Chapter Text
It was supposed to be a simple, quiet day. They had found a quiet little no-name town, the people were friendly, the legends of Vash the Stampede nothing more than a myth, and plenty of opportunities to help out for some spare double dollars.
Vash was enjoying himself at the bar next to the inn, laughing and drinking with the quick friends he made in town, while Wolfwood sat at the corner table in the back, nursing his own drink. It was nice to see the blonde enjoying himself in a town that didn't know him, it was nice to play pretend for a little bit. Wolfwood polished off his drink and stood, the alcohol burning pleasantly in his gut. While he wanted to stay to keep an eye on him, the town seemed safe enough to leave Vash to his own devices for a while.
Truth be told, Wolfwood was horny. The good booze had sparked an itch that rarely reared its head, and as much as he loved fooling around with Vash, he wanted some time to himself. Walking up to Vash, he draped himself across the back of his chair, ruffling the already ruffled spikes.
“I'm gonna head back to the inn, turn in for the night. Keep enjoyin’ yerself, don't do anythin’ stupid.”
Vash leaned into the touch and gave him a soft kiss on the cheek, a brilliant smile on his lips as he pulled away. “Okay, have a good night, Wolfwood! I won't stay out too terribly late.”
Wolfwood chuckled and kissed the crown of his spikey head before leaving the bar, the sound dimming the further he went. Lighting a cigarette, he focused on the warmth low in his gut, the way his folds were already wet between his legs, the anticipation brewing in his chest. It's been a while since he masturbated, usually finding pleasure with Vash. How in the dead of night they'd find release grinding their cunts together, the wet squelch nearly as loud as their moans. Or with Vash using his alien cock to plow Nick's pussy, or Nick using his strap-on to edge Vash until he cried. Yes, it's been a long long time since Nick used his own fingers to please himself.
He turned into the inn, nodding to the guy behind the counter as he rounded the stairs, doing everything in his power not to rush to his room. Entering his and Vash's room, he locked the door, stubbing his cigarette out in the ashtray on the night stand as he began to strip. He could feel the slick slide of his folds as he moved around, before finally laying back in bed in nothing but his boxers.
He was pleasantly drunk and very excited, for once in his life feeling relaxed and good about himself and his body. Just because he was born in the wrong body doesn't mean he can't feel good about it sometimes. He closed his eyes and smiled to himself, letting his hands wander, his touch light.
Usually, he worships Vash, spending hours touching him lovingly and unraveling him over and over again with his fingers and tongue, ignoring his own need. It feels good to make him feel good, it feels amazing watching Vash fall apart because of Nick himself. And Vash has his own wonderful and egar tricks of taking care of Nick, and it's better than anything in the world. But what would it feel like to be worshiped the way he worships Vash?
To be slowly teased and touched so gently. Nick imagined it, how Vash would hold him down gently but firm as he peppered his body with soft kisses, gently sucking little spots to keep coming back to, until a bruise formed. Vash would refrain from touching his cunt any time soon, would start up at his neck, biting and sucking marks for the world to see.
Nick traced his hands up to his neck, gently pinching to pretend it was instead sharp teeth nipping instead. He sighed, tracing his hands lower. Vash would pay extra attention to his chest, the man loves his pecs, kissing his surgery scars and the long scar down the center of his chest.
Nick pinched his nipples, a soft groan leaving his lips as his cunt twitched, imagining it was Vash's fingers instead. He kept one hand rolling a nipple between his fingers as his other hand went lower, pressing against his lower belly. Mmm, the pressure felt nice.
Slipping his hand below his boxers, he scratched at his pubic hair, teasing his clit with barely there touches. Nick could see Vash kneeling between his legs, nuzzling his thighs as he peppered them with kisses, rubbing his thumbs against his outer folds and spreading his pussy open for Vash to drool at. He could imagine Vash's warm breath against his cunt before licking a hot stripe along it, sucking his clit.
Nick moaned, pulling at his nipple as he circled his clit with a finger, his legs falling open wider. It felt so good, so nice. A steady simmering heat pooled low in his belly, a wonderful arousal steadily growing. Nick could imagine Vash eating him out, not with his usual enthusiasm, but with slow, deliberate licks, teasing his entrance with his tongue. Nick dipped his fingers lower, teasing his entrance to mimic the fantasy, barely slipping the first finger inside.
