Archive of Our Own ^beta

"DAMMIT YOU CRAZY HAG, LET ME OUT OF HERE!" Joseph yelled, after being tossed into the Hell pillars by Lisa Lisa.
"THE ONLY WAY TO GET OUT IS TO CLIMB!" Lisa Lisa yelled back to Joseph as he scowled. Man how did he get here?
He was about to despawn in a month, and yet he didn't want to do any of these boring hamon practices. Maybe Caesar could pick up his reboot card or something...
Joseph assessed the situation, a giant pillar which was like... a billion tillian feet tall, covered with oil?
This must have been more expensive than Diddy's one thousand bottles of baby oil!
Joseph shook his head, and growled like an alpha, shaking his fist to the sky.
"DO YOU HEAR ME LISA?! ONCE I GET OUT OF HERE I'LL FIND YOU, TEAR THE CLOTHES STRAIGHT OFF YOUR BACK AND WEAR THEM!" Joseph cried as Caesar, who was starting his climb up the Hamon pillar, gave him a sideways glance.
"What the hell kind of insult is that JoJo!?" Caesar said as Joseph spat.
"Shush, I look so sigma in women's clothes Lisa Lisa's confidence will be crushed!" Joseph said as Caesar blinked. What in za warudo was this guy yapping about...?
"Whatever you say JoJo... let's just get out of here or else we'll die!" Caesar said as Joseph scoffed.
"You have fun climbing that thing! I'll take the easy way out." Joseph said smugly, taking off his sweater and making a rope. "What are you hanging yourself?" Caesar asked as Joseph scoffed once more.

"No way! I'm getting out of here! I've got lunchly at home and if it's out of the fridge for more than 5 seconds, the drippy cheese will get moldy!"
Joseph whined and Caesar just turned his back and kept trying to climb, Moving his hands steadily, trying not to drop off like Ksi's song, thick of it.
I'm in the thick of it, everybody knows, they know me where they snows, I skied in, and they froz-
Yeah okay I won't go on.
Joseph tied a rope around the thick... oil... dripping.... pillar as he started to climb.
He got a few feet before a knife suddenly flung at the make shift rope he made.
"W-what the sigma?!"
He exclaimed before falling into the pool of oil, officially oiling himself up as it dripped down his hair.
"Man, what the hell?! My poor hair!" Joseph complained as the gel in his hair leaked down his face. oiling him up even more. "Shit..." Joseph groaned as he splashed around in the oil.
"Use your hands only Joseph! Anything more is an insult to the hell pillar!" Lisa exclaimed as Joseph huffed.
"Oh so now you're back?!" Joseph said as Lisa Lisa gave him a cold glare, before hitting pose 28 and sashaying away.
"M-man she's seriously going to let me die in here!" Joseph said as he flopped back in defeat, only to be awoken by the oil, and losing his breath by the sudden shock of the luke warm oil.
"D-dammit! This place is a living hell!" He said as he looked up, Caesar was shaking with every move of his fingers, huffing with every single strangled hamon filled breath.
"Oh no you don't Caesar! Don't think you're leaving without me! That's so not skibidi dibidi!" Joseph said, taking off the chancala and chucking it at lighting speed(Wagon) towards Caesar as it hit his back.
The only thing he could say was: "WHAT THE LUNCHABLES LEAD JOJO?!"
as he fell into the oil, making a giant splash that just about covered the both of them thoroughly.
Caesar grr'ed, like an alpha, looking at Joseph with his bright green orbs.

"Gosh dang willikers JoJo! I was making good progress!"
Caesar said, standing shakily from the oil, still feelin a bit weak from his previous climb.
"I'm going to kill you!" Caesar said as Joseph grinned.
"Hey it's not my fault! If I got stuck down here, and you were the top, who exactly would help me?" Joseph said casually as Caesar frowned.
"You're not supposed to fanum tax my chances to get out of here!"
Caesar spat bluntly.
"I don't know why *YOU'RE* getting so annoyed! Now we can get out of here together!"
Joseph said as Caesar had enough of Joseph's yapping.
"FALCON, PUUUUNCH!"
Caesar said loudly, before throwing a crazy (noisy bizarre town) right hook straight to Joseph's check as he flew back 100 feet, landing in the oil pool.
"Oh so that's how you want to do it?!"
Joseph said with a scowl, shooting back up from the ground and pulling out his HAMON CLACKERS.
"HEY CAESAR, I LIKE YAH CUT G!"
Joseph said before swinging those steels balls (Sbr reference?!) Onto Caesar's skull as the galvanized square steel made a metal pipe sound against Caesar's skull.
Caesar felt the blood leak down his head, staining his headband as he frowned.
"DANG IT JOJO, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO HAVE A BRAT GIRL SUMMER IF YOU'VE GIVEN ME A BRAIN BLEED?!"
Caesar complained before tackling Joseph with his strong arms, making him slip on the oil and sending them both tumbling to the ground.
"You're so arrogant Joseph! Damn it, I'm going to melt your skull with my hamon!"
He said as he grabbed his bubble wand from his pocket, dipping it in his blue bubble solution, before blowing some air into in.
But in a manly way.
They floating down to Joseph, he narrowly avoided it, sliding from it with the help of the oil like how the cops slid around investigating Diddy's mansion.
"I DON'T KNOW WHY YOU'RE SO ANGRY!" Joseph said, lunging at Caesar, and they both hit the ground, wrestling angrily as they tried as hard as they could not to let the other best them.
They rolled around in the oil, getting it all over their clothes and faces, like Josuke's daily hair routine.
...Y'all someone's at my door. They're yelling what did you say about my hair. 😨
They exchanged a couple of punches, shared a few blows to the face, and scratched away at each others clothes.
Caesar was panting heavily, because he was so tired from his hell climb, but he still put up a crazy fight.

