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English
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I Draw in Darkness…
Stats:
Published:
2025-01-11
Completed:
2026-02-17
Words:
1,618
Chapters:
2/2
Comments:
11
Kudos:
31
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1
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787

you whom I love (My idiot boy.)

Summary:

You… are… a… fucking idiot.

A soft pastel study of an extended scene from “Lifeboats” + a brief poetic accompaniment in the style of William Wordsworth.

Update 2026-02-17: Now with a bonus artist’s process chapter.

Notes:

I gifted this work to myself for all the times when I feel like I’ve made a stupid decision, as a reminder that Logan still wants me to give him a blowjob I am still worthy of love. 💜🍀 (He totally does, though. 😜) I may be Cringe™, but I am free. 🕊️

Chapter 1: you whom I love (My idiot boy.)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

A pastel drawing of Kendall Roy and Logan Roy from Succession. They are situated in a warm-toned room with wood panel walls. Logan is wearing a navy blue bathrobe; he sits in an upholstered chair and stares passively off into the distance. Kendall is wearing a black coat and tan scarf; he kneels before Logan and nestles his face in Logan’s crotch. Logan rests his hand loosely in Kendall’s hair.

you whom I love (My idiot boy.), 2025, dry pastel on toned paper (Olive), 12 × 18 inches. (full size)

Image Description [ID: A pastel drawing of Kendall Roy and Logan Roy from Succession. They are situated in a warm-toned room with wood panel walls. Logan is wearing a navy blue bathrobe; he sits in an upholstered chair and stares passively off into the distance. Kendall is wearing a black coat and tan scarf; he kneels before Logan and nestles his face in Logan’s crotch. Logan rests his hand loosely in Kendall’s hair. /End ID]
After William Wordsworth: excerpts from The Idiot Boy (1798)

Your comp’ny’s worth its weight in gold,
Then calm your terrors, Logan Roy!
He sits on high, and scrapes the skies,
And now, all full in view, he spies
Him whom he loves, his idiot boy.

And Logan sees the money too:
Why sit you thus Good Logan Roy?
It is no broker, nor The Post,
’Tis he whom you so long have lost,
He whom you love, your idiot boy.

Notes:

I feel that it’s rather telling just how little I needed to manipulate this still in order to compose my working reference. Check out the next chapter if you’d like to see a more detailed look into my process of transforming it into the final work.

I discovered Wordsworth’s poem by happenstance after a precursory glance at literary references related to the term idiot on Wikipedia. Upon reading the summary and skimming the full text, I found myself surprised by how well it fit, down to the rhyming last name! At some point I may consider doing a full homage to the entire poem.

Chapter 2: Bonus: Art Process

Summary:

A bonus chapter detailing my artistic process.

Notes:

I received this wonderfully insightful comment from malicious_compliance_esq, which, among other things, asked me about my pastel technique.

Rather than trying to cram it all in the comments section—for which AO3’s character counter will surely thank me—I decided to add a bonus chapter describing my process in more detail. Enjoy!

Chapter Text

Process

Once I decided that I wanted to represent an extended version of this scene, I first opened a copy of the still in Photoshop.

As I described in my process notes for hidin’ all of our sins from the daylight, I almost always begin by stylizing my reference using the Filter Gallery, especially the Artistic section; some of my favorites are Cutout, Dry Brush, and Palette Knife. Additionally, if I want to change a character’s position—such as I desired with Kendall here—I will start with very crude cut-and-paste. Precision isn’t necessary when I’m planning an impressionistic piece; I simply aim to capture overall forms. During this stage I also frequently use image adjustments, such as Vibrance, to amp up the color palette. Exaggerating the saturation enables me to identify undertones and add depth to my rendition.

Below you can compare the initial still and my adjusted working reference:

Succession Season 1 - Episode 3 Still
Jeremy Strong, Brian Cox; Succession Season 1 - Episode 3; Photograph by Peter Kramer/HBO © 2026 Warner Bros. Discovery, Inc. All rights reserved.
Photoshop Edit
Photoshop Edit (full size)

You can see how I’ve glazed the entire image in honeyed light.

As I’m preparing my reference, I also start to consider my substrate, including both size and material. This still’s aspect ratio was naturally 3:2, which, along with the warm color palette, steered my paper selection; I cut an 18″ × 24″ sheet of Strathmore® 500 Series Charcoal paper in Olive in half. (I later used the other half-sheet for the second installment in my exulansis diptych.)

Scale has been an important factor for me in my pastel experiments. I’ve found that I prefer working on a somewhat larger scale with them, so that details are proportionally easier to achieve.

This paper selection also proved to influence my application. Its texture is slightly smoother than my typical pastel paper, Canson® Mi-Teintes®. Mi-Teintes has two sides, but I almost always use the textured one, which has a toothy honeycomb grain. This texture is excellent for expressionism; for example, you can see it to great effect on the wavy, glittering water and weathered skin of Logan’s back in love is the blood on a Rose. However, the rougher texture can also make it more difficult to capture finer details. So, this Strathmore paper ended up providing me the perfect balance between character and control for this particular piece.

Once I finalize my substrate selection, I crop my digital reference, if necessary, to match the paper’s proportions. Finally, I use Photoshop’s Guide Layout feature to overlay the reference with a grid overlay, which can be toggled on and off at any time. I usually establish a 1-inch equivalent grid, sometimes along with major demarcations such as halves and/or thirds, depending on the aspect ratio.

