Chapter Text
For now, you’re not here and I’m not there
It’s like we’re on our own to figure it out
Zack tiredly slinks into the empty chair next to Seth, trying his best not to spill the contents of his plate while he settles down.
Since everyone (mostly everyone, the twins are still asleep) is gathered for their last family breakfast together, their mom went all out and made a buffet-style breakfast platter for them. He tiredly munches on an apple slice as he tries to stay awake and follow whatever conversation his family’s on (he’s not confident he’ll even be able to cut the French toast at this state just yet).
Their mom sighs. “Holidays feel shorter and shorter as the years go by.”
“We’re just getting older, Ma,” Michael says as he struggles to keep his daughter, Gabby, still so she can eat her breakfast. He’s fighting a losing war. “Everyone wants to go home for the holidays but our bosses need us back after New Year as soon as possible.”
Seth sighs and leans back into his chair. “Tell me about it, these holidays need to be longer.”
“You work at a school and get the same time off as your students,” Jess notes from across the table. “That’s two weeks of paid vacation — way more than what we get.”
“Not exactly paid vacation … but sure.” He shrugs. “Should’ve gone into teaching then.”
“No thank you. I love my children, but they are more than enough.” Jess snorts into her coffee cup. “Still can’t believe that, out of everyone, you’re the one who chose to go into education.”
“What can I say? I enjoy terrorizing children.”
“Just as much as they love terrorizing you,” Jamie teases.
“Hey, they love me… and they know better than to do so.”
“I don’t doubt that,” Zack says and lazily points his fork at him, finally feeling awake enough to join the conversation. “How many of your students have you left outside in the snow?”
Seth bursts into laughter and a few of the others join in as well (mostly the older siblings). Zack rolls his eyes and is met with a reciprocating look from his younger sister, Jamie, who’s also been a victim of Seth’s infamous pranks.
“Nah, haven’t locked a poor soul out… yet,” Seth says as his laughter subsides. “Besides, I’m the youngest teacher on staff so the kids like me. They think I’m ‘hip’ .”
Zack gives him a perplexed look. “Your students think you’re a pelvis?”
Both Jess and Seth snort but don’t elaborate and leave Zack just as confused until Jamie explains that ‘being hip’ is slang for being ‘in the know’ and ‘up to date’ with current topics. He asks her if there are other terms referring to the human body, finding it fascinating and hoping to share this knowledge with Dr. Brennan when both of them return to DC.
After a few more attempts, Gabby manages to slip past her dad’s defenses and ducks underneath the table to make her way over to where Zack’s sitting. She pats his leg and, once his attention is on her, motions for him to pick her up. He knows not to decline her demands so he does so without much thought and places her on his lap. The five-year-old giggles and he can’t help but pull his plate closer to encourage her to eat something; she grabs an apple slice with one hand and a tater tot with the other.
Michael sighs. “Please don’t encourage her to eat off of other people’s plates, Zack.”
“She wants tater tots and who am I to deny her some more?” Zack hums as he bounces her. “Plus, I’m her favorite uncle. Aren’t I, Gabby?”
Gabby nods, showing off the squished tater tot in her hand. “Zack gave me a potato.”
Jess gives her an approving look. “She’s got her priorities straight, I’ll tell you that.”
They break off into smaller conversations between themselves until one of their missing siblings returns. Kelly joins them (after having excused herself to answer a call outside) a little agitated. Zack hadn’t noticed her earlier, too busy shuffling over to the table with his plate full of food when she had gone outside.
She tosses her cell onto the couch on her way over and shakes her head as it vibrates against the material, decidedly ignoring it.
Michael gives her a concerned look. “Was that Adrian?”
“Ugh, don’t even mention his name,” she grouses, occupying the previously empty seat to Zack’s left and picking at her half–eaten plate. “I don’t even want to know that he still — unfortunately — exists.”
He sighs. “What’d he do now?”
She pushes the last bit of egg around her plate before giving up and taking a sip from her glass of juice instead.
“Adrian did something stu–uhh dumb, he did something dumb,” she corrects herself when she notices that Gabby’s next to her. “He said he wasn’t sure about us after some time apart, that it was too big a commitment blah blah blah. So I broke it off.”
“Oh, honey,” their mom coos. “Are you okay?”
Kelly waves her hand dismissively. “I’ll be fine… after I spend the night watching Hallmark reruns with a good bottle of Rosé.”