In the end, Joseph was left on top of Caesar, huffing and puffing and blowing houses down.
He was too focused on getting his breath back so the mask wouldn't kill him than moving.
Caesar looked down at where Joseph was lying down, it felt like a block of galvanized square steel was crushing his pelvis.
"Dammit JoJo, why are you so heavy?" Caesar said, feeling JoJo's 6'5 pure *muscle* crush his bones.
All Joseph had the energy to do was shrug as Caesar scowled.
"And what the hell is that poking feeling? Don't tell me you brought a knife in here you undercooked British pastry!" Caesar said as Joseph finally locked in.
"Knife...? What the sigma are you going on about Caesarino?"
Joseph said as Caesar scoffed.
"Well it's something!"
Caesar said, moving his hand down to possible assess whatever it was that was poking him.
He felt around before finally hitting the area, and feeling something.
"There it is. Slimmy little buggger."
Caesar said, and he was expecting to touch a lunchly, maybe a feastables bar. But when he poked his fingers deeper, Joseph let out a squeal. A squeal that was familiar To Caesar. Whenever he picked up a new level ten gyatt and brought them back to his place, those sounds would soon follow.
A few moments of silence fell over the both of them, only being broken up by the sounds of sloshing oil as Joseph turned red and covered his mouth.
"Y-you heard nothing!"
He exclaimed defensively as the gears in Caesar's head turned.
"Woah woah woah WOAH JoJo... I'm well familiar with that sound. Don't tell me,"
Caesar said teasingly as he laughed.
"All this fighting gave you a... rock hard cock?! 😩"
Caesar said as Joseph scoffed.
"Shut up I say! Or else I'll have to call the queen on you!"
Joseph said britishly as Caesar laughed even louder.
"There's no denying it! Seeing me oiled up must have unlocked something in you!"
Caesar said as Joseph scowled.
"I said you heard nothing didn't I?!"
Joseph said as he stood up, letting Caesar breath a little at the 6'9 giant finally being lifted off him. Maybe standing up was a mistake on Joseph's part because Joseph wasn't the only thing that was standing up... Little Joseph wanted to make himself seen.
Lil Joseph was practically breaking out of Joseph's pants, like a wild dog pulling on a leash.
That just made Caesar wipe an oil and watery tear off from his eye.
"This is hilarious. All this time we've been fighting when I've really been the target of your affection!" Caesar said smugly as Joseph snapped.

"You know what... we're in this bath of oil, Lisa Lisa isn't coming unless one of us breaks the rules of the hell climb, and most importantly, there's nowhere to run."
Joseph said bluntly as Caesar froze.
"Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Run that last part back."
Caesar said as Joseph grinned.
"I've already got nothing to lose. I've embarrassed myself already and fucking a man is on my bucket list."
Joseph said in a sing-song tone as Caesar looked at him in horror.
"You're not thinking of what I think you're thinking?"
"Oh yeah, I'm thinking what you hope I'm not thinking." Joseph said as Caesar NIGERUNDAYO'ED himself out of there, as Joseph gave chase.
(So all I do is chase you and I will chase you yes I can chase you nowhere you can hide so run and run, I'll chase you and I will chase you so come on smell this world and soon you'll see hang in there, there is a clue win this game so watch me I'll chase you)
"Get away from me JoJo, dammit!" Caesar exclaimed as Joseph laughed wildly.
But Caesar's cries fell on deaf ears. It was useless. Joseph was chasing Caesar like a pitbull named princess was chasing around an innocent toddler.
Both Joseph and Caesar could only run for so long before one of them slipped on the (Diddy) oil.
And in a totally coincidental moment, not because I'm trying to move the plot forward, Caesar was the one to twip 🥺 as Joseph stood over him triumphantly.
"Caesar, you've wildly disrespected my familiar honor. No... fuck that, you've embarrassed me to the ends of the earth damn it!" Joseph exclaimed in an obvious bri'ish accent.
"Wait can't we just talk about this?" Caesar said, making Italian hand gestures.
"It's too late for sorry's..." Joseph said before he undid his black belt, and pulling down his jean shorts.
"Come on Caesar, this is the knife you were so worried about huh." Joseph said, shoving his boxers on Caesar's legs teasingly.
"Dannazione JoJo!" Caesar said as his legs squirmed around.
"Quit joking around we need to get the hell out of here!"
Caesar said as he scowled.

