when he shuffled his hands through the Australian's hair to settle the mess it had tangled itself into, found it cute that Oscar had thirteen freckles on his face and his eyes crinkled when he laughed- because why wouldn't they?
"You're growing a bit of a mullet?"
Lando's hand slipped absentmindedly onto the strewn papers in front, tapping out a tune that he had heard sometime on the radio but didn't know the name of. "Oh," he turns towards the soft-spoken boy, watching as his eyes took in the slight change in his appearance.
"Yeah, but like I don't think I'll keep it" His heart thuds because the simple fact is its true. His hair is turning into a mullet, the curls surprisingly straight at the ends and he was far too lazy for a haircut now- but then why would Oscar see that?
"It looks good," Oscar hums, sliding his gaze towards Lando's and just for a split second- in the way the light reflected gently over him- Lando looked straight at his reflection swimming in brown eyes.
"What-" the words die down in a breathless gasp on his tongue, because there- right there, Lando can see himself. Brown curly hair and tanned skin, the same curve of his lips and the dimples that he saw every day in the mirror.
But then its gone the minute Oscar looks away and for (not the first time) Lando wishes desperately he hadn't. "One second," the sweat that is slightly collecting on his palms makes him want to wash them, the hesitant sliver of a feeling that arose in his chest was making itself far too prominent for Lando to just ignore and so he got up.
The chair scraped against the floor, he watched Oscar blink in confusion and open his mouth but Lando was gone before he uttered a single words.
↘︎ ↘︎
He had never liked bathrooms, especially the university ones. The tiles were far too white for his eyes and the stalls far too small for him to panic properly- but he digressed, pushing himself against the walls and squeezing his eyes shut so tight he could see those phantom fireworks pop up slowly.
What was happening couldn't possible be true. "No, no way-" he breathed out, a desperate laugh bubbling out of his throat as the slightest flash he had seen continued to play on the biggest screen his brain could fit.
Lando had believed in delusions of coming across someone who could see him for himself for far too long and had been heartbroken every single time.
So why? why- Why would Oscar be different? Why would he be the one who could see the curls of Lando's brown hair, the tan of his skin and the exact shade of his eyes- and why should Lando believe that that was his ideal type?
He never did see Oscar after he came back out, face slightly gleaming from the splashes of water and eyes red rimmed if one looked close enough- before disappearing straight to his bedroom.
The deal was hard to come to terms with, but in the end Lando had felt his heart soar just the slightest as he remembered what he had looked like in those slight seconds- swimming in pools of caramel and warm glances as he laughed.
But then it had come crashing down, for Lando looked at himself in the mirror- hands raking at his hair and fingers prodding against his teeth as he wondered why on Earth would this be anyone favourite? His teeth were crooked, his hair perpetually ruffled and body far too awkward for him to even like himself- and maybe he was hallucinating.
Maybe it was all just a dream and he would see himself again tomorrow and realise Oscar didn't see him at all- and just for a second, just before he fell asleep against cotton sheets- Lando wished he didn't feel relief at the thought.
↘︎ ↘︎
"Describe me" It was a bold assumption, one made out of several thought out ideas that Lando had scribbled onto his notebook and tearing it out before he had made his way out of the apartment and into the psychology class next to Oscar- who only raised an eyebrow at the question.
"What do you mean?" He saw the Australian's hands fidget to a stop against the desk and he tried his hardest to get another glimpse into his eyes.
"exactly what I said mate," he swallowed, trying to crack a grin- "Describe me, I wanna know what you think"
"Right-" Oscar drawled slightly, the slightest bit of mirth overcoming his earlier stressed posture as a shy smile overcame him. "So you're looking for flattery?"
"Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder Oscar- I wanna know where I stand eh?"
And Lando would never know if he actually bought it, but there was the slightest of pauses in which he wondered if he was being rebuked before Oscar continued.
"Well- in physical appearances you're alright-"
"Alright?" Lando smirked, he knew it was a lie. He was never just 'alright' for anyone.