“Oh, well count me in. I should have a bottle or two in the cellar.”
She plops her head on her palm and pouts. “You don’t sound all too sad, Mom.”
“I never liked that Adrian boy much,” she says with a soft hum. “He was too stuck up. Never said hello.”
Kelly guffaws, softly swatting her arm. “Mom!”
“Hear hear!” Jess and Seth rejoice as they raise their mugs.
Everyone else joins in, including Gabby who raises a ketchup–covered hand. After the table’s laughter subsides once more, and their toast is drunk, Seth prods Zack with his elbow, prompting him to flash his brother an annoyed look.
“Talking about significant others, Zack —” Seth turns to point his fork at him this time “— when are you going to bring someone around?”
Zack coughs, nearly choking on the piece of French toast he’s been chewing. Gabby, who couldn’t reach his back, smacks his shoulder in a poor attempt at dislodging the bread.
“ What? ” he croaks once it passes.
Kelly, happy to have the attention off of her disastrous relationship, turns to repeat the question. “When are you bringing someone over?”
“Why do you bring that up?” Their mom brightens at Seth’s question. “Are you seeing someone, honey?”
Zack shakes his head and takes a sip of his milk, not wanting to have a repeat with the toast. She gives him a slightly disappointed look.
“Why not? Aren’t there nice girls over there?” she asks.
“No, there are,” he confirms, voice still croaky. “There are plenty of attractive women in the metropolitan area.”
“And none of them have caught your eye?”
Zack feels their eyes burn into him and he can’t help but burn up at the attention.
Of course, they had. There were plenty of women who had rendered him a ‘pile of goo’ (as Hodgins would say) whenever he was paired with anyone remotely attractive for class projects. The sentiment continued into his work at the Jeffersonian and he had actually managed one or two dates with girls in different departments but they never lasted long. Naomi was the last person he had been with but even then their ‘relationship’ was hazy and it had been nearly a year since. It’s also been a while since the last person to have caught his attention had been a woman.
Zack supposes it was inevitable the moment he met Booth. The moment they locked eyes, he felt captivated by him. It was… deceptively difficult to think of anyone else afterward. Flashes of Booth’s stupidly cocky smile appear at the forefront of Zack’s mind, clouding the memories of past women (and men) he’d found attractive.
He shakes his head in an attempt to rid himself of Booth’s face — and as a means to answer his mom.
“No, I’ve been busy with work.” Which isn’t a complete truth or a lie. “I need to focus on my career and education.”
Michael, always the sensible one, tries to help him. “They’re probably just as busy as Zack. A majority of the people there are suit and tie — very career–oriented, y’know?”
“Or Zack’s too much of a dweeb,” Seth teases him not so quietly. “ Neeeeerd. ”
He’s mildly annoyed by his brother’s antics so he shoves the playful hand away from him, still mindful of Gabby… who’s decimating the last of his tater tots.
“I moved to DC for my doctorate and to work under the best forensic anthropologist in the country, not to find suitable dates.” This, at the very least, is true. Not that he wasn’t passively looking to date someone, he had been if the opportunity arose, but it was also the fact that he simply wasn’t trying hard enough. “If I find romance it’s happenstance.”
Kelly gives him an incredulous look. “Oh, c’mon. You’re telling me you haven’t dated one person?”
Zack feels his face grow warm. “I have. I’ve dated one or two women when work and study permitted.”
“And?” Jess leans forward.
He shrugs noncommittally. “They didn’t work out.”
Zack watches her sit back down. He has no doubt that she’s about to tell him that not finding a suitable partner means he hasn’t found the right person yet, however, before she’s able to tell him such, he’s suffocated by Seth’s sudden weight.
“No worries little brother.” Seth throws an arm around him to pull him closer and give him a noogie. “You’ll find your perfect someone one day.”
Gabby shrieks at the movement and Zack makes sure to keep Seth’s weight off of her by using his arm to keep him at a distance.
“Seth, watch it. You’re squishing Gabby.”
“Yeah, Seff! You’re squishing me!” she says as she simultaneously holds onto Zack and sticks an arm out to push him away. She only manages to push at his face. “You’re not being nice!”
“You’re right, he’s not being nice.” Michael raises an eyebrow at them. “Tell him off, Gabby.”
“You’re being a big meanie —” she says as she pinches the bridge of her nose “— and your arms smell like farts.”
