Archive of Our Own ^beta

For most people, the high school cafeteria might seem like an ordinary place. It was always filled with various cliques occupying their own claimed tables, where one rule reigned supreme: if you weren’t part of a group, you were considered an anomaly.

That's exactly how Yang Jungwon had been feeling for a year now. 

To him, the cafeteria felt discomforting, almost terrifying, and he couldn’t bring himself to eat a single thing from the menu. It wasn’t that he had issues with food; it was just that the act of eating there made his stomach churn, like he might throw up at any moment here at his table, or the one far too large for just one person. It belonged among those who were constantly subjected to sidelong glances and hushed giggles aimed in its direction.

It made him feel like such a cliche.

“Rumor is going around that Jungwon still pees in his pants, they saw him in the bathroom.” Another cliche declared. No other than Park Sunghoon—tall, hot, the type to wear either varsity or leather jackets and to party excessively. 

And, of course, a real dick. 

There would be no story, otherwise.

“Be careful, you know he listens to us…” His friend Sunoo chuckled, not really concerned about being heard by the younger boy. 

“He’s not eating again.” Jay cast a brief glance at Jungwon from across the table, and the intensity of it made the blonde lower his gaze, as if that single look commanded his submission. “Don’t know how he’s still alive.”

“We should teach him a lesson.” Riki huffed, his jaw clenching the moment he looked up in the blonde boy’s direction too. “You know, guys, I hate ungrateful brats. And Sunoo’s dad has been doing everything to provide the cafeteria with good food, so why’s that bitch acting like it isn’t worthy of him?”

The dark-haired boy stood up, a hand brushing his hair back before all three of the friends sitting around their table were standing too, like a reflex. 

Nishimura Riki. Everywhere the latter stood, it was common knowledge that people would follow without question. As he walked towards Jungwon’s table, the blonde boy tried his best to keep his composure, head lowered. It was foolish, but he clung to the hope that if he didn’t meet their gaze, they might just pass him by.

Unfortunately for him, all four of them gathered around his table. Riki and Sunoo placed themselves respectively on his left and right and Jungwon already felt like suffocating. He was on the verge of standing, a bold move given that they had him completely surrounded. Before he could act on, though, Riki effortlessly shoved his frail shoulder and forced him back into his seat.

“Where do you think you’re going? That’s rude, you know. For once, we’re giving you the privilege of talking to us,” he began, his deep voice sending a familiar chill down Jungwon’s spine—it had been haunting him for a year now. “Not eating again, huh? What’s the matter, Wonie ?”

“I-I’m just not hungry hyung—”

“Sunoo’s dad spends so much money for your ungrateful ass to eat, and you still can’t behave,” Riki tsked. He glanced at his friends, waiting for their usual nods of approval, which they gave with exaggerated sarcasm. Once satisfied, he grabbed a handful of Jungwon’s hair, pulling harshly enough to draw a whimper from the blonde. “Do we really have to be the ones to teach you manners? Your parents really dropped the ball.”

“No!” Jungwon panicked. “I will eat! A-Alright. I will… I will eat.” He hated the way his voice just shifted from a raised tone to a quicker one, stumbling cadence, but he couldn’t help it, not when his panic slipped through and his scalp started to sting. He desperately hoped it would prompt Riki to release his grip on his hair. When Riki finally let go, it felt like the nervousness on his chest somehow lifted. His heart resumed its rhythm, the breath he had been holding escaped in a shaky exhale.

“Good boy,” Riki gave Jungwon’s nape a firm pat. “Let’s all eat together, hm? Like real friends should.”

Jungwon’s fingers nervously fidgeted with the fabric of his pants as the others carried on their conversation, as if he wasn’t even there.

“So, as I was saying,” Sunghoon continued, his words slightly muffled by a mouthful of food. He gestured toward Jay with his chopsticks, without a spare in Jungwon’s direction. “Apparently, someone here is such a loser they still wet the bed and have so few friends they go and pet some stones at the beach.”

Sunoo let out a loud guffaw. “It’s giving autism.”

“And virgin. Do you think his little pee-pee got hard from it?” Jay bantered as he leaned closer to the table.

“Trust me,” Sunoo rolled his eyes dramatically. “I’m gay, and if anything, that bitch is the one taking it. He doesn’t even need to use that useless shit.”

But amidst the laughter, Jungwon noticed one sound absent—the laugh of Riki. Instead, their leader was still staring at him. The blonde could feel his presence, heavy at his side.

Maybe Jungwon should eat. He should eat before—

“Retarded, indeed,” Riki lashed.

Jungwon barely blinked before he found himself head down on his food. The impact was sudden and jarring, the laughter around him erupting in volume, now joined by chuckles from nearby tables. His face was sticky with sauce, the scent and texture invading his senses as tears began to prick at the corners of his eyes from the humiliation.

Riki’s cold, rigid hand lingered on Jungwon’s nape, the action made to intimidate, to have him anticipate another burst of his anger.

“Had to give a helpful hand.” Riki jested. “He’s been staring at his plate like he didn’t know what to do with it.” 

“It’s either he lives on another planet or he’s just dumb.” Sunoo added, clicking his tongue against the roof of his mouth in exasperation.

“Maybe you should force it down his throat.” Sunghoon then suggested, visibly amused by his own idea. 

“Yeah, could train his throat for some dicks.”

Jungwon could easily picture both Sunoo’s explicit gesture accompanying his vulgar comment and Riki’s smirk following it. And though he shouldn’t have been surprised, his eyes still widened. For someone as empathetic as him, his bullies’ relentless capacity for violence never failed to surprise him. 

“Good idea.” Riki approved. He then took hold of Jungwon’s cheeks before he forced his mouth open and shoved the entire cake from his plate into the blonde boy’s small mouth. Jungwon gagged and struggled, reaching for his glass of water to help him swallow, but Sunghoon snatched it away from him, an evil grin visible at the corners of his lips. 

“Such a tiny mouth. Not even a man would want you.” Riki sneered, digging his words into Jungwon's heart like fingerprints. You’d think, after enduring this countless times, that Jungwon would have grown numb to it. But he wasn’t indifferent; he felt everything far too intensely, and he hated it. “I bet no one’s ever touched your disgusting body.” 

After his remark, Riki looked down at Jungwon’s small frame. He always wore these oversized hoodies paired with baggy sweatpants. Every single part of himself was perfectly hidden. But it was kind of obvious now that he was sitting near him, Jungwon was really petite— not just by being short, his whole body looked thin, easily breakable. And for a second there, Riki imagined, he imagined Jungwon under him completely naked, what it might look like uncovered for once. 

“Not even here.” His other hand rested on Jungwon’s thigh and now he finally had the confirmation of it. It was slim, his entire hand could wrap around it. Fuck. Seeing the panic in Jungwon’s eyes almost turned him on. “You’re scared? You really think I’m gonna fuck a loser like you, bitch?”

Riki let go of Jungwon’s thigh to pick up the cake from his plate, forcing it down Jungwon’s throat for a second time. Jungwon kept choking while crumbs of cake spilled from his mouth onto the table. The other three boys pulled disgusted faces, purposefully exaggerating them to deepen Jungwon’s humiliation. 

“We should record this shit.” Sunghoon suggested before picking up his phone from his pocket and pressing play on the camera. “The school’s blog is gonna love our favorite retard acting like one.”

“You can’t even eat properly. What are you doing in school? Are you sure the classes aren’t too hard for that slow brain of yours?” Jay chimed in, noticing the tears welling up in Jungwon’s cat-like eyes. So pretty. He was so pretty and so entertaining to ruin.

“Should we tutor you too? We could come to your house and teach you some grown up things, hm?” Riki’s head traveled towards Jungwon’s inner thing, too near his crotch. Jungwon felt like losing his mind, the hold on his cheeks was strong while he, on the other hand, lacked too much physical strength. 

“Maybe that’s why you keep fainting in P.E. You don’t know that if you don’t eat you don’t have any energy?” Riki chided, his hand dangerously touching Jungwon in places the blonde didn’t want to. “Sixteen years old should know this already.”

“P-Please…Let me go to class—”

Another piece of cake was shoved inside his mouth, this time from Sunoo though. And maybe this detail wasn’t noticed by anyone, but the look of annoyance from Riki towards Sunoo could easily explain how far his little game with Jungwon was about to go. How sick it was going to turn out.

“Still with the 11th grade?”

A girl stepped into the scene, someone Jungwon recognized as Riki’s girlfriend, or at least, that’s what most people assumed. It probably wasn’t true. Riki wasn’t the type to date; he treated people like disposable playthings, discarding them as soon as the novelty wore off. Not that it mattered at this moment.

“I was looking for you.” the girl, Nayeoul, pouted.

“And I was right here.” Riki replied sharply. He didn’t sound angry for any particular reason, just agitated. Something had clearly gotten under his skin, and it was showing.

From the corner of his eye, Jungwon noticed Sunghoon lounging in his chair like he owned the room. His gaze was fixed on Jungwon, cold and piercing, his pupils filled with hatred.

Bullying was a strange thing. It rarely started off with violence at its peak. It creeps in through the cracks, starting with subtle jabs disguised as jokes, comments that don’t feel quite right. Over time, it escalates. The jokes become insults, the insults turn into slurs, and sometimes, fists follow.

For Jungwon, it never quite reached that last stage. They didn’t beat him, not physically. But they persecuted him relentlessly. And it all started that day.

That day, he rejected Sunghoon.

It all seemed innocent at first. They appeared to be a friendly, welcoming group, the kind of guys who exuded an effortless coolness. They were the ones who approached him first.

“Hey there. Are you new?” Sunghoon had called out to Jungwon in the corridor the day after he transferred.

Jungwon had nodded, his tiny hands clutching his bag nervously, taken aback by the noticeable size difference between them.