"Yes Lan,-" a new nickname, the shortest sigh of exasperation and a wiggle of Lando's eyebrows.
"Brown curly hair, turning to a mullet- are you planning on cutting it mate? You cut our conversation short last time so- anyways, you've tanned a bit since summer break, your eyes are light green but with streaks of brown in them which is quite cool-"
He rambled, voice going deeper as he tilted his head as if to think and Lando could only listen. Listen as Oscar's voice continued in a soft tone, the sharp lines of concentration on his face melted away to something he couldn't describe (later Alex would tell him it was fondness) and the some of the words that left his pink lips flew over Lando's head as he just stared and tried his hardest not to cry.
Because it was true.
Every single word, every tiny detail and every quirks that he himself saw every single morning were being spoken aloud for the first time by a different person.
It was overwhelming. Overwhelming to crave something so much and yet when its given you are horrified of it.
"-and I don't think you want me to get into the mental part of it because that tends to become a boring and rather lengthy conversation I don't think would benefit either of us so- Lando?"
He blinked.
"You alright?" Oscar's voice is unsure, flitting from his blank expression to his mouth and back.
"Yeah," Lando swallowed. "Yeah- I agree, no need for the other part the first one was enough to tug at my heartstrings Oscar, overwhelmingly sweet"
The boy shrugged his shoulders, leaning back into his chair and the swoop of his hair falling over his eyes and without thinking Lando reached out, grabbing hold of the lock and letting his fingers brush against Oscar's forehead- slight and hesitant- pushing it back into place.
"Um-" Oscar stuttered slightly, eyes widening as his own hand reached to touch the place Lando's fingers had just been present. "Th-thank you"
Lando had already looked away, gazing out the window as thoughts overruled one another at speeds inhuman and hummed in reply.
↘︎ ↘︎
He supposed the slightest change in himself would be obvious once he realised how exactly Oscar saw him.
He had known that the nervousness would creep in, the constant tugging of his clothes and biting his fingernails every time he thought of the face he carried. It was so foreign, for him to be self conscious- it was something he had never experienced before so now that he did he didn't know what to do.
And he supposed that in this whole showdown, Oscar would notice it too.
Beelining straight to the bathrooms just as Oscar waves his hand, skipping psychology the first two days and asking George what did Oscar think- shuffling on his feet as Oscar came close before disappearing the next- ignoring Carlos's surprised face, Charles questions and most of all the brunnetes look of hurt which etched itself permanently in Lando's heart.
Oscar had tried to talk to him, cornering him as he walked out of the library with Alex and waving slightly. Lando had smiled, thin and awkward and tried his hardest to not let the hurt that flickered across his face stick in his head yet it was the one thing that replayed on loop before he slept.
"What are you doing Lando?" he muttered to himself.
The silk sheets he had laid out now the most uncomfortable things to sleep on.
The truth is he doesn't know. Doesn't know why it is so horrifying for him to be seen, why he is so terrified of the fact that it is Oscar- Oscar with his polite expressions which reminded Oscar of that one cat meme and the gentle way he talked and his eyes and his perfect swoop of brown hair touching caramel. Just him, him and him who happens to be an exception to his powers.
"Hey Lan," the conversation he had dreaded took place as they walked together- something he had tried not to let happen but Oscar had sneaked up behind him and Lando was tired of ignoring him so he just followed numbly.
Had he been particularly different, a bit jumpy? Yes but it shouldn't be such a concern too.
"Am I bothering you?"
And the question is so ridiculous, so unexpected that Lando freezes- knocking over the ball he had been kicking straight into the unsuspecting legs of some first year and almost dropping his textbooks. "What? No- why would you think that?"
"I mean," Oscar shrugs his shoulders. "You are kind of ignoring me aren't you? Don't know if you wanted it to be discreet or not, with the whole not looking at me and stuff"
The sunlight that filters through the corridors seems to light up Oscar's face in hues of orange and yellow, the downturn of his lips highlighted in Lando's eyes as suddenly his heart sinks far too fast and far too deep.