"Oh shut up you limp Italian noodle! Now make my spaghetti stand up damn it!"
Joseph said as he started rubbing his undies faster and faster onto his leg as Caesar looked down uncomfortably. Joseph was such a virgin! His strokes were fucking awful.
"Come on JoJo, put tuo back into it!" Caesar said with a scoff, but maybe he shouldn't have said that. because he hurt JoJo's pride. And no one hurts the alpha's pride...
"Grrrrr darn it you bloody Italian munter!" Joseph said, basically throwing his back out in this simple foreplay.
Joseph went fast, until the mask started to constrict his breathing and that made him stop to catch his breath, which only annoyed him more!
"For Gronks sake! I'm going crazy with this mask." Joseph said, tensing as he slowed down the rubbing on Caesar's leg.
"Forget this stupid shat, I'm not satisfied enough." Joseph said with a scowl as he tried to spin Caesar arond, but that proud Italian spirit put up a struggle as another mini fight occurred.
"Oh hail nah. I'm not letting your virgin ass thrust your hamon stick into my culo! If anything *I* should be the one!" Caesar said as Joseph scoffed.
"Oh shut it you! I've seen enough corn on my computer to know how it works!"
"...what the sigma is a computer?" Caesar asked as Joseph blinked.
"I-I don't know." He mumbled but broke the silence with the splash of Caesar's face practically being dunked in (Diddy) Oil as Joseph turned him around and held his back to the floor.
"Cool it JoJo! I hope you're not trying to drown me!" Caesar said, kicking his legs around.
"Sorry. Oopsies doopsie." Joseph said, grabbing Caesar's hair out of the oil, holding it with his gloved hand.
"Oh so you're into that you freak?" Caesar said with a pained grin.
"Shut up and be a good hoover..." Joseph mumbled his freaky bri'ish slang as Caesar scoffed. He didn't know what the sigma was wrong with the British.
Just then, Joseph pulled down his underwear, revealing his MASSIVE, BRITISH, BIG BEN, COOOOOOOOOOOOCK.
Even Caesar was afraid! (Speedwagon reference?!?!?!)
Caesar had to admit, JoJo's dong was giganamamorfemous. He looked down, suddenly not wanted Joseph to whip his out but what choice did he have?
He was being held down by this giant.
"Hey Joseph, why don't we forget all about this and just go back to the hell climb?"
Caesar asked but Joseph just scoffed.
"No... it's too late lil bro. I'm already feeling... 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂."
Joseph said, and in one swift, oily motion, he pulled Caesar's pants down, as well as his Prada panties
Joseph gave his dick a convenient oil shower, dipping his hands into the oil before smacking it onto Caesar's arsehole as he moved around.
"Damn it JoJo, you're no romantic!" Caesar exclaimed with a scoff.
"Oh I'm sorry do you want me to praise and love you huh? What's next, do you want me to say I tolerate you?!" Joseph said, because Caesar was just soooo unreasonable.
"No wonder you've never had a girlfriend." Caesar said bluntly as Joseph gave Caesar's ass a good smack as Caesar groaned.