“You can join us if you want. There’s a party tonight at my house,” Sunghoon had said with a confident grin. “I organized it as a way for everyone to get to know each other.”

Jungwon had bitten his lip, unsure but hopeful. He’d naively thought he’d made a new friend. But as the evening unfolded, Sunghoon tried his shot, sliding a hand or two up Jungwon’s thighs and leaning close, his breath warm against Jungwon’s ear.

It wasn’t as if Sunghoon was unattractive—he was the opposite, but Jungwon’s inexperience had him feeling deeply uncomfortable. They barely knew each other, after all.

“What’s wrong now?” Sunghoon had asked, an irritated tsk following his words when Jungwon pushed him away by the shoulders.

“You are too close.”

Four simple words.

Perhaps Sunghoon had been too drunk, or perhaps his ego couldn’t handle rejection. Either way, those four words seemed to twist and distort in his mind. By the next day, rumors were already spreading. People whispered about Jungwon being rude and impolite at a party organized by the “king of the school.”

“Who does he think he is?” Jungwon heard in the corridors.

It didn’t help that his good grades and the teachers’ approval further alienated him. Before long, he was labeled the teacher’s pet, a snob who thought he was too good for everyone else. They misunderstood him completely, mistaking him for someone he wasn’t.

But Riki.

Jungwon never understood why , out of everyone else, it was Riki who seemed to hate everything in him the most. It was like every breath he took was insufferable to the eighteen-years-old boy, as if him being happy wasn’t something he could ever allow. He didn’t.

In a blink of an eye, a month or two had passed. Honestly, Jungwon had lost track of time. Every day was the fucking same. They were making up theories about his life, his tastes, his past, inventing stories that never happened where he appeared as the bad guy. In classes, in the cafeteria, in the gym, in the backyard, in the corridor. He couldn’t escape them. Why were they blaming him for refusing a random guy? At one point even he was believed to be at fault. Maybe he should’ve just shut his mouth and let Sunghoon do whatever with him. At least he wouldn’t have been tormented every day by the whole school.

Maybe not the entire school, though, because, weirdly enough, a brave soul approached the blonde boy one of those days. It was the end of lunch break, and students were filing out. Perhaps, he thought it would be safer to approach Jungwon without everyone staring at them. And honestly, the boy couldn’t blame him.

“Hey.. you probably don’t know me but… yeah, I’m Heeseung, it’s nice to meet you.” He offered his hand, a kind smile on his face. Jungwon shook it reluctantly. “I just wanted to say that I know what you’ve been going through lately. It’s so messed up. Those guys have been acting like they own this school since the day they got here.”

Jungwon couldn’t hold it anymore. He had tried to keep it to himself. He only cried when he would come back home. Never at school. It was risky, embarrassing even. He knew the jokes would double down if someone saw him in that state. But hearing Heeseung’s words, someone finally being on his side or at least acknowledging all the shit they had put in through, he cried on the older’s chest. He cried for so long and so hard, it felt like hours passed by as the taller one tried to comfort him the best he could by caressing his hair.

He probably made it awkward, acting like that with a stranger who was nice enough to ruin his reputation for a social reject of his kind. But it was really beating him up. He needed someone to comfort him. And Heeseung wasn’t complaining so they stayed like that, for minutes before the bell signaled the start of their afternoon classes. 

“You know maybe one of these afternoons you could come to my house, hm?” Heeseung smiled. “I play League of legends and other games too, if you don’t know them I could teach you.”

“That would be amazing… thank you so much, hyung.” His cheeks flushed slightly as he said ‘hyung’ in the sweetest, most endearing tone Heeseung had ever heard.

What the two guys didn’t know though, was a figure creeping up behind the exit door, spying on their conversation the moment he heard the little hyung coming out of Jungwon’s mouth. So as Heeseung finally left the garden, making his way back into the school, he grabbed the older’s shirt collar, pushing him against a wall while putting one of his knees above his crotch.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing Heeseung, huh? We finally leave you alone for another one and what do you do? Befriend him?” Riki sneered, pressing his knee harder, forcing a pained whimper out of Heeseung. “Do you enjoy me bullying you? Are you some kind of masochist now, too? Stay the hell away from the new guy, nerd.”

“Why? Why should I, if you don’t even like him—” Heeseung’s words were cut off as Riki drove his knee into his lower body, the hard impact making him double over in agony.

“I don’t care,” Riki snarled. “You’ll do what I tell you. Now get out of my sight before I make sure you’re stuck in a hospital bed for weeks.”

The moment Riki released Heeseung’s collar, and Heeseung bolted, Jungwon stepped out from the garden and headed into the school as well. His face was etched with fear, his gaze darting to Riki as realization hit him. Damn it. Not again. Why? Why did he have to ruin everything?

“What did you do?” Jungwon asked; his voice cracked .

At this time, he still had the strength to defend himself; he wasn’t hopeless yet. And more than anything, he had accumulated too much pain and frustration. His face flushed an angry red. 

“Can I know why? Why do you hate me so much?” Jungwon demanded, lifting his head to glare at Riki. The shadow of the taller boy loomed over him, swallowing his small frame entirely. But he didn’t care. He let everything out.

“What did I fucking do to deserve this? You think you can get away with it? You’re sick in the—”

“Well you’re quite easy,” Riki ignored his questions, a tense smirk pulling at his lips.

Jungwon frowned, confusion clouding his face. “Easy?”

“Sunghoon, first. Now Heeseung. You’re collecting guys at this point.” Riki commented, implying things that made Jungwon’s skin sprinkle.

He pushed his tongue against the inside of his cheek, a move that only increased his palpable arrogance. Jungwon could feel it—the weight of Riki’s aura in the way he stood, so sure of himself, so untouchable.

And then there was the way he looked at him. His dark gaze scorned him, as though Jungwon was something small, insignificant, just waiting to be stamped out. It wasn’t just his aura that pressed against him; the atmosphere Riki created every time felt like he was seconds away from making it physical.

“Tell me, hm?” Riki adjusted the collar of his green bomber jacket before leaning in close, hot breath spreading against Jungwon's ear. “For how many would you spread your legs?”

Jungwon felt a rush of adrenaline flood his system at the vile implication. His heart lodged itself in his throat, beating so hard he thought it might burst. He couldn't speak, couldn’t find words through the mess in his head. But if his voice failed him, his body wouldn’t.

And soon enough, he was doing it; he was acting up, defending himself.

Finally.

He pushed Riki back hard. Then, before he even realized his own gesture, Jungwon's palm connected with Riki's face in a rough slap. Riki’s head turned slightly with the force, and for a moment, everything seemed to freeze, leaving space for the sound to echo through the now-empty corridor. 

“You're sick in the head, that's what I wanted to say ear—”

Jungwon didn't even get the chance to finish his sentence before his hands were wrenched above his head, and his body slammed against the cold wall.

Oh no.

His breath hitched as instinct kicked in, his eyes squeezing shut in anticipation of a hard punch to his face.

But nothing came.

It was only then that he realized he’d been holding his breath. His lungs were burning from the lack of oxygen. His heart pounded furiously;he could even hear the sound reverberat in his ears and pulsing in his temples as his entire body quivered, as if his mind just lost the control of it all. 

In contrast, Riki radiated a different kind of energy-steady. He looked calm, too composed, and dominant— a dominance Jungwon could feel pouring off him in waves, its power overwhelming. His grip was firm, and though no blow had landed, the threat of its force alone was enough to make Jungwon's knees buckle.

So why wasn’t he hitting him?

When Jungwon slowly opened his eyes, one at a time, they were close. So close, he could feel Riki's breath ghosting over his face; could see the intense spark in his eyes. It was as if Riki had snapped to some kind of realization himself, caught in the moment of wanting to cross a line he couldn’t uncross. 

He wanted something. 

He wanted the satisfaction of seeing Jungwon flinch, crumble, recoil from the pain. The thought alone awakened the worst side of him.

“Listen carefully,” Riki started.

Then, without hesitation, he did it. 

He spat directly in Jungwon’s face.

The degrading act sent Jungwon wincing, his body tensing as his head turned slightly, eyes shut in disgust. He couldn’t suppress the shiver of shame that ran through him at the sticky warmth burning where it smeared over his skin. 

“It’s only me you call hyung,” Riki coldly breathed out as he gripped Jungwon's cheeks so roughly, the latter now resembled a fish out of water, his lips like a heart. “Not that bastard, not anyone else.” Jungwon still hadn’t opened his eyes, trying desperately to block out the moment.

“Look at me.” Riki's grip tightened while he forced Jungwon's face forward. Helpless, Jungwon's eyes cracked open despite the sting of saliva on his lashes. “Do you understand?” He questioned, giving his victim’s cheeks a little shake. 

Jungwon nodded in pure obedience while the tears that were now cascading his cheeks felt like it might drown his dignity.

“Good because I won’t repeat myself twice. If I catch you again, the next time,” Riki threatened. “It's my fist you'll take.”

Jungwon hadn’t always been this weak. His last conversation with his bully proved that. But seeing Heeseung who had approached him the day before avoid his gaze the moment he entered the school hallway nearly made him break down in front of everyone. He really did it. Riki had ruined his life for good now. His only option was to report the bullying to the student president.

Jake Sim was his name. Jungwon had heard it a few times. He didn’t seem bad, almost kind. So, Jungwon wasn’t too scared to enter the classroom where Jake was, hoping to explain his problem. Jake was alone. When he looked up at Jungwon, he sighed heavily, as if he had been expecting him.

“Hello, um… I-I would like to report something—it’s about me and some guys bullying—”

“Yang Jungwon, right?” Jake interrupted. Jungwon nodded, nervously biting his lower lip.

“Listen, you’re new here, that’s why they’re treating you like this. Just give it some time. They’ll forget about you. You’re not that special.”