"No, no- Oscar I'm not ignoring you-" His words come out in a ramble, hands shoved into his pockets and voice soft as they pause against the walls- Oscar's back is leaning against one, bottom lip bright red as he bit into it. "Why would I ignore you-"
"Oh"
And Lando knows he owes him an explanation, some words to tell him that it was nothing Oscar had done to give such a reaction. It was just him, dealing with his own thoughts and feelings- feelings yes- in the one and only way he knew.
"Osc, not like that mate-" He tried desperately, running a hand through his hair as he saw the hurt flicker over his friends face. "Theres just stuff I got to know and thats been going on recently and its just fucking with my head thats all-"
And suddenly hearing those words Oscar's posture changed. "oh, are you alright?"
"-so I'm sorry if you- wait are you asking me if I'm alright?"
Lando watches incredulously as Oscar nods his head slowly, hands which had been swinging at his sides now suddenly as stiff as his shoulders. "Yes-you just said you got to know 'stuff' and is it bothering you so-"
"So you're asking me how I am after I sidelined you?"
"Could've phrased it better, but yes" Lando tries his hardest not to see his reflection in his eyes.
"Lando," Oscar cut in and his eyes widened at hearing his name. Lando, Oscar hadn't called him Lando in ages. "Listen I- you're freaking out, you don't have to explain it to me its fine- I won't-" Oscar fiddles with his fingers, not looking at his face.
"I won't feel bad ok- so just um, let me know when its alright- or if it isn't either I won't-"
And at that moment Oscar froze- and Lando didn't know what to do. Because gone was the usual look off of Oscar's face, now replaced with the push of his lips and confusion in his eyes making them hard around the corners- cheeks rising and hands falling limp to his sides.
"Oscar-" he runs a hand through his hair, "Oscar why would I-you feel bad?"
But then the boy looks at him, brown eyes usually drenched in glowing caramel now seeming to melt into sludges of brown. "Don't make me say it Lando, its just-"
And its hysterical, the way he laughs at that only to freeze again when Oscar flinches. Flinches as Lando takes a step towards him. "Say what? Oscar please I'm a bit lost what are you talking about?"
"I-" the brunnete stutters, looking everywhere except at Lando and for some reason that hurts. "It's-"
"You know what," and suddenly anger courses down Lando's veins- harsh and spiteful. Anger at what this conversation had become, desperation at the fact that Oscar was flinching and scared every single time Lando tried to talk to him- get closer to him- and most of all rage at himself for not knowing what was going on.
"Forget it," he supposes his feelings rise in his words to because he sees the brunnete take a sharp breathe. "Forget it- I don't want to talk about it, you don't want to either- I'm done- this is stupid- got my hopes up for no reason no?"
He doesn't wait for a reply, instead his feet are already taking him away from the small corridor- the anger coursing now turning to regret with every step he takes away from the one person who had somehow taken over his heart.
↘︎ ↘︎
It shouldnt hurt so much. It really shouldn't and Lando knows it. Yet there is nothing he can do to stop it, nothing to stop himself from wallowing himself away on his bed with his head buried in his literature and pen scribbling words which passed over his head the minute they were inked.
And to top it all of it was raining.
Raining so hard that the window panes rattle against their holds as water drips down to form rivulets on the wooden floors, he shivers slightly inside his hoodie- the books hes balanced precariously at the edge of the table waver ever so slightly when Lando flinches at every thunder strike.
The coffee hes made for himself has gone cold, so has the hot chocolate a few feet next to it. The record players on its last song and with every wavering tone Lando can swear he feels his throat clog up and fingers shake against his pen.
-"What is beautiful, we quiver before it" "and what is beauty?" "Terror"
The topic is bland and yet the notion to it is stuck in his head.
- What conjoins beauty and terror? If they are siblings, what is their mother, the common root from which they spring? Consider an example of a man transfixed by beauty — Actaeon, say, wandering through the forest and discovering Artemis. In this moment Actaeon is struck by beauty; only seconds later he is struck by terror as, transformed into a stag by the goddess's magic, he finds himself torn to pieces by his own hounds.