"Calm yourself." Joseph said mockingly as he grinned.
Joseph steadied his breath, making that sharp metal sound that Araki loves so much.
And so do I ofc.
I wuv you Araki 😍
Joseph lifted Caesar's pale white ass into the air, it was so perfect, like a realistic looking slice of vanilla bean cake covered in fondant.
LEMME TAKE A BITE CAESA-
JkJk
"You better be ready Caesar cause I'm comin'!" Joseph said, his accent trans morphing into a more southern one as Joseph's monster cock slipped STRAIGHT into Caesar's ass, mostly because of the aid of the oil.
"AWOOOOOOOOOOGA!" Caesar exclaimed as his hips buckled.
"Merda Joseph, merda!" Caesar howled in pain, feeling his walls painfully stop Joseph's member from slipping through his backside and straight through his mouth.
Joseph let out a moan
(He sneak up and he let out a moan he rip off your booty and then he is gone. I remember one day, it was like 2012 It was big Randy, I could just te-) as he started thrusting in and out in Caesar's stomach.
"HOLY IDIOT SANDWHICH"
Joseph said as he laughed wildly,
and Britishly.
He thrusted in and out, purposely fucking Caesar rough just to see his face get dunked in the (baby) oil, and to see that look on his face when he got out of the green-ish looking oil.
"That's right Caesar! Take that oil!"
He exclaimed slyly as Caesar squirmed around.
"God Joseph, you're such a virgin! You're so sloppy!"
Caesar said, still insulting JoJo even though he was inches deep inside his pizza and mozzarella filled stomach because he was Italian trash.
"Fine Caesar, you want me to be romantic then fine!"
He said, going (diver) down on Caesar's neck.
It tasted pretty gross and it was difficult to get a grip on his neck since it was so slicked up, but once he sunk his wolfy alpha fangs into Caesar's neck, he didn't let go.
He rested on Caesar's back, thrusting and biting down at the same time and that made Caesar start to shake...
"Damn it JoJo. You just decided to ramp it up now?!"
Caesar growled, yet reluctantly feeling himself back up further onto Joseph's hamon stick.
'Seems like you like it you're liking it just fine!"
Joseph said with a thrust.
Caesar closed his mouth, he couldn't help it.
As much as he hated it, Joseph was good.
He somehow knew all the good spots that made Caesar moan like he was Garfield and it was Monday.
Caesar started panting, thrusting his arse back into Joseph's disco stick, with a sputter.
"Uh oh. Caesar you're looking tired."
Joseph said, looking down at Caesar's glazed over eyes.
"Chiudi la bocca JoJo..."
Caesar mumbled in his native tongue, his brain going back to it's factory setting.
Just then, Joseph felt a particularly strong clench around his dongle as he took in a strong uneven breath, but that stupid mask over his face cut that shirt.
"Da-dammit chav! Are you trying to kill me?!"
Joseph said angrily as Caesar scoffed.

"Just keep moving them hips like Shakira Joseph!'
Caesar said, even though he was so close to finishing.
Joseph just rolled his eyes and slammed his hips harder and harder against Caesar. He felt a burning sensation in his stomach.
It was new, painful, and yet made him feel so good!
Like eating a lunchly stackables for the first time
He had only been with women, and he had much less never been a bottom.
But he had a feeling that no matter how much he would object, Joseph wouldn't settle for being anything less than being a top (gimme head, top, top, top, top)
"G-god Joseph, you're doing so good~" Caesar cooed, almost unintentionally, which just made Joseph laugh.
"Ohhhh yeah Caesar, let it all out!" Joseph said, almost mockingly as Caesar breathed in and out erratically.
"IMBATAKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"
Caesar said breathlessly, as a billion kids flew off into the oil pool, and Caesar was left panting.
"Dannazione JoJo! Embarrassing me like this..." He mumbled wordlessly as the kids took a relaxing oil bath.
"Hah. Don't act like that's such a bad thing." Joseph said bluntly, rubbing himself all over Caesar, making him turn red.
"Sei un perdente JoJo..." Caesar mumbled as he looked away.
Joseph seeing Caesar coom was just enough to break Joseph's edging streak.
Cum exploded out of his skin worm straight into Caesar's warm stomach.
"Did you coom in me you bevitore di tè inglese incompetente?!" Caesar exclaimed as Joseph panted, as the mask restricted more and more of his breathing.
"D-dammit! I'm not dying because I nutted so good!" Joseph said as he flopped onto the oily ground, his dick easily slipping out of Caesar's abused hole, as Caesar flopped on the ground shortly next to him. He only felt the exhaustion of his failed hell pillar climb attempt now.
They both just tired to catch their breath, Joseph worming around every time the (Diddy) oil sloshed over his mask, making him feel like he was drowning.
"Ugh this is torture..." He mumbled before closing his eyes. But then he suddenly felt Caesar put his strong 30000 pound arm over his shoulder. "Don't worry... we'll make it out of here one day."
He said as Joseph smiled under the mask.
"Right."
Joseph responded.
Caesar and Joseph died in the oil pit after the time ran out.
Lisa Lisa doesn't fuck around with time limits.
So without anyone to stop his eeeeeevil plans, Kars became the ultimate being and kind of sort of ended the whole world.
So that's why Joseph X Caesar could neeeeever work out.

The

end.

WHAT THE SIG-

...btw Joseph X Caesar eats 😋