He felt his heart shattering. His words got stuck in his throat. He couldn’t believe it. Did the school representative really brush off his problem like this? What had he done to deserve this treatment?

“Are you serious? Everyone in school hates me. I can’t even go to lunch. This guy Riki, he—”

“And? It’s kind of your fault for going to that party in the first place. Do you say yes to every guy who invites you out?” Jake tilted his head to the side. Jungwon was on the verge of tears.

“Listen, I don’t want any problems. I just need to keep this role and get into a good university. Don’t make it hard for me, alright? It’s just some jokes. It’s not like they’re beating you to death.”

His last hope truly vanished, especially after learning just minutes later that the school principal was none other than one of his bully’s father. He couldn’t even talk about it to his parents—they weren’t the understanding type. Yeah, it was over. His school life was going to be hell until the others finally graduated. But he had to endure all those degrading jokes and comments until he couldn’t take it anymore. And so, he started hurting himself. His skin was now covered in scars. His arms and thighs disgusted him whenever he looked at himself undressed. It had gotten to the point where he would even do it in the school bathrooms.

Like right now.

He pushed up the sleeves of his oversized sweatshirt, staring blankly at the uneven lines etched into his slender arms. They weren’t neat or precise; they were chaotic, like a frustrated child scribbling furiously over a ruined drawing. In some ways, it felt fitting.

Jungwon had never been that child with a carefree childhood. Maybe this was his own form of expression—a way to let out the emotions he couldn’t voice.

Cutting had become an addictive outlet, releasing the anger, hatred, and sorrow trapped inside. But it always left behind something unshakable: permanent reminders of the trauma.

That’s why Jungwon always chose to wear baggy clothes in order to cover every inch of his skin.

If anyone saw, they’d know. They’d know just how fragile he truly was.

Not even.

They would know he was already broken .

So he cut.

The first cut was always the hardest. His hands trembled in hesitation, gripped by the knowledge of the guilt that would follow. But the craving to see his blood, to feel something tangible and raw, always overpowered him. He needed it—needed to witness something as painful as what they had inflicted on him, yet something he had still control over. Blood was perfect for that.

It was intimate… intimate like tears.

By the third or fourth cut, the tears would come. They flowed when the realization hit him: he truly needed this. It was the only way to feel reconnected with himself, to reclaim the fragments of who he was before the bullying had stripped him bare.

By the seventh or eighth cut, blood was unstoppable. It streamed down his wrist, spilling over the floor and his clothes.

By the last cut, his snot mixed messily with the tears, and gasping sobs filled the room. His breaths turned into hipccups, every sound an echo of his anguish—a rhythm that matched his erratic heartbeat.

And yet, in the chaos of it all, he felt alive again.

“So, was she good? Man, she was all over you today in class.”

Jungwon’s eyes widened as he was sitting on the toilet seat, a blade between his digits. Earlier, he had rushed to the nearest available restroom, the one reserved for disabled students, desperate for solitude.

“She sucked me once, and it was awful. Now she’s clinging to me like I give a fuck.” 

Riki’s voice. 

Jungwon could have recognized his baritone voice among a thousand. The sharp tone of exasperation always made his nerves spike, the sound of it making the year he had lived loop all over again in his mind. 

“Bro, pass her to me if you’re over it already,” Sunghoon’s voice followed, lighthearted but cold.

It was fine, Jungwon told himself. He had locked the door. That was all that mattered. He repeated the thought like a mantra, even as his tears fell soundlessly, one after the other, pooling in his lap. But their voices were relentless, each word like a warning siren in his head. It was as if the fire was creeping closer, ready to engulf him, and all he could do was brace himself for the inevitable burn.

“Yeah, share a little,” Jay griped.

Jungwon clenched his eyes shut while he inwardly fought to stay silent. He couldn’t let them know he was there. If they found out, he didn’t know how much more he could take.

“No sharing needed. Just take it for all I care.”

“I can’t even join you guys on this one.” Sunoo jeered which made Riki huff.

Then, the door swung open. Jungwon froze on the spot, his muscles paralyzed. Wasn’t the door locked? He had rushed so fast in the cabin earlier, he didn’t even notice that the door latch was only half-closed.

And now no other than Sunghoon stood there, ready to kill his soul for the umpteenth time.

“Hey guys.” the older boy announced at the door frame with a tilt of his head. “Come over here. Look what I just found there.”

“What? Another one jerking himself off—”

Riki walked towards Sunghoon, now finally seeing what his friend was talking about. Jungwon, or better to say, a completely messed up Jungwon sitting on the toilet, one blade in his left hand while his forearm full of scars and blood was on display for them. His eyes were so teary, and the tears ran even more freely after they noticed him. 

“I can’t believe this.” Sunghoon started laughing, now even Sunoo and Jay had seen him in that state. “Cutting yourself in the school bathrooms? Really? How much attention do you want?”

“You know he’s an attention whore.” Sunoo spat, a disgusted expression on his face as he looked at the scars on his arms. “Dirty attention whore. You don’t even clean that shit up, do you?”

Jungwon was completely taken aback. His mind was trying to tell him that it was all a hallucination. That his actual bullies hadn’t just seen the way he was coping because of them. Fuck, what was he even supposed to do? They would’ve snatched him immediately if he tried to run.

“In the disabled bathrooms too.” Riki chuckled, hands in his pockets. “At least you know where you belong.”

“P-Please, I have a class in a bit, I have to g-go..” Jungwon attempted but his voice cracked every two words. He looked pathetic. Perhaps, that was the worse part of it.

“Going to class with fresh scars? Shouldn’t you clean them up?” Jay spoke out. “Maybe we should help you out, hm? Isn’t that what being friends is about?”

Riki caught Jay’s implication immediately, his hand reaching for Jungwon’s hair like a reflex, pushing him down on the floor until his small knees ended up on the hard ground. He sobbed, but after all the cuts he inflicted on himself, this was just another type of pain he could bear. 

“On your knees for us. That’s where you should be every time.” Riki stated. “You wanted us to find out, hm? Leaving the door open and shit. Are you obsessed perhaps?”

You’re the one who’s obsessed.

That’s what the old Jungwon would’ve said. 

But the new Jungwon simply hid the open wounds on his forearm with one hand, forced to meet Riki’s eyes. The grip on his hair remained tight, the sting at his scalp making it clear Riki wasn’t letting go anytime soon. Blood seeped between Jungwon’s fingers, dripping onto the tiled floor. Yet, even the sight and sensation of it felt less terrifying than the coldness of Riki’s hardened expression.

“Off.” Riki jerked his head toward Jungwon’s hand. The command was vague, but Jungwon didn’t need clarification to know that whatever Riki had in mind was cruel. It always was. It was as though Riki was built to torment him, programmed to dismantle him piece by piece. Maybe he was some form of punishment—a karmic retribution for sins Jungwon couldn’t even remember committing in another life.

“P-Please—” Jungwon’s voice broke.

“Oh, shut the fuck up,” Riki snapped, his fist tightening in Jungwon’s hair. The sharp yank made Jungwon flinch, and his blade slipped from his grasp, clattering loudly to the floor.

“Get it off before I beat you senseless,” Riki warned. 

Second time.

It was the second time Riki had threatened him like that. Jungwon felt his mind spiral. He panicked which led him to remove his hand without fully understanding what might follow. He didn’t dare to imagine that what Riki planned could be far worse than simple fists.

“Perfect,” Riki declared. “We help you out, and you help us, right? I’ve got to pee.”

Jungwon’s breath caught after his face had drained of color, his eyes widened in disbelief. They wouldn’t. They couldn’t. His mind scrambled for reason—this was too inhumane, even for them. Right?

But Jungwon’s naivety betrayed him. As the scene unfolded before him, his body refused to move, unable to process the nightmare unraveling in real time. Words failed him, ricocheting uselessly in the empty corners of his skull.

He watched, as if detached from his own body. Somehow, his knees were the only things that reminded him he was there, encroached to the cold floor. He watched powerlessly. He watched as Riki unbuckled his belt, the moves of his hands slow on purpose, watched the way his siren-shaped eyes bore into him, watched his chest rising and falling as though he was savoring the idea of what he was about to inflict.

Then Jungwon saw Jay follow suit, his hands moving to unzip his jeans as well, and the world around him seemed to blur into a suffocating haze when they both freed their cocks. Jungwon didn’t know what was worst. The jugmentals gazes of Sunoo and Sunghoon, looking at his mortified face like it was entertaining for them to do so or the fact Jay and Riki…

… were hard, their above average lengths standing proudly around their veiny hands. 

Were they turned on…?

Jungwon glanced at the door for a short moment out of panic. It was only then he realizing it had been shut firmly behind them. Even if he wanted to escape, there was no way out, Riki’s grip keeping him rooted in place. His palms began to sweat, and soon that dampness was joined by another, far more horrifying kind.

Jay and Riki began to relieve their full bladders, their cocks sickly twisting as they did. Jay aimed at his open wounds, while Riki directed the stream onto his face. 

The latter devoured Jungwon with his stare like he was trying to take as much as possible of the sight of his feeble body convulsing at the excruciating sensation. Jungwon looked as though his skin had been ripped, his flesh ablaze. 

Their eyes were still plunged into one another and Jungwon couldn’t miss the way Riki’s eyes followed his own piss grossly sliding down Jungwon’s face, dirtying his delicate features. He squeezed his eyes shut, but it was too late—the warm liquid stung his eyes, seeping into every crevice, though even that couldn’t rival the unbearable agony of his infected wounds. Blood mixed with urine, forming a foul, sickening pool on the floor tiles.

Then, it happened. 

Against his will, a whiny sound escaped his lips, one that tore his dignity apart from the inside out.

“Moaning much, huh? Painslut.” Riki remarked, and it made the others guffaw. 