What does Actaeon feel in both instances? The common factor, it seems, is weakness. We say that men go "weak at the knees" for beautiful women, and witnessing beauty is often said to cause feelings of illness — nausea, lightheadedness, et cetera.
Terror, similarly, arises from a feeling of weakness, a feeling of vulnerability, and it is no coincidence that the physical signs of terror are so similar to the reaction of one facing beauty.
So beauty is kin to terror, if not its twin.-
The skin at the corner of his nails is torn, and the words he writes seem to resonate in his bones for reasons other than practicality. And Lando doesn't want to deal with them, not when his brain screams at him to fix his mess- to run down the hallways all the way to the smiling boy who never left his mind and grab his face, hold him close and apologise.
But he doesn't- he can't- because it would destroy him. Isn't it scary to lay yourself open to anyone? Lando was a scared man- one hiding in his camouflaged skin being himself and not himself at the same time.
So instead he grips his phone tighter, screws his eyes shut and prays that the dark circles and red rimmed eyes that are going to appear on his face tomorrow do not attract George's attention and above all- its perpetrators.
↘︎ ↘︎
"Can't we just stay at home?"
Lando whined in annoyance, trudging his footsteps down the gravelled road next to the blonde haired boy who jumped in excitement.
"No" Alex hummed, licking his ice-cream and skipping steps on his way. "You need the sun"
"For what? Photosynthesising? I can sit by the window at home and get the same results," he grumbled, kicking a stone in front and watching it disappear onto the main road. "Honestly Alex, I was planning on sleeping in today."
Wasn't that part of the truth? In all honesty all he wanted to do was curl up on his couch and let his sad girl playlist play over the speaker as he tried his hardest not to think of the lingering look Oscar had thrown at him last week before absolutely disappearing from his life.
And it shouldn't hurt, shouldn't delve into his heart as much as it does and he hates it. Hates how hes the reason for it and hates how hes too scared to solve it.
The local mall is surprisingly way too packed for a Monday afternoon, the sound of ice-scraping against metal and the screams of children as they zoom past greeting Lando's ears and sight- just at the same time as the faces of three more people did too.
"Lando my man-" Logan makes his way far too quickly on a pair of skates that Lando had thought was possible, blonde hair ruffled and eyes glinting in the artificial lights. "Good to see you"
"Didn't think you would actually come mate-" This ones from Max who stands with his hands crossed and eyes trained to his phone. "Also Charles says that hes gonna be here in five minutes-"
"Thanks for the confidence," Lando grumbled slightly- chewing the gum in his mouth vehemently and turning his gaze to meet the third person and almost dropping his wallet.
For walking back towards the group- clutching onto three soda cans and a bag of popcorn in his arms- with mussed up hair which looked like he had just come back from a run, cheeks pink from the cold and an oversized jacket which he had seen him wear the very first time they had met- was the one person Lando had wanted and not wanted to see at the same time.
"Oscar," he breathed, eyes widening slightly as the boy in question zeroed his gaze in Lando's direction.
"Lando," there was the slightest bit of shock, covered up with the most blank face and a smile that Oscar reserved for people he didn't know (lando had seen him throw it at Max before but never, never at him) which received him at that moment.
It took everything in Lando to not let his feet crumble as quickly as his heart had.
"Great!" George threw himself in the middle of the group, not noticing the tension which hung awkwardly as Lando made his way towards the empty space in the huddle (which coincidently happened to be right next to Oscar) and didn't see the shuffle of the Australians feet closer towards Logan the minute Lando's hand brushed against his own.
"Now that were all here-"
"Charles isn't here yet-" Max piped in.
"-I booked us the slot from 10 to 11 so thats about to start in," ignoring Max, the Brit glanced at his watch. "about five minutes so get going guys"
"Yes sir," Logan jokes, and Lando watches Oscar smile.
