Chapter Text
Running his fingers back through his wet curls, Remus stared at the black circles under his eyes and sighed. He’d been getting shit for sleep lately, stressed by the cost of his semester’s books, stressed about his job which had cut his hours again, meaning that his student funds were going to have to stretch even further this month—which he wasn’t sure was even possible. Feeling a stress-headache coming on, Remus took a breath and bowed his head toward the sink.
There was a noise suddenly, coming from the lounge, and Remus frowned. He’d only just found this flat—it was a strange set-up really. It wasn’t officially student-housing. The flat was let by someone who’d put an advert up on the University group’s facebook page asking for a flatmate with the most bizarre requests. ‘Looking for flatmate who can deal with strange hours and won’t ask questions.’
Remus didn’t know what that could mean. Serial killer? Cannibal?
More than likely he assumed an artist or something along those lines, but he responded to the ad anyway and ended up meeting Regulus Black. He was short, Thai, hair worn floppy on the top with a severe undercut. He had several tattoos along his left arm, a septum piercing, and didn’t make eye contact.
He was studying to be a chemist, apparently, but had a hobby of experimenting in the kitchen in a rather Sherlock fashion which meant that there would be jars and containers of stuff which he didn’t want to explain, and didn’t want touched.
Remus was more than happy to agree to keep to his part of the flat.
It was a decent space. The bedrooms were much larger than student housing, there was a large bathtub which Remus envied the moment he’d seen it. The shared lounge was furnished rather posh and comfortable, shelves upon shelves with books—Regulus had waved his hand at them saying, “You can help yourself, I don’t really care about those,”—and several records sat next to a turntable which looked vintage and yet possibly untouched.
The monthly expenses were far less than Remus would have assumed for the place as well. Granted it would still be pushing his budget a bit, especially if his shite job kept cutting his hours. He was finishing his graduate degree in history—in hopes of getting his professorship and teaching at one of the Universities in London—and this term one of his bastard professors had required them to buy no less than twelve books. Twelve. All of which had been written by the professor himself. The fucking egotist.
Remus had checked the prices of them all and nearly fainted. He’d sent off an email asking if digital versions were available, but the reply had been terse and almost mocking.
Absolutely would digital copies of the books be available or permitted.
Shaking himself out of his thoughts, Remus rubbed the towel over his curls one last time and ventured into his bedroom to finish getting read. He wriggled his jeans over his comfy boxers, adjusted the hem of his t-shirt, then grabbed his socks. He was going to spend what little he had left on some take-away and take the hit of not having his books just yet. He had to stop out and pick up his medication for the month anyway. His lupus was starting to get the better of him. Making his twenty-three years feel like sixty-three. His joints were aching all the time now, and the last time he’d been in for a check-up they’d found lesions on his lungs and his liver which was causing chronic pain. They weren’t bad enough to warrant surgery. Yet.
But his butterfly rash on his face was becoming a permanent fixture and it was by the grace of London’s near-constant fog that his arms weren’t broken out into terrible welts—which had happened four months ago when he’d gone with his dad back to Tel Aviv to visit his gran after her heart attack.
With another heavy sigh, wondering why his luck in life was such shite, Remus decided to brave the stranger in the flat. He’d only been living there just over two weeks, but in that time he’d noticed Regulus had no social life to speak of. He wasn’t exactly the most social of people anyway, which Remus was fine with. But he certainly hadn’t expected random visitors.
Heading into the small hallway, he poked his head round the corner and froze.
There was a man sat on their sofa Remus didn’t recognise, and yet could immediately place him as one of Regulus’ family members. They looked so strikingly similar in the face, it took Remus a moment to register the differences.
The stranger had a slimmer face, more prominent cheekbones, and a sharper jawline. His eyes were the same sharp grey, however, though where Reg avoided eye contact at all costs, this man’s gaze immediately fixed on Remus. His full mouth quirked up at the left corner. His hair was much longer than Regulus’, near mid-back which Remus only noticed because the tail end of his plait was sticking out along the back sofa cushion.
