Chapter Text
“-Been… while… been… disappointing… about it…”
Mari’s eyes flutter open as a dull, poignant ache buzzes behind her eyes. It threatens to pull her consciousness back into nothingness as a dull, faint voice occasionally breaks through the static. The urge to close her eyes again and let darkness consume her is strong… and why shouldn’t she let it?
The lack of… anything she feels right now is really, really nice.
Snap Snap Snap!
“Hey– I need you to stick with me here! I know it’s been a while, but nothing good will come of your time here if you squander it. You have this SAFE SPACE for a reason, after all.”
Through the fog and the haze her mind is trapped in, she registers a familiar, urgent tone of voice and flinches at the aggressive snapping of fingers. She knows better than to try and close her eyes and pretend she can’t hear it. It never works.
So slowly, ever so slowly, Mari pushes off the smooth surface under her and pries her eyes open.
The room is small and claustrophobic. The walls are a bright, vibrant yellow, and the carpet lining the floor is a complimentary orange that both clash with the room's lack of lighting. Someone rests across the room in front of the door, leaning over the side of a padded chair as their fingers delicately sort through paper after paper in the cabinet beside her.
A pristine white gown covers them from head to toe, smooth and unblemished. Their perfectly groomed, straight black hair ends just past their shoulders, symmetrical on both sides, as her bangs part in the middle of her forehead just above her mask.
The rounded theater mask matches the white of their dress, the curved edges of the mask melding into their pale skin as if it were part of their very being. The caricature of a happy smile is carved into the mask, but there’s no sign of anything beyond the veil of the mask's sockets. Mari... she… she recognizes them now.
“Good, you’re paying attention.” They… Kanpeki , hums. The other woman clicks the pen in hand as she jots something down on the paper next to her. “We can begin then, and I think a good starting point as any is why you’re here.”
Mari lets out a shallow breath as she tries to sit up fully, body stiff and unresponsive as she grips the rounded edge of the black marble area she’s in to steady herself. Her vision blurs bit by bit as she tries to focus, and she isn’t even really succeeding. She just wants to go back to sleep… She doesn’t care about what Kanpeki wants, she just wants a moment of silence where she can do nothing. Can be nothing.
“It hasn’t been this bad in a while…” Kanpeki comments, voice seeming to echo between her ears. “But I suppose you’ve been lacking direction now for a while, haven’t you?”
Her eyes trail back towards Kanpeki, whose eyes are presumably scanning along the documentation in her hand despite the darkness behind her mask's sockets. She sets the paper aside after a moment, folding her arms in her lap. The lights above her partially reflect off of her mask, illuminating her well despite the overall dim lighting of the miniscule room.
It’s still too bright. Mari tears her gaze away and attempts to roll over on her side and curl up. It’s cold.
“You should have figured out by now what to do with yourself whenever you’re unoccupied… Really, you shouldn’t ever be unoccupied. There’s always something more to do or to improve upon.” Kanpaki let out a wistful sigh, voice just as prominent between Mari’s ears even as she tried to plug them.
“Having your own initiative and drive beyond what’s expected of you is a fairly basic skill you should have… You’re not always going to be living off a strict schedule, you know. You need to know what to do with your time when you have an abundance of it. You can’t expect to ever get better if you don’t work toward it, and you certainly can’t spend all your time hiding away here. You can’t plug your ears and avoid the gaze of the real world forever.”
She lets out something between a grunt and a groan, both sounding groggy and feeling a little lightheaded. She doesn’t care, but Kanpeki won’t shut up unless she pretends to. She wants quiet, she wants peace, she wants warmth, she wants to sleep. Kanpeki lets out a shallow breath as Mari casts a nervous glance back at her, cautious of her tone.
“You’re not even really listening… but that’s not very surprising. You never really do, do you?” Kanpeki leans forward, the edges of her masked smile almost looking to perk up the slightest bit as her gaze catches on the sockets of Kanpeki’s mask. “Four years… four years of work on you, and what do I have to show for it? Hm? What do you have to show for it?”
The pressure behind her eyes pulls a little harder and throbs a little harsher as Mari winces. She shakes her head and whimpers like a dying mutt on the side of the road. She just wants this to be done with. She doesn’t want to think about this anymore. She doesn’t want to think period. Why can’t she just fall asleep?
Why does she have to keep waking up at all…?
