Chapter Text
If there’s one area where Majima absolutely excels, it’s drawing attention to himself.
Even before reworking his wardrobe at the tail end of the 80s, he’s never been the most inconspicuous guy. That hadn't been the goal back in the day, but the eyepatch alone tended to make him stand out, whether he'd wanted to or not.
In the years since, though, he’s turned being attention-grabbing into an art, a sport, and a full-time job. And there’s no one whose attention is more fun to draw than Kiryu.
Of course, he has to get creative. He can only hide under a manhole or inside an oversized traffic cone so many times before it gets stale. And nobody likes an overplayed act. Luckily, a little brainstorming session leaves him with plenty of ideas, and over the past few weeks he’s put a truly choice selection of schemes into play with great results. Even with Kiryu’s attention being pulled away by family business and about half the residents of Kamurocho, Majima’s drawn it back to himself every time.
And this time? Yeah, he’s really outdone himself.
His phone buzzes. It’s Nishida letting him know he’s sent Kiryu his location, and Majima allows himself a grin before pocketing his cell and getting into position. He artfully stretches himself out among the trash bags of the Pink Street alley he’s chosen, making sure the object that he’s hidden underneath the bags is still within reach. His other arm, he flops out to the side, ensuring his jacket lays far enough open so the “wound” that Nishida (who had revealed a surprising talent for convincing practical effects during the zombie outbreak scheme) had painstakingly painted on his abdomen earlier is in full view. Now, all he has to do is wait, and give the performance of a lifetime.
Sure enough, it’s only another minute or so before he hears Kiryu’s telltale heavy-footed steps further up the alley. Majima has his eye closed, so he listens intently as those steps slow to a halt, then pick up abruptly right before Kiryu’s crouching down at his side.
Majima cracks his eye open. In a truly pathetic display, he whines and gasps. “K-Kiryu-chan… ya came.”
“Majima-no-niisan? What happened?” His hand goes immediately to the obvious wound, coming away wet and red-streaked. When Majima isn’t forthcoming with information, choosing instead to hiss and twitch away like the contact alone hurts, Kiryu rests his other hand on his shoulder. “Hold on, I’ll get you to a doctor.”
Much as Majima wouldn’t object to being bridal carried in those big ol’ arms, he’s got something else in mind. “Kiryu-chan, it ain’t no use. Listen to my last words, because I’m dyin’...” He manages a weak, rattling cough, surreptitiously shifting the arm beneath him that’s buried under a trash bag. Then, just when Kiryu has leaned in to better hear him, Majima surges upward, forcing Kiryu to rear back abruptly to avoid getting headbutted. “...Dyin’ ta go out with ya!” He tugs his arm free, brandishing the bouquet of roses - only a little crumpled and smelly, honest - with the same enthusiasm he usually brandishes his tanto.
Kiryu, somehow, doesn’t seem to have seen this coming. For a moment, he just stares in silence. Then he brings his red-splattered hand up to his face and - weirdo - sniffs it, presumably not smelling the coppery tang of blood but instead the cornstarch and food coloring slurry Nishida had slathered over him. Slowly, Kiryu’s brows draw into a frown. “One of these days,” he says, voice gruff and flat, “you’re really going to be injured, and I’m not going to believe Nishida until it’s too late.”
Majima snickers to himself at the aggrieved look on Kiryu’s face. For a guy who acts like he doesn’t want to fight Majima, he sure comes running whenever Nishida’s email hits his inbox. If he’s really so averse to the whole arrangement, all he has to do is stop showing up to obvious set-ups.
Of course, Majima would just ambush him in the street instead. Kiryu isn’t getting out of this that easily. But still.
“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, c’mon, what’s yer answer?” Majima waves the rose bouquet demonstratively, while Kiryu sits back on his heels to avoid catching a thorn to the cheek. Now that he’s sitting up and Kiryu isn’t inches away from his face, though, Majima frowns as he rakes his gaze over him. Kiryu’s not in his signature gray suit, or even something more casual - if anything, the dark suit he’s wearing looks fancier than his usual get-up. He’s even wearing a tie, for crying out loud. “What, don’t tell me yer all dressed up because yer already seein’ somebody! ‘Cause I’d really have ta fight ya if you were leading me on this whole time.”
