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Chapter Text

I want to make it known first and foremost that I genuinely like Total Drama World Tour as it is.  It's by no means perfect, but it might just be my favorite season of Total Drama.  (Maybe.)  I think the songs are fun.  I think the vibes are good.  And, importantly, I think most of the characters are used well.

Most of them.  There are three GLARING exceptions:  Ezekiel, Blaineley, and Bridgette.

There's nothing I can say about Ezekiel's arc that hasn't been said a hundred times already.  It's sad, sickening, and staggeringly unfair.  I won't lie and say it never brought me moments of joy, but it's hard to say that those moments were worth sacrificing the possibilities we could have gotten with Ezekiel as an actual competitor.

Blaineley technically being a contestant for two episodes really pisses me off.  The premise of this show is built around the characters being (allegedly, at least) TEENS, and she is clearly a grown-ass woman.  She didn't want to be on the show (I know she changed her mind about that once she showed up, but still), and there was absolutely nothing even remotely resembling legal grounds for her to be roped into it.  It never should have happened.

And poor, poor Bridgette.  She hasn't had an opportunity to shine since before her elimination in Season 1.  In World Tour she's used as cannon fodder, and given one of the most humiliating eliminations of all time.

And here's why it's so much worse than Harold and Leshawna getting similar treatment, (aside from each of those two getting a decent amount of focus in both previous seasons):  because World Tour feels like it was meant to be Bridgette's season.  I've read her official bio, and she's already done more traveling than any other contestant besides maybe Alejandro.  She's been to Peru before, one of the countries they hit on this trip (albeit a different part of the country)!  She's brave, smart, interested in other cultures, loves challenging herself, and loves trying new things.  She is spectacularly well-equipped for this season in particular, in the same way that Gwen was for Island and Duncan was for Action.

Bridgette deserves to be the main character of this season, to get screentime and have cool moments and sweet moments and funny moments and prove herself as a serious contender in her own right.  Ezekiel deserves to have the chance to participate, to meet people and learn things and show off his talents.  And Blaineley deserves to stay on the Aftermath show, be exposed as a fake blonde on international TV, and watch her career slowly die as she slides further and further out of the limelight, but not break all the bones in her body.  So that's what's going to happen.

One final note on how this is going to work.  This fic will start out as primarily a "for want of a nail" fic, where I make one tweak to the second episode -- Ezekiel keeping hold of Team Victory's stick, so there's no elimination ceremony that evening -- and see how that one thing changes subsequent events.  But I want to make it clear up front that things will not stay that way.  I reserve the right to make whatever changes I need to later on in order to improve the story.  I'm definitely gonna need to figure out something pretty wildly different for the last three episodes, at the very least.

The first three episodes will not be written out as chapters, because they stick so close to canon that there wouldn't be a point.  Instead I'll just enclose the details of those few changes here.

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Walk Like an Egyptian, Part 1:

Ezekiel doesn't have a peanut allergy, because I don't feel like working around that.  Instead he says something about Chris's shoes which he meant as a compliment but which comes across as an insult, and that's why Chris tosses him out of the plane before takeoff.  Ezekiel is also a bit less annoyingly overconfident.  (I also might be quietly retconning much of what he did since losing Season 1 out of existence.  I like Rapper Ezekiel even less than Feral Ezekiel.)

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Walk Like an Egyptian, Part 2:

Like I said, Ezekiel manages to hold onto the stick despite bopping the crocodiles with it, so there's no elimination ceremony.  Duncan is the only person eliminated today.

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Super Happy Crazy Fun Time Japan:

Ezekiel gets a single line in "Before We Die."  I'm thinking a panicky off-key "Before we die!" at the very end, out of sync with everybody else.

While all of the other contestants land in the giant bowl of rice, Ezekiel manages to land on the bowl's hard edge.  This leaves him too injured to participate in the pinball challenge, so he just sits on the ground and leans his weight against the flipper-thingy, which changes nothing.

In Team Victory's commercial, Ezekiel stands next to DJ silently, because the others didn't give him any lines.  This, too, changes nothing.

I think that Bridgette and Leshawna would probably at least consider voting for Ezekiel this episode, because DJ's curse wasn't directly responsible for their loss, and because Zeke is still by far the least-liked person on their team.  Whether Ezekiel would vote for Harold or DJ is a bit of a toss-up.  However, none of that matters, because Harold is still going to sacrifice himself.

So far, nothing has changed for Bridgette whatsoever.  That will stop being true in the next episode:  "Anything Yukon Do, I Can Do Better," which will receive a more detailed rewrite in the next chapter, whenever I get around to writing it.  (It might take a while.)

Chapter Text

"Last time on Total Drama World Tour," Chris began, addressing the many lovely viewers at home.  "Steeped in a tradition, Japan's modern allure is as fascinating as its rich history!  Here, our competitors experienced Japan's innovative entertainment!  And Harold celebrated Japan's role in the world of martial arts, which resulted in one of the LONGEST eliminations in Total Drama history!"

"Harold's sacrifice means we're two warriors down, fifteen to go," Chris continued, as the camera flashed to him and Chef in the plane's cockpit.  "With one million big ones up for grabs, on Total!  Drama!  World Tour!"

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[[Theme Song]]

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In the first class section of the plane, Team Amazon, the winners of last episode's challenge, were reclining in comfortable golden seats.  All except for one.

Sierra was kneeling on the floor and rubbing one of Cody's feet, which she'd removed from its shoe and sock while he was sleeping.  Cody then snapped awake and saw what his crazy fangirl was doing.  "Sierra, what are you doing?" he asked uncomfortably, snatching his own foot away from her.

"Everyone loves a foot massage," Sierra said blithely.

"Yeah, normally," Cody admitted.  "But- uh, I don't like having my feet touched!"

Sierra ignored this, grabbing the boy's foot again.  "Did you know there's a pressure point between the tarsal bones that can temporarily paralyze the body?"

"Uhhm, cool, but you can stop now--"

Sierra pressed the aforementioned pressure point with her thumb, causing Cody's body to seize up.

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Confession Camera

"Never fall asleep around a stalker," Cody said.  "That's rule number one.  Heh, where do you get those shoes with locks on 'em?"

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In economy class, there was less relaxation going on.  Owen was snoring lightly, but everyone else was awake:  the members of Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot on one side of the room, the members of Team Victory on the other.  No one looked particularly happy except for Ezekiel, who was holding a steaming thermos and humming under his breath.

DJ happened to look down at Leshawna's hands and noticed that she was playing with a distinctive object.  "Harold's num-yo?  Where'd you find that?"

"Dang fool wanted me to have it," Leshawna answered wistfully.

"I'm really sorry he's gone," DJ said consolingly.

Just then, Chris poked his head into the room.  "And, how is everyone back here?"

"Pretty good, eh-" Ezekiel started to say, before being rudely cut off.

"That is what I would ask if I cared," Chris said, as he made his way through their section of the plane.  Everyone glared at him.  "Coming through, make way!"

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Confession Camera

"I haven't done very well at this game in the past," Ezekiel acknowledged.  "So I think any day I'm still here is a pretty good one.  The other night we had an elimination ceremony, and I wasn't voted out!  Well, I don't think so, eh.  I don't actually know who everyone voted for, since Harold interrupted the ceremony.  But now he's gone and I'm still here, so that's pretty good, eh?  I get to use the confessional for the first time!"  He leaned forward and waved to the camera.  "Hi, Mom and Dad!"  Then he leaned back and brandished the thermos he was holding.  "Japan is known for its tea culture, so I got some special green tea while we were there.  They say it's good for your health AND your brain!"  He took a sip.  "It tastes okay too, eh."

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"Where are you taking us next?" Leshawna asked.  "Can it PLEASE be some place where there's no pinball of any kind?!"

"Or pandas!" DJ added sorrowfully.

"Or candied fish tails?" Noah threw in.

This mention of food was enough to wake Owen.  "Huh?  What?  Fish tails?  Where?!"

"Our next destination is everything you've just asked for," Chris reassured them, smiling broadly.

Sierra, looking in on the scene from the doorway, winced.

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Confession Camera

"Thanks to my extensive viewings and reviewings and rereviewings of season one and two, I can safely say with no uncertainty, that if Chris says one thing, he means another," Sierra explained happily.  She chuckled.  "Oh, classic Chris!"

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A moment later, the plane began to shake, and the seatbelt light turned on.  Everyone started hurriedly buckling their seatbelts, but Leshawna wasn't quick enough and banged her head on the ceiling of the cabin.

"We got some nasty air bumps," Chef said over the radio.  "Lock your butts to a seat.  Over!"

"You don't need to say 'over,'" Chris pointed out.

"I like sayin' it," Chef defended.  "OVER!"

Meanwhile, back in economy class, Owen was freaking out.  "WE'RE GONNA DIE!" he cried hysterically, until Alejandro squeezed his shoulder, somehow making him pass out.

Ezekiel and Bridgette had both begun quietly praying for safety, while Lindsay crossed her fingers, her arms, and her legs.

Noah tried buckling himself in, but one of his seatbelt straps ripped off in his hand.  "Perfect," he said dully.

Back in the cockpit, Chef turned to Chris and asked, "Should we stop messin' with them and level out?"

"Eeh," Chris said consideringly.  "Nah!"  Then they both broke into loud laughter.

When the plane finally came in for a landing, it did so jerkily and clumsily, ending in a minor crash.  DJ opened the door to get out, only to find that no staircase was set up.  He tried to avoid falling, but a line of his fellow contestants bumped into him from behind, leading to everyone falling in a heap on the ground with a glad-to-be-alive Owen on top.

"Welcome to the Yukon!" Chris said, and chuckled as he watched the contestants start to shiver in the freezing wind.

They all gathered behind a starting line, beyond which was a partly-frozen river.