“...I love you, you know.” Kanpeki sighs somberly as she relaxes back into her chair, an eerie silence settling over the room for a moment. The throbbing behind her temple alleviates ever so slightly. “Despite how stubbornly defiant you can be… I want to help you here. I really, really do. But I can’t help people who can’t help themselves.”
Kanpeki folds her hands together, pointing over at her. Mari doesn’t like the attention. She doesn’t like the focus. She doesn’t really care about this. She doesn’t want to do this, she doesn’t want to hear this–
“You’ll never actually be perfect. You’re too damaged for that– but you can get close, close enough to where nobody can see the cracks anymore. That’s what I want in you. That’s what you should aspire for– to be the most perfect version of yourself you could hope to be. Once you’ve become that… you won’t have days like this. You can’t handle the big steps right now, so smaller goals will have to do, for the moment. But you can work up from them. Eventually, if you keep at it, you won’t have moments of weakness like this. You’d be someone with a reason to exist, even considering all the pain you’ve caused… Doesn’t that sound nice?”
Why? Why does it matter? Why can’t she just… stop? Why should anyone need her? Why should she want them too? It would be easier to just disappear. It would be easier to just–
Snap Snap Snap!
“Hey.” Kanpeki says slowly, a slight edge to her tone. “You understand, don’t you? Why this is important? It isn’t just your life to throw away.”
She says nothing, mind in a stupor as she sags back into the tub. She doesn’t understand, and she doesn’t want to even try to pretend like she does. What’s even the point in lying about it?
All she does is lie, over and over and over again, day after day after week after month after year. One more lie upon thousands should mean nothing, but each one still feels as arduous to sell and makes her feel as guilty as the first.
Kanpeki gets up, shaking her head as Mari turns away from her. She can hear Kanpeki opening more cabinets, fishing though bottles.
“There’s good you can still do, you know. There’s atonement you’ve still yet to make,” She hears something pop. She hears a faint rattling and shaking.
“I know you hate this, and I do too– but this is more than what you or I want. You mistake what’s right for what’s fair, and though it’s hardly fair, you still have a lot of potential to give to the world. Sure, penance is something you deserve… but there’s no one left to benefit from it, so you have to keep living. If you can’t think of it as paying back your dues… then… just consider it your penance in of itself. Whatever helps you persist. Whatever keeps you going.”
Mari could hear footsteps approaching her from behind, a cold, sterile hand taking her own before something small and round was put into her open palm. Kanpeki’s hand feels like porcelain against her skin.
“Today wasn’t a very productive day, but tomorrow can be.” Kanpeki pulls her fingers into a closed fist, voice sounding out right into her ear. “So, rest up and come back here prepared to try, okay? This is a SAFE SPACE, it will exist for as long as you need it, but you need to come here with the intent to compose yourself and get back out there, not to hide away and give up. You have a lot to make up for, and you’re in no position to do it as you are. So let’s actually try the next time you’re here. Understand? No more excuses.”
Her eyelids lull as she cranes her neck to look at her hand, uncurling her fingers. There’s a small capsule in her hand.
She doesn’t want to take it.
Her eyes trail briefly towards the other end of the box she’s in. Harsh sunlight slipping in through the drapes above highlights a faucet that’s dripping down into a drain.
She begins to reach out, ready to open her other palm and–
She flinches as Kanpeki’s hand grasps her wrist firmly. She holds it tight enough to hurt.
“If not for me, do it for Sunny. You owe the world that much.”
…Sunny…
Do it for Sunny…
“For Sunny…” She murmurs.
“For Sunny.” Kanpeki insists, and a chill runs up her spine as Kanpeki releases her. She raises her hand. Something chimes in the background, loud and droning as the drapes above her open fully.
She swallows the capsule dry. As blinding light floods the room, her consciousness fades away.
She wakes up to darkness, lingering in it for a minute or so to ensure she’s truly awake before she moves a hand to peel the sleeping mask off of her face. The strap sticks a little to the tangles of her hair, but she painfully pulls it out slowly yet surely. The fading recollections of a hazy dream briefly fill her mind, but they’re all but gone within seconds.
Mari sits up in her bed slowly, groggy but oddly well rested as she glances at her alarm clock.
It reads 10:23 AM in bright, neon green letters. It puts a sinking, dissatisfied feeling in her stomach that helps wake her up. Now sufficiently motivated, she quickly slips out of bed, shuffles over to the window and pulls open the blinds.