Seth pulls away with a dramatic gasp. “My armpits smell like farts?”
She nods exasperatedly.
“Are they that stinky? Do I need to take a shower?”
“Uh-huh.” She pinches her nose. “You stink.”
Seth gives Michael a deadpan look but that only serves to make everyone laugh. That’s when their dad appears from the hallway entrance, knocking on the doorframe to gather their attention although he doesn’t have to. He usually manages to do so unintentionally when he enters any occupied living space, his bubbly essence does so for him.
“Morning Addy family!”
A multitude of ‘Morning, Dad' sounds from the table as they resume their morning activities and include him in conversation, finally leaving Zack alone from their prying questions. He breathes a sigh of relief.
“Are you done packing, Z-rod?” Their dad says from the kitchen entrance. His eyes are fixed on the watch on his wrist before he looks up at Zack. “Your flight’s in a few hours. Don’t forget we need to be there at least two hours early.”
He shakes his head. “No, I still have a few things.”
“C’mon, up and at ‘em.”
Zack really doesn’t want to, but he hands Gabby over to Kelly who’s waiting with open arms. She giggles at the short moment of air time before being plopped onto her lap, then proceeds to pick off of the new plate. He hears, what can only be, Michael facepalming followed by giggling from the girls.
His dad claps a hand over his shoulder as he passes him and makes his way upstairs.
Zack’s room has remained the same since he first left for college… for the most part, at least. His old bedsheets have been stripped and replaced with new ones, and a few boxes are pushed against the farthest wall. His parents must’ve been clearing a few things out from the attic and putting them here for the time being, which he didn’t mind. It’s not as if he was staying for long anyway to be bothered by them.
But the walls have remained the same color and the (not so) glow-in-the-dark astronomy stickers are still stuck all throughout the ceiling right above him. Posters of his favorite basketball and hockey teams are left undisturbed (save for the single unicorn sticky Gaby managed to tack on there) and — he laughs to himself — the window screen is still loose enough to pop out and clamber onto the roof whenever he wants to. The telescope still resides next to the window, collapsed but carefully propped and pointed at the sky outside.
Zack slides a finger over the windowsill and draws himself away to finish stuffing the last of his clothes into his carry–on, plus the new ones his mom got him for Christmas. He’s a little more careful with those. He’s nearly done when he feels his pocket buzz.
He flips his cell open. It’s a text from Booth.
You said I should pick you up by 6?
Zack smiles.
Yes <|:)
Ok
What is that?
It’s a wizard.
My sister showed me how to make it.
She should teach you how to make a squint
B)
See? Those are goggles
Those look like sunglasses.
Do you think I’m cool, Booth?
I think you’re —
A soft knock at the door draws him away from his phone before he can finish reading the text. He turns around, expecting his dad but is surprised to see Michael there at the entrance of his old room with Abby on his hip. She’s thumbing through the book of space and celestial bodies he got her for Christmas.
“Hey, I have the truck warming up,” Michael tells him. Abby throws her arms up excitedly at the mention of the car and he chuckles. “You ready?”
“Yeah.” Zack looks at him skeptically and pockets his cell. “Where’s dad? I thought he was taking me to the airport?”
“He’s at Farmer Ben’s. Something came up so he asked me if I could take you instead.”
“You’re driving me?”
Michael enters the room and takes a quick look around. “What? Scared that I’ll drive us off the road?”
“Nah.” Zack chuckles. “I’m more scared of getting in a car with Seth.”
“Which is why Dad asked me if I could take you.”
The two of them laugh, incredibly familiar with Seth's driving habits. Zack will hardly admit it, but Seth’s one of the reasons why he’s scared of driving. How he got his driver’s license, he’ll never know.
Gabby jumps excitedly in Michael’s arms. “Ursa Major!”
He turns to look at her, confusion laced on his face. “Ursa Major?”
Zack points at the ceiling causing him to look up at the aged adhesive stars. There were multiple composed constellations, many of which can be easily recognized by the common enthusiast.
“That’s right, Gabby.” Zack extends a hand for her to high–five. “That is Ursa Major.”
She giggles and completes the gesture. Michael shakes his head lovingly.
“She’s loving the book you got her. Hasn’t put it down since and she keeps asking me if she can use your telescope.”
Zack glances at it and shrugs.
“Go ahead. It might need a little cleaning, however.”