It takes Lando exactly five minutes onto the rink to discover he can't skate. No, not can't- his body physically won't let him.
Because the rest of the group has gone far ahead far too fast and Lando's clutching onto the railings with all his strength and fighting the urge to let his feet slip below him. Horrifying honestly- he wishes he had stayed at home.
And from the corner of his eyes he can see Oscar, hands behind his back as he glides gracefully- even managing a flip on his way- and Lando finds it astounding how he can do absolutely everything. It isn't fair, it really isn't.
"Hey, hey!" He doesn't know when Oscar sees him stumbling (in a way that Lando hopes everyone forgets immediately) and rushes to follow his receding figure of a tearful face, steel scraping against ice as he glided to catch up.
"Lando!" It didn't take long till he slowed down next to the struggling boy, watching as he wiggled to stay upright, eyebrows furrowed in concentration and not noticing his arrival.
"Need any help?"
"Who-" Lando whirled around, flapping his hands to keep his balance at his sudden motion and falling onto the brunnete boy with a thud and a mouthful of ice.
"Ouch" the person groaned from below, one hand enclosed around Lando's waist and the other lying limp to his side. Lando had his eyes closed tight inches away from his own, lips pressed in a thin line as he clutched onto the front of Oscar's jacket- scrunching the fabric in his palms and his legs dangling in the air.
People skated past, sparing a glance to the two boys collapsed on the ground before continuing on their rounds. Lando gives himself two seconds- to feel Oscar's breath against his skin, to pull at his jacket before realising what had happened. Eyes widening with a gasp as he struggled to pick himself up from the stunned boy- eyes turning to crescents and his breath knocked out of him.
"Oh- Osc- Oscar I'm so sorry-" Lando can feel his face heat up, push himself off of the boy who only blinks once, then again and then is on his feet once again. "I swear I didn't mean to bump into you- oh my god-" This was embarrassing, horribly infinitely embarrassing.
It took a whole lot of time and a godly level of skill before Lando managed to stand still. A screech leaving his lips as he tried to move forwards and almost tumbling over one again before deciding staying stationary was his best option.
And for some reason, Oscar stays too. "You don't know how to skate"
And the statement is so monotone, almost surprised that it gets a harsh laugh out of Lando's lips as he looks at the boy leaning against the panes. "How'de you guess?" then seeing Oscar open his mouth, he continues sourly "Don't respond to that- we need to work on your sarcasm skills Oscar"
"Right" Oscar stays still, but there's still apprehension in his eyes as his eyes flit over the rink- towards the ceiling and his fingers fiddle against each other before- just as Lando racks his brains for something to crack the awkwardness - he speaks again. "Do you need help?"
"What?"
"Um- I can teach you-" Oscar's voice is slow, hesitant. "If you want- but you don't have to-"
And maybe, just maybe thats the truce that Lando was looking for- something to say that Oscar wasn't fully gone from his life because why else would he offer? So before the stoic boy managed to finish his sentence, Lando has already accepted. "Yes, yes please"
"See?" It takes a few minutes, of Oscar trying out the basics with him and Lando not being able to bring himself to look at Oscar - who glided slowly alongside him. "You're doing alright"
"I am going to fall over the minute my foot moves again Oscar I can't-"
"You can- you took one earlier"
"Yeah but that was with the railing present and now theres a curve here and I don't have anything- woah-"
"Wait-" Oscar cuts him off, wincing as Lando almost falls on his face, biting his lip and then- in a move which Lando had never seen Oscar do before- extends his hand. "Just- try holding my hand and taking a step"
Lando blinks. Because the way Oscar is looking at him is all too familiar to the way it had been two weeks ago, when they had walked together down the hallways and laughed at jokes together, before Lando had seen his reflection in his eyes, before the whole mess and-
"or-um you don't have to either I can-" from the corner of his eyes Lando sees his hand backtrack and with a spurt of energy Lando grabs it, fingers interlocking and he bites back a shiver at how cold his palm is.