It’s a dreary day outside, but plenty of light makes its way into her dorm room regardless.
Everything’s in its right place. Her desk is clean, her nightstand has been cleared of clutter, her floor’s spotless, and even her laundry hamper has finally been fully sorted out. It had been easy to let the more mundane or daily chores slip by her when she was in the full swing of her studies, but now that they were over, she couldn’t help but feel…
…Empty, she guessed, for as melodramatic as that was.
It was hard for her to function when she had nothing to do. A lack of objectives or goals for her to really strive for always threw her for a loop. It allowed her mind to wander idly to places she’d really rather it not. It was easily the worst when she didn’t have her days planned and she had no rhythm to adhere to.
Because if she went to bed knowing nothing concrete was in store for her the next day, and therefore she had nothing to focus on, it was hard to get to sleep at all. It was easy enough to drift off while imagining what awaited her when she woke up, but with nothing to preoccupy her, her mind could become… restless.
…Speaking of restlessness, she couldn’t help but frown at herself as she glanced at her nightstand and the pill bottle resting near her phone. Seeing it out in the open put an almost sickly feeling in her stomach and a deep sense of self-loathing into her brain.
She hated taking them. She hated how much it reminded her of that day, how much it brought up recollections of Sunny’s–
Mari whimpered, squeezed her eyes tightly close, and shook her head. This wasn’t productive– she wouldn’t accomplish anything by working herself into a breakdown.
She quickly moved to stuff the bottle into her nightstand drawer, resigning herself to work past her insomnia on her own accord in the foreseeable future… just as she did every time this happened.
Part of her already knew it’d never work. Part of her knew she’d have another night, just like last night, where she couldn’t bear being alone with her own thoughts anymore and she’d need to force herself asleep.
She shut that part of her up by quickly picking up her phone, deciding she’d dedicate herself to doing… something. Checking for missed texts, or for any upcoming events on campus she could make plans for– whatever, literally anything she could set her mind to.
She had one missed call awaiting her, the perfect distraction.
Seeing who it was however put a pit in her stomach and flushed a deep sense of dread through her veins.
She hesitated for a moment, for just a moment, before flipping open her phone and calling them back. There was no reason to put it off, no matter how anxious it made her feel. Ignoring him would just make things worse.
Her phone rang once, twice– then it clicked.
“Mari? ”
“Ye– yeah.” She stammered awkwardly, voice catching in her throat for a moment before she cleared it and plastered on a smile nobody could see. He didn’t sound angry or disappointed– that was good. “Hey Dad! Sorry I missed your call. I overslept and just woke up.”
“Overslept… I thought you just finished your summer classes earlier this week? That’s what you told me, at least.”
“No– no I did! I did.” She amended, offering a nervous chuckle. It felt like she was being caught in a lie, despite the fact she knew she wasn’t lying. “I just meant I woke up later, that’s all. I’ve got all my classes wrapped up, so… I just kinda thought I’d rest up.”
“Ahh. Well that’s good then.” He cleared his throat, his usual gruffness in his tone. “ I’d been calling ya about just that, actually? ”
“Yeah?” She began to pace around her dorm room.
“Yeah. Last time we talked you said final grades weren’t in yet… I assume you’ve got them now, right?”
“...Yeah.” She nodded along, a nervous energy swelling in her stomach. “I got an A in both the math and English courses.”
“Really?” Her father hummed, and Mari felt her shoulders sag at the sound of his soft laughter from the other end. “ Well good on ya for that! I knew you could do it, sweetpea.”
The praise wells up some deep, dormant sense of pride in her that mixes with the slew of unsteady, uncomfortable emotions in her stomach. Mari isn’t sure if she likes it or not, but it’s better than disappointing him.
“Yeah, haha…”
“Wish you could’ve knocked them both out during last semester, but shit happens, I suppose.” He let out a sigh. “ Just try and keep your head in the game this upcoming semester, yeah? I’m paying for you to get a good education, not to dilly dally and goof off. Lets not see any more B minuses on the final report, alright?”
“Yeah.” She parroted, a familiar invisible pressure pushing down on her chest as her smile loosened. She preferred it like this. This was better than the alternative– of having nothing to keep up or maintain. Of doing nothing and accomplishing nothing. “I’ll keep it up.”
