Archive of Our Own ^beta

It's a lovely day in Hateno village and you are a horrible goose. You emerge from your nest and trundle along the bank of the lake towards the farm.

You arrive at the farm and carefully make your way around the back of the open barn and sneak up on the farmer. He has his back to you, distracted by milking his prize cow.

HONK

The cow startles, kicking over the bucket, the farmer falls over, yelling. You grab the bucket - empty now, and run towards the road and down towards the village. 

[Keep the Farmer Healthy]

Now for your first main obstacle - the bridge to the village. If anyone sees you, they will chase you off.

Luckily, you have this bucket.

You duck your head and slip into the bucket. It is a large bucket and covers you almost completely; only your feet stick out.

Quietly. Sneakily. With minimal honking. You make your way across the bridge. Sitting down and pretending to be an ordinary bucket if anyone looks.

[Sneak Like Snake]

Behind the inn, you shake off the bucket and

HONK

Inside the inn there is now a great deal of activity and loud voices. You’ve made sure everyone is ready for the day. Such a good deed.

[Serenade Inhabitants]

You spy a young man stalking along the riverbank. You stalk along with him. He makes a noise of triumph as he catches a frog. He puts it in his pocket and you deftly liberate it.

The young man triumphantly goes up to a young woman with a weapon of goose (and dirt) destruction and tries to show her the frog.

There is no frog.

Only the frog squirming in your mouth.

Several villagers laugh.

[Assist Young Love]

You let the frog loose near the woman guarding the entrance of the Colourful Shop. She shrieks and runs and you sneak past.

The man in the shop is turned away and you make your way to your goal.

You confidently stand on the platform and

Stand.

and Stand.

It isn’t working.

You dismount the platform and look underneath and Ah Ha!

Ropes.

You leave to find something to defeat the ropes.

As you wander the village, you see a young man with a sword on his back. He stands out among the villagers. He is standing close to the edge of the river.

HONK

The swordsman startles so hard he falls into the water. You honk delightedly for a few moments.

[Help Hero Bathe]

The hero pulls himself out of the river at a dock a little further down. You follow his sword down the road.

Until.

That’s a new plant. You’ve never seen anything like it.

You circle the yellow and green gourd for a minute.

Ugh. It tastes terrible.

[Test Experimental Pumpkin]

You shake your head, honking miserably.

The sword!

You make your way to the Princess’ house. You peer in through a window and there it is, shining in the sunlight.

The sword.

You sneak like you’ve never snuck before.

The sword is yours!

[Goose of Destiny]

You run back to the Colourful Shop. Past the lady still yelling about the frog and use the sword on the ropes!

Take that ropes!

The platform creaks ominously.

You no longer need this hunk of metal. You head back outside and find

A Well. The South Well.

You honk delightedly as the sword falls down.

Back to the platform.

You step on and

SPLOOSH

The man in the shop turns around and notices you. So does the lady.

You emerge from the basin…the same as ever.

Only wet.

You shake off the water and run from their yelling.

You find the children of the village headed up to their school.

You get in line. No one will suspect you’re not also headed to class.

You file into the classroom. And sit. Silent. Until the start of class. You take a moment to preen an itchy feather.

The teacher arrives and asks a question. You answer with a

HONK

All the children scream and the teacher starts yelling. 

[Participate in class]

You flee the chaos. No one is learning anything in that classroom.

Over a field and down a hill and into a cuccoo yard. You will blend right in with all these birds. Humans are silly enough that they can't tell the difference.

You're nipping at various tail feathers when you spy the hero 's sword.

A few more tail feathers nipped and the cuccoos are riled up. One last

HONK

The hero startles and steps on a cuccoo and they swarm.

In the chaos of white feathers you swipe the sword again.

[Cuccoo Chaos]

You head toward the Colourful Shop again, ready to cut those ropes again. The lady is outside blocking your way. Where did the frog go? You peer around, craning your long neck, but there is no way past. You try briefly but she starts to yell and you run. All the way to the north well. You honk delightedly as the sword falls in. Now to find that frog again.