Gabby exclaims in excitement and rambles on about wanting to see the shiny stars and planets. Michael nods enthusiastically when she points at an illustration in the book. Zack takes advantage of these last few minutes to make sure he has everything in his suitcase.
“If you make my baby want to become an astronaut, I’m going to kick you in the rear with my prosthetic.”
Zack furrows his brows. “Why? Becoming an astronaut should be considered a great achievement.”
“My heart’s already breaking at the thought of her moving out for college,” he coos. “Imagine what’ll happen if she tells me she wants to go to the moon?”
“There’s still time. She won’t be going to college until she’s seventeen… unless she’s anything like her uncle and she graduates earlier than —”
His brother dramatically covers her ears and glares at him, causing them to laugh at his antics. Gabby wiggles out of his hold but remains quiet as she keeps looking through her book.
“Alright Boygenius, ready to go? Before you go on and turn my daughter into a nuclear physicist at the age of five?”
He nods, slinging his carry–on over his shoulder and wheeling the small suitcase beside him. They get downstairs where he’s bombarded by the other members of his family. Michael veers around them in favor of situating the rambunctious child in his arms inside her booster seat before she can slip away.
Zack makes sure to give his goodbyes before he’s out the door. Everyone pulls him into a hug, with some variation of a squeeze, a ruffle of hair, or a pat on the shoulder. When it’s his turn to hug his mother goodbye, he holds on a little longer and places a soft kiss on the crown of her head. She pulls away and holds his face tenderly, no doubt an attempt to capture how he looks to carve it into memory; as if he’s being carted off to war and she might never see him again. But she does this every Christmas and he lets her just to appease her worries.
“Visit more often, okay?” she says, dropping her hand in favor or giving him another hug. “You should bring your colleagues over some time to enjoy the lake house once it’s warmer out. I’m sure they’d enjoy some time away from the hustle and bustle of the city.”
He nods as he pulls away. “I’ll bring the idea up to them. I’m sure they’ll like to spend a weekend away.”
“Oh, we can have a barbecue! It’ll be a fun time.”
“I do miss our family barbecues,” Zack agrees.
She pats his hair, rolling a few strands of hair in between her fingers, and pouts as she lets go. Zack knows what she’s going to say but lets her say it anyway because it happens every time she sees him and there’s nothing he can do but say the same thing back.
“Your hair’s getting longer. Are you planning to get a haircut anytime soon?”
Zack pouts. “I like it like this, Mom. It’s a popular hairstyle and it suits me.”
“At least get a trim?” she suggests lightheartedly. “Oh, I know, Janet’s started up her own hair salon in town. Next time you come to visit we should go and see what she can conjure up.”
Zack pales at the thought. Janet was the go–to lady for haircuts in their church for most of the children. She always cut his hair too short and would contort the neck at uncomfortable angles. Once she was done with you and onto the next, she had managed to create an army of perfectly gelled angel children. It seemed as if she only knew one hairstyle but most moms were happy with the results… the children not so much.
He tries to hide the displeasure but still cringes a bit. “I’ll… think about it.”
“Wonderful,” she beams.
Michael grunts as he makes his way up the short flight of stairs, his hand palming the area just above his knee.
“C’mon, I got Gabby in her seat and Lord knows she’ll be out of it if I don’t keep an eye on her,” his brother warns them.
Zack laughs, knowing it’s true, and finally starts to make his way outside after their mom blesses them. She trails behind him and stops at the door, seeing as she’s not dressed for the cold, to wave them off.
“Drive safely — and don’t forget to call once you make it home!”
“You know me, Ma.” Michael huffs. “Always a saint on the road.”
Zack waves, already halfway down the stairs. “I will!”
Michael follows behind as the two of them make their way over to the Tacoma. He turns to check on Gabby, the road behind them, then pulls out of the driveway to finally make their way to the airport.
Zack watches the house grow smaller in the side mirror and a sense of emptiness settles into his stomach. He doesn’t know why it feels so heavy, he’s always sad to leave their home after the holidays but never like this. He can only guess it’s the fading image of their home as they drive away and the looming situation waiting for him back in DC.
The drive is quiet for the most part, the radio plays on low and Gabby squeals from time to time as she plays with the new dolls she got from Kelly and Seth.
“So,” Michael starts the conversation. “How’s work at the Jeffer…?”
“The Jeffersonian.”
“Yes, the Jeffersonian,” he corrects himself. “How’s it going?”