"No," he breathes out slowly, pretending not to notice as the Australian's eyes widen slightly and flashing a smile- one filled with tentative hope. "Lead the way Osc,"
"I didn't know you were coming" Lando breathes out slowly, their pace was slow and Oscars hand steady in his own- the ice scraped against his skates and just for a second Lando sneaks another glance at the boys face.
"I didn't know you were coming" Oscar replies, and he bites his lip again.
"Oh," and Lando wants to scream because why is it so awkward? But he wasn't one to wonder because he already knew the answer. This was his fault, their fight- the unsaid words and reasons that needed to be spilt out because otherwise this was going to magnify a thousand times more than it was already beginning to.
He can feel it, emanating from his skin just the way it does from Oscars. From the silent glances they pass and the way they look everywhere except at each other yet again.
All it takes is another minute of silent scrapes of ice and the Taylor Swift playing in the background before Lando cracks, and its then that he guesses Oscar does too.
"Oscar-"
"Lando-"
"-We need to talk"
Oscar freezes. Sighs. "Yes. We-You do."
Lando can feel himself practically buzz out of his skin in nervousness. Because how would he even breach the topic? It's hardly conversation which makes sense, I mean even if powers were a thing that existed and each of his friends had one they hardly ever discussed them and Lando hated his own. So what was he to say?
'Hey Oscar, so sorry I was being a prick the past weeks- I happen to have a power which makes everyone see me as their ideal type but you're the one person who can see me just the way I am and its freaking me out because I like you the way you are too but its a bit scary to know that your ideal type is actually me as in me'
No. Thats just stupid, he can't say that- it would-
"Oh"
Lando frowns. They're standing now, in the middle of the rink and when he looks at Oscar it seems as if he is frozen. "What oh?"
"Lando why didn't you tell me?" And Oscar is looking at him, hands still intertwined, cheeks slightly pink and lips parted in shock and voice so soft that it almost makes him melt.
"Tell you what?" Its freaking him out, he hasn't said anything yet- hes just been thinking so what on Earth is Oscar talking about-
"The whole-" Oscar frowns, "You do realise you're thinking out loud right?"
"What-" the realisation sinks in a minute later and when it does Lando almost wants to die. "I-I said that out loud?"
And its so ridiculous, frozen in the middle of an ice-rink in which lando had just spilled the one thing that he had thought of tackling eloquently all due to his ability to blabber before thinking- and seeing Oscar's eyes blow wide open in shock as their interlocked hands slacken just the slightest and Lando can't believe he just did that. Can't believe it as the red burst up his neck and to his ears and the incessant drumming echoes as hard as his heart beats.
"Right-" hes laughing now, he doesn't know why but he is. Not looking at Oscar, not at the boy whos looking at him so hard its burning holes into Lando's skull and hes trying so hard not to break down yet again because heck, he might just have ruined everything and-
"You like me?" Ofcourse thats what he latched on to, and ofcourse it was the one thing that was never supposed to get out. But Oscar said it, gently and incredulously with his eyes shining so bright and lips turning slightly upwards as if he couldn't believe the fact that anyone could like him.
And now what was Lando supposed to do? So he nodded his head, burying it in his hands seconds later and praying that the rejection that would follow soon after would at least be as soft as Oscar's jacket had been-
"Yes-I like you. I'm not expecting a reaction to it except if you just want to leave, and I didn't want you to find that out- but you do. And theres the fact, I like you. So, I'll just- um, leave? Sorry for making it awkward- god knows what prompted me to say that- don't mind me I'm going to go home now and like- Why are you looking at me like that?"
In all honesty he had had a dozen different reactions panning out in his head to his sentence in the few seconds that had passed, each one involving Lando leaving with a broken heart and none of them had ever included Oscar laughing.