Fuck. That was it. Jungwon looked so fucking pretty once put at his place, at his damn feet and covered in piss. Riki couldn’t help but imagine his cum all over that tiny mouth, Jungwon’s tongue lolling out and tasting every drop as he would dick slap him. This boy belonged to him. 

“You should’ve told us sooner you liked piss that much. We would’ve used your little scars as a public urinal every single day.” He continued heartlessly. “Tongue out.” 

Jungwon wanted to frantically shake his head, a cry of protest just there in his throat but he didn’t. Instead, he submitted, obeying Riki in a snap of a finger. He wasn’t aware of how pornographic he looked right now in his bully’s eyes.

“Yeah, that’s right. Taste it like a good little slave.” Riki huffed, now peeing on the pink tongue, drops of it splashing onto the victim’s skin and turning his face sticky. Everything about Jungwon was small. He could’ve manhandled him everywhere, maybe even forced him to take his piss and cum and overall, anything that came to his mind. He imagined doing this right now—lifting Jungwon up to the wall and raping him there. “You better swallow.” 

When he was done, Riki tilted his dick toward the tip of Jungwon’s tongue, letting the final drop fall. For a second there, his cockhead brushed against his tongue, and when Jungwon’s tear-filled eyes snapped open, a deep groan bubbled in Riki’s throat as the victim swallowed reflexively. Lust clouded his senses while an intoxicating need to destroy Jungwon consumed him, deeper than anything he had ever felt before.

“Pathetic,” Sunoo swore as Jungwon gagged over the salty taste.

“He would take everything down his whore throat. It’s well known, he’s nasty like that.” Jay exhaled in relief as he continued to relieve himself. The stench began to cling to Jungwon’s clothes which reeked of piss, a nauseating smell that would undoubtedly etch itself into Jungwon’s memory long after everything ended.

Jungwon whined over and over again, his voice breaking into a high-pitched cry of pain that resonated through the room. He sounded like he was getting fucked full, his despair and innocence shattered in pieces audible in every little whimpers, and it sent a rush of twisted power coursing through the boys’ veins, warming their groins.

“I could make it lick the floor clean and it would.” Riki emphasized the new pronoms as he laughed. “No need for Sunoo’s dad to hire domestic workers anymore. Maid, toilet, you can be anything, right? Fucking made to worship and serve us all.” 

Once the final drop splattered onto Jungwon’s forearm, the words struck harder than any slap could. Harder than the aftertaste of Riki’s urine on his gum, under the cruel giggles of Sunoo and Sunghoon, who watched him like he was some sideshow attraction rather than a person.

The realization slapped him harder than his dad in his childhood memories. Riki had taken what Jungwon once thought of as intimate—his scars, his pain—and weaponized it. He had twisting it into yet another means to control him. They had stolen even that from him, leaving him stripped of everything.

He felt empty, as though his very existence had been erased. It crushed him: how nothing he was. His face crumpled while tears poured freely. 

“What’s up now?” Riki let out a sign. He stepped back then zipped up his jeans, his gaze still fixed on Jungwon’s crumpled form.

Jay crossed his arms. After which, he leaned casually against the wall. “Such a mess,” he drawled. “He can’t even be grateful to save his life.”

Jungwon’s body shook, his sobs muted but heavy, his head hanging low as shame engulfed him. His cheeks burned at this point, the sharp sting of tears mixing with the residue on his face. The room felt suffocating, every cruel laugh a nail driven deeper into his fractured sense of self.

Riki crouched down to his level; he beckoned Jungwon to look up. “Tell me,” he muttered, his eyes filled with something between disdain and sadistic satisfaction. Jungwon couldn’t imagine what was hiding behind that spark, the animalistic way Riki wanted to fuck him. “Why are you crying, huh?”

Jungwon’s breath hitched as Riki’s tone reeked of fake gentleness. He tried to turn his head away, but it was futile. 

“You should thank me,” Riki continued, his remark closer to an order than a suggestion. “I’m giving you attention. Isn’t that what you always wanted?”

Jungwon blinked through his wet eyelashes. He had never felt more dirty than right now—bangs glued to his forehead with piss. Now, adding Riki scrutinizing him so intensively, the exposure was making him feel vulnerable. He knew no amount of pleading would change their behaviors. That was how he found himself surrendering, not without a stutter or two: 

“T-Thank you, h-hyung…”

The boys scoffed.

“See that guys?” Riki bragged after his head turned in Jay’s direction. “He’s never ungrateful when it comes to his favorite hyung.”

“I just noticed he doesn’t call any of us hyung when we’re all older than him.” Sunoo looked down at Jungwon, an irritated expression on his face. “You can’t even be respectful to your hyungs?”

Jungwon looked up at Riki, begging for the older to explain why—why he could only refer to him as hyung, that it was his own order. He knew Sunoo was going to do something to make him pay for humiliating them in a way. But Riki stayed silent, completely indifferent.

“I’ll teach you a lesson, dumb bitch. You need to clean that mess up anyway, right?” Sunoo walked toward the smaller boy, taking in a fistful of his hair to drag him like a dog all the way to the toilet seat. Chuckles were escaping from the other guy's lips again behind his back, and Jungwon really wanted to die at that point. It was getting unbearable. “See, hyung helps you even when you act like an ungrateful brat.”

And that was how Jungwon found his face suddenly shoved into the toilet, only able to choke over the dirty water that stuffed his nose and mouth. He couldn’t breathe, and yet Sunoo was maintaining him down. His hands writhed in all directions; panic was building up within him. They couldn’t make him die at school, right? It would’ve been too much, even for them.

“That’s enough, Sunoo” Riki finally spoke, a rather stern expression on his face. “I don’t want a criminal record on my curriculum.”

“You’re no fun.” Sunoo rolled his eyes, finally pulling Jungwon’s head out of the toilet. The smaller boy struggled to regain his breath, inhaling and exhaling rapidly between several loud coughs. “Do we have to add asthma to your long list of problems, hm? Who would want a son like you at this point?”

Jungwon sobbed, big brown eyes up in the boys’ direction and fuck it, Sunghoon couldn’t hold it anymore. He had never reached a point where he would actually think of fucking someone without their consent, but Jungwon…he was too pretty to let go. And so those words slipped out like an instinct:

“We should rape his mouth. It’s so small, wanna see how much it could fit.”

He stepped towards the boy, and Jungwon couldn’t decipher those words yet. Maybe he didn’t want to. It was getting too much, so much he knew that fucking day in the school bathroom’s was going to taunt his nightmares for years now. When it hit him what word Sunghoon had just used, he bawled again, putting his hands together in a cross sign to beg.

“P-Please not t-this…”

“Why not? It’s your fault for not giving me easy access at my party. You owe me.”

And as Sunghoon was about to unbuckle his belt, Riki placed a hand on his chest, stopping him in his tracks. His expression was too easy to read. He was mad; the image of Jungwon’s mouth around Sunghoon’s cock pissed him off more than it should have. 

“You won’t do anything with my slave. He’s mine to use. I already claimed him. You three can do shit to him just because I allow you to, understand?” His voice raised slightly. “Don’t get too comfortable. I hate sharing what belongs to me.”

Jungwon understood it in that moment, the meaning behind the spark in Riki’s eyes.

Riki wanted more. He wanted to be the architect of Jungwon’s tears, to invade his thoughts and coil around his mind like a serpent until all that remained of Jungwon was an empty shell shaped by his violence. Maybe that’s why he despised him so deeply, because, in a way, Jungwon forced him to confront the monster he had become, one driven by a sinister desire.

And in doing so, Jungwon revealed something Riki could no longer deny: that he, too, was somehow broken.

“Bro, calm down. I was just joking.” Sunghoon shot back, his voice tinged with unease as Riki’s sudden seriousness and intimidating proximity sent a shiver of discomfort through the room.

“You joke when I say you can.”

Sunghoon frowned. “You can’t be serious—”

“Let it go, Hoon,” Jay interrupted, placing a firm hand on his shoulder to pull him back. He understood all too well what Riki was capable of when provoked. “Come on, let’s head to class.”

“Yeah, fine, whatever,” Sunghoon muttered, though his eyes never left Riki’s in a silent challenge.

Jungwon then watched as they left one by one, while, without a word, Riki bent down to retrieve the blade from the floor.

“Up,” he commanded. Jungwon hesitated but eventually struggled to his feet.

After which, Riki grabbed him by the collar, yanking him close as he pressed the blade into his face.

“I don’t want to see this crap again,” he growled, his piercing gaze shifting from Jungwon’s eyes to…

“I didn’t give you permission to end your life yet.”

…to his trembling lips.

__

Two things Riki didn’t care about were modesty and decency. Why have sex at home when you could just fuck a cunt anywhere you wanted? That’s why he was there, in the boys bathroom, sitting on the toilet seat, one of his favorite hoes perched on his lap. Her panties were already on the floor while Riki's fingers had just entered her wet cave, thrusting in and out like a pro at games.

“R-Riki..fuck..” Nayeoul breathed out, her arm wrapping around his neck while her forehead rested on his shoulder. “M-Mhm..need more..”

“More? You’re such a slut.” He chewed his lower lip, his fingers' pace fastening while his other hand was already busy unzipping his jeans. “What if someone walks in on us? Maybe I’ll ask him to join us.”

The boy grabbed his cock, freeing it from his boxers so he could align it with the girl’s folds. Her entrance was so wet and loose, it slid inside easily. She threw her head back, waves of pleasure coursing through her body. Riki’s hands rested on both her hips, moving her up and down his cock like a puppet. 

“Fuck.” Riki quickened the pace, his eyes closed, imagining someone else on top of him, someone so different from the actual one. “Jungwon, god.”

“W-What?” Nayeoul stopped her movements, and suddenly a furious expression was directed towards the boy in front of her. “What the fuck did you just call me?”