He was wearing a suit as well, which threw Remus a bit. It looked incredibly expensive, charcoal coloured with a crisp white shirt, maroon tie with a white-gold clip, and his shoes were polished so brightly the light from the window reflected off the tips.
He looked casual, however. He had one arm slung round the cushion next to him, and was regarding the room with a lazy air.
“This must be the elusive flatmate?” he asked.
Regulus, who was sat in the armchair, let out a tiny groan. “Yes,” he said very dryly. “Sirius this is Remus. Remus, my shite brother Sirius.”
“So hurtful, baby brother,” Sirius said, leaning forward to pat his brother’s knee. His long, slender fingers missed, as Regulus pulled away at the last second, but he wasn’t bothered. He merely leant back again and made a beckoning gesture to Remus. “Are you heading out so soon? I was hoping I’d actually get to meet you.”
“He’s probably busy,” Regulus said in a hurry. “No need to inflict yourself on him.” Regulus turned to Remus. “Seriously, you’re free to leave. He can bully me all he wants, you’re not beholden to him.”
Remus blinked in confusion. Beholden? Who even spoke like that? He was aware by Regulus’ accent he had grown up posh but he was more confused than ever now. “I…it’s fine. It’s good to meet you, Sirius.”
Sirius’ smirk turned into a smile, and he shifted to the end of the sofa, giving Remus some room. “See, at least some people have manners.”
“Mother raised us with money, not manners,” Regulus grumbled.
“And look where that got us, eh?” Sirius grinned, showing off sharp canines which were slightly turned to the side, making them poke out over his bottom lip when he smiled wide enough. “So Remus, are you really heading out?”
“Was going to grab some take-away.”
“Well Reg and I were about to head out to pick up his books. Have you got all of yours yet? You’re welcome to join us. Food can be my treat,” Sirius added with a wink which made Remus’ insides go a bit funny.
“Er…I was waiting. Because my funds haven’t come in yet.”
Sirius cocked his head to the side. “Don’t your lectures start tomorrow?”
“Ah,” Remus said, blushing a little. It was difficult to explain to people who never had to worry about money why he couldn’t just buy them anyway. “They do. But it’s fine. The funds shouldn’t be too long.”
“You should come along,” Sirius said.
Regulus gave him a withering glower. “Sirius, don’t. I know what you’re doing and…don’t.”
“What?” Sirius asked. His innocent tone belied the mischievous gleam in his eyes which should have put Remus off, but instead made him more curious. “I haven’t done a thing besides be polite to the person living with you. We should be mates, shouldn’t we?”
Regulus looked like he wanted to say something, but instead scoffed and stood up. “I’m going to change,” he bit, then turned to Remus. “Honestly, you can go.” He almost sounded like he was begging, and Remus very nearly excused himself but he caught Sirius’ gaze again and found he couldn’t say no.
“You look like you could use the company,” Remus replied. And that was true. Regulus looked torn between not wanting to be with his brother alone, and wanting to send Remus off.
When the words left Remus’ lips though, Regulus looked defeated and Sirius looked triumphant. “Suit yourself,” the younger brother said, and stormed off.
“Don’t mind him,” Sirius said, flashing a grin at Remus. “He’s always like that.”
“Well we don’t talk much,” Remus admitted. “But we get on okay.”
“Oh I expect you do. Otherwise you wouldn’t be here, would you?” Sirius chuckled to himself and shifted so he was facing Remus better. “What are you studying?”
“Mediaeval Theology,” Remus said. When Sirius blinked, he almost laughed. “Ah. It’s…well think of it as the history of the Church. Starting back from the advent of Paulist Christianity.”
“You’ve lost me. We grew up Buddhist, you know.”
“I didn’t,” Remus admitted. “Although I grew up Jewish so when my parents learnt what I was studying they were a little…” He sighed. “They’d hoped I’d go to Rabbinical School and keep it in the family. My dad’s a Rabbi, but I sort of… fell away from the faith.” Remus realised he was blabbing on about his life and quickly steered himself back on topic. “Anyhow, it’s a history degree. I’m hoping to get my professorship after I graduate.”