"Um, hello?" Heather complained, seeing that Chris had donned a warm winter jacket.  "Where are OUR jackets?"

"Relax," Chris said.  "I ordered coats for everyone.  They won't be ready for weeks, but, as soon as they arrive, I'll be sure to hand them out."

"Maybe we should huddle for warmth?" Courtney suggested.

Seeing as nobody present possessed common sense, this obviously-sensible advice that should have been embraced by the entire group was instead taken as an excuse for a handful of contestants (not including Courtney herself) to individually attempt to cuddle with people they found attractive.  Cody started to approach Gwen, but quickly found himself shoved backwards into Sierra's waiting arms; meanwhile, Lindsay, Leshawna, and (of all people) Izzy all rushed over to engulf Alejandro.

Ezekiel tried wrapping his arms around Bridgette, but she pushed him off, saying "I have a boyfriend!"  Fortunately for him, Owen was happy to pull him into a huddle with himself and Noah.

"Little chilly without mittens," Chris commented, glad to see the contestants suffering, and happily accepted a cup of cocoa from Chef.

Bridgette, shivering by herself, looked over at the huddlers and happened to make eye contact with Aleandro, who gave her an inviting smile that she couldn't help but return.

Owen was quickly summoned to Chris's side by the scent of cocoa.  "You gonna finish that?"

"Of course he is," Sierra interjected, popping up on Chris's other side.  "It's Chris's favorite drink!"

"Wrong, I-" Chris started to say.

"Second only to tomato juice," Sierra interrupted, in a manner that suggested she felt she was being sly.

"That's not on the fan site," Chris noted, in genuine surprise.  "How'd you-"

"I went to your high school and interviewed all your old teachers for the unauthorized biography I'm writing!" Sierra said, boldly putting her hand on Chris's shoulder.  "They said-"

"Okay, okay, moving on!" Chris declared, shoving one of his mittens in Sierra's face to shut her up.

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"Crossing the icy river in Canada's frozen tundra used to be easy, back when the river was frozen solid," Chris explained.  "But thanks to global warming, and Owen, Earth is finally becoming a lot more interesting.  By which I mean, deadly!"

"Yay!" Izzy cheered.

"Today's challenge is called Total Drama: The Icicle!" Chris continued.  "Teams must make their way across this watery chasm by jumping from ice floe to ice floe.  First team member across must make their way to the dogsleds on the far shore and become, the dog, pulling the sled all the way to the finish line as you grab the rest of your team along the way at marked meeting points.  Sleds are first come, first served, so move fast.  Don't worry; if you fall into the water we're legally required to save you.  So, we have two divers downstream ready to pull you out."

"You guys ready for some mad ice floe jumpin'?" Tyler asked his teammates.  "'Cuz this guy is kicking it into high gear!"

Leshawna gathered the rest of Team Victory into a huddle.  "Whoever doesn't land near the sled, head straight for the finish line," she instructed.  "That way we won't lose time stopping at every meeting point."  The others nodded.

"Excuse me, Chris," Alejandro spoke up.  "Is this an elimination challenge or a reward challenge?"

"Oh yeah," Chris remembered.  "About that.  We found that teams try harder during elimination challenges.  So, this season, there's no set routine.  Every challenge could end in elimination!"  This prompted a general wave of complaint.  "That's the spirit!" Chris said happily.  "On your mark!  Get set!  Go!"

Chef blew into a moose-caller, and the race began.

Tyler was the first one to reach the river, and almost immediately slipped on the first ice floe and fell into the frigid water.

"Hi, Noah!" Lindsay called to him as she jumped past.

"Hi, Tyler," Tyler corrected, as he pulled himself out.

Lindsay giggled.  "No, I'm Lindsay!"

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Confession Camera

"I don't get it," Tyler said.  "I'm the least talked about contestant on all the fan blogs.  Even Zeke gets more play.  Worst of all, on the flight here Lindsay called me Noah.  Noah!  Have to make her see me."

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Back in the challenge, Izzy was skillfully doing flips from one ice floe to another.

"If Nutsy can do it, we can do it," Noah told Owen encouragingly.  "Come on!"  He jumped onto an ice floe and immediately faceplanted.

"Noah, hang on buddy!" Owen cried, following, but he only succeeded in catapulting Noah into a snow drift back on land.

"So, uh," Owen said awkwardly.  "I'll just go on ahead, okay?"  Noah didn't respond.  "Okay, cool!"

"Ha!" Leshawna laughed, as she jumped from ice floe to ice floe.  "This is easy!"

Gwen grunted with exertion as she leapt onto the next floe, but nothing seemed to be going wrong for her.  "Wow, so far so-" she started to say, but then she was interrupted by the ice floe splitting beneath her, leaving her body weight split between the two.  "Woah!  Woah!"

Cody looked over to where Gwen was having difficulty.  "Hang on, Gwen!" he said, starting to move towards her, but his attempted rescue was slowed down when he bumped into Owen and halted entirely when a polar bear started climbing onto the ice floe he and Owen were on.

As the polar bear snarled at the two, it was suddenly beaned in the head with a large and solid chunk of ice thrown by Sierra, knocking it out.  "Bad polar bear!" Sierra scolded.  "I am not about to post an obituary on my Cody blog!  Got it?!"

Unfortunately, this made the polar bear fall back into the water, which upset the balance of the ice floe, sending Owen and Cody into the water as well.

"Aaah!  I'm coming, Cody!" Sierra called.  She snatched a large fish out of the water with her bare hand and began using it as an oar to row her ice floe towards where Cody had fallen in.

Meanwhile, Bridgette was just about to slip off the floe she was on, when she was saved by Alejandro grabbing her and pulling her back.  "Woah, thanks," she said gratefully.  "You know we're on different teams, right?"

"My mother raised a gentleman," Alejandro answered smoothly.  "Teams are irrelevant."

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Confession Camera

"When Geoff's around, I'm never tempted by other guys," Bridgette said.  "Probably 'cuz when Geoff's around we're always making out, but, now that it's just me...  I...  miss Geoff?"

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Ezekiel's sturdy hiking boots had a good grip on the ice to help him avoid slipping.  However, he landed too hard on what must have been a weak spot in the ice, causing his left foot to break right through the bottom of the ice floe, which left him stuck with one leg in the hole he'd just created and one leg out.

"Hey, uh, I- I could use a little help over here, eh?" he called.  Unfortunately, none of his teammates were close by, and his ice floe was caught by the current and swept past all of the others, taking him downstream.

Meanwhile, Alejandro jumped to the next ice floe and held out a hand to help Bridgette.

"It's too far!" Bridgette shouted, doubtful of her ability to leap the distance.  Long jumping wasn't her best event.

"You can do it," Alejandro urged her.  "Just jump!"

Bridgette screwed her eyes shut and leapt as far as she could.  This turned out to be farther than expected and she landed right on Alejandro, knocking him down and kissing him by sheer accident.

"Uh, thank you for catching me," she said to him, blushing.

"Mmm, thank you for kissing me," Alejandro replied, with no shame whatsoever.

Bridgette quickly stood up.  "That was an accident!" she insisted.

Alejandro also stood up.  "One man's accident is another man's treasure."

Bridgette tried to say "I have a boyfriend," but she couldn't seem to make it come out right.

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Confession Camera

"I got flustered," Bridgette admitted.  "But I'm not falling for him, mark my words."  These words were slightly undercut by the small whimper she let out at the end of her sentence.

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DJ was the first contestant to reach the opposite shore.  "Not too far from the sleds!" he noticed.  "Nice!"

Cody, meanwhile, was still in the water, and was on the verge of losing consciousness from the sheer cold by the time Sierra pulled him out and onto her ice floe.

"Oh, dear Cody!" Sierra cried.  "If one of us drowns, I want it to be me!"

"Me too," Cody answered, shivering.

Alejandro picked up Bridgette in a bridal carry before he made the jump from the last ice floe onto land, and Bridgette couldn't help but smile at him, touched by his care.  Until something occurred to her.

"Wait!" she said, once Alejandro had set her back on her feet.  "Are you trying to make a secret alliance with me?"

"Alliance?" he gasped.  "Oh, Bridgette, for me, this is so much bigger than a game."

Bridgette was at a loss for words.

Meanwhile, Cody was in danger of freezing to death (more so than the others), as the water clinging to him from his dip in the river was turning into ice.

"You need to get to shore fast!" Sierra realized.

"Wait," Cody said.  "What are you-"

Sierra picked him up and spun him around a few times before hurling him as far as she could in the direction of land.  Not only did he clear the river, but he ended up smacking into the side of a small cliff on the other side, landing in a pile of snow at the bottom.

Leshawna, in contrast, had minimal trouble crossing the river.  "You just gotta go with the flow," she explained as she passed Chris.

"Nice," Chris complimented.  "And, lucky you, DJ got here first!  He's on dog duty, so you get to kick back and enjoy the ride."

Leshawna ran to where DJ had already claimed the best sled and put on a furry hat that was sitting in it.  "Cozy," she commented.  Then she noticed that DJ was crying.  "What's wrong with you?" she asked.

"Sorry," DJ apologized.  "Being back in Canada makes me miss my mama.  All this ice; it's just like her freezer."

Not a moment later, Heather and Courtney arrived together to claim the second-best sled.

"Courtney!" Chris greeted.  "First Amazon to arrive.  Grab a sled and start pullin'."

"Heather got here at the exact same time," Courtney complained.  "We should both pull the sled."

"Yeah, no," Chris dismissed her.  "In the event of a tie, we go alphabetically."

Courtney looked to Heather.  "Heather, help me out here."

But Heather had already sat down in the sled and was putting on the furry hat she'd found in it.  "What can I do, Courtney?" she asked rhetorically.  "I didn't make the alphabet."

For Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot, Tyler was the first member to arrive.  "Oh, no!" he exclaimed, as he realized that two of the three sleds were already taken.