“Ah, Vash…” Nick sighed, rubbing his clit harder with his thumb, gently rocking his hips into his hand. He wondered what would happen if Vash came in right this moment, if he would get pouty that Nick ditched him to have fun by himself before joining him. Or maybe the sight of Nick moaning Vash's name with his fingers in his cunt would make him go feral, pin him down and fuck him hard and fast. Nick moaned at the thought, his fantasy switching. Vash was so strong, he could definitely hold Nick up and fuck him standing. His cunt spasmed at the thought, and he slipped a finger in with ease, moving to add a second-
A barrage of gunshots went off outside and Wolfwood bolted upright, yanking his hand out of his underwear and falling to the floor. His vision swam for a moment from the whiplash, going from pleasant arousal and nearing an orgasm to violent fight or flight mode, his heart racing.
An ugly disappointment settled in place of his good feelings as he scurried to redress and gather their bags. Chances were Vash did something Vashy and was getting shot at. For fucks sake, they couldn't ever just have one peaceful night, could they.
Scowling, Wolfwood threw open the window to check the commotion below, and sure enough Vash was in the middle of it. A gang from a few towns ago seemed to have followed them, barging into the saloon demanding for Vash, scaring the good people of the town. Wolfwood could see the gang in the middle of the street, Vash tied up in the middle of their little circle as they talked about what to do with the bounty.
Looked like Wolfwood'll have to save his ass, yet again.
Cursing to himself, he gathered their bags and the Punisher and headed downstairs, sneaking out the back where Angelina sat fully charged and ready to go. He tucked their bags away, fastened the Punisher and snarled. Stupid fucking gang, stupid fucking Vash, stupid fucking life-
He revved the engine before peeling out from behind the building, aiming straight towards the crowd. Startled and not expecting a motorcycle coming out of nowhere, the bandits jumped out of the way, leaving space for Vash to discard the rope he undid a while ago and expertly jump into the sidecar as Wolfwood drove past. The blonde turned and aimed his gun, firing off his rounds into the bandit's car tires, leaving them stranded in an angry town.
“Oh wow! Nice save! I owe ya!” Vash laughed, turning back around and beaming up at Wolfwood. He ignored it, feeling shitty and pissed and uncomfortable in his skin, and he ignored the guilt when Vash's smile faded.
“Nico? Are you okay?” Wolfwood scowled, focusing instead on the cold desert air that pierced his skin, the endless stretch of sand that lay ahead, and the purr of his bike beneath his legs. He saw Vash start to fidget out of the corner of his eye, and it took everything to keep from flinching when he felt a hand on his knee.
“Nick?”
“Not now, Vash,” he snapped, biting his tongue to keep from saying anything worse. God, he was fuming. Wolfwood didn't even know why he was so pissed, it wasn't like he'd never been blue balled before, or they weren't interrupted in the middle of sex. It was just… he was feeling so good for once, his body felt like his own and not something wrong or fucked up. And Vash ruined it.
No, that wasn't fair, it wasn't his fault. They were finally in a good town, and those fuckers found them. Wolfwood should've noticed they were being followed.
He saw Vash slump into the sidecar, a look of guilt and worry on his face, but Wolfwood still ignored it. He ignored the way his skin crawled under his suit, the way his underwear stuck uncomfortably to his crotch, the way his eyes stung with frustrated tears. He ignored everything in favor of focusing on the desert ahead, letting his mind eventually go blank as he drove and drove, the moons eventually setting and the first sun beginning to rise.
He didn't even realize it was daybreak until Vash jolted him out of his head, pointing east. “There's a town a half hour that way.”
Wolfwood stayed silent but changed course anyways, his mood still sour. He'd stopped questioning Vash's sense of direction a while ago, especially when a half hour later he could see the edge of town. Slowing down, Wolfwood navigated the streets until the first inn he found, parking and immediately lighting up a smoke.
Vash shifted uncomfortably in the side car, wringing his hands. “...are you mad at me?”
Wolfwood shot him a look out of the corner of his eye, his irritation flaring again as he dismounted his bike.
“I'm gonna get us a room, do what you want.” Wolfwood ignored the blonde's deflated look as he entered the inn with their bags and the Punisher, booking the last available room. It had two twin beds. Fucking whatever, he didn't want to be touched right now anyways. He stormed up the stairs and it took everything in him not to kick the door open, settling the Punisher against the wall and tossing their bags on the floor.
He wanted a shower. He wanted to get off. But most importantly, he wanted a nap. Not even bothering to change, Wolfwood kicked his shoes and socks off and face planted on the bed closest to the window, curling up in the blankets. They were scratchy and old, but clean and smelled like soap, and Wolfwood willed himself to not think about anything, closing his eyes.