Sirius’ mouth curved into a softer smirk. “Scholar. Always found those criminally attractive. The studious types.”
Remus found himself blushing at the attention, which was odd. He knew what he looked like, and he was rather unused to that type of attention from either men or women. His love life had been short and uneventful. A handful of girlfriends never lasting more than three months at school, and by the time he got to University he was ill so much that it took him twice as long to finish his degree, and he had had to choose two— between relationships, his education, and his health. The two he could pick were rather obvious.
Not that he minded.
But he’d never had the attention of a man before. Not like this.
“Ah…er…”
Sirius laughed at his apparent discomfort. “So. You’ll come and have lunch with us, yes?”
Remus shrugged. “Alright. So long as Regulus is alright with it.”
“Oh he’s going to be in a strop no matter what. Might as well give him a proper reason, yeah?” Sirius grinned wolfishly as he rose, smoothing down the legs of his trousers. Standing up, Remus could see he was thin—compared to Remus’ larger, curvier form. He had the modelesque stature so there was a damn good chance he was already seeing someone, and just used to being a bit of a flirt. “Don’t mind me. I’m going to help myself to your terrace and have a smoke.”
With that, Sirius opened the door and stepped into the small, rectangular space Remus wouldn’t have called a terrace, being that they couldn’t even fit a couple of small, folding chairs out there. But it was enough room for Sirius to shut the door and light up a fag, and immediately get on his mobile.
Remus sighed, putting his hands between his knees clasped lightly, and looked over at the shadow of Regulus’ bedroom which his flatmate was strolling out of. Their eyes met for a brief second before Regulus dropped his gaze, and walked back to his chair.
He was dressed nicer now, still in jeans but his more expensive pair, and a tight, button-up shirt. He had run a comb through his hair, letting it fall to the side, and he had a smear of something shiny over his lips.
“Don’t let him bully you,” Regulus said sharply.
Remus blinked. “He…he hasn’t. He was just being polite.”
“He’s not being polite,” Regulus snapped. “I…my brother’s an alright bloke most of the time, but he’s fucking mad, okay? I mean, he’s not…he just gets these ideas.” Regulus spat the word, then sighed. “You’re not the first flatmate I’ve had that he got friendly with and they went running off. And I like you. You don’t bother me and you’re quiet and that’s bloody-well hard to find in this city.”
Remus let his mouth quirk up. “Do I seem skittish?”
“No,” Regulus said with a huff. “Only he’s…” He ran his fingers into his hair. “You know what, I’ll let him tell our sordid history over lunch. He loves to describe our fall from grace.”
Remus quirked a brow, but when it was clear Regulus had no intention of elaborating, Remus sat back and waited for the elder Black to return. Which he did, smelling almost sweet in a way, and still smirking.
“Shall we? Remus, you’re still coming along, yes?”
Remus shrugged. “Reckon so.”
Sirius grinned widely. “Most excellent. I’m famished, and I’ve got us a table nearby at James’ place. Remus, how do you feel about curry?”
***
What Remus thought was going to be the typical curry shop ended up being an incredibly posh, high-end Indian Bistro with traditional and modern fusion cuisine. The place boasted dishes which took the traditional recipes and gave them a Michelin-Star worthy twist.
“My very best mate owns this place,” Sirius said as they settled at their table on the first floor near the window. It gave a decent view of the street below, the room high-ceilinged with bright oranges and yellows along the walls. “It was his dream when we were at school.”
Regulus rolled his eyes. “No it wasn’t. Your dreams at school were to flood the Great Hall and poison all of Slytherin House. Which you did.”
“Laxatives aren’t poison,” Sirius said, waving his hand.
“Actually when used inappropriately, which you both did, they are,” Regulus said.
Sirius grinned at Remus. “We went to a horribly posh public school in Scotland and the only thing that kept me from going mad was James Potter and our ability to wreak havoc.”