“Oh fuck- It’s not that deep c’mon babe—”

“Calling that loser’s name instead of mine while we’re fucking is not that deep? What the fuck is your problem?” The girl stood up, picking up her panties to dress herself.

“You need to calm down. It’s not that deep for fuck’s sake.” Riki threw his hair back, one hand over his face, while a sigh escaped his lips. “You can’t leave me and my cock like this, are you serious, bitch?”

“I’m not your bitch,” Nayeoul snapped as she finished getting dressed. “And if you’re that horny, maybe you should call your little Wonie to handle it.”

She flipped Riki off, shoving her middle finger in his face. She was done with his shitty behavior—ignoring her calls and texts, only reaching out when he needed someone to nut into. It would serve him right to be left on his own for once.

And fuck. Now, Riki had a boner issue. All because of— 

Yang Jungwon. 

Riki closed his eyes as he man-spreaded, starting to jack himself off, and the vision appeared to him once more. A frail body covered in scars, so sensitive no matter where he would touch, and all for Riki to deflower. He wouldn’t be gentle, after all, he wasn’t like that, and there were so many, too many things Riki wanted to do to him he couldn’t even put words on. 

Eventually, in the midst of it all, right before he would spread his legs, Jungwon would break, pleading “H-Hyung, please, I’ve never…” he would stammer, his unfinished shy words implying his purity. Jungwon would lay there exposed—vulnerable, naked body offered on a silver plate beneath Riki’s dominant frame. His hands would flow up to cover his flushed cheeks, the rosy hue stark against his porcelain-like skin, as embarrassment would wash over him once the realization would hit him—that he had never been seen like this by another man before.

Riki would be his first cock to take, his first everything. 

“Fucking hell.” He groaned as his pace quickened, fucking into his fist until the pleasure reached its peak, until his cum finally gushed out all over his football jersey he had wore for practice. 

Practice.

It was time to leave now, he convinced himself despite his ragged breath and beginning of headache. But, as his eyes glanced down at his reddened cockhead, still throbbing with frustration, his jaw tightened while the inner irritation materialized itself on his expression.

There was no way.

No way anyone should have this kind of control over him. It was becoming dangerous, and he needed to put an end to it once and for all. Nayeoul’s words from earlier shook him from the core inward: And if you're that horny, maybe you should call your little Wonie to handle it.

His lips pressed into a thin line and another thought crept in, uninvited yet enticing because, after all, it was well known…

… The best way to resist temptation was to give in.

__ 

Practice made Riki even more frustrated than he already was. His mind was a complete mess between thinking about Jungwon, how he was going to catch him to get on with his plan, or if it was a good idea, even. He never went as far as raping someone; he was used to people just giving themselves out to him. He didn’t have to force them.

On top of that, his coach yelled at him throughout most of the practice, which Riki found annoying as fuck. He had already been left blue-balled, so the last thing he needed was that man screaming at him to kick the ball into the goal. He even made Riki stay thirty minutes more so he could train alone. A blessing in disguise, really. Only for Riki, though.

Jungwon didn’t like changing with the others. Unfortunately, he found himself having to change with the two years older guys. The other P.E teacher made him train for a special lesson, since he skipped too many during the last few months. So there he was, hiding just to wait for the guys to leave so he could be at peace all alone. 

What he didn’t know, though, was that Riki had just finished his own practice, and had now headed towards the locker room, where Jungwon was finally left alone. As Riki approached the door, which was only half closed, he took a peek inside, noticing weirdly he wasn’t hearing any noises coming from there.

And there it was. Yang fucking Jungwon, back facing him and removing his big hoodie while his sweatpants were still on. Riki was about to go feral at the sight. His waist was so tiny, tinier than some girls he had fucked. His arms were damaged and the aftermath of peeing on them was turning him even more on. Fuck. He needed the boy so fucking bad now. And it worsened when Jungwon finally got rid of his pants too, showing off his slim legs along with his cute and round bottom. Riki’s cock was in pain at this point, begging Riki to feel that hole as soon as possible.

How could Jungwon be so small? He couldn’t comprehend how that was possible. But his mind came up with a sick answer.

It was for him.

Jungwon’s whole existence was for him.

His only purpose was to be used by Riki. 

The idea in mind, he moved toward the door, slipping inside and locking it behind him. That way, both him and Jungwon were trapped inside. He then approached from behind, quiet enough for Jungwon to not notice his presence. It wasn’t until he reached out and grabbed Jungwon’s waist with both hands—his grip possessive around the slim frame—that Jungwon realized he was no longer alone.

The latter flinched, letting out a startled hiccup. “Hyung, what are you—ah!” His words were cut off as Riki spun him around and slammed him against the lockers with such force that the metallic clang echoed through the room.

Jungwon's breath hitched while Riki was now pressed against his body, head snaking its way into his neck, yet all Jungwon could focus on was the throbbing ache in his back, where the force of the impact had left him aching. 

But the pain quickly faded. It was soon replaced by another one when Riki’s grip around Jungwon’s waist tightened, drawing out a desperate squeak from the overwhelmed boy. “Hyung, please, no—please, I-I said no—listen to me—please!” Jungwon squirmed. His hands pushed against Riki’s shoulders, in vain. He could feel himself panic at the sensation of Riki’s biceps under his fingers. It had just hit him— how much he will never be able to fight back. Riki’s height dwarfed his smaller one, engulfing him, trapping him in place. 

“You’re such a fucking tease,” Riki nuzzled against Jungwon’s jugular in an almost animalistic way. God. Jungwon smelled like vanilla soap, intoxicatingly good. All for him, all for him, all for him. Riki could feel the frantic beat of Jungwon’s heart as his knee traveled between his legs, up to the younger boy’s crotch, and it shattered his last shred of control.

“Exposing your body like this for all these hormonal boys. Want them to see how pretty you are? Want them to take turns on you?” Jungwon moaned after Riki’s questions, his tiny fists closing as Riki’s knee teased his balls. 

It was getting too much, too intense, too aggressive. Riki trailed wet kisses along his Adam's apple. He nibbled at the sensitive skin, savoring it like a man starved by the idea of having him at his mercy. Jungwon was, though. He was at his mercy, but not in the way Riki wanted, his only response a desperate shake of his head to signal a refusal his bully never took into consideration. 

Instead, Riki grinded against his clothed’s cock. The friction had Jungwon struggle to get the words out without whining. 

“Please, no, I don't want this—” he begged. “C-Can you stop, please, h-hyung? I'm so scared, I... I'll do anything—”

Riki chuckled darkly against his skin.

“Anything?” he murmured, suddenly yanking Jungwon against his strong chest. A harsh thrust pushed their bodies together, and their cocks collided in an aggressive motion that made Jungwon yelp. He sounded like a depraved whore. Then, another thrust followed, harder this time, as if to play with Jungwon’s mind, to mimic the lewd act. “That's anything.”

Anything and yet… Nothing about this was tender. Riki's hands groped his ass brutally, as if he had every right to do so. He then rushed to Jungwon's collarbone. His teeth sunk in and hard, relentlessly sucking. His rough palms kneaded the fat of his butt. Fingers, digging. Nails, scratching. Tongue, owning. He decorated Jungwon's skin with his hickeys, purple and black visible everywhere. 

“Mphm—” Jungwon hated the way warmth spread through his belly, up to his flushed cheeks.

“Give yourself to me, Jungwon.” Riki's words, coupled with his hands, seeped into his body like poison. 

Jungwon felt so used, so helpless, tears streamed down his face. 

“N-No, hyung—! H-Hyung, please stop! S-Stop-ah!-please-ah—I-let me go! Let me go-uhn—” His desperate sobs were muffled as Riki's mouth suddenly captured his own, silencing him. Riki's large hand closed over his face with startling speed, and Jungwon, caught off guard, squeezed his eyes shut, bracing against it all. 

It took him a few seconds to process what had just happened—his bully…

He had kissed him.

Jungwon’s lips remained firmly pressed together, like a barrier that refused to let Riki’s tongue invade. The resistance only fueled Riki’s frustration, and with a growl, he pulled back. Perhaps, Jungwon was too shocked to react immediately, but the moment their lips parted, the blonde dared. 

He spat onto the floor, disgust evident painted on his features. 

Their eyes met. 

Riki’s ones were hardening. They were like a kind of infinite ditch with no way out. 

Red wasn’t the color of rage, Jungwon thought between his bully’s arms—black was. 

He had stepped to the point of no return. 

“Stupid fucking whore.” Riki landed a punch. Hard. Square in Jungwon's stomach. The force behind it was so brutal that Jungwon gasped and doubled over. Instinctively, his hands clutched at his abdomen.

Then, came the kick. Just as hard. Knocking Jungwon off his balance. 

“Why,” Riki started. 

Another punch followed, this time, to his face. The back of Jungwon’s head swatted against the ground with a sickening thud and the impact rattled his brain. It left him sprawling here like a piece of trash, miserable. 

“…are you…”

Jungwon's head—or what was left of it after his forehead had split open—ended up crushed beneath Riki's shoe.

“... fucking…”

Riki pressed down hard on Jungwon's bleeding temple. The blonde couldn't even scream, too dazed and disoriented, as blood pooled onto Riki's sole.

“...resisting me?”

Jungwon was unable to process anything apart from the world that spinned around him. Broken whimpers, barely audible, slipped from his lips while Riki continued. By now, he was practically stomping on his head like it was nothing more than something he needed to get rid of.

In a flash of lucidity, Jungwon understood. It was never just about him. It was about Riki. It was about his way to unleash his emotions since the first day. 

He tried to cover his face to avoid more strikes on any of those sensible parts again, however, it was futile. Riki moved them away with his feet so easily. Twelve, thirteen, fourteen, Jungwon had lost track of how many hits he had received till now. His vision became blurry; the ceiling of the locker room wasn’t clear anymore.