Here is how the gridlines appear in Photoshop:

Photoshop Guides
Photoshop Guides (full size)

For pastels in particular, gridding functions for me as more of a suggestion than a strict blueprint. Especially since I’ve been trying to embrace working more loosely, I didn’t even draw any preliminary gridlines on my paper. I did, however, tape my rulers beneath and beside my paper, to serve as informal guides. I used approximate measurements and sighting to sketch a very basic layout with pastel pencils:

0.0 Layout Sketch
0.0 Layout Sketch (full size)

Next, I begin blocking in color zones. For this, lately I’ve been using a set of Inkadinkado Blending Chalks in Soft Tones. They are quite old and, I believe, now discontinued; my mother bequeathed them to me some time ago, and they sat unused for a long time. They are extremely soft and crumbly; the texture reminds me of a Mexican wedding cookie. At the slightest touch they disintegrate into powder, but the consistency is very luxe, almost silken/velvety rather than dusty. I will definitely treasure them to the last speck.

I use the wide edges and broad surfaces of the squares to block in large zones of color, then smear the zones with my fingers to distribute the color.

1.0 Color Blocking
1.0 Color Blocking (full size)

After laying these broader regions, I turn to my Faber-Castell Soft Pastels. These are denser, perhaps more rightly a “medium” pastel, but still effective in covering sizable areas while also having sharp enough edges to define contours. With these I start to refine the shapes, particularly the figures.

2.1 Figure Development
2.1 Figure Development (full size)
2.2 Figure Development
2.2 Figure Development (full size)
2.3 Figure Development
2.3 Figure Development (full size)

After establishing the figures, I pivot to developing the background. At this stage, I also start incorporating my Prismacolor® Premier® NuPastel® Color Sticks. NuPastels are a hard pastel—they are long, thin, and very firm, making them excellent for detail work. However, they also work well for earlier stages of laying color. To cover a larger area, you can break the stick into a smaller piece and rub the prism’s flat side along the paper’s surface. Then, for details, you can angle the prism so that just the edge or corner makes contact, to generate thin lines, hatching, or fine stippling.

3.1 Background Development
3.1 Background Development (full size)
3.2 Background Development
3.2 Background Development (full size)
3.3 Background Development
3.3 Background Development (full size)

I continue working back and forth between the figures and the setting. I return to flesh out Kendall, as well as Logan’s cradling hands. Then I address the side table in the foreground.

4.1 Detail Refinement
4.1 Detail Refinement (full size)
4.2 Detail Refinement
4.2 Detail Refinement (full size)
4.3 Detail Refinement
4.3 Detail Refinement (full size)

As the piece progresses, my touch becomes lighter and more cautious. Achieving a balance between expressionism and detail is one of the most challenge aspects of dry pastels for me, and honestly I’ve discovered that it simply requires a lot of trial and error. Often a sharp mark doesn’t “land” exactly how or where you might hope at first; but, you can re-blend it, then gradually build up new marks steering toward your goal. Once you hit a level of detail that you like, you also must be careful not to accidentally smudge it blurry again. Exercising restraint is one of my greatest challenges in my art in general, but particularly with this medium.

At last—the pièce de résistance—I focus on finalizing Logan. Excluding the digital preparation time, this piece took me a bit over two hours to complete on paper, and Logan’s face accounted for nearly a half hour of that. As you can see below, he emerges very slowly, almost metavisually awakening from his trancelike stupor:

5.1 Logan Detail
5.1 Logan Detail (full size)
5.2 Logan Detail
5.2 Logan Detail (full size)
5.3 Logan Detail
5.3 Logan Detail (full size)
6.0 Final Details
6.0 Final Details (full size)

At this stage, I also utilized my Derwent Pastel Pencils to facilitate finalizing the fine details. Like the blending chalks, I’ve had these pencils for years, but I hadn’t used them much for a long time because I lacked a pencil sharpener that fit their thicker cores. Since acquiring one that can resharpen them to a fine point, they have become much more useable and quite useful for finishing touches.

The pencils lay down marks themselves, but I’ve found that they can also almost function as a paintbrush, precisely blending the color that has already been laid.

Especially during these final stages, my other indispensable tool are lots of baby wipes! Nothing is more devastating than accidentally darkening an area of clean color with your blackened fingertips. Nonetheless, even these can be tools in and of themselves earlier on; muddy fingers can also serve to tone down and integrate areas that are currently too stark and bright.

In summary, dry pastels can definitely be a frustrating medium, especially when it comes to details. Even as I’ve been practicing more lately, I still frequently find myself flummoxed. I continue to experiment and learn with every piece, such as these that I have completed since this one:

Time-Lapse

Below you can watch the time-lapse gif of the process from start to finish:

Time-Lapse Gif
you whom I love (My idiot boy.), 2025; time-lapse gif

Materials

Strathmore® 500 Series Charcoal paper, 18″ × 24″ Assorted Tints - Wire Bound Strathmore® 500 Series Charcoal paper, Olive Swatch Inkadinkado Blending Chalks, Soft Tones
Faber-Castell Mini Soft Pastels, 24 Count Prismacolor® Premier® NuPastel® Color Sticks, 48 Count Derwent Pastel Pencils, Set of 24