“Ah,” Remus said. He’d of course grown up working-class. The salary of a Rabbi by propriety alone didn’t afford them a lot of luxury, though he never minded. But it was strange being with people like Sirius. He was clearly still very wealthy, but Remus had to assume wherever the money came from, it wasn’t his family. Not the way Regulus hinted at it, anyway. “So Regulus tells me you’re a fallen aristocrat?”
Regulus, who was taking a sip of his water, choked a bit. “Christ, Remus. No tact.”
Sirius, however, threw his head back and laughed. “I like this one. He’s brilliant.”
“So do I,” Regulus growled. “So don’t be a fucking twat about it.”
Sirius pointedly ignored him. “You want the story?”
“Not like that would stop you if he didn’t,” Regulus muttered.
Remus took a leaf out of Sirius’ book and ignored the younger Black. “I’d love it. I’m an historian, you know. It’s my job to collect these things.”
Sirius leant back and folded his hands neatly across the menu. “Well, it all starts with my parents belief that I was born a girl…”
Sirius went on to tell the tale of his coming out at age eleven, once he was out from under the thumb of his oppressive mother and politician father. It had been James who helped Sirius work out his proper gender, and it had been a more-than understanding Headmaster who let Sirius change his name and swap to the boys’ dormitory. They didn’t inform his parents, and it wasn’t until he was sixteen and a vindictive housemate of Regulus decided to write to the Blacks and let them know what their eldest was up to.
“What he’s not telling you,” Regulus said, “was that I was on my parents’ side.”
Sirius’ face fell a bit. “It hardly matters when you came round and got your head out of your arse,” Sirius replied. “James’ family helped me get through Uni, got me a job at Mr Potter’s firm where I’m working now.”
“Firm?” Remus asked, fascinated by the whole tale. Sirius was a mystery, but a fantastic one, and not just from a historian’s point of view. He had to wonder if it was Sirius’ gender that sent Regulus’ former flatmates running and if that was the case, Remus wanted to find them all and punch them. When Remus had left his strict faith, he’d been opened up to a whole world of different identities and in studying history, he studied humans and the way society had evolved.
Remus had never found a lot of sense in gender and sexuality binaries, and though he’d never given his own sexuality proper thought, he never found himself questioning anyone else’s identity.
He blinked, coming back to himself as Sirius started talking again. “I’m a Barrister. I work at a Law Firm with Mr Potter. James was going into law with me, but he was obsessive about this restaurant idea and finally he decided to go for it. I think dad was a bit disappointed, but he put up the money for it.”
“A habit you picked up,” Regulus muttered.
Remus quirked an eyebrow at his flatmate who didn’t elaborate, so Sirius did.
“I pay most of my darling baby brother’s expenses now that I’m fantastically rich.”
“It’s not all from his job,” Regulus snarked. “Our uncle died and left him everything. My parents cut me off when I refused to marry one of my cousins and went to live with Sirius. I think my mum wrote some anti-gay charity into her will in place of her disobedient children.”
Sirius snorted, rolling his eyes. “What do you expect from a bloody bitch like that. Anyway, Regulus refused to take actual money from me, so he forces me to take care of him in other ways.”
“No,” Regulus said, giving Remus a funny look. “I absolutely do not force you to do anything.”
“It doesn’t make sense for you to work when I can afford to do this,” Sirius hissed.
Regulus took a breath, pinching the bridge of his nose and looked like he was suffering his brother with very little patience. “We are not doing this right now.”
“Too right you’re not,” came a cheerful voice from the doorway of the dining room.
Remus then turned to see a very tall, very broad man with dark skin, wild hair which stuck up all over, and hazel eyes behind rectangled frames. He was grinning broadly, striding over, and dropped a hand to Sirius’ shoulder.
“Who have you brought today?” the man asked.
“This is Remus,” Sirius said, giving Remus another charming smile. “Remus, this is James Potter.”
Remus half-rose, extending his hand to James who took it and instead of shaking it, yanked Remus up to pull him into a hug. “Oh,” Remus said, startled.
Regulus sighed. “He does that. A lot. You get used to it.”
James leant down, pressing a kiss to the top of Regulus’ head once he’d let Remus go. “Pleasure to meet you. Hope these two have been treating you proper.”