"'Fraid so," Chris said cheerfully.

Izzy (who had DEFINITELY not held herself back until Tyler had crossed to ensure that she wouldn't have to pull Owen's weight, stop making wild accusations) ran up just then and jumped onto the sled.  "Woo!  Oh, look, a speaker!" she said, pointing to the radioactivity label on the boxes strapped to the sled.  "Ours must play music!"

"Is that box radioactive?" Tyler asked.

Chris shrugged.  "Eh, what isn't radioactive these days?"

Izzy, now glowing green, poked her head out of one of the boxes.  "I can't find the radio anywhere.  I think someone stole it."

DJ had some difficulty putting on the harness that would let him pull the dogsled, but at last he managed it, still in time to become the first team to depart.  "There!  Finally."

"Yes!" Leshawna cheered, as DJ ran past Courtney and Heather.  "Team Victory takes the lead!"

"Wait," Courtney asked.  "How does this harness work?"

DJ looked back, but before he could say anything Leshawna stopped him.  "Not a word, DJ!  Just keep moving!"

"Nice sportsmanship," Heather said sarcastically, before undercutting her point by shouting after DJ, "Try not to maim too many animals out there today!"

Tyler didn't wait for the rest of his team before buckling on the harness and setting off, passing by as Courtney watched.

Courtney's focus was then stolen by Heather cracking an actual whip at her, which she'd found in the dogsled.

"Hey," Courtney whined.  "You can't just-"

Heather cracked it again.  "Mush!"

Courtney finally got her harness on and started running after the other teams, while Heather continued whipping her.

Chris turned to the camera.  "Will anyone survive the coldest challenge in Total Drama history?  Place your bets and cross your fingers!  The results, after this!"

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[[Commercial Break]]

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Cody was hiking through the snowy wilderness, shivering intensely, when Sierra popped up next to him.  "How did you find me?" he asked.

"Followed your footprints," she answered.  "Pretty easy, really.  You're a size seven and your right foot really pronates."

Cody started walking faster in an effort to get away from her.

Meanwhile, far downstream from any of the others, Ezekiel finally managed to drag himself out of the river.  He too was freezing, having spent longer in the icy water than even Cody.

"Okay," he said to himself determinedly.  "Finish line, here I come, eh?"  He set off at a lope while waving his arms like wings (knowing that moving around as much as possible would help warm him up).

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"Woah, Courtney, woah!" Heather called, as the Team Amazon sled came upon the first checkpoint, where Gwen was waiting.

Courtney halted momentarily so that Gwen could get on the sled.  Then she shrieked as Heather whipped her again.  "Stop!" she demanded.

"I'd love to," Heather lied, clearly enjoying herself immensely.  "But it makes you go faster."

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Confession Camera

"Whipping?" Courtney stated incredulously.  "With a whip?  When the time comes, she is so gonna get it."

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"If you see anyone, call out," Tyler instructed Izzy, as he pulled her along.

Izzy gasped.  "Ooh ooh ooh!  There's Tyler!"  She pointed.

"Other than me!" Tyler specified.

"Ooh, there's Noah!" Izzy noticed, as Noah ran up behind them and jumped onto the sled.  "Noah, someone stole our radio."

Tyler glared at her.

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"Lindsay!" Leshawna called.

Lindsay easily jumped onto the Team Victory sled as it sped by, DJ not even slowing down.

"Now, we just need to pick up Bridgette and get to the finish line," Leshawna said happily.  "We're finally gonna win one!"

"All right, home free!" Lindsay exclaimed, high-fiving her.

"And Ezekiel," DJ pointed out.

"Hmm, nah, he can walk," Leshawna dismissed.  Then she noticed that DJ was crying again.  "Would you forget your mama's freezer?"

"I can't," DJ sobbed, and said something unintelligible.

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Alejandro and Bridgette had elected to walk together.

"Let's wait here," Alejandro suggested, when they came to one of the checkpoints.

"I ssshould keep going to the finish line," Bridgette said doubtfully.

"Our teams will find us here," Alejandro assured her.  "Save your strength.  Cold?  Take my shirt."  He removed his shirt, making Bridgette gasp.  "I can't freeze.  My Latin blood won't allow it.  And if you get sick and your team votes you off, I won't get to know you better, which would make me very... very sad."

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Confession Camera

"Of course I believed him!" Bridgette stressed to the camera.  "Who gives away their shirt in the Arctic?!"

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"I don't see any signposts, do you?" Lindsay asked.

"That's weird," Leshawna noted.  "Where's the path to the finish line, DJ?"

"I have no idea!" DJ shouted.  "My tears froze my eyes shut about ten minutes ago!"

Leshawna threw her arms up in frustration.  "Why didn't you say so?!"

"I tried, but you kept shushing me!"

As they were arguing, a baby seal appeared in their path.  DJ, being unable to see it, was unable to avoid kicking it into the nearby sea.

"Did I just hit a baby seal?!" DJ asked frantically.

"Yes!" Lindsay answered.  "He fell down a crack in the ice!"

"WHAT?!?!" DJ cried, horrified.  "We gotta help him!"

Leshawna wasn't having that.  "Ooh, look!" she lied.  "He's climbing back up!"  She elbowed Lindsay, who made some amazingly accurate baby seal noises to sell the bit.

"There, see?" Leshawna soothed.  "Now let's get moving!"

As they moved on, the baby seal climbed back up the ice cliff behind them and stared after them, growling vengefully.

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"Is this the finish line?" Ezekiel asked, running past what was clearly the finish line.

"Why yes," Chris confirmed.  "Yes it is.  And I can't believe I'm saying this, but you're actually the first one here."

"Yes!" Ezekiel pumped his fists.

"But Ezekiel," Chris frowned.  "I can't help but notice that you're missing a dogsled, and the entire rest of your team.  Care to explain that?"

"The river swept me way past the dogsleds, eh," Ezekiel explained.  "And Leshawna said if that happened I should head to the finish on my own instead of waiting to be picked up, so I don't slow 'em down."

Chris stroked his chin.  "Hmm.  Interesting strategy.  Well, good job making it here so fast, but the others probably won't show up for a while.  Some of them might get lost."

Ezekiel considered that.  "Hey, Chris.  If I run back to help the rest of my team, will you still count me as being the first one to get here?"

Chris shrugged carelessly.  "Sure.  Why not?"

"Thanks, eh."  Ezekiel started running back towards the start, in the hopes of finding his team.

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"Well, looks like this is my ride," Alejandro noted, as Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot's sled approached the checkpoint where he and Bridgette were waiting.  "But I can't leave you here all alone."

Bridgette handed his shirt back.  "Go on!  I'll race you to the finish."

Alejandro raised an eyebrow.  "I think we've got enough time for one more... accident?"

Bridgette, overcome by his charms, finally gave into temptation.  She closed her eyes, puckered her lips, and leaned in... only to meet something cold, hard, and metallic.

Alejandro hopped onto his team's sled, leaving Bridgette behind, her tongue frozen to the pole.

Bridgette swore.

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"Need a lift?" Gwen asked, as Team Amazon's sled happened upon where Sierra was cuddling Cody.

"And a restraining order!" Cody said.  Sierra, unbothered, got on the sled, still holding Cody in her arms.

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"What's the matter, Big O?" Izzy asked, when her team's dogsled stopped to let Owen on and she noticed him frowning.

"I haven't eaten in hours," Owen responded.  "I wish we were in Russia right now.  They're building the world's largest cake."

"What flavor?" Izzy wondered.

Owen threw his hands up.  "Who cares, it's cake!"

"Okay, Tyler, time to get moving," Noah declared.

"I am moving!" Tyler replied.  He was running in place, his sneakers squeaking on the ice.  Apparently Owen's weight on top of everyone else was too much.

"No, you're miming," Noah snarked.

"Oh, it's my court shoes!" Tyler realized, frustrated.  "They're no good on ice!  If the contest was pulling the sled across a volleyball court, we would've already won!"

Unfortunately for them, this delay allowed Team Amazon to pass them by.

----------

"Hey, isn't that Zachariah?" Lindsay asked.

Leshawna looked where she was pointing.  "Ezekiel!  Over here!"  She waved her arms, and Ezekiel ran over.

"Are you lost too?" DJ asked.

"No way, eh," Ezekiel replied.  "I already found the finish line, but I figured I should find you guys too."

"Woo-hoo!" Leshawna cheered.  "Zeke, take DJ's hand and lead him to the finish!"

"What about Bridgette?" Ezekiel asked.  "She's not here, eh."

"We haven't seen her," Leshawna answered.  "But she can find her own way to the finish line.  Let's go!"

"Woah, we can't just leave her behind!" Ezekiel objected.

Leshawna scoffed.  "Last season I spent an entire challenge locked in a bank vault because my teammates left me behind.  They still won the challenge without me.  It's fine!"

"But isn't being alone in the wilderness Bridgette's worst fear?"

"Yeah, it is," DJ confirmed.  "How do you know that?"

"I watched the episode about everyone's fears, eh.  Look, DJ."  Ezekiel took DJ's arm and moved it until it was pointed in the right direction.  "Just go that way until you reach the finish line, okay?"

"Aren't you coming?" Lindsay asked.

"I'm goin' back for Bridgette, eh.  If we can win without her, then you can win without me."

Leshawna shrugged.  "Suit yourself.  DJ, run!"

DJ ran.

----------

Chris pulled up to one of the checkpoints on a snowmobile, and found Bridgette stuck to the pole by her tongue.

"Oh dear," he said in false concern.  "How did this happen?"  He grinned evilly as Bridgette struggled to answer his question.

"This all sounds very heartfelt," Chris said.  "I bet it would be an amazing song!"

Ding ding!

"Woah," Chris said, holding out a hand to stop Team Amazon from running past.  "Hello, backup singers!"