“Ata girl… and what’s your GPA looking like now after the retakes, hmm? You know?”
“3.8.”
“3.8… hmmm.” Her father hummed over the phone, clicking his tongue. “ You’re doing good, sweetpea, but try and push it up to 4 if you can, kay? An even number like that’ll do you wonders once you graduate and try and find a job.”
“Right.” Her breaths felt a little shallow in her chest. It was a nice distraction to focus on. Maybe she could spend the rest of today studying for her upcoming courses, just to play it safe and try to reach a 4.0 GPA… maybe the next long while, actually. She had plenty of time before the winter semester started up, why not spend it preparing? That was so much more preferable to sitting around the dorm with nothing to do.
She could buy the textbooks early, after all, maybe put herself to skimming through the beginning chapters slowly yet surely– maybe even the whole textbooks depending on their sizes! That-
“Mari! ”
She inhaled sharply, snapping back to attention as she nearly dropped her phone, coming to a jittering stop.
“S-sorry, sorry!” Her heart hammered in her chest, leg bouncing. “What were you saying? I– I-It cut out for a second.”
That was stupid– why did she say that? He wouldn’t buy that. Why would he buy that? He’s going to rebuke her on it– he’s going to want to argue with her over it. She hates arguing with him– she can’t argue with him, it’s so–
“-ought so, ya weren’t responding to a damn thing I said… Had me worried you hung up on me already.” He huffed out a sigh, the words buzzing a little between her ears, drowning out her unwelcome thoughts as she tried to focus, nodding along to no one in particular as she tried to steady her breathing and keep the nerves out of her voice.
“Right– sorry.” She tacked on a faint, breathless laugh. Though, she hesitated for a moment after– he’d said something about hanging up, hadn’t he? Or… not hanging up. Was there something else he called to talk about? “...What were you saying before? I… uhm… I think I lost you right after our talk about my GPA.”
“Really, all the way back there? Hmph… these new phones, I tell you, they’re pieces of crap more often than not.” Her father gruffed out. “ But I was asking if you were thinking about coming home for the rest of your break now that your summer courses are done.”
No. Not once had she thought about going back to Faraway since the last time she’d been back in Faraway.
“Were you wanting me too?” She asked instead, her in place fidgeting coming to a stop as she leaned against the nearby wall. Her knee was starting to ache from all the unnecessary movement.
“Well… yeah. I mean, I’d love to see you sweetpea.” He sighed fondly.“ I know you’ve been real busy with school, and clubs, and making all new friends– and it’s great you’ve been handling independence so well!” Her eyes glanced down at the floor as he lulled in his point for a moment. “... But it’s been a while since I’ve seen ya, you know? I know you’ve got the dorm rented for the rest of the break, but if you want… you could still come home for a week or two and keep access to it, right?”
Yes, it would work like that.
“...Probably.” She says instead, biting her lip. “I’d have to check to make sure they wouldn’t lock me out. Just to be sure, and all.”
“...Right, right. Wouldn’t want to be pissing money down the drain for no good reason. Colleges bleed ya dry however they can.” Her father sounded more disappointed now. “ But school doesn’t start back up for another month or so, right? ”
“Right…”
“Right… so worst case scenario you could come home for the rest of it if they lock you back out. I know they can’t keep you from getting back in once the fall semester starts, I’ve already paid for your room and board! ”
“Y-yeah…” She laughs, wobbling on her legs a little as the room spins for a moment. She’s sure it’s a result of her bad knee and nothing else. She shakily lowers herself to sit on the ground.
“Plus, it might do you some good to get some experience back off campus. Maybe pick up a local part time job back here for a little while... You haven’t ever had a real job before, you know. Employers’ll want to see that type of experience on your resume once you’re out in the workforce.”
She nods slowly, her body’s overwhelmed with nervous energy. Eventually she realizes her dad can’t see her and lets out as confident and cheery a “Right…” as she can, which is to say it sounds fake even to her.
Her Dad clicks his tongue and lets out a good natured laugh.
“Oh I know, I know. You’ll hate me for bringing it up now, but you’ll thank me once you’re not out on your ass out of college… You should at least think about it while you’re here, okay?”
“Okay.” She repeats, curling up a little into herself. He sounds so sure she’s already coming out, and she doesn’t know how to dispute him on that. She doesn’t want to risk upsetting him.