Zack knows he’s being genuine when it comes to work–related questions. It’s not always a cheery topic to discuss when in a family setting, most of his siblings ask how he’s doing at his job due to the level of education it requires. He doesn’t fault them, it’s not a subject many people find pleasant to partake in.
Michael, as always, knows how it affects Zack not having someone to talk this with besides his colleagues. He’s shown genuine interest in how Zack’s doing and he has the stomach for the details, he was a medic in the military after all.
“It’s going well. Recently, we’ve become more involved with different applications for our expertise other than identifying historical bones,” he says enthusiastically. “Our boss, Dr. Goodman agreed to rent out our services to the FBI.”
Michael taps his shoulder with his fist and whistles. “The FBI? Look at you, hotshot.”
“It’s been pretty exciting,” he confesses, wringing his fingers out of habit. “Using my knowledge to solve a case rather than cataloging how a person died hundreds of years ago is something I never thought I’d do — not that I don’t like it, but it’s different, y’know?”
“Eh, different’s good,” Michael reasons. “It’s nice to spice things up now and then to keep the interest alive, you know?”
Zack stares at him. “No, I don’t.”
“Of course you don’t.” Michael huffs jokingly. “You love your job a lot, huh?”
“Yes, I rather enjoy cataloging remains and extrapolating information about their lives, their routines, anything really.” Zack bounces back excitedly. “I find cranial reconstruction, or any kind of reconstruction for that matter, almost meditative. It keeps my mind busy and I don’t mind being left alone for long periods of time in my office. It’s peaceful.”
“You’re being safe though, right?”
He looks at his brother offendedly. “Of course I do. I always put safety as my top priority when I’m in the lab. There are strict protocols, I make sure my PPE is —”
“No, I mean… you’re working criminal cases and that comes with not-so-nice people. Crooks, murderers, all that stuff.”
Right. He supposes his brother does have some merit to his concerns.
“I don't chase down criminals if that’s what troubles you. I mostly work in the lab except for the times I have to do field work and need to take photos or collect samples,” Zack explains. “Besides, the FBI agent assigned to our team is an accomplished veteran and marksman. He wouldn’t let one of us get hurt on his watch.”
“Military, huh? What branch?”
Zack racks his head for a moment, trying to remember what Booth had told him that night he was open to sharing a bit more about his past.
“Army Rangers… 75th Ranger Regiment.”
“He’s a Ranger,” Michael hums curiously. “That’s good to know.”
Zack looks at him. “It is?”
“It paints a clearer picture.”
“I’m afraid you’ve lost me.”
“Worry not little brother, you’re in good hands.”
Zack squints at him in an attempt to suss out his brother’s intentions, like he does a particularly challenging bone with little to no evidence of what marked it.
“You haven’t witnessed an example of his marksmanship, how can you be so sure just by my word alone?” he asks.
“I trust your word,” he says with absolute certainty. “If you say he’s an accomplished marksman and he won’t let any harm happen to you or your team, I believe you. Plus, I find it kind of weird for someone to lie about being a Ranger so I’ll take it at face value.”
Zack wants to refute his brother’s ability to somehow trust his word with so little evidence, but stops when Michael reaches for the ac knob and cranks it up a little higher to warm up the cabin. Instead, he shoots him a worried look.
“How’s your knee?” Zack looks at his leg even though he can’t see anything underneath the thick denim he’s wearing. “Is the scar tissue giving you problems?”
“Eh, could be better,” he grunts. “But yeah, just a little. I forget how cold it gets in Ludington. Got used to the warm California sunshine.”
“Did you put on your lotion, Daddy?” Gaby says from behind them. “Mommy says you always forget when we come see Gramma and Grampa.”
Michael’s eyes flick up to watch her from the rearview mirror before returning his attention to the road ahead. Zack has to stifle a laugh at the fact that his older brother is being reminded to take care of himself by his own daughter.
“Yes, I know what Mommy said,” he says dryly as he glares at Zack. “I’ll put some on when we go back to Gramma and Grampa’s, okay?”
“Okay! I’ll tell you if you forget again.”
Zack teases him, causing his older brother to roll his eyes.
“Don’t laugh, you don’t know how it feels to be tag–teamed by two beautiful ladies.”
That just makes Zack snort even louder and Michael quickly slaps him on the arm.
Gaby gasps. “No smacking Uncle Zack. That’s not nice!”