Team Amazon groaned.

"Crap!" Heather swore.  "I thought you'd forgotten the music challenge this time."

"As if!" Chris said happily.  "It's my favorite part!"

For all of their complaining, Team Amazon sung with surprising enthusiasm while Bridgette poured her heart out about being Stuck to a Pole.  (Except for Cody, who was too busy shivering to sing.)

At the end of the song, Chris applauded.  "Very nice."

"I mean it!" Bridgette tried to say.  "Pour water on my face."

Chris raised a gloved finger.  "Amazons, begone!"

"Wait!" Bridgette cried as they left.  "Water!  My face!"

"Wish I could," Chris lied.  "But I only have the one bottle.  Sorry."  He drank all but one drop of the warm water in his bottle and then threw the bottle down so that Bridgette could pick it up and pour that one drop on her tongue.  It wasn't enough to do the job.

"Good luck!"  He sped off as Bridgette glared at him.

----------

When Chris returned to the finish line on his snowmobile, he found three-fifths of Team Victory already there waiting for him.

"Congrats on being the first team here!" he announced.  Lindsay, Leshawna, and DJ all cheered.

----------

"Dude, get moving already!" Owen complained, as Tyler pulled Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot very slowly across the ice.  He started bouncing in place, his enormous weight rocking the entire sled.  "I need to hit a john or another river fast!"

Unfortunately, Owen's bouncing caused the icy bridge they were crossing to break.  The sled plummeted until Tyler managed to get a grip with his fingers.

----------

Confession Camera

"I've got wicked strong fingers," Tyler confided.  "Docs can't explain it.  My first piano lesson, I broke the piano.  Got into sports after that."

----------

"Ezekiel?" Bridgette asked in shock when the home-schooled guy found her.

"Oh no, eh," he fretted.  "I knew something must've gone wrong."

"Do you have warm water?" Bridgette asked, her tongue still stuck.

Ezekiel stared at her uncomprehendingly.  "What?"

Bridgette held Chris's empty water bottle over her tongue and mimed pouring water out of it.

"Oh.  Oh!" Ezekiel realized.  He reached behind his back and pulled out a thermos.  "Here, eh.  Have some tea."  He poured the last of his tea on Bridgette's tongue, melting the ice keeping it stuck to the pole.

"Ugh.  Thanks," Bridgette said gratefully.

Ezekiel grabbed her hand and started running, pulling her along.  "C'mon, eh!  We gotta hurry!  Follow me!"

Bridgette shook her hand out of his grip but ran as fast as she could alongside Ezekiel as he led the way.

"What happened, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"Alejandro," Bridgette answered.  "He tricked me into kissing that pole so I'd be stuck there."

"How'd he do that?"

Bridgette blushed in embarrassment.  "It's a long story."

----------

Owen, Noah, Izzy, and Alejandro all climbed over Tyler back to the safety of land.  This relieved enough of the weight pulling down on Tyler that he could haul himself and their sled back up on his own.

In fact, the momentum produced by this sent the sled sliding across the snow, pulling Tyler along behind it.  The other members of the team just hopped on and enjoyed the ride.

As they sped down the hill, they noticed the finish line ahead of them -- and Team Amazon about to cross it.

"Owen, lean forward!" Noah ordered.

Owen did so, and their speed increased suddenly and dramatically, allowing them to squeeze just barely past Team Amazon to cross the finish line in second place.

"Last place?!" Heather shouted, outraged.  "I can't believe I did all that work for nothing!"  Courtney glared at her.

"Actually," Chris corrected.  "Team Victory crossed the line without Bridgette, so they come in last."

This naturally provoked complaints from Team Victory.  "Where was that rule last season, Chris?!" Leshawna howled.

Chris ignored her.  "That means Team Amazon is in second place and Team Chris Is Really Really Really Crazy Hot takes first."

Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot all cheered.  Noah and Izzy high-fived.  Owen tried to high-five Alejandro, but he just walked away.

Then, gasping for breath, Ezekiel and Bridgette raced down the hill and crossed the finish line.

"Good try, Zeke," Chris said, patting the boy's toque.  "But you're too late.  Team Victory loses.  Again."

Alejandro stared in surprise at Bridgette, who shot him a death glare.

----------

Confession Camera

"Geoff," Bridgette said to the camera tearfully.  "If you're watching this, I am so, so sorry.  I promise, I won't fall for that scum Alejandro's charms again.  He has nothing on you, Sweetie, he's just a big lying jerk!"

She blew a kiss to the camera, then sighed sadly and wrapped her arms around herself.  "I miss you so much."

----------

Confession Camera

"We probably only lost that challenge because I did get a curse in Egypt," DJ speculated.  "I mean, a baby seal?!  C'mon!  The only way I'll believe I'm not cursed is if they don't vote me off.  Like that's gonna happen."

----------

"Victory," Chris said.  "I have peanut-filled barf bags for the four of you who get to stay.  The first one is for the only one of you who didn't screw up today:  Lindsay."  He tossed one bag to Lindsay, who caught it happily.

"The rest of you?"  Chris shook his head chastisingly.  "DJ, you got your team lost because you were being a crybaby.  Leshawna, you got your team even more lost by not listening to DJ, and refused to go back for Bridgette.  Bridgette, you made out with a pole.  And Ezekiel, you're annoying, and nobody here likes you."

All four contestants looked down shamefully, unable to deny the charges.

"Sadly, Ezekiel, for the first time ever, nobody voted for you." Chris tossed a bag to Ezekiel.

"The next bag goes to..." Chris was suddenly distracted by the appearance of Chef behind him.  "If you're here, who's flying the plane?"

"I have it covered," Chef answered vaguely.

----------

"I repeat, uncharted aircraft, this is a No-Fly Zone.  Over," a voice over the radio said to the inflatable dummy of himself Chef had left in the cockpit.  "Hello?"

----------

"Anyway, the next bag goes to DJ."  DJ was too surprised to catch his bag.

"And the final bag goes to..."  Chris paused.  "Bridgette."

Leshawna's eyes widened as Bridgette caught her bag.  "Say what?"

"Sorry," DJ apologized.  "I didn't think you'd actually go home.  It was more of a protest vote."

Leshawna sighed.  "Oh, well.  There's always next season."  She got up and pulled on the parachute pack Chris offered her.

"Good luck, y'all," she said to her teammates.  "Turn this team around, alright?  When I watch the next episode on TV, I wanna see you win."

With that, she turned and took the Drop of Shame.

Alejandro, watching the whole thing from the shadows, frowned.

----------

Confession Camera

"No!" Alejandro growled, banging a fist on the wall.  "They were supposed to eliminate Bridgette!  Now she is wise to my tricks!"  He took a deep breath.  "It's fine.  I just have to ensure that her entire team is destroyed.  Quickly and thoroughly."  He looked into the camera menacingly.  "One by one.  They'll all.  Go down."

----------

Confession Camera

"Well, I totally rocked it today," Tyler bragged.  "I saved everyone's lives with my bare fingers.  Everyone's gonna know who Tyler is now!  Mission accomplished."

Then the door to the confessional opened and Lindsay stuck her head in.  "Oh, sorry, Noah."  She left, and Tyler sighed.

Chris popped in.  "Will Noah ever make Lindsay remember him?"

"It's Tyler!"

"Find out next time, on Total!  Drama!  World Tour!"

Chapter Text

"The Yukon!  Canada's frozen gem.  Here our competitors discovered the thrill of ice floe jumping!  The chill of dogsledding!  And the buzzkill of frigid romance!  In the end, Leshawna said goodbye.  The Yukon!  Live the adventure!

"Where will we dump our remaining competitors this time?  Find out right now on Total!  Drama!  World Tour!"

----------

[[Theme Song]]

----------

While Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot was living it up in first class, and Team Amazon was coping with finding themselves in economy class for the first time, Team Victory was having a meeting.

"Remember guys," Bridgette lectured her three remaining teammates.  "We can't trust Alejandro."

"Aw," Lindsay sighed, disappointed.  "But he's so nice!  And sooooo hot!"  She giggled.

"He spent hours pretending to be interested in me, just so he could sabotage our team," Bridgette emphasized.  "We're already down a player compared to the other teams, even though we started out with an extra.  We can't afford to keep losing."

----------

Confession Camera

"With Harold and Leshawna gone, I'm pretty much the team leader," Bridgette said.  "I'm gonna do my best to turn things around for us, like Leshawna asked.  And that means not letting Alejandro take advantage of us again."

----------

DJ and Ezekiel both nodded in agreement with Bridgette.

When Alejandro walked into economy class, he was met at once by three stern glares and one conflicted look from the Team Victory side.

"Woah," he said, dropping his armload of goods and holding his hands up.  "I come in peace.  As you can see, I have smuggled a few things out of first class for you and the ladies of Team Amazon, as a gesture of goodwill."

"No, thank you," Bridgette replied shortly.  She started picking up the things he'd dropped and handing them back to him.  "We don't need anything from you."

Lindsay gasped softly when she recognized her favorite brand of chocolate bar, and, when she was sure Bridgette wasn't looking, she picked it up and hid it behind her back.

----------

Confession Camera

"Bridgette is being way harsh," Lindsay confessed.  "Like, I totally get how bad it feels to be tricked.  I've been tricked loads of times!  But Alejandro is a sweetheart.  I'm sure he didn't mean it!  Plus, she's throwing away free chocolate.  Who does that?!"

She looked around, as if worried that someone would suddenly appear next to her in the tiny airplane bathroom, before pulling out the chocolate bar she'd swiped and scarfing it down.

----------

Alejandro looked sad.  "Oh Bridgette, are you still upset about what happened in the Yukon?  I swear it was a mistake!  Please let me make it up to you."