The young man who had the last one is waffling behind a giant fake mushroom. You deftly liberate another frog from his pocket and watch as he once again plucks up the courage to talk to the young woman and once again is humiliated when he doesn't have the gift he said he brought. The young woman looks relieved.

You release the frog in front of the Colourful Shop and once again the woman guardian shrieks and stops guarding. You poke your head inside.

The ropes have been repaired.

Time to find the sword.

The hero is creeping along a field of grass, device out in front of him, following...a cricket??

You carefully slide the sword from its sheath before dashing by the cricket right as

SNAP

The hero squawks as he sees you in the photo. 

[Become a Star]

You run back to the school and walk through the open door. You proudly show your sword to the class. The instructor begins talking about it. The hero enters and the teacher asks him a question. You leave while they are distracted. 

[Show and Tell]

Back at the Colourful Shop, you sneak past the distracted woman and cut the ropes on the platform. It is ready.

But how to make the basin work?

You look around the room and see a picture of a hylian holding several mushrooms before falling in.

You keep an eye out for mushrooms, the real kind, on your way to the West Well. You honk delightedly as the sword falls into the depths.

On your way back into town you spy the Hero giving a mushroom to an old farmer lady. You sink low to the ground and weave through the endura carrot fronds until you can pick the hylian shroom from her apron pocket.

With hylian shroom in beak, you march past the lady distracted by the frog, up the stairs, and onto the platform.

SPLOOSH

The lady starts yelling. The colourful man starts yelling.

You emerge from the basin-

The same white you always have been. Again.

You only realize the hylian shroom is gone after fleeing down the main road, honking as you run into the young man who is just presenting a horrified young woman with a frog.

You end up by the Princess' house, frog in your mouth, hylian shroom nowhere to be seen.

Taking a moment to contemplate as you pull all the decorations off the table, you realize that the hylian in the picture was holding many hylian shrooms. Quantity was the problem.

What follows is a series of sneaking and distracting and pickpocketing.

Because you are a goose, you can only hold one thing in your beak at a time. So you drop the frog by the lady guarding the Colourful Shop before acquiring each hylian shroom, one by one, and dropping each one in the basin.

It is a lot of sneaking and a lot of hiding in a bucket while going over the bridge and hiding in grass and among cuccoos. But eventually all the hylian shrooms are in the basin. 

[Tamper with Election]

The colourful man has repaired the ropes by now so you once again set out to find the Hero and his sword.

You find the Hero inspecting his field of endura carrots, his horse standing placidly at the edge of the field.

In the most skillful stealthing yet, you pluck all the carrots except the one the Hero and the old lady farmer are looking at. You pile them behind the horse and then 

HONK

The endura carrots go flying, the Hero and the lady are yelling at the horse and you make off with the Hero's sword. 

[Make Art]

Back to the Colourful Shop.

Ropes Cut.

Sword delivered to the last well in town. Dropped.

[All is Well]

You honk delightedly and rush back to the Colourful Shop.

On the trapdoor and

SPLOOSH

You emerge a bright cherry red.

[Be the Fastest Colour]

The colourful man and guarding lady are in awe of how good you look. They start yelling.

You run down the road, up some boxes and into the upper story window of a tower.

Is that a stash of vegetables you spy?

You rummage and honk and buffet it all with your wings. Much better, not as neat now.

[Not-So-Secret-Stash]

You peer out the door and see all the villagers gathered in front of a little platform. A perfect opportunity.

You skirt the edge of the crowd and enter the Fashion Shop. Where you see it. The perfect accessory.

A bright pink hat sitting on a pedestal. Waiting for you to take it.

So you do.

[Get a Makeover]

You honk delightedly and run back up the road, over the bridge, and past the cow farmer. All the way up to the noisy tower on the hill.

You buffet the door with your wings.

The old man answers and unlike normal, he doesn't immediately start yelling. You are fashionable enough to enter.

[Be Fashionable]

He starts yelling but you've already found the shiny glass bottle with a piece of paper inside.

Triumph!

You run up the stairs and flap off the roof. Honking delightedly around your treasure all the way back to your nest. 

[Cheesewinner of the Family]

It is a lovely day in Hateno Village and you are a horrible goose.

[19/25 Achievements]