Michael chokes out a quiet sorry to Gaby, but she shakes her head and points at Zack.
“You always tell me to apologize to the person I hurt.”
He sighs. “Yes I do, don’t I?”
“Uh–huh.”
Zack snorts again, this time letting some more of the laughter slip out.
“Yeah yeah, laugh it up. You won’t know how it feels until your wife and kid team up against you,” he teases. “The troubles of raising a good person, I tell you.”
But Zack doesn’t laugh. He doesn’t even make a noise.
All the blood in his body feels like it’s been drained out of him and he suddenly feels cold and empty like the husks he sees outside of Ben’s corn fields. It’s so sudden he’s worried he’ll fall over even though he’s seated and restrained by the seat belt across his chest.
Zack’s never going to have a wife, not if this thing with Booth goes well — and he really hopes that it does. He’s never felt this vehemently for someone else before. Sure he had tried pursuing Naomi and was hurt when shot down by her, but she had nothing on Booth.
Except for the fact that she was a woman. Someone he was expected to end up with. Someone people wouldn’t have a second thought about if people saw him holding hands with her or kissing her while they walk down the street.
He’s afraid of what his parents will say — of what Michael will say. Out of everyone in his family, he’s always cared more about what his strong, older brother would say. Fortunately (or rather unfortunately) for Zack, he’s never heard them say anything on the topic of homosexuality but then again there’s never anything good to say about it out here in such a small town.
He hopes Michael doesn’t notice but, being the oldest brother, of course he does. It doesn’t help that he’s been trained to analyze people’s behavior either and can always tell something’s off about anyone he’s ever had a conversation with. That’s what made him such a good soldier and what makes him an incredible fire paramedic once he got back on his feet in the States.
He’s a people’s person.
“Y’know, you’ve been more quiet than usual during our time together,” his brother says, snapping Zack away from his thoughts.
“I have?”
“Yeah,” Michael shoots him a quick look. “The others probably didn’t notice, not as well as I probably did. Is everything alright?”
Zack wants to sink into the seat and let it swallow him whole.
“Yeah, why wouldn’t it be?”
“Oh, I don’t know… maybe cause you’re sweating buckets?”
“That’s not humanly possible,” Zack says, but that doesn’t keep him from touching his face to make sure. His brother laughs and he internally reprimands himself for letting himself be tricked.
“Call it older brother intuition. I can sense something’s been bothering you the second you stepped inside the old home.”
“Well, your ‘older brother intuition’ needs calibrating,” he jests.
“See, that’s the thing. I don’t think so.” He drums his thumbs on the steering wheel as he hums. “It felt like you weren’t all there, as if something, or rather someone , was on your mind… Is there someone waiting for you in DC?”
Zack doesn’t need to say anything, his reddened face says it all.
“Ah, there it is. Is she beautiful?”
Zack shifts in his seat. “She’s — no, no there’s no one waiting for me. I’m just looking forward to getting back to work.”
A knowing smile tugs at his brother’s lips.
“Any kind of work doesn’t get you that excited,” he cajoles. Zack is about to refute how he and Dr. Brennan rather enjoy their respective careers and wouldn’t mind doing it their entire lifetime, but his brother turns to speak again. “Is he handsome?”
Zack freezes.
“What makes you say they’re — that there’s a he?” he barely manages to stutter out.
His brother casually looks at him but Zack can’t. He keeps his eyes glued to the horizon.
“Ah, so there is a person! And you’re not denying it. I had a hunch at breakfast this morning and… ”
Zack can’t look at him. The urge to throw up is only growing and he fears Michael will need to pull over if he doesn’t want what they had for breakfast expelled in the footwell of his truck. But he can’t even tell him to do so. All he can do is scrunch his face to try and control the feeling of anxiety and dread in his stomach.
He doesn’t understand why. He’s an adult living independently in a different state, he has his own place, buys his own groceries, he has a support group back in DC, he shouldn’t be banking so heavily on his family’s reaction to his homosexuality.
But knowing that his family knows? Fearing their judgment?
Zack knows it’s illogical to fear their disapproval at this stage of life, but it’s also logical to do so. They’re his family , he grew up with them, they’re the ones he can fall back on in times of need, but if they’re not there…
If they retract the net.
If they let him fall.
All because he’s attracted to a man.
“ ...Zack?”
The feeling of a hand on his arm snaps him out of his crisis. He blinks and the tears that had pooled fall away. They’re not driving anymore. He’s not sure when they stopped, but they’re idle on the side of the road.