Remus swallowed. “Er? Proper enough?”
“Best we’ll get out of these two.” James leant down and kissed the corner of Sirius’ mouth, making Remus wonder if there was more to their relationship than just best makes. “Anyway I’ve got the kitchen on your food. Remus, do you have anything special?”
“I’m not really a big meat-eater,” Remus confessed.
“No worries. We’re all vegetarian here,” James said with a wink. “I’ll have some masala chai sent out. I’m swamped though, otherwise I’d sit with you. See you later?”
“I’ll be home on time,” Sirius said.
Remus frowned and Regulus answered the unspoken question. “They flat together. Because they’re co-dependent shitheads.”
“I really feel the love, Reggie,” James called out before disappearing.
“I hate when he calls me that,” Regulus complained.
Sirius laughed. “He knows. So anyway, that was James. The love of my life.”
“Oh. So you two…?”
Regulus chose that moment to choke on his water, and Sirius rolled his eyes. “No. I mean we have, obviously. James is impossible to resist, but we’ve moved on beyond that. He’s just my everything.”
“Ah,” Remus said. He briefly wondered what it would be like to have a friend like that, but the concept was so foreign to him, he couldn’t imagine. He found himself, in a way, incredibly delighted by this sudden peek into the strange family and was profoundly grateful he’d answered Regulus’ ad.
He only wondered if that was going to last.
***
Clutching his paper cup, Remus eased himself down onto the bench which was strategically located at the exact halfway point where Lily and Remus would be parting ways shortly. But for now he was content to have the tea she’d brought him, and explain his incredibly bizarre experience from the night before.
“…so we get to the bookshop,” Remus said, having just finished telling about the lunch at Potter’s restaurant, “and he asks to see my booklist.”
“And?” Lily asked. Her green eyes were wide, peering at him over the white plastic lid of her latte.
“Well I didn’t think anything of it. Regulus was busy giving off his list to one of the employees there—and I swear Lily I have never met two more posh people than these brothers. Regulus hands off his list like the shop bloke was a valet or something—and the shop bloke actually goes off and collects Regulus’ books for him.” Remus shook his head as Lily giggled. “So Sirius is looking over my list and makes this disgusted noise, then proceeds to tell me that Lockhart was a former school mate of his.”
“The one with all the books?”
Remus nodded. “Mm, the very same. Said he was a poncy shit even back then and spent another ten minutes trying to work out how I can get away with getting the required reading material without contributing to Lockhart’s fortune because apparently the books were ghostwritten by someone else. Not even his own material.” Remus gave a disgusted sigh. “Anyway, after a while he decides he can’t come up with anything, so instead of handing the list back, he gives it to another shop person and goes, ‘We’ll take these as well.’ Then bloody-well winks at me and just pays for it all.”
Lily, who had been taking a sip of her latte, choked a bit. “The whole lot?”
“The whole lot,” Remus confirmed. “But it doesn’t end there.”
“Christ, Re. Who is this bloke?”
“Some Barrister who came into money,” Remus said with a shrug. He’d already told Lily part of the story, though left out personal bits since Sirius hadn’t consented for Remus’ friends to know every small detail. “He then decides Regulus needs to update his wardrobe, so he drags us round shopping for that, and eventually tells me I can either just give up my protesting and allow him to buy the clothes, or he can have Regulus get my sizes and he’ll have things sent over—but things he chooses.”
“He could have good taste,” Lily said for lack of another response.
Remus rolled his eyes. “He kept trying to talk Regulus into these ripped jeans and leather jackets. Like some seventies punk-band reject. Which was bizarre since he was all in some Gucci suit or something, but I have a feeling in his off weekends he’s probably nothing like a buttoned-up lawyer.”
Lily grinned so widely, Remus frowned.
“What?”
“Well it sounds kind of like…” She trailed off and laughed.
“Sounds like what?” he pressed.
“Kind of like he’s prepping to be your sugar daddy.”
Remus’ face exploded white hot. “Oh my god, Lils!”