Bridgette softened momentarily, as his face was so beautiful and his expression so compelling that it was hard not to believe him.  But then she shook her head and her harsh glare returned.  "No.  I know you're lying.  I'm going to be faithful to my wonderful boyfriend from now on, and hope he forgives me for trusting you.  And I better not catch you trying to sabotage us again."

Alejandro sighed and hung his head.  "As you wish."  He took three steps to the right and held his hand out to Lindsay, shifting the goods he'd brought to his other arm.  "Lindsay, could I speak to you in private for a moment?"

Lindsay smiled, reaching towards Alejandro's offered hand.  "Okay."

But Bridgette got in between them.  "Nope, not a chance.  I'm not letting you mess with my team again, and that includes Lindsay.  You'll just manipulate her like you did with me."

"Aww, c'mon!" Lindsay whined, as Alejandro frowned.

----------

Confession Camera

"Every time I think about giving in here, I remember Geoff," Bridgette confided.  "I have an awesome boyfriend who's fun to hang with and who does sweet things for me and who's never looked at another girl when he's with me, and I kissed another guy.  A guy who just wanted to make me lose a challenge for my team!  That's not okay, and it can not happen again."

----------

Confession Camera

"It's unfortunate that Bridgette wasn't eliminated after the last challenge," Alejandro sighed.  "Having her as an enemy is inconvenient.  And with Leshawna gone there's no stronger personality on her team to resist her, so as long as she's against me, the rest of Team Victory is too.

"Lindsay is the weakest link.  But I can't get to her yet, which means that the ruination of Team Victory will have to wait.  I'll bide my time until I can find an opening.  And until then, I'll work on weakening Team Amazon."

----------

"Very well," Alejandro relented.  "Perhaps another time."  He walked across the room to chat up Team Amazon.

----------

"Take a seat, grab a handle," Chris instructed, as all of the contestants climbed into a boat in the cargo hold.  "And I'll tell you where we're going."

"Sweet boat, guy," Tyler commented.  "Right, Lindsay?"

"Um, sure..." Lindsay replied obliviously.  "Dave, is it?"

Tyler frowned.

"Why are you wearing a life jacket?" Noah asked Chris suspiciously.

"Because there's fourteen of you, but only one valuable me," Chris answered.  "Hit it, Chef!" he hollered.

Chef opened up a large trapdoor beneath the boat, which promptly plummeted a not-inconsiderable distance into the water below with Chris and the contestants inside.

"Welcome to New York City!" Chris announced.

----------

Confession Camera

"New York, New York!?" Lindsay gasped in delight.  "Do you know how many stores there are here?  I'm gonna buy like ten seasons' worth of lip gloss without even trying!"

----------

"Your first challenge is a carriage race to Central Park, which I like to call 'Liberty or Death!'" Chris said, once everyone was on dry land.

"Oh, I've always dreamed of riding a horse-drawn carriage!" Owen clapped his hands happily.

"Don't even think about making me the horse, Heather," Courtney said.

"Slow down, conclusion-jumpers," Chris said.  "It's a baby carriage race."

"Alright, but where are the carriages?" Bridgette asked.

Chris simply pointed upwards, to where three baby carriages were perched precariously on three of the spikes on the Statue of Liberty's crown, far above them.  "Hope you brought your climbing gloves."  Everyone groaned.

"L.O.L., Chris," Sierra giggled.  "I think your mischievous spirit makes the game."

"Thank you, Sierra," Chris smiled.  "It's nice to be appreciated."

Sierra of course took this as a cue to suck up even more, awkwardly bringing up one of Chris's past ventures that he would've honestly preferred not to talk about.  He soon tired of this and shoved the super-fan away in favor of resuming his explanation of the challenge.

"Okay, less chatter, more splatter!  Er, climbing.  More climbing.  We'll leave the splatter to fate.  Anywho, once you reach Lady Liberty's crown, pull up your rope to bring your team up faster.  Once everybody's up your team grabs the correct carriage off its spike, races back down to your boat, and follows the buoys to your next exciting destination:  Central Park."

"Um, so when do we go shopping?" Lindsay asked.

"You don't."

Lindsay dropped to her knees in despair.  "NOOOOOOOO!"

Chris led the contestants over to three climbing ropes hovering over color-coded mats, and blew a whistle to signal the start of the race.

"Ow!" DJ yelped when he touched the rope.  "What are these ropes made of?"

"Steel wool," Chris answered proudly, walking over.  "Strong and rough, just like the Big Apple."

DJ pushed through the pain in his sensitive hands and started climbing.

----------

Team Victory's small size compared to the other teams turned out to be a blessing in disguise, at least for the first part of the challenge.  Since they only had four members and all four were fairly athletic, their last climber (Lindsay) managed to reach the top while the other two teams were still struggling to pull up Cody, Sierra, Noah, and Owen.

"I'll get the carriage," DJ volunteered, and he tiptoed daintily up Lady Liberty's spiked crown with perfect balance and brought down their baby carriage lickety-split.

----------

Confession Camera

"I always walk on the edge of the curb," DJ explained.  "Never on the sidewalk.  Can't risk stepping on a crack and breakin' Mama's back, y'know what I'm sayin'?"

----------

"Great work," Bridgette complimented DJ, then turned to Chris.  "Now how do we get back down?"

"Fireman's pole, anyone?" Chris responded, gesturing to a pole that apparently went all the way to the bottom.  "It's only a thirty-story drop."

Bridgette, DJ, Lindsay, and Ezekiel all stared dubiously down the pole.  "So who's goin' first?" DJ asked.

Ezekiel raised a hand.  "I'll do it, eh?"  He gripped the pole and jumped, yelling "Wooooohoooooo!" as he slid down, finally landing at the bottom with a crash!  "I'm okay!" he hollered up.

Bridgette nodded.  "Alright," she said.  She looked to DJ.  "You still got the carriage?"

DJ nodded, somewhat less enthusiastically this time.  "Yeah, I got it."

Bridgette slid down the pole next, with DJ and Lindsay following suit.  Lindsay reached the bottom of the statue just as Sierra finally reached the top, putting Team Amazon in second place.

"Boats are over here, eh!" Ezekiel called once his teammates joined him outside, and he led them to the golden-yellow motorboat, which they all hopped into.

"Look," Lindsay observed, pointing up at a small white-and-green dot that had become lodged in the statue's nostril.  "Alejandro's team still hasn't pulled Owen up yet."

"That's good for us," Bridgette said.  "We've got a good lead; let's see if we can keep it.  Hold on, everyone!"  She fired up the boat's motor and sped towards the buoys in the distance.

----------

Their encounter with the giant alligator in the sewers was harrowing, but they made it through, and with the lead they'd built up they arrived in Central Park still comfortably ahead of the other two teams.

"Yes!" Bridgette cheered.  "First place!  So far, so good."  She high-fived each of her teammates.

A couple of minutes later, Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot arrived in their blue motorboat, followed by Team Amazon in their pink one.

----------

"Alright, focus, people," Chris said, clapping his hands.  "Welcome to the second half of the challenge: bobbing for big apples NYC-style!  Here's how it's gonna go down.  Teams must push their carriages along one of the three paths to Central Park's fabled Turtle Pond.  There, one member of each team will bob for some very special apples, using only their mouths.  No hands.  Once they get it to shore, the rest of the team must load it into the carriages, and race to the finish line in the heart of Central Park.  And what's a baby carriage without a baby?"

"Ooh!  Ooh!" Owen interrupted.  "A shopping cart!"

"It was a rhetorical question," Chris frowned.

"Oh Chris," Sierra started fawningly.  "That is so-"

"ZIP IT!" Chris yelled, officially done with her nonsense.  Sierra flinched back and shut up.

With Sierra silent, Chris calmed back down.  "One member of each team must ride in their carriage and stay there all the way to the finish line."

"Cody!" Gwen, Heather, Courtney, and Sierra immediately said in unison.

"I'll do it," Noah shrugged.

"Oh, and I'll do it for Team Victory!" Lindsay volunteered.  "I love it when people call me 'baby.'"

Noah elbowed Tyler.  "Make a mental note of that, bro."

Tyler patted his tracksuit, but it had no pockets.  "I don't have a pen."

"Victory got here first," Chris continued.  "So they get the shortest path to the pond."  He pointed at a helpful map to illustrate this.  "Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot gets the longer path on the left, and Team Amazon gets the longest path on the right.  Oh, and, a little traveling music, please."

"It's always been a dream of mine to dance in New York City!" Courtney gushed excitedly.

Ding ding!

"Now move it!" Chris pointed.  "We only have permits to cordon off this section of the park for another hour."

Everybody set off at a run as the music began.

----------

"Dance break!" DJ announced, in the middle of the song about New York.  Bridgette gave him about ten seconds of (admittedly very good) rhythmic sandal-tap-dancing before saying "Okay, that's enough," and pushing him onward.  She didn't want to waste the advantage they had in being given the shortest path.

Perhaps because of that, they arrived at Turtle Pond with neither of the other teams in sight.

"Look at the size of them apples!" DJ marvelled.

"Remember!" Chris called to them.  "No hands!"

DJ scratched his neck as the rest of team automatically looked at him.  "I'm not sure it's a good idea for me to swim in something called Turtle Pond with my animal curse, y'know?" he confessed.

"That's fine, DJ," Bridgette assured him.  "You can babysit Lindsay."  Lindsay giggled at that.

"I think it's my turn to tackle part of the challenge," Bridgette said, and she leapt gracefully into the water.

Of course, swimming was much harder while towing an apple as big as she was with her teeth, so the other two teams arrived before she could move it very far.

----------

Having successfully manipulated Sierra into losing Chris's favor, thus foiling Heather's plan, and seeing that Bridgette was still in the pond, Alejandro sidled up to the rest of Team Victory.  "Greetings, honorable opponents."

"Hey," Ezekiel acknowledged, while Lindsay said "Hiii~," and DJ stayed silent, crossing his arms suspiciously.