“H-Hyung..” His voice turned to a wail; his gaze wandered around Riki’s figure, searching for a pair of eyes. To no avail. Riki had moved to his stomach, kicking it repeatedly like his only thought was to kill Jungwon right there. Blood gushed out of his mouth every time he coughed after a kick. Just like this, the Earth he lived on turned into Hell. 

“P-Please, h-hyung..” He burst into tears, his voice still soft. “I-It hurts so b-bad..p-please..”

“You know you hurt hyung too, right, baby?” Riki tilted his head to the side, one eyebrow raised. “I’m just giving it back.”

“H-Hyung— I can’t..” His small hand reached for Riki’s pants to clutch at the fabric, to make the torture stop. But his movements were slow, confused. He needed to make Riki stop one way or another. And that meant…submitting to him. “I-I’m sorry…h-hyung, please..I’m sorry…so sorry..”

“Hm? You are?” A kick landed on his inner thigh, making Jungwon close his eyes again, trying to gain all the strength left in his body to keep apologizing. “Keep saying it.”

“I-I’m sorry h-hyung..really s-sorry..I shouldn’t have said n-no..I’m sorry, please..stop h-hitting me..” He cried out; his tears melded with his snort as he prayed to all the Gods he could that Riki would calm down. 

“Try refusing yourself to me again. I dare you.” Riki’s tone was so low, it sent butterflies down Jungwon's numb belly as he finally felt the kicks stop. His vision cleared up, finally focusing on Riki’s tall frame above him. They really looked like a master and a slave like this. And Jungwon was about to play into the older’s fantasy just to keep himself alive.

“I w-won’t,” Jungwon stammered, reduced to a drooling mess. A black eye had started to form around his doe-eye. But he still batted his eyelashes, coming up with a way to earn Riki’s forgiveness, “I’m yours, hyung. P-please, I’m sorry.”

Yours .

Riki’s cock twitched. 

“Get up.”

Jungwon braced himself on his elbows, trying to stand, but his body betrayed him. He barely managed to get to his feet before his legs gave out. He would’ve fallen if Riki hadn’t caught him by the hips, steadying him in place.

“See? You can’t do anything without me. Do you get it now?” Riki’s arm wrapped around Jungwon’s hip bone as the blonde nodded weakly, his movements lifeless, like a puppet at Riki’s mercy.

“Open your mouth,” Riki cupped Jungwon’s chin gently but firmly. His eyes flicked to Jungwon’s slack jaw, to the blood that was tainting half of his face, making it impossible to close properly. Riki’s voice softened, feigning tenderness. “You’re a mess, baby. Completely ruined.”

Riki gave him another kiss, a quick one on the lips. Jungwon opposed no resistance. 

“You should thank me for even touching you with your face all fucked up like that,” Riki cooed after he had paused to admire the wreckage he'd made of Jungwon.

“T-thank you…” Jungwon forced the words out, each one a struggle. His tongue felt pasty. His throat, sore. He wanted to cry, but his swollen eyes refused to cooperate. Riki smirked, somehow sickly satisfied. “My pathetic little slave,” he murmured before kissing him again.

Jungwon leaned into the gentle act despite the pain. The warmth and pressure stung, and the way Riki's tongue slid into his mouth burned like fire—but it was addictive. Like the first taste of something sweet after a long, draining day.

“Hyung... more…” Jungwon whimpered right after Riki separated from him. It wasn't survival driving him, this time. It was something deeper, something visceral . Riki had stripped away his defenses and stolen his consent. 

“You're doing this to seduce me, aren't you?” Riki groaned at how needy the blonde sounded. It was enough for him to toss Jungwon onto the bench between the two rows of lockers. “You know damn well every time you call me hyung, I just want to breed you.”

Impatiently, Riki slid Jungwon's boxers down in one motion, leaving him bare below the waist since his torso was already uncovered. He spread Jungwon's legs, eliciting a hiss from the younger who gulped, painfully aware of how exposed he was. Riki's intense gaze roamed over his body, over his flat stomach, tiny dick and pink hole so intensely, heat rose to his cheeks as embarrassment overtook him.

“So we were right about this.” Riki chuckled, his eyes drifted from Jungwon’s small cock to his eyes, a hint of malice in his expression as one hand glided on his waist to caress it. “It’s even smaller than I thought, baby. You really have no other choice than to get fucked.”

Riki’s index and middle fingers delved between Jungwon’s ass cheeks, penetrating him without even a warning. The boy beneath Riki arched his back, overwhelmed by a blend of pain and unexpected pleasure surging through his puckered walls. The two digits engulfed themselves in his dry heat deeper, pushing in and out at a rhythmic pace as soft whimpers left the younger’s mouth. 

“Fuck. So fucking pretty for me.” Riki leaned in before his lips took hostage of Jungwon’s mouth, whose owner kept moaning through the kiss. His whines were so erotic, Riki bit back a groan every time he would hear the filthy, yet, lovely sound. 

His free hand wrapped around Jungwon’s neck, choking his toy while he added a third finger inside as he started to scissor him. Stretching him wasn’t even to ease Jungwon’s suffering. If anything, it was more so he could slide his cock in easily. Though, he was growing more impatient every time Jungwon adorably flinched. 

“H-Hyung c-can you..” Jungwon's small hands grasped Riki's wrist, his teary doe eyes gazing up at him, silently pleading for him to loosen the pressure around his neck while the lack of oxygen had his lips turning purple. Riki noticed the little act. Oh, he was going to be fun to play with. 

“Can I what?” Riki raised an eyebrow, his fingers never leaving his hole empty.

“K-Kisses…I want a k-kiss..” Jungwon blushed, the pink tint on his cheeks visible under the bright lights of the locker room. Riki pressed his tongue against his inner cheek, his cock as hard as steel. At that point, Jungwon was practically begging for Riki to fuck him. Even if he didn’t know it.

“You want hyung to kiss you?” Jungwon nodded immediately, longing for some tenderness to make the experience less painful for him. “Such a needy slut you are.”

Riki freed Jungwon’s neck, and his other hand caressed his cute dimples instead. Jungwon closed his eyes, finding comfort in the touch as if on a cloud.

“Too bad for you”, Riki began but then, his demeanor changed in an instant. Riki struck him hard and the force of the slap broke Jungwon's already fragile jaw, weakened from the relentless beatings. Warmth streaked down Jungwon's face. Tears. Fuck. He was crying again. “You make me so fucking hard when you're in pain.” Riki rasped.

Jungwon couldn’t comprehend how Riki managed it—how he fitted his entire fist raw into his virgin hole. It was impossibly small, and it hurt. It hurt so badly, Jungwon wished to collapse. However, Riki had always been a pro at distracting people, manipulating them where he needed them, here, in the palm of his hands, and with that, his other hand clamped tightly around Jungwon’s shaft, keeping it from bouncing uselessly against his stomach. 

“Unh—Riki hyung!” Jungwon kneened; his fingers were holding onto the fabric of Riki’s football jersey as his toes curled. Overstimulated, a cascade of sensations had his legs shaking, his head splintering. He was so hard, his balls were aching, as if his body reclaimed more of the harsh treatment. 

“What’s the matter? You wanted this, didn’t you? Hyung touching your little princess parts.” Riki evilly chuckled. 

To be referred to as a princess with a fist inside him was so degrading and contradictory, Jungwon tensed. He had never felt more full in his life than right now, when Riki started to vividly thrust .

“Ugh— Mphm— too much—!”

“You can take it, whore.” Riki brushed off as his rings molded shapes inside the tight cave with every lewd thrust. It just kept forcing his virgin walls to make room, to expand for Riki. It was as if he were being punched from the inside out, and he was practically sure Riki could travel all the way up his belly the more he raggedly fucked in and out, snatching away the purity that had been kept for something different—something more sane, more loving. 

“You can do anything for me, you will do anything for me.” Riki affirmed.

Jungwon was consumed by his sobs, completely blinded by his lust, and perhaps Riki was even greedier, unable to stop. Although bruised and broken, Jungwon looked like a personified wet dream—brown eyes wide, cheekbones stained with large bruises, his blonde hair curling from sweat and Riki wanted to rail him till he couldn’t walk anymore. 

“Look, I’ve nearly beaten you up to death and you’re still allowing me to do this,” Riki purred, his gaze fixed on Jungwon’s expression as he rammed his insides. Jungwon felt his stomach tingling, his cock pulsing in Riki’s hands. It was as though ants were crawling through his lower body, stirring a strange sensation, as if he were on the verge of losing control and peeing all over himself.

“I feel weird… I feel so—” Jungwon’s face was drenched. With tears, snot, blood, sweat but not only—precum trickled from his neglected cock. Riki slowly leaned closer, brushing his lips against Jungwon’s nose before he redirected his action to his tears, licking them away eagerly. Nothing tasted better than the proof of his power.

“—t-touch mphm—” Jungwon managed to hiccup. He was grasping for a fragment of kindness, his body struggling to adjust to the size of the fist slamming inside that left him battered time and again. Riki was both the source of his agony and the key to its relief—the poison and the cure.

“Touch? Touch where?” Riki grinned, sensing Jungwon’s yearning for him to stroke his shaft. He couldn’t give him anything, though. Jungwon was made to please and take. It was amusing, however, to feel the desperation radiating from Jungwon’s aching cock. 

“E-Every— ughhh— hyung— p-please— please!” Riki pummels into Jungwon’s hole again, his focus narrowed to the way it gaped deliciously around his fist. He imagined his cock instead and the sinful vision spurred him. He quickened his pace.

“You’re such a greedy thing,” Riki muttered, brushing the damp strands from Jungwon’s face. “But you’re a virgin, right?”