“Well, think about it,” she pressed. “Flirting with you, buying you things. I’d be surprised if he didn’t hand you a wad of cash at the end of the night.” When Remus blushed further, she slapped her knee. “I knew it!”
“It wasn’t to me,” Remus muttered, feeling absolutely humiliated. “He gave it to Regulus to cover our monthly expenses.”
“Holy shit. Holy shit, Remus! Do you realise how amazing this is? You could literally have this bloke pay your way through the rest of your education and you could quit your shite job and study and not have any debt or anything!”
Remus was shaking his head. “That’s not what it was about. And…and I mean even if it was—and it’s absolutely not —don’t you have to you know…sleep with them?”
“So?” Lily asked. “There’s no shame in casual sex.”
“I’m…that’s not…” Remus spluttered. “I’m not gay, Lils.”
She quirked up one brow. “You’re not?”
“No!” he said with a gasp. “What…you think I am?”
“Well I didn’t think you weren’t,” she said with a shrug. “You haven’t dated anyone since we met and you’re always going on about fit blokes.”
“For you,” he insisted, though deep down it wasn’t like he hadn’t found men aesthetically pleasing. “And well… I mean… Er…”
Her smile widened. “He’s cute, isn’t he?”
Remus gulped and looked down. “He’s…I mean you’d have to be daft not to notice it. But you’ve met Regulus. They look so much alike.”
“If you could see your face right now,” Lily said with a laugh. “Remus, you are so gay for him.”
“Shut up,” he muttered.
Lily grinned triumphantly. “Why don’t you like…talk to him about it or something? Ask him what that was all about. Because look, I know people who’ve done the sugar daddy thing and this is usually how it goes. I mean normally you know. There’s a contract, it’s a transaction, but you should like them too. And you clearly do.”
“I said he was bizarre, I didn’t say I liked him!” Remus defended.
“Sure okay,” Lily said with a knowing grin.
Remus wanted to reach out and smack her, but instead he just gripped his tea tighter and felt the paper bow under his fingers. “This is mortifying.”
“I think you’re just clueless. He’s clearly interested in something. Why not take advantage?”
But something struck Remus then. The words take advantage. Because what if Sirius knew the position he was in? What if he knew and assumed someone like Remus, working class and poor and poorly, wouldn’t turn him down. What kind of arrogant berk would even…
By the time Lily was gone and lectures had begun, Remus was fuming. How dare he? How dare that posh, poncy, arrogant bastard assume Remus would be so hard on his luck he’d be willing to trade sex for clothes and food!
***
He was meant to go home because he already had several essays set and a lot of studying to do. In books that were bought under false pretences if he was thinking about it. But instead he found himself looking up the address to the Potter Law Firm and ended up getting off the tube close by.
The offices were in Chelsea, of course. And it was a tall building with marble floors and impossibly white walls.
Remus strolled straight up to the welcome desk and clasped his hands on the top of the counter. “My name is Remus Lupin and I’m here to see Sirius Black.”
The woman checked something on the computer. “I don’t have you listed. Do you have an appointment?”
“No, but it’s important and I think he’ll see me. Ring him up and tell him it’s about yesterday.”
The woman frowned at being ordered about, but it was clear Sirius had enough influence that she didn’t want to risk it if Sirius was someone important. “Mr Black, there’s a Mr Remus Lupin here to see you. He says…I…yes. Yes of course. Thank you, sir.” She cradled the receiver. “Go on up. Fourth floor.”
Remus gave her a tense smile as he stomped up to the lifts and pushed the button. A soothing, casual voice welcomed him in, and repeated his floor back to him after he pushed the button. It should have been nice, but he was viciously insulted and frustrated, and he bit back the urge to snark back at the polite electronic.
When the doors swooshed open, he stormed out, and found a second welcome desk surrounded by leafy potted plants. There was a short man working behind the desk, and he grinned up. “Mr Lupin? Mr Black is expecting you.” He pointed down a corridor to a door with a gold name plaque in the centre.
Straightening his shoulders, determined not to let Sirius boss him about or make him cow, he walked over and shoved the door open.