"Lindsay," Alejandro asked, offering her a hand.  "May I have a word with you in private?"

"Sure," Lindsay agreed, taking his hand and climbing out of the baby carriage.  But before she could follow him out of earshot, DJ picked her up in a bridal carry.

"Uh-uh," DJ said, shaking his head as he placed Lindsay gently back in the carriage.  "Remember what Bridgette said, Lindsay.  Sorry, Alejandro.  You're not tricking us again today."

"I'm hurt by your distrust in me," Alejandro admitted in disappointment.  "But I understand.  Perhaps another time."  He bent down to kiss Lindsay's hand, then returned to his own team to cheer on Tyler with Owen and Izzy.

(He didn't notice what Heather had done with his team's carriage while his back was turned.)

----------

Confession Camera

Alejandro leaned back with his hands behind his head.  "Mission accomplished," he declared proudly.

----------

Bridgette was the first to pull her apple out of the water, though Tyler and Sierra weren't as far behind her as she would've liked.  DJ and Ezekiel helped her deposit the giant apple on top of Lindsay.

"You alright Lindsay?" Bridgette asked, panting.

Lindsay nodded, clearly uncomfortable, but not too much to deal with.

"Great.  Let's run!"

----------

Team Victory arrived at the fountain where Chris and Chef were waiting for them just barely ahead of Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot.

"And the winner of the New York challenge is...  Team Victory!" Chris declared.

Bridgette and her teammates cheered.  "Yes!" Bridgette cried.  "Yes!  Yes!  We finally won one!"

"...is what I would have said if Lindsay hadn't gotten out of the baby carriage!" Chris finished.

Bridgette faltered.  "What?"

"Oh no!" DJ moaned, facepalming.  "I forgot about that rule.  It happened while you were in the pond, Bridgette," he explained.  "Alejandro came over to talk to us, and Lindsay stood up."

Lindsay shrank a little.  "Sorry," she apologized.  "I forgot about that rule too."

Bridgette sighed in defeat.

"So does that mean we win?" Owen asked.

Chris smiled at him.  "Not quite!" he said.  "Could one of you lift up that apple, please?"

Alejandro picked up his team's apple to find that the baby carriage he'd been pushing did not contain Noah, but rather an actual baby.

Izzy gasped.  "Noah regressed into a baby!"

Owen gasped too.  "And he ate all my pretzels!"

"Wait," Tyler realized.  "This isn't our carriage."

"No Noah means no first place," Chris explained.

"We have to go back!" Alejandro exclaimed.

But before they got the chance, Team Amazon pulled up with all five of their members and Cody still in the baby carriage.

"No!" Courtney snarled.  "We lost!  This is all your fault, Sierra!"

"Actually," Chris broke in.  "The other teams had complications.  Which means, the winner of the New York challenge is... Team Amazon!"

Team Amazon cheered, unable to believe their luck.  Heather grinned smugly over at Alejandro, who nodded to her in respect.

"Team Chris Is Really Really Really Super Hot," Chris said.  "You'd better go find your missing teammate.  If you can bring him here without letting him out of the carriage, you can still get second place."

Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot ran off to find Noah.

"Team Victory," Chris began.

"I know," Bridgette said.  "You'll see us at the elimination ceremony."

"Nope!" Chris refuted her.  "Wrong!  Because this is really a reward challenge!  Psych!"

The whole team sighed in relief.

----------

"As the winners of this reward challenge, Team Amazon gets to keep or dump the prizes contained in the apples," Chris announced.  "So, have at it, ladies."

"Hey!" Cody objected.

"Sorry," Chris pretended to apologize, tossing Cody a mallet.  "Have at it ladies... and baby."

"Hey!"

The first apple, when opened, proved to contain an impressive pile of candy.  The second one held a load of regular-sized apples.  And inside the third was, bizarrely, a meat grinder.

Heather was so disgusted by this third prize that she opened up the door of the plane to throw the meat grinder out, uncaring of the potential harm that could come from sending a heavy metal object falling from such a height.  "That really is satisfying."

"Will Heather ever manage to earn the respect of her teammates?" Chris asked the camera.

"Um, I'm standing right here," Heather objected.

Chris ignored her.  "Find out next time, on Total!  Drama!  World Tour!"

Chapter Text

"New York!  The city that eats other cities for breakast.  Here our competitors went to great heights to discover New York's finest, from the bosom of Lady Liberty to the Big Apple's rotten stanky sewer core.  In the end, Team Amazon claimed victory, and surprise rewards!  Which meant no one got booted off.  Except the meat grinder.

"We have fourteen competitors still in the running.  Und ve shall see who vill vin the one million bucks soon!  On Total!  Drama!  World Tour!"

----------

[[Theme Song]]

----------

Lindsay was happily painting Ezekiel's fingernails red while DJ and Bridgette had a serious discussion just next to them.

"You kicked a baby seal?" Bridgette gasped, horrified.

DJ nodded sadly.  "With all the animals I've hurt, and with how much we keep losing, I think I really am cursed.  I should never have tried to pet that mummy dog in Egypt."

"It's okay, DJ," Bridgette told him soothingly.  "We can overcome this together."

"You really think so?" DJ asked.

Bridgette nodded.  "Of course!  In fact, I think I have just the thing."  She pulled out a small turquoise crystal and placed it in DJ's giant hand.

DJ quirked an eyebrow.  "What's this?"

"This crystal is full of positive spiritual energy," Bridgette explained.  "If you keep it in your pocket, I bet it can counteract the negative spiritual energy of your curse."

DJ shrugged and put the crystal in his pocket.  "It's worth a shot, I guess."

----------

Confession Camera

"I actually left all of my positive energy crystals at home," Bridgette admitted.  "That one's just a regular shiny rock I carry around because it looks nice.  But I'm betting that if DJ believes he has a good-luck charm, his curse won't be as powerful."

----------

Meanwhile, on the other side of economy class, Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot was celebrating.  Or at least one of them was.

"Six episodes and no eliminations!" Owen cheered.  "If we were a steak, we'd be a 32-ounce Porterhouse!  And you guys," he added, addressing Team Victory, "would be a tiny slice of baloney!"  The members of Team Victory glared at him.

Alejandro wasn't in as good of a mood as Owen.  "Need I remind you all that in those six episodes we've still only managed to win ONE challenge?"

"Well with you as our leader, nothing is impossible," Owen said, unbothered.  "Heck, I'm not even afraid of flying anymore!  Check this out!"  He unbuckled his seat belts and began doing a ballet dance in the middle of the room, causing the plane to experience turbulence.

Unfortunately, a large hole soon opened up in the side of the plane, suddenly plunging everyone in economy class into serious danger as Owen was nearly sucked out through the hole.

"HELP!" he pleaded.  "AL!  Give me an Ale-hand, bro!"

----------

Confession Camera

"Ugh," Alejandro complained.  "How dare he pervert the name of Alejandro Burromuerto?"

----------

While the rest of Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot notably took no action to save their imperiled teammate, DJ, Bridgette, and Lindsay all worked together to pull the big guy back to the relative safety of the inside of the plane.  Ezekiel, meanwhile, got on the other side of a large and massively heavy crate and gave it a mighty push, calling upon amazing physical strength that you wouldn't expect him to have by his appearance and successfully sliding the crate across the room to cover up the hole, whereupon everything settled down.

As Owen curled up in the fetal position, a seagull that had been dragged into the plane with him flapped over to land on DJ's lap.

"NO!" DJ cried.  "Shoo!  Go!  You're not safe with me!"

"Chill out, DJ," Bridgette told him, as she scooped the seagull out of his lap and into her own.  "You have that crystal.  This gull will be fine."  She set about removing the plastic six-pack from around the bird's neck.

----------

Meanwhile, the members of Team Amazon were once again enjoying themselves in first class.  Sierra explained O.C.T.B.I. Syndrome (Overconfident Then Blowing It Syndrome) to Heather, then went to continue violating Cody's personal space.

----------

"Woah, aren't those the Alps?" Noah observed, peering out the window at the snow-covered mountains below.  Bridgette, with the now-plastic-free seagull perched on her shoulder, leaned over to look as well.

Noah's suspicion was confirmed when Chris's voice came over the speakers, addressing the contestants in (rather poor) German as "Mein Wienerschnitzel," and then adding "In preparation for landing, please unbuckle your seatbelts and head to the cargo hold."  He and Chef both chuckled.

Inexplicably, every single contestant aboard the plane did as asked, seemingly blind to the very obvious and dangerous prank they were being set up for.  Unsurprisingly, once they were all gathered together in the cargo hold, the floor beneath them gave way, sending all of them hurtling down to cold but relatively soft landings in the deep alpine snow.

Almost all of them.

Ezekiel landed hard on what looked like an innocent snow drift, but turned out to be a large rock obscured by only a thin layer of snow and ice.  He spent several seconds just lying there, groaning in pain, before Lindsay helped him up.  "Oh no!" she fretted.  "I hope your nails are okay."

Bridgette, meanwhile, landed in a pair of strong, well-tanned arms belonging to a certain Spaniard.

"Allow me to assist you, chica," Alejandro said magnanimously.

Bridgette blushed furiously, unable to avoid getting flustered by the handsome man holding her, but she maintained control of herself.  "Just put me down!"

"As you wish."  Alejandro did as requested.

"Hi, Daryl!" Lindsay greeted perkily, as Tyler pulled himself out of the snow.

Tyler's patience with this quirk of Lindsay's had begun to run low.  "It's TYLER!" he yelled.  "Season 1!  You and I were together!"

"You must have me confused with someone else," Lindsay replied, with uncharacteristic sadness.  "The only guy I was ever into on this show was Tyler, and he's never coming back."

Tyler stared into the middle distance.