“Leading you on-” Kiryu repeats, baffled. “I was at a job interview,” he corrects, “which I left because I got an email saying you were dying.”
And that- okay, yeah, that’s Majima’s bad. In his defense, this is usually Kiryu’s pocket circuit time, so he didn’t think he’d be interrupting anything actually important. The hell is the Dragon of Dojima doing interviewing for a job in a monkey suit? Tojo Clan chairmanship has to give a better pension than that, doesn’t it? “Eh, you were probably too good for ‘em, anyway.”
Kiryu sighs, but despite his earlier annoyance, there’s a fond twist to his lips as he holds out a hand, helping Majima up and out of the trash. “I should have expected that if you asked me out, it would be like this. You really want to go on a date with me, though?”
Majima beams. Heehee, hook, line, and sinker. “‘Course I do, Kiryu-chan! Have ya seen yerself? And don’t think I haven’t caught ya starin’ at all o’ this, too!”
Rather than the anger he’s expecting to see at the baseless accusation, Kiryu looks cagey, gaze darting away in uncharacteristic bashfulness. A moment later, though, he seems to have recovered. “...Okay. Where are we going?”
Majima’s a little thrown. He hadn’t thought he’d get this far - he’d kind of thought the fighting would have started around the same time he’d brought up a date. Kiryu’s a big softie, sure, but he’s still a macho tough guy, and if there’s anything guys like that hate, it’s implications that they might be gay. Or worse, gay for Majima, specifically.
But Kiryu once again reveals himself to be unnaturally patient in his approach to dealing with Majima’s schemes, just like when he’d sat down for a full session with Goromi instead of knocking Majima’s lights out at first glance. For a guy who’s predictable enough that Majima can typically guess what part of Kamurocho he’s in based on the time of day, he sure does have a way of surprising him sometimes.
Still, Majima’s nothing if not resourceful, so he thinks on his feet. Maybe the embarrassment hasn’t quite kicked in - surely, if Majima goes into all the ways he plans to be seen in public with him on a date, he’ll get that fight he’s looking for. “Weeeell, I thought we could start off with dinner at one of those cutesy couples-only places, then grab some drinks, go dancin’, and make out in a back alley.”
Kiryu visibly swallows, but all he has to say in response to that is, “It’s a little early for dinner.”
Majima gapes. Damn, he’s really going along with it, isn’t he? This was so not the plan, but like hell is Majima gonna be the first one to crack. “Not now,” he tries, stalling for enough time to go back to the drawing board and reassess where exactly this scheme had gone awry, “I gotta go shower the garbage smell off. I’ll pick ya up at eight.”
Kiryu hums. “I’ll have to get a babysitter for Haruka,” he murmurs, more to himself, “but that should be fine.” He holds out a hand, and it takes Majima a beat to realize he’s waiting to take the damn flowers, which have been entirely forgotten at Majima’s side.
Okay, so he’s a little disappointed that he won’t get to show off how he’d hidden his tanto in the bouquet by stabbing Kiryu with it. And he’d been thinking that pressing the blood-soaked petals would have made for a nice memento if it was an especially good fight, but alas, neither option seems to be in the cards any longer. Instead, he surreptitiously snatches his tanto out and stows it away before it can be spotted while Kiryu takes the bouquet from him, fingers brushing against Majima’s glove.
Either entirely unaware of how he’s dodged Majima’s attempt at baiting him into a fight or largely uncaring, Kiryu just says, “I’m looking forward to it. See you tonight,” and leaves with his bouquet.
Majima’s left standing in the alley, staring after him, trying to figure out what just happened.
Fuck. He’s gotta call Nishida and get him to make some last-minute reservations.