To his relief, Sirius was alone. He was sat behind a large, Cherrywood desk which held a slim computer, and a handful of photos. The office had floor-to-ceiling windows which overlooked the city, offering a gorgeous view. There was a leather sofa in the corner, a small bar with several crystal glasses, and his law degrees were perched on the walls in ornate frames.
Sirius himself was dressed as he had been before—a pressed suit and polished shoes. His hair was now twisted into an intricate knot against the back of his head, and he was grinning, using a small emery board to file down one of his nails.
“This is a surprise, Remus. Have a seat. Would you like something to drink?”
Remus didn’t lose his scowl as he strolled over and placed his palms flat on the desk. “How dare you.”
Instead of looking concerned or even mildly startled, Sirius grinned. “It’s not the first time someone’s stormed my office before, and really that’s such a loaded question. I dare a lot of things.”
Remus felt his cheeks heat up and he willed himself to hold strong. “You think just because I’m…I’m…I come from a lesser background, you can just do this? That I would take it and be fine with it!”
This time Sirius did blink. He dropped the nail file and leant forward. “Fine with what? Look, sit down, you’re all flush. Let me get you water or—”
“Shut up,” Remus barked. “Just…shut up. I’m not a whore!” He hadn’t meant to shout it, but his insult was bubbling up and it just poured out.
Sirius blinked, then threw his head back and laughed. “Oh my god, did Regulus insult you or something? Is this his fault?”
“No!” Remus spluttered, now stepping back. He started to pace a little, feeling like a caged tiger, and Sirius’ eyes didn’t leave him. “The clothes. The food. The books! The winks and casual touching. I know you’re used to getting your way, but I’m not going to fuck my way through University. I’m not bothered by people who do, but if I wanted something like that…”
Sirius held up his hand, then slowly rose. “I’m sorry…what?”
Remus froze, realising that maybe he should have asked a few leading questions before jumping to conclusions and the blood began to drain from his cheeks. “I…well you…” He cleared his throat. “My friend mentioned you might be a…a…sugar daddy?”
Fuck. His voice had gone soft and he’d lost all of his resolve in the face of Sirius’ confusion.
Sirius, for his part, went a bit pink in the cheeks. “Ah. Well.” With that, he sat back down and folded his hands over his chest. “Actually, I have done that before.”
Remus froze, not sure what to make of it. “Oh. Well I’m not…”
“I didn’t assume you were,” Sirius said, holding his hand, palm-out. Remus this time did sit, though he stayed on the edge of his seat. “I was trying to offer some courtesy because I still recall what it was like to need things. I didn’t meant to insult you, nor did I imply that I thought of you as a whore. Or that I expected anything in return for the gifts.”
Remus took a breath. “My friend Lily said you might be…propositioning me.”
“I have propositioned Regulus’ flatmates in the past. So it’s a fair assumption,” Sirius said, and Remus was almost startled by his open honesty. “But that was not what yesterday was all about.”
“A…alright,” Remus stuttered.
“Though there isn’t shame in it,” Sirius continued.
“I’m not saying…”
“It benefits both parties mutually. It doesn’t even always involve sex—though when it does it’s also beneficial. I don’t like dating but unfortunately my social standing requires me to find dates. And I’ve been in the media. So I occasionally hire boyfriends. Students are the easiest to work with. They have a schedule that doesn’t demand a lot of my time, and the money goes to a good cause. And every one I’ve had I’ve liked them. We’ve become friends.”
“Except Regulus’ flatmates,” Remus asked quietly.
“There was only the one, actually, and they developed feelings. It was an unfortunate situation,” Sirius said.
“Are you aromantic?” Remus blurted before he could stop himself.
Sirius looked startled, then smiled softly and shook his head. “Not at all. But I am complicated and it’s easier for me to do it this way. I don’t have time or the will to dedicate to someone right now. But please know I just found your company pleasant and I didn’t mean anything by it.”
Remus felt torn. Should he believe Sirius? If he was behaving in a way which could very well mean he wanted Remus in that capacity—but was claiming not to…well Remus had nothing to go by. He didn’t know Sirius well enough to trust him.