But he was. Half bent over and eyes turning to crescents as Lando could only glare confounded. Was this what a rejection was? Was this the minute that Oscar said he never thought of Lando the same? That this was the biggest joke of his life, that Lando Norris thought he had a chance with him-
"Oscar I really don't know what-"
But there was no time to finish his sentence because suddenly Oscar was standing straight again, and far closer than he had before to the point where Lando could smell his perfume, see his lashes flutter and feel his breath against his cheek and-
"God Lando, I like you too"
And that is all it took for Lando's brain to finally short circuit. Fizzle out and die till the warmth of the batteries made their way down his nervous system and into his toes all while he managed to just stand still, blinking hard and trying his hardest to figure out what exactly was going on and-
'I like you too'
Lando is frozen in place, hands running nervously threw his hair and blood rushing far too fast to his brain and he waits- waits for a second, for Oscar to take his words back- to laugh in his face and then skate as far as he could but he doesn't.
Instead he waits, hands in his pockets and gazing expectantly at Lando with a look in his eyes that Lando could now describe only as tenderness.
"I thought you knew-" Oscar begins to ramble now, "From that day in the library when you told me to describe you- I thought you had it figured out, that that was the reason you started avoiding me and-"
The puzzle pieces finally click in his head. Painfully slowly- but they do and suddenly Lando realises exactly where it had all gone wrong. "thats what you were trying to tell me" he breathes out, the weight compressed in his heart is now lifting itself ever so slightly. "You thought I knew that you-oh"
"You didn't know?" and now its Oscar whose incredulous.
"Ofcourse I didn't know you muppet!" Lando laughs again, this time without the confusion and now with relief. "I thought- I was going to tell you that I knew I liked you and I freaked out and the fact that you could see me as me was-"
"Lan," and the nicknames back- soft and tender as the gaze with which Oscar is looking at him. "You do know my gift is that I can see through all other gifts right?"
Another revelation, another gasp. "No- Osc, I did not know that"
"Lando," Oscar- the one who liked him back- is now looking at him exasperatedly, shifting his weight slightly so that he is even closer to him. "I told you this the second day we met-" and when greeted with a blank expression, continued- "In the library, while you wrote the Hamlet essay and wore that god awful neon hoodie-"
"You remember what I was wearing," Lando echoes numbly, brain working overtime- already overwhelmed from the feel of Oscar so close to him, hands wrapped together and chest almost bumping. Overwhelmed with the realisation that Oscar had seen him just the way he was, had fallen for him just the way he was- not due to his looks, not due to his powers- all because of him.
"Ofcourse I remembered that, I remember everything about you" Oscar mumbles and the minute Lando cooes softly he blushes as red as his pale skin could handle.
"Does that mean," there is a change in the way Lando grabs hold of Oscar's jacket, pulling his face closer and studying the freckles that line his cheeks.
"You'll remember the fact that in five seconds I'm gonna kiss you?" It's bold, said with a smirk and the adrenaline of this confession pumping through his veins fuelled even more the minute Oscar laughs- breathless.
"Five," His heart is beating far too fast for him to handle.
"Four," Their hands are still entwined, now raised.
"Three," Oscar tilts his head as Lando breaths out the word.
"Two,"
"One-" and its Oscar who says it this time right before his lips are on Lando's.
And its soft, gentle as Lando cups Oscar's jaw, feels the fireworks travel down his body and tingle his toes. It was a warm feeling, one that- as his eyes flickered shut- Lando could only describe as the feeling of coming home.
They pull away far too fast for Lando's liking, both breathing hard and Lando can only stare at Oscar's bruised pink lips- foreheads touching as Oscar's hands are now around his waist, Lando's own clutching onto Oscar's jaw and the song that plays in the background dull in the beat of their own hearts.
And theyre smiling. Smiling so hard that Lando feels his jaw could break, feels like his body could vibrate out of his skin and he wouldn't care because he was with Oscar.
Oscar who had just kissed him as if he was the most precious thing in the universe and now looked at him as if he had hung up the stars. Oscar who had listened to him rant and memorised his coffee order on the third day they had met and laughed at his stupid jokes.
Oscar who liked him and Lando who liked him back.