“...I’ll be happy to see ya too, of course.” He adds, almost sounding a little sorry for having sprung up the idea on her so quickly. Though, naturally, he doesn’t rescind his insistence she come back to Faraway and find work in her new downtime. “That and some of our old neighbors out here… I know the Rodriguez kids’ll be happy to know you’re back. They’ve been askin’ about you every so often… ‘specially Henry.”
Her heart pangs a little in her chest. She doesn’t say anything– doesn’t know if she should, or if she even can. Thankfully her dad doesn’t give her the chance.
“Not sure why he’s wasting time hanging around here instead of going along to college ‘n all that… but it’s none of my business so long as the two of you aren’t together.” Her dad paused. “ You two aren’t together, right?”
“No.” The word tastes a little acidic on her tongue as she shakes her head, voice hushed. “No, Dad, we’re not– I promise.”
“I’m just busting your chops, sweet pea. You’ll find some nice guy eventually… Hopefully someone who’s got more of a mind for actually working rather than just baking. But we’ll see.” Her father let out a soft laugh, bemused from his own joke, she supposed. Was it even a joke, or is that actually what he’s expecting? “The house is open to you whenever you wanna come over… Or I can come and get ya if you–”
“No! No, it’s–” She winces a little, letting out an anxious laugh from having cut him off. She’s not well enough put together to go now. “Sorry– no, it’s fine. I can get over myself. I’ll, uhm… I’ve still got some stuff I was planning to do around the dorm, but– I’ll let you know when I’m coming down that way. Maybe later this…” She wants to say month, but knows she’ll have to explain herself as to why she needs so long. So it’s easier to just say– “...week.”
“Hmm… Alright. You just let me know, honey. Hopefully sooner rather than later, you hear? No need to be a stranger. It gets a little lonely having the house to myself, ya know.”
“Yeah… yeah, of course.” She checked her phone– the call had been going on for 10 minutes. How has it only been 10 minutes???
“...Okay, I’ll let you go then. Stay in touch, kay? I’ll talk to you later. Love ya.”
“ Yeah, okay. Bye Dad… love you.”
“Bye.”
The line goes dead.
Mari isn’t sure how long she spends sitting there, staring at her phone on the floor. Her mind is particularly occupied with the specifics of anything other than what she’s going to do next… other than go back to Faraway, that is.
She doesn’t want to go.
It hurts her more than she likes to admit that, but she doesn’t want to. She doesn’t want to mingle with the people back where she grew up, or see familiar landmarks she can pretend or distant memories here on campus, or step foot in that house Dad refuses to sell for whatever ungodly reason– but now she has to.
Because even if she’s an adult, and even if she doesn’t have to, she needs to.
She can’t risk alienating the only family she has left– especially not when he’s her one lifeline paying for her to even be out here on campus living far, far away from it all.
It makes her feel dirty and grimy and horribly guilty to think of it like that, because she…
…she does want to see him too, in some way.
Deep down, she does want to see her Dad again, she’s sure, even if the idea fills her with nothing but nerves– and she feels similarly to everyone else out there. All her old friends… her old flame…
…Hero…
She considers, for a moment, looking at his text messages to her– but ultimately she just shakes her head and moves to stand, nearly stumbling over from suddenly rising to her feet. Despite having actually slept last night, she already feels utterly exhausted merely 15 minutes after waking up.
There’s no real use in thinking about anything back in Faraway before she considers what to do with herself in the here and now– because she can’t possibly go back as she is. And meandering towards her sink and looking into the mirror only affirms it to her, because… well…
…She looks awful, to put it bluntly.
The bags under her eyes betray the actuality of how rare deep sleeps like she had last night actually are. The paleness of her own skin doesn’t necessarily surprise her as much as it disappoints her. The twisted, matted look to her hair is equal parts disgusting and aggravating, because she already knows she’s going to go through hell to sort through that much hair that goes down all the way to her waist… and… hmm…
…Well, she looks a little thinner, at the very least. She supposes of all things, the fact she skipped her Freshman 15 is something to be somewhat happy about.
There’s still plenty she needs to take care of before she can go to Faraway, though. She doesn’t even really have the luxury of stretching out what she needs to do. Getting around to the nearby shopping districts to get everything she needs to freshen herself up will probably take a couple days.