As this was going on, Bridgette's seagull came flapping down to perch on DJ's knee.  "No no no no!  Bird, you're not listenin'!"

Soon Chris came parachuting down.  "Guten tag, und wilkommen vein Deutschland, aka Germany," he said, whispering audibly.  The peaks rumbled.  "We're in avalanche territory, so you might wanna keep it down."

Somehow, Lindsay managed to completely mishear this.  "WHAT!?!  THERE'S A SALE AT THE KHAKI BARN!?!" she shrieked, causing the snow-covered mountains to shake.  Tyler and Cody both rushed to cover her mouth.

Ding ding.

"Welcome to today's musical challenge," Chris announced, still in a whisper.  "Avoid the song-alanche!  To avoid a potentially-fatal tumble down the mountain, and a suck-tacular climb back up, you better keep the singing nice and not-loud."

The contestants did their best to sing quietly to the soft polka music that kicked in then.  However, for some of them keeping quiet proved difficult.

Lindsay, staring thoughtfully at the dejected Tyler, suddenly (and rather randomly) began to remember him again.  "Wait," she sang.  "Something's itching in my brain!  Someone's back in the game!  My former flame!  And Tyler's your name!  You're Tyler just the same!"  She embraced him giddily.  "Oh Tyler Tyler Tyler Tyler back you came!"

"You remember me?" Tyler asked, incredulous but ecstatic.  Lindsay nodded.  "SHE REMEMBERS ME!!  OH YYEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSS!!!"  He jumped for joy in the air, as other contestants looked over with shocked and frightened expressions, knowing that the couple's display, cute as it was, was about to cause big problems for all of them.  (Except for Izzy.  She just smiled.)

Obviously, that's when the song ended, as Tyler's shouting triggered an avalanche that swept everyone down the mountain, to land in a heap of snow and bodies at the bottom.  Chris, still held aloft in his parachute, laughed.  "Awesome!"

----------

While everyone was trudging back up the mountain, Lindsay rushed excitedly up to her teammates on Team Victory.  "Great news guys!" she cheered.  "Tyler is back!"

Ezekiel scratched his toque.  "Hasn't Tyler been with us all along?"

Lindsay paused, frowning.  "Um, I don't... think so?"  She just stood there for a few seconds, clearly struggling to remember.

"It doesn't matter," Bridgette interrupted kindly.  "The point is, he's here now, and that's great!  We're all really happy for you, Lindsay."

"Yeah," DJ and Ezekiel agreed.

"Yay!  Thanks!"  Lindsay ran past them happily.

----------

Owen was beginning to get tired of hiking, until his nose picked up the scent of food, galvanizing him into leading the charge up the rest of the mountain.  Once there, they found Chris, along with three large meat grinders and three large piles of raw meat.  Owen immediately dove into one of the meat piles and started eating.

"Easy, tiger," Chris said.  "Don't think of this as raw meat.  Think of it as raw building materials.  Over 1,500 species of sausage call Germany home, hence the theme of our most efficient challenge yet:"

"SHUT UP UND STUFF IT!" Chef finished, emerging from behind the meat pile to glare at Owen.

"Danke, Chef," Chris said cheerfully.  "Each team must make a giant German sausage by shoveling meat into the grinder, push it down and grind the mixture into an oversized sausage casing, all without losing a finger or toe."

"What about thumbs, are they cool?" Owen asked, a question so horrifyingly stupid that even Izzy suddenly found herself nauseous.

"I'm sorry, sausages!?" Heather exclaimed indignantly.  "This is the most disgusting challenge yet!"  Bridgette found herself reluctantly nodding in agreement.

"Count yourselves lucky you're not making hot dogs," Chris fired back.  "No beaks, hooves, or butts in this meat pile."  DJ and Bridgette started vomiting into the snow.

"You'll have to shovel fast, or risk getting stuck with an incomplete sausage," Chris continued.  "Which will be a lot harder to ride down the hill.  Of course, if you had a shiny new electric meat grinder, just plug 'er into our portable generator and voila!  Sausage stuffed in seconds."  Courtney promptly rounded on Heather and started chewing her out for dumping the meat grinder reward their team had won in the previous episode.

"Oh, there will be prizes for those who make it down the hill alive," Chris added.  "And there will be punishment for one sorry loser on the last place team.  Behold:  der Penaltyhosen."  Chef held up a tiny stereotypically-German lederhosen outfit.  Then he blew into a large horn.

"Go go go!" Chris declared, and all three teams burst into action.

"Okay," Bridgette said, trying to keep herself steady.  "DJ, you do the grinding while Ezekiel and I shovel the meat in.  Lindsay, you stuff it.  We can do this, guys."

"Yes ma'am," Ezekiel affirmed, as he and DJ got to work.  Lindsay, still riding the high of being on the show with Tyler once again, flashed Bridgette a smile and a thumbs-up before doing the same.

"Oh gosh, this is so gross," Bridgette muttered to herself weakly, once her teammates' attention was no longer on her.

Bridgette was especially nauseated by this challenge; the raw meat was making her downright queasy, hampering her efforts.  (This was one of the reasons she was a vegetarian, after all.)  Fortunately, Ezekiel seemed to be picking up her slack, shoveling the meat with maniacal speed and periodically jumping up onto the grinder to tackle the dangerous task of packing it in.

Meanwhile, Courtney and Heather continued to bicker, as per usual, while Sierra seemingly decided to sit this challenge out entirely and instead dedicated her efforts to shaping a portion of their team's meat into a statue of Cody.  For some reason the real Cody, the physically weakest member of Team Amazon, wound up with the arduous job of turning the grinder, which didn't help matters.

Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot had the slowest start of the three teams, as Izzy held them up yodeling into the grinder, but Alejandro soon sorted things out -- assigning Tyler to work the grinder, Owen to stuff the casing, and Noah to babysit Izzy while he shoveled the meat.

DJ noticed, as he kept the grinder going with his massive strength, that the seagull from earlier had come up to him again.  It sat innocently next to his foot.  "I hope this crystal works," he said to himself.  Fortunately, it seemed as though the crystal did work, because the gull remained unharmed.  For now, at least.

Courtney soon noticed that Team Amazon's meat pile was rapidly shrinking, while their sausage was still far from full.  They'd need to add Meat Cody to the grinder if they wanted to make a decent-sized sausage.  Unfortunately, just as this decision was made, Sierra accidentally sent Meat Cody barreling down the hill, rendering that impossible.

Noah gave a high-pitched laugh as he and Izzy looked at the product of Team Amazon's work.  "Cody's got a tiny sausage!"

"At least my team has a sausage!" Cody retorted.

Sure enough, somehow Alejandro's genius decision to put Owen in charge of handling a food item had gone wrong; instead of a giant sausage Team Chris found themselves with a giant sausage-shaped Owen.

Hope blossomed in Bridgette's heart as she realized that her team was the only one with a nearly-ready sausage.

"So spicy..." Owen burped.

"Dude, that was raw meat," Chris commented.  "Not good!"

Alejandro fought to keep his fury at Owen under control.  "I have an idea," he announced.  "We can ride Owen down the hill!"

"No way!" Courtney objected, smacking Cody as she flung her arms wide.  "That's cheating!"

"Owen is stuffed with meat," Chris overruled.  "I say he's fit for sausage duty."

"All aboard der Wiener Express!" Noah declared, as he and the rest of Team Chris climbed onto Owen and started their slide down the mountain.  Mere seconds later, Team Victory followed suit with their actual sausage, hot on Team Chris's trail.

"Forgot to mention!" Chris called down.  "Watch out for the rabid mountain goats!  They're super deadly!"  He chuckled.  "We brought 'em in special."

Team Victory, whose members were determined to finally live up to their name, was quickly catching up with Team Chris, when one of Chris's special rabid mountain goats leapt at them, flashing inexplicably razor-sharp teeth.  Bridgette and Ezekiel ducked, forcing Lindsay to do so as well, and DJ caught the little goat in his strong arms.

"Woah," DJ said, holding the goat at arm's length as it struggled to bite him.  "Easy, fella.  I'm not gonna hurt you."  Then, seeing a tree branch coming at them, he ducked under it carefully.

Heather -- seeing that her team was at serious risk of losing right now, and knowing that she'd be the one to get scapegoated if they did -- cast about for an idea.  She settled on flattening their half-empty sausage casing and shaping it into an improvised snowboard.  "Now come on!" she shouted.  "Here's where we make our descent!"

This strategy worked for about five seconds before the team's members were parted from their pitiful sausage and found themselves just tumbling recklessly down the ruggedly-dangerous hill after the other teams.

Despite Team Victory's best efforts, they crossed the finish line still just a hair behind Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot.

"Congrats on arriving first, Team Chris Is Reeeeeeaaaally Hot!" Chris congratulated.  "Way to use Owen's face as a break pad, Alejandro."  Then he noticed that DJ was still holding the baby mountain goat, which was still trying fruitlessly to attack him.  "Hey!  Woah!  You were supposed to avoid the goats, not pet them!  Chef!  Get it out of here before it hurts something I care about!"

"Hey, wait!" DJ objected, as Chef snatched the goat from him and shoved it into a sack.  "Be nice to him!"  Bridgette patted him on the back while Chef took the goat away.

Then -- once the giant snowball containing Team Amazon's members had caught up, leaving said members strewn about on the snow -- they moved on.

"On to part zwei of today's challenge!" Chris said.  "Competitors must learn and perform a traditional German dance on this very platform.  The mats are rigged to deliver a hilarious and painful jolt every time one of you missteps, or I need a laugh.  Last team standing wins!

"Now, since Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot was first to arrive, they're first to get the reward."  Heavy metallic Prussian-style helmets were tossed to Noah, Alejandro, and Owen.

"Ugh, these weigh a ton," Noah complained.