“Alright,” he said eventually. “I’m sorry for bursting in on you.”
Sirius’ grin went from tense to sunny in a matter of seconds. “Listen. Let me buy you lunch. No strings attached. I’m sure you’ve been at lectures all day and I’ve been in meetings.”
Remus wanted to say no, but he couldn’t stop staring at Sirius and Lily’s words were infecting his brain. Was he attracted to men? Or just Sirius? Either way, his traitorous mouth was answering for him. “Fine, but nothing posh.”
Sirius laughed. “Fair enough. I know a good pub that does vegetarian just round the corner. We can even walk, skip the fancy car.”
Remus knew this was about to spell disaster, and yet here he was, following this man to the lifts.
***
The lunch was pleasant. They skipped over the mortifying accusations and Sirius even agreed to answer a few questions about what it was like to hire someone to play a boyfriend. It seemed simple enough, and Sirius did seem to hold genuine affection for all of those he had been with in the past.
“Don’t you ever want to be with someone?” Remus asked.
Sirius shrugged. “Ah. Well. I mean there have been times, but it’s just not worth the stress. You must know what that’s like. You don’t date.” He poked a chip at Remus who blushed.
“Yes well, my situation’s a little different.”
Sirius regarded him for a long moment. “Regulus says you’re poorly.”
Remus reached for his pint and swallowed. “It’s not just poorly, really. I have a chronic illness. It’s called Lupus. It’s worse in men and sometimes I’m fine, but the more stress I have, the worse my symptoms are. And it’s not pretty. People get…tired of dealing with it.”
Sirius frowned. “That’s rubbish.”
“It is what it is,” Remus said with a shrug. “Most days I’m fine, then next thing you know I’m spending weeks in bed too exhausted to make a cup of tea let alone get a good shag in. I get welts on my arms and face, my joints swell, I run high fevers. I’m at risk for literally everything. Most people don’t even die of Lupus. They die of the common cold during a flare when their body can’t fight anything off. It goes straight to pneumonia and the next thing you know…gone.”
Sirius flinched. “That doesn’t mean you’re not deserving.”
“Yes, but it’s not always worth the trouble of trying to make someone care,” Remus said. “I’m not…I’m not bothered by it, you know,” he added. “Not everyone needs their Disney Movie happy ending.”
Sirius looked like he wanted to argue, but had no room to really, after his lecture about why he never dated. Eventually he just sighed. “So I guess we understand each other.”
Remus chanced a smile. “You seem alright, and I am sorry I came at you like that.”
“Reckon you had a reason to,” Sirius said. He worried his lip and then said, “Look, this is going to make me sound like a bloody liar about everything I said before but…if you were interested…”
“Sirius,” Remus said with a small sigh.
“It pays better than your job, and it doesn’t need to require sex,” Sirius insisted. “A few dates a month, whenever I have a benefit. And I have it on good authority that it would be far less stress than your current job.”
Remus felt his cheeks heat up. “I…”
“I understand the negative stigma, but I have the money and I like you. You’re not afraid to tell me off and your fashion sense sucks but you didn’t let me bully you into things you didn’t want. And my brother rather likes you and that’s something special. He never likes anyone.”
Remus had to laugh. “I don’t think he likes me so much as tolerates me because I don’t bother him.”
“For Reg, that’s like. Just wait until you meet his boyfriend,” Sirius said and laughed when Remus looked surprised. “He doesn’t come round a lot. He lives in Egypt and visits a few times a year. I don’t need an answer now. Just…think about it, okay?”
Remus looked at the imploring grey eyes and wondered if Sirius had been lying the whole time, but for some reason wanted to believe he hadn’t been. “I’ll think about it.”
Sirius’ face lit up like a menorah and he sat back triumphant. “Fair enough. And if anything, we can be friends. Right?”
Remus took a breath and nodded, although it felt like he was agreeing to some dangerous prank. “Yeah.” He licked his lips and then forced himself to look away. “Friends.”