Despite everything, that puts her at ease a little. She isn’t technically on a deadline here– at least not an immediate one. Dad’ll be expecting a date by the end of the week, at the very least… She has time to make herself look presentable and mentally prepare herself for the trip.
And if she can really straighten herself out in time, she might even be able to enjoy herself the smallest bit. Maybe even make up for how quickly she abandoned ship, so to speak. Of the conversations she had passingly had with Hero, he mentioned the kids missing her… or, at least Kel. She’s fairly sure he brought up Aubrey too, once or twice…
This… this could be good– this could be the distraction she needed, so long as she didn’t let the weight of her past drag her down in the here and now. There were a lot of awful and horrible things that Faraway reminded her of… but there were lots of things to distract her too. Things to work toward. People to reacquaint herself with, relationships to catch up on, hatches to bury.
Forgiveness to be earned.
…The last one wasn’t ever going to happen, but that didn’t give her the right not to try anyway… right?
‘You’ll never actually be perfect.’
Even if it’s a hopeless endeavor… she’s never been one to give herself up to total apathy. If there’s even a chance to make amends and make something of herself yet, surely she ought to take it.
And maybe, just maybe, she can actually do it.
So she smiles at herself, despite it all.
It’s forced, and awkward, and she looks kind of ugly doing it. Plus it doesn’t even really feel good, or genuine, but… It… Well it’s…
…Uhm…
She stops smiling, shaking her head. She’ll need to get back into practice on how to look normal… but she can do that tomorrow. Today, she’ll need to go out and prepare herself for the days to come. Hair care, skin lotions, and makeup are all her top concerns–
Ggrrrrhhhhhllll…
…And food, she guesses.
With that she takes a moment to get prepared: she changes out of her pajamas, throws on clothes that make her look half decent despite the horror-show that is her hair hygiene and skin complexion, and… well…
That’s kind of it, really.
It bothers her how complacent she’s become, not leaving her dorm. It was less feasible back when the semester was in full swing, but with summer courses being smaller, shorter and more homework focused… it had just been so easy to let herself falter on her appearance and grow apathetic to putting in the effort.
The idea of going out as she is disturbs her now. Her mind can make up a million different ways in which people might give her odd looks or perturbed glances with how horrid she looks on the outside, or what kinds of speculation they might make about what she’s like on the inside. But… that’s her penance for letting it get this bad in the first place, she supposes.
Besides, if she can’t face strangers as she is now– how can she expect to look all those back in Faraway in the eye? Even with some touch up work to smooth out her rough edges, she’s sure she’ll look less than perfect. Dad at the very least will probably pick up on how different she looks…
But she can handle that. Despite the nervous pit it puts in her stomach, she’s… she’s mostly sure she can handle that. She has to.
She has to be able to handle this. It’s either that, or lay stuck in this rut of hers…
‘Be someone with a reason to exist.’
…And she can’t afford to do that.
Not with all those who’ve continued to try and support her.
Not with all the money and space she’s swallowed up trying to make something useful of herself.
Not with all of those that’ve been cheering her on, expecting the best of her despite how little she had to offer.
Not with Sunny–
…Sunny…
Sunny, who can’t live this life. Sunny, who never got the chance to figure out the kind of life he wanted to live.
Sunny, who she killed all those years ago.
…
She rubs at her bleary eyes with one arm, the other extended forward, grasping onto the handle to her room's door, shaking.
Mari takes a moment to compose herself, allowing the unshed tears to silently build up and erode away in her eyes and the tremors rocking her body to slowly subside. She pushes it back down– out of sight, but not out of mind.
Never out of mind.
This… is her penance. To live a life he’d have deserved to. To do something worth doing, to make a path for herself worth existing for. Not to make right of a wrong so impossibly large it’s blemished all those that knew him… but to try and do something right for them.
All she continued to do, and to be, was for Sunny.
Because if she can’t live for the both of them… if she can’t find a way to spend the rest of her life making good of herself and doing something to make it up to everyone she’s hurt… to the little brother she killed…
Then why is she even…
…
She shakes her head, letting out a quivering breath.
She’ll find something worth doing to do for the rest of her life to make it up to everyone… she knows she can, and she already knows it’s what everyone’s expecting of her. So she’ll find a way to do it.
She has to.
“I have to…” She finds herself murmuring as she turns the knob to her dorm.
The door shuts behind her with a click as she leaves, sunlight peeking through the cracks of her window drapes as she walks away.