Are.  

As if he didn’t take anything already. As long as Jungwon wasn’t breaking from his cock, he wouldn’t stop. So he withdrew his fist momentarily, only to force it back into Jungwon, nearly causing him to collapse on the spot. There, Riki caught sight of blood, and a surge of adrenaline rushed through him. That was it. He wanted Jungwon to bleed. To mark him from the core inward, to prove he was his.

“You’d better be,” Riki warned. “Because I’d kill that bastard.”

Riki adjusted his angle, hitting Jungwon’s most sensitive spot. The impact on his ball of nerves elicited high-pitched screams from him, noises that no one else would ever hear. They were fragmented and incoherent, a reflection of how close he was to his orgasm, of how completely Riki was corrupting him.

Jungwon had always viewed blood as the purest language of intimacy, often using it as inspiration for his canvas. And now, Riki was turning his entire body into a masterpiece of it.

“P-Please, Riki, it feels strange…” Jungwon murmured as he teetered on the edge, his vision swimming with stars. He was a second away from cumming the hardest he ever had, but Riki’s thumb pressed authoritatively against his tip, denying him. He brushed him off with ease until it left Jungwon’s mind hazy and pliant. “Tell me you saved yourself for me, and maybe I’ll let you come,” Riki ordered.

“I’ve waited for you to…” Jungwon wrestled to form words, every one of his thoughts scattered. Even his gaping hole couldn’t clench, feeling impossibly loose under Riki’s relentless thrusts. It didn’t help that Riki looked so insanely hot above him, doing this— violating him, submitting him. 

“I’ve waited for you to fuck me, hyung…” He blew out the last piece of his pride.

“Shit.” Riki removed his fist, leaving the smaller boy with a sudden sense of emptiness, which he instinctively showed with a pout. “You really need something inside you, huh?”

Riki’s hands gently picked the boy up by his hips, but it didn’t last long. The next second, Jungwon found his body shoved against a locker. His body barely adhered to it, yet, the older was already lowering both his shorts and boxers, digging his digits into his marked flesh as he grabbed his thighs. He lifted him up, manhandling him, and that alone could have made the boy cum on the spot. A single hand was enough for Riki to keep him balanced before he used his other to encircle his boner and tease Jungwon’s rim. He repressed a groan bubbling deep within his chest. 

“Fuck, you’re driving me completely nuts.” Riki rested his forehead against Jungwon’s. His deep voice and ragged breaths nourished the fire through every cell in Jungwon’s body. “Can’t believe you’re letting your bully take your virginity. You have no self respect, slut.”

Riki choked him as he aligned his tip with Jungwon’s entrance. The latter rolled his eyes, the hold once again too strong. When Riki started penetrating him though, he knew he reached rock bottom. Cum spurted out of his red tip as his lips parted way in a silent moan; his soul melted under the intense wave of pleasure, dirtying the blue locker he was being fucked against. 

Then, Riki rocked his hips against his, and when he did, it was so abrupt, a loud shriek left his mouth while he could feel every inch of Riki’s cock making its way inside him. Fuck. He just had proved to Riki he was nothing more than his whore.

“Really?” Like clockwork, Riki made fun of him, a smug grin on his face. “Didn’t even fuck you yet and you couldn’t hold it? Now you’ll get used till I do too.”

“H-Hyung I’m sorry— mphm..!” In one go, Riki’s cock sank all the way down his hole, and if the fist felt painful, this was probably on the same level. His bully was fucking huge. And Jungwon knew it already, since that same dick now in his ass, peed on him barely two days ago. “H-Hyung oh my g-god..”

Riki’s hand now grabbed one of his ass cheeks; his nails dug into Jungwon’s flesh while the other one was still wrapped around his neck. He pounded into him, Jungwon’s repetitive moans and stuttered ‘hyung’ like a broken disk, especially when Riki would hit the right spot. 

“Do you think it’ll reach your little stomach?” Riki questioned, and the only thought of it made Jungwon shiver. Riki’s hand abandoned his neck before he placed it on Jungwon’s tummy, wanting to feel his cock rearranging Jungwon’s guts completely. 

“Look down.” Riki ordered. “Look how perfect you are for me.”

Riki paused his torturous moves and Jungwon bit down on his lips. His hole tightened around Riki’s length hungrily, but he wouldn’t fuck him again until Jungwon obeyed so the latter did look, dilated pupils glancing down at the vulgar way it poked through his skin. 

“Yeah, that’s it. Watch as I make you mine.” Riki grinded forward, yearning a strangled noise from Jungwon as the latter slayed hands across his shoulders. It felt too fucking good he was left speechless from it; he didn’t even know that, despite reaching his climax, he could still feel the bliss like a flame burning his groin nonstop, that he could still feel himself going limb from the intoxication sensation. Each indecent sound of hip thrusting had his skin pickle with the knowledge he was being ruined for anyone else. 

“You know I could jerk off like this, my hand just outside your body. When I came I would spill all up inside you. Mark you from the insides like one of my breeding sluts.” Riki exhaled, his other hand maneuvering Jungwon up and down his dick, bulge sunk within his flat little stomach. Imagining Riki’s words turning real, him stopping to screw him, and just using him like a cum dump, had his depraved brain short-circuiting. 

Jungwon’s legs clung weakly to Riki, trembling like jelly and unable to hold his own light weight. He relied completely on Riki’s strength, who leaned in closer until close enough to whisper in his ear.

“But you would cry from it, am I wrong? It doesn’t even matter if I destroyed your life as long you have my cock fucking you open. You’re all for me to use and you love it.” Riki grunted and Jungwon shivered, fucked so dumb, he couldn’t do anything besides taking it, writhing and twitching his hips, the movements slowly but surely settling Riki’s cock deeper within his body.

“I've known it since the first day.” Riki nuzzled against his cheeks and it was so delicate, Jungwon wished it could be real although it wasn’t. The reality was that he was getting raped and enjoying it, already in shambles and attempting to put back the pieces, in vain. “Your blonde hair, your body language, something about you just screamed fuckmeat.”

Jungwon let out a sign of pure satisfaction as Riki started to pick up his pace, and Riki had to admit, even though Jungwon represented everything he hated, the sound was music to his ears. Fucking him felt like cigarettes and coffee—addictive. Despite what Riki put him through, he was so hot and tight. His skin, branded with Riki’s hickeys, was so pleasing to look at.

“Are you going to come again from my cock?” Riki grinned and made sure to fuck accross Jungwon’s protaste in the process, jackhammering in hard. 

Jungwon hated the fact he was right. He felt his second orgasm coming, and the worst part of it was how turned on he was after Riki’s degrading words. He had really succeeded in dirtying his innocent self. And there was no going back after his victory.

“H-Hyung..” His fists clenched around Riki’s jersey as the dark-haired boy stared at him, eyes glued to the show. Riki found him cute, almost adorable. He hadn’t realized until now their little two year age gap worked him up even more. Everything about Jungwon was able to make him horny at this point. Maybe, that was part of the reason why he hated the boy so fucking much. “P-Please, I c-can’t—”

“You’re so greedy. You come two times and can’t even wait for hyung to?” A slap aggressively landed on his ass, and the blonde’s mouth shut down immediately, too busy panting. 

“Never fucked a virgin bitch as needy as you.” Riki breathed out, then, his sick mind came up with an idea; the moment he remembered about the phone in his pocket was really the end for Jungwon. He moved away from the blondie, ears picking up noises of complaint already. “Really needs to be completely filled up every second of the day, huh?” 

Riki teased before he pulled out and practically threw Jungwon’s body on the ground, letting him fall out of his arms. 

“Turn around. Gonna fuck you down to the floor like you deserve.” He commanded from above which resulted in the blonde willingly flipping on his stomach. 

The floor felt cold, but Jungwon didn’t mind it right now. His body was emanating such heat, it would probably warm up in a minute or two. Then, his bully lowered himself on his body, right after carefully picking up his phone to open the camera and press recording. His tip aligned with Jungwon’s entrance again, slowly, so the video could resemble those porn ones he used to watch.

He thrusted in and out, zooming in to perfectly capture on camera Jungwon’s hole tightening around nothing whenever his cockhead would slip out. “This hole should be free of use for everyone.” 

He bit his lip; he knew that was bullshit, that he could kill someone for even laying a finger on Jungwon but he couldn’t fight the urge to make him feel worthless, incapable of being anything else besides a cum dump. He loved seeing him in pain, and he knew Jungwon was particularly sensitive to these types of labels thrown at him. 

The blonde boy messily drooled onto the floor whenever Riki would stay out of him for too long. “Fuck, I’m gonna cum. Whose whore are you, hm? Say it.”

“H-Hyung’s— m-mphm..Riki hyung’s whore..”

“God.” He spanked Jungwon as he fastened his pace, feeling his ego boost at the way the fat jiggled from both his hand and cock on the video which was coming out slightly messy now but he didn’t care. He needed to empty his balls, to fill Jungwon up, to feel his hole grip his cock hungrily like a vice. 

It was too good, Riki had wanted him for too long and now he had him, and with the recording, it was acted, Jungwon belonged to him, and perhaps, it’s that thought that had him gritting his teeth as he jerked forward roughly until the blonde bucked. 

With a last deep thrust, he was creaming the blonde boy. Afterwards, Riki waited a few seconds so he could release the last drop of his seed inside him. Then, he withdrew, the phone still in his hand. 

Jungwon didn’t even try to get up. He stayed on the floor like that, a second away from collapsing. The dark-haired boy smirked at the sight. He lowered himself to Jungwon's level so he could get a better look at his masterpiece. His phone was now recording Jungwon’s hole and the cum dripping out of it, all the way down his thighs. Hell, his schoolmates were lucky he was going to be generous and give this porn showpiece for free.