“Zack? Hey, you okay?” Michael’s watching him, eyes full of concern. “You kinda went all quiet on me there.”
It takes him a few tries by the time he feels confident that his voice won’t give out on him.
“You’re not mad or disgusted?” he croaks.
“What?” Michael huffs. “Why would I — no! Never.”
“But you’re still active in the church, aren’t you?” Zack’s confused, he doesn’t get it. “One of the core beliefs is that marriage in the eyes of God is between a man and a woman —”
Michael shakes his head and Zack quiets.
“I know you haven’t been able to stay long enough in Michigan to attend service but the church has become more open. The Lutheran church has adopted more open and diverse beliefs, at least our church has.”
Zack doesn’t say anything, so Michael carefully treads on.
“Besides, I will never let another man, no matter how in tune with God he is, tell me how I should feel about what a man or a woman do in their private lives, especially if they aren’t harming anyone.” He breathes a heavy sigh. “So, if you’re gay… ”
“Bisexual,” Zack doesn’t know why he feels the need to correct him. He finds it trivial at this point, but if it’s going to be out in the open, might as well have it be factual. “I’m bisexual.”
“Bisexual. Okay, well that doesn’t change anything. You’re still my brother.” Michael says with a firm smile, although his voice quivers slightly. Zack doesn’t think much of it, aware that if he were speaking, his voice would sound the same. “You’re my baby brother — one of many — and you being bisexual doesn’t take away from the fact that I only want the best for you and that’s for you to be happy and healthy.”
Zack doesn’t know what else to say so he nods and looks away to watch the barren fields full of fresh snow. There are no corn stalks in sight since they’re in the dead of winter but that doesn’t make him appreciate the view any less. Michael starts the truck back up again and pulls onto the road. They drive for a few minutes in quiet silence, the radio still playing on low.
Once he feels like he can finally talk again, Zack looks at his brother.
“Thank you.”
“So, who’s picking you up?”
Zack’s movements stutter a bit so he tries to recover by slinging his bag over his shoulder.
“A colleague of mine.”
“A colleague of yours, huh? It doesn’t happen to be the FBI agent, does it?” Michael shoves his elbow into him and Zack retaliates with the same gesture. “Is this colleague of yours cute?”
Zack can’t think of a response quick enough, which gives his brother enough time to come to his own conclusion. Michael laughs and Zack looks away, face burning red.
“More than cute, then.” Michael slings an arm around his shoulders and jostles him a bit. “How’d my baby brother bag someone so attractive.”
“You haven’t even seen him.” Zack’s heart races at the slip, but he lets himself have this moment. “How are you sure he’s even remotely attractive?”
Michael shrugs, arm still draped over him. “Just a hunch.”
“You and your lack of evide — hey, watch the hair!”
Michael cackles as he ruffles his hair. The three of them enter the airport and walk together until they get to a point where Michael and Gabby can no longer follow him any further. He’s wrapped into a tight embrace by his brother as the overhead voice sounds for the passengers of a different departure flight.
“Call me more often,” Michael says into his shoulder before pulling away from the embrace. “You can talk to me about anything, and I mean it. Anything. I might not have any experience dating guys but I’m happily married so that’s gotta count for something, right?”
Zack doesn’t want to cry in the middle of an airport. He already did enough of that in the truck.
“It does, and I will. Thank you.”
Michael pulls him into another hug, careful not to squish Gabby. She doesn’t mind and joins in the hug.
“I love you, okay?”
Zack rolls his eyes, but he knows it to be true. He holds him a little tighter before pulling away.
“Love you, too.”
Gabby loudly blows him a kiss as the two of them walk away.
“Bye–bye, Zack!”
Zack mimics her gesture and waves a final goodbye as he walks away to get in line for the TSA screening. He feels lighter than he has since coming home, which he knows is due to the stress of not slipping up in front of his family.
His phone buzzes.
You at the airport already?
It’s Booth.
Yup :)
What, no wizard?
Here’s a cowboy (^:(3
Ha! I like cowboys
Ok I’ll be at the arrivals gate when you land
Have a safe flight <3
Look it’s a heart!
He smiles to himself and scrolls back up to the last message he had been reading at home.
I think you’re hot ;)
Zack blushes and puts his phone away. He finds himself starting to feel antsy and impatient… he can’t wait to be back in DC.