He kept his eyes shut when the sound of the door opening roused him from his doze, and the familiar footsteps indicated it was just Vash. He ignored the blonde as he puttered quietly around the room, irritation and disappointment still churning in his veins. He heard rustling, the squeak of the other bed, and the gentle clicks of Vash taking his gun apart. The noise was soothing, the smell of gun oil a pleasant one, and soon Wolfwood fell asleep to the simple sounds of routine.
He awoke hours later, the first sun already set and the second not far behind. His mouth was dry and he felt gross, sweat sticking his shirt to his skin, and his suit jacket twisted in a way that set his nerves on fire. Wolfwood grumbled to himself as he sat up, fishing for his cigarettes and lighter before shucking his jacket off and tossing it somewhere in the direction of the tabel, he didn't care. He still felt like ass.
“I'd say good morning, but you kinda slept the day away,” a voice behind him said, and Wolfwood startled, whipping around. Oh, it was just Vash. He was sitting on the other bed, his cleaning tools rolled out before him and a panel on his arm open. Cleaning his prosthetics then. Wolfwood sighed and pulled out a smoke, lighting it and taking a drag.
“Jesus, really know how t’ wake a guy up, dontcha spikes?” The blonde simply shrugged and gave him a plastic smile, gesturing to the table in the corner with a brush.
“Got you something to eat a little bit ago too, should still be warm.” Wolfwood frowned at the fake smile but said nothing, standing with a stretch and the popping of his joints. He opened the bag and was greeted with the sight of a take out container of his favorite noodles, a bottle of top shelf whiskey, and six- six!- packs of smokes. He stared at the bag in disbelief, he didn't think they had the money for all this. Did Vash seriously use his emergency cash to get all this for him?
“Blondie, what-?”
“You were really upset yesterday,” Vash said, cutting him off. Wolfwood turned to see Vash staring down at his arm, scrubbing between the wires. “More than usual after such an easy escape. And I didn't know why, maybe you were just having an off day? We all get them, and I wanted to make you feel better. But you were asleep all day, and I didn't want to wake you, so… yeah. And! Before you say anything! No, I didn't use any of the emergency cash I have squirreled away, I had some left over from the last town.”
Wolfwood stood there speechless, staring at the blonde. He seriously went out of his way to get Wolfwood some nice things, just because he was upset? Of course he did, he was Vash! But guilt squeezed Wolfwood’s chest, and he looked away. He couldn't accept this, he was so rude to Vash yesterday, he didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve such thoughtfulness, such kindness, especially when he did nothing but snap at Vash.
Wolfwood opened his mouth to say something, anything, but selflothing stole his words, and he felt those ugly feelings in his chest stretch and expand. Why would Vash even bother with someone like him? Someone so fucked up he got so furious when he wasn't allowed to jack off, who was born wrong and mutated even wronger, who couldn't stand the thought of being worth something. Because he wasn't, he was ugly and useless and a liar and a killer and would never amount to anything except a weapon-
“Hey hey, Nick, what's wrong? Do you not like it? I can return it, get you something else,” Vash cooed, and only then did Wolfwood realize tears were dripping down his cheeks from beneath his sunglasses. He felt hands, one cool and one warm, cup his cheeks, thumbs wiping away his tears, and Wolfwood bit his lip, doing everything in his power not to flinch away from the gentle touch. His skin still felt wrong, but the touch was soothing against the prickly sensation.
“It's fine, I'm fine, I don't even know why I'm-” Wolfwood's breath hitched and he leaned into the touch, taking a deep breath.
“Does it have something to do with yesterday?” Wolfwood looked up at Vash, and the way he looked at him with soft blue eyes and a worried frown in the dying golden light made Wolfwood fall in love all over again. He just nodded, and the blonde smiled sadly.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Did he? It was fucking stupid, still upset over not being able to get off last night, and he didn't want to get laughed at. But it was Vash, he always tried to be understanding with him, no matter how dumb.
“I dunno, it's stupid.” Wolfwood looked away and wiped his face, pulling away and snagging his noodles from the bag along with a fork. It was still nice and warm, Vash must have only gotten it less than an hour ago. He sat on the bed and popped the lid, taking a bite as Vash sat on the other bed across from him, their knees touching. It was delicious.
“If it's making you this upset, it's not stupid.” Vash nudged his knee before linking their ankles together as he packed up his cleaning tools, and Wolfwood took another bite, thinking. Might as well…
“Fine, but yer not allowed to laugh at me, got it?” He stabbed his fork in the blonde's direction, and Vash mimicked crossing his heart, a soft smile on his face. Wolfwood took one more bite before sighing, pushing his noodles around.