"Yes they do," Chris agreed, smiling.  "Team Victory."  Fluffy fur hats were tossed to Bridgette, Lindsay, and DJ.

"Ooh, these are all the rage in Paris!" Lindsay noted enthusiastically.

"And, in last place," Chris finished.  "Team Amazon."  Green Robin Hood-style caps with a red feather in each were tossed to Cody, Sierra, and Heather.

"Maybe it's reverse psychology," Sierra speculated, putting her hat on.  "The losing team gets the best reward?"

"Whatever helps you sleep at night," Chris told her.  "Also, since your team lost, you have to wear der Penaltyhosen."

Sierra looked around herself.  "Me specifically?  Or all of us?"

"We only have one, and you're the most annoying person on your team," Chris explained.

Sierra sighed disappointedly, catching der Penaltyhosen as the outfit was tossed to her.  "Makes sense."

"Now," Chris continued.  "Since Team Elusive Victory is down by one, let's even it up.  Amazon and Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot: three dance, two sit out.  And Victory: two dance, two sit out."

"Three against two?  How is that fair?" DJ asked.

Chris raised an eyebrow.  "You're kidding, right?"

"Hey, can I be one of the dancers?" Ezekiel asks.

"Nope!" Chris denied.  "Only people who caught one of the hats are allowed to dance."

Bridgette turned to Lindsay.  "Lindsay, I'm guessing you want to sit out?"  Lindsay nodded.  "Okay.  I guess it's me and DJ then."

Soon the dancers for each team found themselves up on the platform, with Sierra wearing der Penaltyhosen -- which, on her, were extremely tight.

"You look ridiculous," Heather informed her.

"This is, like, maybe the tenth biggest wedgie I've ever gotten?" Sierra mused.  Heather gave her a strange look.  "I've had a lot over the years," she defended, shrugging.

They clammed up as Chef began demonstrating the traditional German dance.

----------

Confession Camera

"My grandparents are German," Sierra told the camera.  "Schnitzel!  So I'm like a tenth-generation slap dancer!  It's what kept me alive on the school playground.  And probably why I didn't make any friends.  But who needs friends when you have a Cody!"

----------

Sierra got right to slap-dancing, and even started singing a cringey song about how much she loved Cody as she did so.  The others eventually started dancing as well, with varying degrees of enthusiasm.

Once everybody had sort of (not really) gotten the hang of the dance, and once Chris had gotten to test the electric zapping function out on everybody, the actual second part of the challenge got underway.

"Last person standing on the platform wins the challenge for their team," Chris said.  "This is gonna be fun."

The dance mats rose above the rest of the platform, and each participating contestant found themselves in a 1v1 dance-off -- Noah against Bridgette, Alejandro against Cody, Sierra against DJ, and Heather against Owen (who by this point was no longer sausage-shaped).  Everybody soon started slapping each other, giving Chris and Chef a good laugh.

Bridgette was able to fight off Noah without too much difficulty; the hard part was keeping her balance, and performing the right steps so as not to be electrocuted (which she was unable to do, receiving several painful shocks).  Soon she managed to shove the geek off, knocking him down into the snow -- nearly falling off herself in the process, but thankfully holding on.  "Sorry!" she called down to Noah.  He groaned in response.

----------

Confession Camera

"I felt bad hurting Noah," Bridgette confessed.  "I don't like violence.  But Team Victory really needs a win today."

----------

Alejandro had an even easier time dispatching Cody.  Unfortunately, seeing this happen enraged Sierra, who decided to take out her fury at Alejandro on the innocent DJ (because crazy people do that sometimes), sending him flying with a single kick.

Owen wasn't feeling very well, presumably due to all of the raw meat he'd eaten earlier, and soon he fell off the platform all on his own, without Heather even needing to do anything.

Now that the challenge was down to just four players, the dance mats rose even higher into the air, and Bridgette found herself facing Heather.

"Hey," she said conversationally, ducking under Heather's first slap.  "Watch out for Alejandro.  He can't be trusted."

"Finally, someone else sees it!" Heather agreed, pulling back for another strike.  "Did he do something to mess with you in the Yukon?"

Bridgette nodded, before getting zapped as she missed another step.  "He pretended to be into me, then tricked me into kissing a pole and left me stuck there so my team would lose the challenge.  I'm pretty sure he meant for me to get voted off that day.  He's a snake, and we can't let him win."

"I couldn't agree more," Heather concurred.  Then she swept Bridgette's legs out from under her while she was distracted by their conversation, sending her toppling.

Not long after that, Sierra managed to knock down Alejandro, leaving Team Amazon the clear winners.

"Team Amazon wins again!" Chris declared.  "Fresh-baked strudel awaits you in first class."

"Yes!" Courtney and Gwen celebrated, high-fiving as Sierra held Cody in yet another unwanted hug.

"You're welcome," Heather told her teammates.  They continued to ignore her.

"Team Chris Is Really Really Really Really Hot," Chris went on.  "Once again, you're in not-winner-not-total-loser purgatory.  Team Opposite Of Victory, you're voting someone out."

----------

That evening, there was a little TV in the elimination ceremony room.

"Alright passengers," Chris said.  "Are you ready to find out who you chose to eliminate?"

All four remaining team members looked at each other nervously.

"Let's take a look at who you all voted for," Chris said, pointing a remote control at the TV.  "Just for fun!"

----------

Confession Camera

"I wish we had someone nasty on our team, like Heather or Courtney," Lindsay lamented.  "Then voting them out would be easy."  She sighed sadly and stamped Ezekiel's passport.  "I vote for Hezekiah."

----------

Confession Camera

"I think Bridgette's crystal really works!" DJ cheered.  "I haven't hurt a single animal all day!"  Then his face fell as he remembered what he was here to do.  "I vote for Ezekiel," he said, stamping the prairie boy's passport.  "I'm sorry, Zeke, but Bridgette and Lindsay are my friends, and I still don't really know you that well.  It's nothing personal."

----------

Confession Camera

"I think my number might be up this time, eh?" Ezekiel sighed in disappointment.  "At least I wasn't the first boot this time around.  I got to help out in a few challenges.  Better than Season 1."

He stamped Lindsay's passport.  "Lindsay was really nice to me today, but she did almost bring an avalanche down on our heads."

----------

Confession Camera

Bridgette sat with her head in her hands, all three of her teammates' passports open in front of her.

"Okay," she started, lifting her head to look directly at the camera, her eyes a bit misty.  "I've thought long and hard about this.

"Like I said before, with Harold and Leshawna gone, I'm the leader of Team Victory.  That means I need to put the team first.  We have to turn this sinking ship around, but with every person we vote out our chances dwindle.  If we're going to have any hope for next time, I need to think about who's most essential to our odds of winning challenges.  If I have to cut someone loose here, it has to be the person who's least essential."

Bridgette reached out with one shaking hand and stamped Lindsay's passport, before hanging her head in shame.  "I'm so sorry."

----------

"That means," Chris said enthusiastically.  "For the first time in Total Drama history, we have a tie vote!"

Lindsay and Ezekiel looked at each other, then back to Chris.  "So what happens now, eh?" Ezekiel asked.

"We have a tiebreaker," Chris answered.  "Obviously."  He brought out a sausage about the size of a rolled-up sleeping bag.  "Remember all of that raw meat that Owen ate today?  Apparently he got electrocuted so much during the challenge that some of that meat got cooked inside of him, and he helpfully regurgitated it, giving us this authentic fully-cooked German sausage!"

"Eeewwww," Lindsay whined, and the others (even Ezekiel!) looked similarly grossed out.

Chris tossed the sausage to Ezekiel and Lindsay.  "You have one minute to eat as much of that sausage as you can -- without throwing up.  Whichever of you has eaten more by the end of that one minute gets to stay in the game.  The loser takes the Drop of Shame.  On your marks?  Get set?  Go!"

Both competitors started chowing down on either end, holding the sausage between them; despite their disgust, they were both determined to stay in the game.  Ezekiel ate like a starving wolf, scarfing down the meat with ruthless efficiency.  Lindsay couldn't quite keep pace with him, and nearly barfed several times.

When Chris called "Time's up!", almost half of the sausage was gone -- mostly Ezekiel's half.

"Looks like we have a winner!" Chris declared.  "Lindsay, you're out!"

"NOOOOOO!!" Tyler's voice howled in anguish from behind a nearby curtain.

"Sorry, eh?" Ezekiel apologized sheepishly.

"Aw, it's okay," Lindsay replied, smiling despite herself and giving the homeschooled guy a quick hug.  "I'm glad we could be friends today..."  She paused.  "Zakeri?"

"Zeke," Ezekiel corrected.

"Zeke," Lindsay repeated, nodding.

"Bye Lindsay," Bridgette said, coming over to hug her fellow blonde.  "We'll miss you," DJ added, joining the hug.

"I hope you guys win next time," Lindsay told them, returning their hug.  "I totally believe in you, 'kay?"

Then her teammates released her, and she pulled the nearby curtain aside, revealing Tyler.

"Oh Tyler," she sighed, hugging him as well.  "I'm sorry it took me so long to remember you.  But this time I won't forget you.  I promise.  So the next time you see me, we can be together."

"Oh Lindsay," Tyler sighed back.  "I can't wait."  He began leaning in closer.

"Uh, I-I still have gross meat on my face-" Lindsay started to say, but Tyler kissed her anyway, ignoring the grossness.  She kissed back passionately, forgetting about the meat in the heat of the moment.

Soon Chef came to pull the star-crossed lovers apart.  "That's enough goodbyes," Chris said.  "We're on a schedule here.  Take the Drop of Shame already."

Lindsay pulled on her parachute pack and jumped out of the plane, accidentally banging her head and then her knees on the doorway on her way out.

"Can Team Victory really keep calling themselves that?" Chris asked the camera.  "Really?  Find out next time, on Total!  Drama!  World Tour!"