“See, this is what the weirdo of the school actually is. A cockslut waiting to be fucked.” He turned Jungwon around, making him lay on his back. Jungwon’s eyelids were growing heavy but he finally noticed what Riki was doing. However, he was too exhausted to start crying or begging for Riki to not upload this. 

“Do you wanna say something to the viewers baby, hm?”

I want to go home , Jungwon wished to say, home as in his own cocoon to take a long, warm shower, sleep, and never wake up, but of course, he wouldn’t dare let the thought spill. Each breath left him winded, every inhale like a punch to the lungs. “Sorry, guys, looks like I fucked the brain cells out of him too,” Riki chuckled, breaking the silence. 

The sounds were far away, distanced in the empty shell that was Jungwon’s body. Shame ate him alive. Not the shame of being fucked, but the shame of imagining, of longing afterwards, that Riki would pick him up and take him in the warmth of his embrace to reassure him, to whisper to him that nothing wrong happened, that he wasn't dirty . 

But, instead, Riki put his short back on, stood up and threw the razor blade at his feet. The one that Jungwon had used in the toilet the other day to slit his wrists and which his bully had confiscated. To accompany his gesture, Riki added: “You can kill yourself now, by the way.” It was as if he was talking about the weather, and his words struck Jungwon dead. “I've already got what I wanted.”

This wasn't how his first time was supposed to go. And so Jungwon promised himself as Riki's footsteps trailed off and his eyes darted to the ceiling above his head that this would be his last . 

__ 

It was a Sunday. 

The day Jungwon had taken his own life. 

That afternoon, curiosity got the better of him and he opened his computer, going for the school's blog with shaky hands. He knew what he would find but still, he hoped—he hoped, somehow, Riki didn’t upload the video, attempting so many times to convince himself that maybe Riki wasn’t bad, that perhaps, he was depressive, just like him. Jungwon had always been a naive soul and in his head, they were two broken souls trying to cope with lives in their own ways. 

Then, it appeared to him, loud and clear, the video reflecting in their teary eyes and echoing in his teenager room. But what really left him in ruins wasn’t the video itself, nor the fact he couldn’t even recognize himself in it, his face ravaged and his hole just as much, nor Riki’s crude words and the way he was dehumanizing him—what really left him in ruins were the comments. They passed in an infinite chain, a chain of perversion and cruelty that Jungwon no longer felt capable of breaking. Not alone, not at the age of sixteen. 

[12:45 PM] jvjviper

god his moans 

if i close my eyes and turn the volume down i can still hear em 

[12:50 PM] BBBin

got me bricked up bro

i wanna do that to him too 

he looks like the perfect cocksleeve

[1:02 PM] YEOUL

didn’t riki bully the shit out of him? and now he’s giving him his ass 

[4:35 PM] park.hoon

would heal me if i could be the next to rail him like this 

[4:40 PM] snvcc

he looks gross

but it suits him lets say

[4:42 PM] yourgirlNay

guys i kinda feel bad for him

[4:45 PM] snvcc

?? he said himself hes rikis little bitch lol

[4:50 PM] seongj_Jay:

well he’s everyone’s bitch now 

gotta ask riki for a turn

[5:02 PM] park.hoon

last time i asked he refused

should try my luck again

hope riki didn’t open his ass up too much though

 i like em tight

Jungwon couldn’t stop reading for a reason he ignored, as if glued to his screen. And he realized there were no tears running down his cheeks. 

He couldn’t bring himself to cry until—

[5:13 PM] nishi_r1k1_

use him idgaf 

The words distorted under his big glassy eyes and then, they fell, one, two, three, they fell in a kind of very discreet sound on the keyboard, sometimes on his hands too, Jungwon didn't know any more because, very quickly, these few tears turned into a torrent that swept him away, shaking his body which vibrated to the rhythm of his unstoppable sobs. 

He had never cried so much in his life. 

It was the kind of crying that made his limbs convulse as he sniffed loudly between two hiccups, the kind that reopened the wounds that never truly healed and made him question whether he was lovable or not. Yeah, he was a cliche and typical real-life harassment stories never ended well. He would have liked it otherwise, to grow up and go to university, fall in love for the first time, build a family, he would have liked to but it had become too complicated to project himself. 

His imagination could no longer shield him from the brutality of reality. So he closed his computer and opened his bedside table, which contained his blade. Holding it in his hands had become familiar. That, too, when he thought about it, was something he'd wanted to do - he'd wanted to be able to say he'd killed himself by jumping off the school roof or overdosing on pills, but he knew Riki would want it that way, that was why he’d given the knife back to him. Perhaps if he did it the way Riki wanted, he would regret him? It was crazy how, even before dying, he still sought his attention. 

Jungwon didn’t write any letter to anyone. 

But he thought back to that series he had watched once. He filled the bathtub, carefully making sure to unlock the door as he did, his arms still leaking blood from the fresh cuts.

Then he heard...

... The peaceful slow loss of blood, swallowed by the rising water.

In some other reality, maybe he had someone to write a letter to. 

__

Riki hadn’t attended many funerals in his life, except for a few when he was younger, mostly for uncles and aunts he’d never even met. Yet, here he was, standing outside the church where Jungwon’s funeral was taking place. The school had made an official announcement about it; the classes also had gotten suspended for a whole week, to let the students grieve their classmate.

Bullshit. Nobody ever cared about Jungwon. Once more, that was just Sunoo’s dad trying to save his reputation. When Riki got the news about his death, though, for a second, he was actually shocked. 

Deep down, he didn’t expect Jungwon to give up so easily, to follow what he told him the last time they met. That video eventually reached the authorities, as Jungwon’s parents were conducting their own investigation into what had driven him to take such a tragic step. As a result, Riki wasn’t exactly welcomed at the funeral. He concealed his face behind dark sunglasses, avoiding any potential confrontation.

He didn’t actually step inside the church, inwardly joking that it might burst into flames the moment he entered. Well, at least, Jungwon was headed to heaven while he was destined to burn in hell. Maybe that was the smaller boy’s karma all along. In a twisted way, Riki thought he’d done him a favor by pushing him to end it. Now, Jungwon didn’t have to endure a life full of pain. As for his parents, they were trying so hard to act like they cared, but where had they been when their son was spending his days carving into his arms? To Riki, they were nothing but hypocrites. At least he acted on what he thought and felt instead of hiding behind a facade.

So he lingered outside, occasionally hearing the church choir sing hymns. He watched as the procession emerged, four men carrying Jungwon’s casket, and followed silently until they reached the cemetery. He stayed until the very end, observing as they lowered the casket, Jungwon’s mother sobbing into his father’s chest. He stood there as they shoveled dirt over the grave, the priest uttering some final, hollow words, and the attendees exchanging goodbyes while offering their condolences to Jungwon’s parents.

“So you really went through with it, huh?” was the first thing he asked as he stood in front of the grave.

Here lies Yang Jungwon

(9 February 2004 – 10 January 2021)

Lies. Yeah, that sounded about right. Lies beneath his feet, just like always, as he shifted his weight onto the cold, grey stone. One hand was buried in his pocket, the other holding a cigarette, the smoke curling around him in wisps of ash and haze. The grey tendrils mirrored the stone below, swirling and dissipating with every exhale of toxic nicotine.

“You know what? I thought this would be funnier, but it’s just pissing me off,” he admitted, tossing his cigarette onto the flowers laid across Jungwon’s grave. 

They were his favorite—white helios, delicate blooms that almost seemed to glow under the shy sunlight through the branches of the trees above his head. Riki didn’t know where he’d learned that, and he didn’t care. But it just made sense for someone like Jungwon to love them. Someone loyal. Pure. Everything he wasn’t. Or at least, everything he wasn’t anymore . Everything that had been destroyed years ago and that he had destroyed too through Jungwon. 

“I’ve been trying to figure out how to get you out of my head. Every single day since I met you,” he admitted, exhaling the last puff of nicotine through his nose.

I want him in my bed , he remembered Sunghoon saying the first time they saw Jungwon at the school entrance. Jungwon had been quiet and insecure, like he was trying to blend in without drawing too much attention to himself. Naïve. Discreet.

“I thought you dying with me would fix things, but it didn’t,” Riki acknowledged. If Jungwon could hear him now, he’d probably find it cryptic, but it all made sense the longer Riki spoke. “The thing is, I’m still here, and you were too much of a coward to stick around. That’s why I couldn’t stand you.”

His cigarette looked back at him, its ember almost forgotten until he realized the flame had started to scorch the flowers. His jaw clenched. Fuck. Fuck this. Fuck everything about this. 

“I could’ve ended up like that too… if I hadn’t turned into a fucking jerk,” Riki said flatly. “But I guess it’s still better than being a loser like you.”

Memories flooded his mind—fire, flames consuming everything. His family scattered in all directions. His mother, more deplorable than ever, taking her last breath while making him swear to take care of his sister before she was reduced to ash, just like their house, just like their entire village. Soon, the village of his childhood became nothing more than a distant blur, replaced by the cult leader he’d grown up with. The man had made them drink his piss as if it were holy water for years. And they all worshipped him, Riki included.

That was, until he escaped. Until he realized what life truly was: either fucking or getting fucked. And Riki had chosen his clan. Jungwon had, too, apparently.

“You seem a bit dehydrated, though,” he jeered, lost in the sight of the flowers beneath which lay Jungwon’s corpse. “Maybe I should refresh you, like the old days.”

Without another word, he unzipped his pants and lowered them along with his boxer, the cold wind creeping under his top. He took this as a sick sign that Jungwon was nearby, then pictured the blonde on his knees, his body squirming, as he began to pee on the grave, his scars embedded on his mind, resembling the ones draping Riki’s forearms. 

In a way, maybe he missed Jungwon.

But he didn’t regret anything. He had to, after all.

He had to kill his other self.