“Yesterday, when I went to bed… I was, enjoyin’ a bit of alone time. It's been a while and I was feelin’ good ‘bout myself.” He refused to look at Vash as he said it, staring down at the noodles. “An' I was gettin’ into it real good, when the shootin’ happened and we had to bail. I dunno, just… all those good feelin's turned ugly, an'm sorry I took it out on you, you didn't deserve it. An’ now here you are, bein’ all nice n shit when I was a real dick to you, an’ I just… I dunno.”
Wolfwood refused to look up as he twirled more noodles onto his fork, eating in silence as he let Vash think. Eventually the silence dragged on too long and he glanced up. He didn't expect to see Vash look so stricken.
“Wha-? Blondie, what the fuck are you cryin’ for now?”
“I'm so sorry, Nick. No wonder you were so upset! Getting pulled out of that kind of state so abruptly is hell on a person's mental state.”
“Well, I still shouldn'tve taken it out on you, doll,” Wolfwood said, setting his noodles aside. “It ain't the first time I've been interrupted, and it won't be the last, I'll get over it.”
Vash frowned, chewing on his lip. “Even still, it's not good. Is there anything I can do to help? Want me to top you tonight?”
Wolfwood felt his cheeks redden some and he looked away. As appealing as that sounded, he was still feeling like crap about himself and he didn't want to be touched, let alone fucked. He shook his head and picked up his noodles again, twirling his fork.
“No, I'm not really in the mood, sorry. I can eat ya out instead if ya want?” His face must've shown something reluctant, because Vash just smiled and shook his head as well.
“No, I'm okay. We can just cuddle instead?” Wolfwood tried to hide a wince as he picked at his food, his skin crawling at the thought of Vash pressed against him on a small bed ment for one person.
“Sorry, I don't… think I could handle anyone touchin’ me right now…” Vash simply smiled and stood, putting his cleaning tools away in his pack.
“That's perfectly okay, Nick. I understand. I'm gonna get a shower while you finish eating, you want me to set your towel out too?”
Wolfwood nodded, trying to ignore the guilt in his chest. Vash was such a tactile person, and to deny him that when he finally had someone he could trust to touch him lovingly… but Wolfwood would rather tear his own skin off rather than feel another's touch, and if he forced himself to cuddle Vash, it would just end in a fight. And Wolfwood was tired.
“Thanks, spikey.” Vash just smiled and hummed, taking both of their towels and a spare change of clothes into the bathroom and closing the door, the water starting up a moment later. Wolfwood tried to ignore his thoughts as he ate, scarfing the rest down before the guilt made him sick. He tossed the empty container away and lit up a cigarette, storing the new packs Vash bought in his bag, and setting the whiskey on the table, blowing smoke out of the window.
He sat, and watched the streets below as folks came and went from the bar across the street, the suns set and the moons bright lights illuminating the desert horizon. He sat, and didn't think, and most certainly didn't wipe away a stray tear that refused to stay put. He sat, and listened to Vash hum in the shower, and when the water turned off he snubbed out his cigarette and gathered his own change of clothes.
Vash stepped out clean and damp and unspiked, and he smiled at Wolfwood like nothing was wrong, like Wolfwood didn't deny him sex or cuddles, like Wolfwood wasn't ugly and disgusting and wrong wrong wrong-
“Shower's yours, I saved you some hot water,” Vash said, towel drying his hair, and Wolfwood nodded in thanks, stepping into the very unhumid bathroom. Fucker took a cold shower, saved Wolfwood all the hot water. Stupid fucking thoughtful bastard-
He stripped, ignoring the mirror, ignoring his body, ignoring the way his limbs ached and his skin felt too tight and wrong as he turned the shower on full blast, hot water running down his body. He forced himself not to think, to clean himself without acknowledging himself, to be quick because if he acknowledged what he was, what he was born as, he'd break.
He just wanted to sleep.
Wolfwood rushed through his shower, feeling dirty in a way he couldn't clean, and as he slipped into his night clothes he stepped out into the room to see Vash lounging in his claimed bed, reading a book. And it looked so normal, so domestic, that for a brief moment everything felt normal, felt okay. Before he remembered the two beds, and the crawling sensation came back full force. Wolfwood just shut the overhead light out, leaving the little lamp on for Vash to read with, and he crawled into his own bed, facing away from the blonde.
“Good night, Nick, love you,” Vash said quietly, and Wolfwood's chest tightened as tears sprung to his eyes again. Vash really did love him, even though Wolfwood was so broken and flawed.
“Night… love you too,” he whispered after a moment, and he squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself for the second time that day to not think and just simply sleep.
It was the worst sleep he'd had in a long time.